OOWF MidWeek Mayhem 05-14-08

[mooseheadjack]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Tokyo Japan

OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match
LD Williams vs. Chris Cole

OOWF World Tag Team Title Taipei Death Match[/u]
The Midnight Sons vs. Empty Team

OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u]
Firewoman vs. The Dead

Special Challenge Match[/u]
Alexander Darling & ?? vs. Moosehead Jack & Poe

Ultimate X Match[/u]
Bunny vs. Knife

Winner Gets An Onslaught Title Shot Next Week[/u]
Capellan vs. Blitz vs. Mark Vander

Pegasus Kid II vs, Tiger Mask VI
Worlds Greatest Fag Team vs. Concrete TG & Firechild
Phantos & Lucios vs. The Heels
BAD vs. IHOP
Ecosystem & Beast vs. The Nerve Agent & Voltage
Tyson Kincaid & Donovan Viper vs. Stank & Carl From Fresno
Amnesiac vs. Muerte

card subject to booker incompetence

[mooseheadjack]

The DEA locker room is in chaos after Mayhem. Furniture is overturned, but for a change, it wasn’t Firewoman who did it. Alexander Darling has realized he is coming face-to-face with someone who has the ability to get to Alexis and him in their own private suites, or in front of an arena crowd, to play mind games, all towards some sort of revenge? Who knows, but as the realization has set in, Alexander sits on the floor, against the wall, sort of staring off into space, catatonic. Lucky is trying to figure out whether to pack or not. Alexis is standing, still covered in blood, looking around like a deer in the headlights. Firewoman comes in from the hallway.

FW: What the hell is going on in here? Alexander? Alexis?

L: Um…Alexander trashed the place, and she’s just kind of standing there. Oh, and Jericho called about your, um…match with The Dead. Something about a promise…you want me to call him ba—

FW: Good gods, not now Lucky. He can wait. Maybe now you’ll listen to me, Alex. [she walks up to Alexis] Come on, Lexie, let’s get this cleaned up. Lucky, keep an eye on him.

Firewoman takes Lexie gently by the hand, and takes her to Firewoman’s Locker Room. Once inside, Firewoman starts the shower.

FW: I suppose you may as well just get in with those clothes on at first. Go on. [Lexie hesitates] Oh, geez, do I have to do everything myself? [She puts her under the water, and gradually, the red starts to rinse off her.]

LD: It’s kind of cold…

FW: Oh for gods sake Lexie, snap the fuck out of it. You know, I did used to call you a Barbie doll when we first met in Philly, but you never really acted like one. What happened after I left Japan?

LD: Nothing… it doesn’t matter….

FW: Fine. [Firewoman starts to help her get out of the stained clothing] No, it’s not fine. It’s not even close. Dammit Lexie. When I first met you, you wouldn’t have let yourself be this much of a doormat.

LD: What? [Lexie looks like she’s going to cry.]

FW: You heard me. The old Lexie wouldn’t have stood in the ring all Carrie-like. She wouldn’t have sat around getting bizarre gifts and not doing anything about it. She wouldn’t have been such a fucking victim.

Showering complete, Firewoman tosses Lexie a towel in disgust. Lexie flinches.

FW: Did you see that? You just flinched…at a towel. You’re bordering on pathetic here.

Lexie puts on a bathrobe and shoots a small glare at Firewoman. Firewoman catches this.

FW: You know, once we get to Japan, you are on your own. Alexander is useless right now, and I’ll be… busy. Right now you’re a sitting duck, although why Poe would bother with you at this point is a mystery to me. You’re hardly a threat to anyone.

LD: Shut up.

FW: How am I even supposed to take that seriously? With your crocodile tears and your big doe eyes and your lower lip quivering?

LD: I don’t have to stand here and take this.

FW: Why not? That’s been your modus operandi for weeks now

LD: Stop it! Please….

FW: Please? Lexie, there is a time and a place for begging, and while I enjoy it quite a lot in its proper context, this is not it.

Alexis decides she has had enough, and tries to step past Firewoman to get to the door. Firewoman blocks her path. She steps to the other side, and gets cut off again. Firewoman is smiling now, and Alexis is getting angry… really angry.

LD: Move!

Firewoman smiles even more slyly, grabs Alexis, and plants a big kiss right on her lips. Alexis pushes her off, furious, and Firewoman hits the wall behind her, her head bouncing off the concrete blocking. Firewoman draws her arm back, lining up a big slap, but before she can connect…

LD: ENOUGH!! I let you hit me once. But not again. Next time I hit back.

Alexis has brought her arm up and grabbed Firewoman’s wrist, blocking her slap. She maintains her grasp, and Firewoman struggles a bit to free her arm.

LD: I’m tired of this. I’m tired of being scared all the time, and letting other people take care of me. It stops now.

FW: Yes. Indeed it does. And it’s about time, too.

[mooseheadjack]

(CTG is setting up in his locker room area as Firechild walks in)

CTG: Citizen Flame!

FC: It's been a while, Crete. You doing ok?

CTG: Hard to be "okay" with a war going on.

FC: Actually, that's not what I was asking about. I know you were really excited about working Up North, and you looked really happy. I know that they were really high on you

CTG: (holds up a hand) Flame, what's done is done. I may never be able to go back, but at least now my mind is clear of the situation. I was tricked into returning here by certain people, and now they're realizing their mistake.

FC: I heard you hurt Moose

CTG: didn't think it was possible?

FC: Not from you, anyway. No matter how violent or insane your matches got with Moose, you two never managed to break bones. I'm more surprised Moose hasn't broken every bone in your body - vice versa.....

CTG: ..... you make it sound like I hold back.

FC: that's not what I meant -

CTG: Flame.... we've worked together a long time, and we had this discussion in the past. I've done some research and perhaps you were right about something. There is a place for all types of heroes....

FC: I'm not following....

CTG: (turns to the ninja cameraman) this is not for you to see. If Moose, Eric and those who side with Bennett can keep secrets, I can keep one as well. leave.

(The Invisible Ninja cameraman hesitates, then backs out of the locker room... but not far enough before he hears Firechild's voice one last time)

FC: Holy shit, you're serious.

[mooseheadjack]

(The Amnesiac is working out, barechested, in the OOWF Gym. Monkh is spotting while he does bench presses of what looks like about 15lbs. Monkh lifts up the weight and rests it back into its cradle. We can see clearly what Monkh's t-shirt says - "...and knowing is half the battle". The Amnesiac sits up and wipes the sweat from his brow.)

Amn: As you can see, I'm clearly pushing myself to the limit so that I'm ready for Muerte next week. I'm certainly not frightened of him in any way... but I need to know that I'm ready for this challenge before I step into the ring with him. So Monkh here is helping me work out my biceps and triceps.

(Monkh smirks ruefully.)

Amn: So Muerte knows he's on our supercard next week, doesn't he? Because other than that semi-private videophone call with The Dead, I haven't heard a single word from him.

(The Amnesiac shrugs.)

Amn: I guess he's forgotten how to promo. Let's go through the steps for him, shall we?

(The Amnesiac begins counting off.)

Amn: Firstly, you show up somewhere that you know the ninja cameramen will be lurking. This can honestly be anywhere.

(The scene changes with the magic of camera tricks. The Amnesiac is obviously in front of a green screen, with different backgrounds showing up behind him. First appears to be a men's room.)

Amn: The restroom.

(An old west saloon.)

Amn: Your local tavern.

(Outer space.)

Amn: Or possibly off visiting another planet.

(The scene changes back to the gym. Monkh stands there, staring at The Amnesiac, looking confused.)

Monkh: Where'd you go, boss?

Amn: Nevermind, Monkh. Secondly, Muerte, you must make some vague threats to your opponent. Like uh, 'I'm gonna hurt you.' or 'I've got an STD.' Any of these will work for these purposes.

(The Amnesiac smiles widely.)

Amn: And lastly, Muerte... and this seems to be the part you're good at... remind your opponent who you are, and what that means. I like your example of telling everything how much gold you've won. That's really... special. And I can understand how you'd want people to know that, over and over and over and over... but I don't give a shit.

(He gets more intense as the promo moves along.)

Amn: What I do care about is making a name for myself here. And if I have to go through you to do it. Then that's exactly what will happen. And then, if I have to go through your friend The Dead, then I'll do that too. But I will be successful here, have no doubt about that. I've got my eyes on the top prizes around here, and once I'm through with your little dog and pony show, then by god, I'm gonna go after some of those prizes. And then, while you can still brag about how you're the most decorated singles wrestler in all of Mexico, I'll be able to trump that... because I'll be able to widen that stance to include the entire world. Thanks and please drive through.

(With that, The Amnesiac puts on his t-shirt - "Now you know...", gets up, beckons Monkh, and they walk away.)

[mooseheadjack]

[Cameras catch The Heels in the arena hallway in the middle of a conversation. AA's got some kind of document in his hand.]

AA: ...Wait. You mean you intentionally failed the drug test??

JA: ... [nods]

AA: Well, what the hell for?

