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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:09:16 GMT -5
All of the nOObs are assembled in GM the Rick's office and they are talking loudly. GM the Rick finally gets them to quiet down.
GMtR: Ok, now, what the hell exactly is going on with all of you? And who wants WHAT match next week?
<All six start talking loudly arguing with one another, Rick is clearly getting frustrated with this>
GMtR: ENOUGH! This is how it is going to be next week, all of you will be in tag matches, but not against each other. That's it! End of story <Rick writes something on a sheet of paper and sticks it to the door> ALL OF YOU, OUT! NOW!
******************************** OOWF MidWeek Mayhem Live! From Geelong, Australia
OOWF World Heavyweight Title Steel Cage Match[/u] Stank vs. LD Williams
OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u] Donovan Viper vs. Outback Jack
OOWF World Tag Team Title Match[/u] Spin Hansen & DH Magnusson vs. Los Defenestrators
Non-Title Triple Threat Match - Fought Under Normal Rules[/u] Davin Moreland vs. Ryan Hardcore vs. Eric O'Mac
Five Man Scramble - Winner Gets a World Title Shot Next Week[/u] Canadian Dragon vs. Hardbody Harris vs. Knife vs. Chris Alt vs. Capellan
Chris Cole vs. JW Westgaard Concrete TG vs. Moosehead Jack Phantos & Lucios vs. The Nerves Agent & Blitz The Dead & Seamus McNasty vs. The Defenestrators Firewoman & Rabbxt vs. Apocalyptic Bastards
card subject to the Mitchell Report
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:10:09 GMT -5
[The door slams on The Dead's face and he stares at the posting right in front of him.]
The Dead: Oh, this is great. The Dead wins the match and this is how they treat him?!? Unbelievable.
[The Dead turns and glares at the other nOObs surrounding him.]
The Dead: Rabbxt, don't think for one second that The Dead didn't know what you were doing. You can have that cheap toy-store belt. The Dead got the more important thing, the win.
[Dead turns and stares a hole into Seamus.]
The Dead: You'd better bring your A-game next week. The Dead doesn't take kindly to losers.
[The Dead storms off, leaving the other wrestlers outside of the GM's office.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:10:33 GMT -5
Camera fades in to see Seamus sitting in the locker-room, packed and ready to leave for the night
Bring my A-game, bring my A-game, listen The Dead, that's the only game I play, look around and you will see that I win, the little furby got lucky that's it...everyone wants to double date all of a sudden, everyone is all warm and fuzzy, bullshit you want a friend, post a personal ad, you want someone to help throw down some serious ass-kickin' them you got it! So let me break it down, The Dead is not on my Christmas card list but side by side we are gonna rain down a hurt on people not seen since the Vikings raided Lindisfarne...
Shakes head in disgust
Over your head? Read a book!
Camera fades to black
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:10:52 GMT -5
Fire: Nice team work out there, Rabbxt.
Rabbxt: Yea. Sure, neither of us won the gauntlet, but we totally destroyed them other nOObs, and look... I got the belt back.
Fire: That's right. The Dead can't go around thinking he can attack people without it coming back his way.
Rabbxt: Right. And if anyone tries that on me, you got my back, right?
Fire: Oh, yea. Definitely.
Rabbxt: Sweet. Ok, let's see... We've got the Apocalyptic Bastards next week. They don't stand a chance against us, do they?
Fire: Nope. Complete pussies. Looks like Nerves and Blitz might have a tough time, though.
Rabbxt: Ah, yea. Phanton and Lucios. I wonder if Phantos can pull of the 810.
Fire: I doubt it. Nerves' 810 is much cleaner, anyway. I'd rather see him go for it.
Rabbxt: ...
Fire: Not hit anyone with it, of course. Just try it and miss.
Rabbxt: Haha. Agreed... Dead and Seamus have The Defenestrators.
Fire: The Dead seems pretty tought. I'll give him that. Seamus seems like he's going to step up and try to stand out in that team. They might be able to pull a win out, next week.
Rabbxt: Maybe. I hope not, but maybe. You know, we should be in the tag title match instead of this worthless tag match we're in.
Fire: Eventually, yes. But right now, I think we should concentrate on taking out Nerves and Blitz, and Dead and Seamus. If we go for the belts now, we'll have both of those teams on our backs, you know?
Rabbxt: I guess you're right. You can be the decision maker in this pair. I get too eager.
Fire: Yea. I can do that. Alright... You said to stand straight... put my arms up... bend at my knees... swing my arms down... jump high... and throw my arms back...
**Firewoman lands a standing back flip.**
Fire: Wow. I think I've got it. I see why you find that fun.
