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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 20:40:27 GMT -5
(It's Sunday Morning at the Arnold Classic and the dealers' area has just opened up. Tytan, Fire, Crete and Seamus are heading back to the Maximum Human Performance booth for one more autograph session)
Tytan: ANOTHER one? I still haven't walked the whole floor yet...
Firewoman: You'd be disappointed, they don't give away what you're looking for...
Seamus: (grumbling because he's up too early... hmmm, booth babes that were at the party last night.....)
CTG: Citizens, we have much to make up for. This event has been disastrous for our image as professionals.
FW: Speak for yourself, hero.....
(Tytan stops, pointing out a small ring in the expo area where two kids are boxing with oversized gloves)
Tytan: I'm signing up....
FW: (just walks away from Crete to do the same)
CTG: (to himself) danger senses active.....
Announcer: Well look at this, we have some big names stepping into our squared circle this morning! We have two superstars of the OOWF here to show us their moves.
FW-> (glaring at as the gloves are put on) <-Tytan
Announcer: Ok, guys, 2 rounds, 1 minute each.
Ring Girl: (stays outside the ring to hold up the "ROUND 1" sign)
(the bell rings, and Tytan and Fire close in on each other. Tytan takes a menacing step forward and swings wide at Fire, who ducks and shoulderblocks him to the ropes)
Announcer: Uh oh, I think we're breaking down already!
CTG: (slips over to a far corner and taps the "Ref" on the shoulder) Pardon me....
"Ref": ?
CTG: Loan me your shirt, if you're not to get involved in this.
"Ref": (takes the shirt off and hands it over, then climbs out)
(CTG pulls the shirt on quickly and hits the ring JUST as Fire and Tytan are throwing down the gloves. By now a large crowd has formed and pictures are being taken as Tytan and Fire are staring each other down)
CTG: (stepping between them) Citizens, I feel this match will need proper officiating
FW: This from a guy who learned to be a ref from Sterling Glaw?
Tytan: Call it down the middle, CAptain Underpants
CTG: *ahem* I'm expecting no less than a clean match from you two since we are not in the confines of an OOWF venue. That means no going for the eyes (eyerakes Tytan) or the hair (yanks Firewoman's hair) no closed fists (punches Tytan in the midsection) no taking advantage of costume (reaches behind Fire and snaps her bra) and of course, no hitting below the belt (kicks Tytan in the jimmy and he crumples). oh yes, and due to the mat integrity I should disallow this (KICKWHAMDDTs Fire)
FW: (holding her head)
Tytan: (Groans)
CTG: (hands behind his back) Those are the rules for this bout. Citizen Fire, Citizen Tytan, please shake hands and head for your respective corners.
(CTG watches as Fire and Tytan stand up)
CTG: Citizens, to your corners please.
(Fire and Tytan look at each other then FLATTEN Crete with a double clothesline! The two stomp away at Crete as he tries to roll clear and get his footing. A stray elbow from Tytan hits Fire and she starts attacking him, giving Crete time to get to his feet)
CTG: (flinging his ref shirt aside) Such affronts will NOT go unpunished!
(Crete charges and clotheslines them both down to cheers. As he celebrates, he doesn't notice Seamus climbing a corner. Fire and Tytan struggle back to their feet just as Seamus flattens all three of them)
Seamus: Yeah~~!!!!
Announcer: .........
(fade)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 20:40:50 GMT -5
(Tytan is at the airport getting ready to head back to join up with the rest of the OOWF. He heads onto the plane with Biggs to see Lola waiting for him.)
Lola: Damn Tytan you couldn't' t leave her alone for a couple of days.
Tytan: Why? What did you hear?
Lola: All I know is Steele has been arguing with Rick about how much of the damages Ultimo Inc is going to have to pay.
Tytan: But...but...
Lola: Just save it. Right now it is my job to make sure we get you out of here without causing another wave of destruction.
Tytan: How pissed is he?
(Lola just looks at him.)
Tytan: OK enough said.
Lola: All I know is when the four of you return there is going to be a meeting at theRick's office to discuss fines and whatever else he can dish out. I mean you took on the Governor of California's Security team.
Tytan: We did manage to get away.
Lola: Off the record...that was pretty cool especially the beat down on Orton.
Tytan: Thanks, it was fun. Firewoman's got a vicious kick.
Lola: But enough about that.
(They sit in silence as the plane takes off.)
Fade
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 20:41:11 GMT -5
At a local work out spot, Firewoman is doing incline dumbbell curls while Alexis Darling looks on. Seamus McNasty is sitting in the corner, wearing dark glasses, drinking... a protein shake? Really? He's watching his new best friend Ashley Hill (look it up) working out. Concrete Takekan Gryfon is on the treadmill. There is a camera crew there, and a couple of other people in suits. The normal denizens of the gym are standing back watching. One of the people is clearly a director.
Dir: Okay, and the voice over ends right.....about......now! Hit the line.
Firewoman stops her reps for a moment.
FW: Cytosport's new product, Monster Milk packs in more protein grams per serving than most powders on the market, but doesn't sacrifice taste or mixability. And that TOTALLY sparkles with me.
Dir: And...cut! That was perfect.
FW: Of course it was.
Dir: Thanks a lot, we'll get those on the air soon. Okay, so I'm outta here, but the camera crew is going to stick around for a bit to get some candid shots for the rest of the spot, okay.
FW: No, I don't like--
LD: It's fine. Thanks.
The director gets on his Blackberry and walks out. Firewoman tries to go back to her workout, and she's trying to ignore the camera crew, but it's not working well. Alexis Darling is at the counter talking to the manager, and then comes back excitedly.
LD: Well, excellent. Power Shack wants you to do some promotional work for them too, so there's another endorsement for you....Fire.....Fire?
FW: Nine.....ten.......what?
LD: Pay attention. You have a new endorsement.
FW: Whatever, Lexie, it's your job to manage that crap. Just tell me when to show up and what t-shirt to wear and I'll--
Firewoman and Alexis are interrupted by a loud commotion, as the gym rats and camera crew are distracted by some commotion at the front door. They turn to see Tytan and Steele from Ultimo, Inc.enter.
FW: Great....
LD: Now remember. We're under STRICT orders from the Rick to not get in trouble, and I don't think yesterday's autograph session is going to go unnoticed. I can't believe I haven't gotten a call yet.
FW: Whatever. Just give me my headphones so I can ignore him.
LD: Um...I left them back at the room.
FW: Swell....no hot tub for you tonight.
Tyt: Well, look what we have here. It's not going to work, Fire.
FW: Huh?
St: What Tytan is trying to say, is that you'll never achieve the chemically engineered perfection that Tytan has.
FW: Yeah, I'm gonna lose sleep over the lack of needles going into my ass. How will I ever survive.
Tyt: You won't be surviving past Wednesday, Fire. I'm gonna--
FW: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're gonna hunt down my third grade teacher in Detroit and steal her car? I'm shaking in my boots.
LD: What?
FW: Never mind. I'm going over to the squat rack.
Firewoman and Alexis walk over to the aforementioned squat rack. Fire gets over to the chalk box and gets her hands ready. Tytan and Steele look on as Alexis puts plates on the bar.
Tyt: You call that a work out?
St: Tytan can lift that in his sleep.
Firewoman and Alexis ignore him, and Fire does her first set. Then she takes a break. Tytan and Steele walk over, and they don't quite SHOVE the women out of the way, but that's the effect.
Tyt: Okay, step aside, little girls. Steele, load this up with some real weight.
Steele does, and Tytan fires off a quick set. He smirks.
Tyt: You're turn.
FW: It's gym etiquette for you to remove your own plates, Skulldor.
Tyt: Are they too heavy for you?
Firewoman sighs, and she and Lexie start to remove the plates. Firewoman grabs one, and it slips out of her sweaty hands and hits the ground. Tytan and Steele howl with laughter.
Tyt: Did the camera crew get that? Because that should so be in your commercial.
Firewoman walks over to the chalk box, and puts her hands in. She goes over to Tytan and smacks her hands together in his face. He begins coughing, and a couple of the muscle heads in the gym start laughing. The gym manager, Vern, walks over to them both.
