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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 12:04:03 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem/OOWF Invitational Round 3 Live! From Chester Depot, Vermont BracketsOOWF Invitational Round 3Moosehead Jack vs. Spin Hansen Canadian Dragon vs. Capellan Chris Cole vs. DH Magnusson LD Williams vs. Seamus McNasty OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u] Stank vs. Donovan Viper OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u] Outback Jack vs. F. Fonzworth MacCappington III OOWF World Tag Team Title Match[/u] Defenestrators vs. Phantos & Lucios OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u] Davin Moreland vs. The Dead Eric O'Mac & Alexander Darling vs. The Nerve Agent & Blitz Firechild vs. Damon Wrath vs. Ryan Hardcore Team RabbxtFire vs. Apocalyptic Bastards card subject to paczki overdose
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 12:04:37 GMT -5
(General Manager the Rick is at his desk at the Chester Depot Community Arena. Phantos & Lucios walk in the door unnanounced.
GMtR: Good Lord, how did you get here so fast?
Lucios: Our new Sprint PCS Helicopter. Davin had the plane waiting, but he's been a bit moody lately, what with the big game and then losing to someone like Dead... It's best to give him his space.
Phantos: That and the chopper is Sweeeeeet! TV, Wet bar, almost as nice as the Dunkin' Donuts Limousine!
Lucios: A Wet bar that I'm having removed. We have a request, Rick
GMtR: So what do you want now? I haven't even gotten the paperwork for this week out of my breifcase yet.
Lucios: LOADED banned from ringside. For any match we wrestle ever.
GMtR: Best I can do is for the remaining title shots. Forever is a long time.
Phantos: Ok man, as long as we get Fair matches from now on.
GMtR: Fair? I don't want to hear about fair! I'm granting your request. Now get the hell out of here! I still have reports to file from Coxsackie!
(The Uncrowned Champions head for the door. Lucios turns around at the last moment)
Lucios: One last thing boss. Sign The Heels. Soon. Very Soon.
GMtR: OUT!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 12:06:18 GMT -5
Capellan is backstage, stretching and letting his body cool down slowly from his match.
"Canadian Dragon. A man I've never beaten one on one. Some might say that makes me the underdog next week."
He glances up at the camera, and his expression is grim.
"Here's a word of warning to Dragon: don't be one of those people. When I beat you next week, I don't want it to be because you half-assed it. And I will beat you. I am the better man, the better wrestler ... and I will be the next OOWF Heavyweight Champion."
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 12:06:41 GMT -5
Firechild walks into Chris Cole's dressing room, and catches Cole playing Guitar Hero II!
CC: ...um...
FC: It's cool man, I do it too. I just wanted to swing by and thank you...
CC: Don't worry about it man, it was really sad what you were turning into, and MacCappington was in my way anyway..
FC: But still, you have my thanks - and if you ever need a favour....
CC: Then you owe me one.
FC: That's right, now if you'll excuse me I have some things to take care of....catchya later man.
CC: One thing man, I've got soemthing of yours - I've had it for......a while.
Cole tosses something small at Firechild, and we see a flash of silver. Firechild looks at it, and smiles broadly - quickly turning itno his trademark grin of evil good humour. Firechild leaves Cole's room and heads out to the stage....
---------------------------
.....he walks out through the crowd, to no music and grabs a mike in the ring.
FC: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, geeks and geekettes, friends & scholars - you see before you a man reborn. Thanks to the actions of my old, old friend Chris Cole, I am now a free man. Now there are a few things I need to clear up, and get rid of.
He unslings the shoulder bag he was carrying and reveals his foppish ring gear from his time as MacCappington's lackey. He motions to ringside, and a stageheand rolls a bin into the ring. Firechild drops the ring gear into the bin. He rummages in the bag and pulls out a handful of torn paper, and tosses that into the bin as well.
Lastly he drags a can of gasoline out of the bag and pours it liberally itno the bin. He lifts a bottle of Jake Danielson out of the bag and tosses the bag into the crowd.
FC: Because this is my resurrection, and wghere I burn away all that has held me down, where I remember who I am and what I am here to do. I am Chris Flame, known as Firechild - I am the eternal burning for justice and vengeance and I shall be revenged upon you F. Fonzworth Cappington the third, and even if you try and hide behind your boys in Loaded I shall come for you, and vengeance shall be mine - don't say I didn't warn you!
As he hits the final line, Firechild tosses a match into bin, which erupts in an impressive column of flame. He mounts the ropes and downs an impressive slug of whisky, and then grabs the jiek again -
FC: One more thing - a new start means I get my own music back - and I would like to introduce to you all - ALTER BRIDGE!
Onstage, Alter Bridge kick into Firechild's new music 'The Ties That Bind' and Firechild continues to celebrate in the ring, and then up onstage as the play the song out - then makes his way to the back.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 12:07:01 GMT -5
[The Dead is sitting in his locker room. A bandage is wrapped around his head and blood is seeping out from under it. It doesn't look good.]
Dead: Davin, didn't The Dead tell you that your losing streak would continue? And the best part is, it's not over yet. The Dead took your best shots and kept coming. You thought you could out-muscle The Dead, but instead you got out-witted and out-wrestled. So go ahead and sulk in your corporate-sponsored locker room. Maybe all those endorsements will cheer you up. Hell, they're going to have to, because after next week that's all you'll have left. Davin, you're looking at the new Onslaught Champion.
Dead: Oh, and The Dead wants The E to remember something he said last week. There are no excuses for not winning. Guess you just couldn't get it done, E.
[The Dead laughs as blood drips from his bandaged head.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 12:07:25 GMT -5
[The Dead is still sitting in his locker room, pressing the bandage against his head when The E bursts into his room, pissed.]
Dead: What the hell...
E: You better shut your fucking mouth right now you little shit.
Dead: If you're mad about my little distraction, you might as well save your breath. The Dead did nothing that you wouldn't have done.
E: Open your mouth again and I'll make sure you lose more blood than Ric Flair on a Thursday.
RF: WOOOO!
E: Ugh. Secondly, I'm fucking better than you'll ever be. You can cost me my shot at the invitational. It doesn't hide facts. You can't get it done against me and that's a fact. You're 0-2 against me. So interfere in all of my fucking matches. I don't give a shit. Bottom line is that at the end of the day, I'm better than you! And soon, you'll be an afterthought in this company. And as much as I hate to say it, I'm looking forward to the ass kicking Davin Moreland is going to give you next week. You thought you've been through hell before? You haven seen anything yet, bitch.
[The E turns around to leave.]
Dead: You know, The Dead does have a victory of Davin, something you couldn't accomplish in 3 tries...
[BAM! The Dead gets KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT via an E baseball bat shot. The blood is seeping through the bandage heavily. The E laughs.]
E: I told you to keep your mouth shut. Sure, it's not a sledgehammer, but a baseball bat does damage the same way. Next time, think twice before talking to me. You will get KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT! Now, off to my meeting with the lovely Alexis Darling. My business here is done. I'm a Sports Entertainment God - and I'm guessing that makes you DEAD!
[The E walks away as EMTs come into the room. The Dead seems to be stirring, refusing medical help as we fade.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 12:07:45 GMT -5
[The Dead slowly makes his way to his feet. Blood is covering his face and he tries to wipe some of it away from his eyes.]
