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Post by BookerShark on Sept 7, 2011 17:56:21 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem Live! From Juneau, Alaska
Non-Title No Disqualification Match[/u] Chris Evans vs. Stan Fulton
Firewoman vs. Attitude Adjuster - Stips TBA Alexander Darling & Eric O'Mac vs. Davin Moreland & Stank Outback Jack (w/Danny Taylor) vs. Tytan (w/LD Williams) El Lobo Sangriento & Psykle vs. J-P Sparxx & Moosehead Jack Texpress vs. JW Westgaard & Honcho Williams Ecosystem vs. TBA
Card subject to white out
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Post by BookerShark on Sept 7, 2011 17:57:02 GMT -5
CUT to the backstage area of Walla Walla where The Crusher Stan Fulton is watching a video tape replay of his match with Chris Evans.
"Evans, you cheated to win.
"It's not unexpected or even disappointing. In fact I expected that you'd have to do that to win. Now next week I don't get a shot at getting my title back. But I do get a shot at making you a cripple for life.
"You've gave all you had to keep my title. I had to hold back tonight so I wouldn't get the match thrown out. I don't have that restriction next week. I don't have to worry about the match getting thrown out or losing the title.
"I get smart-mouth Chris Evans. The one-man New Guard stable. But Chris, I've been talking to a possible new partner. That person might be helping me out next week. Who's helping you?
"I'd say enjoy the pain, but there will be nothing about next week you going to enjoy. I'm going to make sure that you'll have to be stretchered out to your next title defense, not after.
"Stan's gonna kill you."
Fulton gets right up into the camera as we FADE.
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Post by BookerShark on Sept 7, 2011 17:59:10 GMT -5
Firewoman is backstage somewhere as the final match of Mayhem draws to a close, talking with Alexander, and getting ready to start with post-show details.FW: You're still world champion. AD: Yeah... FW: C'mon we'll get on the bike and-- AD: Uh, no, I rented a car. FW: What? AD: No offense. I'd rather not die. FW: Fine. Joe is bringing the Bugatti to Dayton so you can have that, and I'll drive the-- Fire and Alex are interrupted as Attitude Adjuster's music hits and he comes walking down the ramp with microphone. They watch on the monitor.AAtv: FIREWOMAN! YOU HAVE SOMETHING OF MINE AND I WANT IT BACK. RIGHT NOW!! As the camera follows him, we cut back to Fire and Alex. Fire gets a look of angry resolve on her face. AD: Don't. You won it fair and sqare. AAtv: C'MON MADAME COMMISSIONER..... *the crowd boos*......WHAT, THAT'S NOT GOING TO WORK? HOW 'BOUT...... MRS. DARLING?.......THAT GET YOUR ATTENTION, BITCH? AD: He's just trying to get to you. FW: It's working.... AAtv: NO? WHERE IS YOUR RIGHTEOUS FEMINIST ANGER? OKAY....okay......how about this one then......LISA.....MARIE....QUINN.....DARLING....... The crowd boos and we cut back again to Fire and Alex.AD: Please don't? Fire doesn't appear to hear him as she heads to the ring. Alex shakes his head, and follows her, waiting in the gorilla position.
Camera shift as Firewoman's music hits, the crowd cheers and she appears at the top of the ramp, holding AA's briefcase in one hand and a mic in the other.FW: What the hell are you doing? It's been a long show, and these people want to go home....not to mention the crew is ready to-- AA: FUCK THE CREW! *loud boos*.....Yeah, that's right. You have my briefcase and I want it back. Firewoman smirks and begins to walk her way down the ramp.FW: Oh, you mean this li'l' ol' thing? No dice, Alan...I won this from you fair and square, no shenanigans. AA: Give it to me! FW: Seriously? I knew you had no scruples, no morals-- AA: You should talk. FW: Takes one to know one....I know cheating is like breathing to you, but to demand a change after the match? That's a new low. Fire ducks under the ropes, as Alex peers between the curtains.AA: New low? You don't know anything about "new lows." Oh sure, you had your little mind control thing ....big deal.......I have hit LOWS. FW: Uh huh...Look, this if this is just one of your temper tantrums, then you can forget it. You wanted to embarrass me. You didn't. In fact, you haven't even come close. It's part of what Dr. Freedman calls....um...... Fire pauses and takes the sheet of paper out of her pocket. .... oh, here it is.... AA rips the paper out of her hand. Fire glares at him and for a minute appears to be ready to go for it, but she stops.FW: The point, Alan, is that much like shame and guilt don't work? Neither does embarrassment. So you failed on both counts. AGAIN. AA: No, this is the point....and don't think I don't see your back up behind the curtain there.... *Alexander steps out, and Firewoman gives him the "Really?" look.*......the point is I NEED that briefcase......I have had everything taken from me......you don't get it, do you....you think I LIKE being Eric's hired hand? Have you met him? So far he's only paid me in fruit baskets! And half of those are addressed to Johnny Adrenaline, who STILL won't take my calls. Fire yawns.AA: I lost my house, my business...that little wedding chapel where you two became such a happy drunk couple? Gone. Foreclosed on..... FW: Foreclosed on? Or lost in a poker game? AA: They came and locked it up and threw me out on the curb, Fire....I had..... AA begins to tear up....nothing.....now that briefcase.....that one you are holding right there....RIGHT THERE!.....that is my future......that is my security......that is my second FUCKING CHANCE AND YOU ARE NOT WALKING AWAY WITH IT. Alexander steps further up on the stage with his own mic.AD: You are seriously not going to fall for this, Fire.... FW: This briefcase right here is that important to you? AA: YES!!! FW: Hm....well, I guess you should have worked a little harder in that match then, eh? Firewoman smirks and turns to leave the ring. She signals to Alex to go on back stage and he does. As she's going under the ropes though, AA breaks out into full rage and frustration, but instead of taking it out her, he starts to tear the ring apart. Turnbuckles pads go flying, he slides out and rips the "OOWF" curtain from around the apron.....he takes the monitors off the Peking Announce Table and throws them about, destroying it. Fire turns and watches this for a minute, kind of in shock.FW: Whoa whoa whoa....dude....quit trashing our stuff......do you know how much that costs? AA: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOh,.... the queen of trashing things cares suddenly how much it costs. .... TOUGH SHIT. AA goes back to taking the top off the announce table as the crowd boos. Fire looks at him for a bit.FW: Okay....Alan.....Alan......ALAN!!! GET YER ASS BACK IN THIS RING. The tone of her voice stops him and he waits a beat, then rolls back into the ring. He stands in front of her, fists clenched, barely containing his emotion.FW: This means that much to you. AA: Fuck you. FW: Okay....you can have it. Fire hands it to him. He waits, expecting a trick, but then with none obvious, he reaches out for it. She pulls it back, and he rolls his eyes.FW: On one condition. AA: Oh, of course....there are ALWAYS conditions with you. FW: You leave the ring first. AA: Huh? FW: You leave first. I've been hit in the back of the head by that thing enough. And I'm sure despite me telling him to leave, Alex is still back behind the curtain in case you're thinking of blindsiding me there. Alex's hand waves from behind the curtain.FW: Deal? AA looks at the crowd, looks at Fire, looks up the ramp, where Alex has indeed stepped back out. He looks down at the case, and then nods. Fire hands it to him and he takes it. She steps out of the way and gestures (broadly) for him to go on his way. He slowly does, rolling out of the ring, just staring at the briefcase. He walks up the ramp at a slightly faster pace, and as he gets to the top he and Alexander exchange a look. Firewoman's music hits, and we fade.