Vern: Hey guys, this is great having you all here. I mean, you aren't going to start anything right? That's all for story lines. It's not real. Right?
Tyt: Uh yeah.....
FW: Sure....
Vern: Anyway, I called my area manager, and he's on his way over....you guys can hang out until he gets here for autographs, right?
FW: Sure, whatever.
Vernon runs back to the desk. Tytan, still wiping chalk off his face, goes over to the chalk box while Fire continues to get the bar set the way she wants it. She gets set and starts to lift the bar, but just before she does, Tytan takes a hand full of chalk and smacks her on the butt, leaving a huge white hand print. Firewoman replaces the bar, looks backward into the mirror, and glares at Tytan.
LD: Now that, is clearly sexual harassment. Way more than last year.
Firewoman ignores Alexis and goes over to the chalk box...She picks up a large hand full, almost snowball size, and throws it at Tytan, covering him in chalk. Seamus looks away from Ashley Hill for a minute, then goes back to her. Crete stops the treadmill and looks toward the commotion. Tytan wipes the chalk off of himself, and looks around. The gym now has that old western vibe happening, as everyone looks for his next move. He picks up the chalk box and walks over...and DUMPS it all over Firewoman. Firewoman is now covered in chalk, as are about six other people. There is much coughing.
CTG: Citizens! We are under strict orders to--
But Crete doesn't get the words out, before Tytan dumps what's left of the chalk on him, and puts the container on his head like a hat. Of course he doesn't see Firewoman get a sports fluid replacement drink (endorsement pending) off the counter, open it, and throw it on Tytan. Now he is chalky and wet. Tytan responds in kind.
Vern: Hey, guys! You're making a mess of my gym!
But the wrestlers ignore him, as they now begin to get into a sports supplements food fight. Bars, gels, drinks off all kinds get grabbed, opened and dumped. Crete tries his best to calm the two, but every time he does, Tytan and Firewoman target him. Vernon gets on the phone to call the police, but it's too late, as Fire, Tytan and Concrete are now a gooey mess of various drinks and chalk.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 20:41:37 GMT -5
**Run DEA Luxury Suites sponsored by Aquafina and Starwood Resorts*
Alexander Darling is seemingly napping on the couch with his Bose Noise-Cancelling Headphones around his ears as he listens to his iPod. The suites are shockingly on this night as it seems Run DEA has begun drifting in different directions. Suddenly the door slams open and Alexander jumps to his feet in a defensive position. Before he can do anything though he is tackled to the ground by a blur. The camera pulls back and we see it’s Olympic Gold Medalist Shawn Johnson.
OGM SJ: Ohmigosh, ohmigosh, ohmigosh…
Alexander: Oof…That’s some greeting Shawn. What’s going on?
OGM SJ: I just saw the matches for this week. You have an OOWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH.
Alexander: I know.
OGM SJ: Why aren’t you more excited? It’s your first chance…
Alexander: Actually, it’s my second. I faced Davin that one night when he made an open challenge and Rick forced us…
OGM SJ: That’s not the same. This is one-on-one. Nothing else scheduled. Just you wrestling for the world title.
Alexander: That’s true Shawn…
OGM SJ: What’s wrong with you Alex. It’s a championship match. You’ve been here a long time and you…
Alexander: I know that Shawnie, but things are changing.
OGM SJ: What do you mean?
Alexander: I know what people think of me in this building. I know I’m never going to be well-liked in the locker room. And I accepted that a long time ago. But inside these walls, inside Run DEA, I thought things would be different.
Shawn takes a seat next to Alex on the couch and she pulls a microphone out from somewhere. OGM SJ: What did you expect things to be like?
Alexander: When we decided to come together as Run DEA and make out statement at Hell on Earth, we knew that we’d be making a lot of enemies. And we fucking thrived on that thought. That we would stand on top of this company and make everyone come to us. That we would prove to be the most dominant stable’s name to ever be uttered by the OOWF.
OGM SJ: But you did that. You were the first group to ever hold all of the major belts at one time. You were the most dominant group for months…
Alexander: WE SHOULDA BEEN BETTER.
Shawn leans away from Alex. OGM SJ: I’m sorry, I didn’t…
Alexander: It’s not you Shawn. Really. It’s, well, just fucking look around here. Davin has turned into a whiney bitch. Mags is in his own world. Phantos and Lucios got their asses sent home by a fucking joke of a team. And Fire, she’s had my back since day one, but it’s clear that something is going on…
OGM SJ: What? What’s going on?
Alexander: She’s being pulled in different directions and I don’t know if I have the energy to pull back anymore.
OGM SJ: Wait, why? I mean, I know Fire doesn’t really like me.
Alexander: That’s not true…Well, maybe a little but it’s just how she is. It takes a lot to get on Fire’s good side, but once you’re there. You have someone you know will always be at your side.
OGM SJ:Then how can she be pulled away?[/i]
Alexander: Because that’s how this business works. People drift away. Sometimes violently. Sometimes not. But that’s what’s happening around here and I don’t think we can stop it.
OGM SJ: Does that mean you’re not focused on Poe?
Alexander: Been waiting for you to say his name. Poe. What can I say about Poe?
OGM SJ: That’s what I’m asking you, duh. I mean, I know my opinion of him.
Alexander: And what’s that Shawn?
OGM SJ: He’s a creep and a dirty old man. I mean, I had to meet all those Disney whores at one time and I remember what Selena Gomez was like before she met Poe. Just a dumb bitch, like all the others. But then she met that freak King Tut like pervert and became this weird obsessed girl. Like a cult. It’s wrong.
Alexander: You don’t have to tell me Shawn. I’ve been through the battles with Poe. I know what his influence entails.
OGM SJ: Tell me…
Alexander: I…I can’t. You don’t want to know. Believe me.
OGM SJ: So, you don’t think you can beat Poe?
Alexander: No, I know I can. I already have. But this Wednesday won’t be about winning for either of us. I know that already. He wouldn’t have wanted me for this match if it was just about winning. He thinks it’s time to teach “The Boy” a lesson. Well, Poe, I’ve learned your lessons before and you know that don’t ya? You kept trying to teach me lessons. And you kept calling me boy. Well, I showed you once that I wasn’t a boy any longer but it seems that the message didn’t get through to you. I guess you couldn’t hear it through the sounds of your ankle snapping. Of the sounds of everyone you thought could be your future leaving you. Of the sounds of your faithful fans in complete silence while I spit on your legacy. Well, I guess I’ll just have to speak louder this time. I’m not “The Boy.” I’m not your student anymore. And after this week’s Mayhem, I won’t be someone you can look past.
OGM SJ: But what about the belt?
Alexander: The belt. The OOWF World Heavyweight Championship. The belt that was most recently held by a member of Run DEA. Oh, it’s going to come home. To where it belongs. And then, Poe will truly learn the measure of revenge.
OGM SJ: What about the rest of it? The rest of us? What happens to Run DEA next?
Alexander: What happens next is we get everyone gathered and we meet at the airport. We have a flight to catch.
OGM SJ: Where are we going?
Alexander: You have a dance show to get to and we will be there rooting you on.
OGM SJ: No, no way Alex. You can’t come.
Alexander: I’m not. We all are. You’re Run DEA and no matter what else that means right now, it means we will be there. All of us. And I do mean ALL. Just don’t tell Fire. I’m surprising her.
OGM SJ: You mean…they’ll be there.
Alexander: Yes. They’re meeting us at the airport.
OGM SJ: That’s totally awesome, but no way. You guys can’t come. It’s stupid and stuff. Just some…
Alexander: Just shut up and pack. We’ll be there.
Shawn leaps over and gives Alex a big hug that lasts just a little long before disengaging and going to pack up stuff. Alexander gets up and knocks on Davin’s door. He hears some shuffling and Samantha slips out looking a bit disheveled.
Alexander: I guess that’s one way to keep his spirits up.
Samantha: Eh, I’m not even sure it’s working.
Alexander: You mean the great and almighty Samantha Darling’s ways aren’t making him smile from ear to ear.
Samantha: AD, I’m really not in the mood to deal with your sarcasm right now. Dealing with his pity is bad enough.
