OOWF MidWeek Mayhem 05-07-08

[mooseheadjack]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Uijeongiu, South Korea

OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u]
LD Williams vs. Carl From Fresno

OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u]
Donovan Viper vs. Stank

OOWF World Tag Team Title Triple Threat Match[/u]
The Midnight Sons vs. BAD vs. IHOP

OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u]
Firewoman vs. The Dead

Best of Seven Series Match 5: Series Tied 2-2[/u]
Chris Cole vs. Davin Moreland

Phantos & Lucios, Concrete TG & Amnesiac vs. The Heels, Eric O'Mac & Tyson Kincaid
Alexander Darling vs. Tommy Chong Li
Bunny vs. The Knife
Outback Jack vs. Beast
Worlds Greatest Fag Team vs. The Nerve Agent & Voltage
Ecosystem & Blitz vs. Mark Vander & Capellan

card subject to trade restrictions

[mooseheadjack]

We can still hear the wailings of Vedder and Cornell as an irate Tyson Kincaid makes his way through the curtain following his loss. He flips over a table at the gorilla position sending monitors, coffee and various papers crashing to the floor. He picks up one of the monitors and hurls it at the wall, narrowly missing the head of a frightened bystander and disintegrating on impact into a cloud of sparks and glass.

Kincaid grabs a fleeing OOWF intern by the collar and pushes him against the wall, pressing his forearm into the front of the throat of the petrified young man. He begins shouting at the intern, eyes red and bulging, spit flying from his mouth with every word, veins in his neck bulging with every breath.

TK: DID YOU SEE THAT? DID YOU SEE THAT FUCKING BULLSHIT?!?!

Moosehead Jack, Eric O’Mac and The Heels come running from the backstage area and it takes all four of them to pull Kincaid off before he can do any damage. The intern runs from the area as the four men attempt to calm Kincaid.

TK: What the hell are you doing?! Get the fuck off me!

MHJ: Look, we don’t care what you do to guys like that, but Mr. Bennett would like to avoid a lawsuit.

TK: But damnit, I had that match won! I was the better man tonight and you know it!

EoM: Of course you were. We know that, everyone knows that. Don’t take this out on us – we’re you’re friends here.

Kincaid appears to soften and his breathing slows a bit as Moose puts his hand on his shoulder.

MHJ: Listen, you’re with us now. You don’t have to worry about anything. We’ll fix things. Just relax and come with us.

Kincaid walks off into the backstage with the four other wrestlers. The camera zooms into the destruction left in his wake as we fade to black.

[mooseheadjack]

Moose, The Heels and Kincaid walk into off to Moose’s locker room, Eric O’Mac takes a minute to change his shirt before he catches up, he opens the door to his locker room to find blood spattered all over his precious WWF posters. On the bench is an envelope with the red wax seal and the letter P he rips open the envelope to read the message inside

"Oh, the grapple of the nations,
It is coming, woe is me!"
"Oh, the many-centuried empires
Overwhelmed in slaughter's sea!"
"Death and dreadful dissolution
Wreak their awful execution,
Carnage, anarchy, confusion!"
"All my love goes out to OOWF,
And my heart is torn and sad,"
"O, the carnival of carnage,
O, the battle, malestrom mad!"
"Down in smoke and blood and thunder,
While the stars look on in wonder,
Must these empires all go under?"

You should not have messed in my affairs, now I find myself drawn into yours P

[mooseheadjack]

Sexy Female Journalist #6 is backstage getting an exclusive interview with "The Main Event" Chris Cole directly after his match with Davin Moreland. Cole is in terrible shape and is being held up by Harper Camby.

SFJ: Chris, by hook or by crook you've managed to even the series with Davin Moreland but was the price you paid too high?

CC: No. I have Davin right where I want him. You see during my 7 match losing streak I'll admit Davin was in my head. But did you see that look in his eyes tonight? Did you see the look of a madman? He no longer wants to win this series to become number one contender. Now he sees that the trash he has talked about being better then me for the last year might not be true. And he fears it. That is what is making him lose his focus. (Holds up 2 fingers) Now I'm in your head Davin. 2 down and 2 to go.

[mooseheadjack]

(Fade in to a near empty locker room. There, you see a purple and black duffel bag on the bench, a Heroes' Guild T-shirt hanging on a hook, and a genuine "This coffe mug don't crack" mug displayed on a shelf in the locker. Some 8x10s decorate the locker, group shots of AYUFF and the Guild, along with a dog-eared pic of Gryfon posing with Hurricane from around early 2003 - before Hurricane hired a sidekick. Next to it is a picture of Gryfon, in regular clothes, shaking hands with GM the Rick. We hear Gryfon's voice but we do not see him yet.)

CTG: When you look at this locker, it's much like any other locker you'll see in any other locker room in any other wrestling league all around the world. Spartan, but soaked with fine memories.

Hanging on the walls are treasures close to the heart, items that bring back simpler and happier times, when wrestlers simply chased gold and didn't have death wishes on each other with full intent of carrying them out.

I grew up seeing the shining lights and looking at the larger-than-life men and women of televised wrestling - walking, talking, living superheroes thrilling us with their adventures and inspiring us with their dedication. You have you Hulk Hogans, your Bret Harts, your Steve Austins, your Rocks, your John Cenas - representatives of ideals in the culture at large in their times. WWE continues this tradition today with Cena, Jericho, CM Punk, and Batista. They still reach to their past and show us the evolved personas of Shawn Michaels and the Undertaker. Men whose larger-than-life personas fire dreams of the ring to many individuals and captivate the imaginations of millions of others.

When I was summoned back here for MADNESS by Rick Scaia, something had been called into question, and strangely, it still gets called into question.

My loyalty.

Eric O'Mac, or "The E" as he likes to call himself, calls what I have done "disloyalty". He said that I left a contract that had me positioned as the next great big name in wrestling, a popularity that had me most likely to be known as one of the greatest among greats, and throwing it away for loyalty.

Am I disloyal? Or is "The E" just jealous?

