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Post by mooseheadjack on May 4, 2009 10:57:41 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem Live! From Hollywood, Alabama
OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u] Poe vs. DH Magnusson
OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u] The Dead vs. Chris Evans
OOWF World Tag Team Title Match[/u] The Chickenshit Heels vs. The Team From Down Under
OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u] Thim Reynolds vs. Seamus McNasty
OOWF Campeonas de Trios Title Match[/u] Cowboy Up & Beer Baron vs. IHOP
kz vs. The Heroes Guild Run DEA vs. Stank & Spin Hansen Firewoman vs. Concrete TG vs. Matte Tytan vs. Blitz
Card subject to Nick Saban being a douchebag
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Post by mooseheadjack on May 4, 2009 10:58:05 GMT -5
Firewoman is STORMING~! backstage. She comes face to face with Dr. Freedman.
FW: Get out of my way. I have something to take care of.
Dr.F: Now, Fire...I know you're disappointed about your loss, but I think we had a real breakthrough because you--
FW: Shut the fuck up. We can analyze what I'm about to do later.
She shoves Freedman away, and into conveniently placed empty cardboard boxes, and goes back to her STORMING~! until she comes to Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster.
FW: You! The two of you aren't fit to wear their masks.
AA: Hey, Skank-whore! Did you miss us?
FW: Only because I had a fake bridge to sell, and I needed someone completely gullible.
AA: Aw, you mean you aren't here to welcome us back?
Firewoman smiles sweetly at them both, for a moment, then take a swig from her whiskey flask. She spits it right at Attitude Adjuster, driving him backwards and temporarily blinding him. He lifts his hands to his eyes and yowls.
AA: IT BURNS!!! IT BURNS!!
Firewoman turns to Johnny Adrenaline, still holding his replica Phantos match. She kicks him in the stomach, grabs his head, and DDTs him onto the floor. She rolls him over onto his back, and grabs the mask out of his hand.
FW: You aren't man enough to wear his mask.
She takes another swig of her whiskey, and pulls out her lighter. Oh No!! She's not going to set Johnny Adrenaline on fire AGAIN is she?
She stands over him, lights her lighter (sponsorship being renegotiated) and....waits.....Dr. Freedman has recovered, and comes down the hall.
Dr.F: Firewoman! No!!
Firewoman stops and looks up at Dr. Freedman. She looks down at Johnny Adrenaline, and then waits for what seems like an eternity. Finally, she swallows the whiskey and closes the lighter. She steps away from Adrenaline, and puts her hand to her head as if she just got a migraine, and let's out a primal scream.
Dr.F: That's good....Okay..... Now, let's go back to the Suites and....
FW: Shut the fuck UP.
Firewoman shoves a somewhat recovering Attitude Adjuster back so he trips over and falls on Johnny Adrenaline, and heads down the hall towards the main exit to the arena. She storms through the fans, some of whom try to high five her, others throw things at her. She finds a waiting cab, pulls the poor guy who had actually hailed it out of the way, and gets in. After a second or two, the cab speeds away into the darkness.
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Post by mooseheadjack on May 4, 2009 10:58:25 GMT -5
(Tytan sits alone in one of the darkened basement hallways.)
Tytan: (Voiceover) Once again I am left alone....those I trusted...they did things to me and then left me....Steele....Diana....Biggs....they used me for their own personal gains....
Where were they after my war with her....she who left me a changed person....she who's scars I will never get rid of....
But there is still another....one that their crimes have gone unanswered....not anymore....you will soon find your fate....your blood will run and you will understand...I will wrap the chain I carry around your neck and I will squeeze.....and tear the flesh away.....until you will exist no more....
You see I had to wait until I found the darkness....and that monster....Violence set violence free....and it is because of her you will meet your end....she doesn't even realize it but she has helped me....she is also helping end you....and there is nothing she can do about it....
(FADE)
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Post by mooseheadjack on May 4, 2009 10:58:43 GMT -5
*A So New As Not To Be Numbered SFJ walks into the Destroyitarium*
SFJ: I'm here to interview the Team From Down Under and...
Wally B King: Not a good idea for a beautiful sheila like you.
SFJ: How'd you know my name is Sheila?
*Stank glances over from across the room, looking annoyed, but Wally no-sells that*
WBK: Anyways, they're pissed off about what the Chickenshit Heels pulled off. Even by their usual standards, they seem a bit unstable.
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Post by mooseheadjack on May 4, 2009 10:59:03 GMT -5
SFJ: Lionheart, what are you thoughts on your match with The Dead?
Evans: Dead, like you saw tonight, I put my body on the line tonight to try to beat you, and that didn’t work. I hit my Icarus Wings, and that didn’t work. Point is Dead, I took my eye off the ball, and you capitalized on it. For that I congratulate you. You beat me cleanly, and I know that you’ll make a good champ.
That is, for now. You see, I’ve got you in a rematch this week with the belt on the line. And what you saw from me today, that was nothing compared to what I will do. So that means, I may have to pull out my big moves for you.
I wanted to save them for another time, but I need that belt, and desperate times call for desperate measures. So you make sure you prepare yourself and be ready to go through hell, cause I’m holding nothing back now. I will do whatever I feel needs to be done in order to win. Don’t take it personally.
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Post by mooseheadjack on May 4, 2009 10:59:23 GMT -5
*Destroyatorium*
The non-numbered sexy female journalist leaves the room, but the door doesn't shut entirely. After a second, Alexander Darling steps into the room.
