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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:03:01 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem Live! From Iqualuit, Nunavut Canada
OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u] Poe vs. Spin Hansen
OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u] The Dead vs. Seamus McNasty
OOWF World Tag Team Title Match[/u] The Chickenshit Heels vs. IHOP
OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u] Thim Reynolds vs. Concrete TG
Cowboy Up vs. Run DEA kz vs. The Heroes Guild Firewoman vs. The Amnesiac DH Magnusson & Chris Evans vs. Ecosystem & Beer Baron
- Due to winning the Tournament for the Titles Tytan, Stank, Matte and The Team From Down Under have the week off to prepare
Card subject to Canada declaring us a territory
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:03:26 GMT -5
<We cut to The Heroes Guild locker room where there is a mixture of excitement after having won the Trios titles, and dejection after Crete lost and Blitz was injured. There is a knock at the door and GM the Rick walks in>
CTG: How is he?
GMtR: Well, he suffered a blown knee, he is going to be out from that for months at least, couple that with the heart problem, and I think Blitz could well be done. He is at the hospital now, but I saw the bus in the parking lot, I suspect that is where he is headed after he is released.
BL: What about these? <pointing to the Trios titles>
GMtR: Well..........I suppose we can just Freebird Clause them. You guys are a unit, so Crete, you step in for Blitz and hold his share of the title
Nay: GREAT! Who do we defend against next week?
GMtR: Well, you don't......yet. Crete has an Onslaught title shot, and you two face kz
BL: WHY?
Nay: And what happens when Crete wins the Onslaught title?
GMtR: We will cross that bridge when we come to it, for now, enjoy the titles
<GM the Rick leaves, but the mood is not exactly festive>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:03:46 GMT -5
(Tytan sits on the stairs heading down to the basement, he is holding his head.)
Tytan: (laughing.) Poe....once again...I had you down...oooo....Fire....I got my shots on you too...you wanted to try to save the OOWF from Poe....YOU FAILED.....Spin....you piece of trash....I beat you....You like how the chain felt around your neck....I will do it again if I have too....Poe.....oooooo.....two weeks....I will get my hands on you and I will wrap this chain....around your neck....and I will squueeze....and rip the flesh....off of your neck...oooooo....in two weeks I will destroy you.....oh and by the way....I won't be that far away when it comes to MAyhem next week...also....this Black Cat will be very hard to kill....I crossed your path....there is nothing but bad luck left for you....ooooo
(Tytan walks off holding his head still in obvious pain.)
FADE
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:04:06 GMT -5
In the RunDEA suites, Firewoman is being tended to.
FW: I had him. I fucking HAD him. 'Til that little bitch whore of his interfered. I swear Shawn, if you don't rip every black hair out of her bitch head at the PPV, I will.
OGM SJ: Okay, okay, just calm do--
FW: Calm down? Calm down? Were you even watching? Or were you too busy twirling around dancing or flipping around bars or whatever the fuck it is you do around here?
DM: I see someone is tired of faking her medication.
FW: You know he was just toying with me. Making me think I had the upper hand. He does that. He's like that. You need to watch out for that, Flippy Girl, because he'll train that brat to be just like him.
OGM SJ: (whose eyes are getting a little teary) I.... I will....
FW: Not if you watch as well as you watched tonight. You should have been scouting him out because he's going to teach her exactly what--
DM: Okay, Fire, she gets it.
FW: No, I don't think she does, or she wouldn't be standing there like a simpering little fool. She'd be watching video, and training and--
OGM SJ: I'll go do that now....
DM: You can do that on the plane, Shawn, just....
FW: And then that fuck Tytan...
OGM SJ: He came down too?
FW: Oh, my gods, you are totally useless. Why did I even think you had potential. Does Alexander know that you don't actually watch the show that pays for you to be around here, sucking Alex's dick?
At this, OGM Shawn Johnson bursts into tears, and runs out of the room.
FW: That's just great. Maybe they can be tag team partners, and best friends, and twitter each other on Facebook.
DM: A little hard on her, don't you think? Alexander will not be pleased.
FW: Ask me if I care. I get to jerk the curtain again.
She thrusts the next week's run sheet into Davin's hands
DM: Oh....well......I don't see how that is Shawn's fault.
FW: So?
DM: And you did lie to Rick about participating in your therapy fully.
FW: So?
DM: And didn't you just burn your father's house down?
FW: Not according to the police report or the arson investigator.
DM: With him in it?
FW: He got out.
DM: THAT WASN'T YOUR INTENT.
FW: GO AWAY!
DM: You also lied to me about your med--
FW: Yes, well, I think we both know that honesty is the one subject you and I should probably not talk about.
DM: Yes well, I'd say you should be glad you're still ON the card, since your therapy was a condition of your employment.
FW: Yeah, I feel lucky.
DM: But you also have to deal with me. Remember what I said?
FW: You say a lot of things Davin.
DM: Funny.
FW: And stay the fuck out of my locker room.
Davin Moreland leaves. Firewoman goes to her locker room to commence her customary dismantling
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:04:29 GMT -5
(Ecosystem is PACING~! around the locker room.)
Eco: Can you believe that fucker attacked me like that? DH Magnusson! How the fuck did I not beat DH Magnusson?
BRICK~!: Weren't you telling me he's the most dangerous man in the OOWF like, last week?
Eco: Yeah, so I could brag when I beat him. Now I'm trying to present his win as a fluke rather than emblematic of my own lack of skill as a wrestler.
BRICK~!: That seems reasonable. But you're also facing DH Magnusson this week, so you should probably stretch out the buildup.
Eco: Oh. Like I said, dangerous motherfucker. It takes a real fighter like me to survive a match, let alone wrestle the guy to a double-countout.
BRICK~!: Yeah...anyway, Chris Evans is going to be teaming with him. You're with Beer Baron.
