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Post by BookerShark on Apr 20, 2011 20:38:39 GMT -5
<Moose walks into Eco’s office and slaps a piece of paper on his desk>
Eco: What is that?
MHJ: My referee license
Eco: And why do I care about that?
MHJ: Because I want to referee a match at the pay per view
Eco: So…..you want to pull double duty?
MHJ: No
Eco: No?
MHJ: No. After that brutal attack by Davin…….I am just not sure I can wrestle. You know, head trauma and all.
Eco: Uh huh. So you want to referee a match
MHJ: Yes.
Eco: And that will be safer?
MHJ: Well…..the rule is anyone who touches an OOWF Official gets a one month suspension without pay, correct?
Eco: Yes, we can’t have people putting hands on the referees
MHJ:…….or other officials <Moose smirks> You ARE the CEO, correct? I think that constitutes an official
Eco: <grinning> Why yes……yes it does. So, what match do you want to referee?
MHJ: Well…….you know, Davin being the incompetent clod that he is, he cost Texpress the Trios titles. But more than that, he denied Drink and Destroy a shot at legitimacy. I would guess they are not happy about that.
Eco: Uh huh
MHJ: I think it would be fitting for DH to carry the D&D banner in a match against Davin
Eco: Right…….because you care about Drink and Destroy.
MHJ: <feigning shock> Eco! I am SHOCKED that you would say such a thing! I have learned a lot from those fuckwits Moreland and Darling, it’s ALL about your legacy! That is all that matters
Eco: Uh huh. Fine. Somehow, medical has not cleared you to wrestle anyway, though, I am not aware of a Dr. Messerschmidt.
MHJ: Would I lie to you?
<Eco glares at Moose>
MHJ: <smirking> Trust me
Eco: Not ever
<Moose starts to leave, then turns back>
MHJ: Oh, and the veteran service time bonuses? Damn fine idea
Eco: Only because it benefits you
MHJ: Correct me if I am wrong, but as OOWF founder, do you not have more service time than anyone?
<Eco ponders this for a moment>
Eco: I suppose I do.
<Eco hands Moose the ppv lineup>
Eco: Post this on your way out
***
OOWF Territorial Beatings 6 Live! From Port Stanley, Falkland Islands
OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u] Stank vs. J-P Sparxx
OOWF Intercontinental Title Match – Stips TBA[/u] Stan Fulton vs. Matt Folz
OOWF World Tag Team Title Match – Titles Can Change Hands on a Disqualification[/u] The Brass Knuckle Kings vs. The Flyin’ Hawaiians
OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u] Alexander Darling vs. El Lobo Sangriento
Firewoman vs. Chris Evans Texpress vs. Drink & Destroy vs. Regicide Ecosystem vs. Darius Prentiss Davin Moreland vs. DH Magnusson – Moosehead Jack Special Guest Referee
Card subject to sheep
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Post by BookerShark on Apr 21, 2011 2:16:13 GMT -5
*Fade in to the locker room after Mayhem. Lobo has finished packing his gear and is heading out the door as SFJ204 chases him down...
SFJ: Lobo, hold up. What happened out there tonight?
ELS: I got played.
SFJ: You got played?
ELS: She ignored me for a full week. Didn’t even acknowledge the match. Then buried me in a promo right before the show. I got rattled. I got angry. I lost. I guess I made a rookie mistake. It was cheap, but it worked, so well played, I guess. Bravo, Commissioner. You win this round.
SFJ: “This round.” So you think you’ll face Firewoman again?
ELS: Don’t see why I wouldn’t. She’s going to want a shot at the Onslaught title after I take it from her husband at Territorial Beatings.
SFJ: You’re pretty confident for a guy who’s coming off such a big loss.
ELS: That was then. This is now. I get my second shot at the title and my second shot at Alex Darling on Sunday. I don’t intend to be 0-2 against him by the time we’re done.
SFJ: I do–
ELS: Sorry to interrupt, but before I forget, Evans, I did see your invitation earlier. I apologize for not acknowledging it sooner, but here’s your answer: No.
SFJ: Rather blunt. Care to elaborate?
ELS: No...thank you.
*Lobo walks away as we *FADE*
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Post by BookerShark on Apr 21, 2011 2:16:53 GMT -5
*We see the Brass Knuckle Kings, along with Matt Folz, Chris Evans, Lauren Phoenix and the Posse backstage watching a monitor that is replaying Eric O'Mac vs. Tytan vs. Aina. Eric is cackling, laughing, and jiving as the match goes on, especially when it gets to the finish.*
Eric: Oh, yeah! ALL DAY BABY, ALL DAY! Play it again!
*Lauren grabs a remote and rewinds the finish. Eric let's out a few 'WOOO!'s and again seems overjoyed.*
Eric: Yeah, look at that! I did that! I won that match! Woo!
*The rest of the group can't help but smile as Eric's joy.*
Chris: Uh, Eric? Your shoe is untied.
*Eric looks down.*
Eric: Thank you, Mr. Lionheart!
*Eric kneels to tie his shoe. He completes his task and stands up to admire his work.*
Eric: Yeah, look at that bow, look at that bow! I did that! I tied that shit! Can I get some love on the bow?
*Eric holds his hand up, readily accept a high five, as Chris Evans steps forward to offer him one. Eric starts to swing, but stops short, and the smile on his face turns to an angry frown quickly.*
Eric: Are you crazy? What is WRONG WITH YOU?
*The rest of the group looks little guilty of being celebratory.*
Eric: What's wrong with ALL of you? Chris Evans? Lion Heart? Didn't you LOSE a championship tonight? And you want to smile? To celebrate? To talk shit? You haven't EARN the right to talk shit tonight! You talk as if you were a king, but tonight, you were a peasant.
Chris: But Eric, you know Alex is going to be jawing too.
Eric: So? Maybe he has earned the right to talk a little bit of shit. But tell me this, Lion Heart, how in the hell do you go from defending your Onslaught Championship - a championship I made FAMOUS, by the way - to NOT getting a return match at the Pay Per View?
Chris: You know I'm one of the few who doesn't have an official job title here or anything -
Eric: I heard just then was BLAH BLAH BLAH I'VE GOT A LOT OF EXCUSES.
Chris: Completely unfair.
Eric: Life isn't a beach, Chris. Life's a bitch, and then you fuck one. That brings me to Territorial Beatings. You want to be a "Lion Heart?" You know, the lion is the king of the animal kingdom. So, if you REALLY want to be a King? Then I want you to fuck up a bitch this Sunday. You want a return match for your championship? Then PROVE you deserve one. Beat the shit out of Firewoman - beat her so badly, she begs for mercy, and then beat her some more. I don't care if you have to get disqualified, you need to make a statement. When it's all said and done, I want HER BLOOD TO WASH AWAY THE SIN OF LOSING OFF YOUR SKIN.
Chris: Consider it done, Eric.
Eric: And tell her that try as she might - she can't resist my fantastic, Firewoman approved abs. Matt Folz!
*Matt Folz steps forward.*
Eric: So, tell me what your excuse is.
Matt: I was teaming up with someone who took the pin.
Eric: *snores* Oh, you assumed I CARED why you lost? The point is...YOU LOST! Now, sure, you didn't take the pin, and that helps your case. What DOESN'T HELP YOUR CASE IS THE FACT YOU TOOK A KICK TO THE JAW AFTER THE MATCH!
Matt: I was unprepared for that.
Eric: You should ALWAYS BE PREPARED! When you are FORCED to team up with someone who isn't ROYALTY, like us? And they cost you the match? Cost you the win? Then you take THEM OUT. You have a set of brass knuckles...USE THEM! Make a point next time! And don't let that little shit JP Sparxx get the upper hand on you again! We clear?
Matt: Crystal.
Eric: Now, Sunday...you have a chance to re-gain your Intercontinental Championship. And you get your chance by facing that fat piece of shit Stan Fulton. Don't let his weight fool you, he may be a fat mother fucker, but he's skilled in the ring, and you BETTER not take him lightly. Apparently the stipulations will be announced soon - when those stipulations are announced, study up. Look for loopholes. Every match type has an advantage buried in it somewhere - FIND ONE. And when you get in that ring, you use that advantage until you are champion once again.
Matt: Study? You want me to study when you could care less about studying?
Eric: Let me tell you something, Matt. I don't study because I don't HAVE to. I don't study because I've been in almost every match there is to be have and I know every loop hole there is to know. You? You don't have the same experiences as me. In fact, you spent the past few months of your career on the straight and narrow and, if anything, that has hurt you. So, yes, I want you to study because I want you to be CHAMPION. When you are a King, you have gold around your waist - I want us to get more gold, and you have a chance to do that - so DON'T. FUCK. IT. UP.
Matt: I don't plan on it.
Eric: And for the LOVE of God, PROMO! Bryce Larson!
*Bryce steps up.*
Eric: In a triple threat match, you actually got PINNED?
Bryce: Yes.