Dead: Everyone must be afraid of The Dead. Little Eric is just upset that he couldn't get the job done, so he attacks The Dead. Davin knew he couldn't beat The Dead, so he tried to take him out before the match. Little Eric can talk all he wants about his record against The Dead, but who has a title shot next week? Not little Eric. Jealousy is an ugly thing, E.
[The Dead slowly makes his way to the door and walks into the hallway.]
Dead: Now there's someone The Dead needs to talk to.
[The Dead groggily makes his way down the hall. He is interrupted by Rabbxt, who is flipping down the hall the other way.]
Rabbxt: Holy shit! What happe...?
Dead: Not now bunny boy, scram.
Rabbxt: No problem, I'm just on my way to get more delicious Moun...
[The Dead glares at Rabbxt.]
Rabbxt: Nevermind...
[Rabbxt flips his way down the hall and out of sight. He soon passes the Run DLP locker room.]
Dead: Soon enough...
[The Dead continues down the hall until he comes to a door. He opens it, but it's pitch black inside. The Dead steps inside.]
Dead: Look, if The Dead is going to continue to help you out, we're going to need to have a little talk...
[The Dead closes the door behind him.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 12:08:08 GMT -5
*The members of Drink and Destroy are sitting around the Destroyitarium, living up to the first half of their name.*
Stank: Oh, I'll take care of business all right. It just would have been nice to have a little back-up.
OBJ: Sorry, mate. If we'd been watching we would have been out there, no worries.
Stank: You weren't watching?
DHM: Well, um...
Spin: Not exactly.
Stank: Not exactly?
OBJ: Well, basically, no. I mean it was just supposed to be a promo.
Stank: A promo at the end of a show, by a champion? You guys didn't think somethin might happen?
DHM: Good point.
Spin: I guess you're right.
OBJ: Well, here's a bit of good news to cheer you up. Wally's been doing some research and one of our ancestors spent some time in the American Wild West.
Spin: Let me guess. He was also a wrestler.
OBJ: No, he was a pimp. It's a tradition on Wally's side of the family.
Stank: Well thanks for sharing. I feel so much better now.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 12:08:31 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland, fresh from a shower after his multiple encounters with The white emollient under the child's foreskin is called smegma. Smegma is probably the most misunderstood, most unjustifiably maligned substance in nature. Smegma is clean, not dirty, and is beneficial and necessary. It moisturizes the glans and keeps it smooth, soft, and supple. Its antibacterial and antiviral properties keep the penis clean and healthy. All mammals produce smegma!, stops by Ric's Sandwich Stand, presented by D'Angelo's presumably to get a sandwich. The E apparently has the same thought, as he rounds the opposite corner. The E, still holding his baseball bat; gets into a defensive position with the bat.*
DM: At ease, Eric.
RF: WHOOO!! The BAH GAWD USUAL, CHAMP??
DM: Yeah, Number 9 Steak and Cheese combo
RF: WHOOOO!!! Mayonnaise and Pickles too??
DM: You know it, Naitch.
RF: WHOOO!!! COMING RIGHT UP, FATBOY!!
*Ric goes to prepare Davin's sandwich*
DM: Nice work, Eric.
E: Uh huh...
DM: Dude, can you stop being a tool for like 2 seconds?
E: The E isn't a tool. The E is a SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT GOOOOOODDDDDD!!! And The E needs a really good reason not to bludgeon you with this bat right now.
DM: Ok First, Drop the 3rd Person thing, you sound like The Dead. Second, I don't think you really WANT to hit me with that bat, not because you're afraid of what might happen, but simply because you don't want to. And third, you'll never get a title shot beating me up with baseball bats.
E: Title shot?
DM: I told you you'd get your title shot if I saw Eric O'Mac instead of "The E". I've been seeing a lot more of Eric O'Mac around lately.
E: The E thinks your blind.
DM: The D thinks he's not. And like I told you; if I saw someone deserving of a title shot, I'd give it to them. Eric, you've shown me enough. Name the time. You've got your title shot.
*crowd in the arena cheers*
E: I'm gonna get my title back, you know that, right?
DM: Well, I'm sure you'll try. I'll say this much, to beat me in an "I Quit" Match, Eric O' Mac had better show up; otherwise you stand no chance.
E: No Chance at MY title? I'm not afraid of you Davin; I never have been. And when I cash in this title shot, I'm taking you out.
DM: Well, good luck with that.
RF: WHOOO! ORDER BAH GAWD UP FATBOY!
*Davin grabs his sandwich and turns to walk away, The E grabs him by the arm, and they do a staredown spot*
E: What happens if you lose to The Dead this week at Mayhem?
DM: Watch OOWF-TV, and see.
*He takes his sandwich bag and heads to the ring area. Davin produces a CD from his pocket, and hands it to "Sound Guy". It's apparently his theme music. It is. "Pull Me Under" fires up, but just as the instrumental intro ends, "Jump Around" by House of Pain fires up, sending the Vermont crowd into a batshit tizzy. Davin comes out from behind the curtain, arms raised and staring at the ceiling for a full 30 seconds, soaking up the cheers from the apparently homefield crowd. He takes time to slap hands and talk to fans on his way down to the ring, and the crowd gives him a huge ovation the whole time. He gets to the mat in front of the ring, and in honor of the Recently Endeavored Bobby Lashley does the TWO IMPRESSIVE LEAPS into the ring. He goes up all 4 turnbuckles acknowleging the crowd. He puts his sandwich back on the mat, and takes off his Onslaught Championship Belt from around his waist (thanks to Phantos and Lucios' constant complaining, that's where he wears it now) and raises it high so everyone can see. Crowd continues its batshittiness as Davin finally grabs a mic (after an entrance length that HHH would be proud of), and calls for his music to be cut.*
DM: What's up Chester Depot? It's good to be back in NEW ENGLAND BABY!!
*Crowd Cheaply pops, but still batshit*
DM: Folks, I stand before you as YOUR Onslaught Champion...
*More Poppage*
DM:...But...but, I also stand before you as someone on a bit of a losing streak...
*boos*
DM: Yes, I've been pinned twice in a row, and this last one has resulted in my Title Match this Wednesday at Mayhem.
*batshit*
DM: So, I've got a few words for someone, The Dead...
*BOOOOOOOOOOOOO*
DM: Hey now...He beat me clean in the ring 1,2,3 last week.
*BOOOOOOOOOOOOO*
DM: But let me say this to that little pissant Lackey The Dead...
*batshit again*
DM: You think some flash pin win makes you something? You think that means anything? First, non-title match, so your "win" by definition means nothing. Secondly...This week you've got yourself a TITLE shot with me. However, this won't be a regular match like last week...
*you guessed it, batshit*
DM: No, see, this is an Onslaught Championship match, and as much as the Bookerman doesn't like it, that Champion gets to choose the stip in his match. And guess what my stip is, The Dead?
*He holds the microphone up, and the crowd screeches "I QUIT!"*
DM: That's right, The Dead, it's an "I Quit" match; which means I hold a microphone to your mouth, and you tell the entire town of Chester Depot that you can't hang with a true Champion like Davin Moreland...and you QUIT!
*bats...shit...yeah*
DM: No lucky flash pins. No referees making questionable decisions. No rules. Just me, BEATING YOUR ASS UNTIL YOU CRY AND QUIT!
*you guessed it*
DM: So, The Dead, I suggest you heal up any open wounds, bruises or scars; and I suggest you work out any sprains, tweaks, strains or pulls. Because I'm coming to the ring with my trusty piece of rebar; and they'll all stick out like big red targets on your body. And I am going to beat you bloody. If I feel so inclined, I'll just end your career, and maybe put you in a chair for the rest of your life. I'm a psycho, you never know how it's gonna work out.