All eyes turn towards him.
Wally: This isn't the time.
Alexander: Oh, this is exactly the time.
Stank sighs and stands up.
Stank: He's right Wally. I think it's time Alex and I finally had a little chat.
Alexander: If you don't mind, someone would like to join us.
Stank nods and Alexander opens the door. Alexis walks in and she nods at Wally before looking towards Stank.
Alexis: You know it wasn't us that got at Gator and Jack from behind right?
Stank: Kinda figured as much with what went down. Doesn't mean I trust either one of you.
Alexander: Don't expect you to. Hell, don't want you to. But there seems to be thorns in both of our sides, and if we're ever going to finish our issues, those thorns need to be taken care of.
Stank: And what about this week. You know Rick set us up to face each other.
Alexis: Rick's a fucktard and he needs to go, but that's another issue. Let's sit down and discuss things.
Stank realizes this might be a long night and makes a motion to the bartender as the 2 members of Run DEA and the 2 members of Drink & Destroy take a seat at a table. The bartender makes his way over and puts 4 shot glasses down on the table and a bottle of whiskey.
Stank: Don't take too long with the next bottle. And keep 'em coming.
*Fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on May 4, 2009 10:59:46 GMT -5
[The Chickenshit Heels are standing outside, trying to flag down a cab, still holding their tag team titles.] AA: So we're like tweeners now. JA: Yes, that we are. AA: The Chickenshit Tweeners? HEY!
JA: Man, that was a great swerve. Remember when the Mulkeys dressed up as the Midnight Riders and beat the Midnight Express? It was THAT good.
AA: [another cab passes by] Man, why won't these bastards stop?
JA: Man, we got a bunch of people pissed at us. Like more than usual.
AA: Yeah, even these damn taxi drivers.
JA: We got the Team From Down Under, Run ADD, Moose's crazy ass, Batman and Robin... we might wanna hide out for the week.
AA: Let's go to a strip club.
JA: Sounds good to me.
AA: We also need to find Bill Apter and give him the inside scoop on our big return. I think we'll be on the cover of PWI this month.
JA: Hey, promo idea... we can find Apter AT THE STRIP CLUB! Much hilarity can ensue.
AA: You are wise beyond your years.
JA: What's up with these cabs, man?
AA: I don't know. [at another cab] HEY!
JA: We're gonna have to get out in the road and stop one.
AA: Okay, go ahead.
JA: Me? You have more padding in case you get hit.
AA: Ah, fuck... okay, when we gotta sneak over a razor wire fence, that one's on you.
JA: Deal.
[AA hops out in the street and stops a cab TCH hops in along with the Hispanic driver.]
AA: Take us to the closest strip club.
JA: Closest one with WOMEN dancing.
Cab Driver: Is this a hold up?
AA: No, but no one would stop for us.
Cab Driver: Then get those silly masks off your faces.
[Johnny and AA look at each other... then peel off the Phantos and Lucios masks.]
AA: [to Johnny] Why didn't you say something?
JA: [to AA] Why didn't YOU say something?
AA: We're living the gimmick!
JA: Fair enough.
AA: Yo driver... casa de los mucho titties, comprende?
[fade out]
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Post by mooseheadjack on May 4, 2009 11:00:06 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland is PACING~! around the Run DEA Locker Room and Suites, presented by Aquafina and Starwood Hotels. He's talking to someone on his Sprint PCS phone, and we unfortunately don't have the technology to hear the other half of the conversation*
DM: I've just fucking had it man, he's gotten wayyyy too out of control and this is the last straw....Do you give a fuck? Seriously, obviously you do or you wouldn't be talking to me right now...His time has come and gone and clearly I feel like you'd be a perfect replacement...no...not EVERYONE all the time...because it would be tough to hold shows that way...fine, because go fuck yourself, that's why...I thought you'd like that...well don't take too much fucking time thinking about it...You spend more time thinking about shit than actually doing shit, this is no joke....we need to make this happen...wait, what?....right in the head?...HA!...Listen man, get your house in order so we can present a case to the board...I'm not asking you for any special favors; I'm asking for some fucking fairness in this place...you know damn well what I'm talking about...if you only stay that long then so be it...we just can't have this banana republic continue...Rick's stuck in 2005 while the rest of us are trying to move on...well fine...well get back at me soon, ok? Yeah, go Whale.
*Davin hangs up the phone and wanders aimlessly out to the Dunkin' Donuts Hospitality tent. Curt Schilling is conspicuously absent, but of all people Zane Myers is there, sipping on an Aquafina. Davin goes behind the counter and fixes himself a Dunkin' Donuts Iced Coffee*
ZM: Howdy Davin.
DM: *eyeing him warily* Listen, I didn't WANT to Diamond Cut your partner, but he called out DEA and...
ZM: *puts his hand up* You were only doing what you needed to Davin. No hard feelings, ok?
DM: *dubious* Ok....Did you want another Aquafina?
ZM: *drains his bottle and smiles* Much obliged.
*Davin hands him another bottle and sits on the chair across from Zane, eyeing him as if he's looking for something*
ZM: Shame about your match.
DM: It was a dirty fucking trick. There are so many things wrong with what happened that I don't think I have enough time to get them all out. Suffice it to say that *I* got screwed out of a title by two has-beens who will be gone in a month, one of which I used to have a lot of respect for *Davin rubs his ever present 'Team Hardbody' bracelet, which has gone from black to more of a grayish color over the last few weeks*...but that's not even the worst of it.