Eric: Haven't we been over this? In a triple threat match, you let the other two competitors tear the shit out of each other and then you capitalize at the right moment! Instead, you start wrestling the first chance you get!
Bryce: I liked the challenge of going up against a former world champion and I wanted to prove my worth.
Eric: You can prove your worth with WINS. As someone who has a DAMN good record against L.D. Williams, I can tell you that it's much better to be a victor and NOT a LOOOOOOOSER!
Bryce: Won't happen again.
Eric: As punishment, I should take your car.
Bryce: NOT THE BLUEBERRY!
Eric: I realize that would be too harsh.
Bryce: You know that's right.
Eric: So, listen up, and listen carefully. We have the Hawaiians this Sunday. Championships CAN change hands on a DQ. We do NOT want that.
Bryce: You must be out of your damn mind.
Eric: So, we'll leave The Posse behind. Brass Knuckles? Leave them too.
Bryce: So, you're saying...
Eric: Yes, Bryce. I'm giving you a chance to do what you do best - play by the rules.
Bryce: Are you sure?
Eric: Absolutely. The Hawaiians are no joke. They are former tag team champions too. But they are NOT Kings. And I didn't become a King by cheating my way to the top. Regardless of popular opinion - I CAN wrestle, and if we HAVE to? Then we'll out wrestle them.
Bryce: That sounds like my kind of plan.
Eric: This Sunday, we need to show the Hawaiians - and the rest of the tag team division - that we are NOT jokes. We won these titles, and we DESERVE these titles. We ARE the Brass Knuckle Kings and the Hawaiians should enjoy the Royal Pain.
Bryce: That's Fulton's catchphrase.
Eric: Damn, you're right. I can't be stealing his shit.
Bryce: Why can't we just say Kings Reign Supr....
Eric: I'm slowly trying to phase us out of that name. That name sucks.
Bryce: Any thoughts of a replacement name?
Eric: I like A.P.P.L.E, but that name is taken already.
Bryce: It would have been AWESOME if we had thought of that one first.
Eric: Regardless, The Hawaiians better watch their back, because we are coming for them. I think when we defeat them, you should ask out their manager. She's kind of hot.
Bryce: She would say no.
Eric: Is that anyway to act confident?
Bryce: No. I've already asked.
Eric: Then you can ask again! It's not sexual harassment unless you ask five times. Believe me, I know.
Bryce: Eh...ok. But ONLY AFTER we beat the Hawaiians.
Eric: That's the spirit. Lauren?
Lauren: Yes, Eric?
Eric: I'd like to criticize your performance tonight, but I haven't seen it yet. Everyone else, leave the room.
Matt: There's no bed in here.
Eric: Hasn't stopped her before.
*The Posse, Larson, Folz, and Evans leave the room. Eric tweets something quickly and we FADE OUT.*
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Post by BookerShark on Apr 21, 2011 2:17:44 GMT -5
*Davin, Samantha and Shawn are all looking at Samantha's laptop, unaware of the cameras. Moonbeam is celebrating 4/20 in the other room. Davin's wearing his "LD Williams is a Fraud" t-shirt.* SDM: So...which one? OGMSJ: I dunno, I kind of like the "Degrassi Jr. High Remodeling Fund". SDM: What about this "Quebec Separatist Movement" donation site? DM: I don't think that's what we're looking for. SDM: Isn't that Canada? DM: Kinda, it's more France. SDM: Really? DM: Kinda, yeah. OGMSJ: Fuck France. *They both look at her* OGMSJ: What? DM: How about this "Hamilton Steel Re-Patriation Project"? SDM: What's that? DM: Hmm. *reads* Apparently there's a hockey team called the Nashville Predators. OGMSJ: Like, Tennessee? DM: Yeah. I guess they thought Appalachia was a bog hockey hotbed. Anyway, they want to re-locate to Hamilton. OGMSJ: That's in Canada? DM: Supposedly. They love Hockey. SDM: Yeah. Although this Degrassi Jr. High thing looks more promising. DM: Ok Shawn, you're the tiebreaker. OGMSJ: *thinks* The hockey one. DM: HA! (tm EOM 2008) I win! SDM: Dammit. DM: Ok, so just cut a check to the Hamilton Steel re-location thing for the same amount of the one we just got. I doubt they'd take an out-of-country 3rd party-endorsed check. SDM: You know, that's what Eric would send. DM: Yes. But I actually want to donate the money. Anything that gets eyeballs watching OOWF-TV helps us all. If I have to bullshit and say "LD Williams is a Fucking Fraud" every week to move t-shirts, that's fine with me. SDM: No one shills like you, honey. DM: Well, except Don West. But we're not pushing Beanie Babies. *Moonbeam comes stumbling out of the other room* SFJ420: DUDE! DID YOU SEE THE LINEUP! !! DM: Why are you yelling? OGMSJ: Yeah Moony, inside voices already. SFJ420: Sorry man. I can't, like, hear too good or whatever. SDM: Was there something we needed to know? SFJ420: Yeah, it's, like, DH Magnusson vs. Davin Moreland, man. DM: Good ol' DH. You know, I really liked having him around in Run DEA. He was a good influence. SDM: Times have changed. DM: Yeah, but old friends die hard. SFJ420: There's, like, a special guest referee, dude. DM: *sighs* Let me guess. Mooseyhead Jack. SFJ420: Got it in one, man. DM: Well, whatever. It's not like he can do anything major. Besides, if he gets out of line... SFJ420: He said that if you touch him it's a one-month suspension. SDM: What a pussy. *They all look at her* SDM: What? It's a pussy move. DM: *shrugs* We could use a vacation, anyway, right? I don't think penguins buy t-shirts. SDM: I'm guessing he wants you to be forced to not touch him or something so he can beat you up without you fighting back. You know, like he does in every fucking feud he's ever been in the last 4 years. DM: Yeah. Well, I've never been one for conforming. SFJ420: True, man. True. DM: I refuse to be put in a box by anyone. You think a suspension bothers me? Really? What are they gonna do, dock my pay? Oh no, I can't wrestle for a month. Whatever shall I do? Fucking fool. SDM: You said "pussy" wrong. DM: My mistake. *fade*
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Post by BookerShark on Apr 21, 2011 2:19:36 GMT -5
~~~ Chad Madison is apparently web-cam chatting with someone. We can't see who. The ninja-cam slowly pans around ~~~
Kayfabe: (Outloud, to no one imparticular) Please have on pants.
~~~ Camera stops just shy of finding out ~~~
Chad: What?
Kayfabe: Was that out loud?
Chad: I'm wearing pants, sheesh.
Kayfabe: Well, it is nearly 2am your time, you're alone, and on a webcam. with your reputation as a poon-hound........
Chad: I deserve a little more credit than that.
Kayfabe: Hardly......
Voice from the laptop: Who is that Chad?
Chad: Kayfabe.
VFTL: Why is she here? We aren't breaking the fourth wall. Not really our thing.
Chad: Not sure, but she's leaving now
~~~ Kayfabe leaves and the camera pans around to show that Chad is indeed wearing pants, along with a Silver and Red Run DEA #5 Baseball Jersey. He seems to be chatting with......... Zane's girlfriend Bridgette ~~~
Bridgette: Anyway.... as I was saying. I watched Mayhem from the docks. We're sailing south now, but it will be a close call as to whether or not we make it before the crew travels to Africa.
Chad: Damn.
~~~ Kayfabe pops back in and glares at Chad ~~~
Kayfabe: Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
~~~ Kayfabe leaves still glaring ~~~
Bridgette: I think we'll just plan on sailing straight to Capetown. The captain says we can make that in time. Especially with the way the currents are, we are better off cutting across the Atlantic and hugging the coastline down.
Chad: Be careful. Africa has Pirates. And not the Jesse Jane sexy kind either.
Bridgette: I know. I'm pretty scared already. But don't let Zane know I'm traveling. He'll have an aneurysm.
Chad: He almost had one tonight. Pulling the referee out like that. I don't like it when he gets like this.
Bridgette: I'm sure I can get him calmed down once I get there. Try and not let him have an incident in the meantime. Go apologize to Danny & Jack. Don't let this get out of had. And help him get ready for the Pay-Per-View.
Chad: I'm trying Ma'am.
~~~ The laptop pings, indicating that Bridgette has closed her window. Chad closes his wndow, and we see his laptop background, the Run-DEA 5 Champions Picture Chad leans back, puts his hands behind his head and stares off into space as we fade..... ~~~
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Post by BookerShark on Apr 22, 2011 0:41:54 GMT -5
*Stank is in his office preparing for the flight to... or is it cruise...?*
Stank - Justin!
JS - Yes sir?
Stank - Are we flying or taking a boat to the Falkland Islands?
JS - Boat.
*...cruise to-*
JS - OH WAIT! Flight!
Stank - Are you sure?
JS - Yes!
Stank -
*...Filght to the Falk-*
JS - No! Boat... definitely boat.
Stank -
JS - Flight.
Stank - FIND FIREWOMAN AND ASK HER!