Alexander: Tell him to stop being a bitch. We’ve got Run DEA plans and his presence is required.
Samantha: You know he’s not going to go for it. He’s planning on going to visit his “brothers.” And probably crying some more while playing Walk This Way CONSTANTLY.
Alexander: Tell him his brothers will be there. Just be at the airport in the morning.
Samantha: Where we going?
Alexander: It’s a surprise.
Samantha: I’m not Lexie little brother. I don’t like your surprises.
Alexander: Sammie baby, have some faith. Be at the airport. 9 AM.
Samantha: 1. Fuck you. 2. We have a private jet. 3. Fuck 9 AM. We’ll be there by noon.
Alexander: Fine. Just be there and make sure Davin the crybaby is there too.
Samantha goes back into the bedroom while Alexander looks around the once again empty suite and he just sighs.
*Fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 20:42:06 GMT -5
[Thim arrives at the building and wanders up to theRicks office to check out the running sheet and find out who he's going to beat the crap out of this week]
TR: so . . . Matte and Seamus McNasty. Errr, who?
[the office door opens and theRick appears]
tR: oh, it's you. How are you finding the old place
TR: not too bad. I've had a couple of good scraps but nothing to really push me . . . and now look, you've given me two nobodys. Who the hell are Matte and Seamus McNasty??
tR: you've clearly been away too long Thim, these guys are good. Matte is a formar Onslaught champion and Seamus is that Irish guy who took you to a no contest just a couple of weeks ago if I remember
TR: hmm, oh him
tR: yea, him . . . and if you want to continue getting good matches you'll bring your A game against these two [theRick taps the running sheet] winner gets an Onslaught championship shot
TR: ha, I remember that belt
tR yea, I remember you failing to win it in the first ever title match for it!
TR: well that's not likly to happen again is it
tR: if you don't get past Matte and Seamus we won't have a chance to find out
[theRick goes back into his office leaving a thoughtful Thim Reynolds standing at the door]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 20:42:27 GMT -5
(In the ongoing Arnold Expo Saga we now catch up with Tytan, Firewoman, Seamus McNasty, and Crete sitting in TheRick's office the meeting is already in progress...)
TheRick: Then you had to go and bust through a window to get the hell out of there.
Crete: It was the only way to get out quickly. I had to do what was best for the others.
TheRick: You know that's coming out of your paychecks.
Tytan: Whatever. Ultimo Inc has got enough money to cover that.
TheRick: You are luck Arnold wanted me to hand you four over to him so he could deal out some justice for pulling the crap you did.
Seamus: Like he could have done anything. He had no authority in Ohio.
Firewoman:(getting up) Just send RUNDEA my share of the bill. I am so out of here.
TheRick: You will not go anywhere! I have another little suprise for you four.
Crete: We will accept out fate like the good soldiers we are.
Everyone: Shut the hell up!
TheRick: I will own your asses for one Saturday. You will report to me and do whatever I say for the day.
Tytan: You mean...
Firewoman: This is so stupid.
TheRick: You want to be like kids I am going to treat you like kids. I am going to put you in...
Seamus: Detention?
(Steele who has been sitting in the back the whole time speaks up.)
Steele: Rick you have come up with some dumb ideas before but this is just stupid.
TheRick: Don't push me otherwise you can join them. Remember you all work for the OOWF and last time I checked I still run the place.
Firewoman: Rick, what were you doing watching '80s movies this weekend and got the idea.
TheRick: It worked didn't it? Now all of you get the hell out of my Office and I will see you Saturday!
(Getting up)
Seamus: That just sucks! So much for sleeping in that day.
(FADE)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 20:43:04 GMT -5
*Fade in* to Single Female Journalist #8 alone, talking to the world through the OOWF camera.
SFJ#8: Ladies and gentlemen, I am here for my scheduled interview with Bryce Larson. Except, Bryce isn't here. We were actually scheduled for an hour ago, but we've been trying to delay in hopes that Bryce would arrive, but he has not. I must apologize as there is no sign of him, and no one knows where he is.
As she finishes her statement, Mary Jane (of Hooters fame) happens by, and is intercepted by the hardworking SFJ.
SFJ#8: Mary Jane...Mary Jane! Do you know the whereabouts of Bryce Larson? He has missed his scheduled interview with us, which was supposed to happen an hour ago.
MJ: Why would I know where he is?
SFJ#8: Well, it's been obvious you've been talking to him, most have assumed you're dating.
MJ: [batista laughs] That's funny. I had no idea people thought that. I'm actually here lookign for Nayr. Have you seen him?
SFJ#8: Nayr? He's probably in the Heroes Guild locker room, down the hall on the right.
MJ: On the right? Okay, thanks. I'm headed there now.
As Mary Jane heads down the hallway, SFJ#8 motions for the camera to follow her to see what happens. They follow behind, until she finally makes it to the locker room door, which is locked. Mary Jane knocks, and the camera catches up as the door opens...
MJ: Hi, Nayr.
N: Mary Jane? What...what are you doing here?
MJ: Well, I wanted to talk to you.
N: Me? Not Bryce?
MJ: Why does everything think there's something with me and Bryce?
N: Well, we've all seen you two talking over the phone. It's pretty obvious.
MJ: Obvious? Yeah, he called me, and I called him back. We spoke a few times after that, too.
N: Oh...
MJ: We were talking about YOU, Naryr!
N: Me? You were? Why?
MJ: I had no clue what to think after the whole Darling Man fiasco at the restaurant. I wanted nothing to do with any of you guys after that happened.
N: Well why are you here, then?
MJ: Bryce talked me into it. He thinks I should give you a chance, and I agree.
N: Well, Bryce is an idio--wait! He said what?!
MJ: To give you a chance. You. With me. What do you say? Want to get something to eat and play video games?
N: [Grabs his Mountain Dew and a jacket, headed out the door.] Do I ever! Let's go!
MJ: Okay!
The camera man goes back to SFJ#8 for closing comments.
SFJ#8: Well, there you have it. The elusive Bryce Larson has seemingly set-up Nayr and Mary Jane! What a sweet guy! I won't stop looking for Bryce Larson, and when I find him, you will get his comments on this weeks' big tag team match.
*Fade out*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 20:43:26 GMT -5
*It's a Run DEA Reunion on board the Yum! Foods jet, en route to watch OMG Shawn Johnson on "Dancing With the Stars". Hey, it wasn't my idea. Anyway, Phantos and Firewoman are in one corner making goo-goo eyes at each other...let's see...Lucky has the Stereotypical Accountant's hat on and an Adding Machine from 1872...Alexis, Samantha, and Spencer are getting waxed playing Hold 'Em with DH Magnusson, and Alexander and Shawn Johnson are in another corner making goo-goo eyes at each other. Ew. Anyway, Lucios and Davin are each having an ice cold Aquafina and catching up*
DM: This is fucking retarded.
L: I wouldn't use that exact wording...but yeah.
DM: Well, Davin Moreland is glad the Greatest Tag Team in the History of Recorded Time was able to come.
L: *takes a tug off his water* Yeah. Wouldn't miss it. It isn't every day you get to watch "Dancing With the Stars" in person.
DM: Lucios...is that sarcasm?
L: I've been practicing.
DM: Well done.
L: Thank you. Listen, you know, we get OOWF-TV On Demand in San Antonio...
DM: Oh.
L: Yeah, oh. What's your fu....what's your problem?
DM: Did, Lucios almost swear?
L: Yeah, I'm pis...ticked off. What is WRONG with you?
DM: Yeah, Davin Moreland forgot. Davin Moreland is just supposed to fucking forget that Davin Moreland's brothers lost a Losers Leave Town match, thanks to getting no help from Run DEA, making this whole exercise worthless. Run DEA has no captain. Run DEA is a rudderless ship. Run DEA let the Greatest Tag Team in the History of Recorded Time down. Davin Moreland did too. Davin Moreland apologizes for that. Davin Moreland is remorseful. Davin Moreland is...
L: Davin Moreland is the 3-TIME OOWF World Heavyweight Champion. You should be shouting that from the rooftops. Oh yeah, you also have the longest Onslaught Championship reign of all-time. You don't need us.
DM: Bullshit. Davin Moreland hasn't done shit without Phantos and Lucios.
