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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:52:49 GMT -5
Skurge and SYB are CHUCKLING~! after seeing Tytan draw on Moose's head.
SYB: Watch this!
...
SYB: I just put a cock and balls on his head! How funny was that?
Skurge: Dude.
SYB: What?
Skurge: It would have been funny if you actually drew them.
SYB: Oh.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:53:26 GMT -5
*OOWF Charter Jet*
In the "First Class" section of the plane sits the members of Run DEA. Alexander is trying to get some rest, but that's proving to be impossible as OGM & DwtSW SJ and Selena Gomez continue hurling insults across the plane.
SG: At least I didn't spread my legs for the whole men's gymnastics team. WHORE!
OGM & DwtSW: No you just fuck all of the Jonas Brothers, WETBACK!
SG: My back isn't wet so there.
OGM & DwtSW SJ: You're so fucking stupid.
SG: AM NOT!
OGM & DwtSW SJ: ARE TOO!
SG: NOT!
OGM & DwtSW SJ: TOO!
Alexander: Will you two just shut the fuck up.
Poe: Watch it Boy.
Alexander: Watch your piece of jailbait, you sick fuck.
Poe: Strike two. Wanna go for the trifecta?
Meanwhile, Alexis has been trying to ignore all of the back and forth and is watching OOWF TV online when she comes to Poe's promo...
Alexis: You fucking liar. They're real and they're fantastic. You're still bitter you never got close to them.
Poe: Whatever you say Goddess.
Alexander: What is he talking about?
Alexis: It doesn't matter. Hey, look Blackdragon just got up to talk to Stank. You should go do what you have to.
Alexander: Fine, but if she jumps off the plane, its on you.
Alexis: She won't. I think. Maybe. Just go do it.
Alexander sighs and gets out of his seat and walks up the few rows to where Firewoman is grumbling that her headphones are no longer working as she stares out the window at the passing scenery.
Alexander: Is this seat taken?
Fire: It is. Now you can go back...
Alexander: Ya know what, shut the fuck up for a change.
Fire looks at Alexander with wide eyes.
Fire: Excuse me? Did you just...
Alexander: I did and for a change you're going to listen.
Fire: And why would I want to do that?
Alexander: Because if you don't, every dark little secret I know may just become public knowledge. And I KNOW you don't want certain people to know certain things.
Fire: You wouldn't.
Alexander: Normally, no I wouldn't. But if you continue to act like a spoiled fucking brat, maybe I should start treating you like one.
Fire: How dare you? You have no idea what facing him was like this week. I swore I wouldn't do it until I was ready, and with all the crap...
Alexander: Crap, I helped you lie about if you recall. I get it Fire. Hell, more than anyone I know what he does to the psyche, but you can't treat everyone around you like garbage because of it.
Fire: You do.
Alexander: That's bullshit and you know it. I treat ALMOST everyone like garbage. But there are those I keep close. My circle, if you will. And I thought you understood what that meant when we went to Philly.
Fire: I did. I mean I do. What do you want from me Alex? This isn't me. I don't rely on people and people shouldn't rely on me. It's easier and better.
Alexander: It may be easier, but when have you ever taken the fucking easy way? And I don't want a god damn thing from you except for you to be Firewoman. No more, no less.
Fire: And what have I been in your esteemed opinion, oh all-knowing Alex?
Alexander: Cut the sarcasm Lisa. I'm in no mood for it today. While I didn't agree with Dr. Moron and therapy for you, even you have to see how stupid your vendetta was with Tytan.
Fire: As stupid and illogical as your vendetta with Poe?
Alexander: Two completely different cases and you know it. First-hand in fact. Tytan is a brain-dead walking moron and you made it personal with him. You can say it's always persona, and you may be right, but that doesn't mean you let it change you.
Fire: I didn't change.
Alexander: BULLSHIT Fire. You thought you'd handle it all by yourself and everything would take of itself. Well you were fucking wrong. Phantos truck BLEW UP. Lexie and I almost died in a car accident.
Fire: I didn't think...
Alexander: No, you didn't think. Because if you had, maybe you would realize that doing everything yourself is fucking stupid. People can say I surround myself within a group because it deflects away from me sometimes and they're right, but the fact is it's fucking smart. It's the same reason Davin is here with us. Same reason why DH jumped over. Strength in numbers Fire. You know that as much as anyone. You can keep calling yourself a loner, but the fact is that all being alone will accomplish is that no one shows up when you need help.
Fire: And who says I wanted help?
Alexander: Want. Need. I don't fucking care. We made a vow in Philly, you want to break that now...just give me the fucking word and you can do the rest of this yourself. If not, you remember what I told you.
Fire: I get it. Can I try to go back to sleep now?
Alexander: I suppose. But seriously Fire, remember what I told you.
Fire: Sure.
Alexander: And maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea for you to apologize to Shawn. I mean, even considering how you fucking treat her, she rally looks up to you and she's going to need all the help you can give her to take that Disney bitch down.
Fire: Are you telling me I have to apologize?
Alexander: Not quite telling. Just merely suggesting it and informing you that I'd be appreciative of such a gesture on your part.
Fire: Oh really? Would such appreciation be shown in a gift-giving way?
Alexander: Let's see how sincere you are and I'll think about it. Have a good flight partner.
Alexander gets up and walks back to his seat in between his sister and OGM & DwtSW SJ.
Alexis: Did you?
Alexander: I did.
Alexis: Is she?
Alexander: I'm not a mind read sister darling.
OGM & DwtSW SJ: Oh my god...TAKE A FUCKING SHOWER YOU DIRTY SPIC.
Alexander sighs as he puts a pillow over his face to try and drown out the back and forth of Shawn and Selena.
*Fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:53:47 GMT -5
SG: Nimrod! I'm only half Mexican. I'm also half...whatever my mom is! You're all whore betch!
Poe holds up a candy bar.
SG: Ooh, chocolate.
