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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 10:11:19 GMT -5
Firewoman is watching one of the strategically placed monitors when she sees this exchange.
FW: Wow, you think? Third time's a charm, baby. Pride goeth before a fall, and all that shit.
She takes a sip of her Starbucks Cinnamin Dulce latte, which is infinitely better than that Dunkin Donuts swill.
FW: Now that's a damn good point for once Davin.
Firewoman looks over to where Eric O' Mac is polishing the Onslaught belt. She thinks for a moment and then leaves.
She walks down the hall and gets to GMtheRick's office. She listens for a moment, to make sure neither of the warring factions are in there, then knocks.
GMtR: God, what now... Come in.
FW: Rick I have never requested a match before, but I'd like to request one now.
GMtR: And what's in it for me?
FW: Well, you are aware that DEA has not chosen sides yet...
GMtR: True.
FW: Well, I could maybe persuade DEA to pick a particular side, depending upon your answer.
Firewoman kicks out the ninjacamera man and closes the door. The door opens a few minutes later.
GMtR: I said I'll think about it.
FW: See that you do, Rick.
Firewoman goes back to her locker room.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 10:12:01 GMT -5
Before Firewoman exits GM The Rick's office and heads to her locker room...
**Bunny sees Firewoman walk out of GM The Rick's office. He approaches without hesitation.**
Bunny: Fire.
Fire: Evan.
Bunny: It's Bunny now.
Fire: Hasn't it always been Bunny?
Bunny: No. It was Rabbxt once.
Fire: Odd. I seem to recall several wrestlers referring to you as Bunny.
Bunny: They meant it as an insult, Fire. I'm not stupid.
Fire: They also called you Bunny Bitch, Gopher, Furby... Oh, wait. It was me who called you Furby.
Bunny: I'm so fucking glad that I left your little group.
Fire: Um... If I recall correctly, which I do, it was us who kicked you out of the Darling Enterprise Agency. Not the other way around.
Bunny: You'd like to think that, wouldn't you?
Fire: I kind of have proof, dude.
**Firewoman walks back into GM The Rick's office, Bunny following behind her.**
Rick: We're finished, Fire.
Fire: Calm it. Just need to show Furby here just how bad his memory is.
Bunny: Yo, Ricky. I believe this is our first meeting?
Rick: I believe you're correct.
Fire: Both of you, shut it. Ev, watch this.
Bunny: Damn it, Fire! It's Bunny! It's not even a hard name to remember!
Fire: It matters?
Rick: Get on with it.
**Firewoman pops an HD-DVD into the HD-DVD player, connected to the HD-TV mounted on GM The Rick's wall.**
Fire: Just let me skip a few chapters...
Fire: As you just saw, you had no choice in the matter.
Bunny: That's your own opinion and I respect it.
Fire: My own opinion? We just fucking watched it on the screen. In high definition! Rick, you seen it, right?
Rick: I'm sorry, Bunny. But I'm going to have to agree with Fire on this one. You got beat down.
Bunny: Ricky, you may have just lost a valuable ally in this war of yours.
Fire: Stop being such a pussy, Bunny.
Bunny: Stop being such a bitch, Bitch.
Fire: Ooh, clever. You called me a bitch.
Rick: If you two are going to fight, at least get the hell out of my office first.
Bunny: I'd be more than happy, Ricky.
Fire: We're not fighting, Bunny. Just calm the hell down. Why did you even approach me in the first place?
Bunny: I saw that glance at Eric's Onslaught Championship.
Fire: You noticed that I glanced at something? You're obsessive.
Bunny: Maybe, Fire. Maybe. But what I know is that you have no chance at getting that belt.
Fire: I'd love to hear your why.
Bunny: Because that belt is mine at Mayhem.
Fire: Hahaha!
Bunny: I'd watch it, girl. I'm not afraid to kick the shit out of a chick.
Fire: And I'm not afraid to pulverize a small, furry, harmless, white and pink bunny rabbit.
Rick: Again...
Fire: Still not fighting. Rabb...
Bunny: Bunny.
Fire: Yea, whatever. There's no way in hell that you can beat the clock. Even without the clock, you'd be fucked. You're not getting that belt, man.
Bunny: You can defend your little group all you want, but when it comes time, it'll all crumble. Trust me on this, Fire. You little "entertainers" ain't nothing close to what you see yourselves as. All y'all can be beat. At least one of y'all will be beat at Mayhem.
Fire: Don't flatter yourself. You're not nearly as good as you think you are, either.
Rick: I know you two aren't fighting, but please... Get the hell out of my office!
Fire: Grumpy man, you are.
Rick: Out!
**Firewoman exits GM The Rick's office.**
Bunny: So, Ricky. I've been thinking about joining forces with you.
Rick: Bunny, you attacked a fan after your match with Carl. That's extremely unacceptable.
Bunny: Don't kid yourself, man. That guy was asking for it. Clearly asking for it.
Rick: However true that may be, it is never an ok thing to strike an audience member. But that's not all. You killed one of our reporters!
Bunny: Reporter... Reporter...
Rick: You shot him with an uzi!
Bunny: Oh, yea! That guy! Forgot about him. But it's not like he mattered, anyway.
Rick: Bunny...
Bunny: You know it's true.
Rick: Well...
Bunny: Come on.
Rick: Fine, it's true. He didn't matter. He wasn't even important enough to be given a name.
Bunny: Exactly. So, what do you say? Would you like my help in this little thing you've got going?
Rick: I'm hesitant.
Bunny: Take your time, dog. Just call me in whenever you reach your decision. Just make sure it's the right one. I think you know which one that is?
Rick: From your point of view, yes. I see the right choice. I'll call you once I go through the positives and negatives.
Bunny: Positives, you've got me. Negatives, they've got me. It's simple shit, Ricky.
Rick: I'll call you.
**Bunny walks out of GM The Rick's office and meets back up with Firewoman.**
Bunny: Mayhem, Fire. Me and Eric. This Bunny is going over.
Fire: A cliff, hopefully.
Bunny: Joke around all you want...
Fire: I wasn't joking.
Bunny: Take your medication and I'll talk to you when you ain't wacked the fuck out. Until then, Fire, peace. You can tell Mr. O'Mac that his reign as Onslaught Champion will be short-lived. Bunny's got his number.
**Bunny hops and flips down the hallways, leaving Firewoman alone.**
Fire: That's such a stupid gimmick...
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 10:12:36 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland is trying to shake off the goosebumps on the way back to the GMs office, where he runs into a just-leaving Firewoman. They do a STAREDOWN SPOT! (which is kinda funny because she's like 5'3" and he's 6'10"*
DM: Are we really doing a staredown spot?
F: Sorta looks that way.
DM: This looks kinda ridiculous.
F: Yeah, I'm getting that sense.
DM: Good luck tomorrow.
*Fire and Davin part ways, and Davin enters the GM office*
GMtR: Where the fuck have you been?
DM: Um, Not here. I had stuff to do.
GMtR: Like rile up your stablemates?
DM: Stablemate. Has he called yet?
GMtR: No. Is he supposed to?
DM: Maybe.
GMtR: And what was that with Moose? Consorting with the enemy?
DM: For Christ's sake Rick. In case you've been under a rock the last year or so; Moose and I have issues. We were hashing.
GMtR: Hashing issues?
DM: Obviously.
GMtR: I got a visit while you were gone.
DM: Fire?
GMtR: Yeah, but not just her.
DM: Who?
GMtR: Bunny.
DM: What did he want?
GMtR: He wants to side with us.
DM: Awesome.
GMtR: I told him we'd think about it.
DM: You WHAT???!
GMtR: I told him we'd THINK about it. He merc'd a reporter in the hallway last week!
DM: But he didn't count!
GMtR: Be that as it may...
DM: No, fuck that; if we can get this generation's cross between Jack Evans and fucking Sabu on our side, we do it. I'll be back.
GMtR: Where are you going?
DM: To do your job!
*Davin Leaves, and knocks on the door with the "Beware of Bunny" sign. He answers.*
B: What up.
DM: You're in. We need you Bunny, you're in.
B: Word.
