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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:24:21 GMT -5
(Somehow, the ninjas get into Wayne Manor [don't ask me, I have no idea] and are able to catch a glimpse of The Amnesiac and Monkh sitting down to breakfast. Alfred is serving both of them omelettes.)
Amn: Alfred, I appreciate you letting us stay here last night. So when is Bruce supposed to get back to town?
A: Oh, who knows. Honestly, I can't keep up with his schedule these days. I hear he's attending a movie premiere in Malaysia next week or some such.
Amn: Malaysia? Well that's where we're competing next week! Maybe I'll work out getting him some tickets to the show.
A: Sure... sounds good. Anyways, the reason I wanted to talk to you before you headed out to Arkham.
Amn: Yeah?
Monkh: Is it about Batman? Do we get to meet Batman?!
A: No, er... I'm afraid he's uh... unavailable this week.
(Monkh looks sad.)
A: But I've arranged for the two of you to sit in on a group therapy session a little later today. Remember that Arkham is a maximum security asylum.
Amn: Of course. I wouldn't expect any less.
A: But please, for the love of god... be careful in there. Like I said, Batman is mmm... unavailable. So we don't need any unexpected activity in the bullpen, if you catch my drift.
Amn: Oh. Oh yes, of course! I'm just here to learn a little more about the insane person's psyche. And where better to gain a little insight than Arkham asylum?
A: Right. Well, I've pressed your suit and it's hanging in your closet.
(Just then, a kid comes walking into the dining room.)
Kid: Hey Al, where's MY breakfast.
A: Ah, Master Dick. I was under the impression you were staying with friends last night.
DG: Yeah, well, this place is huge, so I can see how you might have missed me.
A: Yes, well, as soon as I see these gentlemen off, I'll make you some oatmeal.
DG: SWEET! Who are these guys? Wait... are you... are you The Amnesiac?!
(The Amnesiac looks up, a bit surprised.)
Amn: Actually, yeah.
DG: And you're Monkh!
(Monkh nods, excited to meet a fan.)
DG: Oh gosh! I've been watching the OOWF for almost 4 years now!
(The Amnesiac continues to look surprised.)
DG: You'd better watch out for that Tytan guy. I mean, he laid you out this week with the Skullcrusher 3000.
Amn: Ha! He'd like you to think that was me. That was just some other random Ultimo Inc. employee wearing a mask.
DG: Oh... you're kidding!
Amn: Look at my head. Does it look crushed to you?
DG: Well, you're wearing that mask. I can't tell.
Amn: Forget about it. Either way, Tytan's no match for me. I'm not scared of him. He's just a big dumb oaf who can't seem to think for himself. He's an automaton who does what he's told. It's a shame, because I think the guy's got a ton of potential... but he has no ability to act on the fly. If something unexpected happens, he's gotta look to Dr. Pod Person for his next move.
(The Amnesiac shrugs and finishes his omelette.)
DG: Alright then... Alfred... lemme know when breakfast is ready.
Amn: Nice to meet you, Dick.
DG: Please, call me Robin.
Monkh: Huh? Isn't that the name of-
Amn: Let's just go.
(Monkh and The Amnesiac stand up the table, thank Alfred and walk out.)
Alfred: So, the limo is waiting outside to take you to Arkham. Enjoy your visit.
Amn: We will.
(The camera fades to black.)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:24:48 GMT -5
<Moosehead Jack is sitting in the back the back with SFJ13> SFJ13: Moose, recently your name seems to be popping up a lot in promos, you really appear to be the target of a lot of people. MHJ: Really? Like who SFJ13: Well The Amnesiac for one, roll the footage! MHJ: Laughing. Wow. You know, one thing can be said for these new guys that have come to the OOWF, they have no fear. Now, I suspect that lack of fear is due to their ignorance of the past rather than any sort of bravery. Amnesiac…wait, excuse me, THE Amnesiac, you think I FEAR you? Are you serious? Look, I know what the guy can do in the ring, he is a good wrestler and all, but FEAR him? Seriously? Let’s get things straight here, Tytan is NOT my bodyguard, that is a ridiculous notion. Tytan is a man with no conscience hired to do a job. That simple. Now, THE Amnesiac, if you want to come after me? I am not a hard person to find. Just think about the consequences of your actions before you make a move, it would be a damn shame if your OOWF career was cut short before it ever really began. SFJ13: Then Alexis Darling had some interesting comments: SFJ13: Are you concerned that Rick’s Men seem to be becoming a cohesive unit? MHJ: THAT is cohesive? Please. As long as they have Alexander Darling whining and complaining, and getting his ass beat all the time, as long as they have Firewoman being a petty brat and crying when things don’t go her way, as long as they have Davin Moreland not really having his head in the game because he is trying to get his balls back from Alexis Darling, as long as you have all those things going on, they will never be a cohesive unit. Look, you can say whatever you want about us. But we know what we are here to do, we are here to make sure Rick gets what he deserves. That is it. We are not worried about endorsement deals, or private locker rooms, or carrying around a fucking entourage of people who are essentially worthless – except for Curt of course. I know I can trust everyone that has sided with Bennett. I know that I can go into that ring with any of them, and there is not a shadow of a doubt in my mind that my partner is loyal. Tell me, Davin, Fire all the rest of you, can you say the same about teaming with Darling? Or Stank? Yeah Stank. You may laugh now, but it wasn’t long ago that Stank and I were working together to get rid of Crete. I am not naïve enough to think that Stank would ever work FOR Bennett, that ship has sailed. But Stank knows what is best for his career, and the way things are going for Rick and his men, it won’t be long until Stank is questioning his alliances. SFJ13: Moose, you recently had a series of matches with Capellan, and quite unexpectedly, he put his career on the line against Donovan Viper, and lost. Do you have any comments? MHJ: I should be pissed at Viper. He deprived me of the chance of beating on that simp Capellan until he quit, or until I crippled him. Nevertheless, Capellan is gone. That’s one less man Rick has to rely on, which is what is really important here. SFJ13: So what is next for Moosehead Jack? MHJ: Right now, I am in a great position. I can sit back and pick whoever I want to destroy. I could go after Firewoman, but Dead and Blitz have that covered. I could find a partner and go after Gaelic Storm, but MacCap and Hardcore and IHOP have that covered as well. Right now, life is good <just then Eric O’Mac bursts into the room> EOM: Moose! Did you see what just happened to Firechild? Turn on OOWFtv! <Moose flips on the channel and we see a Moments Ago replay> <F. Fonzworth MacCappington and Ryan Hardcore are walking down the hall> FFM: Look, I know Lauren is hot and all, but there HAS to be someone else that you would do too RH: Why would I want someone else? Have you SEEN what she can do? She’s a freak! FFM: Yeah, I know, but I am just sayin’, she HAS to know others in the business and all, she has her connections….. RH: Are you saying you want an invite to the AVN Awards show after party FFM: THAT. WOULD. RULE!!!! <as they are talking they round the corner and nearly run into Firechild> FFM: Well well well, look who it is, its Firechild! I thought you had run back to whatever shit hole country it was that I bought FC: Shut your mouth MacCappington FFM: Or what? You have been able to come after me for over a month now and you haven’t done shit. Ryan, maybe we should teach this punkass a little lesson in respect <MacCappington and Hardcore approach Firechild, but he grabs a steel pipe conveniently leaning against the wall. They stop and get an amused look on their faces> FC: Something funny? Come on fucker, its still two on one RH: Nah, you have something more important to worry about FC: Wha… FFM: Behind you <Firechild turns to look over his shoulder and gets BLASTED in the face with a chair shot from Tytan! Tytan grabs Firechild and hits the Corporate Takeover (Steiner Screwdriver) dropping Firechild right on his head! Firechild hits the floor with a sickening thud, his neck twisting grotesquely to one side. Tytan gets to his feet and shakes hands with MacCappington and Hardcore, the three turn and put the boots to Firechild until Concrete TG, Davin Moreland and Phantos & Lucios come to his rescue. The Invisible Ninja Cameraman remains behind and we hear them calling for paramedics, NOW! Then we fade out> <Moose and Eric watch what happened with a grin on their face, SFJ13 watches in horror> MHJ: Looks like that investment is paying off already EOM: Looks like it MHJ: One more down <fade> |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:25:14 GMT -5
A Randomly Numbered Sexy Female Journalist is seen standing with Team Aquafina
RNSFJ: First off, congratualtions on winning the Trios titles.
Lucios: Championships.
RNSFJ: ... yeah, championships. does this mean you aregiving up on regaining the World Tag Team Titles?
Lucios: CHAMPIONSHIPS..... and shut up now. It is an honor to be the inagural champions, and to hold these championships with our firend Davin is a thrill. We will defend these against anyone who wants a piece of us. Run DLP cemented its legacy of greatness with this victory.
Now, don't think we've forgotten out roots. Phantos and I came here almost a year ago and fought our way to the TOP of the tag team ranks. We fought through some of the toughest teams in the business. We survived a brutal best of 7 series against Spin and DH. We chased The BFF, Heels, and Defenstrators relenttlessly until we became champions. WE NEVER LOST THOSE CHAMPIONSHIPS. And rest assured, Gaelic Storm. We Will be coming back after Our Championships very very soon.