Rabbxt: This team's gonna kick ass.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:11:18 GMT -5
[LIVE! From Sydney, Australia, its OOWF TV! We're currently poolside in the land of down under. There are hot chicks walking around in bikinis, and there is the artist formerly and currently known as Eric O'Mac, better known as The E!!!! sitting in a chair, relaxing with an issue of WWE magazine in one hand and...a CORONA? WITH LIME? ] E: Hey, [bleep] you ninja camera man. Corona is not a wimps drink. Especially with lime. But I'm glad you could make it. Did you bring Carl Coolname with you? Voice off screen, presumebly Ninja Camera Man: [Carl Coolname should be arriving shortly. Seriously. Corona with lime? What's up with the WWE magazine?] E: Seriously. STFU. Actually, that's kind of my answer to both questions. I do want you to shut the [bleep] up. WWE magazine is a GREAT way to spend a day by the pool. It's a heck of an entertaining read. It even has a bio on John Cena. You know, I'd really like to meet him one day. I mean, I'm not for submission finishers nowadays, they're too boring, unless we're talking about a chinlock. But man, that STFU finisher is put on GREAT technique. It looks great, and it's VERY entertaining. Maybe I'll bust it out sometime in the future. Should get a hell of a reaction, right? Anyways, you are here as a ninja camera to film me in Australia today, you aren't suppose to speak. Let me do that. It's not like we want to lose viewers. I just got in a few hours ago from a great entertaining matchup with Hardbody Harris. You see, he was a black hole of charisma. That is, until he stepped in the ring with me. And BECAUSE of my magical charismatic powers that can only be described as divine, Hardbody Harris should be well on his way back to the midcard of the OOWF. I actually think I saved his job. And right now, I'm just chilling here poolside. Reading up on the greatest company in the world, drinking the greatest alcoholic beverage a man could consume with the most splendid fruit included. And as soon as Carl Coolname gets here, he can tell me what I've got to look forward to next week. I personally think another squash match is ideal. It continues to let me dominate in an entertaining fashion with my moveset that is second to none. I mean, look at all the high impact moves I use! The spinebuster! The Smackdown! Body slams! It's not about weight limits, it's about no limits! Which is why I employ the use of many inverted or modified chinlocks as well! Hey, why aren't you looking at me? [The camera turns away from Eric while he is still talking to reveal Carl Coolname walking up with some papers in his hand. Carl is wearing a Hawaiian shirt - which is strange, because we're in Australia.] E: CARL! MR. COOLNAME, what is up? CC: Sorry I'm late E. I got held up with airport security. Apparently I was deemed a threat to this country and my ID looks nothing like me, you know, since in my ID photo I have short hair and am fairly pale, and I now am employing an afro with a cool looking tan. E: Yeah...anyways, who we got this week? CC: Well... E: No, wait, before you tell me, I want to know about Hardbody Harris. How did I help his position in the company? CC: Hardbody Harris' stock is up, no doubt thanks to you. He's in a Five Man Scramble with the winner receiving a title shot next week! E: Wow. That is fantastic. Really awesome for Hardbody. I just hope he doesn't slip back into his uncharismatic ways. So what about me? World Title shot? Squash match. Either one raises my profile. CC: You're actually in a triple threat match. E: Triple Threat? With Dean Douglas, The Ladies Man Dean Malenko and Chris [EDITED BY WWE CENSORS]. CC: No, no, a 3-way match. E: Oh. Well, that's kind of disappointing. CC: Yeah, and you actually get to face Davin Moreland! E: REALLY? Wow. For the Onslaught Title? CC: Actually, no, this is non-title. E: Damn. CC: And your other opponent is Ryan Hardcore. E:....Who? CC:: Yeah, I don't know who he is either. Apparently, he was in that 6-Man Tag team match last week. E:...OK...Did you do any research on him then? CC: Well, I tried to, but OOWF website doesn't list him at all. At least, not when I tried to find him. But then again, this is the same website that thinks you are gone but not forgotten and that you look like RVD. E: Well, I use to...anyways, so we have nothing on this Ryan Hardcore kid? CC: Nothing at all. E: Interesting. So me vs. Davin vs. Ryan Hardcore. This match has possibilities, you know. CC: Yeah, even with Davin Moreland's unappealing look, there's a chance that Ryan Hardcore has a little bit of charisma in his body. You may be able to work your entertainment skills once again, E. E: Yeah, I mean, look how far I vaulted Hardbody Harris up the ladder. This could do wonders for that Ryan Hardcore kid. He would, of course, have to change his name...it's a terrible, generic, indy name. Hey, Carl, go get me another Corona, let me talk with the Ninja Camera man for a bit. CC: With lime? E: Uhhh, yes. [The camera spans to see Carl Coolname walk away...] E: Hey! Over here! [Camera goes back to The E] E: OK, so, I have a triple threat match against an unknown and a critcizer of my ways. Hey, I have no idea who the [bleep] you are, Ryan Hardcore! But I'm going to make you a star! This will be one of the most entertaining matchups of your career, pal ! And as for Davin Moreland, he makes his jokes and talks trash about me. According to reports he went on the CBS Evening News and talked with Katie. I wouldn't know, the Evening News is too boring. Anyways, he called me a liar, called me a jobber, and said he doesn't give out title shots to jobbers. That's all well and good. The important thing is that Davin shouldn't beleive the nonsense he's been filling his head with. I never was with the WWE. But they have a tremendous business plan, one that I think OOWF should adopt. I was never a jobber, either. I've kicked more ass than Davin has had. But he doesn't have to give me a title shot. I personally don't need one at this moment. This nice little triple threat match gives the fans an entertaining matchup, could elevate a new star in Ryan Hardcore, and gives Davin Moreland the perfect excuse when I defeat him next Wednesday. The bottom line? I'm a SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT GOD! Davin Moreland is an atheist, and he will smitted with my charismatic authority. Ryan Hardcore, I'm not sure about yet. I've gotta figure out who the hell he is first. [Carl Coolname returns. With a Corona. And lime.] E: Thanks Carl. Hey, where is the next Mayhem? CC: In Geelong. E: Where is that? CC: I have no idea. [The camera begins to fade to black.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:12:13 GMT -5
(CTG is working out in the non-air-conditioned gym. It's summer in Australia, mate!)
