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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 7, 2008 19:34:44 GMT -5
Live! From Londonderry, Nova Scotia
Eight Man Elimination Match [/u] Niles Anderson, Attitude Adjuster, Beast & Microplay vs. Chris Alt, Hardbody Harris, Canadian Dragon & UnderDawg
Intercontinental Title Fatal Four Way [/u] Blackdragon vs. Corax vs. LD Williams vs. Morte
World Tag Team Title Match [/u] FF Capslock & Stank vs. 3Piece Set
Gauntlet Match For the Onslaught Championship [/u] Thim Reynolds vs. Capellan, Firechild vs. Seraph -matches go on simultaneously in side by side rings, the winner of either of the first matches can the get involved in the other match. When it is down to two men, they face off for the title
Chain Match for the Rights to Missy [/u] Mark Vander vs. Donovan Viper
Johnny Adrenaline vs. Semaj B. vs. SoulDragon Uncle Entity vs. GimmickMan Moosehead Jack & Concrete TG vs. Outback Jack & GatorBait (w/Wally B. King) The Devil's Brigade vs. JW Westgaard & Tommy Wilder REvolution XX vs. Endo & Mercury
Card subject to change, but I sure hope it doesn't
*****
3PS wanders by and sees GM the Rick posting the lineup. They immediately begin to complain
Ax: HEY! We requested a barbed wire cage match for our rematch! Cole: Yeah! Do we need to get our lawyers on this, where's my cell phone... GMtheRick: Look, don't get your panties ina bunch, I can't sanction a barbed wire cage match on such a short notice. The Canadians have the Stu Hart Clause in the bylaws regarding wrestling. Seems like ol Stu didn't care for barbed wire matches a whole lot, so for a fed running shows withing the contingent provinces of Canada, you must submit the match to the advisory board and wait for their approval, whcih could take a couple of weeks, to a month or so. So you guys are going to have to just wait for the barbed wire. Be happy you two insufferable douchebags are getting a rematch at all.
<with that GMtheRick walks away leaving Ax and Cole speachless>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 7, 2008 19:35:11 GMT -5
Harper & Tommy walk into The Devil's Brigade Lockeroom where Viper is watching porn with Corax.
DV: Man, ever since we stormed Niles place I've been hooked this this sh*t. Look man, he's eating the hell out of her a**
Cor: Damn straight.
HC: Hey Donnie, got a sec
DV: Yea sure, sit down
TO: Me an 'arpa bin tinkin dat we shood 'elp ya oghut wit dat Vanda fella, so we kin hit dat fin lekkin brode
DV: Huh?
HC: We're going to help you win Missy, because we were thinking that we'd like to hit that also.
DV: F*ck yea you would, only a homo wouldn't want to nail her and I'm not a homo.
Cor: You know, I wouldn't mind hitting that either.
HC: Plus, think of how it would piss off Vander if his manager was the lockeroom Lita.
DV: Who?
HC: I meant lockeroom slut. Sorry slip of the tongue. Think about it Donnie, with our help we all have fun.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 7, 2008 19:35:37 GMT -5
The hotel room is dark. A snore can be heard. Suddenly a camera light is shown beaming down on a very much asleep Stank. SFJ#5 reaches down her side of the bed and pulls out a mic.
SFJ#5 - Lucas. Lucas sweety. Wake Up!
Stank - zzzzz*snort!* eh? what is it boo?
SFJ#5 - Do you have any comments on GM TheRick's decison not to make the rematch against 3Piece Set a Barbed wire Steel Cage match?
Stank now suddenly aware of what is going on exclaims...
Stank - THE FUCK?!? Are you shitting me?!? What the fuck is that camera crew doing here? It's 4:30 in the morning??
SFJ#5 - Any comments?
Stank - HELL NO! You're a crazy b*tc#! Interviewing me while we're naked in bed? Is this what you do to get all your exclusives? TURN THAT FUCKIN CAMERA OFF!
SFJ#5 - GM TheRick has stated that you and your partner will have a regular straight up re-match against 3 Piece set sighting the Stu Hart clause?
Stank sits up rubbing his eyes.
Stank - Damn you're persistant, girl. Look, I don't give a flying fuck if it's a cage match, a tables match, or a flaming knickers on a pole match. I'm trying to sleep! wrap yourself up, get the camera crew outta here, get back into bed then maybe at a decent hour I'll give you your friggin interview. I SAID TURN THOSE FUCKIN CAMERA'S OFF HOT DAMMIT!
SFJ#5 - Just answer me one question then they'll leave.
Stank - Fuck that! Don't make me get out of bed and beat the shit out of them.
Cameraman - You had us at "get out of bed".
The cameraman starts to lower his camera when SFJ#5 yells...
SFJ#5 - Wait! Please Lucas just one question. Pretty please? (She flashes a sexy smile)
Stank - (melting) Ah hell... Fine... One question.