JS - Yes sir.
*Stank is preparing for the TRIP to the Falkland Islands when line 1 lights up on his desk phone. Stank walks over and picks it up. We only hear his side of the conversation.*
Stank - Hello?... .... ... Yeah...
You may recall when you ASKED ME to be your Corporate Champion, you did it so YOU wouldn't have to deal with all the mundane minutia of press appearances, television interviews, crap like that. YOU made me the public face! Consequently, I get more ninjacams up my ass! Hell, they're likely filming me as we speak!...
... ......
.... You can't complain about THIS! And speaking of complaints, what the fuck is this shit about me "running" this place like it's a good ole boys club?...
.... .... ...
Old BOYS, GOOD OLE BOYS, same difference... .... ... What is it about ME that says I'm a good ole boy, huh!?... ... ..
.... Okay, okay, fine! What did you mean then? ... ...
... ... ... Really... ... uh-huh... .... Listen, First of all, I'm NOT running the place. YOU are. I run CONTRACTS. That's it....
.... .... ....
I already EXPLAINED to you the ninjacams are on my ass ALL the fucking time!.. ... ... Then WHY don't you PROMO MORE!
.. ... ... uh huh... ... ...uh huh... .... Well that's understandable I suppose.. .. ..
.... ... .... I do NOT!.. ... ... I have been professional!... ... .... ... HE STARTED IT!...
... Juni, listen... Juni?... JUNI!...
NO! NO! DON'T YOU DARE PUT MARIO ON THE PH- HAAAAAAAAAY Mario... yes itsa you... ...
... ... ... Right... ... ... .. .... ... I agree. Peach is a flake...
... ... ... .... ... ...
I don't know. Maybe Luigi... ...
.... ....
... Just because he's your brother doesn't mean he wouldn't... ...
.... ... ..I'm just saying... ...
Birdo? Don't bring her into this...
.....
..... .... ... ...
... Why would you even consider...
Yes I've seen what she looks li-AAAHHHUUUUHHHHGH! MARIO! YOU NASTY!... BAD MARIO! BAD!...
... .. .. HELL NO I WOULDN'T!..... EWWW...
... DEAR GOD put Juni back on the phone!... .. ... NO I don't want to talk to BRICK~!
Hello Brick. ... ... ... ...... ....
.... ... .... .... .... .... .... ..... .... ...... ..... ..... ..... ..... ...... ...... .... ..... .... .....
..... ... ... ... ... ... ... .... ...... ......................... ... ... ... .......
... .... I would concede the point if we weren't talking about Donald Trump... That's all I got to say about that... ... Can I speak to Juni, now?...
... ... ...
... Juni why did you do that? You know I don't like speaking to your Nintendo Squad!.. ... ... Why?...
.... ....
So what do you want me to do? Just TELL me and I mght... ...
... .... We're not through talking about this.... I understand. Good day....
I SAID GOOD DAY!
*Stank hangs up the phone.*
Fade
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Post by BookerShark on Apr 22, 2011 0:44:36 GMT -5
CUT to a non-descript locker room. The Crusher Stan Fulton is standing in front of a shiny new OOWF banner. Next to him, with a microphone, is his attaché, Martha Rodriguez.
MR: “Stan, you and the OOWF World Heavyweight champion Stank just defeated JP Sparxx and Matt Folz. By rule, you get to pick the stipulation for your title match at Territorial Beatings on Sunday. Have you picked the stipulation?”
SF: “Martha, I’ve been thinking about this since, oh, about five minutes ago. Unfortunately I’ve had other things on my mind.”
MR: (whispering) “We’ll get the money back. Lots of people have their identity stolen. When we next go through Germany, we’ll find the guy and beat the shit out of him.”
SF: “So, Matt Folz. I thought about making this a no-DQ match, but that is just inviting your Supreme pals to make an appearance. I’m not stupid. And you haven’t been winning your matches with DQs, so it doesn’t even fit.”
“But there is something I can do to make sure you’re not helped. We’re going to fight for this (Fulton pats the Intercontinental title belt he has over his shoulder) inside a steel cage. Your posse can stand around all they want, but they won’t be able to help.
MR: “Anything else?”
SF: “Naw. I’ve gotta call my bank and mortgage company. I really didn’t have time to do this one.”
MR: “Good luck, Sunday.”
SF: “Thanks.”
FADE
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Post by BookerShark on Apr 22, 2011 0:46:49 GMT -5
*Stank walks outside of his office to find Justin not there. He walks across the way to Firewoman's office, knocks then peeks in. No on is in The Commissioner's office. Stank walks up the hall to Eco's office. He opens the door and speaks with Eco's receptionist.*
Stank - You seen Justin?
ER - Not lately.
*Stank closes the door and walks back toward his office. He walks out the administrative suites at the last second and heads down the Hall of Random Encounters where he runs into J-P Sparxx and Jewel.*
JPS - What up Stank-n-Stein?
Stank - Sparkplug.
JPS - So whatcha wanna do? Wanna be balla? Shot-calla? Brawla? Who be dippin in the Benz wit the spoila?
Stank - What?
JPS - Stips YO! What be da stips to our match, dog?
Stank - I haven't decided.
JPS - Yo! You gonna make me wait? Yo dats ill, yo. Even fo you.
Stank - Boy shut up. I'm tired of hearing you speak.
Jewel - AY! YOU don't TALK to MY MAN like DAT, Sir-STANK-a lot!
Stank - Christ bring me peace... FINE! You want stips? Falls count anywhere! You happy? Fuck off now.
*Stank walks away as the camera fades.*
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Post by BookerShark on Apr 22, 2011 0:48:09 GMT -5
*Fade in to the Hallway of There’s the Guy I Was Looking For in the Tazón de Chile in Punta Arenas where we find El Lobo Sangriento WAITING~! for a ninja camerman to arrive on the scene so he can begin his conversation with Alex Darling, who is also WAITING~! there…
ELS: About time you showed up, eh? Where the hell were you?[/b]
Ninja Cameraman: …
ELS: Riiight. You’re “not here.” Got it. Dick. Anyway, Alex, I’m really sorry I broke Lisa’s jaw last night. It was completely involuntary, I swear. I feel terrible about it.
AD: And why are you telling me this?
ELS: Just want to make sure we’re still cool.
AD: I’m not happy about it, but I get that it was an accident. We work in a high-impact profession. Stuff happens. That said, I’m not the one you need to be apologizing to.
ELS: Oh, I know. I was just on my way to the Commissioner’s office. I passed by the Hallway of There’s the Guy I Was Looking For on my way, so I figured I’d pop in for a quick word with the champ. Congrats on that, by the way.
AD: Thanks. I plan to make this a very long reign.
ELS: We’ll have to agree to disagree on that point. And with that, I’m off to the Commissioner’s office.
*Lobo makes his way down the Hallway of There’s the Guy I Was Looking for, but since he’s no longer looking for anyone, it’s a solitary walk. He hangs a left at the Hallway of Corporate offices and is surprised to see Justin Sane sitting at his Desk…
ELS: Justin? What the hell? Weren’t you kidnapped by SUPREME on Tuesday?
JS: I suuure was.
ELS: So how are you here?
JS: It didn’t take.
ELS: Yeah, that’ll happen.
*Just then Continuity enters, approaches Lobo, and shakes his hand. For no apparent reason, Justin absolutely snaps…
JS: HE HAS MY TITLE~!
*Justin dives at Continuity and chokes him out, then stands over his unconscious frame and screams…
JS: DOUGHAWK~!
*Lobo takes a step back, as Justin is about to attempt the most complex and devastating finishing mover ever devised. Instead, Justin drops a weak elbow onto Continuity’s chest and makes the cover, but no referee appears…
JS: Did I win?
ELS: I’m afraid not. First of all, Continuity doesn’t have the DDT Heavy Metal Ironman title. Comrade Sharkoff does.
JS: Oh. I thought this was Sharkoff.
ELS: It’s not. Secondly, that was not the Doughawk.
JS: Sure it was.
ELS: You’re telling me that the most devastating and complex finishing move ever devised is a weak elbow drop?
JS: …Well, if you know so much, Captain Masktastic, why don’t you show me how it’s done?
ELS: Because I’m not insane. I’ve only ever seen the move successfully performed once. It was many years ago at a house show in Mexico. Neither wrestler was ever the same again.
JS: Oooooh. Neat. You have to show me how to do it.
ELS: No way. I’m not ever attempting that shit. But here’s what I can do: I’ll write out detailed instructions for you – as long as you promise to never try the move on any living person. It’s just that dangerous.
JS: Sure. Whatever you say. I promise. Just gimme gimme gimme.
*Lobo spends about 20 minutes writing out the instructions for performing the Doughawk, then hands the sheet of paper to Justin…
ELS: Here you go, man. Be careful.
JS: I owe you one.
ELS: Yes you do. Now, is the Commissioner in her office? I have an apology to deliver.
JS: No, I’m pretty sure she’s in medical. Someone broke her jaw.
