OOWF MidWeek Mayhem 07-13-05

[mooseheadjack]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! July 13th From Zephyr, Ontario, Canada!

OOWF World Title Match [/u]
Chris Alt vs. Niles Anderson

OOWF Intercontinental Title Match [/u]
Blackdragon vs. Corax

OOWF Onslaught Championship Match [/u]
Capellan vs. GimmickMan

OOWF World Tag Team Title Match [/u]
The Devil’s Brigade vs. FF Capslock & Stank

Best of Three Falls Match [/u]
Outback Jack & GatorBait vs. wCw

3Piece Set vs. Moosehead Jack & Concrete TG
Hardbody Harris vs. Beast
Donovan Viper & Microplay vs. UnderDawg & Mark Vander
Eric O’ Mac vs. Attitude Adjuster
Johnny Adrenaline vs. Mikey Styner
The Establishment vs. SoulDragon & Mercury
LD Williams vs. Dr. Murder
Thim Reynolds vs. Uncle Entity
Mr. Jealous vs. Phil


Card IS subject to change, but it probably won't

[mooseheadjack]

Capellan is at The Rick's office within minutes of the matches being posted.

"Gimmickman?" he sounds incredulous, "What's he done to deserve a shot? You and I both saw the footage of what happened in last week's match. Thim might have won if it hadn't been for the accident with the armband. Hell, if I'd known what he was doing, I'd have waited for him to find it. I don't want to keep the belt with a cheap win - you need to give Thim another shot."

The Rick puts his whiskey down, and starts ticking off points on his fingers,

"One. I make the matches, not you. Two. Gimmickman's got this supernatural power to stay in contention even when he's never around. Three, I'll think about it. Four, get out."

Capellan stares for a moment, then nods an acknowledgement of point three, and leaves the office.

[mooseheadjack]

<minutes after Capellan leaves, GM the Rick comes out of his office with a marker and makes the following changes>

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! July 13th From Zephyr, Ontario, Canada!

OOWF World Title Match [/u]
Chris Alt vs. Niles Anderson

OOWF Intercontinental Title Match [/u]
Blackdragon vs. Corax

OOWF Onslaught Championship Match [/u]
Capellan vs. Thim Reynolds

OOWF World Tag Team Title Match [/u]
The Devil’s Brigade vs. FF Capslock & Stank

Best of Three Falls Match [/u]
Outback Jack & GatorBait vs. wCw

3Piece Set vs. Moosehead Jack & Concrete TG
Hardbody Harris vs. Beast
Donovan Viper & Microplay vs. UnderDawg & Mark Vander
Eric O’ Mac vs. Attitude Adjuster
Johnny Adrenaline vs. Mikey Styner
The Establishment vs. SoulDragon & Mercury
LD Williams vs. Dr. Murder
GimmickMan vs. Uncle Entity
Mr. Jealous vs. Phil


Card IS subject to change, but it probably won't

Ok, I lied, shhhhhhhhhh!

[mooseheadjack]

Note: Most of this happens before the eco-containment tank was detonated in OpTard’s post, and then before the HH/Alt v. Beast/Niles match at the 7/6 midweek mayhem




*Hardbody and Rick Moranis are enjoying a box of Fudge Striped cookies*

HH: Wow! I had no idea that they had these things in the netherworld! This is great!

RM: Okay. I gave you those cookies to lull you into a diabetic stupor, not for you to gloat. Don’t they have Keebler in the real world?

HH: Yeah, but most of the time the cookies are all broken up and stuff. And whatsm—

RM: Nevermind. Just close your eyes and focus. Fall asleep, even. If you concentrate hard enough, you can see the gatekeeper and the keymaster working toward each other. They must find each other before you can appear in one of the chosen forms. Focus…focus….DAMMIT HARDBODY STOP STICKING YOUR TONGUE THROUGH THE HOLE IN THE COOKIE!

HH (tongue peeking through the center of the cookie): Sorry. I do that with EVERYTHING!

RM: *Sigh* Last chance…focus…

*The screen does one of those wavy-dream fades where you can tell a change in time and space has occurred. We are now at an OOWF arena, and obviously in a women’s locker room, which is basically just a cloning laboratory. The camera spins around and we see Sexy Female Journalist Ripley staring straight ahead like a zombie. She’s wearing only a white men’s dress shirt, unbuttoned, and a pair of panties. She saunters out the door and walks straight into the men’s locker room. The entire OOWF roster, heel and face, is in there for some reason. She takes off her shirt and monotonously speaks.*

SFJRipley: I am the gatekeeper. Are you the keymaster?

Every single male in the company, except for Donovan Viper who has a mysterious “headache”: YES!!! YES WE ARE!

*SFJRipley methodically walks to the center of the room and closes her eyes…but then the entire screen turns black and reads “censored” as an ad for the XXX production of OOWF: Gang Bang in Your House! runs. We cut to commercial.*

*We’re back, and SFJRipley does not look satisfied. Her hair is completely mussed up, and the sound of 37 wrestlers snoring can be heard. Moosehead Jack is murmuring “I pulled out…trust me” in his sleep. She tilts her head to the side in a primitive show of not understanding and exits.*



*Change of camera angles, and we see the back of a short bald man in a tuxedo. He seems to be thrusting his pelvis vigorously toward the a computer desk, and after thirty seconds, stops. He begins typing, speaking as he presses the keys.*

Bald man: You are not the gatekeeper?

*reads response*

Bald man: Oh. That is funny. I am laughing out loud as well. Good day. Love, The Keymaster.

*He fixes and adjusts himself, shakes his head, and then turns around. It’s Mean Skeem! Mean Skeem is the keymaster! He takes a step out of the hallway and runs into Sexy Female Journalist Ripley. HOW CONVENIENT~!*

SFJRipley: Are you the keymaster?
Mean Skeem: Are you the gatekeeper?

