OOWF MidWeek Mayhem 06-18-08

[mooseheadjack]

Attitude Adjuster quietly saunters up to LD Williams at the bar. He sits down next to him, which gains him a Death Stare from Williams. AA calmly takes a sheet of paper out of pocket and hands it to LD.

AA: Read this.

LD quietly starts reading it.

AA: OUT LOUD, YOU IDIOT!!!

LD gives AA another Death Stare.

AA: If that’s OK with you, that is.

LD: Knife! Knife! How many times do you think you can get lucky? You beat me twice. Twice! But that was before I wore this! (LD suddenly holds the OOWF Heavyweight title above his head, which makes him stop for a second because he didn’t even know he was carrying the belt with him.) The OOWF Heavyweight Title! The one thing I hold most dear (AA, most dear? Come on…)

AA: Just keep reading. We’re live right now.

LD: The one thing I hold most dear to me besides my mother’s love. (AA, I’m going to kill you.) So, Knife, you better bring everything you got, all that flippy fly-ie shit you do (AA, I don’t think Knife is a flippy dude.)

AA: Live, LD, live.

LD: All that flippy fly-ie shit you do, and bring it to Midweek Mayhem in Phuket, Thailand (the bar suddenly stands and cheers). Because this belt is not leaving my side before, during or after our overseas tour. LD Williams stands for everything that’s still good about this stinking pile of crap called the OOWF (WHAT?!? AA, I’m going to kill you.)

AA: We can fix that in post-production.

LD: That’s it. I can’t keep reading this stuff.

AA: Dude, you’re like at three stars already. Finish it off, and you got a four-star promo working.

LD: But I haven’t said anything of merit. All I’ve done is yell and scream.

AA: No, you’ve also named you opponent, said why you don’t like him and, most importantly, said where and when the match will be. That’s all that matters.

LD: That’s all I have to say?

AA: Yep. You’re a face. We don’t expect much from faces. Look, heels cut the promos, then faces get the wins. Now what I suggest is you just keep that sheet of paper there, and every week just change the name of the opponent, his history with you, the type of stuff he does and where the match takes place, and you got yourself a promo.

LD: Uhh, thanks?

AA: No problem. Just remember you owe me one.

LD: Like what?

AA: Lay down for me once I get the Championship Committee to give me my title shot.

LD: Yeah, like that’s happening.

AA: That’s good. That’s good. See, you’re starting to simmer a feud with me. Pretty soon you’ll be able to insert my name into that promo. Of course, that will also be the last time you get to use that promo because it will be the last time you’re the OOWF Heavyweight Champion.

LD: Did you just insert yourself into the title picture? Just like that?

AA: That’s what a good promo will do for you. Because...

LD: And now you’re going to hit your catchphrase.

AA: AA Equals Ratings!

LD: Don’t you have a feud with Phantos to attend to?

[mooseheadjack]

Jun 16, 2008 9:42:25 GMT -5 @outbackjack said:

*

*OBJ grabs his beer and strolls back to his spot at the poker table. As the dealer goes to work, SYB casually strolls up to the table*

SYB: You guys playing cards?

Davin Moreland walks up to SYB and grabs him by the arm guiding him away from the poker game

Davin: SYB, l'd like you to meet...Morte, Jim Jones, Jason Shapiro and Josh O’Neal. Grab a seat and make yourselves at home. Don't be shy about helping yourselves
to punch and cookies.

<the poker game continues and somewhere in the background Nash is playing the piano>

Lucios: l'm not going to say Team Rick is the best faction in the OOWF but a lot of outstanding wrestlers figure they will join Team Rick, or they won’t join the war at all

Phantos: We do have more than our share of fantastic wrestlers, something that never looks bad when you are going to war

Damon Wrath: Sure. Everybody says Team Rick is the best but, I hate to seem...you know, pushy.

Alexander Darling: Let the unacceptable candidates worry,
because after tonight, they're....

Davin Moreland:...you are...SYB!

DM: I'm Davin Moreland, assistant to the GM for Team Rick. Meet my friends, Firewoman...

SYB: We already met.

DM: ...and Concrete TG.

CTG: How are you?

SYB: How are you?

DM: Over there is Stank, longest reigning OOWF world champion ever. That’s Outback Jack, OOWF Original and longtime drinking champion…………and... Morte, Jim Jones, Jason Shapiro, Josh O’Neal, Predator

SYB: We already met.

DM: Super!

[mooseheadjack]

(Tytan is seen walking through the hallway of random encounters. Dr. Podvod and Steel, walking slightly behind him. The trio passes by Monkh, standing on the wall and reading a magazine. Tytan flinches, as though to go for Monkh, but Dr. Podvod shakes his head.)

PV: No. He's not worth it, Tytan.

(They continue walking down the hallway. They come up to an intersection, when screaming around a corner comes The Amnesiac. Tytan is ready for him, and the two go toe-to-toe in the middle of the hallway.)

Amn: I figured I'd turn the tables and come after you, instead of your hit being put out on me!

(Dr. Podvod and Steel stand off to one side and watch, when suddenly (and QUICKLY!) Monkh comes up behind them and handcuffs the two of them to one another.)

Monkh: Ha! CAUGHT YOU!

(The two try to scramble after him down the hallway, but get slightly twisted up, and fall to the ground. Monkh sees his opportunity, and turns around, pulling out another set of cuffs and hooking Dr. Podvod up to a nearby door-handle.)

PV: Come back here, you snivelling little shit!

(Monkh is gone down the hallway, which leaves Tytan and The Amnesiac duking it out about 10 feet away from Podvod and Steel. Eventually, The Amnesiac ducks under a clothesline attempt from Tytan right in front of a wall. Tytan runs headfirst into the wall. The Amnesiac takes off down the hallway after Monkh. The ninja cameraman just watches them escape, without chasing them down. Tytan regains his senses, and looks generally annoyed, but none the worse for wear. Podvod and Steel are quite annoyed with the situation, both being handcuffed to a door handle. The camera sees them regroup, and then fades to black.)

