OOWF MidWeek Mayhem/OOWF Invitational Round 2 Live

[BookerShark]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem/OOWF Inviational Round 2
Live! From Zanderij, Suriname

OOWF Invitational Round 2[/u]

Corax Bracket
(1)Matt Folz vs. (16)Firewoman
(9)Outback Jack vs. (25)J-P Sparxx

Semaj B Bracket
(4)Stank vs. (13)Danny Taylor
(21)Eric O'Mac vs. (28)Niles Anderson

Spin Hansen Bracket
(2)Stan Fulton vs. (18)Darius Prentiss
(23)DH Magnusson vs. (7)The President

Brad Smoley Bracket
(3)Chris Evans vs. (14)Tytan
(22)Davin Moreland vs. (6)LD Williams

Winners Get a World Tag Team Title Shot Next Week[/u]
Flyin Hawaiians vs. Texpress

Ecosystem vs. Alexander Darling
Ravenna Blue vs. Alexis Darling
Bryce Larson vs. Psykle vs. Moosehead Jack


Card subject to.......seriously, how many of you could even pick out Suriname on a map?

[BookerShark]

*Outback Jack is on his way out of the arena after Mayhem when SFJ 3.14 catches up to him*

SFJ: Outback Jack, what can you tell us about your match with Alexis Darling?

OBJ: It was a tough match. She's quick. Reflexes, that's what she's got. Me, I've got brains.

SFJ: Now you've moved on in the Corax Bracket...

OBJ: I thought it was the Hellion Bracket.

SFJ: No, it's the Corax Bracket.

OBJ(drinks, belches): Australian for whatever.

SFJ: Next you face J-P Sparxx.

OBJ: Sparxx, Pat Summitt, Norm Mineta, it doesn't matter. I'll take out whoever they put in front of me.

[BookerShark]

**SFJ#47 approaches L.D. Williams in the hallway of random promos.**

SFJ#47: “L.D.-”

LDW: “Can you feel it?”

SFJ#47: “Excuse me?”

LDW: “Can you FEEL it?”

SFJ#47: “What-”

LDW: “The tension - it’s already building. February 16, 2011. Zanderij, Suriname. A time and place that will live on in the annals of history. The night the wrestling world stood still. Davin Moreland. L.D. Williams. Awesome vs. Nearly As Awesome. Wednesday night, the sheer awesome of Davin Moreland will finally have an opponent almost worthy of his awesomeness.

Imagine, Davin Moreland - 4-Time World Heavyweight Champion. 2-Time Onslaught Champion, Intercontinental Champion. Tag Team Champion. 5-Time Campeonas de Trios Champion - and L.D. Williams - 2-Time World Heavyweight Champion, 2-Time Intercontinental Champion, 5-Time Tag Team Champion, 4-Time Onslaught Champion - in the same ring at the same time. Twenty-six Championships between us. TWENTY SIX! Double that if you count the DDT Iron Person Heavy Metal Championship.

Forget Wrestlemania. Forget the Invitational Tournament. Forget Main Eventing. Forget selling out any arena on the planet. On February 16, Zanderij, Suriname will host the Single Greatest Match in the HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE! And, should the universe survive the clash of such an amount of sheer awesome, it will never be the same again.”

SFJ#47: “-”

LDW: “Too much?”

SFJ#47: “Very…Davinesque.”

LDW: “Good - that’s what I was going for.”

SFJ#47: “Um…Why?”

LDW: “I’m going to be out done, so I might as well get a head start.”

[BookerShark]

Stank - What do you mean there's no gotdamn hotel?

Erlana - Sorry.

Stank - Where the fuck are we supposed to-

Erlana - We have tents set up.

Stank -

Erlana -

Stank -

Erlana -

Stank - Moose are you hearing this?

MHJ - Where are the tents?

Erlana - Uh... did I say set up? I meant they're being set up.

Stank - So what are we all supposed to do? Sit here in the airport?

Erlana - Until everything is set up, yes.

Stank - This is ridiculous. I'll just stay in the locker room in the arena.

Erlana -

Stank -

Erlana -

Stank - There is no arena, is there?

Erlana - Nope.

Stank - Fuck me.

Erlana - Look why don't you just grab a snack. It will only be a couple of hours until all the tents are put together.

Stank - There's no restaurant in this airport?

Erlana - uh... there's a vending machine.

Stank - Does it take a debit card?

Erlana - Don't think so.

*Stank looks around at all the oowf talent, wrestlers, officials, and staff milling about the small Suriname, South American airport. SFJs are walking about conducting interviews. A few wrestlers are hovering around a coffee machine. Most are just sitting in their seats looking bored.*

Stank - Christ Jesus help us. Where the fuck is Rick?

Fade

[BookerShark]

moments ago, right after Mayhem, since my computer was uncooperative last night...Firewoman is once again trashing her locker room. Tytan is reading a magazine, calmly and Diana and Ecosystem walk in, Ecosystem bearing the scars from Moosehead Jack.

Eco: What is she doing?

Tyt: She's less than pleased.

Eco: So I hear. *a dark look crosses his face* Do I need to have another conversation with her about this?

Tyt: I don't know if "conversation" is the word I'd use.

Eco gives him a sneer, but any witty retort he has is interrupted by Firewoman literally flying out of her room and heading straight for Ecosystem.

FW: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT SHIT?

Eco: What?

FW: That wasn't a match, that was a--

Eco: Squash, I believe they call it.

FW: It wasn't even that. Eighteen seconds? Seriously?

Eco: I don't understand, Lisa, you won...

FW: No, I didn't.

Eco: You pinned me!

FW: You used me to pin yourself.

Eco: What? No....you are just that quick and flexible...maybe some lingering damage from your injury makes things seem like.

FW: *who has been pacing suddenly turns and backs Eco against the wall.* You took a dive and you know it. Is there a reason you don't want to face me in the ring, Eco? Do you think I can't handle it? Because I assure you I can.

Eco: Lisa, Lisa, Lisa....that's not it at all.....

FW: Or you just didn't want to be shown up? Were you afraid I'd make you look bad? Or maybe that I'd lose my cool? That you'd do something to make me angry, and I'd lose it?

Eco: You mean, kinda like now?

FW: Yeah, Juni...a LOT like now......

Eco: Fire....Lisa......I wanted you to see that it was important to me that YOU advance in this tournament. I need one of you...Tytan or you....to be World Champion. It would prove everything I'm saying is right. It would prove that the message is true, that my way saves and leads to greater glory!

FW: Really? And you needed to interfere in other matches to do that? You needed to bring in......that......

Eco: Oooooooooh, this isn't about our match, is it.....

FW: What? Of course it is.....

Eco: No....this is about --

FW: Fine. Yes. It is. What the fuck. And bringing...LJ Bennett? Really? If you expect me to help that piece of trash after--

Eco: Here's what I expect. I expect you to save your energy for your healing, and then to get ready for Mr. Folz. I expect you to beat him, and then go all the way to the top. You leave Mr. Bennett to me.

FW: Keep him away from me.

Eco: Is that an order?

FW: .....

Eco: .....

FW: *calming down some* No...sensei....it is a request. A pretty serious one though.

Eco: I will see what I can do. Now if we could turn the volume down just a bit, I have an amazing headache, thanks to your brother.

FW: Of course...I'm .... sorry.....

Eco: Don't be.....you are passionate about your craft and loyal to those you think you love. That's why I need you on my side. Your loyalty to them will win them over, and will save them. I promise you that.

FW: Yes sensei....

Eco: Is there anything else? I'd like to lay down before we leave

FW: Um..yes, I need to arrange for more DVDs?

Ecosystem nods and hands her her cell phone. She goes to her dressing room to place her DVD order.

[BookerShark]

Tent City, Suriname...or wherever the hell

Those members of the OOWF who have actually accepted the tents, as opposed to just going back to the locker room or waiting in at the airport, now reside in a fairly mud-ridden clearing. The humidity hovers like an oppressive blanket, mosquitoes and other biting insects seemingly gliding through the wetness as if surfing. It is not an enjoyable experience...except for one person, sitting beside a fire of his own creation, which is also conveniently holding a pot above, simmering whatever is inside.

President *Beaming Widely*: Ah, drink in the air! It's enough to remind a man of our roots. Bully! Nothing refreshes like a night outdoors. The air. The connection to nature. Man grasping his own fortune in his hand; perfect freedom! I heartily enjoy this life.

