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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 1, 2008 17:54:44 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem Live! From Springfield, South Carolina
OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u] Davin Moreland vs. Concrete TG
OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u] Spin Hansen vs. Seamus McNasty
OOWF World Tag Team Title Triple Threat Match[/u] Phantos & Lucios vs. IHOP vs. Gods & Monsters
OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u] Chris Cole vs. Alexander Darling
#1 Contenders Triple Threat Match[/u] The Chickenshit Heels vs. Fear Us vs. Drink & Destroy
Eric O'Mac vs. The Amnesiac Tyson Kincaid & Lance Storm vs. Firewoman & Chris Jericho Moosehead Jack vs. Damon Wrath Alexis Darling vs. Carl From Fresno
Card subject to wrath of the (game) cock
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2008 11:12:21 GMT -5
An OOWF-TV EXCLUSIVE!
The finish of the Midnight Sons/Chickenshit Hell Tag Team Tournament match is shown, displaying the fireball that Johnny Adrenaline used to blind D.H. Magnusson from several angles in slow motion.
Dr. Alvarado Pena: Mr. Magnusson recieved severe burns to not only the right side of his face, but burns to both the cornea and sclera as well. There was also some slight tearing the conjuctiva as well as the retina, but those were not our main concern. Our main concerns were assessing the the damage, and then attempting to stem it adequately enough for Mr. Magnusson's eye to begin the healing process.
(Uncomfortably close visuals of an exposed eyeball being cleaned and irrigated are shown)
Dr. Sydney Basil: Well obviously, it's going to be a major blow. These men might have a better grasp on the idea of a broken bone more than any other athlete, but an injury of this nature is a completely different situation. For many of these men, injuries are something to work through - but this isn't a broken bone that be casted or taped. This is a loss of vision. This is something that cannot looked past of worked through, and for many professional wrestlers that is simply a situation that they are wholly unfamiliar with.
Another replay of the fireball, followed by an establishing shot of the exterior of the Freehold, New Jersey Humane Society Animal Shelter. D.H. MAGNUSSON is LEANING~! against the chain link holding cage. An eyepatch can be seen beneath his sunglasses.
SFJ4: I'm here in Freehold, New Jersey with former Intercontinental champion D.H. Magnusson. D.H., I'm sure the question everyone wants to know the answer to is how is your eye doing?
DHM: Well Shannon, it's healing. They still aren't sure how complete my vision will come back - I can see shapes an' some other stuff, but I guess they got no way of knowing how much it'll finish healing, if at all.
SFJ4: And your prospects for returning to the ring?
DHM: I don't know. I mean I know I'd like to, but I guess it comes down to the eye again. If I can't get cleared, it's out of my hands. And if I can't see...
SFJ4: Well, is there anything you'd like to say to your fans, or to the roster of the OOWF?
DHM: My fans? Geez...I gotta say thank you. Your guys' support made a lot of difference for me, and I gotta say thanks for all the thoughts. Just make sure you support our furry buddies too. An' make sure y'back Spin. I knew he'd step up with that strap, and he's doin' nothing but makin' that title better.
DHM: And I'll tell you this: If I can ever get back in that ring, you can bet that nothin' on earth will keep me away. You got your soundbyte, Shannon. I got a job t'do.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2008 11:12:59 GMT -5
Immediately after the match, there is commotion in the back. The ninja cams run to the area to capture the action.
Y2J: What the hell was that?
LS: I don’t know what you’re getting upset for. A double DQ doesn’t hurt either wrestlers’ ranking.
Y2J: That’s not the problem, Lance.
LS: Well, what is the problem, then?
The two stare at each other a bit, and the camera pans back to show that Firewoman and Tyson are each standing behind their respective cornermen.
Y2J: The problem is that you can’t stand that I was right. Firewoman didn’t need Tyson for success nearly as much as Tyson needed Firewoman.
LS: No, they should have stayed a team. She was just impatient and couldn’t wait.
FW: Couldn’t wait to find the gutter he crawled into, you mean.
Y2J: Fire, please. Lance, if they had gone to OOWF together in the state he was in, chances are one of them wouldn’t be standing here, and given their history, it probably would have been Fire.
LS: And you’re not just a little bit biased, are you?
Y2J: I’m very biased. I will always come out on the side of what is best for a performer, not for some issue of pride or whatever your deal is.
LS: Tyson is just as good as Firewoman. Sure he’s had some personal problems--
Y2J: Yeah, personal problems than land other people in hospitals.
TK: Lance, please, I can speak for myself.
FW: So can I. We aren’t your trainees anymore. Tyson, if I never step inside the ring with you again, it won’t be too soon. You managed to pull yourself together tonight with your sponsor here. But he’s got a real job, and won’t be able to keep an eye on you forever. Once he goes back to Calgary—
TK: You know that’s enough. I was beating you tonight, and the only reason I didn’t was because your boyfriend there tossed a chair the ring.
FW: You think? I was just getting started and I don’t need a chair.
She starts for him, and Tyson does nothing to discourage her, but Lance steps in and puts his hand out to her shoulder, pushing her back.
Y2J: Hey, get off her!
LS: Come on, Chris, there’s no need for--
All four wrestlers start talking all at once, trash talking each other issuing challenges and counter challenges. The commotion summons GMtheRick.
GMtR: What the hell is going on here?
All four start to talk at once.
GMtR: Shut it. Let’s do this one at a time. Lance?
Firewoman and Jericho roll their eyes at this.
LS: Sorry for all the backstage drama. There are some long-standing issues between Tyson and Firewoman that we thought had been all handled, but apparently had not--
TK: Lance, they hadn’t been handled at all.
FW: I don’t think it’s your turn to talk, Spanky.
LS: --and Chris and I have always disagreed on how their careers should have been started and promoted, and it’s just gotten a little heated.
GMtR: Great, well heat it elsewhere, there’s a show going on, in case you didn’t notice. Don’t make me ban both of you.
Rick starts to walk away. Firewoman glares at Tyson and Lance. Tyson glares back. Rick stops in the hallway, thinking, and then turns back to the group.
GMtR: I just had a better idea. Now, Chris, this’ll take some negotiating for you, but… I’m thinking a tag team match for next week’s Mayhem. Lance and Tyson vs. Jericho and Firewoman. What do you think.
FW: No.
TK: No.
LS: I’ll have to rearrange some stuff on my schedule, but I think I can take the week off.
Y2J: If you can get Vince to agree, that’s fine with me. I need to be in Florida for the big Raw 800 show, but other than that I’m good.
GMtR: I’ll make the call first thing in the morning, I’m sure it would be fine.
Y2J: Would it be okay if Fire got a release to come with me?
GMtR: Yeah from like Sunday to Tuesday though. There’s autograph sessions, fan stuff, all sorts of things she’s contractually obligated—
Y2J: Not a problem
GMtR: Great, it’s all settled. See you all later.
Rick continues on his way. The four stare at each other for a bit, before Lance and Tyson walk one way down the hall.
FW: This soooo doesn’t sparkle with me.
Y2J: It’ll be fine. Let’s hit the showers…..say….where’s Alexis right about now?
FW: Hush. Don’t let you-know-who hear that.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2008 11:13:38 GMT -5
Exclusive interview from OOWF.com with "The Main Event" Chris Cole shortly after his first title defense
Cole: That's One. Seamus you put up one hell of a fight but you learned the lesson. Chris Cole as Onslaught Champion is the real deal. You tapped out and trust me you won't be the last. What you saw out there tonight is only the beginning. I don't care who is up next week they will und-
(An OOWF road agent comes up and shows Cole a super secret advance lineup card for next week.)
