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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 17:50:29 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem/OOWF Invitational Round 1 Live! From Guelph, Ontario Canada! BracketsRound 1Moosehead Jack vs. Justin Sane Eric O'Mac vs. The Dead Spin Hansen vs. SYB Firewoman vs. Niles Anderson Canadian Dragon vs. The Nerve Agent Firechild vs. Ax-Man Capellan vs. Rabbxt Lucios vs. Seraph F. Fonzworth MacCappington vs. Beast Chris Cole vs. Blitz Damon Wrath vs. Apocalyptic Existence DH Magnusson vs. Thim Reynolds Donovan Viper vs. Alexander Darling LD Williams vs. Blackdragon Seamus McNasty vs. Ryan Hardcore Phantos vs. Tommy Wilder OOWF Tournament of Champions[/u] Ecosystem vs. Davin Moreland Voltage vs. Outback Jack Winner vs. Winner OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u] Stank vs. Tournament Winner Card subject to, well let's face it folks, this one isn't changing
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 17:50:53 GMT -5
[Shot opens in black. Small computerized lettering appears at the bottom of the screen: "Monday, January 28, 2008. 12:17am. Location not disclosed." The shot then fades into a high angle view of a large city as seen thru a huge glass window. The camera zooms out slowly to reveal Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster on either side of the shot, gazing down onto the town and sipping insanely expensive wine. We know this because the bottle on the table by the window reads "Insanely Expensive Wine."]
JA: This is much better than that dirty hut. My back's still messed up from that cot.
AA: At least you HAD a cot.
JA: [turning away from the window and toward AA] So you still haven't told me, how'd you end up with the helicopter and how'd we end up at the finest penthouse in [city redacted]?
AA: Man, I told you already. I was in Vegas, hit on a winner, and now we're here.
JA: No, no, no... the whole story. Ya know... [gestures back toward Invisible Ninja Cameraman]
AA: OH! [sets down glass of wine and turns around toward the camera] It went like this...
[As AA narrates the story, we get video visuals to accompany his tale.]
AA: After we lost the loser leaves town match and got hauled away by the cops, we cashed in our favor that Niles owed us from days gone by, and he posted our bail...
[In jail] Lady at Bail Bonds Place: And your full name, sir...?
NA: Niles. Fucking. Anderson. Here's the cash, bitch! [throws a bunch of hundreds on the table and walks off]
AA: ...of course, from there we traveled the globe and sold out arenas left and right...
[stills from Johnny and AA's world tour]
AA: ...but after we got tangled up in some prescription drug scandal, we were looking for work again. And rather than stress over it, we went our separate ways for a little while. Johnny went to the Bahamas or something...
Shot of Johnny playing golf by the ocean
AA: ...and I of course went to Vegas.
AA: I want to parlay the Suns, Warriors, and the Philly/Miami over. Oh, and let me get some of that New Orleans Bowl action. FAU baby!
AA: And things were good for a while. I was hot, couldn't lose anything. Was able to buy the Tag Team Titles back from the pawn shop.
JA: We won't mention for how much...
AA: Twenty nine thousand bucks??
Pawn Shop Dude: Yeah, twenty nine thousand.
AA: I sold em to ya for five thousand!
Pawn Shop Dude: You want them back or not?
AA: Shit... [hands over the money]
AA: Johnny flew in for a weekend and we did nothing but drink, gamble, and womanize.
JA: How much did we win that weekend?
AA: Enough... or so we thought. Johnny went back to Jamaica or wherever, and I continued on my hot streak. And at this point, we didn't really need jobs. We were living the high life.
JA: That fucking Tebow.
AA: That fucking Tebow is right. Fucking sure thing in the Citrus Bowl and Florida tanks to sorry ass Michigan. On top of that, Hawaii goes on to not show up for the Sugar Bowl. Oklahoma was a dud... Virginia Tech choked, and in the span of 72 hours, I'd lost about $40,000.
AA: [walking along the strip] @*$^#Q@^&$*#@#^*$@$)!!!!!!
JA: And back in the Caribbean, I got narc'ed out by some golf pro that I was hustling the locals, which I was, and they kicked me off the island. Next thing I know, I'm playing golf on some rinky dink muni course with sand on the fairway and brown greens and shit.
JA: [Walking off a green] %#$#^%*#%^#@$^!#%()!^$)!!!!!!!!!!
AA: But it was all set up to get our money back, at least my end of it. I took a flyer on the Chargers over the Colts and it hit... BIG. So the following weekend I had a sure thing and bet big.
JA: And that worked out well...
AA: [in some back alley and just looking awful] That mother fucking Favre, that old piece of shit can't make one god damned throw in overtime at home to beat the shitty ass Giants in sub zero temperatures in the fucking playoffs!!
AA: At this point I hadn't eaten for days. I was starving, and every penny to my name was gone because the fucking Packers. I was ready to die. So I walked out into the street and got ready to lay down in traffic. But when I did, a limousine stopped right next to me. The door opened and I heard somebody call my name from inside.
Unknown Voice: Attitude Adjuster!
AA: Huh?? What? [looks up in limo]
Unknown Voice: Get your fat ass off the road and get in this car. [a white gloved hand reaches out to AA and helps him in the limo
And just like that, everything was right again. It was like I'd awakened from a bad dream or something.
JA: And that's when you called me. And here we are.
AA: Here we are indeed... [Johnny and AA amp up the intensity and look to the camera for some promo time] And next thing you know, the most decorated tag team in OOWF history makes a cameo appearance at Dance of Death! We beat the ever loving shit out of Phantos and Lucios. They think they've won some title shots? [pulls out the old OOWF Tag Team Title Belt] WE own the belts!!
JA: And you can bet your ass that some low rent, incompetent hack like The Rick is gonna tell US when we're gonna defend OUR titles, especially given the fact that...
AA: DING DING DING!
JA: ... WE AREN'T UNDER CONTRACT WITH THE OOWF!
AA: We tried to save this God forsaken shithole, and nobody wanted to help us. So now we're gonna do the next best thing: we're gonna destroy it! And you can bet your last little dollar that we're gonna have a lot more help this time around.
JA: So Rick... let the crowds keep chanting our names, dying to see the best tag team you've ever had show up and entertain the hell out of them. But until you meet us on OUR TERMS, we're not gonna do a damn thing you ask of us. You wanted the belts... here they are. But you can't hold up your end of the bargain... I don't see no contract, and until we do see one - and one that is to our liking - we will not wrestle one OOWF sanctioned match for your worthless ass.
AA: We'll be content picking our spots, picking your guys off [snaps fingers] one at a time... [snaps fingers] one at a time... [snaps fingers] one at a time.
JA: The Heels are back in town.
[Having conspicuously left out the "Chickenshit" part of it, Johnny and AA grab their wine and turn back to the window and we fade out]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 17:51:23 GMT -5
(BOOM! Pyro explodes on the screen and the Midweek Mayhem theme plays, as the camera shows screaming fans and an empty ring.)
Russ: Hello and welcome to a SOLD OUT show in Guleph, Ontario, Canada! With me, as always, is my partner Razz!
Razz: Tonight we've got a helluva show for you-- it's the first round of the OOWF Invitational Tournament!
(A CG version of the bracket slams down on screen, showing all of the matches.)
Russ: It'll be great to see some old faces again, too. These matches are looking to be real barnburners!
Razz: Part of me wishes I could go back out there and compete with 'em.