*yeah*
DM: One thing is for damned sure. YOU will NOT be walking out of this match! You WILL bleed! You will CRY! And you WILL QUIT! And you will not...be leaving with my Onslaught Championship...
*shocking, applause, I know...*
DM: And one other thing...Moosehead Jack...
*BOOOOOOOOOOOOO*
DM: Moose, if you wanna tangle; just say so...Don't send your flunkies to do it for you. It makes you look like a chickenshit. You're better than that. And unlike EVERYONE else who tangles with you - I'm not leaving. I am STILL here, and I am RIGHT HERE!
*yay*
DM: So...to the Dead, to Moose, to Seamus McNasty, to the DEA, and to the motherfucking NEW YORK GIANTS! I am RIGHT HERE, and DAVIN MORELAND AINT YOUR BITCH NO MORE!
*yippee*
DM: And you BEST watch your backs; cause you never know when I'll decide...You...Will...Feel...The...BANG!!
*He makes the Diamond Cutter sign, throws it down and ring pyro goes off. "Jump Around" fires up again. Davin poses some, picks up his sandwich bag, and leaves through the crowd, slapping hands and talking with the fans on his way out*
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 12:13:44 GMT -5
<The Dead closes the door behind him as Moose clicks on a single light and motions for Dead to have a seat>
MHJ: What's on your mind?
TD: Did you not see me just get nailed by Eric? Mr. Sports Entertainment God had a bat.
MHJ: So, you are saying you would rather not get hit in the head anymore?
TD: The Dead is not finding this amusing
<Just then there is a knock on the door, Moose yells for them to come in, it's Eric O'Mac! The Dead jumps to his feet and ERic brings the bat up to hit him again>
MHJ: STOP! Not now. Dead, have a seat, Eric, have a seat, we have something to discuss.
EOM: Fine, first things first, what the hell is up with you having HIM run interference in OUR match!
MHJ: That wasn't my idea. I had nothing to do with it.
EOM: Bullshit
MHJ: Dead?
TD: I am not takin orders from anyone, got that?
MHJ: Look, I made a deal with The Dead because he is a tough bastard and its always better to have them on your side rather than against them. And Eric, I offered you a deal because you have a vision of what you want the OOWF to be, and it doesn't include Rick as GM. Now, I am not saying you two have to like each other, but if we are ever going to actually go into battle against those idiots in Run DLP and Cole, and whoever else Rick tries to recruit, we need a united front. Now, I am asking not demanding but asking can you two put your differences aside?
<long pause for dramatic effect>
EOM: Yeah I suppose
TD: The Dead can live with that
MHJ: Good. Now, with the two of you after Moreland, there is no way he stands a chance. Dead you have a shot, and just in case Moreland worms his way out of that, he has already screwed up and offered Eric a shot. With both of you coming at him, he will fall.
EOM: What about you?
MHJ: What about me?
TD: Davin had some pretty harsh words for you, thinks you are hiding behind me to get to him.
MHJ:<chuckling> Moreland is an idiot. Telling you to put a couple of extra lumps on his head, which you did quite well by the way, was not me sending you after him. When I feel like it, Moreland and I will settle things. Right now, its not the time, fortunately for him. So, we all on the same page?
<Dead and Eric look warily at one another>
EOM: Yeah I suppose
TD: For now, yeah, you have my word
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 12:14:07 GMT -5
[The Dead and The E get up to leave. They stare at each other as the door is opened.]
Dead: (pointing to his head) The next time you try and do something like this, you'll regret it.
E: Oh, big words deadboy. Too bad you can't back them up.
[The stare at one another and look like they're about to come to blows.]
Dead: You know what?
E: What?
Dead: This is a waste of time. From now on, you stay the hell away from The Dead, and The Dead will stay away from you.
E: Works for me, jerko.
Dead: Look, The Dead hates you. The Dead hates everything you stand for...
E: The feeling is mutual.
Dead: But right now there are bigger things going on here.
E: Like Rick, Cole, and Davin and his boys.
Dead: Exactly.
E: Fine. We'll do what we have to, but otherwise I want nothing to do with you.
Dead: Sounds good to The Dead.
[They start to walk in opposite directions.]
E: Oh, and Dead?
Dead: Yeah?
E: I still hate you.
Dead: I know.
[The two go their opposite ways and The Dead heads back to his locker room. He turns on OOWF TV and hears what Davin Moreland has to say about him.]
Dead: Hmm, where to begin? How about the fact that no matter what excuse Davin makes, he still lost. "Flash pin"? Whatever helps you sleep at night. The fact is, you lost. Period. You had an entire week to prepare for The Dead, and you blew it.
Dead: As for next week, you made a huge mistake. An I Quit match? Clearly you haven't been watching tape like your little trampoline buddies. The Dead never gives up. The Dead never says "I Quit". All this is going to do is make you look more like a fool than you already do when you BEG for The Dead to stop. It's perfect, The Dead will put the final nail in the coffin that was your career right in your very own backyard. How fitting. Your own friends and family will watch you writhe in pain as you beg for mercy. They will see the anguish on your face as you scream "I Quit!"
Dead: Davin, there's only one certainty next week. When that match is over, you will wish you were DEAD.
[Fade to black.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 12:14:29 GMT -5
*The E walks away from The Dead and heads towards Ric's Sandwich Shop to get his supper before he and Davin had their confrontation.*
E: Ric, get me the chicken teriaki on Italian bread, American cheese, and sweet onion sauce.
RF: WHOOO! CHICKEN, BREAD AND CHEESE FAT BOY! WHOOOO!
*E has a seat beside Ric as Ric gets everything ready.*
E: You know, Ric. I'm at a crossroads during my short return here at the OOWF. I've been in huge battles and I've been in pissing contests.
RF: WHOOO! 6-INCH OR FOOT LONG?
E: Is that a trick question? I'd like a foot long sub.
RF: WHOO!
E: Anyways, there's this thing with Alex, but we seem to get be getting along better now. There's this thing with The Dead, and now, me and Davin seem to seeing somewhat eye to eye despite the fact that we fucking hate each other. How did you get through this, Ric?
RF: E, YOU'VE GOTTA RIDE SPACE MOUNTAIN ALL NIGHT LONG! WHOO!
E: I guess you're right. But there's a part of me that is thinking that if I had, ya know, wrestled against Moose, I would have been victorious. In a way, I let myself down. And now, I've gotta play nice with The Dead, me and Alex are up against Blitz and Nerve, and Davin, out of fucking nowhere, has offered me a title shot? Things are very different than I imagined they would do the past couple of weeks. I mean, an Onslaught Title shot? I deserve it, that's for sure. But why now? Why does he respect me now? Because of who I use to be? Because of how I use to wrestle? Sure, I used some moves that I use to do to surprise Moose. But I'm not a fucking mat wrestler anymore. I did that once. It burned me out. I had to take 10 long months off because I wrestled like Chris Benoit for 3 plus years. I'm surprised I didn't go off the deep end and ucking kill my family and myself.
RF: WHOO! TOO SOON, FAT BOY!
E: If Davin wants to hand out unwarrented title shots, I'm going to take 'em. Three months ago, he thougt I was a jobber, and now I've impressed him. I'm not here to impress him. And I'm not here to help him either. As much as I hate The Dead, I can't attack him anymore. Which makes the Onslaught Title match really interesting. Would I rather beat the shit out of The Dead or beat Davin Moreland? Then again, why the fuck do I care?
