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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 20:01:30 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem/Imperial Onslaught 2007
Live! From Gas City, Indiana
OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u]
Stank vs. Davin Moreland or Outback Jack
Winner Gets an OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match - TONIGHT[/u]
Outback Jack vs. Davin Moreland
Titles vs. Careers![/u]
The Best Friends Forever vs. The Chickenshit Heels
Imperial Onslaught[/u]
card subject to the whims of fate
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 20:03:36 GMT -5
*Silence fills the arena...then there's A NEW ENTRANCE SONG AND VIDEO!*Hardbody Harris and Chris Alt come skipping out from the curtain to the thunderous applause of the crowd! They have their shiny and new tag team titles and they're tossing them back and forth to each other. Alt takes two of the titles and snaps them together, making a jump rope and then taking a couple of skips. Hardbody claps, then he takes the belts and makes a hula hoop out of it, twirling his hips (they don't lie!) and showing off his ch1ldhood sk1llz. It's a joyous occassion, and they eventually each take a belt, grab a microphone, and step in the ring.* Alt: Hey, Hardbody, Knock Knock. HH: Who's there? Alt: The OOWF Tag Team. HH: The OOWF Tag Team Who? Alt: The OOWF Tag Team CHAMPIONS! HH: Oh, this is so awesome. Hey, remember last year at Hell on Earth, when we wore masks and snuck out and won the OOWF tag team titles and completely swerved everyone? Alt: Yeah! That was awesome. We were so totally over as heels. HH: Yeah, but uess what? We're so totally over as faces now. This is way better. You know what else is awesome? Alt: What's that? HH: US! We totally attacked Los Defenestrators and then dressed up as them and then had FF Crappington interfere on our behalf to slyly win these belts...IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! Alt: Oh, I do, my friend. I do. Before we get to the second part of our speech, though, a few shout-outs are in order. First, thanks to Brad Smoley for dying in our match yesterday so that he could be ressurected as Phil and allow us to beat TEAM LOAD. Second, thanks to the world's richest rich idiot for giving us the cane so we could beat the Chickenshit Heels. Seriously, do we look like Ecosystem and Voltage? Neither of us are Republican! HH: Seriously. HELLO, MCFLY! Alt: Nice one! *high five* HH: That brings us to this week. We're defending our belts already, against... *Suddenly, the Chickenshit Heels storm their way to the ring and get right into the BFF's faces* Alt: Whoah, chill out, guys. It's not our fault that we took advantage of the situation and won the match. HH: Yeah! Hey, aren't you guys, like, BFF's too? I don't think I've ever seen you apart. Johnny Adrenaline: Hey! We usually don't shower together. Plus, I like golf and Attitude Adjuster likes to run or something dumb like that. At least he DID... Attitude Adjuster: Look, kids, this is how it is: You stole our tag titles, and we want them back! JA: No doubt. Attitude Adjuster: And, we're willing to give up our CAREERS for the title shot. Everyone else: You are? Attitude: Yep. Whaddaya say? Titles vs. Careers. Midweek Mayhem. Johnny: Um...Yeah, whaddaya say? No, or something? Attitude: Shut the heck up, Johnny! Johnny: Heck? Attitude: I think we were censored. This is airing on a Sunday afternoon, after all. HH: So, you're willing to risk your CAREERS for these titles? Isn't that a little much? Usually there's a rematch after a PPV anyway. Attitude: Yeah, but the match was already put on the card, and I really don't have much say in it. Alt: If you guys retire, it's a pretty big deal. I mean, you guys took all the cool OOWF awards. JA: No kidding. REPRESENT! HH: You know what? Enough talking. You want to take a risk? Let's make this even sweeter. AA: Whaddaya got in mind? HH: Well, the loser not only loses a title or his career, but whoever loses...has to... Everyone: Has to what? HH: Um...er...Drink...a...gallon...of chocolate milk...in AN HOUR! All: CAN'T BE DONE! HH: Oh yes it can. So at Midweek Mayhem, boys. You bring your careers...We'll bring the CHOCOLATE MILK. AA: And the titles. HH: Oh, right. Those too. |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 20:04:01 GMT -5
The The Fortress Of Snobbery, Cappington is sitting with his head in his hands and The Defenestrators are standing around pissed.
Volt- So we lose the match which we could have died in...
FFCIII- Uh huh.
Volt- THEN you help the VERY MEN WHO BEAT US win the titles we've been trying to win as long as we've been a team.
FFCIII- Right.
Volt- Way to go, dumbass.
Eco- But look on the bright side, Voltage. I have two thousand bucks!
Volt- Yeah, great. Look, Fonzworth, when we agreed to join by your side we were sort of under the impression that you'd be helping us. All you've done is endanger us and put the belts around the wastes of our hated enemies.
FFCIII- You know what Voltage? I think you're being a little negative.
Volt- HOW THE HELL WOULD YOU EXPECT ME TO BE!?
FFCIII- I will buy you a van full of vegemite if you get off my nuts about this.
Volt- OH! SO YOU JUST EXPE...can I keep the van?
FFCIII- Sure you can.
Volt- Woohoo! Rock 'n' roll! Gnarliest van of vegemite owner EVER!
FFCIII- I have some things in the works here. I wll turn things around for LOADED. Believe me. If all goes to plan, we'll be on top again.
Eco- When were we ever on top?
FFCIII- Shut the fuck up, Eco.
Eco- Shouldn't that be in all caps?
FFCIII- No. I wasn't yelling it. I was saying it sort of under my breath and depressed-like.
Eco- Oh okay. That doesn't come across really well in print.
FFCIII- Print? You really think anyone's gonna print this shit?
Eco- Well...in type. Whatever.
Volt- I have no idea what the hell you guys are talking about.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 20:04:24 GMT -5
*The New Champs are all in the Studio, doing a photo shoot for the cover of OOWF MAGAZINE. The Headline of the upcoming issue simply says "Reset". If you look really closely, you see a sillouetted female figure swinging on a noose apparently. Everyone is pretty chilled out and happy because a) They're all new Champs, and b) The Odds are even, so the chance of fisticuffs are low...er*
Photographer: Ok guys, just a couple more...
S: Ah...I hope so, I'm sweatin like crazy over here *gets toweled off by Random Towel Girl*
P: *snap* Ok guys, last one, I promise...
CA: RRRRRRrrrrr...I have to pee SOOOO bad...
HH: Just one more BFF...
P: *snap* AAAAAAAAAAND we're done...Great job guys...
*Chris Alt runs across the hall to the bathroom, the other 4 are standing around*
OBJ: *burrrrrrrrrp* That's Australian for "I need a damn drink".
DM: Well let's go the the "Gasbag, Indiana Saloon or wherever the hell we are"
*All look at Davin Suspiciously*
DM: Hey guys...I'm the 1st time Champ here...I'm buyin!
*Stank and Outback Jack look at each other, slide their titles over their shoulders and clap Davin on the shoulder...They start to head out*
HH: Hey, guys? What about me and Chris?
CA: And Feivel!
