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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 11:38:21 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From KNob Noster, Missouri
Winning Team Picks Stip For Dance of Death IV Pay Per View Match[/u]
Stank & Canadian Dragon vs. LD Williams & Capellan
OOWF World Tag Team Title Match[/u]
Defenestrators vs. Team RabbxtFire
Best Of Seven Series - Match 3: Steel Cage Match[/u]
Phantos & Lucios vs. DH Magnusson & Spin Hansen
Chris Cole & Davin Moreland vs. Eric O'Mac & Alexander Darling
Dead Drunk vs. Donovan Viper & Ryan Hardcore
F. Fonzworth MacCappington & Firechild vs. Apocalyptic Bastards vs. The Nerves Agent & Blitz
Outback Jack vs. Knife
***Just Added***
OOWF Invitational Qualifying Tournament Round One - Final Eight Get the Last Eight Spots in the OOWF Invitational
JW Westgaard vs. Smark
Justin Sane vs. Predator
Blackdragon vs. Endo
Nayr s. Grunt
GatorBait vs. Blade
Seraph vs. Morte
Tommy Wilder vs. Shashwat Mishra
Phil vs. Harper Camby
Jason Shapiro vs. Tommy O'Neil
Fly vs. Thim Reynolds
Hellion vs. SoulDragon
Brad Smoley vs. BEast
GimmickMan vs. Microplay
Mark Vander vs. Ax-Man
Carl Coolname vs. Niles Anderson
Matt Daddy vs. Kenji
Card subjuct to explosive diarrhea
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 11:44:39 GMT -5
*Sexy Female Journalist # 27 catches up with a stumbling Canadian Dragon in the hallway as he is leaving the arena in Angel Fire, New Mexico.*
SFJ#27: “My God Dragon...you may have killed LD Williams.”
CD: “Like I said before...somebody was getting hurt. And once LD is done licking his wounds, he'll be asking for a rematch.”
SFJ#27: “Ummm...you realize you didn't win right?”
CD: "Did you not listen before? The Rick hates us, and the chances of one of Weapon X getting a one on one title match before the PPV wasn't going to happen..."
SFJ#27: “So why not turn down the match with LD? I mean you were bleeding THROUGH your mask.”
CD: “Not a chance. Me and LD know the score...we both need wins...we both need confidence...and as long as Stank stays out of the way, we'll be calling the shots heading in to the PPV.”
SFJ#27: “How the blue hell can you be sure about that? You said you were going to beat LD and...”
LD: “That’s the thing about me...my idea of a win is different. But soon enough...I will beat Stank for the World Title.”
*Camera fades to black.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 11:47:48 GMT -5
*We open up to what looks like a hospital room, but it's not a reg...wait a second, we've seen this before. We're in a room at Worcester State Hospital in Worcester, MA. Phantos is sitting in one chair, playing something on his Sony PSP, and Lucios is thumbing through the Worcester Telegram and Gazette (a minor sponsor). Davin Moreland is completely unconscious and, well, restrained, on a bed. Luckily, he's about to come to and have some conversations, otherwise this would be a very boring promo.*
*Davin stirs a little bit*
L: Hey...Hey Davin...Hey Bud...You with us?
P: Davin?
*Davin opens his eyes, looks around the room and smiles.*
DM: How'd I do?
L: Wha?
P: Oh man, it was awesome.
L: The Hell?
P: Shh. Yeah, it was great.
DM: Did I win?
P: Well, no...
DM: Damn. Who won?
P: Nobody. Match was thrown out.
DM: Why?
L: Well, let's see, Phantos and I had to make a guest appearance in your match, because the Incest Twins injected you with Risperidol.
DM: Sweet.
P: Yeah, so we saw it, and we didn't know what to do, so we ran out and tried to tell the ref and then those losers Magnusson and Hansen came out, and it was all we could do to fight them off so the EMTs could come get you.
L: Yeah, and we didn't know what was up, or what they injected, so we were freaking out.
DM: Yeah, mixing Risperidol with Haladol isn't usually a great idea.
L: But we didn't give you the Haladol.
DM: Yeah, but it was still in my bloodstream.
P: You take that? How do you walk? Never mind wrestle...
DM: Heh. Yup, I take that plus a couple other things. And as we've all witnessed, as long as I'm taking them, things go on pretty normally. And when I don't...
L: Yeah, um...You probably owe Curt Schilling an apology.
*The Disembodied Voice of Someone Who Sounds Similar to Moosehead Jack comes out of Nowhere*
DVOSWSSTMHJ: Give him respect....GIVE HIM RESPECT...
L: Fine. Curt "The Golden God" Schilling.
DM: No I don't.
P: You beat him up pretty...
DM: I know.
L: You know?
DM: Yeah. I did that for fun.
L: You guys are going to have to resolve that at some point.
DM: Maybe GM the Rick can book us in a deathmatch or something.
P: Why don't you like him? He likes you.
DM: I don't have that kind of time to get into it. Let's just say...Fat.
L: Hoo-kay...
DM: So, what does the Doc say?
L: He said he's got you stabilized, and back on your meds and you should be ready to go anytime.
P: He also said if you pull that stunt again he'll kill you.
DM: Heh. Well, did I at least get my point across before things went to hell?
P: Yeah, you were kickin' butt with the Pole.
DM: Good. Hope I made my point clear then. Did you catch the Lineup for this week?
L: Yup, Phantos and I have another garbage match. Steel Cage.
P: Lucios, Steel Cage isn't a garbage match.
L: Yes it is.
P: Whatever. Anyway, I'm gonna try to just escape at the bell. They can't catch me.
L: Why not just send them a text message on your Sprint PCS phone and tell them everything we're gonna do?
P: Why don't you just shut up?
L: Why don't you start running so I don't kill you?
P: Why don't you try it?
DM: Why don't you both please SHUT UP?!?!
*silence*
DM: *calmer* Now, what about my match this week?
P: Oh...
L: Yeah...
P: Um...
DM: Spit it out, guys.
L: You're in a tag match.
DM: Ugh. Sucks. Ok...
P: You're facing "The E" and the Incest Twin.
DM: Alright cool. Who's my partner? Can't be you guys, you're in a match. Rabbxt? Capellan? Blitz?
L: Chris Cole.
DM: WHAT?!?!?!?
P: Yeah. Chris Cole.
DM: You've GOT to be SHITTIN me.
P: I wish I was. He gave me his DVD the other day. Loser.
L: Yeah, I don't know what GM the Rick is thinking.
DM: Of all people? Hell, I'd rather have E or the CWI as my tag partner than Cole. What the FUCK?!?!
P: Sucks man.
L: Sure does.
P: Well, you could always no-show the match.
L: No he can't.
P: Why not?
L: He's a Champion.
P: So? It's not a title match.
L: It wouldn't set a good precedent.
P: Who cares about precedent when it's gonna be 3 on 1 again?
L: It may not be. Cole seems a little different.
DM: No. Cole's not different. Leopards never change their spots. Don't get sucked in.
L: Well, he DID spend a lot of time with Seraph and Seraphism. Maybe it did him some good.
DM: Dude, no. Just no. Cole is scum, and he tried to end my career. In other promotions that might not matter, but in this one, it does.
P: Well, you know he won't change the match...
DM: I know.
P: And you're gonna have to talk to him.
DM: True.
L: We'll come with you.
DM: Ah..no.
P: Why not?
DM: That's something I have to do alone. Now would one of you go get the Doc so I can get out of here?
P: OOH! I will! There's a hottie out there named Ashley. What a set on her! *opens the door* Helllllllllllloooooooooo Nurse!!!
DM: I'm never gettin out of here.
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 11:48:15 GMT -5
Firechild is sitting in the Fortress of Snobbery taking a long chug out of a $1300 bottle of Scotch.
FFM- G'day mate!
FC- For the last time...
FFM- I'm just fuckin' with ya. Drinking the cheap stuff, eh?
FC- I guess.
FFM- You have been down the entire time we've been a team, man. What's your problem?
FC- I hate you?
