OOWF MidWeek Mayhem 04-26-06

[mooseheadjack]

Part One - The Setup

<Once again the intrepid GM the Rick is sitting behind his desk writing furiously trying to get a card out that he has put off all week, when his door is kicked open and in walks UnderDawg)

GMtR: WHAT. THE. HELL!!!

UD: Save it Rick, what the hell is right. We were supposed to get time out there tonight, we were supposed to get promo time! And what the hell is the deal with leaving us off the card?

GMtR: <Looking over UD's shoulder> Us?

UD: Hell yeah, me and....<looking behind him he realizes Blackdragon is nowhere to be found> DAMMIT WHERE THE HELL DID HE GO??

GMtR: Look, it appears you have more to worry about than not getting promo time this week. I will give you Grounded In Reality next week

UD: AGAIN?

GMtR: I could give you next week off as well.

UD: <glaring at GM the Rick> Boy, don't get smart with me. UD hocks a nasty pile of what appears to be tobacco juice on GM the Rick's desk> Fine we'll take it. <UD leaves>

GMtR: That's fucking NASTY!

<Within seconds Hardbody Harris comes into the room>

HH: Rick, did you hear that? Did you hear the crowd out there? I GOT SOME BOOS!!!!! ME, THE #1 FACE IN THE OOWF!!! All because they think I am in cahoots with Cole and Firechild

GMtR: Well, are you?

<Before Rick can answer, Chris Cole and Firechild come into the office>

CC: Well, well, well, champ. How's it going. Heard those boos out there, that has to hurt.

HH: I am going to kill you, Now Alt thinks...

CC: Thinks what Harris? Thinks you area coward? Thinks you are ducking him, tell me Harris, what does Alt think?

HH:<Angrily> I'M WITH YOU!!!.....

<just then Chris Alt walks into the room and hears what Harris said>

CA: <In disbelief> I should have known. I can't believe it, Hardbody, why would you side with them?

HH: I'M NOT WITH THEM!!!

CC: Sure you are, you said so yourself, you heard it right Alt?

CA: Fuck off Cole.

GMtR: Look, you ladies are having a real nice debate here, but I have work to do, so what can I do to unsand your vaginas?

HH: I want a match against Cole to prove to Alt that I am not in cahoots with these two clowns.

CC: Me and Harris should team up, Alt, maybe you can find a partner...

HH: I AM NOT ON YOUR SIDE!

CA: Wait, I WON that match tonight, I deserve another shot at the title

HH: Chris, again?

CC: You afraid Harris? I man you have me and Firechild as backup

CA: So that's how it is huh?

HH: Cole, you're ass is mine

CA: What about me?

GMtR: ENOUGH!! Next week, three way dance for the title, Harris vs. Cole vs. Alt, NOW GET OUT!!!!

[mooseheadjack]

Part 2: The Lineup

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Meat Camp, North Carolina

OOWF World Heavyweight Title Three Way Dance[/u]
Hardbody Harris vs. Chris Alt vs. Chris Cole

OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u]
Uncle Entity vs. Mercury

Blue Steel Hell In the Cell - No Escape[/u]
Josh O'Neal vs. Firechild

Steel Cage Match[/u]
The Devil's Brigade vs. The Team From Down Under

Grudge Match Chuck Norris is banned from ringside[/u]
Nayr vs. Matt Daddy

Onslaught Championship #1 Contenders Match[/u]
Concrete TG vs. Austraroo vs. Fly vs. SoulDragon

kz vs. Drink & Destroy - Stips TBA
Seraph vs. Thim Reynolds
Predator vs. Ax-Man vs. Canadian Dragon vs. Mr. Jealous
Microplay vs. Corax
Siriram vs. Shashwat Mishra
The Black Dawgs vs. Grounded In Reality
wCw vs. The Chickenshit Heels & Niles Anderson

[mooseheadjack]

*Niles bursts out the champagne and starts chugging them back like there's no tomorrow.*

Niles - Dizamm!!! I am going to get that IC title at the PPV! 2 out of 3 bitches!

*Attitude Adjuster, Johnny Adrenaline and the rest of the entourage are all enjoying complimentary drinks and bitches at Niles rocking pad. Lil Jon and the Eastside Boyz are playing all their best music in person.*

AA - This is a pretty wild party Niles!

LJ - YEEEEAAAAHHHHHH!!!

JA - Boss, you'll make a great IC champ. It's a blast, believe me.

Niles - And all I have to do is beat Chris Alt! This should be a cynch!

RF - I TOOK CHRIS ALTS OLD LADY FOR A RIDE ON SPACE MOUNTAIN!!!!! WHOOOOO!!!!

JA - Did you see our match for this week though?

Niles - What? Us against Capellans boys again? Oh yeah, we're in real danger there! How many times do I have to beat those bitches?

JHK - I can punch them in the kidneys for you!

Niles - What the fuck are you doing here?

LJ - WHAAAATTTT!!!

Niles - I asked him what the fuck he was doing here.

LJ - WHAAATTTT!!!

Niles - Just play the damn music, Jon!

LJ - OKKKKKK!!!!!

*The bass kicks in for a random Lil Jon song. Jesus H Kidneypunchers head explodes as he is standing right by the subwoofer and the power of the bass proves too much for his feeble mind. His corpse falls limp to the ground.*

AA - HOLY SHIT!!!

JA - YOU KILLED JESUS!!!

*Everyone gathers round the crumpled up headless corpse of the once mighty kidney puncher.*

Niles - Shit. Who will I get to punch my foes kidneys now?

AA - Ah, he was kinda useless anyways. We'll just write someone new into the entourage soon enough.

Niles - Sounds like a plan. Anyways, I bought you guys some new gifts.