(Suddenly, "Alcohaulin' Ass" plays from the P.A., and Spin Hansen, Outback Jack, and Stank walk to the ring! Stank is carrying what looks to be an aluminum briefcase!)
Russ: D&D had a pretty good night at Dance of Death. Outback Jack is again our Intercontinental Champion, and Stank retained his OOWF World Championship.
(Stank motions for one of the runners on the floor to toss him a microphone, which he deftly snatches from the air.)
Stank: You guys might be wondering why we're coming out here after last night. Is it to gloat? Is it to call someone out? Is it to swear allegiance to The Rick?
Outback Jack: It's none of those things. Tonight, we're here to re-affirm the fact that we are a TEAM. I know that if I'm in a tight spot, Stank, Spin, or both of 'em are gonna be there if I need help.
Spin Hansen: And that's true for all of us. (Spin calls for three beers, a la Steve Austin, and passes two to Stank and OBJ.) To the continued success of Drink and Destroy!
OBJ: Cheers, mates!
(The three raise their bottles, and down the beers quickly).
Spin: We've also got another reason to be out here and celebrating, even if only two out of three of us have match-related reasons to do so. Mainly, because there's some business that we need to attend to, so before you guys get bored, let's do this.
(The three men turn to face the ramp... and "In the Name of Tragedy" starts playing! D.H. Magnusson starts walking down the ramp as the crowd cheers! He climbs into the ring, and bumps fists with Spin.)
Stank: This has been a long time coming. You've proven time and time again that you're one of the toughest sons-of-bitches here in the OOWF, and that you aren't afraid to speak your mind if you need to.
Spin: D.H.... Welcome to Drink and Destroy. We may not have come out on top against those Aquafina assholes, but I guarantee that they have respect for our abilities. Oh, and Stank, thanks for loaning us the boots that you and Caps wore as the New Original New Classic Blackjacks 2000.
D.H.: Thanks, guys. This means a lot to me, an' my family, too.
OBJ: Welcome to D&D, mate. (He shakes D.H.'s hand.)
Spin: Welcome to the party. (They shake hands, and bump fists.) Now no one can accuse us of being Drink and Destroy Lite.
Stank: The three of us chipped in to get you this. Normally, we'd give this to you backstage, but since it is a night of celebration... enjoy. (Stank hands D.H. the briefcase. He opens it up, and his jaw drops. The camera zooms in on the contents of the briefcase... It's a bottle of Jack Daniels Single Barrel with a tag that says "Specially Selected For Drink & Destroy" on it. In gold, you can see the autograph of JD's master distiller!)
D.H.: Holy livin' shit. This must've cost you guys a fair amount of cash!
Stank: Don't focus on that. Enjoy it... you've earned it.
(The four raise their arms, and start heading back to the Destroyitarium.)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 17:51:44 GMT -5
*Rabbxt is sitting in his closet, recording a promo of his own with his digital camera. It's set to take videos at a 640 x 480 resolution, so it's kind of grainy and pixelated on the OOWF monitors.*
Now, look. Dead Drunk and you two guys without a team name... I don't know how any of you four stopped Team RabbxtFire from winning that Triangle TLC match at Dance of Death IV. That was our fucking match and y'all stole it from us.
But Nerve and Blitz, this ain't about you right now. This is about Dead Drunk. I don't know how the fuck you two were able to pull off the win. Actually, I think I have an idea. You see, the idea of a TLC match is that a ladder is involved in the finish. You climb the ladder and you get whatever's hung up above the ring. But how did you two decide to win the match? A pin. You scored a fucking pinfall to end the TLC match. What kind of shit is that?
I guess the referee in that match was on your side. I should have known that something was up when the referee kept walking around the ring. It's a TLC match, man. Get the fuck out of the ring and let us all fight it out. But, no. He was in the ring, waiting for you two to go for a cover. In most TLC matches, the cover would be completely pointless. But in this TLC match, pinfalls can end it. Fuck that, man.
Next time Team RabbxtFire meets with Dead Drunk, something more is going down. There ain't going to be anymore controversial shit. TLC was the end of that. Next time, Dead Drunk, it'll be called how it's supposed to be called. Trust me on that one.
And for you two bitches without a team name, Nerve and Blitz. The two guys I can't even tell apart. Which one's which? Your movesets are the same. It just confuses me. Of course, I'm kidding. Nerve, we've got history. And Blitz, we've been a team up in this before. But not anymore. Both of y'all managed to keep Team RabbxtFire from winning that TLC match. Your nameless team didn't pick up the win, either. Really, though... I don't know how you could have. Dead Drunk had that shit from the beginning. You won't hear this from me too much, but I feel for Nerve and Blitz. Y'all got robbed, just like Fire and myself did.
This shit ain't over. There's no way it can be. I'm not letting this shit end with a bad call. I can't wait until the next meeting. Whether it be with Dead Drunk or the two you suck and are banneds, Nerve and Blitz, Team RabbxtFire's taking it home.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 17:52:16 GMT -5
**Sexy Female Journalist #27 corners L.D. Williams in a hallway.**
SFJ#27: “L.D., can I get your comments on what happened at Dance of Death?”
LD: “Do you know where we’re going to be Wednesday night? Guelph, Ontario, Canada. Ever heard of it?”
** SFJ#27 shakes her head.**
LD: “I have. I went to university there. I still live 20 minutes from there. It is as close to my hometown as the OOWF will ever get. I SHOULD be walking into that arena as the World Heavyweight Champion, but I’m not. Instead, I’m wrestling a guy who doesn’t even work here any more in the first round of a tournament that’s my only hope of ever getting near the belt again.”
SFJ#27: “So, you don’t think your placement in the tournament is fair?”
LD: “Not at all. I earned that spot with my performance Sunday. Before Dance of Death, Stank asked what my excuse would be if I didn’t win the title. Simple – No excuses. No complaints. I had a chance to step up and be The Man and I didn’t get it done.”
SFJ#27: “So..what’s next for you?”
LD: “I’ve been asking myself the same question. Do I chuck it all and join Seraph in the wilderness? Do I take Vince or Dixie up their offers and make more for less? Do I make an ass of myself by bitching and moaning that I’m still the uncrowned champion? Or, do I become the twisted, sadistic bastard my mother raised me to be and subject the OOWF to a reign of terror that’ll make Moose’s escapades seem like schoolyard squabbles?…”
<Williams stares at the camera for a few moments.>
LD: “…Decisions.”
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 17:53:07 GMT -5
[The Nerve Agent is watching Rabbxt's promo on a randomly place monitor in the arena.]
TNA: First off, the two you suck and are banneds? Do we have to make this shit look any more like we're in high school? The name "Degrassi Feud" was just a joking name, don't take it seriously. you suck and are banned; wow. If you want to make Blitz and I feel bad, how about a match instead of name calling. I'm sure we could kick your ass in a match. I don't know about name calling. You probably have us beat on that one since it seems like you're still in high school.
Second: You wanna call Blitz and I you suck and are banneds? Who's the one that's running around either doing everything your girl partner tells you to do or you whatever your owner Alex tells you to do. I mean come on man, grow some balls, stick up for yourself, and maybe, just maybe, with a little bit of luck, you can make a name for yourself around here.