RF: WHOO! CONFLICT FAT BOY!
E: Which brings me to next week. What exactly gets accomplished by beating the hell out of Blitz and Nerve?
Alexis Darling: Maybe it would help you feel better.
*E stands up upon hearing Alexis' voice. Alexis looks impatient*
E: Well, maybe it would make me feel better. It's still pointless.
A: Maybe. But as a fan of an inferior product, isn't stuff being pointless a given?
E: It's NOT inferior.
A: Regardless, we had a meeting. Apaprently, talking with everyone BUT me was more important.
E: Sorry. Some stuff couldn't wait.
A: Can we meet now?
E: Sure. Would you like something from Ric's?
A: No. Where would you like to meet, the DEA locker room or your locker room?
E: My locker room is fine. As of today, it's 100% BEAST-FREE.
A: OK, let's go.
*The E grabs his sandwich from Ric.*
RF: GO RIDE SPACE MOUNTAIN, FAT BOY!!!!
E: Shut up Ric. Will Alex being joining us?
A: He will join us shortly. He's attending to business at the moment.
*E and Alexis walk in the direction of his locker room. Fade to black.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 12:14:49 GMT -5
**Rabbxt and Firewoman are standing outside of the DEA Luxury Suite.**
Rabbxt: Oh, shit!
Fire: What?
Rabbxt: Here. See for yourself.
**Rabbxt hands Firewoman a piece of paper. On it is the event card for next week's MidWeek Mayhem.**
Fire: Ok...?
Rabbxt: Damn it, Fire! Look who we're up against!
Fire: The Apocalyptic Bastards. Who cares?
Rabbxt: You won't be saying that when they're pinning your shoulders to the mat!
Fire: Why would they do that? They don't win matches.
Rabbxt: Fire! Don't underestimate these guys! They're tough sons of bitches!
Fire: I highly doubt that. Don't worry about it and just...
Rabbxt: Don't worry about it!? How can I not worry about it!? We're facing the Apocalyptic Bastards!
Fire: I really can't see your point in any of this.
Rabbxt: You just don't get it, Fire. We can't win out there. Not against those two.
Fire: Ok, you're really confusing me right now.
Rabbxt: It's simple! Come on! Team RabbxtFire can not beat the Apocalyptic Bastards! No way!
Fire: How about this... You just run away and go do whatever it is you do between shows. And just don't think about next week until it's here.
Rabbxt: I'll try, Fire. But I won't like it. And I won't like next week when one of us is getting pinned in the center of that ring by SYB or Apocalyptic Existence.
Fire: Yea, sure... Now move along...
**Rabbxt flips everywhere, then flips off-screen.**
Fire: What was that about?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 12:15:11 GMT -5
Fire: What was that about?
*Capellan pokes his head in shot*
Cap: Maybe he's finally flipped?
Cap falls about laughing at the appalling pun. Firewoman watches him for a moment, then when he finally straightens up, LARIATS~! him out of his boots.
Fire: *storms off without another word*
Cap (from the floor): Was it something I said?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 12:15:37 GMT -5
Firewoman enters the DEA Luxury Suites after laying out Capellan
Hayden Paniettere: What did you do that for?
FW: Oh please, didn’t you hear that pun? It just had to be done.
HP: Maybe. Can I help you with something?
FW: I would like 1. some ice for my ribs. 2. some codeine for my ribs. 3. tape of my match with Spin 4. the TV/VCR combo on which to watch said tape.
HP: Right away.
Firewoman sits down with her paper and pencil to jot down things as she watches, wincing a little bit, but not too badly. Rabbxt comes in sporting the Iron Man Championship belt.
FW: Hey, my belt!
R: Uh, my belt. I just won it fair and square.
FW: Oh yeah? How?
R: Well…um. I just won it, okay? Sheesh. Why are you here and not in your locker room?
FW: I can’t find it.
R: Ha! You must have hit your head harder than you thought!
FW: No, I mean seriously. I don’t know which one in this arena is mine. My sign isn’t up. Only thing that is up is the one for the DEA suites. I need my private space. I’ll need to talk to Alexander…
R: Doesn’t Alexis take care of that stuff?
FW: I think she’s still mad about the car thing.
Hayden returns with ice packs, prescription bottles, video tape, and the video cart. She sets it up for Firewoman, give her the remaining items and goes back to standing vapidly in the corner, waiting for something to do.
Firewoman starts the tape and forwards and rewinds, taking notes as things occur to her.
HP: I’m sorry you lost.
FW: Yeah, me too. I hate losing. But, I almost didn’t. If it hadn’t been for that slip….right…..there!
She pauses the tape, backs it up, and watches over and over again, trying to catch something.
Damn, I can’t see anything on this monitor. We need a new one. Hayden, do we have any video catalogues?
HP: I think so….
FW: And Otomix. I clearly need new boots.
Hayden gives her a stack of catalogues
HP: So….you’re not mad?
FW: Of course I’m mad! But look at this! I had him pinned or locked in a hold several times. I kicked out on him a bunch. I made him BLEED. So yeah, he got the pin, but I wrestled great. And that’s largely because Spin’s a great competitor and didn’t give me an inch. But, if not for that slip….
Here, this pair of shoes right here….I think I need two pairs of those, actually.
HP: Wow…those are pricey.
FW: You know what else is pricey? Second guessing my judgment on what kind of shoes I need.
HP: Oh…gotcha.
FW: Now, as for TVs….Ah here we go… Nice. Look at the resolution on that one. And it gets HD!
HP: Is OOWF in HD?
FW: You know, I can’t remember. Doesn’t matter, everything will be soon enough. Maybe order that too.
HP: I don’t know….
FW: Hey, now this isn’t just for me. This is for ALL of us. Alexander and Rabbxt can use it for reviewing, you and Alexis can use it to…do whatever it is you all do all day. Watch Project Runway or whatever.
HP: I watch Guiding Light. I used to be on that, you know.
FW: Wow, that’s fabulous…really….
Rabbxt again walks by, with some Mountain Dew. He tries to toss the can in the air, do a flip and land and catch the Dew before it spills everywhere… And fails miserably. It goes all over Hayden, Firewoman, and Firewoman’s notes. Hayden screams. Firewoman fumes for a moment, looks at her clothes, looks at her notes, and then leaps at Rabbxt. She lays him out with her second spontaneous lariat of the day!
Suddenly, a referee appears. He waits. Firewoman shrugs her shoulders, and lays over Rabbxt for the pin. A disembodied announcers voice says:
You’re new Iron…Person Champion….FIREWOMAN!
Hayden cheers and then goes to get a mop.
R: I guess I deserved that.
FW: You certainly did.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 12:16:00 GMT -5
Stank - Where am I supposed to stand... here?
<Having left the Destroyitarium, Stank is posing in a studio, for a photo shoot with OOWF Magazine.>
P - Ok now, hold the belt higher and look MEAN.
<Stank grins menacingly.>
P - No no no no... no grinning. Just look MEAN!
<The photographer takes several shots.>
P - Ok that's all for now folks. Champ, good working with you.
Stank - Thanks. Let me get your- ah fuck.
<Donovan Viper charges onto the set and HAMMERS Stank between the eyes with a chain assisted death elbow!!!