FFM- Well sure. That's understandable, but Viper hates me and we work together fine.
DV- Yup! I sure do!
FFM- I like you, Viper.
DV- Doesn't matter. Still hate your guts.
FFM- Ryan! How are you doing?
RH- ...
FFM- Voltage?
Volt- ...
FFM- What the fuck's up with these guys? Eco?
Eco- Yeah, I'm here.
FFM- How come these two aren't talking?
Eco- I don't know. Ryan never has anything to say, and Voltage...well, this is a recent thing. Check it out. Hi Voltage!
Volt- ...
Eco- How are you doing!?
Volt- ...
Eco- How's it feel to be one of the Tag Team Champions!?
Volt- ...
Eco- I don't get it.
FFM- I don't understand it. He's usually got so much to say. Its as if his voice has completely disappeared to roam Australia wrestling random guys without an internet connection.
Eco- I don't understand that analogy.
DV- Its like as if our voices were typed by guys on computers. In this instance, he's saying its as if the guy who wrote words for Voltage to say just disappeared.
Eco- Okay, so in this instance, how would it work for Ryan?
DV- Its like his guy wrote words once and never did again because he got bored with this company immediately and lost interest.
Eco- Huh. I guess it works, but I still don't get it.
Kayfabe- It makes sense if you forget about me completely.
Eco- How can I forget you? You're always running around on fire or getting shot out of a cannon or maimed in some way. When did you learn how to talk, by the way?
Kayfabe- I've always been able to talk, I just never get the chance, what with always being set on fire or shot out of a cannon or maimed in some way.
FC- You guys make no Goddamned sense! I hate being in this group!
FFM- But dude, we're 4 and 0! We're on a roll!
FC- I know, but I still hate all of you losers.
FFM- That's not very nice. Sharpshooter? Could you write something nice for him to say?
FC- I like you. You are my friends.
FFM- Thanks Shooter!
Kayfabe- Aw shit.
Kayfabe gets hit by a bus on fire while fighter jets crash into it and giant apes attack the wreckage.
Eco- I feel bad for him sometimes.
Volt- ...
FFM- Shut up.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 11:49:31 GMT -5
GM The Rick is in his office watching the Dayton Flyers on a small tv and drinking a bottle of whiskey. "The Main Event" Chris Cole enters the room.
CC: Hey Boss, got a minute?
GMtR: Not really I'm watching the Flyers.
CC: This is important.
Rick uses the DVR to pause the game and does not look happy.
GMtR: Are you here to complain about your match.
CC: No. Moreland looks like he snapped and is a crazy son of a bitch. The match will probably break out into a free for all brawl anyway. But your the boss and if that's what you want then that is what you'll get. Personally I'd have set the four of us up into a quick tournament or something, but this works too.
GMtR: Then what are you here for?
CC: I'm worried about you.
GMtR: Say what?
CC: This issue between you and Moose.
GMtR: I've handled insubordination before. In case you forgotten YOU were the one who gave me the most trouble. And I won. You ended up whacked out and needed a break.
CC: Look as much as it pains me to say this Moose is right about one thing. He is NOT me. My ways to break you more often involved schemes and lawyers. His way will involve barbed wire, nails, bats, and most importantly, blood.
GMtR: He wouldn't dare.
CC: Boss, he doesn't care about winning Titles. He doesn't care about making money. He doesn't care about preserving legacies. He cares about inflicting pain. He cares about spilling blood. He is the single most dangerous man I've ever met. Take steps to protect yourself. Hire more body gaurds. Never walk alone down the halls. Whenever possible let an OOWF superstar who you trust protect you.
GMtR: Like you?
CC: I would do it. I've been through bloody wars before. I'm not afraid of Moose. We've always respected each other enough to stay out of each others affairs. Mostly because we each knew that the other was our equal. But I'm different now and I will help you. If you ask for it.
GMtR: I don't need your help and even if I did I don't trust you. Now get the hell out of my office.
CC: Sure thing Boss.
Cole leaves and the camera pans to Rick's face. Terror is clearly in his eyes.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 11:49:58 GMT -5
(GM The Rick receives another DVD in the mail. He takes it to his office and pops it in)
("Theme from Dumb Guy" starts up, but the scene appears to be a house show)
GMtR: (groans)
Orton: (heads to the ring with the WWE title on his shoulder and dressed in a nice suit. The crowd is booing heartily)
GMtR: (almost stops the DVD, but checks the return address and continues to watch)
Orton: (Looks around to the crowd, then holds up a mic) Life... is good. I don't say that just to say that, you see... I really mean it! I mean, think about it... I'm a young man, I'm a talented individual, I'm a successful person, I'm a handsome thing (poses proudly. Crowd boos some more)
GMtR: (resists the urge to stick a hot poker in his ear)
Orton: and... I am the WWE Champion (remembers that he has the belt and holds it up for the crowd. They boo even louder)
GMtR: (now debates if that hot poker should go into his ear or his eyes)
Orton: the world is my oyster.. it doesn't get any better than this! and the best thing of all? I'm living proof that the cream rises to the top, while the crap like all of you sink to the bottom of the barrel! that's why I am champ... and why people like you... are jealous! There is NO one on this roster who can defeat me! I've proven that time and time again, your legends, your heroes, your saviors, your charlmatans....
GMtR: That's "charlatans" and you're not big enough to use that word.
Orton-> fact of the matter is I'm a hundred times... no, a thousand times the man that anyone in the crowd or in the back could ever be. And there's nothing in the world you, or they can do about it.
(Suddenly, music erupts on the house speakers and a tall gentleman in a suit and glasses - perhaps channeling a mild-mannered reporter? walks to the ring. Crowd cheers because he shut Orton up. He, too, is carrying a mic and might actually know how to use it)
Man: Randy, you're someone who apparently does not pay a lot of attention to who might be in the back.
Orton: (looks confused, then attempts surprise)
Man: And you made some very valid points after that, so I'll at least do my best to clarify them for you.... and per Jericho's recommendation I'll use smaller words so you'll remember, or at least comprehend what you're dealing with here
Orton: !!!!!
(Crowd cheers)
Man: "The world is your oyster" - and indeed it should be, you're a major irritatnt on this planet. Sadly, that doesn't mean you'll be crapping pearls anytmme soon
GMtR: (smirks, realizing just WHO this bespectacled man might be)
Orton: (glaring)
Man: "The cream rises to the top" - no, in your case I'll be the one coming out here to FLUSH A FLOATER
Crowd: (oooooooh)
Orton: you shut up! I'm the champ, damn it! you show me some RESPECT!
Man: I'm showing you 1000X the respect you were showing me - so do the math, 1000 times Zero is STILL ZERO
Orton: !!!!!!!!!!!
(Crowd cheers louder)
Orton: how dare you speak to me that way! if I weren't dressed in these clothes, I'd kick you in the head and MAKE you respect me!
Man: :Now Randy, if you're dressed like that, you should know better than to step into a ring. Didn't anyone tell you that if you're in the ring you're looking for a fight?
Orton-> (backing up) you think you're so tough? well I got news for you, you're a nobody! you're not worthy enough to shine my shoes!
Man: And just how fast can you run in those shoes? Especially since I know YOU know who I am, these fans might not know who I am, but when they do, and if they were lucky enough to see, they will remember what happened the last time we met. Do YOU remember, Randy?
(Crowd sounds confused. The Rick is intrigued)
Orton: look... maybe I said a few hasty things... I'm willing to let bygones be bygones... (offers a hand) for one night, before I was champion and proved myself to the world, you might have been the better man. But make no mistake, I'm not the man you faced this past summer.
Man: (looks at Randy's outstretched hand.... then looks at the title)
(the crowd shouts "No~!" and "It's a Trap" )
Man: (actually Shakes Randy's hand. Crowd boos)
Orton: (suddenly turns to attempt an RKO)
Man: (Shoves Orton to the ropes, catches him on the rebound for a TIGER SUPLEX 85)
GMtR: Hark, is that a Cement mixer?
Orton: (hits the mat hard, but while he's trying to get to his feet the stranger pulls at his (tearaway) suit, revealing a silver and purple superhero costume!)