Eco: WHOA! Chris Evans the Australian Minister for Immigration and Citizenship?
BRICK~!: No...
Eco: WHOA! Chris Evans the Drivetime Presenter?
BRICK~!: No...
Eco: WHOA! Chris Evans the biotechnology innovator?
BRICK~!: No...
Eco: WHOA! Chris Evans the guy who wrote Ice Tower?
BRICK~!: No...
Eco: WHOA! Chris Evans the train robber?
BRICK~!: He's dead.
Eco: WHOA! Chris Evans the anti-Scientologist psychologist?
BRICK~!: Also dead.
Eco: Did the Scientologists finally get him?
BRICK~!: No, natural causes.
Eco: WHOA! Do you mean Chris Evans the Human Torch in the Fantastic Four films?
BRICK~!: Nope.
Eco: WHOA! Chris Evans the biotechnology innovator?
BRICK~!: You guessed him.
Eco: WHOA! Chris Evans the soccer player?
BRICK~!: No...
Eco: WHOA! Chris Evans the hockey player?
BRICK~!: That's the third dead guy.
Eco: Wait...it's Christopher Evans Ironside, the musician? THAT'S SO COOL.
BRICK~!: Wrong guy.
Eco: ...are you sure?
BRICK~!: Really sure.
Eco: REALLY sure?
BRICK~!: Really sure.
Eco:...then who the fuck is Chris Evans?
BRICK~!: Perhaps OOWF wrestler Chris Evans?
Eco: Huh?
BRICK~!: Here's his Wikipedia page. Chris Evans (OOWF Wrestler).
Eco: (Reads the page) Well, he seems legitimate--but that doesn't mean I won't LEGIT his MATE!
BRICK~!: What?
Eco: You know, LEGIT his MATE.
BRICK~!: ...
Eco: Legit. Like "Leg it". Like "kick". And "mate" like "have sex with" like "have sex in" like "anal" like "ass".
BRICK~!: ...
Eco: I'm going to kick his ass.
BRICK~!: Okay.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:04:57 GMT -5
<Lucky explodes out of the arena doors carrying Fire's bags toward her bike to pack things up for the trip to the airport. A few seconds later Fire comes out into the dark night, stands there and lights a cigarette and takes a deep drag off of it. From the darkness we hear a voice>
V: Busy week
<A match lights and we see Moosehead Jack standing in the darkness lighting a cigar>
FW: Fuck off Moose, I am NOT in the mood
MHJ: Of course you're not, you just lost a chance at the world title
FW:<turning to glare at Moose> I said FUCK. OFF.
<Moose and Fire stand in silence for a moment, Moose takes a long drag off his cigar then chuckles>
FW: Something funny?
MHJ: The meds. You fooled a lot of people
FW: Including you
MHJ: Fuck no. I know you better than that. I know what I saw tonight, the REAL Firewoman. Pure hell in the ring when she is focused. You gave Poe a hell of a match
FW: He was toying with me
MHJ: Perhaps. Perhaps you have come a long way since Japan
FW: You don't know shit about Japan
MHJ: I know more than you think
FW: From what HE told you I suppose?
MHJ: Nope
FW: Then how?
MHJ: Don't worry about it. All I am going to say is this, listen if you want, ignore it if you want, I don't give a damn. Inside that ring? You have the skill to beat Poe. You are every bit the beast he is. Outside the ring, you might want to pick your battles a little more carefully
FW: What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
MHJ: It means, Tytan is going to learn the hard way a lesson you should already know: never make it personal
<Fire stares at Moose as Lucky walks up to her. He sees Moose and freezes and looks at Fire cautiously>
FW: We ready to go?
L: Yeah, everything is all ready, should I go get.......
FW: No, don't worry about it
<Fire flicks her cigarette to the ground and heads for her bike leaving Lucky and Moose alone. Moose stares at Lucky and grins, and Lucky bolts through the doors into the arena. As the door closes, we see Moose taking another drag off his cigar, and hear a motorcycle scream off into the night>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:05:20 GMT -5
Poe leads Selena and Soohad towards those very doors. Poe has his head bandaged from the chair shots. He sees Moose and stops before his ally.
MHJ: It's a long drive to Nunavut.
Moose motions towards Soohad.
MHJ: Gonna be even longer for you isn't it friend?
Poe: We have a stop to make first...not that far from here.
MHJ: Oh?
Moose stops smoking his cigar as he's interested. Selena hops in front of Moose.
SG: Hi Uncle Moose! We're goin' to Hell!
MHJ: Home sweet home. But why Michigan?
S: Not Michigan, you silly man.
Poe grins.
Poe: The Gateway to Hell...right here in Pennsylvania. I've been looking forward to coming through here. You interested?
MHJ: In Hell? Always.
Poe: Let's go. I could use the company.
MHJ: You have Mouse.
Poe: Trust me...with the other one, I need more than that.
MHJ: Oh, I trust you on that.
Moose extends an arm signaling for Poe and Selena to lead the way. Soohad stops to say something to Moose.
S: Mr. Jack...
MHJ: Call me Moose.
Soohad blinks twice and then nods her head towards Poe.
S: It's good to see some things never change. Thank you.
Moose nods as he lets Soohad through the door, and then follows her out.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:05:56 GMT -5
(Spin Hansen is sitting down in the Destroyitarium with an ice pack on his neck.)
SH (to the bartender): Jaegermesiter please. Ice-cold, as usual.
Bartender: You got it. Looks like you're the only member of Drink and Destroy competing this week.
SH: Yeah. Not unless we get an unexpected new member, and that ain't happening for a while.
Bartender: Yeah. Seems like you had a rough night.
SH: I let that one get away from me... but at least I didn't let him calling me "yellow" drive me over the edge. (He leans in.) Plus... we all knew it was gonna be Poe versus Tytan at the PPV. The buyrates on that are gonna be GOOD.
