OOWF MidWeek Mayhem 05-14-08

[mooseheadjack]

SFJ#2 - Stank at Midweek Mayhem you and your tag team partner Carl from Fresno will be taking on the newcomer Tyson Kincaid and your long time foe, Donovan Viper. What do you think?

Stank - I'll tell you what I think, Charlotte. The last time I had a partner from Fresno we were three time tag team champions. So clearly, guys from Fresno and I have good chemistry...

SFJ#2 - I wouldn't come to that conclusion.

Stank - ... AND rest assured Carl and I plan on winning our match at Mayhem.

SFJ#2 - Alright. Recently you suffered a brutal beating at the hands of Team Bennett which included your opponents at Mayhem. Are you fully recovered and do you have revenge on your mind?

Stank - ... Pain is of no consequence to me. Revenge however... revenge is. You see, I made a promise to Mr. LJ Bennett. I promised him that if his team insists on gang warfare then he personally would pay the price. Rest assured... that will happen. Revenge is an ugly business. I don't like the man I become when revenge is on the table. The consequence of my revenge will be its devastating aftermath. Tick Tock Bennett... no one can save you.

Now at Mayhem I will exact some of that revenge on Viper and his deluded partner. Afterwards... Eric O'Mac... you think this is over between us... that you can have a bunch of your lapdogs attack me and I just cower in fear of your perceived greatness? You think you are teaching ME a lesson... that YOU could POSSIBLY have ANYTHING to teach ME? Let me teach you something.

I. am not. the one. to fuck with.

You want me out... YOU come TAKE me out.

And lastly I got something I want to make clear concerning LD Williams, Chris Cole and the Wor-

DV - WHOA WHOA WHOA STOP! JUST STOP! I and everyone else is SICK of hearing you run your mouth!

<Stank's words are cut off by the arrival of the OOWF Intercontinental Champion and Tyson Kincaid!>

DV - You are no longer the OOWF World Champion... except you still walk around here like you're king shit! I am the Intercontinental Champion! If ANYONE is going to talk shit around here it's ME! So just SHUT UP before me and Tyson here, shut you up... permanently.

Stank - Oh you want to shut me up...?

<Stank PASTES Viper with a HUGE right fist to the jaw! Kincaid starts laying into Stank with lefts and rights. Stank returns the punches with his own and the two start to BRAWL! Viper gets up off the floor and tackles Stank, bouncing the big man off a wall. A SUPERKICK from Kincaid finally knocks Stank off his feet! Viper mounts Stank and begins to rain down blows to Stank's head. Stank does his best to cover up as he is being pummeled by Viper and stomped by Kincaid. Eventually OOWF security and personnel arrive to break up the melee and the camera fades to commercial amidst the confusion.>

[mooseheadjack]

*Empty Team strides into Bennett's office, lead by Wally. "Seanu Ohairu" smiles while "Jack of the Hinterlands" stares into the middle distance. Eric and Chris Cole are standing next to LJB's desk, while Moose is slouched in a corner*

CC: What the hell was that about!

WBK: Sorry, mate, not sure what you mean.

CC: You assholes attacked Camby!

SO: He got in my way. Besides, he's a roided out moron who deserved it, not that I'm telling you anything you didn't already know.

*Cole does the stare of intensity, and SO smirks*

LJB: Gentlemen, let's not get diverted from the business at hand. Mr. Cole, perhaps you should check on your associate.

*Cole storms out, slamming the door behind him*

WBK: Now then, let's see that contract.

LJB: Here you go.

WBK: Well, I see that the hold harmless and indemnification clauses are satisfactory.

LJB: As we discussed, they only cover civil actions.

WBK: Right, mate, my connections can cover the rest.

*Empty Team signs contracts, and shake hands with Bennet and Eric. SO walks over to Moose and sticks his hand out, but Moose stands up and does a minimal bow instead. SO and JH return the gesture, now with both grinning*

JH: You remembered what his "wrist exercises" were, didn't you?

SO: I forgot about those ninja cameramen.

MHJ: Have fun fighting the Midnight Sons. I wonder what this means for Drink and Destroy.

JH: I expect it to make us stronger.

MHJ: If it doesn't kill you.

JH: There's that.

SO: And you have fun teaming with Poe.

MHJ: You know him?

SO: Let me put it this way. If I had to choose, I'd trust American Elk long before I'd trust him. Not that I'm telling you anything that YOU didn't already know.

[mooseheadjack]

In the hotel bar in Miyuzaka, two figures meet. Seamus McNasty is drinking an Irish Car Bomb. Alexis Darling, is the other.

LD: Mr. McNasty, I got your message you wanted to meet. I’m sorry I was late, I just--.

SM: No worries. Have a seat, lass. Can I get you something?

LD: [Alexis sits down] Sure. Martini, please.

Seamus places the order, which is up quickly.

SM: Quite an interesting week ye been havin’.

LD: In the Chinese sense of the word, yes. What can I do for you?

SM: Has yer brother been able to find himself a partner for his upcoming match?

LD: No…not yet….

SM: Well. I know ye asked Damon and myself to help keep an eye on things. Figured this would be one of those things.

LD: Are you offering to be his tag team partner?

SM: Aye.

LD: Don’t you already have a match that night?

SM: Aye. But an agreement is an agreement.

LD: That’s very sweet of you. But I think your focus should be on Firewoman. That is what we discussed, after all.

SM: Aye, okay. I’m surprised she isn’t his partner.