[mooseheadjack]

*Shortly before Moose's and my last promos, ninja cameramen caught 2 SFJ's rolling their eyes as IHOP entered the Destroyitarium*

SFJ: A Canuck and a shmuck!

[mooseheadjack]

<SYB decides to leave the Destroyitarium and heads to the OOWF Cafeteria. He sets his tray down and we hear the background music get a little louder>

Don't have much wrestling ability
Don't have athletic skills as you can see
I take a lot of shit for the way I look
Don’t know why they call me a giant fook

But I do know that I own you
And I know that because I am teh Joo
Now who’s laughin at the S-Y-B

<SYB slides his tray along and spots a sandwich, he looks around to make sure no one is watching, and with a mighty snort, it goes up his nose>

Don't know much about wrestling history
Don't know why you can’t love a donkey
Don't know much about starving kids in Africa
Don't know what we send them money for.

But I do know that one and one is two,
And I know how to calculate compound interest too,
Now who’s laughin at the S-Y-B.

<SYB comes to the jell-o section, and gives a knowing wink to the Invisible Ninja Cameraman and with a mighty snort, clears the area out. He moves along stacking more and more food on his tray>

Now I don’t claim to be a great wrestler,
But I'm trying to be.
So maybe by trying to be a great wrestler baby,
I can win a match for Skurge and me

Don't have much wrestling ability
Don't have athletic skills as you can see
I take a lot of shit for the way I look
Don’t know why they call me a giant fook

But I do know that I own you
And I know that because I am teh Joo
Now who’s laughin at the S-Y-B

<SYB gets to the ice cream section and grabs an couple of ice cream sandwiches and jams them down his pants (just because) then snorts one up his nose. He has to grab the railing to keep from falling over from the brain freeze>

Latatatatatatahuwaah (ability)
Oehwoewoe (my donkey)
Latatatatatatahuwaah (giant fook)
Oehwoewoe (the way I look)

But I do know that I own you
And I know that because I am teh Joo
Now who’s laughin at the S-Y-B

<SYB walks by Alexander Darling who is trying to eat, fighting the pain of the blinding Red Mist, as he walks by SYB yells out CAW CAW CAW!! Darling turns and starts to yell, but the yelling hurts his face and he nearly falls over in pain. SYB walks over to where Moosehead Jack is sitting with Firewoman trying to convince her to join Bennett’s Army>

Moose: Fire! I haven't seen you since Japan!

Fire: Go away.

Moose: I can only stay a minute. Let me buy you a Zetterberg Jersey.

<Fire stares daggers into Moose>

Moose: You’ve got your jersey. How bout a chocolate title belt?

<Fire holds up the chocolate title belt>

MHJ: You’ve got your chocolate title belt too. Can l just beat Alexander Darling with a barbed wire bat while you eat?

Fire: GO AWAY!

MHJ: Do l have to leave? Is this any way to treat an intimate friend?


<Davin and Phantos sit down>: I do hope we're not interrupting anything.

Moose: lf you must know--

Fire: Moose was just leaving.

Moose: I wasn't.

Davin: I could make you leave, if you....

<SYB drops his tray on the table and sits down with everyone else>

Moose: SYB! I think you know everybody here.

Fire: Phantos, can't you--

Moose: Don't worry. Just keep your hands and feet away from his nose.

Phantos: Don't you have any respect for yourself?

Lucios <joining them>: This is absolutely gross!

Fire: That boy is a J-O-O, Joo!

SYB: See if you can guess...what l am now.

<SYB gets a snoot full of water and sprays it all over Phantos, Lucios, Davin and Fire>

(Fire yells)

SYB: I'm a garden hose. Get it?

Davin: All right, you bastard. Let's go, right here!

<Davin jumps to his feet and just narrowly escapes his clutches, and a full scale brawl erupts in the OOWF cafeteria as members of Team Rick and Team Bennett file in and join the fight>

[mooseheadjack]

[DeBeers, Wu Wu, and Nerve are at ringside preparing for the Cape Town Cannibals tag match on Wednesday.]

ZK: Okay boys, you have a match coming up against the former tag champions. Seeing that you guys should be tag champions already, I see this as no problem for you guys.

W.W.E. and T.N.A.: .................

ZK: As you can see on my top tag team list, you are still above everyone else despite that horrible upset last week:

[Camera Zooms on the list]

DeBeers Top Tag Teams
1. The Cape Town Cannibals
2. Everyone else

ZK: My workers, I know you were just off your game last week, so I have taken steps to make sure you are never unprepared for a match again. So as a first step to your regiment, I want to work on your endurance. I have brought in a legend of health, and a legend of the ring…Mr. Bob Backlund!

[Backlund procedes to cut this exact promo: (up to 1:37)]

Nerve: C’mon boss, he’s insane….that promo was like from…1995!?!?! Does he even know where he is???

Backlund: Men, you will go to battle. Lincoln didn’t save you all from yourselves because he was FEELING like IT! Now, lets GET TO WOOOOORK men. Princeton steps time!

ZK: Well, Mr. Backlund seems to have you guys ready to go to work, I’ll be back tomorrow to check up on you guys.

Backlund: We’ll BE right HERE. PHUKET. [waiving his arms] AHHH. GO MEN. RUN.

Wu Wu: Please boss, we can’t do this for a day straight. Bob plea….

[Swat! Backlund whips him with his belt]

Backlund: THAT’S MR. BACKLUND TO YOU! Keep going men, only 28,000 steps to go…

[Fade out]

[mooseheadjack]

Firewoman is in her darkened locker room, illuminated only by candle light. The candles Alexander Darling borrowed are arranged in a circle on the floor, and there is a dark, iron bowl on the floor in the center. Firewoman is kneeling next to it. Her eyes are closed, and her lips are moving in a silent chant. She looks into the camera that Lucky is holding.

Fire. The most basic and primal of all the elements. Fire is the catalyst. Fire makes things happen. Fire purges and clears away so that new things can emerge. For creation to happen, destruction must come first. Fire creates and destroys.

The candle flames appear to intensify. Firewoman closes her eyes and continues her silent chant for a bit. Then she continues.