SFJ#52: (walks in) Concrete, there's a lot of concern about you leaving us to go "Up North". Can you give us some insights?
CTG: (finishes his curls before standing) There's a very lucrative offer on the table for me to head up there, and a lot of people in that company were very impressed with my work this past summer at Battleground. While they can't reference it on the air, enough important people saw it that they'd like another look at me.
SFJ#52: but you're a dedicated member of the OOWF and have been here from the beginning.
CTG: Did you know that WWE mainstays like Stone Cold Steve Austin and Triple H started in WCW before they became the Superstars that everyone - even a lot of non-fans - know. There's a lot at stake should I stay, but even more if I leave.
(CTG takes a remote and clicks on a TV in the corner, which flickers to life)
CTG: I'm actually offended by those statements. Moosehead Jack claims that in the near future, he could injure me or maim me to the point that vince McMahon would not be interested in my talents. As a WRESTLER, I am someone who can hold their own in the ring with some of the world's finest talent there. As an ENTERTAINER, I would reach a much larger audience and spread my message to those who need to hear it.
Right now, the darkness is starting to lift from their organization, so perhaps they don't need me. But there is plenty of evil to go around for heroes to vanquish.
Gregory Helms' message stung the most, so I am very torn. I can be the hero I will always be, here before the loyal OOWF....
or I could become something more.... a Hero that stands with other great heroes on the largest stage offered in this business.
I've always said it wasn't about the money or fame. but in time, this move could be my one and only opportunity to talk to the global audience. No one can hold that against me.
And as for Moosehead Jack.... others will rise to challenge him, and through the new crop here in the OOWF, I would hope that someone in that crowd CAN step up and not fear this monster who could bring this entire organization to its knees.
I appeal to the newcomers - Moosehead Jack is, was, and always WILL be the greatest challenge to you in the OOWF - perhaps even more than that chase for the OOWF heavyweight title.
Who here can fill my shoes? Maybe I need to take them off and find out.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:15:36 GMT -5
"The Main Event" Chris Cole walks into GM The Rick's Office.
GMtR: Damn it I knew this was a bad idea. What now?
CC: Whoah Boss. Calm down. This isn't like before. I'm not here to harass you about my match this week. I'm here to thank you. Thank you once again for the opportunity to rejoin the OOWF. And thank you for selecting J.W. Westgaurd as my opponent. I appreciate that you are kind enough to give me another OOWF vet in my second match back. Westgaurd was a fine wrestler and the two of us will surely tear the house down. If you need anything you know where to find me.
Cole smiles and walks out
GMtR: Huh?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:15:55 GMT -5
At the Fortress of Snobbery, F.F. MacCappington III, Ecosystem, and Voltage are celebrating (Ryan Hardcore is in the corner having sex with Lauren Phoenix) as Donovan Viper walks in the door...
FFM3, Eco, Volt: VIPER! VIPER! VIPER! VIPER!
Eco: Congratulations man! You got the gold!
Volt: WHOOT! You're the man!
FFM3: THAT's the king of CHAMP we need around here!
DV: Yeah. Thanks.
FFM3: What's wrong, Donnie?
Viper looks at the belt and looks displeased
DV: I didn't want this.
FFM3: What do you mean.
DV: I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm proud to have become the Intercontinental Champion. I've never been one before.
Eco: Triple crown champ, man!
DV: And it felt great to beat Outback Jack in his home country.
Volt: And mine!
DV: I just... I'm not satisfied.
FFM3: Wha?
DV: Winning the Intercontinental Title reminds me that I still haven't done what I set out to do when I joined up with you. And that's become the World Heavyweight Champion.
FFM3: Let's worry about that tomorrow. Today, we celebrate!
DV: Nah. I'll be at the gym.
Viper leaves.
Volt: Does that mean we don't get to have our celebration party?
Eco: Dammit, what are we going to do with all those hookers and whipped cream we paid for?
RH: Um, I've got a few ideas.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:16:33 GMT -5
A Randomly Numbered Sexy Female Journalist knocks on the Run DLP Aquafina Locker Room door, cameraman in tow. She is granted entrance and opens the door to find Lucios pacing back and forth while Phantos sits eating popcorn & watching OOWF-TV’s replay of last week’s action packed edition of Midweek Mayhem on the Sony Multimedia Center. Davin Moreland is seen in the background, sitting in a recliner talking on his Sprint PCS phone.