Selena slides down back in her seat as she unwraps the candy bar with a huge smile on her face and a giggle.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:54:11 GMT -5
<The plane is finally on the ground and the OOWF members are off the plan waiting for their luggage. Moose sees Tytan standing alone and snarls a little after what happened on the plane. He walks up to Tytan and Tytan immediately gets in a fighting position> MHJ: Whoah big man, I am not here to fight. I just wanted to tell you that was a helluva prank you pulled on the plane. You really got me! Tytan:<eyeing him suspiciously> I assumed you would be more pissed about it, you’re ALWAYS pissed about something MHJ: <slapping Tytan on the shoulder> Nah, I am all for a good prank. I did want to talk to you about something serious though <Moose grabs Tytan by the arm and pulls him aside away from the crowd> MHJ: Ok, you have a match with Poe at the pay per view, right? Tyt: Yes, I am going to CRUSH him, and the little girl, I am sure that will make YOU quite sad, but I am going to hang them both and….. MHJ: Yeah, yeah, ultraviolence and all, I get it. Look, there is something I need you to do. And if you do, I will make it worth your while Tyt: <again, eyeing Moose suspiciously> What? MHJ: You need to bomb the match. Tyt: WHAT? MHJ: Yeah, just totally tank it, go out there and be total shit. You have to bomb it <Tytan just stares at Moose in disbelief> Tyt: You are insane! This is my big shot! I get to cripple Poe! MHJ: You can’t. You have to bomb Tyt: WHY? MHJ: You’ll find out, but not now, just trust me when I tell you, you have to bomb Tyt: I HAVE TO BOMB? MHJ:<loudly> OH MY GOD! HE HAS A BOMB!!!!! <just then the Nunavut Airport Security Force comes from all directions at once and tackles Tytan to the floor. Tytan tries to struggle, but there are too many of them. Finally then get him under control and handcuff him and stand him up to lead him to the back. The whole time Tytan is screaming that he has no bomb, and letting everyone know what he will do to them the second the cuffs are off. Tytan struggles enough that one of the security guys tazes him. Tytan howls in pain, then finally relaxes enough that they can control him. Just before they lead him to the back, Moose steps in close> MHJ: You should NOT have fucked with me <Tytan explodes with rage again, and gets tazed a second time, then gets led off by the security force to a back room. Moose turns his attention to the baggage carousel where the OOWF luggage is just starting to load. Moose heads over that way and quickly spies his bag and takes it off the conveyor, then spots SYB’s stupid New York Mets bag and picks it off the belt and hides it. One by one the OOWF wrestlers get their gear and head to the exit to go to the arena. Soon SYB and Skurge are the only ones left. SYB is not happy that HIS bag appears to be the only one missing. Skurge waits with him for a bit> SYB: SO HELP ME IF THEY LOST MY BAG I WILL OWN THIS AIRPORT! Skurge: Why would you want this? SYB: It’s the POINT! That was a VERY expensive bag! Skurge: Really? Didn’t you get that at a Salvation Army? And when you got it, it smelled like dead fish and Brut? SYB: Yeah, it belonged to Keith Hernandez Skurge: Wasn’t it also like, a dollar? SYB: WHAT IS YOUR POINT? Skurge: Nothin, look I am going to go see if I can find The Amnesiac…. SYB: Who? Skurge: Cute. He was going to go rent us a car, or a snowmobile or a dogsled, or whatever the hell they use to get around up here. Meet us over there when you get your bag SYB: I BETTER GET IT TOO! STUPID CANADIANS LET ME TELL YOU……… <Skurge walks away leaving SYB to rail against the Nunavut Airport. After he gets a good distance away, Moose unzips his suitcase and takes out a barbed wire baseball bat (lets not ask how that got through security, ok?) He walks up behind SYB who is still ranting at the airport and taps him on the shoulder> SYB: DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I KNOW IMPORTANT PEOPLE! AND AS SOON AS THEY SELL WAYNE GRETZKY’S HOUSE THEY ARE GONNA COME UP HERE AND KICK YOU’RE A………what? <SYB spins around and Moose BLASTS him with the barbed wire bat, sending him onto the conveyor belt. SYB is dazed and rides the thing in a circle. While he is making the trip, Moose takes a few practice swings, when SYB makes it back to where he started, Moose SLAMS him upside the head with the bat again. This happens three or four more times until SYB is barely conscious. The last time Moose grabs him and pulls him off the conveyor and growls at him> MHJ: This is what happens to guys who think they are funny <Moose DRILLS SYB with a heart punch sending him back onto the conveyor. Moose then grabs his bag and throws it at him, bouncing it off his head. SYB looks at the bag for a second> SYB: Hey…….my bag! <Then collapses into unconsciousness, a bloody mess riding the baggage carousel. Moose chuckles to himself, turns and walks away> |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:54:58 GMT -5
After landing, gathering the bags, watching Tytan get tazed, and checking in, Poe has made his way to a random pier looking out on the Arctic Ocean. Here he sits in a lotus position meditating and breathing in the Artic air. Selena runs down the pier to where he is.
SG: It’s May, why is it so cold here?
Poe: It is the Arctic goddess. Their summer is only three weeks in July.
SG: Well July needs to hurry up!
Selena rubs her arms trying to stay warm. Something then catches her attention.
SG: Oh! Lookie!
Selena runs to whatever she saw, leaving Poe to meditate. He breathes deep and then exhales slowly, his breath forming a cloud in front of him.
SG: Master!
Poe shakes his head with a grin and gets up to turn around. He sees Selena holding a squirming baby seal that has gotten her soaking wet.
SG: Lookie what I found! Can I keep her?
Poe: I’m sure she has a mother somewhere that is looking for her.
SG: Do you SEE a mama seal around here anywhere?
Poe looks around and sees no sign of an adult seal anywhere. He rubs his shaved head and looks at Selena who’s giggling as the baby seal licks her face.
Poe: Very well. What will you call her?
SG: Um…how ‘bout Sealena? Get it? My name with an A to make it Seal?
Poe: Yes, I get it goddess. Very clever.
SG: Thank you.
Selena holds the baby seal in front of her and begins baby-talking.
SG: Who’s a cute widdle baby seal? You are! Yes you are!
Poe: Um…Selena?
Selena places the baby seal over her shoulder and looks to Poe.
Poe: She’s a he.
Selena looks confused, but then holds the baby seal in front of her.
SG: You sure? Oh…OH, yes it is a boy.
Poe: So your name doesn’t work.
SG: Well, poo. Oh, I know, I’ll name him Humphrey!
Poe arches his eyebrows.
Poe: Humphrey?
SG: C’mon Humphrey, let’s go see your new home!
Selena rushes towards the waiting limo. Poe shakes his head with a smile and pulls out his cell phone, hits a button, and places it next to his ear.
Poe: Flower, I need you to do something.
…yes, I’ll give you an interview…
…you want the interview or not?