F: Yeah, what about me? Can I come too or am I too wittle?
DM: Well, Feivel, we're going to a grownup bar, so it's no place for a little mouse like you. But we'll be back in no time.
F: Weewy?
DM: *winks at Stank and OBJ* Absolutely.
*Harris and Alt arrange for Feivel's safe keeping, and all 5 new Champs leave for the Gascan, Indiana Bar and Grill or whatever*
--- Fade out and in Magical time machine style. It's 8 hours later, and all 5 are the only patrons in the bar. Harris is passed out, and Alt is fading as well. Moreland, Stank and OBJ, while all nicely buzzed, are still capable of SOME semblence of conversation. Kinda*
OBJ: *buuuuuuuuurp* That's Australian for "BEER ME!"
*Barkeep plops another Fosters in front OBJ. Moreland produces a Double Brewed Iced Coffee from Dunkin' Donuts. Stank, semi-oblivious, but notices the coffee*
S: Hey...Hey Davinth...Hey Davinth,....Whydya Whydya....Whydya gots yourselfs a Coffee there...You quittin on uth you Lightweight?
DV: First of all...Thhhith is a Double Brewed Ithed Coffee from Dunkin Donutth. Dunkin Donuts "It'th always worth the twip" *smile, thumbs up, wink...nearly fall off chair*
DV: And second of all....lllllllllladdthie...*Irish Brogue* I be wantin a WEEEE bit o' the Bailey's and Jameison's in me Coffee...Barkeep, if ye would please madam...
*Stank, apparently, thinks this is the funniest thing that's ever happened in the history of recorded time, and promptly falls off his barstool laughing. Seeing this OBJ and Alt find Stank falling off his STOOL the funniest thing that's ever happened int he history of recorded time, and laugh hysterically. This wakes up Hardbody, who laughs a couple times before passing out on the bar again. Moreland laughs along for a while, and then stops everyone*
DM: Ok, ok, settle down here....*hic*...I think we need to talk some bidness.
S: *getting up* Bidness?
DM: THATS RIGHT I SEZ...."BIDNESS"
CA: BIDNESS iz pickin UP.
*WWE Gimmick Infringement Attorney enters the bar, and pulls Alt outside to have a chat*
OBJ: *buuuuuuuuuurp* That's Australian for "What's on your mind, kid"?
DM: Well alright...It's like...like...I said....It's like *hic* It's like this. I've never, ya know, never.....EVER....been a real Champ before. What the hell am I supposed to do?
S: Well D...You mind if I call you D? How bouts DV? No? M'k. D? You gotta...gotta..This is so totally serious...you gotta...I mean it...serious...serious...You gotta, you know...understand that everyone's out to get you now. That belt *points* might as well be a huge target on your back.
DM: *looks surprised* Really? I figured it would get people to leave me alone.
OBJ: *buuuuuuuuurp* That's Australian for, "You gotta be shittin me. You can't possibly be that naive. You had the Iron Maiden TNT Law and Order Championship right?"
DM: Um, not exactly that one, but I see what you're sayin. I always...just...uh...um...*sip*....Oh Yeah...Always just gotta watch my back?
OBJ: *buuuuuuurp* That's Australian for..."Yup"
S: Now wait HOLD ON HOLD on hold on there.......JACK! *swaying a little and points* Being...being...Champ real...no...Real being Champ...no....
HH: *muffled from his face on the bar* Being a real Champ...
S: BEING A REAL CHAMP...Thanks Harris...is a little different though...cause you can...uh...you can...uh...
CA: *Comes back in followed by Law2 sitting at a table in the bank* Only lose your title by pinfall or submission
S: ONLY LOSE YOUR TITLE BY PINFALL OR SUBMISSION...Unless its a stip match...then whatever...
DM: Ok, well...*hic* *sip* Anoth...anothe...Another thing...thing...Is like what happens in arenas how am i supposed to act and stuff
OBJ: *buuuuuuuurp* That's Australian for "Tell the crowd to f..."
CA: NO! *wobbles over to the bar and grabs Moreland by the shoulders* No...These...these fans will love you now...You're their champ and...you have to be nice...
S: NO! You dont have to do squat! You do exactly what you wanna do...
DM: This is all so confusing...
HH: *muffled. again* Why don't you call your friends from the Massachusetts Wrestling Association?
DM: Oh yeah...Good call Harris.
*Hardbody's head clanks back down on the bar*
DM: So anyway...I gotta cut a promo. Barkeep sweetie...You got a milk crate?
*Barkeep brings a milk crate, and points one of the overhead lights over him. He steadies himself*
DM: *clears throat. Looks into Ninja Camerman mouthing "Ready?" and the camera shakes up and down, indicating yes*
DM: Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Kids of AAAAAAAAAAAALLLL Ages. Come ONE Come ALL and Gather Round. Tonight. We have a VERY special event. LIVE (*Stank and OBJ cough obnoxiously in the background*)...You can edit that right? Ok...WE have a VERY SPECIAL EEEEEEEEEEEVENT, LIVE...From GAS CITY, INDIANA....Ladies And Gentlemen...Allow me to IN-TRO-DUCE to you...Standing 6 FEET...10 INCHES TALL....WEIGHING IN at an ASTONISHING 288 lbs....From CUMMAQUID, MASSACHUSETTS....The NEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW, OOWF ON-slaught CHAMPION of the....OOWF.....DA-vin....MORRRRRRRRRRRRLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND.....
*pulls microphone away from his mouth, eyes closed, head tilted upward for a few seconds*
DM: Ladies and Gentlemen...IT is MY honor and privilege to be YOUR Onslaught Champion, and I GIVE YOU, my SOLEMN VOW...that *I* will do EVERYTHING WITHIN my power...to keep it..
*Stops talking again. Apparently the Crowd is TO BE EDITED IN LATER...J/k, sorry Harris*
DM: How EV ah...(Stephen A. Smith comes in quickly, pimp-slaps Davin, and runs away)...Ladies and Gentlemen...It is my DUTY, and my QUEST to continue through the Ranks here in the OOWF. You see...I plan on being the VERY BEST OOWF ONSLAUGHT CHAMPION....EVER!!! *pause* but not only that....Oh no *shakes head slowly*. No no....No. *speaks rapidly* Y'see, not ONLY do I plan on being the best OOWF Onslaught Champion ever, I plan on being the best OOWF IN-TER-CON-TI-NEN-TAL Champion EVER...and I plan on being....THE best...O-O-W-F, WORLD...HEAVYWEIGHT...CHAMPION!!!!!!!......ever....
*pause*
*gets some looks and attention from OBJ and Stank now...as well as Harris and Alt*
DM: *speaking more normally* But you see...but you see everyone, I understand. I underSTAND that I CANNOT get this all at ONCE! I understand that I have to SCRATCH, and CLAW, and FIGHT, and FIGHT, and BATTLE, and BLEED, and FIGHT MY WAY ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP!!!!!