Third: Don't think I forgot about you, DeadDrunk. If I agree with anything Rabbxt said, it's that you two jipped Blitz and I out of our win, again. You usually do it in the form of interferance, but this time you got a pin in a TLC match. Lame. Dude come on, you guys shouldn't have even been in that match. That should've been between me and Blitz and Rabbxt and Firewoman. But no, you had to be in it too, and you had to end it with a fucking pinfall. That is screwed up! Fucking try and climb a ladder and grab something. Not so hard, but I guess for two people that have no athletic talent like climbing a simple ladder, all you can get is a pinfall.
I'm fucking pissed. We should've ended this stupid little Degrassi Feud this week. In that TLC match. How much longer is this going to drag on? This is unbearible, going no where, fighting no ones, every single week. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm fed up with it, I'm sick and tired of it.
Fuck!..shit. [sigh]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 17:53:35 GMT -5
*Rabbxt sees Nerve's promo, live, by cracking his closet door open a little bit and peaking into the hallway, where he sees Nerve talking into a camera. When Nerve finishes, Rabbxt shuts his closet door and turns his digital camera back on to cut another promo.*
Alright, man. Sorry about the name-calling. I thought y'all could take it, but seeing as how you devoted half of your promo towards that, it seems like you're just hiding your insecurities. I'll back off that front.
And on the subject of me needing to stand up for myself in the DEA... No way, man. I'll admit that I'm totally whipped, but I'm down, man. I'm in the DEA. You've got Blitz by your side. Who outdoes who? Exactly.
And don't go telling me that I can make a name for myself. Make a name for yourself before you say that shit to me. As far as I'm concerned, I'm a former DDT Champion, Iron Man Champion, and Heavy Metal Champion. I'm in a successful tag team with Firewoman, Team RabbxtFire. And I'm a part of the DEA with Alexander, Alexis, and my own partner, Firewoman. I'm much higher in the OOWF than you are.
Basically, Nerve, and this goes for your partner, too... You're bland as fuck, you've got significantly less talent than Team RabbxtFire's got, you can't defend yourselves in a fight against one member of the DEA, yet you try to cut the group down, and this DeGrassi feud is going somewhere. It's elevating Team RabbxtFire up the card.
Once Team RabbxtFire emerges from this series of three way tag matches, we'll be on the quest for gold.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 17:53:59 GMT -5
[The Nerve Agent, who heard Rabbxt close his closet door in the first place, heard his little promo in person, outside of Rabbxt's closet. He then pulls the same camera man he was talking to before to cut his own promo.]
TNA: Listen here Rabbxt. Your so called going for the gold will be stopped pretty short, pretty soon. I mean, seriously. This feud isn't putting you up higher on the card. You got beat by the most important match so far in this feud. And I know, so did I. At least I'm not saying I'm going for the gold right away, or that this stupid feud put me any higher on the card. I'll be surprised if you still thing you're destined for the gold after you get your ass kicked some more in this Feud.
And as for the little fact that me and my partner "can't defend ourselves in a fight against one member of the DEA", well that's just complete bullshit. That one member, happened to be the leader of all you pussies. And he was carrying around a bag full of weapons. Not to mention he sneaked up on us and sneak attacked us in our own locker room. If you ask me, he's a little pussy. He couldn't take one of us on in a fair fight, so he decides to attack both of us, with weapons, with our backs turned? Bull--shit. Fuck him, fuck you, and fuck your so called friends in the DEA. If they were in this feud I wouldn't mind it, but they can't just leave us alone in this feud and not come beat us in our locker room? I mean, do you really need someone to get the job done for you? I mean seriously, you don't even have enough balls to fight your own fight.
Fuck--you.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 17:55:03 GMT -5
*Rabbxt closes his closet door for a second time, after seeing Nerve's latest promo. He gets his digital camera out again and cuts another promo of his own.*
This is all I'm going to say in this promo, 'cause my camera's battery is really low. I should've charged it after I recorded all them flips, but I didn't. Anyway...
Don't call my boss a pussy, Nerve. I'm warning you on this one. Consider it to be a much nicer move than one would expect from me. As was done before, he can beat you the fuck down like no other. Talk shit, get hit. It's that simple. He didn't beat you and your partner down because of the TLC match we had coming up. Sure, that helped things along, but you talked shit on the DEA, saying about how Run DLP was higher up in your book. That doesn't sparkle with him, Nerve. You get beat down once, yet talk more shit on the man? That's just stupid. Consider yourself lucky if you don't face any consequences for your words.
And look, tag gold. It's possible to get. You and your partner may not be looking into the future, but Team RabbxtFire is. Winning this feud will surely elevate us, man. Being the winning team over two others does that. We'll be higher up than you two and Dead Drunk, then we'll keep going until we reach championship status. That's how it happens, Nerve. And Team RabbxtFire is looking into the future, over this little feud we've got building up right now. You may live in the present, but me...
*Rabbxt's digital camera battery runs out and he leans back against his wall and tosses his camera aside. He grabs a Mountain Dew and relaxes.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 17:55:24 GMT -5
Seamus, The Dead and Damon Wrath are sitting at the backstage catering area drinking beers and playing cards...
Looking at the recent promos...
Damon: "Wow!"
The Dead: "Yeah that's the kinda shit we've been putting up with"
Damon: "Wow, I'm embarressed for you"
Seamus: " You should be, it's like fucking kindercare around here'
The Dead: "Trust us it's best to just stay away from them"
Seamus: "Damon, lucky for you, you got here a few weeks later than me...I came in with those assclowns and no matter what kinda of srubbing action I try I can't shake 'em"
Damon: " Did you try penicillin?"
Seamus: "Just that once in Japan but that was Firewomans fault"
The Dead: " Look we won and we have singles matches next week so it's over"
Seamus: Yeah too bad the best tag team to come out of the whole mess, was the two guys that didn't even want to be a tag team"
The Dead: "Maybe so but anytime you need me I got your back"
Seamus: "Ditto"
Damon" You two gonna kiss or we gonna play?"
Seamus" No this isn't Torchwood and I'm not Billy or Chuck so shut up and deal?"
Damon" Alright girls, aces high, dueces and one eyed jacks wild, ante up cause daddy needs a new pair of shoes..."
The Dead" What the Fuck, one eyed jack is that a joke?"
Seamus: "Nope, someone beer me"
Damon: " Now no cheating, I here you guys are good at it..."
Fade to black
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 17:55:46 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland, Stank, Outback Jack, Ecosystem and Voltage; are in a ROOM for the OOWF-Magazine Champions Cover Photo Shoot*
DM: Hey Stank. Jack, good to see you back, man.
OBJ: *braaaaaaaaap* That's Australian for, "It's good to be back, mate"
S: *smiles* How the Hell are you still here Moreland?
DM: *smiles* Sheer luck, big man...Sheer luck
*They all exchange handshakes, knuckle bumps and pleasantries. Ecosystem and Voltage make their way into the room*
V: WOOOO! I'm the gnarliest Double Champ EVER!
E: You're only a single champ.
V: WOOOO
E: Okay...
DM: Not for long...
E: What's that?
DM: I said "Not. For. Long."
E: Yes, I understand what you said; what were you referring to when you said it?
DM: I was referring to the fact that you and Wack-Job over there aren't going to be the champs much longer. I know of a couple guys who have...5? Yeah..5 title shots coming to them. I'd be surprised if they needed more than one.
E: You think we're scared of Hurricane and Rosey?
*Davin pins Eco up against the wall. Voltage is oblivious*
DM: *through gritted teeth* They are the most respected tag team in the business today and you will REFER to them as such. Am I clear?