He claims I was "disloyal" for leaving to begin with. Odd how Mr. Scaia gave this departure his blessing, and with one word - a simple "no" - I would have not left at all. The E lambasts me for not abandoning the league that got me my start and chasing glory - something I know he would have done IF he had attended Battleground last summer. How loyal would I be, now, if I were still up North and Mr. Scaia - the man who made this company what it was before Mr. Bennett became jealous of its success - were left in a bloody heap at Moosehead Jack's feet?

(CTG walks into frame, bandaged from his First blood match, and wearing a club shirt covered in superheroes and new jeans)

The night I agreed with Rick to step away from OOWF to chase a dream - one freely given and accepted - I made a Promise, one that supercedes any amount of money, fame, merchandising - all the things that The E craves. I promised that if this company EVER needed me that I would return - forgoing anything else that was happening in my life. That is up to and including Wrestlemania, another item that only taints The E's accusations of disloyalty with jealousy.

The E is jealous, and certainly isn't loyal. If Vince McMahon came in here he would forget the existance of Rick, Mr. Bennett and the OOWF altogether. He would have his lips fastened to Vince McMahon's posterior faster than Vince could drop trou.

This war started because my departure unfastened the lynchpin that kept this company stable - villains such as Moosehead Jack, The Heels, Chris Cole, and The E - had been kept in check by my mere presence. When I left, I asked my allies to keep this company safe from such greedy and angry individuals, but when backed with the money and jealousy of Mr. Bennett perhaps this conflict would not have blossomed into all-out war.

(CTG reaches into his bag and pulls out his superhero mask)

I came back here because I was loyal. Fame, fortune and prestige can wait. Right now, I have a Promise to fulfill - to make sure Rick Scaia can keep this company that he has nurtured into a great entity, and prevent greedy, angry, and yes, JEALOUS - individuals from snatching it away.

[mooseheadjack]

*Eric is ripping down his blood soaked posters in his locker room and replacing them with the extras that he always brings along when Moose walks in.*

Moose: What happened here?

Eric: I got a note that didn't make a hell of a lot of sense from that guy that we're talking about. Apparently I'm a target now, but I've got other shit to worry about. So, I'm just going to no sell it.

Davin Moreland: Hey Eric.

Eric: Hey Davin.

Moose: Do you always carry copies of your posters around?

Eric: You never know when you might need them, like, right now.

Moose: Concrete just kind of ripped off your promo from earlier this week.

Eric: Seriously? You mean, Gryfon couldn't do something original?

Moose: Yeah. It's probably being replayed right now.

*Eric grabs the remote and turns on the TV to catch the Concrete promo.*

Eric: Wow. That WAS a total rip off. Doesn't he know that nobody has called me "The E" since January?

Moose: He must being getting his information from the months he missed now.

Eric: Do you think I'm jealous? I mean, why would I be jealous? Because Concrete had a cup of coffee in the WWE? No, the WWE isn't my goal. Vince McMahon knows who I am, and where I am. He knows that I'm in the OOWF and that I'm not leaving. I've got goals to accomplish here first. If Vince McMahon walked through this door, I'd probably shake his hand. I wouldn't be anywhere near his ass.

Moose: Do you think Crete knows?

Eric: Knows what?

Moose: That thing we can't ever discuss because of the camera men.

Eric: There is NO way that he knows anything. The fact of the matter is that he's reaching. Reaching for some kind of platform. Trying to regain some shade of credibility. But he's lost it all. He has no more credibility. He's stooped so low that he's acusing me without knowing any of the facts.

Well, here's something for Crete to chew on, and I hope you're listening Gryfon because you probably need to take some notes. This company does not NEED you. You are an idiot. You left it all behind to fulfill a phony promise because you actually beleive you're wanted around here? Everyone on Bennett's side hates you, and everyone on Rick side ONLY want you here because you help make up numbers. Hell, even the undecided hate you. Get off your high horse and stop thinking you are actually important to the OOWF anymore. You are NOT the superstar you once were. You are not the sensation you once were.

I've pinned you to the mat twice and I've made you bleed. Yet, you keep coming back, and it pisses me off. So, I'm warning you now. Get out before you get in too deep. Otherwise, you'll suffer the consequences, and when you do....THERE'S NO CHANCE IN HELL that you'll recover.

Now, Moose, we have an eight man tag team match scheduled for next week, is that correct?

Moose: That is correct.

Eric: Well, those jackasses on the otherside just better stay in check. I have no real problem with the Amnesiac. I hate Phantos and Lucious just because they are friends with my enemy Davin Moreland. And Crete knows how I feel about him.

When The Heels, Tyson Kincaid, and myself meet those 4 in the ring next week, we will be victorious.

Moose: Trust me.

Eric: This is my promo, not yours.

Moose: I haven't had an opportunity to say it lately.

Eric: Let's go catch up to Kincaid, Johnny, and Alan.

*Fade out.*

[mooseheadjack]

We are inside the Pyongsong Hospital, in North Korea, the morning after Mayhem. The room looks like...well, like you'd expect a hospital in North Korea to look. However, money still talks, and this particular room is quite upscale, compared to other rooms in the hospital, even though it's abysmal by American standards. There are two beds, both occupied, assorted equipment and chairs. Nurses occasionally come in to check on the occupants, but there is an otherwise remarkable lack of activity.

In Bed 1 is Alexander Darling. His face his bandaged where his nose has been broken for what, the sixth time in six months? His sister Alexis is by his side, and she appears to not have slept all night. In Bed 2 is Firewoman, who has been out of it since last night. Occasionally, Alexis wanders over to check on her, smoothing her blankets, before going back to sit next to Alexander. Lucky has also been there all night, assisting Alexis with various things. Alexander has been awake for a while, and is talking with Alexis when the ninja cams get there.

AD: I don't care if you like it, and I don't care if she likes it. I've made my decision.

LD: Your decision. Aren't we a team?

AD: Yes. You need to get them in a meeting and see if we can't come to some terms that everyone will agree with. This will not happen again. Clearly we need more numbers...

LD: The entire Face locker room came out.

AD: Only after Davin...has he been here?