They smile, and she pushes him into the closest room. Oddly enough, it has a bed and plenty of lighting, and SFJRipley climbs on top of Skeem. He’s smiling and turning all red, while she’s methodical in loosening his pants. Suddenly…

*AN EXPLOSION rips through the arena, and a cop running down the hallway screams, “The eco-containment tank just blew! Everything in it is free! EVERYTHING! SFJRipley looks down at Mean Skeem and frowns. “Sorry, honey, guess I don’t need you.” She then turns into a gargoyle-dog on top of Skeem.

Skeem starts crying. “Did the keymaster just get blueballed? Find out only on the OOWF hotline! Dial 1-900-909-9900! Again, 1-900-909-9900! Kids, get your parents’ permission before calling. Speaking of permission…can a gargoyle really say “No?”

*With that the scene ends, and we cut back to Hardbody Harris and Rick Moranis, who are twisting and turning in a volcanic eruption of souls.*

HH (yelling): What’s going on, Rick?

RM: The souls have been freed! Purgatory has been emptied! Thousands, maybe millions of the lost can roam the Earth again! Chaos abounds! The suicides, the aborted, the good heathens, they’re all able to commit terror upon terror upon the earth!

HH: Hm. So…I can go back and wrestle, huh?

RM (sighing): Yeah, I suppose.

HH: Well…thanks. Uh, see ya. Good luck with the career.

RM: Sure. Um, do you wanna hang out sometime?

HH: Uh, sure. I’ll see you around. Bye!

*Hardbody forces his way back down toward the Earth like a salmon swimming upstream. He bumps into several familiar souls (such as Duke from GI Joe) and finally, seemingly hours later, he makes it back to the arena, where he’s alone. He searches high and low for his body; it’s not where he last saw it in the cafeteria. Suddenly he hears some familiar entrance music coming from the arena proper. He floats through a wall and peeks out. He sees…HIMSELF? Yes, it is. His body is walking to the ring, uncharacteristically dull, and about to take part in a match! He can’t believe his eyes*

HH (to himself): What’s going on?

*He hears a voice behind him. He turns around and sees Fievel in tears behind him. Hardbody’s spirit kneels down to the little guy.*

HH: There, there, little body. It’s me, the #1 APPARTION IN THE OOWF!

Fievel: But I don’t want a ghost friend! I want a REAL friend!

HH: Fievel, I am real. But I’m confused. How am I out there wrestling right now?

Fievel: I don’t know. You’ve been so mean to me lately. And you keep trying to run through walls. I thought maybe you were trying to be like Mr. Beast, because he’s not alive and all.

HH: What???

Fievel: Yeah. I found him in the boiler room when I was looking for cheese. You want to see a dead body?

*Hardbody thinks a minute, and finally realizes what’s going on.*

HH: Sure do. You know, Beast likes to “pop out” of things quite often. Maybe it’s time for me to “pop in” on him. You know, like have my spirit enter his body like he did to me,so we can fight ourselves while fighting each other at the same time…IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!

*With that, Hardbody and Fievel rush to the boiler room.

[mooseheadjack]

(Uncle Entity is Furious!!! Kicking in walls and knocking down tables. Jesse Garon is trying to calm him down but can't seem to talk any sense into him. Entity is frothing at the mouth. Then Gimmickman, the man who stays in contention even though he is never around comes walking down the hall as if in a trance. Entity grabs a steel chair and SHALACS Gimmick across the brow, knocking him out.)

Entity (to Jesse Garon): Grab his fuckin' feet.

(Garon complys)

Garon: (In Elvish and a little scared): What are we gonna do with him boss?

Entity: (In a deep gutteral tone): Just grab his fucking feet!

Garon: Whatever you say boss.

(Garon and Entity throw Gimmickman into the back of Garon's Pink Cadillac and speed off.)

[mooseheadjack]

L.D. Williams is standing backstage with Sexy Female Journalist # 32:

SFJ: “L.D., you haven’t had much to say the past few weeks…”

LD: “Johnny Adrenaline has been doing enough talking for both of us…and it’s about time.”

SFJ: “I’m not sure I understand.”

LD: “Johnny and I made a handshake agreement to watch each other’s backs. It was the biggest mistake I ever made. From the day we teamed up, everybody – the fans, other wrestlers, even Johnny himself – treated me like a second-class citizen. I was trapped.”

SFJ: “Trapped by what?”

LD: “Honor. Whatever else I may be, I am a man of my word. I told Johnny I’d watch his back, so I did. And I gave him every opportunity to hold up his end of the bargain. I new he was going to screw me over, but I had to wait for him to get up the balls to actually turn on me before I could do anything about it.”

SFJ: “But now Johnny has backup in the form of Niles Anderson, Attitude Adjuster, and the Beast.”

LD: “You wanna see the difference between me and Johnny? Look at Donovan Viper.”

SFJ: “What do you mean?”

LD: “Adrenaline is a power-groupie. He hasn’t got the guts to go after the world title, so he kisses the backside of whoever’s got the belt. First Donnie, now Niles. Me, I got next to Viper when he had the title, and I DDT’d him on the concrete floor. You can be damn sure I’ll do the same thing to Niles.”

SFJ: “But, so far, the four on one odds have worked against you…”

LD: “A temporary problem, believe me. Johnny isn’t the only one with allies. Believe me, when the time comes, Johnny and his little buddies are in for a big surprise.”

SFJ: “One last question. You have come incredibly close to winning the Intercontinental Title more than one occasion lately. Do you have any comments on Black Dragon?”