Phantos: You see, nothing has changed. We are still the Measuirng Stick. We are the standard that tag teams are judged against. And Noone Else in the OOWF measures up .
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:25:35 GMT -5
(Tytan sits alone in the Ultimo Inc training facility. He is sweaty after the beat down of Firechild. He is drinking some water when Dumb blond Interviewer enters with a cameraman.)
DBI: Tytan what do you have to say about your recent actions?
Tytan: Look I was hired to do a job and was paid rather well. The boss wants certain people eliminated and all I am doing is following orders.
DBI: But you had orders to take out Amnesiac.
Tytan: I will follow through on those orders as soon as he gets back from Gotham City.
DBI: Now you also have a match coming up against Knife, aren't you becoming a little distracted with the War now.
Tytan: Wrong. The War has given me purpose and focus. I am just becoming more of a machine then what I was when I came to this federation. Remember I am the Wrestling Prototype for the 21st Century.
DBI: Speaking of that it seems you have gotten under the skin of one Seamus McNasty what do you have to say about that?
Tytan: First off you Dudley Boy wanna-be put down the Whiskey and listen up. You are just pissed off that someone who hasn't been in a tag-team match layed the smackdown on you, and that was with Blitz. Imagine what I could have done if I had a real partner? You could have ended up drowning your sorrows in more whiskey. But when you are ready come find me, better yet I will come and find you. You're not that hard to find, all I got to do is follow the empty beer cans.
(He heads off with DBI and ninjacameraman following.)
(TO BE Continued.)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:25:57 GMT -5
(The scene opens up at some local bar in some nearby neighborhood. The bar seem like there is plenty of action, and inside Seamus McNasty is drinking waiting for his brothers to arrive. Outside a limo pulls up and Ultimo Inc. steps out and heads up to the bar.)
Steel: McNasty, Seamus McNasty.
(Inside Seamus who is playing pinball with another hears the voice.)
Friend: What was that?
Steel: Seamus McNasty there is someone out here wishing to speak with you.
Friend: You know who that is?
Seamus: Yeah I know who that is, it’s Tomko.
Friend: Don’t you mean Tytan.
Seamus: Either one, they are both just as dumb.
Drunk 1: Hey Seamus, you need some help?
Seamus: No this ain’t a drinking contest.
(Seamus heads outside.)
Seamus: So the trash is now really starting to pile up in the street. What the hell are you doing here you should be our celebrating your latest beat down with your new buddies.
Tytan: I came here to challenge you. Anytime, anyplace, anywhere.
Seamus: A fight.
Tytan: Yeah, that’s right.
Seamus: You come here with your whole little posse calling me out with the cameras rolling.
Tytan: I tired of you not giving me the respect I deserve.
Seamus: Is that what this is about?
Friend: Come on Seamus, the punk doesn’t deserve any respect he sided with Bennett.
(They turn and start walking in.)
Tytan: I ain’t done talking to you.
Seamus: I told you I got nothing else to say to you. You had the potential to be one of my brothers and you decided to go this route instead.
(They go back to walking inside and Tytan and Ultimo Inc. follows inside.)
Tytan: So are you going to accept my challenge or not?
Steel: Seamus McNasty are you going to accept or not?
Seamus: Don’t you see Steel is using you to just make money.
Friend: You aren’t worth Seamus’s time. (To Seamus) He’s just another punk wanna be.
(Tytan turns to him and drops him with a punch.)
Steel: Don’t break your hand on that bum.
(Seamus goes and checks out his friend)
Seamus: Johnny? Johnny are you okay?
(TO the owner)
Seamus: Get them out of here! (To Ultimo Inc.) You knocked him down, why don’t you come and knock me down?
Steel: Tytan only fights in the ring! Let’s get out of here.
Seamus: Well my ring is outside!
Tytan: Yeah? Let’s do it.
(The two head outside and get ready to fight as a crowd circles them in. Tytan and Seamus head toward each other and begin a straight out brawl. The crowd goes nuts. Tytan grabs a nearby garbage can and goes to hit Seamus with it. He swings at hits him right at Seamus low-blows Tytan. The crowd reacts as the two fall over. The crowd quickly breaks as the sounds of cop cars head to the scene.)
Steel: Only here the cops are actually on time to something.
(The limo pulls up and they get away, and some of the patrons help Seamus back in to the bar.)
Fade To Black.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:26:17 GMT -5
Firewoman and Alexis are in Firewoman’s locker room.
FW: I know Phantos thinks it’s necessary, but really. When I say no one can get in here, I mean—
LD: I know what you mean.
FW: And really, all this togetherness is going to drive me crazy, and make me all tense.
LD: Massage?
FW: Well….sure…but later. I have a question for you now.
LD: Sure, what?
FW: Well, I was being “detained” by Viper and IHOP, and DLP was being detained by the cops….
LD: I know, I know—
FW: Where were you?
LD: Hm?
FW: You didn’t come out either. Heck, you didn’t even walk out with him! What gives?
LD: Oh…I’d rather not…
FW: C’mon….[She scoots closer to her on the sofa] You know by now you can tell me anything.
LD: Dammit, I hate when you do that. I…well, I met up with someone…
FW: Oh? Do tell!
LD: Not like that – well, okay, kinda like….[she takes a deep breath.] Lauren Phoenix locked me in a closet.
FW: How did she do that? [Lexie gives Firewoman a look.]. Oh….ew, gross! No way you’re sleeping in here now without some penicillin. [Firewoman feigns anger, but she’s actually trying not to laugh.]
LD: It’s really not funny.
FW: If you say so….[laughing still]
LD: Fine…I’m leaving. You have a promo on Dead you need to do.
FW: Okay, later…after I’ve composed myself….
Alexis leaves Firewoman who is still smiling to herself.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:26:38 GMT -5
Seamus is watching TV at the hotel with HBO playing a "Rocky" marathon. Seamus is slumped in bed sleeping, suddenly there is a knock on the door
Seamus: "Hold on..."
Sean: "Hurry up"
Seamus opens the door for Sean Scott
Seamus: "Where the hell you been"
Sean: "Japan, I kinda missed the flight, not that you assholes cared"
Seamus: "I thought Rory called you?"
Sean:" Whatever, whatd' I miss?"
Seamus: "I just had this weird dream where I was fighting this new guy Tyson, in this whole stupid scene like Rocky 5, or 6 or something...you know with Tommy Gun...hey yo hometeam..."
Sean: "Are you drunk? Mike Tyson is wrestling in the OOWF?"
Seamus: "NO the Prototype"
Sean" John Cena?"
Seamus: "No ACME INC or something...I don't know, some punk ass want to be. running around being Moose's newest little bitch, ,fucking with people, he had the match of his life against me because the head booker booked the Storm to "struggle" through what was nothing more than a squash match with this newbie jobber and now this mantard is running his mouth..."
Kayfabe opens the door and stares at Seamus
Seamus: "Anyway then I fell asleep watching Rocky and I dreamed this kid and I was in this scene from Rocky..."
Sean: "But didn't Rocky beat the shit out of that kid..."
Seamus: "Yeah...I guess I might hafta take a page out of his book and beat the snot out of this kid..."
Sean: "Don't worry about him...he's not even in your league - worry about your title match..."
Seamus: "Yeah, your right and no more latenight ice cream and BBQ sauce..."
Sean: "Your fucked...and by the way I have this letter for you...It came late to Japan"
Seamus takes letter from Sean and looks at it, it has the letter P on it...Seamus frowns and opens it....
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:26:57 GMT -5
(The members of Ultimo Inc. sit in the war room of The Ultimo Building they are discussing the current plan.)
Steel: So, Mayham is coming up and we have a match against Knife. Having we gone over the tapes.
Dr. P: Yes we have, and they have been programed into Tytan's training.
Steel: Good..Good how' she handling it.
Dr. P: Fine.
Steel: Then increase the power. Now that we have finally gotten somewhere I am not going to let it slip because Tytan isn't strong enough.
Dr.P : But, we that to the last prototype and look at what happened to him.
Steel: He started thinking he was the second coming of Marky Mark.
Dr. P: Thank god he finally shook that one. He was making the company look bad.
Steel: You're right increase the dosage and monitor him closely I couldn't handle those effects again.
Dr. P: And what about Knife?
Steel: Maybe its time to cut a new commercial for the new Sledgehammer,the HHH-DX.( Getting up) I'll go get things ready and you take care of him.
(Steel leaves.)
Dr. P: I always do.
(She walks over to a figure in the shadows. She checks the monitors and then checks the wires, then she goes over and turns up power. A scream is heard and when the camera pans in they see that it is Tytan sitting in the chair being "programmed". Tytan calms down and Dr. P checks on him with a concerned look on her face and then walks out._
(Fade to Black)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:27:17 GMT -5
[The Dead is in his locker room watching something on the TV. The camera moves around the room and we see that The Dead is watching some of the soon-to-be classic Firewoman/Dead matchups.]