LD: No. Look, I'll make the deal, you know I never lose in these sorts of things. But I am not going to be the one to tell her.

FW: Would you two shut up? I'm trying to sleep.

Alexis makes a signal to send Lucky to get someone on the staff. She comes over to Firewoman's bed.

LD: Oh good.... you're awake. We thought--

FW: Who could sleep with all that wheeling and dealing going on. Don't you two ever stop? Hey...where are we anyway?

AD: Hospital. Don't you remember?

FW: Let's see... I remember winning. Poor Bunny. I was celebrating and was just about to ask for the mic...[She pauses, trying to see through the mists.] What do they have me on, straight heroin?

LD: [looking at the chart] Close. Morphine.

FW: Sheesh. Wait......ERIC [Alexis nods]. And then...The Heels. Well, that was to be expected....

LD: Yes...

FW: [still foggy] and...The Dead came down to help?

AD: No. He closed the casket on you.

FW: That's right. He did. Where's Lucky?

LD: He went to get a doctor to let them know you're awake.

FW: Alexander. Thanks for trying to help.

AD: Just protecting my investment. [Alexis shoots him a look.] Oh, hell, you know what I mean. Davin tried too, but they had it all planned out.

FW: I don't remember much after seeing you hand-cuffed. Gee, if I'd known you were into that....

[Alexis and Firewoman laugh. Alexander scowls at first, and then starts to smile as well.]

AD: Too bad they couldn't have given your sense of humor a concussion.

Lucky walks in followed by N. Korea's "finest" medical staff. The doctor and nurses look at various charts and start to flash bright lights in Firewoman's eyes. Another nurse checks out Alexander.

Doc: [in broken English]. You awake. This good.

FW: Yes, I agree. When can I leave?

Doc: [looking over to Alexander] You free to go. OOWF policy is one night, but you fine.

AD: Great. [He starts to get ready, sign the necessary paperwork, etc. with Alexis helping him.]

Doc: [to Firewoman] You not be in such hurry. Three days.

FW: No way, doc. I have a plane to be on.

Doc: You have broke ribs, concussion, and big stitches on face. Three days. [He leaves]

FW: Well, that just doesn't sparkle with me.

L: Fire...I had an idea. This hospital is strapped for cash, and I've discovered money talks.

FW: You're just now discovering this?

L: Well...and I won't bore you with the odds, although I did run them...we could probably bribe them to say you're worse than you are. They could keep you here through Japan. Problem solved! OOWF wouldn't dare go against medical advice. You're too popular, the fans would--

FW: Fuck that, Lucky. There's no way I'm not going to Japan now.

[Lucky, Alexis, and Alexander all stop what they're doing with a collective]: WHAT?

FW: They think they can jump me to send a message? It would be rude of me to not respond. Lucky, start getting my things together, and I need to make a call to--

L: Already talked to him. He watched the show.

FW: Crap. I was hoping to talk to him before he saw it.

L: Hard to do while unconscious. He was on his way----

FW: That's ridiculous. I'm fine.

L: Vince was even going to let him use the WWE jet, but then at the last minute changed his mind. Wouldn't say why. He's looking for other flights.

FW: Well, he needs to stop. He'll just get in the way of what I need to do.

AD: [who has been looking at Firewoman's chart and observing the exchange] You need to stay here. The plane isn't leaving until tomorrow, so stay here one more night. I'll have Josh--

FW: This place is creepy. And it doesn't look very clean. I'm leaving now.

LD: Please. Here--look in the mirror. [She holds a mirror up so Firewoman can get a sense of the stitches on her forehead from where the brass knuckles made contact, and the bruising.]

FW: Oh wow...cool....

AD: Cool? Not cool. Look, I don't pull rank on you that much, largely because you wouldn't listen if I did, but now that I think I've finally proven to you that I am on your side, could you please just do me this one thing and stay put?

FW: Fine. But I'm leaving tomorrow, regardless of what you or any alleged doctors say.

AD: Finally she listens. Thank you. [He and Alexis go back to getting ready to leave, and have whispering conversations that clearly bug Firewoman, and she can only make out the words "Have Josh at the door."]

FW: I don't need a body guard!

L: I'm trying to get through to the States again, but no luck.

FW: Keep trying. And hey, I need you to get some things for me. First, hand me that paper and a pen.

L: Okay...you look....what do you have in mind?

FW: I need a tape of last night's Mayhem. I wanna see exactly what happened. And then [she scribbles a few lines on the paper]. I need everything you can find on them.

L: Sure, I'll pull whatever tapes we have in the DEA library.

FW: Not just wrestling, Lucky. [She whispers so the Darlings don't quite hear, although they can always find out when they watch OOWF-TV, I suppose] Everything. I want to know where they're from, where their families live, and what they eat for breakfast. Everything. I'm sure DEA has some resources you can use for this. But be subtle about it.

L: I'm not sure this is such a good ide--

FW: And I need to know it before he gets here, if he manages to get a flight. He would not approve.

L: No... I'm guessing not. Okay...I'll get right on it.

FW: Thanks. And don't say anything to them [she looks over at the Darlings], either. I'll take care of that.

Lucky leaves, but as he does, the camera manages to pan and focus onto the pad of paper Firewoman gave him. Written on it are three names: The Dead, Moosehead Jack, and Eric O' Mac.

[mooseheadjack]

(The Amnesiac and his sidekick, Monkh stand in the doorway as Eric and Moose turn to leave. The Amnesiac wears a shirt that says 'I Put The M in Stupid'. Monkh wears a shirt that says 'And me!' Both are glaring at Eric.)

Amn: We just heard everything you had to say about Gryfon. I just wanted to warn you... I don't like you. Gryfon helped me when I needed help.

Monkh: Yeah, and he showed The Amnesiac things that he needed to know about being here in the OOWF, which included STAYING AWAY FROM the likes of you.

Amn: You stated clearly that everyone hates CTG... well I'm here to tell you that it's just not true. I've only gotten to know him recently, but I have more respect for him than I do for anyone else here thus far. Because he took the time to listen and to help me out.