I need a small pool in my locker room…
…sure, a kiddie pool will do…
…no I don’t know if they have Wal-Marts up here, that’s for you to find out…
…just do it Flower…
…oh, I’ll need some tuna as well. Lots of tuna.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:55:39 GMT -5
(Tytan gets brought to a back room by airport security, where he is made to sit down next to Ecosystem.) Tytan: Wait...why are YOU here? Eco: Fucking ASSHOLE PROFILERS, that's why I'm here! You crackers probably just don't want Asians flying, huh? Hell, we will kick your economy's ass if we have you use RICKSHAWS AND BOATS! Tytan: That's rough. Eco: Also, I may have knocked the co-pilot the fuck out, carried an illegal flamethrower and accidentally killed the pilot. And you? Tytan: Moosehead Jack...pranked me just because I drew on his face while he was out. Interrogtor #1: All right guys, listen, let's get through this as quickly as we can. (Turns to Eco.) I hear you were going on about having a bomb? Tytan: Actually, that was me. It was a set-up, though. Interrogator #2: You? That's silly, you're a white guy. Get out of here. Eco: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. Tytan: Sorry dude. (Tytan leaves.) Interrogator: So you're Mr. Koizumi. We do understand about the pilot, as it seems you were merely trying to save him, so no charges will be pressed. Did you, in fact, knock the co-pilot of the plane out? Eco: I did. He was being belligerent and drunk, and we had an altercation in which I did knock him out. Interrogator #2: (mumbling to Interrogator #1) Attempting to fly while drunk--we'll never win that case. All this guy's peers will back him up too. Interrogator #1: Fine. This still begs the question as to WHY you had a flamethrower on the plane. Eco: What, aren't people allowed a little protection during a flight? Interrogator #1: Your flamethrower was seized and traced back to a warehouse with ties to Yakuza. Japanese mafia.  Interrogator #2: We haven't gotten a tracer on the snakes yet, but we think that may in fact be their origin. Do you have ties to Yakuza, and do you know why they may have been targeting this flight? (Ecosystem's eyes get big.) Interrogator #1: Mr. Koizumi? Eco: (mumbling) Shit, shit, shit... Interrogator #2: Mr. Koizumi, we need an answer. Eco: There's...um....there's something I haven't told you guys. Interrogator #1: Yes? Eco: It....IT WAS ALL THE ARAB GUY SITTING IN THE BACK!! HE BROUGHT THE SNAKES AND THE FLAMETHROWER AND KNOCKED OUT THE CO-PILOT AND CAUSED THE ECONOMIC CRISIS~!!! Interrogator #2: I KNEW IT! Interrogator #1: Chip, that doesn't make any sense-- Interrogator #2: SHUT UP, John! I outrank you! (Shakes Eco's hand) Thank you very much for your help. You are free to go. Eco: Thank you, and thank you for the fine work you do. You are a credit to your people. (Eco leaves.) Interrogator #1: Chip, I don't even think there WAS an Arab guy on that flight-- Interrogator #2: Well, then that narrows it down, doesn't it? We're looking for an INVISIBLE Arab! Go check the database! Interrogator #1: (sigh) Yes sir... |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:56:11 GMT -5
AA and JA are seen in an undisclosed area of brush and shrubs. It's dark, except for the light from the OOWF-TV camera.
AA: I really hate it when we go to Canada. When does the statute of limitations run out for killing an Indian Medicine Man?
JA: I don't think they ever do.
AA: Damn!
JA: Well, shall we make a break for it?
AA: Might as well.
AA and JA stand up and start sprinting. They run past a sign that says "Welcome to Canada."
AA: I hate Canada.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:56:46 GMT -5
(Tytan is leaving the interigation room when he decides to turn around and help Eco. Just then he sees Eco leaving the Room.)
Tytan: They let you go?!?!
Eco: I just told them what they wanted to here. I blamed it on an Arab.
Tytan: There wasn't one on the plane?!?
Eco: Shh....you aren't as dumb as some people claim you to be. So why were you coming back?
Tytan: I....was coming to help you out.....you helped me once....I was going to return the favor...
Eco: Well then it seems it will have to be another time then.
(Just then you hear the sounds of Moose pounding on SYB.)
Eco: Well look at that.
(Tytan turns and watches.)
Tytan: (Turning back) That was...(sees Eco is gone.) where the hell did he go.
(Tytan walks off.)
(Tytan goes finds his bag and once he leaves the airport pulls his chain out of his bag and drapes it back over his shoulders.)
Tytan: Now we can get back to business.
(FADE)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:57:25 GMT -5
(The two interrogators are poring through the flight list.) I1: Chip, I think I may have found an Arab guy on the flight. Not an invisible one either. I2: Do you have a name for me? I1: Just goes by Poe, and I can't pull up further records right now. Apparently, he's the champion of the federation that flew into here. It seems improbable that he'd be behind it. I2: Or maybe he's a really really good sleeper agent! I1: Chip... I2: Where's he from? Pakistan? Afghanistan? Iraq? I1: He's from Egypt. I2: Egypt? That's Africa, that's not Arab-ville. I1: Well, the Middle East, or "Arab-ville" as you insist on calling it because no one has reported you to the EEOC yet, is a geographic area that is not purely continent-based, so Egypt is both part of Africa and the Middle East. The country even belongs to the Arab League. I2: Well, what are you waiting for? HUNT HIS ASS DOWN. I1: ... I2: ...so that we can interrogate him and properly discharge our duties. I1: He's almost certainly already left the airport. I2: ARGH! We have no choice. Send the ROBOT SEAL OF DOOM then.  I1: Sir, that's only for emergency situations! I2: I don't care! This is an emergency! There is a possible terrorist, or at least a brown person on the loose! SEND THE SEAL! (Interrogator #1 presses a button. Somewhere in the Arctic, a fake iceberg opens and a robot seal shoots out, landing on the ice ashore.) Robot Seal: <Command=SEARCH> COMMENCE. (Slow fade) |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:57:47 GMT -5
Selena is about to get into the limo with Humphrey. Poe is still on the phone with Flower.
SG: Look! Another one!
Poe looks to where Selena is pointing and sees another baby seal. Selena rushes over to Poe, hands him Humphrey, who licks his face too (tuna breath), and rushes to the secopnd seal. She tries to pick it up and jumps away.
SG: Ow! It shocked me!
Poe finds that strange and hands Humphrey back to Selena. Poe bends down in front of the baby seal and sees that it has very robotic movement. He gets close to it and hears a slight metallic buzz.
Poe: It's a robot.
SG: The cute little baby seal is a robot? What the Hel?
Poe looks at Selena strangely, as she rarely swears.
SG: I said Hel, the goddess, not H - E - double hockey sticks.
A random Canadian runs up to them.
RC: Hockey?! Where?! I love hockey eh!
The random Canadian pops open a can of Molson and drinks it. Poe and Selena ignore him until he disappears. Poe looks at the baby seal again as it stares at him. Poe can hear the zooming in the camera lenses in its eyes.
Poe: Yes, most definately a robot.
Back at the underground government facility, the agents watch on two montors.
A1: He's onto us, eh?
A2: Shoot, it's aboot time to end it eh?
Agent 2 hits a red button.
Back on the pier the robot baby seal begins to shake.
Poe: Stand back!
Poe grabs Selena and they rush to the limo. The robot baby seal explodes. Poe and Selena watch the fire as Humphrey continues to squirm in Selena's arms.