SFJ#5 - Outside of this bedroom and in the bar earlier you usually give off this... pungent odor... hence your ring name. I was just wondering why we can't smell you now?
Lighting crew guy - Actually... I'm wondering that myself.
Stank grins then says...
Stank - You see, that's my stank you smell. I control it. It's part of my move set like an armbar... actually more like an Orton Chinlock of extreme consternation. It's a subtle submission move. Sometimes when I'm upset I lose control and... well the results aren't pleasant. But when I'm feeling right like at the bar... and especially in the bedroom...
Cameraman - OK WE'VE HEARD ENOUGH!
Stank - Oh NOW you got shame? Interview's over. Get ta steppin punks!
The phone rings. Stank answers.
Stank - Hello?
FFCapslock - What the hell, man? I can hear you yelling down the hall!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 7, 2008 19:35:58 GMT -5
Morte is speaking to Endo
Morte: I got a shot to become the champion of incontinence when I defeat Blackdragon,Corax and LD Williams for the incontinence title HAHAHAHA!
Endo: uh Morte its intercontinental not incontinence
Morte: wha?
Endo: you said incontinence
Morte:no I didn't
Endo: yes you did
Morte: didn't (endo put the claw on morte) aaaaaaaagggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 7, 2008 19:36:19 GMT -5
*The TFDU is outside the Rick's office*
WBK: Well, the receptionist seems to be away from her desk *pointing with his cane* so I'll just let myself in.
GB: I don't think the Rick would like that.
WBK: I have a hunch he'll let it slide.
*He opens the door and they walk in. The Rick is sitting behind a desk with a happy expression, until he belatedly realizes someone has come in and hastily grabs a file off the desk*
TR: Don't you people know how to knock! I'm busy here! Oh, Wally, it's you.
WBK: Sorry, but there was nobody outside. I do hope that "temp" I recommended is working out. I was assured she is quite talented.
TR: Oh, she is! She is! She's just on, um, a break now. But I really need to get back to work so...
WBK: Then if you could just sign this authorization for me to be at ringside during matches we'll be on our way.
TR *signing quickly* No problem, now as I said I do have urgent matters to attend to here. You'll pardon me if I don't get up?
WBK: Of course. Come on boys, let's go out and celebrate.
*outside The Rick's office*
OBJ: Hey, that temp still isn't back from her break.
WBK: Oh, I have a hunch she's earning her pay as we speak.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 7, 2008 19:36:44 GMT -5
The camera comes back as Chris Alt and Hardbody Harris are (figuratively, not literally) licking their wounds. Both men are sitting down, their eyes closed, barely able to move. Alt breaks the silence.*
CA: I can’t believe Niles and Attitude are working with that Maniac-For-Hire Beast. The goon nearly killed me out there. What a douche.
HH: Yeah, I’m not feeling so hot either. And we watched porn together! The nerve of the guy. Wait, there are two of us here. Grab a chair. I’ve got an idea.
*Alt weakly gets up and grabs a chair. Harris grabs a nearby baseball bat and walks over to the a set of dresser drawers. He opens the bottom one and immediately slams the bat down hard, shattering the furniture in pieces. He does the same to the three other drawers, each time smashing them as soon as he opens them.*
CA: What are you doing, man?
HH: Just be ready, slugger.
*Harris walks over to a 20 oz bottle of Surge, unscrew the lid, and throw it over to Alt, who swings and simply obliterates the plastic, causing the green liquid to splatter all over the place. Alt, his hair dripping with soda, gives Hardbody a strange look, but the man doesn’t notice.*
HH: Okay, this has to be it. It’s go time!
*Hardbody walks over to Alt’s gym bag, unzips it, and starts whaling away on the inside. Alt joins in, clubbing the side repeatedly until he almost collapses from exhaustion. He drops the chair and sits on the couch while Hardbody screams.*
HH: DAMMIT, BEAST, WHY WON’T YOU POP OUT! YAAAAARGH!!!
CA: Aw, cripes, man. You smashed my Funyons.
HH: Oh, sorry. I thought that was Beast’s skull. I’ll buy you some more later. Anyway, a lot of us are getting screwed around here. Canadian Dragon and Underdawg were attacked by Microplay. I’m not liking this unholy alliance.
CA: Me neither. But I got a call from a friend who told me that next week, it’s you, Dragon, Underdawg and I vs. Niles, AA, Microplay, and Beast. We’ll get our chance at Redemption then.
HH: Hmm. We should go talk to them, then.