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Post by BookerShark on Sept 7, 2011 17:59:37 GMT -5
-->Cut to the hotel of the Comfort Inn and Suite in Washington and we see Williams, Westgaard and Scott congregated together having the hotel's complimentary breakfast. The three are laughing and in a general good mood over their latest victory...
HW - Make that six, Scott. You keeping track?
CC - You bet your ass I am. Six wins and no losses to start your career. Impressive!
JW - We, good sirs, are on an epic tear and we can go nowhere but up....soon, the OOWF Tag Team Championships will be ours!
CC - At this rate, you guys will probably get a title match, or at least face the champions sometime very soon. I am very proud of you guys.
HW - Also, I dont think anybody can take the 1-2 punch out finishers dole out. I'm surprised we havent killed anyone yet, at the least those dumb jobbers
JW - Those guys were horrible, I can't believe they are professionals here...
HW - I don't like this long, cross country trips...aren't we in Alaska next week..
JW - Have we even been booked yet?
-->As if by magic, CC Scott gets a ring on his cell phone and excuses himself to go outside. The conversation lasts about two minutes and Scott returns with a mixed look. That of bewilderment and astonishment...and one part joy....
HW - What's up man, you look like you just took a damn exam..
JW - Yeah man, whats up. Something we should know?
CC - Yeah, and it's about next week. It seems like the higher ups in the company are ready to give you a shot...
HW - In what way? Not facing a team of jobbers?
CC - More than that guys. This is HUGE. You guys are facing the #1 Contenders for the OOWF Tag Team Championships, and the former champions, Texpress.
JW - That's awesome! This will be just the opportunity for us to break through!
HW - Scott, if we can beat these guys, we will be extremely legitimate contenders, if not the #1 or #2 contender...I can't believe this, this is epic!
CC - I know.....but we are going to need to prepare. These guys are like nothing you have ever seen, and they will give you more of a workout than that goofy two ring match...
-->With that, the camera fades and Scott sits back and smiles and Williams and Westgaard share a strong high five.
FADE
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Post by BookerShark on Sept 7, 2011 18:00:25 GMT -5
*Fade in to the Walla Walla Wet n Wild, where we find El Lobo Sangriento WAITING~! in line to go down a massive waterslide. And in case you were wondering, yes, he’s wearing his mask with his swimsuit…
ELS: Little snarky today, Voiceover Guy. What’s the deal?
VG: What’s the deal? The deal is that you barely escaped with your title last night. The deal is that Sparxx is looking more and more like he wants to legitimately hurt you. The deal is that he’s teaming with MooseHead Jack next week to face you. And the deal is that your partner is Psykle, who seems just as bent on your destruction as your opponents are.
ELS: Huh.
VG: “Huh”? That’s it? You’re likely going to get killed next week. Like, for real killed. And the best you can come up with is “Huh”?
ELS: It’s just nice to know you still care.
VG: Fuck off. I care because if you die in the ring, I’m out of a job.
ELS: Riiight. That’s the only reason.
VG: Again, fuck off. And would you care to explain why you’re at a waterpark when you should be training for next week?
ELS: Sure. The thing is, I know I almost lost my Onslaught title last night. I know Sparxx has taken a step toward the Dark Side. I know Moose wants my title and would rather hurt me than not to get it. I know Psykle wants my title and doesn’t really care whether I get hurt. I know that’s what I’m walking into on Wednesday night. And I know that this is the biggest waterslide in the world.
VG: What the fuck does that have to do with anything?
*Lobo has finally reached the front of the line. He sits down and launches himself down the massive slide. As he disappears into the abyss, we can barely hear the following:
ELS: Bucket list.
*FADE*
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Post by BookerShark on Sept 7, 2011 18:00:48 GMT -5
*Outback Jack is in the Destroyitarium with DDT*
OBJ: There's no shame in losing that kind of match with LD. If your going to keep it totally clean he'll pretty much beat anyone most of the time.
*DDT shrugs his shoulders*
OBJ: No, mate, I'm not saying you couldn't beat him. In fact, I'd put money down on you to beat him some time soon. You're the only wrestler I know who works as hard on the technical side as LD, you're younger, bigger and stronger, and you've got guts.
*DDT raises his eyebrows*
OBJ: Me and Tytan? That's another story. He's a veteran, he's paid his dues, and I don't get too caught up in what factions people have belonged to or that other political crap. I just know that he doesn't have my experience, and no matter how big he is I can still take the bastard down a notch or two.
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Post by BookerShark on Sept 7, 2011 18:01:17 GMT -5
~~~ From the OOWF Interview Location ~~~
Zane: Congrstulations Kai, Aina. You've beaten us a couple of times here lately.
Chad: Too many times in fact. The Best of Seven Series, Judgement Eve, You seemingly have our number.
Zane: So this is where we are. We are issuing a challenge to The Flyin' Hawaii'ans.
World Tag Team Championship Match.
Best 2 out of 3 Falls.