*Niles snaps his fingers and a couple of hummers drive onto the lot, bouncing from the insane hydraulics they have set up.*

JA - This is awesome!!!

Niles - There's more! I spent a couple million on this party. Just enjoy it all while you can. I mean, what else are we gonna do? All we have to do is wrestle Capellan's crew this week.

*The party continues as we Fade to Black*

[mooseheadjack]

Stank is having his eye attended to when in walks SFJ#5.

Stank - You look remarkably well for someone who is supposed to have been ravaged by Moosehead Jack.

SFJ#5 - Jack hasn't been near me since you last saw us.

Stank - I know. It took me awhile to realize there is no Marriott in B!tch Mountain New York.

SFJ#5 - Look, I just wanted to let you know...

Stank - You're breaking up with me.

SFJ#5 - No. I'm not... Look nobody cares about that. I just wanted to tell you...

Stank - Hey Five, listen. It's not safe for you around here...

SFJ#5 - I realize that and if you would just let me FINISH... I'm tryin to say that I won't be around much more. I can't take anymore of the crap. I'm going home and may never come back. Rick has granted me an extended leave of absence and I'm taking it. So you... you go ahead and do the wrestling thing and I will... pursue other endeavors.

Stank - Endeavors? That's a big word for a sexy female journalist.

SFJ#5 - Anyway... if you guys are ever around my way, we can hook up.

Stank - So you are... breaking up with me.

SFJ#5 - It's just some time apart. That's all.

Stank - I'll never get to see you.

SFJ#5 - I'm from Hopeulikit, Georgia. With Rick's penchant for sending us to towns with weird names you're bound to make your way around there at some point.

Stank - Penchant?

SFJ#5 - Lucas...

Stank - I'm just kidding.

SFJ#5 - Anyway... I'm off to do my last interview for awhile then I'll get in touch with you before I leave.

Stank - Who are you interviewing?

SFJ#5 - ... ...

Stank - Who?

SFJ#5 - Um... ... ... KZ.

Stank - WHAT!

SFJ#5 - Lucas wait...

Stank - ARE YOU INSANE?

SFJ#5 - Just hold on a sec and let me explain.

Before Number five can explain, FF Capslock arrives.

FFC - Hey Five, Stank, what's going on?

Stank - Sexy Number Five here was just about to explain to me her looney plan to interview K f*ckin Z!

FFC - Alright, I'll let you two talk while I go hit the bar. I want no part in SFJ drama.

Stank - Lock!

FFC - I'm serious Stank! This is all well and good when there are some laughs involved but... I'm already bored. It's a waste of time.

SFJ#5 - I couldn't agree more.

SFJ#5 walks out without another word.

Stank - Ah dammit you SEE what you did? You got her all upset.

FFC - She can take care of herself.

Stank - SHE'S going to INTERVIEW KZ! Did you even HEAR that PART?

FFC - So what? It's her job.

Stank - What! YOU are AWARE that JACK abducted and doused her in GASOLINE? Lord knows what else might have happened if I hadn't gotten there. And NOW she's about to subject herself to not only JACK but LD WILLIAMS as well? WHAT the HELL?

FFC - *Sigh* C'mon.

Stank - What. Where?

FFC - Just come with me. Doc, are you through?

Doc - You're all stitched up Mr. Stank.

Stank - It's just Stank.

Doc - Whatever...my work is done.

FFC - C'mon partner. All will be revealed in time.

Stank - Where are we going?

FFC - You'll see.

Stank - This better be more impressive than throwing a brick at someone's face.

FFC - Aw C'mon man! That was classic Josh!

Stank - I think it's a little too early to be abscribing the word "classic" to Josh O'Neil.

FFC - Well at least he didn't just sit around and moan about his problems. He took action.

Stank - He threw a brick at Firechild. Not that I didn't derive some ENJOYMENT out of that. It just seemed... crude.

FFC - Not sufficiently violent?

Stank - Not really, no.

FFC - Well then. You should love this. C'mon. We don't want to miss Five's last interview.

Stank - It sure will be her last interview considering who she's... wait a sec... that's not what you meant. How did you know it would be her last interview?

FFC - What? We talk.

Stank - Yeah and apparently she talks to everyone else, but me.

FFC - We talk... It's not a big deal. Now quit your whining and come watch all the pieces fall into place.

Stank - But...

FFC - Just follow my lead.

[mooseheadjack]

[Meanwhile, back at the party...



...while Lil Jon is hanging with his female friend, the Eastside Boyz rock the mic...]

Big Sam: If you don't give a damn, we don't give a...

RF: [half naked] WHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Lil Bo: If you don't give a damn, we don't a...

RS: Damn...

Big Sam: If you don't give a damn, we don't give a...

SCSA: What?

Lil Jon: WHATTTTTTT?

AA: Lil Jon, it's just a random appearance by a WWE Superstar!

JA: Yeah, they're always trying to scoop our heat!

Lil Jon: WHATTTT?

JA: I said they're always trying to scoop our heat!

Lil Jon: WHATTTTT?

SCSA: That's my gimmick, ya little bastard!

JA: Yeah, perhaps, but he does it better, Steve!

[Suddenly, the track stops, and a new song breaks out...]

D4L: Betcha can't do it like me..

Lil Jon: WHATTT?

D4L: Betcha can't do it like me...

Lil Jon: YEAHHHH!

JA: When did D4L get here??

NA: Oh, I flew them in, too! Jon loves em! Hey Jon, get us some Crunk Juice!

Lil Jon: OOKAYYYYY!



SCSA: I don't give a rat's ass who Jon likes! He stole my gimmick!

AA: I thought your gimmick was raising hell and whoopin ass!

JA: Besides, the heel turn sucked.

