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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2009 12:57:09 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem Live! From Amsterdam, New York
OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u] Poe vs. Outback Jack
OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u] Matt Folz vs. Concrete TG
OOWF Invitational Tag Team Tournament - Round 2[/u] kz vs. Ravenna Blue & The Dead IHOP vs. Team TeAM The Midnight Sons vs. Alexander Darling & Davin Moreland Firewoman & Stank vs. Team Fuel
The Amnesiac vs. Nayr
Card subject to cow tipping
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2009 13:00:46 GMT -5
*Fade in* to Team FUEL seeing the line-up for next week's Midweek Mayhem.
Chris "Lionheart" Evans: Just as I figured...
"Bulletproof" Bryce Larson: Me, too. It's cool though, good luck to him.
C"L"E: Him? Stank?
"B"BL: Stank? No dude, Concrete TG. He has an Onslaught Championship match against Fozzie.
C"L"E: That's what you figured?
"B"BL: Yeah. I mean, Gryfon can't be facing Grover for the title, when it's held by Fozzie, right?
C"L"E: Um...right.
"B"BL: Which is probably a good thing. I think Gryfon could have taken Grover, but you never know with that guy...you never know what Grover is going to show up.
C"L"E: ...
"B"BL: Are you facing normal, average Grover...or SUP-ER GROVER!
C"L"E: ...
"B"BL: It makes a difference, you know.
C"L"E: Well, you have to consider--wait! You're analyzing the wrestling abilities of Muppets?
"B"BL: I know, it's fascinating! I wonder if they'll let me draft a Muppet in the Winter Wrestling Draft. Have any Muppets wrestled?
C"L"E: [Vehemently pointing at the match listing "Firewoman & Stank vs. Team Fuel."] Look Bryce, look!
"B"BL: Okay, I see it.
C"L"E: ...
"B"BL: And?
C"L"E: We're wrestling Firewoman and Stank! They're The Five.
"B"BL: More like The Two, actually.
C"L"E: They're PART OF The Five! We're the "plus two." What the hell!? Do we win, do we lose? How do we prepare those two?
"B"BL: I see...
C"L"E: I see? I see! That's your response? I see?
"B"BL: Well, when faced with a conundrum such as this, I often ask myself...what would Ravenna do?
C"L"E: Ravenna Blue?
"B"BL: No, "Ravenna do." What would Ravenna do. It's how I've always made my decions.
C"L"E: Always made your decisions? You didn't know she existed until a few weeks ago.
"B"BL: Yeah, I know...and things are much clearer now. She's like a little, real life Magic 8-Ball. It's amazing...
C"L"E: You took another kick to the head tonight, didn't you?
"B"BL: Yeah, I think I did. So?
C"L"E: Just checking.
*Fade out*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2009 13:01:19 GMT -5
<Ravenna Blue comes back to her locker room after a strenuous workout. She stops in front of the sink in her locker room and looks in the mirror, tracing the scar on her shoulder absentmindedly. She bends down and splashes some water on her face, when she stands back up, she looks in the mirror and Moosehead Jack is standing there. Ravenna tenses up, but says nothing. Slowly she reaches for a straight razor she has on the sink>
MHJ: No need for that. Had I wanted to attack, you would have never seen it coming.
<Ravenna slowly turns around to face Moose>
RB: What do you want?
MHJ: It occurred to me that we have not been formally introduced. <Moose puts on the most insincere smile ever and extends his hand> I am Moosehead Jack
RB: <ignoring his extended hand> I know who you are
MHJ:<smirking and looking a little amused> I guess word travels fast. Now that you know who I am, I should tell you, I know who you are as well. I have seen your work, you have earned your shot here in the OOWF. You.......and The Dead get to face the OOWF world tag team champions kz, that's pretty impressive.
<Ravenna glares at Moose and says nothing>
MHJ: I am sure you are familiar with kz's work. We tend to be a bit..........chaotic. The brawls tend to be all over the place, around the ring, in the back.........through the crowd
<with this Ravenna tenses a little bit, Moose notices it and smirks>
MHJ: Why, Ravenna, you look like you have just seen a ghost. Something bother you about fighting through the crowd?
RB:<voice cracking slightly> No
MHJ: That's right..........that nasty scar comes from some nutjob fan stabbing you. Well. I am sure that will be the furthest thing from your mind this week. What are the odds of something like that happening........twice. <Moose smirks> great to meet you Ravenna. We'll see you in the ring........and maybe in the crowd.......this Wednesday.
Trust me
<Moose turns and walks out of Ravenna's locker room. Ravenna sighs deeply and closes her eyes as we fade to black>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2009 13:01:43 GMT -5
Firewoman is PUMPING IRON~! focusing on her shoulders and abs today. The very loud heavy metal music is playing, and she is back in the zone. Team Fuel comes in and sees her working out and walks on over.
C"L"E: Hey, Fire.
She ignores him, as she tries to finish her set.
"B"BL: I don't see how this is going to work. Muppets don't have muscles.
C"L"E: Bryce....why don't you go over there.....There's a guy that looks just like you in that mirror.
Larson goes over to the mirror and begins to argue with his own reflection. Evans looks back over to Fire, who is done with her set.
FW: What?
C"L"E: So....well, we're facing each other this week in the tournament.
FW: Yes.... Yes we are.
C"L"E: So, I ... Well... how do I put this...