*He closes the door, Davin looks around for a Ninja Cameraman*
DM: Moose. If you want to talk in riddles, you're wasting your time. "Mutual Interests"? As of now, Moose; we have none. I'm always open for a chat, Moose. I'm a lover, not a fighter. You know that. *smirks* Anywho, Moosey - as long as we stay out of each other's way during business time, I think we should be just fine.
DM: That chest of yours though..*shakes head* Dripping with the irony. You miss the days of the coffee pot, dontcha?
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 10:12:56 GMT -5
**Bunny shuts the door after getting told the good news by Davin Moreland.**
Bunny: Rad. I'm in. Wait...
**Bunny opens up the door and sees Davin has just finished the rest of his promo.**
Bunny: Yo, Davin.
Davin: Yea, Bunny?
Bunny: Ricky told you to tell me this, right?
Davin: Well, sort of.
Bunny: Sort of?
Davin: Yea, it's like this. He told me that you stopped by...
Bunny: I did.
Davin: He said that you offered to be on our side...
Bunny: I did that, too.
Davin: And he told me that he wanted to think about it.
Bunny: That's what he told me.
Davin: That's bullshit.
Bunny: I would have to agree.
Davin: I told Rick that we need you and then came and told you that you're in.
Bunny: So it wasn't an order from him?
Davin: Not directly, no.
Bunny: I'm out.
Davin: You're out?
Bunny: Yea, man. I'm out. If Ricky didn't tell you that he wanted me on his side, I'm fine with going to the other side. If you need me, I'll be talking with Bennett.
Davin: Woa, woa, woa. You're on our side.
Bunny: Not until Ricky tells me he wants me. I want to hear it from his mouth.
Davin: Fine by me. Let's go.
**Davin Moreland and Bunny walk through the halls and arrive at GM The Rick's office. They walk right in.**
Rick: Damn it. What now?
Bunny: Do you want me or not?
Davin: We want him, Rick.
Bunny: I want to hear it from you, Ricky. Do you want me on your side?
Davin: Tell him that we do, Rick. Don't let this opportunity slip away.
Bunny: Tell me what you really want. Don't let Davin influence your opinion.
Davin: You know that we want him, Rick. You've seen what he can do.
Bunny: What's it going to be, Ricky?
Davin: We need him, Rick.
Bunny: Tell me. I'm all ears.
Rick: Yes, you are.
**GM The Rick points and laughs at Bunny's floppy rabbit ears.**
Davin: Not now, Rick.
Bunny: I don't think he takes me seriously. I'm out, guys.
Davin: Wait!
Bunny: What? He thinks I'm a fucking joke. Fuck you, Ricky. And fuck your little group here. I'll be talking with Bennett if you need me.
**Bunny leaves GM The Rick's office.**
Davin: What the fuck, Rick?
Rick: I couldn't resist the joke. He set me up perfectly.
Davin: Well I'm glad you got your joke in, 'cause we just lost him as a member of our side. Good job.
**We see Bunny walk into his locker room and shut the door.**
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 10:13:20 GMT -5
<Bunny barely closes the door when there is a knock>
Bunny: Must be Davin and Rick, that didn't take long
<Bunny opens the door and LJ Bennett, Eric O'Mac and Moosehead Jack are all standing there>
Bunny:<clearly a little surprised> Yes?
LJB: You want to take our side in this? We would welcome you. And you are hearing it straight from me. I respect you enough to give you that face to face meeting
Bunny: And I do appreciate that. <looks at Moose> What do you have to say?
MHJ: I got no problem with it
Bunny:<looking at Eric> And what about you? When I take the Onslaught title, are you just going to be ok with that?
EOM: Not a chance in he.......<Bennett puts up a hand stopping Eric>
LJB: Eric will be fine with whatever happens. We are a group united against Rick and his men. Should the title be passed around the men within our army, so be it, the title still remains with us
Bunny: I want to hear it from him
EOM: IF you beat me for this title, we can still co-exist. Its all about putting differences aside for a greater good, right? <Eric looks at Moose while he is saying this>
LJB: Now, what about you? If Eric wins the match, will you be able to co-exist?
Bunny: I can still get matches right?
LJB: Of course
Bunny: Well then, we just might have a deal
<fade>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 10:13:41 GMT -5
[We focus on The Nerve Agent walking down the hallway. He stops outside of GM the Rick's office. He knocks once and opens the door. Davin Moreland is still there yelling at GMtR.]
Davin: And another thing...
GMtR: What the hell?! Can't I just sit in my office for 10 minutes without someone bothering me?
TNA: No.
GMtR: Who the hell are you anyway?
TNA: Dude, not cool. I'm The Nerve Agent fuckhead.
Davin: What the hell dude? You shouldn't cuss out GMtR.
TNA: He should know who I am. This is my way of getting him to remember me. Now when he hears of The Nerve Agent, he'll think of the time I called him fuckhead.
Davin: And you think that's a good thing?
TNA: Sure.
GMtR: Anyway, what did you want?
TNA: Oh, I don't know. I kinda just wanted to know why everyone was coming here. It's in everyone's promos.
Davin: You're serious? That's the only reason?
TNA: Well, yeah. I mean, why else would I be here?
Davin: Don't you remember last week, when I came and talked to you and Blitz in your locker room?
TNA: Oh yeah. I try not to remember anything about the prick.
Davin: Who, me? I'll kick your..
TNA: Not you dude. Calm down. Fuckin' Blitz. He sucks.
GMtR: Well, that's nice. You can leave now.
Davin: Wait a minute, Rick. Let's see if he's interested.
TNA: Interested in what?
Davin: Well...
[And the camera fades to black.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 10:14:04 GMT -5
Firewoman is still WALKING~! And she's 5'6" dammit. She sees Eric O' Mac also WALKING~!, and everyone else, for that matter.
FW: Damn, what is with everyone. It's actually crowded out here.
EoM: Pre-match jitters?
FW: Yeah sure. Look, I know you can handle Furby. But, just in case...Just wanted to let you know that I'll have your back.
EoM: I wouldn't need it.
FW: Not sayin' you would man, but he's different somehow. And the belt needs to stay with DEA. So, I'm just sayin' I'm here.
Firewoman extends her hand. After some hesitation, Eric takes it.
EoM: I won't need you.
FW: I know. But I'll be there anyway.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 10:14:27 GMT -5
*Davin and Rick are watching tha happenins on OOWF-TV*
DM: You believe me now? Still think I'm fucking paranoid? I've been talking about this since Christmas, and until the last couple weeks, you've done NOTHING to address this. Now look. They show up. They kiss some ass. They lie and make promises they never intend to fulfill, and they fall for it.
GMtR: So they shmooze them. Just like you did with Stank?
DM: No Rick. Stank was big-timing us a bit, but he had a point, and I overreacted. But if YOU, YOU Rick are going to continue to sabotage everyone who comes across your path, what the fuck are you gonna do? You think Cole and Firechild are gonna stick around? And dammit Rick, if this ends up DLP against the World, you're gonna be one sorry bastard when we let them shut you down. Either get committed, or get out Rick. This is serious shit. Enough with the "I don't care" bullshit.
GMtR: What the fuck do you want me to do?
DM: FUCKING FIGHT! Are you really gonna let these people walk over you? Christ, Erlana's got more balls than you do.
GMtR: Now hold on...
DM: No Rick, YOU hold the fuck on. You either get committed 100% in this thing; or maybe *I* will have a conversation with Bennett about the future of DLP...
GMtR: You wouldn't.
DM: I wouldn't? You know Rick, when it all comes down, I'm-a do what's best for Davin Moreland; and if I find myself aligned with a wishy-washy General Manager, I'm gonna go in the other direction.
*He stands up and goes to the door*
GMtR: Where are you going?
DM: I dunno, Rick. I might try to talk to Bunny again. I might do something else; but I gotta get the fuck out of here. Rick, you need to decide how this is gonna go down. If you're just gonna fold; you need to tell us.
*Davin leaves, Rick reaches for the whiskey*
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 10:14:49 GMT -5
**Bunny watched Davin's freakout on his 32" TV before exiting his locker room and walking... Sorry... WALKING~! down the hallway. He pushes his way into GM The Rick's office.**
Bunny: Ricky.
Rick: No. Get out. I just had Davin in here freaking out on...
Bunny: I know. I saw. I agree with him. Davin sees what you don't see, Ricky.
Rick: What would that be?