(Eric and Moose just stand there, dumbfounded by what's being said. Eric starts looking increasingly frustrated.)

Amn: So next week, when we face off in that ring... I just wanted you to know that to get to Gryfon, you're gonna need to go through me.

Monkh: And me!

(Eric shakes his head, pushes the two men aside and leaves the locker room. Moose shrugs and follows him.)

[mooseheadjack]

[The Amnesiac feels a tap on his shoulder and turns around.]

Amn: Yes? What is...

[BOOM! The Dead CLOSES THE CASKET on The Amnesiac. Monkh stands there in shock as The Dead stands over The Amnesiac and sneers at him.]

Dead: Welcome to the OOWF, rookie.

[The Amnesiac is out cold as Monkh snaps out of it and rushes to his side. While Monkh tends to The Amnesiac he tuns and looks at The Dead.]

Monkh: You're a bad man!

Dead: You're right, kid.

[The Dead walks away laughing.]

[mooseheadjack]

[Back to the Heels' locker room...]

AA: How the hell'd we lose that match on Wednesday night?

JA: ...

AA: I see you're pissed about it. Well, me too. I mean, er, uh... ya know, we don't need the titles anyway. Everyone knows who the best team really is.

JA: ....

AA: Exactly, Johnny. We don't have come out and toot our own horn for the people to know. We've never been the kind of guys to do that anyway.

JA: .....

AA: Damn right. I've been too busy following the NBA Playoffs - what's with this whole letter P thing? You have any idea?

JA: .... [grabs an envelope out of his bag, writes something on it, and hands it to AA]

AA: [reading] Don't know what that P is about, but I know what this P is about.

[AA opens the envelope, pulls out a piece of paper and looks at it...]

AA: OH! A piss test! I didn't know the company had a drug testing policy. If so, how did wCw stay employed all those years. Them dope smoking sons of bitches.

[Johnny pulls a clear plastic cup out of his bag and walks off toward the bathroom.]

AA: [yelling] Hey, they don't have a gambling policy do they?

[mooseheadjack]

*Davin Moreland is watching OOWF-TV in the GM's Office on the 5" TV/Radio/Clock Radio Combo and catches Chris Cole's remarks*

DM: *to ninjas* You know, it's amazing. Cole is supposed to be the "Main Event". He's supposed to be some top-notch, elite worker, and yet he's all giddy over two "nefarious means" wins over me. You know what that says to me Cole? It says you can't beat me one-on-one; in fact it says that you KNOW you can't beat me one on one. You have to have Dead and Eric do your work for you, because you can't do it. Ask around. I've made you look like a little bitch in four straight matches, and if it weren't for your boys, you'd be swept right now. It's up to me to work around those obstacles, and I think I'm got a strategy to get that done. It's hilarious you're this confident; because you couldn't look weaker than you do right now. If you jobbed to Voltage right now, no one would blink an eye.

*Davin picks up 3 folders and heads for the door*

Erlana: Where ya goin'...oh wait, let me guess...out?

DM: Impressive.

*Davin leaves. He ends up at Shitty Hospital in North Korea. He speaks to the receptionist downstairs, and heads up to a room manned by Josh O'Neill. Davin just happens to have a roll of tinfoil with him, and he chucks it down the hallway as the light reflects off it. O'Neill has no choice but to chase after the shiny. He enters the room*

DM: You awake?

FW: *grumble mumble something*

DM: What?

FW: I'm SLEEPING, this doesn't sparkle with me, Lucky

*She rolls over to see it's indeed not Lucky, but Davin*

FW: Oh, hey...sorry bout that, I just...

DM: Yeah. Anyway, I was watching OOWF-TV earlier.

FW: And? Oh, WAIT a second...

DM: *hands her the three folders* You know how we did a full background check on you before you joined?

FW: Lemme guess. I'm not the only one the OOWF did a background check on.

DM: Bingo. It's all there; soup to nuts.

FW: What does that even mean?

DM: I don't know. *turns to leave*

FW: Davin?

DM: *turns back around*

FW: Thank you. I owe you one.

DM: You owe me more than one. But you're welcome.

*fade*

[mooseheadjack]

Watching OOWF TV is "The Main Event Chris Cole & Harper Camby.

HC: He is one cocky, self centered son of a bitch isn't he?

CC: All the good ones are.

HC: He is good?

CC: You can't beat me 7 times in a row and not be. Even when I was a shell of myself I was still better then 75% of the wrestlers here.

HC: You're not upset that he is calling you out? He thinks you can't win one on one?

CC: I've wrestled toe to toe with all the top names. I don't need to prove that. What I am proving is that in the total package that nobody is better then me. You can see the cracks forming. I haven't seen that stupid smile of his that we saw the last three weeks.

HC: He is calling you weak. Saying that you wrestle like you will be jobbing to Voltage?

CC: If he can't give himself enough credit for looking strong then that is his problem. I see two men at the top of their game playing a game of cat & mouse to see who is the number one contender. Let him talk. Those Bostonians always need to run their filthy mouths. They never shut up they just like to hear the sound of their own voice.

[mooseheadjack]

[The Dead is watching a little OOWF-TV in his locker room and sees Davin handing the three folders to Firewoman.]

Dead: Alright, The Dead is sure there is a ninja cameraman around here somewhere to pick this up.

Firewoman, The Dead thinks that you're going to be more than a little disappointed when you open that folder. Hell, Davin probably just handed you an empty one to make it look like he was doing a thorough job. There is nothing in that folder that you don't already know. The Dead has no family to threaten and if you really want to know what The Dead had for breakfast, you could have just asked. Having people running around trying to dig up dirt on your opponents isn't threatening. C'mon, you're better than that.

The Dead made it clear to you that what happened last night was business. You seem not to be able to grasp that concept right now. Maybe once the meds wear off you'll understand it better. The Dead knows how good you are in the ring, but The Dead also knows that he's saved your ass on more than one occasion. All The Dead did last night was ensure that he got what he rightfully deserved, a shot at that title. You'd better heal up nice and quick, because The Dead expects nothing but the best from you when you step into that ring.