*pause*
DM: Now....THIS WEDNESDAY....at a VERY SPECIAL MIDWEEK MAYHEM...Very special because THIS IS The IMPERIAL ONSLAUGHT-a-MIDWEEK MAYHEM TAKING PLACE-a-LIVE in GAS CITY, IN di ANA!
*pause*
DM: This Wednesday, I have to go ONE on ONE with the IN-TER-CON-TI-NEN-TAL CHAMPEEN....THE OUtback JACK!!! And the WINNER...and the winner...will go on...later that night, to face the OOWF...HEAVYWEIGHT....CHAMPION of the WOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRLD....STANK!!
*pause*
DM: And the WINNER...and the winner...Of that match....Will...WALK OUT of GAS CITY...INDIANA...The O...O...WF...HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION....OF THE WOOORRRRRLD!!!
*pause*
DM: *speech quickens* and WHEN I fight, and scratch, and claw, and bleed, and fight, and fight and FIGHT through OUTBACK JACK...and pay my dues, and suffer, and scratch, and claw, and bleed, and fight, and SMACK, and BEAT DOWN, and ANNIHILATE, and DESTROY the FOUNDER of DRINK and DESTROY...STANK!!!!
*pause*
DM: I...Yes, I....I, Davin Moreland...Your O-O-W-F ON-slaught CHAMPION WILL win....
*pause*
DM: The O-O-W-F...HEAVY-weight CHAMPion OF the WOOOOOOOOOOORRRLLLD!!!!
*pause*
DM: And leave...Gas City, Indiana. The only...and I mean ONLY...DOUB-LE CHAMPION in the HISTORY of the OOWF....For a week. *faster speech* And the name DAVIN MOREland will echo from the hills, be shouted in the valley, on the beaches, on the PLAIN with the RAIN in SPAIN....*slower* That for one night...ONE night...Davin Moreland was the BEST the OOWF has ever seen.
*pause*
DM: And then...*deep breath, and quieter* the whole World will know. *deep breath, and much louder* that DA-vin MORE-land AINT YOUR BITCH...NO MORE....Feel that.
*Davin Moreland walks by a shocked Ouback Jack and Stank. He drops a few hundreds on the bar, and walks by a stunned Harris and Alt. He turns back to the bar, whips his belt over his shoulder...smiles, winks, thumbs up...and leaves*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 20:04:43 GMT -5
*still in the bar*
CA: That was...interesting, I guess.
HH: Can I get a lemonade down here? *slumps back down to the floor*
S: Well, we know he talks big, anyways. Maybe he's been taking lessons from his buddies from Massachusetts.
OBJ: Come to think of it, I know another wrestler from Massachusetts. Maybe I can get some ideas from Pete.
S: Pete?
OBJ: I'll tell you later. *Points at a sleeping Hardbody Harris, and then at Chris Alt, who is dancing in front of an unplugged jukebox* They might not be as clueless as they look. meanwhile, I've got to go see a man about a horse.
S: Why does a grown man feel a need to euphemize?
CA: Well, he has been drinking a lot of beer.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 20:05:03 GMT -5
(CTG is alone in a room, glaring at a monitor that is flickering from a poor video connection)
CTG: You compromised the Guild.
Glaw: .... I have. But to my dying breath I did nothing to favor you or the others in our organization. I enforced the rules.
CTG: you spoke of "Great evil" directly to the GM. That's heroic but not especially covert.
Glaw: ... you've lost your title, and now you'll lose your focus?
CTG: hardly. I'm in the Imperial Onslaught match, and unable to chase OOWF title gold immediately. but I will continue my mission without further orders. I am sorry, Law, but we cannot interact further on this matter. You will carry on your mission as our most dedicated referee, but your battles with The Rick and Mel Creech are not mine to aid you in fighting.
Glaw: (nodding) understood. Good luck in your mission, Gryfon. This will be our last communication until our causes intertwine again.
(CTG turns and walks away from the monitor, which after a few seconds erupts in flames and sparks)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 20:05:21 GMT -5
Going to a commercial the screen goes black and strange lines of code shoot across the screen in different directions, dropping hints and clues that make everyone at home try to decipher them. And then towards the end pops up one final clue.
SHAVE_US.69
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 20:05:42 GMT -5
Stank - I hate those publicity shoots.
OBJ - I hear ya.
Stank - ... and fuckin Moreland!
OBJ - Kid's got balls.
Stank - Make sure you beat his ass so you and I can blow the roof off the place at Mayhem.
OBJ - Will do. You coming in?
<Stank and Outback Jack arrive at the Destroyitarium. Partying can be heard inside. As Outback opens the door, the music blasts louder. Spin can be seen dancing with a bunch of SFJs. Wally motions OBJ to come in.>
Stank - I'll be back shortly. There's something I need to do first.
OBJ - You sure?
<SFJ#3 saunters out in rhythm to the music. She grabs Stank's arm and is joined by SFJs 16 & 72. They try to pull the big man in, but Stank doesn't budge. Soon, twenty other SFJs turn their attention to the door. They all gesture and yell for Stank to come join the party. Spin stops dancing with the three women he's with and walks over to Stank and OBJ.>
Spin - C'mon man let's get this party started.
Stank - I'll be just a minute. I'm sure Outback though... where'd he go?
<Stank and Spin turn and see Jack already inside, dancing with four Sheilas. Wally joins them.>
Spin - He's got the right idea.
Stank - I'll be back. Ladies go back inside with Spin. I'll join you, shortly.
SFJs - AWWWWWW!
Stank - Spin. A little help.
<Spin dislodges the SFJs from Stank's arms.>
Spin - C'mon ladies... I got a call from Ax. He said he couldn't make it.
Stank - That's too bad.
Spin - Where are you off to?
Stank - ... .... I'll be back Spin.
Spin - We'll keep the beer cold.
<The party noise is muffled, as the door to the Destroyitarium closes with Spin and the rest inside. Stank hoists his World Title belt on his shoulder and heads across the parking lot into the arena. He doesn't get far before he runs across various OOWF superstars. Most merely look up and nod their heads in acknowledgment. He gets a scowl from Firechild, their eyes meet, but there is no further incident. Stank continues down the hall. He rounds a corner and walks past the surprisingly open door of theRick's office. Inside he sees Sterling Glaw arguing with the GM. They both look up as Stank walks by. Stank flips Glaw the bird and continues past on down the corridor where he is confronted by LD Williams.>
LDW - Stank
Stank - LD
LDW - You've never beaten me in singles competition.
Stank - You've been lucky. I'll grant you that.
LDW - Luck? Ha! Whatever helps you sleep at night.
Stank - I sleep just fine. Like a baby.
LDW - I'm coming for-
Stank - Save it. You want this. I know it and I welcome it. You made the mutt tap. Impressive. Far as I'm concerned, that puts you in the upper echelon. If you can arrange it with Rick, I'll face you anytime, anyplace. But know this. I'm the World Champion now. I AM the upper echelon. And I know full well that you are one tough bastard. You're quite possibly the toughest I've ever faced. Davin likes to talk about how he's no ones BITCH anymore. Well guess what?