FW: You want to know if Stank and I are going to kill you or not.
C"L"E: No, that's not it... I know you wouldn't do that.
Firewoman looks at him incredulously. She gets up from the bench, wipes the sweat off with her towel, and walks up to him.
FW: I wouldn't do that? Have you been paying attention, Cubbie? Did you not watch me decimate my best friend in the ring. Did you not help me with that? Did you not watch me burn my own father's house down because it amused me to do so? Did you not watch me lure a former partner into a false sense of confidence, get him to shake my hand in the ring in front of everyone, get him to agree to an alliance, and then turn on him to form the Five? Are you really that dense? Do you really think I'm going to give you a pass while you stand between me and the tag team championships?
Evans looks down uncomfortably and back up.
C"L"E: I ... I guess not....
FW: So, if you're concerned, there's really only one thing to do.
C"L"E: What do you mean?
FW: If you're afraid to face us..
C"L"E: I am not afraid. I have just as much right....Bryce and I have just as much right to those belts as you do. Maybe more.
FW: Really?
C"L"E: So--
FW: But you want to stay with the Five right? "Prove you belong" and all that?
C"L"E: Maybe....
FW: Then lay down.
C"L"E: Huh? Now?
FW: In the ring. Lay down. Let me or Stank pin you. Show your loyalty.
Evans looks at Fire as if he can't believe what she is saying, clearly shocked and angry.
C"L"E: There is no way in hell, I would lay down for you or any other wrestler. I don't care what group or what is at stake.
FW: So, you care nothing about group loyalty?
C"L"E: After the resume you just listed out, you're really asking about loyalty? I'm surprised you know the meaning of the word. (Firewoman smiles sweetly). Fine, but to answer your question, I do care about loyalty, but that's secondary. If I've learned nothing from you, it's that winning is everything. So maybe you and Stank should be the ones laying down for us.
Firewoman stops smiling and she and Evans stare at each other for an impossibly long time. Then she smiles again, and laughs.
FW: Good job, Cubbie. You passed the test.
C"L"E: I... I did?
FW: Yep. Don't worry, okay? We'll have a hell of a match, and let the belts fall where they may. See you later.
She pats him on the shoulder as she leaves. Larson walks up.
"B"BL: So, did you get your argument straightened out?
C"L"E: Yeah...yeah, I was worried for nothing.
"B"BL: Good. At least one of us came out on top of their arguments today.
C"L"E: Huh?
"B"BL: That guy in the window is an asshole.
C"L"E: What? Wait, you lost an argument...with your own reflection?
"B"BL: Yeah.....
Evans shakes his head and then the two of them walk out as well.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2009 13:02:11 GMT -5
*Fade in* as Bryce is in a towel, just finished up a shower. He walks up to the sink, and turns on the water. He looks up--into the mirror--immediately looks down and turns the water off. Bryce walks over to his bag...he grabs a piece of paper, a Sharpie and some tape.
Bryce scribbles something on the paper, pulls off a piece of tape, and tapes the scribbled on paper to the mirror, with the writing facing the mirror, looking down the whole time.
Bryce grabs his bag and storms off, obviously deciding to get dressed elsewhere.
The ninja cameraman manages to get the right angle on the mirror to make out the writing on the paper...
YOU MAY HAVE WON THE FIRST BATTLE BUT I WANT A REMATCH
I WILL AWAIT YOUR ANSWER I AM NOT A PATIENT PERSON
*Fade out*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2009 13:02:39 GMT -5
(Spin Hansen is heading back to the Destroyitarium as he sees Ravenna Blue leaving her locker room...)
SH: Hey, Ravenna. Do you have a second?
RB: Are you going to try to recruit me for some cause, too?
SH: No, I'm not. What you do is your choice. You and The Dead put on a helluva show last week and it's obvious that you'd be an asset to whatever group you believe in most, but which group that is isn't my choice. All that I know is that trouble's not just brewing, it's had soy milk added to it and has been served in a paper cup by a snooty barista with a nose piercing, multi-colored hair, and a master's degree in Ancient Chinese Lit.
RB: Huh?
SH: Sorry, it's been a long day. What I'm trying to say is that you and your partner are more than welcome to come to the Destroyitarium and have a drink or three. The Dead's a helluva competitor although he's been pretty quiet lately, and you seem like good people... plus I think we all need to step back, relax, and clear our minds to figure out what to do next in this tournament. Anyway, see you around.
(He leaves as the scene fades...)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2009 13:03:09 GMT -5
<Fire is sitting at Flair's Sub Shoppe "EAT FRESH FATBOY!" when Moose sits down across from her and slides a coffee her way>
FW: Seems odd now that no one cares that we have coffee
MHJ: Oh, people still care. They think we are up to no good
FW: Are they wrong?
MHJ: Not necessarily
<A long pause passes between the brother and sister, finally broken my Moose>
MHJ: So, you and Poe
FW: What about Poe and I?
MHJ: Is this going to work?
FW: Of course it will, I don't have to like someone to work with them
MHJ: You two are a lot alike
FW: Bullshit. I never stabbed someone in the side and left them for dead
MHJ: You lived, stop whining
FW: Fuck you
MHJ: Beside, are you really going to tell me that if you didn't have the chance to do something like that to prove a point you wouldn't do it? This from the person who tried to murder dear sweet dad?