CC: It looks like I won't have to wait too long for revenge on one of the two men in this company that I can't stand. Next week Alexander Darling gets his shot at my title. It wasn't too long ago that you were the Intercontinental Champion and I was the challenger. And in order to keep your title you got yourself DQed and found every way possible to cheat. Alex, I've been there so I applaude you for that. You kept your title any way you could. But this is the Onslaught Title and that won't work next week. You can't cheat your way into this belt. You have to look me in the eyes and out wrestle me. You are young and cocky and I like that. But you'll be taken down several dozen notches when you step into the ring with the Greatest World Heavyweight Champion in OOWF history and the soon to be known as Greatest Onslaught Champion in OOWF History. I'm going to prove that I'm the greatest wrestler in the world today and you, Alex, get to be Exhibit B.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2008 11:14:02 GMT -5
Tytan is reading the line-up for Mayhem that’s posted on the wall.
T: What the… This is bullshit!
Selena hops up and down.
SG: Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit…
Poe: What seems to be the problem, Tytan?
T: We finally get our Tag Team Title shot and it’s a triple threat with IHOP??? We just beat those losers three times in seven days? What the hell?
Poe turns Tytan to eyeball him.
Poe: Then we’ll defeat them a fourth time and become World Tag Team Champions to go along with our Trios titles.
Tytan grins.
T: I like the way you think Poe. We can finally get our hands on Phantos and Lucios in match and then put those pathetic IHOP morons down at the same time. This could be fun.
SG: I wanna rip off Solly’s nose.
Both Tytan and Poe look at Selena.
SG: Well I do…it’s too big.
Tytan tries not to laugh. He pats Poe on the shoulder.
T: Yeah…good luck with her.
Tytan walks down the hallway, finally allowing himself to laugh.
Poe and Selena watch him leave. They then look at each other.
SG: I don’t get it…
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2008 11:14:28 GMT -5
We fade into GMtR’s office. Rick is busy at his desk shuffling through papers when the door opens and Tyson Kincaid walks hurriedly through and approaches the desk.
TK: Listen, Rick…
Before Kincaid can finish his sentence, Lance Storm walks through the open door at an equally rapid pace.
LS: Sorry, Rick. I tried to stop him.
GMtR: That’s alright, Lance. Let him speak.
Kincaid shoots both men a hard look before continuing.
TK: With all due respect to Lance, he’s done enough. From now on, this is my battle.
LS: I don’t think so, Tyson. Fire and Jericho made me a part of this. I’m not going anywhere.
TK: Damnit, Lance, I don’t need a babysitter anymore.
LS: That isn’t what this is about. This is about those two disrespecting me. And you, for that matter…
Amidst their arguing, Firewoman enters the room flanked by Chris Jericho. The three men already in the room all turn and look at the pair. Firewoman stares straight at Kincaid.
FW: What the hell are you doing here?
TK: Trying to get this match changed. What the hell are you doing here?
FW: The same.
Kincaid turns and looks at Rick.
TK: It looks like we all want the match changed, Rick.
Jericho speaks up.
CJ: I don’t. I’ve wanted an excuse to get my hands that ingrate [nodding his head towards Storm] for years.
LS: What did you say?
CJ: You heard me. I got you every booking, every opportunity, that you ever had in this business. You’ve always been jealous of my skill, my wit, my charisma, and the fact I am one sexy beast, baby!
LS: That’s it, Chris. I’ve had just about enough of your offbeat shenanigans!
Storm and Jericho both advance towards each other, with Kincaid and Firewoman both trying to keep them separated. A frustrated GMtR stands up from behind his desk and bangs both his fists on the table, commanding the attention of the four competitors in front of him.
GMtR: That is enough! The two of you aren’t even supposed to be here in the first place and here you are causing trouble at every turn. Well, I know exactly how to fix this.
The tag match WILL go ahead as scheduled, except now I’m making it a “Loser Leaves Town” match. If the team of Firewoman and Chris Jericho are victorious, then Lance Storm is banned from OOWF for 90 days. Consequently, if the team of Tyson Kincaid and Lance Storm come out on top, then Jericho will not be seen in OOWF for three months!
Both parties express various signs of disapproval.
FW: What? You can’t do that!
GMtR: I can do whatever I want. This is my company and I don’t give a damn whether that “sparkles” with you or not.
Now everyone get out of my office – I have work to do.
Fade.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2008 11:14:48 GMT -5
[TCH is unloading their gear from Johnny's H2 at the hotel.]
JA: All right, man... I'm gonna be out of town this weekend.
AA: I know, I'm out of town with you.
JA: No, no... I mean, I'M gonna be out of town and it's gonna be on you to carry the Chickenshit Heels promo load til Monday.
AA: But you're right here.
JA: I know, I haven't left yet.
AA: Yes, you have. We're at the hotel now.
JA: Wait... hold on... Kayfabe, can I get a timeout here?
[Kayfabe holds up a sign that reads "As if you've needed one before."]
JA: All right. I'm hopping a flight this afternoon. My promo writing skills will unavailable til Sunday night. So its gonna be on you to keep the ball rolling.
AA: But I can still use you in promos, right?
JA: Yes. Mike will be gone, I will be right here at the hotel, arena, bar, restaurant, wherever...
AA: Bar. It'll definitely be a bar. We're working with our favorite tag team again this week, remember?
JA: Ah yes.
AA: Now who that other team is, I'm not sure. Fear Us? Must be the local jobbers this week.
JA: Yeah... but they usually don't book the local jobbers in triple threat matches.
AA: Meh... it's just something new for the greatest feud in OOWF history.
JA: What do Crete and Moose have to do with this?
AA: Not them, doofus. Us.
JA: Oh yeah... right.
AA: Anyway... I can write you in promos even though you won't be around?
JA: Yes.
AA: Okay... let's go eat.
JA: That's not another one of those cliches, is it?
AA: It is when we're promoing.
JA: Is "promoing" a word?
AA: It is now.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2008 11:15:09 GMT -5
AC: But Mike, I'm sick!
MW: Screw you, I'm still leaving.
AC: Man, I hope Lucas is around this weekend.
Kayfabe gives up and leaves.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2008 11:15:40 GMT -5
Lucky and Jericho are talking in hushed tones outside Firewoman's locker room
CJ: What do you mean, "she's out."
Lucky: I mean, the delivery pharmacy service we use couldn't find the arena, and so it got returned. They can't just leave that stuff around, the street value on the Tegretol alone is...
CJ: Screw that. How many days worth does she have left?
Lucky: Um.....two?
CJ: TWO DAYS? Look...do you know what can happen after two days? Especially with Kincaid and Storm around, stirring everything up?
Lucky: The pharmacy says they are resending, but it might not get here. It might be waiting for us at the next stop. But I have Samantha working on--
CJ: Great. I'm sure that's totally legal.
Lucky: You would prefer the alternative?
CJ: Good point. Okay, just make sure there's plenty of candles and incense, and that no one makes her upset.
Lucky:.....
CJ: .......
Lucky: Don't suppose we could just keep her locked in her room?
At that moment, the locker room door opens, and Firewoman comes out.
FW: Hey guys. Wait, what's wrong.
CJ: Lucky has something to tell you.
Lucky: Gee, thanks. Well, your delivery from the pharmacy is ... well, it's lost. And I think there might be not enough to last until they get a second delivery out there. In fact, given the odds of--
FW: Stop calculating. I'm sure it will be fine.
CJ: Fire...you know...
FW: I know I've never felt better or more in control. If I have to go a couple of days without the meds, I'll just exercise and meditate more. It's sweet of you both to worry.
CJ: But...
FW: I said it would be fine and it will be fine!!
Lucky and Jericho duck.
FW: Lucky, can you see if there's a fresh pot of Dunkin Donuts coffee? Two cremes?
Lucky: Yes, ma'am.
FW: Thanks. Chris, I need you to help me with something.
CJ: Be right there.
Firewoman goes back into her room. Jericho pulls Lucky towards him and whispers:
CJ: Make it decaf.
Lucky: No kidding.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2008 11:15:54 GMT -5
We see The Amnesiac and Fiona Michelle Denton talking in the Hallway of Random Encounters.
FMD: The Amnesiac. How did I know you'd find me here?
AMN: Well, ever since you got drunk in Vegas, you've pretty much turned your back on my best friend.
FMD: So what... you're gonna kick my ass now or something?
AMN: No, I'm just here to talk some sense into you.