Many people speculate on why I took the name I did. Many of them mislabel my… ah, affinity for fire, as an obsession, as a ‘mania,’ an occupation, even a fetish. They judge, but they judge wrongly. I did not choose fire. Fire chose me.

More chanting….

I am a Keeper of the Flame, Priestess of the Conflagration, Daughter of the Inferno. My relationship with Fire is beyond the spoken word, beyond normal comprehension. I do not use His gifts rashly, despite what others may think.

I make this statement because, Dead, you deserve to know. An inferno match will be a handicap match for you. Fire is my true partner, and He will not abandon me. He is the only one who hasn’t ever let me down. And He will not disappoint me now. Or you.

We are symbiotic. He energizes me, I feed Him. He destroys all obstacles, I give him air to breathe.

She resumes her chanting, although it is now louder and faster. The language is not recognizable. As the chanting reaches its peak, Firewoman holds her hands over the iron container. She takes a deep breath. and exhales into the container. Almost instantly, bright orange flames shoot up. Lucky is startled by this, and the camera shakes a bit. Firewoman holds her hands over the flames for a bit, in what can best be described as ‘communing’ with them. She runs her hands through them, and holds them up, unburned. She opens her eyes, and smiles. She passes the flame from hand to hand.

See, Dead. I control and am controlled by the flames. They are a part of me, I am a part of them. And at Mayhem, we will control you.

[mooseheadjack]

Seamus walks in on Liam who is with a doctor

Seamus: “Hey what’s up doc?”



Doc: “Excuse me?”

Seamus: “Never-mind, Liam what’s wrong?”

Liam: “Just getting a little insurance – it’s been a rough couple of days and I don’t want any problems…”

Seamus: “Did you catch a cold or something?”

Liam: “Something”

Seamus: “How’d that happen?”

Liam: “It may have been her”



Liam:” Or maybe her”



Liam: “Or her”



Liam: ”Or them”



Seamus: “Hey wait what’s that last one”

Liam: “Oh that one’s not mine they screwed up and put one of Solly’s pics in…”

Seamus: ‘Well let me see it”



Ron Simmons: "Damn!”

[mooseheadjack]

*fade in*

In a dimly lit room, Poe sits on a table, holding his ribs. Lenore leans her back against him, staring into the camera.





Poe looks down with the bloody towel covering his head.

Poe: “There is a twofold Silence – sea and shore –
Body and soul. One dwells in lonely places,
Newly with grass o’ergrown; some solemn graces,
Some human memories and tearful lore,
Render him terrorless: his name’s “No More”
He is the corporate Silence: dread him not!
No power hath he of evil in himself;
But should some urgent fate (untimely lot!)
Bring thee to meet his shadow (nameless elf,
That haunteth the lone regions where hath trod
No foot of man), commend thyself to God!”

Poe then looks up through the bloody towel.

Poe: Davin Moreland, perhaps I should commend you. You outsmarted me, which is not something most men can do. Congratulations, you got your pound of flesh. You avenged your precious Bunny Boy.

Poe grimaces and clutches his ribs again.

Poe: Fear not, Davin, I will be more than ready for this Wednesday. But will you? You seem distracted by these petty issues in this backwater federation. That will be your downfall. Mindless squabbles that you think affect you but do not.

Poe runs his hand along Lenore’s cheek, pulling her face in for a kiss.

Poe: I am looking forward to our match Davin. You seem to think I need to prove myself. Well then, I look forward to doing so.

Poe pulls a spade out from under his duster.

Poe: Looking forward to doing so in spades.

Poe smiles sadistically.

Poe: See you Wednesday…Furtunado. Namesdeh.

Poe looks to Lenore, who stares into the camera. She saunters to the camera, grabbing it and holding it close. She kisses the camera, leaving black lipstick on the lens.

L: Nemo me impune laccessit.

*fade out*


OOC: Poem lyrics from “Silence” by Edgar Allen Poe.

[mooseheadjack]

The Camera fades in to head shots of Phantos and Lucios. Lucios take a long drink off his Aquafina Bottle and speaks.

Lucios: It has been a very eventful week. Bus rides, jailhouse shenanigans, HHH ripping off my catchphrases, The World Champion cracked a joke. A week of OOWF-TV to keep in your DVR for a long time.
Now that we've all arrived in Thailand, had our little excursions, gotten any unknown substances out of our systems, It's time to end the jocularity and get back to business.

This week, Run DLP defends the Campeonas De Trios Championships. Mr. Hardcore, you had a little fun @ Phantos' expense recently. We haven't forgotten. You and your partner might be bosom buddies, but when it comes to wrestling, You aren't even in our league.

Phantos: And Attitude Adjuster, If you are finished living in the past and chasing the ghosts of yesteryear, I've reserved the hospital bed beside Adrenaline's for you. His injury might have been an accident. Yours will be intentional.
We are Team Aquafina We are Run DLP. We are the Standard for Tag Team Wrestling. We are setting a new standard for Trio Wrestling. And boys, no matter which way you hold the ruler, You Simply Don't Measure Up.

Lucios: Speaking of Tag Teams, IHOP, You can join a very short list. You defeated us cleanly; AA's mask routine aside. Congratulations
We need to remind you that We Never Lost our Championships. We might be sitting back letting the dust settle, but don't forget. We Are Still The Uncrowned Champions. I hope Spin and DH rip your chicken legs off SYB.

Phantos: And win Just one for the Whipper

Lucios: That doesn't really fit in this time.

Spirios: BARK BARK BARK!

[mooseheadjack]

*Davin Moreland is in the gym working out, and caught Poe's Promo on OOWF-TV, being broadcast in the corner*

DM: Ah, poor deluded Poe. You're mistaken again. I did not get my "pound of flesh" from you yesterday. I merely provided a conduit to allow my friend Bunny to get his own revenge.

DM: You see, *my* pound of flesh? I'll take that out of you in the ring; you and your little whore. So rest and heal up, Poe - you're moving up on the card Wednesday. You don't want to blow your big chance, do you?

DM: You may be asking yourself why. Why do I care so much about you and what you say and what you do? It's simple really.

DM: Go Fuck Yourself. That's why.