ZM: What's the worst of it, D?
DM: *looks at Zane curiously again* The worst of it is that we were trying, or at least *I* was, to win those titles back for my fallen brothers, Phantos and Lucios, who were cheaply tossed out of here in a Loser Leaves Town match because I was too late to save them.
ZM: They lost that match clean, Davin.
DM: I could have stopped them...they should be here. And then, those has-beens have to go and steal their legacy, and shit all over it, and again, I should have known better.
ZM: You can't know everything, Davin.
DM: Who are you? Yoda?
ZM: No sir. I'm not Yoda. I'm just a guy tryin' to get along best I can. But you're too hard on yourself. That's your fatal flaw.
DM: I wasn't always like this.
ZM: Well, yeah, you kinda were.
DM: Not at the beginning, I mean, not when me, Lucios and Phantos started Run DLP. But see, we all balanced each other, and that's why it worked so damned well.
ZM: Don't you get that now?
DM: Don't you watch OOWF-TV?
ZM: Not easy being the Captain, is it?
DM: I'm not the Captain, but...*peers at Zane again* wait a second...this has been bothering me but do I know you from somewhere?
ZM: Well, sure. I'm Zane Myer...
DM: No no no, I mean from before you got here. You look so damned familiar.
ZM: *downs his water* I have no idea what you're talking about.
DM: *squints his eyes some more before he relents* I could swear I've known you somewhere else...oh well, don't mind me.
ZM: Listen, Davin...The more you worry about things that AREN'T about you, is the less you worry about you, and things you can control. Just think about that. Later.
*Zane leaves and Davin's head is just all over the place. Finally something clicks and he heads to the Destroyitarium, entering without knocking and heading right over to Stank, Alexander and Alexis*
DM: Sorry I'm late...
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on May 4, 2009 11:00:35 GMT -5
*Fade in* to the Heroes Guild lockerroom where all 4 members are meeting about their recent string of losses.
CTG: Okay, we all know what's been going on. We're losing. Badly. Just look at the PPV. I lost. Blitz lost.
N: Blitz nearly died!
B: Dude...
CTG: Blitz will be okay, he's not dead.
BL: If he were, he'd be the new Intercontinental Champion!
CTG: But Citizen Bulletproof, he's not the Intercontinental Champion.
BL: Right. You forgot to add, Bryce & Nayr have lost twice in a row. Clean, too.
CTG: I am aware of that. And that you already used your guaranteed tag team title shot.
BL: Yeah, I'm okay with that. We can earn our way back up.
CTG: That's what I'm talking about--
Suddenly there's a knock at the door...
B: Who is it!?
Disembodied Voice at the Door: It's me!
N: Damon, is that you?
Disembodied Voice at the Door: Yeah, it's me!
BL: What the fuck is he doing here?
Disembodied Voice at the Door: I'm here for the meeting.
B: Um, 'Crete?
CTG: [Walks over to the door, talking through the keyhole.] Citizen Wrath, I appreciate your concerns about us. But check the PH Message Board. You're not in the Guild anymore. Sorry dude.
Disembodied Voice at the Door: Oh, my bad. Continue.
CTG: Thanks Citizen Wrath.
BL: That was fucking weird. Where were we again?
N: Talking about how we all keep losing.
CTG: Yes Citizen Paladin, that is exactly where we are. We're obviously missing something.
B: We could change our drink from Code Red to something else.
BL: [Sarcastically] Yeah, that should do the trick!
CTG: Citizen Bulletproof, do you have a better idea?
BL: In fact, I do. I pulled some strings, and got a limo for the night. And I reserved a private area at the local Crazyhorse.
B: Crazyhorse?
N: That's not what I think it is, is it?
BL: Yup! Time to see some boobies!
B: 'Crete, this can't be serious...
CTG: With the road we're headed down, I don't see how it could hurt. Citizen Bulletproof, lead the way...to...boobies.
BL: You don't sound too sure of yourself, Gryfon.
CTG: Oh, sorry. [Excited & loud.] Citizen Bulletproof! Lead the way! To boobies!
*Fade out*
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Post by mooseheadjack on May 4, 2009 11:00:53 GMT -5
*In the Destroyitarium so far nothing has been said. A great deal of drinking has occured however. There are only 4 people sitting at the table; Stank, Davin Moreland, and the Darling twins. Spin Hansen stands, leaning against a nearby wall, a deep scowl marring his face.*
SH - Boss... a word?
*Stank downs another shot, slams the glass down on the table, looks up at Spin, rises and meets his faction brother over by the wall.*
Stank - I don't like this anymore than you, Spin.
SH - *through gritted teeth* And just WHAT the FUCK IS THIS? I'll be godDAMNED if I will SIT at a table with... *points his hand* THEM!
Stank - Listen-
SH - No YOU listen!
Stank - SHHHHHH!
*Stank grabs Spin by the arm and leads the big man to a back room where they can talk in private.*
SH - You DO know who that is you're sitting with, right? Run FUCKING D.E. FUCKING A! The very same people who betrayed us... US! YOU! ME! and JACK! The VERY SAME ASSHOLES who not only STABBED us in the back, but TWISTED that knife EVERY fucking CHANCE they got! The VERY same DICKWEEDS that SOMEHOW BRAINWASHED my former fucking PARTNER into betraying US and joining THEM! and NOW it looks like they are going to do the SAME GODDAMN thing to YOU!