Orton: (boggles)
Gryfon: Oh, but I AM the man you faced last summer.... and now, just like then..... (grabs Orton) I...... DON'T...... STOP!
(Gryfon punctuates his statement with a thunderous Impaler-style DDT. The crowd goes crazy)
Gryfon: (picks up the microphone) And with this act, I believe that I deserve a spot in this year's Royal Rumble! I - the GRYFON - will bring justice to Raw, and to all of WWE with my victory!
(William Regal's music plays)
Regal: Excuse me, whoever you are - I don't recall allowing you to come to the ring and lay your hands on our WWE champion! You want to enter the Royal Rumble? I would like to see just what you CAN do before I would honor such a request. I called Mr. McMahon and he says he's heard of you, and he would like a demonstration of your so-called "Superpowers." I've arranged a Battle Royale tonight, and the winner will get a shot at Randy Orton in our main event tonight. But since you're not officially on the roster yet, sunshine, you're going to have to earn your way in. Since you're dressed to work tonight (makes a face at the costume) I'll send you your opponents. If you win, you can enter the Royal Rumble.
(what follows is a handicap match against Trevor Murdoch and Charlie Haas, which Gryfon wins handily despite being put off a bit by Haas' "LuchaMan" schtick)
GMtR: Figures they wouldn't put this on tv (stops the DVD)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 11:50:22 GMT -5
[The Dead is in his locker room and he is pissed.]
Dead: That's it! This bullshit has gone on too long!
[The Dead punches a locker, leaving a huge dent.]
Dead: Who the fuck are these no name jobbers that keep ruining my matches? The Dead would expect it from Rabbxt, but who the hell are these other two?
[Androgynous Mic Stand pops in just to say:]
AMS: You mean Blitz and The Nerve Agent?
[AMS disappears before The Dead can inflict serious bodily harm.]
Dead: Who? All The Dead knows is that last week he had Eric O'Mac beat until they showed. This week The Dead and Seamus had taken out the reigning Intercontinental Champion and a new champ was about to be crowned. Until the Degrassi Job Squad showed up. They have a beef with Rabbxt and so they decide to attack The Dead? Very mature.
[The Dead takes a couple of deep breaths before he continues.]
Dead: So Blitz, Nerve, The Dead swears that if you two do anything like that again, The Dead will break every bone in your pathetic little bodies. And The Dead won't do it in the ring. No no no, The Dead will destroy you when you least expect it.
[The Dead gathers himself and then moves on.]
Dead: So this week Team Dead Drunk takes on the, how can The Dead put it...swishiest wrestler in OOWF and the world fucking champion. Excellent. Team Dead Drunk will just have to make an example out of the two of you. Gotta say, the GM didn't do you two any favors, because there is no way in hell The Dead isn't going to destroy whoever the hell he steps into the ring with this week. Sorry fellas, guess you just ran into some bad luck.
[The Dead starts to shove the cameraman out when he stops to say one more thing.]
Dead: Speaking of the GM, that was not a wise decision to deal with Moosehead Jack that way. Not a wise decision at all...
[The Dead slams the door in the cameraman's face.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 11:51:49 GMT -5
We pan in to see the hallways of Worcester State Hospital as we see Phantos and Lucios leave the room of Davin Moreland and go in search of hot nurses to conduct full body examinations, and just possibly the benefit of a sponge bath. As soon as they turn the corner out of sight of Moreland’s room we see Alexander Darling step into the picture. He’s not looking like he’s in his normal attire. He seems way more casual with a pair of jeans and a ”Cobra Kai, Mercy is for the Weak” t-shirt. He walks down the hallway and pauses at Davin’s room for just a second before pushing its way open.
Davin Moreland: Hey doc, when…what the fuck are you doing here?
Alexander quietly pulls the door closes and places the chair up against it to make sure no one comes in the room. He looks around the room and takes a seat near the window after checking to make sure Moreland is still fully restrained.
Alexander Darling: Calm down there Davey, I’m not here looking for a fight.
Davin: I don’t care why you’re here. You’re a CWI and I’m going to kill you.
Alexander: First of all, I’m going to start taking it personally if you keep insulting me like that. Secondly, I’m not actually a moron Moreland. Don’t think I wouldn’t come without a little backup to make sure I get out of here.
Davin: Who’d ya bring? Is it that losah E, or the washed-up New Yorkah Cole. Huh, tell me who ya got waiting for me?
Alexander: Nothing like that at all, Dav…just my trusty little friend Risperidol™. So why don’t you sit there like a good druggie and let me do the talking for now.
Davin: I swear on Belichek as the Unholy that I will get you Darling.
Alexander: Good to know. Now shut up.
We see Davin is basically frothing at the mouth trying to get out of the bed and get his hands on Darling but he calms down considerably once Darling walks over near the IV and places the syringe right on it.
Alexander: Now you can tell I’m not playing games and maybe I can say a few things.
Darling takes a deep breath as he begins pacing around the room. This is the first time we can actually see Alex really taking his time before speaking. Normally it’s just an arrogant, say whatever comes to mind Darling but this is different. He finally stops pacing as he gets near the window and he sees Moreland’s Onslaught title on the side of the bed.
Ya wanna know the funny thing Moreland. I came to the OOWF to have some fun. I had already made my name elsewhere at other’s expenses and I wanted to take some time and enjoy the perks of being a Darling in a new environment. I was going to enjoy messing around with the Degrassi High boys and show them exactly what pain was. To see the flippy bastards writhing around with busted kneecaps and torn ACL’s. I was going to take them one-by-one and prove that bullshit drama has no place in a wrestling ring. And I was going to enjoy it.
Davin: Will you get to the fucking point already? You’re more boring than Schilling (Sorry, THE GOLDEN GOD, CURT SCHILLING) when he goes on one of his SOSH rants.
Alexander: My point Davin is this, I was going to take my time before I started moving my way up to the championship levels. Down the line, you and I probably would have found ourselves on opposite sides of the ring and it would have been a brutal match as I tried to take your title and you tried to keep it.
Davin: Yea, and what’s different now? You’re still coming after me and my belt.
Alexander: Oh yes, yes I am, but I’m going to make you fucking suffer now. I may come across as an arrogant rich boy who gets things handed to him, but you have no fucking idea what I’m capable of. You wanna call me completely worthless, whatever. But you dare ever say another thing about my sister and god help me I won’t be responsible…
Davin: Ha, that skank has already spread her legs…
In the blink of an eye Darling is right in Moreland’s face and he’s restraining himself from beating the shit out of him. Instead, he gives Davin a few light slaps across the face as he backs away. He laughs a little as he walks back over to the IV and this time without hesitation, he empties the syringe into it.
Davin: What the fuck are you doing?
Alexander: Don’t worry. It won’t kill you. Just enough for you to get a nice little rest before you head out to Missouri for our tag team match this week. But since we still have a few minutes before your moronic buddies get back and this takes effect, I want you to be clear on one thing Davin. I’ll always be a step ahead of ya and I’ll always have a surprise waiting just around the corner for ya.
Davin: I’ll show you a surprise when I get my hannnddd…..
We see Moreland slowly drifting away as the drug takes effect but before he’s completely out of it, Alexander Darling steps right up next to the bed and leans down. He whispers something to Moreland…
Alexander: BOOYAH, Bitch!
Alexander takes one final look at the Onslaught Championship Belt before walking away and removing the chair from blocking the door. He steps out into the hallway just as Phantos and Lucios turn back around the corner with Davin’s doctor right behind them.
P & L: Hey, what are you doing here Darling?
Alexander starts backing away from Davin’s room quickly as Phantos and Lucios start moving towards him.
Alexander: Just having a talk with your leader guys. No harm, well not a lot anyway.
Phantos starts to give chase but stops once he takes a quick look inside Moreland’s room and sees Davin’s head rolled back and he looks completely zonked out.
Phantos: Doc, get in here. What did he do?
Down the hall we see Alexander Darling begin laughing as he waits for the elevator. He pulls out his cell phone and quickly dials a number.