He takes the ladle he has been using to stir, and once again stir the concoction in the pot. This time, he leaves some in and takes a thoughtful taste.

President: BULLY! If I do say so myself, of course, fantastic. I will always be grateful for my time in the Badlands; it taught a man self-reliance, hardihood, the value of instant decision, and of course cooking. I enjoyed the life to the full. This lovely stew only needs but a minute or so more and you all can enjoy the bounty of nature's plentiful bosom.

Faint murmurs and blank stares are the response to his proclamation. The vile wet tropical climate is taking its toll. Non-plussed, The President continues on as if hardly noticing the lack of interaction.

President: I of course brought plenty of pannikins so feel free to just grab one and fill up and dig in. Heed not the wretched insects; they may annoy but it is only temporary. I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life; I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well. Now on the subject of difficulty, I say, where has Concrete gone? I was meaning to have a chat with him.

No response.

President: Well. He'll turn up in time. But that was a bully of a time tonight, bully. He may have taken my words to heart...but, no matter. Tonight is not for business, tonight we embrace Mother Earth! We take the circumstances we find ourselves in and wrangle a meaning out of them. For the worst of all fears is the fear of living. Let us fill our bellys with the hot brew of nature!

The President eagerly grabs a pannikin off the stack he has placed nearby, and ladles himself some of the stew. He then walks around the camp, eating and talking to all at the same time.

[BookerShark]

*Hours later and it's loud in GM theRick's tent. The generator just outside of it grinds deafeningly doing wonders for Rick's headache. Sweat pores down Rick's forehead even though his portable A/C and dehumidifer appear to be in working order. A gust of wind tugs at the walls of his tent, but Rick barely notices, trapped in a hell of his own making, exasperated by the conditions of his enviornment and climate.

Stank lifts the front flap of Rick's tent and enters. A mosquito meets its fate with an audible buzz and a brief spark against the blue hue of the bug zapper resting on the corner of Rick's desk. Stank approaches the desk and notices Rick staring transfixed by the zapper and the GM's unhealthy pale complexion.*

GMtR - Can I help you?

Stank - Damn Rick you look like recycled shit.

GMtR - We all look like shit.

Stank - Still... you sick or something?

GMtR - Nothing to worry about. Just a touch of food poisoning.

Stank - Sampled the local cuisine did you?

GMtR - I'm sure you didn't come here to talk about that.

Stank - As a matter of fact, no.

GMtR - So then might I suggest you get to it?

Stank - I requested ice in my tent.

GMtR - So? What do I look like? A fucking bell hop?

Stank - I'm going to ignore your tone for the moment cause you look like you're sick and might not be thinking clearly.

GMtR - What the fuck you want me to do Stank?

Stank - I was under the impression that you were in charge.

GMtR - I am!

Stank - The set up crew said they didn't have any ice.

GMtR - Then we don't have any!

Stank - You got a bucket of ice over there filled with PBRs!

GMtR - I got that from Drink & Destroy!

Stank -

GMtR - Maybe they can help you chill your own beverages.

Stank - The ice is for my knee, asshole.

GMtR- Did you say the ice is for your asshole?

Stank - No I called YOU and ASSHOLE, asshole. The ice is for my KNEE!

GMtR - You'll forgive my not giving a shit at the moment. The only thing that concerns me is whether I'll be conscious in the next three seconds!

Stank - Don't you pass out on me... Rick... RICK!

*GM theRick's head falls to his desk. Stank ducks outside the tent and waves medical over. They run over to Rick's tent and attend to the GM while Stank stares over at Drink & Destroy's tent. A heartbeat later and The President is seen being pushed out of it. President dusts himself off and continues to pontificate on Mother Nature to anyone that will listen. Stank shakes his head and slowly walks toward D&D's tent as the camera fades.*

[BookerShark]

<Moose spots Stank coming out of GM the Rick's tent>

MHJ: Hey big man, how's the wheel?

Sta: It will be fine. Tough loss for you

MHJ: Folz is good, its just too bad his word doesn't mean a fucking thing to anyone. People claim they can't trust ME? That's the guy no one should trust.

Sta: What about your match this week?

MHJ: Rick is just jerking me around, he has me in a curtain jerking match with some new kid and Larson. He thinks it is going to piss me off.

Sta: It's not?

MHJ: I get paid either way

Sta: We will have to defend the tag titles against either the Hawaiians or Texpress in two weeks

MHJ: Shouldn't be a problem. We are better than both those teams.

Sta: We are.......but dammit this knee just won't heal. I would imagine cross country flights don't help

MHJ: Get it better, if not.......I can know the Hawaiians, they are tough, but they can be outsmarted. And don't even get me started on those Texas retards. I could beat either on my own if I had to

Sta: <laughing> Never a lack of confidence, eh Moose?

MHJ: It's our world now Stank. We do what we want.

Trust me

[BookerShark]

~~ Chad & Zane are inside the OOWF promotional Tent. Both are drinking Aquafina and wearing their OOWF Campeonas de Trios Championships ~~

Zane: Back to business this week. Back to what we do best. Back to the pursuit of the OOWF World Tag Team Championships

Chad: We're still The Measuring Stick in this division, no matter what. Kai & Aina got a little taste of that a couple weeks ago.

Zane: As for these (pats the belt around his waist) Looks like Third Week Mayhem is off for the tournament. Either that or there's no real competition. Rick couldn't even drag up The Norsemen or the Dracul Brothers? Was IHB busy?

Chad: No, the truth is Run DLP has already become The Division Killers. These are our to keep.

~~ CUT ~~

[BookerShark]

We see inside the Destroyatentium (see what I did there), and view DVD and Ashley sitting down sipping on some cold drinks.

DVD: It is hot as balls here, wish this tour could have come with some better accommodations.

Ashley: No kidding, maybe we should see if Wally can find us a hook up or something.

DVD: Yeah, no kidding at this rate we will all dehydrate before the show even starts.

With that DVD reaches into a nearby bucket of ice and smears it on his forehead.

Ashley (rubbing some ice across her chest): I've been meaning to ask, where have we got all this chipped ice from?

DVD says nothing staring transfixed at Ashley. Ashley snaps her fingers drawing his attention back to her.

Ashley: I asked you a question Vic.

DVD: Yeah, the ice.

DVD gets up and pulls aside a back curtain where we see Danny Taylor punching away at a large block of Ice, as OBJ occasionally scoops up the pieces dropping them into buckets of booze. DVD then walks back over to Ashley.

Ashley: Is that how Danny is prepping for his match against Stank?

DVD: No, I think he is just doing it for fun. I am a little worried about this match, Stank is a tough opponent.

Ashley: Worried about our past history with him.

DVD (shakes his head no): The past is done, I'm more worried about how vocal he has been about his injured knee.

Ashley: Shouldn't that be an advantage.

DVD: With Stank, I doubt it, he's not one to show weakness, so either this is a work to lure opponents in, or he really is injured, which makes him twice as dangerous.

Ashley: How so?

DVD: A wounded animal fights twice as hard when cornered. Danny seems to take Stank at face value about this, but I'm not so sure.

Ashley's eyes widen: Why don't you ask him yourself?

DVD looks at her confused, and she motions to the front of the tent where the flap moves aside as the large frame of Stank enters. DVD's eyes widen in shock and a little bit of fear as the camera fades.

[BookerShark]

Noelani enters the Flyin' Hawai'ians' tent. She plops down with a bottle of some local brew. Kai seems to be moping, while Aina seems to be brooding.

N: Omigod guys, so you both lost. So what? Eyes on the prize. We beat those rednecks on Wednesday and we get a shot to get OUR belts back.

K: I had him.

N: Yes, you did. Move on, focus.

A: You screwed up though. You should have...

K: Whatever, quickdraw!

Noelani laughs hysterically. Aina stands and goes nose to nose with Kai.

A: Say it again, bruddah.

N: Quickdraw! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Kai and Aina continue their standoff. They then both begin to smile simultaneously. They laugh slightly.

N: Good boys. We're on the same page.

A: Me ka `oia`i`o

K: You did suck, bruddah.

A: I did, didn't I?

Noelani laughs again as she drinks her brew.