The Dead is prepared to tear the roof off the arena for that belt. You'd better be prepared to do the same.

[mooseheadjack]

*Outback Jack and Wally are at the bar in the Destroyitarium, watching OOWF TV. Tiger Chung Lee is tending the bar.*

OBJ: I thought you were working at Flair's sandwich shop.

TCL: Gotta moonlight. You try living on my residuals from Cage and Red Heat.

WBK: Hey, check this out! OOWF has background checks on the wrestlers.

OBJ: So?

WBK: So how the hell did Empty Team ever get hired?

*They all laugh, and Lee pours another round.*

OBJ: I suppose Gator probably still holds the records for being future endeavored for "3 strike policy" violations in Japan.

TCL: Drugs or PED's?

OBJ: Neither. It might surprise you to know that several feds had 3 strike policies about incidents involving J-pop starlets, midgets, cos-play, trampolines, and endangered species.

WBK: How narrow-minded!

TCL: I did know that. You know, I'm actually Japanese.

WBK: But Gorilla Monsoon always called you "The Big Ko-rean" - are you sure you're not Korean?

TCL: I'm not Korean.

WBK: But Lee is a Korean name. Are you sure you're not Korean?

TCL: My real name is Masonari Toguchi. Not Korean.

*Kayfabe throws a drink in TCL's face but he no-sells it*

WBK: But you're working in Korea. Are you sure you're not Korean?

TCL: I'm here because "somebody" couldn't think of a real Korean wrestler.

*OBJ shrugs, gets slapped by Kayfabe*

WBK: Come on, mate! You must be Korean.

TCL: Alright, enough already. I'm Korean!

WBK: Funny, you don't look Korean.

[mooseheadjack]

*Davin Moreland catches this exchange on OOWF-TV in the Dunkin' Donuts Limousine, transported and shipped by UPS - "What Can Brown do for you?"*

May 1, 2008 13:10:46 GMT -5 @metallikid said:

Let him talk. Those Bostonians always need to run their filthy mouths. They never shut up they just like to hear the sound of their own voice.

DM: Wow. Does all that irony hurt? You should know better than anyone, winners talk; loser bitch about winners talking. That's how it goes. I can almost taste your fear. You're making this too easy for me Cole. You used to be somebody - soon we'll have to call you "The Curtain Jerker" Chris Cole. Sad, really. I'm going to be ready for you and for all your cronies you bring along with you so you actually think you have a chance. The word I think I'm looking for is "pathetic", as in, trying to hang on to any shred of dignity you have left; when in reality you've been punked out as the bitch you are. It's gonna be fun putting an end to you once and for all.

*fade*

[mooseheadjack]

*Camera quickly comes right back and Harper Camby has attacked Davin Moreland from behind. He slams Moreland headfirst into the wall and continues to lay the boots. He lifts Moreland up and Press slams him into the concrete.

HC: You keep talking trash to the boss, huh? You think you are so great?

**Three stiff boots to the temple and Davin is not moving. But that isn't enough for Camby. He lifts Moreland up and delivers a Dominator. He looks at the ninja cameraman and says:

HC: Now you bitches can fade to black.

[mooseheadjack]

*Davin Moreland is in the Run DLP Locker Room, presented by Aquafina...wait for it...SELLING HIS INJURY! He's dabbing blood off his forehead with a cloth. He looks for the nearest ninja and smiles a sick grin into the camera. It's a nice shot with the blood trickling down his face*

DM: Thanks for making my point Cole, you pussy. Couldn't even attack me from behind on your own? That's just sad.

*fade*

[mooseheadjack]

Donovan Viper and LD Williams are in the interview area with belts over their shoulders. SFJ #100 is interviewing them.

SFJ: LD Willaims, congratulations on..

DV: Bitch, shut the fuck up. If anyone is going to congratulate this man for being the man to beat Stank, it's going to be me. So LD. "Brother". You earned this. You are the rightful OOWF World Champion.

LD: Well thank you, Donnie. This actually means a lot coming from you. I've proven to you, I've proven to Stank, I've proven to every one of those idiot fans, and most importantly, I've proven to myself... That I have what it takes to get it done. To become OOWF World Champion.

DV: Right. And now LD Williams and Donovan Viper. Two men whose lives have been intertwined for even before we were born, we're standing on top of the OOWF

SFJ: This is a big coup for Bennett's Army. You now hold the top two singles titles in the company. It looks like you're taking the steps to winning this war.

DV: Bitch, the war's whatever. The most important thing is that I have gold, and I'm sure LD feels the same way.

LD: Well, the war is pretty important, Don.

DV: More important than that belt on your shoulder?

LD: Nothing is more important than the world championship.

DV: Exactly.

SFJ: Well, we all know your aspirations for becoming world champion, Viper. LD Williams, are you prepared to give your "brother" a title shot.

LD: I will take all comers. Viper and I have fought many times before, for titles. When it comes time, it'll happen and it'll be bloody.

DV: That's the attitude you need to stay champion, that is until you face me.

SFJ: Speaking of champions, Viper, you face Stank next week. That's the man you couldn't beat for the world championship and quite possibly the reason why LD became champion. It seems like your reign as Intercontinental Champion may come to an end soon.

DV: What the fuck did you say, bitch? Listen, this is a different situation. I am champion now, and Stank is the hunter. So I couldn't take the world title from him, fine. He will not be able to take the intercontinental title from me. I guaran-fucking-tee it.

LD Williams mom walks in.

LD: Donnie, why do you curse so much on television?

DV: Hi Ms. Williams!

LD: Mom!

LD'sM: My baby boy's become champion! I knew you could do it! Baby, let momma give you a big hug!

LD's Mom give LD a big hug, picking him up.

LD: Mom! Put me down!

LD's Mom: I can't help it. And Donnie, thank you for putting your past beef with my baby boy aside. I've been telling your daddy...

LD and DV : We don't need to talk about that.

LD's Mom: And you....

SFJ: Me?

LD's Mom: You're a hussy! Stop trying to get these two against each other!