Dayton Ohio.
Hell On Earth 7.
Chad: Whaddya Say, Brahs?
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Post by BookerShark on Sept 7, 2011 18:01:48 GMT -5
Firewoman and Selena are sitting in Selena's office doing management-y kind of things.
GMtS: So, I think that's the soonest we can get you and Psykle together, really.
FW: That's like forever.
GMtS: Sorry! You know how far these things are--
FW: Yeah yeah...
GMtS: Why so grumpy?
FW: Oh, can't sleep... the usual... I mean, it's better now, but ....can we just get back to work?
GMtS: You know, it wouldn't kill you to do a little girl talk, you know?
FW: Now? This is a business meeting, Selena. And I don't even know what girl talk is.
GMtS: It's where you like....talk about stuff....and giggle.....
FW: ......
GMtS: Here, let's practice. So, Alex made you dinner the other night. How was "dessert?"
FW: We didn't have dessert, we--
GMtS: No, I know you didn't. That's what the air-quotes are for.
FW: Oh.....
GMtS: SOOOOOooooooo.......
FW: You really don't want to ... I mean you don't even like him...or me.....
GMtS: There's no one else to talk to about this stuff around here, so just.....humor me.
FW: Fine....He really liked the chauffeur hat, so I kept that on, which was really difficult on the swing at first, but we found that if he put his leg just......what? Why are you looking at me like that?
GMtS: That's a little TMI....
FW: You ASKED so I was TELLING--
GMtS: Yeah, but you don't give details....you just.....
FW: Get back to work?
GMtS: Fine.....okay, so looking over the schedule here....
FW: Oh for FUCK'S SAKE.
GMtS: What?
FW: This guy .... the one who keeps talking about me baking cookies. He just won't SHUT UP.
GMtS: Oh ignore him.
FW: Well, I'm showing him. I'm baking cookies right now.
GMtS: You....you are?
FW: Yeah....Danny showed me how. These really hard Italian cookies, but they are Alex's favorite.
GMtS: How long have we been in here?
FW: Hour or so.....
GMtS: Shouldn't you be watching them?
FW: *looking at her watch* Naaaaah. He said bake at 450 degrees for 350 minutes.
GMtS: 300 minutes?
FW: Yeah, I thought that was a weird way of saying almost seven hours. I never knew they took so long though.
GMtS: Uh huh.....Fire.....How long have they been in there?
FW: Um....two and a half? Why?
GMtS: Did Danny write it down for you or did you--
FW: No, he just thought it.....why?
GMtS: Because I think I smell smoke.
She no sooner gets the sentence out then the fire alarms go off throughout the arena. They run out into the hallway, and Fire heads off, away from the exit, toward the kitchen, but she can't get very far as that part of the hallway is pretty much 'fully involved' as they call it. Smoke is filling the hallways and everyone is running out as we faaaaaaaaaaaade.....
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Post by BookerShark on Sept 7, 2011 18:02:22 GMT -5
*Fade in to Seattle, WA, where we find El Lobo Sangriento DRIVING~! around, clearly looking for something…
ELS: The Sound Garden.
VG: Should I know what that means?
ELS: Probably. It’s a park with sculptures that make noise in the wind. The band took their name from it. Visiting it is on the list.
VG: I see. And the car? Is that on the list too?
ELS: I’ve always wanted to drive a Diablo, yeah.
VG: It’s an awfully nice car.
ELS: Are you sucking up?
VG: …no?
ELS: Dude. No need to apologize for our last promo. It’s all good. Just do your voiceover thing.
*With that, Kayfabe materializes in the middle of the road, and before Lobo can react, she’s bounced off the hood of the car and thrown off to the side of the road.
ELS: That’ll buff out.
VG: But what about Kayfabe?
ELS: I didn’t break character. What’s the problem?
*In the rearview mirror, Lobo sees Kayfabe struggling to get to her feet. She begins to chase the car, and actually catches up to it. As if they’re made of liquid metal, her hands change into hooks, and she slams them into the back of the speeding car, slowly pulling herself toward Lobo. Suddenly, Voiceover Guy pulls out a shotgun and shoots Kayfabe in the face. Her head explodes, but again, the liquid-metal effect takes over, and her head re-forms, exactly as it had been. Voiceover guy then employs a new tactic, quickly shooting each of Kayfabe’s hands, detaching them at the wrist and sending her flying off the back of the car and rolling away down the street. Lobo slams his foot on the gas pedal, and they speed away…
ELS: Did you just narrate your own actions?
VG: Yeah, that just happened.
ELS: Awesome. I didn’t even know that scene was on my bucket list, but I’m adding it and scratching it off now.
VG: Are we almost at this Sound Garden?
ELS: It should be just around the corner. Why?
VG: I’m pretty sure T-1000 Kayfabe blew our budget for this promo. We need to wrap it up.
*Luckily, Lobo sees the park and pulls up. He gets out and takes a few pictures, then sits down on a big rock to take the scene in. After a few minutes, he notices a man sitting beside him whom he immediately recognizes as Chris Cornell…
ELS: Holy shit! What are you doing here?
CC: I like to come here sometimes. It totally fucks with people’s heads.
ELS: That’s awesome.
*Lobo and Cornell continue their conversation offscreen, since that personal appearance fee just put this promo waaay over budget. I’m going to have to find some places to cut corners. VG out.
*FADE*
ELS: I heard that, eh? No stealing my lines!
VG: Sorry.
*FADE*
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Post by BookerShark on Sept 7, 2011 18:02:55 GMT -5
FADE IN on crowd milling around a parking lot outside of the Juneau, Alaska arena. Fire trucks and ambulances are parked in front of the building.
The crowd is a mix of stagehands, wrestlers and gawkers. INCs move through the crowd picking up random conversations. Most involve questions on how the fire started. One INC, probably a rookie, is spotted by The Crusher Stan Fulton. Fulton motions the INC over to a relatively quiet corner of the parking lot.
“There’s been a lot of talk about me finding a gimmick. My woodsman thing apparently is going nowhere. I’m not street like PJ Sparxx and Ho. I’m not broodingly efficient like LD Williams and Danny Taylor. Nor crazy like Moose or Eco.
“So what have I got? I’ll tell you what I’ve got.