RNSFJ: Lucios, I wanted to get your thoughts on last weeks Tag Team Titles match between Los Defenstrators and DH Magnusson & Spin Hansen.
Lucios: Thoughts? Oh I have thoughts. My partner has THOUGHTS. The cameraman behind you has THOUGHTS. YOU might even have enough brain matter to generate THOUGHTS. But THOUGHTS don’t do a bit of good. Our THOUGHTS didn’t earn us a tag team title shot last week. Our THOUGHTS didn’t get us into one THIS week. And frankly, I’m tired of it. (He grabs the RNSFJ’’s microphone and gets up close to the camera, so only his face mask can be seen.) Rick, listen close. You can’t keep those titles away from us forever. You can throw obstacles in our path; you can continuously let cheap finishes ruin our matches. You can even book us in more multi-team cluster bombs. IT DOESN’T MATTER. I REFUSE TO GIVE UP. And if it means we have to start HURTING PEOPLE to get your attention. We most certainly will.
(Phantos & Davin are gazing slack-jawed at Lucios’ display of intensity and anger. The RNSFJ hastily leaves the locker room. Lucios pauses, polishes off a 20 oz. bottle of Aquafina and resumes talking)
Lucios: Spin, DH, congratulations. You are now the hunted. Wrestle your rematches with Ecosystemo and La Voltage. I hope you win. Face The Defenstrators at New Year’s Evil. Good Luck then too. Once the New Year tolls, we will once again pursue The Double-O Double-U F Tag Team Championships with vengeance. And NO ONE, not even Drink and Destroy Lite, will be able to stop us.
(Lucios backs away from the trembling cameraman, and drops the mic. Lucios then walks out of the room, and we fade to black)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:16:53 GMT -5
The Nerves Agent: Well would you look at that. All that talk about us "noobs" being so much less than you, and look who us noobs are facing. Lucios and Phantos. The ones that said that they were the uncrowned kings. Well we'll see about that. Me and Blitz, we're gonna kick some ass on Midweek. The "Uncrowned Kings" will be forced another spot down the card when the match is over, because me and Blitz are moving up. And there's nothing, nothing you can do to stop us. That includes you, Rabbxt and Firewoman. Dirty sneaky traitors. You think you can turn your backs on Blitz and I? Well think again, because the same goes for you. You'll be moving down, as we move up. And don't think I haven't forgotten about you, Dead and Seamus. Dead, you might've won the gauntlet, but you won't get any farther. You and Seamus are going to make a horrible team, I can already tell. Which means me and Blitz are the better team out of us noobs. And we won't stop until we are at the top.
[The Nerves Agent drops the mic and walks away]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:17:12 GMT -5
(Back in the Run DLP Aquafina Locker Room, Phantos is still watching OOWF-TV. He see's the Nerve Agent's Promo.)
Phantos: Lucios, come watch this.
(Lucios watches the promo. He grabs the remote and throws it through the screen, shattering it.)
Lucios: (staring @ the ninja cameraman) Nerve Agent, I suggest you go back to school and learn the English language properly. "Me and Blitz" over and over again? Blitz and I, young man. So not only do I have to give grammar lessons, now I have to school you in the ring. The Uncrowned Champions are on a mission, to win the Tag Team Championships. I suggest you stay out of our way.
(Phantos stands and his cape begins to flutter in the breeze)
Phantos: Remember, WE are the measuring stick. You two have never worked together, how could you ever measure up? You don't like it? Let's settle it in the ring!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:17:35 GMT -5
[The Nerves Agent sees Lucios and Phantos on one of the televisions around the stadium.]
The Nerves Agent: Well. I didn't realize I was here be a professional speaker. I was under the impression that I was here as a professional wrestler. Maybe you have the two confused Lucios. I am a professional wrestler. You act like a professional wrestler, when actually you're more like a professional speaker. You say you'll do something, but you never follow through. Maybe that's why you're still uncrowned. You say you're going to beat someone, but then you end up getting beat. You want perfect grammar from me? Fine, you got it. And you, Phantos. You think that just because Blitz and I never wrestled as a team before, you have the advantage? You think you can beat us because you two have been together longer? Well I'm sorry to disappoint you, because when we meet in that ring, we'll show you how we measure up. And we will be one step closer to those championships you talk about, while you fall behind us. Because like I said to you Lucios, you say you're on a mission to win the championships, but that's just your professional speaker side. Your professional wrestler side will fail to follow through again.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:17:52 GMT -5
After Viper leaves
Volt- Well, I thought this would be a happy day for us.
FFM3- Oh it is, buddy. We can still party. We'll celebrate in honor of Viper and we'll celebrate our other victories and our future victories as well. TO FUTURE VICTORIES!
They raise their glasses in a toast. Some champagne spills onto the ground and Lance comes over to clean it up.
FFM3- Not so fast, MacJeeves. We have someone else for that. Firechild!
Firechild enters and cleans up the spill.