JA: ..........

AA: Look, I know you've hit a wall. I know you just wanna play golf. You've given everything you have to give to this business. Hell, ya helped build this damn place. But what about....

JA: ......

AA: [reading document] Uh oh.

JA: ....?

AA: Um, looking at this thing here... you haven't been suspended.

JA: ....

AA: The Rick has invoked the Randy Orton Clause in all OOWF contracts: you gotta perform without pay.

JA: .......!!

AA: You can't just quit, Johnny. They can get you on breach and you'll spend more time in a courtroom than on a golf course.

JA: .....!

AA: I'll talk to Bennett. I'm sure he knows a loophole of 20 we can use here.

JA: ....

AA: Good. Besides, if you're tryin to leave this place, take me with you.

JA: .............

AA: I AM NOT A HOMO!

JA: ...??

AA: Hadn't heard that one in a while.

JA: .........?

AA: Yes, I'm starving.

[The Heels walk away as we fade out.]

[mooseheadjack]

Stank - My guest this week... Eric O'Mac

<MOVE BITCH, GET OUT THE WAY! Eric O'Mac hits the ramp to an onslaught of online boos. He soaks them up as he stares at Stank standing in the ring. Eric has brought a mic with him and raises it to his lips so he can be heard.>

EOM - DO you actually THINK I would go to that ring and share a beer with you for this PATHETIC excuse of a segment you call... Stank's pub?? I mean WHAT is that? Who would want... who in their RIGHT mind would want to go to a pub with a sorry excuse of fat turd like you!?!?

<Crowd boos mightily, as Stank stands in the ring, staring at Eric O'Mac, taking it all in stride>

EOM - You may have these sheep fooled with your free drinks and all, but no amount of your kissing up is going to get me to like you.

Stank - I don't need you to like me Eric...

EOM - SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'm NOT DONE TALKING!

<Crowd's BOOS rage like a storm that morphs into an AAAASSHOOOOOLLE chant!>

EOM - Y'ALL can Shut the fuck up as well! You see Stank, I don't like you. I don't want to like you. I don't care about what you need me to like. The bottom line is this... You are a Rick sympathizer... worse yet... you think by siding with him, you're saving the OOWF. That's means you are wrong. Wrong for your side. Wrong for this company. Wrong for this sport. And I will see you out... Davin has learned his lesson the hard way... Now...

It's your turn.

<Crowd buzzes as Eric O'Mac makes his way toward the ring. Stank drops his mic and motions for Eric to bring it! The big man should have been paying more attention to his surroundings because from out of the crowd comes Donovan Viper, Tyson Kincaid, The Dead, and The Heels! BIG BOOT for Tyson Kincaid, BIG RIGHT HAND for The Dead, BATISTA SPINBUSTER for Viper and The Heels back off as Stank stands over Viper, wretching on the mat, to the utter delight of the crowd. The numbers game threatens to overwhelm Stank as Eric O'Mac RUSHES into the ring underneath the ropes and CHARGES Stank. Stank lowers himself and catches O'Mac on his shoulders for a STANK-U! But The Heels use the distraction to ATTACK Stank, who drops Eric O'Mac, and gets pummeled in a 3 on 1 BEATDOWN. Stank absorbs the punishment and POWERS OUT THROWING the three men off of him again to the joyous roar of the crowd! A CHAIN ASSISTED DEATH ELBOW!! from Viper KILLS all that noise and Stank goes down in a heap. Now it's a 6 on 1 BEATDOWN! Eric O'Mac screams obscenities into Stank's face, then stomps around the ring in search of a mic, while his men continue their beatdown of the fallen big man. The Boos increase in volume and fervor as Moosehead Jack and Bennett make their way slowly down the ramp, observing the chaos in the ring, but not joining in. Bennett has a curious look of distaste on his face. Moose is nonplussed. Eric finds a mic and shouts...>

EOM - OHHHH how the MIGHTY have FALLEN! The great big STANK! The most dominate World CHAMPION this company had is now nothing more than a great big LOSER!

<Crowd BOOS!!!>

EOM - You THINK you can LAY your hands on ME and there NOT be any consequence?? You THINK You can just stroll into that man's... LOOK AT HIM!!! LOOK AT HIM LUCAS!!

<As a bloodied Stank is being held down, Eric walks over and turns Stank's head toward Bennett standing on the ramp, with Moosehead Jack by his side. Eric resumes his vitriolic commentary.>

EOM - YOU THINK you can just STROLL into THAT man's office and powerbomb me... ME?? through his desk and there be NO retribution!?!? FUCK YOU BIG MAN! LOOK AT ME...! LOOK AT ME, DAMMIT!!

<Eric viciously grabs Stank by the chin and turns his head toward him.>

EOM - Look at me! I am the face of YOUR ENEMY! ME! I AM THE ONE that is going to RID the OOWF of your STENCH!! Forever!! YOU MISERABLE FAT FUCK! Hold HIM!

<Eric jumps up to the top turnbuckle, while Tyson Kincaid and Viper hold Stank to the mat. The Dead Holds Stank's feet and The Heels look on as Eric delivers a FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH onto the helpless Stank!! Eric makes sure to drive his knee into Stank's often injured shoulder along the way. The Crowd is BOOING like MAD as Eric mounts the turnbuckle again. FINALLY The MIDNIGHT SON'S and OUTBACK JACK!! run down the ramp, along with Concrete TG and RUN DLP!! Moose and Bennett SCATTER! The ring clears of Bennett's army as they retreat through the crowd, and up the aisles of the arena. As Rick's army tends to their fallen comrade, the camera turns on Stank rolled on his side, almost in a fetal position, clutching his shoulder in obvious pain.>

<Camera Fades to commercial>

[mooseheadjack]

<Back from commercial and We see Stank being helped from the ring by Spin Hansen and The Amnesiac who has come down to offer his assistance. Monkh runs up to Amnesiac's side but his small frame is not seen by Stank as the boy accidentally gets tangled up in Stank's feet and everyone trips and falls as Stank stumbles. The big man lands on top of Monkh and before he can roll off a ref appears out of nowhere!>

ONE, TWO, THREE!! WINNER AND NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION - STANK!

Stank - Oh shit.

[mooseheadjack]

Sexy Female Journalist #42 knocks on the locker room door of The Heels. We hear, “Come in!” As SFJ #42 walks in, we see AA and JA in the locker room doing, ummm, something not really important right now.

SFJ #42: I’ve been invited into the locker room of The Heels, where I’ve been told there will be some words coming from the mouth of Attitude Adjuster.

AA: Why in the Knee of Billy Gunn are you talking that way?

SFJ #42 (slightly taken back): Umm, because you asked me to so you could use that old ungrammatical joke about Billy Gunn?

AA stares at SFJ #42 for a second, then mutters something about Kayfabe never being around when you need her.

AA: I’ve got something to say about Midweek Mayhem this week in Tokyo, Japan! (cheap pop) You know, it’s been a few weeks since The No. 1 Tag Team in the HISTORY OF THE WORLD was screwed...

SFJ #42: Even better than Stan Hansen and Bruiser Brody?

AA: Woman! Shut up and know your roll!

AA: ...was screwed out of the OOWF Tag Team titles. Our lawyers are currently working...

SFJ #42: The Rock n Roll Express?

AA: What? Those posers? How many times did they lose to the Russians and The Midnight Express? Anyway, our lawyers are looking into how many ways that breached the contract of The Heels...

SFJ #42: The Jumping Bomb Angels?

AA: Yes, even The Jumping...The Jumping Bomb Angels? Who in the hell are The Jumping Bomb Angels?

SFJ #42: Are you kidding me? The Jumping Bomb Angels were Noriyo Tateno and Itsuki Yamazaki, who formed one of the most exciting teams on the Japanese Woman's Wrestling circuit. On January 5, 1986, The Angels defeated Bull Nakano and Condor Saito to win the vacant WWWA World Tag Team Championship. At the Survivor Series 1987, The Jumping Bomb Angels were the sole survivors in the Women's division Survivor Series match. On January 24, 1988 at the Royal Rumble, The Angels beat The Glamour Girls in a best 2/3 Falls match to win the WWF Women's Tag Team Championship.

AA (again, stunned): The hell? Who told you to be intelligent and study up on Japanese Women’s Tag Team wrestling? Now shut up before I go all P.Y. Chu-Hi on you.

SFJ #42: P.Y. Chu-Hi wasn’t even Japanese! He was longtime Memphis heel Phil Hickerson, who was always known as having a country-boy type gimmick. Well-known in the 70's as part of a tag team with Dennis Condrey, Phil spent many years on the regional circuit doing this bit. By the late 80's though, crowds didn't seem to care about Phil Hickerson, and thus, he was repackaged.

AA (clearly flustered): Johnny! Say something!

JA:...

AA: Great time to be doing the Bobby Eaton gimmick, Johnny. Can’t even tell you to shut the fuck up anymore. A lot of good you’ve been lately.