FW: I didn't try that hard, otherwise he wouldn't have made it out
MHJ: My point exactly
FW: You don't know what went on in Japan
MHJ: I know more than you think
FW: Oh really? And how is it you know that?
MHJ: That's not important. What is important is that you and Poe co-exist. I am not asking you to be friends, but for this to work, you have to put your differences aside - for now.
FW: Like you were going to put your differences aside to work with Darling when we invited you into DEA?
MHJ: Yeah, that wasn't going to happen
FW: Would have been interesting
MHJ: They just wanted LD and I to team with Alexis and take the trios titles. It was about as sincere and offer as I would expect from Darling
FW: So.........this tournament
MHJ: What about it
FW: Could be us in the finals
MHJ: Could be. Bout time big brother showed you what was what in the ring
FW: HA! If I recall, you were the one who was firestomped most recently
MHJ: I owe you for that one. Look, this tournament is nice and all, but in the grand scheme of things, it is irrelevant. If kz wins, it proves what we already know, we are the best team in the OOWF. If you and Stank win, then we know that one way or another the tag titles stay in The Five
FW: And if someone else wins it?
MHJ: Then someone else dies.
<the siblings both grin at this as we fade out>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2009 13:03:29 GMT -5
*Back from ads as Spin Hansen walks into the Destroyitarium. He spies a stack of mail on a nearby table and walks over to it. Thumbing through the bills, he looks up toward the bar and sees Stank sitting there having a brew and talking to Bartender. Spin returns his attention back to thumbing through the bills, having dismissed the familiar scene. It dawns on him seconds later what he just saw.*
SH - Wait! WHAT THE HELL???
*Stank stops his conversation and looks over at Spin.*
SH - WHO let YOU in HERE??
Stank - Now Spin... is that any way to treat a founding member of Drink and Destroy in the house that he built?
SH - GET the HELL OUT of HERE!
Stank - No. Not until I've finished my beer and my conversation.
*Spin looks around (somewhat nervously) and notices Outback and DH are not in the room.*
Stank - I don't know where they are. I haven't seen them.
*Spin eyes Bartender who replies with a shrug.*
SH - You have to the count of 3 to leave under your own power, Lucas.
Stank - Oh. So now it's Lucas? You used to call me boss.
SH - I should walk over there and beat your ass.
Stank - But you won't will you?
SH -
*Stank rises from his seat and gulps down the remainder of his beer. He sets the mug down on the bar and wipes his mouth. He walks right up to Spin and slightly looks up at the new leader of Drink and Destroy.*
Stank - You want to hit me? Hit me.
*Spin Hansen balls up his fist, hauls off, and SMASHES Stank square in the jaw. The OOWF Intercontinental champion falls a step back from the blow, but does not go down. Instead he turns back and faces Spin with a bloody grin.*
Stank - Selena hits harder than you.
Spin - What happened to you... What the HELL hap- ?
Stank - I WISED up! I evolved!
SH - Do you hear yourself?
Stank - I hear just fine Spin. It's you who needs to hear. There are only four others who can match me and you're not one of them. You're not there yet Spin. You're simply not good enough. Maybe one day... but not today. Today... there are only Five... and our world has just begun.
SH - You're sick. I don't know who brainwashed you. Poe, Moosehead Jack... it doesn't matter. Your world is coming to an end. And Drink and Destroy will never die.
Stank - No brainwashing going on here, bro. Just good old fashioned common sense. We'll just see about how long D&D lasts... Let's go.
SH - I'm not going anywhere with you.
Stank - Not you... him.
*Stank points his thumb back over his shoulder towards Bartender. Bartender doesn't move.*
SH - Where the Hell do you think he's go-
Stank - I'm not asking Greg. I'm telling you. Let's go! The Five are in need of your services. I'll be back for Shannon later.
*Stank steps around Spin and walks out the door. The Bartender who we now know as Greg, reaches down and grabs a small duffel bag.*
SH - Greg?
BT - That's my name. No one's ever bothered to ask. I don't know how Stank found out, but..
SH - Where are you going?
*Greg the bartender shrugs his shoulders.*
BT - I'm sorry Spin... I don't know what to tell you... I owe the guy. I owe him a lot. I can't... don't make this harder than it already is.
*GTB zips his duffel bag, and with his head down, he walks past Spin, and out the door behind Stank. Spin KICKS over a nearby table in frustration as the camera fades.*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2009 13:04:29 GMT -5
(Spin is in the Destroyitarium, still seething.)
SH: First he defects. Then he steals the fucking bartender. Two past leaders of D&D gone. And why the hell is he calling himself Greg now?
Shannon the Barmaid: Greg's his first name. Steve's his middle name. He went by Steve in the 70s because he said it "sounded more bad-ass."
SH: And I suppose that you're gonna bail, too?
Shannon: I owe him, too. All of us here do. He gave us jobs. He got us out of bad spots.
SH: Go then. Do what you have to do. I appreciate everything that you've done for Drink and Destroy, and I want you to know that if he or ANYONE in The Five treat you like shit.. anyone at all... you'll always have a place back here.
Shannon: Thanks. It means a lot.
(She hugs Spin, and walks out the door. Spin stands and sees her leave as he shakes his head.)
SH: Fucking great.