[BookerShark]

*Darling Luxury…okay, not really Luxury Tent*

It must be late at night as the OOWF camp is really quiet and dark for the most part. There are some flickering lights in some of the tents and you can still hear some members of the roster in the Destroyatentium relaxing the night away. The ninja cameras slowly come around and focus on the Darling tent where we zoom inside and we see Alexander Darling staring at a television screen. The camera enters the tent and swings around and we see Alex is staring at the last few months of OOWF action including and not limited to his recent beating at the hands of Firewoman and Ecosystem for the sin of greed, his moment of retribution at beating Tytan for the OOWF World Title only to have that moment stolen by Moose and finishing with the re-formation of The Establishment this past Mayhem to ensure his elimination. Rewind and repeat a few times as Alex just continues to stare until he hears a cough over his shoulder. He turns around and see Sydney Wyld looking down sadly at him.

Alexander: Here to lecture me about reliving the past Syd?

Sydney: You don’t need my lectures anymore Alex.

Syd walks around the couch and takes a seat next to Alex.

Alexander: What did I do wrong?

Sydney: What do you mean? You didn’t do anything…

Alexander: Maybe that’s the point. I didn’t do anything for her and now I’m not sure I can get her back…or if she wants me to?

Sydney: Alex, stop being so stupid.

Alexander: Excuse me?

Sydney: Fire...is unique. She and I haven’t been friends, hell, I’m pretty sure she hates me but it doesn’t change the fact that I admire her. But with that being said you have to realize you and she are not as alike as you may like to believe.

Alexander: What do you mean by that?

Sydney: Alex, everyone knows how much you care about your family and that they’ve always been the line you won’t cross. That when you’ve been pushed into a corner between being a follower and leaving your family you always push back and choose blood. It’s why I fell for you in Japan. To see that type of loyalty and devotion to those you hold closest in your heart; well, it’s amazing to see. But Lisa is different.

Alexander: You think I don’t know that?

Sydney: Truthfully, I don’t think you do know that. You thought that between you and Moose that Fire would break from Eco and realize that he’s been controlling her but she has major abandonment issues. Blood, family…it means something different to her than it does to you. For her entire childhood blood and family meant pain and things you couldn’t imagine because as many issues as you may have had with your family, they don’t compare in the slightest to hers.

Alexander: So what do I do?

Sydney: Everything you’ve been doing. Be there for her when she comes to you and she will. Support her and realize this isn’t truly her doing. Use your history with Omar and use it to help her when she does break away. And she will break away Alexander, I swear it. She’s too strong to let this continue for much longer. You can see it in her eyes, in her soul that the cracks in the foundation are there.

Alexander: How can you be sure?

Sydney: Because I’ve seen that look in someone’s eyes before. Alex, you have to have faith in her. And you have to continue fighting for her. You already knocked Tytan off his pedastal…now it’s time to take the leader out. Even if you have to go through his lackeys to do it. He’s afraid of you Alex…he’s never wanted you to get this close to breaking his power and if there’s one thing above all others that I know about you…it’s doing what others don’t want you to.

Alex turns away from the TV and looks at Syd…really looks at her.

Alexander: I don’t know what I’d do if you hadn’t agreed to come help me. I know it’s complicated…

Sydney: Don’t…we don’t need to do this now. I’m here to help because it’s the right thing to do. We can figure out the rest later.

Alex nods and leans forward to give Sydney a hug and whispers in her ear…

Alexander: Thank you…I mean it. For everything…

*Fade*

[BookerShark]

At the Darling Luxury Tent, Lucky is standing outside, talking on the phone.

L: He'll never go for it...............................No, I'll do it, but it'll never--

Lucky catches Syd and Alex hugging out of the corner of his eye, and abruptly hangs up. He walks in and clears his throat, glaring at Alexander.

SW: Hey, Lucky. I think I'm going to turn in. See you later, Alex.

AD: Yeah, good night.

Lucky goes over to the video set up with a stack of writable DVDs, frowning, and not making eye contact.

AD: It's not what it looks like.

L: None of my business.

AD: What are you doing?

L: Um...just....archiving some stuff. Fire asked me.......it's just something I started doing and ... habit. With every thing going on, I'm a few months behind. Sorry I interrupted.

AD: It really isn't what it looks--

Turning around quickly and angrily.

L: It's none of my business, Alex. But....Look, if you really do want to help Fire--

AD: Stop right there. You know I do. Alexander begins to get angry.

L: Then you ... you need to forget about her.

AD: What? Are you out of your fucking mind?

L: I'm serious. Just....stop.

Both men are getting angrier.

AD: And why should I listen to you? By your own admission, if it wasn't for you...if you hadn't signed her over to Juni's brother.....she wouldn't BE in this situation.

Lucky looks down.

L: You're right. I know this....It's my fault. I was paid to make sure she was safe, and I......I just failed. The doctor said she'd die if I didn't and I--

Alexander is still angry, but shakes his head.

AD: No, Lucky. You've always looked out for her. This is Tytan's fault...Ecosystem's fault. And I'm not going to let them win.

L: Then you need to listen to me on this. Stop focusing on Fire. She's....a symptom. Ecosystem is the disease. Cut off the head of the monster.

AD: It won't work. She'll just cling to him, or to his memory, if i don't force a split and--

L: Alexander....we have to face it. I know Ms. Wyld is trying to keep your hopes up but....god, I hate this....it might be too late. You have to to focus on him to just....save the company. This company that Fire loved....truly did, even if she didn't realize that....when she was herself. Because I know her, better than you think, and .... it just might be too late. Target Junichiro Muyo. Take out Ecosystem. Let Fire.......let her go. She'll do what she has to. She'll be fine.

Alexander looks thoughtful for a moment.

AD: I don't know, Lucky.

L: Well, like I said...it's up to you.

Alexander sits down and looks all thoughtful and stuff, and Lucky goes to make copies of the last few months of OOWF.

[BookerShark]

*Stank sits in his tent with his leg elevated, his knee iced and taped. He reaches into a bucket of ice and pulls out a beer and tosses it to Stan Fulton. LD Williams says goodnight and retreats to his own tent. Fulton rises from his seat and is ready to retire for the evening.*

Fulton - You never did finish telling me how you got that bucket of ice from D&D

Stank - Well Stan it's a long story.

*LD Williams ducks his head back into the tent.*

Stank - I said to them "I want ice, you have ice. Give it to me."

LDW -

Fulton -

Stank -

Fulton -

LDW -

Stank - And... they gave it to me.

LDW - That's it?

Stank - That's it.

LDW - Aw man. No Salma Hayek? No cursed weapons? No vampires?

Stank - Nope. I asked and DDT handed me a bucket. Two in fact.

*Disappointed LD Williams retreats back to his tent.*

Fulton - Goodnight Stank... Moose.

*Moosehead Jack waves at Fulton from his slumped position on the floor. Fulton leaves and Moose rises to leave as well.*

MHJ - Thanks for the beer.

Stank - They respect me Moose... The boys over at Drink & Destroy. It's nauseating.

*Moose stops short of exiting the tent.*

Stank - I have been too vocal about my knee... well not really. Gotdamn ninja cams.

MHJ - Don't worry about it.

Stank - I am worried about it. I expected those guys to attack me... at least make me work for it. I think the mute actually felt sorry for me.

*Moose smirks*

Stank - If I didn't really need the ice I would have brought that whole tent down around them and stomped the shit out of every one of them.

MHJ - With that bum knee?

Stank - Fuck you, Moose.

MHJ - *smiling* Stank please. Self pity doesn't become you.

Stank - It's not self pity. I'm just venting.

MHJ -

Stank - You know what really grinds my gears?

MHJ - What doesn't?

Stank - *ignoring him* You notice how the cowboys and the Spam Brothers tend to ignore me and focus on you?

MHJ - I don't get it either.

Stank - What the fuck is that about? I mean I sort of get why maybe the Hawaiians would. They know you, but Texpress? Poe and I feuded with them for the better part of the year? You had nothing to do with it. You'd think my name would be mentioned.

MHJ - Well that's because you and Poe are my lackeys. *laughs*

Stank - *smiling* Once again... fucka a-you.

MHJ - What do you want me to say Stank. They're idiots. I say that all the time.

Stank - You're right. I'll let it go. When we beat them and retain the tag team titles I'll be sure to rub it in their faces.

MHJ - Now you're talking. Good night.

Stank - Night Moose.

*Moosehead Jack exits the tent. Stank pulls out his smartphone and skypes a number. He puts the phone to his ear.*

Stank - Hey... Oh I'm sorry what time is it there?... Sorry, I just wanted to talk... Not yet... hold on. If there are any ninjas in here get the fuck out!