(Kayfabe SPEARS Spin out of the barstool, then stands over him, glaring.)
SH: I MEAN THAT TYTAN IS A LITTLE BITCH AND HE'S GONNA PAY FOR THAT AND SO IS POE TONIGHT. GRAAAAH. I SMOLDER WITH GENERIC RAGE.
(Kayfabe smiles, and walks away nonchalantly.)
Bartender: Seriously, though... are you going to let him grandstand with his "Spin is yellow, Spin should have taken the fall so the finals would be Tytan and Firewoman" bullshit?
SH: He's earned a place high on my ever-growing shitlist, and a few other people have gone way down on it.
Bartender: Such as?
SH: You won't believe it until I talk to those people... and speaking of talking to people, I'd like to talk to Poe once he makes it to Nunavut.
Shannon the Barmaid: Are you insane? You walk in there and you'll have Moose, L.D., and Seamus so far up your ass you'll need the world's largest set of Vise-Grips and a team of oxen to pull them out.
SH: And I'm gonna do it unarmed.
Shannon: You ARE insane.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:06:34 GMT -5
*Fade in* to the remaining members of The Heroes Guild SITTING~! in their locker room, preparing for the flight to Nunavit.
Concrete TG: Sucks about Blitz--
Bryce Larson: Tell me about it! First Wrath, now Blitz is gone? Right after we win the Trios titles, too.
Damon Wrath suddenly walks through the door!
DW: Hey, I can come back! Really guys, I can.
Kayfabe walks in, grabs Wrath by the ankle, and drags him back out of the door.
DW: You stupid bitch, get off of me! Bryce, hit her with a chair again! C'mon!
Wrath is pulled all of the way out, and Kayfabe shuts the door behind her.
Nayr: Well, THAT was weird.
BL: No kidding. Wrath is the only person who actually WANTS to join the Guild!
CTG: Citizen Larson, what is that supposed to mean?
BL: Dude, look at the writing on the wall. What good are Heroes in the OOWF? Who are we saving?
CTG: Citizens, we are saving the company from the evil that exists within. Think about the fans, those who spend their hard earned money on the OOWF each week!
N: You mean the people who cheer for the heels, like Run DEA?
CTG: Exactly, they need to be saved.
BL: Right. Listen, I need to, uh, go get some air. Yeah, get some air. I'll be back later.
N: Air? That sounds great! I'll come with you.
CTG: You know, I could use some air, too--
BL & N: NO!
CTG: What?...
BL: Well, we, just need to clear our heads. Get our minds right, realize what we're fighting for. We'll be back later.
N: Yeah, back later. Good idea. Let's go.
Bryce & Nayr scurry out the door, leaving CTG sitting by himself, slightly dejected and thoroughly confused. *Fade out*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:07:01 GMT -5
Poe, Moosehead Jack, Selena, and Soohad walk down a paved road in the middle of no where. The roads seem to be roads for a town, but there are no homes, except for the occasional ramshackle house. Selena looks around wide-eyed like this is the greatest thing she’s ever seen. Soohad seems bored. MHJ: I know you’re looking forward to facing Tytan, but you can not look past Spin Hansen. Poe: I’m not. Both of them have had a chain around my neck recently. As far as payback for that goes, they’re both equal. Maybe I’ll use Spin to show Tytan just how lethal with a chain I can be. MHJ: Sounds fun. Poe: You can not look past the Heroes either. I know your mind is on the Aussies, as well it should be after what they’ve done, but do not stumble friend. MHJ: We’ll handle the so-called Heroes. Trust me. Poe and Moose share grins and then they hear Selena gasp. SG: Is that it, is that it?! Selena points to an abandoned piece of highway that has buckled and collapsed. Poe: I do believe so. Selena runs down the road. S: Someone might vant to catch her before she hurts herself. Before they can reach her, Selena has reached the trench in the road. She lies on her stomach on the pavement and looks down into it. SG: I see fire!!! MHJ: If only we were that lucky. SG: omigosh it smells like butt. No, it smells like Fezzik. Actually it smells like Tytan’s breath. Maybe it smells like Shawn Johnson. MHJ: So this is the town on fire? S: Yes. They were evacuating the town ven we moved here to America in 1984. It vas all over the news. That is how I learned English. Poe: It will rage for another two hundred and fifty years. MHJ: Soohad, will you be coming with us to Canada my dear? S: No, I vill be going home as you take your plane. Selena? Child? Selena lifts her head up and looks back at Soohad. S: Ven I see you again ve vill go dress shopping. By then surely my son vill have vised up and… Poe: Mother! SG: I have no idea what you’re talking about. After ‘dress’ all I heard was yuck yuck yuck! Moose takes a deep breath of the spring time air mixed with sulfur and sighs. MHJ: The plane leaves soon. SG: Aw! I don’t wanna go! The fire is pretty! And why do we hafta fly with everyone else anyway? We’ve always been allowed to travel by ourselves! Poe: The Powers have spoken. Some things are not worth fighting. We can manage a few hours on a plane with the other wrestlers. SG: But it’ll suck!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:07:27 GMT -5
<as they are start to leave Soohad, Selena and Poe head down the road toward the car, but Moose stops and stares. He seems lost in though when Poe walks back to him. Poe doesn't say a word, Moose is the one to break the silence as the wind blows through the remaining trees>
MHJ: You hear that? The sound of silence. But listen closer, it's in the wind
<Poe just gives Moose a strange look>
MHJ: This place is perfect. The desolation, all hope is gone. This place is doomed, but you can hear whispers in the wind.
<Moose closes his eyes like he is listening to something, then slowly smirks>
MHJ: It was no accident that this place is burning. There was no mistake. This place promises violence. This place.........