<Williams just looks up at the big man. He nods and walks away. Stank watches him go, turns, and standing behind him is FIRECHILD!>
FC - Stank.
Stank - ...
FC - I swear... No matter what...
Stank - ... I know.
<Stank continues past Firechild and rounds a corner. He arrives at an unlabled door. Stank opens the door and walks into complete darkness. A single lightbulb flicks on illuminating Moosehead Jack. Moose sits on the floor, glaring up at Stank>
Stank - Moose.
MHJ - Stank.
Stank - ...
MHJ - Congratualtions Lucas.
Stank - That's CHAMP to you.
MHJ - Fine by me.
Stank - Is it?
MHJ - ...
Stank - I'm not waiting for this unholy alliance we have, to blow up in my face. I'm NOT waiting for YOU to screw me out of this title. If you want this belt... No fucking mind games! No FUCKING stabs in the back! Let's go to the Rick's office and get him to sanction a match RIGHT fucking NOW, so we can get this shit out the way!
MHJ - My, my aren't we paranoid?
Stank - Jack, this whole thing started with ME wanting to beat YOU. It just so happened that I had a vendetta against the Guild at the time. That vendetta consumed me to the point where I didn't give a rat's ass about winning a title as long as the Guild was made no more.
MHJ - ...
Stank - I offered you an opportunity to lay waste Concrete TG. I even said you could have his title as extra enticement.
MHJ <rising> - But you had me at laying waste Concrete TG.
Stank - You think I'm an idiot? For all the talk about loving darkness, thriving on blood, the flaying of flesh and what not. You and I both know... you WANT this title. You held it for a cup of coffee. That's got to irk you.
MHJ - ... ... You are the boldest son of a bitch I have ever met. To walk into Hell and confront the Devil like this... why would you want to wake any ambitions I may hold for your title?
Stank - I'm just trying to gauge your interest. I know I'm a target. You want the truth? Crete, LD, Firechild, Canadian Dragon, Moreland, they're all tough. Anyone of them could conceivably get lucky and steal this title from me, but none of them could do it in any scarier fashion... than you. I want to see IT coming. I want to KNOW you're there. I don't RUN from my fears. I FACE them.
MHJ - ... The Heroes Guild may be over, but Crete is still out there. We may have broken his body, but his spirit yet lives. You came to me a while back and said that you wanted to destroy Crete, that he would perish by your hand and yours alone. Do you feel you've accomplished that?
Stank - ...
MHJ - I take it your watching Firechild lose his IC belt to Outback Jack, and your beating Gryfon for the World title, has satiated your desire to end Concrete TG and the Heroes Guild.
Stank - ...
MHJ - ...well NOT me. I'm NOT finished. Crete still has a career. I'm perfectly fine with you ending it, but do you have it in you, now that you're World Champ?
Stank - ...
MHJ - It was so sweet to see Crete's belt handed to you. The image of he and Firechild walking from the ring in defeat is one I will hold dear for the rest of my career.
Stank - But THAT is not the IMAGE you covet.
MHJ - ... Now I think you're starting to understand.
Stank - ... ... I'm satisfied, for now. Drink & Destroy has been vindicated.
MHJ - And when I do come for that belt... you will be the FIRST to know. No games.
Trust me.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 20:06:03 GMT -5
Viper is in the locker room with his head at his hands.
Cap: Donnie. Man, we should've had that.
DV: ...
Cap: We'll get another shot. And we both know we can beat Alt and Hardbody.
DV: ...
Cap: Gotta admit though. Them pretending to be Los Defenestrators... That was pretty clever.
Viper looks up with a quizzical look on his face.
DV: What?
Cap: It was, man.
DV: Are you even pissed that we lost this match?
Cap: Of course I'm pissed, but I'm not going to let it drive me crazy dude. We'll get another shot.
DV: Will we?
Cap (now looking at Viper sternly): What's up Donnie?
DV: What's up? You just said what the BFF's did were clever. You know what they did? They did everything they could - EVERYTHING they could to get the tag team championship. THEY WEREN'T EVEN SIGNED TO BE IN THE FUCKING MATCH IN THE FIRST PLACE, but now... OUT OF ALL PEOPLE, GODDAMN Hardbody Harris and GODDAMN Chris Alt! I HATE those fuckers! Now they're World Tag Team Champions. And where are we? We're here. Twiddling our thumbs.
Cap: What the hell are you yelling at me for, man? You know I go out there with 110% determination EVERY SINGLE TIME.
DV: I just wonder if you're as thirsty for the gold as I am. I know you've had your share of championships here. I know you've gotta want it as bad as I do.
Cap: Hell yeah, man! Don't worry, dude. it will happen. It needs to happen.
DV: You're goddamn right it needs to happen. And I'm going to make sure it does.
Cap: You've got something nasty cooked up in your head, don't you? I don't like the sound of this, dude.
DV: No one is going to like the sound of what I'm going to do.
Cap: Donnie. Don't go doing something stupid, man. I know you hate Harris and Alt, but...
DV: Cap, this is going to be either the smartest thing I've ever done, or the stupidest. But I can't stand this feeling anymore.
Cap: Donnie... dude... (Viper leaves the locker room). Fuck. (Cap sits down and puts his hands over his head)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 20:06:40 GMT -5
<Moosehead Jack is in the back with Sexy Female Journalist 13>
SFJ13: Moose, Stank had some rather strong comments toward you earlier today:
SFJ13: Do you have any further comment?
MHJ: No, I think I explained myself pretty well.
SFJ13: But Stank ended up with the title you covet, that has to…..
MHJ: That has to what? I would think by now people would get it. I don’t care about the title. I know Stank, and I know the shot is there when I want it. I know Stank will face me, there is no need to attack him, or do anything devious to get my shot, Stank is a man. It’s only when the champions are little weasels like Crete that I have to resort to deviousness to get my shot.
SFJ13: So you and Drink & Destroy…..
MHJ: We were a marriage of convenience. A means to an end. Nothing more, nothing less.
SFJ13: But who ended up with the better of the deal?
MHJ: We both got what we wanted. Let’s be honest here, what started as a potential bloody battle between Stank and I turned into a beneficial deal for both of us. Stank put his grudge with me aside because he knew, with me involved with Drink & Destroy it would make his pursuit of Crete easier. Crete, being the simpleton that he is would think this was a grand scheme of my doing to get the title off of him. Well this time Crete, I was not the puppet master. Stank knew what my purpose was in Drink and Destroy all along.
SFJ13: And what did you get out of it?
MHJ: Is that title around Crete’s waist anymore? No it is not.
SFJ13: Wouldn’t it be more humiliating for YOU to take the title from Concrete TG though?
MHJ: I DID take the title from Concrete TG. Only I didn’t have to do it in the ring. See the whole time, I knew Crete would be distracted with my involvement in this. And Crete, you are such a sap you fell for everything. I took your title. I had every intention of coming into that match at Hell on Earth and getting disqualified. I know you, you were so certain I would be the last man….I want you to go and look at the look on your face when I came to the ring after you got a lucky win over Spin. All your plans were shot to hell at that moment. Your game plan was shot, you were a beaten man.