(He goes behind the bar, fills a rocks glass with cheap tequila, and takes a long drink as the scene fades.)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2009 13:04:53 GMT -5
*Outback Jack walks into the Destroyitarium and sees Spin behind the bar*
OBJ: Giving Steve and Shannon a little help?
SH: It's Greg and Shannon, and they're gone.
OBJ: Pour me one of those and fill me in.
*Scheme Gene strides in*
SG: That'll have to wait. I'm here to interview you.
OBJ: Gene, I'm not in the mood for this.
SG: Do I have to call the GM?
OBJ: This is not a good time for me.
*SG makes a point of pulling out a cell phone. Before he can dial, OBJ grabs his wrist, while OBJ's face transitions into that of Jack of the Hinterlands*
JH: I don't mind talking right now, if that's OK with you, Gene.
*SG gulps and nods*
JH: So I finally get to face Poe one on one, for the big belt. I've been studying the man for a long time. His capacity for violence impresses me. My contacts in Japan have told me about his skill with mind games. He can prey on all kinds of fear. He reminds some people of the Egyptian cobra, Naje Hage, who can gorge itself on the flesh of the puff adder and other venomous rivals, even taking on the Cape Cobra, the second most toxic cobra on the planet.
SG: How do you know this stuff?
JH: Remember Steve, our old sidekick?
SG: Oh, sure, the indie wrestler with the Australian naturalist gimmick.
JH: Anyways, I've been thinking about how to prepare to beat this particular snake. Do you know what it takes, Gene?
SG: Reflexes, that's what it takes! Me, I've got brains!
JH: I love that movie, so I'm not going to kill you. But no, it takes the ability to stare down the serpent, and if necessary take the sting, to strike at its head while he strikes at your heel.
*Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster are watching in their locker room*
JA: He said "heel" - does that have anything to do with us?
AA: He was referring to the body part, not the wrestling term.
JA: So why are we in this promo?
AA: Because we are ratings gold.
*The Chickenshit Faces or whatever they are called now bump fists and we go back to the Destroyitarium*
JH: Spin, would you mind passing me that large crate behind the bar with my name on it.
SH: Which name?
JH: Oh, probably Back of Beyond Jack. He's the compulsive one.
*To be continued*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2009 13:05:14 GMT -5
Poe is in the As Yet Unnamed Locker Room Complex of the Five, relaxing with a little wine and some hookah. Selena is sitting on the floor playing with some burning incense.
Poe: Do not burn yourself goddess.
SG: Pfft, I know what I'm doing. Shouldn't you be watching tape or something?
Moosehead Jack and LD Williams enter. Moose sits on the couch near Poe.
LDW: Did someone say tape?
MHJ: Mouse is right. You should prepare for your match with...
SG: Hatchback Jack!
Selena looks at Poe and Moose with bright eyes and a bright smile.
SG: See, I remembered.
MHJ: Well yes...but that's not his name.
SG: Pee Out Back Jack?
LDW: Damn...that's closer.
MHJ: In all seriousness, he is one of the few that I would actually concern myself with...you know, if I was ever concerned about my well being.
Poe: Which you're not.
LDW: Shall we watch tape?
Poe: By all means Mr. Williams.
SG: Backpack Jack!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2009 13:05:34 GMT -5
*Back in the Destroyitarium. Jack of the Hinterlands has pried open a large crate*
JH: Right, lets see if there's anything in here that poe might use to scare me.
*Pulls out a giant Madagascar hissing cockroach*
JH: Snack time!
*JH eats the cockroach, and reaches in to pull out a large hairy tarantula*
JH: A moderately poisonous creature. Let's see what happens.
*The tatrantula bites Jack of the Hinterlands, then has a seizure and dies*
JH: Well, that wasn't very exciting. Oh, wait, here's an Egyptian king scorpion! Business might be picking up!
*Jack of the Hinterlands lets the scorpion sting him, drinks tequila from the bottle, then eats the scorpion*
JH: Right, well I'm on a high protein diet so I think the scorpion was OK for that. Now I'm thinking there's only snakes left in the crate, so I'd better get some insurance. Spin, please hand me a bottle of Paddy's.
*Spin hand over a bottle of Paddy"s Irish whiskey. which Jack of the Hinterlands chugs. Jack then grabs a snake out of the crate*
JH: Oh, it's just a puff adder.
*JH "tails" the snake for a while. then catches it behind the head and breaks its neck*
JH: Well, it looks like there's nothing here I can't handle. Of course, Poe doesn't know if it's me or Outback Jack or Back of Beyond Jack, but we've all got him scouted.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2009 13:05:51 GMT -5
(Tytan is heading down the hall of random encounters when he comes face to face with Outback Jack.)
OBJ: Tytan
Tytan: Jack
(The two stare down each other for what seems like a dramatic 3 minutes and in reality its only like 15 seconds.)
(Tytan then reaches out to shake Outback Jacks hand. And Jack does the same.)
Tytan: Just want to wish you luck in your match with Poe at Mayhem. If kz or any of the Five give you trouble just know me and Eco got your back.
(Outback chugs his drink of choice and the belches.)
OBJ: That's Australian for thanks Mate. We have had some bad blood between us...
Tytan: It's good to know this time we are both on the same side.
OBJ: And if the five give you any crap know D&D has got your back too.
Tytan: Appreciate it. Good to know we got some friends around here.
OBJ: When you get a chance you should stop by and have a drink. We could talk strategy.