Bunny: Potential. Potential in me. Potential in you if you would try even the least bit. Look, Ricky. If you want what I know that you want, you need to work for it. It's not just going to come to you. You have an enemy in Bennett. If you don't take action, you're fucked. Look, man. I came to you first. I didn't even go see Bennett after you passed me off as a joke. I went to my locker room to cool off. I can see you winning this thing, Ricky. You need to see it, too.
Rick: I can see it.
Bunny: Then go after it, man! You have to show that you believe in it! Don't just sit back and let shit go down. Take control of it!
Rick: You're right.
Bunny: No shit I'm right!
Rick: So, you in?
Bunny: Ayo, Ricky. Look, dog. I came to you first. You turned me down. Bennett, Moose, and Eric gave me a little offer to join up with them.
Rick: You didn't give them an answer, Bunny. You still have a choice.
Bunny: I do, Ricky. I do. But I'm not sure which one would be the right one. How do I know if you're really into this thing? How do I know that you're going to stop fucking around and start taking advantage of things?
Rick: You have my word, Bunny. If you side with me, you have my word.
Bunny: And if I don't side with you?
Rick: Then my other recruits will kick your furry ass, along with the rest of Team Bennett.
Bunny: That's what I wanted to hear. What are you going to do about Davin? He's pretty pissed.
Rick: Rightfully so. Hopefully, he'll cool off and come to terms.
Bunny: If not, you have yourself to blame. You know that, right?
Rick: Unfortunately, yes. I just pray that he reasons with himself and comes back to where he belongs.
Bunny: You want I should see if I can speed it up a little?
Rick: If you think you can handle him, go for it.
Bunny: Sure thing, Ricky. Me and you, we're tight.
Rick: Sure thing. Now go re-recruit Davin. We need him on our side.
Bunny: That's a definite. I hope to return with good news.
**Bunny leaves GM The Rick's office in search of Davin Moreland.**
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 10:15:15 GMT -5
*Bunny spies Davin Moreland at the Dunkin Donuts Hospitality Tent, manned by Randy Moss talking about Marshall University and drinking coffee*
DM: So Chad could throw more than 10 yards then?
RM: Heeeelllll yes if he was throwin to me.
Bunny: Davin?
DM: Hey Bunny. This is Randy Moss.
B: Hi Randy.
RM: Whattup.
B: Davin...wanna go do some flippy shit?
DM: *grins* Yeah, sure man. Can you teach me to hit that 810 consistently? I always over-rotate.
B: 810? No fucking way you can do an 810. You couldn't even do a 10.
DM: You don't watch my matches, do you?
B: You're like...a million feet tall and 5 million pounds...How can you?
DM: Always kept my flexibility, Bunny. Used to jump off of picnic tables and shit when I was a kid doin flips and whatnot.
B: *he now grins* Dude. You gonna stay pissed at Rick?
DM: Nah. I think he got my message. But c'mon, let's go do some flippy shit.
*They go off to do flippy shit*
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 10:15:39 GMT -5
Phantos & Lucios are inside the Run DLP Aquafina Locker Room
Phantos: This has been a crazy week. I promo'ed in COLOR Luc! I don't even know how I did that.
Lucios (who is disinterested and has his eyes closed): uh huh.
Phantos: And you and Davin had that little blow-up and I had to get between you.
Lucios: uh huh. Friends don't always see eye to eye.
Phantos: I wish I'd have seen that.
Lucios: Suspension of disbelief man.
Phantos: ... And then Davin going off and being all chummy with that prick Bunny! I hate that guy!
Lucios: Give it a rest man. go play on the trampoline or something.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 10:15:58 GMT -5
Carl From Fresno tries to enter Rick's office unnoticed.
GMtR: What NOW!
CFF: I really do want one of those contracts if you're giving them out
GMtR: Im not giving out ANYTHING.
CFF: C'mon Rick! I'll give you my panhandling money! I'll do ANYTHING!
GMtR: Anything? Hmm... Carl, I have an idea.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 10:16:20 GMT -5
[Eric O'Mac is sitting in his old locker room behind a desk. He's watching a TV with Bunny's matches.]
E: Damn. This match is gonna be good.
[There is a knock at his door.]
E: Come in.
[In walks Alexis Darling.]
E: Miss Darling.
A: How are you feeling?
E: I've been better. I've been so busy this week trying to sort out everyone's shit, I haven't had time to watch tape on my opponent this week.
A: I really didn't want Alexander to do what he did.
E: Well, he did it. And he made this situation really fucking complicated.
A: That's just how Alexander can get sometimes. His pride...
E: You realize that his pride could really fuck things up?
A: Eric, we've talked about this.
E: I know we've talked about it, but then I've gotta talk to Moose and get him to stop thinking about whatever the fuck he's thinking about, I've got Firewoman glancing at my title belt in a loving fashion, I've got Bunny breathing down my back - when the hell does it all end?
A: You brought this all on yourself, you know. You fired the first shot.
E: I know that. I don't regret it. But I wish people would start understanding what this war is about. I'm speaking very highly of your brother and Firewoman. I joined DEA because this group has the potential to go places. But that includes knowing WHEN to do things. Your brother did a great deal of pissing me off.
A: Who's side are you on then?
E: I'm on DEA's side! What I'm doing is for the good of DEA. But your brother doesn't see that, he needs to make things personal.
A: Look, we've had this discussion before. Am I going to have to calm you down again?
[Eric sighs.]
E: You're right.
A: Any reason you are in here and not in the DEA Suites?
E: I can't focus with Firewoman doing her yoga.
A: You think you'll retain tomorrow night?
E: I like my chances. Bunny is good. He's real good. Has a hell of a gimmick too. But the one thing I've noticed is in all of his wins against accomplished wrestlers? Those matches all went over 15 minutes. That means that if he's to win, the clock isn't on his side.
A: He's gonna know that.
E: I don't have to win. My advantage as champion is to make sure I don't lose. Bunny is good, real good. But he can't beat me if he can't beat the clock. And I don't think he can.
A: OK, well, I have to get back.
E: Thanks for checking on me. Tell your brother that I'm willing to let his actions go for now. Mr. Bennett still wants to meet with him. Per his request, I'll be there. Moose will not.
A: I'll tell him.
E: Thanks Alexis.
[Alexis leaves and Eric continues to watch Bunny highlights. Fade out.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 10:17:15 GMT -5
*Fade in on The DEA Luxury Suite*
We enter the suite in mid-argument…
Alexis Darling: I can not believe you put me in this fucking position again Alex. Why…just tell me why you had to go so fucking far?
Alexander Darling: You wouldn’t understand Alexis.
Alexis: I WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND. Are you completely loco brother? I was there with you every single step of the way the first time we went through this…
Alexander: This is nothing like that. I promise you. After the stories I heard, I thought he’d be someone to avoid and after this past week; I’m done with him.
Alexis: And you think HE will be done with it…he’s not going to let you get away with carving initials into his chest?
Alexander: No, I don’t think he will. But this is between he and I. We made sure that you’d be protected…I will make sure you’re protected Lex. You’ve got to believe me when I say nothing will ever happen to you while I still have a breath in my body.
Alexis: And what if you’re not here Alex…what then?
Alexander: Now you don’t have faith in me? What else…
Alexis: It’s not about faith…fuck it, I need air. I’m gonna head back to the hotel and try to get some work done. I have some stuff to work through. When are you meeting with Bennett?
Alexander: Whenever Eric shows the fuck up. I’m getting really sick of being his little pet project.
Alexis: Do me a favor, try not to piss anyone else off this week. Eric is getting blinded by big talk from Bennett, but at the end of the day, he’ll know who truly has his back…but just in case, do ya think I should call Rick again?
Alexander: It wouldn’t hurt, but I still don’t have a clue how I could work with Davin.
Firewoman: The flipping furby too now.
Alexander: What are you talking about and when did you get here?
Firewoman: While you two were screaming at each other and Evan, Rabbxt, Bunny…whatever he’s calling himself this week has signed up with Rick to answer your questions in reverse order.
Alexander: Terrific, picking a side is getting more and more complicated. We may have to make sure that The DEA has some bargaining chips on their side. Fire, have you given any thought to what we talked about?
Firewoman: I'm still coming up with a list. I’m gonna review some tapes and check to see where I can improve on my previous matches with Davin.
