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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 1, 2008 17:35:23 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem Live! From Springfield, Georgia
OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u] Davin Moreland vs. Concrete TG
OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u] Spin Hansen vs. Moosehead Jack
OOWF World Tag Team Title Match[/u] Phantos & Lucios vs. The Chickenshit Heels
OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u] Chris Cole vs. Seamus McNasty
OOWF Campeonas de Trios Title Match[/u] Gods & Monsters and Eric O’Mac vs. IHOP & The Amnesiac
Drink & Destroy vs. Fear Us Firewoman vs. Tyson Kincaid Alexander Darling vs. Damon Wrath
Card subject to typical October Georgia crowds
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 1, 2008 17:35:49 GMT -5
Seamus is walking in the arena with a blonde on his arm and Gaelic Storm in tow…SFJ stops him to ask him questions…
SFJ: “Seamus, we haven’t heard much from you lately, where have you been?”
Seamus: “Well I was supposed to have a pint or two with D.H. but he took driving lessons from Nick Hogan and he left me sitting in a dirty little pub drinking alone.
SJF: “Any comment about losing the belt last night?”
Seamus: “ What do you want me to say? That Chris Cole got lucky? Look Cole is packing heat and pissing hate; he had a good match. It was a fatal four-way so for those of you who can’t connect the dots let me do it for you…I had a 75% chance of losing. I understand that the booker-man had to figure out a way to get the belt off of me, Cole tried and couldn’t, Zander tried and couldn’t but put them in a blender and add some hack wrestling in the way of Wrath and ladies and gentleman your new OOWF Onslaught Champion…so Cole be ready cause I will strike like lighting and roll like thunder…”
SJF: “ What’s next for Gaelic Storm if you don’t win your title back?
Seamus” I will, but if not it wouldn’t crack my smile or break my stride Got too much pride, I got too much shout I might be down but I still ain’t out Got too much time and that’s all I have When I leave this world I’ll still be sad It’s been so long since I’ve been fine I’m just tryin’ to see the bottom of this bottle of mine…
SJF just stares at Seamus…
Seamus: “I gotta tell you baby life’s been good to me And I know that makes you mad Cuz that’s something you can’t see I got everything I ever wanted And I’ll never give that back Oh I know you hate that factor But you ain’t gotta look at me like that I said you ain’t gotta look at me like that….What you looking at?”
Blonde on Seamus’ arm grabs SFJ by the hair and delivers a DDT on her…Seamus and Gaelic Storm walk over her into the arena…
Rory: “ That’s gonna leave a mark”
All lyrics adapted from Uncle Kracker
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 1, 2008 17:35:58 GMT -5
"Master of Puppets" begins in the arena. The New Onslaught Champion "The Main Event" Chris Cole confidently walks onto the ramp. He is dressed in his Evolution-esque attire complete with sunglasses even indoors. The Onslaught Title is draped over his shoulder. He struts to the ring with a huge grin on his face.
CC: Cut the music.
(Cole holds the Onslaught Title high above his head and the crowd boos.)
CC: I told everybody that I was going to win the Onslaught Title and restore it to its glory. But all of you in the crowd, all the boys in the back, all of the creeps watching on TV did not believe me. You thought Chris Cole was washed up. Don’t think I don’t here the comments. “The Curtain Jerker” Chris Cole. “Dark Match” Chris Cole. “Canvasback” Chris Cole. I heard every damn one of you. And each and every one of you are eating crow right now.
This title was once a prize that was sought after. When it was first introduced it was special. It was clearly held in higher regard then the Intercontinental Title and some would argue it was on level with the World Heavyweight Title. But lately the title has been reduced to nothing more then a tertiary title in a company much more mediocre then it was 3 years ago.
I’m going to return this title to its original greatness. It was first one by Firechild of the 3 Piece Set. He defeated Thim Reynolds in the finals of the tournament. Thim was a technical wrestling genius and heavily favored but Firechild defied the logic and won the title anyway. He was the first Champion and the Greatest Champion in the history of the Onslaught Title. Until now. The Title used to have special rules associated with it. Rules that seem to hinder guys like Firechild and myself. Rules that keep us from being our usual opportunistic selves. But Firechild overcame those and so will I. I’ll prove that I’m “The Main Event” because I can adapt to any environment. Why am I brutal in the ring? Why do I use every advantage I can? Because there is nothing to stop me and not doing so proves nothing. But in this environment you have to play the game differently. You have to show that you can outwrestle your opponent, that you can out think your opponent, and that you an out work your opponent. You are about to see a different Chris Cole inside this ring.
Starting this week we have new rules for Onslaught Title Matches. I will defend this title EVERY SINGLE WEEK AND EVERY PPV. No nights off for the Onslaught Champion. There will be a strict enforcement of the rules and Mel Creech will not be allowed anywhere near an Onslaught Title match. The Champion loses the title on a DQ or a countout. And finally every match on Mayhem will have a 20 minute time limit. All PPV matches will have a 30 minute time limit. In the event of a time limit draw the Champion retains.
The first victim of these new rules and the age of Cole dominating this division is the last of the “Paper” Champions, Seamus McNasty. Bring it on Seamus. But make sure you have plenty of whiskey ready because after the beating your about to take at Mayhem you are going to want to drink yourself stupid until you forget all about it.
Cole leaves to “Master of Puppets” to a semi mixed reaction. It seems his pro wrestling tirade has won over some of the hardcore fans.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 1, 2008 17:36:23 GMT -5
Firewoman comes RIDING up on her Kawasaki Vulcan motorcycle and pulls into the lot. She takes off the helmet (with mandatory hair shake) and wanders into the arena towards the production offices to check out the line up. She grabs some Dunkin Donuts coffee and a bottle of Aquafina from the catering table, and gets to GM the Rick's office.. She takes a swig as she looks at the sheet.....and promptly spits her coffee all over it. She angrily bursts into Rick's office.
GMtR: Oh good, it's you. Remember when you first got here, and were polite and knocked and stuff?
FW: Remember when booking made sense?
GMtR: What is your complaint now.
FW: Oh, the list is long and distinguished. But let's start with that sham of a match last night at Doomy Doomy...who comes up with these names, anyway?
GMtR: Great great match. Lots of drama there at the end.
FW: Glaw was clearly counting slowly.
GMtR: Was he? I didn't notice.
FW: So you don't even deny it. Fantastic. Cole forgot to mention "paying off the ref" in his list of Onslaught rules...
GMtR: That's a pretty strong accusation.
FW: It wouldn't be the first time. I want a rematch without Glaw as a ref, with someone people can actually trust. Maybe someone from outside OOWF--
GMtR: He's banned.
