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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:35:18 GMT -5
D.H. Magnusson: No way...No goddamned way. The Pogues. End of story.
Seamus McNasty: Yeh, of course you'd say that. Yer a yank, ain't ya? All you bleedin' seppos know is the Pogues.
DHM: You're kiddin' me right? Look, I'm put London Girl an' Bottle of Smoke up against any of that crap ya got goin' on these days.
Damon Wrath: Y'know he's got a bit of point in that.
SMN: Saint preserves from the godless 'eathens!
DHM: And I'll raise ya 'nother six.
SMN: Call.
DHM: Trip Jacks.
SMN: Flush. Thanks for the contribution, lad.
DHM: Balls.
Magnusson pulls a six-pack of Newcastle Ale from the floor beside him and hands it Seamus
SMN: Right then, about tonight. Your boys, they aren't gonna be tryin' to help yourselves to these belts are they, now?
DHM: Told you guys. We come atcha, you'll see it comin' brotha. Long as your gang don't get into nothin' out there.
DW: Don't worry about that.
DHM: Good. We're all cool then.
SMN: Aye, and if you're lads from that Bennett buncha rowdies comes along?
DHM: We'll handle that if it comes, huh?
DW: Thinking it might be an interesting turn, at that. Deal. I'm thirsty enough that even that English piss you brough sounds good.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:35:37 GMT -5
*Back at the Destroyitarium, Stank has headed to the mens room and OBJ is chatting with the bartender.*
OBJ: Well, that was an interesting edition of Stank's Pub. Good thing we had OOWF TV on here.
Bartender: Are you referring to the news about Bennett, the list of his co-conspirators, or the real truth about MacCappington's fortune?
OBJ: Oh, well to be honest I was listening to my iPod while I watched. I just assumed it was about starting a OOWF midgets division.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:36:00 GMT -5
<Moose and LJ Bennett are sitting in his office> LJB: Fucking Corbitt! I should have fired his ass, then sued him! I think I could still take legal action against him……and that fat bastard Stank! I am going to burn him to the ground! How DARE he do this! MHJ: It’s war. You knew it was going to come out eventually. LJB: And why the fuck are you so calm in all this? Shouldn’t you be out there destroying people? What the hell are YOU doing in all this? MHJ: Bennett I warned you once….. LJB: Yes, yes, yes, I am just frustrated right now. Goddamn Stank. MHJ: Look, just regroup, go on with what you had planned this week. Yeah, it was a bombshell for him to drop that now, score one for them, but it isn’t going to change anything except fan perception, and who gives a fuck what they think? LJB: What about the boys in the back? What about Chris Alt? What about Donovan Viper, Spin Hansen, MGB, The Knife, Master Gator, Ryan Insert? MHJ: Look, who gives a fuck about Alt, MGB, Gator and Insert? They are gone. They are completely irrelevant to this war. Alt is off in TNA with Harris, they don’t matter. MGB, Gator and Insert? Are you really concerned about them? And Donovan Viper was never in the PHWF, he said so himself. Hansen, all that might have done is push him a little closer to Rick, but its not like he was going to side with us anyway, and Knife….who knows what he thinks. So really, what was the harm there? LJB: What about……my daughter? MHJ: Bennett, you know damn well she wasn’t cut out for this. If she was, she would have made the jump with you to the OOWF. She had a nice start, but then she met that guy, and she was gone. She is off in her own world right now, and she is happy. If anything you should crush Stank just for trying to drag her away from her happiness back to this world. LJB: You have a point there. But we are forgetting the most important person in all of this….. <As if on cue, LD Williams walks into the room and slams the door behind him> LDW: Someone care to tell me what the hell is going on? The whole thing was just a plot? LJB: Stank is close to right, but as usual he doesn’t have all his facts right. When we started the PHWF, it was on the up and up. I wanted to start a legit organization that would rival the OOWF and put them out of business that way. We got off to a good start, but we could never get our legs underneath us. There was a reason we were running in high school gyms instead of arenas. LDW: Which was? LJB: You remember how, back in the day, Vince McMahon would force venues to sign exclusivity clauses? It’s the reason WCW could never run in Madison Square Garden. Well, early on in the PHWF’s career, I tried to get us some work in the same venues that the OOWF was running. Not at the same time of course, but I saw they were drawing nice crowds, and I felt we could do the same. Well, I kept getting turned down. At first I wasn’t sure why, I mean I knew we were an upstart promotion, but we had the talent, and we had the show to draw the fans. We had the promotion to draw, so I couldn’t understand why we were being turned down. Then I checked into it, and Rick was telling the venues that if they let us run there, the OOWF would never come back. Now, the venue owners are not stupid men. They know that the OOWF is a sure thing, so we were stuck in the gyms and armories of the world. LDW: So, Rick isn’t as dumb as people think LJB: Not at all. It was then that I could see the writing on the wall. I knew the PHWF was doomed if we couldn’t get the larger venues. And because the OOWF had toured so extensively, they had a massive web of contacts that they could rely on, we could not compete with that. It was then that I decided to use the remaining life of the PHWF to exact my revenge on Rick and the OOWF. So I gathered Johnny Adrenaline, Attitude Adjuster, Chris Cole, F. Fonzworth MacCapington and Moose together and we hatched the plan. LDW: And why wasn’t I included in this? LJB: We thought you would be happier focusing on wrestling, and not involved in the……seedier side of things. LDW: So I was just going to be tossed aside too? LJB: Not at all. Once Alt’s skanky girlfriend found out about the plan, we gave him the title to placate him and to keep his big mouth shut. But he was only going to be a temporary champion. You were in line to take that title from him, but then Rick activated the no-compete clauses, and it all fell through. LDW: So, I would have been the champion of a defunct company. I would have been Larry fucking Zbyzko. LJB: Not exactly. Before Rick pulled the no-compete stunt, the title was going to go to you, and you were going to lead the invasion of the OOWF. You were going to show up in their arena with our title and show them how it is really done. The rest of us would be waiting in ambush when you called out the champion. We would have taken over that night. But Rick hamstrung us before it could happen <LD contemplates this for a minute> LDW: <looking at Moose> Look, I don’t like being kept in the dark on things. But, that’s in the past. That was strike one with you Bennett, but it doesn’t matter now. What matters now is that I hold this <pats the world title> What I need to know, right now, is that you are going to keep me in the loop. You know, the world champion SHOULD know what the hell is going on. LJB: You got it. LDW: Ok, then it is over. As far as I can tell, this doesn’t really change a whole lot does it? MHJ: Doesn’t seem like it. The truth is out. LJB: At least, enough of it is out. The rest will come later LDW: What? MHJ: I’ll explain, come on, lets go find Eric |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:36:20 GMT -5
(SFJ #52 finds Concrete working out in a spacious gym at the OOWF hotel in Kuala Lumpur)
SFJ#52: concrete, you've kept quite a low profile in recent weeks. Everything okay?
CTG: (as he does pull-ups) It seems it is time I refocused my efforts. My goal is the destruction of Bennett's army (and one "soldier" in particular) but it is not a war won overnight. Amnesiac and Monkh, my newest allies, have spent time looking into the minds of madmen, perhaps to learn what, if anything, different we might need against those generals under Bennett.
SFJ#52: you're talking about Moose
CTG: Indirectly. But he is not my opponent this week - this week it's the newcomer Tyson Kincaid. It's a match I am looking forward to - further testign my mettle against one who believes that Bennett is making this company better.
SFJ#52: you probaby wished it was Moose
CTG: All things in time.
SFJ#52: That's not what San Chaos said
CTG: San Chaos said nothing - and he stayed in Japan, so Tyson does not have to fear him.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:36:40 GMT -5
(A knock rings out on the door of the Run DEA Luxury Suite sponsored by Aquafina & Ketel One, sending Spirios into a barking frenzy. Lucios opens the door to find... Spin Hansen?)
SH: Lucios, I'm not coming here to start any shit. (Lucios' mouth visibly crinkles in distaste at hearing the curse.) I'm here because I need to talk to Darling.
L: Which one?
SH: Alexander. Oh, and by the way... congratulations on your Campeon... uh... campo... uh... Trios championships. (Lucios smiles at the word "championships".) Just don't get too used to 'em... Drink and Destroy's gonna try to get 'em off of your waists soon. (Spin grins.)
L: You'll try and I'm sure you'll give us a classic fight for them, but you won't succeed. We are, after all, the greatest Trios champions in history. We've set a standard that no one will be able to live up to.
SH: Don't count your chickens. Regardless... we'll see you later. (Spin, in a slightly surprising gesture, shakes Lucios' hand.)
L: Alexander is over there, in the Run DEA Executive Office Suite, Designed by Hermann Miller and Powered By Dell™.
SH: Uh... yeah. (Muttering) And I thought my shilling for beer companies when I had that broken nose was bad...
(The door to the b]Run DEA Executive Office Suite, Designed by Hermann Miller and Powered By Dell™[/b] opens, and Alexander is sitting in an Aeron chair. He's juggling a few baseballs and has a drink sitting on the desk.)
AD: What do you want?
SH: Rumor has it that you sold Josh O'Neal's contract to some South African guy for a bag of baseballs and Moose's soul.
AD: The part about Moose's soul is just a rumor. Moose has no soul.
(The two look at the camera and force a laugh. A message at the bottom of the screen appears stating that the joke was the "Harrah's Improv Bad Joke of the Night" with a phone number for reservations to the next show.)
SH: Man, I feel ill doing that. Anyway, I've come here to say that my undying enmity towards you is gone. Dust in the wind.
AD: Undying emnity? I don't think you've said more than ten words to me since I started out here.
SH: I was busy. But I hated you whether we were on the same team or not. Hated you more than Ahab hated Moby Dick.
AD: What? Because I employed Josh O'Neal?
SH: Bingo. My life won't be complete until that man is left broken and writhing on the ground, left on the streets in some slum being forced to give handjobs for whiskey money.
AD: Uh... right. Well... I have no idea what to say to that.
SH: Anyway, just thought that I'd tell you that. (He punches Darling in the shoulder in a "we're buddies" kind of way.) Oh, and tell Firewoman that I need to talk to her about the Onslaught championship... and that I have an announcement at tonight's Mayhem that will concern her. Talk to you later.
(Spin leaves, scratching Spirios' head as he leaves the Run DEA Luxury Suite sponsored by Aquafina & Ketel One.
AD: That man is seriously fucked up.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:37:03 GMT -5
(The Amnesiac and Monkh get out of the limo that took them away to the Wayne Manor in the first place. It's obviously very early morning out. The limo driver collects their belongings and hands them off to the porter standing by. The Amnesiac grabs a small duffel bag and heads towards the airport. Monkh follows him. Suddenly, out of nowhere, pops up a Sexy Female Journalist. #197, to be exact. She leaps at him, with microphone in hand.)
SFJ#197: THE Amnesiac! It's good to see you!
Amn: Wow, you jump a guy before he's had his coffee.
SFJ#197: I'm just excited that I've got a job!
Amn: Jesus... they really need to pay you more. What can I do for you?
SFJ#197: Well, I was wondering if you had any words for your opponent tonight, Blitz.
Amn: Yes, actually, I do. Blitz, I've done a lot of soul searching out here in Gotham. I've met a lot of crazy people, and I've met a lot of people who are just acting crazy. Now, I'm not sure which side of that fence you fall on, but I *have* learned this much: it doesn't matter. Either way, I'll still whip your ass from here to kingdom come. I'm gonna jam my foot so far up your ass, you'll be using my toenails for toothpicks.
SFJ#197: I dunno what's happened to you out here, but this attitude seems much more aggressive that you have been in the past.
Amn: I *am* more aggressive. I've gotten a lot of advice over the past few days. I've also been catching up with all of the happenings back home, and I'll tell you what, I hate Bennett's Army more than I ever did, and I'm gonna step up and do something about it when I get home. Gryfon is right. I've searched the souls of madmen, and now I'm coming back to take a few of them out.
SFJ#197: Anything to say about your potential opponent from next week, Tytan?
Amn: Tytan, Steel, Podvod. Make sure you take all of your stocks in Ultimo Inc, and sell them short. Because if you think you're gonna get an opportunity to take ME out? That idea's gonna go up in flames faster than the goddamn Hindenburg. In the immortal words of Dwayne Johnson, JUST BRING IT.
(With that, The Amnesiac turns and walks into the airport, followed closely by Monkh. The SFJ stands there, dumbfounded.)
SFJ#197: Well, that's all from here at Gotham City Airport. Back to you, Chuck.
(A man walking by the interview turns and says 'What?')
SFJ#197: Huh?
Man: You said Chuck. That's my name.
SFJ#197: Oh, no... I wasn't talking to you.
(As the two argue for a few more minutes, the camera thankfully fades to black.)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:37:28 GMT -5
*The Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth is walking toward LJ Bennett’s office. As she approaches the door, Moosehead Jack and LD Williams come out. When they see the Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth, they both immediately adopt an expression of being caught with their hand in the cookie jar. The Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth simply smiles and nods as she heads past them and into LJ Bennett’s office…
DM: Good afternoon, Mr. Bennett. I trust all is well?