Alexander: I’d suggest a coffee cup, but that’s just me.
Firewoman: The thought has crossed my mind and if we’re throwing out suggestions, I suggest you don’t do anything special for my entrance.
Alexis: And on that note, I’m heading to the hotel.
Alexander: Yea, I should be going…I have to meet Hayden for an interview. Later Fire.
Alexis and Alexander leave The DEA Luxury Suite as fast as possible and head off in opposite directions; Alexis toward the garage and Alexander toward the sandwich shop. And just as they exit the suite, a bloodied Josh O’Neal staggers into the suite.
*Meanwhile at Ric Flair’s Sandwich Shoppe*
Alexander Darling and Hayden Panettiere are seated in a back booth while they wait for their lunch order.
Hayden Panettiere: Wanna do this before the food gets here?
Alexander: Yea, that works. I’ve said enough this week as it is.
Hayden: You’ve said a lot without actually mentioning the man you’re facing this week. Do you think that’s a wise move considering the resume he comes in with?
Alexander: Donovan Viper…I beat him once already and it seemed like no one noticed as he went on to get more and more title shots while I’ve been stuck wrestling random match after random match.
Hayden: Does that annoy you Alex? That what you’ve done so far here hasn’t been recognized in a legitimate shot at a belt.
Alexander: Yes and no Hayden. I should have figured I’d need to play the game backstage but I had heard that politics weren’t how things were handled here in the OOWF. It looks like I was wrong about that because I don’t know anyone who has come in, pinned 3 former world champs and the previous IC champ and what do I have to show for it…Not a god damn thing.
Hayden: And do you want things handed to you?
Alexander: Of course not. I’m not The Dead. I’m not running around backstage kissing anyone’s ass to continue to get title shots I don’t deserve. I face the man put on the booking sheet by Rick and each and every week I go out there and win. And I’ll do it again this week.
Hayden: You really think you can beat Viper again?
Alexander: No I don’t think I can. I know I will. It’s just what I do and if Viper’s smart, he’ll take whatever advice Moose gave him and ignore it. Because maybe, just maybe if Viper pisses me off enough I’ll have to take a harder look at him and his friends.
Hayden: And what do you mean by that?
Alexander: Nothing much Hayden…just that if I felt like it and I decided to focus my interests on say, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III, I may just realize he’s in possession of the Intercontinental Title.
Hayden: And is that something you may be interested in?
Alexander: …
Alexander stays silent for a minute before a smirk comes across his face; Hayden, it just may very well be something I have an interest in…it may well be.
Hayden: Any other comments for Viper before this week’s Mayhem?
Alexander: Just two…first Donnie, I’ve already beat ya once and that was in a friendly contest between competitors. Now, we’re not quite enemies and we could have another good match this week, but I have a feeling things just may escalate. And if that happens Viper better be prepared to deal with just what I’m capable of…and when I’m done with him, if I feel like it…well…we’ll see happens next.
Hayden: You said two things…what is the second?
Alexander: Oh, that’s simple…Viper, we all know you’re a homo, but this week you get to be my…BOOYAH, Bitch!!!
And just as Darling finishes his tag line, the food arrives and Hayden and Alexander look up and realize that Barry Windham just delivered their plates which just so happen to be empty.
Barry Windham: Sorry, I got hungry on the way from the kitchen…RIC, Can you re-make their lunch?
Ric Flair: SURE THING FAT….wow, you really are fucking fat Barry…go on a diet. Damn…WHOOOOOOOO FAT BOY!!!
The scene slowly fades out as we hear one last thing from Alexander Darling…
New Intercontinental Champion, Alexander Darling…has a nice ring…doesn’t it?
*Fade Out*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 10:17:36 GMT -5
D.H. MAGNUSSON is STANDING~ outside the door leading to the office of L.J. BENNETT.
DHM: Balls.... *opens the door*
DHM: You wanted to see me?
LJB: Yes, thank you for your time. Have a seat, D....Tell me, what does D.H. stand for, exactly?
DHM: D.H.
LJB: I see. Well at any rate, please have a seat. I'd like to talk to you about your future.
DHM: And Spin's.
LJB: Of course. And Hansen's, as well.
DHM: And the reason he ain't here right now is.....?
LJB: It has been my experience that Mr. Hansen is capable of becoming a bit...say we say explosive? You seem to be the more the peacekeeper of the two of you.
DHM: Spin's my brother, I ain't his keeper.
LJB: Of course not. I merely felt that these negotations might run a bit smoother with merely you to speak to.
DHM: Uh-huh.
LJB: Now to put things very simply, you MUST see that Rick has no intentions of the Midnight Sons ever seeing those titles again. If he has his way, those belts will never leave the waists of Phantos and Lucios.
DHM: He's got a hell of a funny of goin' about it, then...He's puttin' us in there with them this week.
LJB: Don't fool yourself. He values the sponsorship monies generated by RUN-DLP far more than your superior in-ring talents.
DHM: ...
LJB: Really, D.H. How many rematches do you think they'll get? How many times will the Midnight Sons be looking across the ring at Phantos and Lucios before sheerly by the law of average they would regain those titles? And how many rematches do you think that Spin and yourself would receive? How many did you receive before?
DHM: ...
LJB: Listen, D.H. - I understand the value of the Midnight Sons. I understand the skills and ability of the Midnight Sons, as well. And once I'm in fully in control of this company...of MY company...I fully intend to reward value. Just as I reward the loyalty of the rest of my roster.
DHM: Your roster?
LJB: Of course. The key to success in this business is a harmonious locker room. Not everyone has to get along, of course - but we all need to share the vision towards the same goal. To be the best wrestling promotion in the world today.
DHM: Uh-huh...*stands*
LJB: Listen, D.H.. I'm not threatening anyone. I'm just merely stating facts. The Bennett Mission Statement is simple: The most vaulable receive the most opportunities, and those with the most promise are obviously the most valuable. Promise is of course defined by everyone differently, but to L.J. Bennet it is a combination of talent, adaptabilty, and company loyalty.
DHM: That's simple?
LJB: In practice, yes. For the Midnight Sons, it means title shots. It means respect. And of course, it means the monetary compensation that two athletes of your caliber deserve.
DHM: Yeah...I see whatcha mean. Tell ya what - I gotta talk to Spin 'bout this. We'll get back to ya.
LJB: Of course, of course. I understand fully. Now, I don't want to appear to be pressuring you, but the sooner we have you on board, the sooner we can begin charting the gameplan for the Midnight Sons. But do take your time. I understand completely. And good luck tonight, D.H.. I'll be looking forward your match.
DHM: Yeah, me too. *leaves*
shortly after the door closes, LJB picks up his phone and stabs a number. After half a ring, Moosehead Jack answers.
LJB: I believe we have the Sons.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 10:17:59 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland is still wandering the halls, and comes across DH Magnusson*
DM: Hey, DH
DHM: Davin.
DM: Hey, DH, remember that best-of-7 with you, Spin, Phantos and Lucios?
DHM: Uh-huh.
DM: Remember how awesome it was...how the fans reacted and went nuts, hanging on every move?
DHM: Uh-huh.
DM: You remember who the champs were then.
DHM: *nods* Uh-huh.
DM: Know who they're with?
DHM: Uh-huh.
DM: Guess who booked it that way?
DHM: You know this?
DM: Uh-huh.
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 10:18:26 GMT -5
inside the high-traffic enviroment that is the office of GMTheRick:
D.H. MAGNUSSON: Moreland said you wanted to see me?
GMTheRick: Yes. Sit. Drink. You don't have one of those fruity assed rules about no booze before a match night, do you?
DHM: Nah...But I do have a thing about wondering about why I get to take all these meetin's without my partner bein' invited.
GMtR: Spin and I have some issues...
DHM: He thinks you're an asshole.
GMtR: That'd be the issue, yes. So here's the pitch. Nothing.
DHM: Well, it's quicker than Bennett's.
GMtR: It's honest, too. You really think Bennett is going to come across with all these big promises he's making people? He's going to make the beltmakers rich if he does, because according to him, everyone will have a title. He's blowing managerial smoke up everyones asses.
DHM: And you ain't?