Tytan: Eco and I just might have to take you up on the offer.
OBJ: All right then.
(The two shake and walk off.)
FADE
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2009 13:07:03 GMT -5
(Tytan, Eco and Matt Folz are sitting in TACO BELL discussing the latest in the drama that is the OOWF.)
Eco: So, then she said "You ain't my Baby's daddy!"
Tytan: She didn't.
Eco: She did.
Tytan: (Snapping his fingers.)Well snap.
Matt: (Clearing in throat.) Can I ask what in the hell was that and how does that go with what is happening in the OOWF?
Tytan: That's what we were suppose to be talking about?
Eco: Damn I didn't realize the camera was on already.
(Kayfabe make an appearance from the kitchen that is suppose to be in Taco Bell she grabs three soft Taco and throws in in the way of Team EaT and Matt.)
Tytan: Damn we pissed of Kayfabe this time.
Eco: Well now since Eco is acting Commish she is let loose again!
Kayfabe:(Grabbing a burrito) And I have a lot of time to make up.
Matt: So this is how it is hanging out with you too.
Eco: As long as there is food.
Tytan: We are usually somewhere in the middle of it.
(TO BE CONTINUED)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2009 13:07:43 GMT -5
(Fade back in after the Food Fight. Eco, Tytan, and Matt are sitting at the same table. They are covered in Lettuce, Cheese, and Chop Meat.)
Matt: So this is how arguable the Top Faces gets treated in the OOWF?
Eco: Well it's either that or you are Darling and Davin.
(Awkward Pause between the three as Kayfabe sits down and joins them with her Taco Bell.)
Kayfabe: You see Matt, you can either be the serious lone wolf Hero type like Davin and Alex. And that Alex is so Dreamy. (She swoons for a moment.)
(Tytan snaps is fingers in front of Kayfabe.)
Kayfabe: Sorry where was I....
Tytan: Serious lone wolf Hero types or....
Kayfabe: That's right....or the lovable odd balls that you can't help but cheer for.
Eco: And that's us.
(Tytan and Eco then toast there drinks to each other. Kayfabe then begins to eat.)
Tytan: You see we just decided that it was too much work to be all cool and silent like that.
Eco: So we decided it was easier to just be ourselves.
Tytan: Work smarted not harder...that's what Eco always says and I have finally learned to live by that too.
Eco: Hakuna Matata
Tytan: Hakuna Matata.
Matt: Hakuna Matata....Don't go there guys...please not here!
(Eco and Tytan stand up. They look to Kayfabe who suprisingly joins them.)
(They finish and all sit down. Kayfabe looks and Tytan and Eco.)
Kayfabe: So why is it that you guys keep on getting dubbed over in different languages. I mean that was French?
Eco: We are so over in France that we decided that we need to start being good to the international audience.
Tytan: The merchandise is going over there incredibly.
Matt: Wow, you guys are definitely odd. But you do keep it interesting.
Kayfabe: And they won't turn on you either.
(They all laugh like in the end of a CHIPS Episode. Sorry couldn't find a good clip to end it with.)
FADE
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2009 13:08:11 GMT -5
*We see the back of a man reading a help wanted sign. The camera pans back to show that he is outside the Destroyitarium. The man reaches up to smooth his hair and adjust his tie, then walks inside. As he does, we see the familiar face of Steve the Bartender.
Behind the bar Spin is pouring a pitcher of beer, Mags is washing glasses, and OBJ is restocking liquor bottles. They all do a double-take as the man walks up to the bar*
Spin: I knew you'd see the light!
DHM: You're a sight for sore eyes.
OBJ: Good on ya, mate!
Man: I'm sorry, I'm just here to apply for the bartending job.
Spin: The job is yours, Steve. Or do you prefer Greg?
Man: Wait a minute. Did your old bartender look like me?
DHM: Spitting image.
Man: Oh, my twin must have been working here.
OBJ: You're not Steve?
Man: No I'm Adam.
Spin: Adam and Steve?
Donovan Viper: I am not a...
D&D: Not now Donny!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2009 13:08:39 GMT -5
Firewoman comes WALKING~! in to the Locker Room Suites of the Five. She spies Gregory Steven behind the new bar, and Shannon walking around. She blinks a few times, then focuses again on Gregory Steven, with a smile, and goes walking up to the bar.
FW: Some nice new scenery around here. Got Jameson’s, baby?
G/S: Sure, ma’am, coming right up?
FW: Ma’am? You’re not from Texas, are you?
Stank: Fire….
FW: Later, Luca—
Stank: How ‘bout we have a “hands off the help” rule?
FW: Since when?
Stank: At least give them 24 hours.
FW: Fine. What’s up.
MHJ: Nice of you to join us. I thought you were going to stay in your locker room all day.
FW: I was. So, you brought me out here, what’s—
Poe: Naming the locker room.
FW: Seriously? I don’t care. There.
WLD: No, we all need to agree.
FW: Fine. (Firewoman sits down in a comfy chair with her legs over the arm. G/S brings her her drink and smiles at her. She smiles back, as Moose shakes his head.)
Stank: So, we’re down to two.
FW: So flip a coin. I’m busy.
Poe: Moose likes “The Solarium.”
FW: Seriously. A room full of sunshine and light for the five darkest figures in the company.
WLD: The irony isn't lost, is it?
Poe: How about Chamber Five?