FW: I wasn't talking about him, but now that you mention it, how is it that Lance Storm is wandering around backstage?
GMtR: He is? Hmmmm...
FW: Yeah, he's baby sitting Tyson K.
GMtR: Huh?
FW: It's an AA/NA joke...you have to stand up and give your name and first initial. "Hi I'm Tyson K, and I'm a pill poppin' drunk."
GMtR: Right...hey, how would you know what goes on--
FW: Stay on topic, Rick. I want the ban revoked. And I want it to stay that way, this time. You know Tyson will have Lance ringside. That's hardly fair.
GMtR: That's great. You are arguing about fair. Don't make me laugh.
FW: Look. You established these 'no backstage attack' crap rules to try and keep order and calm backstage. You really want to try to control a tense Firewoman?
Rick seems to consider this for a bit.
GMtR: Alright. I'll speak to the board. They'll probably be fine with it. I can't promise it'll be lifted by Mayhem.
FW: Great.
GMtR: I don't get what your problem with Lance is anyway.
FW: Have you read his blog?
GMtR: Good point.
Firewoman leaves to head for the locker rooms. She is accosted by SFJ#420
FW: Oh good, you.
SFJ#420: Like, any comments on your match last night, or your upcoming match with Tyson.
FW: Why would I comment on a match with a washed-up has-been and a stoned never-was?
Firewoman continues down the hall, as SFJ#420 tries to figure out what's going on.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 1, 2008 17:36:47 GMT -5
Chris Cole starts to make his way up the ramp when Alexander Darling steps out onto the stage. Cole hesitates for a moment when Alexander starts clapping. Darling points to the belt that Chris is carrying over his shoulder and we cann see him mouth the words, "Anytime I want it."
Darling steps to the side to let Cole pass without incident.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 1, 2008 17:37:52 GMT -5
Chris Cole starts to make his way up the ramp when Alexander Darling steps out onto the stage. Cole hesitates for a moment when Alexander starts clapping. Darling points to the belt that Chris is carrying over his shoulder and we cann see him mouth the words, "Anytime I want it." Darling steps to the side to let Cole pass without incident. *Fear Us are watching this on OOWF-TV* LD: Another classic example. OBJ: Damn right, mate! It's not just Phantos and Lucios, that whole faction fails to get it. I mean, I've never liked Cole, but the man deserves at least a little respect for what he's done. LD: Speaking of our tag team champs, you know they may wear masks but I thought I saw a little fear in their eyes out there, right before they were conveniently rescued. OBJ: Good point, LD. Maybe next time we can get them in a Taipei Fence Match to keep out the riff-raff. LD: In your dreams, Jack. They'd never go for it. OBJ: Right. Well, shall we drop in at the Destroyitarium for a friendly beer? LD: Sounds good.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 1, 2008 17:38:06 GMT -5
Backstage Chris Cole has grabbed a Sexy Female Journalist for an impromtu interview
CC: Did you see that?
SFJ: See what?
CC: It hasn't been much longer then 2 hours since my promo stating that the Onslaught Title was going to regain its glory and already we can see that is has?
SFJ: We can?
CC: Sure. The Onslaught Title and the new Champ have already been referenced in 3 promos in a row. Now that is respect. I have the attention of the OOWF. Firewoman wants a shot? She can have it. Darling wants his shot? He can have it. Every week a new challenger will go down. Every week I'll be restoring more glory to this title. "The Main Event" is back and he is wearing gold again.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 1, 2008 17:38:34 GMT -5
(Lola the one and only SFJ catches up to Tytan who is doing the only thing Tytan knows best...working out.)
Tytan: About time you caught up to me. (Slamming down the holy crap that's heavy dumbells) What did I tell you? I told you clowns shine up those belts real nice because we were going to be taking them away from you. Now we have to face you again to finally put you out of your misery. Don't you realize that the only way you are getting those belts back is prying them out of our dead hands.
Lola: Now what about your newest partner Eric O'Mac?
Tytan: You proved me wrong. I am sorry now let's finish these clowns off so we can enjoy your wedding party.
Lola: Finally. What do you have to say about the brawl that broke out among the Tag division?
Tytan: Loved it. It looks like there are plenty of teams that want P & L out of the picture. They just don't realize that we are the ones that are going to do it! Oh and did you like the Raven?
Lola: Are you really that sure of yourself?
Tytan: No I am sure about Gods and Monsters and the Wrath of the Gods that is coming there way. Now can I get back to working out?
Lola: As long as I get to watch.
Tytan: By all means.
(Fade)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 1, 2008 17:39:03 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland is waiting backstage and grabs SFJ420*
SFJ420: Wait...What?
DM: Need your mic.
SFJ420: Oh yeah? Word. Here ya go.
DM: Rick, I've got a response to your little diatribe from Sunday. Remember? This one?
DM: My initial response is a predictable one. Go fuck yourself. If you'd like to negotiate, We perhaps can do that, but as of right now "Go Fuck Yourself" is the right answer. See Rick, you're little "I'm a tough guy" speech was all well and good; but I agree with the board that it's a speech you should have given a year ago. That would have prevented lots of things, least of which, the "War" from happening. The board is well aware of that, and so am I. So, while I think it's cute that you asked for my resignation like a big boy, unless you come up with something better than your bullshit "thanks", you can, as I said, go fuck yourself. Don't like it? Talk to the Board. They're already so thrilled with sending you a paycheck week after week for the better part of a year while you sat there with your thumb up your ass; when you were even here. They haven't forgotten that Rick, and they know how everything went down, despite yours and Traitormask's attempt at revisionist history.
DM: I don't intend to try to take your job or anything Rick, but clearly, when smacked in the face with the facts, you pissed your pants and gave your "big boy" speech. Good for you. Why don't you act like a fair and impartial GM for a few weeks and see where we go from there. That is, not sucking Traitormask's dick in every possible situation. Let's try that out. Also, Glaw is still on the roster. Why? He's a dirty referee, and it's been proven as such. Dirty referees get fired, Rick. Another thing that would be a good consideration is to stop your arbitrary ban on visitors from other companies. That is, Traitormask can have Helms here, Kincaid can have Lance Storm here, but Jericho can't be here? See, that's the shit I'm talking about Rick. You're not ready to have 100% control yet. You've still got to figure out what "fair and impartial" means first.
DM: In short, in response to you asking for my resignation as Assistant GM, here's my answer...
DM: Go Fuck Yourself.
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 1, 2008 17:39:30 GMT -5
<Moose is wandering through the back when he comes across "The Main Event" Chris Cole. Cole wanders up to him and the two exchange a hard look for a moment>
MHJ: Good to see you back Cole
CC: Was I ever gone?