FC- Anything else?
FFM3- Anything else...
FC- Anything else...sir.
FFM3- That sounds much better. Yeah, I do have something else. I want gold. We've got the Intercontinental Title. We've got Hardcore well on his way to winning the Onslaught Title and apparently Viper is recommited to winning the World Title as well. So tell me Ecosystem, what's the only thing better then one tag team in a faction gunning for the Tag Team Championships?
Eco- A chocolate sundae?
Volt- Fuck yeah! Can we have chocolate sundaes!?
FFM3- That's not what I was gonna say, but yeah. That sounds pretty good. Let's all have some of those!
Eco & Volt- Woohoo!
RH- Can I get one?
FFM3- No.
RH- Aw...
FFM3- Anyways, what I was gonna say was, the only thing better then one team gunning for the Tag Titles is two teams gunning for the Tag Titles.
FC- No...
FFM3- Yes. We're gonna tag up. You and me. The two premier Scottish wrestlers in the business!
FC- Please no...anything else.
FFM3- Nope! We're teaming up!
Volt- Wait. What does that mean for us?
FFM3- That means you have some more competition is what it means. But I'm still in full support of you guys. No worries mate!
Eco- You guys mate? Ew.
Volt- No, its an Australian thing.
Eco- Fuckin' dudes is an Australian thing?
Volt- No! We call each other "mate."
Eco- I don't get it.
FFM3- Anyways. Chris, you head into the office there and come up with a good Tag Team name. We're gonna attack the tag ranks together! Whaddaya say!?
FC- I want to kill myself.
FFM3- Too bad! I hid all the guns, knives, ropes and pills. You gotta live. Ha ha!
RH- All the pills?
FFM3- I'll give you the combination to the safe later.
RH- Okay sweet.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:18:11 GMT -5
Rabbxt: Alright, Nerves. I got it. You and Blitz are a team. Good for you. Both of you, really. I'm sure you guys will have fun with each other. I don't know how you didn't see this coming, though. You should have beem listening when Seamus was talking to you. But you decided to trust me, instead. Nice move, Nerves. You can have Blitz, though. I never liked the guy. He's bland as fuck. Keep him. But to say that you'll be moving up the card, while leaving us other noobs trailing behind? That's complete shit and you know it. This team here, Fire and myself, will dominate that tag team division. Don't get me wrong, though. You and Blitz will be moving up the card, too. But eventually, we'll meet each other in the ring and you two will be fucked. The one thing that we can agree on is The Dead and Seamus McNasty. What a random team, there. Two assholes that get stuck together after ten seconds of thought. Yea, sure, that team will get really far. As for the Apocalyptic Bastards, brace yourselves for Mayhem...
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:18:30 GMT -5
The Nerves Agent: You know something Rabbxt? I'm kind of glad that you and Firewoman are such assholes. Because of you, Blitz and I are going to overshadow you, Dead and Seamus, Phantos and Lucios, Apocalyptic Bastards, and every other tag team in this federation, and we will be the champions. As for agreeing on Seamus and The Dead, well, I think anyone could see that team coming to an end before it even began. They're assholes. But right now, they aren't anything compared to you. Rabbit, you're such a big asshole. You've pretended to like Blitz all this time, and then you stab him in the back. He actually listened to what you had to say. You are on the top of my list right now. You and that traitorous Firewoman. I could care less about how much of an asshole Seamus or Dead are.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:18:53 GMT -5
Rabbxt: Nerves, I turned on Blitz for a good reason. He's nothing. Especially compared to my new partner and friend, Firewoman. You can have Blitz. I've been done with him since the first time I teamed with him. Maybe it was an asshole move to make, but if it betters me, than I'm doing it. And I would think twice about sending Dead and Seamus off your radar. You must not know them the way I know them. Try to ignore them and they'll come after you full speed. They may not completely fuck you up, but it'll leave you and your partner open for further attack by yours truly. And you know I'm not above a sneak attack. And you know from the Dead/Fire incident that The Dead isn't above it, either. I guess since my partner and I, Seamus and Dead are all assholes and you and Blitz aren't, you're the weak ones of the bunch, not willing to do anything to get an advantage or win. That'll come back and bite you, Nerves. You better watch yourself... From all sides. I'm glad you found a new word, asshole, but you need to memorize names. It's Rabbxt, Nerves...
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:19:10 GMT -5
[The Dead turns and looks into a camera.]
The Dead: Wow, some things never change. Rabbxt, Nerve, you guys are so full of yourselves it's ridiculous. Sure, you guys can go back and forth about who's team is better, but you forget one small detail. The Dead won last week. Plain and simple. So go ahead and act like some high school couple with all the drama you bring, but The Dead will continue to wrestle. The Dead will continue to win.
As for The Defenestrators, you guy may think that just because The Dead is being forced into a team with someone he can't stand must mean that you'll win. That's just simply not the case. As much as Seamus and The Dead may dislike each other, The Dead knows that Seamus is one nasty son of bitch inside that ring. And that's good enough for The Dead.