FMD: I've already gone down the annulment route. He's not signing the papers. And y'know what? To be honest, I think I could do a LOT worse than being married to Eric O'Mac.
The Amnesiac's jaw drops in surprise.
AMN: Wha-
FMD: Listen up, you. Just because you've known Michael Demko longer than I have, doesn't mean you know him better than I do. Let's put it this way, Demko's kind of a loser. While Eric O'Mac is a successful OOWF wrestler. He's got the means and the desire to make me happy. And he's definitely got the ability to satisfy me better than Demko ever could.
AMN: F-fiona! How can you say that?
A smirk comes over FMD's face.
FMD: Oh, just give it up. Mr. O'Mac and I will be getting married FOR REAL next Sunday, and there ain't a damn thing you can do about it.
This time, there's an odd smirk on The Amnesiac's face now.
AMN: Oh, you wanna bet? I can make sure that he never makes it to that wedding next Sunday.
FMD: What do you mean?
AMN: Well, in case you hadn't noticed, Eric and I have a match this week at Mayhem.
FMD: You wouldn't DARE!
AMN: I would... and your precious little princess wedding next weekend? You might have to hold the ceremony in the ICU. Good day to you, Fiona.
FMD: But Amnesi-
AMN: I SAID GOOD DAY!
He turns and walks off, angrily.
*FADE TO BLACK*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2008 11:16:27 GMT -5
*Davin is LIMPING~! around the Run DEA Locker Room and Suites, presented by Aquafina and Starwood Hotels, moving suitcases out of the suite by the front door*
DM: Christ, we're gonna be gone a couple of days, Samantha, not a couple of years.
SD: Oh, fuck off. And why are you still limping?
DM: Um...selling?
SD: No one believes you were actually hurt.
DM: Crete did.
SD: *smiles* Good point.
*Davin magically stops limping. Phantos and Lucios wander through.*
P: Are you leaving again?
DM: Yup.
L: Where are y'all going?
DM: Honestly, I dunno. HONEY? WHERE ARE WE GOING HONEY? HONEY DID YOU SEE THAT HONEY? WE'RE LEAVING WITHOUT A DESTINATION HONEY! THOSE DONKEYS NEVER TOLD US WHERE WE WERE GOING HONEY! DO YOU BELIEVE THAT HONEY? IF IT WEREN'T FOR THESE TRAVEL PEOPLE WE'D GO ANYWHERE WE WANTED TO, HONEY!
SD: Ok, 1) Why the yelling? 2) Why the Hellmuth? 3) We're going to our house, silly.
*Phantos and Lucios exchange a look*
DM: 1) You were in the other room. 2) It was a shout-out to an old wrestler buddy of mine. 3) OUR House?
SD: Well, I mean...I...
P: C'mon Luc, we should probably be goin' now.
*They leave as the other two have a staredown*
SD: It was a slip. Sorry.
DM: No, no, it's not that, it's just...it was unexpected. I mean, I guess I just never considered it like that before.
SD: You men are all just retarded sometimes. You know that?
DM: Yes, but you women are all just certifiably insane sometimes too, you know that.
SD: Fine. I'll admit to that. And I'm sor...
DM: *interrupts her* No, don't be sorry. Really. I honestly just never though of it before. He'll I've been there like one more time than you have. It's kind of "ours" already.
SD: *grins* Ok then. You have everything?
DM: Uh huh. You sure you want to go Down the Cape? It's gonna be fucking freezing; especially since we're gonna be by the water.
SD: Fireplace. Alcohol. I'm sure we'll be fine.
DM: You make a very compelling case.
*They gather up their luggage to leave, just then, Alexis comes out of her suite and sees them*
LD: Where the fuck are you going?
DM: Away from here.
SD: Seriously, what's your problem?
LD: My PROBLEM is...HE isn't training.
SD: So?
LD: SO! So he's got ANOTHER match with Concrete TG this week. Last one went like 50 minutes. You were LUCKY to win.
DM: Not lucky. Good. Champ you know.
LD: This is one of those times you should drop the cocky act, dickbag.
DM: Listen, things are fine, everything's fine, I haven't lost, everything is just peachy fucking keen. I want to spend some time with my girl, away from here, and away from all this; especially your toxic attitude.
LD: You haven't seen "toxic" yet, asshole.
DM: Oh? What are you gonna do? Send me to dinner without supper? Take away my birthday? What?
LD: Know what? Fuck this. And that goes for you too, Yoko.
SD: Listen little sis, keep this bullshit up; see what happens to you.
LD: What? You want to fight? Let's throw the fuck down then.
SD: Poor Lexie. First Davin, now Eric.
LD: Wait...WHAT??!?!? THIS ISN'T FUCKING ABOUT THAT!
SD: Sure it's not. It's ok, you'll always have brother dear.
*Alexis LEAPS at Samantha's throat, Davin has to separate them*
DM: Ok, that's enough. Sam, go out to the car.
*Sam takes one bag, leaving like 6 for Davin to carry, and leaves*
LD: She is RUINING you, you dumb motherfucker.
DM: Really Lexie? Since she's been here, I've only become the fucking World Champion. I think she's doing something right. Don't you?
LD: Davin, you still have to train. I just think you're losing focus.
DM: I'm not, Lexie. Allowing myself to be consumed by that war almost killed me. This has been liberating. Now that I'm the Champ, and have someone I actually care about; I can worry about getting my mind right. I'm being myself, and doing what's best for me; and I'm happy. Isn't what this is all about?
LD: You don't know her like I do, Davin.
DM: Maybe not. But I know her my way; and it's clear you two have your problems, so forgive me if I don't take everything you have to say about her at face value.
LD: Alright. Whatever. Go. I'm sick of fighting about this. Just remember, this isn't ALL about you. Your first commitment is to Run DEA.
DM: Bullshit. My first commitment is to Davin Moreland.
LD: That much has become clear.
DM: Good. Let's keep it that way. Don't forget to vote on Tuesday, Lexie.
LD: Wait...You're not coming back until TUESDAY?
DM: Maybe Wednesday. Maybe before. Haven't decided yet. I'll be back in time for the match. I promise that.
LD: Whatever. There's no talking to you right now. I'll just keep running this thing by myself.
DM: *grabs all the bags* Hey, YOU'RE the one that wanted to handle day-to-day. Don't act like I've done nothing.
LD: You haven't.
DM: Fine. I'm an asshole. But this asshole is leaving now. So have a good weekend. Don't forget to set your clocks back.
*He leaves. Alexis goes into Alexander's suite without knocking. Thankfully, he's just watching TV. Without looking Alexander knows his twin is there*
AD: What is it, sister dear?
LD: Brother dear, we have a problem.
AD: I don't think it's that big of a problem.
LD: I do.
AD: I think you might be overreacting.
LD: I don't think I am.
AD: Well, what do you want to do about it?
LD: The easiest way would be to get HER away from HIM.
AD: I'm not going to be a party to that. They make each other happy. Leave them alone.
LD: You TOO?
AD: *finally looks over* Alexis, me, of ALL people, would have jumped all over it a long time ago if I felt there were a problem with them.
LD: I still don't like it.
AD: It's not her. It's him; more accurately, it's his head.
LD: And that's HER fault.
AD: No. It's HIS fault. And it's OUR fault. Let's talk about it for a bit; and if we need to make a little visit, we will, ok?
LD: Gee, THAT won't be awkward.
AD: Well, it should become un-awkward at some point. Go have Lucky calculate the odds of him becoming an in-law.
LD: You CAN'T be serious.
AD: Do it. It was surprising when I did. Of course, maybe I should have been more specific and said "Samantha" instead of "in-law"
LD: Don't you fucking start on that bullshit too. NOTHING HAPPENED!
AD: We know...we know...
LD: Besides...
AD: I know, I was just fucking with you. You're not worried about the one that ISN'T married.
LD: I don't like you.
AD: Yes you do. Throw out the Ninja and we'll figure something out.
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2008 11:17:09 GMT -5
<Kayfabe walks down the hall of intermittent encounters. Fortune favoring the brave, she manages to make it to the Destroyitarium, sponsored by Prichard's Double Barreled Bourbon(Only eight barrels left folks. Invest now!)without incident.