LJB: Ah, Ms. Mantooth. How nice to see you. All is, in fact, well. Why do you ask?
DM: Well, I just saw Jack and the champ leaving, and they looked as if they were up to something. Just making sure that there’s not anything that IHOP – or NAFTA, for that matter – needs to be aware of.
LJB: How astute of you, Ms. Mantooth, but I assure you that there’s nothing that anyone needs to know right now that they don’t already know. Now, let me guess why you’re here. You have concerns about the goings-on in Stank’s Pub?
DM: Actually, no. IHOP doesn’t care about any of that – not at the moment anyway. We’ll need to see how this plays out. If it turns out you’ve been lying to us or using us, well…let’s just say that the moritorium on wrestlers putting their hands on you is limited to Rick’s men and leave it at that.
LJB: Well played, my dear. So, what are you here for?
DM: Answers about the tag division. First of all, who the hell is Gaelic Storm, and why did they get a title shot so quickly after arriving in the OOWF? Secondly, how the hell hasn’t IHOP earned a title shot at this point?
LJB: Well, first of all, Gaelic Storm is simply BAD.
DM: Then why did they get a title shot? And how did they win the titles? They can’t be that bad.
LJB: *sigh* No. Remember the team that was called BAD? All capital letters? Well, they decided to rename themselves. I would imagine it had at least something to do with avoiding confusion.
DM: Huh. Who knew?
LJB: Everyone else. Moving on to your second question, if you’ve been paying any attention to what’s been going on here this past week, you’ll know that AA has been on a quest to be granted a title shot by the newly formed Championship Committee.
DM: Championship Comm…nope. Don’t think we heard about that one either.
LJB: *sigh* Do you guys not have a “palatial” lockerroom? Does it not contain a TV? What the hell do you three do in there all day?
DM: Well, the NHL playoffs just ended, and Skurge has been in control of the TV for the past, what, two months or so. Now that that’s out of the way, Solly’s been getting back into GTA IV in a big way – he really missed it during the playoffs. Other than that, there are some cooking shows that I like to watch. You know, Rachael Ray the other day featured hamburger recipes – I never would have thought to put–
LJB: Enough! Look, Ms. Mantooth, IHOP needs to start paying attention to what’s going on around here. If you’re going to be of any value to us, you need to be focused. On a temporary basis, there’s no cable in IHOP’s lockerroom. Only OOWF-TV. And I’m confiscating all gaming systems, too. When your boys aren’t training, they’re catching up on promos.
DM: Everyone’s promos?
LJB: Yes, of course. Everyone’s promos.
DM: Fine. But some of them are really, really long. (*Bennett looks directly into the camera and rolls his eyes*) I can’t guarantee we’ll be able to get through them all. We’ll give it a shot, though.
LJB: Thank you.
DM: So, you were saying something about a Championship Committee?
LJB: Yes, I was. The same thing is in place for the Tag Titles. You want a shot, you need to get permission. Alternately, you can let me take you out to a nice seafood dinner after the show tonight, and we can discuss it further.
DM: You know, I’m a big seafood fan, Mr. Bennett, and I love eating out. I’ll take you up on that offer.
LJB: Excellent. I’ll see you after the show, then. Good luck tonight against Phantos and Lucios.
*With that, the Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth leaves LJ Bennett’s ofice and heads back to IHOP’s palatial lockerroom. She’s not entirely sure, but she gets the sense that she can hear ninja cameramen giggling…
*FADE*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:37:54 GMT -5
*FADE IN TO THE WEIGHT ROOM IN THE PALATIAL IHOP LOCKER ROOM*
Skurge and SYB are riding their IHOP-licensed exercise bikes while watching OOWF-TV.
Skurge (barely breaking a sweat while pedaling): How ya doin’ kid?
SYB (drenched in sweat) : I’m breathing like James Gandolfini here.
Skurge: What do you think aboot what we just saw?
SYB: I’m wondering who Chuck is myself.
Skurge: …
SYB: Is he in charge? Of my days and my nights?
Skurge: …
SYB: Of my wrongs and my rights?
Skurge: …
SYB: …
Skurge: You dumb fuck! I meant Dorothy’s talk with Bennett.
SYB: Ohhhh. Right. No more tv or video games. That blows goats, eh compadre?
Skurge: Do I have to fucking draw you a map? We need to pay more attention to what’s going on around here. You want the belts, don’t you?
SYB: I suuuure do. This shit ain’t easy to keep track of. AA went off to find some championship committee, The Amnesiac went to an asylum, Darling wants to fuck his sister or something, Gay-lick Storm has our gold, even Danny DeVito showed up!
Skurge: That wasn’t DeVito, that was Nate Corbitt. Remember him?
SYB: Corbitt… yeah. I used to throw batting practice to him. He stepped in and whacked one. Big hitter, Corbitt. Long. So we finish and he's going to stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Corbitt! How about a little something, you know, for the effort?"
And he says, "There won't be any money... but when you wrestle for a living... you will receive a title shot."
So we've got that going for us…
Skurge: …which is nice… finish up, eh? It’s almost time for Phantos & Lucios to feel the power of (looks at the camera) IHOP.
SYB: Who are you looking at?
Skurge: Let’s just finish, ok?
*FADE OUT*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:38:20 GMT -5
[The lights go dark in the arena as "Diamonds from Sierra Leone" blasts from the speakers, blue diamond lights shine around ringside, and we get our first appearence of new OOWF member, Zales Kay DeBeers.]
Z.K.: In case you don't know who I am, my name is Zales Kay DeBeers. Let me clear up some misconceptions about me for those who have heard of me from the news. First of all, yes, I am THAT DeBeers. I hail from DeBeersville, Capetown, South Africa. [Boos] Hey! I said South Africa...not Boston, Massachusetts! HAHAHAHAH...[silence from the crowd]. Oh fuck you all....
Z.K.: Now, I've heard it all before, and let me tell you the truth...I run a legit operation there. [Holds up the New York Times] These reports of abuse in my mines are fraudulent of course. I know you've all seen the pictures of workers with their arms cut off and other limbs missing, but I promise you, any injuries or deaths that have taken place in my lands is NOT MY FAULT. My billions do not have any blood on them.
[As he says this, the camera zooms in on the newspaper front cover which features a picture of the soldiers laughing at an armless diamond worker...it is quite obvious who is paying them from the "DeBeers Protection Agency" patch on their uniforms]
Z.K.: Now that I've cleared that up, you might be asking yourself, what is such a rich and successful man doing here in OOWF? You see, if there's one thing I love to do, it is to make people cower in my footsteps, to grow in power, to take over everything I can. To own whoever, and whatever I want. Well, I've already shown that I have the mental power to take over corporations and industries, but I'm here to shed any last doubts...I am not only the most dominant business man in the world...I am going to be the most dominating HUMAN BEING in the world. I have joined the biggest wrestling company today, the OOWF, because I know that once I am on top of the world here, I will not only shown my mental greatness, but also my physical greatness.
[Massive Boos from the crowd]
Z.K.: Oh, all you stupid Japanese here in Kuala Lumpur need the shut the hell up and give your overseer....[ring announcer whispers something about that not being a very p.c. term]...ahem...I mean master...[still waiving his head no]...uhh....hero? [disgusted, he turns around and sits] Yes, Hero!...some damn respect.
Z.K.: As you will learn, I'm still bringing my business saavy to OOWF. Already, I have brokered so many deals. You will see that money always talks. Without further ado, let me introduce some of my associates. First, I have bought the best Samoans money can buy...better yet, they're black! Wu Wu Ehunga and The Nerve Agent!
[Andre the Giant theme song from WWE Challenge on the NES system plays, as two Samoans come down the aisle. Noticeable from the start is that they are not very typical Samoans as they're lightweights. Also, it seems that they're faces are actually painted black, and that they are not black. DeBeers thinks this is hilarious. Fans do not.]
Z.K.: Hello my men.
The Nerve Agent: What kind of Samoan name is The Nerve Agent?
Z.K.: [whispers] It's a play on initials. [can't hold back his laughter] You guys are W.W.E. and T.N.A. HAHGAHAAHAHAAHAHAHA. How funny is that?
[confused looks]
Wu Wu: I think I'm alergic to this paint.
[Fans are more confused]
Z.K.: Um, moving on...as you all may have read in the OOWF dirtsheets, I have traded the rights to Moose's soul and the orb that it is kept in. What I have gotten back is a devistating force that is my bodyguard and enforcer. And he is one mean chauffer. He is Effrom Chartreuse Washington!
T.N.A.: Oh I get it...E.C.W....that's...hilarious...
[Washington comes down to the ring and shakes his, um, bosses hand.]
Z.K.: And finally, last, but definitely not least, here is my beautiful indent....um...my "massuse" and valet, Regina Ophelia Hollandaise!
[Regina comes out to DeBeers' song.]
Z.K.: Isn't she the most beautiful white African ever?
Wu Wu: [whispers to T.N.A.] I wonder if her white facepaint is less irritating than ours...
Z.K.: Say hello to the Plantation...or whatever funny acronym I think of for next week!
[more boos]
Z.K.: Now that we are here, let me leave you with this one last message. I can care less if you are with us or against us. But as my workers know, and all the people in the back will soon find out, sooner or later, no price is too much, no task is ever too diffucult. If its something I want, someone I want...or a title...that I do so desire...
DeBeers will own you, too.
[Music hits, screen fades]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:38:40 GMT -5
GMtR - ... ... ...uh.
Stank - What. The. Fuck.
GMtR - ... uh.
Stank - ...
GMtR - uh... ... ...
Stank - ...
GMtR - ... Don't look at me. I didn't hire him.
Stank - ...
GMtR - I swear I didn't.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:39:01 GMT -5
*Blitz is walking backstage, when he bumps into Zales Kay DeBeers, who’s just came back from cutting his promo in the ring.*
Blitz: Ah, it’s our newest member, Zales Kay DeBeers. What kind of a fucking name is Zales? I’m pretty sure it’s not Afrikaans.
ZKDB: No, it’s a native language.
B: You look pretty white to me.
ZKDB: I’m not white.
B: Yes you are.
ZKDB: This is fantasy wrestling, and I’m racially ambiguous.
B: Fine. But it’s always good to see a fellow South African in the OOWF.
ZKDB: You’re from South Africa?
B: It says so on oowf.com, but I’ve never actually acknowledged it on camera, so a lot of people won’t know.
WWE: It’s obvious, you’ve got an accent.
B: No I don’t.
TNA: It’s fucking terrible. You sound weird.
B: *sniffing* Fuck you, it’s Americans that talk funny.
*HUGE~! babyface pop for Blitz, who seems very surprised at it.*
B: And Kuala Lumpur sucks!
*Cheap heel heat now, and Blitz is clearly relieved at that.*
B: Yeah, so to solidify my status as a heel, I’m going out to the ring to cut a promo. See you later, Z.
*Blitz goes out to the ring and grabs a mic.*
B: Greetings, limp dicks. So you must all be wondering why I’m out here tonight. It’s for the sole purpose of getting heat, to tell the truth. But for Kayfabe’s sake, I’m here to introduce to you the brand new OOWF Midget Division!
*Popular Local Midget#1 comes out to a big pop from the crowd. Quickly following him is Popular Local Midget#2, to a generous round of applause.*
B: Yes, it seems that you all like Midgets, just like your dicks! (no-one has a clue what that is supposed to mean, so the cheap heat fails miserably)
B: Now these two Little Dicks shall now wrestle each other, and the winner shall be crowned OOWF Midget Champion. Oh, and I’ll be the Special Guest Referee.
*The two midgets start wrestling a damn fine match by midget standards, while Blitz stands around and looks bored. Midget#1 hits a Superkick and goes for the cover, but Blitz is busy debating Soviet politics with a member of the audience. Midget#1 tries to get Blitz’s attention, but Blitz just shrugs and swiftly punts him in the face. Blitz grabs Midget#2 and Powerbombs him out of the ring and through the Malay announce table.*
B: I guess that’s a no contest then. Ah well, cheerio.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:39:23 GMT -5
[DeBeers finishes watching the midgets match]
Z.K.:I don't get it. Isn't this just East Asia's heavyweight division?
[fade out]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:39:52 GMT -5
We fade into the interior of Pacifica Grill and Bar, located within Kuala Lumpur’s beautiful Mandarin Oriental Hotel.
It is several hours past dinner and the bar is almost deserted, save for the bartender and several small clusters of customers, dispersed around the modern room. The camera zooms to show Tyson Kincaid sitting at the end of the bar, drinking a Whiskey Sour and staring at the hard marble surface with a look of careful reflection etched across his face. He is wearing a black sportcoat from Henry Poole & Co with black pants and a white sea island cotton shirt from Turnbull and Asser underneath.