MHJ: Might as well have been
CC: What are you trying to say?
MHJ: Calm down champ. Good to see that you have people talking about the Onslaught title. I assume you will have something to say about DEA as well
CC: In time. I could mention they are just 3Piece Set rip offs
MHJ: You could, though you know they will completely dismiss that
CC: Let them. Pride comes before a fall. What about you? You have been unusually low key lately, what are you up to?
MHJ: Me? Nothing.
CC: Bullshit. You of all people can't be ok with DEA spouting off every five minutes about how great they think they are
MHJ: Let them talk
CC: Even Alexander Darling?
MHJ: <Moose's face clouds for a moment> DEA has given me no reason to go after them. They talk a lot. Let them talk.
CC: And when they decide to give you a reason?
MHJ: We'll cross that bridge if we ever come to it.
CC: What about Drink & Destroy?
MHJ: What about them?
CC: Dammit Moose why are you being so evasive?
MHJ: There is nothing to be evasive about. Drink & Destroy have done nothing to warrant my attention
CC: You have a match with Spin this week
MHJ: Routine title shot
CC: No veiled threats? No scheming? No secret plans? No oath of bloodshed?
MHJ: Look, its Spin. He just too Davin to hell and back, whether Davin wants to admit it or not, so he is going to be worn out. If he is not on his game, he won't beat me and I will be the Intercontinental Champion, but I know Spin, and he isn't going to come to the match less than 100%
CC: But Williams is pretty tight with Drink & Destroy now
MHJ: Is he?
CC: Well he is teaming with Jack, and last I head Jack was still a member in good standing. That kind of makes LD an associate, and you are an associate with LD so........
MHJ: Cole, you are thinking too much into this. The war is over, there is no need to draw strong allegiances. LD knows I have his back all the time. Drink & Destroy know that we have worked together in the past, and it could happen again in the future. Davin Moreland and I, despite his recent douchebaggery, have always been cool. He knows that if he or Fire, and ONLY he or Fire needed me, we may just be able to work something out. And then there is you and Eric. The way I see it, my options are wide open
CC: The way I see it, you are a mercenary
MHJ: Life is good. See you around........champ
<Moose slaps Cole on the shoulder and walks away>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 1, 2008 17:39:42 GMT -5
<GM the Rick is walking out of his office when he is stopped by SFJ1 - The Original>
SFJ1TO - Rick, have you heard Davin Moreland's comments?
GMtR: Yes I have
SFJ1TO: And?
GMtR: He has a point
SFJ1TO: WHAT?
GMtR: He is right. Right now there is too much arbitrary ruling going on. I plan on rectifying that right now. As of now, I am lifting bans on backstage guests, so long as they remain backstage and do not interfere in matches. Guests may be granted ringside privileges, but that will have to be at least run past me, in order to avoid chaos at ring side. No REASONABLE request will be refused. Also, the matter of Sterling Glaw is being investigated, there is little doubt he is guilty of wrongdoing, however the referee's have the discretion to punish their own. I should hear from them in a few days what they believe a suitable punishment would be, and I will act accordingly
<Just then The Chickenshit Heels walk by and we see Johnny Adrenaline counting a large sum of money>
GMtR: Johnny! Just the man I want to see! What ya got there?
JA: You won't believe it, I put a grand down on predicting the initial BCS standings, and I nailed it! Got every team in every position EXACTLY right!
GMtR: Impressive. How much you got there?
JA: ON HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS! MUAHAHAHAH
<GMtR snatches it from Johnny's hands quickly counts the bills while Johnny stands there thunderstruck and turns it and hands it to Erlana, who hands him a receipt>
GMtR:<to Erlana> Put this into the Fine Fund. <turning to Johnny who has his mouth hanging wide open> And here is your receipt.
JA: RECEIPT FOR FUCKING WHAT?!?!?!?!
GMtR: Your receipt for throwing fire. That is a $100,000 fine the first time, and a 30 day suspension the second. You will be getting the paperwork in the mail shortly.
JA: YOU CAN'T FUCKING DO THAT!
GMtR: Yes. Yes I can. I told you, that kind of shit stops. Now. You threw fire at Magnusson, and now you pay.
<Johnny lunges at GM the Rick, but AA grabs him and stops him>
AA: NO JOHNNY! It's not worth it!
GMtR: You boys have a nice day.
<The Chickenshit Heels turn and skulk away>
SFJ1TO: What about the comments Davin Moreland made?
GMtR: Yes Moreland. I am not surprised he feels the need to make this difficult. Davin this is really simple. Your position as the OOWF world champion simply makes your position as Assistant General Manager a conflict of interests. Now, I asked you to resign and walk away and concentrate on defending your title, but you insist on making things complicated. You can go to the board all you want, I have their support. As I said, the events of the War have been put behind us. I am fully willing to admit that my actions during the war were less than admirable, and the board agreed. The board also agreed, however, that in the OOWF's present state, it is in the company's best interest to let me remain the GM rather than starting a search for someone new.
So, that leaves me in charge, whether you like it or you don't makes no difference to me. Davin, you have two choices. You can resign your position as Assistant General Manager and walk away, or you can continue to insist on retaining your position, which is within your right. However, if that is the case, I would have to strip you of the OOWF world heavyweight title, which is well within my rights. I suspect this should be an easy decision for you, and I would prefer that we settle this by Mayhem.
<Rick turns and walks away>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 1, 2008 17:40:12 GMT -5
*The Rick is sitting at his desk, when Eric O'Mac walks into the room.* Rick: *sigh* What do you want? Eric: Ouch! Is that any way to greet me? Rick: I don't want to ask you again. Eric: Fine. I just wanted to come in and say what a GREAT speech you gave last week. And you know, things haven't changed. I still don't like you. But I can't say things aren't different. I'm still the PHWF World Champion. I'm tri-holding these Trios titles, and I've got an OOWF World Championship title shot in my back pocket whenever I want it, and I'd be lying if I admit that you gave me the opportunity. So thank you, for not holding a grudge. Rick: I'm literally shocked that you, of all people, would thank me for anything. Eric: Married life has made me a changed man. Rick: The Amnesiac isn't very happy with you drugging his best friend's fiancee and marrying her in Vegas. Eric: No idea what you are talking about. Me and FMD are very happy together. Rick: Really? Eric: Yes. Rick: Well explain to me why these came for you today? *Rick hands Eric some papers.* Eric: What are these? Rick: Annulment papers. Eric: She's just on her period. Rick: Too much information. Eric: Actually, I don't know. I haven't seen her. But I think she's coming out to Mayhem this week. If that's OK with you, of course. Rick: I'll take it under advisement. Eric: Awesome! That means my lovely bride will be there to see me defend these Trios titles with Tytan and Poe. Great news. Rick: Is there anything else you want? Eric: Sure. Could you send these out to everyone in the OOWF except IHOP and the Amnesiac? Rick: Uh...ok? Eric: Awesome. *Eric leaves, and Rick puts the stack of papers Eric handed to him on his desk, as the camera zooms in.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 1, 2008 17:40:42 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland is dressed to the nines and carrying a briefcase and is heading into GM the Rick's office. An SFJ tries to get a word, but he brushes her off as he heads into the office. Minutes pass, and there's lots of yelling, a little bit of laughing, and finally silence. About 90 minutes later, Davin emerges from the room, when a random SFJ runs up trying to get a word*
RSFJ: Davin! Davin! What was that meeting about?