See Crete, it is time to end this. I have taken your title. When I exposed your contract I took away your pride, I exposed you as the money grubbing con man that you are. And Sterling Glaw? Come on Crete, we all know that was not by accident. That is all part of your plan, and Drink and Destroy exposed you as the fraud that you are. All that’s left is your career. I have taken your blood, your title, your pride and your honor, all that’s left is your career and I want that next. I have exposed you in every way I can Crete, what is it going to take? I have forced you into teaming with me, I have orchestrated your suspension. At every turn, I am there. Every success is tainted for you, because it has not been at my expense, every failure for you has my name on it. When are you going to man up and face me Crete? How long will you keep running?
Mark my words Crete by Hell On Earth IV one of us will be broken. Be it in body or spirit, one of us will not make it until next year. This is it, all in. I will go as far as I have to to end your career. You no longer have a choice Crete, you either give it all…..
Or I will end it all.
Trust me
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 20:07:00 GMT -5
GM the Rick's office. Rick stares in disbelief at Viper.
"You want what?"
"You heard me."
"Have you spoken to Capellan about this?"
"No."
"Don't you think you ought to?"
"No."
"..."
"Either Cap's fine with it when he hears, or he's not ... in which case I'll know what I need to know, anyway."
"So I guess that only leaves the question of why I should give you what you want?"
"Give me this match and I'll wrestle the next one under any stips you choose."
"Any?"
"Any."
"... I'll think about it. I can't set it up for this week, though. The Imperial Onslaught's already locked in."
"It doesn't have to be this week. But it does need to be soon."
"Last time I checked, I was the GM here. I'll be the one who decides when it happens."
"Fine ... just don't take too long. Not that I hear that's ever been a problem for you."
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 20:07:18 GMT -5
Phantos & Lucios arrive at the arena to find they are in the lineup for Imperial Onslaught.
Lucios: (reading the lineup and shakes his head) More junk. No-decisions. Multi-team matches. Outside interference. Morons in masks stealing our Tag Team Championships. Now an Imperial Onslaught match.
Phantos: Hey man, maybe there’s a silver lining.
Lucios: I doubt it.
Phantos: The winner is usually the number one contender. Maybe there’s a loophole where if one of us wins, we can name the championship we want to be contenders for?
Lucios: Possibly… but still, a 40 man match. Wrestling skill will have nothing to do with who wins. Lets go suit up.
Phantos: And man, I hope Ric is back. Ole's sandwuches weren't any good and Stank's were WAY overpriced!
Fade to black.
For 10 seconds on the still black screen, the words "We're coming soon" in small font appear, and then goes onto the commercial
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 20:07:40 GMT -5
("Frontline" By Pillar plays as Concrete comes to the ring alone. He is still in full Heroes' Guild regalia, but does not seem to be in good spirits. The crowd hushes as he enters the ring without flamboyance or fanfare, as is his trademark)
CTG: (looking around to the crowd) I have not come out here to mourn the loss of the OOWF title. Some might think I'm out here to demand my rematch against Stank. Not so; I feel he has accomplished much in the last year and the title is deservedly his for what happened at Hell on Earth.
However, as the leader of the Heroes' Guild I must extend an apology- it seems that Senior Referee Sterling Glaw may have overstepped his bounds in the course of his work. He is a man who believes in justice at any cost, where he had lead me - and the rest of the Guild - to think it would be justice within the rules establshed for this business we call wrestling. To that, I extend a request to GM the Rick to evaluate the matter and levy whatever punishment suitable for his actions. IT was never the intent of the guild to overbalance the scales in our favor. It was our want and our right for a fair match, no matter the amount of darkness that teemed across the ring from us.
And to this I will address my longtime nemesis, Moosehead Jack. I find it sad, and at times desperate on his part, to think that I would be worried about facing him out of order in a gauntlet match that i unwittingly volunteered. I'm sure he is proud of his underhanded actions, believing - rightfully so - that his work on me could ultimately cost me the title. While I no longer have it, neither does Moosehead JAck. And for all his anger and power, deep down, Stank is a good man.
So in the end, Moosehead Jack, you broke the rules, scored a win in a battle but ultimately lost the war. You have not defeated me yet, I have not backed down from any challenge, and you set your arbitary goal for next year's hell on earth. Will you have changed any by then? I doubt it. Will you be wearing any gold by then? I doubt it.
Will I still be standing against you in the ring? Most likely. But you have won nothing from me, Moosehead Jack. You have done no damage to my honor or pride. You have merely shown that for a moment I could have walked down the wrong path, blinded by my sense of justice, to succeed at all costs, even if it meant resorting to means above the rules. To that end I have corrected this error.
And we will face off again, Moosehead Jack. (camera slowly zooms in on CTG) we will face each other again, and when we do the battle will rage until one of us waers gold once more... or one of us walks out that back door, never to return.
It won't be me.
Trust me, Moose.
(CTG bows to the crowd and returns to the back, his music not playing)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 20:08:03 GMT -5
The Chickenshit Heels are in their locker room, preparing for their Loser Leaves Town match.
AA: So you’ve got the plan. As soon as we start end game, you…
JA: Hey, you! Yeah, you! Invisible Ninja Cameraman! Yeah, I know you’re there. We invented you! No get the hell out of here! We’re not divulging the greatest angle EVER until it happens in the ring!
(The locker room door opens and closes. AA and JA seem satisified.)
AA: Wow. Good catch.
JA: Hey, we are the kings, are we not?
AA: So, then. (AA looks apprehensive.) We’re really going to do this?
JA: We have to. It’s for the good of the company.
AA: OK. I mean, the breakup angle is always so cool, but (choking up) I’M GONNA MISS YOU!
JA: ME TOO!
AA and JA embrace in an awkward manly hug. It’s broken up by a knock on the door.
AA: Uh, come in?
Stank and F. Fonzworth Cappington III (without the gimmick, looking simply like FF Capslock) enter the room.
FFC: Are you guys really breaking up? Wow, we thought you’d last forever.
Stank: Yeah, after all we’ve been through. All you put us through, we thought it would take more than losing the titles.
JA: It’s more than losing the titles. We’ve lost our smiles. The promos aren’t working anymore.
AA: Plus, the posse’s pretty much gone. Ric’s negotiating with the WWE, Abby’s engaged to Uma Thurman, Repo Man’s business is really picking up thanks to the recession…
Jesus H. Kidneypuncher: I’m still here!
AA: …Ron’s gig is getting old, and our gimmick infringement suit against the WWE went nowhere…
Jesus H. Kidneypuncher: I’m still here!
JA: Fred the Monkey caught some kind of virus from eating South American grapefruits…
Jesus H. Kidneypuncher: I’m still here!
AA: The gang’s all left us. And we’re sure not going to hang out with Ole and Thunderbolt.
Jesus H. Kidneypuncher: Screw you guys! I’m out of here!