Hours later, Stank is at Equinox Sports Emporium, receiving an award for Chestor Depot's Wrestler of the Year. He and GM The Rick walk onstage to shake hands with the Emporium's Director and pose for photos, the award plaque being passed amongst them. Stank approaches the podium to the applause of the small crowd.>
Stank - Uh... Thank you for this uh... award for Wrestler of the Year. It is an honor to be... uh... on such a prestigious list of nominees... except for Randy Orton. Why you put him on this list, I don't know, but whatever... I'm honored anyway. You know when I was a little boy- ah hell.
<Donovan Viper charges onto the stage and HAMMERS Stank between the eyes with a chain assisted death elbow!!!
Hours later, Stank is having an early dinner with a few sexy female journalists.>
Stank - Ladies please, you make a black man blush. Alright let me hit the restroom so we can get up outta here. Charlotte make sure gratuity is included on the bill and Alicia DON'T touch my card. Woman I'm STILL paying on that little shopping spree you took 3 months ago. You know what I expect for those shoes you're wearing.
SFJ#3 - It'll be worth it.
<Stank grins knowingly and heads to the men's restroom. He relieves himself at the urinal and washes his hands at the sink. He inspects the bandage on his head, in the mirror, while humming a little tune to himself.>
Stank - Hmmmm mmmm mmm, doobee doo dooo daaaa daa daa- ah for FUCK'S SAKE!
<Donovan Viper charges out of a nearby stall and HAMMERS Stank between the eyes with a chain assisted death elbow!!!
An hour later Stank CHARGES into the Destroyitarium. He searches under ever table, walks into the restrooms both men and women, checks every stall, then joins Outback Jack and Wally over at the bar.>
OBJ - You looking for something?
Stank - Viper.
OBJ - What?
Stank - That asshole has been following me all day, elbowing me in my fucking head!
WBK - You're bleeding through your bandage there, mate.
Stank - FUCK you WALLY! THIS is YOUR FAULT!
WBK - MY FAULT?!?
Stank - YEAH! You set up that interview with Russ! How the fuck did Donnie know we would be at THAT hotel???
WBK - Ninja Cameramen, mate! They're EVERYWHERE!
Stank - Oh... oh yeah.
WBK - They're enough to make anyone paranoid.
Stank - Yeah, sorry about that.
WBK - It's ok, mate.
Stank - After the day I've had I really need a beer- AH SHIT!!
<Donovan Viper hops up from behind the bar, charges over and HAMMERS Stank between the eyes with a chain assisted death elbow!!! He scoots out the Destroyitarium before anyone else can react.>
WBK - Bloody hell.
Spin - ...
DHM - ...
OBJ - Yeah that's going to leave a mark.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 12:16:20 GMT -5
*Canadian Dragon is sitting beside a safe as Sexy Female Journalist #4 looks on.*
SFJ #4: "So, looking at the brackets..."
CD: "I face Cap next. That's the only thing that matters."
SFJ #4: "But...I mean if you win...you could face Jack..."
CD: "I face Cap next week...any questions about that?"
SFJ #4: "...and if you win then...you and LD...."
CD: "Me and LD are Weapon X. But Weapon X doesn't have a match next week. Cap and myself on the other hand...we do."
SFJ #4: "But I mean...how can you not look past Cap?"
CD: "Because Ive got to focus. That's why this safe is here. To remind me, hell...to remind EVERYBODY of a time not so long ago when I was THE man."
SFJ #4: "Oh yeah...until Viper..."
*Dragon cuts her off by knocking the mic out of her hand with a Dragon-kick. Dragon smiles as the camera fades to black.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 12:16:45 GMT -5
*Outside the OOWF Arena in Chester Depot, Vermont*
In the parking lot of the arena a ninja cameraman waits to see if anyone is about to show and his patience pays off when a metallic silver 2008 Mitsubishi Eclipse Spyder convertible skids into a parking space at the far end of the lot. The driver door opens and Alexander Darling gets out and slams the door before opening the trunk and taking his bag out. He doesn’t seem to be in that pleasant a mood as he makes his way to the back. We see he’s got a metal face-guard now to cover his nose and his normal high-priced style of clothing is nowhere to be found as he wears a simple pair of jeans and an “18 and 1 Giant Loss t-shirt.” As he makes it to the door, he catches a glimpse of the ninja cameraman watching his every move.
Alexander Darling: Hey ninja, follow me. I’d like to do some talking and walking for a change as I got a lot of business to take care of this week and I’m not in the most patient of moods. Fucking bodily fluids taking my DDT Heavy Metal Iron Person Title. Losing to LD Williams after coming so close to pinning the legend. The FUCKING Dead getting a title shot when Davin still hasn’t beaten me. This week is fucking going to hell and I don’t even know who I’m facing this week.
Darling starts walking through the hallways and as he walks he sees Capellan just starting to stand up near The DEA Luxury Suite.
Alexander: What the hell happened to you and why are you here?
Capellan: Your firecracker in there don’t like my puns. I made a simple comment about Rabbxt flipping with the DDT title and she…
Alexander: Wait, the bunny bitch has my title. Get the hell out of my way.
Alexander pushes past Capellan and barges into The DEA Luxury Suite. Capellan: Rude much…Ah hell, I better go prepare for Dragon, maybe he’ll actually give me something to work with this week.
Inside The DEA Luxury Suite is pure chaos as Alexander Darling storms in and sees Rabbxt starting to get up off the ground. As soon as he’s standing, Alexander charges him and hits him with a Yakuza kick. Rabbxt flips twice in the air before landing hard on the floor of the suite. Alex walks over and places his foot on Rabbxt’s chest.
Alexander: Thinking you could steal my DDT title; I’ll show you. I bet it was your smegma that pinned me even if I have no clue what the hell happened. I’ll show you thinking you could be better than me at anything. Where the fuck is the god damn ninja referee to count this cover?
Firewoman: Alex, not to interrupt ya or anything, but Rabbxt doesn’t have the Iron Person Championship anymore.
Alexander: God damn, what kind of loser are ya? I was going to come in here and tell you I started looking for that moneybag chair you wanted and then I hear you have my title and now that you can’t even hold on to it. What loser beat you for it? I’ll go get it back.
Behind Rabbxt’s back we see Hayden trying to get Alexander to shut up and not say anything else but he doesn’t stop and he feels a tap on his shoulder. As he turns around he sees Firewoman standing right behind him.
Firewoman: The LOSER with the Iron Person Championship is standing right here. And if you think I’m going to lay down for you like your sister, you have another thing coming bucko. I don’t lie down for anyone.
Alexander, mumbling under his breath, Except for Seamus.
Firewoman: What was that? You got something to say.
Alexander: You know what, I don’t have time for this shit today. I’ve got too much going on and not a lot of time to do it. I had to drive myself here because somehow both limos were gone when I woke up and I had no driver. Then I find out a credit card I thought had no limit, was already over its limit…and Fire, we will be talking about that soon. And I didn’t even have time for fucking lunch so I have to go to that weirdo Flair’s sandwich stand.
Firewoman: And what do you mean have to talk. You said I could…
Alexander: I know what I said, but I didn’t think you’d go so over the line with everything Fire. For the love of all that is holy, did you really need to rent an Audi R8 the day after they came out and use it for one fucking day. It cost more to rent that than it would to buy a normal car. And I don’t even wanna get into your temper tantrums wrecking locker rooms.
Hayden Panettiere: What about…
Firewoman: Not now Hayden. Why don’t you take Alexander and get some lunch?
