OOWF MidWeek Mayhem 06-18-08

[mooseheadjack]

(CTG looks around to his allies, whether they are pacing, punching or swearing)

CTG: felow citizens, you realize we were wrongly accused

Others: NO SHIT SHERLOCK

CTG: Please, hear me out! We are missing a vital point here. They cannot keep us here all night!

Stank: Spin'll have the wall down in about two minutes you keep talkin...

CTG: Allow me to demonstrate....

(CTG strides to the bars, where a couple of the guards are walking the halls)

CTG: Excuse me, but does Piromu Tashtandhay work here?

Guard: He's one of the officers here. Why do you ask?

CTG: I didn't see him during the examinations and I was wondering if he would have a moment. (hands the guard something) show him this.

Guard: (looks at the item and marches off)

Stank: what was that about?

CTG: If an insolent brat can almost kill his best friend and rely on his celebrity father to keep him from more..... (face reddens a little) unsolicited violations, then I feel that perhaps our celebrity can prevent us from being stuck here.

(the guard returns with an officer who walks right up to CTG and shakes his hand)

Piromu: Concrete Gryfon! I was not aware YOU were part of the group brought in for -

CTG: *ahem*

Piromu: of course. (clears his throat) how can I help you?

CTG: Is our overnight incarceration necessary?

Piromu: There are options, of course....

CTG: We are willing to pay a suitable fine.

Spin: YOU might be.....

Stank: hold on..... we're gonna pay these guys off?

CTG: We are paying a fine.

Piromu: $1500 US money.

CTG: permit us access to our luggage, I'm sure you've inspected it.

Piromu: some, yes. But you, I trust. (he sends guards to get their bags)

CTG: Would you accept barter?

Piromu: Depends

CTG: (reaches into his boot and pulls out a half-dozen tickets)

Piromu: (nods) a good start.

(the guards walk in and toss all the bags into the cell.... most are open)

FW: Dammit, they took all my Jericho shirts

Bunny: they took my Jack Evans DVD (cries)

Stank: Motherfuckers took all my emergency booze

phantos: they took the rest of the Aquafina, Doritos and Moutain Dew Supernova

Moreland: Crete, they're already cleaning us out. what do you expect to accomplish?

Piromu: Take your time.

an hour passes

(the cell is strewn with clothes, underwear, magazines, photographs and empty wallets)

CTG: Fire, are you SURE that's all the money you have?

FW: I'm not the one MADE of money

P: We don't carry our endorsement paychecks.

SH: (still punching the wall)

Stank: How much we got in cash?

CTG: $1,399.98. The tickets, autographed card and what they've already taken puts us at......

Piromu: (walks in) $1,499.98

Lucios: Do you have another autographed card to bribe him with, superhero?

CTG: No need, Citizen Aquafina! (reaches into his own bag) one more moment, Sargeant.

DHM: Crete, that's all our fucking money - we won't be able to get a cab once we're in town!

CTG: We'll be able to get more cash when we arrive at our destination. We will get the bus back.

Phantos: We're gonna need a new bus driver, half the guys here beat the shit out of him to keep from beating each other up.

CTG: That will be figured out in a moment. (CTG pulls a snall stack of shirts out and hands one to Piromu)

Piromu: (opens it and gawks) These are original Hurri-crete and Moosey T-shirts!




CTG: Would that be sufficient?

Piromu: for me?

CTG: I will give those who attend the event their own shirts, but they must all wear them to the event.

Piromu: (nodding) of course

CTG: (hands over a half-dozen shirts JUST as the bus crashes through the wall)

[mooseheadjack]

[this all happens before the bus crashes through the wall]

It's been several long hours in the local Malaysian jail. Some of the wrestlers have nodded off to take some naps. Firewoman is not one of those. She's been pacing along the front of the jail cell, just behind the bars, back...and forth....back...and forth....like a caged animal. At first, their neighbors in the cell across from them would yell things in Malaysian (or whatever they speak there) but one or two looks of death, and they are now silent. So she continues pacing back....and forth.....and back....and forth......

DHM: Would...you....please....stop....that....

FW: Can't. These places drive me crazy.

DHM: How would we know?

FW: Funny.

She resumes her pacing, and appears to be deep DEEP in thought. Finally, she stops.

FW: Alright, I've made a decision.

The other wrestlers groan.

FW: I'll make it quick. Davin is absolutely right.

DM: [sleepily] I am?

FW: You are. I can only speak for myself, but I have been solely focused on my own issues. My ongoing feud with Dead, my deep and unquenchable desire for revenge on Moose and Eric....and I thought that was good enough, because they are the enemies of everyone here.

But Davin's right. It's not enough. It's not enough to only focus on my own issues, and only help out when I see the opportunity to address them. And it's not enough for the rest of us to do that either.

So....and I hope you all realize what a big deal this is for me to say. But from now on, I am .... well, I am here for everyone in this cell. Everyone on Team Rick. Even you, Crete.

CTG: Citizen Firewoman....I'm ... I'm speechless. I know how hard it is for you to --

FW: Enough. I can't promise to be everyone's best friend and go for lattes...

AD: Especially since you're still banned from Ric's Sandwich and Coffee shop.

Alexis punches him.

FW: And I'm sure I'll screw up...but I'm willing to stand with everyone here, and I think everyone here should make the same commitment. That's it.

Firewoman goes back to her incessant pacing.

[mooseheadjack]

<Team Rick plus Justin Sane have been escorted to a new cell... one without a fist sized turned bus sized hole in it.>

Stank - Why is it every time we are about to be set free some douche bag does something STUPID that keeps us LOCKED up!?

JS - I was only trying to he-

Stank - I KNOW!

DM - C'mon Lucas, cut the guy a break.

Stank - ... I can't even muster up the energy to be mad at this point.

CTG - We were almost out of here... now we're penniless, and our bus is ruined.

Stank - Ha. Ha.

DM - What's so funny.

Stank - Look at us.

CTG - Yeah so?

<Stank looks over at Alexander Darling in conversation with DH Magnusson. Spin is sitting on the floor talking to Carl, Lucious and Phantos. Firewoman and OBJ are being bored listening to Lucky talk in detail about the odds their situation would happen just as it has, and predictions on how it might proceed. Alexis joins Spin and Run DLP's conversation, teasing the Midnight Son that she heard what he said about him letting her lick him and threatening coyly to tell his wife. Spin pleads a combination of exhaustion and jail rage. The Amnesiac and Monkh distract Lucky long enough to allow Firewoman and Outback Jack a break.>

Stank - I don't think they counted on this.

DM - Counted on what?

Stank - What you and Firewoman were talking about... Solidarity.

<Stank walks over to Alex.>

Stank - Hey listen. I've been meaning to talk to you about your Poe situation. I just want you to know... you too Davin... your Poe situation is OUR Poe situation... and AMNESIAC...

Amn - THE Amnesiac

Stank - Whatever. Listen, what Tytan did to you and Bunny...

B - Ayo! Bout TIME someone noticed I'm wit chall!

Stank - Hey what that fucktard did to you two has not gone unnoticed. You ain't got to worry about shit going down like that again.

B - Word? Aiight POTnah!

Stank - In fact none of you got to worry about that. From now on Rick's Army sticks together.

DM - That means... if you hear about a 5 on 1 beatdown. You come out and you help.

Stank - And if circumstances won't permit it... rest assured... one of their's get's ten times worse.

DM - No offense goes unpunished.

Stank - And you know what... fuck Bennett. Don't worry about that bastard.

DM - We stand united! This is Rick's Army!

Stank - And we ain't taking any shit!

DM - Are you WITH US...? ...guys? ... GUYS?

<Most of Rick's army has fallen asleep.>

CTG - I'm with you.

Stank - AAHHH Let em sleep. Maybe Wally will pull through for us.