LD's mom kicks SFJ #100 and gives her a PEDIGREE TO THE CONCRETE FLOOR!

DV: I love your mom, LD.

LD: Shut the fuck up, Donnie.

[mooseheadjack]

Meanwhile, in the DESTROYITARIUM~

Spin Hansen: DAMN! It feels good to have these babies back!

D.H. Magnusson: Yeah....But th' hard parts comin' up next. We gotta keep 'em. BAD and Skurge.

SH: And SYB.

DHM: Who?

SH: Point to you.

Outback Jack: There are the boyos now! Tiger, bring those bottles around!

DHM: Wait! Is that Tiger Chung Lee?

SH: Who?

DHM: Guy who used to job to S.D. Jones on Saturday mornings.



DHM Narrowly avoids the bottle hurled at his head, instead the bottle goes wide, shattering on the wall next to the incoming RSFJ


RSFJ8 (completely unphased): I'm here with the Midnight Sons, and it must feel great to bring some gold back to Drink and Destroy.

SH: Damned straight.

RSFJ8: But coming up this week, your belts are already on the line in a triple threat match, a match where you could potentially lose those titles without even being pinned.

DHM: Yeah...could go down like that...

SH: ...But it won't. Look, in case you haven't been paying attention. me and Mags have walked through hell to get these titles back. There's no way we're getting screwed out of them again. We fought, scratched, clawed, and bled to get these championships back around our waists - Anyone thinks they're taking them, they're going to learn the hard way why the Midnight Sons are 100 PROOF...we don't go down easy.

DHM: It's like this, Shannon: We went toe to toe with KZ. We fought a war with Phantos and Lucios, and came out on our feet. We took apart those walkin' punchlines the Defenstators, and sent em' packin' along with every version of them they could find. Last Sunday we stared at every team worth spit in the OOWF, and walked out champs. IHOP? BAD? You try what you want. You try everything that you can think of. It ain't gonna matter, 'cause it ain't gonna be enough. Because we're the Midnight Sons.

SH: And there ain't a damn thing you can do about that.

DHM: Wait...One more thing. Get well soon, Viper.

RSFJ8: What? Did somethng happen to Donovan Viper?

DHM: Nope.

SH: We're just getting it out of the way early.

DHM: Yeah...he's gotta get in the ring with Stank this week. And Stank ain't exactly in a cuddly mood.

SH: You got your soundbyte, Shannon...Now get out. We got a party to do.

RSFJ8: Shan...You too, Spin? Really?

[mooseheadjack]

Camera fades into hospital room, we see Firewoman in bed asleep, the lights are turned down and in the corner of the room we see a figure sitting, a red glow lights up his face every time he puffs on his cigar. Firewoman stretches and yawns.

Firewoman: “God you know, I hate the smell of those!”

Seamus: “I wasn’t sure you could smell”

Seamus puts cigar out into cup of coffee

Firewoman: “What do you want?”

Seamus: “World peace, cure for aids, a jet ski…”

Firewoman: “AHHH Why are you here!”

Seamus: “To make sure you’re OK”

Firewoman: “I’m fucking peachy, was thinking of going dancing tonight”

Seamus: “Lexie called me”

Firewoman: “Yeah I figured she would”

Seamus: “You OK with this?”

Firewoman: “You know none of this shit sparkles with me, but yeah I’m good”

Seamus: “Alright, when does Irvine get here?”

Firewoman: “I haven’t talked to him. Lucky is trying to find out”

Seamus: “It’s going to get ugly”

Firewoman: “It’s personal”

Seamus gets up to leave, he walks over to Firewoman and leans over and kisses her on the forehead

Seamus: “Tell Irvine to stay away if he gets hurt here Vince will be furious.”

Seamus walks out of the room, and down the hall, as he walk out of the hospital he bumps into Moose Head Jack

Seamus: “Moose”

Moose: “Seamus”

Both men just stare at each other as seconds tick by…

Moose: “It’s time for you to choose a side. Firewoman was an example to all of you”

Seamus: “Bad example”

Moose: “This doesn’t have to be between us, we could still use you and Damon on our side”

Seamus: “You know you act like there are only two sides to choose…there is a third side. Besides I have business here that does not include this pissing match. Both sides have tunnel vision and can’t see there are other issues here…shit or get off the pot, do a battle royal and decide…all I see are punk asses puffing their chest out on the playground – nobody willing to actually fight. If both sides are so willing to win then why attack Firewoman…you want a two front war? That worked so well for Germany…I think you underestimated the repercussions.”

Moose: “You don’t need to make this personal, what do you care anyway?”

Seamus: “I don’t, but an associate of mine cares about DEA and I was told to keep an eye out for them, consider it a payback for a long ago favor…”

Moose: “That’s a shame; you would have been a great addition…”

Seamus: “Yea, yea, yea…get ready!”

Seamus lights a cigar and walks away…whistling in the wind

[mooseheadjack]

Harper Camby walks into the locker room of "The Main Event" Chris Cole. Cole doesn't look all that pleased.

CC: I told you I didn't need you to take care of it. I was already in his head.

HC: Sorry Boss. I just couldn't take it anymore. That douche has to comment after EVERY SINGLE PROMO! It's like we can't say anything about Davin because these stupid ninja cameraman are watching and broadcast every little thing onto OOWF TV. Then Davin adds smartass remarks and I'm forced to watch that. It drives me crazy.

CC: He does do that a lot doesn't he?

[mooseheadjack]

*FADE back in to the Heels' locker room.*

AA: (on the phone) No, I said a yard on the A's and a dime on the Mets.
JA: ...
AA: (covers the phone) You're right Johnny. (uncovers the phone) Make that a yard on the Mets too. Thanks. (hangs up)

*KNOCK KNOCK*

JA: ...
AA: No I wasn't expecting anyone. Maybe we got our results back.

AA opens the door to find SYB and Skurge outside. SYB is holding a bag that reads Blast from the Past.