<Moose's voice trails off and he stands there with his arms outstretched as if possessed by something, after several seconds of this Moose 's arms fall to his side, he exhales slowly and slowly opens his eyes. There is a glean there that we haven't seen for awhile. A smirk spreads across his face as he looks at Poe, Poe eyes him warily.>
MHJ: Let's go
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:07:56 GMT -5
BL: Well, we, just need to clear our heads. Get our minds right, realize what we're fighting for. We'll be back later. N: Yeah, back later. Good idea. Let's go. Bryce & Nayr scurry out the door, leaving CTG sitting by himself, slightly dejected and thoroughly confused. *Fade out*(Ecosystem approaches Concrete TG, sitting alone) Eco: Crete! How have you been? (The two shake hands.) CTG: Doing well. And yourself? You've been gone a rather long time. Eco: Indeed. You were mostly right when you said evil doesn't pay. However, advanced degrees do. So I was spending less time doing evil and more time pursuing my doctorate. CTG: Good choice then. Eco: Where's the rest of the Heroes' Guild? CTG: Ah, Bryce and Nayr just scurried off for a bit. I'm concerned they're getting disenchanted with all this. Eco: Well, saving the world from evil can feel like kind of a futile task. CTG: Even only saving one company. And the number of people cheering for cheaters and degenerates increases every year. Eco: Sometimes it's not enough to be a model. CTG: Excuse me? Eco: Think of Jesus. He was seen as a good man at the time, if sometimes interpreted as an apocalyptic preacher. But He wasn't the Messiah people were expecting. They wanted one just as good, but more physically powerful, more imposing in general. A destroyer God, if you will. CTG: Sure, but today there are millions of Christians, because that example alone mattered. Caesar has no influence today, because power alone is not something to be admired. Eco: Yes and no. Christianity's attractive quality is in the Resurrection--in the proof that at the end of the day, the Messiah's power is greater than that of man. (Eco smiles.) Your message will carry the day when all is said and done, but it must be coupled with unadulterated power. People like cheering a winner. They want to be able to taste that success they never taste in their everyday lives--they need that vicarious victory. And they'll take whoever will provide it. CTG: Are you implying we're not trying for victory? We most certainly are. I intend to take the Onslaught Title from Thim this week and take our first step in a long time toward that power. Eco: But you may not win. Crete, you are not God. If you want power, you have to compromise something. Your attitude toward cheating, alliances, company politics, whatever. But you must compromise. (CTG and Eco stare at each other.) CTG: You should leave. Eco: Fine. You know where to reach me. (Eco walks out the door and toward Bryce and Nayr, conversing with each other.) Eco: Evening, gentlemen. BL: Evening. Eco: Concrete happens to be sitting in that room alone. Any reason for that? N: We're just taking a walk, clearing our heads. He should know that. Eco: All right. Concrete's a friend, so I just want to make sure things are going well for him. BL: Fair enough. Eco: I also want to make sure things are going well for his friends. So, if I can be of assistance in any way, whether it be a Maryland All-Star title match (winks at Bryce) or any other means of help... (Eco produces two business cards and hands them to Nayr and Bryce) Eco: ...let me know. (Eco walks off.) N: ...He is aware we travel together, right? I don't think we need business cards. BL: They do sport a cute picture of a bunny next to his cell phone number, however.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:08:23 GMT -5
**L.D. Williams, accompanied by his mother, walks into Poe’s locker room, to find Seamus McNasty packing.**
LDW: “Seamus, this is Ma. Ma, Seamus.”
SM: “Whoa...”
LDW’s M: “A pleasure to finally meet you Seamus. It’s nice to see L.D. associating with fine upstanding men.”
SM: <choking> “Right…Sure…uh...”
LDW: “Relax Seamus, compared to her usual company, guys like you and Moose are upstanding.”
SM: “-“
LDW: “Where is Moose, anyway?”
SM: “Went somewhere with Poe, Selena and Soohad.”
LDW: “Naturally…Got a minute?”
SM: “Sure.”
**Cut to Ric’s, where Zane Myers and Chad Madison are ordering as L.D., Seamus, and Ms. Willams approach.**
CM: We don’t want no trouble, fellers, especially in front of the lady.”
**Ms. Williams snorts – but in a ladylike way.**
LDW: “No trouble – I just wanted to congratulate you guys on the progress you’re making in the OOWF.”
**Williams extends a hand and Zane is quick to shake it. Chad hesitates, then accepts the handshake. L.D. pulls him forward into a knee to the stomach,followed by a DDT. Zane lunges at him, but Seamus brains him with the shillelagh. Williams leans over Myers.**
LDW: “Nice Try.”
**Seamus, L.D. And Ms. Williams turn to walk away, but Williams turns back, grabs a handful of sugar cubes, and feeds them to Skip. Seamus raises his eyebrows as they turn to walk away.**
LDW: “What? I like horses.”
SM: “So, what was that all about?”
LDW: “I have a feeling I know who they are.”
LDW’s M: “You boys just levelled those two men on a hunch?”
LDW: “Essentially.”
LDW’s M: <ruffles L.D.'s hair>“Now you're starting to act like yourself again.”
SM: “C'mon. We've got a plane to catch.”
<fade>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:18:12 GMT -5
(Tytan is seen walking the basement downstairs he seems to be doing better from the baseball bat shot to the head.)
Tytan: So he seems Poe wants to play with chains now....once again I will say imitation is the most sincere form of flattery....so thank you Poe....You want to show how good you are with a chain on Spin....wow aren't you so tough....beat a guy up that I choked out with a chain....that makes the Poe so damn scary....Poe you see I have gotten into your head already...and I got in there good....I layed a hand on your mother....I get no response....I threaten the brat....no response....I called you yellow....no response...I called you a fake hero....no response...the only thing you can do is imitate me.....(laughs)....so now there is you and the other half of the odd couple....or should I say dumb and dumber...no how about Tweetle Dee and Tweetle Dumb....oh and if we include the brat then that makes you the three stooges....enjoy your little quality "Family Time" because your days are numbered.....I am not going to beat you Poe I am going to end life as you know it.....