“My gimmick is I come to work every day and I wrestle like nobody’s business. I don’t have crazy siblings or marriage detail that I like to share with everyone or bake cookies like some freakin’ housewife or bemoan my status within the company, like my opponent these past few weeks.
“I go out to that ring every freakin’ week and put on a damn awesome match. There’s a reason why I’ve held four of the six championships this company has to offer and I’ve only been in the OOWF for fifteen months.
“You know, as much as I’ve made fun of Davin Moreland these past few months, I can honestly say I respect the hell out of that man. Not for his promos or schtick, which frankly is so over the top it makes Michele Bachmann look reserved. But for the way he goes out every time and attempts to put on a five-star match. Talented as hell, but he doesn’t need any boost to his ego from me.
“The other person that does that is my Campeonas de Trios partner, LD Williams. Rarely promos, and when he does it occasionally doesn’t make any sense, but there’s no more talented wrestler in this business.
“And you know what they are? Six-Pack Champions who’ve earned each and every one of those championships. That’s what I’m going to be.
“So you can keep your burning cookies, your crazy siblings and your attempts at forming stables and whining about the state of the business. I’m neither old guard or new. I’m a wrestler. A damn good one. I am not complaining about anything. I’m going out and winning matches and making money.
“Follow the money and you’ll find me waiting there.”
FADE
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Post by BookerShark on Sept 7, 2011 18:03:31 GMT -5
*Stank is standing just inside the arena watching Stan Fulton's promo. In one hand he is holding a sparkly black robe with feathered cuffs and collar. In his other hand he holds a bleach blond wig. He looks down at the items in his hands, then tosses them into a nearby trash bin.*
Stank - I guess Crusher won't be needing these.
*Justin Sane walks up to Stank.*
JS - Boss I wanted those.
Stank - They wouldn't fit you Justin.
JS - Awww.
Stank - *Sniff* Do you smell that?
JS - Yeah I ate a raw onion earlier.
Stank - ... ... that's... that's not what I'm... okay I'll bite. A raw onion?
JS - Good for the immune system.
Stank - Justin do you know what the immune system is?
JS - Yes.
Stank -
JS -
Stank - Tell me.
JS - It grants...you-
Stank - Here we go.
JS - Immunity.
Stank - Immunity from what?
JS - Prosecution?
Stank - By who?
JS - God?
Stank - Why would eating a raw onion... grant you immunity from prosecution... by God?
JS - Because God is... a vampire?
Stank - God is a vampire.
JS - Yes.
Stank -
JS - Onions... repel... vampires.
Stank - I'm pretty sure that's garlic.
JS - No I ate an onion.
Stank - No. Garlic repels vampires.
JS -
Stank -
JS - Yes.
Stank - Justin we've talked about this. Think your thoughts through before taking action.
JS - Lemme borrow five dollars.
Stank - Why?
JS - I need to buy some garlic.
Stank -
JS -
Stank - Vampires don't exist Justin.
JS - You're an atheist.
Stank -
JS -
Stank - God is not a vampire.
JS - Says you.
Stank - Even if he were-
JS - or SHE!
Stank - ... ... ... I'm certain neither garlic, or onions, would grant you immunity from prosecution.
JS - It simple boss. I eat the onion.
Stank -
JS - I mean the garlic. The vampire stays away. I don't go to jail.
Stank - You got me there Justin.
JS - YUP!
Stank -
JS - You smell that?
Stank - Smoke? Yes.
JS - No! I don't do that!
Stank - Do what? ...Shit. WhydidIaskthat?
JS - Smoke weed.
Stank - I didn't say you did, Justin. I smell smoke.
JS - Oh. I smell it too.
*Stank starts to walk to the hallway toward the smell. In the background we see Justin fish out Stan Fulton's robe and wig which Stank threw away earlier. The camera cuts to the smoke filled catering area just prior to Stank's arrival. Soon Justin appears by his side wearing the robe and wig.*
Stank - Justin go pull the alar- Oh for FUCK sake.
JS - You were right. They're too big.
Stank - Never mind.
*Stank walks over and pulls the red fire alarm. The alarm starts BLARING and the sprinkler system engages. Water rains down from the ceiling above as Firewoman and a kitchen staff person comes running out from the back.*
FW - HEY! Who *COUGH, COUGH* pulled the alarm!??
Stank - Fire?
FW - Lucas?
*Fire emerges from out of the smoky haze. Water continues to rain down on top of everyone.*
FW - I opened a window!
Stank - Opened a window?
FW - It was clearing up!
Stank - Were you cooking?
FW - Don't say that like I can't do it.
Stank - What the fuck, Fire?
FW - I followed the RECIPE! Three hundred fifty degrees for three hun- Okay why is your boy dressed like Flair?
Stank - Huh? Wha? Oh... ignore him. We're getting wet.
*Stank, Fire, Justin and the lone kitchen staff person jog down the hallway heading toward the exit. They find a number of OOWF staff and talent all making their way outside, forming a small crowd of onlookers as fire engines approach with their sirens wailing. Stank stands outside and looks at the building. A plume of smoke can be seen billowing over the top of the building, presumably from the window Firewoman opened. Firewoman reaches into her pocket and taps Stank on his shoulder.*
FW - Here. Try one. I think its done.
*Stank looks down at the lump of coal in Firewoman's hand.*
Stank - No thanks.
JS - I'll try it.
*Justin snatches the coal out of the commissioner's hand and bites down on it, cracking one of his teeth. Blood starts to flow down the side of Justin's mouth as he struggles to chew and swallow to Stank's horror.*
JS - MMMMM crunchy... it's got a... rich... robust... flavor.
*Firewoman looks up at Stank.*
FW - Told you it was done.
Fade
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Post by BookerShark on Sept 7, 2011 18:04:07 GMT -5
~~~ Zane Myers is at Ric's placing an order to go when JW Westgaard walks in the otherwise deserted diner. There is a moment of brief tension, then they shake hands ~~~
Zane: Looking forward to our match on Wednesday.
JW: Me too. This kid Williams has got what it takes, I tell ya. I'm enjoying tagging up with him. Almost reminds me of a couple of masked fellas LD and I tried to team up with several years ago.