SCSA: What?

JA: I said the...

NA: [slaps Johnny on the back of the head] Will you cut it out, he can hear fine!

AA: I don't know, Niles! The music is loud! Why you think we've been talking in exclamation points??

NA: Steve, I like you and all, but i didn't invite you here, man! I love the rub and all! But I'm NILES FUCKING ANDERSON! I don't need no rub from some washed up redneck wrestler who doesn't know when to step out of the spotlight!

[Niles drops Austin with the STEED-DT! Music screeches to a halt.]

Lil Jon: YEAHHHHHHHHH!!!

RS: Damn...

RF: WHOOOOOOOOO!!!

JA: Whoa! You just laid out one of the greatest wrestlers ever!

NA: And?

AA: And... that was pretty sweet, man.

NA: DID I SAY CUT THE MUSIC?

Lil Jon: N.... YE.... ...... WHATTTTT?

JA: He said...

[Niles slaps Johnny again.]

NA: Let's get this bitch crunk!

Lil Jon: OOKAYYYYYYYYY!

["Bia Bia" cues up on the sound system, and everyone returns to partying, including Lil Jon and his new drinking glass...]

[mooseheadjack]

<kz stand waiting for their interview with SFJ5, she shows up, not pleased>

SFJ5: Let's get this over with before this gets weird. So, kz, what do you want to say?

<before Jack or Williams can say a word, Capslock and Stank walk into the picture>

MHJ: Well look who it is, Drink and Destroy. Its about time you showed up to protect your Five Lucas.

<SFJ5 drops her mic in disgust and walks away, Stank doesn't even break his stare at Jack>

LDW: And Capslock, how ya feelin? I know that's not the first time you got left lying in a parking lot. Won't be the last either.

<the tension builds as all four men glare at each other, we get the Tombstone style close up of all their eyes, no one says a word, the camera pans back to jack and he just smirks, that does it>

Drink & Destroy attack, Capslock goes after Williams, Jack and Stank tear at each other, the brawl destroys the set around them then like something from a cartoon moves down the halal destroying everything in its path.

<more to come>

[mooseheadjack]

Back from some [ADS]
We get a quick recap of what just went down between D&D and kz then we cut back to live
As the two tag teams continue to maul eachother in the background Seraph steps into the foreground empty-handed and observes from a safe distance.

He stands there for about 20 seconds wiith his back to the camera without moving or saying anything. Finally her turns around and walks away - the camera zooms in on his blank white shirt to see his message this week - but there is none. Seraph merely walks out of frame.

When the camera comes back to the action however, we see that there is a placard sitting on a chair infront of the brawling tag teams - it reads:

I am the purveyor of divine justice
The combined violence of this melee will not compare to what you will endure this wednesday. You may not understand now, but this week at Mayhem Thim Reynolds...

You will

Suddenly Cappslock picks up the placard and uses it as a weapon, breaking it over the head of Williams before realising that it was only cardboard! The brawl ensues in the background...

[mooseheadjack]

KZ and Drink & Destroy are BRAWLING~!

FFC is battling LD Williams while Stank tussles with Moosehead Jack. Eventually more weapons come into play and it's chairshots versus lead pipes. A bloodied FFC finally get's the upper hand when he goozles LD Williams lifts him an TOSSES him into a nearby dumpster!

FFC - Stank! QUIT JERKING AROUND AND TOSS JACK IN HERE!

Stank and MHJ continue to brawl for a bit. It proves difficult with all the clawing and raking of the eyes but Stank eventually hit's the Stank-U! and tosses Jack into the same dumpster!

Stank - You know you could've helped.

FFC - I had to make sure Williams didn't climb out, besides... you had it under control.

Stank - Ack! I think the bastich reopened my stitches! I'm getting blood in my eye.

FFC - Stop whining and help me push this dumpster.

Stank wipes blood from his eyes and walks over to the side of the dumpster FFC is standing.

Stank - THIS was your brilliant plan... to throw these guys in a dumpster?

FFC - Just help me push.

D&D push the dumpster as KZ struggle inside. Everytime one of them is about to climb out Stank runs over and SLAMS the lid on top of their skulls! Eventually D&D get the dumpster outside onto the parking lot.

FFC - *huff* ok *huff* this is *huff* far enough.

Stank - *huff* *huff* So... What now?

FFC - You hear that? Right on schedule. Hurry up! We need to get out of sight.

The sounds of a truck can be heard coming through the gates of the arena.

Stank - It's 10 o'clock at night. What... you've arranged to have the garbage taken out?

FFC - No... even better.

FFC pulls out a pad lock and fastens it to the lid of the dumpster. Now KZ can be heard screaming obscenities and pounding on the sides and lid of the dumpster. D&D duck out of site as a MASSIVE truck comes barrelling down on the dumpster, placed in the middle of a mostly empty parking lot.

Stank - That's not a garbage truck and why the hell aren't they slowing down?

KZ can see through the seal as the truck gains speed, the headlights looming larger and larger.

Stank - Holy sh!t

The truck RAMS into the DUMPSTER sending it END over END! It finally comes to a stop along the edge of a clearing, stopped only by a massive oak tree which buckles and falls from the force of the impact. The truck's front end is TOTALED as it brakes to a halt.

Stank - Ho... leee... Sh!t

FFC - Nice huh?

Stank - Josh... is... CRAZY!

FFC - Wha? No... Josh isn't driving the truck.

The door of the truck is KICKED open and out crawl The Devil's Brigade.

Stank - Whuuut? I don't get it.

FFC - Come on. Let's see if we can get closer.

D&D edge closer to the scene. The Brigade walk around in a daze, stumblin their way towards the smashed dumpster. Finally, Tommy makes his way to the wreck, jumps up on top of the dumpster and proclaims.