GMtR: I might if I had the time. Or energy. But I don't. Look, the pitch is nothing. It's the same pitch you got when you got hired. When I hired you. The same pitch you got when I put you in the ring with Moreland your first night here, the same pitch you got when I kept putting you and Spin in the ring night after night, hoping you two would figure it out. The same pitch you got when the Midnight Sons and Phantos and Lucios helped set record gates for this company for almost 2 straight months. The pitch is nothing. You get what you earn around here.
*GMtR takes a long drink, and visibly sags in his chair*
GMtR: Truth is, I need you and Spin on this. I'm not going to bullshit you. Bennett is trying his damnedest to run my balls through a wringer. He's buying and lying his way into everyone's back pockets. I know what Spin thinks about me. Hell, I know most of the damned roster thinks about me. I don't care. I CAN'T care. I have a business to run. I have people to pay. People who have families to feed. Do all the RUN-DLP deals help with that? Yes. Just like the Bunny's deals, just like the DEA's deals.
DHM: That's pretty wordy for a pitch of nothin'.
GMtR: Maybe. But that's what it is. And it's what I offer. No lies. No doubletalk. Just telling you get out there, bust your asses, put meat in the seats, and make it all work. That's it. That's all.
DHM: We done then?
GMtR: Yeah. Pretty much.
DHM: Cool. I gotta talk with Spin.
GMtR: I know. Do it now.
DHM: That a deadline?
GMtR: No. That was me gently trying to hint at you getting the hell out of my office. I'm drowning in work.
DHM: Gotcha. *starts to leave*
GMtR: And Magnusson?
DHM: Yeah?
GMtR: Give them hell out there tonight.
DHM: Will do, boss.
*DHM exits, passing Davin Moreland yet again in the doorway*
DM: Well?
GMtR: I think we got him.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 10:18:46 GMT -5
**Bunny is sitting in his locker room, on the couch.**
Bunny: How did I get here? I thought me and Davin were flipping around at the park. Now we mean it when we say that anything can happen in the OOWF. I just teleported!
**Bunny bounces off the couch and lands a double full back pike off the back of the couch. Bunny watched his reflection in the 32" TV.**
Bunny: Woa. That flip looked wobbly and weird. I like it.
**Bunny heads over to his fridge and grabs a few cans of Mountain Dew.**
Bunny: I guess it couldn't hurt to supply the other dudes on Ricky's side with an unlimited amount of refreshing Mountain Dew.
**Knock at the door. Bunny hops over to it and answers it.**
Reporter: BUNNY!
Bunny: REPORTER!
Reporter: *clink*
Bunny: *clink*
Reporter: Wait, what's that about again?
Bunny: We clink cans, Reporter. It's our thing.
Reporter: Oh, yea! You're right!
**WHAM! Bunny smashes the nearly full can of Mountain Dew over Reporter's head, knocking him out cold.**
Bunny: That was never our thing, you idiot! We don't have a thing! I don't fucking know you! Go knock on Eric's door if you want to clink shit!
**The door is still open and we see two figures really, really far away. We hear two tiny noises coming from the distance.**
*clink*
*clink*
Bunny: Damn it! Stop!
**Bunny slams the door closed.**
Bunny: What the fuck is wrong with those two?
**Moosehead Jack's head pops out from behind the 32" TV.**
Moose: ERIC!
**Eric's head pop out from inside the fridge.**
Eric: MOOSE!
Bunny: Get out of my locker room! Out! Out! Out!
**F. Fonzworth MacCappington III's head pops out from behind the couch. We see a title belt fly out from next to his head. It connects in mid-air with a title belt flying from next to Eric's head.**
*clink*
*clink*
Bunny: Enough! Everybody out! All three of you! Out!
**Moose, Eric, and MacCappington all leave Bunny's locker room.**
Bunny: I try to do a simple promo and I get all of this? I can't deal with this.
**Bunny turns on the 32" TV. We see an Eminem concert on screen.**
Bunny: Plus I was put here to put fear in you suck and are banneds who spray Faygo Root Beer and call themselves clowns 'cause they look queer. you suck and are banned2Dope and Silent Gay claimin' Detroit when y'all live 20 miles away.
**Shaggy2Dope and Violent Jay jump out from behind the TV. They hit Bunny with dropkicks, then push the couch over. The couch falls on top of Bunny, then ICP leaves.**
Bunny: This is just getting crazy, now. Really, though. Faygo Root Beer? Ick!
**Fade to black.**
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 10:19:10 GMT -5
foolishly thinking he's done, D.H. MAGNUSSON is WALKING~! to his rental car in the parking lot in Mianus
ALEXIS DARLING: Mr. Magnusson?
DHM: Look, I told Bennett, I'll talk with Spin and we'll...
AD: No no no...This has nothing to do with L.J. Bennett, Mr. - I'm sorry, may I can you Mags?
DHM: Yeah, sure. Whatever.
AD: And you call me Alexis.
DHM: Uh-huh...What do you need, Alexis?
AD: It's not what I need, Mags. It's what I want. And what I want is to give you this. *hands DHM a plain white envelope*
AD: My brother and I think you're doing a wonderful thing, helping out all those poor little animals. We'd like to show our appreciation.
DHM: Alexander Darling is an animal guy? 'scuse me if I don't see it.
AD: Well, maybe it's more me than him, but I think it's just wonderful that you take your time to help them out. I wanted you to have this, on behalf of the DEA. But mostly from me, I guess. Go ahead and open it.
*DHM opens the envelope, finding a check for $50,000, made out to ASPCA*
DHM: Whoa. Miss Darling -
AD: Alexis.
DHM:...Alexis, this is a lot of cash. I ain't gonna argue, but I gotta tell ya that I still ain't talked to Spin. I can't tell ya if we're gonna pitch in with Bennett yet.
AD: This isn't about Mr. Bennett. This is about us.
DHM: Wait a sec, us?
AD: The DEA, of course. I don't mind telling you, we like the Midnight Sons. We like what we see, we like what you've got going from you. We...I think you and Spin could make a marvellous addition to the DEA roster of superstars.
DHM: Jesus, this another bark? Look, Alexis...
AD: We could do a lot of good for each other, Mags. *Alexis closes the distance between the two of them*
AD: A LOT of good for each other.
DHM: Are we still talking about the DEA and the Midnight Sons?
AD: Maybe.
DHM: Lady, I ain't...
AD: We'll talk later, I'm sure. You go on now, those furry friends of ours won't wait forever. Maybe tonight, after the show we could have drinks, maybe a late supper?
DHM: I...
AD: We'll talk later. Goodbye, Mags. Think about what I said. About what I offered.
DHM: ...yeah. I'll do that.
DHM gets into his rental car, seeming a little dazed. After he pulls away, AD quickly grabs her cellphone*
AD: It's me, I just talked with him....Yes, he took the check.....Oh, I made an impression, all right....Oh sweet brother of mine, have you EVER known me not to get my way?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 10:19:28 GMT -5
*Skurge is walking around the arena, just as he has been all day. He wears a puzzled expression… Skurge: Where the sweet fuck is everyone? I haven’t seen a single person all day. This is fucking creepy. I don’t even know where SYB and the Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth are. My own fucking team. Man, if this is some kind of rookie hazing, they really went all oot. There’s no way that can be it, though. Not on gameday. *Skurge passes by GM the Rick’s office for about the 12th time today. He pauses to think for a minute, then turns toward the door… Skurge: Fuck it. There’s no one around. I’m going through his desk. Who knows what useful shit he might have in there? *Skurge starts rifling through GMtR’s desk. It’s not long before he comes across a folder labeled “PHWF”… Skurge: I believe this is exactly what I’m looking for. I never figured it’d be this easy to get my hands on it. I didn’t even have to use any of my plans to get Rick oot of his office. This is great, eh? *Skurge leaves GMtR’s office and heads for his lockerroom to read through the folder while he waits for the rest of the roster to show up. *FADE*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 10:19:49 GMT -5
*Ryan Hardcore and Lauren Phoenix show up to the arena*
Lauren Phoenix: Ry, it's Wednesday, right? Is the show still on?
Ryan Hardcore: Uh... no one told me otherwise. I don't think it was canceled.
LP: No one is around... it feels like a fucking ghost town in here.
RH: You sure no one is here?
LP: Definitely.
RH: Wanna go do it in the ring?