AA: Well well well. This is interesting. Come in gentlemen.
JA: ...
Skurge: Easy, compadre. I'm your friend here, all right? We're not here to fight but if you want to throw down, fine. I've got Jack Johnson and Tom O'Leary waiting for you.
SYB: Relax Skurge. We didn't come here for that.
AA: Well why did you come here?
SYB: To give you this:



SYB: We know you both enjoy the gambling so we thought this was right up your alley. It'll give you any score from 1950 to 2000. Say you wanted to know what UCLA did in November 1955...
JA: ...
AA: Right Johnny. UCLA wins 19 to 17 on a last minute field goal.
SYB: (stunned) Damn you guys are good.
AA: No.... we're the best.
Skurge: Well we'll see how good you are next Wednesday when we (to the camera) dish oot pain and misery.
JA: ...
AA: Forget it Johnny. They're almost gone. OK boys, thanks for coming by and thanks for the present. See you next week when you bring your B game to Mayhem.
Skurge: Eh?
AA: Fine, bring your A game. You and the Sons are no match for the champs.
JA: (to SYB) ...
SYB: So long meatbag? (walks to the door and turns around) I SHOULDA BROKE YOUR THUMB!

*FADE*

[mooseheadjack]

*The camera zooms in towards the generic OOWF backstage interview area, where SFJ#88 is interviewing Blitz.*

SFJ#88: Ladies and gentleman, I’m standing by with the World’s Most Unsuccessful Tag Team Wrestler, Blitz.

B: World’s Most Unsuccessful Tag Team Wrestler? I have to take offense with that. I am the greatest thing since Grand Theft Auto IV, baby.

SFJ#88: And yet you haven’t won a match since February.

B: You see, this is the start of a new beginning in my career. After being a part of 3 successful tag teams that were ultimately called off on good terms because both my partner at the time and I agreed that I was just the better wrestler, I’m on my way to great success.

SFJ#88: Wait, you’re tag teams with Rabbxt and The Nerve Agent weren’t called off on good terms. They turned on you.

B: Now I don’t remember any of that.

SFJ#88: That’s because you weren’t here.

B: No, it’s because it didn’t happen. What evidence do you have of that ever happening?

*SFJ#88 whips out her Sprint PCS phone and goes to the OOWF website, searching for the exact date of the break-up.*

B: Now we don’t have time to be searching. Time is money.

SFJ#88: Fine. There’s Bunny. He’ll tell you it happened.

Blitz: Ayo, Bunny.

Bunny: Ayo, Blitz.

Blitz: Tell her Rabbxt never turned on me, and we actually split up peacefully.

Bunny: Who’s this Rabbxt guy? I don’t know him.

Blitz: You see, we were cool. Now where’s TNA, so he can tell you he never attacked me and beat me in a 30 minute long steel cage match that lasted 5 seconds?

SFJ#88: In an old closet somewhere with Voltage. I’ll go find him.

B: Spare yourself the trouble. Now you haven’t produced any evidence, whilst Bunny testified in my favor. So you see, I’ve always been too good for my tag partners. But now, Ecosystem and I are teaming. Yo Eco, come up here for a minute.

E: Do I have to? I was playing Mario Kart.

B: Yes, it’s important that we look like a unified team.

*Eco sighs and joins Blitz.*

B: Now we’re the future of this division. All the teams fear us when they here our name.

SFJ#88: Then why weren’t you part of the Tag Title match last week?

B: Because OOWF management didn’t realize our incredible potential at that time. But after proving ourselves last week, we’re sure to be raising some eyebrows.

E: Dude, we lost against a team of which one half lost a Loser Wears a Chicken Suit Match. We pretty much suck.

B: But we were fighting a noble battle you know. Against Team Bennet.

E: You haven’t even chosen a side yet. While we were fighting, you were sitting in the Undecided box.

B: That’s not true. I’ve been on The Rick’s side all along. When The Rick started this company 3 and a half years ago, I helped him raise it from the ground.

E: I really don’t remember that. You’re lying.

B: The point that I’m making is, me and you will beat Mark Vander & Cappelan this week.

E: I don’t see what that has to do with anything.

B: Stop doubting my wisdom. I’m leading this tag team to great success, mark my words.

[mooseheadjack]

*The party is rolling on in the Destroyitarium, with Outback Jack filling in as bartender while the Midnight Sons lead the celebration. Meanwhile Tiger Chung Lee is taking a break from bartending and talking on the phone*

TCL: Yeah, I'm bartending in Korea...what are you doing?...waiting for a bus, really?...anyways, some guy here said I used to job to you and I thought I'd put him on the phone so you could straighten him out...I resemble that remark?...wait a minute you dishonorable...

OBJ: Hey Tiger, I need a little help over here!

TCL: Well maybe if you weren't serving yourself so often you'd be more efficient.

OBJ: I have a good reason for getting a little drunk, mate.

*OBJ opens another bottle and Beast pops out! Beast charges toward OBJ, who weaves and staggers. Beast misses OBJ and crashes through the wall, taking Tiger Chung Lee with him*

OBJ: I knew learning the Drunken Master technique would pay off.

DHM: Where did you learn that.

OBJ: Japan.

Spin: From some martial arts guy?

OBJ: Scott Hall.

[mooseheadjack]

<Stank is sitting at the bar in the Destroyitarium mulling over his upcoming match with Donovan Viper.>

Stank - Where you going? Where's my beer? Bartender? BARTENDER! Where you GOING?

<The bartender turns and says something to Stank that the cameraman mics can't quite pick up. The bartender turns and walks through the back room. The camera follows and spies a gathering there.>

Adamle - So are we clear on this?

B - I don't know, man.

Adamle - LOOK, I put MY job on the line here. I left ECW during a broadcast to get out here and help because I owe the little one there a favor.

SM - Itsa ME!

Adamle - Yeah, Yeah, Mario, whatEVER! I don't want Vince blaming me for what you did. You said it was urgent over the headset, so I'm here. What's the plan?

WBK - I think we should stay silent for a bit until we can get more privacy. Wouldn't you agree, Spirios?

Spirios - BARK!

Smokey - meow.