Fade

[BookerShark]

CUT to the outskirts of "Camp OOWF" where Fulton is walking with the beer he got from Stank.

"This is asinine. We are a multi-million dollar company and we're in tents?"

Fulton pulls out his phone and dials a myriad of numbers trying to make a connection. When he finally does we hear only his side.

"Sorry, I don't speak Dutch... Ah that's better... I'd like a room for the next six days... that would be fine... Can you have a car sent around?.. I'm in Zanderij just a few kilometers from Pengel International... there's a camp set up... yes, the American wrestlers... yes, we're very big... no, ma'am I don't know Hulk Hogan... I'm sure he is a nice man... the car's on it's way then?... It's only 50 kilometers from the airport to the capital correct? Wonderful. I'll be there shortly. Goodbye."

Fulton hangs up and moves over to a nearby tent, grabbing a duffel bag or two then walks out of camp. The sound of a badly tuned car is heard as Fulton walks through the foliage as we FADE.

[BookerShark]

Darius Prentiss and Charlotte Everstark are sitting down in a tent... Darius on a canvas folding chair, Charlotte lounging on a cot.

Darius: Looks like I'm facing Stan Fulton this week. It'll be great to face a challenge after I made Aina my bitch.

Charlotte: Don't take Fulton for granted, Darius. He's big, nasty, and has the same kinda drive to win that you do. He doesn't jump around, he doesn't flip, he just goes in with the goal of beatin' the tar out of you.

Darius: He might be bigger than I am, but none of that matters if he's on the ground having the breath choked out of him. I don't care how big you are. If you aren't breathing, you aren't winning.

(He takes a drink of water from a bottle as the screen fades...)

[BookerShark]

*The screen goes dark and fades into an OOWF Logo. We hear from Voiceover Guy (who, as the weeks go on here, might be Davin, but we don't really know*

VG: Ladies and Gentlemen, it's time for the highest-rated and most popular segment in the history of OOWF-TV...It's time for Top 10 Frauds of the Week!. Here are your co-hosts...Moonbeam O'Callahan and Shawn Johnson!

*We fade in to a non-descript desert scene, with Shawn and Moonbeam just standing next to each other*

SFJ420: And now, ladies and gentlemen...I hope you've texted your friends and told them we're on...because it's time for the star of Top 10 Frauds of the Week...The Greatest of All-Time Himself...Davin Moreland!

*Canned applause. It certainly sounds like more than the 2 of them. Suddenly, into frame comes a camel. And it's being ridden by a really big guy. Who's dressed like Lawrence of Arabia. No really, just like Peter O'Toole in the movie. It's Davin and...Jesus fucking Christ he can't be serious right now..although...*

DM: Hello friends...it is your Pharaoh, Davin Moreland both in spirit and in practice - here to deliver yet another sermon from my Ivory Tower. Isn't that what you people say? Isn't that the criticism?

OGMSJ: *now apparently off-script* Uh, Davin? I don't think anyone actually says-

DM: SILENCE!

SFJ420: Oh, for fuck's sake.

DM: *hops off the camel and addresses the camera* Well...I hear you...the OOWF Universe hears you...and those who wish to bring Davin Moreland harm will hear from ALL of us soon!

OGMSJ: Okie doke...

DM: And that's why I'm moved by the resistance movement in Tahrir Square in Cairo. I understand your plight. Constant and rampant corruption brings a once-great nation to a still-great nation but with 40% unemployment and a totalitarian regime that seems hopeless to ever change.

But it started with an idea. Then a few people. Then a few MORE people, until suddenly hundreds of thousands of people mobbed Downtown Egypt...

SFJ420: *whispers* CAIRO, Downtown Cairo!

DM: Downtown Cairo, and a scant 18 days later, despite goon squads and a stubborn old guy, The people have spoken. And it's because of that, my friends, that there will be no Top 10 Frauds of the Week this week. Not that there weren't frauds. I mean, Alexander lost to a damn jobber in the tournament. Moosehead Jack proved to yet another midcarder why they don't belong in the same breath as greats like Moose and myself. Hell, I've even gotten the great LD Williams to cut his longest promo in years on me...without saying a word. In fact...let me address this now -

OGMSJ: Davin Moreland addresses....LD Williams!

DM: Thanks Shawn. You know LD, we've been down this road. Hell, our MOMS have gone down this road. You and I have had classic after classic after classic and have nothing to prove to anyone. What is it you said? 50+ Championships in the ring on Wednesday? But that shit's for the fans. You and I know what matters. Wednesday will be Grand Slam Champion vs. Grand Slam Champion. Each of us has beaten the other for the World Title. We've been on the same side of the fence. We've been on opposite sides of the fence. You do your "quiet, intense" thing, and I do my "Awesome" thing. Different methods, but both have been very effective in the face of some, at times, very haphazard booking.

DM: But if you've got THE GOODS. Like I've got. Like you've got. Then it won't matter. Eventually you'll get there. And here we are, commanding the respect of our peers, both of us at the top of the company despite what belts you currently don't hold. So I'm not going to stand here and tell the world that I'm SO much better than you. Because let's face it, it's not true. You're one of the few people here in OOWF that can show me a list of their accomplishments and say "See? You're not THAT much better".

DM: Now likewise, am I gonna kiss your ass and say you're better? No. Because honestly, I don't believe you're better. Just like you don't believe I'm better. You HAVE to believe that you're better than the guy across from you or else you've lost before the match has started. We both understand that. So LD, my friend, my long-time colleague, let's dispense with the normal backstage machinations and get into the tape study a little this week, and make sure the 2 English Words these people take away from this Wednesday are "Moreland" and "Williams". Because, we're tearing the house down. I don't give a fuck where it is on the card. I did it last week with Zane, and now this week I get to work stiff. Because that's how YOU roll, LD. So at Mayhem, in the epic contest between The Greatest of All-Time Davin Moreland and Not Too Shabby Himself LD Williams - the better man WILL win. Of course, that will be me. But you already knew that.

SFJ420: That's all we've got written.

DM: Ok, well let's go to the airport! We've got to get to Downtown Egypt and protest with our people!

OGMSJ: Davin, the protest is basically over. Mubarak quit and...

DM: THEY NEED TO SEE ME!

SFJ420: But Davin-

DM: CUT!

*camera continues rolling, since they've already bought the satellite time*

DM: *kinda whispering* Listen, do you understand why we have to go there?

SFJ420: Because you're suddenly having, like, an attack of conscience, man? You're identifying with the people?

DM: No.

OGMSJ: Ahhh...I get it.

SFJ420: What?

OGMSJ: He's going because not only is EVERY TV NETWORK IN THE WORLD there right now, but they've also got cameras. Running. Live. And in a crowd full of Arabic-speaking Egyptians, Davin speaks perfect English. Damn, that's genius, D.

DM: How long of a camel ride do you think it is?

SFJ420: Far, but it works better than the shitty cars around here.

*They all climb on*

OGMSJ: Now what?

DM: Uh...Giddyup?

*The camel starts moving*

DM: Nice.

*fade*

[BookerShark]

Firewoman is SNEAKING~! around the OOWF Tent Village. She hears Fulton make his other arrangements, and rolls her eyes.

FW: Pussy.

She continues kind of meandering around, basically trying to enjoy being one with the night, and not being under watch. She turns a corner and comes face to face with her brother.

FW: Oh...uh....Hi Moose.

Moose snarls and glares, and simply walks around her. Fire hesitates a minute, and then turns to follow him, walking more quickly to catch up.

FW: Moose, wait...I need.......

Moose keeps walking, fists clenching.

FW: I just need to talk to you.....can you please--

MHJ: *suddenly whirling around, and Fire again nearly runs into him.* She needs to go away. Right now.

FW: No...look, please...just listen --

MHJ: I tried listening when I got a phone call saying you needed help. And what did that get me? Human pinata time. Walk away. Now.

He turns and keeps walking, and Firewoman keeps following.

FW: Moose.....It's not that....I'm not.....Look, I'm trying--

MHJ: Trying my patience, and we both have a relatively short supply of that.

FW: Moose....please, just .... JACKIE! I need--

At the sound of her childhood nickname for him, Moose snaps. He turns and goozles Firewoman against a makeshift light pole, lifting her nearly off his feet. Despite being able to, Fire doesn't kick him, and instead tries to pry his hands off her throat. A voice comes behind Moose and a hand on his shoulder.