SFJ #42: So do you have something to say about this week’s match against Phantos and Lucios?

AA: Yeah, I probably did, but I’ve forgot now. Good thing I have a feud lined up within The Clique after this. At least Stank and FFC know how to pull their weight. And that’s saying something, considering how huge Stank is. Yeah, that’s right, you former OOWF heavyweight champion loser! And I do mean HEAVY weight. I always knew you were ugly, but now that you’re apart from Capslock, ewww. Hey, ever thought of reviving your career? You could put on a mask and call yourself Super Ugly! I’m telling you, I got a million of them. Bring it on Stank! Bring it on. I’ll out promo you from Tokyo, Japan to ...

SFJ #42: What about Phantos and Lucious?

AA: Ah, screw them. Stank! I’m coming after you, Fat Boy! Call me fat, huh? Have you looked at yourself lately? (AA grabs the mic from SFJ #42, who walks out of the room shaking her head. AA never misses a beat.) You need two mirrors to look at yourself, you slob! Maybe three! I can promo ALL NIGHT LONG!

JA: Shut the fuck up, AA.

AA: You make Haystacks Calhoun look like a cruiserweight! When you call for a taxi, they send two! Johnny, did you say something? Ahh, whatever. I heard they were going to have a pig roast in our honor Tuesday night, but the chef mistook you for the pig and decided he couldn’t dig a hole deep enough! You’re so ugly that LD Williams’ Mama...

[mooseheadjack]

Capellan checks the card.

"Vander, again? What is this guy? My shadow?" he shrugs "I hope this isn't some crazy-ass plan to use me to get to Tommy, and then get back with Missy. That ship has sailed."

Donovan Viper walks up.

"Talking to yourself, Cap? You know what they say about that, right?"

"That it's better than talking to you?"

"Ohh." Viper mimes being struck in the heart. "Not what I was thinking of, no. A match for an Onslaught title shot, huh? I see they're throwing you a bone. You should be grateful. After all, your ass did get pinned last week."

"S'funny, but it looked to me like Stank was kicking your ass, until you managed to get him so riled up the match got thrown out."

"What can I say? The belt stayed where it belongs." Viper slaps his title. "But this isn't about me, Cap. It's about you -"

"You know, I don't really care what you have to say about me."

"Well, if you're happy with continuing to not win titles, feel free to ignore me. If you'd like to actually get back to the top of the card, though ..." Viper cocks his head to one side. "... and since we're in Japan ... maybe it ought to be HK Dragon who turns up this week?"

Surprisingly, Cap actually looks like he's considering the idea.

"It would be fun to fight Firewoman or the Dead ..."

(fade to black)

[mooseheadjack]

A cute, young brunette stands in the camera shot waiting for her cue.



“Are we ready? Ok…hi OOWF fans, I’m Selena Gomez, a new reporter for OOWF-TV and I have an exclusive report from Kyoto, Japan. Behind me is reportedly the private gym of the legendary Japanese superstar, Poe. Poe will reportedly be making his OOWF debut during next week’s Midweek Mayhem, live from Tokyo in a tag match with Moosehead Jack versus Alexander Darling and a mystery partner. There is no love lost between Poe and Darling, as Darling was Poe’s former protégé, and Darling tried to end Poe’s career during a GHC Heavyweight title match for NOAH. I’m gonna try to get an exclusive interview with the man, the myth, the legend himself, Poe. Okay, yeah, C’mon”

Selena rushes over to the door, knocking on the frame. “Hello? Uh...Konichiwa?” The door opens and she steps inside. The door slams shut behind her and we hear Selena scream.

[mooseheadjack]

Firewoman and Lucky are standing outside the OOWF arena in Tokyo. Firewoman is…SMOKING? What the hell? Lucky is playing with Firewoman’s phone.

L: I think I can get a signal here…hey, since when do you do that?

FW: About 5 minutes ago.

L: Why start up again now?

FW: I dunno. Something about being back here.

L: Should we be outside?

FW: No smoking in the arena, Lucky. [Lucky gives Firewoman the ‘that’s not what I meant’ look.] It doesn’t matter. If shit happens, it’s going to happen, won’t matter where I am.

L: Okay, checking your voice mail. Wow…lots of calls from you-know-who. I don’t think your match with Dead was what he had in mind when he told you to promise that—

FW: Well, I didn’t technically promise anything. “Fine” is not a promise.

L: Did you want to call him back? I hit ‘dial.’

FW: No, not now. [she grabs the phone out of his hands, and turns it off].

L: I think he already picked up….

FW: I’ll deal with him later. Right now, I have a lot of things to do before I leave.

L: We’re leaving?

FW: I am. You are staying. Now, be a valet and ask me some obvious open-ended question about my upcoming match with The Dead.

L: Um, okay. Firewoman, you’ll be wrestling the Dead for the title. You two once had mutual respect going, but that appears to have ended. Any comments?

FW: Nicely done!

L: Thank you.

FW: I do have some comments. [straight into the camera.] Well, The Dead. You finally won. Congratulations. I’m sure you thought of that as it was you were the one being carried… out of the ring, that is. That’s not an enjoyable feeling. Trust me, I know. Thanks to you.

Oh, I know. Not only you. Eric O’ Mac was the ringleader. His day will come. Moose…well, he claims that he had nothing to do with it, but I find that hard to believe. Just like I’m finding it hard to believe that arm is actually broken. Really, someone says “trust me” that much? Methinks he doth protest too much.

Firewoman takes a drag off her cigarette.

But all that’s not important right now, anyway. This is about you and me. I figure we are now even with the sneak attacks. So, for my Onslaught stipulation? Let’s make it a street fight. That way, anything goes. That was the first fighting I ever learned how to do, so be sure to bring your A-game. Anything less will not sparkle with me.

Firewoman tosses her cigarette into a trash can, which immediately bursts into flames.

FW: Oops.

L: Why does that keep happening to you?

FW: *sigh* It’s both a talent and a curse… Well, don’t just stand there, go put it out, as usual.

[mooseheadjack]

Wally - On the bright side, you're the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal champion.

Stank - Yeah I know, but Attitude Adjuster hurt me.

Spin - Yeah he and Johnny worked you over pretty good.

Stank - No I mean in his promo. That hurt my feelings, man.

Spin - ?

Wally - ?

Stank - I've lost 30 pounds since I debut in the OOWF AND that's while drinking a lot of beer the majority of the time.

Wally - ?

Spin - ?

Stank - I'm not fat... I'm just big boned.

Spin - ?

Wally - ?

Stank - ... ... FUCK YOU Attitude Adjuster! I'm gonna KICK YOUR ASS THE MOST!!

Wally - You're obviously still a bit loopy from the beaten you got.

Spin - Yeah, why don't you go lie down in the back.

<Stank bursts into tears.>

Stank - I'm fat? NO YOU'RE FAT, ALAN! YOU!

Spin - It's ok... it's ok Stank. C'mon let's get you rested.

<Spin helps an injured and bandaged Stank to his feet and walks with him to a back room where there is a nice, comfy couch for him to lie down. Stank lays on the couch and Spin walks out the room, flipping off the lights on his way out. It's dark. Stank lies there for a few seconds before speaking.>

Stank - I know you're there, Moose.

<Moose flips on the light, and Stank sits up rubbing his eyes.>

Moose - You look like shit.

Stank - Your boys fucked me up pretty good.

Moose - I had nothing to do with that.

Stank - Nonetheless there will be hell to pay.

Moose - I'm looking forward to it.

Stank - You would.

Moose - I do.

Stank - Fine.

Moose - Good.

Stank - OK.

Moose - Alright then.

Stank - So did you hide in here just to tell me that or was there something more pressing on your mind?

Moose - Actually...

Stank - ... what? ... you... you want this?

Moose - Please.

Stank - I don't know.

Moose - C'mon Stank... you didn't even WANT the title to begin with.

Stank - Yeah because any title you can win by accidentally falling on someone is not a title I'd hold proudly.

Moose - I seem to recall you falling on LD once to retain the World Title.

Stank - How did I know you'd go there?

Moose - So you gonna lie down and let me have it?

Stank - No. Because I lie down for no one.

Moose - ... Fair enough. Your funeral.

<Moose peeks out the door to make sure it's clear.>

Moose - Be seeing you.

Stank - What... no trust me?

Moose - You know everyone around here keeps expecting me to say that, but I'm fairly certain I don't use that word nearly as much as everyone has made me out to. I'll throw it out there every now and then but, HONESTLY!

Stank - ...

Moose - SERIOUSLY Stank. When is the last time you heard me say Trust me?

Stank - When you tried to hijack Eric O'Mac's promo last week.

Moose - Fuck. Before THAT!

Stank - ...

Moose - ...

Stank - ...

Moose - See?

Stank - After you congratulated LD on his Title win, you cut a promo on Firewoman and concluded it with Trus-

Moose - SO? What are you my MOM? It's my catchphrase! I can use it when I WANT!

Stank - Hey you ASKED!