TO - Tis oughta learn ya fekkin boyos!

Harper Camby smacks the side of the dumpster.

HC - When Moose offered to pay us for this... I told him we'd do THIS for FREE!

TO - Y' Boyos won't eva be messin wit KZ or any udder teg team agin!

HC - C'mon Tommy let's let these fellas rest. They got a tough match comin up. HA!

D&D watch as TDB walk away.

Stank - The Hell?

FFC - They think WE are in that dumpster! Hee Hee!

Stank - I gathered that much. How'd you get them to think that?

FFC - I didn't.

Stank - O...kaaaay.

SFJ#5 - I did.

Stank turns around to see SFJ#5 standing there.

Stank - YOU did?

SFJ#5 - Ayaka owed me a favor. I asked her to pass a message along to the Devil's Brigade and say it was from KZ.

Stank - And she just went along with it.

SFJ#5 - She owed me BIG. Of course I left out the little detail that THIS would be the result but,...

Stank - She's gonna kick your a...

SFJ#5 - I have negatives... She won't be bothering me.

Stank - And you KNEW about this?

FFC - Of course I did. But it was HER idea.

Stank - What was the point of getting the Devil's Brigade to do this?

FFC - Look at em.

Stank turns his gaze over to the Brigade as they walk slowly toward the arena.

FFC - They just walked away from a crash. They appear to be a little beat up.

Capslock picks up a nearby 2x4.

FFC - Let's see if I can make em look a lot MORE beat up.

FFC runs up behind Tommy O'Neil and SLAMS the board across the back of his head. Camby is caught off guard by the attack and is in no shape to defend from the board SMACKING across his skull as well. TDB are down and out.

Stank - I thought you wanted no part of this?

SFJ#5 - After tonight I'm done.

Stank and SFJ#5 walk up to FFC who is looking down at his victims.

FFC - You should've watched your asses, Buckos! Never BET against ME! ... ok... Now we can go.

D&D with SFJ#5 hop into Stank's Range Rover and Drive off. The camera zooms in slowly on the wrecked dumpster catching... movement... signs of life?

Camera fades.

[mooseheadjack]

The Chickenshit Heel Posse is at Ric’s Sandwich Shop.

AA: Man, have you noticed all the noise in the back this week? Is there construction or something going on?

JA: I don’t know. All I hear is blood-curdling screams like humans are being beaten with chairs and other assorted foreign objects for gratuitous bloodlust.

AA: Wow. Hey, you want a sandwich?

JA: What is that, your fifth today? You’re going to look like Abdullah soon.

Abby and AA (together): Hey! Don’t insult me like that! (Abby and AA turn and stare at each other.)

AA: Ric, I want a turkey and avocado on rye with extra pickles.

A little girl walks by the sandwich shop.

LG: Can I have a turkey samitch?

JA: What the hell?

LG (to Johnny): Daddy?

The Posse: Daddy?!?

JA: Savannah! Ix-nah on the fabe-kay! Go play with Uncle Ron.

RS: Damn!

Meanwhile, Ric’s making sandwiches. The mustard container seems to be clogged, however, and Ric’s getting irritated.

RF: CLOGGED MUSTARD! YOU CAN’T CLOG MUSTARD! YOU’VE ALREADY CLOGGED THE MUSTARD!

AA: That just made no sense.

Suddenly Ric flips out, rips off his jacket, tosses the mustard bottle to the floor and drops an elbow on the bottle. Mustard squirts out and shoots into the face of Attitude Adjuster. AA screams as the mustard sears his eyes and he starts banging his hand on the sandwich counter. Referee Gavin Hale, walking by, sees AA tapping and calls for the bell.

Ring Announcer: Winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion…this bottle of mustard?

AA: Whaaa?

RF: WHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Flair drops another elbow on the mustard and Gavin Hale makes the three-count.

RA: Winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion…Ric Flair!

RF: WHOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AA: Whaaaaaa?

JA: Missed it by about two days, AA. Nice try. Now how do we get the belt off Flair?

(Also posted in the DDT thread.)

[mooseheadjack]

<Camby and O'Neil are sitting on the ground trying to figure out who hit them>

TO:<holding the back of his head> Ow, fekkin wankas. 'arper did ye see what nancy boyos hit us?

HC: No, but I would bet anything it was those Australian idiots Outback Jack and GatorBait!

TO: Fekkin figures. Tey must be lon gone by now, lets get tos two fatasses when tey come out o'th dumpsters.

HC: HA, good idea!

<Camby and O'Neil grab the discarded 2x4's and walk over to the dumpster and wait. After a few minutes of waiting, we see the lid open and Moosehead JAck and LD Williams, both bloody and battered tumble out, Camby is about to swing when Tommy stops him>

TO: FEKKIN BLOODY HELL!!!

HC: Jack? Williams? What the fuck are you two doing in there?

<MHJ starts to speak but spits up a massive blood clot>

LDW: Those two idiots CApslock and Stank dumped us in here, Who the fuck hit us wit ha fucking truck?

TO: ehhhhh

HC: We thought it was Capslock and Stank

MHJ: WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU THINK THAT??

HC: Five told us

MHJ: THAT BITCH!!

LDW: We....are....gonna ......kill....you .....two

TO: C'mon then boyo! Ye wan'na go right now!

<Williams gets to his feet and lunges after Tommy, Tommy moves, and Jack gets in between them wincing in pain>

MHJ: Hold up. Look Drink & Destroyed pulled a good one. There is only one thing to do now...

LDW: Fine 'em and kill 'em?

MHJ: No, they are expecting us. The others. <cough> Let's even things up by paying a visit to The Aussies.

