OOWF Bloodbath in Paradise 4 PPV!

[BookerShark]

Bloodbath in Paradise 4
Live! From Paradise Valley, Arizona

OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match
Alexander Darling vs. Stank

OOWF Intercontinental Title Match
Stan Fulton vs. JW Westgaard vs. DH Magnusson

OOWF World Tag Team Title Match
Texpress vs. The Brass Knuckle Kings

OOWF Onslaught Championship Fatal Four Way
El Lobo Sangriento vs. J-P Sparxx vs. Matt Folz vs. Psykle

2/3 Falls Match - Onslaught Rules
Moosehead Jack vs. Mai Muyo

No Disqualification Street Fight
Attitude Adjuster vs. Firewoman

Tag Team Mayhem - Winning Team Faces One Another - Last Man Standing Gets to Pick a Match Against the Champs in the Future
Kai, LD Williams & Outback Jack vs. Aina, Tytan & Danny Taylor

Three Way Match Between Winners of Above Match

These Two Have Nothing Better To Do Curtain-Jerk Spectacular
Chris Evans vs. Davin Moreland

Card subject to Arizona being a silly place...and also dry heat.

[BookerShark]

**SFJ#47 is interviewing L.D. Williams.**

SFJ#47: “L.D., this Sunday at Bloodbath in Paradise 4, you have to team up with Outback Jack and Kai to face your partner Tytan, Danny Taylor and Aina. The winning team will then wrestle to determine which team gets the next shot at the tag team titles. Your thoughts on being in such a convoluted match?”

LDW: “Well. The bottom line is that at the end of the night Regicide will have a title shot, whether it’s Tytan or I with our hand raised. That said, I think the result of the six man match is all but assured.”

SFJ#47: “Why is that?”

LDW: “Are you kidding? THIS Sunday! Bloodbath In Paradise….4. FEAR US! OOWF tag team champions who never lost the titles, will team up with…THE KAI! And we will layeth the smacketh down on ALL their candy asses.”

** Kai steps into the Frame.**

K: “No.”

LDW: “No? The Kai says No…to winning?”

K: “The Kai says no one - and The Kai means NO ONE - calls The Kai “The Kai” except The Kai.”

**L.D. puts his arm around Kai.**

LDW: “Tell me something… does The Kai like…pie?”

“BELCH!”

**Everyone turns to Outback Jack. Once he has their attention, his eyes roll back and Back-of-Beyond Jack is there.**

OBJ: “Australian for can it. This ain’t about makin’ jokes. Fear Us don’t exist. Maybe it never should have. We’re gonna win that match Sunday night, and then I’m gonna win a title shot for me and Danny. Along the way, maybe I’ll make sure there’s one less Original in the OOWF.”

<fade>

[BookerShark]

~~~ Inside the Texpress Dressing Room/Tent, The NEW Tag Team Champions are going about the business of packing up to head for Paradise Valley Arizona (Cheap pop). Bridgette closes her laptop and smiles. ~~~

Bridgette: That was an amazing match. I am So proud of you two.

Zane: Thanks hon. We should hurry, I do want to talk to Mrs. al-Takriti before she leaves.

Chad: Who? Oh yeah, Selena.

~~~ Suddenly, they are moving in super speed fast forward, and in seconds, they are carrying their bags towards Selena's Office Tent. Bridgette pops her head in first, then waves the guys in.

Selena is sitting at a table doing paperwork or doodling, hard to tell the difference. ~~~

Bridgette: Ms. Selena, we have something to talk to you about.

Zane: It's about the way we're booked

Selena: What? I pulled you from curtain jerking duty. Heh. I said 'Dootie'

~~~ Selena smiles at her little joke. Chad laughs, Zane rolls his eyes ~~~

Zane: And we are thankful.

Selena: And Theeeeeeen I put you in title matches! What's wrong with that?

Chad: Nothing at all, we promise

Bridgette: (sitting down across from Selena) What the guys are trying to get at is they want to distance themselves from the way that BKK carried themselves as champions. You know, only defending the titles sporadically. constant Non-Title matches. We'd like to avoid that.

Zane: We intend to be fighting champions, defending the OOWF World Tag Team Championships week in and week out.

Selena: I dunno....... I can think about it

Bridgette: Listen , we know there will be weeks where you want them as part of a big 6 or 8-man tag event. That's not the problem. What we're looking for is any regular tag team match you book them in to be a Championship Match. Not a difficult request I don't think.

Selena: I guess not...

Bridgette: Great. Tell you what, you give me a call once you've slept on the idea and we can talk about it later.

~~~ Chad, Zane & Bridgette head out the door flap and begin loading up Zane's Mustang for the drive to Arizona ~~~

[BookerShark]

The BKK/Supreme locker room is packing up and ticked off over their matches. Larson is taking a break, reading some Internet Wrestling Community forum.

BL: DAMMIT!

CE: What?

BL: Wait...are you part of us?

CE: I am for this...

BL: Okay...well, anyway, one of these annoying mouth breathers has once AGAIN called us the "happy couple" and "life partners" and ...it's just...ANNOYING!

CE: Yeah, I don't know where they get that. We haven't tagged for months.

BL: I dunno....

As if on cue, music begins.

BL: Why do they think up stories that link my name with yours?

CE: Why does the IWC chatter all day, behind their doors?

BL: I know a way to prove what they say is quite untrue.
Here is the gist, a practical list of "don'ts" for you.
Don't throw bouquets at me
Don't please my folks too much
Don't laugh at my jokes too much
People will say we're in love!

Don't sigh and gaze at me
Your sighs are so like mine
Your eyes mustn't glow like mine
People will say we're in love!

Don't start collecting things
Give me my rose and my glove.
Sweetheart they're suspecting things
People will say we're in love.

CE: Some people claim that you are to blame as much as I.
Why do y' take the trouble to bake my favorite pie?
Grantin' your wish, I carved our initials on that tree.
Jist keep a slice of all the advice you give so free.
Don't praise my charm too much
Don't look so vain with me
Don't stand in the rain with me
People will say we're in love!

Don't take my arm too much
Don't keep your hand in mine
Your hand feels so grand in mine
People will say we're in love!

Don't dance all night with me
Till the stars fade from above.
They'll see it's alright with me
People will say we're in love.

The music stops.

CE: Okay.......

BL: Yeah....I can't wait 'til we're out of this damn state.

[BookerShark]

**L.D Williams, Moosehead Jack, Tytan and Stank are packing up in the locker room. L.D. starts to hum quietly. Stank glares at him, but says nothing.**

LDW: <singing> “Memory”

S: “Don’t start that shit.”

MHJ: <also singing> “All alone in the moonlight”

S: “Fuck off, the both of ya.”

LDW&MHJ: “I can smile at the old days…I was beautiful then”

**Stank looks wild-eyed from L.D. to Moose, and then bolts for the door, not bothering to open it before going through. After a few moments, Moose takes a $100 bill from his wallet and hands it to Williams. Tytan watches this and waits, but nobody says anything.**

T: “Alright, I give. Screwing with Stank, I get, but what the hell did you bet on?”

