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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 1, 2008 10:54:10 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Omsk, Russia
OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u]
Stank vs. LD Williams
OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u]
Alexander Darling vs. Capellan
OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u]
Bunny vs. Outback Jack
Best of Seven Series Match 1[/u]
Davin Moreland vs. Chris Cole
OOWF World Tag Team Title Round Robin Tournament[/u]
Phantos & Lucios (0-1) vs. IHOP (1-0)
The Midnight Sons (1-1) vs. BAD (1-1)
Eric O'Mac vs. Concrete TG
Firewoman vs. Beast vs. The Dead
F. Fonzworth MacCappington III vs. Ecosystem
Donovan Viper vs. Firechild
Mark Vander vs. The Nerve Agent
The Heels vs. Blitz & Voltage
card subject to vodka poisoning
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 1, 2008 10:54:40 GMT -5
Back at the DEA suites, there is celebration and there is... whatever the opposite of celebration is. AD: Well, nothing is destroyed. Alexis: Yeah. Yet. AD: [Noticing that Alexis has changed out of her ringside attire and is now wearing black leather pants and a black top] Um...are you going somewhere? FW: We're going out. AD: Oh okay, let me grab my... FW: Not you. I need to ... I just need to get out. AD: I don't think you should go alone.... Alexis: I'm going too. AD: I'm ... Uh.... Alexis pulls Alexander to the side Alexis: She'll get in trouble if she goes out by herself. We can't afford to have an international incident. AD: But we should both go. With Josh, too. Alexis: Brother dear, trust me. This should be just a girl's night out thing. We're going to a very expensive night club, it's open very late. Because it's upscale, there will be plenty of security, and we'll take a limo. It'll be fine. Firewoman emerges from her locker room where she has changed into her faded jeans, boots, rust-colored spaghetti strap tank top and leather jacket. FW: Are you about ready, Lexie? Alexis: Yes. See you later, Alex. AD: Um, yeah, okay.......Sorry about the match, Fire...we'll work on stuff when we get to Russia. FW: Yeah. Whatever. Alexis and Firewoman leave, but before she closes the door, Firewoman sticks her head back in the room. FW: Hey, Alex? AD: Yes? FW: Don't wait up.
The door shuts behind her, leaving Alexander somewhat confused.
AD: Did she just call her Lexie? |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 1, 2008 10:55:05 GMT -5
Capellan approaches the DEA Suites, almost bumping into Firewoman and Alexis as they leave. He gives them a friendly nod, which is not returned. Cap shrugs and knocks on the door, which is answered by a distracted Alexander Darling.
"Hey, dude. We're fighting next week for the IC title -" *POP* "OW! What the hell!?"
"What, you thought I'd stand there and wait for your sneak attack?" Darling demands, casting his eyes about suspiciously. "Your minions are going to jump out any minute!"
"Minions?"
"I know how this place operates. One guy distracts me and then the others sneak up -" Darling whirls, but there is no one behind him.
"Uh ... that's not how I do things." Capellan dabs at his nose to check there's no blood.
"Really?"
"Really."
"Wow. This is almost like a week off for me, then!" Darling gloats.
"Dude, I'm going to come at you with everything I've got. It's an honor to challenge for the IC belt, and I intend to win it."
"Yeah right. You and what army? Oh! That's right! You don't have one!" Darling slams the door shut in Cap's face.
Capellan frowns.
"Well, that dude's a jerk."
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 1, 2008 10:55:40 GMT -5
The alarm clock buzzes. Alexander Darling rolls over and hits the alarm, rubbing his eyes. He gets up, does his morning stuff, packs up and gets ready to head to the airport for the flight to Russia. It takes him a while before he realizes that he is actually the only one in the suite of rooms reserved for DEA.
He wanders into the main area, and there is no sign of anyone. He knocks on Alexis's door, and tentatively opens it. She's not there. In fact, it looks as if she hasn't been there all night. Panic sets in as he rushes out of her room and runs to Firewoman's door. He knocks. He waits. He knocks again. He weighs the potential consequences of entering Firewoman's room uninvited, compiled on waking her if she's sleeping. But, he needs to know where Alexis is, so he takes a deep breath, opens the door, and...