TO: Now ya fekkin talkin, I owe tose Aussie bastards a whuppin

<The four of them start to walk toward the arena, Jack and Williams are limping badly>

HC: How the fuck did you two survive that anyway?

MHJ: Those dumbasses threw us in the dumpster that had all the old carpet from the office suite renovations in it. Hurt like a mother, but it could have been worse.

LDW: So does that make us extreme like those wCw morons?

TDB: Fuck them too.

<to be continued>

[mooseheadjack]

*Attitude Adjuster and Johnny Adrenaline are still trying to figure out a way to get the belt off of Ric Flair. Niles Anderson approaches looking extremely excited.*

Niles - Guys! Guess what?

AA - What?

Niles - Look what Lil Jon gave me!!!!

i67.photobucket.com/albums/h304/nilesanderson/DSCN2183.jpg

JA - Thats wicked!!!

Niles - And check it out, it even works!!!

i67.photobucket.com/albums/h304/nilesanderson/DSCN2184.jpg

Niles - I bet Capellan doesn't have anything this extreme!

JA - Yeah, Capellan sucks.

Niles - Wanna hear a joke so shitty, it makes you laugh?

AA - Uh, ok.

Niles - Capellan!

*JA and AA just kinda look at each other, confused.*

JA - I don't get it?

Niles - Capellan! Thats the joke! Because Capellan is a joke!!!

AA - Thats not very funny.

Niles - What are you talking about? Of course its funny! Think about it: Capellan is here in the OOWF wrestling alongside me! Can't you see how thats a funny joke?

AA - I get it, its just not very good.

Unknown Voice - Yeah, especially coming from someone like you.

*Niles turns just in time to get an uppercut from Capellan. The brawl starts getting out of hand when all of a sudden, Russel Crowe breaks them up and holds Capellan back.*

C - What the hell?

RC - You wanna tussle with Russel?

Niles - You can't handle me Cap! I got so much money, I hired the Romper Stomper himself to be my bodyguard!

JA - Where the hell is all this money coming from, Niles?

Niles - Uh... investments. I made some good investments.

C - Why don't you get out from behind your Gladiator friend and fight me like a man, Niles!

Niles - Because you're not in the same league as me!

RC - Oh shit!

*RC runs and hides behind a barrel somewhere backstage.*

Niles - What the hell are you doing?

RC - Ed Harris is here! He's gonna make me break codes!

C - Where's your tough guy now, eh?

*The fight breaks out again between Capellan and Niles. Fade to Black.*

[mooseheadjack]

-Matt Daddy and Chuck Norris walk down to the ring, Microphones in hand.

Chuck: “Fans of the Onslaught Division… An injustice has been committed here and it’s up to all of you to right it. You see, I, the great Chuck Norris have been banned from ringside for the Daddy V.S. Nayr grudge match. This banning is UN American! Matt Daddy and I are circulating a petition and we need every one of you to sign it.

-The fans are hesitant to sign the form. Chuck glares at the fans and they all search frantically for a pen.

Chuck: “Thank you all… We’re bringing this immediately to theRick!"

-Matt Daddy and Chuck Norris exit up the ramp.

[mooseheadjack]

(Ent looks at the roster)

Uncle Entity: Mercury again! My old tag team partner needs another shot at the Ent! How many times I gotta beat this guy JG?

Jesse Garon (In Elvish): I know what ya gotta do this time boss.

UE: What's that?

JG: You have to really brutalize him. Like, really destroy him, lay into him after the bell if you have to.

UE: Should I not release the submission hold if by chance I can get him in it?

JG: That's what I'm thinking. You basically have to give him a beating he wont forget. Let him and everybody else, cough, Concrete, cough, that you are not to be trifled with.

UE: How about sould driving him into some thumbtacks after the bell on the hard floor?

JG: I like that but use roofing nails instead. Maybe people will start calling you the roofer or something.

UE: Dont really need another nick Jess...

[mooseheadjack]

<The Devil's Brigade are seen storming down the hall, they come upon the Team From Down Under's locker room, CAmby grabs the door and tears it off the hinges. Inside Jack and Gator leap to their feet and get ready for the fight>

TO: fekkin wankas attack us in th parkin lot!

GB: What?

HC: He said....

GB: I know what he said, he is just full of shit, that wan's us, although since you two are here....

<with that all four men begin brawling around the locker room destroying the place in the process. Tommy lines Gator up for the Wicked Left, but he ducks and shoves Tommy face first into a mirror, shattering it and leaving Tommy bloody. Camby has Jack by the throat for a chokeslam, but Wally slams him across the back with his cane, Camby drops Jack and turns and glares at Wally. Camby turns back and notices Jack and Gator both closing in, so he grabs a dazed Tommy and they rush from the room

The Aussies give chase, but as they go through the double door way down the hall, both men get PASTED right in the face with chair shots from Moose and Williams. The Aussies hit the floor HARD! Camby and O'Neil come back and put the boots to both men, hitting the Triple 6 on the concrete floor while Jack and Williams look on in approval.

Wally tries to rush to his aid, but LD Williams stops him with a clothesline that nearly breaks his neck. With Wally on the floor writhing in pain, Moose locks on the jiendo. Wally's face turns a bright beet red, Tommy pulls a piece of shattered glass off of his shirt and uses it to gash Wally open, the pressure from the jiendo causes Wally's blood to spurt across the floor. Wally loses consciousness and Jack releases the hold and lets Wally fall to the floor.

kz and the Devil's Brigade survey the damage. OBJ and Gator start to stir a little bit, Camby boots Jack to the face, and TO dims Gaotr's lights with the Wicked Left.

MHJ: You three can thank Drink and Destroy for this.

<Fade>

[mooseheadjack]

wCw are in their locker room.