*Exeunt*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 7, 2008 19:37:09 GMT -5
Open letter from Firechild, on behalf of the 3 Piece Set to GM the Rick, posted on his office door and slid into the locker of every OOWF superstar. -------------------------------------- Dear GMtR, I am disgusted by your obvious bias against the upstanding members of the 3 Piece Set. Firstly you allow Thim Reynolds, aided and abetted by Semaj, (as well as our opponents last week Seraph and FF Capslock and Stank) to attack me before an important title defense, leaving myself, as well as my associates and at the time OOWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS, Ax & Cole injured and in a less than 100% state in which to defend our titles, and you do not punish those responsible or postpone our title matches that evening.
Secondly you refuse, on the basis of some obscure Canadian by-law (who the fuck is Stu Hart anyway?) to award my associates the rematch of their choosing.
Thirdly, and lastly. In direct contravention of the tenets of the Onslaught divison, this title which I wear so proudly you have created a so called Gauntlet match, designed that I will at any point be subject to be attacked by up to three opponents, and am guaranteed to be double teamed once I have disposed of my original opponent.
This blatant attempt to remove the coveted Onslaught title from my person, especially in my home-away-from-home of Nova Scotia is representative for the disregard you have for not only myself and the 3 Piece Set, but for the Onslaught division, the whole OOWF roster and most importantly the fans.
While I will happily defend my belt in any manner presented to me, I must register my displeasure at your dishonest, arrogant and indefensible actions and conduct.
---This portion only on the copy handed directly to the GM------------- Hows the bigger office desk working out for you, Mr. Rick? We have videos. DVD's actually. But then, you wouldn't want your 'working day' to suddenly become part of Viper or Niles' collection. Would you? -------to all.---------------------------
In the language of my people.
'mon tae fuck.
Yours,
Chris 'Firechild' Napier OOWF Onslaught Champion Member of the 3 Piece Set.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 7, 2008 19:37:57 GMT -5
Capellan discusses Firechild's letter with Thim Reynolds.
"I don't think he understands how the match is supposed to work. I mean, how would he get three-teamed when two of us are in another ring? And if he wins his match first, what's to stop him waiting for you and I to finish before he gets involved?"
Thim shrugs,
"Of course he doesn't understand. He's a Scot. English isn't his first language."
"Oh." Capellan considers this, "So what is?"
"Bitching and moaning, it looks like."
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 7, 2008 19:38:17 GMT -5
Stank walks into the restaraunt at the Holiday Inn. FF Capslock, The two girls Caps was with last night (Celine and Chelsea) and SFJ#5 are sitting at a table eating breakfast.
FF Caps - Hey Stank. Sit and eat with us.
Stank - Number 5? You gonna start hanging out with us now?
SFJ#5 - I'm just hungry. FFC invited me to join.
FF Caps -What's the matter Stank? You don't want your girlfriend eatting with us?
Stank - What? She's not my girlfriend. Especially considering the stunt she pulled earlier this morning.
SFJ#5 pulls a mic out of her purse.
SFJ#5 - Speaking of that, any comments on the note Firechild left TheRick.
Stank - Damn girl! Do you have an off switch?
FF Caps - (pulling bacon out of his beard) What's that in your hand?
Stank - You ever consider trimming that thing? Anyway, I was at our locker room earlier and found this note. It just so happens to be the letter Number 5 is speaking of. Here. Read it.
FFC reads the letter then looks up at Stank with questioning eyes.
FF Caps - We never attacked Firechild. We just gave him a warning.
Stank - Yeah one which he fully ignored. The way I see it we owe him a beating. But not until after breakfast.
Just then OBJ, GB & Wally walk in, led by a waitress towards a nearby table
Stank - That guy looks like that character we saw in The Rock's last movie. Remember Caps?
FFC - Yeah Vince Vaugh's character. Whatshisname?
Wally turns towards FFC & Stank's table looking at SFJ#5.
WBK - Number 5.
SFJ#5 - Wally.
Stank - (Doing a double take) You two know each other?
SFJ#5 - It was a long time ago in Thailand.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 7, 2008 19:38:39 GMT -5
[Johnny Adrenaline is unloading his gear in the locker room when Revolution XX approaches him, uncharacteristically not goofing off.]
CC: Yo Johnny...
JA: Hey fellas.
CC: Everything okay? I know things are getting crazy.
EOM: We just wanna make sure you're okay.
JA: I know things are getting crazy. Man, the Open's next week, and thanks to all this drama around here - and this f***ing Canadian tour - I missed my final qualifier. I would've been in Pinehurst this week, man! And believe me, I'd MUCH rather be there right now than here in Quebec.
CC: No, we're in Newfoundland this week.
JA: Ontario, Alberta, Prince Edward Island, I don't give a shit. All I know is that for whatever reason, I haven't been given another shot at MY Intercontinental Title. I mean, what gives? Fatal Four Way and I'm not involved?
EOM: Yeah, but L.D. is, so it's all good, right?
[Johnny just stares a hole thru Eric.]
CC: Look, Johnny. I know you two aren't really seeing eye to eye on things, but we still like both of you. Will ya'll just work this out?