LDW: “Fight or flight.”

MDJ: “I was sure he’d take a swing at us.”

**Stan Fulton pokes his head in the door.**

SF: “What’s with Stank, he stormed past me muttering about finding Happy Dethbat.”

MHJ: “Maybe we both win?”

LDW: “Depends how fast we make it to the car.”

<fade>

[BookerShark]

MHJ: I just gotta stop by and see someone before we leave.

Moose leaves them and goes towards the offices. Scene shift and Firewoman is SITTING~! in her office, humming. Moosehead Jack comes in and sits down a coffee in front of her.

FW: I thought you weren't speaking to me.

MHJ: Saw your match with AA. You looked like you wanted to kill him.

FW: So?

MHJ: I approve.

FW: Whatever. *sips* What else do you want?

MHJ: Can't a brother stop by to see his sister?

FW: Again, you aren't speaking to me, so you must want something from Commissioner Firewoman, rather than from Sister Firewoman.

MHJ: Fine. I want my match with Mai to be two out of three falls.

FW: Really....

MHJ: Why do you say it that way?

FW: Because you can barely last in a regular Onslaught match as it is. You want to lengthen it? You STILL only get three breaks and three warnings....

MHJ: Won't need 'em.

FW: Uh huh......

Lucky pokes his head in.

L: Fire, Alex wants to know when you'll be ready.

Moose glares. Fire glares at Moose and then turns to Lucky.

L: Never mind...I'll tell him you're busy.

Lucky leaves.

FW: Really? Still?

MHJ: Always....

FW: You two .... are annoying. you can't even see where you are alike, and have common--

MHJ: Don't even finish that. We are NOTHING alike and have NOTHING in common.

FW: I can think of one thing....

MHJ: What.

FW: Well, YOU love me, right?

MHJ: Ugh....I have to, you're my sister, even when you're an idiot.

FW: Nice. And Alex--

MHJ: Do NOT finish that sentence.

Alexander comes rushing in.

AD: Are you okay?

FW: I'm fine, sheesh, he's not going to hurt me.

AD: Uh huh....look, we have things to do, and I've made reservations --

FW: What for?

AD: You seriously don't know what day it is?

MHJ: I'm going to go puke in the bushes.

FW: No you are not. You are going to sit the fuck down over there and shut the fuck up. *Firewoman points to a chair in front of her desk.* And YOU, Alex, are going to do the same thing right there. *She shoves him in the general direction of another chair. Both men glare at each other but one especially evil glare from Firewoman makes them both sit.*

I have had enough of this from you two. You know, you would have thought when I was....involved with Ecosystem, you two could have put your efforts together, even temporarily, but no. Not even then. Well, I'm tired of it. You're just like.....like......

MHJ: Oil and water.

AD: Cats and dogs.

FW: No...you are like...like....farmers and cowmen.

AD/MHJ: Huh?

FW: Yeah...I mean, look around you......There's a lot of tension between them around here.

MHJ: Uh huh....

FW: Yeah, they both want to use the same land to make their living....and they have to learn to work together....Alex, you're the new guy in the territory, wanting to make a big splash and change things, carve out his own place.

MHJ: Carve...indeed.....

FW: And you, Moose, are the old timer....

MHJ: HEY!

AD: Old....

FW: Who doesn't like all these newfangled changes.

AD: Wait..."new-fangled?" Oh no.....Fire, let's not go where I think --

FW: Why...I dare say.....the Farmer and the Cowman Should be Friends!

Music starts.

MHJ: She never liked Broadway before she married YOU.

AD: How would you know? Besides, don't blame me for this.

FW: The farmer and the cowman should be friends.
Oh, the farmer and the cowman should be friends.
One man likes to push a plough, the other likes to chase a cow,
But that's no reason why they cain't be friends.

Territory folks should stick together,
Territory folks should all be pals.
Cowboys dance with farmer's daughters,
Farmers dance with the ranchers' gals. (repeat)

AD: I'd like to say a word for the farmer,
He come out west and made a lot of changes

MHJ: He come out west and built a lot of fences,
And built 'em right acrost our cattle ranges.

AD: The farmer is a good and thrifty citizen, no matter what the cowman says of things.
You seldom see 'em drinkin' in a bar room

MHJ: Unless somebody else is buyin drinks.

FW: But the farmer and the cowman should be friends.
Oh, the farmer and the cowman should be friends.

MHJ:The cowman ropes a cow with ease, the farmer steals her butter and cheese, but that's no reason why they can't be friends.

FW: Territory folks should stick together,
Territory folks should all be pals.
Cowboys dance with farmer's daughters,
Farmers dance with the ranchers' gals.

MHJ: I'd like to say a word for the cowboy, the road he treads is difficult and stoney.
He rides for days on end with jist a pony for a friend.

AD: I sure am feelin' sorry for the pony!

MHJ: The farmer should be sociable with the cowboy if he rides by and asks for food and water.
Don't treat him like a louse make him welcome in your house.

AD: But be sure that you lock up your wife and daughters!

There's an abrupt pause in the music.

MHJ: That makes no sense.

AD: I know, right?

MHJ: I mean, I should warn about locking up my sister....oh wait, you did that already, didn't you.

FW: BOYS!

She fires off a six-shooter that was missed in the roundup of weapons after Ecosystem left, that makes everyone stop. Music starts again. There might even be square dancing involved, as the locals come in to fill it out nicely, kinda like this www.youtube.com/watch?v=bHw3xadHorw

FW: Territory folks should stick together,
Territory folks should all be pals.
Cowboys dance with farmer's daughters,
Farmers dance with the ranchers' gals.

Music ends with everyone in a classic Broadway ensemble dance ending pose. And then we're back.

MHJ: Why the hell was I in two of these?

FW: Okay, both of you out of here. I have to finish up work. Go. Shooo!

Moose and Alexander leave, eyeing one another suspiciously. Fire shuts the door behind them.

AD: So....

MHJ: Never....

AD: Right....

MHJ: Although....you could do me one favor.

AD: No.

MHJ: Sign this petition.

AD: What is it....

MHJ: Petition to the board that we NEVER bring her to Oklahoma again....

Alexander thinks for a minute, grabs the pen and signs it. He hands it to Moose, who grabs it and the pen aggressively. The two resume their usual glaring at one another and walk opposite ways.

[BookerShark]

*Moose is walking away when Eric O'Mac runs up behind him and snatches the clipboard from him.*

Moose: The fuck?

*Eric signs his name and four other names on the petition, and then hands it back to Moose.*

Eric: That's me, Lauren, Bryce, Chris, and Matt. Now, we're getting the hell out of Oklahoma before she does this shit again!

*Eric starts to run again, but then stops.*

Eric: Oh, if we ever go to New York City, I call dibs on RENT.