*Stank has stood in front of Spin patiently while letting Hansen vent.*
Stank - You finished?
SH - NOT by a FUCKING MILE!
Stank - Well then I suggest you go down to the boiler room and blow off the rest of that steam because right now you are not helping things.
SH - NOT he- WHAT the HELL, STANK?
*Stank puts his hand on Spin's shoulder.*
Stank - Do you trust me?
SH - ........
Stank -
SH - .... With my life.
Stank - Trust me now. Nothing is as it seems. Between what Rick has told me... and recent happenings... new lines are being drawn. The landscape is changing faster than I anticipated.
SH - So is this about Rick, again?
Stank - Hell no... we've done our due diligence as far as that is concerned. He's a player just like everyone else. No... this isn't about him. It's about the survival of Drink and Destroy. All that I ask is that you keep putting your trust in me. I know you hate them... I won't ask you to sit there with me. I'll sit alone with them if need be. They aren't going to do anything stupid. It's like I've told you all along... I want to be as prepared for anything as much as I possibly can. There are few people in the OOWF we can trust... but there are many we can trust to be who they are.
Spin - ......
Stank - Believe me... I got this.
SH - Right.
Stank - Spin?
SH - FINE! But I'm not going ANYWHERE. I will NEVER trust them!
Stank - Fair enough.
*Fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on May 4, 2009 11:01:11 GMT -5
[The Dead is backstage with a Random Interviewer Person. His newly acquired Intercontinental Title is slung over one shoulder and connected under his other arm.]
RIP: Dead, you just won the Intercontinental Title. How do you feel?
Dead: I feel great. Hell, right now I feel unstoppable.
RIP: What's been the driving force behind this winning streak you've compiled?
Dead: When I came back to the OOWF, I was confused. I had burned a lot of bridges and wasn't sure what direction I was heading in. Then one Wednesday I went out for a match and actually heard a few people cheering for me. That put things in perspective. I changed my mentality, and since then I haven't lost. And now adding this title to the win streak makes things that much better.
RIP: Any thoughts on Chris Evans? You two have a rematch coming up this week...
Dead: Chris put on a gutsy performance Sunday. He gave it his all, but it just so happened that my all was a little better. I congratulate him for his effort, but one thing concerns me. Now he's claiming that he didn't do everything he could for that title. That he held some things back. Chris, you had a chance to become a champion, at a pay-per-view no less, and you're saying you didn't give it one hundred percent? I know you think you can get in my head by claiming to have something up your sleeve for the rematch, but I only see someone who missed his chance and is now desperately trying to make himself feel better about it. Sorry Chris, but this belt isn't going anywhere.
RIP: Is there anything else you'd like to add?
Dead: I'd just like to tell all of my fans out there 'Thank You', and that you are looking at the man that will go down as the greatest Intercontinental Champion in the history of our great sport. Let's keep this streak going!
RIP: There you have it. Our new Intercontinental Champion, The Dead.
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Post by mooseheadjack on May 4, 2009 11:01:35 GMT -5
[Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster walk into the local Crazy Horse, still wearing the Phantos & Lucios masks, and carrying the tag team titles. AA's on his cell phone.]
AA: Look, Bill... just make it happen. You know we'll make it worth your while. Look, we're here now, so I gotta letcha go. Just get here... yeah, we'll do the interview in character this time. Kayfabe ain't dead, dammit! [click]
JA: But kayfabe is dead, Alan.
AA: Apter doesn't need to know that. The day he figures that out is the day he's out of a job.
JA: [distracted] I'm sorry, Alan... I lied to you. Kayfabe ain't dead.
AA: Huh? What are you talking about?
JA: She dancing on that table on stage over there.
AA: What?
[Johnny walks over and takes a seat in front of a stage where a gorgeous brunette - wearing practically nothing - is dancing. The marquee reads "Kayfabe."]
AA: Whoa! That's her name?
JA: Apparently so, but does it really matter?
AA: No... um... not a bit. Unless we can convince her to become our manager or something.
JA: Hey, not a bad idea. Probably pays better than this place.
[TCH gets comfy, still wearing the masks like luchadores in Mexico. AA orders drinks from the waitress walking by.]
AA: Johnny, you're right. They'll never find us here.
JA: Especially since we're in disguise.
[JA and AA tap their beer bottles together and enjoy the view as we fade out.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on May 4, 2009 11:01:56 GMT -5
Still at the strip club, AA and JA continue talking.
AA: You know, it’s all well and good that we do an interview with Bill Apter, but we also have to prepare something for Midweek Mayhem, THIS WEDNESDAY IN HOLLYWOOD, ALABAMA!
(A cheap pop comes from the crowd in the strip joint.)
AA: Ahh, I still have it.
JA: OK, OK. Get over yourself. You do have a point, however. We can’t just walk into Midweek Mayhem, THIS WEDNESDAY IN HOLLYWOOD, ALABAMA!...
(A cheap pop interrupts Johnny.)
JA: …and just act like we didn’t both lose a Loser Leaves Town match a couple months back.
AA: You’re right. That would be a lack of continuity. Plus we need to remind fans of what was the Greatest Match of the Year in the OOWF.
JA: And we need to sell our upcoming match. Because making other people look good is part of our job, too, apparently.
AA: That’s for sure. It’s not like they can do it themselves.
JA: So do you have any ideas?
AA: I might, Johnny. I just might.