Alexander: Yea, I’m definitely going to need back-up now.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 11:52:21 GMT -5
*The Dunkin' Donuts Limousine pulls up to the Knob Noster Dome, about 4 hours after the last installment of OOWF-TV. Phantos and Lucios get out of the car first, decked out in 3-piece Armanis and wearing Federal Agent Sunglasses on their masks. Out of...somewhere, the theme from "Kill Bill" (Clicky) fires up. They tease closing the car door, but a big hand grabs the door from the inside, and Davin Moreland steps out in an identical Armani suit with identical Federal Agent Sunglasses. He closes the door, and the three, with Davin in the middle, Phantos on his right and Lucios on his left, and they are WALKING at a slow and purposeful pace. SYB comes up to them to talk smack, but Phantos just shoves him aside and keeps on walking. Moosehead Jack is leaning against the wall, glaring at the trio, but they ignore him. Curt "The Golden God" Schilling starts talking and following Run DLP but he is ignored, before finally being shoved away by Lucios. Ric looks like he wants to get into a "WHOOOO"-fest, but he clams up at this scene. Rabbxt appears to perhaps talk some smack, but thinks better of it, and does 12 back handsprings back into his closet. Finally, the 3 find the Darling Locker Room, and Davin Knocks*
Alexis: Who is it?
DM: Land Shark.
Alexis: No thanks, we don't want any.
*Phantos knocks*
Alexander: Who is it?
P: Candygram.
*Alexander cracks the door open, wary. He should be. Davin kicks the door in knocking Darling off his feet. Alexander scrambles up, but Davin whips off his glasses and pins Alexander to the wall by his throat. Alexis picks up her cell, but Phantos DROPKICKS it out of her hands, and both L & P whip their glasses off and stare her down.*
Alexander: *choking* Davin...Good to see you...What brings you by?
*Davin delivers a sick left hand to the solar plexis, and continues to pin Darling to the wall, as Alexander's body slumps*
DM: That's twice you've tried to kill me. That puts you one ahead of Cole. That makes you Public Enemy #1.
*Davin accentuates his point with a solid knee to the groin*
Alexander: *barely breathing* Hey...we...all make mistakes...Let's...Let's start over....Let's have peace...
*Davin delivers a sharp kick to the side of Alexander's knee. That could have dislocated the kneecap.*
DM: No peace. War. You want my attention? You got it. Just pray I don't decide to have you erased. You're not the only one with money...or connections. I suggest you get yourself some back up. And I suggest...
*Davin headbutts Alexander directly in the nose, breaking it; and blood pours out*
DM: I suggest you steer clear of me until Mayhem. And after that, I suggest you continue to steer clear of me.
*Davin relaxes his hand off Darling's throat, but as Alexander doubles over, Davin hits him with a REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER OUT OF NOWHERE.*
DM: C'mon guys, we have another stop.
*They leave. We go to commercial*
Doin Things is What I Like to Do. Click Me.
--
*We're back, and the trio has made their way to Chris Cole's locker room. Davin knocks*
CC: Who is it?
DM: Your tag partner.
*Chris Cole opens the door, and surveys the scene, and lets them all in*
CC: What's up guys?
DM: Cole. I don't like you.
CC: Yeah, I got that.
DM: Funny. I don't like you because you tried to kill me.
CC: It was a different time. We're both different now.
DM: That may be true; but as you saw last week, everything is still there, under the surface. People might change who they are, but they can never change who they were, or what they've done.
CC: K. You here for a reason, because if you're just here to beat me up...
DM: No, I've done that plenty Cole. I just need your commitment.
CC: Commitment for what?
DM: You'll be my tag partner.
CC: I already am.
DM: I understand that, but I mean, you'll have my back. This has gone way beyond personal.
CC: Listen, Rick made you my tag partner this week, and so I'm going to have you as my tag partner. I don't especially like it; but that's the way it is. I'm a hell of a tag wrestler; I was in 3 Piece Set you know...
P: We know...we all have your darn DVD.
CC: Anyway, I'm not gonna screw you Moreland. I need to win matches. I had to start at the bottom, and if I want to get back to the top, the only way to do it is to win matches. I don't plan on losing, and I'm not going to take care of any personal business if it gets in the way of that.
DM: So, we're on the same page?
CC: I think so.
DM: Well, ok. I'll see you.
*The 3 leave, and go into the Run DLP Locker Room, Presented by Aquafina
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 11:52:42 GMT -5
<Stank is brooding in the Destroyitarium, enjoying a locally brewed beer, with OOWF TV playing in the background, when he is approached by Metro-sexual Male Journalist#1>
Stank - What do you want?
MMJ#1 - I'm standing by in a local bar with the OOWF World Heavyweight Champion, Stank.
Stank - Where's Nicole?
MMJ#1 - ... She's on assignment.
Stank - So then where's Charlotte, or Cassie, or Michelle, or Kristine?
MMJ#1 - Look, I'M interviewing you.
Stank - Why don't you go interview Firewoman?
MMJ#1 - BECAUSE I'M INTERVIEWING YOU!
Stank - Don't get snippy with me!
MMJ#1 - Sorry.
Stank - And don't be such a pussy. Stand your ground.
MMJ#1 - Right. Can we get on with this?
Stank - There you go again, getting snippy.
MMJ#1 - ... ... ... I don't know what to say.
Stank - I'm just messin with you. What do you want?
MMJ#1 - I want to ask about your next match.
Stank - Well let's see... I'm being teamed up with Canadian Dragon against his former partner LD Williams and my last opponent, Capellan. Have I got that right so far?
MMJ#1 - Yes.
Stank - Ok. So the winner gets to pick the stipulations for their match at the PPV. So am I to understand if Dragon and I win, then we go on to face one another at Dance of Death IV and we pick the stips, but if Williams and Cap win I face them in a triple threat where THEY pick the stips? Help me out here because I'm not certain what exactly it is here I'm fighting for.
MMJ#1 - Well since Weapon X's match went to a no contest, and your issues with Capellan aren't resolved, I assume your scenario is the one Rick chose to resolve the #1 contendership. I think it's quite ingenious myself.
Stank - Ingenious or no, the result will be the same. I will remain victorious. It's well documented what Weapon X wants. Each of them want me one on one. Each of them thinks they will beat me and become Champ. Dragon talks shit from on top of ladders and LD bitches about how he hasn't been able to get the job done. You know what I do? I win. THAT'S what I do. For all the talk, for all the bitching and moaning, for all the blood, sweat, and beers *I* remain the OOWF World Heavyweight Champion.
MMJ#1 - And what of Capellan?
Stank - What can I say about Capellan? He has really upped his game, but isn't quite there yet. I don't know why he wouldn't let me back in the ring. Maybe on a subconscious level he doesn't want to be champ. But we know that can't be true now don't we? Bottom line, in the heat of the moment, he lost his head, and he lost his chance to pin me for the title. I'm not saying he would have, but you got to keep your head on straight in the midst of battle, to be World Champion. Even if someone is trying to kick it off.
MMJ#1 - Right.
Stank - You got to keep your wits about you, you know? You got to know what's going on, for example, why does The Dead think he and Seamus are facing Me and whoever at Mayhem?
MMJ#1 - What?
Stank - I saw The Dead's promo and he said his team was facing the World Fucking Champion.
MMJ#1 - No, no he meant the World "Fucking" Champion.
Stank - Yeah, I know. Me.
MMJ#1 - No you don't understand... world FUCKING champion!
Stank - ... I'm the world champ.
MMJ#1 - No. World *Uh! UH! UH!* Champion. (Punctuating each "uh" with a pelvic thrust)
<Stank get's a confused look on his face.>
MMJ#1 - You know, Ryan Hardcore? He's the World Fucking Champion? You know? Like this...
<MMJ#1 suddenly mounts Stank's table and starts dry humping it.>
MMJ#1 - UH! UH! UH! UH! YEAAAH! TAKE IT BITCH! UH! YEAAAH, LIKE THAT! UH! UH! YEAH! UH! UH! YOU LIKE THAT BIG NASTY DICK DON'T YOU! UH! UH! UH! UH!