[The Dead walks away from the ninja cameraman.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:19:31 GMT -5
SFJ # 5 walks into pub to find Seamus finnishing a bar fight and picking up a bar stool to take a seat at the bar...4 men layed out on floor...she glances around and steps over a body
SFJ- Seamus can I ask you a few questions?
Seamus: Can I buy you a few drinks?
SFJ-What is your take on the the recent developments in the OOWF?
Seamus: Don't know, don't care.
SFJ-What about the recent explosion among the NOOBs?
Seamus: Don't call me a Noob, I've been fighting since you were a wee lass...as for the bullshit, I don't want any on me shoes. The Dead is a winner he's proved that, are we going to couples therapy...naw, but he will get the job done. Everyone is worrried about how we will function together...look if he's takes care of his end I will take care of mine. As much as Furby and Perious are blathering on you'd think they were paid by the word. I not sure if they're wrestlers or extras on "The Guilding Light"...you know wabbit kinda looks like that Susan Lucci broad...hmmmm I have never seen them together do you think......naaaa so I'm done talking unless your drinking!
SFJ grabs drinks a starts drinking
camera fades to black....
two hours later camera shows front of pub and we see SFJ and Seamus stumble out door and into cab...laughing and hanging on each other
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:19:53 GMT -5
Stank - YOU FAILED ME!
Capellan - EXCUSE ME?!?
Stank - You trying to tell me you couldn't HOLD YOUR own against Weapon FUCKIN X?!?
Capellan - Are y- ARE YOU INSANE??!
Stank - FUCK YOU CAPELLAN! YOU FUCKIN LOSER! No WONDER I BLOCKED out the fact that I was TEAMING with YOU against them and NOT Outback Jack! IMAGINE MY SHOCK!
Capellan - You KNOW what... You're A JERK!! A BIG FAT JERK!! You BETTER PRAY! I don't WIN that WORLD TITLE Shot!
Stank - FAT CHANCE of that EVER HAPPENING!! YEAH! GO AHEAD!! WALK AWAY!! YOU FUCKING LIGHTWEIGHT!!
<Capellan gets right up in Stank's face then slowly backs away, turns, then leaves. SFJ#1 walks onto the scene.>
Stank - Oh HEY Nicole! Congrats on being the new #1.
SFJ#1 - Thanks... um... what was THAT all about with Capellan?
Stank - Oh I was just trying to light a fire under his ass. I was hoping he'd take a swing at me... but nothin doin. The man is in DESPERATE need of a killer instinct. He'll never win a match against Canadian Dragon, much less anyone else without one. All that skill and talent is going to WASTE. I can see now why that asshole Viper decided to break his partnership with him. The guy seems hopeless.
SFJ#1 - Speaking of Viper, what are your thoughts on him defeating your stablemate Outback Jack for the IC title?
Stank - Jack can speak for himself. I'm sure he'll get his title back. Viper doesn't seem to want it. That greedy bastard wants MY title. Well you just keep that pipe dream alive, Vipes.
SFJ#1 - Ok what of your title match against LD Williams.
Stank - What is there to say that hasn't already been said? When it comes to LD Williams the time for words has past.
SFJ#1 - ...
Stank - ...
SFJ#1 - ...
Stank - ... I'm not kidding, Nicole.
SFJ#1 - Ok, What do you think of Spin Hansen capturing the Tag Team Titles with DH Magnusson?
Stank - I think it's great. But, I don't appreciate anyone calling them D&D lite. Spin Hansen is Drink & Destroy... ain't nothin lite about him! Magnusson is an ally. Just that. If he wants to make it official... I wouldn't mind the record books showing Drink & Destroy as the FOUR time tag team champions. But that's just a selfish wish. Spin and Magnusson deserve to enjoy their reign however they see fit. Now if you'll excuse me. I need to go find Outback Jack.
SFJ#1 - Oooh I'll go with you.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:20:17 GMT -5
Blitz and The Nerves Agent are in their locker-room. Blitz is doing flips from the trampoline into the swimming pool and Nerves is playing Wii Sports.
Blitz: This is fucking awesome. You bought the ultimate locker-room of extreme swimming pools and trampolines. Where did you get money like that?
Nerves: Rabbxt sold it to me for like $5.
Blitz: Shit, we gave up this locker-room for $5? Rabbxt really is a prick.
Nerves: Speaking of which, aren’t you even upset how he and Firewoman turned on you?
Blitz: Nah, I’ll break up with a partner every week to get a locker-room upgrade.
*Nerves stares at Blitz coldly.*
Blitz: I mean, I’ll break up with Rabbxt to get a locker-room upgrade. Did I say that? I meant I’ll break up with Rabbxt to get a partner upgrade. And when I reach you, I’m at the top of the partner-chain. Besides, Rabbxt was just a prick. I feel sorry for Firewoman.
Nerves: But what about Seamus and The Dead? He pinned you last week to win the gauntlet.
Blitz: They’ll break up after a month or so. Standard wrestling logic applies here, remember. They don’t like each other, they break up, and they feud. It worked for me and Rabbxt.