*Ecosystem nods, and Davin lets him down. Davin turns his back to go over to his spot. Eco grabs a chair and PASTES Davin in the dome piece*
E: I am one of the most respected wrestlers in this business and YOU will behave as such to me. Especially this Wednesday at Mayhem, when I'm coming for you...Oh yeah, Big Man--I got your number, and it's gonna be 9-1-1 by the time LOADED is through with you.
*Two more shots to the dome and a couple to the back, and Ecosystem drops the chair*
OBJ: So, I guess we're not getting our picture taken, then?
S: Doesn't really look that way right now.
E: You got somethin to say, Fatboy?
S: I wouldn't push it if I were you right now.
*Ecosystem stares the two down, grabs his belt and leaves. Staying behind is Voltage, who apparently has been staring at something shiny this whole time*
V: WOOO...Hey...Where..Where is everyone?
S: By everyone you mean...
V: Eco?
OBJ: He left, mate.
V: Why?
*They both point the the ground directly in front of Voltage*
OBJ: I reckon he'll be waking up soon, mate.
S: You'll probably want to be somewhere else.
*Voltage silently nods in agreement and backs his way out of the room*
S: Boy, is Davin gonna be pissed when he wakes up.
OBJ: *Braaaaaaaaaap* That's Australian for "I'm Glad I'm not them right now"
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 17:56:09 GMT -5
*Scheme Gene spots Drink & Destroy walking backstage*
SG: Outback Jack! Can I have a word with you!
OBJ: Make it quick, mate. We've got some serious celebrating to do.
SG: I'm sure all of your fans want to know how you feel about having Dead Drunk interfere in your match? I mean, didn't you basically pick up a tainted victory?
*OBJ drinks some beer and belches, but before he can respond further Wally B. King struts up and taps Scheme Gene on the chest wit his cane.*
WBK: I'm shocked, shocked to hear these allegations. Outback Jack was doing his best to perform in the ring despite Donovan Viper once again resorting to use of a foreign object. Dead Drunk were simply doing their duty as good citizens, preventing a miscarriage of justice.
SG: Ha! And what about Moosehead Jack? We know he has a relationship with those two...Fans, call the hotline to hear more about it, and kids, don't worry about getting your parents' permission to call...and what about him saying something about "two" after the match?
WBK: No doubt he was congratulating my man on becoming a 2-time Intercontinental Champion. Now if you'll excuse us, we've got some celebrating to do.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 17:57:26 GMT -5
[The Dead finishes playing cards and heads back to his hotel. He gets in the elevator and is immediately joined by Androgynous Mic Stand.]
Dead: Christ, guess we're stuck in here, right?
AMS: That was the plan. Now, after you're big win in the TLC match your opponents seem to be saying that Dead Drunk's win wasn't earned.
Dead: Of course they'd say that. They LOST. The Dead didn't expect anything less from the Degrassi boys.
AMS: And their allegations that your team shouldn't have won by pinfall...?
Dead: Clearly those idiots didn't bother the look at the rules of the match before hand. What was supposed to be hung above the ring? Rabbxt's pride? Nerve's maturity? Fire's lack of independence?
AMS: What about Blitz?
Dead: Who?
AMS: Nevermind.
Dead: Good. The point is, this high school drama shit is over. The Dead and Seamus couldn't wait to end those four chumps, and Dead Drunk did exactly that. Rodent can talk about how he and Firewoman are moving up the tag ranks, but guess what? They LOST. Rabbxt LOST. Firewoman LOST. The Nerve Agent LOST. Blitz LOST. End of story. If they want to continue their little bitch and moan contest, fine, but leave Dead Drunk out of it.
AMS: And what about your surprise interference later in the night? I guess it's official that there is a partnership between the two of you and Moosehead Jack?
Dead: Did you even watch that match? The Dead thinks it's fairly obvious that what happened happened for a reason.
AMS: Anything else?
[After the world's longest elevator ride, they get to the correct floor. The Dead gets out, followed by AMS.]
Dead: One more thing, quickly. The Dead looked at the brackets for the coming weeks, and found out the he is a #9 seed. Just shows that The Rick is trying to flex whatever muscle he has left. He can't take it out on Moose, so he takes it out on Dead Drunk.
AMS: Care to elaborate on that?
Dead: Why not? While no offense to Damon Wrath, he just shows up and is ranked higher than The Dead and Seamus. So is Firewoman, who we BEAT. Hell, The Dead is only ranked one spot higher than Rabbxt, and he hasn't won a meaningful match in god knows how long.
AMS: What about your opponent, The E?
Dead: Of course, Mr. "Entertainment is more important than talent". The Dead has faced of with him before and...
[They get to The Dead's room, and The Dead opens the door.]
Dead: Actually, let me just show you what happened last time.
[The Dead turns on OOWF TV on demand.]
Dead: Here it is.
[The Dead highlights "OOWF MidWeek Mayhem! Live (01-02) From La Paz, Mexico" and skips to the correct match.]
Dead: The E only beat The Dead with some help, and then ran away quickly before The Dead could take out his revenge. This week will be different. Now get the hell out.
[The Dead slams the door in Androgynous Mic Stand's face and we fade to black.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 17:57:53 GMT -5
[Cut in to The E roaming the halls.]
The E: I'm looking for The Dead. I need to speak with him about our matchup this week. Oh, hi L.D.
[LD Williams, who is walking bye, just nods at The E.]
E: Let's try this door.
[The E opens up a door near LD Williams. Inside is nearly pitch black, with a dim light bulb visible.]
E: MOOOOOOOOOOSE!
Moose: ERRRIIIIIIIIIC!
[The E closes the door.]
LD: What the hell is up with that?
E: Nevermind. I'll see you later L.D.
[The E quickly scurries down the hall, and to another locker room. He opens the door, and walks in. The camera man follows The E and sees Alexander Darling, with Alexis Darling, trying on face masks to cover up his nose. Upon The E's arrival, Alexander Darling stands up, possibly looking for a fight.]
E: You better sit down, Alex. Do you want me to remove your nose from the rest of your face?
A: You are not a member of DEA, and therefore, you have no business being in this locker room. Get out.
E: I didn't come here looking for you Alex, but since you brought it up, if you wanted me to join your little agency, you should have done the smart thing and let me get what I should have had, and that's the victory and my Onslaught Championship.
A: I think I gave you plenty, Eric. I gave you multiple resources, private jets, anything you could have imagined. All you had to do was show your commitment to DEA, and you never did.
E: Oh, like that time I knocked Davin Moreland out with a sledgehammer after he punked you and your little groups ass out?
A: That attack on us would have never happened had you been in the ring with Firewoman and Rabbxt, signing a DEA contract.
E: Listen, Alex, I don't sign contracts, I am my own superstar. I don't need any of the shit you gave me. What I did need was my Onslaught Title back. You're an ass.
A: And you're a hypocrite. You said yourself that is was every man for himself out there. I wanted the title too, you stupid son of a bitch. Now get out, I have business to attend to.
E: What, like whoring out your sister to potential clients?
A: Don't make me kick the shit out of you like I did Nerves and Blitz.
E; You'll never get the chance. This isn't over Darling. I'll be back.
[The E turns around to leave, and stops before exiting.]
E: Oh, and by the way, I want my sledgehammer back.
A: The sledgehammer was a gift. I'm taking it with me.
[Alexis shuts the door on The E, as he shakes head.]