"So kid," JW puts down his hockey magazine and gives Wilder a smirk, "While Missy's off powdering her nose or whatever it is she does in there for so long, you wanna tell us what's going on with you and her?"

"Huh?" Tommy's reply is eloquent as always.

"You and Missy have been spending a lot of time together lately." Capellan notes.

"I'm showing her how to do some moves!" Tommy protests, "She's really getting the hang of it. She has great form."

"I bet she does." JW quirks his eyebrows.

"Really, it's just training!" Wilder insists. "I mean, I spend as much time with you guys as I do with Missy right? And it's not like there's anything going on between us guys!"

wCw pause for a moment. It's straight lines like that which almost make you miss Viper. Almost.

"Still, she seemed a lot more concerned about you after Niles got you with that belt than she did about Cap after he got jumped with a chair shot." Westgaard points out.

"What are you guys talking about?" Missy asks as she enters the room. She's in full 'extreme chick' wardrobe, with cargo pants, ultra-tight tank top, elbow pads and gloves.

"Uh." Tommy is speechless.

"We were just mentioning how you're feeling more like a real part of the team." Capellan ad libs. "Checking on how Tommy was after his match last week."

"Well duh." Missy tosses her hair, "I had to make sure his face wasn't all busted up. It's not like he could meet my folks if his nose was broken and all his teeth were knocked out." Missy leaves.

After several long seconds of silence, both Cap and JW turn to Wilder with accusing expressions on their faces.

Tommy spreads his hands placatingly.

"Honest guys, it's not like it sounds."


< to be continued >

[mooseheadjack]

## Time traveling Josh Matthews has arrived in OOWF aged 40 and catches Thim Reynolds just entering his changing room

JM: Thim, what did you think about Seraph's comment this week

TR: what comment, I didn't get to see anything as I was trying to avoid that stupid brawl on the way in.

JM: he said that

TR: hang on aren't you Josh Mathews?

JM: erm, yea . . . kinda

TR: how old are you

JM: 40

TR: but last time I saw you you looks about 50, and the time before that you looked about 12 . . . what the hell's going on?

JM: I'd rather not talk about it to be honest, it was an accident with a contraceptive and a time machine OK

TR: OOooo Kay . . . .

JM: now as I was about to say Seraph seems to be claiming that you don't understand violence

TR: what?? Ha, bwahhhahhhahhhahhhhaaahhhaaaaa. You're kidding right. Really

JM: pretty much seemed so yea

TR: oh that's good. It just shows me that he really has no clue what he's dealing with

JM: he knew enough to beat you once already . . .

## Thim's face changes and he quickly whips around, grabs Josh by the lapels of his jacket and slams him against the wall . . . the camera pans out to show us that Josh's feet are well off the floor at this point

TR: do you think I understand violence Josh

JM: yes, absolutely

TR: then could you pass this message along to Seraph for me . . . I'm gonna fuck him up this week, I'm gonna fuck him up bad - I don't care if he screams or just decides to keep that fucking annoying serene exterior on the go, I'm gonna make sure he doesn't walk out of that ring under his own power. Right?

JM: OK

TR: thanks

## With that Thim smiles before swinging around again and throwing Josh into the opposite wall of the corridor . . . there is a momentary pause before Josh slide down to an unconscious heap on the floor, leaving behind only a Josh shaped dent

EDIT to ask an OOC question, so what are the decent beers in the US?? I'm over in Santa Clara and haven't found one yet . . . Someone help me???

[mooseheadjack]

<Jack and LDW are sitting in the locker room resting up their wounds from "the incident" when Thim Reynolds walks into the room muttering something to himself>

MHJ: THim, what's up?

TR: It's that fucking Seraph he....what the hell happened to you two?

LDW: We got thrown into a dumpster and run into by a semi

MHJ: Driven by The Devil's Brigade

MHJ: Who thought we were Drink and Destroy

LDW: Because Five told Ayaka they were in there because she was pissed at Stank.

MHJ: So then we attacked The Team From Down Under to teach them a lesson.

<long pause>

TR: Yeah, that makes sense.

MHJ: So Seraph is getting to you huh? That guy is a sick freak

TR: I shouldn't be losing to him, I should be challenging Harris for the title. But he keeps popping up. And that thing he does, he never shows any emotion, makes me want to rip his fucking head off

LDW: So do it

TR: He has the ref's in his pocket, I'd draw the DQ each time, what good does that do me?

MHJ: Tell me this Thim, right now, which you feel better, making Seraph scream in pain, or winning the world title?

TR: God, making that twit scream, seeing pain etched on his face. That would be sweeter than any title

LDW: Then you know what you have to do. You break Seraph, and he is gone forever

MHJ: The title shots will come, destroy this guy now.

TR:<Thinking for a moment> You guys are right. I am gonna break every damn bone in his body until he screams for mercy. What about you two? Drink and Destroy have to get theirs

LDW: It's a whole new week coming up, there is plenty of violence for everyone.

<fade>

[mooseheadjack]

Josh O'Neal comes around a corner backstage and Firechild sees him. Josh runs full speed in the opposite direction with Firechild close behind. Josh runs into a room and slams the door behind him. Firechild is right behind him and he opens the door.

FF Capslock- Surprise fucker!

A brick smashes into Firechild's face.

JO- That never gets old.

FFC- And it never will.

Stank- Yes, it will.

[mooseheadjack]

Gatorbait - Yes what will?

Stank - Hey look it's ti tee ef du.

FFC - What's shakin?

OBJ - We only have one question.

GB - Why'd cha do it?

FFC - Do what?

GB - Do whot he says. Can you believe this bloke?

OBJ - Don't play dumb fellas.

