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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 13:04:55 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem/OOWF Invitational Semi-Finals! Live! From Contoocook, New Hampshire! BracketsOOWF Invitational Semi-FinalsMoosehead Jack vs. Capellan Chris Cole vs. LD Williams OOWF World Tag Team Title Match[/u] Defenestrators vs. Phantos & Lucios OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u] Davin Moreland vs. The Dead Eric O'Mac vs. Alexander Darling Stank & Outback Jack vs. Donovan Viper & F. Fonzworth MacCappington III Midnight Sons vs. The Nerve Agent & Blitz Canadian Dragon & Ryan Hardcore vs. Team RabbxtFire Firechild vs. Damon Wrath vs. Seamus McNasty SYB & Skurge Debut! card subject to frostbite
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 13:06:00 GMT -5
<A bloody and beaten Moosehead Jack walks into the boiler room where Spin is wailing away on the heavy bag and Magnusson is trying to talk him down>
DHM: Look, it fucking sucks that we both lost, but now we can focus on the tag titles again....
SH: I FUCKING HAD HIM....
<just then Moose walks into the room>
SH: <stepping toward Moose> What the fuck do YOU want?
DHM: <Stepping between Moose and Spin> Now is not a good time
MHJ: Gentlemen, I'll make this quick. Spin, I know you are pissed, but its nothing personal, remember? I am not going to blow smoke up your asses and go on about respect. I know what both of you can do in the ring. You both know what is going on with Rick and Bennett. All I am here to do is tell you Bennett is interested in making it worth your while if you see things his way.
<Moose hands Magnusson Bennett's card>
MHJ: Think about it. Title shots are a lot easier to come by when you back the one in charge.
<Moose leaves, Spin bellows and destroys the heavy bag, Magnusson just looks at the card than back at where Moose stood>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 13:06:20 GMT -5
(A huge commotion is heard in GM The Rick's office. The invisible ninja Cameraman peeks in to see all of the refs protesting at Rick at the same time)
Rick: Guys, GUYS! One at a time, I've got bigger problems
Glaw: Rick, you saw what happened in the main event last week! We were ALL brutalized by Viper or Stank.There has to be repercussions because we will not tolerate this abuse!
Rick: This is an isolated incident, Glaw, shit happens. You've been here from the start and you've worked in worse.
Glaw: that is no excuse!
Hightower: He's right, We're here to call matches, not to work as tackling dummies. There better be a fine on both those boys for not listening!
GMtR: First of all, Glaw, Stank FELL on you, it's not like you had been attacked! Mel got run over by Viper when Stank threw him your way! Hale and Hightower were in the wrong place at the wrong time and got pasted with chairs! I've reviewed the tape -
Barros: What about me?
GMtR: Stank faceplanted you. Nothing personal.
Barros: (sighs)
GMtR: You guys need to unbunch your panties and just do your jobs. I've got ENOUGH problems right now, you guys sort it out!
Mel: (steps out of Rick's office unnoticed, cellphone in his ear)
Hightower: you know what? We can settle this, and we can go settle this with Mr. Bennett.
Glaw: There's no need to get the CEO involved in this
Hightower: well it looks like the resident honcho isn't going to fix this, so I say we talk to someone who can!
Glaw: we are NOT going to Bennett
Hightower: gonna try and stop me, Graybeard?
(the arguing erupts again. The Ninja cameraman gives up and we fade to black)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 13:06:42 GMT -5
SYB is sitting in the lockerroom holding a bag of ice on his neck. Unknown Man is nearby with a look of concern on his face…
UM: “Dude, they almost broke your neck, eh? Totally not cool.” SYB: “Meh. I’m used to it, Skur--…you’re not going to interrupt me?” Skur--: “Nah. I’m here now. Might as well let people know that Skurge has arrived.” SYB [looks directly into the camera]: “Skurge has arrived.” Skurge [shaking his head]: “Man, we really need to work on that.” SYB: “What are you talking about?” Skurge: “What I’m talking aboot is the ‘Goodnight Gracie’ act. It’s gotta go, eh?” SYB: “I still don’t know what you’re talking...abuut.” Skurge: “*sigh* Aboot. It’s pronoonced aboot. Guess we’re gonna have to work on that, too, eh?” SYB: “Hey, I’ll do whatever you think I have to do to start winning. Oh, and thanks for the save last night, by the way. But I thought you weren’t going to be around until next week?” Skurge: “Well, let’s just say I had reason to believe you were going to get yourself into trouble last night. I changed the plan accordingly.” SYB: “Reason to believe? What does that mean?” Skurge: “Let’s not worry aboot that for now. I want to know how you manage to get your ass handed to you week in and week oot around here. Firegirl and that Rabbit guy? These are the people you let push you around? Dude, I smoked them both last night.” SYB: “Well, to be fair, they’d just fought a match and you had a hockey stick…” Skurge: “That was not a hockey stick. It was a goal stick. Hockey sticks are for taking shots at prople. Goal sticks are for making saves. It’s an important distinction.” SYB: “Okay, but the fact remains that me and AE–” Skurge: “Oh yeah. I almost forgot aboot that guy.” [Turns to the camera] “Apocalyptic Existence – you’re not SYB’s partner anymore. I am. It’s that simple.” [Turns back to SYB] “There. That takes care of that.” SYB: “Don’t you think he’s going to be pissed about this?” Skurge: “First of all, it’s Aboot. Secondly, look at your record. You’re 2-17. Would you be pissed if you were in his shoes?” SYB: “Good point.” Skurge: “Alright, let’s get oot of here. How bad is your neck hurt? When can you start training?” SYB: “Training? I’m in great shape. I’m at the top of my game.” Skurge: “Right. That’s why you just aboot got killed oot there last night. You need some serious training, my friend. Come on. Let’s get oot of here and get started.” SYB: “Okay, but I’m still not sure what all the training talk is aboot.” Skurge: “See? Aboot. You’re learning already.”
SYB and Skurge leave the building to start on SYB's training...
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 13:07:02 GMT -5
Skurge is sitting down on the arena steps on a cool New Hampshire night. Skurge: Let's go SYB! Five more eh? A sweat-drenched SYB is hobbling around the parking lot. SYB: (gasping for air) I've already done 10, eh? Skurge: You've done 10 steps, sunshine. If you're serious aboot getting into shape, cut oot the Don Rickles act and get to it. SYB: (grabbing his side) Fine. But I'm doing this my way... the American Way. Follow me. Skurge shrugs his shoulders and follows SYB back into the arena. We cut to SYB's palacial gym which consists of five couches, two recliners, and a plasma TV equipped with an HD-DVD player and the speakers that sent Marty across the room in "Back To The Future". SYB: Feel the burn, Skurgey! Skurge: What the fuck is this? Where are the weights? The machines? Anything? SYB: Weights....yeahhhhh. Over there. Skurge walks over and blows the dust off a 5 lb. dumbbell. Skurge: THIS is how you train? SYB: No. THIS is how I train. Watch this. (He puts in a DVD called "SYB's Greatest Hits" ) www.youtube.com/v/cavFoyYJwPQ&rel=1www.youtube.com/v/fndKRjNYLiY&rel=1www.youtube.com/v/kgWP57cNNMM&rel=1www.youtube.com/v/7wSkGQHL_9M&rel=1www.youtube.com/v/iTXK7Y4m2nE&rel=1www.youtube.com/v/-xBSfY01nMk&rel=1SYB turns off the TV with a smug & satisfied look on his face. SYB: I can just feel myself getting stronger. Let's take a break. (He heads off to play his exclusive copy of GTA IV) Skurge: (shakes his head) I need a drink.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 13:07:51 GMT -5
[We come back from commercial to see Moosehead Jack and The Dead wrapping up a conversation.]
MHJ: So we're clear, right?
Dead: You sure about this?
MHJ: Trust me.
[The Dead and Moosehead Jack part ways. The Dead is approached by Androgynous Mic Stand and we have ourselves an interview!]