Adamle - WHATEVER! Just know after this... we are EVEN, Mario! You GOT me? You didn't tell Peach anything, did you? Destroy the photos already!

<Super Mario bounces up on a table so he is at eye level with Mike Adamle. He pulls out a cigar and lights it. He takes a puff then blows the smoke in Adamle's face.>

SM - Fine! Aftera you helpa us, you and I are a even, Mike, and I'll give a you the negatives. Peach won't know a thing. Now... Ninja Cameramen... get the fuck a out!

<The NCMs exit the back area of the Destroyitarium. After a few minutes, one NCM, sans camera, exits and barks out orders to the others as they scatter. The lead NCM motions for one of the others to come back into the room with him.>

Adamle - This is the stupidest thing ever.

SM - Asa stupida asa you calling a Tazz... THE Tazz? Asa stupida asa you and a Donkey Kong doing the-

Adamle - HEY! Keep that to yourself!

WBK - Look there's no need to squabble amongst ourselves. I'm in. How about you Spirios?

Spirios - BARK!

WBK - He's in. And YOU, Smokey?

Smokey - Meow?

WBK - What's that? You still don't know your part?

Spirios - BARK! BARK!

WBK - Oh, you're just messing me.

B - Look, I'm just a bartender.

SM - You can do this.

B - ... ... ... Fine, I'm in.

Adamle - *Sigh* If this will get me out from underneath your thumb Mario then I'll do it.

Smokey -

WBK - OK... we're doing this.

SM - Letsa go.

<The NPCs all exit out the back, save for the NCMs and Smokey.>

Smokey -

<The bartender returns.>

B - Just C'MON, Smokey!

<The bartender and Smokey the cat leave. Stank pops his head in through the door on the other side of the room.>

Stank - Bartender! WHERE'S MY FUCKING BEER!?


--- Later at the Fortress of Snobbery ---

DV - Shine my belt Jeeves.

Lance - It's Lance, sir Viper. Lance.

DV - Whatever Jeeves. I spilled some cheddar cheese on the gold plate last night. It's crusted on there pretty good.

Lance - Eww! That's not all that's crusted on there, sir.

DV - Heh! Heh! Whatever! Get to WORK!

Lance - *Sigh* Right away, sir.

<Lance takes Donovan Viper's IC Belt to the laundry room sink. He turns on the hot water and reaches for a hand towel on the shelf where he spies a little kitty cat sitting there, next to the bleach.>

Lance - My word. How on Earth did YOU find your way in here, rodent?

Smokey -

SM - I let him ina here, bub!

Lance - WHAT!

<Lance whirls around to see himself surrounded by Wally, Super Mario, and Mike Adamle.>

Lance - What... is this?

SM - Get him!

<Team Rick's NPCs attack Lance, and a brawl ensues>

--- Meanwhile at Chris Cole's Locker room ---

CC - Just try to ignore him Harper.

HC - It's hard... he provokes me SO much. Running his mouth on and on. GOD I hate him!

CC - Even so, try to control yourself. Now I'm heading for Bennett's office. You stay here and try to cool off.

<Cole leaves. Harper Camby plops himself down on a sofa. Out from hiding behind the sofa comes the Bartender and Spirios. They walk around and stand in front of Camby. Harper remains seated.>

HC - You two got about 2 seconds to explain what the fuck you're doing in here.

<The bartender starts slapping his head trying to psych himself into what he's about to do.>

B - C'mon YOU can DO THIS! I know you can do IT! Show em what you learned at bartending school!

HC - Who in the blue FUCK are you talking to?

Spirios - BARK! BARK! GRRRR!

B - Right Spirios! LET'S DO THIS!

<Spirios ATTACKS Harper Camby LUNGING for his groin area! The Bartender joins the fray!>

--- Later at IHOP's locker room ---

DM - You boys sure you don't want anything?

SYB - No.

Skurge - No.

DM - Alright. I'll be right back.

<Dorthy Mantooth exits IHOP's locker room... right into a confrontation...>

DM - AIIIIEEEE!

<SYB and Skurge run to the door, but when they open it Dorothy Mantooth is nowhere to be found.>

--- Later in the OOWF Arena ---

HC - I think that FUCKING dog chewed OFF my LEFT NUT!

Lance - I'm shocked there was anything there to begin with.

HC - Is that some sort of roid joke.

Lance - Just saying.

HC - shut it uuup!

RH - Okay... I'm not quite sure what I'm doing here. I'm in the laundry room fucking my girl here and we see you guys attacking Lance. Now I kind of get why you attacked him. and I even get why you went after Lauren... but why me? I'm not an NPC.

SM - Whatever... I'va cut more a promos than you, Ryan Hardacore.

RH - What! I've cut like TWO promos in the last three weeks! That's pretty good for me!

SM - ALLA you should staya outta the WAR! Thisa war is to be fought by our compatriots not a us. We attacked you to PROVE a point!

HC - Yeah, anyway it was a nice try! What I don't get is what the Hell are YOU doing here ADAMLE!?!

<Mike Adamle rises from the mat inside the ring. He steps over his unconscious accomplice, the bartender, and joins Spirios who is sitting still, panting hard by the ropes. Adamle clutches his broken arm and turns his bruised face to address Team Bennett's NPCs standing outside the ring surrounding their would be attackers.>

MA - I've been asking myself that for the last twenty minutes.

SM - And WE are NOT a even, yet, Adamle! You couldn't even holda a man servant!

Lance - Hey I GOT your MAN SERVANT!

DM - Well fellas it's been fun. I just wanted to see why Harper Camby was dragging that poor bloodied man into the arena... with a dog clamped to his dick.

HC - MY BALL!

Smokey -

Lance - What should we do with them?

HC - Ah fuck... let em go. They should have know better anyway.

Adamle - I told you this was stupid.

SM - SHUTA UP!

<Team Bennett's NPCs walk up the ramp and leave the broken and batter Team Rick's NPCs mulling about inside the ring.>

Spirios - BARK!

Smokey - Meow!

<Stank walks in at the top of the ramp.>

Stank - There you ARE! Bartender where's my BEER?!?