SG: Canada needs to get better at this spy thing.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:58:19 GMT -5
<Moose is in the Nunavut Arena walking down the hall. As he gets to GM the Rick's door, GM the Rick comes flying out, spots Moose and points at him> GMtR: YOU! In HERE! NOW! <Moose shrugs and walks into the office and plops down on one of the chairs> GMtR: No, please, make yourself at home. What the FUCK is this? <GMtR tosses a sheet of paper at Moose> MHJ: It appears to be paper GMtR: Ha Ha smartass. That is a memo from the Canadian Unified National Travel Security Counsel. They were not happy about your airport stunt. MHJ: Canada has a security counsel? GMtR: Well they must, they sent a letter didn't they? <Moose scans the letter, reading it quickly> MHJ: Did you even read this? GMtR: I saw two things on that paper, "airport" and "Moosehead Jack" and I knew something was up MHJ: This isn't legit GMtR: WHAT? MHJ: Look at it, CUNTS Counsel? And all the words are spelled like they talk....."we wanted to talk to you aboot the recent issues at the airpoort.............we are sooorry to inform you that this will not be tolerated.......according to our shedule of the events......" look, Canadians may talk like that, but they don't WRITE like that GMtR: Who the hell would do this? MHJ: Do I look like Sherlock fucking Holmes? GMtR: No, but you DID set Tytan up for a bomb threat, and for all I know, SYB may still be riding the baggage carousel, bloody and unconscious, so I am starting with YOU for answers smart guy MHJ: Look, SYB is fine, I saw him this morning skulking along the hallways looking pissed off as usual. You seem to have two choices as to who could have done this. How many Canadian are in the OOWF? GMtR: Well.......there's two I believe, LD and Skurge MHJ: And LD didn't write this. GMtR: So, Skurge? That doesn't seem like him MHJ: Not Skurge. Someone who associates with Skurge and likes to think he is Canadian GMtR: You are saying SYB wrote this? MHJ: You look surprised GMtR: I didn't know he could write. Regardless, NO MORE BULLSHIT AT THE AIRPORTS! MHJ: Fine. But you have a bigger problem on your hands anyway GMtR: Bigger than a potential international incident at a Canadian Airport? MHJ: Yes. Where are your tag team champions? GMtR: Johnny and AA aren't at the arena yet? MHJ: Johnny and AA weren't even on the plane GMtR: WHAT? MHJ: Christ Rick, don't you write this stuff down? They were on trial in Canada for killing that Medicine Man. they are banned from Canada GMtR: Oh for the love of.......how the FUCK do you get banned from an ENTIRE country? MHJ: Especially Canada <As if by magic the cameras cut to Johnny and AA walking along a road, presumably in Canada. A car passes and they duck for cover on the side of the road> AA: This is BULLSHIT! JA: Yeah this sucks, this has to be against our contract. Hey! There's a sign! Are we in Iqaluit? AA: No.....that says Saguenay JA: Wait, Saguenay? wasn't that like 130 miles away when we crossed the border back at Quebec? AA: Something like that JA: Sweet! Then Iqualuit can't be that far away! AA: Let me check the map <AA checks the map, then looks up at Johnny with a look of horror on his face> JA: What? AA: It's still almost 900 miles to the nearest place that we can catch a boat to Iqualuit. JA: WHAT? NINE HUNDRED FUCKING MILES? HOW BIG IS THIS STUPID COUNTRY! AA: It gets worse JA: Fucking great, how does it get worse? AA: The road ends here in Saguenay. JA: WHAT? So how the fuck are we supposed to get the rest of the way? Flap our wings and fly? How the hell are we going to make the show? And you KNOW Rick will take these titles from us if we miss the show <AA looks around in desperation and notices a small airfield in the distance> AA: I have an idea! Follow me <to be continued?> |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:58:57 GMT -5
*FADE IN TO THE PALATIAL IHOP LOCKER ROOM* Skurge: Hoome Sweet Hoome, eh? It’s aboot time I finally got some decent beer. SYB: Where’s Fezzik? DM: He couldn’t make the trip. His travel visa didn’t come through, plus the airline classified him as cargo. SYB: So it’s just the three of us? The Amn: I’m here too. Skurge: Oh yeah. Did your little gay buddy come along too? The Amn: Yeah, there’s Solly right over there. SYB: HEY! Skurge: I meant your other one. The Amn: No. Monkh isn’t fond of airplanes and the last time we flew I had to drug him like the A-Team did with BA. SYB: So it’s the four of us? DM: Not quite. <Jeffrey From Las Vegas barges in with a handful of snow (I know it’s almost June, shut up)> JFLV: Check it out guys – free snow cones! Skurge: There are no free snow cones up here, eh? JFLV: Yeah well, I just found some. They look like they’re lemon-flavored. Hey, look at this one! It has chocolate in the middle! SYB: How the FUCK did he pass through customs? Skurge: Well the security was busy with Tyson’s bomb scare and whatnot. Plus they were all standing aroond laughing at you on the carousel. SYB: And I thought Jeffrey was the one with baggage around here. Skurge: Dude. SYB: Yes? Skurge: Don’t bring your horrible sense of humour into my fine country, aight? SYB: Hey, I thought CUNTS was a good idea. Anything to piss off Moose, that’s my motto. Skurge: He seemed to be extra Moose-ish on the trip. SYB: Maybe he ate some bad Mexican… Skurge: PUSSY! The Amn: Are you saying he ate some bad Mexican pussy? Skurge: Of course not. DM: I'd love to go over our matches at Mayhem but I just received a text that Skurge has a special delivery waiting for him up front. Skurge: Sweet. I’m really jonesing for a special delivery. <Beat> Skurge: Nothing? No love for SD Jones? SYB: NAMEDROP~! The Amn: Eh, it’s better than taking Shane with your first pick. DM: Can we just check out your package already? SYB: That’s what she said. DM: LET’S GO! <The cameras follow IHOP to the parking lot of Nunavut Arena> Skurge: Fuck this noise, there’s no one here. <IHOP jumps as the roar and squeal of a diesel truck fills the air. The truck stops right in front of Skurge and a formidable man gets out of the truck>  Man: Hello son. Skurge: Ah fuck. *FADE* |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:59:40 GMT -5
(After the exploding seal andall the activities. Poe, Selena and the seal. All get into the limo. Selena quickly notices a small gift laying on the seat addressed to Selena.)
SG: Yeah! A gift for me!
(She puts down the seal.)
Poe: Godess, no we don't know--
(He then realized he is to late as she already opened the gift.)
SG: Oh cute! Black cat ears and a tail.
(She quickly puts them on.)
SG: Look master, I am a black cat now. Meow!