LD: Yes well… One problem with that is we don’t know where she is. I haven’t seen her since the plane landed and she went straight to her locker room. I don’t know when she left, but—

SM: Well this would have been a good bit of information to have had before. She could be anywhere now. What about her match? If she doesn’t show…

LD: Lucky assures me she will be there. I wish she would have stayed—

SM: She can take care of herself. Don’t worry. But me and the boys will ask around the city after her.

LD: Okay, thank you. And thanks for the offer. Alexander will handle it, I’m sure. I should be going.

Alexis leaves. Seamus picks up his cell phone and begins to make calls.

[mooseheadjack]

(Spin Hansen and D.H. Magnusson are training in the boiler room of the Tokyo Dome...)

SH: I can't believe that we're facing Empty Team.

DHM: Y'know, Spin... if we beat them, that'll be another check off of the Legends roster. I know that you've beat the Devil's Brigade in the past-- not to mention the Halfricans and the Three Piece Set -- but who else is on that list?

SH: Let's see... Hellion and Corax, the Dragons, Weapon X, and I don't think that we ever had a chance to take on the BFF... I know that you haven't been able to take on the Set or Weapon X... and there's one more team that I know that you haven't fought.

DHM: Who?

SH: The team that started Drink and Destroy... Caps and Stank.

DHM: We're gonna put on a helluva show tonight, regardless of who we're fightin'. We're not the champs for nothin'.

SH: Still, we've got to prepare for Empty Team. Have your logging chain?

DHM: Yeah. I got it.

SH: I've got my crowbar. Let's prove why the Midnight Sons are the best team going.

[mooseheadjack]

*Davin Moreland and Alexis Darling are WALKING~! and TALKING~! on their way into the Tokyo Dome. Finally the ninja mic is close enough to pick up what they're saying.*

DM: For Christ's sake Alexis, how many times do I have to say no?

AD: I dunno, a couple dozen?

DM: NO MEANS NO!

AD: Cute. Not even for...

DM: You SAID you wouldn't do this.

*Alexis stops*

AD: I HAVE to try. He's gonna get killed out there otherwise.

DM: So?

AD: SO HE'S MY BROTHER, ASSHOLE!

DM: I thought his name was Alexander?

AD: WHY do I still talk to you?

DM: You can't help yourself.

AD: Oh yeah? Watch me.

*Alexis goes into silent mode. Davin opens the door and they walk into the backstage area together, and they walk by GM the Rick's office*

GMtR: Davin! Where the hell have you been?

DM: The beach.

GMtR: I need you in here.

DM: Fine. Let me get changed, I'll be there in 20 minutes or so.

GMtR: You better be.

*Alexis and Davin are WALKING~! once again*

AD: *mumbles under her breath* What an asshole.

DM: What was that?

AD: *clears her throat* I said Rick is an asshole.

DM: You bet he is. Unfortunately he's less of an asshole than Bennett, so that's who I'm stuck with.

AD: Is he really that bad?

DM: You've seen for yourself. Look what he has done to your brother, constantly.

AD: Well, all the more reason for someone like you...

DM: Dammit Lexie.

AD: What?

DM: No. No. No. I am not doing it. I'll be quite busy that night.

AD: What can I do to get you to reconsider?

DM: Unfortunately for me *looks her up and down*, nothing regarding this.

AD: So there were are.

DM: There we are.

AD: If you change your mind...

DM: I'll call you first. However, don't hold your breath.

AD: It's going to be hard not holding this against you.

DM: I know.

*Alexis wraps her arms around Davin's waist and gives him a peck on the cheek just as the DEA door opens*

AD: Thanks.

DM: Anytime.

*Alexander stares at the two in disbelief as Alexis passes him into the suite*

AD: Uh...What the fuck?

LD: No more secrets. Remember?

AD: *leans against the wall and sighs* What about the other thing? I hope you've been prospecting partners for me.

LD: I have. It's in the bag. Don't worry. It will be all set. You are gonna shit yourself when you find out who it is.

AD: Who is it?

LD: It's not a secret, but it's a surprise.

*fade*

[mooseheadjack]

[In some dark, secluded corner in the basement of the arena a figure stands. It's too dark to see anything but the outline of the person as the camera zooms in. Eventually the camera is right behind the figure as it turns around.]



Muerte: BOO!

[El Muerte laughs for a moment before continuing.]

Muerte: This is a message for The...umm..you know who you are! In a few short days I won't have to even try to remember your name, because I will hurt you so bad that you'll never wrestle in this business again! I am El Muerte, the most decorated singles wrestler to ever come out of Mexico! You are nothing more than a chump with a lifetime membership to NAMBLA!

Muerte: So prepare yourself for Mayhem. It may very well be the last time you show your face in a wrestling ring.

[El Muerte disappears into the darkness.]

[mooseheadjack]

**Bunny is sitting in his locker room, sobbing.**

Bunny: I quit, wahhh!!

**KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK~! CRUSH~!**

Bunny: SQUEAL~!

Blood Bath: I am Blood Bath! Fear my hair!

Bunny: I'm hairy, too! Maybe we can be friends?

Blood Bath: Oh, you would like that, wouldn't you?

Bunny: Yes, Mr. Bath. I would.

Blood Bath: Well, that's too bad. The only friend I'll ever need is... Why, there he is right now!

Mark Henry: Somebody's gonna get their ass kicked!

Bunny: SQUEAL~!