(Just then Tytan is inturupted by TheGM's intern.)
Intern: Excuse me Mr. Tytan here is your plane ticket for Tomorrow.....
Tytan: What? Tytan doesn't fly....who ordered this....
Intern: The Rick....
Tytan: Damn....arrrgghhh...(swings and just misses the intern who runs out of there like a bat out of hell.) There will be hell to pay for this....arrrggghh....
(FADE)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:18:35 GMT -5
It's morning, and the OOWF staff and talent are assembled at the airport for the chartered flight to Nunavut. They are all mostly organized according to their factions and allies, and each group has it's own Production Assistant reminding them of the rules.
A shiny black car pulls up, and Tyler Black drops Firewoman off at the airport. (Sorry, guys. Just had to add that.) She joins the rest of RunDEA. Shawn Johnson hides behind Alexander Darling.
AD: Nice of you to make it.
FW: Did I miss anything?
AD: Just the usual "no violence on the plane."
FW: Uh huh. Say, when exactly does that start, anyway?
AD: What do you mean?
FW: Like what exactly does...Does it start at take off?
AD: I'm not doing this with you. Ask former assistant GM Davin Moreland.
DM: Former Assistant General Manager Davin Moreland is not interested in splitting hairs with Iron Man--
AD/FW: Woman.
DM: -- Woman Heavy Metal DDT Champion Firewoman on the issue of violence in flight.
FW: In flight then, right? So before take off is--
DM: No. The rule is "on the plane." So, once everyone is on board...
FW: Everyone. Once everyone is on board. So if a few people aren't there yet...
DM: No. Once the first person steps on board, the rule starts.
FW: But for everyone? Or just the ones actually on the plane?
An announcement to begin boarding rings out over the PAs, and people start getting ready.
DM: Former Assistant General Manager Davin Moreland is done having this conversation.
FW: Fine, geez, I'm just asking.
Davin turns around to get his bag, and in doing so, the bag that is on his shoulder, is turned towards Firewoman. And sticking out of the bag is Davin's trusty rebar. Firewoman grabs it without Davin noticing and heads toward a dark corner of the waiting area that she's been kind of eying this whole time. As she walks up, the very large and imposing figure of Tytan becomes apparent.
Tyt: Don't start anything. You won't like how it ends.
FW: Really? I could tell you the same thing.
She takes a swing with Davin's rebar to the back of Tytan's knee. The knee buckles, and Tytan goes down. She grabs his hair and pulls his head back so he has no choice but to look at her. She lights her Zippo (who have apparently gotten over that earlier ugly incident and re-upped her sponsorship deal) and holds it in front of Tytan's face.
FW: See, I don't take my revenge on innocent inanimate objects. I'm telling you once. Stay out of my matches. Or we'll find ourselves back in that special little room, and this time it won't end so well for you.
Tyt: Big talk. It might not end so well for you either.
FW: Maybe not. You know, Moose warned me not to make things personal. He doesn't get it though. Everything is personal. Everything. So stay away.
She drops Tytan's hair, and walks back towards RunDEA. Evans and DH Magnusson have joined them.
DHM: Sparky. Nice rebar y'got there.
C"L"E: Is that Tytan over there?
FW: Probably. (she tosses the rebar to Davin, who is both surprised and annoyed that she has it.) Thanks, partner. C'mon Lucky, let's get on the plane.
Firewoman goes up the ramp, followed by Lucky.
C"L"E: This is going to be an interesting flight.
DHM: They all are...
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:18:57 GMT -5
[The Dead steps onto the plane and begins to look for his seat. Seeing that he has no major affiliation with anyone, he begins to wander toward the back of the plane. On his way, he passes several groups, starting with Run DEA.]
Dead: Fire. [The Dead nods his her toward her.] Alex, Davin. [The Dead slightly waves and continues past.]
Chris Evans: He didn't even acknowledge me! I swear that next time...
[The Dead leans back toward the group.]
Dead: Yep, next time is going to be "the time", right? Figured that's what you'd say. Have a good flight, cubbie.
[Evans steams as The Dead continues down the aisle. He passes The Hero's Guild, who are too interested in their DS games to even notice him. Then he passes by Poe, Moose, and Seamus McNasty.]
SM: Would ya look at that? My opponent next week...
Dead: Indeed...
SM: You keep yourself healthy for Wednesday, now.
Dead: I plan on it, these should help... [The Dead reaches into his bag and lifts up a few bottles of Jameson. Due to the clinking of the bottles, you can tell that there are even more in the bag.]
SM: Nicely done, there.
[The Dead tosses a bottle to Seamus.]
Dead: Enjoy your flight.
[Seamus just smiles and cracks the bottle as The Dead continues further down the aisle. He eventually takes a window seat toward the back. A moment later an imposing figure sits down next to him. The Dead turns and sees Stank.]
Dead: Big man...
Stank: Champ...
[The Dead grabs another bottle of Jameson, takes a swig, and passes it to Stank.]
Dead: This is gonna be one hell of a flight...
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:19:15 GMT -5
**L.D. Williams is sitting next to Moosehead Jack, but keeps fidgeting and turning in his seat.**
MHJ: “Would you calm down?”
WLD: “Where the hell did Ma go?”
MHJ: “She went back to get a bottle from Deadly. Why?”
WLD: “Whenever I’m on a plane with her I get nervous.”
Seamus McNasty: “Normally havin’ a mother around makes things uncomfortable, but I can’t exactly see your ma crampin’ your style…”
WLD: “I don’t give a rat’s ass about my style. Trapped in a confined space like this, I’m afraid she’ll kill someone important.”
MHJ: “Think we can convince her to sit next to Darling?”