FW: Lame. How bout just the Chamber?
Stank: Chamber V?
WLD: The Chamber might be too generic.
SelenaG: Chamber of Greatness?
FW: Too generic? Because some OTHER faction in OOWF may use it?
MHJ: There’s another faction that matters?
FW: No, but I don't see how 'generic' is a bad thing. Not like we have to tell it apart from Chamber IV or Chamber VI. But if you want V, that's fine
MHJ: Chamber V or Chamber of V?
FW: I don't know. I like just the Chamber, but … he (barely acknowledging Poe) wants V in there. Chamber V.
MHJ: Well, then we can also just say the Five's Chamber.
Stank: Nooo….I don’t like that. Chamber V is fine.
WLD: Agreed.
FW: Good, can I go?
Poe: It should be unanimous. Moose?
MHJ: Works for me.
FW: Why do we need a name again?
SelenaG: Duh….T shirts!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2009 13:09:03 GMT -5
(Spin Hansen is in the Destroyitarium, talking to Adam— a spitting image of Steve with one difference... a goatee. DUN DUN DUN....)
SH: So you're Steve's twin brother, eh?
Adam the Bartender: Indeed.
SH: And were you a member of the Drink & Destroy Detective Agency in the 1970s?
AtB: No, I wasn't into that. I spent my time carefully honing my skills to become the world's greatest practitioner of the greatest skill known to man...
SH: If you say "Gymkata", I'm going to put my fist through your abdomen.
AtB: No. Why would you even think of that?
SH: I had a bad experience.
AtB: No, what I did was far more demanding than any imaginary gymnastics-based martial art... I became a master bouzouki player.
SH: A what now?
AtB: Bouzouki. Like a long-necked lute. It's Greek.
SH: Not following you.
AtB (sighing): Do you like Monty Python?
SH: Love 'em.
AtB: The cheese shop sketch?
SH (recognition dawning): OOOOH! THAT bouzouki. So why are you tending bar?
AtB: That asshole Zamfir, master of the Pan Flute. It's a long story... (the scene starts fading into wavy flashback lines...)
SH: Wait. Not right now. Can you mix me a drink?
AtB: What'll it be?
SH: Let's go for something classic... a gin fizz.
(He makes one. Spin drinks it and seems impressed.)
SH: Screaming Purple Jesus?
AtB: Where do you hide the Mountain Dew and grape soda?
SH: Dew's in the locked fridge. (He whispers) There are certain OOWF members who have a bit of a Dew fixation.
AtB: Done.
(Spin drinks it and likes it, too.)
SH: What's the proper temperature to serve Jaegermeister?
AtB: Ten degrees Fahrenheit.
SH: Very nice. The difference between a Shiraz and a Syrah?
AtB: Generally it's going to be where the wine was produced.
SH: Outstanding. I'll be getting in touch with you. Send the next applicant in...
(A hulking form stands in front of the door as the scene fades...)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2009 13:09:34 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland and Samantha Darling-Moreland are HAVING~! coffee at a local Dunkin' Donuts*
DM: It was nice to see the house for a change.
SDM: Yeah, great investment. You haven't even been there a week since you bought it.
DM: Shut it.
SDM: Just sayin.
DM: Whatever.
SDM: No, YOU whatever. What the fuck is your problem, anyway?
DM: M--Davin Moreland's problem is that Davin Moreland has to team with Sisterfucker again this week against two people Davin Moreland greatly respects; as well as a former teammate.
SDM: So? OOWF can be pretty incestuous at times.
DM: Samantha DARLING-Moreland would know from incestuous.
SDM: You don't want to go here.
DM: All Davin Moreland knows is that Davin Moreland has business with Stank the Irrelevant and the rest of the Ochocinco. Being in a tag team with Sisterfucker isn't in Davin Moreland's best interests. Davin Moreland is a patient man, but Davin Moreland also has a timetable Davin Moreland needs to stick to. Step one will be when Davin Moreland takes the OOWF Intercontinental Championship from Stank the Irrelevant.
SDM: That's step one.
DM: Yeah.
SDM: Um, how do you get to step one from say...here?
DM: Step .5? Davin Moreland doesn't enjoy Beautiful Samantha Darling-Moreland's inability to discern hyperbole, satire and exaggeration from reality.
SDM: You done?
DM: Probably.
SDM: Probably?
DM: Davin Moreland is ready to leave this fine Dunkin' Donuts establishment and retire to the gym, where Davin Moreland can repeatedly impress Davin Moreland's bride.
SDM: Too bad that's the only place you imp...know what? Never mind. Lead the way, Davin Moreland.
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2009 13:10:08 GMT -5
(Tytan has made his way to center ring and has a mic in hand. The crowd gives him a mixed reaction but there are actually more cheers then boos.)
Tytan: Many of you are wondering why I am out here and messing with your fine night of entertainment. I know the last thing you really want to hear is some muscle head talk. But, it seems like there are some issues that need to be addressed.
First off, IHOP. You know I am really getting sick of having to beat your asses over and over again. Why can't you just go away? Mayhem my partner and I will just have to beat you one more time.
Now, on to bigger fish. There is you Bullwinkle and Rocky, or should I call you by kz. Moose, you smacked me with a shovel. Don't you realize I called you out because I am just sick and tired of you running around here with Natasha and Boris beating whoever you want when you think it's cool.