FFC: Well, we wish you guys luck. Hopefully we can work another feud together in the future. You guys are money!
JA: So are you guys.
AA, JA, FFC and Stank share an awkward manly hug. Suddenly, FFC breaks it up.
FFC: Wait a second! You guys are swerving us again, are you? I’m getting real tired of that. First it was the “AA’s my buddy” angle, then it was the “Cowboy Johnny” thing. We’re not getting screwed again!
JA: Nah, it’s real this time. We’re really doing the breakup angle. Trust me, it’s gonna be good. We’re gonna leave the fans talking for weeks.
Stank: So where you guys going after the show?
AA: There’s a good bar a couple miles down the road. Johnny and I are thinking of getting together there and plan the future.
JA: We’re still deciding whether one of us will do the “Masked Guy Returns” angle or if we’ll just hit another association and recycle all the good stuff we’ve done the last couple years. We just need a break to refresh.
Suddenly, there’s another knock on the door.
AA: Come in!
A well-dressed man walks in carrying a large satchel.
AA: Ah, you must be from the Nigerian Sports Betting Internet site. Come in, my friend.
WDM: I have come to give you the $100,000 we owe you for your successful bet that The Chickenshit Heels would win the OOWF tag team titles before September 1. Also, please accept our deepest apologies for the delay in delivering you your money. We deeply regret an inconvenience it may have caused.
AA: Are the sandwiches in there, too?
WDM: Yes, sir. Just as you requested.
AA: Thank you. Have a nice day.
The well-dressed man leaves.
JA: Wow, you actually got the money? How did you manage that?
AA: Let’s just say Abby did me one final favor before he and Uma ran off. Said something about even Ric couldn’t bleed as well as those guys.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 20:08:27 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland is walking (not WALKING~! but just walking) towards GM the Rick's office. He KNOCKS!*
GMtR: What!?
DM: Me boss.
GMtR: Ah, Davin...C'mon in. How you feelin' champ?
DM: Feels pretty good boss. Feels pretty good.
GMtR: Well, as you know, we're changing the Onslaught Championship a bit. We're moving away from 'Onslaught Rules' and we've decided to allow the Champion to decide the stips they want when they defend the title.
DM: That's the rumor...
GMtR: OK, Potsie, that's enough asshattery and douchebaggery out of you. What's your stip.
DM: Well after some long and hard thought, I've decided...
Russ: WE'LL FIND OUT WHEN WE COME BACK!!!
*live spot*
DM: Hi, I'm Davin Moreland. You may recognize me from the OOWF. I'm the brand new Onslaught Champion!
GMtR: He sure is. Hi! I'm GM the Rick, also from the OOWF.
DM: Well, boss. As you know, it's getting in the year, the weather's getting a little colder...
GMtR: It sure is Davin.
DM: I don't know about you boss, but when it's colder, and I'm dragging a little in the afternoon, there's nothing better than a great Cup of Coffee.
GMtR: *glances at whiskey bottle, and then back to the camera* Nope, there sure isn't...
DM: And at Dunkin' Donuts October is a very special time of the year, because October means Pumpkin Time at Dunkin' Donuts.
GMtR: Pumkin' Time what's that?
DM: Well, you know about Dunkin' Donuts Famous Pumpkin Muffins
GMtR: You bet.
DM: Well, Dunkin' Donuts also has their very special Pumpkin Spice Coffee. Nothing's better on a chilly fall day. Here, try some.
*hands GM the Rick a coffee, who sneaks a couple shots of whiskey in it. He sips*
GMtR: That's fantastic.
DM: Isn't it? Pumpkin Spice Coffee--Now Available at your Local Dunkin' Donuts. Dunkin' Donuts...America Runs on Dunkin'
*show product. Thumbs up. Wink. Smile. Fade*
Russ: HERE'S WHAT BAH gawd HAPPENED BEFORE THE BREAK!!!
*Moments Ago video. Back to GM the Rick's office*
GMtR: Well?
DM: Well Rick...I've thought a lot about this, and I was trying to think of what would maximize my abilities.
GMtR: No shit, Sherlock...Let's get on with it...
DM: Well, I've decided. Last Man Standing with No Opponent's Outside Interference
GMtR: So, basically a Last man Standing match, but any run-ins are a DQ.
DM: Almost. Any run-ins for my OPPONENT. This would also include anyone at ringside, managers, whatever.
GMtR: Kind of a heelish stip, Moreland, dontcha think?
DM: Well, they don't call me a tweener for nothin'. And besides, it's not like I hang out with anyone, it's more self-preservation than anything else.
GMtR: Ok, then. It shall be done. Now do me a favor, and GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE!!!!
*Davin leaves with a mischevious grin, He runs into his personal interviewer from the start, CBS Evening News' Katie Couric*
CENKC: Davin, first off, congratulations on your Onslaught Championship. It's been a long journey for you.
DM: Thanks, Katie.
CENKC: Anyway, let's get right to it. First of all, would you like to respond to Outback Jack and Stank, who've had some reaction to your bar promo?
DM: Not really, other than, laugh all you want. I'm here and I'M the goods. YOU BOTH know that I have the SKILL and I have the DESIRE and I have the HEART to get the job done. NOTHING is a given. When I'm at the TOP of my game like I am now, I can beat ANYONE, and I'm not afraid to say it. I know it, you know it, yo momma knows it, my momma knows it, your Uncle knows it, The Kid down the street with the limp you used to babysit when you were 14 knows it...
DM: Stank, we've hooked up once. Old School Onslaught match, remember? Taking out Glaw and then brawling around the arena? Lots of fun. I respect the Hell out of you...but I tell you...Right now? You've had so much taken out of you gettin that belt of yours, I don't think you can stop me from taking it. You walk around here...acting all big and bad...Thinking your bigger and better than everyone else...
DM: Guess What? You're NOT bigger than me. Guess What? You're NOT better than me. Alls I know is, you best bring your A game, or I'm leaving Indiana with your belt; and you'll be all "B-b-b-but...Wh-wha happen? Where's my belt? WAAAAAHHH Moosey where's my belt? I can't find it ANYWHERE! Oh, there it is, around Davin Moreland's waist. Damn."
DM: And you, Outback Jack, I can hear you out there. "*buuuuuurp* That's Australian for 'You Gotta Get through me first'". That's true. I've watched you. I've studied you. I've seen Jack of the Hinterlands in action. I've watched one of the greatest tag teams in action when you were with Gatorbait. You've got skills, you can brawl like crazy, and you're a tough SOB...
DM: But you aint seen me yet, OBJ. Ever seen a 300 lb. Luchadore before? Seen someone 6'10" nail you with a Shooting Star Press? No? Better study up, or Jack will have to tell the Hinterlands that he got hit with THE #1 BEST IMPACT MOVE TODAY IN THE OOWF...The Really Good Diamond Cutter...
CENKC: Wow Davin, sure seems like this belt has brought something out of you...