Blood Bath: That's right, kid. It's Mark freaking Henry. Him and I, we go way back. We're coming up with this awesome idea for the OOWF.

Bunny: Does it involve me?

Mark Henry: Kid, you need to buck up, or finally shut the fuck up!

Bunny: SQUEAL~!

Blood Bath: Easy, Mark. No killing, just yet. You see, kid. Our idea is to bring animals into the OOWF.

Bunny: Yay! I'm an animal!

Mark Henry: RAAAWWWRR~!

Bunny: SQUEAL~!

Blood Bath: Not yet, Mark! And no, kid. Not animals like you. Real animals, I mean. Mark Henry, here. He's been waiting for the shipment of lions to wrestle. And you, you're a rabbit, right?

Bunny: I'm a Bunny, actually.

Mark Henry: SAME THING, ME SQUASH BUNNY~!

Bunny: SQUEAL~!

Blood Bath: No! Not right now! And ok, you're a Bunny. So you can fight like, a squirrel or something.

Bunny: What? That idea sounds lame, actually.

Mark Henry: MARK HENRY SMASH~!

Blood Bath: Well, ok...

Bunny: SQUEAL~!

**Mark Henry whips out a yo-yo and clocks Bunny in the head. Bunny falls down and bleeds.**

Blood Bath: You have now felt the wrath of Blood Bath!

Mark Henry: And the Silverback!

Blood Bath: And now we're off to win the Long Term Title Reign.

[mooseheadjack]

There’s a knock on the door to the DEA suite. Lucky opens the door to Selena Gomez. Selena is dressed in knee-high boots, fishnet stockings, a leather corset, an ankh necklace around her neck, a long hooded cloak, and her right eye is made up as the Eye of Horus.

Lucky: Can I help you miss?

Selena holds out a card with the name “Alexander Darling” written in calligraphy.

Lucky tries to take the card, but Selena pulls it away from him, shaking her head. “Okay, I’ll get Mr. Darling”

A few moments later, Alexander comes to the door

Alexander: Voltage has come to be my partner, finally…You're not Voltage, why aren't you Voltage...I need Voltage. Oh, but you're pretty...what’s that on your .... My God....no

He steps tentatively towards her.

Alexander: Poe still using his bitches to do his dirty work?

Selena says nothing and her expression does not change as she simply holds out the card for Alexander. Alexander is hesitant, but takes the card. Selena does nothing as he jerks the card from her hand. Alexander opens the card and reads:

‘Look at my Selena…if you dare’

Instinctively, Alexander looks at Selena and the very moment he does, Selena spits red mist into his eyes and sprints down the hallway. Alexander clutches at his eyes and screams “It burns!! Oh my God it fucking burns!!”

Alexis sees Selena run past, thinking it very odd. She then hears Alexander screaming and rushes to the DEA suite.

Alexis: Oh my God, Alexander! We need some help in here!!

[mooseheadjack]

[The Dead and Moosehead Jack are walking down the hallway.]

Dead: So, Fire still isn't around?

Moose: No. No one's seen her this whole week.

Dead: Isn't that cute? She talks about being tough and not needing any help, then she tries to hobble The Dead and she runs away. If that's not "badass", The Dead doesn't know what is.

[Moose just laughs as they continue down the hallway and into Bennett's office.]

LJB: Gentlemen, have a seat.

[Both The Dead and Moosehead Jack sit and wait for Bennett to speak.]

LJB: Tomorrow presents a very interesting opportunity for our side. Jack, you can finally gain a measure of revenge for what Alexander Darling did to you, and Dead, you have the opportunity to bring another belt over to our side. As an added bonus, winning both of those matches would strike a heavy blow into the thorn in my side known as DEA.

Dead: Don't worry about a thing, Mr. Bennett. Firewoman has already turned tail and run away. She'll be no problem.

LJB: And Moose, you're sure you can take care of Darling?

[Moose begins to speak but doesn't want to be pigeon-holed by his catchphrase.]

Dead: Trust him. He'll get the job done.

[Both men stand up to leave. Moosehead Jack heads out, but just before The Dead can leave Bennett stops him with one more question.]

LJB: Your friend, El Muerte, is ready for tomorrow as well, correct?

Dead: He couldn't be any more ready.

LJB: Good.

[The Dead leaves the room as Bennett smiles.]

[mooseheadjack]

IHOP IS WATCHING OOWF-TV~! The Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth is in her office, preparing for the BAD-IHOP match at Mayhem. SYB just shakes his head at the latest Poe promo.

SYB: You know, I understand that, uh, they had to bring a female in. Write his promos. Wipe the dribble away from his bubblin' lips. Rub Vaseline all over his heinie and tell him that it's special and different from everyone else's.
Skurge: He said "heinie"!
DM: Boys, get over here!
Skurge: Heinie! (he gets up and heads to her office)
SYB (ignoring DM): Does she tuck you in, Poe? Give you a little kiss on your forehead? Tell you everything's gonna be okay? What a pussy. *I* would never let a woman tell me what to do.
DM: Solly, get the fuck over here!
SYB (bolting from his chair): Yes ma'am, right away ma'am!

*FADE*

[mooseheadjack]

**Sexy Female Journalist #4 approaches L.D. Williams in the arena hallway.**

SFJ#4: “L.D., you have a match this week against former champion Chris Cole, but you’ve been strangely silent, even for you.”

LD: “There’s not much to say. Cole’s a great wrestler, and he’s made no secret of how badly he wants this belt.”

SFJ#4: “He’s also a fellow member of Bennett’s Army.”