*Davin goes back to doing Military Presses*

*fade*

[mooseheadjack]

*Phuket International Airport*

It’s a busy day at the Phuket International Airport as many people are traveling to the closest big cities like Beijing, Kuala Lumpur, Tokyo, and others but for right now we are focused on the arrival gate coming in from New Zealand. People are filing out off the plane and into the terminal and the last person off is a very tall, almost 6’0” blonde with long, flowing blonde hair and a body to die for. She’s got a small Coach bag and looks like a million bucks walking through the airport. She really doesn’t fit in with all the businessmen milling around.

(For reference sake, this is the blonde)


She makes her way through the terminal to baggage pick-up and as she does so, she reaches into her bag and takes out her T-Mobile Sidekick. For some reason, a ninja cameraman is close enough to pick up the conversation from this side.

Tall Blonde on Cell Phone: Yea, my flight just landed and I’m about to get my bags.

I can’t wait to see ya’ll either.

Just something I picked up along the way. I can’t seem to shake the accent anymore. I gave up tryin’.

So, do you want me to come straight there or meet you at the hotel?

Oh, a job…what kinda job?

You want me to do WHAT?

No, I don’t mind if you think it’ll help. It’s just not what I do anymore.

You know I’ll do anything for family. Don’t think anything of it, but make sure you remember this means you owe me.

Yea, I know who he is. I do keep up with what ya’ll are up to.

It’ll be taken care of and I’ll see you tonight.

Fine, I’ll call you when I get to the arena.

Luv ya too.

------------Time Warp 90 Minutes Later; OOWF Arena------------
The tall blonde has arrived at the OOWF Arena and is being held at the back door by security guards and again a ninja cameraman is there to pick up the conversation.

Tall Blonde: The longer you keep me here, the more annoyed I’m getting.

Security Guard: I’m sorry Miss, but you’re not on the list and I can’t allow anyone in who isn’t on the list.

TB: When did this turn into a nightclub? Look, I was told to come here and meet Mr. LJ Bennett. I’m supposed to be a surprise. An associate of ours sent me if you know what I mean.

SG: I’m not….oh, you’re one of Wally’s girls. Why didn’t you say so?

TB: Because I don’t like advertising what I do for a living. Surely you can understand that. Now, pardon me…I have to get to work.

SG: No problem at all…what was your name again?

TB: Oh, just call me Samantha.

The tall blonde makes her way into the OOWF Arena and once she’s safely away from the security guard takes out her cell phone and hits one of the speed dials.

Samantha: Yea, I’m here. Walking through the hallways.

What do you mean they’re called Hallways of Random Encounters? I don’t want to randomly encounter anyone.

Fine…just tell me where to go.

The tall blonde, or Samantha as we now know her is following the direction and she turns one last corner when she’s swept into a big swinging hug by one Alexander Darling.

Samantha: Put me down you big goof. I’m still your older sister and will put you in time-out if you keep it up.

Alexander Darling: I’m sorry Sammie…it’s so good to see my big sis again. It’s been far too long.

Samantha: Yes it has brother dear, but why are you talking in green?

Alexis Darling: He seems to think it makes him special. I’ve given up on getting through to him

Alexander: Would you shut up Lexie? Sammie doesn’t wanna hear you…she wants to listen to me tell her about what I’ve been up to.

Samantha: Actually, what I want is to do what I was asked to, then I’d like a long relaxing bath without listening to you two do whatever it is you two do. So can we get on with this?

Alexis: Of course Sam. Lucky, would you mind bringing Sam’s bags to the suite? Oh, speaking of…Sam, this is Davin Moreland and Firewoman.

Sam shakes Firewoman’s hand and then does the same with Davin even though it may be noticed that their hands linger, possibly a second too long. But nonetheless, Lucky has scurried back to the Run DEA Suites as Alexis is talking to Samantha.

Alexis: Okay, it’s going to be the first door on the left. We’re 95% sure he’s alone in there right now. And even if he’s not, we’ve got enough backup here. You just need to get the door open enough for us to do our thing.

Samantha: Yea, I kinda get the idea.

Samantha puts her sunglasses back on and walks around the corner while Run DEA waits on just the opposite side of the door. Sam knocks and we see that she’s at the Fortress of Snobbery and one Donovan Viper answers the door, yelling over his shoulder.

Donovan Viper: WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GO JEEVES? Oh my, look at this. And who are you Miss Beautiful.

Samantha: You can call me whatever you want Mr. Viper.

Donovan: And how do you know who I am?

Samantha: I was sent by a mutual acquaintance of ours. He told me to come and see if I could help you relax?

Donovan: Oh I’m sure you can. Why don’t you come on in?

Samantha: Sure, let me just grab my bag.

Samantha reaches behind the door as Viper opens the door completely and that was what the people behind the door were waiting for. The first thing Donnie sees is a large flame shoot across the door as Firewoman shoots a small upward fire blast right into the doorway that causes Viper to back into the room and almost trip over a chair. Firewoman steps into the room and right behind her is Alexander Darling and Davin Moreland, the first carrying a barbed wire wrapped signed sledgehammer (Thanks Eric!) and the latter carrying a single piece of steel rebar.

Firewoman: Remember when you stopped me from coming out to save my partner here a few weeks ago? Payback’s a bitch Donnie.

Davin Moreland: Vipes…if you remember anything after this is over, just remember that it’s you and everyone else on Bennett’s side that brought it on. Come on Fire, we got the door…this is between them.

Davin and Fire step aside and let the three Darlings into the room front and center. Alexander is twirling his sledgehammer while his sisters stand beside him.

Samantha Anytime brother dear…I am feeling a bit jet-lagged.

Alexander: You've never been one to savor the moment Sammie. Fine. Viper, we can do this the hard way, or well there’s just the hard way.

Donovan: Fuck you.

Alexander: There you go being a homo again. I heard you wanted to stop the bus so you could get a closer look at the cavity search on Stank and Carl and everyone.

Donovan: You wish. I wanted to see that sweet little ass of your sister’s.

Alexis strides over to Donnie.