L: And Phantos and Lucios haven't done shit without Davin Moreland!
DM: Did Lucios just....
L: Shut up. It slipped.
DM: Been holding that one in a while, eh?
L: I said shut up. I've got no problem kicking your behind.
DM: Regardless. Davin Moreland is Davin Moreland. Davin Moreland will do things HOW Davin Moreland wants WHEN Davin Moreland wants. If Davin Moreland doesn't feel joyous and care-free, tough shit.
L: That's fine, but are you done?
DM: What?
L: Are you done, you know, being a whiny...
DM: Don't say it.
L: Fine then. But you've got a tag match this week with...
DM: Don't remind Davin Moreland. Davin Moreland sucks in tag matches. This is a well-established fact. And yet Alexander Darling keeps begging Davin Moreland to tag with Alexander Darling. Makes sense, actually. Alexander Darling isn't used to winning.
L: This would be one of those statements that makes people question Run DEA's unity.
DM: Fuck 'em. And that's serious. Davin Moreland is here out of convenience at this point. The Darlings have done Davin Moreland no favors.
L: Except for...
DM: I said Darlings.
L: It's a debatable point. What are you gonna do?
DM: What else CAN Davin Moreland do? Wrestle? Win? It's going to be a tough adjustment.
L: You'll do it. When in doubt, just look over your credentials. When you came to OOWF, you were a multi-company jobber. Here, you're one of the greatest champions in the History of OOWF. Something clicked. And while Run DLP was a part of that - it was you who had to go out there and get the job done.
DM: Thanks Luc. Anyway, I need to have a discussion with a one Alexander Darling re: Alexander Darling's intentionally inflammatory comments.
L: You're going to kill him, aren't you.
DM: *pauses* No.
L: Don't kill him. He's not worth it. Besides, HE'S the one that wants to go to "Dancing With the Stars", it's the rest of us who'd rather be dead.
DM: No shit. Excuse Davin Moreland.
*Davin heads over to the last known location of Alexander Darling, but he's apparently moved. He goes into the 2nd conference room, and finds Alexander and Shawn in a relatively compromising position. Alexander starts to protest and bitch but Davin walks over calmly, and GOOZLES him, and PINS him against the wall. This doesn't look good*
DM: Alexander Darling. People watch OOWF-TV. People saw Alexander Darling's comments. Davin Moreland was displeased by those comments. Davin Moreland is displeased that Alexander Darling had the audacity to disrespect Alexander's Motherfucking Mealticket. Davin Moreland IS the franchise player of Run DEA. That has never been in doubt. There IS no Run DEA without Davin Moreland. Davin Moreland is the reason that Alexander is recognized anywhere. Alexander Darling owes Alexander Darling's OOWF Career to Davin Moreland. Alexander Darling is welcome. Davin Moreland is willing to let this transgression on Alexander Darling's part go; however, be on notice - Davin Moreland WILL not be disrespected; ESPECIALLY in Davin Moreland's own stable. There will be dire consequences if it happens again. Is there an understanding here?
*Alexander nods slowly, but has a truly hateful look in his eye. Davin smiles, and quickly lets go of Alexander's throat, which causes him to fall on his ass. Davin Moreland is already on his way back out to the main cabin, when he looks disdainfully at Shawn Johnson*
DM: Olympic Silver Medalist in the All-Around, Shawn Johnson...Consider implants. God knows Shawn Johnson needs them.
*He leaves, and it looks like Shawn Johnson is about to burst into tears*
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 20:43:46 GMT -5
**Scheme Gene approaches LD Williams**
SG: “L.D., after that disgusting display in the ring last week, you have a lot to answer for – to both Drink and Destroy and the fans.”
LD: “I’ve given my answers to Drink and Destroy Gene, They did this to themselves. It’s a bitter pill, but they’re going to swallow it, if I have to shove it down their throats.”
SG: “And the fans?”
LD: “The fans can think what they want. Like me, hate me, doesn’t really matter.”
SG: “I think you gave more excuses than answers, but be that as it may, why on earth would you turn around and ally yourself with the odd group of Moosehead Jack, Seamus McNasty and Poe?”
LD: “You want the truth Gene?”
SG: “What kind of a question is that? Of course I want the truth.”
LD: “Gene, Poe is the greatest international superstar the OOWF has ever seen. Seamus McNasty’s exploits both in and outside the ring are the stuff of legend. Moosehead Jack is every wrestler’s living nightmare, and L.D. Williams is the most decorated champion in OOWF history. It was inevitable that we’d find ourselves on the same side. For men like us, gold is a secondary goal for the simple reason that we can take it any time we choose. We’re after dominance. No four individuals – in the OOWF, in professional wrestling, or in the world, can compare to us. We are wrestling royalty, we are living legends, we are the pantheon of this business…and everyone in the OOWF will be our victims.”
SG: “You actually believe that. Don’t you? You are a very sick man.”
LD: “Thanks Gene. Now go away while you’re still breathing.”
<fade>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 20:44:04 GMT -5
Poe is WALKING~ down the Hallway of Random Encounters with Selena skipping by his side singing some song softly. He has the World Championship Belt hanging limply out of his right hand. A hippie looking SFJ, let’s call her Flower, approaches them.
F: Poe, may I get a word?
Selena sniffs the air.
SG: There’s that smell again, with a touch of peyote.
Poe: What do you want?
F: Wednesday, you have a World Title defense against Alexander Darling. Considering your history with him and the fact that he did defeat you for a World Title in Japan, people are a little surprised you haven’t had more to say about it. Are you not concerned at all? He is after all a multi-time champion here in OOWF.
Poe smirks.
Poe: You’re absolutely right. I am concerned. The Boy did beat me in Japan. He had the help of others and used treachery rather than any skill he might possess, but yes he did beat me.
Poe thinks for a second and then looks into the camera.
Poe: Be proud of that victory Boy. Talk it up all day long, which you do endlessly. Ask me how my ankle is. You and Davin Moreland seem to be cut from the same cloth with that. You latch on to something and chew that rag until your gums bleed.
Poe inhales.
Poe: Wave that banner Boy. You earned it. Now, come Wednesday at Midweek Mayhem, let’s see if that precious victory you hold over me is legit, or a well thought out fluke. Here we are again Boy. I am World Champion and you’re nipping at my heels like a Chihuahua with gas. You may look at this as a golden opportunity, but I see this is the chance to rid the world of the pest that is Alexander Darling once and for all. So, Boy, gimme the best that you got… and kiss your lovely sisters goodbye.
Poe then looks back to Flower.
Poe: Anything else?
F: Um…some are wondering about your involvement with the newly reformed kz…
SG: Are you criticizing Uncle Moose?
F: No, I’m just asking…
Poe: Moosehead Jack and I have…seen eye to eye on many things for a long time. It is natural that we would continue that arraignment as long as we suit each other. If you’re asking if I had anything to do with the reformation of kz, no. But I welcome it. LD Williams is a man I hold a great deal of respect for. He is a great champion and his violence is almost beautiful. Together with Moosehead Jack, they will reap havoc in the OOWF and I for one am looking forward to the damage they cause. Now, Selena and I have places to be. Is there anything else?
F: No…I think that covers it.
Poe: Namaste.
Poe walks around Flower. Selena grabs her mic hand and sneers at Flower.
SG: Nevermore.
Selena runs to catch up to Poe. We see Flower about to walk away when we hear:
SG: S-K! *clap clap clap* A-N-K! *clap clap clap* S-K! *clap clap clap* A-N-K! *clap clap clap*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 20:44:24 GMT -5
<Moose is sitting in the back, alone, he slowly looks up at the camera and stares for a moment with a sadistic grin on his face>
Someone once said “Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.” Jack, Gator, I want you to think about that. I want you to think about the depths LD and I will go to hurt you. I want you to think about your careers. Jack, you have been here since day one, you are an original, you are one of the foundations of the OOWF. Gator, you ended your seclusion to come back to this madhouse. If I were a man to show pity, I would almost feel bad for you two. You see, at MidWeek Mayhem, four of us will walk to that ring, two of us will leave. Two will be victorious, two will be destroyed, never to be the same again.