*Eric takes off while Moose is shaking his head. Fade out.*

[BookerShark]

*Stank has found Happy Dethbat and is making his way back to the locker room when music from Firewoman's office arrests his attention.*

FW: (singing) It ain't so much a question of not knowing what to do.
I knowed what's right and wrong since I was ten.
I heared a lot of stories and I reckon they are true
About how girls're put upon by men.
I know I mustn't fall into the pit,
But when I'm with a feller...

Stank - ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT!!!

*Stank has busted into Firewoman's office screaming! He takes Happy Dethbat and SMASHES the record player to pieces.*

FW - ...

Stank - ...

FW - It actually goes (singing) I Fergit!

Stank - AHHHHHHHHH!

*Stank storms off!*

FW - ...

Fade to commercial

[BookerShark]

<Time passes and we see Stank, Moose and LD loading up in Moose's Mustang with Tytan and Stan on choppers next to the car. They are ready to go and head out on the road, but only get a short way when Moose stops and gets out of the car. Everyone assembles>

MHJ: Dammit I forgot to pick up some shit I was supposed to get from my interim GM thing, I guess we should go back.....

<just then, we hear Firewoman yelling at the top of her voice. We get a quick zoom back to the intersection at IXL and we see Firewoman with a group of poor unfortunate OOWF jobbers>

FW: NO! NO! NO! NOW WE ARE GOING TO BE HERE ALL NIGHT! WE WILL KEEP DOING IT UNTIL YOU DO IT RIGHT! NOW........DO IT AGAIN!

<familiar music plays and the OOWF jobbers break into dance>

We're wrestlers of the squared circle
We wail on nerds like Urkel
We do big moves and cheat for the boos
In spandex tights of purple
We fight each night and bleed a lot
We sweat and curse and yell a lot

We're wrestlers of the squared circle
Our former champion was a Turk-el
And many times we are given fines
That generally are unpayable
We are quite mad, an insane lot
Dr. Sid gets called to talk a lot

In the ring we're rough and able
Quite indefatigable
With our sequined vests and title quests and our lust for the lovely Sable
Its an busy life for us a lot

<Davin Moreland walks into frame pushing an old fashioned stroller, and speaks in an amazingly deep baritone voice>

I have to push the pram a lot

<The camera quickly zooms back to Moose and Company>

MHJ: You know, on second thought, lets not go to IXL, it's a silly place

LD, Sta, Tyt, Stan: Yeah

<they get back on their vehicles and roar off into the Oklahoma evening>

[BookerShark]

The scene rises in the Destroyatorium and we see Ashley sitting next to a very irritated looking Dynamite Danny Taylor.

Ashley: You seem in a bitter mood big guy.

DDT frowns and nods in agreement.

Ashley: Is it because you and Jack are on opposite teams at the PPV?

Danny shakes his head no.

Ashley: Is it because you are afraid you and Jack may be the only ones willing to fight your tag partners leaving you easier pickings for the triple threat match?

Danny shakes his head no.

Ashley: Is it because you are teaming with Aina, and their is still some bitter history present?

Danny shakes his head no.

Ashley: Is it because Tytan has been strangely quite and you are afraid he may be going into monster mode again?

Danny shakes his head no.

Ashley: Are you worried teaming with LD again may make Jack want to change partners?

Danny shakes his head no.

Ashley: Then what is it?

Danny points to the TV where we are seeing another show tune filled promo.

Ashley: You are angry that you can't sing show tunes with the rest of the roster.

Giant tears start to well up in DDT's eyes as he nods a slow solemn yes. Ashley pulls him in close and starts gently stroking his hair.

Ashley: It will be okay big guy, just let it all out.

Danny starts to bawl, as the scene

FADES

[BookerShark]

CUT to a rest stop somewhere between IXL and Paradise Valley. The Moosemobile and Tytan and Fulton's bikes are parked (Fulton's is a Harley-Davidson Fatboy... of course). Fulton and his, and by extension all of their's, attaché, Martha Rodriguez are standing near the Fatboy.

SF: "Enjoy the ride in the Mustang?"

MR: "Don't let them know I told you, but Moose was very considerate and the stories LD and Stank told were very funny."

SF: "You're going to ruin their reps."

MR: "Meh, no one reads your promos."

Martha and Stan wait around for Kayfabe to appear. They wait at least a minute, but Kayfabe no shows the bit. Slacker.

MR: "So. Mags and JW this week."

SF: "Uh huh. I should promo."

MR: "No time like the present. I think Moose is trying to get the showtunes out of his head. You've got some time."

Fulton turns towards what he believes is the camera, but his spidey-sense must be off because he's facing about 45º to the left.

SF: "It's just like Sicily, boys. The three of us go at it one more time for all the marbles. Or in this case, my Intercontinental title. But don't either one of you think you have a ghost of a chance.

"No matter what that has-been Davin Moreland thinks, no one is going to take this from me for a long while. Until I'm done with it. So save your celebration plans for another night. You're going to be walking to the back with nothing while I hold this championship. Enjoy your Totino's Pizza Rolls and your Grain Belt beer, fellas. But you're going to be eating and drinking alone while I celebrate another win with my friends.

"Enjoy the mutha-fuckin' pain."

Fulton relaxes and turns away from what he believes is the camera.

MR: "The camera's over there."

SF: "Dammit!"

FADE

[BookerShark]

Chris Evans is still in the BKK locker room.

Evans: Oh, its you. Hey Eric. What do you want?

Eric: You know Evans, I am THIS close to just kicking your ass to the curb.

CE: You know, Eric? Not really in the mood. Everybody knows that I am the future of this company, and what am I doing this week? Jerking the curtain with Davin Moreland and singing fucking showtunes with Bryce.

Oh sure, people will say that Davin won last week and I lost. Davin was in there with a guy that doesn’t even have the time for this company to even cut a friggin promo and when he does show up here, when he’s not busy over at some animal shelter or stuffing his face with the pizza rolls at catering, he proves time and time again that this is no longer his place. Hell, this place was never his place.

And Davin had to take 25 minutes to beat a never-was like that. Hell, the Davin of old wouldn’t have let that match get past 5 minutes.

E: Oh cry me a fucking river, Evans. Enough with the fucking whining. Yeah, so Davin couldn’t really cut the mustard Wednesday. Big deal, whats your excuse for losing?

CE: Whats my excuse? I was in there with Stank, one of the toughest guys to ever step in an OOWF ring. Oh yeah, Darling was there as well. I...Dammit, I deserve better than this!

E: Are you finished yet Cubby? OR do you wanna keep wallowing in your pity like the loser that you’ve let yourself become?

Evans starts laughing.

E: What the hell are you laughing at?

CE: The fact that you called me a loser. If you forgot, you lost as well.

E: Yeah, so what’s your point?

CE: Not to mention the fact that you’re part of the old guard as swell, so maybe you shouldn't take me too lightly.

E:...

CE: ...