[mooseheadjack]

Meanwhile, back on the bus, Bennett’s team is watching OOWF TV…

Moosehead Jack: “Awww, isn’t that cute? They’re bonding.”

L.D. Williams: “Good. If they stick together, it’s easier to take them all out at once.”

L.J. Bennett: “AFTER we leave Thailand.”

Eric O’ Mac: “Why after?”

LJB: “I had to hire three different law firms to get Mr. Williams a work permit to come here. He can’t afford to cross the authorities.”

EOM: “What did you do?”

LD: (smiling wistfully) “Ma ran into some trouble a few years back and I had to help her out.”

Attitude Adjuster: “What’s this about your mother? Is she coming here?”

LD: “Relax AA. Ma stays away from Thailand these days.”

AA” You sure?”

LJB: “Absolutely – when I mentioned her name they started warming up a firing squad.”

MHJ: “You know, your mother might be helpful in this war.”

LD: “Forget it. She’s got loyalties to Wally. She won’t pick a side. In fact, she’s probably helping Wally figure out how to get them out of there.”

[mooseheadjack]

(As Rick's Army languishes in jail, no one seems to notice that Monkh has gone missing, except The Amnesiac, that is.)

Amn: Anyone seen Monkh?

Stank: Nah, I ain't seen him since we got here.

Amn: That's weird.

Firewoman: Maybe they put him in a different cell?

(Coincidentally, as the team is talking about him, Monkh walks up to the cell, on the OTHER SIDE. He's walking with one of the officers next to him.)

Team Rick (collectively): What the hell?!

Monkh: Allow me to introduce my uncle Tranh. (He indicates the officer.)

Amn: Your... uncle?

Monkh: Yeah, ever since I ran away from home, I've been writing letters to my uncle. Today, he happened to be involved in the group that came out to backup the original crew of officers, once we started to fight back.

Uncle Tranh: Yes, and I have enough pull with the chief of police here, that I was able to spring my nephew before he was placed in jail.

Davin Moreland: Well okay, but how in the holy hell does that help us?

UT: Well, I talked to the chief. We reviewed all of the OOWF-TV tapes that have been sent in to us by your fans, and we have determined that there is reasonable cause to set you all free.

Stank: Really?

UT: Yes, really. I'm here to let you go.

(Stank looks a little wary.)

Stank: Wait a second... that's all there is to it? No more cavity searches? No more bags of pot? No more buses crashing through the wall?

UT: Well, actually, the chief wants to speak with Justin regarding the bus incident... but otherwise from that, yes, you're all free to go.

(He opens the cell door, and after all the 'paperwork' is signed, all of the members of Rick's Army file out into the parking lot, where the rickety old bus is waiting there for them. Monkh thanks his uncle and waves to him as they all get onto the bus.)

[mooseheadjack]

(As the bus pulls away from the prison, CTG changes seats to sit next to Stank)

Stank: .....

CTG: I just wanted to thank you-

Stank: for what? Not kicking your ass for letting them take everything?

CTG: Not that. You did something I didn't think that even I could accomplish. You pulled this army together.

Stank: What?

CTG: (proud smile) You know what I'm speaking of.....

[quote author=blownspot board=oowf thread=2581 post=64628
time=1213329764]
Stank - In fact none of you got to worry about that. From now on Rick's Army sticks together.

DM - That means... if you hear about a 5 on 1 beatdown. You come out and you help.

Stank - And if circumstances won't permit it... rest assured... one of their's get's ten times worse.

DM - No offense goes unpunished.

Stank - And you know what... fuck Bennett. Don't worry about that bastard.

DM - We stand united! This is Rick's Army!

Stank - And we ain't taking any shit![/quote]

CTG: This is the unity we've needed to face Bennett's army head-on. We CAN succeed if we're working together.

Stank: (gives Crete a weird look)

CTG: When we get into town I'll be sure that we can show solidarity! I've got team entrance music, I can get masks and costumes for everyone -

STank: (grabs Crete) don't push your fucking luck!!

CTG: (still grinning)

Stank: (drops him) never mind.. Pisses me off that you're right.

CTG: (offers a hand) partner?

Stank: (looks crete over) "Ally" is about the best you're getting. No go sit down before I change my mind.

[mooseheadjack]

(The Amnesiac is sitting on the bus, and he has his bottle of rum back. It's apparently been awhile since they left, because he looks fairly well soused. He's wearing a t-shirt that says 'Attica! Attica!'. Monkh is nowhere to be seen. The ninja cameraman just sorta stands there, watching The Amnesiac until he realizes that there's a camera there. He looks up and smiles, somewhat drunkenly.)

Amn: I'm gonna be ready for this uh... challenge (*burp*). Spin Hansen can't get one over on The Dyslexic... er, The Amniotic... I mean, The Amnesiac! I haven't picked my second just yet. But you know what? Fuck it. I don't need one.

(With that, The Amnesiac passes out for a moment. After a few awkward seconds, Monkh comes back to sit next to him. The Amnesiac wakes again, and continues his speech.

Amn: *hic* Yeah, I don't need one. And as far as Tytan goes next week... man, just bring it on! I don't care how many executives from Umbrella Inc you bring to that goddamn ring. I'm gonna beat you within an inch of your life.

(Monkh looks uncomfortable, sitting next to The Amnesiac. After a few more awkward moments, Stank comes back to the back of the bus. He sees The Amnesiac nearly passed out again.)

Stank: Oh jesus... is he trying to promo drunk again?

Monkh: I think he's trying to.

Stank: Gotdammit! This shit is gonna make us all look bad. Do me a favor, Monkh and sober him up. Who the hell gave him back his bottle of rum?! Where the fuck is Spin?! I need to have a talk with him about challenging The Amnesiac to a drinking contest!

(Stank storms off, continuing to rant as he walks away. The camera focuses on Monkh, who looks confused, and then fades to black.)

[mooseheadjack]

<Stank sits across the aisle from Outback Jack. He is on his cellphone with Rick.>

Stank - And make sure you thank Davin. I was just following his lead. Alright I'll holler at you later.

<Stank ends the call.>

Stank - Did we leave the Sons back at the jailhouse? They aren't on the bus.

OBJ - I thought they were on board?

Stank - Well I went all the way to the back looking for Spin and apparently I can't find him. Bus isn't that big.

<Stank looks into the camera, then continues his conversation.>

OBJ - I'm sure they'll be OK. Listen, you really think we can work together?

Stank - You mean Rick's army?

OBJ - Yeah.

Stank - We better... or we're done.

OBJ - We all seem to be getting along.

Stank - Getting along isn't the issue. Execution is. How are we going to be once we get to the arena? What happens after everyone has settled in their respective locker rooms?

OBJ - I wouldn't worry about that. We just need direction.

Stank - Which is why I have been BEGGING Rick to step up and lead. I don't know. Before we left Kuala Lumpur, Rick told me this thing Nate knows about Bennett in Boston might have some legs.

OBJ - What is it?

Stank - I don't know. The first I'd heard about it was when Nate mentioned it during my segment. We were interrupted before Nate could spill it all. Whatever it is... he told Rick and now he's excited. He thinks it may end this war.

OBJ - Details man!

Stank - I don't know the details. Neither Rick or Nate would say. They don't want the NCMs tipping the other side off. They did say though, that they would have to gather more evidence. That what they suspect needs more weight.

OBJ - That's it?

Stank - That's all I know. Maybe Rick told Davin something. At any rate, it gives me some hope... which we have been DAMN short on lately.

OBJ - I know what you mean.

Stank - We need a win Jack. We need a BIG win... or I'm afraid this side will be too demoralized to fight on. I can't say I'd blame them considering. Rick seriously needs to step up. Give us a reason to fight for him, without fear of reprisal from Bennett.

OBJ - I thought you didn't care about Bennett?

Stank - Personally... I don't. But that's me. How does everyone else feel?