<Moose walks out. Stank talks in the general direction of the camera.>

Stank - I forgot to mention before your boy walked out. Bennett, I promised you if the sort of thing that just happened to me continued, you would pay the price. That you would become my cause. Well, Bennett...

TicK. Tock.

And Eric? You so DESPERATE for attention you coordinate an attack on me? Well now you've got it. You've gone and fucked with the wrong man. Payback ain't a bitch...

It's a promise.

<Camera fades>

[mooseheadjack]

*OOWF Arena*

It’s a while after Mayhem has ended and it was a night of shocking developments for a few OOWF Superstars; especially the only pair of twins within the company, Alexander and Alexis Darling. After a dominating performance by Alexander against Korean star Tommy Chong Li, his words directed at Moosehead Jack were cut off by the surprise debut of his former mentor and initiator of his nightmares, the man simply known as Poe. We saw the effects earlier in The DEA Luxury Suite as Firewoman may have finally gotten through to Alexis as something seemed to snap in her as she physically stopped Firewoman from slapping her, but it’s unfortunate that no one has gotten through to Alexander. The last we saw of him he was rocking himself and mumbling something about birds, and partners, and ankles, and other things. He disappeared from the suite soon after and was seemingly in a daze as he roamed the halls of the arena. Luckily for him, he didn’t run into any of his many enemies here. We are getting word that he has been standing in front of a door for a while and seems to be unsure of knocking. Let’s head back and see what’s going on.

The camera turns on backstage and we see a completely unkempt and disheveled Alexander Darling standing in front of a locker room. He keeps putting his hand up to knock and then stopping himself…he does this 3 or 4 times before he turns towards the cameraman.

Alexander Darling: Hey you camera person, do you hear that? It won’t go away.

The camera just shakes back and forth as if the cameraman is saying no. But due to the shaking of his head we were able to see whose locker room it is and I can not believe the name I saw…Alexander Darling is standing outside the locker room of Eric O’Mac. What in the world is Darling thinking going there? And he finally knocks. A few seconds later the door opens and Tyson Kincaid is standing there. As soon as he sees Alexander, Kincaid gets into a fighting position.

Eric O’Mac: Who is it dude?

Kincaid swings the door open completely to allow Eric to see who is standing at the door. Eric jumps up from his seat when he sees who it is and as he makes his way towards Darling he picks up his old friend Sister Sledge.

EoM: What the fuck are you doing here Darling? Are you looking to get your ass kicked again or do you think Poe won’t find you if you’re hiding here? Cause you’d be wrong, I have him on speed dial and I can have him here quicker than a Rey Mysterio title reign.

Alexander is just standing there and basically shuffling his feet back and forth…

What the fuck is wrong with you Alex? Cat got your tongue…or is it a bird?

Alexander snaps to attention and goes to grab Eric, but he’s quickly cut off by Tyson Kincaid and Alex quickly backs off.

Alexander: I’m sorry.

EoM: Wait, what did you just say? Tyson, can you give us a minute.

Tyson looks back at Eric in a bit of surprise questioning if he’s sure.

Look at him Tyson…he couldn’t fucking beat up Voltage right…remember what I told you about him.

Tyson and Eric share a laugh before bumping knuckles as Kincaid heads out. Eric motions for Alex to take a seat, but he just continues to stand there. Finally Eric has had enough and pushes Alex towards a chair and Alex reflexively takes a seat and starts wringing his hands and basically looking like a shell of the Darling we’ve all come to know in his time here.

Alexander: SoIwaswonderingifyouwantedtobemypartneratMayhem?

Eric just shakes his head in disbelief at Alexander’s comment.

EoM: Damn man, I thought you were pathetic before, but this is a new low for you. Did you really think I’d ever team with you again? Mr. King of Swerves is asking me to be his partner…you’re pathetic Darling.

Alexander: So, then you’ll think about it. That’s great Eric. Just let me know when you decide. Now if you don’t mind, I think I’m going to rest some. You just took a huge monkey off my back.

EoM: You’ve completely fucking lost it. There was a time when I thought we could take this company by storm, but your fucking ego is too big. And you’re so fucking paranoid. But now I can see why.

Alexander: So, what exactly are you saying? You need more time?

EoM: I’m saying NO, you psycho. Hell, I want a front row seat just to watch Moose and Poe treat you like a punching bag. You’ve bit off more than even you can chew this time.

Alexander: This wasn’t supposed to happen…you’ve got to…

EoM: The ONLY thing I got to do is continue showing Crete, Stank and anyone else who gets in my way why overlooking Eric O’Mac for so long was a huge fucking mistake on their part. With regards to you, you’re on your own. If things had gone different or if I truly thought you or your sister were sincere I’d consider helping you out. But the only thing that either of you two care about is each other…and ‘trust me’ I know the stories.

Alexander looks at him quizzically and starts furiously shaking his head and mumbling no, no, no.

Alexander: Eric, please. Alexis can’t…

EoM: Fuck that. This isn’t about Alexis. This is all about Darling, it always has been. You talk a big game, but now that it’s time to truly back it up, here you are begging me to save your ass. Not gonna happen. The only thing I’m interested in saving is this company from people like Crete, Stank, and Davin. This is fucking pointless…I’m done with you. Get the fuck out.

Alexander just sits there and puts his head into his hands. He starts rocking again before Eric has finally had enough and gets up to pick Darling up by the back of his shirt. Alex doesn’t fight back at all as Eric starts dragging him towards the door. Eric goes to push Alexander through the door, but unfortunately for Darling the door is still shut. Eric just laughs and calls him pathetic. He opens the door and tosses Darling back into the hallway. Eric just shakes his head at Alexander’s patheticness as he picks himself off the ground and wipes himself off.

Alexander: So, I’ll keep my cell phone and you can just let me know when you decide…sound good?

Eric just sighs and slams the door in Alexander’s face.

I really feel like we worked through some things there Eric. I’ll catch ya later. We’ll do lunch.

Alexander waits a moment before walking off…he turns to the cameraman beside him.

Ya know, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to have a backup plan. Off to see the wizard we go.

Alexander takes a skip….a fucking skip as he moves through the hallways before finally getting to the GM’s office. He opens the door,
Davin, I’m home…

Davin Moreland, Erlana, GMtR, and Ecosystem all look up from the paperwork they were doing to see Alexander Darling standing there.

Erlana: What did he just say?

Eco looks confused.

Rick is drinking and not paying bills.

Davin Moreland: Alexander, I think you need to turn around and go back to your suite before you do something stupid.

Alexander: Something stupid like challenging Moose to a tag team match without having a partner? Or more like pissing everyone in this company off so no one is willing to take a chance with me? To face MOOSE…no one likes Moose, and I won’t be able to get a partner. So whaddya say Davey boy? Wanna be my partner?

Erlana: Is he serious?

Eco still looks confused.

Rick is still drinking and burning money instead of paying bills.

DM: You’re a comedian Alex. There’s not a chance in hell…I mean really. Davin Moreland and Alexander Darling tagging together. Damn, that’s some funny shit.

Lucios: Kiss your mother with that mouth?

Phantos: There’s a lot you don’t know about me.

Carl from Fresno: Feed me!

Spirios: Bark!

Smokey: Meow!

Alexander’s head is darting all over the place.
Alexander: Tell me none of you just saw that. Eco you had to see it right?

Eco looks even more confused.

Seriously, no one else just saw the rest of Run DLP in here? Anyone?

Erlana: He’s completely lost it Davin. Do something before he does something regrettable.

DM: Why? I don’t care what the hell happens to him. He got himself into this mess and it’s not like we’re friends. Hell, he won’t even choose a fucking side.

Alexander starts flailing his arms,
Alexander: Hey, standing right here.

Erlana: Yea, we know. Davin, we’re not going to force you to team with him…but it is a chance to get your hands on Moose and we both know how much you want that.

Davin looks thoughtful for a second,
DM: That’s a good point, but it’s him. No chance in hell…

Vince McMahon: Who hit my music?

Alexander: Okay, you HAD to see that.

DM: See what?

Alexander: VINCE McMAHON was just here!

Erlana: Why would Vince be here?

Eco looks confused.

Rick is passed out.

Alexander is getting more and more frustrated.

DM: Ignore him Erlana. Alex, it’s time to go. It’s not happening.

Alexander looks around the room,
Alexander: How about the rest of you? Eco, Rick, Erlana…any of you want to get in the ring?

Erlana just laughs.

Eco looks even more confused than normal.

Rick is drooling on his desk.

Alexander: FINE THEN…FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, and FUCK YOU DAVIN MOTHERFUCKIN MORELAND!

Alexander turns around and slams the door as he leaves. The ninja cameraman stays behind for a moment.

DM: Eco, was it really necessary to test the holograph machine NOW?

Eco just shrugs and still looks confused.

Davin just laughs.

Erlana: Ya know Davin, li’l Lexie Darling won’t be pleased with you laughing at her brother.

DM: NOTHING HAPPENED!

Lucky: HA! Gimmick Infringement!

Eco smiles.