A highly attractive female hotel employee dressed in a brightly colored baju kurung approaches the bar. She taps Kincaid on the shoulder and hands him a small piece of paper. Kincaid briefly appraises her petite frame before looking up from his drink and into her smiling almond eyes.Woman: A message for you, Mr. Kincaid. TK: Terima kasih. Kincaid opens the piece of paper and quickly reads it. He places it into the inside breast pocket of his coat, finishes his drink and rises from his chair, leaving a generous tip for the barman.
Exiting the bar, Kincaid walks through the large, open lobby and out into the warm, dry Malaysian night. He passes a group of local OOWF fans standing underneath the valet awning seeking autographs, whom he briskly ignores.
Tyson makes his way across the street to the adjacent world-famous Petronas Twin Towers. He stands underneath the walkway joining the towers and gazes upwards with awe at the breathtaking sight before being jolted back to reality by a voice from behind him. LJ Bennett: You wanted to meet with me, Kincaid? TK: Yes, I did. Let me ask you something: are you happy with the job I’ve been doing for you? LJB: You called me out here to ask me that? TK: Just answer the question. LJB: OK, fine. Yes, I’m happy with your success thus far. However, I know you’re capable of much more. TK: Exactly. Then give me an opportunity to prove myself. LJB: What do you have in mind? TK: Well, as I’m sure you know, Eric and I have formed a pretty damned formidable alliance. LJB: And? TK: And the Trios tournament left a bad taste in our mouths. We want to get that monkey off our back. We want to make a run at Tag Team gold. Can you do anything for us? LJB: I can’t give you an answer right here on the spot, but I will take it under advisement. In the meantime, I want both you and Eric and to prove to me that you deserve the title opportunity. So I suggest you start preparing for your respective matches. Bennett and Kincaid shake hands and head their separate ways.
Kincaid returns the way he came, once again brushing aside the OOWF fans waiting outside his hotel. As he enters the lobby, Eric O’Mac is waiting to greet him.EOM: So? TK: It’s taken care of. Fade.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:40:13 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland and Curt 'The Golden God' Schilling are chatting about his latest bunch of words on 38pitches.com at the Dunkin' Donuts Hospitality Tent. Davin's getting pretty irritated, but is playing nice with the 3-Time Iron Person Heavy Metal DDT Champion. Thankfully, OOWF-TV is on in the background, and ZK DeBeers' promo-thing. This draws, oddly enough, a stronger reaction from Schilling than Moreland.*
C'TGG'S: That SON OF A BITCH!
DM: Woah, chill out there big man, you'll throw out your shoulder or something.
C'TGG'S: How DARE he denegrate the City of Champions like that?
DM: I dunno, I'm kinda used to it.
C'TGG'S: How can you STAND it?
DM: *shrugs* I'm not from Boston.
C'TGG'S: Hmm. I guess I never really thought of it that way.
DM: Yeah, but I'll say this much; he needs to be awfully careful of who he's fucking with around here.
C'TGG'S: Well, he strikes me as the type to be Puck Dupp fodder.
DM: Yeah. You're probably right. Why the not-so-thinly veiled shot at Boston, I wonder. Isn't he South African? The people from Dorchester and the North End would probably love this guy. Especially the black face.
C'TGG'S: We'll have to see. Anyway, did I tell you about the Celtics game I went to?
DM: Yes...
C'TGG'S: Cool. Let me tell you again then.
DM: Goody.
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:40:46 GMT -5
*OOWF Arena Hallway*
It’s a few hours before this week’s Mayhem live from Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia and we’ve gotten word that someone has been hanging out in one of the many hallways for a while. The ninja cameraman takes his cue and turns on a camera and we see Alexis Darling leaning up against a wall while Liam and Sean from the Gaelic Storm stand on either side of her. Alexis’s eyes are focused on a room down the hall and the ninja cameraman zooms in and we see that it is LJ Bennett’s office.
Liam: What are we waiting for lass?
Sean: Yes, mi lady…I’d like to get some good ole’ Irish Whiskey but we’re just standing here.
Alexis Darling: No one asked you to shadow me.
Liam: Actually lassie, you did. We’re being paid a tidy sum to keep your sweet ass safe and that’s what we’re doing.
Sean: Right, but what are we doing Bennett got back a few minutes ago.
Alexis: I just needed to make sure he was alone. You two watch the door while I go in and have a little talk with our CEO.
The three take the quick walk down the hall and Alexis opens the door without asking as the two members of Gaelic Storm take up guard posts just outside the office. From inside we hear the door lock and Bennett yell,
LJ Bennett: FUCK…what do you want?
Alexis: My my, Mr. Bennett. My virgin ears are shocked at your language.
LJB: There isn’t a thing virgin about you.
Alexis: Be that as it may…I’d like to discuss something with you.
LJB: Of course you do. What title match does Alexander or Davin or Phantos or Lucios want this week? I’d be happy to oblige them since they’ve made my life so easy.
Alexis: Sarcasm really does not become you Bennett. And with the week you’re having you really don’t want to piss me off.
LJB: And why is that Miss Darling? What else could happen?
Alexis: Well, let’s just say I may have to call an old friend of mine and see what she’s up to. It’s uncanny how the rich and powerful always travel in small circles. I wonder how Courtney is doing right now. I bet she’d love to hear from me…and find out what daddy dearest has been up to.
Bennett stares Alexis down and tries to find out if she’s bluffing or if it’s even worth it to call her bluff.
LJB: What do you want?
Alexis smiles, knowing she just got her way.
Alexis: Nothing too extreme Mr. Bennett. I promise you. I assume the schedule for the Thailand show is already finalized, but I would like to request a match for the Cambodia show.
LJB: I’m listening for now…
Alexis: As I said, nothing too far out of the ordinary. I just think it’s time to show the world what a cohesive Run DEA is capable of, so I’m requesting a 10-person tag team match with any 5 members of Run DEA against 5 of the names on this list.
Alexis pulls a piece of paper out of her ample cleavage.
LJB: Let me guess, it’s made up of such world-class superstars like Puck Dupp and Kiwi Joe and the like.
Alexis: Why don’t you take a look for yourself? And as I said, sarcasm really doesn’t become an old man like yourself.
Bennett takes the piece of paper and the ninja cameraman tries to get around the desk to catch a glimpse of the names, but only 3 names were visible…Poe, Fonzworth, and Attitude.
LJB: I must say I’m surprised and a bit intrigued. Does your little group know what you’re doing?
Alexis: It doesn’t matter because not a single one of us is running from anyone on your side anymore. If you think your army is as good as advertised send em out there and we’ll show you and the world why I don’t lose.
LJB: You really are an arrogant little bitch.
Alexis leans across the table and gets right in Bennett’s face.
Alexis: And don’t you fucking forget it…but you can call me Ms. Darling from now on.
Alexis slowly starts slapping/patting Bennett’s cheek.
Am I clear LJ or do I need to follow through on my promise?
LJB: We’re clear Ms. Darling.
Alexis: That’s what I like to hear…tootles.
Alexis walks out of the office and puts her arms around Liam and Sean as the three make their way back to the Run DEA Suites.
Inside the office, we hear Bennett whisper,
LJB: She’s the fucking devil incarnate.
Meanwhile, down the hall, Alexis slowly starts giggling to herself,
Alexis: Booyah, Bennett!
*Fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:41:17 GMT -5
We fade into the backstage area prior to MNM. Tyson Kincaid is standing in front of the Bennett locker room door wearing one of the brand new Tyson Kincaid shirts as well as his wrestling attire.
TK: Tonight, I take a step forward both for my career and for my friends in Team Bennett when I take on Concrete TG and eliminate OOWF's own delusional super hero from the war.
Crete, you and I have never seen eye-to-eye since I arrived here in OOWF several months ago. But I want you to know that it has never been personal between us. It is simply...business. And when it comes to business, you have to take sides, and you made the unfortunate decision to take Rick's side in this war. Tonight, you will pay the price for your allegiance.
I vow to always do whatever I possibly can to defend my allies - my friends - in Bennett's Army. And I tonight will prove to Bennett himself just how valuable I am.
Crete...tonight...it all starts with you.
Fade.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:41:56 GMT -5
*Fade in*
*First image: Eric O'Mac. Wearing a dark suite with a blue tie, Eric flashes a smile for the camera, and brandishes a microphone.*
Eric: Ladies and gentlemen, for those of you simple and unaware, I am Eric O'Mac, your current PHWF World Heavyweight Champion!
*The camera zooms out to show the belt around Eric's waist.*
Eric: Now, obviously, this title is the world championship of a defunct organization, but it's still a World Championship, and thus should still be respected as a World Championship. But THAT is not the reason I am here today. No, no, OOWF fans at home, you are in for a treat! You see, fans, you've seen various parts of the OOWF Arena backstage - FOR the first time EVER, I will take you on a personal tour of the OOWF Arena just for you, the fat fucks sitting on the couch at home! Let's get going!"
*Eric starts walking and the camera cuts out. When it comes back on, we see Eric standing in front of the Run DEA Suites.*
Eric: OK, viewers, I am standing in front of the unlikliest of locker rooms, the Run DEA Suites. Let's go inside before it gets vandalized.
*Eric opens the locker room doors, to see an empty locker room. He walks in and lowers his voice.*
Eric: OK, so we are inside the locker room that proclaims to hold half of the championships in the OOWF, which is a flat out fabrication. Sure, they hold four title belts, but those four belts only represents two championships. And, to be honest, Bennett's Army holds the most important two.
*Eric starts at one side of the room.*
Eric: To think this locker room use to be part mine. What was I thinking? Oh, that's right, I was actually trusting someone who had been a proven snake everywhere he's ever been. Mr. Alexander Darling. A man known as my former best friend, a former OOWF Intercontinental Champion, and a man who use to act like the shit he did in Japan meant something. Great wrestler. Also a great chickenshit too. He talks a bunch of shit about how it's unfair that he got beat down 5 on 1 last week, but the truth is, he would have done the same thing. In fact, what we do in Bennett's Army and what he does isn't that different. Which directly leads me to...
*Eric moves on in the locker room.*
Eric: Hey! Davin Moreland! My old buddy! Would you beleive that me and him use to be the best of pals? Don't beleive me? Monkeys in the truck, role the footage!
Eric: OK, that's enough...for now.
*Fade back in to Eric.*
Eric: Yeah, me and Davin were really good pals, but business got in the way. Why don't we take a look at THAT?
Eric: Man, it feels good to relive old memories. So anyways, what was the point of those two videos? The point was to show how amazingly STUPID both men are. You see, the reason Alexander Darling has to wear a facemask for the rest of his athletic career is Davin Moreland. And as for Davin Moreland? Alexander Darling and Alexis Darling are the masterminds behind the screwjob that we just witnessed. You see, it was their MISSION to fuck you over, Davin. Me? I just wanted Onslaught gold, and while I think - no, scratch that - I KNOW I would have gotten it the "honest way," a little insurance was much nicer. But Alex? Alexis? They despised you. Hell, they even tried to kill you! Did you forget about this? Monkeys!
Eric: WOW. I had completely forgotten about that. I mean, it's been AGES since Davin as used the term "CWI." Yeah, Alexander Darling drugged Davin Moreland to hell, but it's ok. They are buddies now. Even if Davin Moreland thinks Alexander Darling is a CWI. Just something to think about boys!
*Eric moves across the locker room. He sees a single locker with the name "Carl" written on it.*
Eric: Hmm. Carl from Fresno. The guy I defeated in my comeback to the OOWF. How far he has fallen. He use to be a jobber, now he's just buried.
*Eric moves across the other end of the locker room, and sees a door marked "Firewoman."*
Eric: Holy shit. Could this be the mythical Firewoman's locker room? OOWF viewers, we are in for an EXCLUSIVE! No man DARES enters Firewoman's locker room, even though she has no problem barging in others locker rooms or setting fires outside of some people's locker rooms. But today, for one time only, I am going to go to the place no man dare enters, and THAT is Firewoman's locker room! Cut the camera, let's navigate our way inside safely, before we show the world!
*The camera fades to black. When it fades back on, we see a close up of Eric's face.*
Eric: WOW! That was quite a task. Viewers, I am currently inside Firewoman's lockerroom, and it is QUITE the hellhole! No wonder she doesn't let people in here! It's terrible. Cameraman, fade out and show the fat people at home!
*The camera fades out to show Eric in a small closet. Most likely not Firewoman's locker room. There's trash on the floor, cobwebs formed in the corners, and a photo of Jericho on the backwall.*
Eric: Let's get the hell out of here. It smells AWFUL.
*Eric leaves "Firewoman's locker room" and goes out into the hallway of random encounters.*
Eric: OK, viewers, we are now in the Hallway of Random Encounters. You thought it was any hallway in the arena, but no! In this hallway, ANYTHING can happen!
*All of a sudden, a mirage of OOWF characters walk by at the same time, not noticing each other, and in some cases, not even noticing Eric.*
CTG: Citizen Eric!
Moose: Trust me.
LD Williams: Fear me.
Alexander Darling: BOOYAH BITCH!
Phantos: There's a lot you don't know about me.
Lucious: We are the measuring stick.