LD: “Yep.”

SFJ#4: “In fact, he’s one of the masterminds behind Bennett’s return and, no offence, seems to be a more central part of Bennett’s plans.”

LD: “Also true.”

SFJ#4: “And this doesn’t concern you?”

LD: “Whatever other issues might be involved, my task is the same – get in the ring and defend this belt with my life. Cole is going to do what he thinks is best, as will Bennett, and Eric, and everyone else. This will either be one hell of a title match, or it will draw a whole new set of battle lines in this so-called war.”

SFJ#4: “Speaking of wars, do you have any thoughts on what is going to happen between Mooshead Jack and Poe and Alexander Darling and his partner?”

LD: “Honestly, if I didn’t have the belt to defend, I would have taken Alex up on his offer to team with him.”

SFJ#4: “Why? You don’t like Alex any more than anyone else.”

LD: “Alex isn’t that bad a guy, when he’s in his right mind, but that’s got nothing to do with it. We’re in Japan. Empty Team is here. I can smell blood in the air. This is the place to get in the ring with Moose – if not as partners, opponents would do.”

SFJ#4: “…”

LD: “I never said I was normal. Oh well, maybe I can talk Bennett into kz vs Empty Team next week…A Taipei Death Match in Taipei…”

SFJ#4: “If you get past Chris Cole this week.”

LD: “When, not if. No matter what Cole decides to do, he won’t be leaving Japan with my title.”

[mooseheadjack]

*LJ Bennett is in his office when the intercom buzzes*

LJB: Yes?

Voice from intercom: Mr. Bennett, OOWF TV is showing live footage of Empty Team at a bar. Things seem to have gotten out of hand.

LJB: Excellent! No doubt they're destroying the Destroyitarium, as per my prediction.

*Bennett chuckles as he switches on OOWF TV, which is showing a live feed of SFJ 66 reporting from the wreckage of a bar. Furniture and bottles have been smashed, bodies are sprawled all over, and the only man still on his feet is Jack of the Hinterlands, standing behind the bar, swilling whiskey from a bottle.*

SFJ: Jack, where's your partner.

JH: In the bathroom, having sex with Lauren Phoenix.

SFJ: Ryan won't be happy about that.

JH (looking down at the floor behind the bar): Well, when he wakes up you can ask him.

SFJ: So I suppose this is a typical night out for Empty Team?

JH: Well, sort of. See, Mr. Bennett had given us some money to buy drinks for the Midnight Sons at the Destroyitarium. He said it was to show there were no hard feelings and such. Problem is, we must have made a wrong turn or something. After all the signs here are tricky when you haven't been here for a while. So we wound up here, Ryan took exception to Seanu hitting on Lauren, and a few of the locals got involved. But we did get some new directions, so I'm sure we'll be there soon. It's just a block or two east of here. Or west. Something like that.

*Bennett hits the intercom*

LJB: Get ahold of Wally right now!

[mooseheadjack]

SFJ #748 walks up to an obviously flustered Amnesiac, who's walking the hall with his trusty sidekick Monkh en tow. The interviewer steps in between the two before they fully come into focus. And now, we see that both are wearing t-shirts, with arrows pointing in towards the SFJ, that clearly state "<--- We're with Stupid". The interviewer seems oblivious to the fact, but both Amnesiac and Monkh snicker at this.

SFJ#748: So, you've got a match against El Muerte tomorrow. Does that concern you at all?

Amn: Actually, now that you mention it, it does!

(Monkh looks at The Amnesiac with very obvious mock surprise.)

Amn: Now now, my faithful sidekick. Let me clarify. I'm concerned that I'm going to get that stupid phrase stuck in my head for the rest of my life.

SFJ#748: What phrase?

Amn (doing his best mock imitation of El Muerte): ...the most decorated singles wrestler to ever come out of Mexico!

(Monkh snickers.)

Amn: Listen here, Muerte. I already said that I'd heard of you. That doesn't mean you need to keep repeating yourself over and over and over again. It means that you should probably shut... the hell... up. You took the time to promo on me this week, and what exactly did you have to say?

Monkh: NOTHING. Absolutely nothing of importance.

Amn: Indeed. And, to translate that for El Muerte to understand, let's put it into what little Spanish I learned while I was in Mexico for him:

Usted no es muy importante. Voy a lucharle y voy a ganar. Usted es un perdedor. Yo soy El Hombre, mi amigo.

(SFJ#748 looks somewhat confused.)

Amn: Go look it up on babelfish.altavista.com like I had to do, missy. It'll make much more sense that way.

(The interviewer shrugs.)

SFJ#748: What are your thoughts regarding the Rick vs. Bennett war going on?

Amn: I'll say this once and just once. GM The Rick was the man who hired me, and he's the one who I came to this league to work for. I don't give a shit what other sides there are. For me, there is only one side. The right side. And Monkh and I are on it.

(With that, The Amnesiac and Monkh both turn to walk away. The camera fades to black.)

[mooseheadjack]

[The Amnesiac and Monkh turn the corner and stare at their locker room door.]

Monhk: Is that from...?

Amn: I'm sure it is.

[The camera turns to reveal a spray-painted door.]



Amn: Muerte will pay for this!

[Just then The Dead walks past the two. He still has a slight limp.]

Dead: Tough break, kid.

[The Dead laughs as he walks away. The Amnesiac looks like he wants to attack The Dead, but sees The Dead meet up with The Midnight Sons and Moosehead Jack, so he thinks better of it.]