She glides into D&D's inner sanctum, seemingly unnoticed, and slips into an empty booth staring daggers at Stank and FF Capslock, who sit at the bar drinking their beers.>
FFC - I'm actually drinking an Italian toddy.
Stank - Just go with it.
<A deepening scowl mars Kayfabe face at the apparent reference to the narrator's preramble. She contemplates violence, but decides to continue observing, for now.>
Stank - Not that there's anything wrong with it, but why are you drinking that?
FFC - I haven't actually gotten MacCapington completely out of my system, yet. And our bartender is an adroit, and versatile, sort.
Stank - Adroit?
FFC - That's a word. Look it up.
<Stank pulls out his T-Mobile G1 phone and googles the word "adroit".>
Stank - oh.
FFC - See?
Stank - Okay then.
FFC - Did you know that about our bartender?
Stank - That's why we keep him around.
FFC - Does he have a name?
Stank - Yeah, Bartender.
FFC - ...
Stank - You know like SFJ#5's name was SFJ#5.
FFC - Why you bringing up old shit?
Stank - I was just... OLD shit?
FFC - Yeah.
Stank - I was just explaining how our bartender's name is Bartender. His name is not really important as he is rarely used in our promos other than as a plot device.
<Kayfabe pumps her fist.>
FFC - I recall SFJ#5 was used quite extensively in our early days.
Stank - Your point?
FFC - Well it's just....
Stank - Yes?
FFC - Never mind.
Stank - I HATE it when you do THAT!
FFC - Do WHAT?
Stank - JUST FUCKING TELL ME WHAT YOU WERE ABOUT TO SAY!
FFC - Nothing... I was just pointing out how you referenced SFJ#5 in relation to our bartender, in regards to him not having a name. And the contradiction between her use and our bartender's use in promos.
Stank - What... the fuck... are you talking about?
FFC - Well I mean... clearly... you know... you have some kind of weird double standard when it comes to NPC's.
Stank - You mean NPC's like you?
FFC - Fuck you Stank. I'm trying to make a point.
Stank - (Grinning and sipping his beer) Go on. What double standard?
FFC - What's SFJ#3's name?
Stank - Alicia.
FFC - and number two's name?
Stank - Nicole.
FFC - How about number 93?
Stank - (With more bass in his voice and grinning.) Rhonda.
FFC - Now what was number five's name?
Stank - I don't see what you're getting at?
FFC - What's the barmaid's name?
Stank - Shannon.
FFC - We've seen her referenced like what... twice in a promo?
Stank - She said her name was Shannon.. so?
FFC - Why doesn't the bartender have a name?
Stank - I'm sure he does! He's just never told us!
FFC - Are you shittin me?
Stank - What? He's seems perfectly content with us calling him bartender. Watch. YO Bartender... top off my beer, will ya?
BT - Sure thing, boss.
<The bartender walks over, grabs Stank's mug, fills it with beer, and slides it back over to the big man, with a smile.>
Stank - See? It's a beautiful relationship. Why fuck with it?
FFC - ...
Stank - ...
FFC - So why didn't SFJ#5 have a name?
Stank - She never told me?
FFC - WHAT??? After ALL the shit WE'VE been through with her! She NEVER bothered to tell us her NAME???
Stank - No.
FFC - And you... you never asked?
Stank - Why didn't YOU ask her?
FFC - ...
Stank - ...
FFC - ...
Stank - Ah ha!
FFC - Touche'.
Stank - So that settles that!
<At this point LD Williams and Outback Jack walk over to the bar and join Stank and FF Capslock... slow clapping the whole way.>
LDW - Another entertaining discussion between the original Drink & Destroy.
OBJ - But you mates might want to explain to us how any of that addresses our upcoming fight amongst ourselves and the Chickenshit Heels.
Stank - I was going to mention that, but got distracted by Lock's shenanigans.
FFC - What'd I do?
LDW - So this thing has run pretty long so far... you think we got time to talk about our match?
Stank - Oh Billy Dee... when it comes to the Chickenshit Heels...
LDW - ...
OBJ - ...
FFC - ...
LDW - ... yeah...?
Stank - ... uh... I don't know what I was going to say.
FFC - C'mon MAN! Out with it! Alan and Johnny are RELYING on us to promominate this feud through the weekend!
Stank - Seriously?
FFC - Fuck yeah.
Stank - Fuck yeah?
FFC - What... I'm pumped.
Stank - Well I suppose... I suppose we can do something I've had in mind for when we get our hands on those fucking asswipes in Run DEA...
FFC - Ooooo are you saying what I think you're saying?
<At this point Spin Hansen walks out the restroom, wiping paint off his face.>
Stank - Hey Spin... or is it, Voldse.. whatsit?
Spin - Voldsohmet... and no. That's just me when I go into ba-
FFC - Yeah Yeah Yeah. Nevermind that! C'mon Stank let's do it!
Stank - Hey now! Spin is a valued member of this faction...
Spin - It's okay man. I'm going to go visit DH.
Stank - Tell him we'll catch up with him later.
Spin - Will do.
Stank - Oh and give him this.
<Stank reaches over the bar and grabs a bottle of Prichard's Double Barreled Bourbon. He hands it to Spin as the IC Champ walks out.>
FFC - Okay. CAN we get ON with it?
Stank - Exactly what do you think is going to happen here?
BT - *ahem*
FFC - ...
LDW - ...
OBJ - ...
Stank - Bartender? You got something you want to share?
BT - Allow me to explain what I think is about to transpire. You see... when I'm mentioned in a promo more than once, said promo is likely going to... at the minimum... run very long.
FFC - Yes... and...?
BT - Typically in a violent manner.
FFC - THERE it IS.
LDW - What?
OBJ - It means, mate... we're about to get violent...
FFC - In EPIC style! Boy! Did I MISS these!
LDW - AWWW YEAHUUH!
Stank - ...?
FFC - ...?
OBJ - ...?
LDW - What? I'm excited. I was hoping to be part of one these promos eventually. It's part of the reason I've been palling around with you lot. I don't get to do these things.
Stank - What about that time when you me, and Moose, went to New Zealand, to return my other self back to the past, and Moose miraculously cheated death, after he fell into a chasm made by The Evil Wizard?
LDW - I mean besides that.
Stank - What about that therapy session Rick forced you, me, and Donnie to attend?
LDW - I mean besides that.
Stank - What about when Lock and I were fighting you and Moose in the parking lot and that car exp-
FFC - WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS! C'MON STANK!
<FF Capslock grabs a bottle and is about to--->
OBJ - Wait Wait Wait Wait! ... is this going to go... Hollywood, by any chance?
Stank - ... It... it might.
LDW - AWWWW YEAHUUH!
Stank - ...
FFC - AW SHIT! THE CAMERA'S FADING!!
Stank - It's just a commercial break.
FFC - DAMN IT!
Stank - It's okay. We'll be right back.
<Ads>
<... Annnnd We're back!>
FFC - I thought we were sponsored by Prichard's Double Barreled Bourbon?
OBJ - The Destroyitarium is sponsored by them. That was a general OOWF commercial.
FFC - Oh good. Shall we?
Stank - Actually I gotta go do something.
FFC - WHAT?? FUCK MAN!
Stank - It won't take long... I hope. Spot's got somewhere to be and I...
<Kayfabe jumps up from the booth and pulls at her hair.>
Stank - Look I'll be back! We'll continue the promo then.
FFC - Grrrrrr. HURRY UP!
<fade.>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2008 11:19:30 GMT -5
FFC - Ok You're back! Let's DO this.
Stank - Actually I just wanted to say...
FFC - Yeah Yeah! I can see the "Out of Character" line at the top!
<Kayfabe SPEARS FFC out of his chair!>
Stank - Um... I gotta go, again.
LDW - HURRY UP!
