|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 10:27:57 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem Live From Old Crow, Yukon Territory Canada
OOWF World Title Match [/u] Niles Anderson vs. Concrete TG
OOWF Intercontinental Title Match [/u] Blackdragon vs. Attitude Adjuster
OOWF World Tag Team Title Match 3 Way Dance [/u] FF Capslock & Stank vs. 3Piece Set vs. The Establishment
Best of Seven Series – Match 2 [/u] Chris Alt vs. Hardbody Harris
Firechild vs. Canadian Dragon Donovan Viper vs. Mark Vander SoulDragon & Mercury vs. wCw Hellion vs. Uncle Entity Moosehead Jack & LD Williams vs. Johnny Adrenaline & Beast Dr. Murder vs. Eric O’Mac Phil vs. UnderDawg Corax vs. Mr. Jealous The Team From Down Under vs. The Devil’s Brigade Mikey Styner vs. Microplay GimmickMan vs. Seraph
card subject to hubris by the bookerman
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 10:28:23 GMT -5
Attitude Adjuster does a double take at the card.
AA: Finally! An Intercontinental title shot against Blackdragon. I guess The Rick finally ran out of unworthy chumpstain losers to bump up Blackdragon's record. Blackdragon, you will finally meet someone of stature, of merit, of title worthiness. Next week, at Midweek Mayhem...
JA: Hey, AA. You're standing here all alone in front of next week's card, babbling to yourself. You OK?
AA: You mean there's no cameraman following me, recording my every word?
JA: Nope. No one here but us.
AA: So I almost wasted another great promo?
JA: You're lucky I walked by.
AA: Well, I have an Intercontinental title shot this week. And since the champ isn't going to do any selling of this match, I guess I better get started.
AA spots a passing bystander.
AA: Hey, you, passing bystander. Go grab me a SFJ and a cameraman, pronto. I need them to follow me around all week, 24/7, capturing my every move for historical significance. This will be the greatest week in the history of the OOWF! Oh, and find Ric Flair. I need a sandwich...NOW!!!
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 10:28:44 GMT -5
(CTG is in his locker room alone, looking at the bloody, mangled chair that has been his weapon of choice the last couple of weeks. He studies each spatter of blood, as it's turned a rusty color over the plain gray chair. He nods to himself, seemingly satisfied)
Moose: (walks in) congratulations, it looks like the Rick is finally giving you what you wanted.
CTG: (glances up slowly) Niles all to myself? Yeah. I'll by the Rick a fifth when I see him.
Moose: I meant that you have a shot at the OOWF title! Isn't that what EVERYONE in this company wants?
CTG: (looks at Moose, then looks at the chair) ... maybe the title will be more important to take from Niles.
Moose: You haven't even THOUGHT about the fact you could become OOWF champion?? What gives, 'crete? You of all people strike me as one who would wrestle a tank to get that gold.
CTG: ..... I'd like to think that what I did at last week's Mayhem as a warning to Niles. (points at the dents in the chair) those are all from Niles' head, where all my answers will probably be. What happened to Semaj, who the masked men are, and if Niles realizes just how much danger he's in. You've made a good point, Moose - I'll break his body, then taking the title will break his spirit.
Moose: He said he didn't kill Semaj.
CTG: Do you trust him?
Moose: No.
CTG: (nods) Can I trust you to have my back? I know I won't face Niles alone unless the Rick wants to bar EVERYONE from ringside.
Moose: You know, that wouldn't be a bad idea. And yes, while I'd like the title at some point, I've got your back for now. Niles doesn't deserve that title anymore, and should you win it, I'd like to think I'm first in line. (smirks)
CTG: (stands) that won't be my decision. Niles won't have much of a choice when the match is over, either. Win or lose, he's not walking away from that ring. Someone will have to choose between the EMTs..... or the coroner.
(CTG gathers his chair and walks out of the locker room)
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 10:29:09 GMT -5
(Promotional Time Paid for by Mark Vander and Associates, Chicago, IL)
(Mark Vander stands near a playground peering through the fence as the Canadian children play their favorite game "Lift the Loonie" in which a circle of children attempt to lift a bag containing four Canadian dollars.)
Mark: Children. So wonderful. So blissfully unaware of how close they are to meeting their own demise. I mean...I've seen Terminator 2. I know how dangerous these places can be.
This week, I have a match with Donovan Viper. A child who I've beaten so many times my own grandmother called me and told me I should leave the poor boy alone.
Viper, I'm not interested in being your bully. I'm not here to take your lunch money. You can't beat me. You know it. I know it. But, I'm getting tired of you. I'm getting tired of your constant running to Rick and begging for another shot with greatness. So, boy, I'm going to give you the best match of your career, and when the smoke settles, and when the arena clears, you can look up at the sky and finally FINALLY know what heaven feels like. Because losing to me, Donovan, is as close as you're ever going to get.
Mark it on your Mark Vander Limited Edition Signed Calenders kids. August 17th, the Old Crow Civic Center. You're about to see something special. You're about to see me make a MAN out of Donovan Viper. The man, the myth, the legend, and the only main eventer this company has ever had, Mark Vander and his personal whipping post, the Donovan Viper. One on one. Mano e Mano. Don, you're gonna have to break me to stop me, and you just don't got the balls. And baby, it's going to be the best match you'll ever have.