LD: “Dragon is an incredible competitor. He deserves to hold that title. It’s unfortunate that Johnny can’t stay out of our business. Regardless, Dragon has my respect.”

[mooseheadjack]

(Uncle Entity and Jesse Garon are driving in the pink cadillac with Gimmickman in the trunk.)

Jesse Garon (In Elvish): Where are we going Boss?

Uncle Entity: We're taking our frind here way out in the country and we're going to throw him over a bridge.

JG: Like the smoking skulls belt?

UE: Yep. Just like the smoking skulls belt.

JG: Couldn't we just have beat him down in the lockeroom?

UE: I suppose, but this little jaunt will get us more TV time. Here's the bridge.

(Uncle Entity and Jesse Garon pull over on the Leaksdale bridge and open the trunk. Gimmickman, wide awake, looks relieved. Then UE and JG begin pummeling him. they drag him out of the trunk and UE puts him in the crucifix and brain busts him right into the concrete. Gimmick doesn't fight back the whoile time. Then UE powerbombs him over the railing of the bridge where he falls 30 feet into the river. He doesn't scream.)

UE: Perhaps that will slow his powerless inertia.

JG: You sounded like the Ultimate Warrior just then.

UE: (Laughs)

(UE and JG get in the pink cadillac and depart.)

[mooseheadjack]

Scene starts inside the 3PS lockerroom. It is quiet, much too quiet. No music, no booze, no ladies, No Firechild. Ax & Cole are both sitting on the benches. Ax has his face buried in his hands. Cole's head in resting against the lockers. He has a lost look on his face. Firechild walks into the locker room. He is again dressed to NOT impress. He also looks a bit lost.

FC: It will be alright guys.

Ax: (jumping up quickly) ALRIGHT?? ALRIGHT?? DID YOU HEAR THAT CHRIS? EVERYTHING WILL BE (whispering) alright.

FC: What I'm trying to say is you need to do some soul searching like I have. When lost the Onslaught Title I tooka journey to Self Discovery. I didn't likewhat I found. I still have a long way to go, but the journey has helped me thus far.

Ax: Listen to you. You sound like that fruit Seraph. He has totally gotten to you. Well he isn't getting to us. I don't need no stinking self discovery to know why we lost the titles. It was because of YOU.

FC: Me? I tore my body open to climb into that cage. How the hell is it my fault?

Ax: How many times did we lose the titles before you joined 3PS? ZERO. How many times since? TWICE!! You can't even throw the damn cuffs to the right wrestler.

FC: (calmly) Blame me if you must, but you are really only cheating yourself by not taking responsibilty for your won actions.

Ax: More crazy talk. Chris, can you believe this fairy?

Cole: (mumbling) I can't believe we lost. Barbed Wire Cage......Our Match.....1-2 in Barbed Wire now.....Why?

Ax: (pointing to Cole) That is your fault too Firechild. Get out of here you fruitcake. Go back and hang out with Seraph some more. We need time to thik things over and plan what's next for our team. Rigth now you aren't really thinking about the team your just thinking about yourself. Come back when your ready to be an active member of The Set.

FC: Fine. (FC walks out of the locker room)

Ax: (sits down again) Now do you believe me that we have a Firechild problem?

Cole: (finally focusing) Huh?

Ax: A Firechild problem. Do you understand that we we have one.

Cole: I think your right. We do have a problem.

[mooseheadjack]

<MHJ is standing in the locker room, Concrete, LD Williams, Eric O'Mac and Endo & Morte are all there as well>

CTG: Ok Jack, so what's going on?
MHJ: <looking around> I'll tell ya, this, THIS could be one hell of a destructive force...
CTG: Moose, I am not joining the Establishment I already tol...
MHJ: No, I am not asking that.
LDW: Then what?
MHJ: Look, it's no secret that Niles wants total control of the OOWF, and normally, that is not something I would care about. But, it seems like Niles and his cronies Johnny, Attitude and Beast want to gain that control at our expense, and that is something that just isn't going to happen.
EOM: Bastards!
CTG: look, Niles may be trying to destroy the Establishment, but I know AA is still AYUFF through and through!
<everyone just stares at Concrete>
CTG: <long sigh> Yeah, I know, I don't wantto admit it but <long pause> the AYUFF is dead
LDW: So what do we do? I want Johnny, that son of a bitch, and I am not answering to anyone! I am my own man dammit!
MHJ: Williams, I don't expect you to answer to me, or anyone else, you want Johnny? Go get him, all I am saying is that eventually this thing is going to erupt, and it would be a good idea if we all had someone watching our backs.
<general agreement by all>
MHJ: If Niles wants a war, he's gonna get one, trust me.

<fade out>

[mooseheadjack]

SFJ #23 is standing with JW Westgaard.

23: JW, you and Tommy seem to have your hands full recently. YOu have a best of three falls match with The Team From Down Under tonight and the bad blood wCw has with The Devil's Brigade has spilled over into other matches recently.
what are your thoughts?

JW: well for starters toots, there's something about the Devil's Brigade that just rubs me the wrong way, and i'm not talking the Donnie Viper kinda way. That shit they pulled with Semaj is plain wrong, it seems as thought those bastards don't have souls or a conscience. They deserve every Ass whupping that comes their way, and Tommy and I are more than happy to dole out an ass kicking every time The Rick books us against them.

23: Speaking of Tommy, where's he at?

JW: His flight got delayed, he was part of a Commercial for the X Games, he should be here by match time.

23: Good luck in your match tonight!

JW: tha-

As the Interveiw is finishing The Devil's Brigade attacks without warning. Pummeling JW a chair, busting him open.

Camby: you want ro run your mouth?

massive chair shot by Camby, and JW slumps against a wall.