E: Are you seriously fucking thinking about taking ME on, Evans?! Wow, I mean, I knew you weren’t the sharpest blade in the drawer around here, but if you are seriously thinking about having any ideas about doing that, then you must be legally retarded.

CE: I never said anything about that. Just telling you that maybe you should watch your criticism of me. Cause remember, Fire did that to me once.

E: Let me remind you of something, Evans, and don’t you EVER forget it. I am not Firewoman, I am not Alexander Darling. Know who I am? I am Eric O Fucking MAC! I am the best thing going in this company, and I have done more in my career than you will ever come anywhere close to doing! So know your place...Cubby.

Eric O Mac leaves Evans sitting in a seething rage and we

*fade to black*

[BookerShark]

~~~ Chad, Zane & Bridgette have arrived in Paradise Valley (Cheap Pop). They park the car and begin walking into the OOWF Arena carrying their bags in when they are stoppped suddenly by one of the RNSFJ's ~~~

RNSFJ: Texpress! You captured your sixth World Tag Team Title...

Zane: ...Championship. (takes a drink from his 1 Liter Aquafina)

RNSFJ: .... Uhh Yeah. How does that victory rank compared to the other times you've won them.

Chad: (closing his bag of Jack Link's Beef Jerky) You know, we discussed this on the trip here. Each of our Championship victories has been pretty unique. Its hard to call one more special or important than the other.

Zane: You have our first one, 7 months after arriving, where we proved that we belonged in this company.

The second one, felt like redemption since we had never lost the championships in the first place. We went on to set the record that BKK was so keen on eclipsing and cemented our place in history.

Chad: The third one, was great. We did it without the masks and having had to toil in OVOOWF for so long, It was a great feeling.

The fourth one. Well, that was all business. Us losing the third time was politics, so winning them back was kinda expected

Zane: Then I get suspended, Chad goes and wins the Onslaught Championship, so reuniting the team and getting back on top was pretty fulfilling the 5th time

But this one, might just be the sweetest. We showed everyone we belong here, despite being shuttled to the bottom of the card, we knew we still had it. We proved, despite what Rick or Ecosystem or Stank or Eric or Tytan or Anyone else might say, we still are The Measuring Stick. So whether it's The Hawaii'ans...

Chad: .... they're 'Night Marchers' now

Zane: Whatever their name is now, or Regicide, or our friends in Drink & Destroy, or anyone else that is thinking about challenging us for these World Tag Team Championships, it's time to stand tall and look yourselves in the mirror. It's time to see if you can Measure Up to The Texpress

~~~ Chad puts down his bag and puts his arm around the RNSFJ. ~~~

Chad: You know you really should let me take you out tonight. I know this little place down the corner. We could talk and really get to know each other better

RNSFJ: Oooh I was hoping you'd ask me that!

~~~ Chad walks away with the RNSFJ. Bridgette smiles and turns to Zane ~~~

Bridgette: Looks like things are back to normal. You hit the catchphrase, product placements were spot on, popped the crowd by dropping the city name, Chad has a date with one of the mic stands....

Zane: And these (pats the Tag Team Title belt) are back around Our waists. And they're staying there.

Bridgette: That's my man right there!

~~~ She kisses him on the cheek as we fade...~~~

[BookerShark]

-->Shot of plane arriving in Paradise Valley, a small private jet lands on an airstrip overlooking the area. Out steps Mark Williams, known in the wrestling world as Honcho Williams, a nickname he acquired from a group of his friends. He exits from the plane, talking on his cell phone to hive agent...

HW - Are you kidding me? They acquire a great star such as myself and they didn't put me on the card for the show? I thought you mentioned to them I was one of the hottest commodities available in the market?

Agent - *only faintly heard*...I told them everything about you and they are extremely impressed. I spoke with the Chairman of the Federation and he said they were going to be putting you on the card of the weekly show next week.

HW - *clenches phone in anger* GAH! Alright, at least I know I'm getting a match sonewhere in here, we you able to schedule that interview?

Agent - ....yes, its in about an hour.

HW - Thanks, finally something that went right for a change.

-->An hour passes as Williams makes his way to the arena where the show is to be held. He becomes acquainted with a few of the workers in the Federation who welcome him to the roster, some showing more disdain than others. At the arena, he notices someone holding a sign that says him name, just forgetting the "s" at the end of Williams

HW - I believe this is for me, but I've got to ask...what level of schooling did you complete, I mean honestly, you cant spell something simple?

Kid - Its not spelled wrong....I think.....I'm not sure

HW - Whatever, I'm assuming you are here to lead me to my introductory conference, lead on.

-->As the moron leads Williams to the press room, he is greeted by a few members of the roster and is greeted by the chairman of the organization, who gives Williams praise for joining the team. The reporters are lined up as Williams sits down for the interview.

HW - Alright folks, lets keep this short and sweet, I got some ass to kick and some crowds to please.

RPTR - I had heard that you recently recovered from a surgery that kept you inactive for the long time, do you think this will hinder you in any way?

HW - *smirks and lets out a small laugh* not at all, Im not one to whine and complain. That injury was because of a freak accident on the job, and I have learned from that mistake. I'm fine now.

RPTR - What made you choose the OOWF, why not stay where you were?

HW - Honestly, I view this as a more prestigious organization and wanted to be a part of it. A personal friend of mine is also a worker here and I thought it would be great to join him.

RPTR - You left behind you a legacy, a two time Intercontinental champion and a Match of the Year candidate to boot. Do you miss your past at all.

HW - No, not a bit. I am here now and I am going to focus on becoming the OOWF Heavyweight Champion and I will stop at nothing to achieve my goal.

-->With this, Williams gets out of his seat and proudly punches his fist in the air. This leaves reporters with the question, who can stop Mark "Honcho" Williams.

[BookerShark]

Fire is walking back in from practicing the dance number with the OOWF Jobbers in the ring, heading to her office. As she turns the corner she comes face to, well, chest, with Psykle. IQ is with him. Psykle looks down at Fire menacingly.

IQ: So the answer for Bloodbath is a no we see. Just remember, we're still here, still waiting for retribution and justice, and every corner you turn, we might just be there...and you never know when the rage will take over....

Psykle turns and walks off, as IQ keeps an eye on Fire.

IQ: See you in Arizona, toots.

IQ smiles and Fire gets visibly annoyed with IQ calling her toots, but IQ and Psykle have already turned the next corner and left.

[BookerShark]

*Fade in to Paradise Valley, Arizona, which, despite its relatively small area and population compared to other municipalities in the Phoenix metropolitan area, is home to 12 resorts, making it one of Arizona's premiere tourist destinations. It has expensive real estate, with a median home price at $1.74 million, with many exceeding $10 million and some over $40 million. It should not be confused with Paradise Valley Village, an official municipal designation, in northeast Phoenix, Paradise Valley, Phoenix, Arizona. For instance, Paradise Valley Community College, Paradise Valley High School, Paradise Valley Hospital, Paradise Valley Mall, and Paradise Valley Golf Course are all located several miles to the north of the town, in Phoenix. The town's name along with all the other various entities bearing the same name comes from the expansive area known as–

ELS: AHEM

*Yes, Lobo?