AMS: I'm here with The Dead, who just went through a grueling match for the Onslaught Title. Dead, what are your thoughts about what transpired?
Dead: Wow, look at that. Somebody's been practicing, eh?
AMS: Yeah, I've put a lot of hard work into...
Dead: Alright, that's enough out of you. There's not a whole lot The Dead can say about what happened. Davin was choking like a little bitch until his cockboy Darling showed up.
AMS: But it didn't look like Davin was going to say "I Quit"....
Dead: Of course he wasn't, because he couldn't. The Dead would have killed Davin in that ring if it wasn't for one half of the incest twins showing up and ruining everything.
AMS: What about everything else that happened in that ring?
Dead: Look, the simple fact is Davin cannot make The Dead quit. He drove a jagged piece of glass deep into The Dead's forehead. He had his on-again off-again best buddy jump The Dead from behind. And he still couldn't escape the fact that his time is up. The Dead will be your new Onslaught Champi....
[All of a sudden The E steps into frame. The two men stare each other down as we go to commercial.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 13:12:29 GMT -5
*The E steps into the frame and stares at The Dead*
E: I'm sorry your match was thrown out. But don't feel bad, everyone's match was thrown out. That's what made Mayhem so great. No contests in the main event!
D: The Dead appreciates the gesture that you were making by appearing to have The Dead's back. Next week, try to knock out that punk Darling so he won't mess up The Dead's chance....again.
E: Don't worry about Alex. He may have loss our match last night, but he'll be consistent because he'll lose next week too, because he's gonna get KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT~! by a Sports Entertainment God. Hey, don't we still hate each other?
D: The Dead doesn't have a problem with you.
E: I could have sworn we hated each other at one point...Ah well, I'm gone. Best of luck!
D: The Dead won't need it.
[Fade to black.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 13:12:55 GMT -5
Donovan Viper and F. Fonzworth McCappington are in the Fortress of Snobbery nursing their respective wounds from the hellacious matches at the recent Mayhem.
DV: Dammit! I had that bastard! If only Creech didn't knocked out. I don't understand how these refs are so damned weak!
FFM: It's how it is man. BTW, how did you learn that popping out of the mic trick at the beginning of the match?
DV: You know how I'm using your money to pay for the best trainers in the world?
FFM: Yeah?
DV: I had Beast teach me that.
FFM: BEAST?
DV: Yup.
FFM: I thought he hated you.
DV: He does. But I hate all you guys and I still hang out with you guys.
FFM: True, but that's because I pay you to hang out with us.
DV: And that's what I did for Beast. Well, not to hang out, but to help me learn his popping out of random things trick.
FFM: I never thought that Beast would take a bribe.
DV: For one, he's Jewish.
FFM: Hey, that's racist!
DV: For two, I didn't pay him money. I just bought him a month's worth of Mama Celeste Frozen Pizza. He loves that stuff. And that cost me all of, what, 30 bucks. Ha! Waitaminute... Why did Mama Celeste Frozen Pizza just get bolded? We're not endorsed by them are we?
FFM: LOADED isn't. But OOWF is. Who do you think does our catering?
DV: We have catering?
FFM: Yeah! Since day one!
DV: But why does everyone go to Ric's Sandwich Shop then?
FFM: Because our catering is done by a company that makes $1 frozen pizzas.
DV: Good point. Anyways, we gotta concentrate on this match we got coming up.
FFM: Against those Outback and Stank. Yes....
DV: Too bad we can't make this a title shot. GOD I want that world title SO FUCKING BAD! And I DIDN'T lose that match! It was no contest! I should be gettting a rematch for that title.
FFM: I agree.
DV: Too bad that damn Stank is a fucking coward!
Just then Viper is about to sip his bottle of Aquafina when STANK POPS OUT~! and pummels Viper! Oh shit! STANK-U from the couch onto the nice GLASS COFFEE TABLE SHATTERING IT INTO PIECES! Viper is in shambles!
FFM: FUCK! THAT WAS AN ANTIQUE!
St: Fuck your table!
FFM: AND YOU PUT GRASS STAINS ON MY COUCH!
St: Fuck your couch!
FFM: How did you learn to pop out of that Aquafina bottle?
St: Beast gets thirsty after he eats a Mama Celeste's. I bought him a beer.
FFM: That's it?
St: Beast is an easy man to please.
FFM: That sounded pretty gay *POP* OW! Waitaminute, Viper's still unconcious.
St: That was me, asshole.
FFM: You're not nice anymore, you know that?
St: You're a piece of shit now, you know that?
FFM: GET OUT OF MY FORTRESS YOU UNGRATEFUL BASTARD!
St: FINE THEN! I WILL!
Stank walks out the front door.
FFM: That'll show him!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 13:13:42 GMT -5
Rabbxt: I like facing the Apocalyptic Bastards...
Fire: Yea?
Rabbxt: For sure, man. I just get to flip around everywhere and practice my moves. You seen that gainer stomp?
Fire: The shooting star double foot stomp?
Rabbxt: You could call it that.
Fire: That was nice. But, um...
Rabbxt: What?
Fire: You know how you like to face the Apocalyptic Bastards?
Rabbxt: Yea, I just said that.
Fire: Well, you know that guy that came out after our match and killed us?
Rabbxt: Huh?
Fire: The guy. With the goal stick.
Rabbxt: I... guess...
Fire: Come on! He ran out and saved SYB and Apocalyptic Existence! You don't remember that!?
Rabbxt: I said I guess, Fire! I'm not an encyclopedia!
Fire: It, like, just happened! Ugh, whatever! My point is that SYB and the new guy are together. This may mean less killing of SYB.
Rabbxt: I... I think I'm going to...
Fire: Don't cry, Evan. It's alright.
Rabbxt: I was going to say cut, but crying sounds good, too.
Fire: Oh, no! Don't cut, either! I'd much rather you cry.
Rabbxt: I'm sure you would, Fire. I'm sure you would...
Fire: Yea... Ok... Well, we've got Dragon and Hardcore next week.
Rabbxt: Cool.
Fire: Dragon's tough.
Rabbxt: But Hardcore, not so much.
Fire: Why would you say that?
Rabbxt: I beat him.
Fire: Are you saying that you can't beat tough guys?
Rabbxt: I... I don't know! Stop with the pressure!
Fire: Sorry. Calm down, it's alright.
Rabbxt: Nerve and Blitz... What are they up to?
Fire: At this moment? Not sure.
Rabbxt: In their locker room?
Fire: Most likely.
Rabbxt: They fuckin'?
Fire: What!?
Rabbxt: They actually going to promo this week?
Fire: I'm guessing not.
Rabbxt: Can we job them out at the PPV?
Fire: Why not?
Rabbxt: Did you just answer my question with a question?
Fire: Did I?
Rabbxt: Didn't you?
Fire: Can you stop?
Rabbxt: Yes, ma'am. Can we get a special match at the PPV?
Fire: I don't book things.
Rabbxt: Booker T?
Fire: Nope.
Rabbxt: Didn't think so.
Fire: We done?
Rabbxt: I think so.
Fire: Talk to you later.
Rabbxt: Will you?
Fire: Peace.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 13:14:05 GMT -5
Phantos and Lucios storm into General Manager the Rick’s Office.
GMtR: Listen you two; none of what happened was my fau….. (Phantos slams the clangy pole on Rick’s desk)
Lucios: I’ve been telling you for weeks to SIGN THE HEELS. I’m getting sick and tired of those Yellow-Bellied Cowards attacking us from out of nowhere. I want those two in a match. ANY kind of match!
Phantos: And while you’re at it, do you want to explain to us why Mel Creech is barring people from ringside?
GMtR: Refs have that kind of authority out there. Unless specific instructions are given, they can use their own discretion and banish anyone they seem fit. He must have thought Davin presented a distraction.
Phantos: And the entire LOADED crew being ringside in the previous match wasn’t a distraction?