Poe: Does it say who it is from?
(She starts looking)
SG: No, but I like this stuff and it was for me.
Poe: (you can tell the gears are turning.) I have a feeling I know already.
(FADE)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 14:00:09 GMT -5
*The Rick is in his office when he hear's a knock at the door. He flinches, but the door doesn't burst open. He looks surprised. The knocking resumes.*
TR: Come in.
*Outback Jack strolls in, carrying a large plate of fried food*
OBJ: Care for a bite, mate. I've been eating with the flies.
TR: Flies?
OBJ: I mean, I've been eating alone, and there's more than enough to go around.
TR: Let me guess, it's whale blubber or something gross like that.
OBJ: Whale blubber's tasty but a bit high in the cholesterol. This here's nice lean meat, tastes like chicken. Gator and I already had the poisonous ones on the plane in a nice little snake tartar, cause you have to have a tolerance for those beauties, but this here's some nice boa constrictor that I fried up at the hotel. Not a drop of poison in them.
TR: I was a little confused before. A OOWF wrestler knocked on my door and entired politely and offered me food. Now I realize he's offering me fried snake, so I guess I'm not dreaming.
OBJ: Anyways, Wally asked me to let you know he's getting some extra medical help for Gator. He wanted you to authorize some paperwork or something.
TR: If I do will you leave my office and take that stuff with you?
OBJ: Right.
TR: FIne, let me see here *rummaging through a file* doctor, physical therapist, chiropractor, acupuncturist, psychologist, social worker - OK, looks like I've got it covered - what type of medical help was Wally arranging?
OBJ: Medicine Man.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 14:00:45 GMT -5
Firewoman walks into the training ring, where Shawn Johnson is waiting, looking somewhat pouty. Firewoman sighs, suppresses her annoyance at this, and climbs up and under the ropes.
FW: Okay, we've only got a few days to refine some stuff so....what?
OGM SJ: Nothing.
FW: Fine. (sighing again) Look, I'm sorry I yelled at you.
OGM SJ: It's okay.
FW: Yes, yes it is. You have to know that if you seriously want to hang around this business that tempers run high. Mine might run higher than most, but people in general are going to lash out when they're mad. You need to toughen up emotionally, not just physically.
OGM SJ: Okay. So ... you still want to train me?
FW: Of course! Look at how many times everyone in RunDEA gets mad at each other. We're still all together, right?
OGM SJ: (brightening some) Yeah. Okay, yeah, I'm ready to beat that little spic's ass.
FW: One of these days we're going to have a little chat about your racism. For now, you need to work on that DDT.
The training and sparring continues for a few hours, but it's compressed through the magic of television and montage sciences. Finally, Shawn is exhausted, although Fire appears ready to go five more rounds.
FW: Okay, hit the showers. I think I'm going to go for a run.
OGM SJ: Cool!
As she leaves, she passes by Davin Moreland.
DM: Would Olympic Gold Medalist Shawn Johnson kindly tell Ironman Heavy Metal DDT Champion Firewoman that he needs the ring?
OGM SJ: Uh, Fire, Davin says...
IWHMDDTCFW: IronWOMAN Heavy Metal DDT Champion Firewoman heard the Championshipless Davin Moreland, and wishes he would kindly get over himself.
C-lessDM: Olympic Gold Medalist Shawn Johnson, would you let IronPERSON Heavy Metal DDT Champion Firewoman know that I have several more championships than she does, unless we count random acts of arson, and that I bow to her expertise and dominance in that arena....
OGM SJ: I don't think I can remember all that.
IWHMDDTCFW: It's fine, Shawn. Beat it.
OGM Shawn Johnson bounces out of the room, in a much better mood than when she entered.
IWHMDDTCFW: Alright, Davin. You got something to say, just say it. You were glaring at me the whole plane ride.
C-lessDM: Temporarily Championship-less Davin Moreland has nothing to say to Firewoman. Davin Moreland gave Firewoman a chance, and she blew it.
IWHMDDTCFW: How's that?
C-lessDM: Let's drop the third person.
IWHMDDTCFW: Thank the gods.
C-lessDM: I told you. You needed to get with the program of Dr. Freedman, and do what you were told. You failed.
IWHMDDTCFW: No, no I didn't.
C-lessDM: You didn't participate in your therapy sessions and you didn't take--
IWHMDDTCFW: I'm well aware of what I didn't do. And yes, it would be a 'failure' if I tried. But I didn't. So it was a conscious decision, not a failure.
C-lessDM: And thus you lied to your partners. Again.
IWHMDDTCFW: No, I told Alexander. I assume he told Alexis.
C-lessDM: But not me?
IWHMDDTCFW: And get in that lovely headlock of yours again? Please.
C-lessDM: So, you don't tell half of your partners what's going on.
IWHMDDTCFW: Well, I tried to call Phantos and Lucios, but they aren't around, so....
C-lessDM: So you just lied to me then.
IWHMDDTCFW: (counting on her fingers) Let's see.....yes, yes. That's about it.
C-lessDM: Well, that's just great. I thought we were family.
IWHMDDTCFW: You don't want to be in my family, Davin. I just burned down my dad's house, and I haven't spoken to him for twenty years or so. What do you think that means for family I do talk to?
C-lessDM: It doesn't matter. I am done with you, and your lying. All our business will be conducted through Alexis from now on.
IWHMDDTCFW: Really? *batistalaughs* That's amusing. I mean really.
C-lessDM: What?
IWHMDDTCFW: You giving me a lecture about lying to partners. It's priceless, really.
Ted Dibiase, Jr. comes in, and gives Firewoman a bill for royalties.
C-lessDM: Are you still on that?
IWHMDDTCFW: Don't you mean all your interactions with me will come through Alexis and Samantha?
C-lessDM: (getting angry) Leave Samantha out of this.
IWHMDDTCFW: Hmmm...awfully protective of her, aren't you?
C-lessDM: I'm getting tired of this. I was hoping to work out in peace, but--
IWHMDDTCFW: No, I think you'll stay here and listen. You know, I've enjoyed having you as ... well, kind of my mentor since coming to OOWF, and thought we had a good relationship. But then you put me in an impossible situation, and expect me to hold to your ridiculous standards as long as it suits you, all the while telling me what to do, how to handle my personal life, which is, essentially, none of your business.
C-lessDM: As the one forking out the money in fines and damages, not to mention the extra liability insurance--
IWHMDDTCFW: Put a sock in it, Davin. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to. Plain and simple. And you have no moral high ground to stand on, when it comes to 'honesty.' Maybe someone should do something about that.
C-lessDM: Still singing that same song? Well, maybe someone should, and stop making idle threats.
IWHMDDTCFW: (appears to make a decision) Maybe someone will.