ELS: That was me. Didn’t you see Mayhem last night?
JS: I DVRed it. Playoff hockey took precedence.
ELS: I knew I liked you. Alright, let me know when the Commissioner’s back, would you?
JS: And then we’re square?
ELS: No, you’ll still owe me. I’m just asking you to do the bare minimum of your job description.
*Lobo exits the Hallway of Corporate Offices and heads back to the locker room to see if anyone knows when the boat or plane is leaving for the Falkland Islands as we *FADE*
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Post by BookerShark on Apr 22, 2011 0:49:17 GMT -5
Firewoman is SITTING~! in medical, with ice on her jaw. Alexander and Lucky are standing near by.
Medical Tech Person: Yep. X-ray confirms it. Just dislocated, not broken. If you keep ice on it, and don't move it so much, should be good to go on Sunday.
Alexander and Lucky look at each other...and smirk....then try to stifle laughter. Firewoman glares at them.
L: Doc... what exactly do you mean by "don't move it so much."
MTP: well, you know, eat soft foods that don't require a lot of chewing....don't talk unless necessary...
At this, Alexander and Lucky both try to stifle laughter, and start failing in that.
FW: What?
L: You have to be quiet for like four days straight.
AD: I don't think she can do it.
FW: I can too.
AD: Really? You're talking RIGHT NOW.
L: I don't think she can either.
AD: Wouldn't it be great though?
L: I know, right? Still, seriously, boss... you'll only shut up once you're dead.
Alexander and Firewoman look at Lucky until he realizes what he just said.
L: What, too soon?
FW: I can still stick my boot up your asses if you get out of line.
MTP: Really, Fire....you need to not talk.
Firewoman starts to say something, then stops, irritated. Alexander and Lucky laugh. El Lobo Sangriento comes in, looks around, and then walks sheepishly (ha!) up to the three.
ELS: Fire....everyone....look, I just wanted to say...I'm ... I'm sorry....I got carried away and--
Firewoman stops him by holding up her hand. She takes the ice off her jaw.
FW: It happens. Rookie mistake. Third one in like twenty four hours, too.
ELS: Look I don't need your insults.
FW: It's not meant as one. You underestimated me. Never underestimate anyone. You're too good and too smart a wrestler, and it will cost you every time. Don't make the same mistake again, and you'll be fine.
ELS: Okay...uh, thanks. Wait...what's the third one.
FW: Apologizing. Don't be a pussy.
Lobo stares at her, and Firewoman holds serious-face, and then smiles. Well, tries to smile, but then that changes to a look of pain, and she reapplies the ice. Lobo smiles and nods, then leaves.
L: Aw, so warm and touching.
AD: Almost...maternal even....say, maybe we should talk bout--
Fire glares at him, and he smiles...kind of.
AD: Alright, c'mon. We need to get to my victory celebration. Maybe they can liquefy your tofu or whatever.
Fire continues to glare at him, as he and Lucky continue to make wisecracks, and they head out the door.
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Post by BookerShark on Apr 22, 2011 0:50:15 GMT -5
*We fade in to a dark room, illuminated by a single light bulb swinging overhead. We see a figure sitting in a simple chair, his face in shadows. The figure grabs the lightbulb and holds it close to his face. Ahh fuck, it's Davin Moreland, wearing a, you guessed it, "LD Williams is a Fraud" t-shirt. He's also, however, rocking a "Crete and Moosey" hat.*
DM: Expecting someone else?
*Pause here for the TV audience to react*
DM: You see, over the last few years we've all heard the same song and dance from ol' Mooseyhead Jack. Not even just the whole "blood, respect, trust me" thing. That's been discussed ad nauseum. No, what I'm talking about is the facade that is Mooseyhead Jack. The front. The veneer. The bullshit cover story. He claims one thing while in fact, he's something else. And in fact, this room is a good place to start. LIGHTS!
*Flood lights come on, and we see that the "dimly lit room" is nothing more than a set. The walls are nothing more than painted plywood supported by 2 by 4s. In the background, we also see other sets, including the standard OOWF Banner background, and some of the familiar backgrounds from Ric's Sandwich Shop*
DM: Now perhaps I'm breaking the fourth wall here, literally, but Kayfabe is currently in a long discussion with Continuity on this very issue. So we won't have to worry about any of that.
*Davin stands and walks around the set*
DM: See the famous blood on the walls? Yeah, that's paint. The only way that would be scary is if it were lead-based with Red Dye #5. These walls? Symbolic of Mooseyhead Jack's nomadic, reclusive and violent nature? Plywood. The single-light bulb? Hell, the switch on the light itself doesn't even work. *He pulls the chain several times and nothing happens* Hit the lightbulb, boys. *The light goes out*
DM: So why am I bringing this all up? Well, those of you with IQs over 90 have figured it out by now. This room is emblematic of Mooseyhead Jack's entire existence. A fraud. And not as in "Davin calls everything a fraud", either. Truly fraudulent. His image and reality are not one in the same.
DM: Sure, the blood's real. The unrepentant violence is real. But the pathology? The psychopathy? Well, let's examine that, shall we? Boys in the truck, let's play the sound for Moosey's entrance this past week, shall we? Folks, this is the unedited sound before it was sweetened for TV.
*He signals, and "Scarecrow" is heard, audio only. We hear a large chorus of boos, but it's certainly not the violent booing we normally hear. In fact, it's almost respectful booing. Booing because he's supposed to be a heel, but with a wink and a nod. And in fact, we hear something we've never really heard before in a Moosehead Jack entrance - pockets of respectful cheers.*
DM: Now, you all caught that, right? And those of you watching right now who have gone to a live OOWF show over the last few years know this. Moose gets booed only because he plays this cartoonish, old school heel, and out of respect for his long tenure of service to the OOWF, people boo with a smile on their face. And the smarks? They cheer, as well they should. For the most part, OOWF catches this in post-production, trying to keep Mooseyhead Jack over as the vile, vile heel that he wants to portray.
DM: Is Mooseyhead Jack in on this? I haven't connected those dots...yet. But it's clearly in HIS stated interest to keep himself as the villain. You see, after the interminable and also awesome Traitormask vs. Mooseyhead Jack multi-year feud - something changed with the fans. Something that I recognized immediately, but somehow, he's been able to pull the wool over a lot of people's eyes.
DM: Mooseyhead Jack is no longer the bloodthirsty, psychotic old school heel that he portrays himself to be in the minds of the fans...hell, in the minds of the wrestlers too...Instead, he's reached the status of "respected veteran", both in the locker room and in the minds of a good portion of our fans.
DM: And, my friends, that makes him a fraud. Textbook definition.
DM: You see, no matter wins this little tug-of-war between Mooseyhead Jack and myself - nothing for him changes. The fans? They will still almost universally love Mooseyhead Jack. You heard me right, and most of you know the truth, and the entire locker room knows the truth.
DM: "They" love you, Mooseyhead Jack. And the dirty little secret? You love "them" back.
DM: For as much as you've droned on and on about "them" or "they" and how you hate it...the truth is, you could have left this game after that feud with Traitormask. You could have quit. You could have moved on to something else that didn't require "them". But the truth, Mooseyhead Jack, is that you CAN'T stay away. You NEED "them". Without "them", your life serves absolutely no purpose and has absolutely no meaning whatsoever.
DM: It's a sad reality, really...but reality nonetheless. Let's face it Mooseyhead Jack, outside of "them", what do you have? Happy Dethbat? A dysfunctional relationship with my sister-in-law? Permanent injuries? A Ric's Sandwich Club Card? The truth, Mooseyhead Jack, is that you need "them" even more than they need you.
DM: And that makes you the worst kind of fraud. The kind of fraud that believes their own bullshit.
DM: You know, despite what you think, Mooseyhead Jack - there are a lot of fans who can't wait for you to use Happy Dethbat on me. And not just because I'm a douchebag - that one-dimensional character never really existed despite your claims to the contrary - not because they hate me, so much as they LOVE you, Mooseyhead Jack.
DM: Fans want to see Mooseyhead Jack bust out his "Heartpunch O' Doom". It's like TNA fans wanting to see a Flair Flop or something. It's historical. It's nostalgia. It reminds them of a simpler time, back when George W. Bush was president and everyone got Tax Cuts. And they CHEER you.
DM: And you NEED it.
DM: Am I a panderer, Mooseyhead Jack? You're damned skippy I am. Know why? I'm grateful to every person who's ever paid a dime because of something I did or will do. They've allowed me to live a charmed life, and no matter what character I play or persona I take on, I don't ever forget that. They cheer me, and I celebrate them by giving as many people as I can 5 seconds of my time. I've never claimed to be anything different, and I wear the term "panderer" as a badge of honor. I'm proud to be.
DM: But the thing is, so are you. For as much as you protest and as much as you spew venom toward "them"; they know the truth, and so do you. You need them. They need you. My pandering is high-fives, autographs and baby-kissing. Your pandering is engendering blood, violence and disdain toward "them". "They" eat it up, and in return show you the respect a veteran of your stature deserves, and respectfully boo you, because that's what your linear character requires.