~~~ Kayfabe's older and less attractive cousin, Continuity peeks around the corner and gives a big thumbs up ~~~
Zane: I ran into him a couple of times when he first came on board. I liked the work ethic and attitude. I got concerned when he announced he was taking that CC on as an advisor. Never got any positive vibes from him.
JW: CC's a good egg, his intensity is a little off at times, but it's all good.
Zane: I must say, with the new attitude the Hawaii'ans have taken on since they dumped Noelani, Us, Danny & Jack and then the two of you, we have the makings of the strongest Tag Team Division since we stepped foot in this place.
JW: Yeah, it looks good. I know a little about Tag Teaming around here myself donchaknow.
Zane: Of course I know. WCW. Wilder, Capellan & Westgaard..... any chance that gets resurrected with Williams CC and Westgaard?
JW: I don't know. CC isn't active, and it would feel weird taking that name without Tommy.
Ric: Whoooooo Fat Boy! To Go Order Ready! Toasted? Me? Toasted? I'm ALREADY TOASTED! (Flair elbowdrops a napkin) WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Zane: That's my cue. Be ready on Wednesday. It's time to see it Williams & Westgaard can Measure Up
~~~As Ric rips off his tie, we FADE~~~
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Post by BookerShark on Sept 7, 2011 18:06:07 GMT -5
Evans: So you held back in order to try beating me without getting DQd? Wow, and you call ME delusional. You should know that I will win by any means necessary, and it is because of that, that I continue to hold this Intercontinental championship.
And you act like just because you can do anything in the match that you have the clear advantage. You are not the man with anything to prove in this match, I am. I’m the one who is trying to make this a better work environment for the younger wrestlers. I’m the one who is trying to bring my name back to the top of the card. And if you think that for one minute that I’m gonna give all of that up because you threaten me with pain? By the way, speaking of pain, calling Fire a housewife? Yeah, good luck with that one.
You claim to be a wrestler, and while your accomplishments have been pretty stellar, I can see what those titles truly mean to you. To you, it’s not about the fame or the bravado. No, no. It’s not about that at all. To me, this right here. *holds title up to the camera* This, THIS, is a championship title. This championship means more to me than you will ever know. You on the other hand view this title as just a means to an end to get more money.
You care about nothing but money. I didn’t come into this business solely to make money like you did. I grew up watching wrestling, knowing that I would do whatever it took in order for me to do that myself. The money never crossed my mind. It was all about the chance to make an impact and to make sure that nobody would ever forget my name. Money is just a side note, a very nice side note, but a side note nonetheless.
So go on, try to beat me if you can, hell cripple me if it gives you satisfaction. Because while you have the chance to beat me, you will never get this championship title away from me, you will never stop my drive to help the New Guard, and you will never...EVER...break me.
*fade to black*
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Post by BookerShark on Sept 7, 2011 18:07:41 GMT -5
A random SFJ, let's call her Mindy, is walking through the parking lot of the smoldering Juneau Arena when she spots the Flyin' Hawai'ians watching the fire trucks try to contain the blaze.
SFJM: Hey guys, I didn't even know you guys were here.
Aina: We may not be scheduled, but we wouldn't miss a show.
SFJM: Congratulations on becoming World Tag Team Champions, plus your successful defense on Wednesday.
Aina: Mahalo. We especially loved the reception we got. The crowd went mild.
SFJM: Do you care to respond to Texpress' challenge for Hell On Earth?
Aina is about to speak when Kai puts his hand on his brother's shoulder to stop him.
Kai: Let me, bruddah.
Aina: All yours.
Kai cocks his head to the side and arches his eyebrow. Some canned cheer or something is heard, as obviously, there are no fans inside the arena.
Kai: So, the Texpress wants another shot at The Kai and his brother. Well, bring it on, cowboys. You're a great team. We're a great team. It's time to burn the hou...
Aina is glaring at Kai.
Kai: Too soon, The Kai understand, now where was I? Oh, yes, The Texpress wants to face The Flyin' Hawai'ians at Hell On Earth in a Two Out of Three Falls classic. Well, Texpress, the answer is obviously...NO.
More canned reaction, not entirely positive.
Kai: You see, it's very simple. The Texpress wants what they want and they want it how they want it. They wanna pick the time, the place, and the how. They wanna call the shots, well, to quote the great one himself, Jim Carey..."Let me show ya somthin'!"
Kai and Aina hold up the OOWF Tag Team Championship belts.
Kai: You see, Texpress, WE are the Tag Team Champions. We have the say. We have the control. WE call the shots, not you. The Kai and his brother have been told what to do, when to do it, and how to do it for too long! Not by you, ya cowpolks, but by that bitch-ho wannabe, spreading her legs for the whole world to see, oh no!. We are NOT doing what someone else thinks we should do. We are not dressing like skeletons. We are not catering to her every whim and dreams of fame. We are who we say we are, which is the best team in the world today.
So, Texpress, you want your rematch at Hell On Earth, you got it. You deserve it. You're a helluva team, although you might wanna grow some horns like the Lava Bull because as they say, only two things come from Texas. So here's the deal. You want your rematch? You want these belts back? You wanna remain the measuring sticks? Well, then you will do so on the Flyin' Hawai'ians' terms. Our match. A match so awesome, we need GM Selena's approval. Once we have it, you're on. Unless you're chicken shit, which in case, you can take those measuring sticks, turn them son bitches sideways and stick 'em straight up! Your candy asses!
If ya smell lalalalalow! What The Kai! Is. Surfin'!
Kai holds up the universal symbol of the thumb and pinky and arches his eyebrow as "Machinehead" begins to play from...somewhere.
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Post by BookerShark on Sept 7, 2011 18:08:33 GMT -5
GM Selena is on her cell phone outside the smoldering Juneau Arena.
GMSa-T: You sure about this?...really?...wow, that cheap, you guys must really need the business...no, no, that's not an...I thought all you guys were nice and helpful...sorry, sorry...we're happy to go there, yes...what?...I don't care what Sarah Palin says...hahaha, I know right?...sure, we can have the crew there as soon as Sunday night...okay...really? The placemat?...oh! Are there Ice Rod Truckers there? Our booking staff LOVES that show? No, only in winter? Can you get some of the Ice Road Truckers?...That'd be awesome...thanks dude!...Eh! Byee.
Selena ends the call and immediately one of the lawyers is next to her.
L: Well?