Nothing. No one there. No one's been there since last night.
Now, twice as worried as before, he goes to call Josh the security guard [who's last name escapes me, I'll edit it in later], when he sees a text message on his phone from Alexis.
"Everything is fine, we'll meet you at the airport."
With a sigh of relief, he grabs his bags and heads out.
[time warp]
Alexander looks desperately around the private waiting area for his sister. The tension is thick, as it always is when OOWF members are together but forbidden from any shenanigans. There is no sign of Alexis anywhere.
Voice In Finnish: We will now begin boarding OOWF's private charter flight. All passengers should make their way to the gate.
AD: Has anyone seen Alexis?
There is of course, no answer, but many grumbles, and a few smirks
AD: Fine. Screw you all.
Alexander dawdles, moving repeatedly to the end of the line as staff and talent file in behind him.
MHJ: C'mon, Darling, get on the plane.
AD: Where's Alexis?
MHJ: I have no idea. Haven't seen your alleged partner either, or did you forget about her?
AD: If you had anything to do with this...
MHJ: Me? No way. I'm injured. But if this is another scheme of theirs to get ouf of the road trip, it won't work. We'll charter a private plane to get them to Russia if they miss this one. All charged to DEA, of course....
AD: Whatever. Get out of my way.
Voice: Announcing the second boarding call for the OOWF chartered flight to Russia.
Anxious minutes pass, as the line of OOWFers gets shorter, and fewer and fewer come running around the corner. Finally it is just Alexander and Davin, in his role as assistant GM.
Voice: Final boarding call for OOWF Chartered flight to Russia.
Davin: Come on, quit stalling.
AD: I'm not leaving with out Alexis.
Davin: Yes, you are.
Another voice: No, you aren't.
Firewoman and Alexis come around the corner to make the plane just in the nick of time.
AD: Where the HELL have you been?
Alexis: Not so loud. My head is pounding.
FW: All night nite-club. I told you not to wait up. You look like shit.
AD: [ignoring her] What about your luggage?
Alexis: I had the hotel concierge pack my things. Firewoman's were already packed.
FW: Well I never unpack.
Davin: Really? Never?
FW: Kinda ruins a speedy getaway if you have to stop and pack.
Davin: Okaaay....whatever, we need to get on the plane now.
Alexis: Yes, let's go. Oh Davin, the Finnish authorities will be contacting OOWF. We ran into a bit of an issue.
AD: Issue.
FW: If you call being in jail an issue. [she shrugs]
AD: Let me get this straight... you took my sister out dancing all night and got her thrown in jail?
FW: You asked me to be nicer to her...
Davin: Okay, enough. Get on the plane already, we have a long plane ride to figure this all out.
FW: Not me. [she puts her headphones on] I'm already medicated for the trip. Talk to me about it in Russia, comrade.
The four make their way onto the plane and take their seats. Alexis falls immediately asleep, Alexander stares straight ahead, trying to figure this all out. Firewoman takes her seat next to The Dead, but does not return his greeting, and instead sinks into her seat, headphones on, New Jersey Devils hat pulled over her eyes, last night's NHL playoff games on her podcast and zones out.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 1, 2008 10:56:02 GMT -5
Seamus and Damon do not make the plane...they do however make the plane to France to party with Nightwish...
Damon: "So do you think they will be pissed, that we changed our travel plans?
Seamus: "Do I care? Do they care? Will they even notice?"
Damon: " True"
Seamus: "Look we will be in Russia in plenty of time to job for whoever"
Damon: "The midnight sons"
Seamus: "Like I said, whoever"
Damon:"It might be a hell of a match."
Seamus:" Might me or we can just skip ahead and show the winner now and forget about all the rest..."
Damon: " Dude your pissy"
Seamus: "Yeah forget about it...let's worry about whiskey and woman!"