*Fade to Black*

[mooseheadjack]

**There is a knock on the Heel's locker room door as Attitude Adjuster finally wraps up his promo on Stank. AA opens the door and a very large ladies spiked-heel shoe flies through, hitting AA in the forehead and knocking him out cold.**

[mooseheadjack]

*Davin is finishing up paperwork in the GM's office*

DM: Alright. You guys need me until Mayhem?

GMtR: Wait a second, you're LEAVING?

DM: Well, hell, I don't have a match this week. And God knows I should prolly have an actual doctor look at my ribs.

E: Rick, let him go, will ya? After all he's done for you; it's the least he can do.

GMtR: Done for me? All he ever did was get me beat up.

DM: Wanna try that one out again there, fucko?

Eco: Too much violence...

SM:A-AL: IT'S-A ME!

GMtR: Fuck Off, Mario.

*Mario jumps on GM the Rick's head, and Rick promptly shrinks to about 3/4 size*

GMtR: DAMN IT MARIO!

*everyone's laughing but Rick*

DM: Ok, I'm gone.

GMtR: YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME LIKE THIS! YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN FIX IT!

DM: Sucks to be you then. *Davin leaves as Erlana re-assures Rick that he can be fixed. Davin's phone rings* Hello? Sure. Nope just one - 1st class all the way to St. Thomas. M-O-R-E-L-A-N-D. Got it. Ok. I better get going then.

*Davin hops in the Dunkin' Donuts Limousine, and it takes off screaming down the road*

*At the Airport, Davin appears to meet up with a rather tall gentleman. Davin hands him a manila envelope*

DM: I appreciate this, and how expedient you made this for me.

RTG: Just doin my job, D.

*fade*

[mooseheadjack]

Firewoman is walking through the halls when she catches this on the ubiquitous OOWF-TV monitors

May 8, 2008 23:52:12 GMT -5 blownspot said:

Moose - You look like shit.

Stank - Your boys fucked me up pretty good.

Moose - I had nothing to do with that.

Damn, Moose. And they say I have issues with taking responsibility. Can't wait 'til that arm gets 'better.'

[mooseheadjack]

**Fade in**

*We're LIVE! inside the EOM Locker Room of WWE Greatness. Eric O'Mac is sitting on the couch and he hears a knock on the door.*

Eric: Come in.

*"The Riot Act" Tyson Kincaid walks through the door.*

TK: Is now a good time?

Eric: Yeah, I made sure Alex got leaving fast. Come on in, have a seat.

*Kincaid sits down on an adjacent chair.*

Eric: Listen, kid. You've got potential. You are a very raw talent. We're very glad to have you as a member of Team Bennett.

TK: Well, thanks a lot.

Eric: No, don't mention it, thank you. And just keep something in mind. I don't usually welcome rookies with open arms. In fact, I usually blow them off and no-sell their existence. And you may here a bunch of shit talking, but just remember - you've made a few friends in Team Bennett. Keep up the good work.

TK: Thanks again.

Eric: Well, that's not the only reason I called you in here. I know how hard it can be to get to know a new locker room, know the new faces in a wrestling company. So, sit back, let me be your guide to the OOWF!

*Eric pulls out a huge resource file that seems to contains hundreds of papers.*

Eric: First off...

This is Takaken Gryfon, known most by the nickname "Concrete." Concrete is an OOWF original who is also the first Intercontinental Champion. Although OOWF History indicates different, we all know that he won a fictional tournament in Rio to win that belt. Gryfon thinks he has super powers, thinks he's a hero, and thinks he's doing everybody a big favor by opposing Team Bennett. Did I mention he's also a fucking idiot? The cape doesn't protect him anymore, and he's currently being exposed for the fraud he is. He's old catchprhase was "This concrete don't crack," but I think it finally has. He's also a former WWE member...but we'll find out more about that journey in a couple of weeks. Next!

ALSO KNOWN AS

The infamous MooseHead Jack. But no one calls him that. Ever. Even though Jack is his name, people call him Moose. Sometimes, when I'm going down the hall way and I see him, I yell out "MOOOOOOOOSE!" But then everyone started copying me. You'll find that a lot of people copy some of the shit I do, but it's because I'm honestly that damn good. But anyways, Moose is sadistic, violent, and overall a pretty good guy. You're better off on his side than...on a seperate side. The best thing about Moose is that he doesn't care about titles, he hates Concrete, and he's VERY trustworthy. Even if he doesn't say so anymore. Oh, and if you see him, make sure you compliment the heart punch. It's wicked awesome.

So, this is Outback Jack. To be hoenst, I don't know much about him, except he reminds me of a combination of The Crocidile Hunter and Shrek. He's a former champion of a lot of things, he'll drink you under both sides of the table, and he seems to know his role here. Which is good. Because I sure as hell don't.

This is LD Williams, another great guy. Me and him go way back. Like...almost five years. In fact, he's never beaten me in a one on one match. Sure, doesn't sound believable, but it's true. Look it up. I dare you. He's our current world champion. He's somehow related to Donovan Viper, I think. And his Mom is hella scary, but I wouldn't say that to her face. Anyways, he doesn't do a lot of talking. Then again, he doesn't really need to. It's not his thing. His thing is beating the shit out of you. We're similar like that, except for I like to brag about how I beat the shit out of you.

TK: Are we going through the entire roster?

Eric: If we did, you'll be glad. But no. We're just hitting the important people. We'll skip out on people like The Nerve Agent, Voltage, Eco, and possibly The Dead, if we don't have time.

TK: Isn't Dead an ally?

Eric: Yeah, but he's so well known, I shouldn't have to explain him to you. He talks in the 3rd person, he gets a lot of title shots, and he can be barbaric. He also may or may not be El Muerte, even though video evidence has shown us otherwise.

Moving along...

This is Stank. He, too, likes to drink. He was World Champion for, like, a billion years, it seems. And while he was a good one, he's still a fat fuck who needs to leave the OOWF. He's also someone who needs to recognize that I do WHAT I want, WHEN I want, and HOW I want. I don't do public interviews, and I didn't appreciate him calling me out on his "Pub" segment. So we kicked the shit out of him, taught him a lesson, and that should be the end of that. But it won't be, because dumb asses like him never learn. NEVER!

Speaking of NEVER! You should NEVER Work with this man, Davin Moreland. There isn't a lot known about him, except he's a dick eating pussy. That, and he is a DDP/Bobby Lashley combination. Is that some kind of Mexican tan? Who knows. He won't work with you, he won't sell anything you do, and he's on some kind of medication, so we're all expecting him to die soon. Oh, and he'll tell you "We're not feuding" because he knows that I'm better, but then he'll interfere in your shit for the next 4 months for no fucking reason at all. If you ask him why, he'll tell you to go fuck yourself because (A)that is yet another thing I made popular and someone stole it and (B) he's secretly thinking about fucking you when he tells you that. He hangs around with the masked tag team who no one takes seriously because they have a bunch of animals. Oh, and he'll tell you that HE is the best Onslaught Champion of all time, but actually, I am. He's just the longest. My first reign was better. Hell, my second reign would have been better, but that was another one of those situations where we aren't feuding but he helps some sick furry in a costume win the title because he thinks that I made the title worthless when, actually, he made the title worthless. The jackass.

This is the current Onslaught Champion, Firewoman. Speaking of which, the Onslaught Championship use to be pretty good when I held it. But now it has the names Jim Jones (who the fuck is that?) Uncle Entity, and Bunny on it. Honestly, now, this title has been passed around more than Alexis Darling in a Japanese mafia. Anyways, Firewoman packs a solid punch, but she's a whiny bitch. She acts tough, and can be, but she doesn't own up to anything, likes to set people on fire, and will feel provoked if you say the word "JAPAN." Ironically, she thinks MOOSE doesn't own up to anything, but then again, Moose doesn't start shit, he just ends it. She's another that I have in my death pool. She's a good wrestler, and damn, she's kind of hot, ain't she, but she's fucking crazy. I heard that when she was younger, she was suppose to be in a movie, but they had to kick her out because she set too much shit on fire. The role went to Drew Barrymore, and the plot of the movie was changed to evole around who we call Firewoman now, but as then known as "Firestarter." Oh, and it seems like she'll fuck anything that moves, which explains her relationship to Seamus.

Quite possibly the biggest piece of shit on the roster. He does a bunch of flipping, but that's about it. He's all about the fluke wins. If you see him, don't even try to fight. Run away and maybe you'll still have a shred of dignity left.

And FINALLY...

&

The most widely known brother-sister duo in the OOWF. Known for their petty cash and their sex having ways. Let's start with Alexander, a man I use to call my best friend. Now I can him a lying, backstabbing pathetic fucktard. He boasts a big talk, and he has the ability to back it up, but he rather hear him self shit out of his mouth. I swear, sometimes he puts his own head so far up his ass, you have to poke holes in his nipples so he could see.