GMtR: Like I said, they have discretion. Best I can do guys is NOT assign Creech to any of the remaining three title matches.
Lucios: You’ll be doing more than that, or I start hurting people.
GMtR: You have NO standing to threaten ME! Speaking of hurting people, Lucios, You have been fined for putting your hands on an OOWF official. (hands Lucios a letter)
Lucios: (reading the letter) HOW MUCH?
GMtR: It’s in the bylaws. “Contact with an OOWF match official immediately preceding, during, or following a match will result in a fine of at least 2 week’s pay.
Lucios: Fine. I’ll pay the damn fine. You had better feed Capps and Adrenaline to us soon.
GMtR: I TOLD you, I’m doing what I can. Bennett and his minions have me submitting so much paperwork; I can hardly keep up, much less track down elusive ex-employees. And then Bennett will have to approve the contract, and the funding, and every red-freaking cent involved in the negotiations.
Lucios: I DON’T CARE. SIGN. THE. HEELS. SOON.
Phantos: Or people are going to get hurt. SOON.
Lucios: Starting now.
(They leave Rick’s office and walk down a backstage hallway. They turn a corner and barge into the DEA luxury suites. Alexander Darling is sitting with his sister and a couple of other ring rats drinking champagne.)
Alexander Darling: What the he…
(Phantos charges Darling and smashes him in the face with a clangy pole shot. Darling crumbles to the ground holding his face and whimpering ‘Not Again’. Lucios backs Alexis darling into a corner)
Alexis: Tell your brother …He brought this on himself.
(Phantos and Lucios leave the DEA suite and head down the hallway to the LOADEDarium. They kick the door down and find Ryan Hardcore and Lauren Phoenix in mid-coitus. A couple of clangy pole shots later, and Hardcore is laid out. Lauren mounts her man and resumes her activities. Lucios kicks down a door and finds Donovan Viper in the shower. Lucios grabs his chain and walks out. Phantos opens a second door and finds Ecosystem and Voltage watching MSNBC and debating whether Huckabee should bow out of the race and let McCain focus on the Democrats. A chain-assisted clothesline and a couple of clangy pole shots ensue. Phantos & Lucios walk out of the LOADEDarium and back to the Run DLP Aquafina Locker Room Where Davin Moreland is eating a pepperoni Pizza from Papa Gino’s.
Davin: Where have you two been? The pie is getting cold.
Phantos: Clearing up some unfinished business man.
(Davin looks at Lucios who nods his head)
Davin: Cool. Call me next time. You know I love a good bit of skull cracking.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 13:14:41 GMT -5
*We are looking LIVE! at the entrance of the Contoocook Coliseum, in the foothills of the White Mountains in Contoocook, New Hampshire. WMUR (Channel 9)-TV (Manchester, NH)'s Ray Brewer is live with OOWF Onslaught Champion Davin Moreland, joined by Phantos, Lucios, Cori, Kelly and Shelly. Ray adjusts his IFB, gives the thumbs-up to the cameraman. The monkey in the truck gives the countdown, 3, 2...*
WMURTVRB: Thanks Amy, I'm here on the steps of the Contoocook Coliseum, where OOWF will be visiting this normally sleepy little town this week to present their Wednesday Night Mayhem show. I'm here with the OOWF Onslaught Champion, and Massachusetts resident Davin Moreland, who's been kind enough to give us a few minutes. Davin, welcome to Contoocook.
DM: Thanks Ray, it's nice to be back in my neck of the woods.
WMURTVRB: It's good to have you back. And back as a Champion no less.
DM: That's right Ray *slaps his belt*, I'm the longest reigning EVER Onslaught Champion.
WMURTVRB: There are people after that belt though, obviously.
DM: Sure, I mean, this isn't like other things, where you might defend your title every 6 months or so. I'm a fighting Champion; this belt's on the line every week pretty much.
WMURTVRB: That's got to take a toll after a while.
DM: Oh sure, no question. But, I wouldn't be worthy of this belt if I couldn't handle it. It's a lot easier to be the hunter than the hunted.
WMURTVRB: True enough, and I see you're here with your friends, and you're all a part of a faction?
DM: Yes, a mutual protection club, I think we call it. We call ourselves Run DLP
P: PRESENTED BY AQUAFINA!
DM: Yes, Presented by Aquafina. That is Phantos, the short guy in the mask; and the tall guy in the mask, that's Lucios.
WMURTVRB: And these lovely ladies behind you?
DM: Oh these are...friends...of ours, that's Cori, Kelly and Shelly.
*They all wave*
WMURTVRB: Now Phantos and Lucios if I could ask you a question or two; You're the "Uncrowned Champions" of the OOWF. Why is that?
L: Pretty much because we get screwed out of our rightful place as OOWF Tag Team Champions on a weekly basis.
P: Yeah, it's kind of a thing at this point.
L: But, we've still got a couple title shots remaining, and we're gonna make the most of 'em. There's no clusterbomb, no tainted finish, and no person that can stand in the way of our Destiny, to be the OOWF Tag Team Champions. The fans know it; the locker room knows it, and we know it. WE are the rightful Champions, and we WILL take those Championships that should truly be ours...
P: This Week! Right Here! at Wednesday Night Mayhem!! in Contoocook, New Hampshire!
*The crowd that has gathered around pops like a bunch of sheep*
WMURTVRB: Now Davin, you've got multiple issues to deal with besides defending your title, haven't you?
DM: That's right Ray.
WMURTVRB: I mean, you've got ongoing issues with Alexander Darling.
DM: And his nose.
WMURTVRB: "The E", Eric O'Mac...
DM: I didn't until last night.
WMURTVRB: The Dead...
DM: The Dead is nothing more that Moosehead Jack's puppet.
WMURTVRB: The Dead claims he's his own man.
DM: Monkey in the truck, you have that footage?
MITT: Yup.
DM: This happened earlier on OOWF-TV and OOWF-Mobile, available on Sprint PCS; you make up your own mind.
DM: And we know that's not true. Darling and I want to kill each other. There's months of evidence on that. Now, last week, I accused Moose of using The Dead as his surrogate, so Moose wouldn't get his hands dirty while he's busy manipulating the strings, trying to become powerful again in the OOWF. So now, after a meeting with The Dead, after clearly giving him instructions; Moose, and I say Moose, because The Dead obviously doesn't have an original thought in his head, comes back with these unfounded, unbelievable and ridiculous accusations about my association with Alexander Darling. To try to throw people off the scent. Clever plan, but poorly executed Moose. Everyone knows Darling and I hate each other. Faceplate. Nose. Nuff Said. Let's continue with the tape shall we?
DM: The more you say it Moose; it doesn't make it true. In order to be "off-again" there had to, at some point, be an "on-again", yes? We've feuded since the second he arrived in the OOWF, Moose. The people may be manipulated, but the people aren't stupid.
DM: *pats his belt again* You see, Ray. I'm coming into Contoocook as Onslaught Champion, and I am LEAVING Contoocook as Onslaught Champion. And there is nothing "The E", Alexander Darling, or Moosehead Jack can do about it. Moosehead Jack's puppet will eat a Diamond Cutter this week and Feel the Bang. And he will quit. And then what, Moose? And then what? What happens when your puppet quits? Get another puppet? I'm sure you can find one. I am Davin Moreland and I AM YOUR OOWF Onslaught Champion, and I WILL continue to be, of that you can be sure of.
WMURTVRB: Thanks Davin, one last question if I might. Is wrestling real?
P&L: IT'S REAL TO ME DARN IT!!!!!!!!
DM: *points to several bandages on himself* These are real. *pats the belt* This is real. *points to the people in the crowd* They are real. It depends on your definition.
WMURTVRB: Thank you Davin for your time. That's all here from the Contoocook Coliseum. We'll throw it back to you in the studio in Manchester, Amy. I'm Ray Brewer, WMUR News 9.