Damon:" Speaking of that what did you say to Firewoman last night?"
Seamus: "Nothing - just that I liked the way her and Lexie danced together...you know...they looked good together..."
Damon:"So you had nothing to do with thier drama later..."
Seamus:"noooooooo....I'm drama free...I just lay on my back and get paid..."
Damon: "So you and Lexie do have something in common...."
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 1, 2008 10:56:23 GMT -5
(CTG is sitting in the very back of the plane, working quietly on his laptop. Firechild strolls back there to see how his ally is doing)
CTG: ... Flame.
FC: No "Citizen"? I'm surprised.
CTG: Not what they want right now.
FC: If I hadn't said it already, welcome back.
CTG: you'd be the first or second to say that.
FC: ... you ok?
CTG: Hard to be, seeing the size of the task before us. I hope Rick is okay, I haven't had a chance to speak to him since his return.
FC: I saw the look on your face last week when you addressed the OOWF in general in your promo. I also know how much you love this business. Leaving Wrestlemania had to hurt
CTG: It did, a lot - ask Triple H and he'll show you the bloodstained sledgehammer
FC: (smirking) what, Moose didn't do all that damage to you backstage?
CTG: yeah, about that.....
FC: Injuries happen, Takaken.
CTG: .......
FC: Besides, it's Moose, he probably liked it.
CTG: (smirks)
FC: We'll get Rick back where he needs to be
??: The hell you are
(both look up)
Cole: putting me through a table isn't gonna put a dent in things
CTG: I thought it might put a dent in your ego
Cole: All it did was put splinters in my ass
FC: smaller than you're used to?
Cole: (sucker punches FC) I wasn't talking to you, Flamer!
CTG: (puts his laptop aside) Hey!
Cole: you want some too, Hero? C'mon.... (grin) traitor!
(from here an attempt at a brawl ensues in the back of the plane)
Stank: (peeks out of the lavatory) damn..... let me know when you guys're done (shuts the door)
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 1, 2008 10:57:32 GMT -5
*Stank eventually makes his way back to his seat next to OBJ*
OBJ: Which one did you use?
Stank: What?
OBJ: Which bathroom?
Stank: On the left. Why?
OBJ: Just in case the swamp ass hasn't gone, I'll try to remember use the other one.
Stank: Whatever. So you were about to explain to me why you guys didn't run in to make the save.
OBJ: Simple, really.
Stank: Oh?
OBJ: The writers forgot about us.
*Kayfabe runs to the exit door and struggles to open it*
OBJ: No, wait, that wasn't it at all. Harper Camby parked a fork lift right outside our locker room door so we couldn't open it.
*Kayfabe trudges back to her seat*
Stank: Ever wonder why there are so many unattended fork lifts backstage at wrestling events? Or why the locker room doors usually open inward, but not the ones outside of which someone parks the forklift?
*Kayfabe pauses*
OBJ: No.
*Kayfabe returns to her seat*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 1, 2008 10:58:50 GMT -5
(Spin Hansen is FROTHING AT THE MOUTH ANGRY~! on the plane.)
SH: MotherFUCKER. Sonofabitching Heels. Not Chickenshit anymore my ass!
Lucios: Language, language! You kiss your mother with that mouth?
(Before Spin responds, L.D. Williams' mother looks back meaningfully before Spin can make a witty response...)
D.H. Magnusson: Calm down, Spin. Fumin' an' bitchin' ain't gonna change what happened. We're one-and-one in th' round robin. We've got BAD this week.
SH: Judging from the fact that they're not on the plane, it looks like their heads aren't in this.
DHM: An' our heads need to be in it. BAD surprised us once before. I'm not lettin' it happen again.
SH: Good call. More training is needed... and more vodka. Where's that damn flight attendant?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 1, 2008 11:00:27 GMT -5
AA and JA are conversing on the plaane flight to Russia.
JA: So we have Voltage and Blitz this week?
AA: Uh-huh.