Monkh: They are both bad men...

[mooseheadjack]

In a darkened room, lit only by candles, a figure in off white robes walks in. She removes her sandals, and bows. She walks up to a bowl of saffron colored water, takes the ladle, and pours water three times over a small golden Buddha statue in the center of the bowl. She bows again. She makes her way towards the focal point of the room, a large statue of Bodhisattva Kannon, and kneels into a meditation position, facing the statue, her eyes closed, her hands pressed together. A second woman comes in and does the same thing. Some time passes. Finally, one of the women speaks

Noriko: Akashi. May we speak? You have not said much since you returned to Senso-ji. You just go from your room to this temple room.

FW: What would you like me to say? [She keeps her eyes closed, trying to maintain her concentratin.]

Nor: The last time you were here, you left so suddenly. And then we didn’t see you again until a few days ago. What happened?

FW: You don’t get OOWF-TV here?

Nor: In a Buddhist-Shinto temple?

FW: Good point. I just went back to the States. Now I’m back for a show, and will be leaving. Just came to visit.

Noriko studies her friend.

Nor: You never could lie to me. You lost control that night. We heard the stories. And it would seem that you feel on the verge of it again.

Firewoman sits quietly, contemplating.

FW: I don’t think it ever goes away completely.

Nor: No, not with you. But if anything can help you —

FW: Only three things ever have. Being here and being in the ring.

Nor: That’s only two things.

FW: So it is.

The two women continue in silence for a while. Eventually, Firewoman gets up, bows to the statue, and goes to leave. Noriko follows.

Nor: Where are you going?

FW: Time for the show. I have a match.

Nor: Wait…just like that? What about…peace? Enlightenment? Purification?

FW: There are many kinds of inner peace, Noriko. There’s the inner peace of achieving enlightenment and oneness with the universe, transcending this life of suffering.

Nor: Yes. Isn’t that why you’re here?

Firewoman and Noriko both do the traditional bow as they leave the temple, replacing their shoes, and go out the courtyard towards the adjoining Asakusa Shrine.

FW: And then there’s the inner peace of meeting a once trusted fri—well, no, I don’t have friends. But a respected ally, who joins up with a glorified carny, and then let’s himself get manipulated into an attack that is attempting…attempting to put me in my place….and then then whining when he’s called on it, and suitably paid back…the inner peace of meeting that person in the ring, with no limits on how I can enlighten him to the consequences of that? That is something completely different.

They approach the outer section of the shrine.

Nor: Um, you can’t go in…technically.

FW: Why not?

Nor: Harae.

FW: Oh….[She walks up to a basin and purposely and ritually washes her hands.] There.

Nor: Akashi, you have to mean it.

FW: I am purified. I am clear and focused. Dead is training with men I once trained with. Some were better than me, sure. But I have had their blood and skin under my nails. I have put my strength against theirs in their purest, rawest form. He thinks that the fact he’s training with them intimidates me? Ask them what happened to the last man who tried to intimidate me.

Nor: Shhh….we’ve passed through the torii….the kami are here…

FW: [Firewoman appears to not be listening, or maybe not capable of hearing her at this point.] And now the Dead wants to join this elite group. He thinks he wants to see the real Firewoman? He wants his blood and guts and skin to mingle with theirs? [Firewoman, with Noriko behind her, stops in front of a small wooden box.]

Nor: What are you doing?

FW: Omikuji. I want to see what happens.

Nor: You can’t. I don’t care what you say. No harae.

FW: Then you do it.

Noriko reaches into the box and pulls out a slip of paper. She reads it, and her hands begin to shake.

Nor: Dai-kyo….a great curse.

FW: . Excellent….

Nor: What? Not excellent. We must tie this to the pine tree immediately! If we don’t, there will be much blood.

Firewoman takes it from her. She brings out her trusty Zippo lighter and sets it on fire. Noriko is horrified.

FW: Exactly what I was hoping for. [She puts it on a silver tray that just happens to be there, and watches it burn intently, the flames reflected in the metal.] Just look at how that sparkles….

[mooseheadjack]

<SFJ13 catches up with Moosehead Jack as he walks down the hall of the Budokan Arena>

SFJ: Moose, you have been uncharacteristically quiet this week. You have perhaps the biggest match of your career this week teaming with Poe against Alexander Darling and a mystery teammate, do you have any comments? Can you trust Poe?

MHJ: Can I trust Poe. That and who is Alexander Darling going to get to be his partner seem to be the million dollar questions in the OOWF right now. Well first things first. Poe. The man's reputation for violence is legendary and well earned in Japan. He is one of the few men in all of wrestling that may be more blood thirsty than I am. To my advantage, he may also be the only person on the planet that hates Alexander Darling more than I do.

SFJ13: So you trust Poe?

MHJ: Trust is a deadly word in this business. There is one person I trust completely and it ain't Poe. Now, that doesn't mean we can't work together for a common goal - bleeding Alexander Darling dry.

SFJ13: And what about Alexander Darling's mystery partner?

MHJ:<looking directly at the camera> Sometimes people get led around by their noses like cattle. More often than not, those cattle are led to slaughter. If it is who I think it is, my advice to you is this: don't. This is a war you you would be getting involved in for all the wrong reasons. Is your career really worth that?

SFJ13: So, who do you think it is?

MHJ: They know.

SFJ13: Do you have any comments on LD Williams comments that he would have been Alexander Darling's partner in all this?