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 13:15:45 GMT -5
(As Davin, Phantos, Lucios, Cori, Kelly, and Shelly leave the studio, they bump into the Defenstrators.)
DM: What are you doing here?
Eco: For your information, we have an interview.
Phantos: Let me guess. You have the interview we would have had if you hadn't screwed us out of the tag titles.
Volt: But you just had an interview.
Lucios: Yes, but we could have had two.
Eco: Well, we're not here as tag champions. We're handicapping the Presidential race.
Volt: I'm predicting McCain wins the Republican nomination.
Cori: That doesn't sound very bold.
Volt: Yes, but I'm Australian, so it took effort to find out.
Phantos: Wait a second...I remember the last time you two talked about this...didn't we JUST take care of you guys?
Eco: What do you mean?
Phantos:
Volt: Oh that? That was hours ago.
DM: ...And you're not a little bit mad about it?
Eco: Why would we be? We still have the tag championships.
Phantos: So I guess you'll only be mad come Wednesday, huh?
Volt: Wednesday? Why Wednesday?
Eco: I guess we'd be unhappy because Obama is probably going to beat Clinton in two states the day before.
Lucios: Also, we'll be taking your tag title belts that day.
Eco: Really?
Volt: Actually, odds-wise that's highly unlikely. I mean, we beat you all the time.
Lucios: (leaning in. He towers over both Ecosystem and Voltage) Are you saying we can't beat you?
Eco: Not at all. He's saying you're statistically unlikely to do so. It doesn't reflect on your personal abilities.
Volt: For example: the New England Patriots are probably the best team in football. However, they just do not match up well against the New York Giants. Had they faced any other team in the Super Bowl, victory would probably have been inevitable.
DM: ...What are you talking about?
Volt: Nothing. I was just buying time until Super Mario could get into position.
SM: MARIO!
(Super Mario hops down from above the studio and stomps on top of the heads of Run DLP. Run DLP has suddenly become much shorter.)
Cori/Kelly/Shelly: Ahhhh!!!
Eco: Don't worry. You just need to find them some hallucinogenic mushrooms and they'll grow right back into regular size.
Volt: Right then. To the interview!
Eco: To the interview!
SM: HUCKABEE!
(Everyone stares at Super Mario derisively.)
SM: I make-a a funny? No?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 13:16:09 GMT -5
*Mini Davin Moreland, Mini Lucios and Mini Phantos are back at the Run DLP Locker Room, presented by Aquafina with Cori, Kelly and Shelly. They're at the Sony Multimedia Center. They are dressed as Super Mario Bros. characters*
P: Why do I have to be Yoshi?
L: Cause you're the short one.
P: We're ALL short.
S: No kidding.
DM: That's really not very nice.
S: Whatev.
K: So, how are you planning on fixing this.
DM: Well, stupid Ecosystem has this Super Mario Bros. fixation; but luckily, there's already an answer.
C: Well, what is it, Davin? And why am I dressed like a Princess?
DM: Well, it's an important part of the plan. Plus you look hot. Anyway, there's already precedent with real-life people entering the world of Super Mario Bros. And once that happens, all we have to do is hit the 3rd brick, and catch the mushroom, and come back.
L: Where's the precedent?
DM: Right here.
*Davin presses a few buttons on the Sony Multimedia Center Command Unit and they watch:
This
and This *
DM: See, it's easy; all we need to do is make a few calls.
*Minutes pass as Davin makes call after call on his Sprint PCS phone. Time passes as all the necessary equipment is delivered; assorted drainpipes and whatnot.*
DM: Ok, I'm going first.
*Davin jumps down the pipe; minuets later, he's returned; normal size*
DM: Ok, Lucios, you go next.
L: These overalls are stupid.
DM: Just trust me. Go.
*Lucios jumps down the pipe; minuets later, he's returned; normal size*
L: Alright Phantos...go.
*Lucios jumps down the pipe; time passes. Hours pass. The crew is asleep when Phantos comes back*
P: YES!
DM: Damn, dude. Took you long enough.
P: I know! I had to hold my breath for like ever underwater at one point, and then I had to run on ice and not fall through the hole in the ground. But I can do THIS now!
*Phantos starts to shoot fireballs out of his mouth; lighting assorted things on fire*
DM: Aw fuck. MARIO!
SM: It's-a me!
DM: Jump on his head *points at Phantos*.
P: NO WAY!
*Phantos runs around the room shooting fireballs at Super Mario, making everyone else sprawl for cover. Finally, Mario jumps on Phantos' head*
P: *tries to spit out fireballs* Aww Man...
SM: I do-a the good, no?
DM: Yeah *hands Mario a wad of cash* Good job.
SM: It's-a me! *he leaves*
K: Well, I'm sure glad that's over.
S: *stares at Phantos* It IS over, right?
P: *nods* Wanna see?
DM: Later Phantos.
C: So...Davin...Why am I dressed up like a Princess again?
DM: I told you it served a purpose. I left it in my room. Come help me find it?
L: *mumbles* That actually works?
*fade to Commercial*
*fade back*
*A couple hours later, Davin Moreland is WALKING to GM the Rick's office, and KNOCKS~!~!~!*
GMtR: *sigh* Come in, Davin.
DM: Boss. How's tricks?
GMtR: How's tricks? This Bennett is really starting to sandify my vagina, that's how's tricks.
DM: I see you have some paperwork here...
GMtR: Yeah, Yeah I've got some paperwork here. I don't have time for this happy horseshit. I have a Wrestling Promotion to run. Like GMs in Wrestling Promotions do paperwork. The Fuck?
DM: I hear ya Rick. You good on Scotch?
GMtR: Yeah, Yeah I'm good on fucking Scotch. I haven't had a drink in a week; I just don't have time. Why in the BLUE FUCK would a Wrestling Promotion GM have to do paperwork? Why? I'm asking. Why?
DM: Dunno, Rick. The whole thing is bullshit and it's getting bullshittier by the minute.
GMtR: You're not kidding. Bennett has Moose organizing foot soldiers now?
DM: I can't confirm that Bennett is giving the orders to Moose at this point...yet; but I know he's got himself some lackeys to do his heavy lifting.
GMtR: Davin, I don't know if there's much I can do at this point.
DM: Boss, so far everything's under control; and nothing's gotten too far out of hand. Except for getting shrunk by Mario. That was weird. The ref thing was weird too.
GMtR: Uh, Davin...didn't you, uh...wri...
*Davin quickly jumps up with his finger to his lips cutting GM the Rick off*
DM: Kayfabe is in a rotten mood. She's PISSED she dropped the DDT Iron Person belt.
GMtR: Kayfabe had the Ironman Belt?
DM: Briefly. Kayfabe did a short program with rabbxt.
GMtR: The flippy kid?
DM: Yeah...Hey, you really HAVEN'T been paying attention have you?
GMtR: *leans back in his chair and rubs his temples* No, I really haven't. Hell, I even have Erlana doing some of my paperwork. There's just no time. TPS reports. Who the fuck ever heard of a TPS report?
DM: Well, lots of people; it was in a pretty famous mov...
GMtR: That's not the point. The point is, I'm swamped; and I need someone with some semblance of intelligence to help me out herre at some point. I need an Assistant GM.
DM: Who do you have in mind?
GMtR: There's a shortlist. You're on that shortlist, Davin.
DM: Boss, I'd be honored that you'd consider me, but I have a fucking career to worry about right now. I don't know if you've noticed, but I have the longest Onslaught Title reign of all-time going on. I'm feuding with like 5 different people; and I'm doing my best to make sure Moose and Bennett don't take this place out from under you.
GMtR: So, that's a no?
DM: For now, boss; I have to pass. It's far more important to be out THERE than in HERE.
GMtR: You WOULD be out THERE...just not as much.
DM: I can't. I can't do it. Not now. There's too much at stake, for me, for my family and for those I care about. The OOWF means more to me than anyone realizes, and I'll be DAMNED if some egomaniaical sadist takes that away from me so he can hold the damn book.