Stank - What are you boomerang throwin, shrimp on the barbie, tie the kangaroo down so you can hump it havin SOB's, blathering about?

GB -YOU guys sent THE DEVIL'S BRIGADE and KZ after US!

Stank - KZ?

FFC - So they're alive. I didn't expect them to be... mobile... this soon.

JO - Uh... what are you talkin about?

FFC - Later Josh.

GB - Oh THEY'RE mobile alroight! They damn near KILLED Wally!

OBJ - Then told us YOU guys have something to do with THIS!

Stank - Look guys. I don't know how you two got involved in this but, WE had nothing to do with KZ or The Brigade attacking you.

FFC - Yeah I had a score to settle with TDB and as for KZ... We took them out with the garbage.

JO - HOLD IT! Time out! You guys attacked KZ without ME? I thought we were BOYS!

Stank - Josh... *I* didn't even know what was going on until it was happening. You'll get the next one.

OBJ - Well for some reason THEY thought WE had something to do with your little game. Any idea how THAT happened?

Stank - Aren't you feuding with TDB? Maybe they didn't realize Lock was the one who SMACKED them on their collective noggin's with a 2x4. Maybe they thought it was you two.

GB - Well then... All is forgiven... it's understandable why they got confused.

OBJ - Yeah those 4 sheilas aren't exactly the BRIGHTEST blo... waitaminute! Kanga..? HUMPIN? JUST WHAT are YOU IMPLYING?

Stank - Wha? That was like... 1,2,3,4... 13 LINES ago!

GB - YEAH but you said it... and we're MAD!

OBJ and GB prepare to fight D&D and Josh but before the fistacuffs begin TDB, KZ and Firechild ATTACK. Another cartoon brawl cloud forms and envelopes everything in it's path. Some distance away, Seraph looks on expressionlessly preparing to write another message when he is BLINDSIDED by THIM REYNOLDS! Soon the brawl cloud devours them as the storm flows throughout the arena!

[mooseheadjack]

Cap and Westgaard continue the interrogation of Tommy Wilder.

"So you're saying you haven't been showing Missy a lot more than how to do Ollies?"

"C'mon JW." Tommy retorts, "Missy's not like that."

"She's not? What about the six months she spent as Viper's sex toy?"

Capellan has the obvious answer to that.

""It was Viper. How much sex do you think actually went on?"

Westgaard considers this.

"So if you and her aren't ridin' taqndem, kid, then why is she taking you to meet her folks?"

"Missy's parents are wannabe blue bloods from Stamford or Newport or somewhere like that." Tommy explains, "And they only let her come to OOWF because she was gonna be with Mark Vander. They don't follow wrestling so they have no idea that Vander left and Missy's with us now."

Westgaard snorts.

"So you're going to meet her folks so they know wCw will look after their precious baby?"

"... not exactly."


< to be continued >

[mooseheadjack]

*after the latest brawl has been broken up by security, OBJ and GB golf-clap*

OBJ: Congratulations, MooseHead Jack! You finally learned a wrestling move! Take off the dunce cap that you should share with the Devil's Brigade incompetents. I got tired of pinning their useless asses with my superior wrestling skills!

GB: Hey, Outback, aren't you afraid of upsetting KZ?

OBJ: Wally isn't here to give me those "vitamins" right now. Back-of-Beyond-Jack knows lots of special holds. Lots more than MooseHeadJack knows! More than his pommy friend knows! The Croc Hunter is only the beginning! I could use the Oriental Spike on the bastards who hurt Wally!

GB: First we need to talk to the fat bastards.

OBJ: Right.

[mooseheadjack]

<the collosal brawl that has consumed the back stage area of the Meat Camp Arena finally subsides after cutting a path of destruction through the arena. Moosehead Jack, LD Williams, Thim Reynolds, Tommy O'Neil, Harper Camby, Outback Jack, GatorBait, FF Capslock, Stank and Seraph are all lying around the floor bloody and beaten and gasping for breath. Apparantly noticing the lack of noise, GM the Rick steps out of his office and takes a look at the scene of devastation>

Rick is silent for a few minutes as he takes it all in.

WHAT

THE

FUCK!!!

DO YOU ASSHOLES HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH THIS IS GONNA COST???

Random Voice: No.

MORE THAN ANY OF YOU ASSHOLES ARE WORTH!

DID I NOT SAY NO MORE DESTROYING ARENAS?

MHJ: It was their fault

Stank: Screw you Jack

OBJ: HEY!

Stank: Not you

TO: heh heh fekking nancy boyos

FFC: We can keep going, where the hell is that Williams punk?

<The men slowly begin to get to their feet and threaten each other again>

GMtR: OH HELL NO! YOu have all done enough, all of you off to your own rooms, if I hear ONE more thing get broken, you are all out of here.

Oh, I many not be able to do anything about Mayhem, but at Seasons in the Abyss....TEN MAN TAG MATCH, kz, The Devils and Thim vs. D&D the Aussies, and Seraph.

Now get out of here!

[mooseheadjack]

GM theRick looks over to the side and notices TTFDU cutting a promo.

GMtR - EXCUSE ME!

OBJ - What?

GMtR - What... WHAT?

GB - Yeah. What boss?

GMtR - ARE YOU DOING A PROMO DURING MY PROMO!!?

GB - Technically we did it just prior to...

GMtR - GET BACK TO YOUR LOCKER ROOM! NOW!

The Aussies leave.

JO - Um... Mr. GM sir?

GMtR - What is it Josh?

JO - What about me?

FC - Me TOO?

GM theRick looks at Firechild and Josh O'Neil, throws his hands up in the air, and walks back into his office.

[mooseheadjack]

[The Chickenshit Heels and Ric Flair stand around looking at each other...]