Dead: Look, it's come down to this. Two people are going into that ring on Wednesday, but only one is coming out the champion. But before that happens, Firewoman, I, that's right I, having something to say to you. Oh, and enough of this third-person shit. I'm pissed the fuck off and don't have time for these games.
Dead: For months and months I had your back. Every time you were about to be slammed or gored or suplexed, I was there to intervene. When the Darlings were making your life a living hell, I was there to train with you and take your mind off it. When you felt shunned by your own group, I was there to offer an alternative. Fuck, when we were in that match for the Onslaught Title, I was the one who got beat to hell trying to watch your back. And the thanks I get? The fucking thanks? You let me get beat to hell and then steal the belt from under my nose.
Dead: The thing is, that's not even the bad part. In fact, that was pretty underhanded of you, and I liked that. It showed you had what it takes to get the job done. The problem was different. After you got that belt, you ducked me. You ducked the person who had done more for you in the OOWF than anyone else. So instead of offering to do the right thing, you stayed silent. I was forced to take action.
Dead: Fire, I've seen you at the top of your game, and I've seen you at your lows. I know you have the ability to make it to the top, but you may not have the drive. You get too easily distracted with inane bullshit. DEA, DLP, Lucky, Jericho, Japan...all those things blind you. The thing is, I'm not blind. I'm coming for that belt. You can rest assured that no matter what happens, no matter who gets in the way, I will not stop until I am the Onslaught Champion. So Fire, enjoy your little soap-opera you've got going over there. I'll be training.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:27:49 GMT -5
(The Amnesiac and Monkh are walking into an office, where a man in a suit is there to meet them.) MiaS: Greeting, gentlemen, and welcome to Arkham Asylum. I am Jeremiah Arkham, the administrator. Amn: Thanks. It's a pleasure to meet you. I understand that Alfred has called ahead and arranged for us to sit in on a session today? JA: Against my better wishes, yes he has. Amn: Great. How do we get started here? JA: Walk this way, please. (The Amnesiac and Monkh follow along behind Mr. Arkham into the next room. There is a metal detector there. The two successfully manage to get through without issues, and are led into a vault-like door beyond. The room they're led into is dark and empty, save for some chairs that have been setup around the room. There is another vault-like door at the other end of the session room. Jeremiah points to two chairs that seem to have been separated off from the pack. He indicates that they should sit down. They do.) Amn: So who are we meeting with today? JA: You'll see. Amn: That sounds ominous. (Arkham leaves the room and locks the vault door behind him. As soon as the door latches, the other vault door opens. Several uniformed guards walk into the room, leading several 'patients', including: Solomon Grundy:  The Riddler:  The Penguin:  Catwoman:  And, most notably, The Joker:  All 5 are led into the room in heavy wrist and ankle shackles. The five of them all sit in seats, like it's something they've all done a thousand times before. They look across the room, and glare at The Amnesiac and Monkh. A man in a suit walks in from the vault door, carrying a clipboard. He speaks as he comes into the room.) Suited man: You've got some visitors today. The masked gentleman is The Amnesiac. Amnesiac, I am Dr. Victor Lorenzo Nunez. (The Joker's eyes light up at the sound of The Amnesiac's name.) VLN: Don't get excited. He's a professional wrestler for the OOWF. (Solomon Grundy's eyes light up at this fact.) VLN: And the little Asian fella is his sidekick, Monkh. Catwoman: Sidekick? What is his gimmick? He's a superhero of some sort? Amn: Actually, yeah, kinda. At least, that's where my career has been taking me recently. VLN: Anyhow, he's gonna be sitting in on today's session. He might have a question or two, but he's mostly here to observe. The Riddler: Why so? What interest does he have in the likes of us? VLN: Well, he's apparently facing off against Blitz this week, who is known to play the insanity card from time to time. So Mr. Amnesiac is here- Amn: THE Amnesiac. VLN: Sorry, THE Amnesiac is here to gain a little insight into the potentially insane mind. (This explanation seems to satisfy everyone. VLN sits in a chair nearby and pulls a pen out of his pocket.) VLN: Okay, so last time we were talking about Solomon Grundy. Solomon, what were we talking about, specifically. Can you remind me? Grundy: GRUNDY DAD NOT LOVE HIM! VLN: Ah, that's right. You were discussing your father issues. Does anyone else here have problems with their natural father? (All 4 of them raise their hands. The Joker speaks up.) Joker: Actually, I killed mine several years ago. VLN: Hmmm... interesting. How did that make you feel, Jack? (The Joker shrugs.) Joker: I dunno. Good, I guess. VLN: Good, you guess. Was it cathartic for you? Joker: Sure. (Victor makes a note on his clipboard.) VLN: Well then... does anyone have any issues that they want to bring up? (The Penguin raises his hand.) VLN: Yes, Oswald. How many times have I told you, you don't need to raise your hand? Penguin: Well, I'm sorry. I'm just used to have a little order and rules in my life. (The Joker starts mimicking the Penguin's speech, cackling afterwards.) Penguin: That's what I wanted to bring up. Jack seems to want to mock me moreso than usual lately. VLN: Is this true, Jack? (Catwoman jumps to The Joker's defense.) Catwoman: Not at all, Victor. Oswald is just a whiny little bastard. (The Penguin looks offended.) VLN: Now, Selina. Relax the namecalling just a little bit, please. (Catwoman grins sheepishly.) Grundy: PENGUIN BASTARD! VLN: See what you've done now, Selina. You set off Solomon. (Grundy continues shouting PENGUIN BASTARD! over and over again until one of the guards injects his neck with a clear liquid. Grundy falls asleep, almost immediately.) VLN: Well then. Edward. You're quiet today. Anything you'd like to bring up? Riddler: Not really. I'm just trying to think up a clever riddle, so I can get out of here. VLN: How would a riddle help you get out of here? Riddler: I can't tell you that. (The Riddler grins widely. Victor just shakes his head and sighs. After a few moments, The Amnesiac speaks up.) Amn: I'm sorry. Can I ask a question of the group? (Victor nods to The Amnesiac.) Amn: Hi guys. I was just wondering... when you're batshit insane, as most of you clearly are... what would you say is your greatest weakness? (There is some grumbling from the 4 conscious super-villains. It's obvious they don't like being called insane by this kid.) Amn: I mean, I'm facing off against a guy named Blitz this week. He could very easily be just as insane as some of you. I just wanna know what I can do to take him down a peg. (Victor watches warily. The Joker stands up. As he does, all of the armed guards in the room go for their weapons.) Joker: Calm down everyone. I'm simply standing to address Mr. Amnesiac here. (The Amnesiac goes to correct him, but seems to think better of it, and decides not to.) Joker: You're not much of a superhero if you're here to pick our brains. I mean, if you were worth your salt, you'd be out there training, and not bothering to do all this silly research. So, if you're here to call me insane, my friend, then I'm gonna have to ask you to look at your own life right now. I don't think it's the place you'd expected to be in. Catwoman: I agree. You have a purrr-fectly good reason to be in a gym training right now, but you're here, spending time with supervillains. For what? To learn more about us? (The Amnesiac looks a little confused. The Penguin speaks up.) Penguin: Yeah. I hate to say it, but I actually agree with Jack and Selina. Do you know who you truly are, Amnesiac? Do you REALLY know? (Monkh looks up at The Amnesiac, and The Amnesiac looks down at the ground. This time, it's the Riddler's turn to chime in.) Riddler: What time is it when a superhero needs to gain insight from a group of villains? (The Amnesiac looks at the Riddler, eyebrow cocked.) Riddler: Time to get a new bloody watch. (Solomon Grundy wakes up from his nap briefly.) Grundy: GRUNDY SMASH! (Grundy stands up from his chair, breaks free from his shackles, and takes off for the rear vault door. Every single guard takes off after him. He's surprisingly spry for a zombie. This leaves the 4 remaining supervillains, Victor, Monkh and The Amnesiac.) Amn: You guys have given me a lot to think about today. Fortunately for me, I know insanity when I hear it, so I won't have to think for very long. For now, though, we need to go. (Victor nods to The Amnesiac, and suddenly, the front vault door opens. The Amnesiac and Monkh make their way to the door, as the group continues their discussion. As the camera follows The Amnesiac and Monkh out, we can hear one final mocking of The Penguin by The Joker. And with that, the camera fades to black.) |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:28:22 GMT -5
In his continuing quest to get enough votes from the OOWF Championship Committee, Attitude Adjuster has flown to Austin, TX to see Dusty Rhodes. Dusty meets AA at the door—not dressed in his wrestling gear, thankfully.
AA: Good day, Mr. Rhodes. My name is Attitude Adjuster, but I’m sure you know me already.
DR: Did you come here to fix my sink or castrate my bull?
AA: Uhhh, neither? I’m trying to get your vote on the OOWF Championship Committee. See, I think I’ve earned a title match, but the booker says I have to go through the Championship Committee.
DR: Oh! The OOWF Championship Committee. I got a note about that a few weeks ago. Well, son, I got bad news for you. Seems I’m no longer on the Championship Committee.
AA: What? Did you resign?
DR: No, I lost it.