Dead: YOU ARE DEAD!
Donovan Viper: I AM NOT A HOMO!
Firewoman: That just doesn't sparkle.
Poe: NAMESDEH!
Selena: Nevermore.
OBJ: *belches* That's Australian for "that was random," mate.
*And, just as quickly as all of the characters came back, they quickly disappear, leaving Eric in confusion.*
Eric: See...I told you! Completely random!
*Eric travels down to a room, and stops.*
Eric: This here is Moose's locker room. Sure, we've all seen it before, but let's take another look!
*Eric opens the door to darkness. Eric walks in and turns on a dim lightbulb.*
Eric: Wow, this is interesting. Five years and the lightbulb has never been changed? Nice.
*Eric walks out and walks down the hallway and stops in front of another door marked "OOWF Production."*
Eric: OK, so, lately, we've been hearing a lot about the monkeys in the back. Many people just assume that is a derogatory term for our production team but that is false. It's actually a set of monkeys!
*Eric opens the door to show a group of monkeys individually caged, pressing buttons involving all OOWF activities.*
Eric: Yes, these monkeys have been running OOWF Operations since the beginning. At first, it was because Rick was too cheap to hire anything else; now, it's because we can't get anyone else in here that will do a better job. And for all of you PETA enthusiasts, relax; these monkeys are only caged because they bit my stunt double and he had to get a tetnus shot, and honestly, I do NOT want to get one of those hear. I don't trust the medicine here in Kuala Lumpar. Let's go!
*Eric walks out of the production room and heads down the hall. He notices member of Gaelic Storm hanging outside of Bennett's office (apparently this is happening during Alexis' meeting.) Eric decides to turn around and walk in another direction.*
Eric: OK, we've all seen Mr. Bennett's locker room, right? Let's move on to....the Destroyatorium!
*Eric walks into the Destroyatorium. Stank is seen in there, and he stands up. Outback Jack stands up as well, kind of half holding Stank back, but also standing up on his own power.*
Stank: You've got a lot nerve coming in here.
Eric: Lucas! I'm just doing a documentary on life behind the OOWF scenes! No need to get hostile!
OBJ: Seriously, mate. You might want to get yours lost.
Eric: Alright, I'm going, but we'll meet up in the ring tonight. I won't be taking it easy on you two.
*Eric faces the camera.*
Eric: Anyways, here is the Destroyatorium, which is currently in violation of probation. So, per the terms of the double-secret probation, here is their punishment.
*Eric picks up a beer bottle and throws it in Stank's direction. It misses, but Stank gets up.*
Stank: You fucking BITCH!
*Eric looks into the camera.*
Eric: Oh shit.
*Stank rushes Eric and pops him good in the kisser. Eric stumbles but throws a right of his own. Magically, before anymore damage can be done, Moose and LD Williams comes to Eric's aid, while Outback Jack seperates Stank.*
Eric: Don't forget Stank. You may have let the cat out of the bag on what's going on, but you won't change the inevitable!
*LD and Moose drag Eric out of the locker room, while Stank is fuming. Eric looks at the camera.*
Eric: Anyways, folks, that is our backstage tour of the OOWF Arena. Hope you enjoyed it, and if not, you can fucking bite me! And stay tuned to OOWF TV tonight for Mayhem, where you will see the current DDT Champion, the current PHWF Champion and the current OOWF Champion team up together and become victorious over those two and Davin Moreland!
*LD looks at Moose with a bit of a question mark and Moose nods his head. Eric, with a little bit of swelling around his mouth, laughs, and we fade out.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:42:27 GMT -5
*As Eric and his team leaves, OBJ slams a beer, belches, and looks at Stank*
Stank: What was that Australian for?
OBJ: Who was that guy?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:43:32 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
ZK DEBEERS vs. “SUPERFLY” AFA LOFATATUPUWANALAYA
“Superfly” Afa Lofatatupuwanalaya is currently one half of the Kuala Lumpur Alliance of Wrestling tag team champions along with his partner Olo Tuiasosopofuamatumaafala. But since his name is too long to continuously type, he will be referred to as Afa for this match. The camera pans around the crowd as we wait for OOWF newcomer ZK DeBeers to make his way to the ring, we have a nice crowd here to night and….hey wait…..was that …..Batman? Huh, that’s odd. DeBeers music plays and he makes his way to the ring flanked by The Nerve Agent, Wu Wu Ehunga, Effrom Chartreuse Washington and Regina Ophelia Hollandaise. He steps between the ropes and sneers at the crowd. The referee calls for the bell and this one is underway. DeBeers attacks Afa from behind with a forearm to the back of the head that backs Afa into the corner. DeBeers unleashes a barrage of chops, then grabs Afa and nails him with a head butt. Evidently DeBeers did not do his homework, you cannot head but a Samoan. DeBeers staggers across the ring and Afa bellows and charges out of the corner and takes him to the mat with a head but of his own, then lets him get up and blisters him with a double knife edge chop. DeBeers tries to beg off, but Afa catches him with a kick to the chest that sends him back to the corner. Afa grabs DeBeers legs and pulls him to the middle of the ring and asks for the crowds approval, and they give it, even Batman. Afa drops a head but right to the groinal area that sends DeBeers out of the ring to the comforting arms of his entourage. After a few moments DeBeers slips back into the ring and the two men move to lock up, but DeBeers catches him with a scientific thumb to the eye that stops him in his tracks. DeBeers scoops Afa up and plants him on the mat, then bounds off the ropes and drops a knee across his chest. DeBeers pulls Afa to his feet and hauls him up for a vertical suplex, then sets him on the top rope and climbs up for a superplex. Afa fights him off with a couple shots to the jaw, then sends DeBeers off the top rope with a head but, Afa climbs to the top rope and waits perched for a moment as the crowd roars its approval, SUPERFLY LEAP!!!! But DeBeers moves out of the way and Afa crashes into the mat! As Afa writhes in pain on the mat, DeBeers climbs to the second rope and leaps, driving an elbow down right across his throat. DeBeers then pulls Afa up and sets him up and delivers a pile driver! The crowd gets quiet as the South African gets to his feet and falls over his fallen opponent. DeBeers sneers then pulls Afa to his feet and hits the DIAMOND DRIVER! DeBeers covers, the referee makes the three count and this one is over.
WINNER in 4:21 – ZK DeBeers
[/i]After the match, Spin heads to the ring and grabs a microphone.
"Everyone around here is being too goddamn serious. Yes, I realize there's a war going on. Yes, I realize the fate of the OOWF is at stake, blah, blah, blah. But you know what? I think that we can put that aside for just a few moments. I propose that we have a drinking contest. Aside from myself, I'm going to choose five other people to compete for this... a prize beyond anyone's wildest dreams. I am talking, of course, about... this."
(An attractive brunette wearing an armored chest plate and a Viking helmet wheels a cart with a large covered object on it. As the camera shifts to see the brunette, it's obvious that she is, in fact, Sugar, formerly of Sugar and Spice, and Hansen's wife.)
SH: Thanks, babe. (He smiles at Sugar.) Ladies and gentlemen, behold! (He removes the cover with a flourish, revealing... THE BEERAMID, a pyramid of fused-together beer bottles!)
I have painstakingly recreated the original Beeramid. This is the ultimate prize... a trophy signifying superiority in the art of drinking like none other. And now... I want to announce the people that I'm challenging.
First, my stablemate and friend... Outback Jack!
Second, Firewoman!
The third is my opponent later tonight... Seamus McNasty!
Fourth... The Amnesiac!
And last but not least... SYB!
(The crowd laughs at the last entry.)
Every one of the competitors is allowed a second in case they can't compete. Mine is obvious... D.H. Magnusson. The terms of the contest will be explained next week. I wish all of my competition good luck, and happy drinking!
("Immigrant Song" plays as the Midnight Sons leave the ring.)
THE WORLDS GREATEST FAG TEAM vs. THE NERVE AGENT & VOLTAGE
TNA and Volt jump FFM and Hardcore at the bell. Volt gets a shining wizard on Ryan, sending him to the floor, and they double team MacCappington. Double suplex is blocked, so they DDT him instead. Back up, but Hardcore springboards in off the apron and takes them both down with a cross body. Things settle down, and FFM works over TNA. Hotshot and snake eyes, and Hardcore tags in. Beat down in the corner and it's a bronco buster for good measure. Ryan walks into a right hand however, and TNA slugs him back to the ropes. RH reverses an Irish Whip, but Volt gets a blind tag and clips Ryan from behind. FFM comes in and takes out both guys, and while the ref sends him away, Hardcore kicks Volt right in the balls. Springboard fameasser gets two, and FFM tags in. Avalanche in the corner, then a belly to belly slam. HUGE power bomb kills Volt dead, and FFM takes a run at TNA and sends him flying. FFM grabs Volt for GREETINGS FROM PACIFIC HEIGHTS, tags in Ryan before finishing the move, and Hardcore flies in with an inverted 630 corkscrew splash. Hardcore steps back on the apron and immediately gets pulled to the floor by Alexander Darling! Darling gets in a couple of European uppercuts that rocks Hardcore back on his heels, then takes him and runs him face first into the steel ring post. Inside the ring, MacCappington doesn’t see the attack on his partner and he grabs Voltage and KILLS him with a jackhammer! Darling mounts Hardcore and hammers him in the face with shots to the face, opening a nasty gash on his forehead. Sensing reinforcements are coming, Darling escapes to the back before Viper, Poe and Dead can get there. Ryan is a bloody mess, but he gets to his feet just as MacCappington is getting the three count inside the ring
WINNERS in 4:54: WORLD'S GREATEST FAG TEAM
After the match MacCappington leaves the ring to check on his partner and they head to the back, no doubt to exact revenge on Darling. They pass a clearly irritated ZK DeBeers who is making his way to the ring. DeBeers climbs between the ropes and grabs a mic:
Clearly some of you do not recognize my name. I am Zales K DeBeers. I am beyond wealthy, and I have more influence on your life than you will ever realize. Now, my time in the OOWF is brief, but I believe I made it completely clear that from this point forward, my team of wild Samoans, The Nerve Agent and Wu Wu Ehunga will be referred to by their proper names. So, whoever is writing this drivel, make sure you get it right!
As for you two. I did not spend millions of dollars training you for you to lose to a couple of men with questionable morals!
WWE: We just met you yesterday!
TNA: Yeah, you bought our contracts!
ZKD: I brought you off the streets and raised you! I trained you to be highly skilled fighting machines!
TNA: You are making us wear blackface and are calling us Samoans!
ZKD:<completely ignoring TNA> From this point forward, I expect more from you two! I expect all the teams in the OOWF to tremble before us! And whatever I expect, is exactly what I get.
ATTITUDE ADJUSTER vs. JUSTIN SANE
Attitude Adjuster makes his way to the ring first, adjusting the black glove he is now wearing on his “injured” hand. In case you hadn’t heard the story, AA claims to have injured the hand while working out in the gym and now requires this doctor prescribed therapeutic black glove to be worn at all times. Not sure who among us is buying THAT. AA steps between the ropes and waits in the corner, still flexing his hand. Justin Sane is announced and he comes to the top of the ramp and stands proudly as pyro goes off around him without him so much as flinching. Huh, looks like Sane may have finally got his act together. We quickly see the cause of his sudden burst of courage as he takes the ear plugs out of his ears and tosses them aside, then points at his head letting us know how clever he is. As if on cue, the pyro man gives of several more rapid bursts of pyro and Justin Sane falls to the floor clutching his heart, then scrambles to his feet and jumps into the crowd, where he is quickly hoisted up, and crowd surfed to the front of the crowd and unceremoniously dumped over the guardrail to the floor. Sane springs to his feet and confronts an old lady sitting in the front row, she hauls off and belts him with her purse and he sells it like it was a chair shot, doing the Flair flop, face first onto the floor. Inside the ring, AA has seen about enough and he leaves the ring and pulls Sane off of the floor and peppers him with shots to the head, then whips him into the steel stairs. Justin slams into the stairs shoulder first and falls to the floor in agony. AA roughly rolls him into the ring and follows, dropping a knee across his windpipe and keeping it there while he argues with the referee over the pros and cons of Malaysia joining the Asian Union. Finally the referee has had enough and threatens disqualification, not noticing that Justin Sane has been tapping out the whole time. AA releases the hold and pulls Sane up and shoves him into the corner and lands several stiff elbows to the side of the head, then pulls him out and hits a belly to back suplex that folds Sane in half. AA grabs an arm bar and keeps Sane grounded on the mat, driving knees repeatedly into his shoulder, then locking Sane into a hammerlock, trying for a submission. Sane howls in pain, but for some reason, he doesn’t give up, instead opting to squirm to the ropes to force the break. AA releases the hold eventually, and pulls Sane to his feet and sends him to the ropes, but lowers his head a moment too soon. Sane connects with a kick to AA’s chops that stands him up, then drops him to the mat with a clothesline. AA powders out to the outside for a moment, Sane gets a running start and leaps over the top rope aiming for AA, but AA sees it the whole way and casually steps out of the way and Sane crashes to the floor. Sane lets out an audible “OW” and writhes in pain on the floor for a moment. AA stands to one side, clearly amused, particularly when Sane looks at AA and yells “I SHOWED YOU!” AA charges over to Sane and catches him with a kick to the face, then rolls him into the ring, sets him up and hits a Harley Race pile driver! AA could likely pin Sane right now, but he wants to toy with him a bit more. We see up at the top of the ramp that Phantos and Lucios have come out and are watching AA toy with Sane. AA sees them and glares at them for a moment before pulling a dazed Sane to his feet and hooking him for a suplex. He points right at Phantos and Lucios and yells “THIS ONE’S FOR JOHNNY!” and KILLS Sane with an Adrenaline Rush! As Sane lies twitching in the center of the ring, AA gets to his feet, adjusts the therapeutic glove, then pounces on Sane, locking him in the Iron Claw! Sane doesn’t move, but AA sells it like he is struggling mightily. Finally, a trickle of blood appears and runs down Sane’s head, the referee immediately calls for the bell, this one is over.