JA: Ya know, Carl, that's not a bad idea. [pulls out his cell phone] I'll call him right now. Can I have some privacy?
EOM: Sure man.
[Rev XX leaves, but we fade to black before Johnny says anything.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 7, 2008 19:39:18 GMT -5
The screen goes bright white and we slowly fade from white to reveal a close-up of Seraph staring into the camera.
Seraph: Firechild, congratulations on your victory last week - I hope it is the first of many - perhaps the joy of victory will remind your heart of what happiness is. Maybe it was the sting of defeat, and the bitterness of failure that turned your heart cold, and led to your apostasy from righteousness - I do not know. Perhaps you noticed that I brought less than my best to our match last week - forgive me - it was not my desire to insult you, but you must understand I will not strike down the one who is annointed. Confused? allow me to tell you a story:
Seraph:You see Firechild - it's not too late for you. That King chose not to relent and seek redemption - instead he continued down the dark path that led to his destruction. You were the annointed one to carry that Onslaught Championship - and I will not take it from you. But hear this warning Firechild - history has a way of repeating itself, and your judgement is near. - take the offer of redemption that I bring lest you be struck down for your iniquities.
Remember this - as our match this week draws near - the sand is slipping through the hour-glass and though you may not understand now what will happen when the last grain falls - but ignore my words, and you will.
[The scene ends with Seraph staring into the camera as a single tear runs down his cheek. - Fade to white]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 7, 2008 19:39:42 GMT -5
Wandering into a local bar, Semaj B sport Thim Reynolds who's halfway down a jug of beer
SB: Thim, how's it going mate.
TR: oh fine I guess. DId you see the letter from Firechild
SB: yea, what a prick. Who does he think he it sending letter like that out to everyone like he's so all high and mighty. He's only the Onslaught Champion . . . it's not like the title actually has any pedigree or history is it
TR: as someone who had failed to win it twice I could take that the wrong way you know
SB: oh you know what I mean. He's beaten a couple of people and thinks that he can lord it over the entire locker room, give me a break.
TR: well this week should shake things up a bit. Firechild has to face that freak Seraph again and then either me or Capellan. There's no way he's hanging onto the title through this one.
SB: so what's happening then? you gonna get Capellan to lie down for you so that you can be fresh and take Firechild down after he beats Seraph again?
TR: you just don't get it do you. In some ways I would've preferred not to face Capellan in the first match because I know that he can really bring it, and I know that like me, he's not going to back down. He's going to put it all out there. Unfortunately that probably means that whoever wins will be totally wasted by the time the second match starts, especially after Seraph basically said that he's not going to bother to try and beat Firechild
SB: yea, what the hell was he on about there?
TR: I have no bloody idea. And I have no bloody idea why the guy seems to be obsessed with taking me out and apologising for it . . . he's really starting to give me the creeps.
SB: still, fingers cross the two of you can stay out of each others way this week.
TR: hmm, somehow I have a feeling that's isn't going to happen . . .
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 7, 2008 19:40:09 GMT -5
chris alt and canadian dragon are walking up to hardbody harris' house to talk about their upcoming match together.
chris alt: is underdawg coming?
canadian dragon: i'm sure he's here already. he just likes to be mysterious and unseen.
CA: is he also the reason we're doing this so late at night?
CD: yup. because the night time is much more mysterious.
CA: it certainly is!
alt and dragon get to hardbody's front door and let themselves in. hardbody's house is trashed. it's just a mess with broken furniture everywhere.
CA: what the hell happened here?
CD: isn't it obvious? what else could've cause such destruction? the beast either was or is here.
CA: great...
suddenly they here a big crash from the other room. they quickly run in to see hardbody standing over a broken table with a baseball bat.
CA: what the hell...?
hardbody turns around to see alt and dragon there. he gets a big smile on his face and stumbles over to them.
HH: MY FRIENDS!!
CD: jeez man. are you drunk?
HH: jusht a teeeeeeeenshy weeenshy bit.
CD: what the hell happened here?
hardbody moves in close.
HH (whispering): the beasht!
CD: so the beast IS here!
HH: HE IZZZ?? WHERE?!?!
CD: you said the beast did this.
HH: nonononono. lussen-- lissnin-- luuuu...
CA: listen?
HH: LISTEN! to what?
CA: dude. this guy is TRASHED!
CD: hardbody. just start from the beginning. tell us what happened.
HH: okokok. so...... i wasz out with a coupla fine ass sexy ass female journalistses. havin a coupla drink. wunt gonna be anything big..... cuz i knew we had our little.. thingy here tonight. so. i'm having drink is a coupla fine ass sexy ass feesmale journalistses... man they were hot. one of em was wearin this.... low cut--
CD: just tell the story!
HH: right. ok. so. we were havin drinks.
CD: we got that part.