AA: You lost it. How do you lose a seat on a championship committee?
DR: This is wrestling, remember?
AA: Oh yeah.
DR: Well, seems I was bragging about it one night in a bar with Stan Hansen and Dory Funk Jr. We were all talking about this committee, and in walked Assassin #2. He started giving me the funky monkey bad mouth, and I told him…
AA: The “funky monkey bad mouth”? Dear Gawd…
DR (ignoring AA): I told that dirty Assassin that if he was going to bad mouth me I would put up my committee seat in a match against him.
AA: Wait, you risked your committee seat because he was talking smack to you? What did he offer? His mask, at least?
DR: No, nothing.
AA: Why???
DR: Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.
AA: Dusty!!!!!
DR: You wanna see the match?
AA: Oh, I guess.
AA and Dusty go into Dusty’s living room, where Dusty pulls out a DVD. We join the match in progress. Dusty goes for a flying dropkick, and Assassin #2 pulls the ref in the way. The ref is knocked out cold. Dusty recovers nicely, hits the Bionic Elbow and then goes for the Figure Four. Assassin #2 is tapping, but there’s no ref. Suddenly, evil ref Nick Patrick runs to the ring and calls for the bell. Dusty breaks the hold and celebrates, but the first ref recovers and argues with Patrick. (AA suddenly pauses the DVD.)
AA: Wait a second! You fell for the “Dusty Finish”? They named this after you!!!
DR: The WHAT??
AA: Gawd, you’re stupid. You didn’t realize you dropkicked the original ref, and that another ref called for the bell? It never occurred to you that something might be a little shady??
DR: No. Why??
AA: Because it happened to you like 100 TIMES IN YOUR CAREER!!!!! Watch, I bet the first ref will stop you from celebrating and explain that he’s restarting the match. Meanwhile, Assassin #2 will have stealthly put a foreign object in his mask, headbutt you and get the pin. He’ll probably pull your tights or use the ropes for good measure.
DR: Have you seen this match before?
AA: Only a HUNDRED TIMES IN YOUR CAREER!!!! (AA hits the play button.)
The DVD resumes with the first ref stopping Dusty from celebrating and explaining that he’s restarting the match. Meanwhile, Assassin #2 stealthly puts a foreign object in his mask, headbutts Dusty, and goes for the pin. The ref sees neither the pulled tights or Assassin #2’s feet on the ropes.
DR: Dang, that’s the first time I’ve noticed that. You’re telling me that’s happened to me before?
AA sighs in exasperation.
AA: So Assassin #2 has the committee seat now?
DR: I think so, but Sting told me he was going to try to get it back for me.
AA: Sting. Let me guess, is it in a tag match where Sting chooses a ridiculously untrustworthy partner?
DR: No, it’s a singles match.
AA: Well, then at least there’s hope. I gotta go find Assassin #2. Do you know how to get to Parts Unknown?
DR: Oh yeah. Drive down the highway here and take the third exit. Then drive about 50 miles, past The Darkest Reaches of Your Mind and Deepest, Darkest Africa. Take a left at Badstreet, and you’ll come to Parts Unknown. You can’t miss it. Now I gotta find me some tapes of my matches against the Four Horsemen. Maybe that’s why I got attacked so often.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:28:49 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland, Stank, and Outback Jack are all sitting in the Destroyitarium, presumably coming up with some strategery regarding their match this week against Moose, Eric O'Mac and LD Williams. They've all got a beer in front of them*
DM:...
S:...
OBJ:...
DM:...
S:*sips off his beer* ...
OBJ: *kills his beer*...
DM: *kills HIS beer*...
S:...
OBJ: *belches*
DM: So. Wednesday then?
S: Yup.
OBJ: Ya mate, Wednesday.
DM: Good. I got a little surprise for them too.
S: Good.
OBJ: Good.
DM: Alright then.
*Davin leaves. Stank and Outback Jack resume drinking beer*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:29:09 GMT -5
<Eric, LD Williams and Moose are sitting in the Bennett suite>
EOM: So, shouldn't we come up with SOME kind of strategy?
MHJ: Hit them harder
EOM: THAT is your strategy?
MHJ: You got something better?
EOM: Well, no. What about you LD?
LDW: Hit them more.
EOM: I give up
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:29:53 GMT -5
Firewoman catches the Dead’s promo as she is getting ready to exercise. She is clearly still in the mood to be amused after Lexie’s last visit to her locker room, as she begins to laugh while watching.
Oh….wow…that’s just….that’s rich….. At least no inanimate objects were harmed in the making of that promo.
I’ll agree with you Dead. You had my back on numerous occasions. And know what…I had yours too. And yeah, I took opportunities away from you when I saw them. And again, you know what? So. Did. You.
Firewoman has stopped laughing, but still appears to be amused.
I don’t recall feeling shunned by my partners, nor revealing that or my deepest, innermost feelings to you. Believe me, you couldn’t handle my deepest, innermost thoughts. Many therapists have tried. But that’s beside the point. You make many good points, but as with most revisionist historians, you only pick and choose. You fail to acknowledge the one significant difference between us in our little partnership.
Firewoman gets close to the camera, and is clearly less amused.
I didn’t play a crucial and vital role in a non-match beatdown. You did.
She smiles.
And what’s this? Hey, truck monkeys….replay that one bit…it’s classic.
Check your history, again. I didn’t win the belt until after you closed the casket on me in a three-on-one. So…if that’s what caused it to happen, then thanks. Heck, now that I think about it, if by “doing more for me” you mean “losing to me over and over again” then I guess you’re right. Even Rabbxt can’t say that.
And can we go through the history? When you have beaten me? You’ve needed considerable help. NEVER one on one. I’m tired of playing with you. I don't care who you bring to the ring with you, not you, not anyone, not ANYTHING is gonna keep me from pinning you, one two three.
And that will most definitely sparkle with me.
Firewoman pushes her hand into the camera, and shoves it back, as she goes about her daily workout.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:30:23 GMT -5
Alexis is walking down the hall when out of nowhere she is almost run over by a green forklift. The forks now have a skid of Smithwicks on it and Gaelic Storm is singing Dropkick Murphy’s songs as the forklift ricochets off the wall and comes to a screeching halt inches away from her…
Seamus: “Hello Lexie”
Alexis: “What the fuck, you almost hit me”
Seamus: “Nonsense”
Alexis: “What is all this anyway?”
Rory: “Well Ms. Darling, someone left this forklift for us so we painted it and put an Irish flag on it, we now use it to get around backstage, besides it carries our beer”
Liam: “Would you like a beer, luv”
Connor: “Or maybe a ride”
Seamus: “Back off boys, Lexie is off limits, or we would get fired, can’t touch her or out we go…”
Alexis Steps up on the step of the forklift and gets close to Seamus.
Alexis: “That’s only if I don’t want you touching me.”
Seamus: “Whoa, now you’re playing with fire, and I don’t need the headache. Zander is protective and last I checked Morelands been playing your fiddle…so tell me Alexis what has you slumming here in the back halls?”
Alexis: “I was looking for you…I want to see if you and your little friends would like to help me out”
Rory: “Don’t call me little!”
Liam: “I can see why you’d look us up, were all pretty nice guys, helping little old ladies across the street”
Sean: “Reading for the blind”
Connor: “I used to give blood to the Red Cross but then I found out it had to be your own blood…”
Seamus: “Alexis what do you want?”
Alexis: “Just a little help for old time sake, I’ll pay you, you watch our backs for a while until we get some things sorted out”
Damon: “How much?”
Alexis: “Enough, don’t worry Damon you’ll just lose it to Midnight Sons playing cards”
Seamus: “Yeah whatever, I watch out for you guys, you, Zander and Fire that’s it…forget the other ass clowns…they want their belts back…I have no idea where they left their belts…but you three sure Lexie we'll watch your backs for now…for now.”
Seamus guns the forklift and Alexis half falls off, half jumps off, watching as the forklift continues down the hall singing as they go…
“It's another murderous right
Another left hook from hell
A bloody war on the boardwalk
And the kid from Lowell rises to the bell”
(Dropkick Murphy’s)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:30:47 GMT -5
* Somewhere in Kuala Lumpur *
The camera turns on and we get a beautiful shot of the Skybridge at Petronas Towers as the sun sets here in Malaysia. The towers are lit up and due to the truly awesome video equipment of the OOWF we can actually see someone walking across the top of the Skybridge on the outside of the building. The camera zooms in and the parabolic microphone picks up a conversation between the two people up there.
Unknown Female Voice: Are you sure this is safe?
Unknown Male Voice: As safe as anything else I’ve been involved in. Besides, look down there. It’s a fucking sight to behold.
Both people walk over the edge and the camera really zooms in and we can finally see that it’s Alexander Darling and LonelyGirl15. Alexander is looking a bit better as some of his bandages have been removed, but it’s obvious that he is still moving gingerly. LonelyGirl15 has her work clothes on and is carrying an OOWF handheld microphone.
Alexander Darling: Do ya think the ninjas finally saw us up here and we can do this. Alexis will be pissed if she knows I came out here without any backup.