DM: They don't hate you. Quite the opposite. And if you were being honest with yourself, Mooseyhead Jack, you don't hate "them" either.
DM: So do us all a favor. Drop the pretense. Stop the lying. You're too good at your job to continue to pretend to be this *points around at the set* fraud. Why can't you just be who you are? Why deny your actual feelings? No one will think any less of you. In fact, you'd get more support than you've ever gotten before, I imagine.
DM: Just remember, you opened this Pandora's Box, Jack. If you thought ol' Davin was going to just stick to the script and be this one-dimensional pansy, you must have missed the final edit, man.
DM: You want to go here? You want to fuck with Davin, Mooseyhead Jack? Then you can just start calling me Ron Killings - because from here on out? I'm telling EVERYONE nothing but The Truth, starting with this irrefutable fact.
DM: Mooseyhead Jack needs "Them" even more than "They" need him.
*fade*
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Post by BookerShark on Apr 22, 2011 0:50:32 GMT -5
<Moose watches Davin's promo and doubles over in laughter>
MHJ: Wow? Really? When the fuck did Davin become Sigmund Freud? Ok Davin, you are so caught up in your own bullshit you couldn't see the truth if it hit you with a fucking train. I need the fans, the fans love me, ok man, whatever. You are fucking insane.
<Moose laughs loudly and walks down the hall....we hear him stop laughing and say "need Them.....what a fucking moron!" then keeps laughing as we fade>
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Post by BookerShark on Apr 22, 2011 0:51:57 GMT -5
Cut to JP Sparxx leaving a workout, suddenly getting punched hard in the jaw by Matt Folz. The camera catches brass knuckles on Folz's hand.
MF: Hey 'partner', how ya doing? Oh no no no, don't get up on my account.
Folz punches Sparxx 3 more times hard in the face with the brass knux, Sparxx's face is a mask of blood now.
MF: See, I can accept the fact that you don't like me. Not much of a secret that I don't like you either, so that's not why I'm doing this. And I'm not doing this because you attacked me after the match, I can accept that. You know why I'm doing this? To send a message to the rest of the locker room. See, you EMBARRASED me last night, and I'm not letting shit like that stand anymore. You're fucking pathetic, I would have been better off by myself in a handicap match. You and you alone are the reason I lost a major match last night.
Folz picks a nearly unconcious Sparxx up and hits a piledriver, you can see Sparxx's head bounce off the floor hard. The camera pans down to Sparxx's prone, bleeding body and then back up to a closeup of Folz's face.
MF: Let that stand as a message to everyone in the OOWF, No more Mr Nice Guy. I'm sick and tired of the disrespect I'm getting around here, and that's damn sure going to change. Now, Stan, congratulations, your team won the match last night, and therefore you got to pick the stipulation for our match. A cage match huh? Nice, old school, I like it. But I warn you, to quote from one of my favorite movies: "I'm not locked in there with you, you're locked in there with ME" See you Sunday Stan.
Folz kicks Sparxx full force in the face as we FADE
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Post by BookerShark on Apr 22, 2011 0:52:46 GMT -5
The scene comes back up and we see Dynamite Danny Taylor rush onto the scene. Folz holds up the knucks and makes the bring it motion. When Outback Jack and DH Magnusson arrive behind him, Folz thinks better of it and leaves without further incident. DDT goes over and starts helping Sparxx up. Jewel comes onto the scene and sees this.
Jewel: What the hell are you bastards doing to mah man?
DH: Easy girl, this wasn't us. Folz got the drop on him, we just happened to be passing bye. How's he doing Danny?
DDT makes a motion that Sparxx is coming to. Jewel continues to eye D&D warily as she goes to JP's side.
OBJ: (Belching) That's Australian for Vic tried to warn you sheila.
Jewel: My names not Sheila Rooboy.
Danny helps JP to his feet, and Sparxx finally seems to have his bearings. Danny motions towards the trainers room.
DH: Danny is right, go get him checked out.
Jewel still maintains a look of uncertainty, but helps JP towards the trainers room.
Danny, Jack and DH stand together and just shake their heads in disgust. Danny points to his eyes and then to the back of his head.
OBJ: You got that right, and we will need to as well at the PPV. DH, you have a match with Davin with Moose as the ref. Whatever beef they have either of those psychos is just as soon to pull some crap on you to get to each other.
DH: And you guys have a triple threat match with the Texans and Regicide. Those things are 80% skill and 20% luck. Zane has been looking like he is going over the deep end, and Tytan is always one moment away from another mental breakdown.
Danny twirls his fingers next to his head in the universal sign for crazy.
OBJ: You leave the crazies to me, I have a little bit of knowledge in that department as well. (This draws a smile from DH) LD has strange tastes in friends, but he is a hell of a competitor we can't underestimate him. Regicide may be a new team, but they are not to be taken lightly.
Danny then jumps up and down and then slams his fist into his palm.
DH: Good thinking, keep Chad grounded and maybe you can get an edge over the Texans. They like to tell others to measure up, but recent history says they may need to live up to their own legacy first.
OBJ: Even if they have had some problems, the Cowboys are still one of the toughest tag teams around, but me and Danny aren't exactly pushovers ourselves.
OBJ and DDT do the knucklebump of respect.
DH: All right, enough chit chat, Vic and the girls are waiting for us back at the Destroyatorium, lets go.
FADE.
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Post by BookerShark on Apr 22, 2011 0:53:45 GMT -5
<we cut to the back and see Moosehead Jack sitting in a small room, lit by a single bulb. Evidently he has recovered enough from the earlier promo. No longer laughing, Moose looks very serious. He gets out of the chair and walks over to the wall and flips on the switch and we see it is a small utility room somewhere in the bowels of an arena, or wherever the hell we are>
MHJ: Cinder block walls. Is that real enough for you Davin? <Moose flips the light switch off, then walks over and clicks the chain on the light, casting the room into darkness. We hear a match strike, then Moose lights a cigar. He slowly reaches up and pulls the chain and the single bulb once again illuminates the room> That real enough for you Davin?
Since you seem to want to be Mr. Insider and break down the world of professional wrestling, I have decided to play along. You did a great job analyzing my career……its complete bullshit, but damn son, you get an A for effort. But now? Now it is time to look at one Davin Moreland.
See Davin likes to talk. Dear fucking god does he like to talk. To hear him put it, Davin Moreland is the single greatest wrestler in the history of ever. Is he now? What Davin Moreland doesn’t like to mention is that he is a fucking whining piece of shit backstage. Oh yeah, Davin Moreland will go out there and put on a SHOW……..when it benefits him. Davin likes to talk, and talk, and talk about how he has put so many people over. How he has made careers. We both know that is bullshit Davin. The only person Davin Moreland puts over is Davin Moreland. You want to break the fourth wall? Jobbing is something we ALL do. It is part of the job. But Diva? He thinks when he does his fucking job he is somehow special. Well you’re not.
And lets not forget all those world titles. All those Intercontinental titles. The Onslaught titles, the tag team titles, the DDT Titles, the Trios titles. Let’s not forget those, cause god fucking knows Davin Moreland will not let you forget them. Politics……..that is wrestling’s dirty little secret. You want to mention the smart fans? Well then they know about the politics in pro wrestling. Hulk Hogan was the MASTER politician. HHH, HBK, Undertaker…….their only concern was protecting their spot. Davin Moreland puts all of them to shame. Davin makes damn sure he positions himself to be in the mix. Davin likes to call in favors, throw tantrums, make threats, basically, do whatever he has to to get what he wants……..other than be great in the ring. If the match is convenient to you, you jump at it. If if is going to put YOU over, you jump at it. Does Davin shoehorning himself into DEVILS ring a bell? Or maybe Davin and Alex making a bet? Oh yeah, that was going to put you over as a mentor. You cared about Sparxx and Evans. The fuck you did. You cared that they made YOU look good. Think I am lying? How is that feud with Tytan going?
There is no question Davin is a GOOD wrestler. But is Davin great? Fuck. No. Davin has made his whole career on threats and politics. So Davin……..you overrated sack of shit……..you want to analyze me? Fine. Analyze me. You want to come up with your clever nicknames. Go ahead. The fact of the matter is this: I hate Alexander Darling. I still, to this day, would like to end his life in the ring. You think that is all an act? I don’t fucking care what you think. But you? Do I hate you? You are not worth my hate. You are fucking pathetic. You and your fucking ignorant Darling wife can both go straight to hell. I will beat you. I will leave you bloody. I will prove to the world that you are nothing but a fraud – a term you love to throw around – and in the end, no amount of politics, no amount of crying to the bookers, no amount of threatening to walk away will change that.