(And with that, the promo gets fuzzy and then fades back into focus. AA and JA are now in front of an OOWF banner, doing an Old School promo with SFJ #19, who won the lottery to do the first interview with the returning Greatest Promo Team in the OOWF.)
SFJ #19: I am so excited to be standing here with The Chickenshit Heels, for their first interview since their shocking return at OOWF Sunday Bloody Sunday Pay-Per-View in Hollywood, Missouri!
(Even SFJ #19 gets a cheap pop. TCH will give anyone the rub for the right price.)
SFJ #19: Ohhh! That sent shivers up my spine!
JA: I’ll send shivers up your spine, too, baby. Here’s my room key.
SFJ #19: Thank you, Johnny! I’ll cherish this forever! But now we have to get to business. You two BOTH lost a Losers Leave Town singles match against each other that is still talked about across the wrestling world. How are you able to stand here today with the OOWF tag team titles?
AA: I think you answered your own question, honey. Yes, we had to leave the OOWF under questionable circumstances. But in that time, we cleared our heads, took a well-earned vacation and completed some unfinished business. I cleared up my gambling debts and got back into shape. Johnny earned his PGA Tour card—at least until that drug test came back last month.
JA: Hey! It was rigged! They didn’t want me beating Tiger now that he’s back.
AA: Then one day Johnny and I just happened to get together, and talked about the old days. We happened to be near an OOWF event, so in disguise we bought two tickets and watched the matches. (A grainy photo shows two guys wearing masks in the fifth row of an OOWF show this winter. One of them is flipping off Stank.)
JA: And I’ll tell you what. Those matches sucked! The tag team division was useless. Pieces of Crap! Every last one of them. So it was right then that we decided we needed to do something.
AA: And with Phantos and Lucios—the “Measuring Stick” (AA wags his fingers in the air mockingly)—gone, we decided it was about time to bring back the classic masked guys steal the title trick.
JA: We thought it was fitting since it happened to us--TWICE!
AA: And now that we have the belts, there’s nothing The Rick can do about it. He can’t fire the champs! And if he tried, he’d never see these belts again. In fact, we already have a standing offer that if we’re fired while still OOWF champions, we can take the OOWF belts to the PHWF and instantly be granted a tag team title unification match.
JA: Who are the champs over there right now?
AA: I don’t know. Probably Greg Gagne and Jim Brunzell. Two other guys that Phantos and Lucios can’t beat.
SFJ #19: Aren’t you concerned that you’ve only been in the OOWF for a few days and it seems that every team—faces and heels—are angry with you?
JA: And that’s different from what? We’ve never been well liked by the boys in the back. And there’s one simple reason: JEALOUSY! They’re jealous of our talent, our promo skills, our ring savvy, our business acumen. They’re jealous because none of them could think of having two Main Event wrestlers lose a singles Loser Leaves Town Match…
AA: Never seen before in the history of wrestling!
JA: And then come back months later to steal the tag team titles without a hint of prior notice. No one knew! No one! NO! ONE!
AA: So Team From Down Under, you have a little boo-boo because you slipped on some coffee in the back? Not our problem! But if you want to believe that we had something to do with it, bring your beaten, second-rate, has-been butts down to the ring this Wednesday and we’ll show you what tag team wrestling is all about!
(And with that, the promo gets fuzzy and then fades back into focus. AA and JA are back in the strip joint.)
AA: So I’m figuring it would be something like that.
JA: Sounds good to me. Hey, Hotcakes McFakies! A lap dance over here for the Greatest Promo Team in the OOWF!
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Post by mooseheadjack on May 4, 2009 11:02:18 GMT -5
Cowboy Chad Madison rides Skip right into Rick's office
"ya hollered fer me?"
"GET THAT ANIMAL OUT OF HERE!"
Cowboy dismounts and hands his reins to a production assistant.
"Don't ever bring that animal in here again. Now, Do you think I'm stupid?"
"........."
"Your background check bounced! I'll tell you like I told your partner. I won't have people running around here who might become liabilities. I can't strip you of the Trios belts, but rest assured, you will get no other title shots until You tell me who you are and where you came from. "
"Keep yer shirt on. Me an Zane both just wanna rassle. We don wan no drama bout who we used to be. "
"I will find out. now GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE"
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Post by mooseheadjack on May 4, 2009 11:02:39 GMT -5
AA and JA are still at the strip club. They requested--and received--OOWF-TV on the big screen.
AA: "Cowboy" Chad Madison?
JA: Is that a dude in the OOWF?
AA: I think he's stealing your gimmick.
JA: I did it much better.
AA: Shall we add him to our list of people we're better than?
JA: Most definitely. No one plays "Cowboy" around here unless they get my permission.
AA: Hey, look! Boobs!
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Post by mooseheadjack on May 4, 2009 11:03:04 GMT -5
<AA and Johnny both turn around at the mention of boobs and see a well-built lady on the pole. The woman has her back to The Chickenshit Heels so they decide to get brave>
AA: HEY! How bout turnin' around and showin us what God gave ya!
TCH: I got a WHOLE fist full of ones here, and they have YOUR name on them pretty lady!
AA: You really going to give her all those ones?
TCH: Hell no! As soon as she turns around we've seen the goods. Why pay for the milk when the cow is free?