Ironwoman Heavy Metal DDT Champion Firewoman storms out, and Championshipless Davin Moreland turns to annihilating the heavy bag that is hanging there.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 14:01:23 GMT -5
*Olympic Gold Medalist, Dancing with the Stars Champion and America's Sweetheart Shawn Johnson is WALKING~! through the Hallway of Random Encounters when she randomly comes across Disney's Own and Wizards of Waverly Place star Selena Gomez. This won't end well.*
OGMSJ: Get over here Spic so I can send your sorry wetback ass back over the border!
SG: The Canadian Border? You really are as dumb as you look, midget.
*The two launch at each other and start an old-school catfight complete with hairpulling. Suddenly, it's not the usual suspects you might expect; but instead Davin Moreland and Moosehead Jack doing the pull apart spot; with Davin pulling Shawn and Moose pulling Selena. They're both kicking as if they're still trying to get at each other as Moose and Davin easily pull them away and they look at each other and nod*
DM: Yeah?
MHJ: Yeah.
DM: Ok then. Ladies? If you're gonna do this, you're gonna do this right.
MHJ: You're going to cut a promo on each other.
SG: A...promo?
OGMSJ: Yes beaner, a PROMO, you know, what these guys do 90% of the time? Gawd how dumb are you?
SG: Not dumb enough to fuck *giggle* Alexander Darling. Who would touch that with a 10-foot pole?
*Shawn looks indignant and goes to fight again, but Davin and Moose just start cracking up laughing despite themselves. Finally Moose recovers*
MHJ: Yes, a promo. You're gonna say something to her, and she's going to say something back, preferably in relation to some sort of fight.
OGMSJ: Like...I'm gonna kick you in your dirty, greasy spic cunt?
DM: Probably not that harsh. I mean, this is supposed to be a family show.
SG: Family show! I can do a family show!
OGMSJ: Yeah, like Barney? How does it feel rotting the brains of an entire generation of children?
SG: I dunno. How does it feel to be known as "that other gymnast" on the USA Team after Nastia Liukin?
OGMSJ: Oh....It's ON now, bitch!
DM: Good! Like That. Now...it's on like...what?
OGMSJ: Huh?
DM: Well, it has to be "on like..." something. Like "On like Donkey Kong". Preferably something that kinda rhymes. Get it? You gotta seal it with a simile.
SG: She doesn't get it. She's just a stupid midget.
MHJ: Fine Mouse. Then you do it. Go 'head Mouse...tell her what it's on like...
SG: It's on like...It's on...like
MHJ: Go on Mouse, preferably in a rhyme...
SG: It's on like...MICHELLE KWAN!
MHJ: Oh...Mouse....
SG: I'll do a triple-axel lutz on your zamboni'd ice! And I'll...
MHJ: Just...just stop Mouse...
DM: No, no Selena, it's on like Red Dawn...or Charles BronSON...Hell, I'd even have accepted The Movie Tron...but Michelle Kwan? Please...
SG: SHE MADE SACRIFICES TO GET WHERE SHE IS!
MHJ: Ugh...Mouse...
OGMSJ: HAHAHA Stupid spic.
SG: You do it then!
DM: Go on Shawn...is it off or is it on?
OGMSJ: Oh...It's on...It's on like...
DM: Go on Shawn...
OGMSJ: It's on like...
DM: C'mon Shawn...Rhymin' Simile? You got it? You can do this...
OGMSJ: It is ON like SIMON LEBON!
DM: Aw hell...fuck this. Curt?
*Curt 'The Golden God' Schilling appears out of nowhere. Moosehead Jack swoons*
C'TGG'S: Yeah Davin?
DM: You got it?
C'TGG'S: Yeah. Here ya go.
*He hands a cup of coffee to Davin and one to Moose before leaving*
DM: *hands his cup to Shawn* You know what to do.
OGMSJ: You mean...
DM: Do it, Shawn.
*She throws her scalding hot cup of gimmick coffee on Selena*
SG: You BITCH! I'll Kill You!
OGMSJ: Psh, how can you even tell you have anything on you?
SG: *rips the cup from Moose's hands and dumps it on Shawn* Ha! Too much time in the tanning booth your leather-faced skank!
*The two try to go at each other again but Moose and Davin hold them apart*
MHJ: Save it for the ring, ladies.
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 14:01:52 GMT -5
(CTG is STARING~! into the vast canadian wastelad from the hotel room he has retrofitted for Guild HQ. Bryce and Nayr walk in with a couple of plastic bags full of munchies)
Nayr: GAME ON!
Larson: They only had regular Mountain Dew, I hope that's ok.
CTG: ... That's fine.
Nayr: So who's running what? I only had room in my bag for a Exalted sourcebook.... or we can bust out the laptops for a round of City of Heroes
Larson: (rolling eyes)
CTG: (turns to them) Will Evans be joining us?
Larson: Crete, just drop it.... it's a respect thing.
CTG: Respect also his motives, Citizen Bulletproof.... Lionheart has aspirations that could become an issue against our fair faction.
Larson: Last I checked, we need allies.
Nayr: We could convert him
CTG: Citizen Paladin, did we not learn from Alexander Darling's example?
Nayr: .....
Larson: I'll pass tonight, I got some DVDs in my bag...
Nayr: WARCRAFT!
CTG: (shakes head and reaches for his bags to get his laptop out)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 14:02:18 GMT -5
Alex Darling walks into the RUN DEA suites and sees his partner laid out on the floor. He hurries to check on him.
'Davin! what the fuck?'
Davin stirs and mumbles 'Didn't ... see... ... anything'
Darling stands and steps in a pretty fresh pile of horse manure.
'Motherfuckers'
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 14:02:42 GMT -5
Firewoman has finally found a local dive in which to see of there's any worthy 'local flavor' to sample. She pulls up a stool at the bar, and orders whiskey. After some back and forth conversation, and the discovery that there is no Irish Whiskey, she just gets the local beer. She takes a sip, and grimaces as if it's the worst tasting thing she's ever had. She starts to light a cigarette, and realizes she can't find her lighter. Suddenly one appears, already lit, in front of her.
FW: Thanks.
Voice: You're welcome.
Firewoman turns around and sees Moosehead Jack standing there, smoking his cigar. He blows smoke in her face.
FW: What the hell?
MHJ: What, I can't light your cigarette for you?
FW: Moose, go away. No one will talk to me while you're here.
MHJ: Sorry, don't mean to interfere with you getting your freak on.
He sits down next to her, as if he didn't get that she wanted him to leave.
MHJ: You know, not everyone can appreciate your match last week against Poe, especially given the history.
FW: What history?
MHJ: Oh yeah....right...what history. Have you forgotten about your match against Amnesiac?