Hayden looks back and forth between Firewoman and Alexander before deciding that maybe she has a point. Alexander looks like he’s about to blow a gasket and could use some time to cool off so Hayden drags him out of the suite. The two of them make their way through the hallways and towards Flair’s sandwich stop and lo and behold who is sitting at the counter eating his lunch but none other than Onslaught Champion, Davin Moreland. Alexander walks up right behind him even as Hayden tries to get him to stop and go somewhere else for lunch. Alexander is having none of it and coughs right behind Davin to get his attention. Davin turns and jumps off his seat and gets into a fighting position.
Alexander: Davin, put your hands down. I know you’d like to kick my ass as much as I would love to kick yours. I still fucking owe you for making me wear a god damn plate over my face.
Davin Moreland: I have to say it’s a much better look for you. And anytime you want me to start breaking more bones, just make a move. In fact maybe I’ll start right now.
Alexander: You could try, but I know you won’t.
Davin: And why wouldn’t I?
Alexander: First of all, my back isn’t turned to you and you haven’t showed the initiative to jump me face to face yet. And secondly because as shocking as it may be, I’m not here for a fucking fight. I just want some god damn lunch, find out who the hell I’m fighting next week, and have one fucking simple day here.
Davin: You think I care about any of your shit. I got a title match against The Dead this week…
Alexander: The Dead has a title shot this week. Degrassi jobber Dead has a fucking title shot this week? Are you fucking kidding me? I guess it fucking pays to have friends in high places. All I know is I’ve been in the ring with you and you still haven’t made me quit, but where the fuck is my title shot? Sitting on a god damn desk in Rick’s office because Bennett’s boys have all the power.
Davin: I can’t believe I actually agree with you on something. I may not like you Darling, but you’ve stood toe-to-toe with some of the best here and Eric’s been changing for the better recently, but my title match is against Moose’s new friend. Think about what that means and make your move. I’m finished here now, enjoy your lunch though.
Davin starts to walk past Alexander as Alex starts looking over the menu to decide what he wants.
Ric Flair: HURRY UP FAT BOY!!! WHOOO!!! YOU LOOK LIKE STING AFTER THE HORSEMEN GET THROUGH WITH HIM!!! WHOO!!! ORDER FAT BOY!!!
Alexander turns around to ask Davin if Flair’s always like this when he’s met by a right hand from Davin.
Davin: That’s for the shirt asshole. BOOYAH!
And with that Davin walks out of the shop and off to the Run DLP locker room. Alexander shakes his head to clear the cobwebs out from the punch from Moreland before turning around to finish hearing Hayden finish her order.
Hayden: Yes, on whole wheat and a strawberry shake please.
RF: HOW BOUT A RIDE ON SPACE MOUNTAIN LITTLE GIRL!!! WHOO!!! ALL NIGHT LONG LIKE LIONEL RICHIE!!! WHOOOOO!!!
Alexander: Can it, Flair. Let me get a grilled chicken sandwich with honey mustard, provolone cheese, and a chocolate shake.
RF: WHOO!!!! WANNA BE THE NEXT FAT BOY DONTCHA!!!! WHOO!!!! TO BE THE MAN!!!! WHOO!!!! BEAT THE MAN!!!
Alexander: Just get the food old man. Hayden, this place is a fucking nuthouse. I just want one week to go simply.
Hayden: Since we’ve been friends for a long time I feel like I can be honest with ya. Maybe you bring some of it on yourself. You haven’t exactly been the most likeable guy since you got here.
Alexander: I’m not going to go around saying I like or respect everyone here. I leave that to others because the fact is, I really don’t like or respect a lot of the people here. Cause truthfully I know no one here will respect me until I prove myself and that’s all I want to do. It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do. Prove myself as one of the best in the world…no matter what.
RF: ORDER IS UP FAT BOY!!!! COME AND GET IT!!!! WHOO!!!! LITTLE LADY SPACE MOUNTAIN!!!
Alexander picks up his order from the counter and slaps Flair once as payment. Alexander: Keep it up has been and I’ll come back with my magical bag of weapons. BOOYAH, Bitch!!!
Alexander and Hayden leave the sandwich shop when Alexander asks where his sister is.
Hayden: Oh, she’s meeting with The E regarding your match this week.
Alexander: I’m wrestling The E this week? What the fuck is Rick thinking? He really wants another enemy, doesn’t he?
Hayden: Oh no, not at all. You’re tagging with E to face ummmm…Mustard Gas and Dasher…no, Agent X and Prancer…
Alexander: Nerve Agent and Blitz? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
No, okay seriously who are we facing? DH and Spin, Dead Drunk…who?
Hayden: Seriously, it’s the first two you mentioned. I think you beat them up pretty bad recently and they asked for a chance to face you.
Alexander: Sweet, a free week and an easy win. I could use that this week.
Alexander and Hayden finally arrive to The E’s new 100% Beast free locker room and just as they’re about to knock Alexander starts sniffing the air.
Alexander: What the hell is that smell? It kinda smells like…oh my…
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 12:17:07 GMT -5
Spin Hansen: One of us really should done something there with Viper.
D.H. Magnusson: Yeah. Probably the one of us that didn't almost get beat by a broad.
SH: What?
DHM: *grinning* Nothin'. Just sayin', you almost got beat by a skirt. Same one that mashed your face in at Dead Baby Bonanza.
SH: Wait. Waitwaitwaitwait. You...YOU are giving me grief for Firewoman having a good match against me -
DHM:*now in a full smile* Twice.
SH: When you got your face caved in by the new guy?
DHM: What?
SH:*cracking his own grin as DH's fades* The new guy. The one that caved in your face last week. You *DO* remember the match, don't you? He didn't hit you that hard did he?
DHM: He didn't cave my face in.
SH: You looked in a mirror this week, dude?
DHM *laughing*: What? I'm as pretty as always!
SH *laughing*: That kinda the problem.
the two tap beer bottles, and promptly down them
SH: So...Cole and Jack.
DHM: Two headcases.
SH: Yeah, but they're a little different from each other.
DHM: Maybe...But I figure all I gotta worry about is Cole burying me under piles of his DVDs. Ol' Jack seems a little intense. You got a gameplan?
SH: Hit him harder than he hits me. And faster.
DHM: Sounds good. I might steal that and use it on Cole.
SH: And if Moose's two new little buddies show up -
DHM: I'll race ya t'see who hits them first.
somewhere off in the distance Stank curses loudy.
DHM: Alright, bro...Gotta run. Shannon set up a thing at the Humane Society here. They're runnin' low on cash, and figured I might be able to drum a little somethin' outta doin' an appearance. You should come. It'd be a thing.
SH: Naw, gotta pass. I need to hit the boiler room.
DHM: Can't say I didn't offer. Catch ya when I'm done.
Wally B King: Wait right there, boyo! We've been talking, and we think that you lads need a proper team name.
SH&DHM: What?
WBK: Well...it's about confusion, lads. If you boys win the tag titles back...
SH&DHM: When.
WBK: Right. That's what I meant. When you boys win the tag titles back, there'll be all kinds of confusion! Using the Drink and Destroy name throws it all into a right proper tiz in the record books!
SH: He has a point.
DHM: Yeah. Are you as scared as I am?
SH: Uh-huh.
WBK: Right then! Now mates, I've been thinking. Have either of the lot of you seen "La Bamba"? There's this group called the Droogs...