E: Well, I guess I could always get another sledgehammer...
[The E ponders this idea as he continues to walk down the hall. Ahead, he sees the high security locker room of Run DLP.]
E: Hmm, I wonder if the pussy turned the security back down to Level 1.
[The E heads towards the locker room with bad intentions, unaware that Davin is not at the locker room, having not seen the previously promo. Before he gets there, he stops.]
E: On second thought, I'll go after Davin later as well. Besides, he never beat me. I deserve my fair shake at my title.
[The E continues to walk down a seemingly never ending hall way when he finally sees a locker room with the name plate "The Dead" on the door. The E knocks.]
E: Dead. It's E. I want to talk to you.
[Silence.]
E: Dead, I know you're in there. But if you're not, I'm sure you'll watch this promo later. But if you are in there, let me in so we can talk.
[More silence.]
E: OK, well, if you're in there and you don't want to talk to me, here goes. If you aren't in there and I'm just looking foolish, I hope you catch this in HD at sometime before our match.
[The E takes a breath]
E: Look, Dead, me and you put on a hell of a match last time. It was the most entertaining thing that was on that particular episode of Mayhem. Why do you have to let facts get in the way of what was a pretty good match? Don't be mad at me for using you to sheild myself from attack, blame Blitz for being an assclown. But anyways...
...I'm looking forward to our match on Wednesday. It should be a hell of an entertaining match-up. I've been working on a lot of moves that I thought the crowd would respond to really well, like, the People Elbow. I've even been working on a pre-match speech. I think it could really be something...
...But come on Dead, I heard what you said about me, and to be honest, it kind of hurt my feelings. Do you really think that I think entertainment comes before talent? Come on, that is no true. I think that entertainment IS talent. They are one and the same. And as for me, while I'm clearly superior to you in every shape and form, that doesn't take away from your value to this match either. You are very important to this match's success. I mean, as a sports entertainment God, I can only make so much happen. It's really up to you if we make everyone crazy over our match - it's not like either of us is a good guy...
...Anyways, I suppose you aren't in the locker room. But if you see this, come find me, I have a question to ask you. I'm really pissed at the DEA right now, and I know you and Seamus are a pretty entertaining tag team. If I was to have problems with the DEA, maybe you two could be my back up? I mean, it would let you get a hold of Rabbxt and Firewoman again. If you're not sure, ask Moose, he may vouch for me. I'm not sure if we're on good terms or not. Anyways, I'm staying at the Marriott. Come by my room. we'll talk about our match, have a Corona or two, and have fun. I've got some hookers lined up as well, if you're interested. Sure, they're Canadian, but they need love too, right? But they have to pay. So, I guess they really aren't hookers if they're paying us. I figured you could have the one that has been infected with some variation of Face AIDS...
[The scene fade as The E continues to babble on for possibly 15 more minutes. We can assume he'll go back to his hotel room after that...]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 17:58:18 GMT -5
[Interestingly enough, it seems The Dead is staying in the same hotel that The E referred to. The Dead catches The E on OOWF TV and decides to respond.]
Dead: Now Eric, it's quaint and all that you would stand outside The Dead's locker and beg for help, but The Dead will not be meeting you in your hotel room to talk this out. The Dead is sure that there is a camera somewhere in this room, so this message should reach you soon.
The Dead and Seamus are not your errand boys. You fucked up with Darling and that's none of Dead Drunk's concern. Go ahead and talk to Moose yourself, and maybe you two can work something out, but The Dead will be damn sure that he's not running errands for someone who won't stand up for himself.
As for Mayhem, you'd better prepare yourself for a fight.
[The Dead spots a small camera in the corner of the room and throws a telephone at it. The screen goes fuzzy for a moment and then goes black.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 17:58:41 GMT -5
[The Nerves Agent and Blitz are walking down an empty hall way talking to each other.]
TNA: You ready for your match? You know you're against Chris Cole. It shouldn't be easy, but I think you could win.
Blitz: Yeah, I definitely have this one won.
TNA: Well that's a good attitude. You don't have any training you want to do before your match?
Blitz: Maybe later, I wanna just go play Wii Sports for a while and maybe watch some porn.
TNA: Dude, you do know that stuff is addictive, right? I mean, you shouldn't watch too much of it.
Blitz: Nah, it's cool, I'll be fine.
TNA: Okay, but I thought you said that for now on we are actually going to train, not play the Wii.
Blitz: Yeah, we trained earlier. I just want a little break.
TNA: Okay man, I'll see ya later, I'm gonna go get some more training in for my match.
Blitz: Okay, see ya.
[Blitz makes a turn into his locker room as The Nerve Agent keeps walking.]
TNA: Finally my own match for once. I'm actually glad to get away from Blitz and this stupid feud. It's been a while since I wrestled solo. I can't wait to kick some ass.
[The Nerve Agent makes his way into his private weight room/training room and starts out by jumping on his square trampoline, doing some flips and stuff.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 17:59:23 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland is in a small, single dorm room with a...Hey! That's Cori! The screen shows the OOWF Logo with a "Live from Harrisonburg, VA" tag beneath it. Ok, so presumably Davin is at Cori's dorm room at James Madison..."Making use off his off day". Cori is coming back from the in-dorm Cafe with an icepack, apparently to replace the one he's holding on his head. He's watching OOWF-TV, I think. Don't ask me about continuity. Maybe this was "Live Moments Ago" or something. It works everywhere else. Shut up.*
DM: Thanks, sweetie
C: Oh, no problem Dav. God you look in rough shape.
DM: I'm a quick healer.
C: Mmm...yes you ARE...
DM: Ok sweetie - TV-14 for a bit, 'kay? I get the feeling we're in the spotlight.
C: Wha? How can you tell?
DM: I have a sixth sense for these things. Can you turn that up, please?
*Cori turns up her 13" TV, and Davin witnesses the following exchange...*
DM: HA!
C: What's so funny?
DM: Eric is slowly realizing that a stable of nobodies isn't much of a stable.
C: He still called you a pussy.
DM: He'll get over that. I locked down P&L in the locker room so they wouldn't take any unnecessary shots meant for me. And my strategy was right; they won the title shots. I was in the hallway. No one came to see me. It was very disappointing.
C: So...what? What do you care? This is a good thing, right?
DM: I don't know if it's a good OR a bad thing, but it's a thing...and Eric earned a little of my respect at Dance of Death. He reminded me of the old Eric O'Mac, the one that used to give a shit about things like titles.
C: He's still acting like he cares about titles.
DM: He is, isn't he...Well, Eric knows he's gonna need backup now that he's stirred the Hornet's Nest of Nobodies in the DEA.
C: Who's gonna back him up? You?
*Davin shoots Cori a look*
DM: I don't think he's at that point, Cori honey.
C: Well, how does this affect you?
DM: Well, it makes things a little more dangerous. Uncertainty is always a bad thing. When it was E and DEA, even though I was outnumbered, I always knew what was coming. Plus, with the Invitational going on, things will be even more uncertain.
C: Like you and Ecosystem.
DM: We're not talking about Ecosystem in this promo. Next one, sweetie.
C: Ok.
DM: I will say this though: Eric O'Mac? You put up a good showing in the Invitational? I'll give you your title shot. What's a "good showing"? Well, I'm not intentionally being vague, but let's just say 4 wins by Nutpunch doesn't carry as much as say a win plus a long grueling loss where you gave it everything you had. I alone will make that determination, and I think YOU Eric, know exactly what you need to do to earn that shot. You were once arguably the best pure wrestler in this Fed. I've seen glimpses, I've seen moments, but I haven't seen you put it together all in one match yet, Eric. Remember where you are, and remember WHO you are; and you get a shot at MY Onslaught Championship.