<Fade.>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2008 11:20:09 GMT -5
<we cut to the back where Alexander and Alexis Darling are the only remaining members of DEA left in the locker room>
Alex: This is bullshit, everyone else is gone, and we are left here by ourselves. We should go out and do something
Alexis: Look, why don’t you just relax, I have to go train for a few hours., when I come back, we will grab some dinner and see what there is to do in Springfield, South Carolina
Alex: Maybe I should come along with you to supervise your training?
Alexis: No, you stay here and study Cole
Alex: Are you fucking serious? Cole?
Alexis: Look, he is more focused than he has been in a long time. Beside, you make me nervous when I train, its better to let me do this on my own.
Alex: Fine
<Alexis leaves and Alex settles in and starts watching tapes of Chris Cole. After a few minutes of this Alex hears the phone. He answers and hears>
"I am the viper, and I am coming."
Darling gives his phone an annoyed look and tosses it down and gets back to watching the tapes.
After a hour or so, Darling’s phone rings again, he answers it, and we hear the response
"I am the viper and in two hours I will arrive."
Darling was annoyed. “Fuck you! Stop calling me!”
<The next two hours passed, and Darling was clearly more annoyed. He would watch a few minutes of film, then look at his phone, then head to the door and make sure it is locked, occasionally looking into the deserted halls. Darling would pace the locker room, then sit down and resume watching tape. Finally there is a knock on the door and Darling snarls and realizes that this must be the man who keeps calling.>
AD: I am going to end this, splitting his skull open and tap dancing in his fucking brains should teach him a lesson
<Darling throws open the door only to see a small man dressed in overalls, holding a bucket and squeegee, even though he is clearly not Sid Vicious>
AD: "Who the fuck are you?"
"I am the viper, vich vindow vould you like me to do first?"
<Darling stares for a moment clearly too stunned to move.>
AD: WHAT?
“I am the viper, I am here to vipe and vash your vindows. Vich vindow vould you like me to do first?”
AD: Get the fuck out of here!
<Darling shoves the old man into the hall, then steps out of the locker room to shoo him away, when he gets BLINDSIDED by Donovan Viper! Viper grabs him and hits a SIDEWINDER on the floor, leaving Darling lying, nearly out cold>
DV: I am the Viper, I am here to kick your ass
<Viper smirks, adjusts his expensive suit, and walks away>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2008 11:20:29 GMT -5
<Donovan Viper rounds a corner and comes face to face with Stank!>
Stank - Hey Douchebag.
DV - What's up Fuckface?
Stank - What the fuck are you smiling about?
DV - I just laid out Alexander Darling.
Stank - What's that? You and Alex got laid? I didn't think Alex played for your te-
DV - AH HA HA! HO HO! HEE HEE.... I fucking hate you.
Stank - Right back at cha.
<Viper scowls and continues on his way. Stank continues where he was going and spies Alex writhing on the floor. He points - but ERIC O'MAC runs into frame and beats Stank to it.>
EOM - Ha!
<Stank looks at Eric, who shrugs, mumbling something about not stealing his catchphrase and continues on his way. Stank stands over Alex's body.>
Stank - You disappoint me, Alex. Mostly because I know you're better than this.
Alex - F.. f.. fuck you.
Stank - You kiss your sisters with that mouth? Actually I wanted to talk to Sam, but I suppose she's off somewhere, sucking our World Champ's dick. Wally tells me she was pretty good at that. I fucking hate that business between her and Wally has had such a negative influence between you and I, but there it is. I'd whoop your ass right now if I thought it would teach you anything... but it wouldn't and I'd likely get fined and suspended for backstage attacking. Speaking of which, I need to get back to the Destroyitarium. Tell Sam and Alexis I said hi. Oh and that I'll be seeing Sammie soon enough... Alex? Alex, you conscious?
<Alex appears not to be conscious, so Stank leaves. Alex opens one eye then mumbles to himself.>
AD - I thought the windbag would never leave.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2008 11:20:59 GMT -5
The Chickenshit Heels are driving down a random road.
JA: Why are we driving down a random road?
AA: I just learned that Phantos and Lucios went somewhere. So I figured we’d find them and slam a car door on one of their arms.
JA: How are we going to find Phantos and Lucios by just driving down random roads? We don’t know where they went.
AA: Doesn’t matter. In wrestling, wrestlers always find other wrestlers in unexpected places.
(Just then, AA and JA drive by a 7-11. They see two masked guys walk out of the 7-11 and hop in a car.)
AA: That’s them!
JA: Are you sure?
AA: They’re two guys wearing masks. Who else could it be?
JA: I don’t know...maybe two guys robbing the store? Or maybe The Assassins? Or two of the four Invaders? Or The Masked Superstars? Or The Grapplers? Or...
AA: OK, I get your point. But I’m pretty sure that’s them. Let’s follow them.
JA: And how do you know it’s them?
AA: Well, maybe because they have a Dunkin Donuts advertisement on their car?
JA: Hey, did we just get paid for that?
AA: Yep.
JA: Sweet!
So AA and JA follow Phantos and Lucios down the road. We now watch what’s happening from a video screen from a Treo by Spint PCS Mobile Phone.
JA: Sweet! We just got paid again!
AA: Wrestlers will sign anything.
AA continues to follow the car for about 30 minutes.
JA: Are we going to do anything? I’m running out of memory on my phone.
AA: What kind of phone?
JA: Treo by Sprint?
AA: CHA-CHING! We’re never going to go broke gambling again!
JA: Anyway, are we going to do anything? Memory’s running low.
AA: I thought they’d pull over by now.
JA: How about we run them off the road?
AA: But then what’s the use of slamming a car door on their arm? They’d probably more injured by having been run off the road.
JA: Why didn’t The Four Horsemen have these problems?
(to be continued??)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2008 11:21:20 GMT -5
*FFC, LDW, and OBJ are sitting at the bar, drinking. LD looks at his watch*
LD: DOesn't it seem like Stank's been gone a while?
FFC: I hadn't really noticed.
LD: He was talking to Viper and Darling about 14 hours ago.
OBJ: Must be one of those glitches in the space-time continuum. The Destroyitarium gets those a lot.
FFC: But don't we have that warning system? You know, the one we "borrowed" from the Heroes Guild.
Bartender: Well, I shut it off. The turn the clocks back thing always sets it off.
FFC: Oh, OK.
LDW: This is like waiting for Godot.
FFC: Rene Godot? The number one Frenchman?
OBJ: You're thinking of Rene Goulet.
LD: I was referring to a famous play in which the characters sit around waiting for someone who never shows up.
OBJ: Did they have an endless supply of alcohol?
LD: I don't think so.
OBJ: So things aren't so bad, mate.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2008 11:21:58 GMT -5
(Tytan just finished running his daily Five mile run and Lola and the ninja cameraman can be seen finally catching up to him on the run.)
Lola: Remind me to never take the assigment of following certain wrestlers around especially those that train as much as Tytan.
Ncamerman: (Catching his breathe and putting down the camera) And you are telling me that, try to the five miles carrying this freaken camera.
(Tytan comes up to them as the two quickly try to look like they are okay.)
Tytan: (Not even out of breath) Are you guys okay? Are we going to cut this promo now?
Lola: Sure (breathing hard) that was nothing. Ready with the camera?
Cameraman: Yeah(Still catching his breath) rolling!
Lola: Tytan what do you have to say about you tag0title shot this week?
Tytan: Simple. IHOP just curl up and die already! We have kick your clown asses how many times in the last couple of days. Face it you are done!
Now as for you Phantos & Lucios last time we faced you masked freaks we had another lame ass team in the ring with us. This time the results are going to be different. I will say to you the same thing I said to IHOP. Shine those belts up real nice because after Mayhem those belts are going to the only team-Gods and Monsters!
(Just then a small car pulls up and stops. The camera keeps rolling as it sees six clowns jump out of the car and surround Tytan.)
Tytan: What the hell is this?
Clown1: IHOP says you love clowns. Well they hired us to show you a thing or two.
(Just the Clown Number 2 walks up to Tytan and looks like he is about to swing at him and instead squirts him with a flower in the lapel.)
Tytan: You got to be kidding me!