Just look at this:
Sorry Moose I didn't think you wanted the OOWF to see the real you.
(Cheers from the crowd.)
I called you out because I am sick of it and I know I can beat you. If you step into this ring and actually wrestle a match the OOWF will see that you can't do it. If you don't have any weapons and any of your buddies, you are a nobody. So, Moose can you do it. Are you up for the challenge? Hell, you know what Eco and I will meet with you soon in the ring. No brawls we will beat you the old fashion way in the ring when we pin you for the 1-2-3 and take those damn belts from you. And don't worry kz we aren't going to be roaming the halls looking to take you out. Remember it's "Work smart, not hard!" See you soon boys!
(Tytan drops the mic and rolls out of the ring and makes his way up the ramp shaking hands with several of the fans.)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2009 13:10:35 GMT -5
Selena is in Chamber V watching Tytan's promo. She's laughing at the cartoon.
SG: Look Uncle Moose, it's another moose. I guess that's you.
LDW: Does that make me Rocky?
MHJ: I believe it does.
LDW: I'm the fucking squirrel???
SG: Language!
Selena then laughs.
MHJ: Congratulations Tytan. You actually got me to root for you.
Selena stops laughing.
SG: You're rooting for Meathead?
MHJ: Yes, I'd love to face them next week. He wants to see what I am capable of. I'll be only too happy to show him.
Selena grins.
SG: Will there be blood?
MHJ: Oh yes. There will be blood.
Suddenly, SYB pops up on the screen.
SYB: Hey! That's from Saw.
SG: Um...can he hear us?
Selena looks around for a microphone.
G/S: IHOP has the ability to hear any promo movie related. It's their gimmick, and Moosehead Jack could now be sued for gimmick infringment.
Kayfabe pops up from under the bar.
MHJ: He wouldn't dare and...Kayfabe, have you been under the bar the entire time?
LDW: Firewoman's gonna be jealous.
SG: What would she be doing under the....Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Kayfabe shrugs. Firewoman comes out of her locker room. Kayfabe runs out the door.
FW: What did I miss?
Moosehead Jack realizes SYB's face is still on the screen. He throws his beer mug through it.
LDW: I'll call Erlana and tell her we need a new TV.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2009 13:11:01 GMT -5
(Ecosystem is sitting atop the small Amsterdam venue, which has already been decorated for the show. He stares out into the distance. Suddenly, a familiar form comes up behind him.)
Dr. Sid: You need not require I meet you on top of roofs, you know. There are all sorts of empty rooms on the lower levels.
Eco: It's more peaceful up here.
Dr. Sid: If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were as crazy as my former client...
Eco: I may be, in my own way. I'm glad you decided to come around.
Dr. Sid: This doesn't mean I accept everything you said.
Eco: What did I say?
Dr. Sid: Essentially that beneath her crazy destructive exterior, there exists the soul of a cold, calculated evil woman.
Eco: Ah. I stand by there.
Dr. Sid: Well, I DON'T.
Eco: (looking back) Excuse me?
Dr. Sid: I...I want to save her?
Eco: SAVE HER?
Dr. Sid: This much power...
Eco: SAVE HER?
Dr. Sid: ...and ability to exercise her will freely over others...it's not healthy for HER. She cannot be with her brother...and she cannot be with The Five. (He covers his face with his hands) I mean, I think. I hope I'm wrong...maybe my emotions are compelling...
Eco: (touching his shoulder) No, I think what you're saying is...well....
Dr. Sid: And...and you know something about saving someone, right? Just because she doesn't look servile doesn't mean she's not. She's a slave to emotion, a slave to her compulsions and her history.
Eco: Hmm. Maybe...let's go inside, it's getting cold.
Dr. Sid: Oh sure, now it is. Where have you been the past few days? I see you in Tytan promos but you don't return calls.
Eco: Those were excellent Tytan promos. (Presses a secret *exalt* button in his pocket) I...I needed some personal time.