<Johnny and AA share a high five and yell for her to turn around some more. She finally does, and they realize, much too late, and to their horror, that it is LD's Mama. The Heels eyes bug out, and they try to flee, but Mama Williams leaps off the stage and tackles them both to the floor and holds them there by their throat. She gets real close to them and speaks in a gravely voice>
LDM: Kz wants those belts, and they are gonna get them belts. Ain't a damn thing you can do to stop them either.
<Just then a bouncer walks over to see what is going on>
B: Ma'am, are these guys bothering you?
LDM: Yeah, the fat one here......
AA: I AM NOT FAT!
LDM: I think he groped me
B: Ok, out you go boys!
JA: Wait, wait just a second. I heard you could get a "special treat" if you knew the boss around here
B: Yeah, well you don't
AA:<whipping out a fist full of dollars> This says I do. I want to talk to the owner. I want to talk to..........Porky
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Post by mooseheadjack on May 4, 2009 11:03:53 GMT -5
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Post by mooseheadjack on May 4, 2009 11:04:27 GMT -5
<IHOP is watching OOWF-TV>
SYB: Awesome! The Heels are at Porky’s!
DM: Speaking of Porky, what happened with Cowboy Up?
SYB: Are you fucking blind Lassie? They fucking hog-tied me and stole our chimp belts!
The Amn: You have to admit it was one hell of a knot…
<Everyone looks at him>
The Amn: What? I’m just saying the Cowboys really know how to tie someone up.
DM: What about the Baron?
SYB: If you’re watching, let me tell you something, Double B. You have no shittin’ business being in my ring. Take your steer and that fat fuck Dennehy and go back to Hollywood to make your shitty movies. Seriously Baron, I’ve seen better film on teeth. Get out of wrestling and do what you do best – have dudes on the street pay you to watch you jerk off.
Skurge: What the fuck is that aboot?
The Amn: Boogie Nights.
SYB: Damn straight. <He looks around> Where are we this week anyway?
Skurge and The Amn: Alabama.
SYB: You boys twins?
Skurge: You dumb fuck, you know we’re not related.
SYB: Hey if we’re in Alabama, I wonder if we can see Mikey again.
Skurge: Tonight’s probably not a good night, eh?
SYB: Oh yeah. Well he’ll need something to see after the Canes lose. We should get him front row tickets for our match… where we’re gonna win our titles back!
IHOP: YEAH!
SYB: We’re gonna take the spurs to them like Outlaw Ron Bass did to Beefcake!
IHOP: YEAH!
JFLV: WE’RE GONNA SHIT IN THEIR HATS AND FUCK THE HORSE!
<crickets>
Skurge: Why is he still here?
SYB: Better coming from his mouth than mine, right?
*FADE*
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Post by mooseheadjack on May 4, 2009 11:05:43 GMT -5
*Back inside the Crazy Horse*
This starts to play
and a stunning brunette steps out onto the stage. She's got her hair in pigtails and dark sunglasses on with a short pleated skirt and a white button down shirt almost all the way unbuttoned with just a peek of her bra. A gold tie hangs in between her chest. She dances through the song and right near the end she makes her way over to Johnny Adrenaline just as another girl places her hands over Attitude Adjuster's eyes. That girl is almost identical to the brunette except she's a blonde and her tie is black. There is something strikingly familiar about these two women who almost look like identical twins. The girls continue their dance for Johnny and Alan and after a few moments they grab the two guys by the hand and start leading them through the club.
Johnny leans over to whisper to his partner.
Johnny: Dude, she said they give happy endings here.
Alan: I know. And they said it's 3 for 1 happy hour. That means I'll still have money to throw down on the Blackhawks tonight.
Johnny: Exactly. And I can still have enough money for 18 holes at Augusta tomorrow if I leave early enough.
The two guys continue their talking as the girls lead them to the V.I.P. area. They hear Flair over at the other side of the room WHOOOOOING and Space Mountaining all over the place. This distracts Johnny and Alan long enough not to notice the very large black gentlemen who is the bouncer for their V.I.P. room. But OOWF faithful can tell that's it Stank.
The girls sit Johnny and Alan down and tell them to get ready.
Brunette Dancer: If you gentlemen want the full experience of these dances, you should totally take those masks off so we can get a good look at you.
Blonde Dancer: Yea, don't keep those pretty faces covered. We'll make you a deal, if you take masks off, we'll take our glasses off.
Johnny and Alan high-five each other as they take their masks off.
Brunette: Now, if you guys truly want the happy ending, you'll need to trust us.
Both dancers pull a dark blindfold out from behind and start to walk towards the two guys.
AA: Are you sure about this partner?
JA: Sure, what's the worst that could happen?
Coughdumbassescough
The two dancers finish tying the blindfolds and ask the guys if they're ready.
AA & JA: Damn right we are. We're the greatest promo team in the OOWF and right now, we're going to be the greatest night of your life.
The girls take off their dark sunglasses and now we can tell that it's Alexis and Samantha Darling. Brunette: I think it's time you guys take a good look at us.
Just as they're about to take their blindfolds off, this song starts to play.
Johnny and Alan open their eyes just in time to see Alexander Darling and Davin Moreland step into the V.I.P. room brandishing a sledgehammer and a piece of rebar respectively. Before they get a chance to react or defend themselves, Alex and Davin are already swinging and Johnny and Attitude fall to the ground. Just as they fall, they get out a barely audible yell for security.
The big bouncer outside the room peeks his head into the room. Johnny and AA look up and they see Stank standing there.
JA & AA: Aw, fuck.