Alexis: You want to see my ass Donnie? All you had to do was ask nicely.

Alexis takes a step away from Viper and starts to unbutton her jeans and Donovan’s eyes are glued on her every movement that he doesn’t notice Alexander walking around to stand right next to him.

Alexander: Nice ass, right?

Donovan: Damn right…hey what are you…

WHAM!!! Darling takes the sledgehammer and slams it into Viper’s skull.

Alexander: Find it Alexis.

Alexis starts looking around the room for something as Darling holds the sledgehammer across Viper’s throat. Alexis yells out heads up and Alexander looks up in time to snatch Viper’s chain out of the air.
Look what I got here Donnie. This is what you’ve used to beat me the last few times. Let’s see how you like it?

Alexander wraps the chain around his hand and starts punching Viper in the face and stomach, alternating between the two.
I like this. Now I see why you use it so much. But I think I can do more with it.

Alexander wraps the chain around Viper’s neck and his own hand while Samantha and Alexis move a table over near where Alex has now put Viper up on his shoulder. CHAIN ASSISTED DARLING DRIVER through the table. Alexis walks back over and lays the Intercontinental Title across Viper’s chest.

Alexander pats the belt as he gets down real close to Viper…I want you to know you asked for this. You wanted to see what Alexander Darling was capable of…well you’re welcome.

Samantha: Can I do it now?

Alexis looks over to Alexander who nods as they start to walk towards the exit.

Samantha: Well, it was a pleasure to meet you Donnie…I’m assuming you won’t say the same next time…but in any case…as my brother likes to say…

BOOYAH, Bitch!!! Tootles.

*Fade*

[mooseheadjack]

*Blitz joins Zales Kay DeBeers and his lackeys at ringside.*

ZKDB: Ah, there you are Blitz. You’ve been characteristically silent this week.

Blitz: Yes, I’ve been celebrating the South African long weekend. For June 16 is the day that we celebrate the day that white policemen killed a crowd of unarmed black children. A fine day in our country’s history, no doubt.

ZKDB: Don’t talk like that. I know you’re desperate for heat and stuff, but that’s just tasteless.

B: But it is an easy way to get heel heat. I’m getting quite good at it.

ZKDB: That’s X-Pac heat. You know, like Randy Orton and Jeff Jarret.

B: Randy Orton! I am sure to be heading right into the main-event.

ZKDB: Keep telling yourself that. Now should we cut a promo for The Cape Town Cannibals’ match at Mayhem this week?

B: CTC? I thought that’s The Dead’s finisher. Oh, and I’m glad to see you finally learnt how to spell Cape Town.

ZKDB: Whatever. Just cut the damn promo.

B: Insert opponent’s name here! This week we’re... Oh shit, I did it again. So who are we facing?

TNA: Bunny and Mark Vander.

B: Hmm, I don’t think I’ve ever faced Bunny before. I fought Mark Vander in a triple threat once, though.

ZKDB: Didn’t you feud with Bunny for months?

B: No.

ZKDB: You know, Rabbxt?

B: Whatever happened to that guy?

TNA: Can’t you remember any of our epic feud? How we bled week in and week out? The tears?

B: Huh? Um, who are you?

ZKDB: Don’t mind him. I guess you can’t trust Thai weed.

B: So any ideas for that promo?

ZKDB: Not really. We can do AA’s idea, but that sounds to boring.

B: I know, let’s break kayfabe. It always works for me!

ZKDB: That’s just stupid. How about a poker promo? I’m having a vision. Have one guy go all in, have him turn over a full house or 4 of a kind, but then the other guy has a straight- or royal flush. It’s genius!

B: You know what I once did? I wrote a promo where one guy went all in with $83 dollars with a crappy hand, and then won with a pair of deuces. It was all about how ridiculous and contrived poker promos are.

ZKDB: Was there a Russian in it?

B: Yeah, I think there was.

ZKDB: That is the stupidest idea for a promo I’ve ever heard of.

B: No, yours is the stupidest ever.

ZKDB: …

B: …

ZKDB: …

B: Okay I admit it, yours is awesome.

ZKDB: Thanks dude.

B: Mine wasn’t so bad either, right?

ZKDB: No, yours really did suck.

[mooseheadjack]

[The Dead is watching Firewoman's last promo and laughing his ass off.]

Dead: Hold on one second...

[The Dead makes his way over to a bookshelf and scans the books for a moment. He picks one up and begins to thumb through it. It appears to be a dictionary.]

Dead: Let's see..ham-handed...hyperbole...oops, went too far...here it is, histrionic! And I'll be damned, I always thought it was a joke, but it's actually in here.

[The Dead turns the dictionary toward the camera.]

histrionic [his-tree-on-ik] - deliberately affected or self-consciously emotional; overly dramatic, in behavior or speech. See also, Firewoman.

Dead: And here's her picture...



[The Dead closes the dictionary and puts it back on the shelf.]

Dead: See you tomorrow, Fire.

[mooseheadjack]

<Hours later Stank is still sitting at the bar, taking in the latests happenings shown on OOWF tv. He decides to take a piss break. Moments later, as he walks out the restroom, he spies Outback Jack still playing poker. He saunters over to OBJ.>

Stank - I'm starting to get a little worried about the Sons.

OBJ - Relax. Didn't you catch their promo a while back?

Stank - No?

OBJ - Mags insisted they stay in jail until Mayhem.

Stank - You shittin me? Why the fuck would they want to stay in that hell hole?

OBJ - Keeps them honest... motivated.

Stank - I can't imagine Spin went along with this.

OBJ - He resisted at first, but Mags has it under control. No worries, mate.

<Stank looks up and notices LD Williams still sitting at his table. Stank walks over.>

Stank - Ok this can't happen. I respect you and all, but you play for the other team. You need to be up outta here.

LDW - NO! Not until I get a decent promo in me!

Stank - *sigh* Weren't Alan and Moose in here earlier? Weren't they able to help?

<LD Williams hands Stank the promo AA gave him. Stank reads it over.>

Stank - It follows a standard face promo formula. It can come off as pretty generic depending on the delivery. It doesn't really address what you're looking for all on it's own.