LonelyGirl15: So why do it?
Alexander: I needed some fresh air and I knew we’d be safe here. I know what Alexis is trying to do, but I don’t know if there’s a point to it.
LG15: What do you mean?
Alexander: She expects certain things that just aren’t going to happen no matter what. She wants Run DEA to be a completely cohesive unit and it’s just not realistic. They’ll blame me mainly and I admit that some…
LG just gives Alex a look…
Okay, most of the blame should be on me, but not all of it. I’m never going to be able to find the words to say thank you to Phantos, Lucios, and Davin for what they’ve done for me recently but it doesn’t matter because they wouldn’t hear me anyway. I’m Alexander Darling, total fucking asshole that’ll walk out on his partners at the first sign of negativity.
LG15: Well, it is in your history to be that guy. I mean, even I know you’ve only been here around 6 months and you’ve already turned on 3 alliances.
Alexander: Yet no one ever realizes I’ve stuck by Firewoman’s side no matter what offers have been tossed my way. And truthfully, look at those 3 alliances I’ve turned on. Rabbxt; hell, I came into this company and he was the first person I went after to prove a point. I aligned with him because it was what Fire wanted and once she realized he was doing nothing but dragging her down, he was tossed aside like he should have been.
LG15: What about what happened with MacCappington then? You two seem like you’d have no problems with one another…why slap him across the face and disrespect him like you did?
Alexander: Fuck MacCappington, Fuck Hardcore, and Fuck Viper. It’ll be a cold day in hell before I ever aligned with any of them. A homo, an std-infested freak, and a fat fuck? None of them would have been worth a second thought if they didn’t have what I wanted.
LG15: The IC Title…I have to ask, why that belt more than any other? You came in and challenged for the Onslaught Belt right away, but you handed that to Eric on a silver platter and you’ve made no gestures towards the World Championship.
Alexander: Those will come in time LG. But when MacCappington came to me, that’s right…he came to me with his idea, well the foundation was laid and it was just too easy to pass up. And for why I’ve been so focused on regaining it, well that’s a story for another day. I do believe we were talking about my history of “swerving” my partners.
LG15: Yes, and you haven’t mentioned what most consider the most bizarre decision you made, handcuffing Eric to the ring. Even in a short time that you were here, it was obvious how deep a friendship had been formed, so why go about things like you did.
Alexander: That’s a tough question, it really is. Eric was an unfortunate and complicated situation. There was miscommunication on both sides, but the fact was he made a commitment to two separate entities and couldn’t live up to both. If he had come to me first, I’d have been there for him every step of the way, but he went back to “Old Faithful” Moosey McFuckerson and sat on his jock again. He could have made the choice to stay committed to The DEA like he had agreed and right now he, myself, and Firewoman would have dominated this company, but he chose to go another way. And while I don’t fault him for that, I do fault him for how he went about it and for that there had to be consequences. Truthfully, Mr. O’Mac got off easy and we’ll leave it at that. We haven’t actually crossed paths yet, but if that day comes he will regret the choice he made that night.
LG15: It seems like there still may be a friendship there and I have to admit, I have heard rumors of certain things being passed between the two of you. Care to comment?
Alexander gives his patented smirk,
Alexander: I’m sorry…I didn’t hear you. You know I had a brutal night last week and my hearing comes and goes. Would you care to repeat that?
LG5: You’re a real piece of work Alex.
Alexander: I try. And if you didn’t like it, you’d be back in New Zealand. Speaking of Kiwi country, how is my older sister?
LG15: Nice change of topics, by the way. Sam’s doing good. She looks out for me when I make it home so that’s good. I’ve been trying to get her to come visit for a few shows, but she’s afraid that someone will try and use her against you.
Alexander: Smart girl, but I believe Alexis may be taking care of making sure someone is always watching our backs from now on.
LG15: Speaking of that, what are your real feelings about what happened and I have to ask…why even agree to the match when it was so obvious a trap.
Alexander: My real feelings about another fucking 5-on-1 beatdown by Bennett and his bitches? I believe the saying is “What does not kill me, can only make me stronger.” Well bitches, I’m still standing so I must not be dead. Dead…that’s interesting. I should be annoyed that he was the one that got the technical victory over me, but I’m not.
LG5: Why not? You know he’s just going to hold that over your head for now and forever.
Alexander: Yes, that would be annoying if it happened. But it won’t because after this week Firewoman is going to hurt him so bad that he’s going to eat through a tube. I almost feel sorry for him, but he’s a completely worthless waste so I just Fire ends him once and for all. And that will sparkle for everyone.
LG15: Cute, you know she’s going to be pissed now, right?
Alexander: Yea, but that’s what real family does. We piss each other off constantly and at the end of the day she knows that I will be standing side-by-side or back-to-back with her and we’ll take on anyone.
LG15: What about the other guys in that match then…AA, Moose, Hardcore, and MacCappington?
Alexander: Too much has already been said about Moose, the day will come when he isn’t afraid to face me one-on-one but until that happens, he’s not worth my energy anymore. And AA is a joke. I just hope Phantos and Lucios finish the job and end the careers of both Chickenshits. But Hardcore and MacCappington, well it’s just going to fucking start now. I never had an issue with Ryan, in fact there were times when I thought he and I to different degrees of course, were pretty similar, but that all changed Wednesday. See, when I turn on someone there’s a reason behind it, not just pointless vengeance.
LG15: Is there any other kind of revenge?
Alexander: You’re joking, right? Sometimes, the revenge is the point…fuck, just ask Poe what revenge means to him. But with these two Fags, it was a dumb decision. Time after time I’ve come out here and said this so-called war will wind up with winners and losers on both sides. The people that will be standing when all is said and done will be the people with gold around their waists. MacCappington and Ryan had a chance to get gold and they passed it up for some petty revenge and now those CHAMPIONSHIPS reside around the best Trios in this entire fucking company.
LG15: You truly believe that, don’t ya?
Alexander: Of course. Look, whatever issues Phantos, Lucios, or Davin may have with me personally…I can’t do anything about that. But it doesn’t change the fact that the wealth of talent all three of those guys possess is extraordinary. And when you combine all of that into one team, well its damn near unbeatable. Ya wanna know the funny thing about all this LG?
LG15: What’s that?
Alexander: Not only did Fonzie and Hardcore cost themselves a chance to become champions, but the indirect result is they’re going to cost Viper his belt too. See, I was willing to bide my time and finish off Poe before moving back and getting MY title back. Well, now they’ve done and well fucked-up that plan. I will not rest now until I get that Intercontinental Title back into my hands and further prove just how god damn dominant Run DEA is.
LG15: Do you truly think it’s a smart idea to have so many simmering issues? I mean, just from this little talk we’ve had, you’ve mentioned The Dead, AA, Moosehead Jack, MacCappington, Hardcore, Poe, and now Viper. Is there just even the slightest chance you may be battling on too many fronts.
Alexander: It’s possible…but I don’t really care. If need be, I’ll take them all out one-by-one but I don’t think that will be even necessary. I’m not the only one that wants to take those guys out and slowly but surely Bennett and his little army will be completely incapacitated…Trust Me!
LG15: You really are asking for it, aren’t ya?
Alexander: Why, because Moose is going to get 6 guys to attack me again to prove how he’s so much better than me? I’m tired of it. Let him, cause if he keeps it up I may just have to re-open some scars. But he’s not the issue this week. This week it’s all about Donovan Viper and getting back what belongs to me.
LG15: But what if, ya know a, ummm…
Alexander: You can say bird…I’m not actually afraid of them LG. I got caught up in history and symbolism and I let something distract me. It will not happen again and if I get my hands on Viper, one-on-one, well I’ve already proven I can beat him clean. He has yet to do the same. I will be prepared for him, his chain, his little queer friends, animals, anything he feels like bringing…I will be ready for it. I can guarantee he won’t be ready for what I bring at him,
LG15: That sounds awfully arrogant Alexander.
Alexander: It’s not arrogance for a change. It’s confidence. I’ve been distracted by too much recently. Now, I have a specific goal in mind and Donnie’s going to be the one that pays the price.
LG15: You going to end this in style?
Alexander looks right at LG15 and motions for her to move the microphone away from her for a second and he takes her and kisses her like there’s no tomorrow. He lays her down on top of the Skybridge and reaches down and grabs the microphone with one hand as he helps her up with the other.
Alexander: Now that’s what a real man does Donnie.
Alexander puts his arm around LG15 and guides her back down to the actual Skybridge as he blows a kiss towards the ninja cameraman and we can see him mouth BOOYAH BITCH!!!
*Fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:31:24 GMT -5
(We catch back up with The Amnesiac and Monkh at Arkham Asylum. They're meeting with Jeremiah Arkham. The Amnesiac is obviously quite disappointed.) JA: So I hear that your group session this morning didn't go so well. Amn: Yeah. You could say that. JA: Yeah, we had to sedate Grundy and put his pants back on, once we finally caught him. (Monkh visibly shivers.) JA: So, seeing as how things didn't go exactly as planned, I've arranged for you to sit in on one other session today. (The Amnesiac's demeanor brightens a bit.) Amn: Great. When do I get started? (Jeremiah looks at his watch.) JA: Actually, the session started 5 minutes ago. It's not quite as high a secured session as previously. None of the participants is a hardened criminal. Just go down this hall, take your first left, and go into the 2nd door on the right. (The Amnesiac and Monkh get up and start walking. The ninja cameraman follows along with them. They go down to the first left turn, and then go to the first door on the right. In the room sits a man in a suit, who is very obviously talking to himself.) Amn: Wait... is this the group therapy session? Man in Suit: Yes... we're just getting started. Come in. (The Amnesiac looks around the room, confused.) Amn: I'm sorry... where are the patients? Man in Suit: They're all right here. This is Charles. (The man points to an empty seat.) Man: And his niece, Marcee. (Another empty seat. The Amnesiac interrupts.) Amn: I'm sorry, who are you? Man: I'm Dr. John Nash. Amn: Dr. Nash, you'll have to excuse me. I'm sorry to have bothered you. Dr. JN: Oh, no bother at all. Have a nice day. So, Mr. Parcher... as you were saying. (The Amnesiac steps back out into the hall and looks at Monkh. Monkh looks back at him.) Monkh: I think Jeremiah said the SECOND door on the right. Amn: Ah, I was wondering. Why didn't you say anything? Monkh: I'm sorry, that was just entertaining. (The Amnesiac gives him the 'Why I Oughta...' hand gesture, and they both continue down the hall, arriving at Door #2. The Amnesiac knocks.) Amn: I hope this is the right one this time. (The door is suddenly answered by a gray-haired man in a suit. The man is also decked out in a gray beard.) Gray Man: Yes, may I he- oh, you're The Amnesiac, aren't you? Amn: Yes. Gray Man: Yes, Jeremiah told me you'd be coming. Please, come in. I'm Dr. Leo Marvin. (The two men shake, and The Amnesiac and Monkh enter the room. Dr. Marvin starts with the introductions...) Dr. LM: The Amnesiac, I'd like you to meet my patients. This is RP McMurphy...  Dr. LM: ...this is Billy Caufield...  Dr. LM: ...and this is Patrick Bateman...  Dr. LM: ...Parry...  Dr. LM: ...and this is Karl Childers...  Dr. LM: ...and finally, this is Bob Wiley.  (The Amnesiac looks around the room, and smiles at each patient in turn.) Amn: I think I've seen this movie before. Dr. LM: What? Amn: Nevermind. May we come in? Dr. LM: Absolutely. Come have a seat next to Mr. Bateman. (As The Amnesiac and Monkh go to sit down, Bateman shoots them a look, almost homicidal.) Amn: You know what, I think we're just gonna stand. Dr. LM: Suit yourselves. (Dr. Marvin sits back down, and continues his session.) Dr. LM: Okay, where were we. RP McMurphy: We were just talking about how we'd like to get the hell out of here for the weekend. Billy Caufield: Yeah! That's sounds great! Dr. LM: And I was reminding you how un-possible that was. Karl: Mmm-hmmm... I don't think that there's a real word, doc. Mmm-hmmm.... Dr. LM: Okay, let's move on. Parry, I think you were talking to me before the session. Could you tell the group what you shared with me? Parry: Well, I was saying how we all have our own Holy Grails to find. Sometimes, like in my case, it's actually the Holy Grail. But for Mr. McMurphy and Mr. Caufield, for example, it's their freedom from this hospital. Or, in Bateman's case, it's shooting kittens. Any way you splice it, people have to set themselves goals. Dr. LM: Excellent. And you're absolutely right. Does anyone have anything to add to that? Bob Wiley: Well, I'd just like to say that this has been the most helpful therapy session ever. I mean really, when I came in here, I thought I was gonna die. I mean, having people all around me like this. I didn't think I'd be able to handle it... but honestly, I love you guys. The rest of the patients: We love you too, Bob. Dr. LM: Thank you, Bob. That was incredibly unhelpful... not insightful at all... but thank you. Bob Wiley: Well, Dr. Marvin. You were the one that taught me baby steps. Dr. LM: Anyhow... Mr. Bateman... could you share with the group your breakthrough this week? Patrick Bateman: Honestly? I'd rather kill everyone in this room, starting with the little Chinese kid over there. Monkh: Hey! I'm Mongolian! Bateman: Mmm... Mongolian barbeque. Amn: Alright... that's enough. You're scaring the kid. We're just here to learn a few things. I'd like to ask you all a few questions. Dr. LM: Go ahead, sir. (The Amnesiac prepares himself, then continues.) Amn: Well, I'm a professional wrestler, in case some of you didn't know. Billy Caufield: I knew you looked familiar. You're that guy with Tourette's syndrome, right? Amn: No. Caufield: Parkinsons? Amn: No. I- Caufield: Wait, no... don't tell me. Alzheimers? Amn: Close, but that's not- Caufield: Oh Jesus Christ, just forget it! Amn: Actually, that's it. I forget it. I've got amnesia. Anyways... as I was saying. I'm a pro-wrestler, and tomorrow night, I'm going to be facing off against a man named Blitz. He's a guy who tends to act a little insane from time to time. Parry: He *acts* insane? Or he IS insane? Amn: Well, no one's ever determined that, I don't think. But my question to you all is, how do I defeat a guy who could potentially have some mental illness. Caufield: You punch him in the face! Bateman: You cut out his eyeballs and feed them to the dog. Wiley: You take baby steps, and maybe get to know him a little better. And then you could probably make him dinner sometime... and then- Parry: I'd say, call up the Red Knight, and see if he can help you out. Karl Childers: I'd hit him with what they call there a 'sling blade', then I'd have some o' them french fried potaters, hmmmm... McMurphy: Well, don't just stand there, kid. You've gotta stick up for yourself. Get the hell out of here, and go finish training. You've gotta get out there and kick this Blitz guy's ass! (The Amnesiac seems somewhat inspired by McMurphy's words. He actually looks like he's ready to leave, to go and do exactly what RP has suggested to him.) McMurphy: And while you're out there, give my girlfriend Candy a call. Tell her to get her ass over here tonight after visiting hours are over. (Dr. Marvin glares at McMurphy, and RP just shrugs as if to say 'Whatta ya want from me?'. The Amnesiac puts a hand on Monkh's shoulder and the two of them proceed from the room with great haste.) Amn: Thanks for the advice everyone! Wish me luck! (The patients all cheer as The Amnesiac leaves the room.) Patrick Bateman: Cut off his balls for me! (The Amnesiac and Monkh walk down the hallway as the camera fades to black once more.) |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:31:59 GMT -5
Stank - Ladies and Gentlemen, my guest this week... Nate Corbitt!
<Everything Zen by Bush plays through the speakers and out walks the former GM of the PHWF! He makes his way to the ring, climbs through the ropes, shakes Stank's hand and accepts an extra mic from a ringside attendant.>
Stank - Nate, welcome to Stank's pub.
NC - It's an honor to be in an OOWF ring.
Stank - For those who don't know, tell the folks out here who you are.
NC - Well I was the General Manger of the now defunct PHWF.
Stank - Defunct you say? Well tell us what happened to the PHWF?
NC - Well... a lot of things happened there. Some of it quite good, but I have to say the reason why the PHWF failed was... well it was a combination of things.
Stank - Like...?
NC - Like... well... 2/3 of out talent were under the employ of the OOWF. And we were told that they were forced to sign no-compete clauses.
Stank - No compete clauses in our contracts... now the first time I ever heard of that was when Bennett showed up back in January throwing out that accusation.
NC - Yes well... it turned out to be true.
Stank - Did it now?
NC - Yes... Rick put the no compete clauses in your contracts... but by then the PHWF was on life support. The no compete clause was just the final nail in the coffin.
Stank - But why would Rick try to keep talent in the OOWF from competing in the PHWF?
NC - Because he found out what I found out just recently...
Stank - And what is that?
NC - That Bennett was just using the PHWF as a means to get himself back into the OOWF... and ultimately to unseat Rick from power.
Stank - That doesn't surprise me. Explain.
NC - You have to understand... I believed in the PHWF. I worked my ass off to insure our fans got the best damn product we could offer.
Stank - Sure.
NC - But there were grumblings in the locker room. Stories about bounced checks, disproportionate pay, nepotism, inferior ring gear, hazing and the like. I went to Bennett and he assured me he had a plan. He told me not to worry. I had no reason not to believe him.
Stank - So you pressed on.
NC - I did. I went into the locker room and told the talent that things would not always be as they were. I assured them that if they stuck with us things would get better. Then we lost a key staff member and... I was told about the no compete clauses. It pissed me off. For the longest time I was angry with Rick. Then recently I found out the truth.
Stank - What truth?
<Nate sighs>
NC - Bennett lied to me... he lied to everyone at the PHWF... except for five individuals.
Stank - Who?
NC - Johnny Adrenaline, Attitude Adjuster, Chris Cole, F. Fonzworth MacCapington... and Moosehead Jack.
Stank - Interesting... explain.