HH: hey! i'm telling this story. not you! so. we were havin drinks. aaaaaaand the partying ended up getting a little harder than i orishally planned. you know how it is. after you have a couple. yur like "SURE. GIMME 'NOTHER!" and alllat. so i got really drunk and came home.
CA: what happened to the girls?
HH: what girls?
CA: the sexy female journalists.
HH: dude. which ones. there's like... MILLUNS a'them.
CA: the ones yo--
CD. UNIMPORTANT! continue.
HH: kay. so. i gots home. and i realize i'm really drunk.
CA: that's when you realized you were drunk?
HH: no! SHUT UP! i dint fish yet. f-f-finish yet. jerk. no. i realize i'm real drunk, and if i was the beast, besides bing a big stupidface, i'd think this a good time to comen 'tack me. cuz i'm drunk.
CA: oh no. so you tried to get the jump on him like you did in the locker room.
HH: yeah man! it's billnt! no one thunked of it before! see. that's why i'm the #1 FACE IN THE O-O-W-FACE!
alt and dragon look at each other and roll their eyes.
CA: you wrecked your house.
HH: it's mast jutter of time man. i'll get im........ wait a minute...
hardbody walks up to alt.
HH: open yer mouf. reeeeeeeeaaaaall wide.
CA: why?
HH: JUSDOOIT!!
alt opens his man and SLAMM! hardbody quicked punches him square in the jaw and knocked him out.
hardbody gets down on all fours and and starts screaming into chris alt's mouth.
HH: C'MON YOU SONAVUBITCH! POP OUT DAMN YOU! I KNOW YER HERE AN' WAITIN'!! I'LL GETCHOO CHOO BASTARD!! choo choo bastard? WHATEVER! I'LL GETCHOO SONAVUBItch.......*
hardbody passes out, his face landing on alt's face, cheek to cheek. he's drooling all over alt's face and mouth.
CD: well this is just pathetic.
dragon goes to move hardbody off of alt.
Mysterious and Unseen Voice: wait! don't move him!
dragon is startled turns around to see underdawg there.
CD: jeez man! what are you? batman?
UD: no. i'm underdawg.
CD: i know that. i meant you were like batman. it's a rhetorical question. you're not supposed to answer it.
UD: then why ask?
CD: because... i wasn't asking. i was-- you know what? this is the worst conversation i've ever had. i'm stoping now. anyway. why shouldn't i move them?
UD: because...
underdawg gets a little smirk on his face.
UD: we should take a picture first.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 7, 2008 19:40:31 GMT -5
(CTG is working out at the abandonded gym when Moose walks in)
CTG: Moose! about time you got here.
MHJ: About time, yourself. I haven't seen you since the show ended.
CTG: You left before I did. I saw your gear in the locker room when I got back to shower, but it was gone when I came back out.
MHJ: I wanted to make sure our match was going to be worthwhile. We've faced them before, and got our money's worth.
CTG: (drops into character) these DownUnders will tremble before our SWIFT JUSTICE!
MHJ: ..........
CTG: what? that'll be a great name for a tag finisher.
MHJ: Look, you're the one who wanted to train together. I'm here, let's train.
CTG: (holds up a tape) we can start with this. It's from Japan.
MHJ: (reads the label) Urostokodoji?
CTG: !!! (tosses it) wrong tape. I have some FMW video and some of their old matches. We'll work from there.
MHJ: (smirks) maybe I had you pegged wrong, 'crete.......
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 7, 2008 19:40:59 GMT -5
Concrete plays the FMW tape, Jack's eyes glaze over at the sight of the ultraviolence as Concrete tries to find the right spot on the tape. Chairs, C4, Chains, thumbtacks, barbed wire....Jack finally realizes that Concrete is talking to them
CTG: Jack....Jack.....Jack....Ja...WAKE UP!!!
<Jack snaps back to life>
MHJ: What? Huh? I was just...What?
CTG: Ok not too much of the FMW stuff, damn you zoned out. Look, I respect Jack and Gator and all, but what made you ask for a best of three falls match with them?
MHJ: Cause they are gonna push us. Believe it or not, I know the difference between violence and competition. We were sucessful when we went against Entity and Mercury because we both had an agenda, we both wanted to beat those clowns for what they had done. When we faced The Devil's Brigade, we went into it without that hatred, without that thirst for revenge and vengeance, and we got our asses handed to us by a team we should beat. It seems like when we are pissed off, we function great as a team, well if we are going to win the belts, we have to learn how to function without having a vendetta against someone. Jack and Gator, we have nothing against them, for now, but if we don't figure out how to work together in these matches, they will bury us.