JA: Is there really a reason for us to show up at all?
AA: Uh-uh.
JA: Whatcha reading there?
AA: This? (AA holds out the book for Johnny.) Forklift Driving for Dummies.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 1, 2008 11:01:22 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland is WANDERING~!~!~! through the plane when he comes across Stank and OBJ*
DM: How you feelin'
S: About as good as you look.
DM: That good, eh?
S: ...
DM: If nothing else, you know this is serious now, right? You're a target now.
S: Man, I've been a target for as long as I've had this belt. And I've had it a long time now.
DM: Plus, we got the win.
S: We did.
DM: You know, all my bitching about tag matches, I'm 3-0 in them now.
S: You should get a partner.
DM: Maybe I should. Hey, you seen Lucios?
S: *points* Back there. Yelling at Spin about his language still I think.
DM: Alright. Later on then.
*Davin continues on to the General Manager's Suite and knocks on the door*
DM: Eco, you got a minute?
*Eco looks...confused*
DM: Come with me. About that thing I talked to you about before.
*Eco looks...confused. Super Mario comes out from behind the desk*
SM: It's-a ME!
DM: Come on.
*The three wander to the seat of "The Main Event" Chris Cole*
DM: Hey asshole.
'TME'CC: Hey douchebag.
DM: I was thinking...
'TME'CC: Don't hurt yourself.
DM: Funny. I was thinking, let's make this best of 7 a little more interesting. I mean, you and me doing a series might put asses in the seats alone, but let's make it for something.
'TME'CC: I'm listening.
DM: The winner of the best of 7 becomes the #1 contender to the OOWF World Heavyweight Title. Right Eco?
*Eco looks...Confused*
'TME'CC: Heh. It's a lock anyway. I might as well get something out of it for my trouble. You're on.
DM: That's what I like to hear. See you in the ring, dicksmack.
'TME'CC: Till then, asswipe.
*The three travelers continue traveling*
DM: Alright, Eco, you can prolly head back now. I'll have that stuff into Erlana in a bit.
*Eco looks...Confused*
SM: It's-a ME!
*Super Mario takes Eco back to the GM's Suite. Davin pulls out his Sprint PCS phone. Alexis Darling comes out of the DEA suite*
AD: Hey Davin...
DM: Hey Lexie. How's things.
AD: *takes a second to think* Weird. Things are...weird. What can I do for you?
DM: Well, haven't heard anything since our last meeting, so I guess I was wondering where we stood?
AD: Oh. That. Well, I dunno, I mean. We've been so busy...
DM: Noticed.
AD: Listen, I'll smack my brother around a bit and get that live spot you offered. That's still open, yes?
DM: Yeah. Sharp appreciates the endorsement, but they're really pushing me for a live spot.
AD: All right. That shouldn't be a problem. But, where can we do it?
DM: Shouldn't have a problem setting it up in Russia, they've got a division there.
AD: Ok. Sounds good.
DM: Is everything else ok? You seem really off. It's not...
AD: NO. No. It's not that. It's...it's other stuff. You know it's funny, you're the only person in the whole company that still talks to DEA people.
DM: Your brother has a way with alienating people.
AD: And yet, you, of all people, aren't alienated.
DM: Oh, don't get me wrong Lexie. If your brother stepped in front of a bus in Russia I'd prolly forget the number for 911. But personalities can't interfere with business. You understand that.
AD: Yeah. I do.
DM: Well, listen. Thanks for meeting with me, but I have another meeting that I'm late for. Will you excuse me? We'll talk soon.
AD: Yeah, sure. See you soon, Davin.
*Davin walks quickly to the Run DLP Cubby Hole, Presented by Aquafina where there is a smaller version of the Sony Multimedia Center there.*
DM: Where we at?
P: Semi-Finals.
DM: Who is it?
P: You vs. Bunny.
DM: Ha ha. You have to be Bunny.
P: Shut up!
L: Will you keep it down please? I'm listening to a Steamboat Promo. Man this guy is what every face should aspire to be.