(Mark calmly walks over and grasps the Loonie bag. After a momentary struggle, he montions for Missy and Alexander to help him lift it up. The camera pans in to a close up of Vander as he smiles a megawatt smile and, with off-camera assistance, tosses the bag to one of the children, who is knocked out. Mark gawks for a second and then motions for the camera to be cut.)
(The preceeding was paid for by Mark Vander and Associates, Chicago, IL)
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 10:29:31 GMT -5
Concrete TG has the opportunity to face Niles whilst Microplay is left to fry lard?! This is an outrage!
Once my plan finally begins to take shape, none will stand in our way!
"Kaliman-shukdedeh Gimmickman mytoobah!"
And Mark Vander - I shall be making a formal appeal to the authorities for your cheap victory. Jack Tunney would never have stood for this! But Vander, I hope you weren't too... burnt out... after your match last night.
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 10:29:53 GMT -5
*Moosehead Jack is getting a sandwich from Ric Flairs Sandwich Emporium. We can't make out what he's saying yet. As Flair hands MHJ the sandwich, he turns around and World Champion Niles Anderson is right in his face, backed up by Attitude Adjuster, Johnny Adrenaline and Beast.*
Niles - Hey Moose. How's it going? Long time no see.
MHJ - What the hell do you want?
*Niles gets even closer to MHJ, giving him barely any space to breath. He has his glare set on him, but MHJ doesn't flinch.*
Niles - I got a match with your pal, Concrete next week. What are the odds he'll bring that chair with him do you suppose?
MHJ - Thats between you and him. Get the hell out of my way.
*MHJ goes to maneuver around Niles, but his crew closes in, blocking him off.*
Niles - You're treading on dangerous ground Moose. A line has been drawn. And you're close to crossing it. We might not be friends anymore, but don't give me a reason to beat your ass bloody.
MHJ - You see me flinching?
*Niles smiles at that comment.*
Niles - Hey guys, Moose has a set. Did you know that? 4 guys surrounding him and hee decides to show his set to the world.
AA - Man, how Donnie Viper of you.
Niles - By the way, where is your facelicking pal these days? I haven't forgot what he did to me. And your involvment in it as well. I'd say he cold-cocked me, but it seems to me you're the only one he's cocking these days.
MHJ - Ha ha ha. You called me gay. Quite the wit on you oh great Specimen. That's your joke of the day. Back in to the jar with the rest of the samples you prick.
*Niles gets right in MHJ's face at this point, fury blazing in his eyes.*
Niles - Don't get lippy with me Moose! When I get in the ring with Concrete, you'll see exactly what I'm capable of. The beating he took from those masked men will pale in comparison to the beating I put on him in the middle of that ring. He will bleed like he's never bled before. And you're in a tough spot. You KNOW I'll deliver on that. So what are you going to do? You could interfere, but that'll just end up getting you in the same boat as Concrete. And then where will your chances of winning the tag belt consolation prize be? Or you could stay out, watch your partner get beat down and be back in singles competition, not winning any gold AGAIN! Catch-22 I say. You think about that.
*Niles goes to pat MHJ on the shoulder but hesitates. MHJ still doesn't flinch. He remains calm, cool and collective the whole time. He just fixes an intense glare on Niles. Niles tries to maintain eye contact, but an unmistakable look of fear crosses his face for a split second. He turns away from MHJ immediately.*
Niles - Lets go guys, I think Moose has gotten the message.
*The 4 of them take off while MHJ holds his ground. A smile crosses his face.*
MHJ - Oh, I think you're in for a surprise when you face Concrete. I don't think I need to get involved at all.
*MHJ continues smiling as he walks off camera. Fade to Black.*
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 10:30:15 GMT -5
Attitude Adjuster is in his hotel, having just returned from Ric Flair’s Sandwich Emporium. He’s reading the newspaper when we hear a knock at the door. AA gets up to answer. In front of him stands a cameraman, a SFJ and a blaring white light.
SFJ #27: We’re hear to document the week before your big match with Blackdragon. I’m Sexy Female Journalist #27 and this is my cameraman.
AA: Number 27? I couldn’t get anything better than Number 27? Where’s No. 1 through 26? And you’re brunette. I really prefer blondes. And who’s the goof with you. Cameraman, what’s your name?
Cameraman: Blackey. Blackey Dragonowski at your service.
AA: Blackey Dragonowski? Are you kidding me? Is this some kind of joke?
BD: No sir. My father is Ultimo Dragonowski and my mother is Riki Steamboat-Dragonowski. We’re of the Yukon Territory, Canadian Dragonowskis.
AA: Wha…I can’t believe this. (shakes head). And where are SFJ #1 through 26 that they aren’t here?
SFJ #27: They’re all out trying to get an exclusive interview with Blackdragon.
AA: And you’re here because you realize a good story when you see one?
SFJ #27: Not really. They just told me to find you and follow you around where ever you go. Frankly, I’m not even sure I know who you are. What is an Attitude Adjuster anyway?
AA: I’M ATTITUDE ADJUSTER!!!!
BD: Dude, no need to scream, These camera mics are pretty sensitive.
AA: Oh man, OK, this is all going to be worth it once I win the Intercontinental title. Let me get dressed and let’s get on with the day.