ELS: Are you introing me by quoting the Wikipedia entry for Paradise Valley?

*…Um…no?

ELS: You are so. You’re better than that, Voiceover Guy. I mean, at least use a reliable source if you’re going to plagiarize.

*What are you talking about? Wikipedia’s totally legit.

ELS: Really? Bring up Vampiro’s page.

*(typing) Okay, done.

ELS: Now search for “Super P”.

*(typing) Okay, done. Wait, what’s the Super P Championship?

ELS: It’s my point is what it is. That’s an invented championship that’s been on that page for well over a year.

*Point taken. I’ll use an encyclopedia next time.

ELS: Or you could just come up with original material.

*60% of the time, originality’s overrated every time.

ELS: …

*Don’t act like you’re not impressed.

ELS: …

*If you build it, they will come.

ELS: Well now you’re just throwing out random quotes. Can you at least try to stay on point?

*Do or do not. There is no try.

ELS: Stop that quoting now. I mean it.

*Anybody want a peanut?

ELS: You know what? Take the rest of the promo off.

*Party on, Wayne.

ELS: Go away, Garth.

*…

ELS: Now, on to Bloodbath in Paradise 4. Sparxx, Psykle, we’ve done this dance before. You’re both incredible athletes in the ring, and I have the utmost respect for you. I expect you to bring it on Sunday.

ELS: And Folz. I don’t know what to make of you, man. You align yourself with SUPREME – the biggest, baddest faction the OOWF’s ever seen – and immediately drop off the map. I mean, I basically invited you guys to come at me on two separate occasions, and all I heard was crickets. Then you start up a bounty hunter gig that got you, what, one job? You’re not exactly on a hot streak, are you?

ELS: Consider this another invitation. To all three of you. I’m throwing an Onslaught party in the ring on Sunday. You’re all invited. Let’s see who actually shows up. Wolfpack out.

…

ELS: You’re up, VG.

*FADE*

[BookerShark]

A blacked out Dodge Ram pulls into a gas station somewhere in New Mexico:

JW hops out of the truck. he looks pissed.

JW: Why the blue fuck can't I beat that fat bastard....

Starts pumping gas and walks over and opens the Passenger door>

SFJ#47 jumps out of the passenger seat: How chivalrous....You're going through a slump, it will all work out....

SFJ#47 walks over and kinda hangs on JW.

JW: well if i dont start doing something soon i may get cut and <JW Shudders> end up working as a jobber for Vince.....

SFJ#47: why would that be a bad thing?

JW: cause he fucks up anything that's good.... have you seen how he's handling the Punk thing....not good, not good at all.

SFJ#47: just cause i work for a wrestling company, doesn't mean i watch it in my spare time silly.

JW grins at #47: i suppose....

the pump stops and JW walks over and removes the nozzle.

JW heads towards the station: you want anything form inside? i can see food on the shelves, so Stan hasn't been here yet.

SFJ#47 smiles: Just some Fiji water please.....

JW begins to walk inside, as he reaches the door he stops and turns to the ninja camera man.

JW: hey ninja, c'mere

JW: Stan, you seem to be trying to find reasons to add heat to our match...trying to find a way to cut a promo, make it seem relevant. You keep rambling on about sport teams and what not....
None of that matters. this Sunday, all that matters is that piece of gold around your waist. Plain and simple. You say enjoy the pain? I will enjoy the pain, because every ounce of it will be worth the look on your face when I take your title.


JW walks into the Gas Station and we fade.

[BookerShark]

Firewoman and Selena are sitting in an office in the arena having what must be a regular production meeting.

FW: I'm telling you the buy rates are down. Look.

Selena looks at a page Fire hands her, makes a face.

GMtS: Gross. So what do we do?

FW: Well, last time, we had some of the guys hit the morning shows at classic rock stations. That seemed to bump things up to where they should be.

GMtS: Okay, um....who do we got? Not Danny, right?

Selena giggles, until Fire gives her a look.

FW: No, at least not without Victor. Texpress hasn't done a remote like that for a while. There's gotta be a country station around here.

GMtS: Okay, then maybe we can send Evans to the classic rock station.

FW: Cool. Alright now, about new talent....what the hell happened to CC Scott?

GMtS: I dunno. Don't they still get the welcome letter to say what they need to do?

FW: Yeah, but I'll double check. Honcho William? Williams? He got the memo finally.

GMtS: *sigh* Yeah, but...I dunno...what's the scouting reports have to say?

FW: Eh, agents are looking around but people are pretty secure where they are. In this economy, I don't think they're looking to jump ship, and the newbies at OvoowF aren't quite ready yet.

GMtS: Work is hard.

FW: Yeah.....um....there is ONE person who expressed interest in coming back...

GMtS: Yeah, I know. Attitude Adjuster. You're meeting him on Sunday.

FW: No, not him....Ravenna Blue.

GMtS: The sparkly girl?

FW: Heh...yes. Her.

GMtS: Hrmph. She couldn't hack it before.

FW: Well, things were out of control before. And she was a rookie. Now things have settled down, and --

GMtS: You didn't like her.

FW: I didn't DISlike her either, and there was a significant proportion of our audience that did, so....

GMtS: Fine...make the calls do whatever....

FW: Good now, as far as the card goes, for Sunday...I need to change my match.

GMtS: Why?

FW: Because Psykle's been dogging me for weeks and thinks I'm dodging him.

GMtS: So? If you switch, then Attitude Adjuster is going to think you're ducking him.

FW: Right, so you need to make it a three way match.

GMtS: ....

FW: What?

GMtS: You. In the ring. With not one but TWO men who want to end your career.

FW: I'm trying not to take it personally that you re-signed the one.

GMtS: Absolutely not. I don't know why people cheer for you but they do, so I'm not changing it.

Firewoman scowls.

GMtS: Okay...that it then?

FW: Yeah it's just...I mean...I don't know WHY he wants to do this?

GMtS: Who, Psykle?

FW: No, Attitude Adjuster. I mean, he got even with me already. He ruined my wedding in front of the entire world. Isn't that enough?

GMtS: Maybe since it didn't seem to be the horrible thing in the long run he doesn't think it's enough.

FW: Maybe. I mean, yeah, it's all good now, but it was pretty terrible at the time.

GMtS: I guess.

FW: It's bad enough they keep replaying it ad nauseum on OOWF 24/7. If I ever leave and come back I better have the same--

GMtS: No, silly, that's not why they're rerunning it.

FW: It isn't? Then why?

GMtS: Wow. And you say I'm dense.

Selena throws a calendar at her. Firewoman looks ... and looks.... and looks...and finally a lightbulb goes off.

FW: Oh!

GMtS: Yeah.

FW: I should do something.

GMtS: Probably.