LDW - How would YOU deliver that promo?

Stank - What, THIS one?

<Stank looks at the paper again.>

Stank - Knife! Knife! How many times do you THINK you can get lucky? I'll tell you HOW... twice. Twice! But you see... your LUCK has run out because I now wear this! (Stank suddenly holds the OOWF Heavyweight title above his head, which makes him stop for a second because he doesn't even know how it got there. LD looks annoyed) The OOWF Heavyweight Title! The one thing I hold most dear... wait scratch that whole last line. "Most dear"...? Seriously?

LDW - That's what I told AA.

Stank - This whole thing about your mother's love is out too.

LDW - Agreed.

Stank - Ok so... where were we...? OK... So, Knife, you better bring everything you got, all that flippy fly-ie shit you do... wait Knife isn't flippy.

LDW - I know.

Stank - Ok scratch that also... what does that leave...? um... At Midweek Mayhem... in Phuket, Thailand!

(The bar suddenly stands and cheers).

Stank - ... THIS belt is STAYING right where it is... around my waist! It remains with ME during this overseas tour and it will stay with me AFTER! Because I'm LD MOTHERFUCKIN Williams!! And I.... what's this shit about standing for everything that’s still good about this stinking pile of crap called the OOWF ...WHAT?!? I'm gonna kill Alan!

LDW - You see...?

Stank - Just end by uttering your catchphrase.

LDW - Fear me?

Stank - Say it with conviction.

LDW - FEAR ME!!

Stank - Tone it down a bit...

LDW - FEAR ME!

Stank - A little bit more...

LDW - Fear ME!

Stank - No... accentuate both words.

LDW - FEAR ME!

Stank - Wait... try accentuating only the first word.

LDW - FEAR me.

Stank - Raise the intensity a touch.

LDW - FEAR me!

Stank - A touch more...

LDW - FEAR me!

Stank - Perfect.

LDW - ...

Stank - What?

LDW - I don't know...

Stank - Look, LD you'll do great. Just remember it's not so much WHAT is said but HOW it's said. Concentrate on that and the rest will follow.

LDW - So that's how you'd cut a promo on Knife?

Stank - Well... that's how I'd cut THAT promo on knife. My own would be way different. First of all, Knife has never beaten me.

LDW - You don't have to sound so smug about it.

Stank - You see you're irritated with me, now. Pretty soon you’ll be able to insert my name into that promo. Of course, that will also be the last time you get to use that promo because it will be the last time you’re the OOWF Heavyweight Champion.

LDW - Did you just insert yourself into the title picture? Just like that?

Stank - That’s what a good promo will do for you. Because...

LDW - And now you’re going to hit YOUR catchphrase.

Stank - No. I was going to say... because it's been a while since I've had another shot at the OOWF World Title and you got like what... 98 chances before you finally beat me for it?

LDW - Again... not liking the smugness.

[mooseheadjack]

<Moose walks into the Destroyitarium>

Stank: OH SURE!! Just come right the fuck in, not like we are at WAR or anything!!

MHJ: Calm the fuck down Stank. LD, what are you still doing here?

LDW: The promo Moose, gotta get the promo....

MHJ: Look, here is what you do....

LDW: Oh for the love of.....don't tell me YOU are going to read AA's script and insert yourself into the title picture too!!!

MHJ: No, no. Not that. Look, just keep doing what you do best. Short simple promos that advance the storyline, and give those with a little more to say something to riff off of.

<Kayfabe kicks the doors of the Destroyitarium open and storms inside>

MHJ: BITCH! YOU WANT SOME MORE OF THIS? WE ARE DEALING WITH SOME SHIT HERE!

<Kayfabe glares at Moose and a staredown ensues. Kevin Nash stops playing the piano, Jack stops shuffling the cards, a tumbleweed blows across the Destroyitarium, slamming into Justin Sane and knocking him out cold>

MHJ: In Vis est verum (in violence is truth)

Kayfabe: Age quod agis (do what you do best)

MHJ: [grabbing a handy barbed wire bat] Eventus stultorum magister. (events are the teachers of fools)

Kayfabe: EGO operor non puto vos have is in vos (I do not believe you have it in you)

MHJ: In pace requiescat. (rest in peace)

<with that Moose and Kayfabe once again begin to brawl. Justin Sane staggers to his feet just as Moose and Kayfabe brawl past him, knocking him out again. After Moose and Kayfabe crash through the doors, the Destroyitarium goes about its business again. LD looks at Stank>

LDW: Was that another movie promo?

Stank: Sure sounded like one

LDW: Didn't we have a bunch of them yesterday?

Stank: We did

LDW: Maybe I should do one of those?

Stank: Eh, you have to have the right movie, knowing you, you would pick Philadelphia or something

LDW: What's that supposed to mean?

Stank: Nothing......

[mooseheadjack]

A camera outside the Phuket Credit Union Civic Center, Hair Care, Tire Yard & Bowling Lanes pans left to show The Knife with a hooded figure tied to a chair.

TK- LD Williams...you stand atop the OOWF...but do you deserve to? The Lord has told me personally that you are not deserving and that I have been chosen to take the title from you. Believe me when I say, I can and I will. I have beaten you before and with God on my side I WILL defeat you yet again and take what none of you deserve to hold: The OOWF World Heavyweight Championship. You know LD, there's an old saying...'The sins of the father shall be visited upon the son.' But who shall the sins of the son be visited upon? Well there's one person I can think of...THE MOTHER!

The Knife pulls the hood off to reveal Mrs. Williams!

TK- This may get ugly, but don't turn the camera away. This needs to be done for what LD WIlliams has done in his life. This unfit mother raised a sinner, a heathen and a...uh...a clod! I'm sorry Mrs. Williams, but your bad parenting and what your son has become is the reason I must do this. If there are any children watching, I'd ask them to leave the room.

He walks in front of her, and begins to...BERATE HER!

TK- You ma'am, are a bad cook! And you dress poorly! I don't admire your shoes at all and that hairstyle of yours is at least 10 years behind the times!!!

I'm sorry I had to do that...now here's your plain ticket home, ma'am, I hope business class is okay.