O'Neil with The Wicked Left Hook it connects with JW's chin and he's down in a heap.

O'Neil locks him in the cloverleaf. Camby kneels down next to JW as he wriths in pain.

Camby, very calmy: "Look at me."

Camby wipes the blood off of JW's face, and wipes the blood across his chest.

O'Neil: ya betta fekkin Heed dis wanin', if cuntinya to fek wit us an' meddl in ar bidniss is wot ya want den da beatin' ya jus gat will seem like a wak in da fekkin pak.

Camby: We Have no qulams about taking you and Wilder out for good....I beleive our recent actions with Hellion and Semaj speak for them selves.

The two men back off of JW and begin to Walk away as Capeelan races in to check on JW.

[mooseheadjack]

Cap: You cowards, running away when a live one is in front of you.

O'Neil & Camby stop and look at each other.

TO: Am tinkin aye cun go fa mor

HC: Happy to oblige

Camby & O'Neil both sprint towards Capellan, Cap is able to evade Harper and gets a few good shots onto Tommy. Harper manages to catch him from behind with a huge forearm. Then Harper picks up Capellean and throws him like a javelin into the wall.

HC: You like Wild Rides, huh? Was that one Wild enough for you.

JW starts to stand up but O'Neil levels him with a left hook. The Devil's Brigade then picks up Capellean and nails the Triple 6. Then they pick up JW and give him the Triple 6.

HC: I'm satisfied with our work. Now lets go get ready for our title match.

[mooseheadjack]

Capellan staggers to his feet as Camby and O'Neill are set to leave.

"That all you got?" he taunts, pausing to split blood onto the floor.

Camby and O'Neill share a look.

"I think that last Triple-6 must've knocked a few screws loose." Camby observes.

"Lessee if anuther'll knuk 'em beck en." O'Neill agrees.

The two step toward their target, but as they do, a cloud of smoke rises behind Capellan and Underdawg appears!

"Ah hell, maybe another time." Camby shrugs, "C'mon Tommy, let's go."

"Cowards!" Capellan shouts after them. Underdawg disappears as silently as he came, and by the time Capellan turns around, there is no sign of his presence.

"Hey JW, you okay?" Capellan checks on his wCw compatriot. "And say ... do you smell smoke?"

[mooseheadjack]

*Chris Alt is walking backstage with a pan covered by tinfoil when he walks into Attitude Adjuster*

CA: Well. If it isn't Niles Anderson's loyal lapdog. How ya doin, Capps?

AA: Well. If it isn't Niles Anderson's next failed challenger. I'm great, Alt. You ready to drop your match this week?

CA: Oh, you always were a clever one. But, hey... ya know, I've been waiting and waiting for this title match, but... I don't wanna be y'alls enemy. I mean, we can all have similar goals without constantly fighting, can't we?

AA: Mabey?

CA: So... I wanted to give Niles this little gift as my way of saying, 'I want your belt but I also want to be your friend'. Increase the peace, brother. What do ya say? Can you make sure he gets this for me?

AA: What is it?

CA: Just a little something the missus cooked up for him.

AA: (suspiciously) Yeah. Yeah, I'll make sure he gets it. Thanks, Chris.

CA: No. Thank YOU, Capps.

*CA walks away chuckling and once he's out of AA's line of vision, AA pulls back the tinfoil and finds a batch of delicious looking brownies*

AA: Mmmm! Brownies! Yeah, like I'm going to waste these on Niles?

*AA begins to scarf the entire pan. We cut to a commercial break, and when we return, the empty pan is laying on a table by AA, who is now talking to Johnny Adrenaline*

JA: Can you believe the audacity of L.D. Williams? He called me a groupie, man. Do you know what a whore that makes me sound like?

AA: Uhhhh...

JA: Hey. What's wrong with you?

AA: I gotta go to the bathroom.

*AA sprints into the nearby men's room as JA stands looking confused. CA comes back around the corner*

CA: Hey, Johnny. You seen Capps around here?

JA: He's in the bathroom.

CA: He ate the brownies, didn't he?

JA: What brownies?

CA: The brownies I laced heavily with laxative and told him to give to Niles Anderson. That little bastard. I knew I couldn't trust him.

*Ric Flair comes around the corner, enters the men's room, and comes right back out*

RF: Do NOT! Go in there! WHOOOOOOO!

CA: Ric Flair? What are you doing here?

RF: Taking your old lady for a ride on Space Mountain, fat boy! WHOOOOOOO!

CA: Oh, that's real mature. You've got a lot of growing up to do, I'll tell you that much.

RF: CHICKEN TERIYAKI ON HONEY OAT! HOLD THE BANANA PEPPERS! WHOOOOOOO!

JA: Would you think less of me if I told you the weirder this place gets, the more I think about trying to go over to ROH?

CA: Nah. I've already put in a call to Austin Aries. Why is Flair getting naked?

*The Beast pops out of the bathroom wall*

TB: Good Christ, man. Who ate roadkill in there?

Danny Doring: Someone ate my tag team partner? So much for a fucking comeback!

CA: Where the hell did you come from?

DD *pauses in confusion*: ECW! ECW! ECW!

RF: Come 'ere, fat boy! I've got a MEATBALL ON WHEAT with your name all over it! WHOOOOOOOOO!

TB: He's not kidding. I was wondering who the sandwich for "talentless hack" was for.

AA *from inside the bathroom* GodDAMMIT! Who used up all the toilet paper?

JA: I can't take this shit anymore.

TB: Ha ha, you said you can't take this SHIT anymore. That's funny, cause, like, Adjuster is taking a big SHIT. Get it? Get it?

CA: Yeah. We get it.

JA: And no, it's NOT funny.

AA *from in the bathroom*: I've just shat myself silly. I'm pushing and pushing, but nothing is coming out.