LP: Sure!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 10:21:16 GMT -5
Firewoman is lacing up her boots, when she drops her towel. Before she notices, as a tall man with dark hair grabs it and hands it to her.
TMwDH: I think you dropped this.
FW: Oh, yes I did. Thank you.
TMwDH: No problem.
Firewoman continues her pre-match preparations, and tall man with dark hair kind of looks around like he isn't sure where to go.
FW: Are you looking for something?
TMwDH: Well, yeah. I'm kind of lookiing for a job.
FW: You don't look like a wrestler.
TMwDH: Oh, I'm not. I'm just interested in the business.
FW: Well, what can you do?
TMwDH: Um. Well.....I really just want to learn the business. I'm willing to do anything.
FW: [raising an eyebrow] Anything?
TMwDH: Well, within reason.
FW: Oh, of course. Say, I could probably use an assistant of some sort. You interested?
TMwDH: Sure!!
FW: Yeah, that sparkles with me. You can do my promo-interviews, carry my stuff. Sound good?
TMwDH: I'm your guy.
FW: Well, no you're not. That role is taken. But you can still be my assistant. We can talk the details after the show. By the way, what's your name?
TMwDH: Eugenio Gutierrez.
FW: [blinks] I'll never remember that. How 'bout I just call you Lucky.
Lucky: Yeah, that works.
FW: Sweet. I'll get you set up with DEA payroll later. I got a match to win.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 10:21:42 GMT -5
Viper is approached by Alexander Darling.
AD: Mr. Viper. Finally, we meet.
DV: Who the fuck are you?
AD: I'm the richest man in the OOWF. Alexander Darling.
DV: Ah, you're the guy who's going to get his ass pulverized tonight by me.
AD: I see you've found some... bloodlust after your talk with Moosehead. Perhaps I could give you an offer.
DV: What's that?
AD: Well, I am prepared to have you switch allegiances. I've seen you be THIS CLOSE to becoming OOWF World Heavyweight Champion. I know you have it in you to beat Stank. I certainly do. But I know why you can't beat him.
DV (getting angrier): What's that?
AD: You're aligned with L.O.A.D.E.D. McCappington thinks he can get you the best trainers in the world? Ha! He's a peasant compared to what I have. At my disposal, I have just what you need to finally beat Stank.
DV: Really?
AD: Lots and lots of cash.
DV: That's it. You got money? What do I look like, a sellout?
AD: No, not that at all.
DV: Listen. I am in peak physical condition. I don't need you, and I don't need your money. I just need you, in that ring tonight so I can kick your rich little ass.
AD: Are you sure there isn't something I can do to make you reconsider?
DV: Well, that sister of yours, Alexis. I think I'd like a piece of her.
AD: I don't think so. You know, forget I ever asked.
DV: Fine then.
AD: By the way. I CAN wrestle. And I will beat you.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 10:22:06 GMT -5
Alexander Darling: Hey Homo...
Donovan Viper: I am not a fucking homo
AD: I don't care if you are or not, but maybe you should remember I've already beat you once. Doing it again ain't no thang but a chicken wang.
DV: Stop talking about wang, I ain't fucking gay.
Lucky: Did someone mention Wang? Let me give you his night/day and home/away road splits.
AD & DV: Who the fuck are you?
Lucky: I'm Firewoman's new personal servant. I will be doing stats all day and other things at night if I got my job description right.
AD: Right then...anyway, Viper your ass is mine.
DV: I AIN'T A FUCKING HOMO. The only ass that will be had is your sisters.
AD: Keep it up bitch and I'll make sure that my path through LOADED makes you tap.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Jul 30, 2008 10:23:00 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem Live! From Mianus, Connecticut
<We open with the OOWF jobbers gathered in a locker room of their own while GM the Rick speaks in front of the room with Davin Moreland standing behind him>
Gentlemen, as you know, the situation in the OOWF locker room has devolved to the point where we are on the verge of a Civil War among our own men. Now, what we've got here is failure to communicate. Some men you just can't reach...so, you get what we have here right now, which is the way Bennett wants it! Well, he gets it! I don't like it any more than you men, but this is what it has come to. Now, if this war can’t be averted, we are going to need men willing to fight, willing to bleed, willing to put their careers on the line. I am willing to give you men that shot tonight. Tonight, we are going to have a gauntlet match. Every man in this room gets to participate, and the winner gets an official OOWF Contract. Now, those of you who don’t win, take all is not lost. If you impress in this match, there is the very real chance that you will be approached to fight against Bennett and his men.
<general murmuring among the men as we fade to black and get the pyrotechnics and ballyhoo to open the show>
OOWF JOB SQUAD GAUNTLET MATCH - Winner gets an OOWF Contract
Cornpone Kenny starts out with Spazz of The Bay Bridge Boyz. They lock up, and Kenny backs Spazz into the corner, pounding away with rights and lefts. Spazz eats a knee to the gut. Kenny hits a PILEDRIVER! 1…2…3! Dr. Stone Cole Death Von Erich is announced and climbs through the ropes. Kenny attacks immediately. DSCDVE replies by slamming Kenny to the mat. Several elbow drops follow, then Kenny is dragged back to his feet. IRON CLAW! Kenny fights it off but is force to tap out! Kiwi Joe hits the ring next and catches DSCDVE with a running knee lift. Kiwi gets in a fall away slam and goes for a middle rope head butt, but whiffs. DSCDVE hits a Flying Burrito and stalks Kiwi. IRON CLAW!! Kiwi Joe powers DSCDVE’s hand off his forehead, then suddenly KICK! WHAM! STUNNER! Kiwi flops and sells like a champ. DSCDVE covers and gets 1…2…3! Baron Von Oregon strolls to the ring jawing at the fans at ringside. DSCDVE greets him with a clothesline before Baron gets his robe off. Gorilla Press Slam. RUNNING POWERSLAM! 1…2…3! The second Bay Bridge Boy, Jinx charges the ring and slides in between DSCDVE’s legs. A dropkick is followed by a standing Frankensteiner! DSCDVE tumbles through the ropes to re-group. Jinx climbs the ropes SSP OFF THE TOP TO THE FLOOR! Both men are down! The referee makes his count slowly…8…9…10! Both men are eliminated. Kletus K. Klampitt makes his way to the ring and he waits for his opponent. El Chupacabra charges to the ring, and KKK pummels him into the corner immediately. KKK hits a suplex, and a Russian Leg Sweep. HANGMAN NECKBREAKER! 1…2...3! Bert Clarke is next in the gauntlet. He comes in and gets in exactly ZERO offense. FULL NESLON SLAM! 1…2…3! Buddy “PS” Gordy makes is way to the ring, and offers to shake KKK’s hand. Short Arm Clothesline, DDT and POWERBOMB! KKK is out! 1…2...3! Sven Favre is out next. He stands and debates about whether he is going to wrestle in the match or not. After several Referee warnings, a 10 count begins. 8…9… and Farve is in! He’s back for another match, possibly his last! PS greets him with a thumb to the eye. Farve goes for a spear, but PS intercepts him and turns it into a ROCK BOTTOM! 1…2…3! Shiva Singh is the next entrant in the gauntlet. He comes in and they circle each other tentatively. Shiva gets in a couple of chops and Irish whips PS into the ropes. Drop toe hold takes PS down. Shiva goes to the top rope, Moonsault, but NOBODY’S HOME! PS locks in a SLEEPER! Shiva fights it off, but fades, the referee checks his arm 1…2…3! The Philly Satanic rushes in and schoolboys PS. 1…2…3! PS argues animatedly, but to no avail. Karl Von Krush enters the ring and tosses PS out on his ass. Satanic catches him from behind, BACKSLIDE! 1…2…3! Ben “Strangla” Franklin parades to the ring, flying his customary kite. Ben enters the ring and Satanic bull rushes him, taking him down and stomping on Ben’s glasses. Franklin can’t see! Blinded though he is, Ben reverses an Irish whip and bends over for a backdrop. Satanic is ready for it and SUNSET FLIP! 1…2…3! Yves Vachon is up next, and he drops Satanic with a clothesline. Bulldog. Satanic gets whipped into the corner. Stinger Splash! Yves scoops up Satanic and Slams him down, but Satanic holds on and turns it into a SMALL PACKAGE! 