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:19:38 GMT -5
<the plane is in the air and hits some turbulence. Moose is sitting next to Selena and she digs her nails into Moose's arm waking him up>
MHJ: Ow
SG: Oh, sorry, I thought the plane was going to crash!
MHJ: Just some turbulence
SG: OMIGOD! What if we crashed?
MHJ: That would suck
<Selena starts to panic and look around, she appears to be on the bring of snapping when Moose reassures her>
MHJ: Mouse, don't sweat it, we are not going to crash. And even if we did, it doesn't mean all is lost
SG: WHAT! Have you SEEN what a crash looks like? The debris is spread further than Shawn Johnson's legs on a Saturday night! TAKE THAT SKANK!
SJ:<from further up the plane> You are going to die Disney bitch!
MHJ: Look, have you ever seen the movie Alive?
SG: No......
MHJ: Ok, its about the Uruguayan rugby team, their plane crashes in the Andes. Some of them survive the crash, and to stay alive, they have to eat their dead teammates
SG: EWWWWWW OHMIGOD!
MHJ: Look at it this way, if we make it, look around the plane, who would you eat first?
SG: Wait! Uncle Moose, would you eat me?
<At this Poe sits forward in his seat and gives Moose a look>
MHJ: No Mouse, no I would not. Look around, who should we eat first? Shawn Johnson?
SG: Ewww no. I don't like the taste of skank
SJ: BITCH! I WILL KILL YOU!
MHJ: Ok, what about Tytan?
SG: <Making a face> No, he probably tastes funny, beside, can you catch insane if you eat it?
MHJ: I don't think so
<Selena looks to the back of the plane and sees Stank, then sits down quickly and almost whispers to Moose>
SG: If we ate Stank, we probably wouldn't have to eat anyone else!
<Moose and Selena both share a laugh at this>
MHJ: Then Stank it is.
SG: Thanks Uncle Moose!
<Selena leans against Poe and snuggles against his arm and drifts off to sleep, Moose turns to see LD staring at him>
MHJ: What?
LDW: Well aren't YOU just the fatherly type
MHJ: Shut up
LDW: So, Uncle Moose what are we going to do to the Heroes this week?
MHJ: Oh I don't know Captain Fear what did you have in mind?
LDW: Well Moosey I thought we could cave their skulls in, unless it was disturbing storytime
MHJ: I've got a story for you, its called "How Well Can Canadians Fly?"
<before the good-natured ribbing goes too far, Seamus shoves a glass in both their hands and fills it with Jamesons>
SM: Christ you two, you are driving me nuts. You both want to kill the Heroes, so just do it! What the hell is there to talk about? Blast one with a barbed wire bat, break the others neck with a Canadian Destroyer. There, done and done.
<Moose and LD look at each other and nod, then clink glasses with Seamus and drain their glasses and lean back in their seats and relax>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:20:06 GMT -5
Chris Evans is seen sitting in the OOWF jet. The rest of DEA is busy doing their own shit, so Evans doesn’t even bother with them, pretty much the same as they feel about him.
Evans: Ah Canada, nothing like it. It’ll be great to be back home.
His SFJ soon joins him.
SFJ: So Lionheart, tough break last night, huh?
Evans: Tough break? *batistalaugh* Just one less obstacle in my path babe. I tld Dead that I could beat him, and I think I proved that last night.
SFJ: What are you talking about? You two went to a draw.
The Dead comes over to where Evans is, holding his pack and a bottle of Jameson’s.
Dead: God, would you shut up already about that match? You lost, get over it.
E: I didn’t lose shit, I had your ass pinned with my Icarus Wings. I had your number last night, and the only thing keeping me from the belt this time…was one measly second. I keep getting closer and closer to what will inevitably be mine: the OOWF Intercontinental title.
D: Wow, its cute how you keep thinking YOU’LL be the one to beat me.
Dead turns to walk back to his seat.
E: This feud of ours is not over yet Dead. It’ll never be over, not until I get what should technically now be mine. That’s why I’m making a challenge, right here, right now. Our next match, whenever our paths cross again. You and me, Dead. You and me, one more time. Only this time, no time limit to hide behind.
D: Get over it. I beat you before when we weren’t even close to the limit. What makes you think this will be any different?
E: Yeah, you’re right. Thats still not good enough. Ah, thats it. Dead, you and me, No Time Limit 2 out of 3 Falls match. How does that grab ya? We’ll settle this, once and for all. You man enough to accept my challenge? Whether you accept or not, you’re gonna do it anyway.
You see, it’s no surprise that our matches get some of the highest ratings of the night, and you know how GM The Rick loves his ratings. So like it or not, this match will happen. Bank on it.
D: Whatever kid, whatever.
Dead turns around to go back to his seat. He then turns around.
D: Hey kid.
E: What the hell do you want now? I said my peace.
D: I know. I gotta admit though, you may be thick-headed….but you’ve definitely got heart. I’ll think about it.
The Dead then reaches into his pack. He pulls out yet another Jameson’s bottle and hands it to Evans.
E: Hey….thanks man.
D: Yeah, don’t think this means anything. I’m just in a bit of a giving mood right now… Cubby.
Evans gets up and gets into Dead’s face. They stare down each other for about a minute before Evans just smirks at this.
E: See ya when we land.
*fade to black*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:20:31 GMT -5
Firewoman sits in her seat, headphones, sunglasses, and ball cap on, trying to ignore everyone. Chris Evans sits next to her.
C"L"E: I'm surprised you're not wearing your belt.
FW: (taking her earphones off) Huh?
C"L"E: Your belt. The one you took from me.
FW: Championship.
C"L"E: Huh?
FW: Phantos always insisted we call them... never mind, what do you want?
C"L"E: Nothing. Wow, are you okay?
FW: I'm fine, why?
C"L"E: Cos you're gripping the arms of the seats so hard, I think you're leaving an impression in the metal.
FW: Oh. That. I hate flying. A lot.