GMSa-T: It's a go. They've never had one of our shows and they're excited. Only charged like a fifth of the arena fee too.
L: That will help a bit to balance the losses we're sustaining.
GMSa-T: Don't we have insurance and junk?
L: Yes, but those procedures take time and the Juneau City Council want their money now. Plus our insurance premiums will likely skyrocket.
GMSa-T: Wow, Omar was right, Firewoman did cost us a ton of money one day.
L: We could always cut the wrestlers' Christmas bonuses.
Selena blinks at the lawyer.
GMSa-T: Wow. You suck, dude. Anyway...
Selena turns towards some of the OOWF crew.
GMSa-T: Get the ring packed up!
Random Ring Crew Guy: The ring was destroyed in the fire.
GMSa-T: Um...do we have more than one?
L: Yes, but the backups are in Dayton.
GMSa-T: Well, get 'em going then!
RRCG: Where's the new show?
GMSa-T: Oh, yeah.
Selena grabs one of the ninjacams and stands before it as she brushes herself off to look as presentable as possible.
GMSa-T: OOWF fans, I'm proud to announce that despite the recent um, cookie tragedy, the show will go on! Yay! The show will air on time from...Whitehorse, Yukon Territory, Canada! *to lawyer* I wonder of they have like a nunch of white horses there and stuff? Oh! Dude, can we book the Mountie? He was awesome. Oh, I'm still on camera, well, shut the darn thing off. Shoo. Scat.
The ninjacam leaves, but obviously, the other ones are still in place. The lawyer answers his ringing cell phone.
L: Mrs. al-Takriti?
GMSa-T: What now?
L: Sarah Palin is on the phone for you. She seems upset.
GMSa-T: How does she have your num... SCREW SARAH PALIN!!
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Post by BookerShark on Sept 7, 2011 18:09:19 GMT -5
J-P Sparxx is sitting in his locker room with the lovely Jewel in his lap.
J-PS: Tick tock, the clock stopped tickin'. Tick tock, you still suck. Das right, El Loko Wolf Boy, I'm talkin' 'bout you, son. People been aksin' me, "Why, J-P? Why did you hit the OMG on El Loko?" Da answer should be easy, knowwhatI'msayin'? You was beat, son. I had yo ass an' da clock saved yo belt. S'a'ight. Now ya done done it. You gots me an' Da Moose himself, Moosehead Jack. Fo once, we on da same team, knowwhatI'msayin'? Kinda scary ain't it? So, El Loko. Psykle dude. Good luck. Dat's all I gots ta say. Fo now. The Spark's always gots somethin' ta say, knowwhatI'msayin'? Especially 'bout these rankins. How is The Spark always last? How is some rookie ahead a me? I don't git. Obviously, I/m bein' discriminated against. But das a'ight. The Spark has always had his hatahs. They make me stronger, ya feel me? Foos. 'Til next time. Same Sparxx Time, Same Sparxx Channel. Channel Deuces. Piece.
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Post by BookerShark on Sept 7, 2011 18:12:19 GMT -5
As the firefighters finish cleaning up the response to an alarm being pulled, Dynamite Danny Taylor can be seen walking up to Commissioner Firewoman.
Fire: What the hell Danny, you told me 350 minutes?
Danny raises and eyebrow, and then holds up first three and then five fingers.
Fire (thoughtfully): Thirty-five minutes? That, that actually makes a lot more sense.
The camera cuts away as they continue to exchange cooking tips. It pans over to Dashing Victor Deniro and Outback Jack.
DVD: So you have Tytan this week. He seemed keen to run his mouth after the match last week.
OBJ: Yeah, he's full of piss and vinegar, but I can handle him.
DVD: Glad to here that, cause with Danny in your corner, I figure you guys have it covered.
OBJ: You aren't coming out for the match?
DVD: Well, LD is not normally one for interfering in matches, so I figure Danny is more than enough support and backup. Also, the Video Department is putting the history of Drink and Destroy dvd together, and they wanted a tour of what goes on in the Destroyatorium during a match, so i figured I would give em a tour.
OBJ: (belches) That's Australian for fair enough mate. This match is pretty straightforward, you just make sure you keep them away from my Fosters.
DVD: I always do.
FADE
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Post by BookerShark on Sept 7, 2011 18:13:57 GMT -5
Fade in to El Lobo Sangriento’s Lamborghini Diablo, where we find El Lobo Sangriento DRIVING~!, while Voiceover Guy PASSENGES~!
ELS: I’m pretty sure “passenges” isn’t a word, chief.
VG: It’s a perfectly cromulent word. Just leave the wordsmithery to me. You concentrate on driving.
ELS: On it. Look, we’re just coming to the border to get us back into Canada. Let me do the talking, eh?
VG: Right. Because what the fuck would I know about talking? It’s not like I do it for a living.
ELS: Just let me handle it.
*Lobo pulls up to one of the booths at the border crossing and lowers his window. Which sounds odd, but you can’t roll your window down anymore, really, so it’s more accurate…
ELS: Shhhh!
Border Guard: Did you just “Shush” me, son?
ELS: No sir. That was directed at my friend here.
*The guard looks in the car, but sees no one other than Lobo there.
BG: Your friend?
ELS: Yes. My friend.
BG: This friend got a name?
ELS: Voiceover Guy.
BG: You one of them wrestlers?
ELS: Yes sir. El Lobo Sangriento, at your service.
BG: Well, that explains the mask. What’s your business in Canada?
ELS: Sadly, just passing through on our way to a show in Alaska. Might scratch something off the bucket list on the way.
BG: And what might that be?
ELS: Well, when I was a kid, I always wanted to swim with dolphins.
BG: You’re not gonna find many dolphins this far north, son.
ELS: I said “When I was a kid.” Dolphins are for pussies. I’m going swimming with killer whales.
BG: You’re what?
ELS: Going swimming with killer whales. Is that going to be a problem?
BG: Not for me, but I’m guessing you’re not going to make it out the other side.
ELS: “Killer” is just a nickname. They’re actually harmless. I’ve been to Sea World.
BG: Oh, you’ve been misinformed. “Killer” is an apt descriptor. They’re vicious animals.
ELS: Well, shit. Unfortunately, the tickets are non-refundable.
VG: TICKETS~?