AA walks to the bedroom and starts to change clothes. The cameraman and SFJ follows. AA realizes this and slams closed the bedroom door. BD, being a great investigative wrestling cameraman, reopens the door and catches AA half naked.
AA: AHHHH!!!!!!!
BD: Dude, the sensitive mics, remember?
AA: I’m changing clothes!!!!
SFJ: But the contract says 24/7.
AA: This is going to be a long week.
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 10:30:39 GMT -5
FF Capslock - Turn left over there on the Tungsten Trail.
Stank - Cheese and Rice MAN! There's absolutely NOTHING out here!
*Stank navigates his - Charcoal colored customized Range Rover Sport - left onto Tungsten trail. He and FFC have been on the road for hours.*
FFC - You know I hate extravagant excess but I have to admit... I like your car. Your heat works, you've got a dvd player and a tv, though we can't get any reception out here.
Stank - Yeah. I even got a bomb detector in case The Devil's Brigade gets any bright ideas.
FFC - Aaaand you got a microwave. It's a good thing I got those burritos at Seven Eleven, 60 miles back. There have been no signs of civilization since then.
Stank - Look at the temperatur guage... GOTDAMN, it's cold outside! There has been nothin but trees snow and road out here forEVER... are we there yet?
FFC - Does it look like we're there? According to the map, Old Crow will be up on the left we're about 20 miles out.
Stank - What the hell was the Rick thinking holding tapings out here?
FFC - Dude...isn't MidWeek Mayhem live?
Stank - It's just an expression.
*A moose stands in the roadway blocking the trail*
Stank - Oh HELL no!
*Stank blasts the horn but the moose just stands there chewing on some cud*
Stank- *BEEEEEEEP* C'MON MAN! GET THE F*@K OFF THE ROAD!
FFC - Great... more wild life.
Stank - Go out there and do something.
FFC - I'm NOT going out THERE! It's f*@cking COLD as S#!T. Besides do YOU want to risk another lawsuit?
*Stank leans on the horn for a bit more. Finally after a few seconds the moose trots off to the side of the road. The Tag Champs resume their course*
Stank - FINALLY!
FFC (opening a can of Molsen Canadian)- You know... I was thinkin when we were talkin about titty ef du... we've been a team for some time now... we've got a finisher... we need a team name.
Stank - Yeah. If the Aussies could do it, why not us? Hmmm... let's see... how about... Lock n Stank.
FFC - uh... ... no.
Stank - OK what do YOU suggest?
FFC - How about this... inspired by what Morte called us last week... FAT BASTARDS!
Stank -
FFC - So... whatdaya think?
Stank - nnnnn...no.
FFC - Fine.
Stank - How about.... The Big Boy Squad.
FFC - Hmmm... That has a nice ring to it. It's rolls of the tongue and I can hear the crowds chanting. "B-B-S" "B-B-S" "B-B-S"
Stank - Yeah. I didn't even think of that, but... hell yeah. I like it.
FFC - One problem though. We're not boys.
Stank - It worked for the Dudleys. Besides, the crowds chanting B-M-S sounds too much like P-M-S.
FFC - I suppose you're right. Ok so from now on we're the Big Boy Squad.
Stank - ... ... ... Are we there yet?
FFC - NO! Keep driving.... hey wait a second. We got company.
*Stank looks in his rearview mirror and sees Endo and Morte driving up behind them in a GMC Yukon.*
Stank - It's the Establishment.
FFC - How can you tell?
Stank - I can see Morte with that paper bag STILL over his head. You'd think he have a spare mask.
FFC - You think he's still sore that you took his original mas... LOOK OUT! THEY'RE TRYING TO RUN US OFF THE ROAD!
Stank - THAT answer your question? Hang on I'll try to lose them!
*Dramatic music cues up as Stank FLOORS the accelerator!*
Stank - Could you turn that down please?
FFC - I'M BUSY HANGING ON! JUST DRIVE!
*Stank STOMPS on the gas, pushing his ride careening down the trail! Endo matches him move for move as the two vehicles narrowly miss pitching over the STEEP side of the road! The vehicles smash into one another several times before Stank is able to tactically maneuver his truck in front of the the Establishment's GMC.*
FFC - They're trying to KILL us!
Stank - Hand me that burrito.
FFC -What?
Stank - HAND ME THE GOT DAMN BURRITO!
*FFC complies. Stank picks up speed so that they are at least two car lengths in front of the Establishment. Stank then opens his moonroof.*
FFC - What the F*@k are you DOING Lucas!? It's FREEZING!
Stank - Watch!
* The accompanied music tempo drops 16 beats as Stank launches the Mexican Wildfire burrito through the the opened moonroof. The burrito dramatically flies into the brisk air, end over end, in SLOW MOTION. There, the burrito FREEZES into a solid projectile, hanging in the air JUST long enough, awaiting the pursuing GMC's windshield.*
Endo - O.o!
*Endo has no time to react as the burrito comes CRASHING through the windshield hitting him square on the head! FFC's jaw DROPS as he watches The Establishment's vehicle swerve and SLAM into a tree!*
FFC - WHOOOOOOOOAAOO!
Stank - Gotcha!
FFC - A better flying burrito I never did SEE!