DHM: I ain't nowhere NEAR drunk enough for this. Wally, we'll work on it. Gotta go.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 12:17:31 GMT -5
Davin Moreland, Phantos and Lucios are all relaxing in the Run DLP Aquafina Locker Room. Phantos bouncing away on his trampoline, Lucios and Davin in the Jacuzzi Hot Tub
Davin: Stupid Bookerman, what the hell was I doing in a match with The Dead anyway?
(pounding is heard at the door)
Davin: Don’t worry, I took us back up to level four for this promo.
Lucios: Better off losing last week than this week
Davin: Better off not losing EITHER week!
Lucios: Still man, You’ve got a championship. Have since October.
(more pounding at the door)
Lucios: What? That comment wasn’t hurting kayfabe any
(more pounding at the door)
Davin: Ignore it. He’ll go away eventually. Besides, you have 4 more shots at The Defenstrators. You’ll get them soon. I can FEEL it. I on the other hand, have 2 serious contenders to worry about. Why The Dead warrants a title shot still baffles me.
(more pounding at the door)
Lucios: At least Rick is talking to me now. I’ve gotten LOADED barred from ringside for the next 4 title shots.
Davin: You finally got off the fence.
Lucios: I did… we did
Davin: Does he always go along with you?
Lucios: Usually. He knows I’m the brains of the outfit.
Davin: An intelligent Texan. Whodathunkit?
Lucios: Don’t judge the lot of us by bad examples. Phantos and I both have IQ’s in the highest percentiles.
Davin: Phantos too? You have GOT to be kidding me.
Lucios: Intelligence, I didn’t say anything about maturity.
(more pounding on the door. Phantos somersaults off the trampoline and opens the door. The CBS Evening News Katie Couric walks in and hugs Phantos fiercely.)
CENKC: Why haven't you answered the door? I've been out there for 10 minutes!
Phantos: Sorry sugar! Can I get you an Aquafina?
CENKC: Actually, no, I'm on a little bit of a time crunch. Are you ready for your personal, 1 on 1 interview?
Phantos: Whoooooo Yeah baby! Lets go back to my private quarters.
CENKC: They aren't sponsored?
Phantos: Negotiations pending. Thats all I can legally say.
Lucios: Umm.. Ms. Couric.... Where's the cameraman?
CENKC: Cameraman?.. umm... this one's for a print story.
Davin: Where's your notebook or tape recorder?
CENKC: I... umm... I think I left one in here last time. (quickly disappears)
Davin: Are those walls soundproofed?
Lucios: No. How about we head for some food?
Davin: I can't.... I'm meeting someone.
Lucios: Cori again?
Davin (pauses for a moment) ...... Yes. Hey, You want me to call her, see if she could bring her roomate?
Lucios: (shrugs) .... Sure.. Why not?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 12:17:53 GMT -5
F. Fonzworth MacCappington is just leaving dinner at a VERY exclusive restaurant, waiting with Lance for his limo to be valeted round.
A UPS guy comes up with a package, and Lance signs for it. MacCappington nods, and Lance begins to unwrap it - the MacCappington thinks about and motions for Lance to drop it. MacCappington stamps hard on it - and it makes a crunching noise, and we see springs and pieces of clockwork, m bounce out of the wrapping, mixing with a noxious looking liquid...
FFM3- You see Lance, we must be ever vigilant against the pyrotechnic hatred of our former indentured servants....
Lance- Quite Sir....
The limousine comes round, and the valet hands the keys to Lance, and stands to the side. MacCappington gets in the back as lance gets in the front to drive, and the limo pulls away from the restaurant.
The valet watches, as the steering locks and the limo crashes into the decorative wall of the hotel property and catches aflame.
Lance and MacCappington stagger free of the building conflagration, with MacCappington cursing and stamping on his expensive hat, with his face streaked with soot, and ruddy with rage as his VERY EXPENSIVE motor conveyance goes up in flames.
We see the valet laughing and it is revealed (obviously) to in fact be Firechild.
A VERY attractive, wealthy lady comes up (thinking him to be the valet) and asks the him if Mr MacCappington recieved her gift of a rolex watch, and some vintage claret.
FC: I think he was less than impressed...(points to the stamped out package)...but then again, he's a man of little class (nods over to the classless, base display by the rapidly consumed limo.)
The VAWL gasps in shock, as Firechild takes off the valet vest, grabs her round the waist and says...
FC: What say we find a better venue?
She swoons as he grabs her & snaps his fingers. A valet appears with his Harley Davidson, and he jumps on, and the VAWL joins him, and they roar out of the swanky carpark, leaving MacCappington and Lance in a pall of smoke.....
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 12:18:17 GMT -5
(Ecosystem and Voltage are hanging out in their hotel room.)
Voltage: Hey mate, if I want to...purchase some programming...could you spot me a ten?
Eco: I'm not giving you any porn money.
Voltage: Well...I was actually going to buy a video game. They have Paper Mario.
(The door flies open.)
Super Mario, Attorney at Law: SOMEBODY SAY MARIO?
Volt: Oh come on.
Eco: Super Mario! I thought you were dead?
SM: Attsa incorrect assumption! I wasa workin' for my paisano italiano, Rudy Giuliani!
Volt: How'd that work out?
SM: Shutta you face!
Eco: Whatever. I'm walking down to the arena. Volt, you can play Paper Mario all you like.
SM: He calla me Paper?
Volt: Can you take him with you?
Eco: Yes. Come on.
(Eco and Super Mario walks out the door. Eco closes the door, walks over to the elevator. Super Mario presses the elevator button and they wait.)
Eco: Ninja cameraman, you could stop recording and turn it on again later.
Ninja: Right.
(Black.)
(The camera turns back on with Ecosystem and Super Mario standing outside the Run DLP Locker Room.)
Eco: (picking up a steel chair) Okay, on the count of three.
Super Mario: THREE!!!
(Eco and Super Mario blast into the locker room.)
Eco: (swinging his steel chair wildly) PAIN!!! YOU LIKE THAT, HUH?
Someone: OW! (grabbing Eco's chair) You--
Super Mario: (picking up a giant beet) MARIO!
(Super Mario nails the folks in the locker room with a giant beet.)
Super Mario: MAMA MIA!
Eco: What?
Super Mario: Uh-oh!
Eco: WHAT?
Super Mario: Um...I thinka that maybe the wrong title was on the door.
(Eco looks around to see Alexander Darling, Alexis, The E, and Hayden Panetierre under the giant beet.)
Eco: Oh. Sorry guys.
Alexander: You are going to die.
Eco: Eventually, or like--
Alexander: REALLY SOON!
Lucios: Or you'll just get beaten up.
Eco: Eh?
(Lucios and Phantos jump Eco from behind and start hitting him with plastic Aquafina bottles REALLY HARD! Super Mario jumps in, but Davin walks into Super Mario incredibly slowly, which shrinks Super Mario in size*)
Regular Mario: MAMA MIA!
Phantos: (with one final blow of the Aquafina bottle) We're taking that title Wednesday, Egosystem!
Voice: OH NO YOU'RE NOT!
(Voltage pops OUT of the giant beet with a machine gun.)
Davin: You know, I should probably go see Cori now.
Phantos: Right.
Lucios: Oh, and we'll meet her roommate.
Davin: Right.
(Run DLP runs away.)
Voltage: YEAH! RUN!
Eco: Dude...they hit me with plastic bottles. Overreact much?
Volt: Maybe.
Alexis: Hey, can you get us out from under here?
Eco: Will you kill us when we do?