WINNER in 6:01 – Attitude Adjuster
TYTAN vs. KNIFE
Sterling Glaw is YOUR referee!
Knife looks a little tentative against Tytan, but steels as the monster steps forward. Knife's lips are moving as they lock up for the first time (psalm 32?) as they push back and forth a bit before Knife somehow gets the leverage to put Tytan in the corner. Mel calls for a break and Knife does so - carefully. He watches Tytan closely, worried that perhaps a sudden move might set him off. Tytan stares at his opponent stoically, no emotion on his face. Dr. Podvod is seated ringside, taking careful notes. Glaw motions them both to back out of the corner again, and they do so. They lock up a second time, this time Tytan getting the upper hand, pushing Knife to a corner with some difficulty. Glaw counts and Tytan breaks at four, taking a single measured step back. Knife is slightly shaken by this gesture, but slowly steps away from the corner to lock up a third time, this time Knife getting an advantage by putting Tytan in a headlock. Knife shoves Tytan for the ropes, tries to trip him on the rebound by dropping prone but Tytan continues without losing a step. Knife back to his feet as Tytan rebounds again and he tries to accelerate Tytan over the ropes. Tytan goes over crisply and lands on his feet, looking back at the ring just in time to see Knife flatten him with a slingshot plancha! Crowd cheers in approval as Glaw comes to the ropes and starts the ten count. Both on their feet by the count of four, Knife almost stumbling backwards as Tytan comes to his senses. Knife runs him over with a clothesline and is back in the ring at six. Knife backs up a bit as Tytan gets to his feet and he starts climbing in around eight. Knife baseball slides Tytan, forcing Glaw to restart his count once he backs Knife away. Tytan is booed heartily as he gets to his feet once more at about five. Dr. Podvod walks over to him and whispers something in his ear. Glaw frowns, but she gives Glaw a simple nod and returns to her seat without further incident. Tytan pulls himself back in the ring as Knife charges him again. The two trade punches before Knife grabs Tytan's arm to sling him across the ring - reversed - Tytan floors Knife with a BIG BOOT. He stands over Knife as he tries to shake off the cobwebs. Tytan reaches for Knife a second or so too late - Knife too his feet! STAB! Tytan drops to a knee. Knife is stunned that Tytan isn't down on his face. He hurries to the corner in hopes of finishing the match, but his FROM THE HEAVENS is caught on the way down! Tytan sees Knife airborne and in one motion repositions himself and power bombs Knife! The crowd is stunned to silence as he looks around to them, as if daring anyone to enter the ring and stop him. One stupid fan tries (the camera doesn't catch what Tytan does to him, but the fan is carted out on a stretcher). This gives Knife a moment to recover and he reaches into his tights for his signature knife. Glaw catches him with the weapon and threatens to DQ him. Knife surrenders the weapon just as Tytan grabs Knife and throws him in the corner. Tytan backs up and RAMS Knife in the stomach with a huge shoulder block. He chops Knife twice before setting him on the top rope. Tytan climbs up and glowers down at Knife, who attempts to save himself with the HAND OF GOD, but Tytan catches his fist - almost TOO easily. With acknowledgement from Dr. Podvod, Tytan gathers his victim and gives this match the ULTIMO ENDING.
WINNER in 7:31 - Tytan
Instead of his music, Ultimo Inc runs a couple of ads as Tytan and Dr. Podvod depart.
POE vs. CARL FROM FRESNO
We’ve got an interesting match coming up as Poe is set to take on Carl from Fresno. Poe had come to the OOWF to get his hands on Alexander Darling, but that issue is bubbling below the surface because fellow members of Alexander’s Run DEA faction have been a distraction for Poe. Poe has been saying this match will be a preview of things to come while Carl, along with Davin Moreland, have said that Poe needs to prove himself in the OOWF. And here comes Carl to “Hunger Strike” by Temple of the Dog and he’s actually coming down for the match accompanied by Alexis Darling. The two make their way into the ring and Alexis and Carl seem to be going over some last minute things when the arena goes dark. The “thump, thump, thump” signifying the heartbeat begins leading right into Metallica’s S&M version of “For Whom the Bell Tolls.”
The stage explodes in flames and up from below comes Poe in a circle of shooting fire and wrapped around his leg is Selena. She disengages herself from him as the lights come on and he’s already made it down to the ring and jumps onto the ring apron Lashley-style. He removes the towel from his head and hands it off to Selena and he looks up to the sky spraying a thick red mist into the air. Selena is standing ringside and as soon as she sees Alexis, she actually hisses at her. Alexis drops down to the floor and Davis Hightower, our referee for the night, calls for the bell.
Poe stands on his side of the ring and gives the “bring it” sign of disrespect to Carl who isn’t standing for that and he charges Poe. Carl starts throwing heavy rights and lefts but very few are getting through as Poe has a good defensive position with his hands covering his face. CFF pushes Poe back to the corner and as the ref tries to get a break Poe uses his experience and throws a cheap poke to the eye. This allows Poe to gain the advantage and boy does he take the offensive against the man from Fresno. It starts with a big flying shoulder tackle that puts Carl down to the mat, but Poe doesn’t let him stay there long as he picks him up with two hands wrapped around his throat and in one motion hits a CHOKEBOMB.
Poe rolls off and starts laying the boots to Carl without remorse. He reaches down again and goes for the vertical suplex and just holds him straight up in the air as the crowd reaches a 23 count before falling back with some major impact. But Poe doesn’t even let go as he rolls the suplex and picks Carl right back up again. This time though he flips Carl in the air SUPLEXBOMB. And CFF gets folded up like an accordion.
Poe looks to the outside and sees Alexis staring back at him with cold eyes on one side of the ring and on the opposite side, Selena is almost bouncing around like a giddy school girl and we can hear her saying “More, more, more.” Poe acquiesces and reaches down to pick up Carl once again, but somehow Carl has enough to catch Poe in a SMALL PACKAGE…Davis, drops down…
One…
Two…
Th…kicks out.
Poe to his feet first, and he charges Carl from Fresno, but Carl trips up Poe and gets to his own feet. Reaches down and picks up Poe by the hair. He sets Poe up and he nails the CODEBREAKER. Poe staggers back and Carl looks to press the advantage. He goes to pick Poe up onto his shoulders for the F5. Poe is struggling and fighting and gets back to his feet and he catches Carl turning around with a boot to the stomach and quickly follows up with a DDT. Poe is pissed that Carl was able to get some offense in and now he’s beating down on Carl with clubbing forearms.
Carl is trying to fight back but Poe has a lot of power behind these strikes. He reaches down and picks Carl up once again…SMALL PACKAGE DRIVER. Carl is taking a lot of damage to his neck here. This could get out of hand rather quickly. Poe is not letting up…FISHERMAN BUSTER followed right up with his patented ELEVATED DOWNWARD SPIRAL. That’s got to be it. Poe goes for the cover…
1…
2…
No, Poe picks up Carl at the two count as we can all hear Selena on the outside yelling for “MORE.” Alexis is yelling at the ref from the other side telling him that enough is enough. Once she sees Poe pick up Carl because of Selena, Alexis rushes around the outside of the ring and is about to attack Selena when Hightower quickly gets to the outside to stand in between the two. Poe sees the distraction and heads to the outside on the opposite side. He tosses a fan in the front row out of his seat and picks up the chair he was sitting in. He slides it in the ring and then slides in himself. He picks up the chair and is stalking Carl waiting for him to get to his feet…and once he does.
WHAM, the steel chair is slammed into Carl’s skull and Poe quickly tosses it to the outside as Hightower turns back to hear that that sound was. He sees nothing out of the ordinary…well, except for the fact that Carl is now pouring blood as Poe stands over him and starts raining down rights and lefts opening up the cut on Carl’s head even more. Finally, Poe relents and looks to the outside one more time and this time Selena does not look as pleased as she did before and just gives a thumbs down signal along with the universal sign for choking. Poe nods and looks like he’s ready to end this one.
He reaches down and picks up Carl and places him on his shoulders…PENDULUM. And he stays on him as he grabs Carl by the hair once again and places his head between Poe’s legs. He gets him up for the power bomb, spreads his arms nice and wide…CRUCIFIXTION…and in one fluid motion Poe rolls Carl over and locks him in a TRIANGLE SUBMISSION.
Carl is pouring blood down onto Poe’s chest as he’s locked into the submission and Hightower doesn’t even waste a second to check on Carl as he calls for the bell. Poe has completely dismantled Carl here and this match is over, but Poe is refusing to let go of the hold. Alexis is yelling from the outside to get Hightower to force Poe to let go. Alexis has actually had enough and is in the process of getting in the ring and when Davis starts a 5 count…
1…
2…
3…
4…
And Poe finally releases the hold. He gets to his feet and sees Alexis standing in the corner and as he goes to take a step towards her he feels Selena grabbing onto his leg and pointing at Carl…the microphone actually picks up her small whisper to Poe, “Do it again.”
Poe smiles and reaches down to grab Carl once again when the crowd roars to give Poe a warning that someone is coming from the back. Poe turns to face the entranceway and sees Davin Moreland running down the ramp. Poe is ready and waiting as Moreland gets in the ring and the two start trading punches. Right from Poe, right from Davin, left from Poe blocked returned by a left from Moreland. Another left from Poe blocked returned by a right from DM. A third punch from Poe is blocked and Moreland whips Poe into the ropes and catches him coming off with a beautiful Leg Lariat. Poe is down on the mat and just as Moreland goes to reach down to grab him, he feels something on his back and it’s Selena. He flips her over and is about to do something to her when Alexis pounces on Selena and the two start rolling around the mat. Moreland turns back to get Poe and as soon as he does he is met by a running YAKUZA KICK by Poe that damn near takes Moreland’s head off.
Poe doesn’t let Davin fall to the mat though and he gets him right up in the air and POWERBOMB LUNGBLOWER. Poe is a man on a mission right now as he is not letting up and gets Moreland up in the air once again. He looks like he’s going for the CRUCIFIXTION on Davin, but the crowd roars as the rest of Run DEA finally must have seen what was going on and here they come with Alexander Darling in front carrying a barbed-wire bat. Poe laughs at them as he tosses Moreland in the air with the HELICOPTER BOMB.
He walks over and grabs Selena by the hair and guides her out of the ring as Run DEA gets in the ring and starts to check on Carl and Davin. Alexis looks really concerned as she checks on Davin while keeping one eye on Poe at all times. The medics have made their way into the ring as they check on Carl and Moreland. Carl looks to be in really bad shape as Phantos and Alexander help Davin get to his feet using the ropes for support. Lucios and Firewoman are helping the medics carry Carl to the back and the crowd does give a nice cheer for the fight that Carl put up, but on this night, Poe got the exclamation points.
WINNER via knockout/submission in 11:12 is Poe.
PHANTOS & LUCIOS vs. IHOP
IHOP makes their way to ringside first, accompanied by the Lovely and talented Dorothy Mantooth. She gives SYB and Skurge a pep talk in their corner as “Born in the USA” fires up and Phantos and Lucios appear on the top of the ramp, seconded by their Campeonas de Trios partner, Davin Moreland. The three champions remove their belts from their waists, * clink * and Davin heads to the back. Team Aquafina makes their way to the ring, greeting fans along the way. Phantos and Lucios climb into the ring and are attacked before they get through the ropes fully. SYB delivers a kick to Phantos groin that sends the smaller man tumbling to the floor. Skurge and Lucios trade punches, and the referee decides they are the legal men, shoos SYB from the ring and calls for the bell.