*Stank slams on the brakes, looking in his rearview mirror. He notices Endo stumbling out of the GMC and Morte running around the side, pumping his fist at the Tag Champs, then going to help his partner. Satisfied, Stank presses the gas and continues his vehicle on it's way. He and FFC are still looking back not noticing the Black Cadillac Escalade heading they're way, at top speed, from the opposite direction. FFC finally looks forward.*
FFC - LOOK OUT!
*Stank looks too late and swerves his vehicle out of the path of the oncoming Escalade and into a ditch, on the non cliff side of the road. It begins to snow as the Cadillac comes to a stop.*
Cole - Caught us a Marlin.
Ax-Man - Yeah.. two of em.
*voiceover*
Introducing the new 2006 Escalade by Cadillac... a cut above the rest.
3 Piece Set - We certainly think so.
Ax - Um... wait... what?
Cole - Who was that?
[Camera fades]
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 10:30:59 GMT -5
Meanwhile, AA is at a local restaurant, eating a Canadian burrito and drinking a Powerade. Nothing much of note is happening.
Blackey Dragonowski: Are you always this boring?
AA: Dude, it's Thursday. I'm relaxing after my match against Mikey Styner. I'm enjoying a burrito. Tonight I might catch a baseball game up in the hotel room.
SFJ: So how do you feel about your match against Blackdragon at Midweek Mayhem?
AA: Hmmm....good question. Haven't thought about it yet. I'll let you know later.
BD: That's it?!
AA: That's it.
BD: Man, we better have a good editor in post-production.
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 10:31:19 GMT -5
Ax & Cole are back inside .
Cole: Don't you feel better after taking out some frustration on the Fat Lard Squad?
Ax: A little bit but that thankless ingrate Firechild is really getting to me.
Cole: I know. I feel hurt, betrayed. After all the work we did. Searching the indies, night in and night out for four months trying to find the right guy. All the planning for the club ruse. All the hard work in making 3 Piece Set the best damn faction in the business. Did it really all end because of that homo Seraph?
Ax: And his butt buddy Firechild. Fuck this dude. We made him and we can break him too.
Cole: What are you thinking?
Ax: I'm laying out the challenge. you and me vs Firechild and Seraph in a Barbed Wire Steel Cage Match. We will beat the piss out of both their gay asses.
Cole: I love it.
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 10:31:43 GMT -5
The Devil's Brigade is out and about in the wilderness of the Yukon. Tommy O'Neil is reluctantly following Harper Camby who is hunting with a bow and arrow.
TO: 'Arpa, whot de fek ir we doin ott ere in the fekking coll? Um frezin me marbels of.
HC: Look, this Canada trip has realy sucked but before its over I wanted to enjoy the terrain. Plus you know we'll probably find some interesting game out here.
TO: Whot de fek ya men?
HC: Shhh, listen
(The sound of a motor can be heard in the distance)
TO: Is dat dem dub sea dub boyos?
HC: Might be.
(Tommy O'Neil scrambled up a tree and Harper behind a tree. 2 dirtbikes can be seen comes towards the screen. A shot is fired and an arrow nails the front tire of one of the bikes. The driver flips over the handbars and onto the cold, hard ground with a thud. The second bike, stops and Westgaurd takes off his helmet. O'Neil drops from the tree and knocks him to the ground. Harper then comes over the the first driver and rips off the helmet revealing Tommy Wilder. He smashes the helmet back into Wilder faces and then lifts him up and slams him with a wicked Dominator onto the dirtbike. Westgaurd is slow to his feet and meets O'Neil's left hook to the jaw which puts him to the ground. Camby and O'Neill then give him the Triple 6 onto his bike.)
TO: Im lekkin Cenida mar naw.
HC: (picking up the bow and arrows) Come on lets go hunt dome Dingos.
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 10:32:04 GMT -5
The TFDU and the DB are seen brawling through the backstage area. They are separated by security. After a commercial break, the Aussies hit the ring to Thunderstruck. Camby and O'Neill follow and a real donneybrook ensues. Corax hits the ring, mounts some offense, but is destroyed by Hellion. Viper comes out and knocks Hellion into next Tuesday, only to be knocked down by Underdawg. Phil and Beast rush the ring, and they and Underdawg brawl their way to the concession stand. You don't get a physique like the Beast by waiting for a bus! (OOC: Help, I'm possesed by Gorilla Monsoon!)
Donovan Viper makes his way up to a vertical base, and methodically loads up the chain. The crowd gets louder, and he showboats for the fans, not realizing that the panda is behind him, mimicking his every move. Strangely, the panda is wearing pajamas. The panda knocks Viper down with a Boomerang, and then begins to Greco-Roman panda-hump him.
Outback and Harper regain their feet, and both do a double-take. Both try to communicate with the panda unsuccessfully, while the panda continues its relentless assault.
Security eventually pries the panda away, with surprisingly little help from Donovan Viper, who then declines Scheme Gene's offer of a cigarette.
(Edited to show a tiny bit of respect for DV's character (there's a first time for everything) in light of Sal's comment.)
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 10:32:29 GMT -5
*Stank and FF Capslock are WALKING~! down Tungsten trail about 10 miles out from Old Crow.*
Stank - Man I am FREEZING~!
FFC - Really? I wonder why? Could it have anything to do with the fact that it's SNOWING~!