Moose peels a piece of barbed wire and wraps it around his fist, squeezing it tighter and tighter until the barbs dig deep into his flesh and blood runs down his fist
It's funny. For some, pain is something to be feared. They let their desire to avoid pain guide their lives. Jack, Gator, you are not like that. You are like LD and I. Pain is not something to be feared, it is something to be embraced. It motivates you, it drives you. The more pain you feel, the stronger your desire is to inflict pain.
There is one thing I want both of you to consider. Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. I know you two know all about taking pain, but how much are you willing to suffer. How insatiable is your desire for violence? Will you be willing to go that extra step where pain becomes an all-consuming blinding white light? Will you be willing to go even further? Kz will. Kz is on a mission. You two are the first victims, you will not be the last.
Trust me
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 20:44:46 GMT -5
*Erlana and GM The Rick are going over paperwork*
GMTR: What's this about an increase in our umbrella liability policy?
E: The insurance agency saw this week's card. KZ reuniting and facing Empty Team raised concerns.
GMTR: Tell them KZ is facing the Team From Down Under. That should desandify their vaginas.
E: It seems our insurance broker collects tapes of Japanese extreme exploding death matches and frequents numerous hardcore wrestling websites.
GMTR: Stupid internet wankers!
E: I must admit he'd done his homework. He dug up more about the origins of Empty Team than I've ever been able to get out of Wally.
GMTR: Really?
E: You know how our Outback Jack is a nephew of the WWF wrestler?
GMTR: And he bought the gimmick from him years ago. Sure. Vince tried to sue us but the copyright papers had disappeared from Stamford. Rumor has it Wally had a "relationship" with Linda back in the day.
E: Yes, and Wally also got our Jack out of some kind of juvenile detention program and gave him the money to buy the gimmick. Apparently, though, before he could get him out, there were incidents.
GMTR: Incidents?
E: Wally was vague on the details, but he once told me that when he felt threatened by bullies in the facility Jack had an alternate personality that took over.
GMTR: I think I heard about that too.
E: Well, our intrepid insurance agent tells me several detainees were hospitalized, but all of them declined to press charges. Authorities suspected they'd been intimidated. A court-ordered psychological evaluation described the alternate personality as hostile, sociopathic, lacking empathy, and a general menace to society.
GMTR: And?
E: I know Wally told me he was surprised how easy it was to get his cousin out. Maybe the facility felt he was causing too much trouble. Anyways, some brain specialist named Halfrunt wrote a famous case study on a wrestler with multiple personality disorder that some internet wrestling fans have linked to Outback Jack.
GMTR: So?
E: Well, I haven't read the original paper yet, but the synopsis does note that the personalities corresponding to Outback Jack and Jack of the Hinterlands have partially synthesized yet remain distinct, while the personality tentatively identified as Back of Beyond Jack is increasingly psychotic and detached from reality, and others could not be accurately described yet.
GMTR: Great.
E: There is some good news.
GMTR: Oh?
E: So far, none of the identified alternate personalities belch.
GMTR: So where does Gator fit in?
E: There's very little data available on him. The insurance guy did say he's a huge fan, though.
GMTR (drinking from flask): That doesn't desandify my vagina.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 20:45:10 GMT -5
*Some Hollywood Hot Spot*
It’s a loud and crazy atmosphere at some club in Hollywood as there is currently a post-show party from the premiere of the current season of Dancing with the Stars, the current hit show from ABC. Scattered around the club are the celebrities who are currently competing, their dancing partners, some friends, and random paparazzi trying to find some good candid pictures of the celebs in attendance. Also scattered around the club are various members of the Run DEA stable from the OOWF. At the bar we can see DH Magnusson and Spencer Darling with her girlfriend Ashley and they seem to be involved in a drinking contest of some sort and to the surprise of those around them, Ashley is holding her own with the former member of Drink & Destroy. A few seats further down the bar we notice Lucky and Lil Kim debating the merits of the East Coast vs. West Coast rap feud. Seated at a back table are Firewoman, Phantos, Lucios, and Davin Moreland and they seem to be engaging in casual conversation, but it’s clear that Firewoman is looking for the closest exit in order to spend some time with Phantos. Lucios is trying to get through to Davin but he doesn’t seem to be paying attention as he is seemingly very unfocused at the moment. Samantha Darling has made a beeline for her old friend Lawrence Taylor and they seem to be having a good time rehashing old memories. And making their way through the crowd as they mingle with numerous people are Alex, Lexie and OGM SJ. Shawn actually seems to be enjoying herself and Alexis is making contacts and deals left and right, but we notice that Alexander keeps rubbing his neck and shooting looks over to the table where Davin Moreland is. Every so often, it’s clear that Davin notices and shoots a look back and tensions seem to be rising.
OGM SJ: Is everything okay Alex? You don’t seem like you really want to be here. We can go if you’d like, I mean I know I said I wouldn’t be into this, but the competition…I love being the best, ya know?
Alexander: I think I have some idea Shawn. It’s good to see you get that spark bark though.
OGM SJ: Oh you know that spark is always…
Shawn notices Alexander’s eyes dart back to the table with the rest of Run DEA.
Alex, either do something about it or let it go.
Alexander: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
OGM SJ: Yes you do, and it’s not my place…Lexie, can you come here for a second?
Alexis finishes up her conversation with Ty Murray and Jewel and makes her way over to Shawn.
Alexis: God, I hate that gap-toothed cunt. I don’t fucking want your ugly ass rodeo husband. Hey guys, sorry bout that I was just trying to find out if there were any sponsorship deals to be had in Texas while P&L are off the road.
Alexander: You are working on getting that fixed right?
Alexis just gives her brother a look that clearly says moron.
Alexis: Of course I am. I don’t know how much longer any of us can deal with Davin the way he is right now.
As soon as Davin’s name is mentioned, Alexander again takes another look back at the table and this time Davin was already staring back. The stare down commences.
OGM SJ: This is why I called you over. Can you tell your brother to either do something about his issues with Davin or let it go because this silent broody thing actually isn’t a good look for him.
Alexis: Once you get used to it…anyways, you’re right. It’s time to decide where we go from here and this drama bullshit needs to end. Alex…Alexander Brian…
Alexander: WHAT?
Alexis: Excuse me brother dear? What is your malfunction?
Alexander: Forgive me if I’m tired of the whiny emo bitch back there.
Alexander swings his hand back and points at Davin casually before turning back to his sister so he doesn’t notice the drinks at that back table go flying as Davin gets up and begins to make his way towards Alexander. Alex is still ranting even as Davin makes his way over. Samantha notices Davin’s direction and tries to cut him off, but he’s not hearing her right now so she just follows along to try and keep the peace and LT follows her as well. And now, Phantos, Fire, and Lucios sigh and make their way over as well. Spencer is about to go over as well when DHM puts his hand out and stops her.
DHM: They nee ta’ do this. Let them at it. Either way, at least we know where we stand after this night.
Alexander is still ranting about something or other when he feels a tap on his shoulder. He ignores it at first. He tries brushing it off, but then the tapping gets harder and more insistent. Finally Alex has had enough and swings around removing the hand from his shoulder with some force. He comes face-to-face with Davin.
Davin: Davin Moreland wants to know what you were saying about your meal ticket?
Alexander: My meal ticket? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, right.
Davin: Does Alexander The Hanger-on have something to say? Your franchise would really like to hear what you could possibly say.
Alexander: You’ve completely fucking lost it, haven’t you? First it was this afternoon when you actually believed that I owed you a goddamn thing. I’ve never denied that there wouldn’t be a Run DEA without Davin “Meal ticket” Moreland, but don’t you fucking forget there wouldn’t be one without Alexander “Motherfucking” Darling. Without me watching your back, you don’t get 1, let alone 3 world championship runs. You would have continued to be Stank and LD’s bitch.
Davin: So, this is how you want to handle things? You’re ready to make your stand now and put the nail in the coffin?
Alexander: Are you?