FW: I will kick the shit out of Attitude Adjuster!

She leaves. Selena shakes her head and exchanges a look with Humphrey.

[BookerShark]

CUT to Paradise Valley, AZ (see prior Wikipedia entry promo). Just pulling into the arena's talent entrance is The Crusher Stan Fulton. His attaché, Martha Rodriguez is waiting for him.

SF: "Martha."

MR: "Stan. Have you seen it?"

SF: "Seen what?"

MR: "Westgaard's promo."

Fulton looks surprised, but watches it on Martha's Apple iPhone 4 from AT&T because Verizon sucks donkey balls.

Afterwards, Fulton turns towards the camera (right spot on this time, but probably because Martha pointed it out to him).

SF: "JW? Why do I bring up the sports affiliations? Because I'm usually promo-ing against dead air. No one gives a rat's ass about our matches because I'm the only one putting any effort into them. I'm here, week in, week out. I'm talking about my opponents, my match.

"No one in this company is more focused on their matches than I am. And if I have to dig up some miniscule fact about my less-than-stellar competition, it's because that's all I have to work with.

"Face it, JW. This time around, you're nothing without my help. Without me, you'd be jerking curtains with Moreland. I'm giving you the rub this time because that puts more asses in the seats and more money in my bank account.

"So you finally make an appearance and that's all you've got? It's no wonder that I'm holding two different championships at one time when I can make a also-ran like you seem interesting. Apparently all on my own.

"You may have been big shit the first time around, old man, but you're in a different OOWF now. Here, you're barely above the beneath my notice line and that's only because of your sports affiliation. If not for that, you'd not be worth my time. Your current wrestling ability certainly isn't interesting.

"So you and your little SFJ whore having a good time pumping your gas and making cracks about my eating habits. Which, by the way, don't include rest stop junk food. I just had a nice 10 ounce prime rib with a salad. I can eat well because I'm a champion. You, however, better get used to having Ding Dongs and Mountain Dew. That's all losers can afford to eat.

"Enjoy the Twinkies."

FADE

[BookerShark]

-->Cut to the Best Western hotel located about five blocks away from the arena, and we enter room #76. The hotel is a standard 3 stars and really has all the usual accommodations. Williams is laying back in the chair, watching some of the past OOWF shows on the room's television, while in a conversation with his agent...

HW - So did you get a straight answer from the Federation Board as to why I wasn't on the card today?

Agent - *on speakerphone* they told me they didnt want to rush you into anything big, they have some big plans for you coming up and that you would be live on Mayhem next week.

HW - Well at least I get some appearance. Plus, you couldn't find me a better place to stay? This place is very boring.

Agent - It was one of the listings that the company gave me, if you let me know ahead of time, I can see what I can do.

HW - Ok, and one more thing before I go, make sure if someone meets me, its not some brain dead hippie cokehead. He was pathetic.

Agent - Ok, will do. See ya later.

-->With this Williams set down the remote and walked to the window, which overlooked the city. He was drawn in by the look of the city, after having been forced to perform in dumpy towns in the middle of nowhere. As he drew in a breath of fresh air he sighed in relief. He was pleased with his decision to leave his old company to join the OOWF. It presented him with more of a future and potential to grow.

He paced to the other end of his room and picked up his smartphone, the Samsung Fascinate from Verizon. He checked his messages and noticed that his friend from within the OOWF had messaged him, and asked that he meet up with him for lunch. Noting the time, he decided to leave the hotel and head down to the designated meeting place, a small Mom and Pop diner on the corner of 57th Street called Lucky's.

He arrived at the diner, but as he got out of his car, he was met by a young fan, who had recognized him from his conference the day before. The young lad introduced himself as Jeremy and that he is quickly becoming a huge fan of his. Honcho, always known as one for taking time for his fans, started to chat with the kid about the wrestling biz and his take of the OOWF. Afterwards, the kid said he would have to leave, and, on his exit, Williams signed his t-shirt and a piece of paper the kid had.

With this, Honcho's cell phone buzzed and he got a message from his friend, who had already arrived. The text read "Quit screwin around out there, I'm hungry!"


The camera FADES as Honcho opens the door to the diner.

[BookerShark]

~~~ Later on, back at the arena

Zane Myers is walking down The Hallway (tm) heading to the OOWF Training Facility when he crosses paths with Honcho Williams. ~~~

Zane: New Guy. Williams is it? Zane Myers (Cordial handshake follows)

Honcho: Honcho Williams. Nice to meet you

Zane: Likewise. I saw you with the kids earlier. Very Nice

Honcho: Thanks. If I remember right, you do some charity work for kids?

Zane: Yes. Children's Hospitals. We're setting up another one when we return from the upcoming Japan trip. If you're interested, we can always use another face

Honcho. (Hands Zane a business card) Give my agent the details. I'm sure we can work something out

Zane: Good. I was heading for a workout. My partner is on a date, care to join me?

Honcho: No thanks, I'm waiting for someone.

~~~ Zane walks away and enters the Training Facility. No one else is around...... except for a RNSFJ Zane sighs ~~~

RNSFJ: I thought I'd find you here. Can I get some comments on your match Sunday?

Zane: Quickly. (Turns to the camera) Eric, Bryce, You found out Wednesday that The Texpress still has a little left in the tank. After Sunday, there will be NO doubt that the Brass Knuckle Kings simply don't Measure Up

RNSFJ: Great thanks.

Zane: Good. Leave me alone now?

RNSFJ: One more thing

Zane: (exasperated) What now?