On the outside, Dorothy Mantooth pulls Phantos’ Trio title off his waist and tosses it to SYB, who pastes the masked man in the back of the head with it. Inside Skurge has gained control of Lucios and has him in an abdominal stretch. Lucios hip tosses Skurge to the mat and hits a running knee to the head. Skurge ducks a clothesline and catches Lucios in a snap power slam for a 2 count. Skurge pulls Lucios to his feet and hoists him up in a torture rack. Tag to SYB, who climbs to the top and prepares to fly. Lucios is able to slide down behind Skurge and throw Skurge to the mat. Lucios catches the airborne SYB and hits a fall away slam. Lucios hoists SYB up and hits a huge delayed vertical suplex. Rotate the hips, and it’s a slingshot suplex! Rotate the hips again, and SYB gets gordbustered. Phantos begs for the tag and hits the top rope. Corkscrew plancha! Phantos covers SYB for 1…2…and Dorothy Mantooth pulls the referee from the ring. During the ensuing argument, Skurge grabs a chair and tosses it into the ring. SYB tries to use it on Phantos, but Phantos catches it and tosses it aside, pointing a finger in SYB’s face and chastising him. Skurge slides in behind Phantos and clobbers him with a chair. Lucios charges in and spears Skurge out of the ring, but the damage has been done. SYB pulls Phantos up, hits a JooDriver (Michunoku driver) and covers for 1…2… NO! Phantos gets the shoulder up and SYB is PISSED! Phantos makes it to his feet. SYB attempts the Jersey Turnpike, and Phantos catches the leg. SYB attempts an enziguri, Phantos ducks it, and SYB crashes to the mat. Phantos drops several quick elbows and then whips SYB into the ropes. One dropkick is followed by a second, and then a third before SYB gets to his feet. Phantos goes up top for some high flyin’… When suddenly JOHNNY ADRENALINE is seen RUNNING to ringside! Phantos is shocked and pauses long enough to get pushed to the mat by Skurge. Skurge gets back to his corner, tags in, and goes after Phantos. Big press slam. Hogan legdrop. Sit-out powerbomb for 2. Tag to SYB, and they set up the International Passport, but Lucios charges in and breaks up the move. Skurge hurls Lucios over the top rope. SYB hits the JERSEY TURNPIKE on Phantos, Skurge grabs him and they connect with the INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT for the 1…2…3!
WINNERS in 11:21; The International House Of Pain!
After the match, IHOP is celebrating when Johnny Adrenaline grabs his hair and PULLS OFF THE MASK. It was ATTITUDE ADJUSTER wearing a Johnny Adrenaline Mask! Lucios attacks AA from behind and Border Tosses him through the Micronesian Announce table. IHOP heads for the hills. Davin Moreland, Alexander Darling, and Firewoman rush to ringside; and Run DEA braces for retribution. None arrives. As Run DEA heads back up the ramp, El Muerte, Moosehead Jack, The Dead, and Eric O’Mac pass on their way to collect what’s left of AA. Eric looks @ Lucios and is heard to say “This isn’t over”
CONCRETE TG vs. TYSON KINCAID
These two combatants are circling the ring, measuring one another to start things off. Crete looks for the tie-up, but Kincaid plants a boot squarely into his midsection. A smiling Kincaid then lays into Crete with a few well-placed right hands. Crete staggers backwards and Kincaid connects with a stinging knife-edge chop. The crowd makes the requisite "WOOOOOO" noise as Kincaid continues on the offensive. He backs Crete into a corner and connects with a shoulder block. Crete doubles-over in pain as Kincaid backs himself into the opposite corner. He's lining Crete up and charges in, but Crete is able to get a boot up and Kincaid eats a face-full of sole. Kincaid staggers back and turns just in time to see (but not to dodge) a flying forearm from Concrete TG. The crowd is solidly behind Crete as he looks to build some momentum. Kincaid gets back to his feet and throws a wild haymaker, but it's easily blocked. Crete counters by sending Kincaid into the ropes. Kincaid comes flying back with a spinning back elbow, but Crete is able to side-step just in time and drops Kincaid with a neck breaker. Crete goes for the quick cover. One...Two...Kincaid kicks outs. Crete tries to pull Kincaid back to his feet, but gets a thumb to the eye for his trouble. Now it's Kincaid who sends Crete into the far ropes. Crete bounces back and attempts a clothesline, but it's ducked by Kincaid. Another bounce of the ropes and Crete attempts a flying cross-body, but it's quickly countered into a snap power slam. Kincaid dropped him to the mat with a ton of velocity! Cover. One...Two...Crete kicks out. Kincaid quickly goes back on the offensive with a few stomps to the prone Crete. Crete keeps trying to pull himself up using the ropes, but Kincaid shows no intentions of letting up. In fact, Kincaid does just the opposite and begins choking Crete with the aid of the second rope. The referee begins his 5 count, and Kincaid breaks it up at 4.9. Crete is able to slowly stagger to his feet just in time to be grabbed up Kincaid. It looks like he's going for a suplex, but Crete flips out of it and lands on his feet. Kincaid turns around and is met with a picture-perfect dropkick to the jaw. Not happy with just that move, Crete picks Kincaid and whips him into the corner. Kincaid hits the turnbuckles hard, but a charging Crete hits him even harder. Kincaid is reeling as Crete begins to throw punch after punch. Somehow Kincaid manages to duck one of them and connects with a jawbreaker. Crete steps back to gather himself, and Kincaid sees a window of opportunity. He bounces off the side ropes and connects with a chop-block that sends Crete down to one knee. Kincaid bounces off another rope and this time connects with a basement dropkick directly to Crete's face. Cover. One...Two...Crete kicks out! Kincaid looks none too pleased and lets the referee know exactly that. He then makes his way back to Crete and whips him into the corner. He charges in afterwards and connects with a knee to the stomach. After a few punches (for good measure) Kincaid sits Crete on the top rope. He climbs up after him, and it looks like he's going to try some kind of superplex. Crete fights back and the two begin slugging it out up top. They both look a little shaky up there. Kincaid seems to have gotten the upper hand and goes for the high-impact move, but it seems as if Crete has countered-it into some kind of a modified Rock Bottom! Regardless, but competitors hit the mat hard. The referee begins his ten count, and right now neither wrestler is showing many signs of life. The referee gets to 4 before either wrestler even begins to stir. Crete begins to pull himself up with the aid of the ropes. He makes it to his feet somewhere around 8, and Kincaid is up a moment later. Kincaid tries to land a hard right, but it's blocked by Crete. Crete connects with a few punches of his own and then whips Kincaid into the ropes. Crete catches him and drops him on this head with a high-angle suplex. Not satisfied, Crete picks him up again and whips him into the ropes once more. Crete ducks down and Kincaid has the where-with-all to jump and roll off Crete's back. Kincaid springs off the ropes one more time, but this time he's caught with a mafia kick. Kincaid is on rubber legs, but before he can fall he is grabbed by Crete. Crete hoists him up and it looks like it's time for Final Justice! Somehow Kincaid is able to squirm out of hit and rolls Crete up! Wait, he's got a handful of tights! The referee doesn't see it....One....Two....Three!
WINNER in 11:14 - Tyson Kincaid
Concrete TG has a look of disbelief in his eyes as Kincaid high-tails it out of Dodge. The crowd boo's Kincaid as he makes his way up the ramp, but those boo's turn to cheers as Crete gets to his feet and climbs the turnbuckle. He poses for an appreciate crowd when, all of a sudden, he's attacked from behind! It's Tytan! Crete was completely blind-sided! Tytan wastes no time and drops Crete with The Ultimo Ending! Concrete TG is out cold! Tytan just laughs and lays a few extra boots in before making his way to the back to a sea of boo's.
BLITZ vs. AMNESIAC
Mel Creech is YOUR referee!
Amnesiac strides to the ring with Monkh at his side. Tonight, Amnesiac sports a shirt that reads "I went to Arkham Asylum and all I got was a lousy T-shirt" while Monkh wears a shirt reading "YA RLY". Blitz takes his time getting to the ring and climbs in warily, asking Mel to send Monkh to the back. Mel doesn't see the kid being any problem, but points the kid to an empty chair between announce tables. 30 minutes are put on the clock and Mel calls for the bell. Amnesiac charges Blitz who leaps back to the ropes. Amn pauses as Mel backs him up and Blitz slowly climbs back in. Blitz pulls this a couple of times to milk some time off the clock. After the third time Amn storms past Mel and Blitz drops to the floor. Mel shakes his head as the two chase each other around the ring a couple of times before Monkh trips Blitz. Blitz wheels on Monkh, who whips off his t-shirt and throws it in Blitz's face. Amn then slips up behind blitz and swings him into the ring apron. Blitz staggers, shirt still over his face, and gets clothes lined over Monkh. The two stomp away on Blitz, Mel somewhere around "3". He tells Amn to be a little nicer to Blitz and they send Monkh back to his seat. Clock is now at 24:24 and Amn rolls Blitz back in the ring. Blitz gets the shirt off his face and holds it up. Amn asks for it back, but Blitz looks at it, blows his nose in it, wipes his pits and his ass(probably farting in it) then throws it at Amn. Amn takes it full in the face and Blitz adds a dropkick to it. Blitz tries for the pin fall, 1, 2, kick out. Blitz rubs the shirt in Amn's face and stomps him furiously. Another cover gets 2. Mel grumbles about the damn shirt and tosses it out of the ring. Blitz protests to Mel and gets rolled up for 2. We're at the 21 minute mark and the two start squaring off anew. The two lock up again and push each other around the ring before Amn takes advantage. he slings Blitz across the ring, leapfrogs him on the rebound, drops prone on the next pass, then starts criss-crossing a bit to sarcastic applause. Amn slides out and checks on Monkh while Blitz keeps going. Mel sits on the corner and shakes his head as Blitz bounds back and forth a few more times before slumping into the ropes in exhaustion. He staggers to stand and gets thrown with a surprise head scissors from Amn! Monkh cheers as Amn kips up and snags blitz's ankle for a half-crab. Mel checks on Blitz, who refuses to give, and does manage to drag Amn to the ropes. Amn breaks the count at 3 and stands. Blitz tries to use the ropes to bounce off and tackle Amn, but Amn catches him and power slams him in the middle of the ring! 1, 2, NO! 15 minutes to go and no one even close to a pin fall. Amn slings Blitz across the ring, gets caught by the legs, and flips over in an Ocean Cyclone Suplex. Cover 1, 2, NO! Amn pulls Blitz up and gets a thumb in the eye. Blitz throws Amn in the corner and stuns him with a matrix-esque run-up move. A couple of chops thrown in, then a hip toss to the center of the ring. Blitz waves to the crowd and hops up the ropes. With a wave he launches on a SHOOTING STAR PRESS but Amn flops clear. Blitz splatters on the mat and doesn't move. Amn gets to his feet and backs away while Mel checks on Blitz. Amn checks with Monkh, who is shaking his head and pointing at Blitz. Mel has NOT stopped the clock when the dreaded "X" goes up. He gestures to the ramp and the EMTs come out to gather blitz. Amn is shaking his head as the EMTs carefully check over Blitz. The clock ends up at about 8 minutes (but who's watching the clock?) as they put Blitz on the gurney to take him out of the ring. The crowd applauds and Amn walks over to see him off. What Amn DOESN'T notice is that Blitz isn't tied down! BOOT TO THE HEAD! Amn reels as Blitz rolls off the gurney and punches a couple of the EMT's. Mel is forced to break THAT up (with the help of a grumbling Davis Hightower) and the clock ticks down more. Amn looks up as they have order almost restored and there's THREE MINUTES LEFT IN THE MATCH! Amn jumps into the crowd of EMTs and referees and starts beating the tar out of Blitz! Amn gets him into a corner, pounds him down, then hip tosses him back into the middle of the ring. He sets up for the PURE AMNESIA but Blitz wrangles out of it and scoop slams him! Cover, 1, 2, NO! Hook a leg, 1,2, NO! Hook legs, 1, 2, NO! Blitz is livid and stomps Amn a few more times and shouts some insults at Monkh. He stomps toward a corner for another Shooting Star Press! Monkh scoots out of his seat and grabs Blitz's leg as he tries to climb up! Blitz wastes time getting Monkh off his leg - enough time for Amn to climb up after Blitz! TOP ROPE PURE AMNESIA! Crowd explodes, drowning out the buzzer as time expires!
WINNER in 30:00 Time limit Draw!
Amn is covering Blitz and DEMANDING a 3-count. Mel shakes head no and tells em to get out of the ring. Amnesiac struggles to his feet, and turns around and walks right into Tytan, who grabs Amnesiac and PLANTS him with a belly to belly suplex! Tytan hammers Amnesiac with stiff shots to the face, then pulls Blitz to his feet and tells him to go to the top rope. Tytan sets THE Amnesiac up for a spike pile driver but Crete, Phantos and Lucios storm the ring before they can hit the move and chase them to the back
CHRIS COLE vs. BUNNY
Coming back from those commercials the competitors in our next match are already in the ring and getting some last minute rules from referee Angelo Barros. “The Main Event” Chris Cole has been quiet in recent weeks due to some personal obligations, but he looks focused here which is in direct contrast to his opponent. Bunny has also been a quiet camper, but I don’t know if it’s the bunny suit or something else, but his head just doesn’t seem in the OOWF currently. Barros calls for the bell and Bunny and Cole lock up. Cole gains the advantage with a snap mare and starts working over Bunny’s legs to try and ground the high-flyer. A few minutes in and Cole has a decided advantage as he’s done a lot of damage to Bunny’s knees. He seems to be setting Bunny up for the Indian Death Lock, but looks to inflict some more punishment first. CC whips Bunny into the corner, but somehow, Bunny bounds up the ropes and hits a beautiful Twisting Double Jump Corkscrew Somersault Plancha on the charging Cole. This seems to have awoken something in Bunny and he starts to shake out his leg trying to loosen it up.