DM: Fine.
*Davin and Phantos pick up their controllers for their Sony Playstation 3 and play OOWF Mayhem: The Video Game (on sale now)
Spirios: BARK!
P: Pipe down, Spirios
Smokey: Meow!
DM: I thought she was knocked out, Emma.
E: Oops. I knew I forgot something.
Spirios: BARK!
Smokey: MEOW!
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 1, 2008 11:01:45 GMT -5
In the Fortress Of Snobbery
FFMIII- Hey Donnie...um...where is everybody?
DV- Well...uh...I don't know. Jeeves?
Lance- You threw Voltage in the boo box.
FFMIII- Right, I remember that.
Lance- Ecosystem has become the interim general manager of the OOWF so he's part of Rick's team now.
DV- And Ryan?
Lance- Um...Well, I don't know. I remember he went to the clinic to get an AIDS test and he never came back. Perhaps he got some bad news?
FFMIII- Jesus...
DV- Yeah, waiting for those results is scary, and if you get bad news it can be devastating...I MEAN I ASSUME!!! I assume it could be devastating if that happened...
FFMIII- Right, I bet it would be.
DV- Oh it is.
FFMIII- Is?
DV- Would be, I mean. It would be.
FFMIII- If that happened.
DV- Right. IF that happened.
FFMIII- Right.
DV- Right.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 1, 2008 11:02:07 GMT -5
In a darkened arena in Finland, a lone figure sits huddled in a cage. Forgotten. Alone.
Lucky: Oh well, I guess I'm not in Beast's sack anymore. I wonder what the odds are I'll get out of here?
As he figures, footsteps begin to be audible. Coming closer....and closer.... and closer. Lucky cowers in his cage. He has no escape. Nowhere to go! What if it's Beast coming back!!
The figure approaches and then his face is lit by the ambient lights. It is DEA Security Chief Josh O'Neal.
JO'N: Mr. Lucky? Ms. Firewoman sent me to get you.
L: She did? Thank goodness
O'Neal uses his trusty lock pick to open the lock, and open the door. Lucky steps out gratefully.
The two leave the arena via limo and once at the airport, take the DEA jet to Omsk. The plane lands (waaaay before the OOWF chartered flight, apparently), and the two are then whisked away by another limo to the Omsk Arena. Josh walks Lucky to a door that says Firewoman's Locker Room.
JO'N: Okay, you'll be safe in there. No one can get in that Firewoman doesn't want to come in.
L: Really? How?
JO'N: I find it's best to not ask.
Lucky nods, and goes in, locking the door behind him.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 1, 2008 11:02:35 GMT -5
Seamus and Damon Wrath are WALKING~! down the Hallway of Random Encounters towards Ric's Sandwich Shop. Seamus is reading a paper from France.
SM: Wow, it made the papers here too.
DW: What?
SM: Headline says "OOWF Celeb in Bar Fight: Four Arrests."
DW: Wow. International scandal. That won't set well with management.
SM: Hm....It does say they were released with no charges filed.... self-defense... blah blah.... I wonder why those two are hanging out anyway?
DW: I think the more important question is when you did you learn to read French?
They arrive at the entrance to the sandwich shop, and Firewoman is LURKING~! outside. She appears to have some sort of idea and is just working out the logistics.
DW: Speak of the devil. Literally.
FW: Missed the flight, eh?
SM: Worked out well enough for us. The band missed you in France.
FW: Uh huh. I was a little preoccupied
DW: Yeah, we saw [points to the paper]. As the newest person here, I remember a clause in my contract at least about... oh what was it, something like "OOWF personnel shall refrain from extra curricular activities that would cast OOWF in a negative light. This would include any trouble with legal authorities that results in arrest or media attention."
FW: Sounds familiar.
SM: You have that memorized?
DW: So I guess you'll be talking with the GMs later today. [He laughs, to the glare of Firewoman, who has only really barely been paying attention to him, but appears to have made some sort of decision.]