LDW: You don't want to do that.

MHJ: Yes I do. And stay out of it.

LDW: C'mon Moose...let's go get a beer.

Moose thinks about it for a moment....and then lets go, dropping Fire, who falls awkwardly. Moose looks down at her for a minute, contemplating whether to do anything else, and then at LD.

MHJ: Why.

LDW: Because I want a drink. Let's go.

Moose turns back at Fire, sneers, and then walks in the direction of beer. LD watches as Fire stands up.

FW: You didn't need to--

LDW: Uh huh....look.....uh......

Fire looks around and then walks up to him so she can talk quietly.

FW: Give my best to your mama...I'm quite the fan.

LD looks at her oddly, and then smiles a bit.

LDW: Got it...you need anything.....

FW: Yeah.....I need to find someplace where there is whiskey and willing locals.

LDW: Oh?

FW: It's been...a while.

LDW: Oh.....can't help you there....I need to go babysit someone.

FW: Right......I'll find it. Always do.

They start to walk away, and LD calls back to her, so she turns.

LDW: Still our world.

FW: We'll see.....

Both of them continue walking opposite directions.

[BookerShark]

*OBJ walks up to DDT, who is still punching the block of ice*

OBJ: Sorry, mate, but where's the piss bucket?

*DDT shrugs*

OBJ: You didn't by any chance give Stank the bucket we were pissing in for his ice?

*DDT shrugs*

OBJ: Oh well.

*A large insect flies buy and OBJ grabs it and eats it*

[BookerShark]

J-P Sparxx is standing somewhere backstage talkin' to his main squeeze Jewel when he notices the ninja-cam.

J-PS: Hit it!

His personal interview screen drops behind him and Jewel.

J-PS: Round TWO bitches! Ya'll didn't think The Spark was gonna win, did'ja? Everyone got high on da new bitch Sickle.

Jewel: It's pronounced Cycle baby.

J-PS: It's doesn't matter how it's pronounced! He gone! I win! He lose! He go home! Wherever that is. Anyway, Round TWO bitches! Who dat?! Who dat say dey gon' beat The Spark?

Jewel: Belch Boy!

J-PS: It is Belch Boy! The original Aussie Gangsta himself, Outback Jack. Listen Crocodile Dundee, you just go 'head an' take yo fat ass back to yo bar, drink your Fosters...

Jewel: Australian for beer.

J-PS: ...and forget about this tournament thing, 'cuz The Spark's winnin' it all.

Jewel: Maybe Davin Moreland.

J-PS: Yeah, maybe Davs. He good dawg.

Jewel: I ain't yo dawg!

J-PS: You my Boo.

J-P grabs Jewel by the waist and pulls her to him. She smiles, wraps her arms around his neck and kisses.

J-PS: Ma Boo Baby.

Jewel: Boo Baby.

J-P lets Jewel go and faces back the camera.

J-PS: Like I's sayin', Kangaroo Fucker, dis is ma time. You just gon' be a recollection, yeah I used a big word. I gon' check yo ass off and move on to da next one, knowwhatI'msayin'?

J-P swallows hard and belches.

J-PS: That's Carolinian for I'ma beat yo ass Dingo Danny. The Spark's gonna git'cha. Deuces.

[BookerShark]

*SFJ#5 walks into Stank's tent. The big man is standing off to the side shaving. He spies the sexy female journalist through his mirror, dips his razor into a bucket of water, then resumes shaving. SFJ#5 approaches but turns up her nose at another bucket placed by the tent's entrance.*

SFJ#5 - That smells kind of rank.

Stank - That's because Drink & Destroy pissed in it.

SFJ#5 - And why do you have it?

Stank - Because they gave it to me. It was filled with ice before so I didn't notice until it had all melted. Outback Jack's promo filled in the blanks. They aren't going to like what I put in it when I give it back to them.

SFJ#5 - Okay... got time for an interview?

*Stank dips his razor in the bucket of water he has in front of him, examines his clean shaven face, touches up his goatee a bit, drops the razor back in the bucket and wipes his face.*

Stank - Okay Isabella, now I'm ready.

SFJ#5 - You have advanced to the next round in the Invitational tournament. Next you face Dynamite Danny Taylor. In his brief time in the OOWF you and he have developed something of a history. How do you see your upcoming match playing out.

Stank - Its simple... I'm going to win.

SFJ#5 - You're that confident.

Stank - No. But I'm determined.

SFJ#5 - Don't you think DDT is determined?

Stank - I'm sure he is... but how far will he go to get that win? I'm willing to bet he won't go as far as I.

SFJ#5 - Okay let's say that you beat DDT. This Invitational is for the OOWF World Heavyweight Championship. Your tag team partner Moosehead Jack is out of the tournament. If you win the tournament would you make the same decision he did in dropping the World Title in favor of retaining the Tag-Team Championship?

Stank - I haven't really thought about it.

SFJ#5 - No?

Stank - No. Look as long as I'm in this tournament, I'm in it to win. Don't let the knee fool you. I will hurt you. I will do whatever it takes. I will break your bones. I will bleed you dry. Do you believe me? Anyone watching this now... should.

SFJ#5 - So as far as being World Champion over Tag Team Champion...?

Stank - What are you getting at Isabella? Moose and I are the OOWF World Tag Team Champions. We have a combined 22 championships from every division between us. As much as Texpress likes to call themselves the division killers when it comes to that you need look no further than Moose and I. WE are the true division killers. WE are the dominate force in the OOWF. We are part of the Five and we always will be. The team of Moosehead Jack and Stank can not be beaten. Fuck the rest. Interview over.

*Stank pushes SFJ#5's mic down and exits his tent into the blustering wind. He heads toward the catering tent as the camera fades.*

[BookerShark]

<we zoom in on Camp OOWF, a jeep roars into the compound carrying two stretchers. The PA system immediately buzzes to life>

PA: INCOMING WOUNDED! CAGE MATCH GONE WRONG, DROP YOUR PROMOS AND HEAD TO TRIAGE

<GMtR flies out of the tent and is quickly met by Outback Jack and Zane Myers>

GMtR: How bad is it?

OBJ: Multiple lacerations, possible internal injuries, we are going to have to open him up and see

ZM: We have to wait! If we open him now, this kid could go into shock!

OBJ: We have no choice, if he lies here until he is stable, he will bleed to death! We have no blood match for him!

ZM: What type is he?

OBJ: AB negative

GMtR: Dammit! SPARXX!

JPS: Yo what’s crackin Ricky

GMtR: I need you to go to everyone in the OOWF and check blood types, we need AB negative, or this guy is going to die!

JPS: I’m on it dawg!

GMtR: What about the other guy?

ZM: He is already in the operating room with LD. He had a nasty bump on the head, broken ribs and some nasty lacerations to the torso. He should pull through just fine.

GMtR: What happened?

OBJ: Unsanctioned backyard match. The cage and ring were improperly constructed and it collapsed

GMtR: Damn fools! Check on the rest of them, I’m going to scrub

<We cut to the inside of the operating room, LD Williams is working on the second man, Stank is sitting at the head of the table administering ether to keep him asleep and keeping tabs on his blood pressure>

LD: How’s his blood pressure?

Sta: Steady

LD: I’m almost finished here, Fire, will you close for me?

FW: Sure

<Sparxx busts into the room>

GMtR: Dammit Sparxx, put a mask on!

JPS: Gotcha Dawg. I found a match, but he is………hesitant

GMtR: Who is it?

JPS: Well sir, its………….its Eric yo

GMtR: You tell Eric to get in here PRONTO and give up some of that blood, otherwise he will be on KP FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE!

<We cut to Eric’s tent, where he is pacing nervously. Ravenna Blue is there trying to calm him down>

EOM: It’s not that I don’t WANT to help………I just………I don’t like needles. Come on Ravenna, you have to help me!

RB: Calm down Eric, they can’t take your blood without your permission

<there is a knock on the door and Moosehead Jack walks in flanked by Danny Taylor and DH Magnusson>

MHJ: Let’s go Eric, we need your blood

EOM: NO! IT’S MY BLOOD AND YOU CAN’T HAVE IT!

<Moose nods to Danny and DH and they surround Eric and grab him, and drag him from the tent>

EOM: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Ravenna! Call my wife! Call someone! Call the national guard! Call DADDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYY!