Davin and Alexander’s stare down and argument begins escalating even more although everyone that knows the both of them is trying to get in between and get clearer heads to prevail. Well, everyone except OGM SJ because she is being pestered by Steve-O even though she keeps trying to turn back towards Alex and Davin, Steve-O continues spinning with her and trying to get her attention. Shawn and Steve-O wind up directly behind Alexander with Steve-O’s back to Alex. Alexander and Davin’s stare down has finally escalated and Alex has pushed Davin. Moreland laughs as he shakes his head and pushes Alex back. Darling bumps into Steve-O who turns around just in time to see Alex duck because Davin has just thrown a haymaker. Because Alex ducked, Steve-O gets hit right in the face and drops like a ton of bricks.
And now all hell is about to break loose as some of the other stars of the show try to get involved to keep order. And it seems like that may have worked until Jewel and Alexis started arguing about something or other and it looked like Jewel was about to push Alexis when she is stopped dead in her tracks by a nasty right cross from Samantha Darling.
Samantha: Don’t even fucking think about touching her, ya gap-toothed bitch.
Alexis looks at her older sister and seems shocked that she would defend her like that. Before anything else can be said between the sisters…
Alexander: DAVIN, DUCK.
Out of instinct, Davin ducks and Alexander jumps over him and tackles Johnny Knoxville who was about to hit Davin from behind with a chair. Things are completely getting out of hand now as Run DEA is very experienced in brawls like this and everyone else here is clearly not. Phantos, Lucios, and Firewoman are taking care of the bouncers allowing Davin and Alex to continue their complete destruction of the Jackass crew. Party Boy gets tossed threw a table with a CRUCIFIX BOMB from Alex. And Bam Margera gets hit with a DOMINATOR from Moreland. Alex and Davin have basically finished off the jackass crew when they back into someone. They give each other the look the signals for the DARLING DRIVER DIAMOND CUTTER. Alexander turns and is just about to kick when he hears almost everyone else yell,
Everyone: NO, DON’T.
Alex and Davin look up and see the menacing figure of Lawrence Taylor. Both actually seem a little intimidated.
Alex & Davin: Sorry Mr. Taylor.
The REAL LT: Not a problem guys. I’ve been here before. Takes me back. And it’s good seeing you again Alex. And you got yourself a good one Davin, don’t let her go,
Alex and Davin are still both looking on in shock and nodding. Suddenly LT points behind them.
I don’t think you’re done yet.
Alexander and Davin shoot out with a DOUBLE SUPERKICK that knocks Johnny Knoxville loopy. Alex walks over to him and picks him up; he places the hand across the throat. Davin takes two steps back before getting a running start…DARLING DRIVER DIAMOND CUTTER and Johnny Knoxville is dead.
Darling walks over and extends his hand to Davin to help him to his feet.
Alexander: Look, do ya think you can stop being such an asshole and get on board with us and make this work because if not…
Davin reaches up and grasps Alexander’s forearm to pull himself up.
Davin: Can you stop playing games with people beneath you and step up and play with the big boys?
Alexander: Guess I’ll find out at Mayhem, won’t I?
Davin: Guess so.
Alexander: So, are things…
Samantha and Alexis walk up to the two guys…
Samantha: Isn’t this cute…do you think we just interrupted a manly hug?
Alexis: They did seem to be getting all in touch with their sensitive sides.
Davin to Samantha and Alexander to Lexie → Fuck off, yes?
Alexander: And what was up with you two back there? I’ve never seen you defend her like that before?
Samantha: Blood is blood brother. You know that.
Alexis: And speaking of blood, you two have spilled enough tonight. Fire and the masked boys have held everyone else off long enough. I think it’s time we go. Spencer is getting the car and taking us to the airport. Better safe to get out of here now and back to Texas.
They all start to make their way out to the back exit of the club. Phantos, Lucios, and Firewoman all meet up with them and they let everyone know that Spencer, Ashley, and OGM SJ made it out and are getting the car. They look around and notice DH and Lucky are still at the bar. Firewoman goes to grab Lucky while Alex and Davin grab DH.
Davin: What are you doing?
They see DH come up from behind the bar and he has two 12-packs in his hands.
DHM: Getting’ sum for the road.
DH tosses a beer to both Alex and Davin.
Now I was promised some good ole fashioned ass kicking when I signed up here. Can we start that now instead of the drama?
Alexander: I think that can be arranged. In fact….yes, yes…I am coming up with an idea.
*Clinks all around and Fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 20:45:42 GMT -5
Scene fades in. Location is a Malibu beachfront property. The location is a film shoot for an action comedy movie entitled, Last Call starring Jonah Hill, Gary Busey, and the Beer Baron. This is a scene with the characters Ajax, played by the Beer Baron, and Mr. Franklin Bennett played by Gary BuseyDirector: ACTION! Mr. Bennett(Gary Busey): Look, I'm hiring you not to question me! I'm hiring you to find the man who kidnapped my dog. I'm paying you top dollar to find my wiener! Ajax(Beer Baron): I am fully aware of that Bennett, but I just need more time on this. This case goes much deeper than just your missing dog. There's something else that you're not telling me! Mr. Bennett: Ajax, all you need to know is that my wiener is my business! You don't need to... (breaking character) Hahahaha, JESUS CHRIST, what the hell is this? My wiener is my business? Hahaha, I mean, come on. Is this the kind of script that I signed on to do? Director: CUT! Gary, what seems to be the problem? Gary Busey: Well, Bill, frankly, I am just not happy saying that my "wiener is my business." I mean, come on. I just don't think that my character would say that kind of hackneyed line. It's just not my character's priority at this moment. Director: (burying his hands in his forehead) Gary, let's take a break, we've been going pretty hard since the morning. Alright that's lunch everyone. 1st Assistant Director: (walking away) That's lunch everyone! Back in one hour! Gary Busey: Haha, I love lunch. (looking to the Beer Baron) How bout that? This is going well today. Beer Baron: Yeah, it was going well. (beat) Mr. Busey, how do you feel about going over the next scenes for tomorrow a little later? I mean, it's a pretty heavy scene, and... Gary Busey: (picking up a handful of sand and slowly letting it flow out to the ground) Uh-huh, sure. Beer Baron: ...And I was thinking about a few things we could do, to heighten the tension. You know, make it really look good. I think if we hit our markers, this scene could be something special. Gary Busey: Right. (starring out at the waves, not blinking)Beer Baron: (now noticing that Busey is not paying attention to him) Gary? Mr. Busey? Gary Busey: (quickly turning and looking the Beer Baron directly in his eyes) Sometimes I see myself as a sand crab. Beer Baron: Uh,... Gary Busey: (still staring) And other times I see myself as a gigantic squid that devours people and crashes boats. (looking away towards the water)(quickly looking back at the Beer Baron) One time...I ate myself. I was both the squid and the sand crab, at the same time. Beer Baron: (wide eyed in shock) Mmm hmm... Gary Busey: ...But that is neither here nor there, it's not what you are or how big you are. We all have a path in life to walk down, or in my case, to swim down. Hahaha! Son, how long have you been in this acting game? Beer Baron: Almost ten years now. We worked on a film together a few years ago. Gary Busey: That's just great. Don't worry about the scene. It'll be good. (whistling to the nearest PA)Come here, you. Production Assistant: Yes, Mr. Busey. Gary Busey: Will you go grab me a double espresso? And get my lunch too. What are they serving today? Production Assistant: Chicken kabobs or salmon filet. Gary Busey: Make it the chicken kabobs. That will hit the spot, and make sure my espresso is in that little tiny cup. It must be legit. Production Assistant: Of course. I'm on it, and here's the beer you asked from the last time. (handing the beer over)Gary Busey: Come to papa. (looking at the Beer Baron) Would you like one? Beer Baron: Oh, I shouldn't. I'm on this whole nutritional system right now, my trainer would kill me. Thanks though. Gary Busey: Ah, shit, son, you don't boogie anymore? Beer Baron: Well, no, uh, that's not it. That's in the past, and... Gary Busey: Drop and give me twenty. (pointing to the sand)Beer Baron: Excuse me? Gary Busey: You heard what I said. Kiss the ground, or I swear to the God Almighty, I will tear you asunder like a ferocious jungle cat. One time in the jungles of Burma, I witnessed that very act happen to a human soul. My guide and confidant, Teng Quan, was devoured by a tiger. Disturbing, yet I could not take my eye off of it. That's why I don't pee in the jungle or in public anymore. I learned a tough lesson that day. Two words: Catheter bag. Beer Baron: ... (looking at Busey in bewilderment)Gary Busey: ... (looking at Baron with a crazy look in his eye)Gary Busey: You know son, you're not at all what I expected you to be. Beer Baron: The feeling is not mutual. Gary Busey: I heard these things about you. Stories. I saw you on television years ago. You're the Beer Baron for Christ sakes! You were a wild man. I was scared of you, and that's coming from me. You were unstoppable. The Man upstairs will take your name away if you don't live up to it, you know that? Beer Baron: Gary, that was almost ten years ago. I've moved on from who the Beer Baron once was... Gary Busey: Well, that's no way to live, you big idiot! (laughing maniacally) Embrace the past. Never forget it, expand on it, and make yourself a living dynamo of destruction once more! Beer Baron: Where do you get these things? Gary Busey: (staring at Beer Baron for a few seconds) I've done a lot of drugs in my life. You asked me about wanting to practice and get that scene just right? Son, you're a great actor, but you can't touch what you once were years ago. You were once a well oiled machine who was fueled on alcohol. Years ago, you had that same look in your eye that the tiger has right before he ate Teng. Hunger. There were no survivors. Follow your heart, don't chain it down to the floor. If you do, your hunger will just stop, and it will give up, and then life won't be worth living anymore. Beer Baron: Wow, that's surprisingly deep. Gary Busey: It better be. Cause a few minutes ago, I laced that beer with the finest peyote I could find this side of the Rio Grande... Beer Baron: ... (looking at Busey in bewilderment)Gary Busey: ... (looking at Beer Baron with a crazy look in his eye)Gary Busey: I have no idea what I just told you, but giant talking squid, I hope it helped you on your quest to find out who your father is. Beer Baron: ........... Gary Busey: ........... Beer Baron: It did. And I'll tell the set medic to keep on eye on you. Busey: (waving him off) Anytime. I feel like swimming right now. (Beer Baron walking away towards his trailer)Fade to Black
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 20:46:14 GMT -5
[The Dead is finishing up in the gym. He has been preparing for his big match tonight against Stank. As he exits the gym, he bumps into none other than his opponent himself.]