(Then Clown#4 hits Tytan in the back of the head with a Rubber Chicken.)
Tytan: No...tell me you just didn't do that! ( He picks up the chicken and shows clown #4) You didn't just thrown a rubber chicken at me!
CLown#4 honks his horn once for yes.
Tytan: Now I am starting to get pissed off.
(To be continued... )
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2008 11:22:41 GMT -5
<Stank walks into the Destr---
FFC - And JUST WHERE THE HELL have YOU BEEN??
Stank - All that talk about SFJ#5 got me thinking.
FFC - About What! Don't tell me you spent the last 24 hours trying to rekindle what you had with 5!
Stank - Of course not! Remember she got married. No, I needed to tal--
FFC - YEAH YEAH WHATEVER can we get to the excitement? JACK! WILLIAMS! Stank is back!
<Fear Us come walking from a back room and join Stank and FFC at the bar.>
FFC - Okay let's seee... uh... bartender?
BT - Yes?
FFC - Bartender, bartender, bartender, bartender, bartender
BT -WHAT!
FFC - Bartender, bartender, bartender, bartender, bartender
Stank - Lock... what the fuck are you doing?
FFC - The bartender said that when he is mentioned more than once in a promo BIG things are about to happen.
Stank - If he told you you were a native American god, would you--- oh wait.
FFC - You got jokes. That's.. that's nice.. LET'S DO THIS!
Stank - We're not ready.
FFC - WE'VE BEEN WAITING HERE FOR OVER A DAY!
Stank - Our guests haven't arrived, yet.
FFC - ...?
___________________
Meanwhile ___________________
JA - Okay, how long are we going to continue following these clowns?
AA - WHY are you asking me?
JA - WHY...? THAT'S it! I'm running them off the road.
AA - WAIT! These roads aren't so random anymore.
JA - What are you talking about?
<Phantos and Lucios finally stop and park in the arena parking lot where the November, 5th MidWeek Mayhem will take place, LIVE in Springfield, South Carolina! (Cheap pop!)>
AA - We're at the arena where the November, 5th MidWeek Mayhem will take place, LIVE in Springfield, South Carolina! (Cheap pop!)
JA - I can see that, Alan.
AA - Where are Phantos and Lucios going?
JA - Inside... I have a bad feeling about this.
AA - Just park the car and hurry up. We might be able to catch them in the hall of random encounters. Then we can stop by Flair's sandwich stand and get some comestibles.
JA - Comestibles?
AA - Yeah. It's a word. Look it up.
<Johnny Adrenaline pulls out his Treo by Sprint PCS Mobile Phone and googles "comestibles">
JA/AA - CHA-CHING!
<Moments pass and the connection seems to have hung up.>
AA - It's been moments and the connection seems to have hung up.
JA - Damn Sprint! CHA-CHING!
AA - Hit refresh.
JA - I've already hit it, twice.
AA - That's what SHE said!
JA - Maybe I should put this Treo by Sprint PCS Mobile Phone down.
AA - CHA-CHING!
JA - Ok let's not do that anymore.
AA - Look Phantos and Lucios are getting away. Come on!
<The Chickenshit Heels exit their vehicle and follow Phantos and Lucios into the arena. They continue to follow them down the hall of random encounters, surprisingly past the Run DEA suites. The Tag-Team Champs round another corner, head further down the hall, pause, look at each other, then enter... the Destroyitarium! All under the watchful eyes of Johnny and Alan.>
JA - What the hell?
AA - I know I said wrestlers find each other in unexpected places, but...
JA - That surely is unexpected.
AA - What do you suppose they're doing in there?
JA - I have no idea... You don't suppose they're trying to strike up an alliance?
AA - With Drink and Destroy? No way in hell. They hate Phantos and Lucios as much as we do.
JA - Well that's it. We should have run them off the road when we had the chance.
AA - WAIT! I KNOW what they're up to. They're trying to steal OUR idea!
JA - What are you talking about?
AA - They're trying to sneak attack Stank and FF! Just like we were trying to sneak attack them!
JA - In the Destroyitarium? That's stupid.
AA - Well no one's ever accused Phantos and Lucios of being smart.
JA - You got THAT right! I mean SERIOUSLY! They've got some NERVE! You know what?
AA - What?
JA - We should take advantage of this opportunity. I'm sure they're fighting each other RIGHT now! We should charge in there and clean up what's left!
AA - I've got your back.
JA - Come on! Let's do it!
AA - That's what SHE said!
________________
Meanwhile in the Destroyitarium ________________
<Phantos and Lucios have just walked in... and they brought Dunkin Donuts!>
Lucios - We brought Dunkin Donuts!
FFC - What the HELL are YOU two doing here?
LDW - You got some balls.
Phantos - There's a lot you don't know about me.
OBJ - Well it looks like we're going to have a fight after all.
Stank - Um...
FFC - Now WHAT! Don't tell me wai--
<Just then the CHICKENSHIT HEELS charge in to clean up what's left... except the mess hasn't been made. All eight men stand in the Destroyitarium eyeing each other. Stank's scowl slowly transforms into a wide grin.>
Stank - Johnny. Alan. Sorry. It was the only way I could get you both in here.
JA - Wha--
Stank - I'm afraid this time... the swerve... is on you.
<Johnny and Alan stare at the six other wrestlers spread throughout the Destroyitarium. Everyone is eyeing the other, five of them in confusion. Only three of the men know what is about to happen. Phantos, in slow motion, begins to remove his mask. Lucios slowly removes his mask to reveal... Spin Hansen! Standing next to him, holding a Phantos mask... Seamus McNasty! Johnny and Alan's eyes widen in terror as it dawns on them.... they are DEEP in enemy territory.>
Stank - Gentlemen... it's on.
FFC - About time!
<Capslock grabs a beer bottle and FLINGS it at Johnny Adrenaline's head! We track the bottle in slow motion as it flips end, over end, over end, narrowly missing Johnny's head as Adrenaline ducks and the bottle CRASHES against the wall behind him.
Alan is caught off guard by the turn of events and whirls around, too late, as he is TACKLED by Stank! Johnny rises up to block a punch by OBJ, but not a BOOT! by FF Capslock! Spin and Seamus laugh at the scene, look at each other, shrug figuring their part in getting TCH to the Destroyitarium is over then begin to BRAWL! with each other! LD Williams, not wanting to be left out, jumps into the fray with the Chickenshit Heels. He tries for a flying knee toward Alan, but AA sidesteps it and it inadvertantly lands on Stank's bad knee! Stank stumbles backward, scowls, grabs LD Williams arm and brings him down with a SHORT-ARM CLOTHESLINE! meanwhile FF Capslock back body drops OBJ high into the air where the Aussie lands on Stank! Lock turns around and is PUNCHED in the jaw by Attitude Adjuster. The brawl continues to rage, reaching a fever pitch. Suddenly... the instrumental ends. Everyone stops, the labored breathing of each individual is all that can be heard.>
Stank - ...
FFC - ...
OBJ - ...
Spin - ...
LDW - ...
SM - ...
AA - ...
JA - ...
AA - You call THIS a promo!??
Stank - What? What's the matter?
AA - A fight in the Destroyitarium? This is the best you could do?
Stank - We had a SOUNDTRACK this time!
AA - SO? A soundtrack on it's own does NOT make for a good promo!
Stank - What about the SWERVE??
JA - I gotta admit... I didn't see that coming.
AA - Yes you did.
JA - I did?
AA - Yeah... when you said you had a bad feeling about this.
JA - Oh yeah... Yeah THAT'S RIGHT! I saw right through your ruse.
Stank - And yet you still walked right in here thinking Spin and Seamus were Phantos and Lucios.
AA - SOMEONE had to walk in to try and save this two star promo.
Stank - TWO STARS!!
AA - That's right. You heard me... two. The extra star is only because Johnny and I are in it.
Stank - You're delusional!
AA - You suck.
Stank - No you SUCK!
LDW - Wait! wait! wait! THIS is IT??? This is what we waited over a DAY for? Besides the part where we were fighting, I have to say I was expecting more.