FW: Who are you, my father?
Moose becomes almost instantly angry at this.
MHJ: I don't know, am I on fire?
FW: (smiling in a smirky heel way) The night is young. And for the record, no, I have not forgotten about it. Maybe you should ask him, he's been strangely silent.
MHJ: Maybe I will.
Before this can go any further, another voice comes from where the unoccupied barstool is on the other side of Firewoman.
Voice: Is this seat taken?
Firewoman turns towards the voice.
FW: Well, that all depends on......Hey, what are you doing here?
Y2J: I was in the neighborhood.
FW: Of Nunavut? Dude...NO ONE is in the neighborhood of Iqualuit, Nunavut.
Y2J: Right. So......
FW: .....
Y2J: .....
FW: So, I'm heading back to the hotel. See ya Moose.
MHJ: Yeah, bye.
Firewoman leaves, after paying for her drink.
MHJ: So much for the big romantic reunion.
Y2J: Yeah, that's usually as close as it gets. See you later. Oh, and thanks for the plane ticket. I'm kind of confused about why?
MHJ: Oh that? Nothing. Just my way of saying thank you to Firewoman.
Y2J: Oh, okay. Makes no sense, but okay.
Jericho meets Firewoman at the door, and they leave Moose smiling with his cigar.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 14:03:09 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland is in the Run DEA Locker Room and Suites, presented by Aquafina and Starwood Hotels. He is on his Sprint PCS phone*
DM: ....Hey...Good, how you been?....Yeah...No, I really didn't see anything at all...Yeah, I'm fine...Listen...do you have any tapes on these guys? Madison or Myers? Stuff from the indies maybe?...Can you send 'em?...Thanks Luc...talk to you soon.
*Davin walks over to Alexis Darling's suite*
DM: Knock Knock, boss.
LD: *from inside* What?
DM: We gotta talk about something important, other executive partner.
LD: Now?
DM: Open the door.
*The door opens and Davin goes inside*
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 14:03:35 GMT -5
*Wally is in a large tent with an Inuit Shaman*
Wally: So you can help his throat?
IS: Our ancestors believed different parts of the body had little souls. I have placed a strong amulet on him that should heal the soul within his throat. Now, your other friend was more of a challenge.
Wally: I only expected you to help with Gator.
IS: We're having a 2 for 1 special. We also believe a person can have more than 1 soul. That's how we shamans go on our vision quests. Outback Jack's souls are most unusual, so I decided to help him go on a vision quest. He knew of such things from the native people of your land, but our methods are somewhat different.
Wally: I hear your stuff is pharmaceutical grade.
*The Inuit Shaman makes a "shhh" gesture, then motions for Wally to follow him. In the back of the tent, we see OBJ sitting in a trance*
IS: We can observe him, if the spirits are willing, with these. He hands an amulet to Wally and puts one on himself. *Looking into the camera* Here, cameraman, try putting this on, maybe you'll see something too.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 14:03:59 GMT -5
*We see a Man In Black climbing up the top of a cliff, aided by a man at the top with a rope. MIB appears to be struggling to pull something from beneath his cloak* Rope man: Wait until you're ready. MIB: Thank you. Rope man: I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happer to have 6 fingers on your right hand? MIB (showing 5 fingers): Do you always begin conversations this way? Rope man: My father was slaughtered by a six fingered man. He was a great stein-maker, my father. When the six fingered man appeared and requested a special stein, my father took the job. He slaved a year before he was done. Six fingered man returned and demanded it...but at one-tenth his promised price. My father refused. Without a word, the six fingered man killed him. I loved my father, so naturally I challenged this man to a drinking contest. I failed...Six fingered man leave me alive, but he gave me this and this [another scar].
MIB: How old were you?
Rope man: I was eleven years old. When I was strong enough, I dedicated my life to the study of drinking; so the next time we meet I will not fail. I will go up to the six fingered man and say 'Hello, my name is Skurgo Molsono. You killed my father. Prepare to die.'
Man in black: Well I....I certainly hope you find him someday.
Skurgo: You all ready then?
Man in black: Whether I am or not, you've been more than fair.
Skurgo: [drawing his stein] You seem a decent fellow...I hate to kill you.
Man in black: You seem a decent fellow...I hate to die.
Skurgo: [confidently] Begin.
[Slowly, a great battle ensues. Skurgo tests the Man in black, and the Man in
black tests Skurgo. They continue to drink on.]
Skurgo: You are using Bonetties Defense against me, ah?
Man in black: I thought it fitting considering the salty pretzels.
Skurgo: Naturally, you must suspect me to attack with Capa Fero?
Man in black: Naturally...but I find that Tibal cancels out Capa Fero. Don't
you?
Skurgo: Unless the enemy has studied his Agliepa...which I have.
[They continue to exchange beer chugs and shots of whiskey]
Skurgo: You are wonderful!
Man in black: Thank you. I've worked hard to become so.
Skurgo: I admit it, you are better than I am.
Man in black: Then why are you smiling?
Skurgo: Because I know something you don't know.
Man in black: And what is that?
Skurgo: [switching hands] I am not left-handed!
Man in black: You're amazing!
Skurgo: I ought to be after twenty years.
Man in black: There's something I ought to tell you.
Skurgo: Tell me!
Man in black: I'm not left-handed either.
[The Man in black switches to his right hand, and performs a few amazing chugs]
[They stop drinking for a brief moment]
Skurgo: [in awe] Who are you?
Man in black: No one of consequence.
Skurgo: I must know.
Man in black: Get used to disappointment.
Skurgo: [disappointed] Okay...
[The battle rages on again, this time, the Man in black is dominating The Man in black knocks the stein out of Skurgo's hand, and circles in behind him]
Skurgo: [kneeling] Kill me quickly.
Man in black: I would as soon destroy a stained glass bar mirror as an artist like yourself. However, since I can't have you following me either...
[The Man in black hits Skurgo on the back of his head with his stein, knocking him out.]
Man in black: [sincerely] Please understand I hold you in the highest respect |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 14:04:25 GMT -5
*We fade in to a clearing where the Man in Black is talking to Fezzik, then hands him money. Fezzik pockets the money. The Man in Black then hits Fezzik with a Fingerpoke of Doom, which Fezzik sells like he's been shot with a cannon.
At the edge of the clearing, a ghostly apparition begins to appear. Actually, it seems to be 3 ghostly figures. Wizards? Jedi? ZZ Top? That last guess was pretty close, because Hall, Nash, and Hogan, dressed like ZZ Top and with the beards, materialize, and golf-clap for the Fingerpoke of Doom. They do the ZZ Top pointing thing, and the Man in Black heads off in the direction to which they pointed. As NWO-ZZ Top begin to fade, The Amnesiac wanders in*
TA: Why does eveyone forget the Amnesiac?