MHJ:<chuckling slightly> LD, you have better things to concern yourself with than Alexander Darling. You are the champ, and you are the champ for a reason - because you stayed out of bullshit feuds with people like Alexander Darling. You want a match against me? We can make that happen, be it this week, next week, or next year, and when we are done, I will shake your hand, because YOU are the only man I respect in this business. Our paths will cross, thats all that needs to be said about that.

SFJ13: What is next for Moosehead Jack?

MHJ: Well, after the beating in store for Darling, there are a few people who I feel need to be taught a lesson. I am not going to name names just yet, but their time is coming.

SFJ13: Trust me?

<Moose smirks and walks away>

[mooseheadjack]

*Fade in.*

Eric: MOVE BITCH!

*Camera fades in only to be pushed away. The camera man gets in position and we see that Eric is in a nice, private hotel suite. Eric, wearing sunglasses, peers into the camera and the camera gets a nice look at Eric's pupils.*

Eric: How does it feel to have the week off? It feels great! Since I've gotten here in Toyko, Japan, I've done nothing but RELAX (says Frankie). Hell, I've even been able to provide some of these luxaries to Stacy, my FAVORITE sexy female journalist.

*Camera moves over to see SFJ #15 lying on a bed, wrapped in a towel. Her blonde hair is wet and drying and she looks either passed out or in a deep state of relaxation. Camera goes back to Eric.*

Eric: You see, EVERYTHING is perfect here in paradise. Nice weather, nice luxeries, nice everything. Too bad that everything that is this nice doesn't exactly translate to the OOWF.

You see, the OOWF is just...fucking horrible, right now. It's fucking terrible. I mean, sure, some things have worked out very well, such as L.D. Williams winning the World Title. But quite honestly, there's too much fucking drama in the OOWF for ANYONE to take us seriously as a wrestling company anymore.

I mean, who's in charge? LJ Bennett? The Rick? Davin Moreland? Eco? Erlana? I mean, damn, I knew things were going to get complicated when I brought Mr. Bennett in, but I didn't know we'd be giving fucktards like Davin Moreland management positions!

Secondly, Firewoman, Alexander Darling, and Alexis Darling have all been here less than 8 months. Yet we're centering tomorrow night's show around their homecoming to Japan? Why? Because they're pussies? Because they are fucking scared? Because they fucked up so bad when they were here before that they've been scared shitless any time someone even MENTIONS Japan?

Which brings me to Mr. Falling Anvil. Davin Moreland, right now, you're softer than the Celtics are on the road. Seriously, what the hell happened to you? You're so fucking pathetic, it makes me sick. You keep in mind that the whore that you keep talking to helped come up with the plan to screw you out of your Onslaught Title. But that's alright, continue to play the part of Sting. Continue to be a gullible jackass who walks into situatiosn where you are just ASKING to get your ass kicked. Or maybe you can put the sponsors away and become a real ass kicker again. Get rid of those dipshits you call partners and actually use the ability you were gifted with.

*Eric lifts up his shades.*

Eric: It's good to be working for Mr. Bennett. We're taking over. There's no stopping us. I've had some fun fucking with Concrete's mind, and I'm showing the entire world how cracked that concrete can get. And I plan on showing more and more cracks until we've broken Gryfon into pieces and finally got him to realize that when you oppose LJ Bennett, you don't win. You just try to do better each time.

And while I may not be on the card tomorrow in Japan, I will be there. And I'll fuck up anyone who tries to get in my way. That can be Stank, that can be Gryfon, that can be my old friend Alexander Darling or my old enemy Davin Moreland. It matters not. If you aren't on my side, you are against me, and, as the past has proven, it pays to be Roode.

SFJ#15: That's not the line, Eric.

Eric: What did I say?

SFJ#15: You said that it pays to be Roode.

Eric: Oh. Well, it does. And because it does, I do what I want, when I want, and how I want to do it. And tomorrow night? I want the night off, and if anyone disturbs that, I'll fuck them up.

*Fade out.*

[mooseheadjack]

*SFJ66 is reporting in live again*

SFJ: We're here live again, in the 5th bar Empty Team has destroyed tonight. Gator Bait, also known as Seanu Ohairu, is apparently consoling some of the "comfort ladies" who worked here. Meanwhile, it seems that Chris Cole, Harper Camby, and Eric O'Mac were accidentally among the patrons injured tonight. Meanwhile, Jack of the Hinterlands has agreed to give a rare television interview.

JH: Blood spurting out everywhere! Yes, yes, yes!!!!!!!!!!!

SFJ: Er. excuse me?

JH: Oh. sorry. My bad.

SFJ: What is Empty Team's agenda?

JH: We pretty much want to kill everybody.

SFJ: What about the Midnight Sons?

JH: OK, we don't want to kill them. Actually, we like them.

[mooseheadjack]

The locker room door of Eric O’Mac opens and “The Riot Act” Tyson Kincaid walks out into the hallway, shutting the door firmly behind him. Kincaid turns around and is met with a microphone as SFJ #497 slides into view of the camera, startling Kincaid.

TK: God damnit, make some fucking noise when you approach me. You people are worse than those ninja cameramen – at least those assholes aren’t shoving microphones in my face and asking asinine questions 24 hours a day.

SFJ: I can see Bennett and his crew have already done a number on you.

TK: What’s that supposed to mean?

SFJ: Well, you’ve been a fan-favorite your entire career. All of a sudden, you’ve become dishonest, moody and angry.