OBJ - You know me... I care about beer and I care about the fight. Everything else is just gravy.

[mooseheadjack]

*OBJ's phone rings*

OBJ: Wally, where the hell are you...oh...no shit!...really?...which triplets?...all of them!...you're fixing him up with the GaitorBait Special?...oh, right, I forgot about the donkey, but still...well, if Prince Maha Vajiralongko knows stuff about Bennett...right, well, it's nice he got the charges against her dropped, but you'd still better be careful..right, keep me posted.

Stank: I suppose Wally had a reason for not getting us bailed out.

OBJ: He and Maha were busy doing the Eiffel Tower with Srirasmi Mahidol na Ayudhya.

Stank: You're making this shit up!

OBJ: You caught me, mate. Obviously that wouldn't be happening.

Stank: Obviously?

OBJ: He was actually doing Princess Soamsavali and Potjaman Shinawatra at the same time.

Stank...?

OBJ: No worries, mate. Maha was cool with it.

[mooseheadjack]

Meanwhile, back in the prison:

Spin Hansen: Why in the hell didn't you wake me up when we got sprung?

D.H. Magnusson: Because we're stayin'.

SH: Oh, cool then, as long as - WHAT?!?!?!?

DHM: We're stayin' here. 'til Mayhem.

SH: Shit. It finally happened. All the blood loss, all those shots to your head..You've finally lost your goddamned mind!

DHM: Nope.

SH: Then in what universe is us sitting in this hellhole a good idea?

DHM: Take a look around you, bro. What you see?

SH: I see a stinking shitpit of a cell! I see a prison in a goddamned foreign country that my Rocket Scientist of a partner decided that would be a good idea for us to get stuck in!

DHM: Two outta three.

SH: What in the hell are you talking about?!?!?

DHM: I didn't stick us in this cell. And you know damned well who did.

SH: ....... Yeah, but why in hell are we rottin' in here while everyone else is -

DHM: Because I want you to keep takin' those good long looks around. I want you to remember who put us here, and why. We're gonna sit in here, with no distractions, no jokin' around, no drinkin' and goofin' off...We're gonna sit in here until Wednesday afternoon. We're gonna get mean. We're gonna get pissed. We're gonna get HUNGRY.

DHM: And come Mayhem, we're gonna get even.

SH: I still think you're goddamned insane.

DHM: Then it's probably a good thing I'm locked up, ain't it?

[mooseheadjack]

...and now a word from our sponser....

(The camera pans in on Mr. Steel's desk he is sitting behind the desk in a tall black leather chair.)

Steel: Have you spend that day drinking that you can't even cut a good promo. Don't worry because today I have the solution for you. Try...(puts the can on the table)...Wake Up Call. The Drink to get your head on straight. You talk all these tall tales that you think your Ten Feet Tall and Bullet proof. After a shot of Wake up Call you will see the light and realize that you will fall hard.

You think your new attitude will help you in a fight....after a shot of Wake Up Call. It doesn't matter if you bring Batman, Aquaman, The Incredible Hulk, and Wonder Woman you know you are going to get your ass kick when you step in the ring.

Try Wake Up Call...It comes in two great flavors. Reality Check Red(Puts the can on the table) and Bad News Blues. (Puts the can on the table.)For some people Reality Check will be swallowed hard. And for others Wake Up Call goes down easy.
So try some today. In regular size....OR(Tytan steps in to the picture next to Steel) Super Size (Steel points to Tytan.)for those who live in a dream world and need a little bit more of a Wake Up Call since they are so thick headed.

Tytan: Wake Up Call...it's coming to you real soon Amnesiac.

(Fade TO Black.)

[mooseheadjack]

Seamus McNasty and the rest of [green] Gaelic Storm [/green] finally arrive in Phuket, Thailand…

Seamus: “Rory you fucking idiot 400 miles on a fucking forklift…”



Rory: “It wasn’t so bad!”

Connor: “The hell it wasn’t my ass in numb!”

Sean: “Oh shit, look at that sign boys we’ve made it to heaven”



Liam: “Speaking of heaven, hello there lasses”



Tommy: “I love this place”

Seamus: “It maybe a great place but be careful, look over there they are doing roadside cavity searches”

[mooseheadjack]

After that eventful trip, some of the members of Team Rick feel the need to blow off a little steam once they arrive at the Phukat Arena. Firewoman is STANDING~! in the Run-DEA suites, dressed to kill. Not literally, but definitely dressed to go out on the town.

FW: Come ON guys.

Phantos and Lucios enter dressed in their street clothes, and of course their masks.

P: Wow….you look….

L: Different….

FW: Pick your jaws up off the floor, boys. And do you really need to wear those?

P: The masks? Yes.

L: A luchador never takes off his mask.

FW: Well, it’s going to be hard to keep a low profile.

P: What kind of place is this we’re going to again?

FW: It’s an exclusive club, and Lucky’s been working for 4 days to get us in, and that’s even with knowing the owner already.

Alexis Darling enters from another room, also dressed to kill, with Alexander following her.

FW: Excellent. Let’s go….

AD: You’re going out dressed like that?

LD: I’ll be with Firewoman—

AD: Oh, that’s a comfort

LD: --and Team Aquafina here.

AD: Well…maybe I’ll go too.

FW: I don’t know about that.

AD: Why not? Where are you going.

FW: It’s just a place I know.

AD: What’s the name?

FW: It doesn’t exactly have one…it’s kind of out of the way…

AD: I don’t think that’s a really good idea. I better go too.

FW: It’s not really your kind of place. The youngest person is eighteen.

Davin Moreland and Carl from Fresno enter as well, before Alexander can respond.

FW: Oh great….

AD: Hey, guys, get ready. Firewoman is taking us all out—

FW: No, no I’m not. I told them there’d be four of us, and it took Lucky days to—

DM: We should all go. We need to bond…What kind of place is this?

FW: It’s THAILAND. What kind of place do you think it is?

CFF: Tranny bar!!! Alright!!!

AD: NO TRANNY BARS!

FW: Let’s just say it has a little something for everyone. Lucky…LUCKY?

Lucky pokes his head out of Firewoman’s Locker Room door.

Lky: Yes?

FW: Can you please call and tell Mr.Yamaguchi there will be…oh fuck, more than four of us.

Lky: Sure. Have fun. And I know not to wait up.

FW: Alright let’s go. And for gods’ sake behave.

Run DEA wanders through the deserted arena, and go out to the alley where they get ready to enter the nondescript black 15-person van waiting for them, sent by the Mr. Yamaguchi Firewoman mentioned. Gaelic Storm is standing in the alley.

SM: Daaaaamn. You all clean up nice. Where we going?

FW: Just a club… no big—

SM: Not….that club. I think we should go, as security.

FW: I really don’t think that’s nece—

DW: I don’t think we’ll fit in the van…

Rory: We can take the forklift!!

SM: We’re not taking the forklift. And just Damon and I will go, the rest of you stay here.

The rest of Gaelic Storm is downtrodden, but then the thought of a deserted arena and a fully-gassed up forklift cheers them up. Firewoman rolls her eyes and signals to Lucky to make a third call. The much-larger group now squeezes into the van.

The van winds its way through the streets of Phukat, avoiding tourists who are staggering into the street. Finally, the van turns off into what appears to be a very rundown, seedy (by Thai standards) neighborhood. The van pulls up in front of what appears to be a rundown warehouse. There is trash and debris littering the street, and there are no cars around anywhere. There are also no people, although as the group exits the van, the uneasy feeling of being watched by unseen eyes pervades the atmosphere.

AD: This can’t be good…

P: Maybe we went to the wrong place? Hey—

He goes to ask the van driver, but the driver pulls away.

P: Well, that was pretty rude.

FW: This is the right place.

Firewoman walks around the alley, which is even worse than the street, to a door in the middle of the side of the building. The door has the following symbol on it:



AD: Oh Christ…is that what—

FW: Yes, now be quiet.