<back in the operating room>

LD: Ok I am all finished here, I can take another one. Davin, is that still your first patient? C’mon man! Hurry it up! We have a waiting room full of victims!

DM: Mr. Williams, I have told you this before, my talents are above reproach, I will not be rushed to do things and have them done sloppy. When Davin Moreland operates on you, you have a mark of excellence on your body. I do one thing, I do it to perfection, then I move on

OBJ: Yeah well, that ain’t how it works here buddy! We just stitch ‘em up then send them on their way! This is meatball surgery, this ain’t Boston General

DM: I do one thing, I do it to perfection, then I move on

GMtR: Get the lead out Moreland, we know you are good, but we got people waiting!

<Sparxx bursts back into the room, this time with a mask on>

JPS: Sir, we got a problem, the generators are running low, without lights, how can we see to operate? Also, the MP’s got Eric, but he is not happy at all

<Just then Taylor and Magnusson drag Eric into the operating room and he kicks wildly and knocks over a tray of instruments>

GMtR: DAMMIT SOMEONE RESTRAIN HIM!

<Moose turns and HEARTPUNCHES Eric, he immediately slumps and calms down>

GMtR: Is he a match?

JPS: Yep

GMtR: Get him on a table and start drawing blood

Alexis Darling: SIR! I have to protest this! This is HIGHLY unethical!

GMtR: Wrestling is hell! You do what you have to do!

JPS: Sir, The President is on the phone!

GMtR: Dammit, can’t this wait?

JPS: He says it is urgent

GMtR: FINE! Prentiss, take over for me here. Sparxx, I want you and those Hawaiian boys to go to the Destroyitarium, get all the grain alcohol you can find, and dump it in the generators. We need light more than we need booze, get on it, PRONTO!

<GM the Rick heads back to his tent and picks up the phone>

GMtR: Yes sir Mr. President?
TP: In the simplest of terms, what we are doing is this: We are trying to prevent a third world war.

GMtR: The OOWF is?

TP: I think most people in this country recognized that fact last June. And they warmly supported the decision of the Board of Directors to sanction an Alexander Darling match against Firewoman. Now, many persons, even some who applauded our decision to sanction this, have forgotten the basic reason for our action.

GMtR: What are you talking about?

TP: It is right for us to be in the right. It was right last June. It is right today… The question we have had to face is whether the plan to conquest Firewoman can be stopped without general war. Our Board of Directors and other factions associated with us throughout wrestling believe that the best chance of stopping Firewoman and The Five without general war was to meet the attack head on and defeat them there.

GMtR: WHERE?

TP: That is what we have been doing. It is a difficult and bitter task. But so far it has been successful…

GMtR: No it hasn’t! Have you been watching AT ALL……sir? Firewoman is under mind control, and most of The Five is still around!

TP: So far, by fighting a limited war against The Five, we have prevented aggression from succeeding, and bringing on a general war. And the ability of the whole free world to resist The Five’s aggression has been greatly improved.

GMtR: They aren’t even a unit anymore!

TP: We have taught the enemy a lesson. They have found out that aggression is not cheap or easy. Moreover, men all over the world who want to remain free have been given new courage and new hope. They know now that the champions of freedom can stand up and fight and that they will stand up and fight. We do not want to see the conflict with The Five extended. We are trying to prevent a war—not to start one. The best way to do that is to make it plain that we and others will continue to resist the attack.

GMtR: Do you even watch wrestling?

TP: But you may ask, why can’t we take other steps to punish the aggressor. Why don’t we single out Moosehad Jack and Stank? Why don’t we assist Alexander Darling and his troops to infiltrate The Five? If we were to do these things we would be running a very grave risk of starting a general war. If that were to happen, we would have brought about the exact situation we are trying to prevent.

GMtR: THEY. ARE. NOT. A. FACTION. ANYMORE.

TP: If we were to do these things, we would become entangled in a vast conflict on the continent of the world and our task would become immeasurably more difficult. What would suit the ambitions of the someone like Ecosystem better than for our military forces to be committed to a full-scale war with The Five?

GMtR: <sighs> Eco is more the problem than The Five

TP: I believe that we must try to limit the war against The Five for these vital reasons: to make sure that the precious lives of our fighting men are not wasted; to see that the security of our federation and the free world is not jeopardized; and to prevent another Civil War. A number of events have made it evident that Concrete TG did not agree with that policy. I have therefore considered it essential to relieve Concrete TG so that there would be no doubt or confusion as to the real purpose and aim of our policy.

GMtR: What does Crete have to do with this?

TP: It was with the deepest personal regret that I found myself compelled to take this action. Concrete TG is one of our greatest professional wrestlers. But the cause of world peace is more important than any individual. The change in command against The Five signifies no change whatever in the policy of the OOWF Board of Directors. We will carry on the fight The Five with vigor and determination in an effort to bring the war to a speedy and successful conclusion.
We are ready, at any time, to negotiate for a restoration of peace. But we will not engage in appeasement. We are only interested in real peace.

GMtR: <giving up> Sure totally understandable

TP: In the hard fighting against The Five, we are proving that collective action among factions is not only a high principle but a workable means of resisting aggression. Defeat of aggression in the OOWF may be the turning point in the world’s search for a practical way of achieving peace and security.

GMtR: Peace…….in the OOWF

TP: The struggle of the OOWF against The Five is a struggle for peace. The free factions have united their strength in an effort to prevent a another Civil War. That war can come if people like Ecosystem want it to come. But this federation and its allies will not be responsible for its coming. We do not want to widen the conflict. We will use every effort to prevent that disaster. And, in so doing, we know that we are following the great principles of peace, freedom, and justice.

GMtR: Uh yaaaay God Bless The USA and all

TP: I have a general heading there now. He should arrive with his detail any moment. He will brief you further. Good bye.

GMtR: Yeah. Uhh see ya, ummmm <GMtR fumbles hanging up the phone and yells for Sparxx, but Sparxx is already on his way in with a new flask>

JPS: Gotcha hook up dawg, I’ll let ya know when them bigwigs is here

<Meanwhile, we cut to the Destroyitarium where The Flyin Hawaiians walk in along with Stan Fulton and Psykle>

DVD: What are you guys doing here?

Kai: Hey bruddah, calm down, we just came here for the booze

DVD: I don’t think so

Aina: orders from GM the Rick, we need the alcohol to run the generators for OR

DVD: Oh…..ok, you can take that, but not the still!

<Fulton looks at the others and nods, they clear out every bottle, but leave the still. We cut back to the grounds where we see a procession of jeeps roar into view. GM the Rick and J-P Sparxx are there to greet them they get out and all shake hands>

AD: GM the Rick, I am General Alexander Darling, this is Sgt. Tytan, Lieutenant Madison and Corporal Evans. We have been sent here to inspect the grounds and further instruct you in the war against The Five

GMtR: I really think there has been a mistake……I mean, the Five is really no longer a threat. They essentially disbanded back in September! They are not the real threat anymore!

GAD: Sir, are you suggesting the President is somehow wrong?

GMtR: No, I am just saying maybe…….

GAD: Excellent. Now, what I need is for your clerk……

JPS: Yo dawg <Sparxx gets a stern look from Darling> I mean……Yo Dawg…….Sir

GAD: I need your company clerk to give Lieutenant Madison and Corporal Evans all the information you have on The Five. I will also need Sgt. Tytan briefed on this new threat…..I believe you called them “Trinity”

GMtR: Uh…….yes sir. Sparxx, give the gentlemen the information they need.

GAD: Now. I would like an inspection of the area. It seems pretty vacant

GMtR: Well, most of the men are in the OR, we had a cage match go wrong about twenty miles from here, it was pretty bad

<just then The Hawaiians, Fulton and Psykle walk by with their arms full of booze>

GAD: What is that all about?

GMtR: Oh that…..well, uh, the generators are almost out of gas, we need the alcohol to power them for the rest of the evening so we can finish surgery

GAD: Smart move. Where can a fella get something to eat around here?

GMtR: Well, the catering tent is right over here, Larson and Folz are posted to it at the moment, I am sure they can get you whatever you want

<just then the docs get out of OR and head to catering>

GMtR: So, how did it go?

DM: Naturally, it went off without a hitch. Thanks largely to me

OBJ: No problems, they are all going to pull through. Eric may be down for a bit longer though

GMtR: He is going to be pissed

LDW: When is he not?