NC - Chris Alt's girlfriend, Spice, worked in the offices of LJ Bennett. She stumbled upon a plot to take over the OOWF hatched by one LJ Bennett and one Eric O' Ma-
<Before Nate can finish, Eric O'Mac, Moosehead Jack, LD Williams and LJ Bennett appear at the top of the ramp. Eric has a mic.>
EOM - NATE! YOU SHUT your FUCKING MOUTH!
<Stank moves Nate aside and walks toward the ropes.>
Stank - What are YOU afraid of Eric? The truth? The truth about how you couldn't hack it here in the OOWF so you plotted with Bennett to try and take over? The truth about how my ex-partner was a power player at the PHWF, found out about this plot when Spice told him, refused at first to take part in it but was BOUGHT and paid for by YOU and YOU BENNETT... that's right! I know that Lock's mysterious wealth... didn't come from the death of his deranged Uncle... it came from YOU TWO motherfuckers! Fucking HUSH money! That's when the PHWF started to really fall! Lock was your head booker... and you paid him to walk and not say a word!
NC - You didn't care about us, Bennett! You didn't care what would happen to the PHWF, because by then... your plan was already in motion to return to the OOWF. You lied about the no compete clauses just to stir the shit. Then you booked Alt to become champ to placate him and Spice.
Stank - Rick later found out about your plot when the PHWF was bleeding money and a disgruntled Altrageous approached Rick and told him all he knew... But he didn't know EVERYTHING did he? He only knew there was a plot... all the motivation he needed to actually put no compete clauses into effect for real. He figured that would be the end of it and you let him believe it. But he only had a piece of the myster-
EOM - Stank! YOU think you're so damn smart! So what if I plotted with Bennett to remove that hack RICK!
NC - So what...? SO WHAT?? Bennett LIED to us! HE LIED about starting a new pro wrestling organization! HE USED US to get back at RICK! The PHWF was my LIVELIHOOD! What about Joey Fashions and Don East? They're out of a job! What about the working crew of the PHWF? What about Chris Alt? What about Donovan Viper, Spin Hansen, MGB, The Knife, Master Gator, Ryan Insert, your current World Champion, and Bennett's own DAUGHTER?!? I doubt any of them knew you were screwing them over so you could get revenge on Rick!
<LD Williams gives Bennett and Moose a quizzical look.>
NC -I sure as shit didn't know. I didn't know about you Eric, behind the scenes scheming, and I didn't know about your inner little circle of OOWF disgruntled, Bennett! But that's not even the worst of it... I know about Boston, LJ. Yeah. That's right! I know about your-
LJB - SHUT UP!
NC - MAKE ME!
EOM - With pleasure.
<Eric, Moose and LD Williams STORM the ring. Stank pushes Nate Corbitt out of harm's way and takes a THREE on ONE BEATDOWN! Davin Moreland and Outback Jack run down the ramp and even the odds. PIER SIX BRAWL! The camera switches to Nate Corbitt, standing by ring side ready to hop the railing. It then switches to Bennett, standing halfway down the ramp, cheering on his men, and then fades on GM theRick, staring from the top of the ramp, the frenzied roar of the crowd chanting OOWF! OOWF! OOWF! raging in the background!>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:32:28 GMT -5
Back at the fortress of snobbery where F. Fonzworth MacCappington III, Ryan Hardcore and Donovan Viper are watching the goings on at Stank's Pub...
RH: Is that true, F? You got your fortune from LJ Bennett and not your dead uncle?
FFM3: Yeah, I have to admit, it's true. But don't let anyone else know!
DV: Um, Stank knows. And so does everyone else now.
FFM3: How?
DV: Invisible Ninja Cameramen?
FFM3: Oh yeah. Man, this doesn't make this such a fortress does it?
RH: So no dead uncle?
FFM3: My uncle is dead, but he was broke as a joke.
RH: Like Carl from Fresno?
FFM3: Pretty much. Hey, you know what's the difference between a pizza and my uncle?
RH: What?
FFM3: A pizza can feed a family of five.
DV: So wait, you're saying LJ is paying for my trainers, that wave pool back there, this mobile fortress, the violin players that play your entrance music live at every event, and all of Lauren's lube?
FFM3: Yup. By the way, Ryan, that lube is costing us a fortune. Can you ease back on the usage?
RH: What, you expect Lauren to be wet 24/7? It's not biologically possible.
FFM3: Well you don't have to have sex with her 24/7, you know...
RH: That does not compute.
DV: So wait a minute. LJ must have a fucking fortune to pay for all of this and still do what he needs to do.
FFM3: It took a lot of money to get me to turn against Stank.
DV: Where did he get all of his money?
FFM3: His rich uncle died and left him with his inheritance.
DV: Of course.
RH: Wait, so Donnie. You were in PHWF?
DV: Not that I know of.
FFM3: Oh come off it! Why do you always deny that? You were in PHWF!
DV: No I wan't.
FFM3: Hello? Viet Cong Viper? Dude, that was the best gimmick EVER!
DV: That wasn't me, man.
RH: Then what's THIS?
DV: That..... is offensive.
FFM3: Tet offensive!
DV: ....
FFM3: Oh come on, man! Why do you deny it?
DV: Because that's NOT ME!
RH: But it says right there...
DV: Drop it! I was never in PHWF, ok? OK?!?!!?
FFM3: Fine then. Spoil sport....
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:32:54 GMT -5
Meanwhile, AA continues his quest to gain acceptance from the OOWF Championship Committee, driving from the ranch of Dusty Rhodes to Parts Unknown to meet with Assassin #2, who defeated Rhodes in a match in which Rhodes put up his committee seat for, well, nothing.
AA gets to Parts Unknown, and not surprisingly, there is only one street: Parts Unknown Boulevard. He drives down the road, past the houses of The Ultimate Warrior, Hugh Morrus, Demolition (they apparently live together—hmmm, guys in bondage masks living together), Who, Metal Maniac, Mad Man Pondo, Twiggy Ramirez (the last three must share a condo or something) and The Missing Link. Fittingly, Assassin #2 lives at the end of the block. AA stops the car and knocks on the door. Assassin #2 answers the door, wearing his mask and dressed in his usual black and yellow tights.
AA: Are you Assassin #2?
A#2: Nope. I’m Assassin #1. Hang on a second.
(Assassin #2 walks behind the door, then walks back around.)
A#2; Hi, I’m Assassin #2. What can I do for you?
AA: You’re the same guy!
A#2: Am not.
AA: Are to!
A#2: Am not!
AA: Yes, you are! You just walked behind the door and walked back around again.
A#2: Nope, that was Assassin #1.
AA (clearly frustrated, but knowing he needs Assassin #2’s vote): OK, fine. So you’re Assassin #2.
A#2: Nope. Fooled you! I’m Assassin #1. Let me go get Assassin #2. (Assassin #2 leaves, and a minute later the same guy comes back.)
AA: Ok, so who are you?
A#2. Who do you want me to be?
AA: Assassin #2!!!!! I want the guy who beat Dusty Rhodes to win the OOWF Championship Committee seat!!!
A#2: Oh, well why didn’t you say so?
AA: Look, I just want…
A#2: Hang on a second. Let me go get Assassin #2.
(A#2 leaves and a minute later the same guy comes back again.)
A#2: So you were saying?
AA: Fuck. You’re Assassin #2, right?
A#2: Right.
AA: You’re sure.
A#2: Yes.
AA: Positive?
A#2: You have a problem with this?
AA: No, no, no! I want the guy who beat Dusty Rhodes to win the OOWF Championship Committee seat.
A#2: That’s me.
AA: Cool. Because I have to convince the OOWF Championship Committee to give me a title shot.
A#2: Well, you might have a problem then. I don’t have the seat right now.
AA: You don’t? What? Did you lose it in a match?
A#2: Not exactly. It’s vacated right now.
AA: Vacated. Why?
A#2: Well, Sting came by a while ago and wanted revenge for what I did to Dusty Rhodes. Man, was he ever an idiot. All I had to do was Smack Talk him and he put his seat up in a match. Faces are so stupid. Anyway, Sting comes over and asks for a match.
AA: And you probably gave it to him, no questions asked.
A#2: Hell no!! Do I look like a face? I told him I wanted $25,000 before I faced him in the ring. So he put a second mortgage on his house, sold his car and forced his mother to be my valet for a month to get enough money. Then we had the match.
AA: And what happened?
A#2: You want to come in and see the tape?
AA: Oh man…
AA and A#2 walk into the house and sit down in the living room. We join the match already in progress. At one point Sting gets the Stinger Splash, goes for the pin and Tony Schiavone yells, “We have to take a commercial break! If anything happens while we’re gone, we’ll keep the tape machines rolling!”
AA: There was a commercial break during your match?
A#2: Yeah, why?
AA: This wasn’t on TV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A#2: I thought all good wrestling matches had TV breaks.