C: Is that it?
DM: Yeah, I think that's it.
C: Good.
*She turns off the TV and then the lights*
DM: Ninja Camerman...Get lost...
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 18:00:42 GMT -5
<Stank & OBJ are standing outside Paul Roma's Pretty Glorious Wraps Stand.>
OBJ - I was perusing the OOWF website and noticed on Crete's bio he didn't consider you and he a notable feud.
Stank - If I were him I wouldn't want to remember me either. I don't blame him for the diss.
OBJ - Yeah, well... I guess so. How, bout that Ecosystem?
Stank - You want to talk about the environment?
OBJ - No... Defenestrators.
Stank - Oh, yeah that was kind of nuts. Everyone has been so damn serious lately.
OBJ - Did you see how Moreland sold those chair shots? There was a time when it would take a hell of a lot more than a couple of smacks by a chair to take him down.
Stank - These wraps are really good. Hey Roma make me 3 more to go. We ought to be heading to the Destroyitarium, Jack. The Others are waiting for us. Where's Wally?
OBJ - I'll go fetch him.
<The IC champ walks off in search of Wally. Stank pays for his wraps, turns and standing behind him is Ax-Man.>
Stank - Ax! How you doin, man?
Ax - Can't complain too much.
Stank - I saw what that prick Darling did to you. It would seem he hasn't studied his OOWF history or he would have known that you and Cole can't stand each other and that you're part of Drink & Destroy.
Ax - Was part... I'm kind of on my own now.
Stank - ... regardless, you're still a friend. You want I should go put that punk in his place?
Ax - Appreciate it, but I can handle it.
Stank - You sure? He shouldn't have fucked with you.
Ax - And payback will be a bitch I promise you... I'm more interested in taking that belt off your hands.
Stank - Ha. Well at least you know I'll give you a fairer shot at it than the Heroes Guild ever did.
<Stank and Ax share a laugh which is cut short when Stank spies Capellan eyeing them from Flair's sandwich stand across the hall. Capellan approaches and walks right up to the World Champ.>
Ax - *Ahem* I'll leave you two alone.
<Ax-Man walks off camera.>
Cap - I didn't come over here to congratulate you. I came over here to put you on notice. It isn't over between you and me. As long as you hold that title, it NEVER will be.
Stank - Doesn't matter to me one way or the other.
Cap - 2 more seconds and I would have had you.
Stank - Yeah, too bad about that.
<Capellan backs away slowly, points at Stank's title belt, makes the universal "I want the belt" gesture then walks off.>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 18:02:23 GMT -5
OOWF EXCLUSIVE BACKSTAGE VIDEO!
(we hear cheering from one of the locker rooms backstage. An Invisible Ninja cameraman peeks in to see Firechild, BlackDragon and Capellan watching the Rumble on a monitor)
BD: so when did Concrete leave?
FC: right at the end of the year. Apparently he got a hell of a deal
OBJ: He needed a move up - all he was doin was killin Moose every week
BD: (surprised) Still?
FC: and it wasn't stopping.... but I don't think his leaving has helped things, really. Poor Rick.
OBJ: you sure he's debutin here?
FC: (turns the volume up) yep....
(video plays)
"....ring's still crowded with one man to go - Kennedy, Triple H, Batista, Mark Henry still in the ring. Crowd rises as one to count the final entrant, :10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1..... The buzzer sounds. Nothing for a few seconds, then silver and purple lights swing around the arena as Satriani's "train of Angels" blasts over the speakers. Out strides #30, the newcomer, GRYFON. The screen flashes his name as the music picks up. All the participants turn to the ramp as he strides the short distance to the ring. The MSG crowd cheers (they're Smarkt, after all!) as he climbs into the ring. Batista is incredulous, Mark Henry blows him off, and Triple H starts shouting at him and calling him "rookie". Gryfon gestures "toss you out" to Triple H, but turns and dumps Mark Henry without assistance. Crowd chees louder. Kennedy shoves Gryfon to try to get in the middle of it. There's posturing and gesturing, then Hunter and Gryfon grab Kennedy, sling him to the ropes, HHH catches him first, PEDIGREE TO KENNEDY! Kennedy's splattered on the mat face first. Gryfon calls to the crowd, then reaches to pick Kennedy off the mat. He hauls Kennedy up to his shoulders when he's SPEAERED out of his boots by Batista! Kennedy almost lands on Batista's back, Gryfon on the mat clutching his midsection. Triple H gathers Batista from the pile and slams him in the corner, beating him down. Kennedy pushes to all fours, shaking his head clear. He reaches for Gryfon, who is starting to recover. Kennedy gets up and charges the corner. Batista and HHH hear him coming and vault him over the corner to the floor! Kennedy is eliminated! Three-way staredown ensues, crowd only getting louder. Batista makes the "Thumbs up / Thumbs down" gesture to a mixed pop, Gryfon points to Hunter and Batista in turn and does a couple of exaggerated, comic bookish punchess to them. Triple H snarls at the both! DX CHOPS! Crowd pops. Wild brawl ensues and at one point Batista get shoved clear of the fracas. Incensed, he charges them both and they "Help" him over the ropes! Batista is eliminated! Crowd quiets a little, sensing the inevitable that Triple H is going to win the Rumble. The two get nose to nose and talk some trash. Hunter slaps the newcomer, getting the "oh no he di'int" call from the crowd. Gryfon thinks about that a moment and nearly floors Hunter with that COMIC BOOK RIGHT HOOK! Hunter gets back to his feet and right back in Gryfon's face. Gryfon reaches for Hunter's arm but he pulls clear, grabbing Gryfon's other arm to sling him at the ropes. Gryfon eats a PIVOT SPINEBUSTER! Hunter roars in imminent victory. Gryfon slow to his feet, Hunter clotheslines him down. Gryfon tries to stand again and eats another. Gryfon almost stands but HHH grabs him halfway up! PEDIGREE TO THE SUPERHERO! but both are down. Gryfon is stunned by the finisher, Hunter winded from the exchange. Hunter to his feet first, Gryfon only starting to stir. HHH gathers Gryfon to haul him out but once Gryfon is halfway over the ropes he starts to struggle. Hunter loses his grip slightly so Gryfon's feet are back on the mat. He backelbows Hunter once, twice, triple H backs up, clears his head and hits the far ropes to try to haul Gryfon out, Gryfon is ready for him! Catch-POWERSLAM! Gryfon back to his feet and flexing for the crowd. Gryfon points dramatically to the prone game, crowd waking up a little bit. Gryfon backs up a little, carefully watching HHH. Hunter grabs the ropes to get his feet again, but tries to get away for the ropes. He turns almost too late as Gryfon lunges with a clothesline at the ropes! BOTH ARE GOING OVER THE ROPES! BOTH GRAB FOR THE ROPES! Gryfon holds fast while Triple H SPRAWLS FLAILING FOR THE ROPES! Crowd boggles for a moment, then ERUPTS that this newcomer, at #30, has just walked into the Rumble and WON! Michael Buffer proudly announces Gryfon's name and he celebrates on all four corners, while Triple H swears unholy vengeance from the ramp."