*NWO-ZZ Top shrug, but as they continue to fade, Hall tosses The Amnesiac a set of keys. The Amnesiac looks around for a fancy car and 3 hot 80's chicks, but the keys turn into an empty beer can. NWO-ZZ Top laugh and fade out completely*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 14:05:16 GMT -5
The arena darkens, as "Flame On" fires up. Firewoman is WALKING~! to the ring with purpose, and her IWHMDDT Championship belt over her shoulder, as she's in street wear. She stops by an announce table, and demands a mic. After a bit of an argument, she gets one, and stomps into the ring.
FW: Cut the music. Now.
The truck monkeys wisely do so. Firewoman paces the ring as she talks, and it's clear that she is more angry than usual.
FW: You know....I try to get along with people. (the crowd boos)....no, really, I do. I could try harder, I suppose, but so could other people.
When RunDEA was first formed, I was skeptical. I'm no joiner. I don't trust people easily. But it felt like the right thing to do, and let's face it. Two of the few people I do trust said it was a good idea. So I agreed. And everything seemed to be working out okay. At least until January of this year. In January of this year, I learned that honesty for some people was only useful as long as it served their purposes. Once trust is gained, then those people can just abuse the trust given them, and they can justify doing whatever they want, even if it violates the spirit under which RunDEA was formed.
The crowd doesn't know if they are supposed to cheer or boo.
Okay, I know this doesn't makes sense. I'm going to clear it up right now. Alexander, would you please join me in the ring?
There's a longer than usual delay as someone finds Alexander Darling, and then his music. "Prelude 12/21" fires up, and Alexander steps into the spot light.
FW: Okay, look, you can douche-bag pose for your match. We have a time limit here.
Alexander smiles and comes down, stopping by the announce table for his own microphone, and then rolls into the ring.
AD: What's up?
FW: What's up. What is up indeed. Alexander, how long have you and I been friends?
AD: I think we tried to work that out in chat....like five years?
FW: Sounds about right. We've really had each others' backs for a long time.
AD: Yes, so, is this walk down memory lane going somewhere?
FW: And I trusted you when you said that joining up with Davin, Lucios, and Phantos would be good for us all.
AD: It was certainly good for you. I'm not sure Phantos is walking right still.
The crowd laughs, and Firewoman looks at Alexander with irritation.
AD: Look, if this is about the tiff you and Davin are having, well, it's just silly. We all have our tiffs with each other, but we come together when we have to and--
FW: Okay, just stop. No, this isn't about our 'tiff' as you call it, but our disagreement is why I've decided to finally come clean.
AD: About? If it's about the arsons, everyone knows already that--
FW: No, Alexander. It's not about the arsons. It's about Davin. He's been lying to you for months now.
AD: You need to stop throwing fits and having these delusions, or I'll put you on medications for real.
FW: Fine. Roll the tape, monkeys.
Instead of the tape rolling though, "Notorious" fires up, and Davin Moreland nearly sprints down the ramp, microphone already in hand. He gets in the ring, and the music cuts off.
DM: Shut up, now, Fire.
FW: Or what? You're going to put me in a headlock and drug me? Is that how much you want to keep this quiet? My my, what would Samantha say.
DM: Leave her out of this.
FW: I think there's been enough Darlings left out of this. Now roll the fucking tape.
DM: Great. Thanks.
AD: Big whoop. Davin didn't go visit you in the hospital. That's the big issue?
FW: No, that's not the big issue. Because, really, Davin would have been there, had there not been something more important. And just what would be more important than seeing your partner fighting for her life?
DM: Oh, c'mon, you weren't fighting for your--
AD: Shut up, Davin. (Alexander eyes Davin suspiciously). Go on, Fire. You've got my full attention.
FW: I was supposed to go too. Heck, I thought we were all supposed to go. Imagine my surprise when I woke up and found that not only did they do it anyway, but that you didn't go too. At first I thought it was because of me, and I felt bad that you had to miss it, but then I realized that Davin hadn't even told you. Or Alexis.
AD: (getting angrier, and glaring at Davin) Told me what?
FW: So when I asked him about it, he said that with Alexis and Samantha's relationship being strained, and Alexander would take Alexis's side, they hadn't really wanted them there to potentially ruin things, and that they would tell you when the time was right. So I figured they would. But that was six months ago. And even though it might not be my place...
AD: What in the blue hell are you talking about?
DM: Fire....I'm warning you. (Davin takes a few steps in Firewoman's direction)
AD: Don't even think about it (He gets between Davin and Firewoman, and then turns to her.) Go ahead. Where did Davin and Samantha go.
FW: They eloped, Alex. Davin and Samantha got married. (Alexander turns to face Davin) Say hello to your brother-in-law.
The crowd is stunned. Alexander is stunned. Heck, even Davin is stunned. Firewoman steps back and leans against the ropes, smiling at Davin. Alexander turns back to Firewoman
AD: And you knew? All this time?
FW: Let's not shoot the messenger here, Alexander. Davin kept telling me he was going to do it, 'next week,' or 'when the time was right.' I decided the time was right now.
DM: Not your decision to make, Firewoman.
FW: Well, someone had to make it.
Alexander looks between the two of them, and then just drops his microphone. He gets out of the ring, and walks slowly up the ramp, trying to take it all in.
Davin and Firewoman watch him go, and then Davin turns to Firewoman, and drops his mic. She drops hers, but continues to smile smugly at him. The mics on the ground pick up their conversation faintly.
DM: Well, you did it.
FW: I told you I would.
DM: You fucking did it.
FW: He's family. You're nothing to me.
Firewoman turns to get out of the ring, but that was the wrong move. Davin steps up and hits a Really Good Diamond Cutter. Firewoman lays on the mat, semiconscious, as Davin stands over her and yells "Hope it was worth it!" He storms out of the ring, as referees come down to attend to Firewoman. She sits up, telling the referees to get away, because she's fine, and we fade the scene.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 14:05:54 GMT -5
*The Man in Black is sitting in a field across a rock from a large-nosed man, when NWO-ZZ Top materialize*
LNM: ZZ Top! Gues what song of yours I rock at!
*Scene fades, and we see the large-nosed man, The Amnesiac, and Skurgo dressed as Hasidic Jews, but with ZZ Top beards, playing a Rock Band version of "Sharp-dressed Man", although the large-nosed man keeps singing "Joo" instead of "Man" on the refrain. In the background, we hear the Man in Black complaining that this is his vision quest. The Rock Band scene fades, and we're back at the field*
Large-nosed man: Sorry. Can we take a break so I can go over my lines again?
Man in Black: Well, try to make it quick, Solzzini. We haven't even gotten to Prince Mooserdinck yet.
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