Trust me
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Post by BookerShark on Apr 22, 2011 0:55:18 GMT -5
*The fellas of D&D walk into the Destroyitarium. Outback Jack and DH Maggnusson are hit by a wave of nostalgia as they see the OOWF World Champion sitting at the bar, drinking a beer, with his back turned toward them. DDT walks over to Stank, and as he approaches, DVD comes into view over the champ's shoulder. He is sitting opposite Stank, signing contracts. DDT walks over and stands next to where DVD sits.*
Stank - Danny.
*DDT waves a brief salute, acknowledging Stank's greeting. Outback Jack walks around behind the bar and grabs a Foster's, without taking his eyes off of Stank. DH Magnusson finds and empty stool at the far end of the bar. OBJ slides another Fosters over in Mags direction.*
Stank - Jack, Mags, you both should come over here and sign. You guys are the last on my list as well as Darius Prentiss. Has anyone seen that guy?
*Everyone shakes their head no, as they close in on DVD who hands each their contract.*
DVD - It's all legit, gentleman. A pretty fair deal. We even get our bonus for winning the Trios Championships.
*DDT points at a section of his contract and shows it to DVD.*
DVD - That's right.
*DDT looks pleased at what he's reading. Stank's phone chimes and he looks down at the text message he just recieved. Everyone else signs and hands the contracts back to DVD who looks them all over and hands them to Stank.*
Stank - Good. Now that THAT's settled... I guess I'll be on my way.
*Stank rises from his seat.*
Stank - Boat leaves in an hour boys... I suggest you get ready.
*Stank turns and walks toward the door. OBJ speaks up.*
OBJ - You see what happened to Sparxx?
Stank - No. What?
DHM - Matt Folz attacked him. He's pretty banged up.
OBJ - Thought you should know.
Stank - (sarcastically) Fucking fantastic. Thanks for the heads up.
OBJ - ...
DH - No problem.
*Stank walks out the door, leaving OBJ and DH Maggnusson glancing at each other with a mutual thought. DVD takes notice.*
DVD - What?
DHM - It's nothing, man. Nothing at all.
Fade
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Post by BookerShark on Apr 22, 2011 0:57:26 GMT -5
*Davin has his trademark smirk in front of the OOWF Banner thing*
DM: To sum up the 10 minutes of everyone's time that Mooseyhead Jack just wasted, it was "Nuh-uh. No you are. Blood. No Respect. Trust Me".
DM: At least "No Respect" is something a little bit different, right? PROGRESS! But it's interesting you bring up championships Mooseyhead. Very interesting. And politics. Also interesting. Because if anyone in this locker room knows politics, it's Mooseyhead Jack. Right? Bring in Firewoman, strongarm the Board to have Davin put her over to make her legit, right? Wasn't that you? Wait, don't answer that, because I already know. It was you. Or, at least, that's what this Memo from one of the board members *holds the paper up so it can be read* says from that time. But hey, I'm just talking here. Lying. Right?
DM: But let's go back to championships for a second, because for as much as Mooseyhead hates to hear me talk - the only reason for his existence, "Them", loves to hear me talk. So sayeth the ratings. But what about championships, more specifically, the World Heavyweight Championship, which I, Davin Moreland, have held 4 times, more than anyone else. But recently, Mooseyhead Jack was the World Heavyweight Champion. You all remember that, right?
DM: You don't? Oh yeah, because he threw the title down, caused havoc within the company as a result, threatened to take his ball and go home - of course, he actually MEANT it, instead of using it as a publicity stunt with several members of the OOWF staff and board in on the joke - and his explanation was "Something Something Tag Titles Something Something Respect Trust Me". That's not verbatim, but I'm pretty sure that's close.
DM: Now why would he do that? The precedent, set by LD Williams *cough fraud cough* of all people, was to drop the tag belts and keep the World Title. Makes sense, right? But Mooseyhead came out with "Blood Respect, Honor Duty, Trust, Blood, Death, Bury the Tag Division". Didn't really make sense, right? Yeah, it didn't really make sense to me either.
DM: So I thought about it. I talked about it with others - 3rd party observers and people close to Mooseyhead alike, and I think I have an explanation that makes perfect sense. While we're at this point, also consider that Mooseyhead has never held that title more than a week. But why? But why?
DM: Oh, don't worry folks. I'll tell you why. The reason is this: Mooseyhead Jack is absolutely terrified of being the face of the OOWF.
DM: That's right. Now I'm not saying he's terrified of being A Face, which is entirely possible as well, and might be worthy of discussion at a later time; but what I'm saying is that he's fundamentally incapable of believing that he can be the top guy in the company. Any company. That would mean interviews. Autograph Signings. Appearances. Magazine Covers. Maybe he shows up on Conan. You know, like the rest of us normal people do.
DM: But Mooseyhead Jack is different. He's so deluded that he actually believes that "they" are his enemy. That means that, yes, he threw down the title to spite "Them".
DM: And as we spoke about earlier, in reality, Mooseyhead Jack NEEDS "them". He LOVES "them". But no one can know that, because then he'd be exposed for the liar and fraud that he is after all these years. So these are the lengths that he will go to to perpetuate this myth. This cover. This fraud.
DM: He would throw down the World Heavyweight Championship ONLY to fool himself into thinking he hates "them" and that his character is truly evil and blah blah blah.
DM: And be prepared for the "I can win the title whenever I want" response, folks. Of course he can. He's Mooseyhead Leveque. He's the best politician anyone's seen since Bill Clinton. Manipulate, cajole, and then leave the other person with the impression that it was THEIR idea. So he can talk himself into a title shot, plus he can talk the booker, who is...well, can talk the booker into WINNING the title. He could do this now. Sorry Stank, but you know it's true. He could.
DM: But he won't.
DM: Because of "Them".
DM: The same "Them" that he claims to hate, and as we discovered earlier, the same "Them" that he secretly loves, and not so secretly NEEDS to survive.
DM: It's a truly tortured soul - Emo without the shitty music, if you will. Perhaps he's been taking notes from some people around here. But just know and understand, friends: Mooseyhead Jack will say and do ANYTHING to deflect attention from the deepest, darkest secret that he holds dear. He's thrown down the most coveted title in wrestling, the World Heavyweight Championship. He's turned on friends. He's made them enemies. He's politicked. He's influenced. He's tricked. He's injured. He's done everything humanly possible to avoid the universal truth.
DM: He NEEDS "Them" to survive. In an otherwise empty and meaningless existence, he needs "Them" to keep a gun out of his mouth. That's how much he LOVES you, friends. You should really show YOUR love for him this week and in the upcoming weeks. You need him just as much as he needs you.
DM: Oh, I hear you all out there. "But Davin, we love you too!" Well, of COURSE you do and why wouldn't you? But as has been my custom since day one in this company, I will be more than happy to take one for the team and put the true fan favorite over. He'll tell you he hates you. He'll tell you he doesn't need you. But you know the truth, and so do I.
DM: Of course he needs you. He desperately needs "Them" as much as he needs oxygen. Look at the lengths he'll go to to deny it! Just look! That's a pro, ladies and gentlemen. A true pro. Living the gimmick to the absolute bitter end. I respect you, Mooseyhead Jack. I respect you. Blood. Trust me.
*fade*
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Post by BookerShark on Apr 22, 2011 1:09:36 GMT -5
<SFJ13 walks up to Moosehead Jack and just hands him her iphone which plays Davin's recent attempt at revisionist history>
<Moose bursts into laughter at this>
MHJ: YOU? Put someone over? Not fucking likely. Fire was legit long before she came to the OOWF. You want to talk about someone making someone legit, you should STILL be sending part of your paycheck to Chris Cole.
MHJ: So, this is the part of the feud where we produce bogus letters? Maybe you got some pictures too? Dusty would be proud. Oh here, look <Moose pulls out a piece of paper from his pocket> This is the letter from the King of Spain. It says I am the NEW King of Spain! That is sweet! <Moose crumples it up and tosses it over his shoulder> No, it is bullshit. Just like yours.
Right, right. When Davin does it, it is a joke. Ha ha! Davin pulled a fast one on everyone! Was I serious? In Davin's mind, sure, of course. He and Rick are clearly the only two people on the planet stupid enough to think I would go to the WWE.
MHJ: Well once again, Dr. Freud has figured it all out. Yes, CLEARLY because I am not a self-aggrandizing attention whore like Diva here, I MUST be AFRAID of being the champion. I mean what else could it be? Clearly it can't be that I don't particularly give a fuck about being the face of the OOWF could it? No, of course not! Why let reality get in the way of a good story
MHJ: I'll sum this up. I hate the fans, but I love the fans. I don't need them, but I need them. I spite them, because I love them. Again, well done Diva. No matter what I say, in your brain dead world, it becomes an excuse. So, if I say, I fucking hate the fans, Panderman can turn right around and say "see that is what he WANTS you to believe!" Well played Mauer. You are still a fucking imbecile.
MHJ: Well done. I point out that you are the best backstage politician since Hogan, and you turn around and say "nuh uh, YOU are!" I can only assume your next response will be "I know you are but what am I?"