<Stank stands, grabs his beer, and slooowly backs away from the table.>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 11:58:13 GMT -5
<GM the Rick gets back into his darkened office carrying a stack of papers and muttering under his breath. He drops the papers on his desk and turns to go turn on the light when the door swings shut and the lights click on and we see Moosehead Jack sitting in the chair. Rick’s eyes dart to the door, and he quickly realizes that Moose is between him and his only means of escape>
MHJ: You SHOULD be afraid
GMtR:<mustering up his nerve> What the hell do you want? Didn’t I suspend you?
MHJ: You suspended me for Mayhem, you didn’t ban me from the building
GMtR: I can change that in a hurry
MHJ: So, this is how it is going to be?
GMtR: I told you, I hold you responsible for one of our most marketable stars leaving, you know damn well Vince would love nothing more than to put us out of business, and you sure as hell didn’t help things.
MHJ: ME? That’s rich. You want to blame someone, the first person you can blame is Crete. Rick you know DAMN WELL he was looking for a reason to leave, that’s why he didn’t sign that contract, that’s why he helped organize that event over the summer featuring WWE guys, did it ever occur to you that that was a tryout? I laid the bait out there to see if he would take it, and he did.
GMtR: And the second person?
MHJ:<smirking> You
GMtR: ME? You are just dying for a suspension aren’t you?
MHJ: Rick, YOU are the one who let him out of his contract. You are the one who has final say in all of this, YOU are the bookerman right? All you had to do was refuse the match and none of this would have happened. You called Crete’s bluff just like I did, once you agreed to it, there was no way he would back out of it and you know it.
GMtR: No, that’s shit Moose and you damn well know it! You know had I refused Crete could opt out of his contract. You remember that right? The contract YOU had Phantos and Lucios steal? Evidently you failed to read the fine print Moose. It specifically said Crete had final say over match options. He wanted that match, had I said no, he could have either taken it anyway, or opted out of the contract for breach of contract. Either way, HE was gone, and it was all because of YOU. And now, I have management on me trying to build the next marketable guy to replace Crete. I got Vince sitting up north laughing at me, and I got Crete sending me DVD’s showing me how well things are going for him up there. Meanwhile here, I have YOU bitching and complaining because I am deservedly punishing you, and I have people telling me how I have made a mistake by suspending you! Well I got news for you Moose, I know you are a badass in that ring, I know your reputation, and I have seen what you can do, you ARE a fucking madman, but in this case, you are wrong, and I AM THE LAW! You got that? <Moose gets to his feet and Rick momentarily hesitates in fear> Moose, so help me, you lay one finger on me……
MHJ: I am well within my rights to beat your ass on this Rick, but I am not going to…….yet. I am giving you one more chance, you change your tune……….or else
GMtR: Get the hell out of my office Moose, I am not changing a damn thing I said. You can kiss all favors, title shots, match requests, everything, you can kiss it all good bye for the foreseeable future. You get nothing, and the OOWF will be better because of it!
<Moose glares at Rick for a moment then turns to the door and opens it, before leaving, Moose pauses and turns back to Rick>
MHJ: You WILL regret this. Trust me
GMtR: GET OUT!!
<Moose leaves and GM the Rick slumps against the desk and steadies himself with a long slug of whiskey>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 11:58:43 GMT -5
<This is OOWF and we are live at an OOWF press conference featuring The E. The E walks up to the podium.>
E: I will be taking questions at this time. You in the front, go ahead.
Random Journalist 1: E, this is the first time in a while that the OOWF has been in this area. As someone who is a stickler for promoting entertainment, will you say that next week's Mayhem is more like a free pay-per-view?
E: Well, you know, it's great to be in the state of Indiana...
RJ1: We're actually in Missouri.
E: Whatever, I'm lying to your fucking face anyways. But to answer your question, next week's Mayhem might as well be a free pay-per-view, because in this small ass community, I don't see anyone getting paid too much. Yes, I am a proponent of entertainment, and I can promise you one thing and one thing only, and that is that my match will be the only thing worth seeing. So if you are only of the dozens and dozens of OOWF fans to show up, you need only to come for the tag team match and then you can leave and go cry about the BCS or whatever the devil is you people in Illinois worry about.
RJ1: Missouri!
E: Fuck you. Next question.
RJ2: About that tag match. What's your opinion on the tag team of Chris Cole and Davin Moreland? And how will you and Alexander Darling coexist as a team?
E: I honestly could give a shit about the team of Davin Moreland and Chris Cole. The only thing I care about is the tag team of Alexander Darling and The E. I think we will make a very entertaining pair, because we all know that the most entertaining teams are the powerhouse teams made of two accomplished singles wrestlers. As it pertains to Chris Cole and Gavin Boreland, they won't be able to work together. Gavin is too worried about history. It doesn't matter that Chris Cole has appeared to have a change of heart, Gavin is too paranoid to let bygones be bygones. Me and Darling? The only relationship we've had is one by mail. He has sent me some very nice gifts the past couple of days. Last week is was a John Cena "My Life" DVD, and this week it was a Randy Orton action figure. The guy knows my tastes, I can say that. We'll team together to do this job and we'll go our seperate ways. As long as he's willing to make our match entertaining, then he's ok in my book. Maybe we could do the Dudley Boyz "Wasssup" move? As long as he plays the part of D-Von. I don't like to put my head near a mans junk.
RJ2: You realize the Dudley Boyz are now known as Team 3D and are in TNA, right?
E: Well that's stupid. Why would they be in a pair of tits and ass?
RJ2: No, TNA, it's a wrestling company. Total Nonstop Action.
E: Never heard of it. That's a stupid name for a wrestling company. All good wrestling companies should have the word "Entertainment" in it.
RJ2: You realize the wrestling company you work for don't have that word in their name?
E: Have you been living under a rock? Of course not. The OOWF sucks. I'm the only thing keeping me and a dozen fans from coming back every week. It's a shock that so many other companies are willing to be endorsed by these so called OOWF superstars.
RJ4: Speaking of sponsorships, there is a rumor that you have signed a deal with a company to sponsor them. Is this true?
E: Without revealing anything, yes, I have signed a deal with a company to appear in commercials and to promote products. It is a great company, and my first commercial will air this week. Last question.
RJ3: OK, are you aware of the situation between Moose and The Rick? What is your opinion on that?
E: This question isn't about me, but I will try to "entertain" that question. The Rick has gotten on my nerves lately. He puts me in terrible matchups and expects me to carry to company. He sends me to these shitty press conferences and expect me to tote the company line. Here's a company line for The Rick: I'M A SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT GOD! And I'll be damned if I can be controlled by his dumbass tactics. If Moose ever gets his hands on The Rick, I would be envious of him. That is all. Watch Mayhem next week! Don't forget to turn it off after my match!
I am The E and I am out!
<Fade to black>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 11:59:09 GMT -5
**L.D Williams is sitting in the locker room. H looks up as Canadian Dragon enters.**
LD: “Ow.”
CD: “Hey, you’re the one who said somebody was going to get hurt.”
LD: “True. Was the table really necessary though?”
CD: (rubbing his neck) “Yeah, that might have been overkill. Fun though.”
**Williams shakes his head and chuckles**
CD: “You see Stank’s interview?”
LD: “You mean the one where he forgot that Dance of Death means four-way matches?”
CD: “Yeah, that one. Also the one he says we bitch and whine too much.”
LD: “He says that a lot. Your point?”
CD: “When we get to Dance of Death-”
LD: “Assuming we don’t kill each other this week.”
CD: “Assuming that. – When we get to Dance of Death we need to have a plan.”
LD: “How about whoever gets the first chance takes the title, we piss off The Rick as much as humanly possible, and then we worry about which of us is better?”
CD: “My kind of plan.”
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 11:59:53 GMT -5
(The CBS Evening News’ Katie Couric is sitting on a couch in the Run DLP Aquafina Locker Room.)