[mooseheadjack]

**L.D. Williams is still sitting in the Destroyitarium when his cell phone rings.**

LD: “Hi Ma.”

LD: “How many pieces?”

LD: “Well, I'm sure they'll have him stitched up before Mayhem.”

LD: “Sure. Thanks, Ma. Bye.”

Stank: “She let him live?”

LD: “He got away. Made it about a block before she ran him down. By that point, somebody noticed the blood trail and called the cops. Ma doesn’t need another run in with them, so she bailed.”

Moosehead Jack: “Well at least you get to kill him yourself.”

LD: “Nope. I have to let him live – she wants another word with him.”

MHJ: “Insulting her fashion sense was going too far.”

S: “I thought studded leather was still in – or is that just among Donnie’s crowd?" *POP!* "OW!”

[mooseheadjack]

S: Dammit, Viper! You know out of all people, YOU are not allowed in the Destroyitarium!

DV: Fuck you. I go where I damn well please.

LD: Don't tell me you're going to insert yourself in the title picture too, Donnie.

DV: Actually, I wouldn't mind-

S: -inserting himself in a male anus. *POP* OW!

DV: Fuck you Stank. Anyways, I heard there's a poker game going on here.

OBJ: Haha! You want to put your Intercontinental Championship on the line again?

MHJ: Donnie, I'd highly advise against that.

DV: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT AGAIN, OK?!?

S: LOL that was some funny shit!

DV: Did you just say "LOL"?

S: No, I laughed out lough.

DV: That's not what I see. I see "LOL", like in lollipop.

S: Like the ones you suck on? Like the cock you suck o*POP* OW! You know, what, Viper? Eat a dick! *POP* OW!.

LD: Stank, after all this time, you'd think you'd know not to say that kind of stuff to Donnie. I mean, he does like women, you know.

S: Yeah, I see he likes Alexis. Look how good that did you earlier this week, Viper. Still got that shiner that Alex gave you, I see.

DV: Fuck that guy.

AD: Fuck who?

DV: YOU!

AD: You know, it's fun pummelling you. I've done it, what, twice this week already? You make it so easy.

DV: Too bad you can't get it done where it counts. In the ring.

AD: You are so much talk.

DV: Alexander! Alexander! How many times do you think you can get lucky? You beat me up twice. Twice! But I'm still wearing this! (Viper suddenly holds the original pressing of Blondie's "Parallel Lines" on vinyl, which makes him stop for a second, put the album away, and then holds up the OOWF Intercontinental Title, which did not make him stop because he knew he was carrying the belt with him.) The OOWF Intercontinental Title! The one thing I hold most dear (dear? WTF?)

DV: The one thing I hold most dear to me besides LD's mother’s love.

LD: Donnie, what the hell?

DV: So, Alexander, you better bring everything you got, all that flippy fly-ie shit you do

AD: Since when did I do flippy fly-ie shit?

DV: All that flippy fly-ie shit you do, and bring it to Midweek Mayhem in Phuket, Thailand

(the bar suddenly stands and cheers).

DV: Because this belt is not leaving my side before, during or after our overseas tour. Donovan Viper stands for everything that’s still good about this stinking pile of crap called the OOWF.

AA: Not too bad, Donnie. But you're not a face.

Viper gives the manuscript to Attitude Adjuster.

DV: Hmm... oh yeah.

AA: Catchphrase?

DV: I don't have one.

S: "I'm not a homo!" *POP* OW!

Alexander snatches "Parallel Lines" from Viper's clutches and breaks it in half.

DV: That was an original pressing!

MHJ: Oh SNAP! You don't mess with his Blondie records!

Kayfabe shed a tear because her favorite song is "Heart of Glass"

DV: Alexander. You break my record, now I break you, like I break your sister's vagina.

AA: I don't know if that's much of a catchphrase...

AD: BOOYAH BITCH!!!

AA: That's more like it!

Alexander bumrushes Viper after the comment about Alexis, which knocks over Stanks drink, making him punch Viper, but he slipped on his drink and punched LD Williams instead, so LD gets into it, gets thrown into Outback Jack making him drop the pocket aces he had so HE gets in the melee, and Moosehead Jack jumps in just because he likes this kind of stuff, then KAYFABE jumps in because she's feuding with Moosehead Jack! It's a BAR ROOM BRAWL!!!!

Attitude Adjuster looks at his manuscript as the BRAWL goes on behind him.

AA: Hmm, I think they're right. "The one thing I hold must dear" doesn't really work for big tough guy wrestlers. Gotta rewrite that part...

[mooseheadjack]

And now a word from our sponser....

(The camera opens up to see Steel,Podvod, and Tytan walking the Hall of Random Encounters. They are pissed....Enough said.)

Steel: Revenge. Payback, or just a straight out ass kicking. It's all coming your way. First off we find that little gnat Monkh.

Podvod: The little sidekick I would like to kick his ass myself.

Steel: Easy Diana you will get your turn. First, we need the big man to put him someplace special.

(There is a cross fade to Gaelic Storm's Forklift that is sitting outside and the lifts are raised as high. As the camera pans back they see Monkh cuffed and hanging from one of the lifts by the cuffs.)

Monkh: All right this isn't funny anymore.

Steel: You want to try and embarrass me.

Podvod: You think you are pretty smart. But wait we have a little surprise for you.

(Tytan walks up with two leather straps.)

Monkh: Hey, this isn't cool. We were just turning the tables on you for once. But I didn't do anything to Tytan he shouldn't be the one....

Steel: He's not you little pip squeak.

(Tytan hands the straps to Steel and Podvod. Podvod smiles in delight.)

Podvod: Johnathan you know how to make a woman smile.

(She then snaps the strap and Monkh realizes he is in trouble.)

Monkh: Amnesiac will find me.

Steel: But that's where you are wrong. Tytan is going to find him first and have a little fun with him. (Steel nods to Tytan and he runs off.) Now to have a little fun of our own.

(Steel and Podvod begin to whip Monkh with the straps as he hangs from forklift. Monkh tries to fight it off as long as he can taking some of the shots in his legs instead.)