Bunny takes control using his large speed and quickness advantage. He’s keeping Cole flustered as he hits his unique offense and comes at CC from all different angles. Bunny sends Cole into the corner and hits a beautiful Muta-esque Cartwheel, Back Flip, Round Off Handspring Elbow to a prone CC in the corner. Cole drops to the mat and Bunny starts hopping around the ring getting the fans into it. He points to the corner opposite Cole and the crowd goes nuts. He’s calling for the springboard somersault Van Bunnynator. Bunny heads to the outside and jumps to the top rope, but he trips on his big bunny feet and he crashes to the mat.
Chris Cole recovers as he sees Bunny wipe out and looks to take advantage. Cole picks Bunny up by his big floppy ears and gets behind him. He locks his hands around Bunny’s waist…German Suplex, but Cole doesn’t let go. He rolls Bunny over, and a 2nd German suplex…and still he doesn’t let go. And now a 3rd, 4th, and 5th German Suplex all follow…. OH MY GOD, IT’S TOO SOON…Cole and Bunny are down, but Cole recovers first. He reaches down to grab Bunny, but somehow Bunny catches CC in a small package…
1…
2…
Cole rolls over and now Bunny’s shoulders are down…
1…
2…
And no, Bunny gets a shoulder up.
Both men get back to a vertical base and start trading punches but that’s a decided advantage for Cole and he takes the chance to whip Bunny into the corner but Bunny remembers his past heel tendencies and grabs CC by the hair and both go rushing into the corner and Bunny looks to hit a beautiful springboard DDT, but Cole is having none of it and tosses Bunny away. Bunny tries to stand on the toss, but his knee buckles and he collapses to the mat. Cole doesn’t waste time and really starts to work over Bunny’s knee. He starts utilizing the old-school Ric Flair/Bret Hart combo offense with a little of CC’s own move set including a great Main Event Spinebuster. He goes for the cover…
1…
2…
And Bunny somehow rolls a shoulder up.
Cole looks to end this now though as he sets Bunny up for the Headliner, but Bunny reverses it and attempts to get Cole up in the air for the move, but his leg can’t handle the weight and he again collapses to the mat. Chris Cole doesn’t waste a moment as he reaches down and starts applying the INDIAN DEATH LOCK. They’re in the center of the ring; this has got to be it. Bunny is fighting the pain and is trying to roll it over, but Cole has the perfect leverage for this move right now. Bunny tries to get to the ropes and he starts pulling Cole closer…inch by inch…he’s getting there…he’s almost there…NO, Cole pulls him back to the center of the ring.
I don’t know just how much longer Bunny can hold on here. CC really has it locked it and Bunny has seemingly stopped trying to roll it over and looks to just be praying to get to the ropes. He’s been in the Death Lock for a good 2 minutes now…and that’s it…Bunny taps. He just couldn’t handle it anymore and had to preserve his long-term career. That’s a pretty strong win for Chris Cole as he looks to get back into the main event picture.
WINNER by submission in 14:03 is Chris Cole.
FIREWOMAN vs. THE DEAD – OOWF Onslaught Championship Match
“Doomsday Clock” by the Smashing Pumpkins blasts over the sound system, and the crowd kind of groans rather than boos, as this is Dead’s 38408503985th title shot since joining the OOWF. His T-shirt is a picture of a Zombie in a Tim Duncan jersey. The back says “Watch Good Ball Instead, 888-GSW-HOOP”. The Dead can’t help himself, and starts to pose, egging the crowd on, and they finally boo appropriately. “Fuel” by Metallica starts up and Firewoman appears at the top of the ramp, holding the OOWF Onslaught Championship above her head. She starts yapping at Dead from the ramp, something about hating zombies. Dead makes the sign for “I want the belt”, and Firewoman finally climbs into the ring and hands Angelo Barros her belt. He holds it high in the air. This match will be for the OOWF Onslaught Championship. He hands the belt to the timekeeper and calls for the bell…WE’RE UNDERWAY!
Dead charges across the ring at Firewoman, but she patiently waits and uses Dead’s momentum against him, hitting a BIG Spinning Spinebuster. Fire stands over Dead and smiles and slowly backs away. Dead gets up and clearly looks pissed off. He charges again, and this time Fire patiently takes two steps in, closing the distance, and uses Dead’s momentum against him once more, and hooks him into a Belly-to-Belly Suplex. Fire does some crowd posing, as a “Fi-re-wo-man” chant starts up. Dead is HEATED. Dead gestures for a lockup, and Fire appears to oblige and they meet in the middle of the ring. Dead lunges in to lock up, but Fire ducks a bit, and hits Dead with an Inverted Atomic Drop. Dead hops away in pain, but is now ENRAGED. He goes back over to Fire, who was just doing the “point to your head” thing (uh-oh…) and she calls for a lockup. Dead acts like he’ll oblige, but just as Fire lunges in, Dead hits a Double Axe-Handle to the back of Fire’s head and shoulders. She falls, but Dead catches her and hooks her up for a HUGE POWERBOMB. Dead in for the cover: 1, 2, no. Dead drags Fire up, and hits her with a WICKED Short-Arm Clothesline. Then he grabs Fire’s arms and legs, and hits a CURBSTOMP, and starts stomping away on Firewoman.
Dead drags Fire up, and whips her into the corner. Dead charges in, and looks to Close The Casket, but Fire catches his leg and reverses into a Dragon Screw (ouch). Fire takes the opportunity and hops up the turnbuckle, looking for the BFE, and takes off…NOBODY HOME. Crash and burn for Firewoman, and Dead struggles to get up, his leg buckling every so often after the Dragon Screw. Dead finally gets to his feet and pulls Fire up as well. He runs toward the ropes, and lands a Beautiful SPRINGBOARD DDT. Cover: 1, 2, th…no. That one was close. Dead covers again: 1, 2, no. Dead covers AGAIN: 1, 2, thr…NO. Dead starts slamming his hands on the mat and pretty much throwing a tantrum. Fire is able to gather herself, and, without Dead seeing her, runs behind him and hits a Shitty Bulldog. She follows it up with a Springboard Firesault and a cover: 1,2, no. Fire shakes her head and sighs as she locks in her next move…the FIRETAMER! It’s in the middle of the ring, and Dead is in BIG TROUBLE!
Eric O’Mac, Attitude Adjuster, Tyson Kincaid and Ivan Drago (Tytan) takes this opportunity to charge the ring. AA, the master of the distraction, calls Barros over for a chat. Eric and the rest of his band of thugs start pounding away on Firewoman. Won’t someone help?
The rest of Run DEA, Phantos, Lucios, Davin Moreland, Carl From Fresno, Alexander and Alexis Darling, all come charging down to the ring. Phantos decides to join AA and Barros in their debate, as Run DEA makes short work of Eric’s band of thugs. But, through the crowd, who’s this? Moosehead Jack and IHOP (NAFTA?) to even the odds a bit. The brawl is getting silly and spills over into the crowd, highlighted by Davin and Moose just whaling on each other and using assorted metal objects to make each other bleed, with sadistic grins on their respective faces. The ring is completely empty, and everything has spilled to the outside. Phantos sees something out of the corner of his eye, and decides to hit a Standing Dropkick on AA, and spills him off the mat. Phantos points to the inside of the ring for Barros, who just missed Firewoman, jumping off Lucios’ shoulders from the top turnbuckle for a DOUBLE BFE onto Dead who is, for the lack of a better term, is dead. Barros slides in for the academic cover.
WINNER in 12:41 by PINFALL and STILL OOWF ONSLAUGHT CHAMPION – FIREWOMAN!
The fight pours back into the ring, and there’s all sorts of clubberation and blood-letting, as well as weapons now being involved. At one point, Alexander Darling is caught in a 4-on-1 situation, and Davin Moreland leaves his fight and clears it out, pulling Darling to his feet. Eric and Moose are beating the living bejeezus out of poor Carl From Fresno, using double-team moves and generally about ready to kill him. Davin finally taps on both of their shoulders, saying something like “Hey, we got a match later, let’s get out of here”. Davin steps over the top rope and is about to head up the ramp, he stops and turns around and waives his partners to the back, then turns around again and comes face to face with Poe. Poe grabs Moreland by the throat and lifts him in the air, then drives him to the floor with a brutal choke slam. Moreland is stunned and in pain and remains writhing in agony on the floor. Poe stands over him for a moment, until he sees the others leave the ring, then he beats a slow retreat to the back.
Firewoman remains in the ring, free from the free for all that has spilled around ring side. She grabs her Onslaught Championship and holds it high in the air. As she does, the OOTron flickers to life and we see LJ Bennett grinning.
Lookit there, Firewoman kept her title! Good for you. Never mind that you kept it through less than honorable means, I have come to expect that from you. Hell, I would rather have you win like that, than come to the back and whine and complain about something…..again. But Missy, since you seem to be so fond of playing with fire, as poor Mr. Adrenaline can attest to, I have an idea for a match next week. Next week, it will be Firewoman defending her Onslaught Championship, against The Dead……in an INFERNO MATCH! Let’s see how much you like fire when YOU are the one being burned. You have a nice day now.
Fire stands in the ring slowly shaking her head burning with rage. She flips out of the ring and storms to the back. I feel for the first person that crosses her path.
GAELIC STORM vs. THE MIDNIGHT SONS – OOWF World Tag Team Title Match
The Sons wanted one last shot at the tag titles held by Gaelic Storm. They make their way to the ring and wait in their corner, knowing a fight is coming soon. Gaelic Storm are announced and McNasty and Wrath come to the top of the ramp and pause for a moment before heading to the ring. When they get to ring side, they drop their titles off at the table and slide into the ring. All four men meet in the center of the ring and give the socially accepted knuckle bump, well socially accepted unless you are a Presidential candidate I guess. It appears that it will be Wrath and Spin starting things off tonight. The bell rings and the two men charge to the center of the ring and start throwing knuckles, each one taking shots to the head that would drop a normal man. Spin gets the better of the exchange, catching Wrath with repeated shots to the temple. Spin grabs Wrath and tries to whip him to the ropes, but Wrath reverses it and sends Spin. On the rebound Wrath catches Spin with a spinning heel kick to the side of the head that sends him to the mat, Wrath pounces on him and rolls him over in a mahistrol cradle for a quick two count. Wrath and Spin both quickly get to their feet and Wrath charges and takes them both over the top rope with a clothesline. Both men land on their feet, and the fight continues without even so much as a flinch. Wrath charges at Spin, and Spin back drops him to the floor, then drops a knee across his chest. Spin shoots Wrath back into the ring and climbs in after him and tags in Magnusson. DH comes in and pulls Wrath to his feet and shoves him into the corner and blasts him with a couple of elbows to the side of the head, then whips him across the ring to the opposite corner. Magnusson charges, but Wrath gets a boot up and pastes him in the face, then tags in Seamus. Seamus comes in and charges takes Magnusson to the mat and hammers him in the face with straight rights. Magnusson and Seamus roll under the ropes out of the ring and land with a thud on the floor. Seamus gets to his feet first, and Wrath runs into the ring and distracts the referee. Seamus seizes the opportunity and grabs a chair and smacks Magnusson in the face with the chair sending him to one knee. Seamus grabs Magnusson and throws him into the stairs shoulder first. Seamus takes a few steps back and charges and catches him with a running bootwash to the face that opens a cut under Magnusson’s eye. Seamus hammers away on Magnusson opening the cut even more. Seamus rolls Magnusson into the ring and lands a few stiff kicks to the face, then pulls Magnuson up and holds him and tags Wrath. Wrath comes in and kicks him in the ribs, sending him to the ropes, Wrath comes in and Magnusson gets a rake to the eyes that stops Wrath cold. Magnusson grabs Wrath and whips him right into a short arm clothesline that nearly decapitates him. Magnusson pulls Wrath to his feet and plants him with a scoop slam, then tags in Spin. Spin waits in the corner for Wrath to get to his feet then drops him with a running elbow to the side of the head. Spin pulls him to his feet and sends him to the ropes and catches him on the rebound with a spinebuster. Something snaps within the four men and Seamus and Magnusson meet in the middle of the ring and huge brawl ensues. The fight spills out of the ring and they fight around ring side hitting each other with everything that is not nailed down. The referee appears to be allowing a remarkable amount of leeway in this, letting the match break down into a brawl. On he outside Seamus climbs onto the Russian Announce Table and pulls Magnusson up with him. Seamus tries for the Black and Tan, but Magnusson reverses it and kicks Seamus and DRIVES HIM THROUGH THE TABLE WITH A POWERBOMB! Seamus is DEAD! Magnusson climbs out of the wreckage and back into the ring where Wrath has Spin trapped in the corner hammering him with closed fist punches to the head. Magnusson catches Wrath with a forearm to the back of the head then grabs Wrath, and The Sons quickly hit the 100 PROOF! Magnusson keeps Seamus for getting back into the ring and Spin covers, one, two, THREE NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!