Stank - I'm just cold is all I'm saying. I'm from Atlanta. It hardly ever get's cold there and NEVER this cold.
FFC - Dude I'm from Fresno. You don't hear me complaining.
Stank - Let's go back. I still think together you and I can pull my ride out of that ditch.
FFC - I'm too tired and too cold to do any heavy labor. Old Crow is just a few miles ahead. We can make it.
Stank - I am going to KILL Ax and Cole! When I get my hands on them they'll wish...
FFC - Shhhh. Listen... you hear that?
Stank - It sounds like a... dirtbike.
*Moments later wCw can be seen riding down the road on a dirtbike. They stop beside the Tag Champs.*
FFC - Dudes!
Westguard - Dudes.
FFC - Dude?
Westguard - The Devil's Brigade dude.
Wilder (shaking his head) - Dude.
FFC - Dudes.
Westguard - Dude?
FFC - 3 Piece Set dude.
wCw - Duuuudes.
FFC - Dude.
Westguard - Dude... dude.... dude.
FFC - Anytime dude.
Wilder - Dude?
FFC - Dude.
Westguard - Dudes.
FFC - Dude.
*With that, the conversation ends and wCw take off down the road. Stank stares at FFC who looks down the road toward where Wilder and Westguard just left. Capslock turns and meets Stank's stare*
FFC - What?
Stank - Wha... What the f*@k was THAT?
FFC - You weren't listening?
Stank - Are you kidding me?
FFC - Look, Wilder and Westguard got ambushed by Camby and O'Neil. They shot an arrow at Wilder's bike, ruining his front tire. They then got beat down. Afterwards, they regained consciousness and they were fortunate enough to still have one functional bike. I told them what happened to us and they said they would send help when they get to Old Crow... I also sorta promised them a shot at the titles, down the road, should we still hold them. Oh, they like the new team name, by the way. Westguard brought up a good point though, about the predictable Bob's Big Boy jokes to follow. I told them hey it's OK... we obviously like to eat. Bob's Big Boy is one of my favorite joints to partake on some fine dining.
Stank -
FFC - WHAT?
Stank - You said all that.
FFC - WERE'NT YOU LISTENING! You were standing right there!
Stank (Shaking his head) - I'm going back to my ride. You can come with me if you want.
FFC - Fine. I still think we could have made it to Old Crow.
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 10:33:06 GMT -5
Viper looks at the match list for next week.
DV: Are you fucking kidding me?
Cor: What?
DV: I fight Vander again? Didn't Rick totally forget that we had a feud a few months ago?
Cor: Well, he drinks a lot of whiskey...
DV: And it was a terrible feud, too. Ratings were down during my segments. The fans didn't care.
Cor: Wait, you can't say that.
DV: Yes I can. Fans didn't even do that stupid 'homo' chant they usually do.
Cor: I thought you hated that.
DV: I DO! But them ignoring my matches is the even worse.
Cor: Well, how could they chant 'homo' at you when your mission was to take Missy Lane home and fuck her?
DV: Good point.
Cor: And come on, that cage match was exciting.
DV: I FUCKING LOST, MAN! THIS GUY CAN'T EVEN LACE MY FUCKING BOOTS! HE'S like, 150 POUNDS AND THIS FUCKER BEAT ME!!!!
Cor: Okay, okay. Calm down, man. You were distracted by Missy Lane, remember?
DV: YEah. Well, she is hot.
Cor: Well, I know a great way to bring interest into this match, AND help you out with having Missy's fine ass distracting you.
DV: And how is that?
Cor: Dude. Do the one angle we haven't had here in OOWF yet.
DV: I don't follow.
Cor: Donnie. Wrestling fans LOVE rape angles.
Viper smiles his evil smile and laughs. Corax laughs as well.
Moments later....
Viper finds Missy Lane in the hallway.
DV: Hey, babe.
ML: Oh, it's you. Listen, pervert. You keep your damn hands off of me, okay? You remember what I can do with a chair.
DV: Heh, no hard feelings, honey. Ahem... Speaking about hard feelings.
ML: EWWWW! Fucking EWWWW! Listen, if OOWF was an actual corporation instead of a podunk group of idiots, I would sue your ass for sexual harrassment.
DV: You can't spell harrassment without ass. And I like yours. *grabs her ass*
ML: Ok. Fuck this.
Missy sprays Viper with mace and then kicks him in the nuts!
DV: OH YOU FUCKING BITCH! OH GODDAMMIT! YOU ARE DEAD! YOU HEAR ME? YOU ARE FUCKING DEAD!
In a rage, Viper lunges at Missy Lane and begins to tear her blouse off. As Missy screams, Mark Vander comes in with and WHACKS Viper with a chair!
MV: I thought you had enough of me, asshole.
And just then, Tommy O'Neil comes from behind Mark Vander and KERRANGS Vander with a wicked left hook!
TO: C'mon, 'arpa. Let's get dis floozy rag up an 'ave som fun wit her, eh?
HC: My pleasure.
Camby lifts Missy over his shoulder and takes her with him as O'Neill helps Viper back to the locker room.
As they leave, the camera goes back to Mark Vander before fading away. Vander, still on the ground reeling, gets on his cell phone.
MV: Alexander. You've gotta help me here, man...