*Blitz tries for yet another insane flip, but slips off the trampoline and falls weakly into the pool.
Nerves: You should quit that. You’re going to hurt yourself sooner or later.
Blitz: I’m practicing my flips. No pain, no gain. But how is playing Wii going to help you in the ring?
Nerves: Wii rules. I bet I can whip your ass at Wii Tennis.
Blitz: You are so on!
*Nerves wins with love.*
Nerves: Haha, bitch. I own you at everything we do.
Blitz: I own your mom.
Nerves: I own your mom, and she’s the same person as your sister.
Blitz: Fuck you.
Nerves: Your mom is already doing that.
Blitz: No she’s not.
Nerves: Is too.
Blitz: I’ll call her and ask her whether or whether not she is having sex with my partner.
Nerves: I don’t think that sounded right.
Blitz: It didn’t? Or are you just trying to stop me from calling?
Nerves: Seriously dude, I think those flips did something to your brain.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:20:34 GMT -5
"The Main Event" Chris Cole enters Stank's Locker Room. Stank quickly slings the OOWF World Title over his shoulder and glares at Cole. For 10 uncomfortable seconds neither blink.
Stank: Are you here to tell me you want my title too? I already have Williams and Viper gunning after me. I'm can handle you as well.
Cole: (smiles) I'm sure you could Champ. I'm not here to come after your title........yet. I understand I've been gone for a long time and that title shots are earned NOT given. I came to congratulate you. You are following in my footsteps. 3 Piece Set and Drink & Destroy had an epic tag team title feud. And now you have followed in my footsteps as a Great Tag Champ that became a great World Champ. I'm proud of you Stank. Kepp up the good work.
Cole pats the World Title and walks out.
S: Who the fuck was that and what the hell did they do with Cole?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:21:01 GMT -5
Davin Moreland is inside the Run DLP Aquafina Locker Room finishing up an interview with the CBS Evening News Katie Couric. Phantos is on his trampoline and Lucios is hooking up the new TV at the Sony Multimedia Center
CENKC: Thanks Davin, same time next week?
Davin: Sure thing, I'll give you a call. (He winks @ KC)
Phantos (does a corkscrew flip off the trampoline and lands beside Davin): Dayum Davin, she's kind of old for you, isn't she?
Davin: Dude, seriously, get over yourself. Katie is my personal interviewer, it's a business relationship.
Phantos: OK man, I still say she was giving you the eye, If ya know what I mean.
Davin: Whatever, Hey Luc, you have the flatscreen hooked up yet?
Lucios: Just getting the last few wires connected....there, finished!
(Phantos grabs the remote and flips on OOWF-TV. They watch the last few promos in silence. Davin speaks up after Stank's interview with Nicole.
Davin: Well the Champ isn't very happy with you Lucios.
Lucios: I could care less. he's the World Champion. I'm not a singles wrestler, so he isn't anyone I care anything about. If he wants to get a partner and jump into the tag team ranks, THEN I'll care.
Davin: Still man, he's one tough SOB.. I mean I'm not afraid of him, but I respect him enough not to go pissing him off either.
Phantos: Yeah man, we gotta focus on that Nerve Boy and Blitz.
Lucios: (laughs) Nerve Boy needs a lesson taught to him. (Lucios takes a long drink of Aquafina and turns to glare @ the ninja cameraman) Nerve Agent, It's not about being a good 'professional speaker,' It's about having basic intelligence. Something you obviously lack. School will be in session on Wednesday junior. Now be a good boy and go play in the kiddie pool with Rabbit and Dead.
(Lucios stands up and walks out of the locker room. Phantos stares @ Davin and both men shrug.)
Phantos: Wanna play some Guitar Hero Davin?
Davin: Sure, why not? Hook it up dude. Winner buys Papa Gino's next time we're in the states.
Phantos: You're on!
(a hard cut finds Lucios walking down a hallway, passing Eric O'Mac along the way. They get nose to nose, (more like nose to chin, as Lucios towers over EOM) and Eric speaks.)
Eric O'Mac: Tell your buddy Davin that I'm coming for that belt of his.
Lucios: (grabs the smaller man by the collar) What do I look like, a messenger boy? You have a beef with Davin, fine. Go tell him yourself. I'm busy.
(Lucios shoves EOM backwards, causing him to stumble. Lucios opens a Aquafina, takes a long drink, and marches on. He barges into General manager the Rick's office.)
GMtR: What the Hell? Lucios? I told you before STAY OUT OF MY OFFICE!
Lucios: Not today boss. I want to make a point. (Lucios clears Rick's desk with one arm, grabbing him by the tie with the other. Lucios' voice gets very quiet and intense.) Listen closely. You are putting tag teams above us on the card that aren't qualified to carry my jock! We've been beaten ONCE cleanly by Ecosystemo and La Voltage. Capps and Adrenaline NEVER beat us cleanly. Alt and Harris never beat us cleanly. ENOUGH GAMES RICK. If you don't put us in the ring with the champs soon, VERY SOON, I will PERSONALLY interfere in every championship match and destroy ever challenger you put out there.