C"L"E: Oh. I'm not fond of it, but it's perfectly safe.
FW: No, that's not what I hate. What I hate is not being able to get away, so that when I'm tired of people bugging me and talking to me, I can't just leave and go to my locker room, or on my bike, or to a cemetery to be alone.
C"L"E: (missing the point) Ah, yeah. It does get crowded on these things. I'm betting almost everyone gets claustrophobic. Still, I'm pretty excited. Even though I'm Canadian, I've never been to Nunavut.
FW: Yeah, nice of you folks to give the natives the shittiest part of Canada.
C"L"E: At least we gave them something.
FW: True.
C"L"E: So... I know I promised not to bug you about this, but...
FW: Well, you've already bugged me, so go on.
C"L"E: I'm guessing I'm not a member of RunDEA.
FW: Look, as the only person with gold right now in this stable--
C"L"E: Which you stole from me.
FW: -- as far as I'm concerned, you're in.
C"L"E: Don't Lexie and Davin have to sign off on that?
FW: Lexie is almost completely convinced.
C"L"E: And Davin?
FW: I'm pretty sure Davin and Samantha don't want to piss me off right now.
C"L"E: What does that mean?
FW: That means, this conversation is over, and you should leave me alone now.
C"L"E: Um....okay... thanks.
Firewoman replaces her earphones, adjusts her hat and glasses and goes back to trying to forget she's on an airplane.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:20:51 GMT -5
The Heroes Guild are WALKING~! to their seats on the plane.
Concrete TG: So did you two "clear your heads" last night?
Bryce Larson: Yeah, and Nayr got laid, too!
CTG: He did?!
N: I did?!
BL: Nah, just kidding.
N: You shouldn't joke about that type of stuff. I havd an image to uphold.
BL: Riiiiiiiight...my bad.
The Guild walk past Chris Evans. Bryce Larson simply exchanges the fist bump of mutual respect with Evans, who returns the same. No words are said.
The Guild members take their seats.
N: What the hell was that?
CTG: I was about to ask the same thing, Citizen Larson!
BL: What?
N: That whole fist-bump-no-look-mutual-respect thing!
BL: I don't see what the problem is. I can't have respect for the guy? We had a legendary 60 minute draw!
CTG: The guy who offered to be your partner? The guy who's not in the Heroes Guild? The guy who is trying to join Run DEA?
N: But most importantly, the guy who offered to be your partner?
CTG: Why is THAT the most important?
N: Well...I mean...see--
BL: Shut-up...both of you. It was just a fist bump. Nothing wrong with that. Not at all. Just drop it, okay?
Bryce puts on some headphones (presumably to listen to Katy Perry, or some other chick just because he thinks they're hot) as Nayr seems content with Bryce's response. Concrete TG seems less than satisfied with the explaination, and even less happy that Nayr is cool with it.
*Fade out*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:21:22 GMT -5
Selena is snuggled against Poe’s arm. She pokes him in the ribs to get his attention. SG: *whispers* Psst…if we crash… Selena looks behind her and sees SYB sleeping with his mouth open. SG: We’re gonna eat Stank. MHJ: I said only if we crash. LDW: Unless we land in water, which in case we may have to use him as a flotation device. SG: Shh! I was whispering so he wouldn’t hear. Poe: Mr. Williams, if we need flotation devices, we’d use Alexis Darling fake breasts. LD sits up to look at Poe. LDW: They’re fake? Poe: Very much so. Who do you think paid for them? LD sits back with a plop. Seamus McNasty reaches over and holds out his hand. LD digs into his pocket and places a $20 bill in his hand. Selena pokes Poe in the ribs again. Poe: Yes goddess? SG: Uncle Moose never answered me. If we eat Tytan, will we catch insane? Poe: No, insanity is hereditary. You get in when you have children. Moose and LD try not to laugh as Selena looks at him wide-eyed. SG: Really?? I’m so never having kids omigosh. Suddenly the co-pilot, who had been walking towards the bathroom speaks up. (OOC: Did I mention it’s R. Lee Ermey?) Co-P: Tytan? That boy’s crazier than a bag full of alley cats. Dumber too. His momma didn’t give him enough lovin’ growin’ up that’s for damn sure! Upon hearing that, SYB rises from his slumber and stands. SYB: R. Lee Ermey! You’ve never played a pilot before! You can’t be in this promo! Co-P: Shut your hole son, before I smack that nose off your face and send it home to your momma! SYB: SYB: BC, you can’t just shove random actors into roles they haven’t played for promos. We don’t even do that! Kayfabe explodes out of the cargo hold below SYB’s seat and “Drags him to Hell”. Selena reaches for Kayfabe but misses her. SG: Come back Kayfabe! I wanna talk to you! The co-pilot grabs Seamus’ glass of whiskey and downs it in two gulps. Co-P: Thanks son, now if you don’t mind I need to drain the lizard. LDW: Uh, you sure you should be flying and drinking? Co-P: Son, I’ve been flying since you were in diapers. I’ve forgotten more about flyin’ then you’ll ever learn about a woman. You want me on this plane. You need me on this plane. SYB: *from the cargo hold, still trying to escape Kayfabe* That was Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men! The Co-Pilot walks down the aisle. Seamus pours another drink. Selena gives up on trying to get Kayfabe’s attention and plops back down in her seat. She then pokes Poe in the ribs again. SG: So where’d we land on the whole ‘eating Tytan’ thing? Poe: *never taking his eyes off the book he’s reading* Nevermore. Selena slouches in her seat with her arms crossed and a slight pout. SG: That’s my line. Selena then sees birds flying alongside the plane. SG: Birdies!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:21:45 GMT -5
(Tytan is making his way onto the plane mubling and cursing the fact that he has to fly. Something he just hates.)
Tytan: Damn....Ric....make me get on this plane....(see Firewoman and snarls at her.)If this plane goes down....she gets eaten first....