GMtR: *sighs* We'll talk about this again then?
DM: Yeah, definitely. It's not "no". It's just not "now".
GMtR: So, anyway Davin, what brings you by?
DM: 2 things. 1, sign the fucking Heels already.
GMtR: Dammit Davin, I told your friends that Bennett is making that impossible right now...
DM: Yeah sure; a long written deal; yeah. There is NOTHING stopping you from signing them to an open per appearance contract.
GMtR: You think I'm MADE of money? You know how much that's gonna cost?
DM: If it all goes down like I think, maybe not as much as you're figuring.
GMtR: And 2?
DM: If nothing else, boss; I'm a man of my word. Even though Eric O'Mac took a shot at me last Wednesday; I still want you to give him a shot at my title.
GMtR: Are you crazy?
DM: Yes, but that's not the point. I feel like he deserves the shot.
GMtR: How do you know you'll even HAVE the shot after Wednesday?
DM: It's a title match. They all end in no-contests.
GMtR: I'll have to work on that at some point if I get a chance.
DM: Alright then. Boss? *shakes GM the Rick's hand* Don't forget. I'm on your side. Whenever this shit goes down, I've got your back.
GMtR: I'm forever grateful for that Davin. Now get the hell out of my office.
DM: Later, Boss.
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 13:16:32 GMT -5
back in the DEA Luxury Suite, everyone is recovering from the latest round of DDT Iron-Whatever Heavy Metal Belt silliness
FW: You know, can we just rename it the Iron-Whatever Belt? It takes too long to say all of that.
R: Yeah. I dunno.
FW: I'm not going to do it again. Come here...
R: No way.
FW: Fine. We have to get ready.
R: For?
FW: For our match? "Canadian Dragon & Ryan Hardcore vs. Team RabbxtFire?" It says right here on this e-mail from Rick. Come here and look...
She gestures, brOOadly, to her new Dell XPS Gaming laptop
R: No, I'm not coming near you as long as I have this belt.
FW: sigh. Fine. You know what pisses me off about this?
R: No.
FW: Aren't we feuding with Nerves Agent and Blitz? Why don't we get to finish them off finally this week?
R: Oh...yeah!
FW: They don't even put any effort in. They're never around, they're just calling it in.
R: Not even that. They haven't done any interviews or anything. It's like they think we're irrelevant.
FW: Well, we are not that. We have just as much talent, if not more
R: Definitely more. What's up with you and Moose?
FW: Who knows...look, one thing at a time. We got Dragon and Ryan this week. Ryan will probably bring his skanky bitch down to the ring with him, which worked to our advantage last time, if I remember right.
[OOC: I don't actually, so I may have to re-edit this.]
R: And then Nerves and Blitz? Do we have to wait? I mean, you said yourself, we're heels...it's what we do.
FW: True. I think the hallways have settled down from the Moreland/Alexander/Moose/etc. rampages of last week... shall we wander around?
R: I think we shall.
Alexis: Before you get carried away, Firewoman, you have yet to do that interview/covershoot for OOWF Magazine.
FW: Oh, didn't I already say no to that?
Alexis storms off
R: What is up with you two?
FW: Mind your own business.
Alexander enters from the hallway, sees the belt on Rabbxt and shakes his head
Alexander: Firewoman, did you do that interview with OOWF yet?
FW: No, I had to postpone as I was in Tampa for Valentine's Day.
Alexander: Oh. You're going to do it, right?
FW: Of course!! Have Hayden reschedule it for me please?
Alexander grumbles and goes to his office.
R: Are you enjoying yourself?
FW: Immensely
Firewoman and Rabbxt go to leave. Rabbxt stops at the doorway.
R: Uh, you first.
FW: [rolls her eyes] Fine.
As they walk into the hallway, it appears no one is around. They round a corner and see Nerves Agent standing silently in the hallway. They sneak up on him, getting into position. Rabbxt places a foot on Firewoman's hands so she can loft him into the air. He then taps Nerves on the shoulder so he can see exactly who it is that is about to hit him. At the exact right moment, Firewoman lofts Rabbxt into the air to land a flying elbow on The Nerves Agent, laying him out in the hallway.
The two continue down the hallway, an older but wiser Rabbxt keeping Firewoman in front of him still. Blitz is at the drinking fountain.
R: Blitz, do you like apples?
B: [turning around in surprise] Yeah...huh, what?
Firewoman clotheslines him, bouncing him off the wall and onto the ground.
FW: Ha! How do like them apples?
Firewoman and Rabbxt start to head back to the safety of the DEA Suites, when from around the corner, Capellan steps out, pushes Rabbxt away, and lariats Firewoman
Cap: MY PUNS ARE FUNNY, DAMMIT!
Capellan goes back down the hallway, leaving Rabbxt to help Firewoman to her feet.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 13:16:58 GMT -5
*GM The Rick is sitting in his office with Canadian Dragon*
GMTR: "So...you in here to complain about how you deserve a title shot?"
CD: "Nope."
GMTR: "Here to cause me physical harm?"
CD: "Nope."
GMTR: "Here to complain about how the OOWF work and that's it's too commercial?"
CD: "Nope."
GMTR: "Then why the hell are you here?"
CD: "I was hoping you could tell me. Why the hell put me in a match teaming with Ryan Hardcore vs. Team RabbxtFire. I mean why the fuck woul I care about that match?"
GMTR: "Because you want to prove you're the best or some hit like that?"
CD: "You know I've been here a long time...and I've made you a lot of money..."
GMTR: "And you're stuck in the past. Let's face it...you don't bring the entertainment and there's a boatload of guys willing to kill themselves for TV time. You talk about your battles with Microplay and UnderDawg...yet those guys aren't here."
CD: "And what about my time in Weapon X?"
GMTR: "Look...it was great that LD could carry you, but let's face it...your old news. Hell, I'll be honest...you should be thankful for the match I gave you this week...now get the fuck out of my office."
*Dragon slowly walks to the door before pausing. Dragon goes to speak...but exits the room instead.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 13:17:21 GMT -5
*Fade into The OOWF Arena*
We’re getting word that one of the ninja cameramen have come across a disturbing scene in the backstage area. We’re trying to hook up a satellite feed to bring you the events live; but we’re experiencing some technical difficulty. Wait, wait…I’m getting word that the images are coming through and we should be seeing them right about now. Oh good god.
There’s an image of a bruised and bloodied Eric O’Mac lying on the floor outside his Beast free locker-room. Lying on the ground next to him is a sledgehammer that looks like its completely covered red. The camera zooms in and we see a signature on the sledgehammer and it is Eric’s own signature. We know exactly who he gave that sledgehammer to, but where is Darling now. All of a sudden a face appears directly in front of the camera and it’s the completely busted mug of Alexander Darling sans face plate. His face looks like chop meat and he seems to be covered in E’s blood. He’s smeared it across his face like tribal war paint.
Alexander Darling: Is this on?
The ninja cameraman nods his head up and down.
Good. For a change, I’m going to keep this short and to the point. Eric O’Mac, The E…whatever the fuck you wanna be called this week you split-personality freak this is just the beginning. If you thought what I got into with Davin was vicious, you ain’t seen a god damn thing yet. This is a precursor to just how much I will make your life a living hell. You can call yourself a “Sports Entertainment God” and you can get yourself some backup with Dead or whoever else. It won’t make a fucking bit of difference. When you wake up and watch this remember this is only the beginning. I don’t care what you do to me, how much you try to hurt me; it won’t fucking matter. I will keep coming after you. I will not rest until I make sure the world forgets you ever existed. Davin tried to get me to run away and hide by continuously breaking my nose. Guess what, I’m still here and I’m still fighting. When he gets the balls, I will take his title and I’ll prove to you and he what a true champion is like. For now Eric, sleep tight, get some medical attention and always remember…BOOYAH, Bitch!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 13:17:44 GMT -5
**Sexy Female Journalist #26 catches L.D. Williams as he exits his locker room.**
SFJ#26: “L.D, you managed to get past Seamus McNasty this week and into the semi-finals of the OOWF Invitational…”
LD: “Barely. He’s one tough son-of-a-gun, I’ll give him that. I can see why Moose likes him.”