Stank: This is only step one boys. One day soon, it'll be D&D's turn to have their chance with ya. This will seem like a picnic. Sammy, Lexie...could I buy you ladies some drinks?
The Darling sisters step out of the V.I.P. room with Stank while Run DEA continues to beat the ever living fuck out of The Chickenshit Heels.
Just before Alexander and Davin are about to leave, Davin reaches down and picks up the discarded masks of Phantos and Lucios.
Davin: This was the worst fucking mistake you two could have ever made. If you wanted to come back and make GMtheWeak or Captain Fear and Moosey look foolish that's fine and Davin Moreland would congratulate you on a job well-done. Use my brothers masks. Make Run DEA look like fools; mistake...big fucking mistake. I haven't truly hated anyone in this company in quite a while. Good job making me hate again.
Alexander taps Davin on the shoulder.
Alexander: I think they stopped hearing you a few seconds ago. They passed out. Let's go get Flair to buy us some drinks.
Davin still doesn't look thrilled, but he does decide to leave the room. Alexander gives one last look back in the room and it looks like he's about to hit his catch phrase...
You two aren't even worth it.
*Fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on May 4, 2009 11:06:05 GMT -5
(Tytan is out from the basement! But he is still hiding in the shadows and whatever else can conceal a man possessed. He is seen watching someone. He wraps his hands around the chain he wears as the voiceover begins.)
Tytan: How easy it would be for right now to wrap this chain around your neck and snap. You would be done and I would have the last laugh.....
But why would I do that and ruin the fun....those that watch Mayhem would get to see...(He laughs)...what you don't understand is that I have been watching you....every little bang or creek that you hear in the shadows...it could be me....or then again....it might not be.....you see....you know I'm coming for you...the only thing is you don't know is when....but I did tell you it may be at Mayhem...then again it may not be....(laughs)....just remember if you feel the hairs on the back of your neck stand up...or the cold chill of death...I am not to far away...violence set violence free...and believe me it will only be the begining...
(The picture fades as Tytan heads off into the shadows.)
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Post by mooseheadjack on May 4, 2009 11:06:26 GMT -5
Poe has finally arrived at the Arena in Hollywood, Alabama, with Selena at his side, unusually quiet. Poe’s head is taped as he walks down the hallway past GMtheRick’s office. He stops to look at the match list and smiles.
Poe and Selena enter their locker room which is set up as his rider requires. There are candles lit and spread throughout the room for light. Selena goes immediately to the refrigerator and grabs the jar of pickles that’s always there for her and starts to eat.
Poe plops down on the couch and before he realizes he left the door open, Flower, that 70’s SFJ enters.
F: Poe, you will face Run DEA member DH Magnusson for the World Title just days after the tough 2 out of 3 falls victory over Stank. Your thoughts?
Poe holds his head and smiles weakly. His smile then turns more sinister. Before he speaks, Selena turns on OOWF-TV as the Chickenshit Heels promo runs.
Poe: Congratulations Mr. Magnusson. You have a hell of an opportunity. But fear not, you will not get a weak effort from me, no no…
Selena laughs at the Heels’ promo. Alexander Darling and Firewoman’s promo runs.
Poe: You have aligned yourself with the Boy. In case you forgot my promises to all of OOWF when I arrived here, anyone associated in any way with the Boy will feel my wrath.
Selena throws a pickle at the television screen before the Darling/Firewoman promo ends. Tytan’s promo then begins.
Poe: So, Mr. Magnusson, I’ll be seeing you Wednesday. May Hel have mercy on your soul…but I doubt she will. Namaste.
Selena’s about to say ‘nevermore’ when the candle next to her blows out. She turns her eyes to the now smoking wick.
SG: Uh…oh…
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Post by mooseheadjack on May 4, 2009 11:06:53 GMT -5
*Fade in* as a limo pulls up at the Crazy Horse. Bryce Larson and Concrete TG immediately step out of the limo, and button their jackets. They take three steps towards the door, and then lean back towards the limo.
BL: Nayr! Get your midget ass out here! C'mon!
CTG: Citizen Blitz, to the boobies!
BL: You might want to drop the super team leader schtick while we're here.
CTG: What schtick is that, Citizen Larson?
BL: Right.
N: Okay, I think I'm ready to go.
The camera pans down to see that Nayr is wearing a nice shirt with a jacket, but wearing his lucha wrestling gear shorts.
BL: What the hell are you wearing?
N: I want to stay true to my roots, even in the Crazy Horse! Boobies!
Nayr heads to the front door, but Bryce stops him.
BL: Unh uh. Get back in the limo and put your regular pants on. And while you're at it, get Blitz out here.
N: Fine.
Nayr heads back into the limo as CTG talks to Bryce.
CTG: I think this might work. That is, if we can get Fraidy McScaredeycat out of the limo.
BL: Eh, he'll be fine.
CTG: I haven't been here in years, Bryce. Really, it's been a while.
BL: You've been here before?
CTG: I haven't been an unassuming super hero forever, 'Proof.
BL: Right.
Nayr and Blitz finally meet up with both men, near the door to the Crazy Horse. Bryce talks to the hostess.
BL: I have a room reserved, under Larson.
Hostess: I'm sorry, that reservation has already arrived.
BL: Already arrived? Who?! I didn't send anybody...
Hostess: Let me see here... [Looking into her log.] Here it is. [Reading to herself.] Oh, okay. I see how it worked. Your two girlfriends showed up and got the room.