WINNERS in 16:06 and NEW OOWF World Tag Team Champions – The Midnight Sons
The Sons celebrate in the center of the ring, both exhausted from the fight they just endured. Just as they are about to leave the ring, the OOTron crackles to life and we see LJ Bennett on the screen:
That was one helluva match boys! You should be damn proud! Three time OOWF World Tag Team champions, my my, that is something to be proud of. However, there IS one small matter that I believe you may have forgotten about. You see, a few weeks ago, you and your compatriots decided to defy my orders and lift the bar from F. Fonzworth MacCappington. Now, being the fair man that I am, I have decided that the punishment would be a match. Right now. <Magnuson and Hansen make the universal “bring it!”motion> There are just a few stips though. If ANYONE comes to the ring to help you two, you will be stripped of the titles. So all your buddies on Rick’s side better just stay where you are. Finally….
<before Bennett can finish, IHOP slip into the ring behind The Sons with steel chairs and SLAM them in the back of the head, dropping both men to the mat. Skurge pulls Spin up and hits a pile driver on the chair, while SYB just warps the chair on a prone Spin Hansen until he is no longer moving. They pull Magnusson to his feet and throw him out of the ring to the floor>
…..as I was saying, there is one more stipulation, IHOP can use whatever they desire in this match. Referee, make the count.
The referee turns around and sees Skurge covering a barely conscious Spin Hansen, he shakes his head and falls to the mat and makes the one, two, three.
WINNERS in - :15 and NEW OOWF World Tag Team Champions – IHOP
IHOP grabs the titles and head to the back, dodging debris thrown by the crowd. Bennett speaks one more time
Maybe next time you boys will take my rules a little more seriously. You two have a fine night now.
DONOVAN VIPER vs. ALEXANDER DARLING – OOWF Intercontinental Title Match
Alexander Darling enters the arena first, accompanied by his sister Alexis. The Darlings make their way warily to the ring, Alex’s eyes darting everywhere looking for hidden attackers. They step through the ropes and Alex warms up as the Intercontinental Champion, Donovan Viper, makes his entrance. Viper hands the title to referee Mel Creech, who displays it to the crowd as Alexis gives her brother some last words of advice and leaves the ring. Creech gives Alex and Viper their instructions and calls for the bell. The combatants meet in center ring and exchange words. The trash talk quickly grows heated and Alex makes it physical, slapping Viper soundly across the face. Viper recoils, then turns back to Alex…with a smile? Viper lunges, and drives Alex bodily into the ropes. He drives a knee into Alex’s stomach, and follows up with an elbow to the back of his head. Viper pulls Alex up and tosses him across the ring with a double underhook suplex, then comes off the ropes with an elbow to Alex’s oft-injured nose. Viper covers, but only gets two. Viper pulls Alex to his feet and hits a series of punches and chops. He whips Alex across the ring and attempts a spine buster, but Alex reverses into a DDT in mid air. Alex stomps away at Viper, then pulls him up for a snap suplex and a knee breaker. He bars the knee, twisting it, before extending Vipers leg and aiming a series of vicious kicks at the knee. He drags Viper to the center of the ring and ties on the Darling Money Clip. Creech is in position and checks on Viper, who refuses to submit. Viper struggles and, despite Alex’s best efforts, manages to drag himself across the ring and grab the bottom rope.. Alex ignores Creech’s demands to break the hold and changes his lock on Viper’s legs, dropping back and transitioning into an STF that pulls Viper from the ropes. Viper still refuses to submit, and manages to grab the bottom rope again. This time, Alex is forced to release him. Alex immediately goes to work on Viper’s back, keeping him on the mat. He hits a sick curb stomp and hits the ropes, but Viper somehow manages to roll to his knees and drive an elbow into Alex’s Stomach. He follows up with a European uppercut, then gets to his feet, kicks Alex in the stomach, and plants him with a DDT. Viper covers, but only gets two. He pulls Alex to his feet and hits the Sidewinder, then goes for the GTS, but Alex manages to land behind him and roll Viper up for a two count. Both men get to their feet and face off, exchanging punches. Viper gets the advantage and whips Alex into the corner. Creech darts out of Alex’s way, but isn’t fast enough to avoid Viper and the ref is sandwiched. Mel’s eyes roll back and he collapses to the mat. Alex is momentarily distracted, and Viper slips out of the ring to grab his chain. As he tries to return to the ring, however, Alexis grabs the other end of the chain to stop him. Viper turns around, but before he reacts a pair of hands reach out of the crowd and grab Alexis. Selena clamps a hand over Alexis’ face, holding a cloth over her nose and mouth. Alexis slumps. Alex moves to help his sister, but Poe, who slipped out of the crowd and into the ring behind him, blindsides Alex with a savage kick to the head. Poe drags Alex to his feet and lifts him for the Pendulum, but steps into the corner to deliver it, driving Alex face-first into the top turnbuckle. Poe slips out of the ring and he and Selena escape through the crowd as Viper drops the chain and slides back into the ring. He gives Creech a kick to wake him, then untangles Alex from the ropes and drags him into the middle of the ring. He covers as Creech crawls over – One…Two…Three.
WINNER, and still Intercontinental Champion, in 13:46, Donovan Viper.
After the match, Viper grabs his belt and gets out of dodge, retreating to the back as the rest of Run DEA hit ringside to check on the Darlings, who both need to be helped to the back.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 2, 2008 20:44:08 GMT -5
LD WILLIAMS, ERIC O’MAC & MOOSEHEAD JACK vs. OUTBACK JACK, STANK & DAVIN MORELANDIt’s main event time at the OCM Sports Arena here in Kuala Lumpur, and the crowd, after an already brutal and bloody night, can’t wait for this one. They’re already on their feet as “Thunderstruck” (using the ‘best song principle’) pumps through the PA system. With the crowd roaring, they get the full Michael Buffer entrance. Introducing First: Coming to us from Atlanta, Georgia, USA, Australia, and Cummaquid, Massachusetts, USA – weighing in at a combined weight of 900 lbs…The team of Stank, Outback Jack, and Campeonas de Trios Champion …Davin Moreland! The crowd explodes big time and the big men make their way down to the ring, with varying interest in the crowd around them. Sterling Glaw awaits them there, warning them to “don’t do anything stupid”. They all just kind of grin back, and their music fades out. The lights fade to black and the crowd starts to boo knowing who’s appearing next. However, appears on the Jumbotron, and the accompanying song blast through the PA. The ring announcer tries to spit out the entrances, but just doubles over in laughter along with the rest of the crowd. Eric O’Mac, LD Williams and Moosehead Jack look exceedingly pissed off, but Moose has the mass murderer look in his eyes. He climbs into the ring and immediately demands to know “who did it”. Stank and OBJ do the universal shrug for “I don’t know”. Davin throws himself under the bus however and steps up to Moose saying “I did it.” Moose looks up and smiles, saying “Good one”, and walks back to his corner. Sterling Glaw looks, for lack of a better word “scared” and calls for the bell before anything’s organized. WE’RE UNDERWAY! Both teams are in deep discussions, before sending out Eric and OBJ for the first round. They lock up, with OBJ eventually tossing him across the ring, punctuating it with a large belch. Eric, undeterred and to his credit, gets right back up, and as they go to lock up again, Eric hits a Low Dropkick which takes OBJ off his feet. Eric is immediately on him, smashing OBJ’s face into the mat before locking in a quick STF. OBJ is in rough shape, and seeing this, Davin Moreland flies in to break up the submission hold. Glaw goes batshit at this clear violation of the rules (probably), and Eric starts screaming, demanding an immediate suspension. Davin gives him the “You Can’t See Me” handwave with a big grin, and Eric, having missed a true opportunity with the referee distracted, pays for it as OBJ Lunges and HITS Eric with a BIG BOOMERANG sending him flying. OBJ lunges for the tag out, and Stank is on the other end. Stank charges out just as Eric gets a chance to roll away and tag in Moosehead Jack. Jack meanders through the ropes and slumps in the corner, grinning. Stank grins too a bit and visibly says “Let’s Dance, Mooseboy”. Moose gets out of the corner and into a lockup with Stank. Stank moves Jack around at ease, but just when it looks like Stank is about to throw Jack across the ring, Moose hits him with a Drop Toe Hold, and smashes Stank’s face into the turnbuckle. Moose jumps on him, landing 12 or 13 HARD Right Handed Rabbit Punches before grabbing the back of Stank’s head and smashing it into the turnbuckle. Nothing pretty here. He spins Stank around and hits a series of chops before setting up for a Heartpunch. It connects, but OBJ and Davin flood the ring and pull Moose away from Stank. Eric and LD no likey, and they jump in…we have PIER 5 ACTION, and once Stank recovers…PIER SIX ACTION! Glaw looks like he wants to throw the match out, but eventually cooler heads prevail (kinda) and Stank and Moose both tag out. LD and Davin hit the ring, and staredown. The crowd gets to their feet, realizing this is the first time these two have faced off since Davin became #1 contender. Eventually, Davin makes the “I Want The Belt” signal, and a smirking LD gives Davin the “just bring it” signal. They lockup in the middle of the ring, and Davin gets the Side Headlock. LD shoves him off and into the ropes. LD ducks, looking for the Back Body Drop, but instead, Davin leapfrogs him, and a Sunset Flip is good for a 2-count. Davin picks up LD and tosses HIM into the ropes. Davin takes a couple steps in, and catches LD off the ropes, and hits a beautiful Greco-Roman Takeover, into a Thesz Press like position, and starts rocketing right hands to LD’s head until there’s a cut over his eye. Something tells me this won’t be the last blood we see. Davin is done with punching, and shakes his hand out. He looks to lock in a Sharpshooter, but LD kicks him off and quickly gets up and hits a BIG DDT. LD covers, and gets 2 before Stank breaks it up. Moose has no time for these shenanigans, and goes across the ring to reason with Stank. OBJ sees MHJ coming across and decides to intervene, and Eric O’Mac, because he’s the only one who isn’t doing anything, and we are PIER SIX AGAIN! Glaw desperately tries to break things up, but it’s just not happening, and now Stank, MHJ, LD and Davin have all left the ring in search of toys. Moose grabs a chair and nails a LOW BLOW on Stank, and winds up with the chair, and eats the RING BELL over his dome from Davin. LD found a kendo stick, and start to beat some sense into Davin. THIS draws blood. Stank finds a table and a ladder and sets them up in the corner. In the ring, Eric’s got OBJ locked in the Crippler Crossface screaming “TAAAAAAAP”, but Glaw is trying to break them up, because neither are legal. Stank starts the housecleaning on the Viequian Announce Table. Moose catches him with the RING BELL from the side, and Stank joins the bleeding parade. Davin managed to catch the Kendo Stick, and is wrestling with it with LD. Davin tries everything to get it away, and eventually turns AWAY from LD trying to pull it from him, but it’s no use. PELE KICK OUT OF NOWHERE on LD sends the Champ into the steel steps. Now, LD is bleeding. Moose and Stank jump into the ring from opposite sides with chairs, and Stank whales on Eric, while Moose whales on Stank. OBJ manages to get to his knees and tries to wrestle the chair away from Moose. Glaw, who looks to be in tears, has seen enough and calls for the bell. WINNERS in 18:42, - NO CONTEST! Bloody Davin and Bloody LD are throwing haymakers out on the floor, and somehow tables and chairs have been set up outside the ring. LD starts to get the better of the exchange, and is able to pull Davin onto the announce table…DDT THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE! Davin certainly took the worst of that one, but LD didn’t fare too well either. Eric and OBJ have gone to the outside and Eric has the upper hand. OBJ has hit the STEEL POST with his head a couple times, and Eric goes to the top of the ladder…MAC ATTACK ON OBJ THROUGH THE TABLE OFF THE LADDER!! Moose and Stank battle to the top of the turnbuckle. Moose whales away with right hands and CLEARLY has the advantage…HEARTPUNCH, and STANK GOES THROUGH A TABLE FROM THE TOP TURNBUCKLE! Davin and LD have somehow, someway, started fighting again, and Davin gets LD to the top of the ladder. He’s setting up for a Diamond Cutter! Moose, from inside the ring sees the situation, and climbs up the other side. Davin never sees him coming and Moose is able to toss Davin OFF THE LADDER AND THROUGH THE TABLE as LD remains unscathed. Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action be sure to check out the OOWF Brawl of Saigon PPV, Live June 29th from Saigon, Vietnam! And don’t forget to catch next week’s OOWF Mid-Week Mayhem Live! June 18th from Phuket, Thailand!
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