1…2…3! El Gran Diablo Gato makes his way to the ring through the crowd, pausing to snatch someone’s beer and chug it to thunderous applause. Gato climbs between to ropes and takes a last drink from another fan’s beer. Satanic points in Gato’s face, so Gato SPITS BEER INTO SATANIC’S EYES! Gato twist Satanic around, MAJISTRAL CRADLE! 1…2…3! The crowd pops to Gato’s win, and he heads back to the fans for more beer. HE consumes 5 or 6 more while Mormon Joe comes to the ring. Joe admonishes Gato for his vile beer drinking. Gato offers him a beer, and Joe hits him on the head with a FREE COPY OF THE BOOK OF MORMON! Gato retreats up the aisle, Joe in hot pursuit. The referee is confused, and begins a 10 count 8…9…10! Both men are eliminated. Holmes Van Der Beek and Thomas Builds-The-Fire head to the ring together. They climb through the ropes and shake hands. They lock up and trade wristlocks, hammerlocks, headlocks and then lock up in a test of strength. Yokozuna Wanaleya comes to the ring unexpectedly. He knocks Holmes and Thomas’s heads together. Holmes eats a big splash. Yoko slams Thomas on top of Holmes. 1…2…3! Yoko Splashes Thomas, while still prone on top of Holmes. Yoko rolls Thomas over. 1…2…3! “Love Machine” Billy Wayne Woodard comes to the ring and stares down Wanaleya. Yoko beats his chest, and Billy delivers a HEARTPUNCH! Yoko teeters, but does not go down. Billy bounces off the ropes once, twice, three times with shoulder blocks. Yoko won’t go down. Billy off the ropes again, BLACK HOLE SLAM! Yoko powers The Love Machine to the mat. 1…2…3! Fumunda Mung charges the ring before Wanaleya gets to his feet. Elbowdrop. Legdrop. Fistdrop! 1…2..NO! Yoko kicks out! Mung goes back on the offensive. Chops, kicks, punches stagger Yoko into the corner. Mung continues the assault. The referee calls for the break, but Mung doesn’t relent. The referee tries to get in between Mung & Wanaleya, but gets thrown aside by Mung. The Referee calls for the bell! Fumunda Mung has been Disqualified! Yoko is in bad shape in the corner. Carl From Fresno runs to the ring! The crowd Pops! Fresno rolls Yoko out of the corner. TOP ROPE SLPASH! 1…2…3! Madman Lindbergh enters the ring. Carl ducks a punch and DIAMOND CUTTER! 1…2…3! Brodie Delmarva is in next. He powers Carl into a corner and hip tosses him to the mat. CHINLOCK! The crowd helps Carl power up and he pushes Brodie into the ropes. Shoulder block takedown. A bounce off the ropes by Carl results in a CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL! 1…2…3! The crowd Pops again for Carl! Chile Bean Amezaga makes his way to the ring, only to be leveled with a spear. Carl Hulks Up! YOU! 1,2,3 Right HANDS! BIG BOOT! LEGDROP! 1…2…3! “Cheesesteak” Tony DaVida tries to Pearl Harbor Carl after the 3 count, but Carl was ready for him. Mr. From Fresno suplexes Davida. Rotate those hips! A second and then third Suplex have the crowd going wild! FROGSPLASH! 1…2…3! Russ Moore is in next, and Carl takes control immediately. Armdrag. Abdominal stretch. Powerslam. Flying Burrito! Kip Up! Atomic Drop! Scoop Slam! Top Rope Elbow! Tune Up the Band! SWEET CHIN MUSIC! 1…2…3! Sanislaus Grobkopf plods to the ring and Carl looks timid for the first time. Sanislaus traps him in a bear hug and squeezes away. A standing belly to belly plants Carl in the mat. Sanislaus drops an elbow for a 2 count. Another bear hug has Carl on the verge of passing out. Sidewalk slam gets another 2 count. Grobkopf goes for another elbow, but Carl rolls out of harms way. Carl dusk a haymaker and kicks Sanislaus in the gut. SCISSOR KICK! 1…2…3! The Maryland Mauler is in his torn and tattered Brooks Robinson Jersey. Carl taunts him by chanting ‘Palmeiro’ and ‘Tejada’ repeatedly. Mauler is enraged and charges in wildly. Carl side steps him, spins him around for a kick to the gut. PEDIGREE! 1…2..3! Jessup McCullum rushes in and tries to take advantage of an obviously winded Carl. Jessup dropkicks Carl out of the ring. Carl tries to clear the cobwebs, but Jessup has other ideas. DIVING PLANCHA! Both men hit the floor hard. Jessup drags Carl back into the ring, and sets up for a Tombstone. Carl scissors Jessup’s head and reverses the move. TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER! Carl crosses Jessup’s arms and stuck out his tongue. 1…2…3! Nigel Boatswain comes to the ring next and Carl kicks him off the apron before the match begins. Carl appears to be stalling for time to rest. Nigel enters the ring, and Carl demands that the referee check Nigel’s boots for foreign objects. Carl backs into a corner and sucks some wind until Nigel rushes in. Carl meets him with an elbow and a bodyslam. Nigel pops up and gets slammed down again. Nigel rushes Carl again and eats a big boot. F5! 1…2…3! Uruguay Jim is in next and trades punches with Carl at first. Carl ducks a swing and powers Jim into the corner. A hard uppercut rocks Jim and he gets hoisted onto the top rope. MUSCLEBUSTER! 1…2…3! Salty Dawg, with his hook for a left hand, makes his way in and Carl is visibly sucking wind. Dawg takes command with hard chops and a kneelift. Salty waves his hook at the crowd. Carl gets to his feet and Irish whips Dawg into the corner. Dawg’s hook is stuck around the turnbuckle. He Can’t escape! Stinger Splash! Carl frees the hook and throws Dawg to the mat. SCORPION DEATHLOCK! Dawg’s Hook pounds the mat in submittance. “Yukon” John West is in next. Carl meets him with a dropkick. Carl springs off the ropes and hits a cross body block. West catches him and hot shots him across the top rope. Russian leg sweep. West climbs up top FLYING HEADBUTT! NOBODY HOME! Carl traps him in a CROSSFACE! West taps out immediately! Preston Davenport Quiggleville III strolls to the ring next. He grabs a mic
“I refuse to lower myself to compete in front of the heathens in this backwoods town. I have arranged for a replacement competitor. “
‘Champagne’ Mike Jablowski comes to ringside and is taken down in a hurry. Carl hits a springboard moonsault and gets a 2 count. Jablowski gets to his feet, and is met with an OLYPMIC SLAM! ANKLE LOCK! Jablowski taps furiously. PDQIII rushes in and Carl ducks a clothesline. OLYPMIC SLAM! ANKLE LOCK! And PDQ makes it 4 submissions in a row! Joking Noah comes to the ring. The crowd is chanting Carl’s name. He seems to be getting his second wind. Noah gets in some obligatory minor offence, then Carl takes over. Bicycle Kick! STYLES CLASH! 1…2…3! Moe Zouri charges in KICK! WHAM! CANADIAN DESTROYER! 1…2…3! Hurricane rushes in and battles valiantly for a few minutes. Carl hits a RAZOR’S EDGE! 1…2…3! “Hacksaw” Huck Sawyer is in next and Carl’s momentum carries over. High vertical suplex. Gordbuster. Brainbuster. SLINGSHOT SUPLEX! 1…2…3! Mikael Van De Jong runs to the ring and kicks Carl before he gets up from the pin. School boy 1…2…NO! Carl pops up and catches Mikel with a forearm. GREETING FROM ASBURY PARK! 1…2…3! Madman Lindbergh is our next victim. He doesn’t even get in the ring completely before Carl has him up over his shoulders GTS! 1…2…3! Mele Kalikamuka slowly comes to the ring, spreading flower petals along the aisle and stopping on the steps to chant to himself. Carl makes a standing leap to the top turnbuckle and delivers a seated senton that takes Mele to the floor. Carl scrambles in the ring and the referee starts a 10 count 8…9…10! The Crowd is at a fever pitch! Bear Bryant III comes in and catches Carl off guard with a quick spear and powerslam. BB3 sets up for an Alabama Slam, but Carl snakes down his back and trips Bear down SHARPSHOOTER! BB3 taps out! Bennett Sinatra comes out and silences the rabid crowd with a chorus of New York New York that makes Ashley Simpson sound good. Carl holds his ears and Bennett tries a quick DDT. Carl blocks is and ties Sinatra up in a FIGURE FOUR! Bennett cries Uncle and Carl has done it again! Steve Young comes zooming down a zipline and hits the ring to everyone’s surprise. As he unbuckles his harness, Carl delivers a vicious spear. JACKHAMMER! 