DM: Go fuck yourself. Where's Moonbeam?
*The Random SFJ sighs and points to the Dunkin' Donuts Hospitality Tent where SFJ420 is double handing double chocolate donuts into her mouth as quickly as humanly possible. Davin heads over*
DM: Yo, Moonbeam. Mic, please.
SFJ420: *mouth full* Dude, man...these donuts are awesome...
DM: I know. Mic.
*Moonbeam washes down her donuts with a mouthful of Dunkin' Donuts Iced Coffee, and walks over with her microphone*
SFJ420: So...like...you've got something to say or something?
DM: See? THIS is why we like you. No annoying self-serving questions. You just want to get the story. You don't want to be part of the story.
SFJ420: Right now I just want more donuts, man.
DM: Go ahead then.
*Moonbeam heads back over to the tent and attacks some more donuts*
DM: So, to answer everyone's question; yes I just met with GM the Rick. He's assured me that the backstage ban has been lifted; that other wrestlers from other companies can come and go within reason. That's only fair. I was encouraged by his fining of Johnny Adrenaline; again, keeping consistent with his previous edicts. He said that the referees police themselves; and I said that in this case there was blatant wrongdoing in Glaw's case; and that he was allowed to stay on for almost an entire year with no repercussions. To me, that's essentially a year of severance pay. I'm still pressing for an immediate dismissal, but Rick wants to give Glaw the opportunity to resign first. Hey, I'm a nice guy; so I'll give Glaw until next Mayhem to tender his resignation before I go to the board. Even Rick admits, hell, everyone but Traitormask admits that there was wrongdoing that took place; that was as recent as at Doomy Doomy Doom Doom.
DM: So Glaw, it's time to go. Don't make this hard on yourself, Rick will give you a reference if you resign. Rick assured me that he would try his best to do what is in the best interest for OOWF, rather than in the best interest for individuals; and I respect that, and I will also hold him to that. I informed Rick that as World Champion, I will be on Weekly Conference Calls with the Board in Dayton (and in person if conditions allow); and I will be prepared for those calls, detailing anything that I see resembling favoritism or that is out of the ordinary. That was agreed to.
DM: I also mentioned that I would be keeping a very close eye on his relationship with Traitormask. He spends an awful lot of energy greasing the skids for that Traitor. I can't imagine why someone so devoted to the OOWF as an entity that he would (grudgingly) go to war for it would even give Traitormask a second look, but that's his deal. He promised that he wouldn't let his personal relationship with Traitormask get in the way of his duties. He also promised that he would try to turn his relationship with Traitormask into a more professional one. I will be holding you to that Rick, and the board will too.
DM: Therefore, it is with great regret that I, Davin Moreland, as of today, resign from my position as Assistant General Manager. I was proud to have served in that position in a time of war, and single-handedly led Team Rick to victory. Without me, this would be the BWF, and everyone here knows it, whether they'll admit it or not. It's enough for me right now to serve the OOWF as the Greatest World Heavyweight Champion ever to step between the ropes; and that Run DEA is the best faction every to form in Sports Entertainment History, and that under our leadership, we have been the ambassadors and conduits for the greatest ratings in OOWF History. You can thank me and Run DEA for that, folks. And I will continue to do what's best for this company, by continuing my Reign of Awesomeness as World Heavyweight Champion for the foreseeable future. You're welcome.
SFJ420: *from the tent with mouth full* Can I have my mic back?
DM: You betcha, Moonbeam.
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 1, 2008 17:41:11 GMT -5
*Fade in to the palatial IHOP locker room. The mood is somber, at best. SYB, The Amnesiac, Skurge, and Fezzik are all sitting in different parts of the room in silence. SYB occasionally adjusts his size XXXL facemask, which he must wear to protect his broken nose, and which isn’t quite big enough. The Amnesiac is currently rubbing his knuckles, which are sore and bloodied from punching the wall in front of him in anger. Skurge is playing “Black Hole Sun” over and over again on Rock Band. He’s not really paying much attention, so he keeps failing. Every so often, Fezzik attempts to engage one of the men in conversation, but he is met with silence each time. He clearly has something to tell IHOP that he feels is very important, but try as he might, he just can’t get through to anyone. Eventually, he gives up and decides to take a nap.
*Perhaps not surprisingly, no one looks up when the Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth enters the room in an incredibly good mood…
DM: Hey guys! How’s it going? SYB: … Skurge: … Amn: … Fezzik: ZZZZZZZZZ~! DM: Um, hello? Guys? Is that any way to greet your manager? Especially when that manager comes bearing gifts? SYB (having difficulty speaking due to the broken nose): Whadeder, Dododhy. Noo don’h know whud id feels lide do loode a fide lige dad. Skurge: What Buckwheat said. We lost our Chimpanzees on Tricycles belts last night, in case you forgot. I loved those belts, eh? Amn: Not only did we lose, but we lost to that son of a bitch Eric O’Mac after he ruined Demko’s wedding. Did you forget that? DM: No. Of course I didn’t forget that. I felt awful for Michael. In fact, that’s where I’ve been for the last few hours. I figured he could use some…consoling. Amn: Aw, Dorothy, you didn’t. Please tell me you didn’t. DM: Well, he does feel somewhat better now. Amn: Shit, Dorothy. You probably just made things way worse. It’s not like Fiona wanted to be in that car in Vegas with Eric. She was clearly drugged and passed out. How no one else saw that is beyond me. DM: Damn. Well, I’m sure Fiona will understand. I mean, it really looked like she wanted to marry Eric instead of Michael. I’m willing to bet the whole thing will just blow over. Skurge: Fan-fucking-tastic. I guess that means all’s right with the world and whatnot, eh? Well, it’s not. We still need to get those Chimp belts back. I will not rest. I will not eat. I will not drin– hey, is that beer? DM: Yeah, I knew you’d be down in the dumps, so I bought you a few cases to cheer you up. SYB: Aw, mad! Free beer, ad I cad drink id. Thid suckd. DM: I thought of you too, Solly. Here, I got you a straw. SYB: A siddy straw? DM: Yes, a silly straw. Sorry, it’s all they had. But, since I knew you’d be in a bad mood too, I also got you a present. SYB: Whad id id? Whad id id? DM: A nice, fresh, crisp, clean one-dollar bill! SYB: … DM: Well? SYB: Sorry. I, um, god a bid egcided dere. Eddybody god a tiddue? DM: Eww. SYB: Fug id. I’ll clead id ub lader. A whole dollar? For be? DM: Yes, Solly, for you. SYB: Wow, Dorody, you’re de bed madager eber. Skurge: Yeah, you’re not so bad, kid. Thanks for the beer. I actually feel a little better. Not as good as Demko feels, I’m sure– Amn: Hey! Skurge: –but better nonetheless. Now, who’s up for some Rock Band? DM: Absolutely not. I refuse to play that game ever again. Skurge: What? Why? You love Rock Band! DM: True. I do love it. But why would I want to play Rock Band when I can play…Rock Band 2~!