(Lucios releases Rick and lets him catch his breath.)
Lucios: We are growing tired of babysitting the new kids on the block. Thats what AE, SYB, Alt and Harris are for.
(Lucios finishes off his Aquafina, throws the bottle @ Rick's desk and walks away
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:21:21 GMT -5
*Stank and SFJ#1 found OBJ in a bar, and SFJ#1 is attempting to conduct an interview*
OBJ: First he uses a chain to get the win. That I can understand. He's a snake alright, and I know a thing or two about handling snakes. Then I hear he's looking past the Intercontinental title already.
Stank: So it seems. maybe his eyes are bigger than his stomach, though.
SFJ: As the previous holder of that title, does that offend you?
OBJ: Not really. But if he doesn't keep his mind focussed on the here and now, he may lose something valuable.
SFJ: Ooh, I think I know what you mean! The belt?
OBJ: Maybe, or perhaps something else. Wrestlers who aren't locked in are at the risk of more than just a loss. Sometimes things...happen...to them. Especially with a motivated opponent.
SFJ1: I don't get it. Lucas, can you explain it to me?
Stank: Maybe later. Hey, is that Russell Crowe over there?
*SFJ takes off across the bar*
Stank: And how come you didn't tell me I wasn't teaming with you last week?
OBJ: Well, you seemed so happy.
Stank: ....
OBJ: And I figured Cap was overdue, you know? He's had a tough time since WCW ended.
Stank: Well, yeah, I guess so.
SFJ (from across the bar): Lucas! Where did he go?
OBJ: Want to sneak out the back?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:21:43 GMT -5
(The team of Spin Hansen and D.H. Magnusson are headed to the ring.)
SH (with a microphone): Well, everyone... we did it. D.H. and I are the TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!
(Cheering ensues.)
DHM: An' apparently, some of you backstage have problems with that. Seems like every damned random pairing of two is suddenly one-hundred-percent committed to tryin' to take us out. Well, lemme tell ya somethin'... go for it. Do your best. But you won't beat us without going through the fight of your life.
SH: Yeah, D.H... we've got all three of the Noob Squadrons gunning for us... the Apocalyptic Bastards... the Best Friends Forever... the Defenestrators... Los Defenestrators...
DHM (interrupting): Whoever they actually are...
SH: All I know is that we beat their asses three times, even if it didn't count until the last one...
DHM: An' it looks like MacCappington is gonna make Firechild team with him, too... an' whoever else decides to team up or come out of retirement or whatever.
SH: And above all, the team that's the most vocal about us... Phantos and Lucios. Bitch bitch bitch bitch. Saying that we're not fit to hold their jocks. Saying that they're the most worthy team in the OOWF. They're the uncrowned champions, they're gonna hurt somone, blah blah blah. Let me just offer a counterpoint.
*Clears his throat*
DO NOT TRY TO GET INTO A DICK-WAVING CONTEST WITH ME WHEN IT COMES TO GETTING NO RESPECT. All of my life I have had to fight TOOTH AND NAIL to get ANYTHING, and D.H. has had to do the same. What in the holy blue FUCK have you two done that's so impressive? Uncrowned champions? What, do you have a deal waiting in the wings with General Mills to put you on a goddamn WHEATIES box the second you get a title? I want you two to listen to me and listen clearly because I'm only going to tell you this one time.
You are not special. I don't care how many sponsorships you have or high-profile news anchors you and your crew run with. I don't care who you've beaten, because IT DOESN'T MEAN DICK until you've beaten us... and so far, YOU HAVEN'T.
Second, how DARE you insult Drink and Destroy. Our membership might've changed every so often... we've had our ups and downs... but you will NOT speak ill of us. I'm Drink and Destroy through and through, and I'm proud as hell to be. You piss one of us off... and you're dealing with all of us. So go ahead. Make your idle threats... but the fact of the matter is... you two aren't worth SHIT.
(Disgusted, Spin passes the microphone to D.H. Magnusson.)
DHM: So here's what we have ta say... we're here because we've fought longer and harder than anyone else to get where we are, an' we're gonna kick anyone's ass that gets in our way. Keep on yakkin'... but you'd sure as hell better save your breath when you're in the ring with us, because we'll take you to the limit. Any of you numbnuts back there that think you're better than we are... let's see you get in the ring and prove it. But I guarantee that you'll regret it.
SH: And there's not a damn thing that you can do about THAT.
(Spin drops the mic and leaves the ring, with D.H. following.)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 27, 2008 14:22:04 GMT -5
(Phantos is alone in the Run DLP Aquafina Locker Room. He stares @ the ninja camera man and poses, his cape fluttering in the breeze)
Spin, you're right, we haven't beaten you two. The only problem is, you two have never beaten us either. We are the Uncrowned Champions. We are the measuring stick. You can yell and cuss all you like, It won't change the fact that until you beat Lucios and I, you haven't proven squat.
(Phantos' Sprint PCS phone rings. He opens it up and checks the picture message.)
Phantos: Wow, what a Rack Stormy has. Camera man, go away, I got some serious trampolining to do.
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