CENKC: Good Evening. We are coming to you live from Knob Noster, Missouri. I am inside the Run DLP Aquafina Locker Room. Normally, you’d expect to hear from OOWF Onslaught Champion Davin Moreland, but tonight I have special guests. I’d like to introduce Davin’s Run DLP brethren, The Uncrowned Champions, Phantos & Lucios.
(The camera pans over to the opposite couch, where Phantos & Lucios are sitting, each holding 1-liter bottles of Aquafina.)
Phantos: Damn! You’re kind of hot for an older lady! You’re one of them cougars, right?
Lucios: Shut up you idiot! I’m sorry about that Mrs. Couric.
CENKC: It’s Ok, I’ve been called worse things than a hot older lady. Now, Lucios, you asked for this time with me. You had a statement to make?
Lucios: Yes. Magnusson, Hansen, you two talked about how this series is about respect. Let’s be clear. We respect you. We are better than you, but we respect you. You have proven to be a couple of tough hombres to tango with.
But you continue to disrespect us.
Excuses, Excuses. Last week you two beat us. Simple as that. No excuses in that statement. You Two Beat Us. I could talk about the chair. I could give you a diatribe about General Manager the Rick screwing with us and putting us in gimmick matches instead of wrestling matches. I won’t. You Two Beat Us. This week, the result will be different.
CENKC: And how will it be different?
Phantos: Because WE are going to win this week Baby!!!!!!
Lucios: Respect Hansen, Magnusson. That’s what this is all about. Let’s up the ante. When this series complete, and we prove to everyone that WE are the measuring stick, I want you two to walk to the ring and shake our hands and tell us to our faces that you two ”Couldn’t Measure Up” Those exact words. THAT, my friends, is respect.
Phantos: (moves over and sits beside Katie) So, you want to be my Demi? I’m into that if you are.
CENKC: That wraps it up for tonight folks. (She pauses and screams CUT!)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 12:00:14 GMT -5
<Capellan spies Stank in the Destroyitarium.>
Cap - Dance of Death is all four way matches, dumbass.
Stank - Yeah, Yeah I caught LD's little promo.
Cap (mocking) - "You gotta keep your head on straight."
Stank - Yeah, yeah, shut the fuck up.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 12:00:39 GMT -5
:::Inside the Fortress of Snobbery:::
F. Fonzworth MacCappington III: Ok let's take roll real quick. And-- why do I smell cigarette smoke? Anyway... Donovan Viper?
Donovan Viper: Here.
FFM: Ryan Hardcore, is of course not--
Ryan Hardcore: Here!
FFM: Funny, Donovan. Ok and--
RH: No, seriously... I'm here.
FFM: The..... fuck? What are you doing here?
RH: I'm still part of the company, right?
FFM: Well... yeah... but... in the same way that Val Venis is part of the WWE. He never talks, and only shows up once every few months.
RH: So it's true that mic work counts the most towards a push, isn't it?
Lauren Phoenix: See? I fucking TOLD you not to nap for that long, didn't I?
RH: No one touched me while I was out, did they?
LP: Only me.
FFM: I'm pretty sure Darling took some photos of you. I think he thinks you're pretty.
RH: Wait... what?
FFM: Don't worry though... he didn't keep them. He traded them to one of the announcer girls for a blow job.
RH: Fair enough... I guess.
FFM: So are you ready to fight this week??? Maybe you should, uh... stop smoking while you're supposed to be in training.
RH: Never! Who am I fighting again?
LP: It's a tag match babe... by the way, did you know Dead said you were the 'swishiest' person in the fed?
RH: I'm not even sure what the fuck that means. Do I brush my teeth too much?
FFM: I think it's a semen reference.
RH: I still don't get it. Wait... speaking of semen, did anyone have sex with Lauren while I was out of it?
*Entire room clears*
RH: So then... no?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 12:01:08 GMT -5
Ryan: Oh my God , Melissa!
Melissa: Oh my God, Ryan!
Jake: Oh my God, Melissa and Ryan!
Ashley: Oh my God, Melissa, Jake and Ryan!
Ryan: Are you sleeping with Jake, Melissa?
Ashley: I'm sleeping with Jake!
Melissa: No, I'm sleeping with Jake!
Ryan: I thought I was sleeping with Jake!
Jake: Wait...we have gay characters on this soap opera?
Melissa: I'd assume so. We're a soap opera that's on in prime time so we can do that kind of stuff.
Ashley: Are there even characters named Ryan, Jake, Melissa and Ashley on The OC?
Ryan: I don't know. Figure Foreskin has never seen it so it makes this joke really hard to pull off.
Melissa: Is he just pulling stuff out of his ass then and hoping someone laughs at it?
Jake: That's what he always does.
Peter Gallagher: Does anyone remember when I used to be a real actor?
Ashley: EW! There's caterpillars on your face!
Peter Gallagher: Those are my eyebrows.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 12:01:36 GMT -5
(Lucios is busy watching tape on the Sony Multimedia Center, when his Sprint PCS phone begins to ring. He checks his text mesages and immediately turns off the tv.)
Lucios: Phantos, get off that trampoline and get ready to leave. I just got a message from our agent. The PepsiCo folks want us in their Super Bowl XXII commercial. They're sending a car to pick us up.
Phantos: Super Bowl Commercial?? Sweeeeeeeeeeet! Gotta grab my cape!
Lucios: Well hurry up about it, we have to meet their car in the back of the arena in a few minutes. Grab a couple of 1-liter bottles of that refreshing Aquafina
(the Uncrowned Champions make their way out of the Run DLP Aquafina Locker Room and down the exit corridor. Rabbxt walks into the hall in front of them drinking from a 12 oz. can of Mountain Dew, having just left his broom closet.)
Rabbxt: Ya'll gots lucky this week. Cage match. Dude, if I was in a cage match this week, I'd pull of some flippy stuff like noone has ever seen before.
Lucios: Shut up and get out of my way bunny boy. We don't have time for your adolescent hijinks today.
Rabbxt: Cool, I'm actually leaving. Top secret, can't tell ya where I'm going.
(All three men exit the arena. Rabbxt climbs into his custom, tricked-out Mountain Dew car and squeals out of the parking lot. A pearl white Cadillac Escalade pulls up in front and the doors open. An older gentleman, in his 50's gets out and opens the door for Phantos and Lucios. They climb in and the vehicle pulls out onto the highway.)
Phantos: Sweet Ride!
Lucios: Driver, where are we going?
Driver: Kansas City. Since you guys were in the vincinity, They decided to fly in a number of the celebrity endorsers for a commercial shoot.
Phantos: Who else is coming?
Dirver: I'm not sure. I dont work for PepsiCo. I work for the Kansas City Royals. The filming is happening at Kauffman Stadium.
Lucios: This is YOUR vehicle?
Driver: (laughing) Of course not. I just told you I worked for the Royals. I couldn't afford the payments on this thing. PepsiCo rented the vehicles. I volunteered to drive, I wanted a way out of my cubicle for the day.
Lucios: How long will it take to get there?
Driver: About an hour.
Phantos: What's your job with the team? are you like a trainer? or the HGH procurer? (giggles)
Driver: I played for 18 years, did some coaching and moved to the front offcie. I am currently the team's resources recycling engineer.
Phantos: Sounds Cool!
Driver: Not really. I pull staples out of discarded memos and bend them back into shape to be used again.
Lucios: That incredible
Driver: I was up for the manager's job before last season, but they hired Trey Hillman instead.
(The driver's huge bag-phone rings.)
Driver: This is Frank.... yes sir, we are on our way... no sir, i never saw him, my orders were to pick up thses two only..... No sir, I only pulled out 532 staples this month.... I know sir, but its the off-season. Several cubicles are empty... Yes sir.
Lucios: 532 staples? What do they pay you to do that?
Frank: Well, not much. I signed a personal services contract when I retired, and I got most of the money up front. All I get paid now is $5.85 an hour.
Phantos: A minimum wage job as an ex-player? Sheesh.