SFJ#26: “So you approve of Jack recruiting Seamus and The Dead?”
LD: “Seamus, yes. The Dead…we’ll have to see. He’s working from a deficit though.”
SFJ#26: “Why’s that?”
LD: “People who talk about themselves in the third person annoy me.”
SFJ#26: “But, won’t you need to work with him, since you’re both Jack’s allies?”
LD: “I don’t work with anybody unless I want to. But right now, that’s irrelevant. If the OOWF devolves into civil war, and I really really hope it does, I’ll do what I have to. The only thing I care about at the moment is winning the Invitational. Our world champion, gracious man that he it, says he wants a one-on-one match with me. Then, in the next breath, he says I have to win the Invitational to get it. So, that’s exactly what I plan to do.”
SFJ#26: “Your next opponent is Chris Cole. Are you concerned?”
LD: “Concerned probably isn’t the right word, but Cole is definitely a challenge. He’s a former World Champion and he’s on a roll.”
SFJ#26: “He’s also agreed to back The Rick against Moosehead Jack.”
LD: “Which has no bearing on our match. Sooner or later, it will overshadow everything that happens around here. For now, this match is about getting a title shot. I’m sure that’s the way Cole sees it too.”
SFJ#26: “And if you make it to the finals? Do you have a preference who you face?”
LD: “Honestly no. The finals won’t be a picnic whether it’s Jack or Capellan. But, I don’t plan to even think about that until I get past Cole.”
SFJ#26: “One last question. There has been a lot of talk lately about Moosehead Jack making use of a lackey and for once it’s not about you. Any comment?”
LD: “Better him than me. Let’s see how The Dead handles the pressure.”
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 13:18:23 GMT -5
**Rabbxt and Firewoman walk out of the DEA Luxury Suite.**
Rabbxt: You know that Alexis is going to keep getting mad if you keep spending the Angency's money.
Fire: Yea, I know.
Rabbxt: Then why do you keep doing it?
Fire: I have my reasons.
Rabbxt: So, what do you want to do? I've got nothing planned today.
Fire: I don't know. I'm done my work-out. Maybe we can... I know! Nerve and Blitz!
Rabbxt: What about them?
Fire: We can, you know, beat them up a little.
Rabbxt: Didn't we do that a few days ago?
Fire: Yea, but why not do it again? You had fun, right?
Rabbxt: I did, actually. And the best part is that they don't even try to respond to the beat downs. They just take it and leave it at that.
Fire: I know, right? It's like their bodies are here, but their minds aren't.
Rabbxt: You're so right! It's like, if this was a fantasy wrestling federation and Nerve and Blitz were both feuding with us, they gave up halfway through the feud and don't even bother checking the website that they're supposed to be posting promos on.
Fire: Now you're just getting carried away.
Rabbxt: Sorry. I get into things.
Fire: I can tell. Anyway, let's go attack them.
Rabbxt: Yay!
**Rabbxt and Firewoman walk down the hallways and see The Nerve Agent and Blitz standing against a wall. They're not talking or moving because they have no one controlling them at this point.**
**Rabbxt runs at Nerve and back flips off his chest. Nerve falls to the floor and Rabbxt back flips off the wall and lands a double foot stomp onto Nerve's back. Firewoman runs at Blitz and hits a running knee lift. Blitz falls onto the floor and Fire hits a somersault leg drop.**
Rabbxt: This is so fun. I love being able to do whatever we want to these guys without getting hit back.
Fire: I'm having fun, too. We should do this more often. Hopefully they don't get their minds back before the PPV.
Rabbxt: Right. They might decide that they want the upper hand going into it. But I'm sure it won't happen. They're long gone.
Fire: Definitely. Shall we continue?
Rabbxt: We shall.
**Rabbxt pulls Blitz to his feet and hits him with a fisherman brainbuster onto the concrete. Firewoman pulls Nerve to his feet and hits him with a falcon arrow.**
Rabbxt: I love this!
Fire: I do, too! This is so fun! It's like, we're getting to practice our moves on real people!
Rabbxt: Ok, ok! I have a move I want to practice! Watch this, it'll be sick!
Fire: I'm watching!
**Rabbxt runs towards and wall and takes four steps up the wall, then jumps up and kicks off of the ceiling. On the fall down, he does a double moonsault with a 720 degree twist. He lands with his knees on Nerve's back.**
Fire: Holy shit! That was awesome!
Rabbxt: I know! I was scared to try it at first, but I figured that it would go fine, and it did!
Fire: Ok, ok. I'm going to think something up real quick.
Rabbxt: Rad!
**Firewoman runs towards the wall and takes three steps up the wall, then turns around real quick and kicks off of the wall. She does a 630, piked, and lands with her feet on Blitz's chest.**
Rabbxt: Fuck, man! That was crazy!
Fire: I know! I amazed myself that I could actually do it!
Rabbxt: Oh, man. That was fun. I'm thirsty now.
Fire: I am, too. All this beating up of mindless wrestlers made me rather tired.
Rabbxt: Let's go get us some Mountain Dew.
Fire: I think that sounds just fine.
**Rabbxt and Firewoman go back into the DEA Luxury Suite. We hear Alexis yelling at Firewoman when the door opens, then it shuts and we fade out.**
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 13:18:50 GMT -5
Capellan is on a pay phone backstage.
"Oh come on, that was a great pun ... well yes, of course it was terrible. It's the same thing, with puns ... I couldn't just let her lariat me and not do anything in return, could I? Yeah, I guess when you put it that way, I could have. But hey, if neither she or Gopher saw me coming, that's their -- Gopher? Scrawny kid? Her tag team partner? His name's 'Rabbit'? Huh. Well, I knew he was some kind of small, harmless furry animal."
Just then, Rabbxt comes flying in from the side of the screen.
"It's pronounced 'Rabbxt', bitch!" he yells, and slams a Mountain Dew can on the side of Cap's head. Capellan goes down like a ... well, like a person who's just been smacked upside the head with a full can of soda, really.
Rabbxt lays the boots in a couple of times, then hurls the can down on Cap and storms off.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 13:19:15 GMT -5
<Capellan slowly gets to his feet brushing himself off and cursing under his breath. When he stands up he comes face to face with Moosehead Jack. To his credit Cap doesn't take a step back, instead he clenches his fists and stares Moose in the eyes>
Cap: Moose
MHJ: Cap
Cap: I assume you want something
MHJ: Just looking at the next victim
Cap: And, what makes you think you can just look right past me?
MHJ: What makes you think you can beat me.
Cap: You know damn well Moose if I didn't think I could beat you, getting in that ring with you would be suicide. Look, you think what you want, we have never faced each other one on one, so, no, I have never beaten you, but you have never beaten me either. The fact is, I have beaten some of the best in the OOWF, including someone who YOU couldn't get the job done against.....Concrete TG. I am not falling for your head games Moose, I am on a roll, and you and all your little mind games are not going to stop me.
<Cap turns and walks away>
MHJ: Good, bring all that rage to the ring, you are gonna need it
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 13:21:30 GMT -5
Meanwhile, in the DESTROYITARIUM~
D.H. Magnusson is STANDING over a seated Spin Hansen, hovering over his head.
DHM: I don't know, bro...I ain't never done this..Maybe you should see a -
SH: Dude - It'll be fine. Just keep real steady. We do this kinda thing all the time. It's what the stuff was made for!
DHM: Yeah, I heard about that, but I don't have to explain to someone if I get my fingers stuck inside your -
Wally B. King: There my boys be! How are me Droogs doin' today?