(He keeps on walking and finally gets to his seat which just happens to be right across from Poe and his Merry Men. The two make eye contact.)
Tytan: Partner....
Poe: Partner....
(The stare down goes on and the tension gets thick. The others stop for a second or two and watch.)
Poe: No chain...
Tytan: Saving a special one for you....seems like you keep on getting lucky...must have more then one life...but they will run out soon...
SG: Muscle head...taking your roids lately?
Tytan (looking down to her) Hello Brat.
(Tytan then sits down shakes his head and closes his eyes.)
Tytan: This is going to be a long flight.
(FADE)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:22:20 GMT -5
(Ecosystem is talking with R. Lee Ermey.) Eco: You should so totally let me fly this plane for a bit. I've taken flight simulation lessons and everything! Ermey: Son, if you think I'm letting you anywhere near the controls given your...complexion...you gotta 'nother thing comin'. Eco: ...my complexion? Ermey: Look, I'm not a politically correct kind of guy. Fellers like you could be terrorists, see? Not saying you are, just saying you could. Eco: ...With all due respect sir, I'm Japanese, not Arab. Ermey: Fuck the Arabs! We've bombed the shit out of them. I'm thinking about the Lod Airport Massacre enacted by the Japanese Red Army in support of the PFLP! I'm onto y'all. Eco: You, sir, are certainly well-read. Ermey: Thank you *hic* Eco: You're also drunk off your ass, and I'm a professional wrestler. Ermey: What are you trying to--(Eco knocks Ermey out with a right hand.) Eco: That'll do. (Eco starts scooting up the aisle, where he bumps into a grumbling Tytan.) Eco: Hey Tytan. Tytan: (mumbling to himself) Poe's going to pay...his time is running out.... Eco: Why? I think Poe has a long and exciting career in the OOWF to look forward to! Tytan: ...Do you even pay attention to what's going on in the title scene? Eco: Not really, no. Tytan: ...Can you at least find me a seat? Eco: Sure. (Points to the back.) Just take my seat back there. Say, do you know where the cockpit is? Tytan: Just behind me-- (Eco blows by Tytan and runs into the cockpit... ...where the pilot is BEING ATTACKED BY SNAKES!!!) Eco: OH SHIT!!! Pilot: Help me... (The snake constricts the pilot's neck and is suffocating him.) Eco: Don't worry! I snuck a blowtorch on the plane! (Ecosystem whips out a blowtorch that is actually a FLAMETHROWER and burns the snake.) Eco: Take that, you hell-serpent! (He then notices the pilot's head has been burned clear off.) Eco: Oh. SHIT. (Ecosystem takes the controls.) Eco: Okay. Just remember. Toggle the joystick forward and press the red button. (Eco plays with the keypad a little and the plane begins to go into a nosedive.) Eco: SHIT SHIT SHIT!!! (The alarms on the plane begin to go off.) Selena: Um...why are the birdies going in a different direction from us? Poe: It appears we are...a little off course The Dead: Who's in the cockpit? (He jumps up, and immediately falls over in his drunkenness.) CTG: (jumping up) Heroes! This is our chance! This is why we are! To the cockpit! (Concrete, Bryce and Nayr run toward the cockpit where they see Eco button-mashing.) Eco: THIS ALWAYS WORKS ON THE VIDEO GAME!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!! AHHHH!!!!!! (Nayr pulls back on the stick until the plane rights itself, then pushes the autopilot button. The plane rights itself.) Eco: Oh. Thanks. Bryce: What flight simulator did you use where you button mash to pull up? Eco: Mario Kart. Concrete: That's not necessarily a reliable flight simu--GAK! (A snake is rolling itself around Concrete's neck. Bryce and Nayr try to pull it off, but it only constricts tighter.) Eco: Allow me. (Eco pulls out his flamethrower...thinks about it, and nails the snake in the head with the butt of the gun. The snake falls to the ground, knocked out.) Bryce: There are SNAKES on this plane? Nayr: I knew we should have listened to Ermey! Never trust the Japanese! Eco: WHY? What is wrong with my people? Nayr: They did this in Snakes on a Plane too! It's the Japanese mafia! Eco: Calm down. I'm sure those were the only two snakes on this plane. (There is a scream from the passenger section. Eco and the Heroes' Guild run out and see Firewoman screaming.) FW: I can't BELIEVE my headphones broke. AUGH!! Eco: Phew. FW: Also, WHY is there a snake hanging from the ceiling? Eco: Heh, it's just--AUGH!!! FW: AUGHH!!! Passengers: AUGH!!! (Moosehead Jack calmly walks up to the snake and twists its head off.) MHJ: Problem solved. Eco: You should watch getting that venom on your hands. MHJ: Who cares? It didn't bite me. Eco: Because if it seeps into your skin, it acts as a sedative. MHJ: That's nonsense. (Moose yawns.) I'm going to lay down now--(Moose falls over.) Bryce: How did you know that? Eco: My time in the Japanese mafia--I MEAN WORKING AT THE ZOO. Concrete: Whatever. Split up team, and see if we can find any more snakes. (Some members of the OOWF grudgingly get up and start looking around, while others can't be bothered.) Eco: Do we need a pilot eventually? Nayr: Probably to land. (R. Lee Ermey gets up.) Ermey: I'll take care of it...damn Jap probably wants us to fly into Pearl Harbor again. (Ermey stumbles drunkenly into the cockpit as Eco joins the snake search.)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 4, 2009 13:52:24 GMT -5
(Tytan notices that Moose is "taking a nap" from the snake venom.)
Tytan: (smiles and chuckles) I just have to do this.
(Tytan walks over to the down Moose and somehow just happens to have a marker in his pocket and begins to draw a cartoon glasses and stuff on Moose and just before the little brat has a chance to notice what is going on. Tytan scurries off.)
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