Alexis? Sure, she may look like your typical no good, bottom feeding, trashbag sknky whore, but she's MUCH worse. You may think you're getting a crush on her but....you could be wrong. Very wrong. She's fucked Ryan Hardcore, Lauren Phoniex, Firewoman, Davin Moreland, Phantos, GM The Rick, Capellan, Sterling Glaw AND her big brother. These are quite possibly the worst people you'll ever meet.

Oh...and how did I forget? The greatest person you will ever meet.

And don't you forget it.

*End promo.*

[mooseheadjack]

[The Dead is doing some intense training in a private facility just outside Tokyo. He is sporting a noticeable limp and seems to be focusing more on upper-body training at the moment. In fact, it looks as if he's working on submission style martial arts with a few local fighters.]

Dead: Not bad, eh? Got this idea from Samoa Joe...

[The Dead finishes a sparring session and turns toward a conveniently placed camera.]

Dead: So this week is the big match. Firewoman vs. The Dead for the Onslaught Title in Tokyo, Japan. And hell, it's a street fight. Of course, Fire is afraid of losing her title, so she did what she had to. She did this.

[The Dead points down toward his right leg. The ankle is wrapped heavily.]

Dead: Luckily for The Dead, but unlucky for Fire, it's not a break but just a severe sprain. Firewoman can talk big about "bringing your A game" but she knows damn well that The Dead's 'A game' is much better than hers. Otherwise she wouldn't have tried to even the odds the way she did. The problem with that, Fire, is that when The Dead beats you with one leg it'll just prove that you've been CARRIED throughout your time here.

[The Dead looks back into the ring where more sparring is going on.]

Dead: You see that back there? The Dead has been training with some of the best shoot-style fighters in the world. Fire, you of all people should know that The Dead is proficient in many styles of fighting. Now The Dead is adding one more. The Dead knows that you panicked and tried to take out his leg, but all you really did was show that you are unable, or maybe just unwilling, to step into the ring with The Dead at 100%.

Dead: And a street fight, huh? Couldn't have seen that coming from Firewoman...

[The Dead smiles.]

Dead: All this talk about growing up in Hell's Kitchen and running with the wrong crowd and dealing with underworld bosses...JUST SHUT THE HELL UP! You may be going for "tough", but you end up just sounding petulant. The Dead fought his way up through the streets of Oakland and in back-alleys and bar-rooms across the country. You don't impress The Dead. Fire, in this business there are two types of people: those who act tough, and those who are tough. The Dead knows which one you are.

[The Dead head back towards the sparring ring as we fade to black.]

[mooseheadjack]

Firewoman is in her locker room, trying to meditate. Candles and incense are lit, but it’s not working. She opens her eyes and sighs. Her cell phone rings. She looks at the screen and it’s the Tampa area code.

FW: Like I need another lecture.

She hits the silence button, and then just turns it off. She digs a carved wooden box from the bottom of her luggage that she never unpacks all the way and opens it. It reveals stacks of clippings, promotional flyers from wrestling shows, some with “Pro Wrestling NOAH” on them, most with Japanese writing. Lucky comes in.

L: Fire, he’s calling my phone now. And apparently the GM offices too.

FW: I haven’t looked at these since I left. [She flips through them all nostalgic-like]

L: Wow, there’s some cool stuff in here. [He sees the letter she got from Rick sitting on the table.] You gonna open that?

FW: [She removes a small carved statue of Kannon Bodhisattva from the box and stares at in intently, barely acknowledging Lucky’s question and barely audible in her response.] Wasn’t planning on it. I think I know what it says.

L: I’ve been listening to your talk about strategy. Wouldn’t it be better to know for sure? “Best defense is a good offense” and all that?

FW: … I hate it when the valet is right. Fine.

She takes the letter and opens it. Two newspaper clippings fall out, with a letter. One clipping is from a newspaper, a black and white picture showing a penthouse with fire and smoke pouring out of it. The other is a full color picture from a Japanese wrestling publication, with a full color picture showing a slightly younger Firewoman in the ring with another wrestler. His back is to the camera, revealing a colorful full back tattoo. There’s blood and debris all over the ring, and both wrestlers are bloody. Firewoman is swinging a chair at him, and the camera has captured the exact moment when the chair smashes against the mastoid process, and blood flies from the impact.

L: Wow. That’s you?

FW: Yep.

L: Looks like The Dead got off easy. What’s with the fire picture? What does it say?

FW: No idea. Never learned to read Japanese.

Firewoman picks up the letter and unfolds it. The symbol from the envelope is repeated on the letterhead. The Ninjacam miraculously moves around to focus on the letter.

Haikei Akashi,

I had hoped we would be meeting again some day, although my preference would have been in the US, maybe even in OOWF. Imagine our surprise when we saw the advertisements proclaiming your triumphant return. My business partners and I will hopefully be at ringside to cheer you on, but it is my sincere hope we can meet. We have much unfinished business to address.

Keigu,

Johnny Inagawa

.

[Firewoman shows no emotion as she reads it, but the lack of emotion speaks volumes. She hands it to Lucky so he can see it. While he reads it, she puts the two additional clippings in with the others, shuts the box and pushes it deep in her luggage. She puts the statue in the breast pocket of her leather jacket.]

L: So…I guess that’s that then.

FW: Yep. [She hands Lucky three packets]. You know what to do, right?

L: Yep.

FW: Okay…see you.

Firewoman walks out of the locker room, carrying her stuff, and through the deserted DEA suites, taking a bit of a look around. She debates turning her phone on, but decides not to. She wanders out into the hall and runs into Davin Moreland.

DM/FW: You’re leaving? [Simultaneously]

DM: Dammit. You said….

FW: I have some things to take care of, Davin, and I can’t do it here. I’ll be back by Wednesday. And you?

DM: I don’t have a match. And can you please call your boyfriend back? He keeps calling the offices. I’m going to go some place warm and tropical to recuperate. You know we have extra security, and I can use them to make you stay here just as easily as I can to make people stay out.

FW: Thanks for not saying anything to Rick.

DM: Don’t change the subject.

FW: Not if you’re leaving, you can’t make me stay. And … okay, I’m going to say two words to you that I never say. I promise. I promise I will be back on Wednesday. If I’m not…well, then it won’t really matter, will it?

DM: What about Alexander? He needs a partner.

FW: He’s made it perfectly clear he doesn’t want me around for that.

DM: That was before. He’s asking everyone now. He asked Eric. He even asked me, and the rest of DLP.

FW: And you said no? Really?

DM: It’s not my concern…

FW: [Fire’s temper flares] Dammit Davin. Bennett has decided, whether any of us like it or not, that we are allied against him. You and Alex are on the same side. You were willing to work with him when I was attacked.

DM: That was different.

FW: I really don’t see how. But fine. Whatever. I’m sure Lexie will understand….

DM: Leave it alone.

FW: …

DM: So, where are you going?

FW: The fewer people that know the better. Lucky knows how to get in touch with me, and if…well, he knows what to do. Have a safe trip. Don’t worry about any of us. We’ll be just fine.

Firewoman walks out into a rainy night, lighting up as she goes. Davin is deep in thought, but then the limo pulls up to take him to the airport.

[mooseheadjack]

In the Fortress Of Snobbery

DV- When are you guys gonna change that awful name?

FFM- We haven't fuckin' lost yet! Why would we change it?

RH- If it ain't broke, don't fix it, right?

DV- Speaking of changing names, why Are we still called LOADED? There's no more Defenestrators in the stable. Shoiuldn't ew do something about that?

FFM- When was the last time anyone refered to us as LOADED anyways?

DV- Good point.

FFM- What would we call ourselves?

RH- The World's Greatest Fag Team Plus The World's Greatest Fag. What's that? TWGFTPTWGF? Too long?

DV- You are incorrect in your assumption that I am of the homosexual persuasion.

RH- Oh, terribly sorry.

DV- Think nothing of it.

FFM- Wait!

DV- Oh! Is it time!

FFM- IT IS!

RH- PUSH THE BUTTON!!!

Viper hits a button on a console and a trapdoor opens in a hallway that Concrete and Firechild are walking on. They hit the ground in the middle of the Fortress.
The three members of LOADED beat the two of them with kendo sticks for a really unnecessary amount of time. Then Viper hits another button, another trapdoor opens underneath Concrete and Firechild and they are whoosed away in a tunnel and back into the arena.

FFM- How sweet is that!

DV- I know!

RH- Fuckin' Jeeves, dude. Way to go with the Drop 'n' Assault.

L- Thank you, sir. I worked really hard on it.

FFM- Give yourself a raise.

[mooseheadjack]

*Wally B King is standing on a sidewalk, flanked by 4 women in geisha attire. A stretch limo pulls up, and Gator Bait gets out*

GB: Wally! I see you came prepared!

WBK: I did indeed, mate, but I hope you can contain yourself for a little while. Bennet wants to see you right away.

GB: Wally, it was a long trip to get here. Can't I "relax" a little first with your friends?

WBK: I think it best we get business done first. Besides, didn't you do your "wrist exercises" on the way over here?