(the three of them look at each other)
OBJ: (belches) That's australian for "I'll be damned."
BD: (speechless)
FC: .... guess he made the right choice
AA: (in the hallway) FUCK~! I HAD MONEY ON TRIPLE H!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 18:03:28 GMT -5
Firewoman is WORKING OUT~! in the OOWF weight room. She is bench pressing first, listening to her mp3 player. The tunes do not drown out the clanging and dropping of weights in a different part of the room. She turns to glare at Blitz and The Nerves Agent as they are in the other corner trying to do dumbbell flies. Finally she has had enough.
FW: Hey, dumbasses. If you can't control them to put them down, you're lifting too heavily.
TNA: I think we know what we're doing...
FW: Really? Cos I don't think I've actually SEEN you in here.
Blitz: Well you just haven't looked...
FW: Whatever.
Firewoman goes back to lifting, when Blitz drops a weight, disrupting her concentration, again.
FW: Okay, let me try this. Drop another weight and you'll be wearing it out of here.
TNA: You know, Blitz, this room is getting too crowded. Let's go play Call of Duty 4.
TNA and Blitz leave. Firewoman gets done with her bench presses and picks up the dumbells that they left carelessly on the floor. She picks up two heavier ones and starts to work with those.
Alexis Darling comes in...
AD: Oh, there you are. I just wanted to let you know, Ms. Spears has accepted a generous settlement for her trouble. Of course, the details are secret, but she shouldn't be threatening litigation anymore, okay?
Firewoman keeps pressing
AD: Well...anyway, the bill for the damage you did to the last arena has also been paid, and GMtheRick has been placated....
Firewoman rests between sets, but doesn't acknowledge Alexis
AD: Um... uh .... Firewoman? Can you hear me?
She reaches out to touch Firewoman's shoulder
FW: Hey, back off!
AD: I'm sorry, I thought you couldn't hear me because of your headphones.
FW: Oh these? [she takes them out] the music ran out about 5 minutes ago. I was just ignoring you.
AD: Oh. well, that's mature.
FW: Prowrestling is SO known for its maturity. Is that all you wanted?
AD: No, I also wanted to tell you that we have a photo shoot and interview scheduled for OOWF for you. You'll probably get the cover, but that's still being negotiated.
FW: I'm kind of busy right now....
AD: It'll only take a few minutes.
FW: I said I'm BUSY.
AD: [frustrated] Well, it doens't have to be right now...I guess I could rearrange that with ... she looks at her schedule on her notebook, and writes with the stylus.
Firewoman moves back to the barbell to do some rows.
AD: Well, I'm sure that will work.
FW: That's a bad time too.
AD: I didn't even tell you what it was!
FW: You don't have to. Why the hell would I want to do some puff piece about my favorite color and then pose for 3 hours half naked in a cold studio? The answer is No!
AD: I don't think you understand the effort that we are expending on promoting...
FW: Look, I didn't ask you to do this. When I want to do something, I will let you know.
AD: [really frustrated] So, when are you going to let me know you want to WIN something. Because that would really be nice to know.
FW: Maybe if I didn't have all these distractions with promotional commercials and interviews, and, oh, not to mention having to worry about people jumping me because your brother went on some rampage.
AD: Well, I suggest you get focused on the invitational, and let DEA worry about...
FW: DEA? That would be ME and Rabbxt, right?
AD: We have others. Just worry about your match.
FW: Fine. Firewoman gets on the treadmill
AD: Fine. [She leaves as Firewoman put her headphones back on. Alexis waits to make sure she's actually listening to music and picks up her cell phone, and dials. Yeah, Alexander...she's not cooperating....
Alexis walks out of the room and around the corner.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 18:04:08 GMT -5
SFJ#44 finds Capellan stretching backstage, warming up before his match with rabbxt.
"Capellan, you must feel robbed by the result of the match on the weekend -"
Capellan interrupts her.
"Robbed? No. Disappointed, sure ... but I wasn't robbed. Two seconds more and I would have had a pin on Stank, but the match was for 60 minutes. Not 60 minutes and 2 seconds."
"So you think the better man won?"
"... the better man on the night. There will be other nights."
"So you're determined to win Stank's respect, like he talked about last week?"
Cap barks a laugh.
"Respect? Honey, I'm not after Stank's respect - I'm after his belt. The sooner he realises that, the better for him. I'm not looking for a pat on the head and a 'good try kid, you've got heart', like I got from Underdawg. So the champ had better remember how to be the man who tore down stadiums to beat Concrete TG, because if he doesn't, he won't be wearing gold for much longer."
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 18:04:36 GMT -5
(Ecosystem and Voltage are pondering life sitting on top of a hospital.)
Eco: That was too close on Sunday.
Volt: It doesn't matter how close it was. No one keeps track of how close it was. We're still the champs.
Eco: I guess so.
Volt: And now we don't even have to defend them this week.
Eco: True. Or next week if we win our matches.
Volt: Which we will.
Eco: Really?
Volt: No, probably not. Personally, I may have forgotten how to wrestle when you can't just tag out every 10 seconds. But we can try.
Eco: So if we both win our matches...we go up against each other, right?
Volt: Oh yeah. Hey, want to lay down for me?
Eco: No.
Volt: Oh.
(Pause.)
Volt: How about now?
Eco: NO!
Volt: You never lay down for me!
Eco: When have I ever had to? And boy, did that sound gay.
Volt: Yeah, it did.
Eco: I got an idea. Why don't you lay down for me? Then everyone's happy.
Volt: Okay, cool.
(Pause.)
Volt: Wait...no!
Eco: Fine. Want to throw these watermelons off of the roof?
Volt: I guess.
(Ecosystem and Voltage throw watermelons off of the top of Sacred Heart Hospital, one of which hits Kelso's car.)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 18:04:57 GMT -5
Blitz is playing Wii Sports in his locker room when "The Main Event" Chris Cole walks in. Blitz does not even look away from the game.
B: So you decided you wanted to play with me, huh?
CC: Sure did.
B: What? You're not Nerve.
CC: Does that mean I can't play?
B: You're not here to attack me?
CC: Not at all. I know you are a bit of a gamer and I wanted to spend a few hours relaxing. Look, I even brought my own Wiimote with my Mii saved on it.
B: Fuck Yeah! I'm going to have The Main Event's Mii in my Mii Plaza. Who's the man?
CC: I have to warn you. I'm pretty good at Wii Bowling.
B: Not as good as me. I practice an hour each day.
CC: We'll see about that.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 18:05:24 GMT -5
Firewoman is leaving her locker room, freshly post-workout showered. She looks carefully out the door up both hallways to make sure no anti-DEA forces are lurking. A figure looms behind her, which she senses. She turns and pins the source of the shadow against the wall with a hammerlock.
FW: Okay, who are you?
NewGuy: I've been hired by DEA to be your new interviewer.
FW: Huh? What happened to Sparky? Or whatever his name is?
NG: Sexy Male Journalist 1? The DEA has wished him well in his future endeavors.
FW: What? No way. I just got him broken in! I'll need to take care of this....
Firewoman releases him and proceeds to head towards the DEA suites
NG: Wait! Uh, since I'm here, can I ask you about your match in the Invitational?
FW: Fine. Wait, I have to call you something besides New Guy.
NG: Um...Shallow Corporate Interviewer #1?
FW: Works for me...