Podvod: I haven't had fun like this in a long time.

Steel: These people will soon realize that you don't mess with Ultimo Inc. But on a side note, I really do like the Storm's lift. We found such a good use for it. Besides those drunken bums will just think they left it out here. Maybe they will give our little pinata a ride to the hospital for us.

(They whip him some more as the camera goes black.)

[mooseheadjack]

Revenge Part 2.....

(Tytan is walking down the Hallway of Random Encounters searching for the Amnesiac.)

Tytan: It's simple you make me look bad I hurt you more. Amnesiac I am the stronger, smarter and more powerful person. I can toss you around the room all day. So, now you want to go and piss me off. Well, I got news for you.

(Just then he sees Amnesiac.)

Tytan: You...come with me. (Tytan grabs Amnesiac and carries him to an upstairs window that is some distance away from where Monkh is.) This is your doing. I have a job to do and you wanted to bring him into it. So, now he must suffer as well as you. Oh and by the way (He levels Amnesiac with a Decapitator and then starts to walk off.) Oh and I'll finish you off at Mayhem.

(Tytan leaves. Fade to Black)

[mooseheadjack]

*Davin Moreland wanders into the now-full Destroyitarium*

MHJ: Oh great, you too?

DM: Whaddya mean, me too?

S: Hey teammate.

DM: Don't fucking teammate me.

DV: That sounds so...

DM: SHUT THE FUCK UP, DONNIE

AA: *sniff*

S: So, what's up your ass.

DV: Again, with the...

MHJ: Donnie, stop being gay.

DV: I AM NOT A...

All: We KNOW!

K: We Know.

DM: Huh. Anyway, all of you can go fuck yourselves.

DV: You're making it difficult to not...

DM: SHUT THE FUCK UP!

DV: Fine.

DM: You can go fuck yourselves, because while you're all in here trying to angle for a title shot, there's only one person in this room who has a legitimate claim to it. LD, who is that person?

LDW: That would be you.

DM: Damned skippy. *I* am the number one contender to the OOWF World Championship, and it is *ME* who deserves the shot. *starts pointing* Not you, not you, not YOU, and for God's sake not you. (at Donnie)

DV: I'm the Intercontinental Champ. That makes ME de-facto number one contender.

DM: Yeah, if this were 1985, you'd be right. Besides you won't be keeping that long.

DV: The hell I won't.

DM: You won't. And Stank, I mean, after everything we've gone through this week, hell, over the last couple months...THIS is how you're gonna play me? I get you're the former champ, but you had your shot to get it back. It's time for the true contender to the belt to get a shot.

S: Listen, Davin, I don't hate you...yet; but if you're gonna get in my face over this, you and I are gonna have a problem.

DM: Then I guess we're gonna have a problem.

*Davin and Stank stand up and square off*

MHJ: Ah, team unity.

S+DM: FUCK OFF, MOOSE!

MHJ: HA! Ok, but if you two can't get your shit together over this, you don't stand a chance, and then it will be smooth sailing for Bennett's crew.

DM: Then why the fuck are you here, Moose? To beg for your title shot?

MHJ: I respect LD. He said all I had to do for a title shot was ask. I'm asking.

LD: It's not your turn, Moose.

MHJ: I said, I'M ASKING.

LD: Are we going to have a problem over this?

*LD and Moose stand up and square off*

DM: Ahh, team unity...

LD+MHJ: SHUT THE FUCK UP, DAVIN!

*At that moment, Phantos comes into the Destroyitaruim. He quickly assesses the situation, and acts quickly*

P: Davin? It's time to go. Samantha wanted to talk to you about something.

DM: What the fuck does she want?

P: *shrugs* She said it was important.

DM: Fine. You motherfuckers better realize the pecking order here. There is ONE #1 Contender to the belt, and he is I and I is him.

S: Did you just quote Snoop Dogg?

DM: I think so. Anyway, remember that. So you all can fight amongst yourselves all you want, just remember, it doesn't mean shit unless you go through me first.

*Davin leaves with Phantos*

DV: Don't you think he was acting a little...

All: SHUT THE FUCK UP, DONNIE!

*fade*

[mooseheadjack]

(The morning of the show, all of Team Rick receives a package with a note)

Citizens!

Please accept this token of our solidarity! We have united against a common foe, and we should represent such. I have heard your requests and have tailored outfits and accessories to your specifications. Perhaps THIS is what we need to run Bennett out of business once and for all.

"Concrete" Takaken Gryfon

[mooseheadjack]

[Somewhere in the hallways of the Phuket Arena]

ZK: There you are, Blitz. I was thinking we should talk some actual strategy for our fight tonight...

B: I would, but we wouldn't want to give away any of our secrets to these yellow bastards!

[Loud Boos]

ZK: [whispers] Hey...they expect me to be saying that stuff....cool it a bit.

B: I'd cool it, except I don't think any of these jungle people can afford a refrigerator. They're poor!

[More Boos]

ZK: Dammit, stop stealing my beliefs!

B: Hey...I don't steal...its not like I'm from the hood!

[Even More Boos]

ZK: Here's some diamonds...go away...

B: Oooooh, shiney. [walks away]

ZK: [Turns to the camera] Bunny. Vander. This Wednesday you have a date with destiny. You two are just another stepping stone. I will soon be the master of this company, just as I am to the people of Cape Town. Bow down servants. I wi-

B: [off in the distance] I will own youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

ZK: Bastard....

[fade out]

[mooseheadjack]

Seamus sits in his hotel room late at night, pours himself a shot of whiskey, pulls out a cigar and lights it, blows a ring of smoke in the air and raises his glass…

Seamus: “To Len who never got the chance, to Reggie who left us too soon and to Red this one for you guys…”

[1] Seamus downs the drink, looks at the TV and sees Kobie on the screen [/i]

Seamus: “Fuck Magic, Kobie, Kareem, Worthy and the ALL the Lakers but most of all Fuck Phil Jackson…you where out classed and out couched and couldn’t carry Red’s jock strap you ass”

NUMBER 17 !!!!!!!

i296.photobucke