AA: Um, Naitch... can uh... I have my belt back?

JA: Yeah, you didn't really win anything, Ric? You wouldn't want to accept that title from a bottle of mustard, would ya?

RF: WHADDAYA KNOW ABOUT EARNING ANYTHING, PUNK?? I'VE BLED, I'VE SWEAT, AND I'VE PAID THE PRICE SIXTEEN TIMES! WHAT HAVE YOU TWO DONE?

AA: Buy sandwiches from you?

RF: NO, YOU HAVEN'T D... Sandwiches? Alan, why you gotta make me talk in lower case for, man? You know I love to rant and rave.

AA: Go ahead then, Naitch.

RF: FINE! I WILL! AND YOU TWO BOYS ARE GONNA HAFTA WALK THAT AISLE! YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO STYLE AND...

JA: [pointing away from Flair] Hey Tude, isn't that Baby Doll?

AA: That IS Baby Doll!

RF: BABY DOLL??? WHERE?

AA: Over there...

RF: I WANT THE GLAMOUR SHOTS OF DUSTY!

JA: Ric, if we go get them from her, will you lay down for Alan?

RF: DEAL! I WANT THE PICTURES!

[The Chickenshit Heels approach Baby Doll.]

AA: Baby Doll? Attitude Adjuster, nice to meet you.

JA: Whoa, you've put on a few... [AA elbows Johnny] ...a few great shows in my lifetime. I remember that match with Tully...

AA: Johnny here's a huge fan. He was wondering if you still had the pictures of Dusty.

BD: Yeah, I still got em...

AA: Well, could we see them?

BD: You think I carry them in my purse?

JA: I would.

[AA and BD look at Johnny.]

JA: What?

AA: Sweetheart, we could really use them right now. You live here in town?

BD: As a matter of fact I do... I'm here as a guest of Hardbody Harris.

JA: HUH?

BD: He's taken my daughter out on a few dates. Such a fine young man. Always brings her home on time...

[Johnny and AA look at each other, then shake their heads and continue their conversation.]

JA: Sweetie, if you could run back to your house and get those pics, we be very appreciative.

AA: I might even give you my autograph.

[Flair storms over.]

RF: BABY DOLL! I WANT THE PICTURES! WANT EM! NOW! [Flair begins stripping.]

BD: Ric, I don't have them with me! So this is what's goin on? Flair up to his old tricks again? It's been 20 years, and ain't a damn thing changed... except the flab on your chest, Naitch.

RF: AND THE FLAB ON YOURS! WHOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I REMEMBER WHEN IT WAS LUSCIOUS! WHOOOOOOOO!!!!

BD: You want the Dusty pics, Ric? It'll cost you the pics of Elizabeth.

AA: WHOA! What was that??

JA: The Liz pics?

BD: A woman's not allowed to swing both ways? I thought this was the 21st century. You think Crockett would've let me get away with that in the good ol' days?

RF: WELL I DON'T HAVE THE LIZ PICTURES!

JA: [in disappointment] You don't?

RS: Aw, damn....

RF: IT WAS AN ANGLE, DAMN IT! THEY NEVER EXISTED!

AA: But weren't the pictures of Dusty only...

[Johnny elbows AA.]

BD: No pictures then, Ric. Sorry.

RF: I'LL TELL YA WHO THE BLACK SCORPION WAS!

AA: Wasn't it you, Ric?

RF: YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH FAT BOY! I'LL TELL YA WHO DROVE THE HUMMER! WHO RAISED THE BRIEFCASE! HOW THE UNDERTAKER GOT HIS URN BACK AFTER THEY MELTED IT DOWN! WHO DDP'S BENEFACTOR WAS! HELL, BABY, IF YOU WANT WOMEN, I GOT OLD PICTURES OF WOMAN LAYING AROUND MY HOUSE!

[Suddenly Chris Benoit explodes into the picture and takes Flair down with a stiff clothesline and immediately puts him in the crossface.]

JA: Now, Tude, now!

[AA gets on the floor and slaps THE CLAW on Flair as Benoit has the crossface locked in. Angelo Barros happens to be walking by, drops his coffee, and gets in position to check on Flair.]

RF: I QUIT DAMN IT!

[Barros rings the bell, and AA releases the hold, but Benoit keeps the Crossface cinched in. Since Benoit won't release, Barros simply awards the title to AA.]

WINNER and the NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion: ATTITUDE ADJUSTER!

JA: Chris, he didn't mean that. He was just showing off to Baby Doll.

AA: Yeah, thanks, honey.

[Baby Doll leaves her right hand imprinted in AA's left cheek and walks off. Benoit releases the hold and just walks off.]

AA: You don't think Naitch is gonna be mad at us, do ya?

JA: Hell no. You give him too much business.

(also posted in the DDT thread)

[mooseheadjack]

-Matt Daddy and Chuck Norris walk in to theRick’s office.

GMtR: “GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE!!! I’M NOT SEEING ANYONE ELSE TODAY!”

Matt: “Sorry Rick… We’ll come back later”

Matt and Chuck Norris leave the room. Chuck looks at Matt with disapproval.

Chuck: “What the hell are you going to do now partner. You screwed that one up. If that were up to me, my foot would be 6 inches us his ass right now.”

Matt: “I’ll tell you what I’m going to do...”

-Matt Daddy grabs the petition from Chuck’s hands and tears it down the middle.

Matt: “That’s what I’m going to do… Let me handle Nayr. I’ve got this one in the bag.”

Chuck: “I sure hope you know what you’re doing there partner.”

Matt: “I think I’ll be just fine. Hey… I hear this place has a great sandwich shop… Are you interested?”

Chuck: “Sure, if you’re buying.”