<CTG looks shocked at Jacks bit of deep introspection>
MHJ: What? This'll work. Trust me. Now do you have any more of that FMW stuff?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 7, 2008 19:41:22 GMT -5
*Scheme Gene is walking through the Holiday Inn, talking on his cell*
SG: Look, if you had footage of, say, Hardbody Harris under the desk, I'd be more interested. Sorry. *Hangs up, walking quickly when he sees the TFDU*
WBK: Gene! Long time no see, mate!
SG: You must have mistaken me for someone else. *leaves quickly*
GB: Let me guess: Thailand?
WBK: New Zealand.
OBJ: But there's not much there besides sheep and.... never mind.
WBK: Back to business. We're going to have to be a lot sharper in the ring this week. I saw MHJ in some unsanctioned matches a few years ago and you just can't give him any second chances. Let's go do some work.
*meanwhile in the 3PS locker room*
Firechild: I called Donny but he wasn't very interested. I guess the rumors about him are true.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 7, 2008 19:41:44 GMT -5
Ax & Cole come in and see Firechild frantically doing reps, with a near religous expression on his face.
Ax: Hey man, what's up?
<Firechild continues to do Marine style sit ups with his legs and arse on a bench, his torso off the end, allowing no rest between reps>
FC: Getting ready, theyre not taking my title too....
Ax & Cole look at each other, puzzled.
Cole: We never did this before, you think you're rocky or something. C'mon, we'll pick up some girls and some whisky and work out how were gonna get the jump on the stinky twins....
Firechild keeps doing sit ups, counting under his breath, ignoring his buddies.
Ax: C'mon man, you're freaking me out.
He bends down to pick FC up, but Firechild twists and grabs Ax's arm into a hammerlock and smashes him into the lockers.
FC: Don't you guys understand? They took your title because of what we are, and now they're coming after mine. I've had enough to deal with with Thim and Seraph by themselves, but BOTH and Capellan? I'm gonna have to beat all three this week and all you can talk about is booze, groupies and me helping you get your belts back. Don't you understand!
He releases Ax and backs away, clearly disturbed....
Cole: Hey man, calm down. Were the 3 Piece Set, we can deal with this, we've beaten them all before, and we'll do it again.
Ax: (rubbing feeling back into his arm) ..... yeah.....erm, chill man, soon we all be covered in gold again, and you'll STILL be the Onslaught champion.
Cole: We don't need to do this, weve bested them all the way we do it. You dont need to change you warm up man. Is it Seraph? Is he getting to you, he's a really creepy guy.
Firechild has sank to his knees and seems to be weeping. He looks up, his eyes red with tears or stress (unlike Alt, not MCR style makeup!) and his voice shakes.
FC: You don't know what he's asking me to do. I can't lose the title, I can't let him in my head. You don't understand......
He breaks down, in tears. Ax & Cole look on, more than a little shocked, and very, very worried.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 7, 2008 19:42:05 GMT -5
## The camera pans back from the 3PS locker room to find Thim Reynolds 'doing a Batista' next to the open door . . .
TR: shesh . . . 2 weeks with a title and he's cracked under the pressure. This is going to be easy this week.
## Thim chuckles to himself and walks off smiling
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 7, 2008 19:42:28 GMT -5
*Hardbody Harris wakes up from his alcohol-induced coma and realizes that he's alone. He dizzily looks around his house, and is almost sick with the thought of last night's barely-memorable drunken bash party. He wipes his chin, the warm drool almost waxy in his hands. Chris Alt's head flashes in his mind for a moment, but Hardbody shakes it off. His head hurts too much to think about any of this.*
"I need a little hair of the dog this morning. Ugh."
*Hardbody stumbles to his feet and wobbles into his kitchen, where every drawer, cupboard, and cabinet is opened and smashed. Stepping on and over pots, pans, silverware, and a blender, Harris finally reaches the fridge and open the door. The light hurts his eyes as he squints, looking for a beer to assuage this hangover. Finally, he bends down and pulls the crisper tray...
AND THE BEAST POPS OUT!
Hardbody picks up the can of Milwaukee's Best Light, pulls the tab, and slugs the sweet, sweet piss-like nectar.*
"This is one Beast that doesn't give me a headache" Hardbody muses, smirking at his disasterous kitchen.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 7, 2008 19:42:51 GMT -5
Donovan Viper barges into Concrete's locker room.
DV: Where the FUCK did you find that?
CTG: What are you talking about? (completely startled, and forgets to become Hurricrete)
DV: My Legend of the Overfiend tape? I CAN'T believe you had the NERVE of swiping that from my collection!
CTG: You collection? Isn't that the only tape you own?
DV: NO! I own part II as well. You goddamn thief! Don't you know this is my inspiration tape that I watch before every match?
CTG: Are you serious?
DV: YES! IT'S FUCKING GENIUS!!! It's the best movie ever made and how I get through the day!
CTG: Demon rape to high school girls your inspiration tape? It's how you get to the day?