DM: You bet Katie. It's self-confidence. I'm on top of the world, and I don't care who knows it anymore. Trust me, I know there's a lot more to work for. I want that Heavyweight Championship. I want it for me, and I want it for ALL my fans out there. And it's inevitable, that I'm gonna get it! Feel That.
CENKC: Great stuff, Davin. One more thing I want to touch on. There have been rumors and rumblings around that you've been looking to join up with some of the wrestlers here in an alliance of some kind. Thoughts?
DM: No Comment, Katie. No comment at all.
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 20:08:50 GMT -5
Firechild walks up to Outback Jack, and as Jack slings the IC title over his shoulder and raises his fists to fight, Firechild stops, and tosses him a can of sweet, cool, Australian beer.
Jack catches the can on reflex, and looks preplexed as Firechild hefts a full bottle of Malt Whisky and necks the entire thing, then....
FC: BWWOOOOOAAARRRRP!
Jack, the Ninja Cameraman and everyone in a 12km radius is shocked by this outburst. Firechild smiles, drops the bottle and extends his hand to Jack.
FC: That's Scots for well done, mate. I might not like being champ anymore, but at least I lost to a hard nosed bastard like yourself.
Jack takes his hand and they shake, then Firechild pulls him in close and gets right in his face.
FC: Doesn't mean I won't be coming back after my belt.
Firechild smiles, then releases the hold and leaves. Jack stands there, notices he's in profit by a beer and gets to drinking....
-----------------
some time later
-----------------
Firechild enters the Hero Cave, it is in darkness, looking somewhat delapidated, with the areas set aside for Glaw, Nayr and even Sabu abnd LADDER looking dusty and derelict. Concrete TG is there, and he stands as Firechild walks in.
FC: I'm not here to fight Takaken, but let me speak. It's clear that though we share an ideal, we differ in method, and we can no longer tread the same path. This Guild is dead, but the philosophy it stood for remains, and be assured I shall fight for justice.
Firechild turns to leave, then turns back, a wry grin on his face.
FC: But one thing, I always watched you, coming up in the OOWF, and even faced you a few times in my rookie season. But since I've never really faced off with you one on one. I'd really like to see who'd win that match....
Concrete stands and we can see the ripped shreds of the Heroes Guild Charter in his hands.
CTG: Citizen Flame, we have lost a great battled and to be true this guild is dead. I will not deny that I have had my doubts about your purity of heart, and the steadfastness of your methods, but those are behind us now. (Concrete does not notice a dark look cross Firechild's face.) I face a great war against Moosehead Jack and this time, one of us must be destoyed, and I would ask, though you can no longer stand beside me, will you still stand against him?
Firechild looks thoughtful, then looks Concrete in the eye.
FC: I can't say that Takaken. I spent too long in the shadows, of you, or Cole, and I've spent too long worrying about what anyone thinks of me or what other's agendas are. At this point, in this time I need to just be me for myself. (Coincrete looks downfallen, but Firechild keeps speaking) But be assured that Moose will NEVER be my ally, he has brought me low twice and I know that he'll always be between me and the success I crave in the OOWF. I can't say I'll come riding to your rescue, but don't expect Moose to get any favours from me.
CTG: You have come along way Citizen Flame.
FC: I've got a lot further to go Concrete. Don't say I didn't warn you. Let me know if your up for that match....
Firechild smiles and walks out of the Heroes Guild, and the light there seems somewhat darker.......
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 20:09:11 GMT -5
*Outback Jack is strolling along drinking his beer when his cell phone rings*
OBJ: Hello...how the hell are ya, mate...nice...that's right...ya think so...I can get that, no worries...right...*belches*...Australian for I owe you one, so I'm buying next time I'm in Dorchester, Pete!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 20:09:31 GMT -5
<Stank & FFCIII are walking away from TCH's locker room>
Stank - Loc... I mean, Cappington...
FFCIII - It's okay.
Stank - Listen man... I just want you to know...
FFCIII - Yes?
Stank - I just want you to know that-
FFCIII - No need to thank me. You won the World Title. I was just happy I could help.
Stank - What? No. I wasn't going to thank you.
FFCIII - Why not? You don't agree, if it wasn't for my abandoning you, we would still be a tag team?
Stank - No. I expect we would have broken up by now and I would have still became World champ.
FFCIII - HEy! I brought you into this outfit!
Stank - No you didn't.
FFCIII - I agreed to tag with you when no one else would!
Stank - Actually, Mark Vander approached me before you did.
FFCIII - Vander?!? Are you shittin me?
Stank - Yes.
FFCIII - ... Asshole.
Stank - Fucktard.
<Stank and FFC look at each other with grins planted on their faces. They pound fists then briefly embrace.>
FFCIII - Congratulations champ. You deserve it.
Stank - We had a great ride, you and I.
FFCIII - Time of my life.
Stank - Okay... I gotta... I gotta go.
FFCIII - WAIT! What were you trying to tell me earlier?
Stank - What are you talking about?
FFCIII - You said you wanted to let me know something.
Stank - Oh yeah... Your fly is open.
FFCIII - ...
Stank - Way to go dumbass.
<Stank turns and walks away. He stops.>
Stank - Oh, and Lock...
FFCIII (Irritated) - What?
Stank - Thanks man. Thanks for everything.
FFCIII - ...
<Stank turns and rounds the corridor, out of sight.>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 20:09:54 GMT -5
In the church, The Knife is talking to a minister
TK- And he beat me. Grandest stage on them all and I lost the title. I thought that was a sign from God that he chose me to be his rightious right hand. And now its around the waste of a prideful showoff sellout.
Rev- Well, perhaps this is sign from the Lord. You know my son, adversities and challenges are placed in front of us to test us sometimes. And its what we do in these situations that shows us how well our walk with God is going.
TK- So I should beat him mercilously then? Alright, I'm off!
Rev- No, my son! Violence is not the answer!
TK- Moreland's blood shall be spilt upon the floor and I shall be champion oncemore!
Rev- You've completely misunderstood what I'm saying.
TK- You're right. I'm not even scheduled to face him. I'm scheduled to face the entirety of the OOWF! I'll make them all pay in one match! Every sin must be atoned for and The Right Hand Of God will be there to I'm gay them all!
Rev- I don't think you should be calling yourself The Right Hand Of God.
TK- But, I am God's Right Hand. Are you doubting his infinite wisdom in choosing me?
Rev- No, I'm doubting that you have even been chosen. I think you're taking this all way out of context. It is not your duty to go around smiting everyone who you think...
Knife nails him with a Stab!
TK- Never question the Lord. You don't deserve your robes.