GB: Well, yeah, but let's not waste too much time.

WBK: No worries, mate. These ladies know about your reputation, and I don't want to keep them waiting too long.

[mooseheadjack]

*Gator and Wally are WALKING! followed by the geishas, who are conversing in Japanese, but are overheard to say "Seanu Oharu" several times. Just outside Bennett's office, Harper Camby blocks their path*

"SO": Well, well, well, if it isn't The Druid. Big, dumb, and roided isn't any way to go through life, son, not that I'm telling you anything you didn't already know.

*Camby strikes a body builder pose, but fails to notice Jack of the Hinterlands (OBJ in all-black attire) behind him. Empty Team takes Camby down with The Call of the Wild! Camby gets back on his feet, But JotH drops him again with The Returning Flying Weapon. "SO" picks Camby up and hits the "Clunch" and Camby is dead! *

[mooseheadjack]

*Ric Flair’s Sandwich Shop*

OOWF 24/7 Webcam Service is currently showing the lunch-time rush of the Sandwich Shop. The place is very busy at the moment as numerous groups of people are either sitting at a table eating their meal or placing their orders with Barry Windham, he’s been relieved of kitchen duty for eating Steve McMichael. At one of the tables already eating is the all-star and future hall of fame group; The Nerve Agent, Voltage, Mark Vander, and Blitz. We can hear them bickering about something…so let’s zoom in.

Blitz: But we don’t even tag together anymore? Why must I always be sitting with you two? Hell, none of you are even going to respond so why do I even bother…I should just get up and go somewhere else. Somewhere I could be respected…Hey, where is Moosehead Jack? He respects everyone.

All of a sudden the double doors of the sandwich shop burst open and we see a figure standing there. Just as he’s about to step into the room, the doors slam shut again as they are on a hinge.

Alexander Darling: OW…my fucking nose.

The door SLOWLY starts opening again and this time Alexander Darling gingerly steps into the sandwich shop as everyone is staring at the bloody face of Darling. Alex doesn’t even seem to notice as his eyes dart all over the place; either making sure his enemies (numerous as they may be) are not there or seemingly searching for someone in particular. And that’s what it looks like as his eyes lock onto someone and he starts to make his way over. On his way over he tosses some random OOWF employee out of his chair and he grabs it as he approaches the table with Nerve, Volt, Vander, and Blitz. He swings the chair around and takes a seat at the table.

Alexander: Hey Blitz…how’s it going?

Blitz: I don’t like you. You made me look like shit a few months ago.

Alexander: Water under the bridge right, buddy?

Blitz: I’m not your buddy, friend.

Voltage: He’s not your friend, amigo.

Alexander: Of course he is…me and Blitz go way back. He’s totally my dude.

Blitz: I’m not your dude, buddy.

The Nerve Agent: Heh heh, he’s not your buddy, muchacho.

Voltage: Vicker Va, Vlacka Vu…VOLTAGE…wait, did I mess up the South Park bit?

Alexander: Not at all Voltage. I think that’s great. But Blitz, I really need an answer.

Blitz: Answer to what? You didn’t ask me anything.

Alexander: Of course I did, friend.

Blitz: For the last time…I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND, guy.

Mark Vander: I’m not a guy.

Just as The Nerve Agent is about to say something, everyone at the table turns and stares at Vander.

Vander: What? Is there something in between my teeth?

They all sit there in silence for a moment before Alexander shakes his head.

Alexander: Blitz, I’m asking you to step up to the big time. Be my partner this Wednesday.

Blitz: Against Moosehead Jack and Poe? Are you fucking mental…wait, don’t answer that. Not a chance Alex. You’ve attacked me without provocation numerous times. Not gonna do it.

Alexander: Are you sure Blitz boy?

Blitz: I’m not just sure Darling, I’m HIV-Positive.

Alexander: Say wha?

Blitz: I said I was positive.

Voltage: I don’t think…

Nerve: IT DON’T MATTER…

Vander: Wait, I just realized…I AM A GUY.

Alexander: And on that note…screw you guys, I’m goin’ home.

Alexander tosses his chair as he stands up and he looks around the room at a large number of OOWF superstars enjoying a meal. He seems to have an epiphany. Darling heads up towards the main counter and he leaps up on it.

Alexander: Everyone, everyone…if I can have your attention.

Suddenly an apple whizzes past Darling’s head.

I saw that Monkh and thank you, but I’m not hungry at the moment. And I like the t-shirt today.

The camera pans around so we can see Monkh’s shirt and it says “Gee Brain, What Are We Going To Do Tonight?” and just to complete the scene, sitting next to him is The Amnesiac and in case anyone couldn’t guess, his shirt says “The Same Thing We Do Every Night, Try To Take Over The World.” Across from them at their table are Takakon Gryfon and Firechild. Over at a table close to them are Phantos, Lucios, Carl, and Emma all from Run DLP. Capellan, Beast, Knife, and a few other random superstars are sitting in various places as well as they all turn to look at Darling standing on the counter.

Ric Flair: Get off my counter punk, WHOO WHOO WHOOOOOOOOO!!!

Alexander: Give me a second Flair…this is important.

Ric: Not as important as my retirement…WHOOOO!!!

Alexander: Right. Friends, Americans, Wrestlers…lend me your ears.

Phantos: Is he really quoting Shakespeare?[/b]

Lucios: You know Shakespeare?

Phantos: There’s a lot…

Alexander: STOP RIGHT THERE Phantos. I had this hallucination once this week already. Twice is too much.

Phantos: What’s he talking about?

Lucios: No idea, but are you guys almost done…I wanna get back to the Locker Room and look at some old Midnight Express vs. Rock N Roll Express matches. That’s tag team brilliance.

Alexander: If you don’t mind guys I have something I need to take care of up here. It won’t be more than a minute. Right then, so…no one here likes Moosehead Jack am I right?

There are a lot of affirmative nods and confirmations that Moose is not liked, even if he is trusted…yea, okay, seriously.

I come to ask the legions of OOWF Superstars to stand up and be counted. Come stand beside me and oppose the evil and sadistic Moose.

There’s some murmurs in the shop but no moves are made until we hear a chair slide out and someone starts to stand up…it’s Carl from Fresno.

Lucios: What do you think you’re doing Carl? You can’t trust Darling…he’s swerved everyone.

Carl from Fresno: Huh, what…no. I just wanted another sandwich. What did I miss?

Emma: That’s your third sandwich Carl…do you think maybe you have a tapeworm?

Carl: Can you get that from sex with Alexis?

Alexander: What the fuck did you just say Carl?

Phantos and Lucios stand up beside Carl and present a united front in case Alex was to try something. As the three members of DLP stand there staring down Darling, Phantos leans over to Carl and says something to him.

Phantos: Did you really? I heard some stories since we’ve been in town.

Carl: Nope, I just figured if everyone else can lie about it, why not me? Besides, I’m still just Carl from Fresno and she’s Alexis Darling.

And in unison, Phantos and Carl, And Alexis IS Pretty!

Lucios: I think it’s time to get out of here guys and lady. This is too weird even for me. He’s having a mental breakdown. Someone better get through to him soon.

Carl: But my sandwich…

Phantos: Oooh, forget the sandwich; we can order Papa John’s.

Phantos and Carl high-five each other.

Run DLP throw a few bucks down onto the table for a tip before walking out.

Alexander: Fine then, just leave…who needs ya?

Monkh: I believe you do, Mr. Darling.

Alexander: So not the point Data. But since you mentioned it, what do ya say Crete…Firechild, any interest in getting your hands on Moose?

Concrete Takakon Gryfon: Citizen Darling, Moose is a heinous, heinous person and he and I have done many a battle in the past. We’ll probably do many more in the future, but right now is not the time for us to battle again. So, I regret to say no to your offer Citizen Darling, but truthfully your ways are not heroic and I can not stand beside you.

Alexander: Good, I didn’t want to tag with a pervert anyway.

Monkh: Better not tag with his sister then.

Amnesiac and Firechild both share a laugh.

Alexander: Don’t you two fucking laugh at me. No one in this company should be laughing at me. I deserve better than that. I am a huge talent and I will not continue to be treated like shit.

Firechild: Watch your words carefully Darling. If you didn’t play MacCappington like a fiddle, we’d have an issue. But right now we don’t. It’d be best for all parties if you keep it that way. I really don’t want to get in a war with you and Firewoman…even if it would be HOT…literally.

Alexander just sighs and realizes he struck out with basically everyone he could possibly ask. He refuses to go back and ask Firewoman at this point. This is not an issue Darling wants his closest ally involved in since he knows just how deep Poe can cut an opponent before even stepping foot in the ring. There’s also the issue that Firewoman is the current Onslaught Champion and even with everything else going on in the company the Darlings position hasn’t changed that titles equal power. But none of that is going to help the dejected Alexander Darling as he jumps off the counter, puts his head down, and slowly walks out of Ric Flair’s Sandwich Shop.

Alexander: I can’t believe I have to ask him.