(The men ride in silence untill they reach Kaufman Stadium. As Frank pulls in the parking area, a green sports car zooms in front of them and causes Frank to smash into a Chevrolet Impala SS with dozens of logos all over it. Luckily noone is hurt. Two men crawl out of the open windows of the Impala.)
David Glass: White! What the hell is the matter with you! I give you ONE little job to do and you screw it up! These reapirs are coming out of YOUR paycheck!
Frank White: (hanging his head) Yes sir.
DG: Jeff I am extremely sorry about this.
Phantos: Jeff Gordon?
Jeff Gordon: That's me.. HEY! you guys are Phantos and Lucios! I LOVE Midweek Mayhem! Do you think you could get me Concrete TG's autograph?
Luicos: Probably not. He doesn't work there anymore.
JG: Bummer. Who's the idiot that allowed that to happen.
(Moosehead jack appears and Heartpunches Jeff Gordon.)
MHJ:I HATE HIM
Phantos: As much as Clemens and the Yankees?
MHJ: WORSE. (vanishes)
(Phantos and Lucios head towards the stadium. They walk past the green car that caused the wreck. Rabbxt climbs out of it and looks at them)
Rabbxt: Why are you two scabs here?
Lucios: It's a PepsiCo commercial shoot. Who do you think owns your sponsor?
Rabbxt: As long as they send me free stuff.. I don't care.
(They enter the Stadium and walk out onto the infeild grass, pausing to stare in amazement. They see Jerry Jones talking to a man in a wookie costume. Dale Earnhardt Jr is riding around on a unicycle. Michael J. Fox is herding ostriches onto a stage. Jennifer Lopez sits atop an elephant. David Beckham Jimmy Fallon, and Cuba Gooding Jr. are standing between white tigers. Alex Rodriguez and CM Punk are arm wrestling. Cindy Crawford approaches the 3 OOWF stars and calls them over)
Cindy Crawford: Hey guys! We're going to be in the alligator pit together, sounds like fun!
Phantos: Helloooooooooooo Nurse!
Lucios: This can't end well.
(On cue, The heavens open up and a torrential rain pours down on everyone. Lightning strikes directly on the pitchers mound, cathcing Michael jackson's hair on fire)
Michael Jackson: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Not again!!!!!
(Animlas race away from their trainers, workers and celbrities make mad dashes for cover. Phantos and Lucios end up in the visitors dugout with Suzy Kolber, The Balck Eyed Peas, Pele' and Al Pacino
Phantos: I feel like Joe Namanth all of a sudden Suzy! Come give me a kiss!
Lucios: (pulling out his Sprint PCS phone) I'm calling for the Dunkin Donuts Limousine. We're getting out of here!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 12:02:00 GMT -5
**L.D. Williams walks into The Rick’s office.**
TR: “I really don’t need any more crap right now.”
LD: “I’m not here to cause you problems – just to say thank-you.”
TR: “For what?”
LD: “For screwing with Moose, me, and Dragon at the same time.”
TR: “You find this a benefit?”
LD: “Kz and Weapon X were the two greatest teams in OOWF history. Together, the three of us could tear this place apart. The only thing stopping us is the fact that Moose and Dragon can’t stand each other. Your little games are giving them common ground.”
TR: “Do you really think a guy who wants to be World Champion should be threatening the GM?”
LD: “ I know how this place works Rick. Who you like and don’t like is irrelevant - You’ll do whatever makes you money. Bottom line, the three of us on the same page will make you money.”
TR: “Until the place goes up in flames.”
LD: “Lovely thought, isn’t it?”
**Camera fades as Williams walks out.**
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 12:02:31 GMT -5
<Commercial on USA Network. We see and hear a familiar voice.> The E: You know, I'm a busy man. <Shots of The E hitting The Smackdown on a jobber in the OOWF> E: But where ever I may be, on Monday Nights, I turn on something entertaining. <Shot of Hornswoggle McMahon blowing up the ring.> E: Let's face, it, you can't be more entertaining than chinlocks, gimmicked moves, and midgets, right? <Shot of Orton locking in a chinlock. Another shot of John Cnea hitting the Five-Knuckle Shuffle.> E: You can't go wrong by watching the Sports Entertainment Mecca of the world. E: My name is The E, and I am a member of the Raw Fan Nation.  |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 12:03:02 GMT -5
(Ecosystem stops in the infirmary when he runs into Alexander Darling.)
Eco: Whoa, what happened to you?
Alex: I got jumped by Run DLP. You?
Eco: Um...I got a splinter.
Alex: ...
Eco: It hurts a lot...
(Alexis walks over and pulls out Eco's splinter.)
Eco: Thank you! (Eco hugs Alexis.)
Alexis: Who are you again?
Eco: I'm Ecosystem! I'm a tag team champion!
Alexis: (turns to Alex) Are you sure we can't just go after the tag titles?
(Stank walks into the infirmary.)
Alex: Here's another guy walking in without an injury. Our illustrious world champ. Got a splinter too?
Stank: I'm looking for pills for mental trauma. Someone just raped a table in front of me.
Alexis: Oh.
Eco: I understand.
Alex: I'm sorry.
Stank: It's okay. I'm going to find some Vicodin.
(The E comes in on crutches.)
Eco: This room is only for wrestlers. Down the hall for everyone else.
The E: I wrestle here!
Eco: Really?
The E: Yes!!
Eco: What's your name?
The E: I am The E! And I am more than a wrestler, I am....a SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT GOD!
Alex: How does a god break his leg?
The E: Um...Rick saw an ad I cut for WWE Raw.
Stank: (stops searching through cabinets) You did what?
The E: I cut an ad for a company with real champions, you no-talent hack!
Stank: Really. Huh.
(Stank rips a cabinet out of the wall. He throws it at The E, who ducks. The cabinet hits the next person coming in, Rabbxt, in the face.)
Rabbxt: OW!
Stank: Whoops.
Eco: Thanks, Stank!
The E: I feel unwelcome here.
Alex: Rabbxt, why are you here?
Alexis: How did you just pronounce his name?
Alex: No clue.
Rabbxt: I'm not sure. I came because I felt like I was about to get seriously hurt.
Eco: Wow. It's like he's got ESPN or something.
Alexis: Eco, why are you still here?
Eco: Oh. I don't know.
(Ecosystem picks up a chair and hits Rabbxt in the face with it.)
Eco: SEE YOU AT MAYHEM, BOY!!!
Stank: Just stop. You're not tough.
Rabbxt: Actually, that hurt.
Eco: Thank you! See, he gets me.
(Eco helps Rabbxt up.)
Rabbxt: I sure do.
(Rabbxt hits Eco in the face with the chair.)
Eco: Ow! I'm bleeding! I better go to the infirmary.
Dr. Super Mario: (entering) MAMA MIA! 'Attsa a lot of injured people. Who wants to get'a fixed?
(Everyone but Ecosystem runs away.)
Eco: Can you stitch up my head?
Dr. Super Mario: MARIO!
Eco: Lovely.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 12:03:25 GMT -5
[The Nerve Agent and Blitz are sitting in there luxurious locker room talking]
TNA: Didn't we have these guys last week too?
Blitz: Yeah but we also have Apocalyptic Bastards.
TNA: Yeah, but we don't have to worry about them.
Blitz: Why not?
TNA: Eh, they're nothing. We can take them.
Blitz: Okay, but what about F. Fonzworth MacCappington and Firechild? Didn't they beat us last time.
TNA: Well of course they did. But they had to cheat to beat us. We were doing awesome teamwork out there until that Lance bastard jumped in an ruined it for us. Throwing those brass knuckles in and all.
Blitz: Yeah, but Firechild isn't so bad though. I mean at least he shook your hand. Does that mean he's okay.
TNA: Hell no. He's still with F. Fonzworth MacCappington, whether he likes it or not. He's still our opponent. Don't start liking him and then have him beat your ass.
Blitz: Pssh, yeah right. We are totally gonna dominate this week.
TNA: That's the way to think. Now lets go get some training done. I call trampoline first.
Blitz: Aww, you always get it first.
TNA: Next time call in first...