*The room goes silent once again, but this time it’s in awe as the Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth produces a brand new copy of Rock Band 2. SYB, the Amnesiac, and Skurge just stare at the game, slack-jawed. Finally, Skurge snaps out of it…
Skurge: Dorothy, you’re the greatest! What are we waiting for? Jam it in there! DM: That’s what Michael said. Amn: Hey!
*FADE*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 1, 2008 17:41:32 GMT -5
“The Main Event” Chris Cole is in his locker room watching tapes. The match that is on is one of himself against Davin Moreland from earlier this year. We see other tapes on the table labeled “Cole vs. Davin – Best of 7 Series”, “Cole vs. Darling”, and “Cole vs. Stank”. Haroper Camby is sitting on a nearby recliner drinking a beer and strumming on a bass guitar.
Harper Camby: Why are you watching these matches? They happened weeks and months ago?
Chris Cole: Now that I’m a Champion again I need to stay in the best ring shape as possible. And in my case my best asset in the ring is my ring knowledge and that takes lots of preparation to keep up.
HC: Is this what you used to do in the Set’s heyday?
CC: Not exactly.
HC: But you managed to be 3 time Tag Champs and then won the World Title.
CC: I was hungry.
HC: I’m hungry too. Do you want me to go grab some cheeseburgers?
CC: No. I was hungry to be the best. I had a fire in my eyes. It is what gave me my competitive edge.
HC: What happened to it?
CC: Like anything in life I think you have to keep working on it to keep it. After I lost the World Title I didn’t work on keeping that flame and that is why I burned out.
HC: So why are you watching these matches?
CC: I’m looking for all the mistakes I made.
HC: But these matches occurred after your return.
CC: When I first came back to the OOWF I was sharp. Honestly it was the best I ever looked in the ring.
HC: It was probably because you were booked as a babyface and you always look stronger that way.
CC: You are going to put Kayfabe into an early grave if you keep talking like that.
HC: An early grave like I put Semaj in.
CC: That’s better. Anyway, I was hungry again. Hungry to get revenge on Rick. I had a foolproof plan and I was giddy that it was going so well. It worked too well. Once I brutalized Rick inside that cage my quest was over. I struggled to find something else to focus on. I tried the war but honestly my war had ended that day in the cage with Rick. My lack of focus and energy cost me my shot at being OOWF World Champion again. It cost me my shot at being Intercontinental Champion.
HC: But it didn’t cost you the shot at being Onslaught Champion.
CC: It almost did. So now I’m going back and watching these matches and finding all the mistakes I made to ensure that I don’t do any of those again.
(There is a knock on the door. Camby gets up to answer while Cole goes back to watching the film.)
HC: You got shipment. Now I know how you are getting your focus. The same way I used to.
CC: These aren’t “nutritional supplements”.
HC: What are they?
(Cole opens the box and pulls out more tapes. They are labeled “Firechild vs. Thim”, “Firechild vs. Eric”. It seems to be a collection of Firechild matches during his run as Onslaught Champion.)
CC: Fire sent me something else to study. My style has to be slightly different if I’m going to succeed. I learn from the past to ensure success in the future.
HC: Sounds like a lot of work.
CC: It is worth it to be the best.
HC: I seriously I’m hungry and out of beer. I’m headed over to Hooters.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 1, 2008 17:42:07 GMT -5
The Chicksenshit Heels have found their way into The Destroyatorium in Springfield, GA (cheap pop!), where they are face-to-face with the Original Drink & Destroy. Not Drink & Destroy. Not the New Original Revived 2000 Drink & Destroy Blackjack Express either. In fact, have we told the story of Cowboy Johnny, “Young Gun” Attitude Adjuster and their feud with Drink & Destroy in the Old West Telegraph Wrestling Federation? (Most of the audience glares at the writer of this promo.) Ok, we’ll tell the story at another time.
Stank: I can’t believe you guys decided to show your faces here at The Destroyatoriumin Springfield, GA (cheap pop!).
AA: You’re getting pretty good at that.
Stank: Thanks. I thought it might help my day-of-show merchandising.
FFC: Can we get on with this?
JA: He’s talking now.
FFC: That was a lame gimmick.
AA: He’s right. Don’t know what I was thinking.
FFC: Speaking of not thinking, what did you think you were doing, Johnny, hitting me in the head with that chair?
AA & JA look at each other in disbelief.
JA: Wrestling? We’ve all hit each other in the head with chairs over the years.
FFC: Yeah, but I just wanted us to get back on track. We all need to stay together to make this feud work.
AA: Speaking of togetherness, did you know that if Proposition 8 in California passes, Johnny and I could never get married?
JA: That’s true. But the good thing would be that those DAMN COMMUNIST ANTI-AMERICAN TEACHERS wouldn’t be able to soil our young first-graders’ minds by teaching them about gay marriage. Because that’s what’s important!
AA: And that’s a good thing. Because if young children ever realize that boys can marry boys and girls can marry girls, maybe they’ll start questioning why their Mommy and Daddy got married but now Daddy gets drunk every night and Mommy has a headache and Daddy deals drugs out of the pickup truck on blocks and Mommy has all kinds of boyfriends who stay for an hour and give her money for letting them take a nap with her while they should be at Little Johnny’s Parent-Teacher Conference.
Stank: Do I get the impression you’re opposing Prop 8?