The E: Absolutely (mumble)
Volt: Was that mumble a "not"?
The E: Let's say it is.
Eco: Let's say we leave.
(Eco, Volt, and Super Mario leave.)
*Video game joke. You get it or you don't.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 12:35:41 GMT -5
Shot opens in front of a door that says "The Main Event". Standing next to the door is Metrosexual Male Journalist.
MMJ: I'm here to get a word from one of the Elite Eight in the OOWF Invitational, "The Main Event" Chris Cole.
MMJ enters the room. We can hear booing and the sounds of clicking. The camera pans to a TV where Cole is playing Guitar Hero III. He fails the song.
CC: God damn it. That song is too fucking hard for Hard. That shit should be expert.
MMJ: Chris Cole, can I have a word.
CC: Huh, I guess. It's not like I'm doing anything else at the moment.
MMJ: Having some trouble with Guitar Hero?
CC: I think I should have a talk with the makers of the game. "Raining Blood" is way too hard on Hard. I can beat everything else excpet that damn song.
MMJ: I wanted to talk to you about wrestling today.
CC: Sure. I'm growing tired of Guitar Hero III anyway. It isn't as good as II.
MMJ: Your opponent this week is DH Magnussen. Earlier he seemed unimpressed with your new attitude since your return. He even joked about you shilling your new DVD.
CC: DH has a sense of humor? Look he can joke all he wants and take me lightly if he chooses. The facts are of the two of us I'm the only former World Champion. Also, in case you haven't noticed my Win/Loss Record since my return is pretty damn good. Yes, I have a new attitude that is less intense then my previous attitude, but you can't argue with the results. I'm more relaxed, I'm having more fun, and as a result I'm winning more matches. Frankly as far as in ring success goes I'm having more right now then I did when I was OOWF World Heavyweight Champion.
MMJ: So you think you will continue on with your success and defeat DH?
CC: He didn't get this far in the tournament by accident. He is a great wrestler. But this week he steps into the ring with a Legend in this business. A Legend that is actually in the peak of his career. How scary is that? I'm a two time World Champion in two different companies, the longest reigning OOWF World Champ in history, and yet I'm in the prime of my career right now. Things will only get better for "The Main Event". The first step is winning the OOWF Invitational.
MMJ: Cole, lately we've noticed some recruiting being done by Moosehead Jack. He seems to be gathering forces to oppose The Rick and has dropped youyr name numerous times as a possible roadblock to his goals. What are your thoughts on this?
CC: I've been down the road Moose is traveling. I know what that is like. The difference between him and myself though is sanity and self control. I had both. Moose is capable of hurting Rick very badly. The Rick and I have been at odds for years but I've grown to respect him as a Boss and more importantly as a Man. I'm not going to sit by and let Moosehead Jack have his way with him. The last few weeks Moose has been fairly quiet. He is taking his time and gathering recruits and plotting his schemes. I may have been sidetracked with Capslock and saving Firechild's career but I haven't forgot the threat that Moose is. If he strikes I'll be waiting.
MMJ: Speaking of Firechild, will we see a 3 Piece Set reunion?
CC: Never say never. Fire and I have finally come to an understanding. I think if either of us are ever against a wall that the other will be there for support. 3 Piece Set as a full time unit is gone but not forgotten. We both have our own persoanl goals and objectives. But the OOWF fans might get treated to some special attractions in the coming months and years. Stay tuned on that.
MMJ: Well Chris, thanks for your time and good luck this week.
CC: No problem. Now I need to relax and this stupid game isn't helping. I'm going to put II back in and rock out to "Freebird". You up for a jam?
MMJ: I'll try.
Fades to Black.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 12:36:09 GMT -5
*Outback Jack is seated in a large leather chair next to a fireplace. Oil paintings of fox hunting scenes hang on the walls over bookcases filled with leather-bound volumes. Elegantly dressed people are seated in small groups around the room having tea. A string quartet is playing chamber music. OBJ is wearing a smoking jacket and is sipping delicately from a large snifter of brandy. SFJ 56 is seated opposite him.*
SFJ: I'm here at the Chester Depot Country Club to interview Outback Jack...
OBJ (speaking in an affected posh accent): I dare say you are mistaken, young lady. Please address me as O. Jackthorpe Hinterlandian III.
SFJ: I don't get it.
OBJ: Tisk, tisk. You must be overwhelmed by these sophisticated surroundings.
SFJ: It is pretty nice here!
OBJ: An understatement if ever I heard one. This club is a remarkable oasis of sophistication and charm, a veritable bastion of tasteful elegance, where one can enjoy the finest things in life without being troubled by the pedestrian concerns of the tedious lower classes. No wonder MacCappington was planning on coming here. No riff-raff and whatnot here.
SFJ: Are you meeting him here?
OBJ: Well, I thought I might pop by and have a little chat, but I've heard he's having some transportation difficulties. So I decided to enjoy some of the amenities to which he's grown accustomed. *Sips some brandy and exhales softly.* Ah, most pleasant indeed. But I dare say a tad lacking in zest, in joi de vivre if you will.
SFJ: I don't get it.
OBJ: Well, let me express myself differently. *Drains the remaining brandy, then pulls out a can of Fosters, slams it, and belches so loudly that two old men playing chess fall out of their chairs. The string quartet stops playing.* That's Australian for MacCappington's getting soft. *OBJ stands up and rips off the smoking jacket.* But I'm going to remind him about what the OOWF has to offer when I kick his ass!
*Elegantly dressed ladies nearby cover their ears and a uniformed servant approaches.*
Servant: Excuse me, sir. A rather large African-American gentleman was inquiring at the front entrance.
OBJ(back to the posh accent): Ah, my associate Mr. Stankwell. Please do escort him in my good man. And do get a beverage for him, and of course put in on Mr. MacCappington's tab as well.
Servant: I'm afraid Mr. Stankwell can't come in here.
OBJ: Is he not properly attired? That old rapscallion! Then just have him pop round to the pro shop and get a nice outfit. His dear old friend MacCappington would be happy to spring for it.
Servant: I'm afraid we can't do that.
OBJ: I do hope you don't discriminate at this club, my good man.
Servant: Why no sir, it's nothing of the sort. I fear that your Mr. Stankwell was knocked unconscious by a rather unsavory fellow with a chain.
OBJ: Oh spot and bother!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 12:36:30 GMT -5
<Moosehead Jack is walking the halls of the Chester Depot Sports Arena when he is stopped by SFJ13>
SFJ13: Moose you have been very quiet concerning the OOWF Invitational this year, would you care to comment on your opponent Spin Hansen
MHJ:<after taking a moment to think> What do you want me to say? Everyone knows what I can do in that ring, and everyone knows what Spin can do in that ring. This is not going to be a scientific match. There are not going to be moves and reversals, its not going to be that game of human chess that some people like to go on about. It’s going to be a fight. It’s going to be brutal, its going to be bloody, and I am going to win.
SFJ13: You sound very confident, so I assume you like your chances in the Invitational?
MHJ: Of course, I am going to win the whole damn thing to prove a point.
SFJ13: And that point is?
MHJ: That Rick picked the wrong man to screw with. Rick, I know what you are doing, you have an entire legal team looking into this trying to save your ass. That’s not going to work. Bennett is lining up an army and we will take what is rightfully ours – the OOWF – by force if we need to. Lawyers won’t stop us. You want to survive, you damn well better get more than DLP and Cole.
<Moose turns and walks away without another word>
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