<General Darling walks back up to GM the Rick>

GMtR: Guys, this is General Alexander Darling, he and his men are here to assess the situation. General this is Outback Jack, Davin Moreland and LD Williams, our three surgeons here

DM: Charmed

LD: Yeah

OBJ: <glancing at the catering, which is being devoured by DH Magnusson> I think I am going to retire to the Destroyitarium for a drink

GMtR: Uhh, remember, we took the alcohol

OBJ: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

<OBJ runs to the Destroyitarium in a panic, then sees DVD standing there by the still smiling>

GAD: So, who is that redhead over there?

GMtR: Oh, her? That is Nurse Firewoman. Very very skilled, along with nurse Ravenna and Nurse Lexie

GAD: Interesting

<cut back to OBJ running into the Destroyitarium>

OBJ: They left the still! Oh god bless you DVD!

<The scene fades out, then fades back in and the OOWF has gathered in the Destroyitarium peacefully. They are all sipping their drinks, no one is talking much, all are considering the hardships of a life on the road. An OOWF jobber picks up a guitar and strums it a few times, then begins to sing……

Through the gathering crowd I see
Visions of the things to be
The pains that are in store for me
I realize and I can see

The OOWF is heinous
It brings on many changes
Carved to bloody pieces as you see

I try to find a way to make
a feud or match to appreciate
without the ever-present hate
but now I know that it’s too late, and

The OOWF is heinous
It brings on many changes
Carved to bloody pieces as you see

The wrestling game is hard to play
We’re gonna lose it anyway
Inside the ring I’ll someday lay
So this is all I have to say

The OOWF is heinous
It brings on many changes
Carved to bloody pieces as you see

The only way to win is cheat
And I’ll lay down before I’m beat
Give one more fan a seat
Just treat me like a chunk of meat

The OOWF is heinous
It brings on many changes
Carved to bloody pieces as you see

The barbed wire will pierce our skin
At first it hurts when you begin
But as you work your way on in
The pain grows weaker and you start to grin…but

The OOWF is heinous
It brings on many changes
Carved to bloody pieces as you see

A fan favorite once requested me
To answer questions that are key
“is this what we are meant to be”
And I replied “what else could be?”

The OOWF is heinous
It brings on many changes
Carved to bloody pieces as you see
….and you will do the same thing or you lose.

<quiet falls over the Destroyitarium as the last cords hang in the air. Without saying a word, Moosehead Jack gets to his feet, grabs the guitar and SLAMS it down over the jobber’s head EL KABONG! The jobber falls to the floor and Stank and Fulton drag him out of the Destroyitarium into the night. Everyone murmurs and goes back to their drinks as we fade to black>

[BookerShark]

*Tahrir Square, Cairo, Egypt. Thousands of protesters are cleaning up the area after 18 days worth of demonstration and celebration. They've overthrown their dictator of nearly 30 years, and have also forced a new system of government for the first time since Egypt was a Client State of the Soviet Union. Everyone seems jubilant, even though they're basically cleaning trash and shit. It's kind of like the poor people that have to clean up after D&D each week. Sort of like that. Anyway, everyone's in a good mood - that is, until this freakish Lawrence of Arabia-looking dude come a-ridin' in on a camel, with two blonde white girls riding shotgun. Or whatever. Assuming a camel has shotgun, that's where they'd be. The Egyptian Crowd is curious, and they have no trouble invading personal space, so they crowd the camel and start shouting things in Arabic to Davin. Because that will work. They're probably asking "Who the fuck are you?" "Why are you on a camel?" You know, stuff like that. Of course, Davin is like a Universal Translator.*

DM: My people. My fellow Egyptians. I have come to liberate you. Where are the cameras at?

*Suddenly, some of the English speakers hear this and move to the front. One starts talking.*

OotES: Didn't you hear? Mubarak stepped down 2 days ago! We're already liberated!

SFJ420: Awesome, dude.

DM: That's terrific news, Abdul. And now your Pharaoh has come to lead you into the 21st century!

AOotES: No thanks, buddy. We'll lead ourselves. Who are you, anyway?

*Suddenly, about 8 or 9 rows deep someone starts yelling in very broken English*

SYiVBE: Dah-vin! Dah-vin Moreland! It is YOU!

DM: Of course it's me. Who the fuck else would I be?

SYiVBE: Cock a dude doo - motherfuck!

OGMSJ: Something like that, yeah.

*Some of the men start making noises at the 2 girls on the camel. They're not wearing hats or anything! But this is Egypt, not Syria.*

DM: HEY HEY HEY! Calm down guys...They're Christians...*whispers to Shawn* You're Christian, right?

OGMSJ: *whispers back* Probably.

DM: *whispers to Moonbeam* What about you?

SFJ420: *unfortunately* No, I'm not a Christian.

*There's a slight gasp in the crowd*

SFJ420: Not like that. I'm a Rastifarian! SELASSIE-I! I AND I JA and SELASSIE-I!

*Crowd murmurs...the most prominent word heard is "rasta". One of the men in the crowd speaks up*

OotMItC: Has....Hash...HashISH? Some you want?

SFJ420: You have Hashish?

OotMItC: Is Egypt. Hashish? We have it, yes.

SFJ420: Sweet. I'll catch you at the airport, D.

DM: Moony, W-

*Moonbeam hops down and takes off with a crowd of like 25 people*

DM: Ok then. Where are the cameras? Where's Richard Engel?

*A bunch of people point. Davin's camel heads off in that direction and they happen upon NBC News' Senior Foreign Correspondent Richard Engel. He appears to be a couple minutes from a live shot, so he's shocked when he feels the camel come up behind him. He turns around*

RE: What the fuck? Who are you....is that America's Sweetheart Shawn Johnson?

OGMSJ: Yup *she hops off the camel* Hi Mr. Engel.

RE: Hi...uh...what are you doing here?

OGMSJ: Oh, I'm just here spreading the message of freedom, Christianity, Mom, apple pie, Coke, McDonalds, Dunkin' Donuts and aggressive imperialistic governmental behavior.

RE: Uh huh.

OGMSJ: Ok fine, he brought me *points*

RE: He...who?

*Davin hops off the camel. He's got a good foot on Richard Engel*

DM: Who else?

RE: *thinks for a second trying to figure out who he is* Ohhh, you're that wrestler guy, right?

DM: Yeah, if you meant to say Davin Moreland - Greatest of All Time, then yes, that's me.

RE: Hoo-kay...well, why are YOU here?

DM: To liberate my people!

RE: You're Egyptian?

DM: Well, not really...

RE: Then how are these your people?

DM: TODAY! WE ARE ALL EGYPTIANS!

*This actually draws a pop from the crowd, and a better pop once it's fully translated for everyone*

RE: And why are you dressed like Peter O'Toole?

DM: I thought that's what people wore here. I guess it's just royalty.

RE: Or, you know, nobody.

DM: So, you wanna pop your ratings, or what?

RE: I've got no problem with my ratings.

DM: But you could POP them.

RE: Ok, how?

DM: Put us on.

RE: No fucking way.

DM: You can ask us about Egypt stuff.

RE: Yeah, you guys are aces so far.

OGMSJ: Aces? Do you want a fedora with a little tag that says "Press" on it to complete your 1940's journalist stereotype?

RE: Funny. Well YOU, you would pop ratings...or pop something...amirite?

OGMSJ: HEY!

DM: Just for that, we're on.

RE: *sighs* Ok, fine. We're up in a couple seconds.

*there's a slight pause as he listens to his IFB*

RE: Thank you, Contessa...Yes, it's another amazing sight here in Tahrir Square, as most of the protesters here are actually cleaning the area after 18 days of protests. Everyone is still overjoyed from the events from the last couple of days, and a couple of others have made their way over here to lend their support. I'm here with someone you probably all recognize, Multi-time Medalist and Gold Medalist in the 2008 Beijing Games for Women's Gymnastics, Shawn Johnson.

OGMSJ: Thanks, Richard.

RE: So Shawn, what brings you here?

OGMSJ: I don't know Richard. I've been following everything on the NBCUniversal Family of Networks...

DM: *whispers* Nicely done.

OGMSJ: And I just had to see it for myself. This country and these people are so rich in tradition and history that it makes it all the more amazing of a story. It's nice to see that the idea of Democracy seems to be an innate one, rather than something forced by other governments.

RE: That's...a good, coherent answer. Thanks, Shawn. I'm also here with this gentleman, the guy who fashions himself as the "Greatest of All Time", the OOWF's Davin Moreland. Davin, what brings you here?