RNSFJ: Any chance you could give me Chad's number?

~~~ Zane turns on a dime and walks away from her as we fade... ~~~

[BookerShark]

Firewoman is WALKING~! back from the weight room, when she's stopped by Metrosexual Mic Stand.

MMS: Firewoman...your match last week with Attitude Adjuster barely got started before it devolved into a free for all.

FW: Yes...yes it did.

MMS: Any idea whether or not tomorrow night's match will go the same way?

FW: It's possible, but I doubt it. Wednesday was all emotion. All that anger and rage just had to spill out before we could get down to showing what we could really do. The funny thing is that after our match and I was thinking about it...

MMS: In between your show tunes?

FW: Yes...well, Dr. Freedman has made some dosing adjustments so that shouldn't be an issue again.

MMS: Unless we travel to Okla--

OOWF Universe: DON'T SAY IT!

FW: Anyway, I was thinking about it, and I guess I can see why AA thinks we aren't even. I mean I did make him think things....and he thought he was getting even with me by ruining my wedding...but look how that turned out. He's got no one. No wife, no money, no friends answering his phone calls...hell, even his contract thus far is only a temporary one, assuming he works out...as commissioner I see the paper work. So he's got essentially nothing, and what do I have?

MMS: Uh...

FW: I have a job...TWO jobs, really....and more importantly, I have people in my corner. I have a FAMILY. Damn close to the family I always wanted...and guess who's fault it is? HIS!! I mean, it's hilarious when you think about it. I mean...his GOAL was to ruin my life. And what he really did? He set me up to have everything I ever wanted.

Firewoman starts giggling, then laughing hysterically...almost maniacally. It sounds a little bit like Moose's laugh. The micstand doesn't know whether to be afraid or not.

MMS: So.....um.....

FW: "So...um..." what you need to pass on to AA is that while I'm immensely grateful for that gift, there's no way in the nine worlds that I'm going to let a barely employed washed up has-been take it away from me.

MMS: Has-been? He's a Hall of Famer.

FW: Yeah...as a tag team partner, and I think we all know Johnny carried him. Why do you think he wouldn't return his call? Look, Hall of Famers deserve all their accolades, but they're in the Hall of Fame for a reason. Their careers are over. I mean, look at what folks say about Hogan and Flair?

MMS: Are you saying that about Attitude Adjuster.

FW: Hardly....look, we're going to meet tomorrow night, he's going to try to 'end my career,' fail miserably, and slink back to the slot machines. I however am going to go on to greater and greater things. 'Nuff said.

MMS: So you're predicting an easy win?

FW: I don't know about easy. But it WILL sparkle with me.

FADE

[BookerShark]

Attitude Adjuster stands before an OOWF banner, microphone in hand. He has a smirk on his face.

AA: Firewoman, you just don't get it. This isn't about me and you. This has nothing to do with me not being happy about not fully ruining your wedding. This is not about the fake pregnancy, the sonogram machine and the Intercontinental Title.

Yes, we have a history, and that's why *I* was called in rather than anyone else. Because the person who called me knows I can do the job that needs to be done.

This is all about you. It has nothing to do with me. Only the money I've been offered has to do with me. Personally, I don't care if you're out of wrestling. I've been asked to take you out of wrestling BY SOMEONE ELSE. So as you're singing show tunes and SPARKLING in a random OOWF sinkhole of a town, you might want to think about that. Who ELSE wants you out of wrestling? And why would that person pay me enough money to make me care to take you out of wrestling? See you Sunday, sweetie.

[BookerShark]

*Davin and Shawn are JOGGING~! Well, jogging's probably the wrong word. "Running" is probably more accurate. They turn a corner and they're about 1000 feet from the arena. Davin yells something to Shawn and starts SPRINTING~! toward the arena. Shawn tries to keep up but she's a midget, so she's got those stubby, little legs. Anyway, she shows up to the door to the arena about 15 seconds after Davin, who is holding it open for her; the Air Conditioning blasting to the outside*

OGMSJ: wa.....wa...

DM: Water?

*Shawn nods. They head inside and the first door to the side is Texpress' locker room. Davin ducks inside for a second and grabs a couple of ice cold Aquafinas and gives Shawn one. She drinks it almost immediately, so Davin gives her the rest of his.*

OGMSJ: *still breathing heavily* Asshole.

DM: What?

OGMSJ: It's 105 Fucking degrees outside!

DM: So?

OGMSJ: We just ran 10 miles and you made me sprint at the end! What the fuck is wrong with you?

DM: I thought you were a world-class athlete.

OGMSJ: I AM!

DM: Coulda fooled me from your last meet.

OGMSJ: That's just fucking mean.

DM: What? You were terrible. You looked old. You want me to lie?

OGMSJ: ...no. But it was my first meet since the Olympics. Cut me a little slack, would ya?

DM: Since when do champions get slack?

OGMSJ: ...

DM: ...

OGMSJ: ...

DM: ...that's what I thought.

*They get back to Davin's locker room, and it sure is more spartan these days without Samantha and Moonbeam around. Hell, it looks like one of those East German sports training centers from the 70s*

OGMSJ: Or the Chinese Women's Olympic Training Facility from 2008. Except there's no Barney or Dora or Spongebob stuff around.

DM: Who are you talking to?

OGMSJ: You didn't hear that?

ELS: I heard it. I Hear Voiceover People.

DM: ...

OGMSJ: ...

ELS: ...

DM: Do you usually wear a mask when I'm not around, Shawn?

OGMSJ: How did you get in here, guy with a mask?

ELS: I am...El Lobo Sangriento.

OGMSJ: Uh huh.

ELS: ...

OGMSJ: Do you have ninja skills or something?

ELS: I hear Voiceover People. That's a skill.

DM: He's on to something there.

OGMSJ: ...

DM: ...

ELS: Big Gulps, huh? All right... Well, see you later!

*He leaves*

OGMSJ: I need to train more.

DM: Why?

OGMSJ: This place is batshit insane.

DM: Then you fit right in - *his phone goes off - "I Wanna Get High" - Cypress Hill* - Hi honey! How's tricks? Good.....ok....awesome....ok fine, can I talk to Mickie?

OGMSJ: Huh?

DM: Whaddya mean, no?

OGMSJ: Uh, Davin?

DM: I don't care if she's 2 weeks old and can't even really distinguish shapes yet. I wanna talk to her....ok...

OGMSJ: Davin...She's 2 weeks old...

DM: Hi Mickie! How's tricks?....uh huh....uh huh....really?...wow, that's amazing....how's your Mom?....good...don't worry, she gets like that....you'll figure it out....how's MY Mom?...Yeah, your Grammy....oh good....yeah....don't worry she gets like that too....Ok, good....Ok....Well, Daddy's gonna beat the ever-living shit out of Chris Evans for you tomorrow night, ok?....A Concussion? I'll try....Blood? Oh, most definitely....Ok, put your Mom back on the phone....love you too...

OGMSJ: What the fuck is going on here?

DM: Hi honey...no it was NOT a gigantic waste of time....YES! I am taking my pills!...Maybe you shouldn't be so judgmental....If Mickie wants to talk to me....Were you not just standing right there?....Well, I had a lovely discussion with our daughter...

*Meanwhile, Shawn's phone rings - "I Kissed A Girl" - Katy Perry...It's Moonbeam*

OGMSJ: *whispering and moves out of earshot* What the fuck is going on?...No, he seems totally fine...I don't know why he thinks a 2-week old infant can talk. I'm more concerned that he thought she was talking back....Oh, so he was translating random gurgling into English?....He's a weird dude....Ok, deuces. *she walks back over*

DM: Fine...we'll talk about it when I get back....I think we'll come back Monday, leave Tuesday....I know, PPV weeks are a bitch...Ok...love you bye.

OGMSJ: Are you ok?

DM: Never better.

OGMSJ: You just had a full conversation with an infant who can't do much more than eat, poop and cry yet.

DM: You don't understand.

OGMSJ: Guess not.

DM: Interview me.

OGMSJ: I am NOT a Mic Stand.

DM: No, but you need to start working on your post-gymnastics resume.