DV: YES GODDAMMIT!!! Now am I going to have to beat you down like the thieving bitch you are or are you going to give me back the best cinema in the history of the planet, SUPERHERO?!??!?!
CTG: Ok, here you go, man. You sick freaking bastard.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 7, 2008 19:43:13 GMT -5
The Summer Of The Dragon Continues... (Canadian Press)
OOWF superstar and Canadian icon Canadian Dragon made an appearance on TSN's Off The Record this week, talking about a variety of issues, spanning from his position in the wrestling business, his friendship with Hardbody Harris, his past relationship Sexy Female Journalist 25, and onto his movie roles in Caddyshack 3 and a remake of Slapshot.
In terms of the OOWF, Dragon said that he sees success not as a stopping point, but a continuous effort in doing what he enjoys doing the most. When asked about the internet, Dragon said that they understand his job and position in the company, and just has absolute respect for the people who take the time to make sure everyone knows the TRUE backstage story. He mentioned Bret Hart, and how he idolizes him more than any other wrestler, and said that Bret didn't screw Bret, but he heard a good story about UnderDawg and a "french poodle" from UD's early years wrestling in France.
Dragon was asked about the relationship between Niles and AA, and said that he didn't know much about it, but that it was pretty much "special" and quickly approaching "Donovan Viper" levels of being gay. He also said that he hadn't seen any of Viper's porn collection, and is still trying to figure out why Viper thought Fievel was the star of "Shit-eatin' Rodents Part IV."
Dragon further discussed his friendship towards Hardbody, and how they hadn’t talked for days after Hardbopdy llost his smile a couple of months ago.He mentions that Hardbody was bitter towards stars doing body spray commercials when his own body spray failed to take off. Dragon apparently got Harris to realize that he was being hated for his bitterness towards the guys in the company, and that they got Hardbody to realize this in 2005, and helped him get a deal with a Japanese shampoo company.
CD went on to discuss his movie role in Caddyshack, and how it was a logical step to take after making it big in the wrestling business. He also mentioned how it was hard to find movie roles with him not being willing to take off his mask, but is thrilled to have a small role as a goalie in the Slapshot remake. The show pretty much closed off with Landsberg throwing some names at Dragon, and when asked about whether MooseheadJack was a sick fuck, Canadian Dragon mentioned a pool in the OOWf locker room on when Concrete would end up a cripple at the hands of Jack.
CD put over the OOWF and hyped upcoming shows in Londonderry, Nova Scotia; Summerside, Prince Edward Island, and the OOWF June PPV from Woody Point, Newfoundland.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 7, 2008 19:43:33 GMT -5
Soul Dragon is seen eating a Cheesecake in his locker room while doing sit-ups.
SD: mmm cheesecake
Random Guy Walk in and sits down watching TV
SD: So Where were you at the PPV?
RG: Getting laid....
SD: Hope you had fun...
RG: I did...
SD: Good......I'm gunna see if I can get you a match......you need to try out your skills..
Rg: WHAT!?
SD: yup...I'm gunna see if they'll give you the toughest guy in the business
Rg: Damnit do you have to do this
SD: Yes! But of Course!
RG sighs and contiues watchign TV sweating a bit in fear of what may come, and SD Contunes his sit-ups and cheesecake
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 7, 2008 19:43:54 GMT -5
Scene opens and we are staring at an office building. The sign says Londonderry Town Hall. 3 Piece Set enters into the shot. All three are dressed in business suits. They walk throught the front door and the camera follows. A receptionist is sitting at the desk.
Res: May I help you?
Cole: Yes, you may. I am Mr. Cole, these are my associates Mr. Child and Mr. Man. heh, that's kind of funny.
Ax: Mr. Cole, we have business to take care.
Cole: That we do. We are known in the Online Onslaught Wrestling federation as the 3 Piece Set. A very successful faction. Our credits include being the longest reigning Tag Team Champions and the only Onslaught champ ever. We have come to speak with the advisory board about the Stu Hart laws.
Res: If you boys will have a seat I'm aboot to call the board right now and I'll ask if you can state your case in front of the board.
FC: Thank you, ma'am
Cole: That would be great
Ax: So are you doing anything later tonight.
Cole: Ax, business.
Ax: alright, alright.
3Piece Set sits down in the waiting room.
End Scene
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 7, 2008 19:44:23 GMT -5
Scene Opens back at the Londonderry Town Hall. 3 Piece Set is sitting in the waiting room.
Res: Ok, sirs, the council will see you now.
3Piece Set gets up and move into the council room. The camera crew follows. Inside they see a long desk with 7 people.
Council Member #3: Mr. Cole, we hear you have a proposal regarding the Stu Hart laws.