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 10:33:30 GMT -5
*Scheme Gene is talking on his cell phone*
SG: I don't know how the PETA website even got my phone number. Now I keep getting hassled about sexual exploitation of an endangered species. You never told anyone about that site with the penguins we used to visit, did you? Yes, I know you consider them the most addictive of all the marsupials, Randy, but just keep quiet about it.
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 10:33:57 GMT -5
**L.D. Williams walks into Moosehead Jack’s locker room**
MHJ: “Williams.”
LD: “Jack. You wanted to see me?”
MHJ: “I want to make sure we’re on the same page for our match with Johnny and Beast.”
LD: “The same page has never really been a problem for us, has it?”
MHJ: **pauses** “Well no, not really, but with everything going up at once, it doesn’t hurt to check.”
LD: “When I came to you months ago and asked what it would take to get Johnny the IC title back, you saw right through me. You knew that the only career I was trying to advance was my own. You agreed to help me, as long as I ‘had your back when the time came’. You saw this coming.”
MHJ: “With the personalities around here, it was just a matter of time. You ready to hold up your end?”
LD: “Do you have to ask? Of course I’m ready. Are you?”
MHJ: “What’s that supposed to mean?”
LD: “Think about Mayhem last week. What’s the first then that comes to mind?”
MHJ: “Concrete beating the snot out of Niles with a chair.”
LD: “Exactly. What else?”
MHJ: **pauses** “Eric and his chair.”
LD: “Also true. See any problem with that?”
MHJ: “Should I?”
LD: “The students have surpassed the teachers Jack. We’re supposed to be the kings of carnage around here, but we’ve brought Concrete and Eric so far down our path that they’re overshadowing us.”
MHJ: “What are you trying to say?”
LD: “Look, I like Eric, and I respect Concrete. I’m glad they’re on our side. I won’t deny Donnie or Underdawg their place in this either. But when it comes down to it, this is our war Jack. Yours and mine. We knew Johnny and Niles would stab us in the back eventually, and we spent months preparing. There is no way in hell we’re going to let anyone upstage us now.”
MHJ: “Are you trying to make a point here somewhere?”
LD: “The point is Jack, that when we face Johnny and Beast, we have no one to protect, no one to impress, no earthly reason to hold back. I want you to think long and hard before our match. Search that tiny black soul of yours. Dig up every sick, twisted, malevolent thought that you’ve buried since you’ve been teaming with Concrete. Find all that anger and all that frustration and bring it to the ring. When we face Johnny and Beast, it’s not going to be a wrestling match, it’s not going to be a fight, it’s going to be a bloodbath. And you and I are going to show the OOWF how we earned our reputations. We’re going to teach the OOWF the meaning of the word fear…..Trust me.”
**Williams walks out of the room. Jack stares off into space and after a moment, begins to smile.**
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 10:34:48 GMT -5
SFJ #27 is whispering outside the bedroom door of Attitude Adjuster. Cameraman Blackey Dragonowski is filming.
SFJ#27: We're here at the early hour of 6:30 a.m. to see what Attitude Adjuster does in the early hour of 6:30 a.m.
BD: What?
SFJ#27: Look, English is like a second language to me. I went to beauty school (giggle, giggle).
SFJ#27 cracks open the door. We find AA still sleeping, covers tucked over his head. The camera's blinding light bursts into the room, awaking AA.
AA: Damn it, someone turn the light out!!!!!!!
BD: Nice Speed Racer pajamas...
SFJ#27: AA, are those Speed Racer pajamas part of your training program to defeat Black Dragon at Midweek Mayhem?
AA: Get the hell out of my bedroom. I need to take a piss. What time is it? It better not be before 9 a.m. I never get up before 9 a.m.
SFJ#27: It's 6:32 a.m., Attitude Adjuster. Have you thought about Blackdragon yet today?
AA crawls out of bed and stumbles off to the bathroom. The cameraman pans back to the bedroom dresser to find numerous porn magazines, an empty box of Kleenex and a large bottle of Vaseline.
BD: Ewwwww....this is going to be a long week.
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 10:35:11 GMT -5
<MHJ is leaving the locker room after his chat with LD Williams, as he walks through the door way he walks right into Johnny Adrenaline and Beast>
MHJ: <looking over Johnny's shoulder> Well Adrenaline, seems like maybe you've growna set, only one guy as your back up this time, I'm impressed, maybe one day you'll actually be able to confront me one-on-one
JA: <chuckling to himself> You know Moose, you just don't get it do you?
MHJ: Please, enlighten me.
JA: Niles was right all along, I was a fool to ever align myself with you. You and your trust me, this and trust me that, you never delivered, ever. Face it Jack you are loser, and you always will be loser, and you will always be in the shadow of Niles Anderson
MHJ: Is that so? Let me ask you this Johnny, since you started hanging around Niles how many titles have you won?
JA: Well I .....
MHJ: Hell, how many title shots have you had since you became Niles bitch boy?
JA: Look Moose I....
MHJ: And for you to say that LD Williams and Eric O'Mac can't hold your jock, who won that cage match a few weeks ago?
JA: They got lucky, that's......