SH: We AIN'T gonna be no goddamned Droogs, Wally!
DHM: Bro...This ain't getting any easier with you thrashin' your head around like that. Now hold still and let me...
SH: Yeah, yeah...Just hurry up already.
DHM: I'm tryin'. You ain't exactly helpin' things.
WBK: Well, we gotta call you boys SOMETHING!
SH: How about Spin Hansen and D.H. Magnusson? It's been working pretty good so far.
DHM: Bro, everytime you talk, you move. I can't get this done if you keep -
SH: Yeah, yeah yeah...Quit makin' excuses and do it already.
WBK: Look lads, it's all about the image. You need a team name. It inspires!
DHM: Inspires what, exactly?
WBK: Solidarity. Teamwork. Sponsorshi-
DHM&SH: NO SPONSORSHIPS!
WBK: Well we have to be able to refer to lads by a name. Havin' the two of you under the Drink And Destroy banner is one thing, but keeping the old records straight is a bleedin' nightmare!
DHM: Look, Wally...We'll think about it. It's just that we're kinda busy right now...
WBK: The Lost Vikings?
DHM: No.
WBK: Street Justice?
SH: No.
WBK: Strike Force?
DHM&SH: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!?
WBK: Look, when my two proud warriors from the Land of the Midnight Sun take on the Nerve Agent and Blitz this week, they'll...
SH: Wait. What was that?
WBK: The Nerve Agent and Blitz. You're fac -
DHM: No, before that.
WBK: Well, I know the Stank doesn't like me referring to you lads as bein' under me wing and all, but...
SH: After that. The part about us being being proud warriors.
WBK: Right! Proud warriors from the land of the Midnight Sun! True to your -
SH: It works.
DHM: Yup.
WBK: Well I'm glad! It's always nice when someone finally recognizes that my creative genius once in a while! Now that that's out of the way...what was it we decided on?
DHM: Midnight Sons. It'll work.
SH: Yeah....Hey, are you done yet?
DHM: Done? Oh, hell...I was done a while back.
DHM sits down, tossing the tube of Super Glue he was using on Hansen's laceration onto the table and grabbing a beer.
SH: What the hell do mean, 'a while back'?
DHM: Remember when you told to quit makin' excuses?
SH: THAT long?
DHM: Nah...About 5 minutes or so before that.
SH: Then why have I been sittin' here like some jackass with my head cranked back like this?
DHM: I was outta beer.
SH: And you couldn't walk over to the bar?
DHM: Nah. Your beer was closer.
DHM smiles, draining the beer before sitting the empty bottle down. As he pulls his hand back however, the bottle comes away with it.
DHM: Balls.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 13:21:53 GMT -5
Rabbxt's Emo Self
**Rabbxt and Firewoman are texting late at night.**
11:26 pm Rabbxt: I dnt wanna live right now fire
11:27 pm Fire: Why rab wats wrong?
11:29 pm Rabbxt: Theres just so much shit goin on and i dnt wanna deal with any of it anymore
11:30 pm Fire: What r u tlkin about? Tlk 2 me man
11:32 pm Rabbxt: Idk.. Its just that all of the shit that goes on n my life is gettin 2 me and i really dnt wanna put up with it
11:34 pm Fire: Well u need 2 tlk 2 me about this stuff. Tell me wats on ure mind
11:37 pm Rabbxt: Ok well i really like this girl and we were goin out and everything was fine but then she broke up with me and i tried 2 get back with her and she wouldnt
11:39 pm Fire: Well i guess she just had a change of heart
11:40 pm Rabbxt: Yea but see she told me that she still loves me
11:40 pm Fire: So wat she just needed a break?
11:41 pm Rabbxt: Yea i guess but u dnt even know how much this is killing me
11:42 pm Fire: Just dnt worry about it rab. Im sure everything will end right in the end. If its not right, its not the end
11:45 pm Rabbxt: U dnt understand me though fire. Im not ure normal guy. Im very emotional and this is the type of thing that fuckin gets 2 me more than ne thing else. I loved this girl and i still do love her and she just got rid of me like that
11:47 pm Fire: Have you tried tlkn 2 her about it?
11:48 pm Rabbxt: Yea fire i have. She says she wants 2 stay broken up. Im dying here. I love her so much and she just cant see it i guess.
11:49 pm Fire: She said tht she still loves u im sure that she isnt lying when she says tht. She is just confused is all
11:52 pm Rabbxt: Confused about wat though? I love her and she wont love me back. She may say tht she loves me but if she is willing 2 hurt me like this and chooses on her own 2 not go out then theres no way she can honestly love me
11:54 pm Fire: Look rab. U need 2 sort this out on ure own. I cant get between u 2 and try 2 fix things. My advice is 2 just try 2 let it rest and im sure she is just feeling stressed
11:56 pm Rabbxt: Then she must be really selfish cuz she wouldnt do this 2 someone that she loved like she said she does.
11:57 pm Fire: Ure on ure own man. Sorry
11:57 pm Rabbxt: Help me fire. Theres things i wanna do but i dnt want myself 2 do them
11:58 pm Fire: Wat r u tlkn about?
11:58 pm Rabbxt: I wanna cut myself fire and i havnt done that in a long time and dnt wanna start again
11:59 pm Fire: Omg rab dnt
12:00 am Rabbxt: I dnt wanna but i hate this so bad
12:01 am Fire: Look u need 2 get help with this. Just dnt do it rab hold ureself back
12:02 am Rabbxt: I cant fire. I want 2 but i cant
12:03 am Fire: Plz dnt do it rab. Ure strong i know u can hold ureself back from it.
12:08 am Fire: Rab?
12:11 am Rabbxt: Im sorry fire
12:12 am Fire: Wat?
12:13 am Rabbxt: I really didnt wanna do it but i did and now i hate myself more
12:13 am Fire: Rab i feel so bad for u. R u ok?
12:14 am Rabbxt: No im not ok fire. Im freakin out here. I need help
12:14 am Fire: Can u just go 2 sleep and maybe u will be better in the mornin?
12:15 am Rabbxt: Idk fire. This is bad that i did this again
12:16 am Fire: I know rab just dnt worry itll be ok. Just rest for the night and i promise ill try 2 tlk 2 u more in the mornin
12:18 am Rabbxt: Thanx for helpin me fire. I know i never say this but ure the best and i love u
12:19 am Fire: Thanx rab now just sleep for the night ill text u 2morrow mornin
12:19 am Rabbxt: K peace
12:19 am Fire: Bye
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 13:22:17 GMT -5
(GM The Rick is trying to relax and watch No Way Out)
GMtR: (grumblemutter) Bennett breathing down my neck, Moosehead Jack running rampant, Erlana's on vacation, the refs are rebelling..... (looks at the bottle on his desk) and I'm out of whiskey. (he looks back to the tv to watch the main event)
RAW Elimination Chamber Match Lilian Garcia announces the rules of the Chamber first as Gryfon makes his way out. Gryfon Stands before the Chamber, steels himself, then makes his way to his pod to be locked in. Out next is The Samoan Bulldozer Umaga who makes his way to the ring and comes face to face with Gryfon's pod and taunts him. The referees put Umaga away in his Elimination Chamber pod. Out next is JBL. JBL is locked away in his pod as WWE Intercontinental Champion Jeff Hardy comes out to a huge pop. Hardy gets hyped with the fans and is put away in his pod. Out next is Chris Jericho, meaning it will be Y2J vs. HBK to start the match. Chris Jericho comes in the ring and taunts JBL, who is in his pod. Out next is Shawn Michaels to a huge pop. Jericho waits in the ring for The Heartbreak Kid. HBK's pyro goes off and he comes to the ring looking ready to fight. HBK enters the Chamber and the door is shut behind him.