And he follows it up with another long, rambling tirade about how I somehow need Them. Of course I do. You know what Panderman, it doesn't really matter what you think. You can go whine and cry about the feuds you want and the feuds you don't want, and who you will face and who you won't. You can play all the backstage games, then turn right around and accuse me of the same, even though we both know it is bullshit.
I am beginning to think you are nothing more than a waste of time. All talk, talk, talk. The fact is, Diva, as much as you like to say I am irrelevant and make no difference, Davin Moreland has spent months toiling in obscurity. You forced your way into DEVILS to try and be relevant. You begged for a title run so you could be relevant. You got involved with Trinity so you could be relevant. You made a half-assed bet with Darling so you could be relevant, and now, you stumped for a feud with me, all so you could be relevant. The fact is, the fans don't give a shit about you Davin. They have moved on. You have somehow managed to let Alexander Fucking Darling pass you on the relevance scale. You have managed to let Sparxx, Evans, Folz and half the roster pass you by.
What you fear most is happening Davin, you are becoming an irrelevant footnote in OOWF history. You are being forgotten. Pimp yourself on some public access talk show, put yourself over half the TNA roster. We will all pretend like it is not a last ditch, desperate cry for attention. And when it is all said and done, the last footnote on an otherwise unremarkable career will say
"left broken, beaten and bloodied by Moosehead Jack"
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Post by BookerShark on Apr 22, 2011 1:11:49 GMT -5
The scene comes back up in the Destroyatorium, where we see DVD finishing up some of the contract documents, and DDT, DH, and OBJ sitting at the bar as Ashley fills them up a round. Suddenly the front door slams open, and Justin Sane enters the room dragging a large sack behind him. Everyone looks over, sees that it is Justin, and goes back to what they where doing. Justin drags the sack with over to DVD, and stands patiently in front of him. DVD puts away the paperwork, and looks up at him.
DVD: Justin
Justin: Vance
DVD: It's Victor
Justin: That's what I said
DVD: .....
Justin: .....
DVD: Something you wanted Justin?
Justin: You are the guy running the Steve Irwin memorial fund for injured and inactive wrestlers, right?
DVD: It's Spin Hansen, but close enough. Yes I am, why?
Justin: I want to make a donation.
DVD (brightening up) : Well that's great, I know you have had some cash problems, but every little bit helps, what can I put you down fo......
DVD jumps out of the way, barely avoiding being smothered by the wads and wads of Five dollar bills that Justin begins shaking out of the sack. The pile and DVD's eyes grow wide.
DVD: Holy crap Justin! How did you get all this cash?
Justin: I asked for it?
DVD: .....
Justin: ......
DVD: .......
Justin: .......
DVD: Fair enough.
DVD bends down and starts cleaning up the pile of money. Justin starts to walk away when he sees the trios titles sitting above the bar. His eyes narrow, and he pulls the piece of paper Lobo gave him out of his pocket. He speed reads it, puts it away, nods his head, turns, and runs full speed towards DVD. He launches off a chair with a scream.
Justin: DOUGHAWK!
Justin flies over the top of the crouched DVD, who watches him pass over head. Justin lands on the bar top and starts comically sliding down it. Outback Jack, DH, and DDT all lift up their drinks as he slides by, and Ashley just barely saves the peanut bowl before Justin shoots past. Justin flies off the other end of the bar, and lawn darts into the wall, crashing to the floor. Ashley heads over and begins helping him up.
Ashley: Justin, Victor isn't the DDT champ anymore.
Justin points up to the Trios belts.
Ashley: Those are the trios titles, not the DDT one.
Justin: Trios? Never heard of em.
Ashley: .......
Justin: .......
Ashley: ......
Justin: .......
Ashley: But you are a former trios champ?
Justin: So?
Ashley just shakes her head and walks off. Justin dusts himself off and turns to leave.
Justin: Good luck against BKK and the Hawaiians at the PPV.
DVD: Actually it's Regi....you know what never mind. Thanks anyways. Okay boys, enough fun, lets pack up and get to the ship.
FADE
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Post by BookerShark on Apr 22, 2011 1:13:19 GMT -5
*TIME SHIFT*
Finally all aboard the USS OOWF, Firewoman is topside dealing with some sea sickness. She turns and sees Dynamite Danny Taylor.
FW: ....
DDT: ....
FW: ....
DDT: ....
FW: ....
DDT: ....
FW: ....
DDT: ....
At this point, Dashing Victor DeNiro appears and watches the two of them, confused.
FW: ....
DDT: ....
FW: ....
DDT: ....
FW: ....
DDT: ....
FW: ....
DDT: ....
FW: ....
DDT: ....
FW: ....
DDT: ....
FW: ....
DDT: ....
FW: ....
DDT: ....
FW: ....
DDT: ....
FW: ....
DDT: ....
Suddenly the two break out into somewhat silent laughter, and fist bump each other.
DVD: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?
Danny continues on his way down the deck, smiling, with DeNiro following him. Fire goes back to looking out to see, trying to do her deep breathing, but smiling.
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Post by BookerShark on Apr 22, 2011 1:14:34 GMT -5
As all of the members of Drink & Destroy are packing up, the door to the Destroyatorium opens. They all look up and see a battered J-P Sparxx with Jewel by his side.
DVD: We're getting ready to board the boat. Take whatever issue you have and with us and leave it for a later time.
J-PS: Ya'll gots time for a beer?
Everyone looks at each other.
OBJ: *belch* That's Australian for "always got time for a beer, mate."
J-PS: Yo, showtie.
Ash: I know he's not calling me shortie...
J-PS: Round for everyone. On me.
Everyone sits at the bar. They start to drink their beers.
J-PS: Thanks guys. You guys a'ight.
Danny Taylor nods and holds up his glass.
J-PS: Hell, if anythin', it gots me in ma mindset for falls count anywhere, ya feel me?
OBJ: *belch* That's Australian for good luck, mate.
J-PS: One day boy-o's. I'ma return da favor. Belee dat.
J-P finishes his beer and slaps a $50 on the bar.
J-PS: Cya on da boat, cuz we sho ain;t swimmin', knowwhatI'msayin'? Deuces.
J-P and Jewel leave the Destroyatorium. Taylor shrugs.
OBJ: *belch* That's Australian for I had no idea what he was saying.
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Post by BookerShark on Apr 22, 2011 1:15:38 GMT -5
*Fade back in and we find Stank walking down the hall to the Moreland Suites. He knocks on the door and Samantha Darling opens it.*
Stank - I need to speak to your husband.
SDM - Not really a good time -HEY!
*Stank gently moves Sam out the way and walks inside.*
DM - Lucas.
Stank - Can we please cut out this Jeff Jarrett/Karen/Kurt Angle bullshit storyline. No one wants to see it.
DM - I agree.
Stank - Really?
DM - Absolutely. TNA should just end it, but I don't know what you think I can do about it?
Stank - I'm not talking about TNA asshole.
*Stank senses a ninjacam and waves his hand to swat him away. The ninja easily avoids the swing and backs off just a little.*
Stank - This thing with you and Moose needs to stop.
DM - We've never feuded. Not really. The ratings-
Stank - Not with THIS storyline.
*Stank jumps at where he thinks the ninjacam is and the ninja backs out the door. The door is cracked open so we can barely peek inside TNA style.*
Stank - This is getting ugly. Uglier than when it was you and me. Stop it.
DM - NO!
Stank - Okay. Fine.
DM -
Stank - I guess I'll leave.
DM - That's it?
Stank - Yep.
DM - You should talk to Moosey.
Stank - I will. Enjoy the boat. We got Dunkin Donuts coffee aboard this time.
DM - America Runs on Dunkin.
Stank - They sure do.
*Stank turns and walks away.*
Fade
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Post by BookerShark on Apr 22, 2011 1:16:51 GMT -5
(Tytan and LD Williams are seen sitting topside drinking some beers. They get interrupted by SFJ.)
LD: Can't you see first off we are having a meeting here.
SFJ: But I...you guys need to promo.
Tytan: Don't tell me it's a requirement now by the Supreme being Ecosystem himself.
SFJ: Well...yeah it is. Didn't you read the memo.
Tytan: Memo? Does it look like we care about any memos.
(Tytan and LD toast and then go back to discussing strategy or something that sounds like it.)
SFJ: So are you guys going to promo? Tytan you don't talk as much as you use too.
(Tytan finishes his beer and then stands up.)
Tytan: You see in the short time that I have been tagging with LD I have learned something. Leave the talking to the blow hards.
SFJ: Like Davin?
LD: You said it Darling not me.
Tytan: But it is true.
(LD and Tytan laugh and open more beers.)
LD: All right (LD stands up) you want a promo we will give you one.
(LD and Tytan get into their promo positions and get all serious. But that quickly ends as the two begin to laugh.)
Tytan: Alright let's try this again.
(They do the same thing with the same results.)
LD: Maybe we should have stopped drinking the beer we got from that local store.
(Once again they try to get serious and this time they manage to do so.)