JA - That's what Alan's been trying to s-
ALL - SHUT THE FUCK UP, JOHHNY!
LDW - Look I'm just going to play to my strengths and stick with simple! Johnny, Alan. We are going to mess you up in that ring. Stank and Capslock you can expect much of the same. And all of you need to FEAR US! Come on Jack! Let's get back to our pool game.
<Stank, FFC, Johnny, Alan, Seamus, Spin all watch Fear Us head back over by the pool tables to resume a game they had been playing.>
Stank - Hmm... simple.
AA - Direct.
JA - To the point.
FFC - No frills... no... nothing.
<The six remaining wrestlers look each other over.>
Stank - ... NAAAAH
<The BRAWL RESUMES amongst the remaining six, Fear Us! plays pool in the background.>
<ads>
<Annnd we're back!>
FFC - Well now I gotta take a piss.
JA - Make sure it's in a toilet.
FFC - I would tell you to shut the fuck up, but that would be too easy.
JA - Good. I'm tired of that anyw-
FFC - Shut the fuck up, Johnny.
<With a laugh FFC excuses himself to the restroom, leaving Stank and the Chickenshit Heels sitting at the bar drinking Arrowhead Beer. Spin has joined Fear Us! at the pool table, and Seamus has left, having squeezed out as much fun as he could.>
AA - ...
JA - ...
Stank - ... so... what have you guys been up to lately?
AA - I think Spin may have dislocated my jaw earlier.
Stank - Yep. I think I've done my part, holding up our end of this feud so far.
AA - If you call a two star effort in a one star promo "holding up your end' then, yeah. You've done your part.
Stank - Too bad Spin didn't dislocate your voice.
AA - ... How can someone dislocate a voice, exactly?
Stank - I'm sure it can be done... look it up.
<AA borrows Johnny's Treo by Sprint PCS Mobile Phone.>
AA - CHA-CHING!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2008 11:23:05 GMT -5
<Interview time! SFJ13 catches up with Moosehead Jack in the back>
SFJ13: Moose, since your brutal match with Crete at Hell On Earth IV, you have been relatively low key requesting matches against Tyson Kincaid and Damon Wrath, as well as earning a title match against Spin Hansen, a match you lost by the way, would you care to comment?
MHJ: Well let's take Spin first. Congrats champ, you won.
SFJ13: That's all?
MHJ: Look, there are a lot of people who question Spin as champion because of the way he won the title. A lot of people think that he will crumble as soon as he is tested. Those people are idiots.
SFJ13: So you are saying he is the real deal?
MHJ: I am saying Spin has always been the real deal. One day, our paths may cross again, if I decide that the intercontinental title is something I want to set my sights on. Right now, that is not the case.
SFJ13: So, this brings us to your matches with Tyson Kincaid and Damon Wrath, what are your motives behind this?
MHJ: It's really simple. Everyone says the war is over. And in the incarnation that we knew it, Rick's side verses Bennett's side, that is true, but anyone who thinks there is not still a war going on is only fooling themselves.
SFJ13: There is?
MHJ: Of course there is. DEA is walking around here like they own the place, and since the world champion is in their midst they are somewhat right. On the other side, you have Drink and Destroy. Both sides want control, both sides have wronged the other, at some point those two sides are going to go to war.
SFJ13: But, you have loose alliances to both sides!
MHJ: I do. That doesn't mean that I will align with either side though.
SFJ13: So, if you are going to remain neutral, what are you doing requesting matches with Damon Wrath and Tyson Kincaid
MHJ: Its very simple really. If things fall apart for two sides, someone will have to step in and reap the benefits.
SFJ13: So, you are RECRUITING Wrath and Kincaid?
MHJ: Not so fast. Recruiting is a strong word. Lets just say I am testing their mettle to see how they would hold up. Nothing more, nothing less.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2008 11:23:46 GMT -5
(We now catch up to Tytan's saga with the Crazy CLown Car sent by IHOP)
Tytan: Like I said before now you are pissing me off!
(Lola looks over to the cameraman)
Lola: This gives new meaning to send in the Clowns!
(Then as if on cue Dame Judi Dench appears to give her rendition of the song.)
Tytan: (Stopping himself from trottling the clowns.) What the hell was that? This is my promo.
Judi: Well, I had to keep myself busy until. Quantum of Solice gets to the theaters on November 14.
Lola: Talk about shameless plugs.!
(Then as if on cue Mick Foley walks on to the scene.)
Mick: The lady is a smart one, she took a page out of my book.
(Mick holds up his book as Judi interupts him.)
Judi: The proper title is Dame not Lady.
Mick: Sorry.
(Lola and the cameraman look at each other confused.)
Tytan: Hello! This is my promo! You guys should be focused on me!
Mick: Come on Tytan we know what's going to happen. You are going to get pissed off. The clowns are going to keep to stupid stuff to you that just isn't going to work. And then you are going to kick there asses.
Tytan: Right. Now shut up and let me do what I do best.
Mick: Come on Tytan we need to try something different for a change. You were starting to get some where with the whole Gods and Monsters thing.
(Just then we hear a loud crack and watch Mick Foley hit the ground. The camera pans back to see Judi Dench standing over him with a chair. She just delivered a hellish chair shot on Mick.)
Judi: Will he just shut up!
(Just then Eric O' Mac pulls up in his car and jump out)
Eric: Ha!
(He gets in his car and drives off.)
Tytan: Thanks Judi!
Judi: No problem. Thanks for the free promo time!
Tytan: just make sure I have my tickets to the preimere.
Judi: I will.
(Judi leaves.)
Lola: What in the hell is going on here?
Tytan: Promo! The clowns! Now!
(The camera then pans over to watch exactly what Mick says was going to happen.)
MicK: (Groogy) See I told you so!
(Lola then grabs the chair and hits him with it.)
Lola: Judi was right just shut up! And this promo weas brought to you by Quantum Of Solice hitting theathers November 14.
(Fade)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2008 11:24:17 GMT -5
Team RunDEA has booked some time in the Arena to train and stuff. Of course, not everyone is there, yet… but Firewoman, Alexis, and Jericho are. Alexander comes walking in ready to go, then looks around.
AD: Where is Davin?
FW: Huh? Not here. Probably with Sam somewhere.
AD: Great. And Phantos? Lucios?
FW: I dunno, they said this was a good time, then they walked in and saw us, and Captain Phantos said something about forgetting he needed to do something, and left. That was kind of weird, wasn’t it?
LD: You’re kidding, right? You really don’t know?
FW: There’s a lot I don’t know about him.
LD: Yeah, but this is pretty obvious.
CJ: It is. You are seriously clueless.
FW: Whatever. You getting in the ring, or what?
AD: No. It looks a little crowded in here.
LD: Oh please. This again?
AD: What is he doing here?
CJ: Hey, assclown….He is temporarily in your little team for the week, so you may as well just deal with it.
AD: Yeah. I’m outta here. He starts to leave, but then Alexis calls him back
LD: Alex wait. Can we at least show you something we’ve been working on?
AD: Fine. What.
FW: I don’t think this is a good idea.
LD: You’ll need to get in the ring. Chris would you mind being—
CJ: No way. I don’t trust him.
AD: Great. Outta here.
LD: Alexander Brian Darling, get into this ring right now.
Firewoman and Jericho giggle at the use of Alexander’s middle name. Alexander glares at them and gets in the ring.
FW: Really, Lexie…
LD: Hush. Brother dear, come here. You stand behind Chris here, like so.
She maneuvers him into the right position. Firewoman and Alexis stand on either side of Jericho.
LD: Ready?
CJ: Fine.
FW: This is so not a good idea.
LD: Wait. She throws a towel over the ninjacam so that we can't see anything.
LD: GO!
We here the sounds of wrestling. There is a pause, then we hear Alexander say "Seriously?" and Lexie ordering him to "DO IT!" There's a slight pause, and then the sound of something hitting the canvas hard. The camera takes the towel off, and refocuses. We see Chris Jericho face first on the ground. Firewoman rushes over to check on him, and rolls him over to see his mouth bloodied. At the sight, Firewoman turns angrily towards Alexander
CJ: Great. The cap on my broken tooth got knocked out.