AA: I said no such thing. I don’t think there’s any room in wrestling for politics.
FFC: What the hell does this have to do with the OOWF?
AA: Nothing really.
JA: But we’ve come here today, to The Destroyatorium in Springfield, GA (cheap pop!) to ask you, Drink & Destroy, not to pound the every-loving shit out of us during our match this week at Midweek Mayhem, against the OOWF tag team champions, Phantos and Lucios.
AA: And to tell you that we think Phantos and Lucios are secretly married and were going to soil Firewoman’s cloned baby with homosexual thoughts.
Stank: What’s in it for us?
JA: We give you the first shot at our OOWF tag team titles.
AA: Which would be a main event match anywhere in the world. Except maybe California, where they might have a problem with four grown men in tights wrestling together.
JA: And if you really wanted to, we wouldn’t mind if you pounded the ever-loving shit out of Phantos and Lucios. Just make sure you don’t get caught.
FFC: Did that just have the undertones of homosexuality?
DV: PHANTOS AND LUCIOS ARE HOMOS!
(All five look around for a response.)
AA: I think everyone agrees with you this time, Donnie.
DV: Cool.
JA: So, to summarize: You guys don’t interfere in our match against Phantos and Lucios, unless you want to beat up Phantos and Lucios. If we win the titles, you get the first title shot.
AA: And Phantos and Lucios are gay lovers.
(FFC and Stank huddle together to discuss.)
Stank: We’ve decided to agree to the last one.
AA: That’s it?!
FFC: Yep.
AA: OK, works for us. See you Wednesday.
FFC: At Midweek Mayhem in Springfield, GA (cheap pop!).
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 1, 2008 17:42:23 GMT -5
[TCH walks away from The Destroyatorium... in Springfield, GA.]
JA: You know this trick never works, right?
AA: What doesn't work?
JA: Heels offering title shots to other wrestlers if they help said heels win the titles in the first place? Every time heels make a deal like that, it blows up in their faces.
AA: There's a first time for everything, Johnny.
[Johnny and AA walk past a giant cake in the hallway.]
AA: Hey, look! A birthday cake! Who's it for?
JA: Alan... you might wanna....
AA: Where's the plates?
JA: Alan, get away from the cake, man! I'm tellin ya, every time there's a cake in wrest....
[Suddenly, Fred the Monkey swings into the picture on a rope and kicks AA in the back of the head, and AA oversells into the giant cake.]
JA: First time for everything, huh?
[Johnny picks up his trophies and walks off as AA wipes the frosting off himself with his hands, being sure to lick them clean. Fred the Monkey hops down and helps out.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 1, 2008 17:42:51 GMT -5
*In front of the OOWF Banner*
Lucios: Fear Us? How about Nothing to Fear. For all your bravado, for all your big talk, the fact of the matter is you couldn’t get the job done. It took the interference of the dregs of the tag team division for you to salvage a draw out of that match and save yourself the embarrassment of your first loss.
Phantos: Put down the betting sheets and listen Johnny. You really want to get back in the ring with me? Remember what happened last time? How’s your neck? I’d hate to be the one paying your Lloyds of London premiums, because I assure you, I Will take you out again.
Lucios: Poe, Tytan. You think the answer to everything is brute force? Another attack when we weren’t looking? If you’d put as much effort into your wrestling as you do your allegedly spooky mind games, you might actually have earned yourself a Tag Team Championship match with us. Instead, you’re stuck teaming with the One Word Wonder in Trios land.
Phantos: I mean, look at the most recent Trios champions. IHOP & Some other guy I already forgot about. The Division Killers humiliated IHOP so bad the Trios division became their only chance at sniffing a championship. Before them, 3 men who couldn’t cut it in Run DEA; Rabbxt, Sane & Carl. And before them? Another tag team that didn’t Measure Up, and was forced into the Trios division for a chance at glory; Hardcore and MacCappington, along with the then partner-less Alan Capps. The only team to hold the Campeonas de Trios with any dignity? Why, the current World Heavyweight and Tag Team Champions. Naturally, by then the three of us had already found greatness, but the Campeonas de Trios were new and needed the rub.
Lucios: So Gods & Monsters, enjoy your Campeonas de Trios reign. Maybe it will be your springboard to greatness. But it’s more likely that those championships are simply cushioning your fall from grace.
Phantos: Quote the Champions, Nevermore……… HA!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 1, 2008 17:43:29 GMT -5
**Fear Us and Drink & Destroy are in the Destroyitarium, drinking.**
LD: “Forget it.”
FFC: “Don’t be a wuss.”
LD: “Not gonna happen.”
OBJ: “Just give it a try, mate. It’ll be fine.”
LD: “No way in hell am I going to wrestle drunk.”
OBJ: “I do it all the time.”
LD: “Alcohol is like spinach for you. I’d be worried if you tried to wrestle without drinking.”
S: “Think of it like a stipulation match. If we all do it, we’ll be on level ground.”
LD: <laughs> “With the amount you guys drink? I’m not even sure it’s possible for you to get drunk anymore. I’m not going out there and stumble around like a…like a…”
FFC: “Drunk?”
S: “The OOWF was built on alcohol. Half the guys promo when they’re drinking. They come up with storylines when they’re drinking. Hell, the person who writes our match will probably be drunk!”
**In the background Kayfabe, sitting at a table in the corner, looks up.. She thinks for a moment, shrugs, and shakes her head as she returns to her drink.**
FFC: “You’re teaming with Jack – it’s going to happen sooner or later.”
S: “Besides, it’ll lessen the pain when we kick your asses.”
LD: “Or vice-versa. Assuming, of course, the title holders and their friends don’t decide to get involved.”
OBJ: “The great Phantos and Lucios? Interfere in a match against wannabe teams like us?”
S: “You just know that’s the only line of this promo anyone’s going to read…”
**Kayfabe pegs her glass at the back of Stank’s head.**
S: “Ow! Pay attention to! I meant that’s the only line anyone will pay attention to!”
FFC: “Bottom line: We’re going to kick the crap out of each other, and whoever wins goes after P&L or the Heels – whoever has the belts.”
S: “And whoever loses gets the other team.”
OBJ: <belches> “Australian for ‘sounds like win-win to me, mate.’”
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 1, 2008 17:43:56 GMT -5
The camera fades into the locker room area immediately following the Moosehead Jack/Tyson Kincaid match at Sunday’s PPV. Tyson Kincaid once again sits on a chair, this time undoing his wrestling boots and holding the pill bottle that was inside one of those boots.
The door to the locker room opens and a jubilant Lance Storm walks in.