RF: WHOOOOOO! YOU CRAPPED OUT! YOU CRAPPED OUT!

JA *makes disgusted noise* Let's go, Beast. Later, Alt. Hope you enjoy not winning the title at Mayhem.

CA: Yeah... you too. Wait, what?

*CA picks up the empty brownie pan and walks into the bathroom through the hole Beast left in the wall*

AA: Chris? Did you bring toilet paper?

*We hear the sound of the brownie pan repeated cracking the defenseless AA on the skull.*

CA *exiting through the hole* Next time I tell you to give something to Niles Anderson, you make sure Niles Anderson gets it.

[mooseheadjack]

SFJ36: Can I ask you gentlemen some questions?

*OBJ, GB look around to see who she's talking to, realize no one else is there*

OBJ: Oh, sure.

SFJ36: How about your upcoming best of 3 match with WCW?

GB: Looking forward to it. Those guys can go.

OBJ: And it's nice not having to deal with outside interference.

*CTG and MHJ happen to pass by*

CTG: I heard that! Whassup with the false allegations?

MHJ: Let it go - we have more important business to deal with.

OBJ: Well, I have to admit I don't think you guys brought anyone in to interfere in our matches.

GB: I agree. We figured out what happened.

CTG: Aha!

OBJ: American Elk and Male Deer wanted to get you guys DQ'd.

GB: Obviously they want in on the title picture and want you out of the way. Not that I'm telling you anything you don't already know.

SFJ36: OMG, a scoop! I'm so getting promoted for this!

CTG: Erm, OK, thanks for the advice.

MHJ: Why don't you guys find Wally and ask him if he can get Jack of the Hinterlands to watch out for those guys.

OBJ: No worries, Moose. He's having a career counseling session with SFJ35, but as soon as they're done I'll ask him.

[mooseheadjack]

***OBJ and Gator leave the interview and make it into their locker-room***

GB: it was a rough time against wCw last week, so I decided to get the traditional Chinese transcript of our match to see if we can further expose any other weaknesses

OBJ: What happened to the usual Japanese one?

GB: Lost in translation this week...

***On The Screen***
Starts the matter in inland jack & GATORBAIT to wCw TW and GB with some one smoothly enable the exchange smoothly at the mat, transitioning the waist lock which sits facing each other from the standing arm bar to face □the document hall counter and to return to an identity TW hammer to lock in is rapid continuously. The GB elbow avoid holds and swings TW to return to his quoin with to fight with the fists in the mark in front of OBJ. They whip him to throw down his rope to the GB support body and OBJ to hit huge splashing are two. OBJ stretches TW with a seat surfboard, kicks him to dare in the vertebra in him to fire at the time. The JW movement and kicks OBJ in the vertebra, attacks him to enter the issue hold. TW hammers in OBJ, but the OBJ investment stops to that moving with a sledgehammer picture to neck back. He marks GB and holds TW in the clutch in front of GB attacks him in the face by the whereabouts kick camel. The back ridge in addition which GB cruel TW is good by some martial arts and even adopts him to get down with causes which JW to come in breaks comes brooch autumn rotates. JW is willing him the waiter to return to compete and TW to hit exploder suplex suddenly to emit, two people get down, but TW can mark in mauls GB JW can obtain before his mark in him. The giant mutual nucleus sends gifts to each other GB hits a halo through middle and above rope and TW in above to exterior. It divides and OBJ and the JW bullet it in front of OBJ resists the wild swing to enter the full Nelson sound. TW comes his morbid leucorrhoea with spring board forearm enemy's back, and volume then cancellation when GB slides. GB makes slow crawling to JW, but JW rolls he is 2. GB and the JW trade moves will regain the advantage and in front of some counter reversal good later in GB, the plant and the widow manufacture business. The GB collision and burns is diving BOMB~! ! ! Attempts to allow JW to make the mark to pay GB early time abuse TW. Exhausts the hold which possesses him to fight, TW cross step of it take the stiff kick enemy and the spring board bull dog as 2. The TW maintenance advantage can pull his face until GB first to enter the middle sleeve nut and to make the mark to OBJ, cruel kidney with some stiff fighting with the fists back hypothesis in front of suplex. But is not suplexing he though, he difficultly throws down him to stretch across his knee in the lock in front of the arrow. TW howls calls in the pain and the JW destruction hold and pound external OBJ, prompts GB to obtain contains. All four quarrels and in are chaotic, in TW joins superstar's long name list to obtain CHOMPED~! ! ! In the nearly similar moment, OBJ is hit with international DRIVER~! ! ! Two illegal people exhibit the attack posture when ref attempts to obtain the control. JW throws GB in the top rope, but GB lands in the apron and hits the counter- 向使gun shock in JW. GB kicks JW and helps OBJ outside the ring. TW slowly obtains to his foot. GB and OBJ accept their position. WILD~ telephone! ! ! The connection and I thought TW is broken in one half even three. The JW diving is the preservation, but GB tries justly to take him too to be long is three counts. The winner in 22:49 in will compete Jake in inland Jake & GatorBait and Gator later under the remove or retain the ring, but the Wally motion will give them. Jake and Gator pause a while however behind returns to the ring. Inside, Gator help wildly to his foot, and Jake is Westgaard provides his hand. Four people shake hand and accept (but in the spiritual competition class way, is not the Donovan viper class way {not has any mistake with that}) and to leave behind the ring together.

OBJ: Hey! Who are those 2 illegal people?!?... I thought we were going to have a clean fight!

GB: ...

OBJ: Hey, Wally! Get in here! wCw has enlisted help as well!

***Wally B. King enters the lockerroom flanked by two six-foot blondes***

WBK: well, it looks like I might have to send in Penelope and Persephone to assist wCw with their relaxation...