MHJ: Johnny you talk real big, you run your mouth about everything the fact is, Niles keeps you, and him <glancing at Beast> around to protect his title
JA: <seething, almost screaming right in Moose's face> I AM NOT ANYONE'S BITCH BOY! I AM THE FORMER INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION! I AM THE BEST WRESTLER IN THE OOWF, YOU LIE! YOU ARE JUST TRYING TO PISS ME OFF, WE OUGHT TO DRAG YOUR SORRY CARCASS OUT OF HERE AND....
<just then a chair slams into Johnny's back sending him staggering into Moose, Moose grabs him and drops him with a DDT. LD Williams turns and swings at Beast, but Beast swats the chair away and grabs LDW by the throat, Beast raises his arm for the BIG MONSTER HAMMER CLUB O'DEATH, but before he can connect Moose nails him with a heart punch. Beast staggers, Williams kicks him and drops him with a DDT. Both men are out, MHJ & LDW mount the fallen men and pound away, Williams grabs the chair and repeatedly slams it onto Beast's skull, Johnny slams the chair into Johnny's face, leaving him out cold.>
MHJ: <looking at the camera> Niles, I warned you, I FUCKING warned you, you send your men to give me messages, this is what happens. I keep telling you back off, if this is what you want, keep pushing, you'll get it, trust me.
LDW: <staring at the camera> Fear me, bitch!
<Jack and Williams leave leaving Beast barely moving, and Johnny out cold>
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 10:35:36 GMT -5
The door of a cluttered, dimly lit little junk store opens with a slow chime of the door bell.
Capellan limps gingerly into the store, the door swinging close behind him. The handsome young wrestler has his back and neck in a cast, and is using a cane to aid his walking.
"Master Lei?" he calls.
A small figure emerges from the gloom at the back of the store. OMG~! It's PAT MORITA~!
"Told you your training was incomplete, did I not, young warrior?" Morita channels Yoda, "Much still to learn, you have."
"I was Onslaught champion, Master Lei!" Capellan protests.
"And Champion now you are not." Morita waves a hand dismissively, "You wish your training to complete?"
"Yes, Master Lei." Capellan nods, "I do."
"Then first the acupuncture needles I must fetch. Your injury we must treat, before your skills complete can become."
The scene fades out.
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 10:36:00 GMT -5
Attitude Adjuster watches the Mooseheadjack/LD Williams beatdown of Johnny Adrenaline and Beast on the hotel television.
AA: Damn, I have to get down to the arena and be more involved in stuff. Can't have Johnny and Beast getting beat down like that!
Cameraman Blackey Dragonowski: How did you just see that?
AA: It's one of the mysteries of wrestling, son. See this contraption? (AA pulls out a pager-like device with just one button.) This is OOWF-TV. When you have one of these, you just click the button and the nearest television instantly tunes to OOWF-TV. Any camera following any wrestler shows up on television.
BD: Kinda like us right now?
AA: Exactly. Watch this.
AA pushes the button and his conversation with the cameraman is on the screen.
BD: That's cool. But how am I on television when I have the camera?
AA: There's another cameraman behind you, except you can't see him. That's the OOWF-TV Ninja Cameraman. There's about a dozen of them in the OOWF, and that's how we see all these surprise beatdowns, car chases and secret meetings. It's the Ninjas.
BD: Can I be a Ninja Cameraman someday?
AA: I doubt it. You suck. (Awkward silence follows). So where's SFJ #27 anyway? We have to get to the arena.
BD: She's in the bathroom, deciding what clothes to wear.
AA: They let the SFJ decide what clothes to wear? Doesn't that tax their brain?
BD: Why do you think she's been in there for over an hour? And she doesn't even have a change of clothes!
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 10:36:26 GMT -5
*Underdawg and Phil are sitting in a bar outside the arena. They've each had a couple of shots and numerous empty beer bottles are spread out in front of them*
PH: Yar. Yet again, I be losin' me match.
UD: Hey, I was in that match too. I lost too. Quit yer bitchin' and start actin' like a man.
PH: Yar, but I not be a man. Maybe a robot/zombie doesn't be havin' a place in the OOWF after all, says I.
UD: So, first you were sad that you couldn't win any matches cleanly, then you got mad that Beast, er... MONSTER destroyed your iParrot, then you got upset that I wouldn't be your friend, and NOW you're moping about losing again? You need to pull it together, you freak. I mean, I'm weird and everything, but man, you've got some emotional problems.
PH: Oh yeah, who asked ye? Yar.
UD: Oh now look, son. Takin' that tone with the Master of Dawgness will get yourself hurt really damn quick. You best back the fuck up before your eye gets blacked the fuck up.
*Someone from the back of the bar yells FIGHT!*
PH: Yar. You're right thar matey. I shouldn'ta said th--
*Just then a glass pitcher full of beer smashes over Phil's head. Tables and chairs start to fly as the entire bar erupts in a hurricane of wood, glass, fists and blood. When the dust settles, Underdawg and Phil are still sitting on their chairs, finishing their beers.*
UD: What the hell was THAT all about?
PH: Yar, I'm not bein' to sure. I just be glad that we stayed out of it. Bartender, pour me another of yer finest draft meads!
*The bartender slowly raises up from behind the bar. He grabs the only clean, unbroken glass in the pub and reaches for the tap. As he pulls the tap THE BEAST POPS OUT!*
B: Hey idiots. I'm just popping in to plug my hot new T-Shirt. By the way, Phil, although his head is that of a Dawg, Underdawg's brain is quite human. Bon apatit.