DM: Thank you, Richard. Much like Shawn, I was driven into action by witnessing the events on the NBCUniversal Family of Networks, on shows such as "The NBC Evening News with Brian Williams" shown weeknights after your local NBC news...or on "The Rachel Maddow Show", which airs weeknights at 9 PM, 8 PM Central. Also, Telemundo. Or is it Univision?

RE: Telemundo.

DM: Right. Anyway, I was coming off a tough match against my friend and brother, Zane Myers, and I couldn't help but feel connected to the Egyptian People in some way. I had to come and see for myself. I was a witness to history, but I wasn't witnessing history. I had the means and opportunity, and so I'm here to not only be a first-hand witness to something I'll tell my grandkids about, but to be with and meet the people here at Tahrir....Liberation Square. Democracy is a Universal (no pun intended) vision and dream, it does not rest in the hands of the privileged few. When people of any kind are left to their own devices...eventually...this is what happens. Maybe it will be a nice reminder to the foreign policy leaders in the United States to quit meddling in another country's business. Just a suggestion. I mean, you sat back and did NOTHING and they did all this on friggin' Facebook. I feel like I need to be here to support them. That they're not alone. Although they don't care that much, they did this for them, not for me, or you, or Shawn.

RE: Wow...I was...not expecting that.

DM: Also, I should warn you that I have a cousin who I'm pretty sure has a shrine dedicated to you in her room. Candles. Voodoo Dolls. Just, you know, letting you know. She thinks you're Arthur Kent, except you don't suck at reporting like Arthur Kent. Anyway, you have at least one fan, Richard.

RE: Well, thanks...anything else you want to add?

DM: That's pretty much it. Back to you, Contessa!

RE: *pauses until he's clear* Well, thanks guys. That went much better than I thought.

DM: *scribbles something on a piece of paper* Here. I may have exaggerated about the shrine. You should call this number to find out. Now if you don't mind, Richard Engel...MY PEOPLE AWAIT!

*Shawn rolls her eyes and follows Davin out into the throng of people. Curious the last time they saw him, this time they're booing. Or clicking. Or whistling. Or biting their thumbs. Who can keep this shit straight? Anyway, they're not happy, and Davin knows it*

DM: Why? Why, my brothers, have you turned on me? Our day of a new dawning has begun! Our future has started. Allow me to lead the way!

*The jeering continues. Davin's getting pissed*

DM: What the fuck is wrong with you people? Don't you know who the fuck I am?

*Suddenly, a familiar voice comes up behind him*

AFV: Of course they know who you are. They also know who I am. Don't you know WHERE you are?

*Davin turns around only to be face to face with Poe*

DM: I thought you were in Hawaii.

P: I was.

OGMSJ: Selena.

Sa-T: *peeks her head from behind Poe* Shawn.

DM: So. What? You turned all these people against me?

P: Nope. You did. Because you know what? When I'm in Egypt? I'm always a face.

*A "Poe Poe Poe" chant starts off quietly at first, and then reverberates through the entire square. Poe puts up a hand and they quiet down*

DM: You think that's a chant? That's not a fucking chant. Here's your chant. "DA-VIN BUMBAYE! DA-VIN BUMBAYE! DA-VIN BUMBAYE!"

*It takes a minute, but it sounds cool, even though no one knows what it means, and it starts to spread.

P: You can't be serious.

*Suddenly the square lights up with "DA-VIN BUMBAYE!" and everyone's screaming themselves hoarse*

P: Why would you ever-

DM: It's Africa, right? I thought they might know what it meant.

P: You're insane.

DM: Probably. Hey, after this...I've got a match with LD this week. Can I buy you some couscous or something?

P: Hmm...I've got nothing better to do other than fight for my country's freedom. Will Shawn play nice?

DM: Yeah, I stole her passport.

OGMSJ: HEY!

P: Ok, sounds like a plan.

*Davin and Poe stand up on top of a car, Davin raising Poe's arm in victory with the crowd chanting "DA-VIN BUMBAYE!" which is pretty funny considering he's raising Poe's arm in victory.

Another day, another fuckshow in the life of Davin Moreland*

*fade*

[BookerShark]

We see Psykle talking on a satellite phone in the OOWF tent camp. The cameraman, having seen what happened to his co-worker last week, is wisely using maximum zoom and a long distance mic and staying far away from the currently calm 7'3" man, knowing that interrupting him or being caught eavesdropping could bring out the raging monster inside.

Psykle: I know...I messed up. I tried to be what people expect out of a 7'3" wrestler, a psychotic intimidating monster, instead of being what you taught me to be, a man in perfect control of his rage, with excellent in-ring technical skills, and the power to back it up with his fists alone if need be.

Psykle pauses, listening to the man on the other side, obviously his mysterious mentor.

Psykle: I was distracted, I was looking out to the crowd trying to find you, looking up the ramp for you too. You never even showed up after the match at the bar like we planned...No, I understand, other commitments, priorities. I get it.

Again Psykle pauses listening. A grin begins to grow across his scarred face.

Psykle: You mean it? You're actually going to come out and watch the match this week? You're sure? Yea, it's a triple threat with Bryce Larson and Moosehead Jack. It's sure to give me a good opportunity to show the real me. The technical mastermind you've taught me to be instead of the raging monster I keep inside...great, I'll see you Wednesday then...no, I understand she can't come, just tell her I wish her a Happy Valentine's Day for me.

Psykle hangs up the satellite phone, and stares right at the camera with his wide grin turning into an angry frown. The camera quickly spins away and we can tell the cameraman is running before it cuts to black.

[BookerShark]

Davin Moreland, OGM&AS Shawn Johnson, and Moonbeam are seated around a table with Poe and Selena enjoying an authentic Egyptian meal when a male al-Jazeera reporter approaches them.

Ma-JR: Sorry to bother you, but I was hoping to get an interview with you, Mr. Poe.

DM: Not me?

Ma-JR: Who are you?

DM: I'm Davin Moreland! Five-time, five-time, five-time, five-time, five-time OOWF World Heavyweight Champion!

Sa-T: You are not.

DM: Quiet you.

Poe gives Davin a stern look, but before anything said, the Male al-Jazeera reporter continues.

Ma-JR: I'm not here about wrestling. Mr. Poe, is it true that you are contemplating running for the Egyptian Presidency?

Sa-T: Oh! I wanna be Michele Obama! Except hotter. And friendlier. And cuter. And stuff.

OGM&ASSJ: We're not eating rat are we?

SFJ420: Dude, this one time, at SFJ camp, I ate...

Ma-JR: Mr. Poe, please!

Poe: You'll have to excuse me sir, I am enjoying a meal with by beloved wife and other esteemed colleagues.

Ma-JR: Just a few words, Mr. Poe...

Sa-T: Dude...

SFJ420: Seriously dude.

OGM&ASSJ: Go suck on a rat camel jocky!

Ma-JR: Watch your mouth little girl!

Davin stands up quickly, but Poe grabs the microphone from the reporter's hand.

Poe: You will speak with my party with respect, sir.

Ma-JR: These women do not know their place...

Poe: These women are with me and you will treat them with respect that is surely above you. As for my political aspirations here in my homeland, I have none. The people have spoken out against authoritative rule. They wish for democracy and transparency in their government. That is not a way of ruling I was to partake. For you see, I would rule with an iron fist. I do not tolerate insubordination and I do not tolerate imbeciles such as you shoving a microphone in my face and I surely do not tolerate pathetic, desperate men such as yourself talking down to my wife and my friends who are quite above your station. Sir. So there is your interview. You may leave my company now. Praise be to Allah and most of all, praise be to Egypt and her people.

Poe shoves the microphone back into the reporter's chest with a thud. The reporter is speechless and looks at the table a few seconds too long before leaving. Just as he turns, Davin reaches across the table and delivers a REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER through it. The food goes everywhere, but mostly falling on the prone body of the reporter.

DM: Cock a doodle doo mother fucker!

Poe: I guess our meal is over.

Poe offers his hand to Selena, who takes it and steps over (and on) the reporter.

SFJ420: So...just to be a good reporter... You're not running for office?

Poe: I am not.

Sa-T: Aww! I wanted to be Queen!

SFJ420: Walk like an Egyptian...

The three women start to do the dance as Poe and Davin flank them as they walk down the street towards their hotel.