AD: [Alexander hits his forehead with his hand] I should have recognized the name. I thought you were done with them.

FW: Different family.

DM: Great…just great.

LD: Oh for crying out loud guys. Firewoman wouldn’t bring us here if it wasn’t … relatively safe.

Everyone looks at Lexie as if she’s gone a bit crazy.

Firewoman knocks on the door in a patterned way. A man slides a window open and looks. Firewoman says something in Thai. The window slams shut, and then the door opens.

The inside of the warehouse looks nothing like the outside. State of the art lighting, modern furniture, and a bar that runs the perimeter of the first floor. There are a variety of stages with a variety of entertainment on each one…men, women, some undetermined, couples…and more. On the other floors are rooms which occasionally have couples or groups of people going in and out of them, some with viewing windows. There are also assorted adult videos on TV monitors around the club. Phantos and Lucios eyes widen.

P: Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.

L: Nonsense. We’re here now.

FW: Stick close to me guys, I’ll make sure nothing happens to you. At least, nothing that you don’t want to have happen. The rest of you, go have fun, and don’t get in any trouble.

Firewoman, Lexie, and Team Aquafina go off to find a table near a stage, with an assortment of 'dancers,' and order drinks.

LD: Martini.

FW: Jamesons. Neat. Guys?

P: Water. Aquafina.

L: For me too.

Firewoman shakes her head.

[mooseheadjack]

Alexander darling, Davin Moreland, and Seamus are sitting at a table near another stage. They’ve ordered a number of rounds, trying to see who can drink better. Seamus and Davin are still fine while Darling seems to be getting quite drunk.

S: You okay there lad? You’re startin’ to look a bit peckish.

AD: I’m fine. It’s just not the stuff I’m used to.

DM: To cheap for ya?

AD: Shut up and pour me another.

The guys take another round, then another. Alexis comes over, followed by Firewoman. Alexis leans in to Seamus’ ear.

LD: Firewoman and I are heading to the ladies’ room; do NOT let brother go off with any of the strippers, okay?

S: Let the lad have some fun will ya?

AD: My darling brother tends to not think while drunk. I don’t want anything bad to happen to him.

S: Like what?

LD: Crabs, Syphilis, Gonorrhea, AIDS, do I need to keep going?

S: Fine, fine, whatever.

Alexis and Firewoman saunter off looking for the ladies room as the boys watch a stripper on stage. As soon as the girls are gone, a new stripper approaches the table.



The stripper leans in between the guys at the table

Stripper: She’s a katoey up there

DM: Oh God

S: She’s a what?

Alexander holds his head in his hands.

AD: I thought this wasn’t a tranny bar.

Stripper: What can I getcha boys?

DM: Another round please.

The stripper smiles and winks at Davin

Stripper: Anything else?

Davin shakes her off.

DM: The drinks are fine thanks.

AD: I’ll take whatever you’re offerin’ You’re hot.

The stripper eyes Darling for a moment.

Stripper: Okay sweetie, right this way.

She takes him by the hand and leads him towards a backroom.

DM: Did’t Lexie ask to not let him do that?

S: Screw Lexie, let the lad have some fun.

As Darling and the stripper go into a private room, Alexis and Firewoman come back from the bathroom. Alexis sees Alexander go int the room with the stripper and seems disturbed.

LD: Seamus, I thought I told you to not let him do that!

S: And I thought I told you to let the lad have some fun.

Firwoman grabs Alexis’ arm to get her attention.

FW: I don’t think that was a stripper.

S: She’s not one of those toy things is she?

FW: No…I think that was Lenore.

Alexis turns pale. She then grabs Seamus.

LD: Go get him now!!!



In the private room, the stipper sets Alexander on a chair. She struts over to table with acurtain covering it and grabs a bottle of wine. She takes a swig and then walks back to Alexander.

Stripper: Would you like me to dance for you…or just make this quick?

AD: There’s plenty of dancin’ outisde, let’s do this.

The stripper seems to force a weak smile and straddles his lap. She grinds on him and then presses the bottle to her mouth, about to take a sip.

AD: Hey, wait a minute.

Stripper: What’s wrong? Chicken out?

AD: Nah….it’s just…you kinda look familiar.

The stripper smiles.

Stripper: Do I? Boy?

As that registers, the stripper takes a large swig from the bottle. Before Alexander can toss her off, she sprays red mist into his eyes.

Alexander screams and throws her off him. The stripper crashes to the floor, the bottle shattering a few inches away from her, leaving a red pool around it.

AD: God DAMMIT! Not again!

Alexander then turns directly into a Yakuza kick from Poe as he lunges out from underneath the covered table. Alexander is out, lying on his back on the floor, his face coveed in red mist. Poe stands over him, leaning over to look at his face.

P: We have to stop meeting like this Boy.

Poe then looks over to the stripper, holding out his hand to help her up.

P: Lenore, my love, you were supposed to bring me Davin.

Lenore: He didn’t bite. Besides…I always hated this piece of shit.

Poe leans down and delivers a few rights to the forehead of Alexnader. He then steps off and as he does Seamus starts to beat on the door from the outside, getting Poe’s and Lenore’s attention. Poe takes Lenore by the arm and starts to lead her towards the exit in the back of the room. As they open the door to leave, Seamus bursts through the other door. Seamus and Poe stare at each other for a moment. Poe smiles at Seamus.

P: Namasdeh.

Poe and Lenore leave. Seamus watches them leave, and then goes over to Alexander who’s clutching his head on the floor.

[mooseheadjack]

*Run DEA is finally safely back in their suites after the team-building exercise. Davin, Firewoman, Alexis and Seamus are all sitting around the breakfast nook sipping assorted versions of coffee, all provided by Dunkin' Donuts. Alexander is recuperating in his room. Carl is getting a sandwich from Ric's. Phantos and Lucios are with Emma and Sprios at the Sony Multimedia Center*

P: I don't understand, all we drank is water.

L: All I know it, I feel terrible this morning.

E: You sure it was just water?

P: I mean, it TASTED like water

DM: What did you do Fire?

*Firewoman just grins evilly*

S: Well Done, Lass.

FW: Did I say you could talk?

S: Ah Miss Firewoman, dontcha know I don't give a fook whatchu say b'now? 'Tis all right. I'll sit here and take the abuse, for you are my charge.

FW: What the fuck ever. Anyway, at least THEY had fun.

LD: What about Brother Dear? What are we gonna do about Poe.

*Davin holds his hand up*

DM: Leave Poe to me. His happy Japan Rehash horseshit is going to end; and end soon. He needs to realize his place and where he is.

LD: And you're just the one to teach him?

*Smokey bounds into the room and meows at Davin. Davin pats his leg twice and she jumps in his lap so Davin can pet her. He gets looks from around the table*

DM: Something like that. What? WHAT?!? Oh God, seriously? I'm not a monster. I can express affection toward a kitten. There is NOTHING wrong with that.

S: Ain't noothin wrong with that lad. Ye can do whatchee want. We can also think what we want, yeh marmy git.

DM: Ya know. I know what you're saying Seamus. Your brogue isn't like a mystery.

S: Ah yes, quite the linguist ye are. Tis all in good fun.

DM: Whatever. *pets Smokey* Anyway, our little Poe "inconvenience" will be addressed this week. I'm using what's left of my Assistant GM power to request a 2 of 3 falls match. Booking committee can't say no, because Davin = Ratings.

FW: Sound a little full of yourself there.

DM: *shrugs* It's true. Besides, beating that windbag Poe twice will slow his momentum a bit. Maybe I'll kick the crap out of him at the PPV too?

LD: Certainly full of confidence nowadays, aren't ya?

DM: Why not? I'm the #1 Contender to the World Title (Hi LD!). I'm the Campeonas de Trios Champion. Team Rick finally looks to be unifying and I heard Rick called a Team meeting for later this week. Maybe he'll stop being a douchebag and actually give us a reason to fight for him. For me, things are ok.