BL: Farrah and Erlana? Really? I didn't even tell them--
H: No, Samantha and Alexis.
BL: What?!
H: Yeah, and they were all kicked out. Your women caused quite a ruckus!
BL: They're not my women--damnit, so can we still get in?
H: The reservation has been cut short due to some "destructive behavior." So it's not available for you anymore, I'm sorry.
BL: Those dirty fucking WHORES! DIRTY FUCKNG WHORES!
Bouncer: Sir, you're causing a scene. Please quiet down, or I'll need to remove you from the building.
H: They don't have a reservation, and the floor is full.
N: I thought we had a reservation.
CTG: Two words. Run DEA.
B: Now that makes sense--it's actually one word and three letters, but it makes sense.
Bouncer: I'm sorry, you four will need to leave.
BL: Goddamnit, this shit never ends, does it?
*Fade out.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on May 4, 2009 11:07:27 GMT -5
*The dejected Heroes are about to leave when Wally struts past, kisses the hostess, and heads inside.*
BL: Hey, why did he get in?
Hostess: He "is" Wally, that's why.
Bouncer: The man's a legend in the adult entertainment business.
Nayr: Would you believe we're friends of his?
Hostess: Not happening.
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Post by mooseheadjack on May 4, 2009 11:07:49 GMT -5
Firewoman returns, looking like she's been out all night. Which she of course has. The RunDEA Suites presented by Starwood Hotels and Aquafina are uncharacteristically deserted. Except for Lucky.
FW: Where the fuck is everyone?
L: You look like Hell.
FW: Thanks...that's an answer?
L: Big meeting at the Destroyitarium.
FW: Oh.....wait.....what?
L: Yeah, that was my reaction too. It's probably over by now though, it's been a while. They looked for you to go.
FW: I don't think my presence would have been welcome.
L: Yeah, cos Davin and Alexander are best friends with everyone there.
FW: True. Okay, I'm going to lay down, I'm exhausted. I may even sleep.
L: That's funny. Can you comment on your match this week first?
FW: Against the slacker and the hero-with-the-grabby-hands?
L: That's the one.
FW: I dunno. At least I'm not last on the card this week?
L: I think they want something more....you.
FW: But I'm not "me," Lucky. I'm all....
L: I know...but it's tomorrow, and there's fan meet and greets and --
FW: Fine. Crete. Matte.... You know how many times I--
The screen again goes to a white noise pattern. Out of the black and white dots, and again the Japanese lettering for "Honor." It holds for a moment, but this time, instead of fading back to Firewoman's promo, what appears to be red paint, or maybe blood, spatters over the screen, and merges with the red already there. With some nifty effects, the red morphs in to the word 'RETRIBUTION' which holds for a few moments before clicking back to the promo.
FW: -- which will totally sparkle with me.
We done?
L: Yeah...wait, no.....something interfered again.
Lucky plays it back, and Firewoman sees the graphic over what certainly was promo of the year stuff
FW: What the hell is that all about?
L: Dunno. This added stuff though.
FW: And it's only my promos?
L: Yep.
FW: Hm....Davin or Alex or DH notice?
L: Well, not yet.... but....
FW: Well, don't point it out to them. I'm going to go get some coffee.
L: Wait, I thought you were going to sleep?
FW: That's funny. I don't sleep.
Firewoman heads off towards Ric's Sandwich Shop probably, leaving Lucky to try to figure out what is going on.
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Post by mooseheadjack on May 4, 2009 11:08:09 GMT -5
(Fire is PURCHASING~! her coffee as the members of the Heroes' guild walk past the sandwich shop. CTG excuses himself and enters)
Flair: what'll it be, fatboy?
CTG: The use of your Public Address system, and a proper hero sandwich
Flair: Hero sandwich for a hero! WHOOO~!!!!
(Ric hands over the mic to the PA system and starts building Crete's sandwich)
CTG: (over the PA) This is just a general announcement.... Sidekicks are not permitted to order hero sandwiches
(Blitz and Nayr are heard protesting down the hall)
CTG: That is all
Flair: You used my system for THAT?? (snatches the mic away and "WHOOOOOOOO"s into it as loud as he can)
CTG: Is my sandwich ready?
Flair: here it is, son! Ham, baloney, lots of cheese, very little lettuce and a good dose of mustard!
CTG: thank you. And a Mountain Dew Throwback, please.
Flair: (reaches behind the counter and hands him two)
CTG: (pays for it and heads for Fire's table)
FW: Don't even think about it.
CTG: Citizen Fire, I assure you I am well out of reach per your tacit request.
FW: I don't even want you sitting at my table. Where the hell were you guys, anyway?
CTG: We had hoped to assemble at Crazyhorse for some recreational activity
FW: Isn't it a little dark in there for D&D?
CTG: Citizen Fire, despite your stereotypical depiction of me, I am still a human being
FW: .... Right. And I'm Wonder Woman
CTG: (taken aback) Untrue! Your hair is red, making you either Jean Grey or Poison Ivy.
FW: Geek. And I wouldn't even think to read your mind right now.
CTG: (leaps to his feet) a-HA! You DO read comic books! No normal being would know that
FW: Unless they saw the movies
CTG: Trivialities! You have TEH KNOWLEDGE! We are not so different after all!
FW: Now hold on a sec-
CTG: (Bounds out of the Sandwich shop) YES! YES~!! Firewoman has TEH KNOWLEDGE! She is one of us, I KNEW it!
FW: ..........................
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