FW: A little hard, don’t you think Alex? Lexie, I told you this was a bad idea.
AD: Hey, you all told me too.
LD: Fire….FIRE! It’s fine! No one is hurt.
CJ: Yeah, it’s just a tooth. I’m going to go see about getting it fixed. He walks off towards the locker rooms.
FW: Alex, I don’t know what your deal is but—
LD: LISA! It’s fine! I know Tyson’s got you on edge—
FW: Tyson has me nowhere near the edge.
LD: Whatever. Go hit the showers. I’ll be there in a minute. She smiles. Firewoman smiles.
FW: Alright, whatever you say. [She starts to walk away and then calls back] It was great getting sweaty with you again, Lexie.
AD: Alright, I’m standing right here.
Firewoman leaves, still glaring at Alexander
AD: You want her to kill me. That’s the only explanation. Has Sam found her prescription?
LD: Brother dear, that was a killer move. You have to admit.
AD: It is.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2008 11:24:45 GMT -5
[Johnny Adrenaline walks out of the bathroom at the Destroyatorium. he taps AA on the shoulder and signals him to step away from the bar for a private word.] AA: What's up, man? Lock piss on the seat? JA: Yeah. AA: You dragged me away from that fine Arrowhead beer to tell me that? JA: No. AA: Then what DID you drag me over here for? We're not being very social, ya know. JA: Look, look... it's me, it's Johnny. I'm back. AA: Back from the pisser? Let's just make an announcement to the whole bar. HEY EVERYBODY! JOHNNY'S BACK FROM THE PISSER! FFC: PUT THE SEAT BACK UP, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!! JA: FUCK YOU! [back to AA] Look man... remember the flight to Dallas? The one you were too sick to cover for? AA: Oh, are we breaking kayfabe now? JA: Yes. [Kayfabe holds up an "as always" sign.] AA: Yes, what about it? Was it a successful trip? JA: Very much so. Look, I did some sightseeing while I was there, and you're not gonna believe this shit. AA: Oh Johnny, I already know. Bobby didn't die, it was all a dream. JA: Huh? AA: Dallas? Southfork Ranch? The famous Ewing family? JA: No no no... check this out. I went down to Dealey Plaza in downtown Dallas. Ya know, the Texas School Book Depository? The Grassy Knoll? Went into the JFK Museum there and came across some photographs. They wouldn't allow cameras in the place, so I went back after hours, broke in, and stole 'em. Look at this: [Johnny pulls a envelope out of his... his... well, from somewhere and shows AA a picture.] JA: Lee Harvey Oswald didn't kill President Kennedy. Capslock did! And from the Grassy Knoll! AA: Wait, if he did it from the Grassy Knoll, that means there WERE two shooters. Then who....? JA: Yeah, take a guess... [Johnny shows AA a second picture.] JA: Capslock from the knoll... Stank from the Depository! It was a setup and more importantly, it was a CONSPIRACY! AA: That doesn't look like Stank to me. JA: What are you talking about? AA: That looks like a shadow. JA: Man, they all look alike. Just work with me here. AA: So were they working for the CIA? The Cubans? The Russkies? JA: Hell if I know. AA: Were they using a time machine or something? JA: I dunno, but the proof is in the pudding. Right there. [flicks the pictures] AA: Ya think we oughtta alert the authorities? JA: You kiddin? Crimes that happen in the wrestling business don't get dealt with by police. They get handled... AA & JA: ...IN THE RING! JA: Exactly. We're fucking patriots now, fighting the good fight against the evil of the world. AA: Like the U.S. Government? JA: Fucking right. AA: So if we're patriots, do I get to be Firebreaker Chip? JA: Shut the fuck up, Alan.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2008 11:25:14 GMT -5
*Run DEA Luxury Suites*
It's a quiet night in the suites as Davin and Samantha have gone off for god knows where; Firewoman, Lucky, and Jericho are all in whatever town Raw was originating from; and the OOWF World Tag Team Champions, Phantos & Lucios, were in an unknown location preparing for a big tag title defense. With the majority of their members out of town, it's surprising to see Alexander and Alexis Darling at the arena and relaxing in their suite.
Alexis: You do realize this is a stupid idea and we're just asking to be attacked, right?
Alexander: Been there, done that, got the bruises to prove it.
Alexis: Yea, and about that...why haven't you gone out looking for him? Hell, why does it seem like you don't care about anything anymore?
Alexander: What am I supposed to do Alexis? Go on a long search for Donnie fucking Viper and hope to find him some place where I can lay another beating on him?
Alexis: Well, it's what you normally would do.
Alexander: Things have changed Lexie. You know that as well as I do. There was a time when I would have needed to go after Viper to make sure people knew who I was. But the time has past. If people don't realize who I am, that's their mistake and I'll make sure they pay for making it.
Alexis: What's going on with you brother dear? I don't think I've seen you like this for a while.
Alexander: I'm content.
Alexis: Content, really? Why are you so content?
Alexander: Because I get to go out there this week and I don't have to worry about a chair being slammed upside my head. I don't have to look behind me to see if someone is coming after me with barb wire. I don't have to worry about cleaning up hundreds of little cuts from shards of light tubes. It's just going to be and Chris Cole. May the best man win.
Alexis: First of all, you clean up your own cuts? What am I, invisible as I pick out those pieces of glass? A little gratitude Alex. And secondly, aren't you worried about Cole being the best man in a match like this.
The Darling twins just look at each other for a moment before they both start to chuckle.
Alexander: Very funny sister dear. And I've shown you tons of gratitude for dealing with the abuse I go through in that ring. With regards to Cole, I held back every challenge of his for the Intercontinental Championship and I know he won't be able to do the same with the Onslaught belt. I have his number in any kind of match. This company may have seen the brutal side of Alexander Darling, starting this week at Mayhem, they'll get to see the efficient side as I continue tearing apart Chris Cole piece by piece.
Alexis: You don't doubt for confidence, that's for sure.
Alexander: Never have, never will...but then again, neither have you. Why haven't you said anything about your match this week?
Alexis: Oh, I plan on it, but I've been waiting on something. And I should be ready by tomorrow.
Alexander: And do I get to know what secrets you're holding sister dear?
Alexis: Well, you have been a very calming influence around here lately dealing with Samantha and Davin. And you haven't killed Chris which is good for Fire and all of us. I guess I can let you in on this one little secret, brother dear.
Alexis walks over to her brother and sits real close to him on the couch before leaning in and whispering to her brother. Alexander's smile slowly starts to get wider and wider.
Alexander: Really, you got her to agree?
Alexis: Quiet Xan...you know how persuasive I can be.
Alexis leans into her brother as the television flips on and images of Chris Cole and 3 Piece Set start to flash on screen.
*Fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2008 11:25:46 GMT -5
*FADE IN TO THE PALATIAL IHOP LOCKER ROOM*
<SYB, Skurge, and the Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth are sulking>
SYB <flexing his face after taking off the mask>: Where’s The Amnesiac? Where’s Fezzik?
Skurge: They’re preparing for the EOM match.
SYB: Eric vs. The Amnesiac already?
Skurge: I know, nothing like a slow burn, eh?
SYB: Totally.
<Skurge shoots him a look>
SYB: Sorry. Totarry.
DM: <snaps her fingers in their faces> HEY HEY! Stop worrying about The Amnesiac and Fezzik. We have a triple threat match tomorrow against Phantos & Lucios and Gods & Monsters.
Skurge: …
SYB: …
DM: Christ. I mean against Phantoms & Lunchables and Gimps & Munsters.
<Skurge and SYB start to snicker>
DM: Can you two clowns focus on the matter at hand?
SYB: I’m totally focused, sweet tits. Tonight the tag titles, next week the Cumpleanos De Taze.
Skurge: The chimpionship.
SYB: That’s awesome.
Skurge: I know, eh?
<DM looks toward the sky and mouths “Why me?”>
*FADE*
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