Cole: Yes, we have brought some visuals as well. (Cole takes a CD from his jacket and puts it into a computer. Ax pulls down the projection screen and Firechild takes out a laser point to use during the presentation.) Here is the television ratings and admissions information from the week before a 3Piece Set Barbed Wire Steel Cage match against Hellion & Corax for the Tag Team Champions, and for the week of the match. If you’ll notice there is a 10% increase on both accounts. This added revenue could be very beneficial to your town. Here are the numbers from the Barbed Wire Steel Cage Match vs . Hardbody Harris & Gimmickman. You’ll see the same trend.
CM#2: Impressive but what of the medical & insurance expenses.
Ax: I’m glad you asked. If you’ll look at the next slide you’ll see a document that will be signed by all four wrestlers. It will move the cost of damages from your insurance company to ours. We will accept the costs and thus your fair city will reap the rewards with none of the consequences.
CM#6: What of the consequences of our youth seeing such violence and emulating that?
Cole: We have thought of that too. (Skips a few slides). Here you see an information packet that will be handed out at the arena and we also have a quick info-ad right before the match carry the warning label and the Don’t Try this at Home. Here is a preview.
Video shows brutal moments from Cole & ax’s previous two Barbed Wire Steel Cage matches. Then it shows Hellion & Corax being stretcher out. The words PLEASE DON”T TRY THIS AT HOME appear on the screen.
CM#7: We’ll take this under advisement.
3Piece Set each thank the council and leave the building. Outside, they each take off their ties and unbutton the top button.
Ax: That sucked. Let’s go get hammered and bag some dumb Canadian bitches.
FC: That was exactly what I was thinking.
Cole: First rounds on me.
3 Piece Set arrive back at the arena and SFJ#14 is running out to greet them.
Ax: Hey man, it’s our lucky day. She is running, check that out.
FC: Nice, Dude she might just come out of that top.
Cole: It’s days like today that I enjoy coming to work.
SFJ: (out of breath) Conference call for you guys.
Cole: The board. (Cole & Firechild go running into the building)
Ax: If you want to pant some more tonight drop by. (wink and then follows Cole and Firechild)
Another camera picks up the boys in the Conference Room. We hear the Town councilman over the loud speaker.
CM#1: The council has decided to allow the Stu Hart law to be bypassed. Congratulations and good luck with your match.
Cole: That you councilman
FC: Sweet, those fat asses are going to get pounded and your going to be tag champs again.
Ax: Definitely, but I want to see the expression on a certain high and mighty GM’s face when we tell him the match is on. Lets go.
3Piece Set marches down to The Rick’s Office. Rick is on the phone when they come in.
GMTR: Yea, the ECW PPV was pretty sick. I’m sure the next OOWF will also be filled with great matches. And a lot of heart. Well at least it will seem like it after I down a case of whiskey. Can I get back to you? (hangs up the phone) What the hell do you three want.
FC: Cage Match is on bitch.
Cole: What my friend here is trying to say is that we just got off the phone with the Londonderry Council and they have suspended the Stu Hart Laws for us.
Ax: So the way I see it we win and you lose. That’s the look I wanted to see. It was so worth it. You’ve been after us since you got here but we have proved too much for you to handle. Even in losing the titles we still manage to find ways to avoid you dictatorial rulings.
Cole: What do you think about that Mr. Man
Ax: I thought I was Mr. Man?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 7, 2008 19:45:20 GMT -5
GM the Rick is silent for a moment
GMtR: Ok, you guys done?
CC: Yeah, we got you, now we want the barbed wire steel cage match at this week's MidWeek Mayhem so we can win our titles back from those two fat slobsFFC and Stank.
GMtR: Yeah, that's not gonna happen.
Ax: WHAT! But we got the Stu Hart Clause revoked! They said we could! You Can't DO this!
FC: Yeah, what the hell are you thinkin? Trying to rob us AGAIN?
GMtR: If you douchenozzles would shut up for a minute, I will explain. You guys want a barbed wire steel cage match right?
Ax & Coll: You're Damn right!
GMtR: Ok, so by my calculations, we would need about a thousand feet of barbed wire to wrap around a 15 foor high steel cage.
CC: So, what the hell is your point?
GMtR: Ok, do any of the three of you own a farm here in Nova Scotia?
FC: What? Do we look like freakin farmers, no none of us own a damn farm.
GMtR: Then it looks like you are out of luck. Under the Thomas Prince Law, section 42, paragraph 14 of clause 77, lines 50 to 75, it states the sale of barbed wire in excess of five hundred (500) meters is prohibited unless a proper farming license is obtained. Such license is only obtainable with proof of ownership of a farm or farmstead in excess of 5,000 hectares. Attempts at such a purchase without proper documentation and licensing will be punishable by up to a one million dollar (Canadian) fine, and/or 15 years in Canadian prison
GMtR: Sorry boys, unless you own a farm looks like the barbed wire match is off.
Ax: <seething> This is NOT over!
<3PS storms out of GM the Rick's office slamming the door behind them>
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