FW: You got beatdown 4 times last week.

DM: Sure, and outside of my perpetually cracked ribs *shows the taped ribs, totally not ripping off Diamond Dallas Page's gimmick or anything*, I'm none the worse for wear. They can attack me all they want, they can't slow my resolve or beat the will to win out of me. Now, if everyone else can be on the same page.

S: Ah, yer such a dreamer yeh gobshite.

DM: Seamus, I understand you.

S: And?

DM: And...nothing, for now.

S: Threats don't become ye lad.

*fade*

*fade back into Poe's locker room, where he's joined by Selena*

P: Beverages, Selena.

S: Yes master. Are you sure you'll be ok by yourself, Master?

P: Of course. Carry on, Selena.

*Selena leaves, Poe snaps on OOWF-TV, and is greeted by Davin Moreland's face holding a microphone*

DM: Poe. You've become a nuisance to me. At first, I appreciated your desire to improve your standing in the OOWF, whether you included me in your bid for it or not. Your issues with Alexander Darling did not concern me. For that matter, your going after Carl didn't concern me either; that promo was for fun.

DM: But then you attacked my friend Bunny.

DM: That made it personal.

DM: See, you took the cowardly way out. Instead of attacking me or addressing me, you conducted a sneak-attack on someone who is NOT me, who is 150 lbs lighter and a foot shorter than yourself. Cowardice. In fact, I'd go so far as to call you a pussy for that move. The only think worse I think would be trashing my locker room when I wasn't there. You took out a friend of mine; someone substantially smaller than you, and did it as a message to me?

DM: I don't appreciate cowardice. You have a message to send to me, you do it to me directly. You might have some sort of intimidation effect to some folks here, but I don't intimidate easily. I've been in wars with Moosehead Jack. I've been close to death with Chris Cole. Hell, I even won my little feud with Underdawg, master of the headgames. You? You are a rank amateur compared to professionals I respect (save maybe for "The Lower Midcard" Chris Cole) in this business.

DM: Let me leave you with one last thought, from someone you might recognize.

*All of a sudden, Poe feels what can only be described as a cold, metal rod pressing lightly against his throat. The camera pans back to reveal Davin Moreland, in Poe's locker room behind the chair, holding a piece of rebar to Poe's throat.*

DM: "All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream." Bunny? Come on in.

*Bunny, all taped up, comes into the locker room with sheer murder in his eyes, holding another piece of familiar rebar. He jumps on Poe, and starts beating him in the head with it, as Davin just stands back and watches. Poe's head is a bloody mess. Bunny looks at Davin, who tosses HIS piece of rebar to Bunny. Bunny, now using double-paw action, gets brutal shots to Poe's ribs, knees and face. As Poe starts to slip out of consciousness, Davin holds his hand up to Bunny, who stops.*

B: “Dealing with backstabbers, there was one thing I learned. They're only powerful when you got your back turned.” Peace out, bitch.

*Bunny leaves. Davin leans in to Poe's ear and whispers to the fading Poe*

DM: "That man is not truly brave who is afraid either to seem or to be, when it suits him, a coward." And lest us not forget, "Science has not yet taught us if madness is or is not the sublimity of the intelligence. " And, I've already been proven a madman Poe. That's why they give me pills. Food for thought.

DM: Namasdeh. See you Wednesday Poe, if you make it.

*Davin leaves just as Selena is arriving. Selena sees her Master in distress and immediately calls the paramedics*

*fade*

[mooseheadjack]

We fade into the beautiful blue skies over Phang Nga Bay, just off the coast of Phuket, Thailand. The Bennett bus has arrived safely in Phuket and now we see a small sea plane flying low over a group of islands.




The camera changes to show the cockpit where Eric O’Mac sits looking at a map while Tyson Kincaid fiddles with the controls.

EOM: So, let me get this straight. You get a letter from a “big fan” who invites us to spend a night at his private island. And not only do not accept the invitation, but you somehow manage to talk ME into going on another island trip with you. You know, people are talking about us.

TK: Let em’ talk. We both know that we’re totally not gay, so who cares what they think?

Kincaid’s cell phone rings and plays Tom Waits’ “16 Shells From A Thirty-Ought Six”. He answers, surprised to get reception. The camera switches to show the man on the other end.




Man: Hello, is this Tyson Kincaid?

TK: Yeah, who’s this?

Man: I’m not ready to reveal myself just yet. You must understand that in my line of work, privacy is essential. However, I am greatly honored that you chose to accept my invitation. I apologize for the dubiousness of it, but I can’t be too careful. Do you need any further directions?

TK: Well, I admit that all I had to go on until now was “Gulf Of Thailand”, which was a little vague. But I think we’re close now. By any chance, are you the island with the chimneys?

Man: Yes. I thought they might be a little obvious at first, but they seem to help my guests find their way.

EOM: [muttering] A name and a phone book listing would work just as well, asshole.

TK: I’m putting her down, now. I’ll see you in a minute.

Kincaid closes his phone.

EOM: Where the hell did you learn to fly, anyway?

TK: Microsoft Flight Simulator. I totally own that game!

Eric lets out an audible gulp and takes a white-knuckle grip of the arm rests on his seat.

EOM: I’m gonna kill you after we land.

TK: Unless the landing kills us both.

Kincaid eases the controls forward and the plane begins to dive towards the crystal blue ocean.

EOM: [muttering to himself] IhateyouIhateyouIhateyouIhateyouIhateyouIhateyou…

The plane turns sharply to the left and puts down on the water at the mouth of a small cove where it motors onto a sandy beach.




TK: See? Nothing to it.

EOM: No, fuck you, man! This is bullshit! You could have killed us and now we’re stuck on an island with some crazy asshole who we don’t even know!

Before Eric can put his hands around Tyson’s throat, they are struck by the magnificence of the island. It is filled with white sand and many tropical plants and at the center, a large dwelling has been built into the rocks of the cliffs that surround the entire landscape.




EOM: Holy…

Both men exit the cockpit and step out onto the sand. For the first time, we can see the attire of both men. Eric is dressed in a simple t-shirt with sweatpants and running shoes. Kincaid is wearing a sea island cotton polo shirt, khaki shorts and sandals (no socks). They turn to see a small man dressed in a white suit and black pants approaching them from the rocks carrying a tray with champagne atop it.




TK: Look! It’s that dead dwarf!

EOM: Verne Troyer?

TK: No, no. He’s still alive, I think. I meant the one from Fantasy Island. What was his name? Haircut…? Piercing…?

EOM: Tattoo?

TK: Yeah, Tattoo, that’s it.

The midget reaches Kincaid and O’Mac and addresses them in a thick, high-pitched French accent.

Midget: Bonjour Monsieur Kincaid. Monsieur O’Mac. We’ve been expecting you. Bollinger soixante-quatre. Allow me.

The dwarf is about to open the bottle when a gunshot is heard, startling all three men. The cork pops off and the champagne bubbles over top.




A tall, thin man steps out from behind a nearby rock, smoking gun in his hand. Smiling, he approaches the group.

EOM: It’s Dracula!

TK: No it isn’t, Eric. Calm down.

EOM: Nuh-uh! I’ve seen the movies. That’s him!

Before Eric can turn and run for his life, the man speaks.

Man: Welcome, gentlemen. I’d glad you could make it to my humble island. My name is Francisco Scaramanga. I see you’ve already met Nick Nack, my manservant.




Kincaid and O’Mac politely acknowledge the small man and then turn their eyes to Scaramanga with hesitation, slightly more so on Eric’s part.

Scaramanga: I apologize for the crude display, a habit of my profession. You see, I’m an assassin, a “gun-for-hire” if you will. My trademark? My “Golden Gun”. Easily concealable as it is made up of everyday components – a lighter, a pen and a cigarette case. All I need is one shot as I never miss.