LS: What did I tell you? Only four days sober and you managed to cleanly defeat one of the most dominant wrestlers in OOWF history!
Kincaid looks up and, for the first time in months, smiles.
TK: Yeah, it was a hell of a match. But Moose will be looking to get that win back and I’ve got to make sure that I don’t let my guard down and get cocky. That match doesn’t really settle much as far I’m concerned.
LS: Of course not, but it was still a big step in the right direction. By the way, what was the deal with that pill bottle? I watched you all weekend like I said I would and you didn’t have that anywhere near you.
TK: I have no idea, Lance. Between this and the flask from Mayhem, I think someone is playing some kind of game with me.
LS: You could be right. But don’t worry about that right now.
Storm pauses and then cautiously continues.
LS: So, uh, how do you feel about having to face Firewoman this week?
Kincaid’s smile disappears, but surprisingly he does not begin to show any signs of lingering depression.
TK: I’ve been doing a lot of thinking these last four days and I’ve asked for some interview time later this week to address the situation. If it’s alright with you, I’d rather wait until then before I talk about it.
LS: Fair enough, I shouldn’t have brought it up. Let’s just relax and celebrate your victory, alright?
Storm walks over to a table in the corner of the room where a small Sony home stereo system sits. He picks up a CD, places it in the tray and hits “play”.
LS: Queens Of The Stone Age alright with you?
TK: Of course. What album?
LS: Rated R.
Before the thought can register, Storm and Kincaid turn to the stereo as Josh Homme’s voice fills the room with the lyrics of the record’s first track, “Feel Good Hit Of The Summer”.
Nicotine, Valium, Vicodin, Marijuana, Ecstasy and Alcohol Nicotine, Valium, Vicodin, Marijuana, Ecstasy and Alcohol Nicotine, Valium, Vicodin, Marijuana, Ecstasy and Alcohol Nicotine, Valium, Vicodin, Marijuana, Ecstasy and Alcohol
C-c-c-c-c-cocaine C-c-c-c-c-cocaine C-c-cocaine C-c-c-c-c-cocaine
Storm turns off the stereo and an awkward silence follows.
TK: Poor taste, Lance. Poor taste.
Fade.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 1, 2008 17:44:12 GMT -5
We fade into a close shot of Tyson Kincaid standing in front of an OOWF banner. He is wearing a Tom Waits t-shirt underneath a denim jacket and a black Trilby-style hat, tilted slightly back on his head with the brim snapped upwards. He begins to speak with a look in his eyes and a tone of voice that is more focused and severe than we have ever seen.
TK: Four days. 96 hours. 5760 minutes. 345,600 seconds. To most, that is an insignificant amount of time, not even a full week of work for a person in a nine-to-five job. But for me, it was an entire lifetime of redemption and healing and revelation.
Last Wednesday morning, I lay awake in a five-star hotel with a beautiful dark-haired woman in bed next to me. She was sleeping softly, almost purring. I was the envy of most red-blooded men, yet I was still miserable, each breath labored as I lay shaking, wrapped tightly in the sweat-soaked silk sheets and wrapped even tighter in my own thoughts. Not even the feel of this girl’s soft skin or the sweet jasmine smell of her hair on my pillow could ease me back into the generous haven of sleep. So I went crawling back to my old stand-by, the only way I knew of to dull my senses.
By Wednesday afternoon, I was asleep. I was in the same hotel, the same bed, but this time I was alone. Alone, save for the empty flask of vodka and half empty bottles of Xanax and Vicodin that lay strewn beside my bed.
And then Wednesday night came and I once again found myself feeling the enduring after-effects of what I had poured into my body that day and the seemingly infinite stretch of days before that. But I couldn’t fix myself with more of the same. No. I had to walk to the ring and lock up with Moosehead Jack, the most dangerous man in this sport. And as hard as I tried, as deep as I reached into every hidden reservoir at my disposal, I failed to overcome the challenge that had been placed in front of me.
So, what did I do? I walked away, ready to start the vicious cycle of self-medication all over again. I fully intended on starting with that mysterious bottle that found its way into my hands during the match as if it was a generous gift from the heavens - another quick cure, another way to warm my stomach and my heart and experience happiness for just a moment.
And I would have. I would have once again hidden away in the sweet, saccharine mouth of that beast. I would have done it all over again, if it wasn’t for my mentor – my friend – Lance Storm. He watched over me like a caring older brother as I sobered up and focused myself on a return match with Moose. Most importantly, he made sure that I stayed sober.
Four days. Four days after my last drink, my last pill, my last wasted moment, I stepped back into the ring with Moose and I defeated him. And now, I must face the catalyst of all this. I must step into the ring with Firewoman.
Fire…Lisa…in those four days and in the days since, I’ve had time to think with a clear head. And I’ve come to a very important realization, one that absolves me from any guilt that I may feel when I come after you with everything I have.
You see, you never did betray our friendship as I had convinced myself was the case. There never was a friendship. The only reason that you were so close to me during our time together was so that I wouldn’t leave you behind. You thought that I was your meal ticket and you held onto my coattails for dear life. However, when you saw an opportunity for yourself, you took it. You left me and never gave it a second thought because I was never a part of your life, I was only a tool to be used for your own prosperity.
Now, before you go telling yourself that Lance planted these thoughts in my head, let me tell you that it was something I had to figure out for myself. And after a couple of days of sobriety, it all finally became perfectly to clear me.
And now, let me make something perfectly clear to you. The old Tyson Kincaid is back and not even watching SWA tapes will be able to prepare you for what the old Tyson Kincaid is capable of.
Kincaid turns and walks off camera. However, the camera keeps him in frame as he walks down the hall. He stops next to a garbage can and takes the pill bottle out of his pocket. He eyes it thoughtfully before throwing it into the garbage.
As Kincaid walks away and out of sight, a door opens and Moosehead Jack steps through and into the hallway. He makes his way over to the garbage can, reaches in and picks up the pill bottle. He smirks to himself before placing it in his pocket, turning around and walking back through the doorway which he entered from.
Fade.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 1, 2008 17:44:43 GMT -5
*Rick's Office*
Rick is just about to sit back and enjoy a nice smooth whiskey when his door slams open and the Darling sisters stroll in. A step behind them is Alexander.
GMtR: Ah hell.
Alexis: Is that any way to greet the person that saved your company?
GMtR: Saved my company? You can't be serious.
Alexis and Samantha sit down and get comfortable while Alexander stands behind them.
Oh sure, make yourselves comfortable.
Alexander: Rick, I may not be able to touch you but you will sit there and shut up right now or I guarantee I make your life a living hell.
GMtR: And what exactly...