Kincaid momentarily looks ready to snap and SFJ leans back on her heels in fear. “The Riot Act” thinks better of it and seems to compose himself, speaking slowly and giving thought to his words.

TK: There’s really no “all of a sudden to it”. Simply put, I’ve always been the way you described, I just decided to hide it and let it burn underneath for the benefit of those around me. But I’m tired of caring about those around me, because nobody has cared about me. Until now. I’ve finally found a group that accepts me, that protects me. Stank already found that out the hard way.

SFJ: You call a 6-on-1 assault protection?

TK: Of course. That’s what friends are for.

With that, TK turns and exits screens left. The cameraman follows Kincaid to end of the long corridor where a large sign marked “EXIT” sits above two grey metallic doors. Kincaid pushes open the door on the right.

A second camera angle shows that Kincaid has now entered the parking garage. It is dimly lit, with only a few domestic sedans and production trucks dotting the pavement. Kincaid makes his way to the eastern-most corner of the garage where a black Aston Martin DB9 is parked. He reaches into the right side pocket of his black leather coat, removes the keys and unlocks the automobile with the remote.

However, before he can reach the car, two large arms reach out from the dark corner, grab Kincaid by the neck and drag him behind a concrete pillar.

Stank: Where are your friends now?

A muffled cry for help is followed by the sound of several loud cracks and thuds and the camera fades to black.

[mooseheadjack]

*Wally B King is in a hot tub with the "geishas", chatting on his phone and sipping sake*

WBK: Relax, I'm sure they'll get there eventually. They're running out of bars to trash...Too drunk to wrestle?(laughing) That's the least of your worries, LJ...Well, you specifically asked me if I could keep the Team from Down Under under control, not Empty Team...I'm busy giving some employees a performance review right now...besides, that's a pretty bad neighborhood they're in now...I suppose I could see if LD's Momma could go with me, in which case of course her fees will go on your tab...yes, I'm sure the owners of the bars are upset but after you pay them off...yes I did say after "you" pay then off...take another look at the contract, mate...if you keep up like this you're going to have a stroke, so maybe I should send a relaxation therapist over to help you unwind...hello? hello?

[mooseheadjack]

Stank - Who was that on the phone?

WBK - Oh... nobody.

Stank - I could use one of those relaxation therapists.

WBK - Ok, mate, but uh... you should clean yourself up a bit first. You got blood on your hands.

Stank - Oh this... yeah... had a little run in with the rookie in the parking lot.

WBK - Which rookie?

Stank - Kincaid.

WBK - Oh... well I hope it wasn't too much of a fuss.

Stank - Where the hell is everyone?

WBK - Spin and Mags are downstairs in the boiler room and are supposed to be meetin us at the Destroyitarium in an hour. Outback and GB are...

Stank - GB?

WBK - Yeah, mate... Gatorbait.

Stank - Gatorbait is back?

WBK - Uh... yeah. What you... have you been paying attention?

Stank - My plate has been full lately... what's going on?

WBK - The Midnight Sons are defending their titles at Mayhem against... Empty Team.

Stank - WHAT???

WBK - Yeah.

Stank - How the fuck...? Who? Where's Jack?!?

WBK - He and Bait have been tearing up bars all over town trying to get to the Destroyitarium.

Stank - How did this happen? What the fuck!?! The LAST thing I NEED right now is D&D IMPLODING!

WBK - Relax, mate... here... have a Sheila.

Stank - The LAST thing I need right now is a ho.

Sheila - HEY!!

Stank - Sorry... relaxation therapist.

Sheila - ... hmmph!

WBK - But you just said...

Stank - Nevermind what I said! I'm going to the Destroyitarium...! And WHAT the FUCK are YOU doing in my hotel room ANYWAY??

WBK - I just thought I'd... you know... part of my responsibility as your manager...

Stank - You're NOT my mana-

WBK - AS your consultant...! Is too anticipate your needs! I figured you'd need a therapy sess-

Stank - Look I don't care enough to hear the rest of your explanation Wally! Just lock up when you leave!

<Stank leaves>

WBK - ... It's a good thing I didn't tell him about Bennett.

<Stank returns>

Stank - WHAT?!?

WBK - NOTHING!

Stank - I heard Bennett.

WBK - I said... win it. We're in it to win it... right?

Stank - You're a strange man, Wally.

<Stank leaves>

WBK - Whew!

[mooseheadjack]

*Davin Moreland is MUNCHING~! on some popcorn in front of the Sony Multimedia Center in the Run DLP Locker Room, Presented by Aquafina. Lucios, Phantos and Carl from Fresno are all stretching and getting ready for their matches. Davin, Emma, Spirios and Smokey are all chilling on the couch watching the OOWF-TV Pregame Show, brought to you by Sprint PCS, Dunkin' Donuts and Starwood Hotels*

L: Davin? What are you doing?

DM: Eating popcorn.

L: I KNOW you're eating popcorn, but why aren't you getting ready?

DM: Uh...I don't have a match?

P: *rolls his eyes* Come on, you can't fool us. You should be getting ready for your match.

DM: No. YOU should be preparing for P&L vs. The Heels Part XXIV, and Carl, you should be getting ready for your big match. You're tagging with one of the greats in there tonight.

CFF: Can I have some popcorn?

DM: Of course, there's an extra bowl in the kitchen

*Carl departs in search of popcorn*

L: So what are you gonna do? Sit here all night?

DM: Unless I have to do a run-in or something.