Tytan: Alright you better get this started I don't know how long we can hold this.
SFJ: Alright (she hurries into position.) what do you have to say about you match at the PPV.
LD: Simple, once again we have a chance to prove that we are the ones that are going to be turning the the Tag-team division upside down. Drink and Destroy-
Tytan: You know if we keep on doing these promos why we are drinking D&D my go after us for gimmick stealing.
LD: I needed to get you to loosen up for once. You are wound up tighter then a virgin on prom night.
Tytan: LD, I don't even have the slightest idea if that made any sense.
LD: Shut up and roll with it. You see D&D and Texpress you guys are trying to reclaim spots you had in the tag-team division. We have two words to say to that.
Tytan: Suck it?
LD: (smacks Tytan.) No. It's no chance. This is our time, we are Regicide and we are the destroyer of Kings. Texpress at one time you were the best in this division, and the way you record has gone it looks like that time is gone.
Tytan: It's time for a new team to step up and that's Regicide.
LD: D&D it's simple we will battle you and we will win.
Tytan: After that we move on and make our way to you BKK.
LD: That's after we take care of the Hawaiians.
Tytan: True. We owe you a beat down.
LD: And by the way talking about beat downs. I know someone you owe one to.
Tytan: Eric, the time will come and I will enjoy that one.
LD: Boys it's simple come Beatings. Welcome to the Regicide.
(FADE)
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Post by BookerShark on Apr 22, 2011 1:17:38 GMT -5
*We fade in to see Eric O'Mac sitting in a chair outside on the deck of the boat and he appears to be...fishing? Bryce Larson walks up with a six pack of Corona.*
Bryce: You want one?
Eric: You know I don't drink, Bryce.
Bryce: I figured if Randy Orton did it...
Eric: I already took a shit in Martha Rodriguez's bag. What more do you want from me?
Bryce: Fair enough. Have you caught any fish?
Eric: No. For some reason, I think the motor on the boat is scaring them away.
Bryce: Then why fish? You don't even seem like the fishing type.
Eric: I'm not now, but you forget that I grew up and spent 18 years of my life living in North Carolina. I didn't have a father around, but I had uncles and they took me fishing. Fishing is all about patience. Fighting the urge to get up and go home. Staying another five minutes, hoping you get something to bite.
Bryce: And you are choosing now to do this because...
Eric: Because it's a part of my past, but I'm out of my element. Same way with our match against the Hawaiians. Everyone knows I can wrestle. In fact, with all apologies to Matt Folz, it is I who is the best technical wrestler in the company. Hell, I'm the best all-around wrestler in the company. But I've been able to get along so long without using those skills, when I'm called to use those skills, I'm going to be rusty and out of my element.
Bryce: And what does fishing have to do with this?
Eric: If I can be patient enough to fish, I can be patient enough not to use a set of brass knuckles to knock Aina and Kai out of the tag team division.
Bryce: I guess that kind of makes sense.
*Bryce sits down and starts to drink a Corona.*
Eric: You know, I'm probably the only one in the company who has a problem with wrestling this Sunday.
Bryce: Why? Are you THAT worried about losing our championships?
Eric: No. It's Easter.
Bryce: I wasn't aware you were religious.
Eric: That's part of my problem. I am, but I don't talk about it, so no one knows.
Bryce: And why is this suddenly on your mind?
Eric: Because no one knows how to admit anything here in the OOWF. I mean, let's look at Moose and Davin for instance. Both guys are right. Moose is absolutely correct when he talks about Davin's diva like attitude and politicking. In fact, introducing Davin to the DEVIL stable was the worst thing we could have done and it really made the group jump the shark and instead of going out with a bang, it fizzled. But at the same time, Davin is right about Moose. Moose will never admit it, but he's at a point in his career where the fans don't fear him, they respect him. He's reached that grizzled old veteran status, where it doesn't matter what he does, at some level, they like him. And he hates that. He doesn't want to be someone who is cheered. And as long as he's in the OOWF, he's going to be fighting it, all because he's too stubborn to admit that he is someone who can be respected by the fans. He doesn't have to like the fans. He doesn't have to change anything about who he is. He can be the same Moosehead Jack and get cheers. But for some reasons, he thinks it makes him soft.
Bryce: That's a rant.
Eric: It ties all back into the Hawaiians. We haven't paid them any mind over the past month. We took the easy way out because the easy way was there for us to take. There is no easy way now. We can't over look them because there's a loop hole. The only way to continue to reign like Kings is to go out there and simply win. The problem is, if we do that? The Hawaiians will never admit we are the better team. The same way Drink and Destroy never admitted we were the better team. The same way Texpress will never admit someone can possibly be better than them.
Bryce: What does this have to do with Easter?
Eric: Easter is about recognizing that there is a power higher than us that suffered solely so we can admit our mistakes without fear of persecution. So we can live our lives, knowing we can never be perfect, but striving to be our best and being ultimately forgiven for our shortcomings. And if I have to wrestle on a day I would rather reflect and meditate on life and worship privately in my own way? Then I want to use that time to teach The Hawaiians about the ultimate sacrifice. One team is going to have to sacrifice its ego this Sunday, Bryce. One team is going to have to admit defeat. And for the love my God, it better not be us. I've gotten use to being a king, Bryce. I love the advantages of being a champion. I love being the face of the tag team division. I crave the attention. I like dating the former porn star and helping elevate you, Chris, and Matt. But all of that comes to an end if we lose Sunday.
Bryce: You are stressing HARD about this match up. It's very unlike you.
Eric: I know.
Bryce: Why so serious?
Eric: I refuse to let someone tear down what I've built, Bryce. After a couple of years of doing nothing, after a couple of years of not being used, I'm finally in a position where the OOWF HAS to use me. Remember when I returned and they wanted me to put over Ravenna Blue? And then I had to fight, tooth and nail, to be put in a tag team....and then they didn't even want me to tag with you? I FINALLY got to a point where we can tag, and our team has taken off. We've held on to the tag team titles for almost two months now. That's not bad. But Phantos and Lucious held the tag team titles for 155 days! Weapon X held the tag team titles for 152 days! When I put our team together, I didn't want to be JUST ANOTHER TEAM in OOWF HISTORY. Hold the titles for a little bit, pass them along. Maybe regain the titles, maybe break up and start a singles feud. I don't want to play that game. I wanted us to be HISTORIC! And we can't be historic if we cannot retain our championships for five months. Anything less, and we are just footnotes. Do you want to leave a legacy, Bryce? Or do you just want to remember your days in the tag team division as "Oh, I just teamed with a guy once and we held tag team titles for a couple of months?"
Bryce: Obviously, I want to be part of history.
Eric: The Hawaiians are the definition of footnotes when it comes to the tag team division. Two time champions and they haven't had a reign longer than a month. But the thing is, they know it, and they want the same thing we want. And they are going to have to grip it from my hands. Because I love the attention - and I love being a part of history.
When we get to the pay-per-view, Bryce, we will be tied for ninth in terms of longest tag team championship reign in the history of the OOWF. If we retain, we'll have passed the next team before we get to Mayhem. Which means one victory, and we already move up to number eight.
I want us to be like my Lord. King of kings, making history every day.
Bryce: AMEN!
Eric: It's a good thing this wasn't filmed. I don't think the OOWF is ready for me to really bare my soul like that and talk about my personal life that way.
Bryce: Um...
*Eric looks behind him to see a ninjacam.*
Eric: Crap.
*Eric's fishing pole starts to shake.*
Bryce: Did you catch something?
Eric: No, I'm sure the line just got caught in the motor again.
*Fade out.*
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Post by BookerShark on Apr 22, 2011 1:19:04 GMT -5
~~~ Cut to inside the Texpress Dressing Room, and we see Zane Myers sitting on a stool, staring kind of blankly at the Former Sony Media Center ~~~
Zane: Meet the new Boss, same as the old Boss. "Here, let's just throw these teams into a Clusterbomb of a match"
Us against Drink & Destroy again? Makes perfect sense. We've beaten them 3 times, they took the Campeonas from us, there is a need for resolution.
Tossing in Regicide? Stupid. Moronic. Pointless. Is it a Number 1 Contender's Match? No. Just a random 3-way that will surely have a contrived ending where nothing really gets settled.
LD I respect you as a competitor, but do you really have this need to pass Stank for Most partners used to win World Tag Team Championships with? because you're above that.
Tytan, You are a overrated hack. You've been a piece of crap since you got here, and frankly teaming with LD will be the most relevant you've EVER been.
Danny, Jack, We've pushed each other back and forth over the past month or so. I'll admit to letting my temper get the best of me. You won't get that cushion again.
Regicide, Drink & Destroy, there has been alot of talk about Texpress slipping, not being as good as we once were. Believe the hype. Listen to the rumor mill. Take us for granted. I BEG YOU
~~~ Zane takes a drink from his Aquafina bottle, then suddenly grabs a baseball bat and swings for the ninjacam We see the anger on his fa...STATIC ~~~
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