After a Macho Man Slim Jim commercial, we return to the action. Sting whips Assassin #2 toward the turnbuckle, but Assassin #2 reverses direction and whips Sting back the way they came. Uh, oh! There’s the ref! Sting runs into the ref, and the ref’s dead!!! Suddenly, a second Assassin runs into the ring, attacks Sting (For some reason, we hear Dusty Rhodes scream, “They be clubberin’, Tony!!!—Thanks, Thai), and the Assassins do a double foreign-object headbutt that busts Sting open. The illegal Assassin grabs the ref, tosses him back in the ring and leaves. Assassin #2 feints injury and crawls over for the cover. The ref counts 1, 2 and 3.
A#2 (pausing the match): Now here’s where it gets complicated.
AA: Let me guess. Some face runs from the locker room and explains to the ref what happened. And even though refs routinely let slide anything just under murder, he’ll believe this wrestler and throw out the match.
A#2: Have you seen this match before??
AA: Shoot me…
A#2 pushes the Play button. Suddenly, Lex Luger runs from the locker room and explains to the ref what happened. And even though refs routinely let slide anything just under murder, he believes the Paragon of Virtue that is Lex Luger and throws out the match.
AA: So now what? There’s only 10 people on the Championship Committee? The vote is a little close right now.
A#2: Well, I heard something about a tag team match coming up about the end of June. The winner of the match gets the seat. So I’m going there with Assassin #1 to face Sting and his mystery partner.
AA: Sting and a Mystery Partner.
A#2: Yeah, pretty funny, huh? You know he’s going to get turned on. I’m just waiting to see who his tag partner is. I mean, it will be tough to out-dumb Tommy Rich when he brought in Abdullah the Butcher in Georgia Championship Wrestling, but you never know with Sting. After all, Sting is the dumbest man in wrestling. That's a well established fact. I'd personally find it offensive and out of character if Sting didn't volunteer to do the stupid thing.
AA: Wait a second. Are you Lucky Lopez?
A#2: Ummm, never heard of him. Gotta go.
AA: With that, Assassin #2 runs out the front door, hops into a car and drives off. AA notices it has New York license plates. Hmmm…
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:33:15 GMT -5
<Stank is sitting at the bar in the Destroyitarium, licking his wounds from the brawl earlier. Outback Jack sits next to him as Kayfabe walks in through the front entrance, walks herself up to Stank and SLAPS the taste out of his mouth!>
Stank - OW, BITCH! What the HELL???
KF - That's for that little remark about Chris Alt!
Stank - ??!
KF - You said Bennett BOOKED him to become champ!
Stank - ... oh. He... facilitated his win... is that ambiguous enough for you?
KF - It'll do.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:33:40 GMT -5
Firewoman is WALKING-! into the entrance of the OOWF Arena, but she’s all sweaty as if she’s been out running. Which, she of course has. Lucky meets her at the entrance with a towel and water bottle. She is talking on her cell phone.
FW: Yes, I know I was right… Yes I did see…. Nicely done. Next time pull the scaffolding down on him. …. Okay, bye.
L: So how was it?
FW: Pretty good. The humidity is crazy, I—
L: Look, uh, Phantos was looking for you…
FW: Oh, okay. Whatever…in just a minute....
Eric O’ Mac is also WALKING~! but he’s going out to the parking lot. He stops, sneers at Firewoman and Lucky, and walks out. Firewoman watches him walk to the parking lot where his limo was parked, only to find an empty parking space and a Kuala Lampurian chauffer trying to translate “carjack”.
L: No, uh…not whatever….he didn’t look pleased when I told him where you were.
FW: You didn’t….
L: I…well, no, I told him you went jogging.
FW: Great….well, I’ll just avoid him…
Firewoman and Lucky have reached the Run-DEA suites, and Firewoman is close, so close to her locker room, when Phantos sees her. Lucky makes himself scarce.
P: HEY! Where have you been?
FW: Jogging?
P: Where?? Alone??
FW: Outside, and yes and no.
P: Yes and no?
FW: Yes, no one was around, and besides, all this togetherness is making me tense. No, because I had to meet up with some old friends.
P: I don’t care. We agreed. And what kind of old friends?
FW: Phantos, the fewer questions you ask the better. And I need my “serenity” runs. It’s best for everyone really. Now, if you wanted to go along for a 10 mile run with me tomorrow….
P: Uh….
FW: I thought so. If you’ll excuse me, shower time.
Firewoman walks into her locker room, and Phantos attempts to follow, but finds he can’t go in.
P: What the heck?
FW: Told you, Captain.
P: How….what?
FW: It’s best not to ask. See, I don’t need back-up in here, and besides, Lexie and Lucky can come in.
P: Seriously, Fire…what if they aren’t around? What if--
FW: Look Captain, it’s sweet of you to worry…but—
P: That’s right! I’m team captain! Look, don’t make me pull rank here…It wouldn’t hurt to … do whatever you have to do, to let someone else be able to get in if necessary.
Firewoman stops and thinks for a moment. She looks at Lucky, who has re-emerged from hiding. He kind of shrugs as if to say “It’s not a bad idea.”
FW: Okay, fine. But just you. Give me a minute.
Firewoman closes the door, Lucky and Phantos share an uncomfortable few moments, and then the door reopens.
FW: Okay, try it now.
Phantos takes a tentative step…and finds he can enter the locker room just fine.
P: Okay, how—
FW: Do you really want to know?
P: Uh…probably not.
FW: Okay now, get out, Captain, my Captain. Shower time. Oh, and don’t tell Alexander. He’ll be really mad I chose you instead of him, since I’ve known him longer.
P: uh….no problem.
The door shuts, with Phantos outside. He looks at Lucky.
P: So….
L: Really…don’t ask.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:34:03 GMT -5
The scene comes up in the hall of random encounters, where we see Justin Sane ~WALKING~
JS - (Under his breath) Man that K.C. Wendigo sure is a nice guy, I hope they give him a shot at a real title soon.
Suddenly he just stops and spins with his back facing the invisible ninja cameraman.
JS - This week my team supreme came close to winning the Menage a Trois titles, we fought hard to the final round, and if not for the interference of the dastardly ring steps, those belts would be ours. Not to worry though with the Popes connection with the "big guy upstairs" I'm sure we will get another shot soon. For now it's back to my main goal of recapturing my title, and I will destroy everyone in the OOWF if that is what it takes.
Justin pauses to take a deep breath.
JS - I will once more become the OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal World Intercontinental Onslaught Tag Triple Threat King of the Ring Mountain Knockout Champion. So this week your Hawkeye won't prevent you from getting Mashed Alan Alda . It's nothing personal, especially because I know that you are a fair and brave hearted competitor who would never use underhanded tactics to win a match. I just can't be stopped in my quest. Coming between me and my title match isn't crazy....It's Justin Sizemore.
Awkward silence follows.
JS - Sane, I meant Sane, man I really suck at catch phrases.
With that Justin spins around slamming face first into the invisible ninja cameraman, both Justin and the camera fall to the ground. The last image we see is an OOWF ref sliding in, making the 3 count and declaring the invisible ninja cameraman's camera the victor by pinfall.
Fade to black.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:34:36 GMT -5
AA is somehow back in Malaysia from Texas. It's time to cut a promo for this week's Midweek Mayhem.
AA: Justin Sane!!!! Justin Sane!!! Are you listening to me!! Because if there's one thing I am right now, it's pissed off. Flying back and forth and back and forth is no fun at all! I'm sick and tired of Dusty Rhodes and Assassin #2 and Sting, and don't even get me started on Verne Gagne and Bruno Sammartino and Iron Sheik, because I gotta deal with them next week. So you know who I'm gonna take this out on?? You!!!! That's who. I'm going into the ring this week in whatever the hell third-world country I'm in and beat the crap out of you like you were Phantos. Or Lucios. Whichever. I'll take all three of you one right now, I'm so sick of paying $25 to check a bag and getting strip searched by gay drag queen security guards before I have to fly 14 hours across the damn ocean and subsist on a dry chicken sandwich and a bottle of day-old water. Damn it, it's like being in the PHWF again. I'm gonna kick someone's ass this week! This interview is OVER!!!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:34:57 GMT -5
And now a word from our sponser..
(The scene opens in the hall of Random Encounters where we see Knife--WALKING!! Then we see Johnathan Steel--STANDING!! He begins to talk.
Steele: When you need a weapon to make sure you get a point across to your opponent. (Shows Tytan coming up behind Knife) And you want it to be heavy, do it's damage and be easy to swing. (Tytan swings the hammer and hits Knife in the Back.(HA! Knife in the back!) Then try the HHH-DX1. The celebrity Sledgehammer. The one and only helped designed this sledgehammer to his specifications. (Tytan hits Knife again, who then falls to the ground.) It even makes a great weapon when you want to choke someone out. Watch this demonstration. (Tytan then begins to choke out Knife using the Sledgehammer.)
Let's see what our victim thinks about it?
(Steel heads over to Knife and holds the Mic to him and we see that he is out cold.)
Steel: Well, it seems this time action speaks louder then words. So hurry quick and get on-line and order the HHH-DX1 before they run out.
Tytan: I did and it works great!
(Tytan finishes the job and gets up and starts to walk away as the camera follows. _
Steel: That's the HHH-DX1 and if you order now we will throw in an autographed picture.
That's Ultimo Inc. we are the future of wrestling.
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