*OOWF 24/7 Webcam Service Logged Off*

[mooseheadjack]

*Blitz is backstage at a generic promo spot.*

B: You know Alexander Darling, when you asked me to be your partner for this week’s Mayhem, I said no. And even though you’ve beat me up before, and I can’t trust you, there’s another reason I didn’t accept your request. This week, I’m already in a match. And it’s no ordinary match I’ll weaken myself for by teaming with you.

Now of course, I’ve accomplished a lot in my OOWF career, as I said last week. But there is one thing I haven’t done. And that’s hold championship gold. And this week, I’ll defeat Cap ‘I’ve never cut an original promo’ ellan and Mark ‘I’m a guy’ Vander, to become the Number 1 contender to the OOWF Onslaught Championship. And whatever The Dead and Firewoman’s issues are, their just keeping the belt warm for me. And next week, I’ll accomplish something that Alexander Darling can only dream of. Win the OOWF Onslaught Championship.

*Blitz stops as he realizes Alexander Darling is standing right next to him, glaring.*

Alexander: I’m a former Intercontinental Champion. And I can write in colors and italics.

B: Yes, but I voted for Stacy.

[mooseheadjack]

*We fade back after a Papa Gino's commercial into the eyes of a ninja cameraman. To the discerning eye, we see that this is a full view at sunset of the Sheraton Grande Beach Resort in Miyazaki City, Japan. The ninja is WALKING~! Ninja-like into a Traditional Japanese Restaurant Karaku which is directly across the street. All the seats by the window are taken, as they're watching the sunset. A lone figure is in the back in a dark corner, sipping on a Sapporo (2 New Endorsements! CHA-CHING!). An attractive young female (from behind anyway) wearing a tank-top, cut-off jeans and a baseball cap enters the restaurant, and makes a beeline for the lone figure. Ninja Camerman struggles to keep up, and manages to get picture and sound of the following conversation. The shadows are really obscuring their faces*

LF: Surprised you made it.

AYF: I'm the one who came up with the idea.

LF: But I'M the one who knows where it is.

AYF: *looks outside at the sunset* It was a good call on your part.

*A waiter comes by and asks AYF if she wants something to drink. She orders Sake and the waiter runs away*

LF: Nice accent.

AYF: Fuck off. It's been a while.

*The Waiter comes back with the Sake and looks to take a dinner order. Japanese is spoken. The Ninja Camerman fails to provide subtitles, even though he's Japanese, and is summarily executed by another Ninja Cameraman. By the time Ninja Cameraman II resumes his camera-shooting, the Waiter is gone again*

AYF: How the fuck did you know I liked sashimi?

LF: Hunch. You obviously had to have had Sushi at some point over here.

AYF: But that kind?

LF: Hunch. Besides. It's mad good. So. Why are we here?

AYF: You KNOW why the fuck I'm here.

LF: I do. Gotta admit. Smells like a set-up, Lexie.

LD: Seriously? After all this time you're gonna do the "no trusting" thing, Davin?

DM: Well, yeah, I mean; here we are. More cloak-and-dagger shit. I mean for Christ's sake I had DDP pretend he was me flying to St. Thomas so no one knew where the fuck I was; so YOU could meet me somewhere else. It doesn't exactly inspire confidence. I don't even know why the fuck I'm here.

*Food comes. They both kinda stare at it for a minute before eating*

LD: Solid technique.

DM: What?

LD: Chopsticks.

DM: I'm a man of the world Lexie-dear.

*they eat some more*

DM: You still haven't addressed my issue.

LD: Ok fine. I've been thinking about a lot of things, and you're right. I'm done with it. This is the last time we're doing it this way. From now on, if I want to talk to you, I'll just come see you. My brother and Firewoman and everyone else is just going to have to fucking deal with it. No more shadows, no more hiding. Things have to change. I'm tired of being scared. I'm tired of jumping at my own shadow. I'm sick of acting like a frightened, little girl all the time; and it's Time to stop letting people fight my battles for me. From now on, I'm going to do that myself. I don't need Brother Dear, I don't need Firewoman, I don't need Lucky, and I don't need you. not anymore.

DM: Ok that's great, and it's about goddamned time you stood up for yourself; but if you don't need me; why am I here.

LD: Nice, asshole.

DM: What the fuck? I'm completely serious about this. What do you want? You flew all the way down here to tell me you don't need me. You could have texted me that.

LD: You really don't get it, do you?

*they finish eating almost in complete silence, but the Waiter has been generous filling their drinks, so they both have a pretty decent buzz on. The check comes, and Davin busts out the Aquafina Corporate Card (this was TOTALLY a business dinner) and they both get up to leave, and stop on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant.*

DM: So what are we doing now?

LD: Let's take a walk.

*They walk through the downtown shopping area of Miyazaki still wordlessly. The shops start to thin out, but instinctively they both turn toward the beach, and find a nice quiet spot. They sit next to each other, staring at the water*

DM: Educate me.

LD: Huh?

DM: I obviously am missing something and not getting it, so educate me. What am I missing?

LD: You took my words out of context.

DM: Well, they were in context, and it was also pretty clear. Among other people, you said that you don't need me anymore. That's fine, and it leads the the question I asked, "If you don't need me, then why am I here?"

LD: That's not what I fucking meant, and you know it.

DM: This is the time now where Lexie tells Davin what the fuck she meant then.

LD: *allows a smile to cross her face* I don't need you to protect me.

DM: Super. You know I am anyway though, right?

LD: Yeah, but I swear to God if you make it obvious to the point where I notice it, I'll break your fucking leg.

DM: I'm enjoying this side of you.

LD: *drills Davin in the shoulder with a punch* I bet you are, psycho.

DM: Oh nice. I'm the psycho. Look who you hang out with again?

LD: So...guilty by association?

DM: If we're calling each other psychos.

*a couple minutes of silence go by*

DM: So when do you have to leave?

LD: When do YOU have to leave?

DM: I asked you first.

LD: I asked you second.

DM: Fine. I don't technically have a match this week, but I'd like to be back Monday.

LD: What do you mean, "technically"?

DM: Well...it's a surprise. You'll see. I get to be an asshole. That's always a good time.

LD: You're so similar...

DM: Yeah, well, I'm probably more similar to Moose than anyone else on the roster. It's prolly why we never feud, we just fight.

LD: *didn't shudder or react when hearing Moose's name* Well, since you "technically" don't have a match this week...How would you like a chance to fight Moose?

DM: Tempting, but no. Besides, I already said no. Also besides, your brother is a raving fucking lunatic right now.

LD: He just needs some reassurance.

DM: And I'M supposed to reassure him? I can't fucking STAND him. I think he's a lunatic, and I trust him as far as I can throw Stank.

S: NO! YOU'RE THE FATTY! YOU'RE THE FAT ONE!! YOU ARE!!

LD&DM: Hmm.

DM: Answer's no.

LD: Obviously you're not doing it for him.

DM: I'm not doing it for anyone.

LD: Really?

DM: What kind of a precedent is that? Hmm, I have standards and clear reasoning, but I'm just going to throw it all away because his sister wants me to do it.

LD: You think I'm that manipulative?

DM: I KNOW you're that manipulative, and I wouldn't put it past you to try it on me here. I don't think you are, so that's not what I'm talking about; but I'm not gonna put it past you. Hell no.

LD: Fuck off.

DM: Fuck Off? Really? Given YOUR track record? Put yourself in my position and tell me you wouldn't have doubts about your intentions.

LD: That's fair, but I thought you knew me better than that.

DM: This whole thing started because your brother and I can't even begin to get along. How can I even know that you haven't planned this whole thing from the beginning.

LD: *looks genuinely hurt* I didn't think you thought so little of me.

DM: Oh. I don't, that's not it; but, much like you, I've got to stand up for me. The last time I trusted someone I lost my belt. How do I know I don't get in there and take a 3-on-1 beatdown?

LD: *starts to stand up* You don't know.

DM: That's right. *stands up too*

LD: *turns to face Davin* All I can say is...I've never met anyone like you, and I wouldn't have kept doing this just for business purposes.

DM: Well, not here anyway.

LD: Right.

DM: But yet here we are. Talking about business, business and more business. If you're really looking to stand up for yourself...

LD: I am.

DM: Then do it.

*Alexis stands way up on her tiptoes and whispers something out of range of the ninja mic*

DM: Was that so tough?

LD: Naw, it actually...felt...liberating.

DM: Good. Next would be telling your brother what you just told me.

*They both start to walk into the Sheraton Grande Ocean Resort, operated by Starwood Hotels*

LD: It would be much easier if you could help.

DM: *stops in his tracks* Quid Pro Quo? Seriously? Is that what this is? *turns to head back out the door*

LD: NO! No. That's not what this is. I fully expect you to say no.

DM: I've already said no.

LD: You understand I have to try.

*they both head for the elevators*

DM: I do. You understand I have to say no.

LD: I do.

DM: Good. Glad that's settled. I hope there's a kick ass mini-bar

*They both board the elevator and the doors close*

*fade*