1…2…3! Bizmark Jr. comes to the ring next and manages to trap Carl in a tree of woe. He backs up and tries a baseball slide dropkick to Carl’s head, but Carl raises up just in time to send Bismark into the ringpost crotch first. Carl drags him back in and rushes up top SWANTON BOMB! 1…2…3! Minnesota Mangler & Pawtucket Pete come to the ring together. Mangler is in first, and backdrops Carl to the floor. Pete pounds away on Carl with the ringbell as Mangler keeps the referee tied up. Pete tosses Carl in the ring and Mangler closes in for the kill. Drop toe hold equalizes the situation. Carl ducks a running clothesline and pops Mangler with a superkick! Carl mounts the middle turnbuckle and waits for Mangler to get to his feet. BUFF BLOCKBUSTER! 1…2…3! Pete charges in immediately and begins to pummel Carl with his fists. Blood seeps from the forehead of a groggy Carl. Pete picks Carl up and hits a MICHINOKU DRIVER! 1…2..NO! Carl somehow gets a shoulder up. Pete pulls Carl back to his feet and delivers a FALL AWAY SLAM! 1…2…NO! Carl again escapes defeat. Pete is visibly upset with our referee. Ignoring Carl, he argues with the official, leaving himself open for a COBRA CLUTCH! Pete fights it off for several minutes, while the crowd goes absolutely wild! Pete’s arm drops 1…2…3 TIMES! Carl collapses to the mat, waiting for his last challenger. Puck Dupp comes to the ring and pulls Carl to his feet. CHOKESLAM! 1…2…NO! Carl is still alive. The entire building is shaking with the crowd’s support for Carl From Fresno. Puck whips Carl into the corner and follows in with a splash. Puck slams Carl to the mat and goes up top. 450 SPLASH! 1…2…NO! Carl is STILL in the match! Dupp swings wildly @ Carl, who ducks and tries a BACKSLIDE! 1…2…NO! Dupp reverses a second backslide attempt into a VERTEBREAKER! 1…2…3! NO! Carl struggles to his feet Puck grabs him and tries for a suplex, but Carl blocks it and hauls Dupp up, but Puck slips out of it and rolls Carl up from behind. Dupp gets his feet against the corner turnbuckle and gets the 1, 2, 3! Puck Dupp has won the Gauntlet! WINNER in 2:45:07, Puck Dupp
Dupp gets to his feet and celebrates in the middle of the ring, but GM the Rick is quickly out to the top of the ramp, with a mic:
DAMMIT! So close to a fantastic match, then Dupp, you feel the need to put your feet on the ropes to get the pin! I SHOULD restart the match right now, but we have a show to get to and you guys have already taken up four pages, errr, I mean over two hours. So here’s what we are going to do. At the MADNESS IV pay per view, LIVE in Warminster, PA, it is going to be Puck Dupp versus Carl From Fresno, in an OOWF Contract on a Pole Match. The winner earns an official spot on the OOWF roster.
Rick drops the mic and turns and heads to the back.
SEAMUS MCNASTY & DAMON WRATH vs. IHOP
IHOP makes their way to the ring first to the tunes of Rage Against the Machine. SYB appears to be clutching a copy of "Cumming in Socks". He still looks shaken up for the attack he suffered earlier in the week. Seamus McNasty and Damon Wrath follow soon after, both carrying a pint glass in each hand. They quickly down both pints and charge the ring. It looks like Skurge and Seamus will start the match as the referee rings the bell. The two lock up and immediately break apart. After a quick stare down the two start trading vicious punches. No technical wrestling here, just pure aggression. Neither man seems to be willing to give an inch as each blow connects with a fierce thud. After a few grueling minutes of back-and-forth, slobberknocker-esque brutality each man decides to tag in his partner. Seamus tags in Damon Wrath, who quickly jumps into the ring. Skurge reaches out to tag SYB, but SYB is busy "reading" the back cover of "Cumming in Socks". Skurge realizes what's going on and grabs the DVD and tosses it to some lucky fan in row 12. Skurge tags in a disappointed-looking SYB who reluctantly gets into the ring to face Wrath. Wrath begins slapping around SYB, toying with him. Seamus bellows out a loud laugh from the ring apron as Wrath continues to smack around SYB. Wrath shoves SYB into the corner and continues to mock him. Eventually SYB SNAPS and lays into Wrath with a flurry offense. After a few lefts and rights SYB shoves Wrath away from him and the charges at him with a running knee lift. Wrath takes the knee straight to the gut and goes down in a heap. SYB looks shocked for a moment before deciding to stay on the offensive. He whips Wrath into his team's corner and tags Skurge back in. The two lay a few punches into Wrath before Skurge gets on his hands and knees. It looks like SYB is planning on jumping off Skurge into Wrath! SYB backs up, but Seamus is right there to hit SYB squarely in the back of the head. SYB falls face first into the mat as Seamus laughs heartily once again. Skurge heads over to take out Seamus but Wrath jumps to his feet charges at Skurge, clipping him in the back of the knee. Skurge grabs his knee as the referee helps SYB back to his corner. Wrath picks up Skurge and tags in Seamus. The two pummel Skurge and whip him into the ropes. As Skurge bounces back Wrath and Seamus drop him with a double clothesline. Wrath heads back to his corner and Seamus goes to work. Seamus lifts Skurge high in the air and drops him with a sick brain buster! One...Two...Skurge kicks out! Seamus picks him up again and hits a huge German suplex. Another cover. One...Two...Th...Skurge kicks out again! Seamus looks more than a little pissed as he picks Skurge up again. He whips Skurge into the corner and follows him to deliver a huge splash. Unbeknownst to Seamus (but knownst to us) SYB tags himself in. As Seamus tags Wrath back in to double team Skurge, SYB jumps up the turnbuckle and flies at Seamus, dropping him with a dragonrana! Holy Shit! SYB just did that?!? Seamus is livid and it becomes an all out brawl. All four men are in the ring fighting wildly. Seamus charges at SYB and Skurge but gets double backdropped over the top rope! Wrath attempts the same thing and it ends with the same result! Skurge and SYB are celebrating in the ring as the referee begins the 10 count. Both Seamus and Wrath get to their feet, and Seamus yells "DAMON, GET THE TABLES!". Both men start digging under the ring apron as the referee pleads with them to get back into the ring. Soon, the ring becomes littered with items as Seamus and Wrath toss everything they can get their hands on into the ring. Tables, ladders, chairs (oh my!), baseball bats (why are things like this under the ring?), sledgehammers, extra monitors and cameras, kitchen sinks, you know, the usual. The referee is frantically trying to get the items out of the ring as Wrath and Seamus look for more items. Wrath grabs the ring bell and tosses that into the ring too. Seamus sees a poor, injured child on crutches in the crowd and decides to take both of the crutches, resulting in the poor, injured child falling squarely on his face. He tosses one to Wrath and the two make their way back into the ring as the referee tries to stay in between the two teams. His muscular 130-pound frame isn't enough to keep Seamus and Wrath at bay for long, and Skurge and SYB are blasted with crutches to the face! The referee calls for the bell. WINNERS by DQ in 11:13 - The International House of Punishment, Skurge and SYB
Even though the bell rings the attack continues. Seamus and Wrath give SYB's head a con-chair-to that knocks SYB out cold. They then turn their focus to Skurge, who is struggling mightily to get to his feet. Wrath cuts him off with a chair shot across the back as Seamus sets up a table in the middle of the ring. Wrath whips Skurge into the ropes and they drop Skurge through the table with the 3D! (Whoops, copyright infringement) Seamus and Wrath continue to beat their opponents with random, everyday objects until security shows up and finally separates them.
THE HEELS vs. OUTBACK JACK & VOLTAGE
The Heels pick up the win when they attack Jack and leave him barely conscious on the outside, then decimate Voltage in pretty short order.
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