GB: We're having a best-of-3 falls match, and you want to HELP them out by getting them motivated?!?

WBK: Maybe you misunderstood... Penelope and Persephone are what the scientists refer to as "nymphomaniacs"... simply insatiable... I have to keep them locked up in a shack back in Brisbane... trust me: even if wCw can pull a miracle and take one of the falls, they won't have eneough energy to complete the deed

***OBJ and GB nod knowingly to each other***

***In the hall***
Ric Flair: Footlong Tubesteak day! WHOOOOOOO!!!

[mooseheadjack]

*Concrete TG is standing at Ric Flair's sandwich-o-rama stand trying to make up his mind as to what he should get.*

RF - TURKEY ON RYE!!! WHOOOO!!!!

CTG - No, I just don't think that quite scratches the itch.

RF - HAM AND SWISS ON A KAISER BUN!!! WHOOOOO!!!

CTG - No, that's not it either.

<unseen voice> - Well hello there, Concrete.

*CTG turns around the get planted in the face with a steel chair by Niles Anderson. Ric Flair jumps over the stand and slaps a figure four on CTG as Niles starts stomping him.*

Niles - Send this message to Moose. He wants to join the enemy, he'll have to face the consequences.

*Niles leaves CTG in a bloody mess as Ric Flair continues to apply the figure four.*

RF - PORK CHOP SANDWICHES!!! WHOOOO!!!!

*Fade to Black*

[mooseheadjack]

[Sexy Female Journalist #8 is standing by with Johnny Adrenaline.]

SFJ#8: Johnny Adren...

JA: I already know what you're gonna say... L.D. Williams... Eric O'Mac... blah blah blah. Geez, ya'll are a bunch of idiots. Look, give me the mic and get the hell outta here...

SFJ#8: Well, actually I...

[Johnny snatches the mic and shoos SFJ#8 away.]

JA: It's like this. Eric O'Mac, you whine and you bitch about me and what I'm doing. About how I got friends in high places. Well, at least I GOT friends! Your tag team partner bailed on you. That tell you anything? Now if you got such a problem with what I'm doin'... stop me. Come on. Come kick my ass and shut me up. That's all I ever hear. That Johnny Adrenaline, he's a low down son of a bitch. Well, the only reason I am one, is because I CAN be...

...which brings me to you, L.D. Williams. Callin' me a groupie. Big deal. Name calling went out of style in like the fourth grade... which I guess makes it okay for you then. You're out here talking about how you "respect" Black Dragon and what's he's doing with MY Intercontinental Title. Let me tell you something, and this goes to the both of you, WHEN I get my shot at the Intercontinental Title, it will come back home to where it belongs... right around the waist of the greatest damn OOWF superstar in the game today...

AA: [speaking with his mouth full] Ya know, Johnny, I gotta disagree with ya on that one.

JA: Oh, so YOU'RE the best superstar in the game today.

AA: [mouth still full] Yeah, I think so, Johnny.

JA: Best sandwich maker in the game, maybe.

AA: No, Naitch has the market cornered on that one.

JA: Best sandwich consumer in the game?

AA: Yeah, that's probably more like it.

JA: Best... you got some mayo on your chin.

AA: [wipes chin] Did I get it?

JA: Yeah... Best ass-kisser to the OOWF Champ?

AA: No, I think YOU got the market cornered on that one.. least that's what I heard.

JA: Oh, that's what you heard? You listen to the wrong people then.

AA: Hey, I didn't say it was true. I just said I HEARD it.

JA: How bout you hear me whip your damn ass right here in front of this camera?

AA: How bout you hear me invite you to come get a snadwich?

JA: ... You win. Let's go. What's Naitch serving today?

AA: He just got a fresh thing of Provolone and is working WONDERS with it...

[Johnny and AA leave as we fade out]

[mooseheadjack]

*OBJ pulls Wally aside*

OBJ: Make sure they use protection. We've learned that Wilder comes with morbid leucorrhea!

Wally: Surprising. He looks quite healthy.

[mooseheadjack]

<camera cuts to someone watching Johnny and AA from a distance>

Johnny: So you wanna go scope some of the ladies on the SFJ Search 2005?

AA: Nah, I'm gonna go walk down that dimly lit desolate hallway

JA: Why the hell would you want to do that?

AA: Why is the grass green? Why do the birds sing? It's just one of them things I have to do.

JA: <looking strangely at AA> What was in that last sandwich you ate?

AA: Man, it was a peyote and provalone on a kaiser roll

JA: peyote?

AA: yeah, its that southwest seasoning stuff, it was damn good too.

JA: Um, I think you are thinking chipolte.

AA: It's not the same?

JA: <laughing> Don't make any plans for awhile

<Johnny leaves and AA walks down said hallway. When he gets about halfway down we hear a clangy metal pole hit the ground behind him, AA turns around, startled, but there is no one there. When he turns back around Moosehead JAck is standing in front of him. Before AA can do anything Jack blasts him with a chain wrapped fist right between the eyes. AA drops like he had been shot and Jack pounces, pummeling AA's face until he is a bloody mess.

Jack stops and grabs AA's head and speaks

MHJ: Capps, you tell Niles I'm not a hard man to find, he has a problem with me? Come see me. Jack lets AA's head go, looks up and sees the Random Camera Guy there filming it.

Niles, you pushed me too damn far, you want a war, you got one. This is your last chance my friend, think about your actions. This is your last chance, either we make peace, or you won't like the results. Trust me.

Jack knocks the camera man down and leaves, we see a barely conscious bloody AA laying on the floor when the camera fades out.