Dead: Stank...
Stank: Dead...
[The two lock eyes for a moment before The Dead breaks the tension.]
Dead: So this is supposed to be the part where we stare each other down and pretend to have some kind of immense hatred for one another, right?
Stank: I guess so, it always looks good on camera...
Dead: Huh, I guess it does. Anyway, I know you have a lot on your mind...
Stank: Don't start with that...
Dead: Fair enough. All I wanted to tell you was that regardless of what else is going on with you, I hope you're focused on tonight's match.
Stank: Are you implying that I'm not focused?
Dead: Not at all, big man. You're a hell of a competitor, and I know you can bring it. I plan on doing the same and putting on a hell of a show for the fans tonight.
Stank: Then I guess I'll see you in the ring.
Dead: See you there.
[The Dead and Stank bump fists and then each turns and goes his separate way.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 20:46:35 GMT -5
*FADE IN TO THE PALATIAL IHOP LOCKER ROOM*
<SYB is LIMPING~! into the video game room where Skurge is telling a story to The Amnesiac, the Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth, Fezzik, and Monkh. No one notices SYB or his lack of gold.>
Skurge: In the beginning…
Amn: Back in 1955?
Skurge: Yes. Now please be quiet. Man didn’t know aboot a rock ‘n roll show…
Amn: And all that jive?
Skurge: Dude…
Amn: Sorry.
Skurge: Fine. I’ll tell another story, eh? Johnny was a schoolboy when he heard his first Beatles song… “Love Me Do” I think it was. From there it didn't take him long.
<SYB interrupts>
SYB: Yeah yeah, he got a guitar, wrote a number one single, and OD’d. All you did was talk aboot “Shooting Star” shitdick.
Skurge: Well well well. Who shit in your kippers, eh?
SYB: Sorry chief but did you not notice Lionheart stole my OOWF Hungry Man Beer Battered Chicken Title?
Skurge: Who did the what now?
Amn: Who’s Lionheart?
SYB: Some new guy. For a second, I thought Jean-Claude Van Damme joined the OOWF.
Skurge: …
Amn: …
Fezzik: …
DM: …
Monkh: …
SYB: See, he was in a movie called Lionheart.
<beat>
Nothing?
<beat>
What about Timecop?
<beat>
Universal Soldier?
<beat>
Sudden Death?
<beat>
Bloodsport?
Skurge: Ooooh, I like that one!
SYB: Of course you do. Now what are we going to do aboot that title?
Skurge: Nothing. We have bigger fish to fry, eh?
SYB: Fish? What are you, psycho?
Skurge: Dude.
SYB: What? That bullet’s been in the chamber a while.
DM: Christ. Let’s just get the three of you ready for tonight’s match.
*FADE*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 20:46:56 GMT -5
*FADE BACK INTO THE PALATIAL IHOP LOCKER ROOM*
<DM is rallying the troops>
DM: Gentlemen, the time has come to start our journey back to championship gold. It starts tonight against FF Capslock, Blitz & Chris Evans and it will end with us beating the Nerds and getting those belts back.
<IHOP looks bored as they’re sprawled out on the couch>
DM: Don’t you guys care? What the fuck happened to that IHOP spirit?
<SYB gets up>
SYB: Dorothy’s right. We can’t just beat Timecop and those two douchebags. We need to make them bleed!
IHOP: YEAH!
SYB: We need to break their bones!
IHOP: YEAH!
<A groggy Jeffrey From Las Vegas appears in the doorway>
JFLV: We need to cut their throats and then fuck the slits!
<The room goes deathly silent>
Skurge: <to SYB> Where the fuck did you find this guy?
SYB: He’s harmless.
JFLV: This one time, I drank a Red Wings shake.
DM: What’s that?
JFLV: Oh some one-legged Mongolian whore I was banging was on the rag and I sucked on her tampon like a tea bag. Those clots go down surprisingly easy.
<The members of IHOP exchange WTF looks>
DM: Solly, a word please?
SYB: Sure.
<DM pulls SYB over to a corner of the room>
DM: Look I don’t care what this guy has done, I want him out of this room and arena immediately.
SYB: I can’t do that, Sugartits.
DM: Oh no? Why not?
SYB: He might prove to be useful down the line.
DM: I can’t possibly see how.
SYB: Look. Jeffrey and I had a talk. It seems like once you get that guy going, he never shuts up. Apparently there’s a bigger reason why he’s here. He is <pauses for dramatic effect> MooseheadJack’s brother.
*FADE*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 20:47:17 GMT -5
<SFJ13 rushes up to Moosehead Jack who is preparing for his match tonight>
SFJ13: Moose! Can I get your comments on the bombshell SYB just dropped?
MHJ: What the hell are you talking about?
SFJ13: SYB claims that Jeffrey From Las Vegas is your brother! Would you care to comment on the Moosehead Jack siblings?
MHJ: I have no brother
SFJ13: But he said......
MHJ: AND I SAID I HAVE NO BROTHER......now DROP IT! SYB? Keep sticking that worthless flap of skin you call a nose in my business and I will tear it off and shove it up your ass. You understand me?
<Moose gets up and storms away leaving SFJ13 shocked>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 20:47:56 GMT -5
*Feed of Gator and Jack of the Hinterlands are watching the bombshell just dropped on the OOWF world. JotH drinks from his Foster's and belches.*
JotH: Looks like we just found our psychological edge, mate.
FoG: You're not telling me anything I don't already know.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 20:48:17 GMT -5
Alexander Darling is SULKING~! in the RunDEA Suites by Aquafina and Starwood Hotels when Firewoman, Alexis Darling, and Lucky come in.
FW: Lucky, scram.
L: Huh?
FW: I need to talk business.
L: But I...
FW: Not that kind of business.
Lucky is momentarily confused, but then something clicks and he heads off towards Firewoman's Locker Room, sponsored by GNC
AD: So can Phantos still walk?
FW: Very funny. And none of your business.
LD: I'm amazed she's able to walk, herself, after this weekend.