Knife takes the minister's robes and puts them on himself, storming out of the church/
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 20:10:19 GMT -5
*Alt and Harris are hanging out in the locker room with their titles.* Alt: Big match today. It would kind of suck to lose these belts. *HH is hunched over his belt. We can't see what he's doing* HH: Yep. Alt: You know, the Chickenscratch Fevers have to have a plan in place. I don't see them giving up their careers. HH: Yep. Alt: What do you think they'll do if they lose? I hope they open a sandwich shop. For Cowboys. HH: Yep. Alt: Hey, man, are you all right? HH: Yep. Alt: Then what are you doing? HH: Remember when I was the Heavyweight Champion and I had the TRIK*D OWT TYTLE, you know, a spinner belt with a TV in it? Alt: Oh, yeah, that was sweet! HH: Well, I got something cooler for our belts. Alt: OOOH! Let me see! *Hardbody holds up his belt which is covered in Garbage Pail Kids stickers.  Alt: WOW! That's neat-o. That looks like that time when the ol' Donovan Viper went down on the Kool-Aid man. HH: Good one! No matter what happens tonight, we'll have the coolest titles ever. Alt: Ya got any holograms? HH: DO I!  Alt: Oh, man. HH: What? Alt: I'm just sad...BECAUSE DINOSAURS ARE WAY COOLER THAN GARBAGE PAIL KIDS! |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 20:10:50 GMT -5
(Spin Hansen is walking down a hallway when he's confronted by an SFJ.)
SFJ: Mr. Hansen, do you have any words for your opponents in tonight's Imperial Onslaught match?
SH: I don't. None at all.
SFJ: Ah... OK...
SH: I'm going to make it clear right now... my actions will speak louder than anything I can say.
SFJ: And your BIG SURPRISE that you were supposed to unveil at Hell on Earth?
SH: I'm the man who brought Davis Hightower into the company, to serve as a counter to Glaw. I'm pissed about my loss... but at least I can say that it was a fair one.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 20:11:12 GMT -5
Phantos is walking down the hallway and comes across Davin Moreland. Davin is sipping his Double Brewed Ice Coffee from Dunkin Donuts.
Phantos: Hey man. You still drinking that stuff?
Davin: Of course. I love Double Brewed Ice Coffee from Dunkin Donuts. (Davin turns to the camera, smile and gives a thumbs up)
Phantos: (laughs) Maybe Lucios and I should get an endorsement deal. He drinks Aquafina by the case.
DM: I know a guy who knows a guy who can get you in touch with the right people. (pauses) ....You’re kidding me, right? Aquafina?
P: Yeah, caffeine and alcohol are bad for the system he says.
DM: You guys don’t cuss OR drink? Damn, You REALLY don’t fit in here at all, do you? Does CM Punk know you stole his gimmick?
P: I don’t know about any gimmicks, we’re just here to wrestle.
DM: What’s with the masks anyway? You guys don’t look Hispanic.
P: We’re Texans. We started wrestling in Mexico, and that’s the costume they wanted us in. We had a little success, and decided to keep them.
DM: Texans? Like horses and steers and such?
P: No man, we’re city boys. From San Antonio, population 1 million or so
(Lucios walks by, carrying tapes of prior Imperial Onslaught matches.)
Lucios: I got these from LD. Let’s go and see what we can get off of these tapes.
Davin (laughs): you two are as boring as anyone I’ve ever met.
Lucios: Being funny won’t get us a Championship match.
Davin: Around here, it might.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 20:11:29 GMT -5
DM: Anyways, what are you expecting to get from old tapes of Imperial Onslaughts?
P: You can't be too prepared...
DM: Ok, Phantos..Dude...It's a FREAKIN BATTLE ROYAL. You can't prepare for those.
L: Y...You can't?
DM: Not really, I mean, unless you're planning to turn heel and slip out under the bottom rope to come back in at the end or something.
*Kayfabe walks in with Moosehead Jack. She points to Davin, who promptly gets HEARTPUNCHED~!. Kayfabe smiles as they walk away arm in arm*
DM: *comes to* Anyway...I don't think you're getting much from those tapes is my point. It's one thing to scout an opponent, it's another thing entirely to try to figure out how Underdawg works an Imperial Onslaught match.
P: Y'Know, you may be onto something there.
L: Sooo...If we're not watching tape..What are we gonna do?
DM: Well, I'd probably recommend we go to a bar or something, but I know you guys don't drink; and last time I went to a bar I cut the People's Promo, so a bar's probably out for us.
P: You still have access to that plane?
DM: Um, actually yeah.
L: Well, let's go to that D'Angelo's again. That steak and cheese was darn tasty.
DM: Darn. K. Um..Yeah...That's actually a pretty good idea. We have time before we need to be back here. Besides *puts arms around both guys* there's something I wanted to talk to you guys about anyway...
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 20:11:49 GMT -5
**SFJ#26 catches up with L.D. Williams in the hallway.**
SFJ#26: “L.D., you had one of the biggest victories of your career at Hell on Earth III, but you’ve been strangely silent since then. Why?”
LD: “Hell On Earth is always a time of new beginnings in the OOWF. Stank is the new World Champion. He knows I’m after the title, but he doesn’t see me as his biggest threat. Moose and Concrete are proving that the more things change the more they stay the same. And there seem to be a bunch of young guns who want to remake the OOWF in their image. The question is where does L.D. Williams fit in?”
SFJ#26: “And you’ve been waiting to announce that?”
LD: “I’ve been trying to decide, actually. Sad as it is, I still seem to be an underdawg around here, no pun intended. I am the most decorated man in OOWF history. I made the OOWF’s Living Legend tap. I AM THE BIG DAWG! AND YET….and yet…you know what? I’m not doing this. I’m about as sick of whining as people are of listening to me. I’ll do my talking in the ring.”
**Williams starts to walk away, then turns back.**
LD: “Oh, and Nash – the OOWF’s Bobby Eaton? He and Arn Anderson are the reasons I decided to become a wrestler, so - thanks for noticing.”
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 26, 2008 20:12:15 GMT -5
(Ecosystem walks into the locker room where Voltage is sitting around.) Voltage: Where have you been? Eco: Working out. Preparing for our match on Friday. Voltage: Our match is today. Wednesday. Eco: ...Really? Voltage: Is this why you're always late? Eco: No, no, wait. We don't work for Smackdown? Voltage: Nope. Eco: ...But the Great Khali works for us. Voltage: That's Figure Foreskin's icon. Eco: Ah. Who's Figure Foreskin? Voltage: I don't know, except that he's unrelated to F. Fonzworth Cappington III. Eco: Oh good. Hey, I saw Davin Moreland walking down the hall discussing things with Phantos and Lucios. Should I be worried? Voltage: Wouldn't it suck if they won the tag titles and world title before we and Cappington did? Eco: Excuse me? Voltage: I'm not saying it's possible... Eco: Oh no, it probably is possible. I meant "we and Cappington". Your grammar sucks. Voltage: Wait...how do you say it? Eco: Um..."Cappington and us"? Voltage: That sounds even worse. Eco: "You, me, and Fonzie?" Voltage: Cute. How about "We and our mate"? Eco: You are so Australian. Voltage: Okay, new topic. The BFF are decorating the tag title belts. We should plan how we're going to decorate the titles once we win them. Eco: Way ahead of you. I have some stickers.   Voltage: ...What? Eco: Those are the second results for our names on Google Image Search. Voltage: Or we could just keep the hologram stickers. Eco: Or we could do that. |
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