[mooseheadjack]

*Endo and Morte are preparing for their match in the middle of a ring in the empty arena. The two of them are practicing armbars when the sound of one man clapping resonates through the building. The 2 of them stop and look up to see Niles at the ring entrance. The 2 of them brace themselves.*

Niles - Oh, don't get the wrong idea folks. As far as I'm concerned, the 3 of us are cool.

Endo - What makes you think that?

Niles - the fact that you aren't in a bloody mess in the middle of the ring. If I wanted to take you out, I could.

*Niles approaches the ring and then hops in.*

Niles - We've never been at odds. Moose and I might have problems, but we're family. Every family has it's problems. I just want to make it clear to you 2 that whatever happens between Moose and I doesn't involve you. That is, unless, you want it too. In which case, I urge you to consider what side you take.

Morte - What makes you think we'd choose yours?

Niles - Oh, I never assumed you would. I just say consider the facts. Moose parades around like he owns the place, yet he had a hard time winning a midcard title off a guy that I laid out pretty easily this afternoon. In fact, he's teaming with that guy these days, which should make you question your loyalties.

Meanwhile, I hold the bid one. And have beaten several convincing competitors to retain it. I'm the first guy to bring gold into the Establishment. Because make no mistake, I never left the Establishment. I just took a hiatus so that when I come back, I can do some... restructuring.

And besides, you're only as strong as the company you keep. And I'm keeping pretty good company these days, if you haven't noticed.

Endo - Restructuring?

Niles - yeah, it's time for someone else to take charge. Someone who actually has the balls to do it. Thing is, someone can say "Trust me" all they want. But if they never deliver, you actually gonna trust them? 8 months I've been here. And I established myself as a major player within my first 2. Won the belt in 6. Moose just can't hack it is all I'm saying.

*Niles goes up, gives Endo and Morte each a friendly pat on the cheek.*

Niles - I know you boys are smart. I'm not saying pick a side. I'm just saying if you do, be smart about it. Or back out. Truth be told, I think you guys will do fine without either of us. But if you get involved with this, consider your options. Because one will get you places. The other will get you hurt. Just so you know.

*Niles turns and walks away, leaving Endo and Morte to consider his words. Fade to Black.*

[mooseheadjack]

Paramedics are loading a stretcher with JW Westgaard on it into an ambulence backstage.

JW- Wait, who is that?

Two large figures with title belts on their shoulders approach the ambulence.

FF Capslock- JW Westgaard?

Stank- From TV?

JW- They televise this shit now?

FF- Shocking, eh? But we have some business to attend to, sir. We have what they say in the business a "proposition" for you and Tommy Wilder.

JW- What's that?

S- Well, as we say, they televise this shit now so we've writen up our proposal and we'll let you read it later after the swelling around your eyes has gone down. If we just told you what it was right here. The wrong people might find out. <points to camera>

JW- The cameraman?

FF- No, the Devil's Brig...er...whoever might be watching the show. If we reveal our plan in front of the camera, it won't be a surprise at all now, will it?

Cameraman- In the 31 years I've been filming wrestling, no one has ever made that connection before.

[mooseheadjack]

[Johnny Adrenaline is walking, putting the last bite of his chicken and cheese sandwich in his mouth, when he comes across AA laid out on the floor.]

JA: Yo A.C.! A.C.!

AA: [slowly stirring] Huh? What the...?

JA: Man, what the hell happened? One minute we're eating sandwiches together, and the next you're knocked out cold.

AA: I don't... [AA falls back out]

JA: A.C., hang on. I got an idea....

[Cut to commercial.]

[Back from commercial, and Johnny's hovering over AA.]

JA: Okay, A.C., help's on the way. You're gonna be fine, man!



JA: Go ahead, Naitch, do it.

RF:

WHOOO!!

[AA doesn't flinch]

JA: Try it again, Ric.

RF: WHOOOOO!

[Again, AA is motionless.]

JA: Shit, man, I don't know.

RF: Back off, fat boy, I got this... Oh my... Alan, look what we got, brother! We got mustard, [throwing condiments off one at a time] WHOO, we got mayo, WHOO, check this big daddy, we got white American cheese, WHOOOO! [takes his jacket off] We got vinegar! We got teryaki sauce! We got horse, by God, radish, baby! WHOOOO!!!

[Johnny catches the horseradish in mid-air, and crouches over AA and gives him a whiff of it. Immediately, AA stirs and sits up.]

AA: What the hell happened?

JA: You got the shit kicked outta you, that's what happened.

AA: No man, I got Ric Flair dancing over me with a sandwich plate. Am I in heaven? [clutches stomach] Oh, hold on... Aw hell...

[AA hops off and runs to the bathroom, Johnny walks away, and Flair continues cutting his promo with nobody to watch it.]

[mooseheadjack]

AA stumbles down the darken hallway toward the bathroom, then falls down again to provide the continuity that that damn Adrenaline nearly screwed up moments ago.

AA: Owwww......why is everyone picking on me today?? All I ever wanted was a sandwich...and the Intercontinental title...and Helen Hunt to marry me. Instead Alt gives me some bad brownies, I learn peyote ain't chipotle, then Moose decides my head is a good speed bag. Who made me the messager man today? Do I have "mailman" written across my back?

Ric Flair: No, but you are wearing the Lance Armstrong United States Postal Service bicycle racing jersey?

Lance: Hey, Attitude, nice jersey!

RF: LANCE BY GAWD TOUR DE FRANCE ARMSTRONG!!!!!! WHOOOO!!!!!!

AA: Owwwwww!!!!!!!! Stop Whoo!!!!ing, damn it. My head hurts. And what's Lance doing here? You're supposed to be in France.

LA: Hell, have you seen the lead I have on the competition. I decided to fly back to America after the stage this morning just to sign your jersey. After all, Attitude, you are my hero. And here's a new Discovery Channel jersey for you.