*Beast crashes through the bar and then through a wall leading to the walk-in refrigerator and then through the back of that and out into the alley. Phil lunges hungrily from his barstool heading straight for Underdawg's head! The two begin to brawl in the already destroyed barroom when OOWF backstage officials come running in. The officials manage to separate the hulking duo as GM The Rick walks in between them.*
R: Look around you. Would you look at what you've done?...
*Rick leans down and picks up a broken bottle. A single tear running down his cheek.*
R: ...all this whisky. Gone. I'm ashamed and DISGUSTED with your behavior. BOTH of you. If the Biscuit were still here... well, I... I just don't want to talk about it. He'd probably have had a heart attack.
UD: That's bound to happen anyway.
R: Shut up! Look. You guys wanna tear up bars? You guys wanna eat each other's brains?
UD: Um, not really.
PH: Yar. An' the bar was already a might bit overturned a'fore Dawgface an' me started our tussle....
R: ENOUGH! Your total lack of respect, both of you, leaves me no choice! This week at Midweek Mayhem, it's gonna be Underdawg v Phil in a STREET FIGHT!
PH: YAR!
UD: WOOF!
R: POTSIE!
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 10:36:50 GMT -5
[Attitude Adjuster is seen walking thru the hallway, being followed by cameraman Blackey Dragonowski, being followed by invisible Ninja Cameraman. AA sees Johnny Adrenaline laid out on the floor.]
AA: Johnny, you all right? What happened to Beast?
BD: Beast went to the bar.
AA: What? He just got...
BD: It's called no-selling. He's good at that.
AA: Oh...
JA: [just coming to] Huh? What?
AA: That sorry ass Moose and his lackey Williams just beat you and Beast down, man! You want me to go cut a promo on them?
JA: Promo? Yeah, that'll do the trick. Talk about their mommas or something.
AA: You need a sandwich or anything, man?
JA: No, I'm good.
AA: Sorry, Johnny. I should've been here instead of partying up preparing for my Intercontinental Title match.
JA: It's all good, Tude. Party away. And cut some more promos. This is your week, man!
[Just then, the Invisible Ninja Cameraman makes a move toward BD to lay him out with the camera, but AA gives him a subtle headshake and calls him off.]
AA: Well, look, Johnny. If that's the case, I'm just gonna leave you here and go eat, drink, and cut promos. Come on, Blackey.
[AA, BD, and the Invisible Ninja Cameraman walk away, leaving Adrenaline to drag his ass off the concrete floor himself.]
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 10:37:19 GMT -5
AA is seen sitting in the locker room, contemplating. He looks into the camera.
AA: What?!? You think cutting promos is easy? Johnny said to cut a promo about LD and Moose's mommas. When I'm ready to cut a promo on their mothers, I'll let you know. Otherwise, get that camera out of my face!
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 10:37:38 GMT -5
*Canadian Dragon is standing beside Sexy Female Journalists #2."
SFJ#2: "So how do you feel about your match against Firechild?"
CD: "With all do respect to...umm...you know what, who the hell is Firechild anyways?"
SFJ#2: "He's one of the contenders for the Onslaught title."
CD: "Oh...well great. I guess this means after getting screwed out of the OOWF title yet again that I have to wait for my title shot. I'm getting sick of this shit."
SFJ#2: "So...what do you think about Firechild?"
CD: "I think he's going to lose at MidWeek Mayhem. And maybe I've beating the great Firechild I can get a rematch with Niles. Well actually, I'm sure by then the champ will be Concrete. Maybe if I was the bookers pet poroject I'd get a little more respect."
SFJ#2: "Ummm...what are you talking about."
CD: "Wow...for the first time one of you are actually trying to be dumb. This interview is over."
*CD leaves as SFJ#2 looks on confused.*
|
|
|
Post by mooseheadjack on Jun 13, 2008 10:38:00 GMT -5
*The Tag Team Champions approach their downed vehicle when they notice, from a 100 yards out, that a GMC Yukon, with a smashed grill, and a burrito shaped hole in its windshield, is parked next to it.*
Stank - SHIT!
FFC - Ah Hell.
Stank and FFC run into the wooded area to their left.
Stank - Dammit what are they doing? Are they waiting for us?
FFC - How would they know we are coming back? C'mon. We need to get closer.
*The champs edge closer to the two vehicles, coming within 20 yards*
Stank - You see em?
FFC - No. Where are they?
*Stank and FF Capslock edge closer, looking all around. There is no sign of the Establishment. Finally they arrive at their vehicle and smell...*
Stank - Piss. They pissed on my ride. THEY FUCKIN SPRAYED URINE on MY RIDE, LOCK!
FFC - SHHHH! Keep it down, man. They could still b...
* Suddenly the back of the GMC Yukon opens and Endo and Morte jump out weilding yellow snowballs. Stank and FFC turn to run but are PELTED by raining, urine stained snowballs. Soon the tag champs are SOAKING in snow and piss. The Establishment whoop and holler as they board their SUV and hightail it down the Tungsten trail toward Old Crow.*
*The Tag Champs stand in the ditch dripping next to Stank's SUV.*
FFC - Dude.
Stank - *snif**snif* uhh yuck.
|
|