[The camera fades to black.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 12:03:51 GMT -5
MOMENTS AGO.., Rabbxt got laid out by Alexander Darling in the hallway.
Firewoman is in her locker room, applying first aid to Rabbxt
FW: Well, at least you tried.
R: Uh huh.
FW: Look, take it from me, if you want that belt you can't go broadcasting it around so that belt-holder just waits for you. Be stealthy.
R: Yeah....
There is a knock on the door. Firewoman opens it. It is a man in a suit.
FW: I wasn't there!
Man-in-suit: Where?
FW: I mean...can I help you?
MiS: Yes, I'm here to finalize our deal.
FW: Deal?
MiS: I assumed your agent would have communicated this with you by now. My name is Vance Slomberg, and I represent celebrity endorsements for General Nutrition Centers.
FW: Oh...I do remember talking to you guys a while back...
MiS: Well, that was my predecessor, and he was certainly not offering anything near what an athelete of your caliber deserves.
FW: You're not kidding he wasn't.
MiS: Well, We at GNC are prepared to make you an offer more in line with you talents and what we feel you can bring to our lines....we're thinking both our women's vitamins and supplements, because then you can show how strong women stay strong...
FW: Hm...okay
MiS: ...and then also our sports performance line.
FW: Wait, I already have an endorsement with MuscleMilk. Won't that conflict?
MiS: Well, we do sell their product, so we could get with their people and work something out. If you read here, it talks about your uh....remunerations.
FW: reads closely and carefully, while Rabbxt looks for the ice pack Firewoman has let drop from his face. WOW!! seriously?
MiS: Seriously!
FW: Well, sir, I believe we have a deal...Rabbxt, get me a pen....
MiS: Wonderful! I shall also let Ms. Darling know we've reached an agreement.
FW: Who?
MiS: Alexis Darling...your agent?
FW: ... Yeah... Uh, actually can I have some time to look this over? I'll give you a call.
MiS: Sure thing...Talk to you soon!
The door closes. Firewoman looks at the contract in some sort of combination of surprise, disbelief, and annoyance. Rabbxt removes the ice pack from his face.
R: Hey! You didn't tell me you were signing with DEA!
FW: I'm not...I haven't, I mean, not yet...
R: But you're THINKING OF IT??? What the HELL...did you not SEE what he just did?
FW: Oh please...we're WRESTLERS... at least 8 times a week someone gets jumped in the halls.
R: True.. But really...we don't know anything about them... and...
FW: Well? out with it!
R: We're PARTNERS. If you sign with them, what happens to Team RabbxtFire?
FW: Well. I could insist they sign both of us.
R: No.... No no no.
FW: Rabbxt....LOOK at this deal!!!! Rabbxt looks, and his eyes widen
R: Wow!
FW: I know!!! And I'm thinking. If you're signed with DEA, maybe he'll stop threatening to break your legs.
R: That's true.. I don't know...I really gotta think about this.
FW: Yeah, me too. And we have to get ready for our match tomorrow.
As if by magic, Sexy NOT-METROSEXUAL-AT-ALL Male Journalist appears
S-NMAA-MJ: So...?
FW: What you don't even ask questions any more?
S-NMAA-MJ: Oh, sorry. Uh...Ms. Firewoman...
FW: That's better!
S-NMAA-MJ: Ms. Firewoman, you and Rabbxt are facing the Defenestrators, who have been with OOWF for a while. This is arguably one of your first tests as a team against another long-established team.
Rabbxt: Didn't we have a match against.....
FW: Yeah, he's not big on history, Rab. Well, Bobby, it's like this. The Defenestrators are definitely a team that is deserving of our respect. I mean, their history speaks for itself.
R: What does "Defenestrators" mean?
FW: Seriously? Defenestration is to throw someone out a window.
R: Oh...Ah, I get it.
FW: [ looking directly into the NinjaCam 2000] But there are no windows in the ring, guys. Just ropes and a mat. Now, Eco, Volt. We worked together a while back, so you probably know some of my strategy and moves. But that was before I teamed up with Rabbxt. We are fast and we are hungry, and we won't settle for anything LESS than what we deserve. So, bring your A game. Because you'll need it.
There...does that sparkle with you, Rabbxt?
R: Indeed, it does.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 12:04:30 GMT -5
(A corporate shill in a suit is walking down the hallway, passing several OOWF superstars. He reaches a door marked "Boiler Room" and starts walking down the stairs...)
Corporate Shill: Uh... is anyone down here? I'm looking for Spin Hansen and D.H. Magnusson.
Spin Hansen: I'm here. What do you want?
Shill: Where's your partner?
SH: He and I have an agreement when it comes to my training sessions down here. He has his sources of inspiration, and I have mine. You're here. You've got me. Now talk.
Shill: Well, I've got an interesting offer for you... with the amount of exposure that you and D.H. are getting, one of our clients would like to make the two of you a very, VERY generous offer to become official spokespeople for them. All you'll have to do is drop the sponsor's name a few times, maybe get a patch with their logo sewn onto your pants or gloves or something, and--
SH (walking closer to the shill): I've already got something that I'm promoting.
Shill: Y... you do? I wasn't aware of this. Who is it?
SH: It's not a who. It's a what.
Shill: What?
(Spin SMASHES the shill in the face with his crowbar! Blood is everywhere, and a scream rings out!)
SH: Violence. Red... get him out of here.
(Spin drops the crowbar with a CLANG on the floor, and heads over to a fenced enclosure. The guy in the Redman suit is walking away from it toward the door, and the Shadowed Figure is sitting on top...)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 12:04:53 GMT -5
(Bonus video courtesy of WWEMOBILE! )
(scene opens at a busy hospital, where Shane McMahon is at reception desk)
Shane: .... look, I just need to speak to their doctor so I know if they're available
Nurse: I'm sorry, sir, but they were brought in less than an hour ago and their paperwork has not processed. The doctor won't see them for at least another hour after that.
Shane: But -
Nurse: We were able to get them a room for the evening and we'll get to them as soon as we can. You're welcome to wait.
Shane: (throws his hands up) fine, I'll wait.
(Shane walks back to a seat nearby to wait. As he's watching the activity, a man walks into the scene carrying a large metal vase with an enormous bouquet in it. His face is hidden by the flowers)
Man: Pardon me, Nurse, but could you give me the room number for a Mr. Randall Orton? I understand he was just brought in
Nurse: (glances up, and she can see past the flowers... she smiles) of course, sir (types up something) room 212, down the hall on the right. Please don't distrub his roommate.
Man: of course not, thank you. (the man walks past Shane)
Shane: (gives the man an odd look.... even if the man can't see)
Man: (walks out of the shot)
(what happens next, we only hear)
Man: Delivery!
Orton: Huh? who's sending me flowers?
*KWANG^ (the telltale sound of a metal vase hitting a pile of suck is heard, followed by splashing water and a lot of movement)
Nurse: !!!!
Shane: !!! (jumps up to investigate, but then hears two very loud crashes)
Nurse: (Leaves her station to run to room 212)
(we cut to an Invisible Ninja Cameraman who has somehow teleported into room 212. One bed is completely collapsed and Jeff Hardy is sprawled on top of Randy Orton, the vase is dented and rocking on the floor, and the hospital window is open and a telltale breeze is blowing from it)
Shane: (runs in) what the-
Nurse: (runs in) oh no....
Shane: (runs over to the two of them, but he can't seem to rouse Orton. He tries to wake Jeff up)
Jeff: ... oh man..... what happened?
Shane: You tell me, champ, why are you on top of this pile?
Jeff: (looks around) I just had this awesome dream that some guy came in here, beat Randy Orton over the head with a thing full of flowers, then dared me to swanton from one bed to the other......
Shane: what? (looks around) Jeff, that wasn't a dream.
Jeff: It wasn't? (Jeff manages to sit up, and he finds a small note sitting on the table between the beds.)
Note:
Good Luck, Citizen Hardy.
-The Gryfon
Shane: (Doesn't know what it means)
Nurse: (looks out the window) who WAS that masked man?
(fade)
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