ELS: Well, it was going to be a surprise, but I’m bringing you with me. Fun, eh?
VG: The hell you are! This is your bucket list. Leave me out of it.
ELS: Oh come on. You know you want to.
BG: AHEM.
ELS: Yes sir?
BG: We done here?
ELS: That’s really your call, isn’t it?
BG: Uh, yeah, I suppose it is. Carry on. Good luck with the whales.
ELS: Thanks. You have a nice day now. Wolfpack out.
*Lobo pulls away as we…FADE?*
ELS: Was that a question?
VG: I wasn’t sure if the “Wolfpack out” was directed at the guard or was meant to end the promo.
ELS: Well, it was just for the guard, really, but I’m out of stuff to talk about, so feel free to fade it out.
*FADE*
ELS: That was abrupt.
VG: You said you were done.
ELS: Well yeah, but still.
VG: Sigh.
*Lobo continues to drive down the highway toward a date with certain death at the fins of some killer whales as we *FADE*
ELS: Better.
*FADE*
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Post by BookerShark on Sept 7, 2011 18:14:31 GMT -5
The camera comes on at some unknown location, with just an OOWF banner on screen. The camera shakes a bit as if someone who isn't really familiar with working a camera is setting it up.
Off-camera voice: That should do it.
The voice becomes recognizable as Psykle comes on camera and stands in front of the banner.
Psykle: I'm hoping this camera is working right. First things first. Lobo, you have me all wrong. I don't want to see you injured at all. Unless it's at my hands in the ring, during a title match. Seeing as how Fire keeps having her job, and somehow has her hands in keeping me from getting my title match that I've earned, well, it looks like you and I are going to be partnering up this week to take on Sparxx and Moose. Fun times. I've actually lost track of how many times I've beaten Moose recently. I'm sure if IQ weren't busy with his work on the stock market, he'd be right here to tell me. Frankly, Moose, you're just not yourself recently, and in this tag team match, I'll probably wind up pinning you yet again. Sparxx, you just plain suck. I hate listening to your promos since you can't speak decent English, and last I checked, Ebonics was deemed not to be a valid language after all.
Psykle pauses and takes a deep breath.
Psykle: Let's see, got my partner covered and explained that I don't want him hurt unless it's in my title match against him, got my opponent's covered and explained why they pose no threat to me, and got my obligatory comment towards that bitch Firewoman in as well. Yup, I think that covers everything in my promo...oh, right, I'm supposed to come up with a catchphrase, aren't I? Well, you know what? I don't believe in catchphrases. See you guys in the ring.
Fade to black.
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Post by BookerShark on Sept 7, 2011 18:15:16 GMT -5
Firewoman and Alexander are walking carefully through the rubble of the arena.
AD: It's okay.....
FW: No, it's not....I have to find it.....
They keep poking around until they seem to get to someplace which had a lot of metal racks and a couple or refrigerators. They go around one of them and see charred out oven, completely black and mishapen. Firewoman tries to open the door, but it doesn't work. She begins frantically kicking it until it finally pops open. She reaches in and pulls out a charred pan with some charred lumps of what was once Italian cookies and hands it to Alex.
FW: Well.......I tried......
AD: It's okay....it's the thought that counts.
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Post by BookerShark on Sept 7, 2011 18:15:46 GMT -5
Firewoman is getting ready to leave the arena in Juneau to head for the new arena.Lucky: So, the board is less than pleased. FW: Yeah, well....it's a mistake anyone could have made. L: No, I'm pretty sure this is special just to you. FW: Very funny. Suddenly a bus comes rolling up, followed by a whole bunch of other cars. Before we see the side of the bus, we see the people spill out of the cars, and they appear to be journalists.FW: What the hell is this? L: oh...gods....no....please no.... The camera pans around the bus to see the side with an American flag, the first page of the US Constitution, and the words "One Nation" in giant letters on the side.L: You know, I think we should probably go now... But he's too late. Sarah Palin comes down the steps of the bunch, and engages in some folksy banter with those gathered around and comes right up to where Firewoman and Lucky are standing.SP: Oooooooh, there you are!!!! FW: Here I am? SP: You know, I am a HUGE fan of yours. It's so great to have the OOWF in my state! FW: I thought you resigned. SP: Did you know you can see Russia from here? FW: Really. SP: Oh, you betcha! We have a lot in common, dontcha know.... FW: No. No I don't..... SP: Sure we do! We're both mavericks! We don't take any crap from others, we shoot straight from the hip, and don't follow any rules. I mean, look at you! FW: Huh? SP: You are a multiple time champion in wrasslin'. FW: *eyeroll* We actually, don't call it that, we call it professional wrestling and-- SP: Never following rules, just doing that wrasslin' thing.... FW: And there's actually a lot of rules...there's the ... um.... L: No death. FW: Right, no death....no no-selling..... SP: No selling? So, you couldn't sell my books? FW: No, that's...well, yeah, we aren't selling your books, but... L: Actually Fire, 'no death' isn't on the crawl across the top of www.oowfwrestling.com. FW: Really? L: Yeah, the third rule is...uh....no fire. FW: Oh. SP: That sounds like one of them gotcha rules! Clearly you have Fire she's right here! L: No it means no one, specifically her, is allowed to set anyone on fire. SP: Well, that's just silly. Why would you do that? FW: *annoyed* There's a few reasons that are coming to mind. Is there something I can help you with? SP: Oh, no, I'm just going 'round the country, getting in touch with the people, teh TRUE people who are the heart and soul of this great country... FW: Uh huh. The OOWF salvage crew is getting anything that might be usable out of the rubble. There's mostly some cables, a camera. They're putting them up on a few catering tables they were able to salvage.FW: Look, it's .... I guess good to meet you, but I'm kind of busy here. SP: I KNOW! You're IN CHARGE! FW: Not exactly, but I do have to-- SP: Okay, I have a business proposition for you. Palin puts her arm around Fire's shoulder and starts to walk her toward the camera but away from Lucky. L: Uh...Ms. Palin...I wouldn't..... But she waves him off as she leads her away from him and toward her bus. Fire looks at Palin's hand on her shoulder as they walk and then back to Palin.SP: So, Mrs. Darling...can I call you Lisa? FW: Not in any language. SP: Lisa....you represent hope for the girls of this country. You're almost as strong a woman as I am, and I really think you should join my tour. FW: I don't think-- SP: Girls need to know that strong women are out there for them, ready to help. You think I don't know about your donations to Covenant House. Fire softens a little bit...but not much.SP: So this would just be an extension of that! You could travel with me, and then tell your story of hope and always sticking with your dreams, and never letting anyone tell you you couldn't do it and -- FW: My story of hope? SP: Yeah, how you knew that you would make it and be the best-- FW: That's not EXACTLY my story. SP: Well, I know but... FW: Do you even KNOW my story? SP: Well, sure I do. I've read it in all the magazines. FW: Uh huh....which ones? SP: You know.....all of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these years. FW: Right...this conversation is over. Firewoman throws Palin's arm off her shoulder, and starts walking back toward Lucky and what's left of the arena.SP: You know, there's a place in Hell reserved for women who don't help other women. You know who said that? Madelaine Alb-- FW: No, she didn't. You said that. Besides, there's nothing you do that helps other women. SP: Oh I see....when it's me bringing the hopey-changy.... FW: Lucky, where's my bike? SP: OH! I love those! Todd and I like four-wheelers better, but...Lisa? LISA? FW: Lucky.... L: It's being brought around.... SP: Look, I've done a lot to help people like you... FW: Really? Give me specific examples. SP Well...I'll try to find you some and I'll bring them to you. FW: I'm outta here. SP: Well, can I just get an autograph for my kids, Lisa? Lisa? Palin quickly catches up to Fire as she heads back toward the tables. She grabs Fire by the shoulder and spins her around. Fire grabs her under both arms, turns, and power slams her right through the table.L: WOW! FW: DON'T call me "Lisa." Palin's staff comes rushing over, as Firewoman gets on her bike and rides away.