(Eco descends into the arena, followed by TDr. Sid.)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2009 13:11:34 GMT -5
Gtb - Look at me Stank. *Stank looks up from the photo sitting on the bar and at Greg the bartender.* Gtb - Now look back at the picture of my brother. *Stank looks back down at the photo* Gtb - Honestly... do you think we look alike? Stank - You're twins Greg. Gtb - Not identical! Stank - What's the big deal? Gtb - The big deal is my brother is an asshole whom I haven't seen since we were like FIFTEEN! Stank - He doesn't look fifteen in this photo. Gtb - He sent that to me a couple of months ago, and TWO years before THAT when he called me out the blue... like nothing ever happened! NOW he's interviewing for my OLD job? I wish he'd just stay away. Stank - You're not at all curious to see him? Gtb - Are you at all curious to talk to Jared? Stank - Gtb - Hmmph... didn't think so. You're not the only one with family issues. Stank - I get along with my mom and Simone just fine. Gtb - And your dad? Stank - I don't talk about him. Gtb - Adam and I never knew our dad. Stank - I wish I didn't know mine. Gtb - Stank - And that's the most I'll ever say about him. Pour a me a drink will ya? Gtb - I can't believe that asshole brother of mine is coming to MY workplace! Stank - You work for The Five now, Greg. We're all that matter. Gtb - Yeah... right. Stank - Just stay away from Firewoman... I mean as far as extracurricular activity is concern. Gtb - I'm a grown man, Luc. Stank - Gtb - She seems harmless enough. Stank - Gtb - Stank - Gtb - BESIDES the obvious... sociopathic... episodes. She seems like a lovely woman. Stank - I thought you and Shannon were... Gtb - Shannon...? Oh no. no. no. She's like a sister to me. Shannon's a sweetheart. Stank - No she isn't. Gtb - Of course she is... why would you... Stank - When I found Shannon she was beating the shit out of some douchebag who didn't know that no meant no. That's not why she isn't a sweetheart. Her mouth... the girl can fight... but the only reason she ever needed to was because she didn't know when to shut up. Anyway... her boss fired her after she beat up his son and she had nowhere to go and no one to go to. I brought her to the OOWF originally to train as a wrestler. She likes to fight, but she don't like to wrestle... or rather the spotlight that comes with what we do. I see her as a natural for my line of work, but she rather hover around behind the scenes. Gtb - I never knew any of this. Stank - Come to think of it... she's changed a lot since coming to work for me... I can see why you'd think she was docile... I wonder what the fuck that's all about? Gtb - I don't know... but she's not at all the Shannon you just described to me. She's been nothing but sweet to me and the customers. Everything you just said about her is kind of shocking... she can fight? I mean yeah she could hold her own against some of our more unruly patrons back at the Destroyitarium... Stank - You mean me. Gtb - And Spin... AND Outback... AND Mags... AND... Stank - I get it. That life's over. Gtb -... yeah... I know. Anyway... Stank - Anyway that's enough talk. What are you angling for NPC of the year? *Selena Gomez smiles and waves as she walks past.* Gtb - Cute kid. Stank - Adorable. *Just then Bryce Larson and Chris Evans walk into the Chamber V and head toward Firewoman's room. Stank looks over at them then turns back towards Greg the Bartender.* Gtb - You're fighting them next, aren't you? Stank - Yeah. Gtb - Kind of awkward them being here. Stank - No more awkward than having you and Shannon around. Gtb - Yeah, but we're not competition. *Stank takes a swig of his drink then places the shot glass back down firmly on the bar top.* Stank - Neither are they.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2009 13:12:13 GMT -5
(Spin Hansen is sitting behind the bar as the next applicant comes in... Josh O'Neal???) SH: O'Neal. JO: SHIT! Why are YOU hiring a BARTENDER? SH: Nice to see that you still have problems CONTROLLING the TONE of YOUR VOICE, jackass. JO: SCREW THIS, I DON'T NEED A JOB THIS BAD. SH: Hold up. Sorry, I let old prejudices get in my way. Drink and Destroy is an equal-opportunity employer and I did talk up the fact that this is a new D&D... let's start over. Hi, I'm Spin Hansen. And you are? JO: I'm JOSH O'NEAL! The most DANGEROUS man to have EVER fought in the OOWF! SH: Have you ever been employed by Drink and Destroy? JO: YES! THIS IS A WASTE OF TIME! SH: Standard operating procedure. Have you ever been convicted of a felony? JO: THAT'S A TRICK QUESTION! SH: Please answer the question. JO: YES! SH: I'll make a note of that. Have you had bartending experience? JO: YES! AT THE LIGHTS OUT BAR AND GRILL! SH (muttering): Figures. (Normal voice): OK, here's a simple request... make me a gimlet. (Josh O'Neal grabs the gin and the lime juice and makes a servicable gimlet. Spin drinks it and seems moderately impressed.) SH: Nice. OK, here's something for some of the people here who like their booze sweet... make me a Kill Bill. (He starts mixing the liquours and produces a fairly good Kill Bill.) JO: How did I do? SH: You did well. JO: YES! THE JOB IS MINE! SH: One more thing... how about an AMF? JO: THAT SOUNDS GOOD! (Spin Hansen leaps over the bar and NAILS Josh O'Neal with a European Uppercut! Josh reels and Spin wastes no time... RABBIT PUNCH TO THE SKULL! He lifts him up... HAIR OF THE DOG THROUGH A TABLE!) SH: Both me and D&D might've changed... but not everything changes. Adios, motherfucker.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Nov 11, 2009 13:12:43 GMT -5
*Fade in* as "Bulletproof" Bryce Larson is SUPERKICKING THE MIRROR!
Chris "Lionheart" Evans: [Running in.] What the hell just happened!?
"B"BL: That fucker went too far! No one talks about my mother like that!
C"L"E: Who!?
"B"BL: The guy in the window! And I swore he wouldn't see the superkick coming...but he matched me with one of his own. He's powerful, too. Pinpoint accuracy, he hit my foot perfectly and we shattered the glass. Then he got away!
C"L"E: The guy in the window is you, Bryce! It's a mirror!
"B"BL: Don't let him fool you like that, Chris! He's evil...pure evil I tells ya. I need a hero! Where's my phone? I've got to call Concrete TG, we need to call in the calvary.
C"L"E: Dude, you can't call Concrete TG. You turned on him, you basically broke up The Heroes Guild. They haven't been relevant since.
"B"BL: You think they'd hold that against me, huh? Fine, but I still need a hero. [Bryce starts to leave.]
C"L"E: Where are you going?
"B"BL: I told you, I need a hero!
C"L"E: But who?
"B"BL: The only other one I can think of...DARLING MAN!
C"L"E: This can't end well...
*Fade out*
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