Firewoman positions herself for ample camera positions for the NinjaCam 3000. She begins, with a touch of false humility
It is an honor to have a spot in the Invitational, and a fourth seed nonetheless! It is also a tremendous honor to be in the ring with a legend like Niles Anderson. I know he's from the 'old school,' so I hope he doesn't have any preconceived notions about "Not hitting women" or not needing to actually bring it, because as my first opponents in OOWF found, that is a strategy that will fail.
SCI#1: Lately, though, your win/loss record has taken a beating, care to comment on that?
FW: Not really. The backstage shenanigans have been quite a distraction from what I truly love, and that is getting in the ring and testing my power and speed against the guys, and earning their respect. Every career has its ups and downs, and when you add such distractions and then of course some random CHEATING into the mix, well, the downs happen.
But I look forward to earning Niles' respect when they raise my arm at the end of the match and he goes back to wherever he's retired to.
SCI#1: So,...no comment then?
FW: Exactly. There have been a lot of changes around here recently, and one of those is my very presence. Niles won't be used to that, so I hope he's studied my matches very closely, or else it's likely to be a short match. Competition, Spunky, that is the name of the game!
Now, I need to go take my own advice and ignore all this backstage stuff, which does include you, Spunky, and go do some of my own research on my opponent. Welcome to the team, for now at least, until I can get Sparky back. Because that would sparkle with me, and you, I'm sad to say, just don't.
Firewoman pats SCI#1 on the head and walks towards the DEA suite, keeping her eyes open.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 28, 2008 18:05:51 GMT -5
(GM The Rick clicks on his DVR on Tuesday morning to see how his former employee did)
Show opens with Gryfon's music and he triumphantly marches to the ring. Crowd is pretty behind him tonight. After a few poses and pointing out signs, Gryfon gathers a mic.
CTG: Last night was indeed the impossible and improbable. Last night was a miracle in its own merits. Indeed, who knew that a man who has given his life to justice could step into the ring and accomplish what I have done?
(Crowd cheers)
CTG: For those of you who may not have heard of me, I am simply known as the Gryfon, one who has the swiftness of eagles and the strength of iions to face any evil and conquer it! The Royal Rumble is not evil, nor is the man I defeated last night.
(Crowd has a mixed reaction to that as a video package plays)
CTG: but with that victory I can begin bringing said Justice to this proud company. I understand there's a great deal of evil at the top.
(Crowd boos heartily)
CTG: Indeed, we have the Great Collusion on Smackdown and ECW, where a man named Edge has used his charm, his greed and desire to put him at the top of the mountain there, and has returned the favor by ensuring that his ally Chavo Guererro becaame the ECW champion over CM Punk.
(Crowd boos a LOT louder.)
CTG: but these evils are minor in comparison to the man who is your champion here! This is a man who revels in his title as a 'legend killer', a man who believes his abilities in the ring murder the legacies of those who came before him! That, citizens, is an INSULT to the true integrity of this fine sport! Perhaps, Young Randall, if you have no other plans tonight, I should mete some justice?
(Crowd cheers loudly.)
(Regal's music plays instead, and he strides out looking none to pleased. )
Regal: Before I begin addressing your inquiry, Mr. 'Gryfon', I need to say something else. DAMN YOU and your bloody LUCK in winning the Royal Rumble! You claim that our champion Randy Orton besmirches histroy by killing legends as his modus operandi, yet you are the one making the mockery of our sport by walking into one of the greatest traditions of this fine company and winning it? YOU'RE NOT EVEN ON THE ROSTER AS YET! Because of this I am stripping you of that title opportunity, per the orders of Vince McMahon HIMSELF!"
(Crowd erupts in boos. )
CTG: Excuse me? This is a title shot I've earned and you're saying you can take it away from me?
Regal: As you are not officially a member of the roster, you are INELIGIBLE for a title shot at this time! You will need to complete the requisitie paperwork this evening if you insist on staying here. Meantime, I am taking that title shot, moving it back to our up and coming pay per view No Way Out and give it to the last employee who was in the ring at the Royal Rumble, Triple Haitch!
GMtR: Figures
HHH: (strides out to his music, looking "Surprised"
Gryfon: .......
HHH: (to Regal) about time you appreciated me around here. (to Gryfon, in his best mock-condescending voice) Hey, this was just dropped on me this morning.
GMtR: I love shoot comments
HHH: Besides, this is gonna be something I can take care of for ya. I mean come on, I've got the proof behind me - while I've been here winning titles, you're off fighting moose in the wilderness.
GMtR: (smirking) so HHH does watch OOWF
HHH: but to show you that I'm a nice guy, once I line up my tag partner for a match later tonight, I'll help ya with all that paperwork.
CTG: (wants to make a political comment but won't) I don't feel your actions are all that pure of heart, Hunter.
HHH: You know, you're right. Regal, once he gets his paperwork in order, can you get him a match at No Way Out?
Regal: Most certainly - in fact, I already have a match in mind for you. Since you spoke of your speed and strength, I'd like to see your endurance tested - perhaps with some of our other superstars.
CTG: I will face any challenge you put before me!
Regal: Even..... this?
(Elimination Chamber video package plays)
CTG: (looks daunted but not scared)
Regal: and to make sure we know exactly what you're made of, sunshine, allow me to introduce the others who will be in that chamber with you! We'll start with testing your strength againt Yumanga!
(crowd boos)
Regal: Then we will test your experience against a seasoned veteran like Shawn Michaels!
(crowd cheers)
Regal: we shall also test your resolve against a tenacious Chris Jericho
(Crowd cheers)
Regal: We will test your wits and intelligence against John Bradshaw Layfield
(Crowd boos)
Regal: and finally, we will test your reflexes and agility against Jeff Hardy
(Crowd nearly explodes)
Regal: should you win THAT, you miserable little toerag, maybe then.... and ONLY then would I consider you Wrestlemania worthy! Now get out of that ring before you discredit us any further with your 'justice' nonsense!
(regal's music plays and he's booed off the stage. HHH shrugs playfully and leaves also)
CTG: (left standing in the ring, shaking his head)
GMtR: Careful what you wish for.... (FF's through a lot of the show, eventually seeing that Gryfon main events - tagging with Y2J against Orton and JBL)
Jericho and Orton started. Jericho seemed preoccupied by JBL, though. He tagged in Gryfon at 1:00 and he hit a leaping moonsault on Orton at 2:00. JBL yanked Orton out of the ring during the pin attempt to save him from a three count. Commericals play. When we get back, JBL gave a distracted Gryfon a big boot to stop his momentum at 6:00. Ross praised the teammwork of Orton and JBL. Jericho got the hot-tag and gave JBL the Lionsault for a near fall, with Orton breaking up the pin. Orton whipped Gryfon into the top rope, where the two brawled a bit. Meanwhile, Jericho applied the Walls of Jericho. Orton slipped out of a Gryfecta[Cement Mixer] attempt, ran in and gave an RKO to Jericho. The ref, who had been trying to restore order, leaped back into the ring and counted JBL's cover on Jericho for the finish.
-After the match, Triple H came out to his music. Orton and JBL stared him down, but then JBL patted Orton on the shoulder and gave him words of encouragement and bailed out. HHH tackled Orton and then gave him a Pedigree. He pointed at Orton's carcass and continued to talk trash. He then flexed in his eaglewing pose. The show ended with Orton lying motionless on the mat selling the Pedigree.
GMtR: So much for the main event welcome (deletes if off his DVR)
[Edited on 1-29-2008 by ConcreteTG]
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