HBK and Jericho lock up first with a series of chops back and forth. Early 2 count by HBK via rollup. Y2J suplexes HBK for a 2 count. They trade backslides and a set of near falls again. Y2J with a big back breaker puts HBK down. Y2J in control in the center of the ring but HBK comes off the ropes with a big forearm and atomic drop. Scoop slam by HBK and he goes to the top rope. HBK jumps for the elbow drop but Y2J puts his knees up. Y2J in control now. Y2J goes for a moonsault off the middle rope, but HBK puts his knees up and Y2J turns it into a Walls of Jericho. HBK turns it into a Sharpshooter and Y2J rolls him out of it into a 2 count. Back and forth again and another 2 count by Jericho. They collide in mid-air, running at each other and both men are down. The countdown begins and Umaga is released from his pod. Umaga comes in, working on both men. Y2J is thrown to the steel on the outside. HBK catches Umaga with a kick to the face but Umaga comes back with a big clothesline taking down HBK and Y2J. Umaga grabs Jericho for the Samoan Drop but HBK attacks Umaga. HBK gets caught on Umaga's back and he drops a Double Samoan Drop on HBK and Y2J.
Umaga with a big kick to HBK sends him to the steel. Big headbutt on Y2J. Umaga in control of the match now. Umaga punishes HBK, who is outside on the steel by ramming his head into it. Umaga goes back to Y2J now and the two trade blows but Umaga gets the best of him. Umaga climbs the side of the Chamber again and sits down hard on HBK's head, placed on the steel. Umaga climbs the top turnbuckle but misses the big splash on Jericho. HBK comes off the top rope with a big elbow drop on Umaga. Y2J locks Umaga in the Walls of Jericho, right in the middle of the ring. HBK comes up and locks on a Crossface on Umaga as the countdown begins and JBL is released from his pod.
JBL comes in and levels HBK and Y2J with big boots. Big clotheslines on HBK and Y2J as well. JBL throws a bloody HBK to the steel and goes to work on Y2J in the corner. Off the ropes and Y2J gets caught by a big boot to the face. JBL takes Y2J to the top rope and they trade blows to the head. On the steel, Umaga slams HBK hard. Y2J gets a 2 count on JBL. All four men are now out on the steel platform around the Chamber. Umaga and a bloody HBK go back in the ring and Umaga catches him caught on the top turnbuckle with a big kick to the stomach. The countdown begins again as Gryfon is released from his pod.
Gryfon comes in and lays out Umaga, then JBL with a stiff kick. Gryfon staggers Umaga with chops. Gryfon slams Umaga and JBL's heads together. Spinebusters on Y2J and Umaga. Gryfon then pins JBL after a monster DDT and gets a 2 count. Umaga comes up and drops Gryfon but misses the running turnbuckle attack. Umaga gets thrown head first into one of the Chamber pods. Y2J takes Gryfon down with a Bulldog but misses the Lionsault. Gryfon goes for the Gryfecta on Y2J but JBL clotheslines Gryfon. Y2J with the Codebreaker on JBL and the pinfall. JBL is eliminated.
JBL comes back in with a steel chair and lays out Umaga, Y2J and Gryfon. HBK is still down as he has been most of the match. The referees finally make JBL leave. All four men are now down and bloody. HBK is busted open really bad. The countdown begins and Jeff Hardy is the last man released from his pod.
Hardy comes in and attacks Umaga, hitting a series of high impact moves. Hardy moves onto HBK, hitting him with a double dropkick in the turnbuckle then laying Jericho out. Hardy jumps off Y2J's back and splashes Umaga in the corner. HBK and Gryfon try to double team Hardy but he takes them both down. Hardy gets caught by a big kick from Umaga. Umaga slams Y2J and ties Gryfon up in the tree of woe in the turnbuckle. Umaga launches HBK into Gryfon who is tied up in the turnbuckle. Umaga seems to be in control over everyone in the match now. Umaga leans Y2J into one of the pods and runs into him, breaking through the pod, laying both men out. The crowd breaks out in a "HOLY SHIT" chant.
Umaga gets hit by Sweet Chin Music, then the Code Breaker followed by a Backwall facefirst powerbomb. Jeff Hardy climbs the top of the Elimination Chamber and hits a massive Swanton Bomb on Umaga. Y2J covers Umaga and gets the pinfall. HBK hits Y2J with Sweet Chin Music and Hardy covers for the pinfall. Y2J and Umaga are eliminated.
Hardy hits the Twist of Fate on HBK. Gryf catches HBK completely off-guard with the Gryfecta and eliminates him. Now, it's just Hardy and Gryfon.
They go back and forth and Hardy gets slammed onto the steel. Big DDT on the steel and both men are down. Hardy gets up and attacks Gryfon, slamming him into the steel over and over again. Back in the ring now, Gryfon ducks back onto the steel to avoid Hardy. Hardy climbs the top turnbuckle and goes to jump at Gryfon. Gryfon kicks him in mid air and goes for a Pedigree on the steel. Hardy reverses it and flips Gryfon into the ring. Hardy misses a Swanton Bomb as Gryfon ducks out of the way. Gryfon stands Hardy and locks him in the Scaffold, but Hardy refuses to tap. Gryfon tries to reposition Hardy for a leg submission but gets a mulekick in the chest. Hardy hits the ropes and plants Gryfon with a wraparound clothesline out of desperation. Gryfon tumbles a bit, and Jeff decides he can finish Gryf from there. He gathers Gryf for the Twist of Fate but gets shoved toward the ropes. He bounces back into Gryfon's arms, gets wrapped up and hit with a thunderous Gryfecta. Crowd is on its feet as Gryf motions for them to calm themselves before he scoops Jeff up and finishes him with FINAL JUSTICE! Jeff doesn't even twitch as Gryfon rolls him over for the pin. Winner: Gryfon
Gryfon rolls to his knees in celebration as the crowd explodes in surprise. Gryf turns toward the WM24 logo and bows to it reverently, then staggers to his feet to pose before the logo as No Way Out goes off the air.
GMtR: (shakes head) dammit....... (turns the tv off)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 13:25:09 GMT -5
*Blitz enters his ultra-luxurious locker-room, where he finds The Nerve Agent, seemingly waiting for him.*
TNA: Where the hell have you been?
B: Sorry that I haven’t been here in weeks. I had a bunch of shit to do, and so I never got a chance to log onto the boards.
*Kayfabe screams.*
TNA: Damn it Blitz, stop breaking kayfabe! Now just tell me where you have been, as in “at Curt Schillings’ place” or “playing Call of Duty 4 with Phantos.”
B: I haven’t really had a chance to read OOWF history yet, so I’m not sure what I’ve been doing. By glancing at the list of promos here you haven’t been to active here either.
*Kayfabe is busted wide open.*
TNA: But we wrestled just last week. You’ve been here all the time.
B: Man, I need to go apologize to Moose for my absence. I hope he doesn’t get too pissed that I haven’t visited this part of the boards in quite a while.
*Kayfabe is on the floor. She may well be dead.*
TNA: Okay, I know we can’t always say that everything that happens here is ‘real’, BUT CAN YOU AT LEAST PRETEND THAT THIS ISN’T AN E-FED!?!?!?
B: Sorry, it doesn’t seem that will be happening anytime soon.
*Kayfabe sits up. She strides over to Blitz, seemingly unfazed by her near heart-attack. Kick, wham, Stunner! Kayfabe has just stunnered Blitz! Kayfabe opens 2 beers, downing both of them, gets a few more, and flips the finger. She sets off to give some vigilante justice to anyone else that dares to break her(?) again.*
*Blitz slowly gets to his feet, and both his and Nerves’ jaws have sunk to the floor.*
B: Why has Kayfabe taken the form of ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 29, 2008 13:25:46 GMT -5
*Davin, Phantos and Lucios are all watching OOWF-TV on their Sony Multimedia Center where they see this exchange*
DM: Ha!
L: That's not Austin!
P: That was Clam Juice!
All: STONE COLD SHARKBOY!
*Phantos runs around the room doing the Sharkboy sign (the chopping your own head thing)*
*fade*
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