Lance Armstrong kneels down to sign AA's jersey, then wraps his arm around AA's shoulder. Numerous mysterious camera flashes go off.

LA: Ewww, got some of your blood on me. Are you clean? You know how often I get tested for drugs.

AA: It's cool. Unless peyote's illegal.

Lance Armstrong walks off down the darken hallway. Suddenly, clangy poles shatter the silence and we hear a body drop to the ground.

Mysterious voice: Seventh Tour de France victory this, bitch!!!!!!

AA: That was odd. Is this all 'cause of the peyote?

RF: Nah, that really was Lance WHOOO!!!! Armstrong. Man, I'd like to give his old lady a ride on Space Mountain. But sorry, man, that's what you get for just grabbing sandwiches off the table. That was meant for "Phil."

AA: Phil on peyote? Now that would have been funny. You gonna stand there WHOO!!!ing or are you gonna help me up?

RF: WHOOO!!!! WHOOO!!!!! WHOOO!!!! WHOOO!!!!

AA: Well, I asked. (AA picks himself off the ground.) I need to go back to the bathroom.

RF: Laxatives still getting the best of you?

AA: Nah, I want to get the pan Alt put the brownies in. Ever notice how when wrestlers hit each other with foreign objects, they always leave the evidence laying around? Well, eventually that pan's going to see the side of Alt's head, FAT BOY!!!

RF: WHOOO!!!!!!!!

AA: Owwww.....

[mooseheadjack]

<MHJ is in the back in a dark room, lit only by a single light bulb>

MHJ: It's been awhile Niles, I see what you are doing, you are playing games. You are trying to get into my head and under my skin. You are hoping that Endo and Morte side with you.

You just don't get it do you? Right now, you are pathetic. You have fear in your heart, so you are trying to surround yourself with as many people as possible to protect yourself. You have Beast, you have Attitude Adjuster, you have Adrenaline, and now you want Endo and Morte too. Huh, I see.

See the thing that you don't seem to understand is that none of them, not Endo, not Morte, not even you, are beholden to me in any way at all. I brought Endo and Morte in because I saw something in them, I saw in them a destructive force that could not be stopped. They owe me nothing, they are their own men. I won't pander to them like you do, I make no promises to them...except for this, bloodshed, chaos, and carnage. The decision is theirs to make, whether it is your blood or mine is up to them.

Then there is you, Niles Anderson, the Specimen, 100PM. That's all well and good. See, just like Morte and Endo, I gave you the chance, I gave you the chance to join the Establishment, because I saw a world of potential in you. Think back Niles, think real hardfor a minute. All along, I told you that you had what it took to win gold, to bring a title to the Establishment. And you did, and we had your back.

But that wasn't enough. It's never enough with you is it? You couldn't leave it alone, you were the champion, the top dog, but still, in your eyes, you were behind me, even though I never once said it. So you made your little snide comments, you threw your little temper tantrums. You surrounded yourself with people who would kiss your ass, and now, you finally think you are running the show.

Well champ, let's look at your track record shall we? You claim that you are dominating the world title, but let's look at the facts:

You won the title on May 25th pinning Donovan Viper, after UnderDawg knocked him out with a chairshot. Good job there.
May 29th, you pin UnderDawg, after you blast him with a chain
June 1st, You pin Donovan Viper, after AA knocks him cold with a chair
June 8th, you win a three way dance against Harris and Canadian Dragon, after Beast destroys Harris with a club o' doom
June 22nd, you beat UnderDawg again, after, once again he was knocked out from a chairshot, this time from Corax
June 29th you get intentionally disqualified after getting your ass handed to you by Chris Alt.

Now, I am certainly not one to shy away from swinging a chair or using a chain or anything else, but I think I would hardly call that a dominant performance by our champ. Niles, you know damn well you have been lucky to hold on to the title, and hell, some times it is better to be lucky than good.

But for once in your life, stop and think, go somewhere away from your ass kissers, just you, all alone. And think real, real hard. You have been lucky to escape DOnnie, UnderDawg, Alt and Harris, you have all four of them gunning for your title, do you really want to piss me off? Do you really want me to make your life a living hell? Niles, think for a moment, it doesn't matter who you surround yourself with, I will get to you eventually, and when I do, if that title is still somehow around your waist, I will take it from you.

I am giving you the chance one more time. Back off. Concrete and I are focused on winning the tag titles, you are free to go about defending that title, I am giving you the out you need, do the wise thing and take it. If you don't, I guarantee you this, you will not like the consequences.

Trust me.

<the light turns off leaving the screen dark>

[mooseheadjack]

(Uncle Entity and Jesse Garon are telling indie federation stories to an 18 year-old ring rat in the back.)

Jesse Garon: (In Elvish) So then this Samoan guy shows up and says his girlfriend won't...

(Gimmickman walks by the door as if in a trance. JG and Uncle Entity look at each other with WTF expressions.)

UE: Godammit.

(UE and JG excuse themselves and run up to GM)

UE: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Where do you think you're going man? Stop right there.

(Gimmickman stops.)

UE: I see you found your way out of the river! You sure a resilient sumbitch I can tell you that! Like Rasputin or somethin. Well lets see if you can handle THIS!

(UE and JG again beat down Gimmickman, who does nothing to defend himself. after a series of kicks and punches, GM goes down and JG manages to get his one of his boots off. UE pulls out a blade and chops off GM's pinky toe. Gimmickman does not scream.)

UE: I think I'll make a necklace out of this. You know Jesse this guy sure isn't very fun to feud with. He never responds to anything we throw at him.

JG: Just make sure you pin him to the mat next Sunday Boss.