*Kayfabe looms in the doorway*

DM: Stay there much longer Kayfabe and Curt "The Golden God" Schilling will start blogging about you again.

*Kayfabe shrieks and runs away*

L: I'm not buying it Davin.

DM: Not buying what?

L: That girl's got you wrapped around your finger. You're just too blind to see it.

DM: Don't talk about Emma like that; she's a sweet girl.

*Emma giggles and blushes*

P: HEY!

DM: Hay is for horses, Phantos.

L: You know who I mean.

DM: I DO know who you mean. Do I strike you as a stupid person?

L: Regarding this? Maybe.

DM: Don't believe everything you read.

L: Wait...what are you saying?

DM: Sometimes there's more going on underneath the surface than you can see Lucios.

*Davin receives a text message on his Sprint PCS phone*

DM: Perfect.

L: What? What is it?

DM: Automated score update.

L: Liar.

DM: You go and win your matches tonight. I'll be watching from here. Good luck tonight. Emma will keep me company.

E: And Spirios and Smokey.

DM: Yeah. Them too. Sure.

P: I hate you sometimes, Davin.

DM: Don't hate. Congratulate.

CFF: *mouth full of popcorn* Did you really just say that?

Spirios: BARK!

Smokey: MEOW!

*all laugh as Davin settles into his chair, really appearing as if he's going nowhere*

*fade*

[mooseheadjack]

Alexander Darling: Hey Bunny, wanna be my partner?

Bunny Ayo man, no way. I hate you. You're an asshole.

Alexander: Don't be like that Bunny boy, I thought me and you were boys...I got you that sweet beanbag chair.

Bunny: Ayo, then you broke it douchebag.

Alexander: Keep it up and I'll break something else.

Bunny: The only think broken right now is your mind, ayo. Don't make me flip your ass.

Alexander is about to grab Bunny when he's spun around by his sister.

Alexis Darling: Cool it brother dear...I got this taken care of.

Alexander: Did you finally convince Nerve Agent...I knew he'd come around.

Bunny: Why do you want that punk ass...he's a bitch, ayo.

Alexis: Bunny, I never had issues with you...walk away now before I do.

Bunny gives Alexis a look that she returns twice as hard...

Bunny: I QUIT...WAHHHH!!!!

Alexis: Brother, come with me. You need to relax and believe in me. Things will be okay. LonelyGirl15 will relax you.

Alexis grabs her brother by the hand and the two walk off back to The DEA Luxury Suites.

[mooseheadjack]

Meanwhile, back at the DESTROYITARIUM~!

Stank: Jesus Christ, all this shit....Setting us at each other throats....We need to be unit. We need to be cohesive...yeah, I'll tell them that, and that I'll break the neck of any motherfucker that thinks otherwise! This is the last thing we....

Stank flings the door open, preparing himself for the carnage inside


Seanu Ohairu: His nose?

D.H. Magnusson: Bro....I mean she FLATTENED it. Like 5 straight shots. There was blood everywhere, I thought Firewoman was going to kil--

Spin Hansen: Would you quit telling that goddamned story? It was months ago!

Jack Of The Hinterlands: Yeh, mate...But it's still funny.

SO: Reminds me of this Saturday night in Singapore. Coupla Dudes were shooting pool, right? And I...Oh, hey Stank.

St: ...

DHM: Hey...Boss man...You okay? Where's th' fire?

St: ...

SH: What...you taking the Johnny Adrenaline promo courses or something?

JH: Pull up one, mate. We're just unwinding a bit before we all go out there and try to kill each other. Sharing tales and the like. What's yours.

St:...

St: Beer's good.

[mooseheadjack]

We fade into the locker room of Eric O’Mac. He sits with a cooler of beer at his feet while Moosehead Jack and The Heels occupy three more chairs, arranged in a semi-circle on the locker room floor.

Moose: So did you talk to Tyson?

EOM: Yeah, I told him the score. He’s loyal to us. We can trust him.

Moose: I hope so. We need him.

The locker room door flies opening revealing a bloodied Tyson Kincaid leaning against the door frame. His leather jacket hangs lopsidedly off his shoulder as blood drips onto his torn Tom Waits t-shirt.

EOM: Shit, man! What the hell happened to you?

TK: What the hell happened to me? What the hell happened to you?! Is this what the deal is? You leave me hung out to dry while Stank jumps me in a parking lot?

EOM: That fucker! Look, there was just nothing we could do. If we knew Stank was still lurking around, we would have followed the trail of beer farts and found him before he got to you. We don’t let our friends get taken advantage of.

Tyson steps into the room and Moose motions for Johnny and AA to bring a chair over to Kincaid. He sits down, grabs a nearby towel and wipes the blood from his face as EOM reaches into the cooler and hands him a beer. He then grabs a plastic bag, fills it with ice from the cooler and hands it to Kincaid. Tyson puts the cold beer to his forehead and lets the bag of ice dangle in his other hand.

Moose: Stank must have really done a number on you.

Kincaid realizes the meaning behind Moose’s words, lets out a sigh, shakes his head and switches hands, bringing the ice to his forehead and opening the beer, taking in a long and appreciative mouthful.

TK: I can’t wait for tonight.

EOM: It won’t be long. You’ll get your payback on that limp-dicked shit and his buddy soon enough. And don’t forget that you’ll have Viper by your side and us watching your back.

TK: I’m glad to hear it. But all I really need tonight…Kincaid looks at his fists, soaked with his own blood…are these.

Fade.