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Post by BookerShark on Sept 7, 2011 18:16:15 GMT -5
~~~ Texpress stand infront of the OOWF Banner somewhere in Canada ~~~
Chad: Whatever you want, Kai. You don't like Best 2 out of 3 Falls? Fine. Pick something else.
Zane: Here's the thing. It doesn't matter what kind of match you choose. You still go in to Hell On Earth 7 at a severe disadvantage. You don't know it yet, but you do. So choose whatever match you think will even the odds for you.
Chad: We are The Measuring Stick and those Championships will be coming back the The Texpress
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Post by BookerShark on Sept 7, 2011 18:16:55 GMT -5
As Sarah Palin and Fire are ending their conversation, AA runs in from behind and rams the Halliburton briefcase into the head of...oops?...Sarah Palin. Palin goes down in a heap. AA stands next to Fire. They both stare at Palin sprawled on the ground.
Fire: Umm, thanks?
AA: Huh. Not what I intended. But I guess it works.
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Post by BookerShark on Sept 7, 2011 18:20:03 GMT -5
FADE in on The Crusher Stan Fulton in front of a modern OOWF banner.
“I never claimed to be a great technical wrestler. For someone my size, but being able to compete is an accomplishment. I don’t know about your childhood and your early years, Chris Evans, but mine were shit.
“So, yes, I am here for the money. I am here for the glory and the fame and the perks that come with it. I am here to grab that brass ring and pull myself up from my past.
“And if you look down on that, well that says more about you than it does me. And it’s one more reason that your New Guard stable consists of you and Matt Folz, who’s not even around anymore.
“And I hang with the next World Heavyweight Champion Stank, the meanest SOB that this company has ever known, Moosehead Jack, former and future World Tag Team Champions LD Williams and Tytan, who also happen along with your’s truly, to be the reigning Campeonas de Trios Champions.
“So if you want to make comparisons to each other I’m more than happy to put my resumé up against yours any day of the week. In fact let’s look at our respective resumés.
“You are current and two-time Intercontinental Champion, one time Onslaught Champion, one time Campeonas de Trios Champion and three time DDT Ironman Heavy Metal Champion since your debut January 14, 2009.
“I am two-time Intercontinental Champion, four-time Onslaught Champion, six-time DDT Ironman Heavy Metal Champion, reigning OOWF Tag Team Invitational winner and current Campeonas de Trios Champion since my debut May 19, 2010.
“In other words, Chris, I’ve accomplished a lot more than you have in less time. The reason? I’m just that much better than you. My promos are better, my win-loss record is better, my friends are better. Oh that’s right. You don’t have any friends here.
“So you can take your sanctimonious drivel and cram it. I could personally care less what you think of me. As I’ve said before, all I care about is my next paycheck and being the next Grand Slam and Six-Pack Champion.
“And believe me. I will break you. I’ll break you in places you didn’t know could be broken. And I will lay that Intercontinental Championship belt over your broken, lifeless body when I’m done.
“Enjoy the pain.”
FADE
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Post by BookerShark on Sept 7, 2011 18:23:12 GMT -5
*Fade in to Juneau Alaska, where El Lobo Sangriento is just now FINDING OUT~! about the razing of the Joe Juneau Memorial Arena…
ELS: Not memorial. He’s not dead, just retired.
VG: He hasn’t been heard from in like 15 years. I think the name works.
ELS: Fair enough. So Mayhem’s been moved to Whitehorse?
VG: Looks like.
ELS: Huh. I wonder why no one called or texted to let me know.
VG: …
ELS: What is it?
VG: Well, I put your phone on vibrate so it wouldn’t startle the killer whales, then I sort of forgot to turn the volume back up before I put it in with your gear. Sorry.
ELS: Dude. That’s not cool. How many messages do I have?
VG: Just one, actually. It’s a text from Psykle about the venue change. Guess he wants to make sure you show up on Wednesday.
ELS: I’m sure he does. Well, I guess the bucket list will have to be put on hold until another time.
VG: But wasn’t the point to get it done before Mayhem?
ELS: Yeah, but “driving up the coast to Alaska” was the last thing on the list, so it’s done for now anyway.
*Voiceover Guy takes out Lobo’s bucket list and quickly scans it…
VG: Actually, the full last item reads “Drive up the coast to Alaska, wave to Russian dude.” Um, you didn’t really think you could–
ELS: It was a joke.
VG: On your own private bucket list that only you and I will ever see?
ELS: Get back in the car. We have to get to Whitehorse.
*FADE*
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