AD: Huh?
FW: The Arnold Fitness Expo is a veritable buffet of muscular--
AD: Stop. What do you want?
FW: Lexie....
LD: Fine.....
Alexis leaves to go try and smoothe over Power Shack and MHP after the shenanigans of the weekend.
AD: I don't get it, if you said it was business, Lexie handles your--
FW: Did you not hear what I said before we left?
AD: Huh?
FW: That Biggs was driving the car?
AD: Oh...yeah, I did, but--
FW: But nothing Alex. I told you that for a very specific reason. Goddammit, first you let Davin walk all over you at the bar, and then you won't--
AD: I did not--
FW: Whatever, Alex. You always bitch that I go off on my own and never ask you for.....
AD: C'mon...you can say it....
FW: I never ask you for help. Well, there, I did. And I got nothing. Dammit, I need to get the upper hand with Tytan, before he tries something else.
AD: He's really in your head.
FW: Well, of course he is. I'm not the monster he is. I actually care when my friends get hurt, and it's been a few days since--
AD: Fire.....We both know you are every BIT the monster he is.
There's a long pause, as an unspoken conversation appears to still be taking place. Finally, the silence is interrupted.
FW: Not yet.
AD: Okay, it's your call. Biggs, eh?
FW: Yes. (she goes towards her locker room) Oh....good luck tonight. I hadn't forgotten who you were facing.
AD: Yeah...thanks.
FW: Be careful. No wait... DON'T be careful. Be Alexander Fucking Darling.
Fire continues back to her locker room to prepare. Alexander sits and begins to get incredibly intense and focused.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 20:48:38 GMT -5
*Stank is in the Destroyitarium, sitting in the back locker room, taping his hands, preparing for his match. SFJ#6 approaches.*
Stank - Lorraine.
SFJ#6 - Recently Drink and Destroy has suffered some loss in personnel with the defection of LD Williams and the disappearance of FF Capslock. Care to comment?
Stank - I've got nothing further to say about LD... Lock... I don't know where he is, but he has a match tonight. If he shows up... you can ask him about his disappearance.
SFJ#6 - Wait...! Didn't he leave you a note?
Stank - Yes.
SFJ#6 - And he didn't say where he was going?
Stank - I don't know... I didn't read it.
SFJ#6 - You didn't read it?
Stank - That's what I said.
SFJ#6 - Why not?
Stank - Because I think after all these years I deserve a little more than a note. Should he show up tonight... then we'll talk. If not... I guess I'll consider reading the note. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm not in a particular good mood. My focus right now is on beating The Dead later on tonight. That's it. You may go.
<Fade>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 20:48:59 GMT -5
*Fade in* to Bryce Larson WALKING~! into the arena. Sexy But Spoken For Female Journalist #23 catches up with him as he enters.
SBSFFJ#23: Bryce! No one has been able to reach you for a comment heading into tonight's huge tag team match with you and Davin Moreland against your former partner Nayr and Concrete TG.
BL: That's because I haven't made myself available for a comment. Now if you'll excuse me...
SBSFFJ#23: Well, any comments on Mary Jane and Nayr presumably getting together?
BL: Good for them. It's about time.
SBSFFJ#23: Did you have anything to do with it? We've all seen you talking to her--
BL: I'm aware of that. I don't have to like Nayr to make things right. Darling Man's little fiasco in Hooters screwed things up for them both. She liked him, too. It was obvious that little dork wasn't going to talk to her, so I got her to talk to him.
SBSFFJ#23: Don't you feel like he owes you?
BL: He can consider that one a gift, from the [sarcastiaclly] bottom of my heart.
SBSFFJ#23: Now, onto your match tonight--
BL: No comment. [Turning back to her...] Fine, here's a comment. I'm looking forward to getting it over with, and proving myself to Davin and Run DEA. Either I'm "worthy" [finger quotes return!] or I'm not. I think I've proven my worth already.
SBSFFJ#23: So there you have it! Bryce Larson is obviously focused on tonight's big tag team match.
*Fade out.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 20:49:18 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland is TAPING~! up, and starts sniffing the air. Moonbeam shows up with a mic. Conveniently. As he makes his way out the door and down towards catering*
DM: Smell that, Moonbeam?
SFJ420: You mean my patchouli?
DM: No. Dear God no. Davin Moreland breathes that shit through Davin Moreland's eyes and has nightmares about it. No, Moonbeam...Davin Moreland thinks Davin Moreland smells something else.
SFJ420: What The Rock is Cookin'?
DM: Cute, but no.
*Samantha emerges, dressed to the nines*
SD: He's been doing this all day, Moonbeam. Sorry.
SFJ420: Well, what does he smell?
SD: A set-up. How ridiculous is...
DM: SILENCE! Yes, Davin Moreland smells a set-up. Davin Moreland is an extraordinarily intelligent person, and Davin Moreland has supernatural perception skills. Yes, Davin Moreland smells a set-up; especially since Bryce Indy Dragon Wanker King Larson apparently set up Nayr the SuperVirgin with some Poontang Pie.
SD: Are you two planning on ripping off EVERY Rock Catchphrase tonight?
DM: Davin Moreland has fans. Davin Moreland is shouting out to Davin Moreland's fans. Watch this.
SD: Watch what?
DM: Watch these.
SD: These what?
DM: DEEEEZ NUTZZZZ!
*Moonbeam laughs uncontrollably*
SD: Deez Nuts. Really? Are you 5? Actually, don't answer that. At least you're not moping around anymore. But honey, you're not being set-up.
DM: Davin Moreland is probably not being set-up. Because, honestly, who would be stupid enough to even consider incurring the full attention and wrath of not only Davin Moreland, but all of Run DEA. Bryce Dragon Indy Wanker King Larson's promising career would be over before it even started. No, Davin Moreland can't believe that. Davin Moreland is about to embark on yet another title run for Davin Moreland's already storied and Hall of Fame Career. And all the Unwashed Masses will see WHY Davin Moreland is exactly what Davin Moreland says Davin Moreland is. The greatest. Although Davin Moreland wishes the Once Great Takaken would have teamed up with someone other than a midget jobber; but that's no longer Davin Moreland's concern. Bryce Dragon Indy Wanker King and Davin Moreland will sound the alarm to the rest of the OOWF that there is, indeed, a new sheriff in town. Let's go.
*Samantha and Davin leave*
SFJ420: That was 3-Time OOWF World Heavyweight Champion and 2-Time OOWF Onslaught Champion Davin Moreland. Let's send it out to Russ, who's ringside.
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 20:49:38 GMT -5
In the Hallway of Old-School ECW Promos:
D.H. Magnusson: Spin Hansen...pardon me, Spin FREAKIN Hansen...Y'wanna talk about "our" army? Y'wanna talk me deserting "OUR" army? The little leeches? The little parasites? Take 'em. Keep 'em. Y'bottom feeders all deserve each other. They latched on and tried their damnedest t'bleed me dry. They didn't do nothin' try t'catch a ride on MY talent, on MY run, on MY wave...Sound familar, PARTNER?
DHM: If it wasn't for me Hansen, you'd still be some curtain-jerkin' jobber - th' guy that the old timers always talked about as bein' the guy who never quite got to th' dance. You'd still be that guy mopin' around the oh-so-scary boiler room with your oooooohhhh spooky lil buddy that no one gives a damn about. You jumped on my back, and I carried you up that damned mountain that you just couldn't get up on your own. And look at you now, without me, you're scrabblin' around with all those other bottom feeders, cryin' and whinin' and NOT GETTING THE JOB DONE.
DHM: You want blood, partner? Y'got it. Y'want carnage PARTNER? Y'got it. And we'll see if those vampires our their still want ya around after I carve off their pound of flesh an' feed it to 'em. Welcome to your nightmare...partner.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Mar 28, 2009 20:49:57 GMT -5
(Alexander Darling is walking through the hallway getting ready for his match when...)
SMACK! Baseball bat to the knee followed by a Flowerpot to the head. Alex hits the ground and when he looks up he sees Biggs and Tytan standing over him.
Biggs: Maybe next time you should listen to Firewoman and attack why you can.
Tytan spits on Darling and the two walk away.
(FADE)
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