TK: Is that why we’re here? Did Rick or someone else pay you off to kill us?

Scaramanga: No, no, no! It’s not like that at all. You see, as I explained over the phone, privacy is integral to my success in this profession. I simply cannot attend a match or an autograph signing. I had to find a way to bring you to my island in order to show you my appreciation.

TK: So I take it that you get OOWF TV all the way out here?

Scaramanga: My island has all the modern amenities I would ever need, Mr. Kincaid. As for food and other luxuries, Nick Nack does me just fine.

Scaramanga turns to Nick Nack and picks up a glass from the tray, which he fills with champagne. He repeats this with a second glass, handing one each to Kincaid and O’Mac.

Scaramanga: Please enjoy these, gentlemen. I must take a quick swim before dinner.

Scaramanga disrobes and walks off the sand and into the water, leaving Kincaid and Eric to talk amongst themselves.

EOM: This is ridiculous. We have a huge match coming up against Crete and Stank and we’re stuck on an island with a hitman which, by the way, is soooo much better than Dracula.

TK: Are you being sarcastic?

EOM: Of course I’m being sarcastic! There’s no fucking way I’m spending the night here.

TK: Look, I’m a good judge of character. He’s a professional. If he was going to kill us, we’d be dead by now.

EOM: Alright, but at the slightest hint of danger, I’m bolting and you’re on your own.

TK: Fine.

Scaramanga emerges from the water and is handed a towel by Nick Nack. Kincaid and O’Mac are taken aback by something and Scaramanga notices their obvious stares directed towards his upper torso.

Scaramanga: Ah, you must wondering about this. It’s my third nipple, a sign of great virility in this part of the world.




EOM: Dude! Put that fucking thing away!

Kincaid nudges Eric for being so impolite.

Scaramanga: I apologize. I should have warned you ahead of time. Come, let me give you a quick tour. I have something to show you that I think you will be impressed by.

EOM: What is it? A sixth toe?

Scaramanga ignores Eric’s comment and walks up a small set of stairs built into the rocks leading to the house. Kincaid and Eric hand their empty glasses to Nick Nack and all three trail behind Scaramanga.

The group walks through an airlock door and into a large area lined with computers and other electronic and mechanical devices. It has six large open circular containers in the middle of it with a surrounding steel walkway.




Scaramanga: Solar power, gentlemen. All of it mine, all of it free.

TK: Very impressive.

Scaramanga: Indeed. But that’s not what, or rather who, I wanted to show you. Ron! We have visitors!

Scaramanga motions to a technician holding a clipboard who promptly turns to face the group.




TK: Oh, cool! Ron Simmons works for you!

Ron Simmons: DAMN!

EOM: Ah man, this guy is AWESOME! I never see that one coming!

Scaramanga: Yes, I knew that would impress you. Now, if you’ll follow Nick Nack, he’ll show you to your sleeping quarters - separate rooms, of course.

TK: Just one thing before we go, Mr. Scaramanga.

Scaramanga: Yes?

TK: Didn't James Bond kill you, like, 30 years ago? Aren't you supposed to be dead right now?

Scaramanga: Aren't you supposed to be on a bus right now?

TK: Touche.

Eric and Kincaid follow Nick Nack out of the laboratory and into the heart of Scaramanga’s posh living quarters. He opens a large oak door and invites the two men inside.

Nick Nack: Here we are, monsieur’s. I hope that everything will be satisfactory.




Nick Nack gives a polite bow and exits the room.

EOM: Nice job, Tyson. We’re alone on island with a creepy French midget and a hitman with three nipples.

TK: But at least there’s nothing gay about that.

[mooseheadjack]

<SFJ13 catches up with Moosehead Jack in the Phucket Hard Fighting Arena>

SFJ13: Moose, you have been quiet this week, do you have any thoughts on what happened to Team Rick on their way to the arena?

MHJ: That was a damn shame, but that is what happens when you make careless decisions

SFJ13: The trip to jail seemed to have a unifying effect on Team Rick, is that something that concerns you?

MHJ:<laughing> Hell no it doesn't concern me. Look, when you are in that type of situation, solidarity and unity is REAL easy to come by. The test will be to apply that to the OOWF, I don't think they can do it, they are all too damn headstrong to stand together. At the first perceived slight, half of them will be off doing their own thing again. See, it is real simple right now, we may not be able to knock them out in one shot, they are too strong for that, but they cannot win a war of attrition, they will crumble. It will take longer than we thought, but all we have to di is sit back and wait and watch them destroy themselves

SFJ13: You are defending your DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Title at MidWeek Mayhem this week, last time it was defended on a show, the title changed hands, what are your thoughts about the match this week?

MHJ: I think Justin Sane has a death wish.

<Moose turns and walks away abruptly ending the interview>

[mooseheadjack]

**Stank is having a drink in the Destroyitarium when L.D. Williams storms into the room and stalks over to his table.**

LD: “I hate you.”

S: “Fair enough.”<signals the bartender to bring L. D. a beer.> “Any particular reason?”

LD: “These long-ass, continuity building, involve-the-whole-roster, entertaining-as-hell promos you keep doing.”

S: “This is a problem?”

LD: “Do you even stop to think about what you’re doing to the rest of us? We can’t all promo like that.”

S: “Hey, the Heels were doing killer promos long before me. It was their gimmick.”

LD: “Exactly – It was a gimmick. And, they were elitist bastards about it. Sure, they made me look like a brain damaged six-year-old trying to battle rap…uh…someone who’s good at battle rapping-”

Bunny: “Ayo.”

S: “Don’t think he meant you Bunny.”

B: “Ayo.” <Leaves>

LD”-but they made everyone look like that. But not you. Oh, no. You had to make uber promos accessible. Magnusson, Blitz, Amnesiac, Kincaid, all of Run DEA – the list goes on and on. EVERYBODY cuts these awesome promos now. And where does that leave me?”

S: “Well, you could cut your own promo…”

LD: “I CAN’T! Don’t you get it? I can’t promo like that. I suck. I have had exactly ONE good idea since the OOWF started. I gave it my best, and you know what happened? Come awards time, exactly one person remembered it. ONE!”

S: “It’s not that bad.”

LD: “Do you remember it?”

S: “Of course I…No, actually I don’t. Sorry.”

LD: “Exactly. And, it gets worse. Do you know why Jack only sold the Macarena attack in my promos?”

S: “Continuity?”

LD: “CONTINUITY MY ASS! IT WAS ALL I HAD! I could only think of two jokes, and I had to steal both of ‘em. Now that that one’s run it’s course, what am I supposed to do? Drag Justin around on a leash so he can fuck up my name?”

S: “You’re exaggerating.”

LD: “Really? Watch. OY VEY!”

SYB: “You rang?”

LD: “-”

S: “-”

SYB: “-”

S: “-”

LD: [image]

SYB: “-”

LD: “SEE? A stereotype and a perfect comedic character! I drag him into my promo, and I got nothing! The best I can do is an over-used freaking smiley!”

SYB: “Dude, you’re Canadian. If you want to be funny, just say ‘Aboot’ and ‘Eh’ a lot.”

LD: “One, you guys already ran that into the ground (and did it better than I ever could), and Two, we don’t talk like that.”

SYB: “Yes you do.”

LD: “No, we don’t.”

Skurge: “Actually, yeah, we do.”

LD: “You are such a hoser.”

S: “Did you have a point?”

LD: “Two months from now, when I’m calling myself Rashiki Oolau Hola and teaming with Volt and Nerve as cannon fodder in Trios matches, I’m gonna…I’m gonna…

…

Well, I probably won’t do a damn thing, but it’ll STILL be YOUR FAULT!”

**Williams throws himself into a chair and takes a long pull of his beer.**

S: “Feel better?”