Alexis: Rick, now isn't the time to try and be the big man. Remember, I may have been looking to destroy Bennett, but it doesn't mean I didn't find out some other interesting tidbits along the way. And truthfully, none of us here are your enemy.
GMtR: Why do I not believe you?
Samantha: Because you're a fucking moron.
Rick looks like he's somewhere between annoyed and really pissed off.
Alexis: Listen Rick, we're not here to get on your bad side just like I know you don't want to get on Run DEA's bad side.
GMtR: Like I said before the PPV, I'm done playing favorites. So as much as I might appreciate what you did for me over the summer...Alexis, Alexander...I can't let it effect my decisions going forward.
Alexander: That's fucking bullshit. I damn near killed myself...
Alexis: Brother, allow me. Rick...we're not asking for special treatment or favors, we just want what we're owed.
GMtR: And what is it you think you're owed?
Samantha: Stop being such a fucking retard.
GMtR: Sammy...
Alexis: Rick, watch it. She's barely controllable as it is. You really don't want to piss her off.
GMtR: Whatever...can you get to the point? Why are you here?
Alexis: First, stop fucking with my paperwork and get me re-instated. ASAP. I want back on the roster by next week. I've gone through all your little strings and you can't keep me out of the ring any more.
GMtR: I don't get it. Why do you want to get back in the ring so bad?
Alexander: Because go fuck yourself, that's why!
Alexis: Nice...Rick, you don't need to know my reasons. You just need to know that before I took my leave of absence, I was an active member of the roster and I want back on. If you feel the need, my favorite brother has agreed to tag with me for now until you think I'm capable of handling myself.
GMtR: You know what that means...
Alexis: I know what you think it means and that will be point two. This does not affect any planned matches for Alexander. He wants to and is basically demanding to be given the opportunity to work as often as you let him.
GMtR: We have a policy here...
Alexander: I don't give a fuck about your policy Rick. I've gone out there since my first day and I've never backed down from anyone you or Bennett threw in front of me. And I'm tired of repeating myself, so let me go out there and prove it to you or whoever needs more proof of what I'm capable of.
Rick takes a moment and takes a long drink of his whiskey.
Samantha: Anytime today asshole.
GMtR: Who the fuck gave you a job here, jeez.
Samantha: Your former assistant GM and the Current World Champion, so I'd watch your tone.
GMtR: The lot of you are giving me another fucking ulcer, but Alexis, you and I have been able to work together in the past so here's what I'll do. You're back and active as of next week's Mayhem, but I get to choose your opponents until the November PPV. And your other request, I'm not opposed in principle, but I need to take it up with the board. But I promise to see what I can do.
Alexander: Promises mean shit to me Rick. Results are what I want.
Alexis: Always a pleasure Rick.
Alexis and Samantha stand up and start to leave the room while Alexander lingers for a second. He takes a deep breath before turning to look at Rick once again and it's a look we haven't seen in Alexander for a while.
Alexander: I said it back before you got me involved in your stupid war Rick and it's time I take my rightful place again. Tell Cole he better start getting ready. His belt will be coming home to Run DEA.
And there isn't a damn thing he or you can do to stop us.
Alexander takes his sisters two arms and Run DEA walks out of the office like they own the place and Rick slams back the rest of his whiskey before he sighs and picks up his phone.
GMtR: Yea, it's me. Shut the fuck up. Seriously, shut the fuck up. I need you to come by. Because I fucking said so. Stop being so fucking difficult. Trust me. No I'm not Moose you asshole. Just come by, I have something I want to discuss with you. That's great. Fuck you too.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 1, 2008 17:45:12 GMT -5
[TCH is walking down the hall at the arena... in Springfield, GA. AA is still licking frosting off himself.]
JA: Taste good, buddy?
AA: Oh yeah, love vanilla frosting.
JA: Heels offering titles shots to titles they don't have to guys if they help them out... birthday cakes... you know these things work.
AA: There's a first time for everything, Johnny.
[Johnny and AA walk past a table in the hallway that has some big document on it.]
AA: Hey, look! This looks like a contract signing. I wonder who it's for!
JA: Contract signing...?
AA: [looking at contract on the table] It's for our match this Wednesday. [signs the contract]
JA: Alan, get away from that man. You know what happens when...
[Suddenly, Phantos & Lucios hop in from offscreen and lay out Johnny and AA. Lucios slams Capps thru the table. The champions sign the contract and leave.]
JA: [pulling himself up and dusting himself off] First time for everything, huh?
AA: Man... this promo is like the same promo we cut earlier.
JA: Well, apparently cutting the same promo over and over again is the "in" thing now.
AA: Oh... well, in that case let's figure out more wrestling cliches.
JA: Sounds like a plan.
[Johnny picks up his trophies and he and AA walk off]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 1, 2008 17:45:12 GMT -5
Firewoman is up early, following her "match-day" routine, when she sees Tyson's "revelations"
Wow...So you've been sober for, what, a week now? Congratulations. [slow mocking clap] You've managed to pull off what the vast majority of human beings can do.
Except I've kinda heard it all before, Tyson. Let's run down the list, shall we? "I swear this was the last time, Fire." "Really, Lance, I'll be on time for the show." "No no, I'm not hungover, I just have the flu." "I mean it this time."
Tyson you've already proved you can't hack it. Your five days of sobriety are nothing. I remember the fine days of Calgary when you made it a month, and then some ring rat turned you down and you climbed back into whatever bottle was available. So, pardon me, if I'm not impressed. The only reason you're sober now is because your baby sitter has been around. Say what you will of my motivations, at least I usually remember what I said the next day and how I got where I am when I wake up.
So, I'll try to summon up some small iota of concern that you won't be high as a kite, and you won't drop me on my head, again, but save your breath about being sober "for real" this time. I've heard it all before. It doesn't sparkle for me anymore.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 1, 2008 17:45:45 GMT -5
AA and JA continue walking down the Hallway of Wreslting Cliches.
AA: Hey, Johnny, why are always carrying around those trophies?
JA: I don't know. It just seems like a good thing to do.
AA: But I was just reading here in "Wrestling Cliches 101" that...
[Suddenly, Phantos & Lucios hop in from offscreen and lay out Johnny and AA. Phantos grabs Johnny's trophy and beats him over the head with it, smashing the trophy into dozens of pieces.]
JA: Ahh, dang. Forgot about that one.
AA: That's OK. We can probably Super Glue the trophy back together. Besides, here's another Wrestling Cliche for you. I'm sure Phantos and Lucios didn't read the contract they signed. We are now the proud owners of 50 percent of all their endorsement contracts.
JA: Sweet! Wrestling Cliches can be fun!
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