OGMSJ: Why?

DM: Because you can't do that shit forever.

OGMSJ: ...I'm America's-

DM: Sweetheart. Right. I know. That's why you can easily get a job as an interviewer. So practice.

OGMSJ: ...

DM: Shawn...

OGMSJ: I'm here with the often-imitated, never-duplicated, first-ever 6-Pack Champion, the only 4-Time World Heavyweight Champion, the Longest Reigning Onslaught Champion and current IWA-MS Tag Team Champion...the Greatest of All-Time...Davin Moreland.

DM: Thanks, Shawn.

OGMSJ: Davin, you have a match with a petulant, obstinate, impotent, sorry excuse for a man in Chris Evans at Bloodbath in Paradise 4...

DM: Lesson #1 in being a Mic Stand....Try to be objective. Especially when ex's are involved.

OGMSJ: *sigh* Fine. Tell me how you're gonna kick his sorry ass, would ya?

DM: That's...not really better...

OGMSJ: ...

DM: Evans, I have tried with you. I wasted months of effort trying to allow you to reach your full potential as a wrestler here in OOWF. Talent's not your issue. Your issue is the 18 inches between your ears. Listen, I get the simul-turns with you and FuckThatGuy. I get it. I do. Sometimes you've just got to change your situation. And aligning with Eric was a tremendous idea. I've got a lot of respect for that dude. Bet you didn't know that, did you?

DM: Eric and I are actually a lot alike in a lot of ways. We both like to have a good time. We both like to self-promote. We both like to entertain the crowd. We've both spent some time away from the OOWF. We're both loaded with talent, and we're both decorated Champions. So I understand wanting to learn from him. You can learn a lot. It's not entirely surprising.

DM: But, just like you did with me, you turned your back on Eric. You decided that you knew everything. And you've started this "Old Guard" bullshit which is beyond ridiculous. There IS no substitute for experience. Eric and I both gave and gave to you, and what did you do, you ungrateful prick? Turned your back. The ultimate betrayal.

DM: Do you remember the Round Robin tournament, Chris? Remember when you thought you had me beat? But you didn't, did you? Because you ended up tapping out like a little bitch. And THEN your life partner drilled you in the face with knucks to steal your chance at a title shot. And what did you do?

DM: You did nothing.

DM: Spineless. Gutless. These are the words attributed to Chris Evans these days. No longer Cubheart. No longer "hot, new, rising star". No. You're just a wuss that gets shoved around and told what to do by people who couldn't carry your jock on their best day. I do feel sorry for you, Chris. And I'd love to say that this upcoming match is just business. No hard feelings. Shit like that.

DM: But I can't, Chris, because as you and everyone else in this federation knows; Davin Moreland has an AWFULLY long memory. So just out of principle, I have to beat you. Then you've decided to take up this crusade against those who made it possible for you to suck out loud and not promo here in OOWF. So, just out of principle, I have to beat you DOWN.

DM: I don't have a choice, Chris. The rules tell me that this is what I have to do. Disrespect is intolerable, and tomorrow night, at Bloodbath in Paradise *cheap pop*, I'm going to teach you one more very valuable and important lesson. Can you hand me that box there, Shawn?

*She shoves a pretty big box in front of Davin. He tears it open and pulls out a t-shirt. It's black, and very simply in white block letters it says "Old Guard" and the back looks like a sports jersey. It says "Moreland" on the nameplate, and "4" for his number. Davin pulls it on.*

DM: There's one in this box for anyone who wants it. Chris, I'm going to give you a free piece of advice, ok? Take it or leave it, but I suggest you take it. You do not want this fight. You want to fight with people? Fine. But you don't want this fight. Not with me. With us. The Pre-Degrassi crowd. You will not like the results. I promise you that. And Sunday? To quote my friend Ron Killings? You GON. GET. GOT.

DM: Cock-a-doodle-do, motherfucker!

*fade*

[BookerShark]

<We are backstage at the Paradise Valley Civic Center. Moose is sitting alone in his locker room, smoking a cigar. He looks at the camera for a long time, then reaches on the chair next to him and picks up a bible and drops it down on the table in front of him>

Is this what brings you comfort Mai? This book of lies? This book of hate? This book that you, and countless other millions hide behind? This book that has brought more pain and suffering to the world than anything before or since? You asked me a personal question Mai, now I ask you…..why do you hide behind this book of lies? You need to understand me. You need to fix me. You need to know why. Why? It’s none of your fucking business why. I don’t seek your council, I don’t seek your comfort, I don’t WANT your forgiveness, your sympathy or your understanding. You can take that all, along with your book of lies that TELLS you shit like that, and you can stick it all straight up your ass.

You want to know what I hear in my head? Why? Again, so you can HELP me? Like I said little girl, I don’t fucking WANT your help. You want to know why I hate? I hate because of people like YOU. Do-gooders who think it is their DUTY to help people like me. Let me clue you in on a little secret Mai, I am a grown ass adult, I don’t NEED your help. I am just fucking fine the way I am. You want to help? Go find some kids that are being beaten by an abusive father. Go find some kids that are being neglected by a junkie mother. And then, if you really want to know why I hate, and why I especially HATE people like you…..turn your fucking back on them and do nothing. Walk away to tackle an easier cause. Tell yourself there is nothing you can do. Go help someone who will get your name in the paper. And then, when you are all done with that? You can go to hell.

I just love how it has become “analyze Moose” time in the OOWF. <mocking Mai> stop pretending you are beyond help! You want contentedness, you want happiness!” What the fuck makes you think that turning people like YOU into bloody messes doesn’t make me happy? What the fuck makes you think that I am unhappy? And most importantly, who the FUCK are you to give a damn? I didn’t ask for your sympathy, and I have a special gift for you for looking down at how I live and deciding that I need help.

Mai, you are not your brother. His words may have carried some weight at some point. Your words don’t mean a fucking thing to me. I lost to you because I lost focus. That will not happen again. Tomorrow, I take the next step toward proving that I can win the Onslaught title. Tomorrow, I am not only going to beat you I am going to make you suffer. And what makes it even better? I am going to do it all within the confines of your stupid rules. That’s right, I already know in a no holds barred match I would leave your carcass hanging from a ring post, gutted like a fucking animal. I know this because you are not your brother, and you have no stomach for that kind of carnage. THAT would be your proverbial lamb to the slaughter. But now? Now I am going to hurt you, and I am going to do it by YOUR rules.

You people don’t get it. Hell I didn’t get it at first. He explained it to me. He has it right. Wanton bloodshed is glorious, there is a reason warriors were whipped into a frenzy in the bloodlust of a battle. I have felt that. Every Taipei fence match, every barbed wire match, I understand that. But there is more. He showed me that. There is more. In Medieval times, they could disembowel a man and show him his heart before he died. It was about more than JUST inflicting a massive crushing blow and watching your opponent fall before you. It was SKILL make a person suffer, draw it out. Make it last. Mai, you, and the rest of the Onslaught division have unleashed hell. Now, I can slowly torture you through the match. I have time to make you suffer. I have time to make you scream. I have time to break your bones. And I will.

And there is not a god damn thing you, your book of lies, or anything else, can do to stop me

Trust me