LD: “A little.”

**Stank signals the bartender for another round.**

[mooseheadjack]

<Moose walks into the destroyitarium and spots LD Williams, he calls for a beer and has a seat next to LD>

MHJ: There you are, we have been looking for you.....what's up?

LDW: What's up? The promos Moose, the promos.

MHJ: Yeah there have been some damn good ones this week

LDW: It's like this EVERY week! How can I keep up with that?

MHJ: Yeah we have some of the best promo people in wrestling writing for us, top notch.

LDW: Was that in character or out of character?

MHJ: Does it matter?

LDW: To her it does

<Moose looks over and sees Kayfabe staring at him bug eyed and furious>

MHJ: Oh christ, her again. LOOK! We are dealing with some shit here, so you are just gonna have to save it till we are done.

<Kayfabe slowly sits down and points at Moose and waits>

MHJ: Ok, promo time, who are you facing this week?

LDW: Knife

MHJ: Knife? How the hell did he get a shot?

LDW: Beats the hell out of me, but that's who I have

MHJ: You ever have an issue with him before?

LDW: Not that I recall

MHJ: You ever face him before?

LDW: Twice, February 7, 2007 and May 9, 2007

MHJ: And?

LDW: Lost

MHJ: Both of them?

LDW: Yup

MHJ: Really?

LDW: You're not helping here

MHJ: Oh yeah, uh sorry, ok so.....you lost to him TWICE?

LDW: WHAT IS YOUR POINT?

MHJ: Nothing, nothing, ok fine, February, that would have been during the Onslaught Tournament, no big deal there, upsets happen. What was going on during the May 9 match?

LDW: Weapon X was feuding with Kenji and Knife

MHJ: Oh, so this was one of those "split the teams into singles matches" deals

LDW: Yeah, I guess the booker thought that was a good idea

MHJ: That booker is an asshole

<Kayfabe looks quite annoyed by this>

MHJ: Ok, simple, you just tell Knife that he got lucky twice before, but now his luck runs out. You are going to beat him to prove a point to everyone that you are the best damn OOWF World Champion that this organ-i-zation has ever seen!

LDW: Wait, why did you do that?

MHJ: Do what?

LDW: Organ-i-zation?

MHJ: That's how its said in Canadian

LDW I give up

MHJ: See? That wasn't so bad, we good?

LDW: Yeah we're good

<LD and Moose clink beers then drain them, Moose barely sets his bottle down when Kayfabe charges across the room and spears him out of his chair. They brawl out of the Destroyitarium into the hall of the arena. LD Williams looks on, shakes his head, and calls for another beer>

[mooseheadjack]

*Run DEA Luxury Suites Sponsored by Aquafina and TD Waterhouse*

It’s another day here in the OOWF and things are relatively quiet considering the state of affairs in the company. Speaking of a place that is currently quiet, nothing is quieter than the Run DEA Suites as we open to a view of the main room and the only person visible is LonelyGirl15 as she’s standing in front of the TV playing some Wii Tennis. All of a sudden, a door slams within the suite slams open and Alexander Darling comes stumbling out.

Alexander Darling: What the fuck happened?

LG15 hits the pause button on her controller and turns to face Alexander. His face is still a little red from the incident at Firewoman’s team building outing. He rubs his eyes a little and this spurs LG15 into action as she heads over to the bathroom and grabs some cream. She yells out,

LG15: Hey Alex, take a seat and I’ll try to explain what I know since I wasn’t invited.

Alexander: You would have been if you were here, but you off doing god knows what for Fire. And besides, after what happened, I’m glad you didn’t come.

LG15: Yea, you don’t look good Alex.

Alexander: Thanks, I appreciate it. So, what were you doing for Fire that took you so long to get into town?

LG15: Do you really want to know that?

Alexander takes a seat on the couch and looks up and down, right to left…
Alexander: Good point, I really don’t want to know. So, how long was I out?

LG15: A little over 24 hours. We were all worried at first, but Alexis said it was okay; that she gave you something for the pain and you’d be up and around in a day or two.

Alexander looks surprised at LG’s words, but she doesn’t seem to notice. He leans back on the couch as LG15 comes over and starts gently applying the cream to the really irritated parts of Alexander’s face. You can see Alex cringe a little as more and more of the cream is applied.

LG15: Do you want me to go get some more of those pain pills?

Alexander: NO, don’t…I can handle it.

LG15 looks a little shocked at how vehement Alexander is about that, but she doesn’t say anything as she finishes up with the treatment to Alexander’s face. She ends it with a sweet little kiss to his forehead.

LG15: I hate seeing you like this Alex. You’re getting yourself into too many things and it’s not good. You’ve got it coming from all sides.

Alexander: Don’t you think I know that, but what the fuck am I supposed to do? I can’t have people fighting my battles for me anymore. I’ve gotten myself into these situations and I need to get myself out of them.

LG15: You don’t need to ask them anymore. I did get to see some OOWF-TV in my errands for Firewoman. Davin has personally taken an interest in Poe for now, there’s no need for you to go out there looking for him right now. And Stank said he’d back you up if it were needed…so stop thinking you’re on your own. Please, for me.

Alexander: Fine…for you, I can think about it. But if I’m not focusing on Poe and MacCappington and Moose, what the fuck should I be doing?

LG15: I don’t know…maybe realizing that you have another match with Donovan Viper and you could possibly focus on that I think. I mean, you have been talking about the Intercontinental belt like it means something to you.

Alexander: It does.

LG15: Then start acting like it. From now through Wednesday there should only be one thing on your mind and that’s Donovan Viper.

Alexander: You don’t think I’ve been doing that?

LG15: Not 100% Alex…and you know it.

Alexander: You’re right, I think. The day will come when I can put my mind back to Poe or MacCappington or whoever else, but this week Viper will see a truly focused Alexander Darling.

LG15: Is it time for me to be a plot device?

Alexander: Just for a moment. There aren’t many words to be said here. The talking will be done inside the ring.

LG15: Well, Alex…you and Viper have already faced each other quite a few times in your OOWF career. Now, you hold a few wins over him but truthfully he’s had your number in the last few encounters. How do you plan on changing that momentum?

Alexander: The only momentum Viper holds is that he’s been able to use his chain in each and every match. And that’s cause he knows he can’t beat me straight up. I scare Donovan Viper and he doesn’t know how to handle that so he has to find any advantage he can.

LG15: Well, what makes you think this time will be different?

Alexander: A little faith. I have a feeling that I’ll be able to handle anything Viper throws at me and more. For the first time since I lost this belt, I truly know that it will be mine again.

LG15: Is there any specific reason why though.

Alexander: Just one…I’m better than Donovan Viper. And there isn’t a damn thing he can do or say about that. Has he beaten me a few times? Yea, he has but as I said…every single time he did, he needed his chain to do it. Hell, he didn’t even win the title by beating me. He beat a completely lost and unfocused Capellan to get the belt. I admit it was my own fault for getting distracted and not being there, but that WILL NOT happen again.

LG15: What makes you so sure?

Alexander: Because you were right before. Poe won’t distract me because Davin Moreland will have already taken care of him. And I won’t have to worry about anyone else from Team Bennett because due to their own miscalculation of getting us all arrested, I know I don’t need to watch my own back, I have a whole crew of guys that will do it for me. Just like I will do for them.

LG15: That’s not like you Alex…normally, and I don’t say this to be a bitch, but you aren’t exactly a team player.

Alexander: Things change LG. Priorities and goals need to be flexible. My goal is to win the Intercontinental Title this week and in order to accomplish that, I’ve reorganized my priorities. I can’t just look out for numero uno anymore. We’re fighting a war. Donovan Viper is an enemy, I must take him out.

LG15: Anything else Alexander?

Alexander: Not this time LG…I’ve said enough. The rest of the talking between us will happen in that ring and the last word will be the man holding up a championship belt high over his head when the bell rings. And I will be that man.

LG15: Good to have you back Alex.

Alexander: It feels good to be back…let’s go grab some lunch.

*Fade*

[mooseheadjack]

(As Team Rick finally settles in to the arena, CTG is right back out the door, talking on the phone)


CTG: Chinh? Crete..... yes, we finally made it, did Piromu call you? .... rigiht, I have an emergency order.... I'll need masks, unitards, some shirts, bandanas, bicep straps.... lay everything out, I have a list..... no, not just for me! I'll be there shortly.

(We fade to a small shop in Phucket)

Chinh: Piromu said you had a rough time on the way here.

CTG: we did - but now those I traveled with have found their purpose. We are united against a common foe, and to show this unity I have compiled a list of items I will need no later than Wednesday afternoon (hands it over) I have to work around several preferences, from product endorsements to traditional costume coloring

Chinh: Doesn't sound that united

CTG: I'm not about to impose uniforms when we've finally gotten everyone on the same page. Next to each name is a preference and a color scheme. However, every item needs "TR" in this font (points it out) in black and gold.

Chinh: (Reading it over) this will cost extra for different things

CTG: I am aware. how many of your fellow seamstresses are fans?

Chinh: (thinks).... not many.

CTG: I would offer tickets to those who are attending (holds up a few more)

Chinh: really?

CTG: these are my last four. Piromu got the rest. I've managed to scare up some classic "Hurri-crete and Moosey" shirts that they can wear if they feel they don't have proper clothes for a wrestling event.

Chinh: that's quite generous

CTG: (Takes one of her business cards) and these items will be worn until we win our war. I will personally ship you each show that your product airs.

Chinh: (bows) thank you

CTG: Will this be a fair trade?

Chinh: you don't have money, do you?

CTG: I spoke to Piromu

Chinh: ...... right. I will call if we have questions.

[mooseheadjack]

*Outback Jack is watching the bartender refill his beer while talking on his phone*

OBJ: Sounds great, Wally, but I think I'd better ease up on the "adult entertainment' and train a little...no, I'm not at the gym, I'm at the Destroyitarium...no, I'm not worried about Cole, I'm going to take him apart, but there's some stiff competition in the drinking contest with Spin and Seamus, and Fire can hold her own, so I don't want to take them lightly...Solly?...well, he's not much of a factor, but he seems to have stopped by to scout out the competition...anyways, the next hand's about to start... right.

*OBJ grabs his beer and strolls back to his spot at the poker table. As the dealer goes to work, SYB casually strolls up to the table*

SYB: You guys playing cards?

[mooseheadjack]

Firewoman is OPENING~! boxes delivered by LonelyGirl15, with Lucky.

FW: Fucking SWEET!

She takes out an assortment of items, including things obviously marked 'flammable.'

Lucky: We should probably do this in our...er, your locker room.

FW: Not enough room.

She opens a box and takes out fire poi. She opens what appears to be paraffin, and does some stuff, gets her lighter and lights them up.

Lucky: Isn't there a no fire rule?

FW: There's a no setting people on fire rule, when not a sanctioned match. Move that couch back, and grab that large water cooler sized bottle of Aquafina, just in case.

Lucky moves the couch back, and Firewoman gets her trusty Zippo lighter, and lights them up and begins spinning them around, kinda like this:



Lucky: I don't know that you can use these in your match.

FW: [waits until she's done, and extinguishes the poi.] Doesn't matter. It's all part of the preparation.

Lucky: Uh huh. What else you got?

Firewoman brings out some things out that looks like small torches. Again, she lights it, and begins to do stuff like this:



and this



and especially this



Lucky: Wow.

Firewoman extinguishes the last of the torches, closes everything up nice and sealed, and she and Lucky start to take the items back to her locker room. But first, Firewoman turns to the NinjaCam.

FW: See, Mr. Bennett....Why you would think an inferno match would be a threat is beyond me. But your decision, not mine. See you Wednesday, Dead. I have some more preparing to do.

[mooseheadjack]

<Kayfabe spears Moose out of his seat and they tumble out of the Destroyitarium, brawling the whole way. They both get to their feet holding weapons, Moose with a lead pipe, Kayfabe with the Kendo Stick of Truth. Moose charges but Kayfabe side steps and catches Moose in the face with a kendo stick shot! Moose falls to one knee and Kayfabe pulls Moose up and DRILLS him on the floor with an Alabama Slam! Both Moose and Kayfabe remain on the floor bloody and exhausted. Kayfabe puts her hand on Moose’s chest to get to her feet when a referee appears and counts…..

ONE, TWO, THREE!! WINNER AND NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION – KAYFABE!!

The referee raises Kayfabe’s arm and hands her the title, she stares at it for a moment, then Justin Sane comes charging out of nowhere, yelling the whole way, naturally. Kayfabe turns and sidesteps and Sane slams into the wall, knocking himself out cold. Kayfabe stands and stares at Sane, giving Moose time to get to his feet and grab a chair. Moose SLAMS the chair across Kayfabe’s face sending her to the floor. Moose falls on Kayfabe and the same referee appears once again….

ONE, TWO, THREE!! WINNER AND NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION – MOOSEHEAD JACK!!>

Moose grabs his title and staggers down the hall. He rounds the corner and comes across the OOWF Minstrel strumming his guitar while several SFJ’s and Donovan Viper sit enthralled by his every word…..

I gave my love a title
That had no stones
I gave my opponent a beating
And several broken bones
I gave my love a promo
That had no end
I gave my...

Moose grabs the guitar and smashes it over the OOWF Minstrel’s head, then pulls him to his feet, and lands a HEARTPUNCH that sends him to the floor. Moose turns to the shocked crowd……

Sorry

<Moose walks away without another word>

[mooseheadjack]

(The Amnesiac is seated at the poker table at Outback Jack sits back down to. He's wearing a t-shirt that says "I'd Check-raise My Own Grandma", and has a not-modest pile of chips all neatly stacked in front of him.)

OBJ: What, you blokes are letting masked men play poker these days?

Dealer: He bring money to table, we let him play.

OBJ: How are you there, Amnesiac?

Amn: It's THE Amnesiac, and I'm holding my own.

OBJ: How much you bring to the table?

(The dealer deals a hand.)

Amn: I think I started here with around 6000 Baht.

(The action folds around to The Amnesiac, who pushes in a raise. More players fold around to OBJ. He calls the raise.)

OBJ: Nice try, rookie. You ain't pushin me out with a chump raise like that.

(The Amnesiac just gives him a sly smile. The dealer turns up 3 cards. The 8 of spades, the queen of spades, and the king of hearts.)

OBJ: Nice. I think I've gotcha here, mate.

(OBJ pushes in a fairly sizable bet. The Amnesiac thinks about it for a moment, looks at his hole cards, and then calls the bet.)

OBJ: You're gonna regret that. I'm sitting on two pair over here.

Amn: We'll see.

(The dealer turns over the queen of diamonds on the turn.)

Amn: And I'm guessing that made you a full house?

(OBJ just smiles, and checks the bet to The Amnesiac. He checks as well. The dealer turns up the 9 of spades on the river.)

OBJ: I'm all in, mate.

(Before OBJ can even get these words out of his mouth, The Amnesiac calls.)

Amn: Whatcha got?

OBJ: Full boat, kings over queens.

(He flips over his hand, and shows the full house. The Amnesiac shakes his head, and flips his cards over, the 10 and jack of spades: a straight flush.)

Amn: Not good enough. You shouldn't have checked the turn.

OBJ: Jesus... I thought hands like this only happened in the goddamn movies.

(The dealer pushes the pot to The Amnesiac. He collects his chips and racks them.)

Amn: I've gotta go. Jack, we should play some heads up sometime.

OBJ: You're on, mate.

(The Amnesiac gets up and walks away. *FADE*)