FW: Damon? Leave.
DW: Huh? No way, I want a sandwich.
FW: I only ever ask twice. Leave.
DW: What are you going to do about it?
SM: Seriously, Damon. I'm not hungry anyway. Let's go.
FW: No, you stay. I need something.
The three exchange looks
SM: Go on Damon, it's fine. I'll catch up to you later.
DW: Whatever..... [Damon walks away muttering something under his breath about "bros before hos"]
SM: I don't know if I have anything you need. After all, we barely know each other. [sarcastically]
FW: [no selling the sarcasm, cause that's how we roll in the DEA! ha!] Do you still have your flask?
SM: Of course!
FW: Is it full?
SM: Okay, maybe we do barely know each other. What do you think?
FW: I need it. Now.
Seamus shrugs and produces a silver flask. Firewoman shakes it to check the amount.
FW: That should do nicely.
SM: What are you planning?
FW: Don't worry about it. You can stay or not stay, but just don't get in the way.
SM: This oughtta be good.
The two walk into the sandwich shop. The Heels are EATING~!
AA: I'm just saying that there could be more fries, is all.
JA: So go ask for some, geez.
Attitude Adjuster walks up to the counter.
Ric: WOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooo
AA: I need more fries with this.
Ric: WOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo okay, but that'll cost you extra.
As the two argue, Firewoman and Seamus make their way into the sandwich shop more or less unseen. Firewoman nods to Seamus to go over to where Attitude Adjuster is. She walks up to the table where Johnny Adrenaline is sitting.
JA: Well hey there, Fire. Nice of you to join us. Here, let me get a chair for you. Get it? Chair?
FW: I've taken enough chairs from you.
JA: Now wait....Just so you know, that wasn't me. AA had the chair....
FW: I'm sorry, you say that like it matters. [Firewoman pulls up her own chair, and turns it around so she's sitting backwards facing JA.]
JA: Um, it kind of does....I just told him to distract you, the chair was his idea.
FW: Look, I want to make sure we are crystal clear. I'm not sure what the deal is with Beast and Lucky, but it's between Beast and me. You two stay out of it. Permanently. Or else.
JA: Oh yeah? Or else what?
As if in an old western, conversation falls to silence in respect of the time honored tradition of the ritualized exchange of threats. AA stops arguing with Ric about his fries and turns towards the table. He starts to head over that way. Seamus McNasty stops him before he can take a step.
SM: I don't think you want to do that just yet.
Back at the table, Firewoman smiles and puts both hands in her jacket pockets. She pulls out Seamus's flask in her left hand.
FW: Well, then we'll have to have a drink together and talk about it like two civilized human beings. Whiskey?
JA: Ladies first. Besides, then I'll know it's not poisoned.
FW: Well if you insist.
Firewoman takes a big looooooong drink of pure Irish whiskey. Adrenaline is amazed.
JA: Hey, that's rude. Save some of it for me!
FW: Oh don't worry. There's plenty for you.
Firewoman begins to take another long drink. From her right hand, which has been in her right jacket pocket, she produces her trust Zippo lighter. She stands up quickly, leaning over the table, clicks the lighter once (those Zippos, so reliable!), holds it up and then sprays the whiskey through it, sending a stream of flame directly towards Johnny Adrenaline.
Johnny Adrenanline holds up his arms to cover his face, and the sleeve of his shirt catches on fire. He flails around, brushing up agains the curtains, which also catch fire. Attitude Adjuster pushes past Seamus McNasty and grabs one of Ric's towels to douse the flames quickly before any significant skin damage is done. Ric runs towards the curtains with the fire extinguisher.
Ric: WOOOOOooooooooo.
FW: [to the Heels] STAY OUT OF IT!!!
While Firewoman would love to stay and admire her handiwork, Seamus grabs her arm and pulls her out of the sandwich shop.
SM: Wow. Just like old times.
FW: What are you talking about? I barely know you.
Firewoman walks away towards her locker room. Seamus stands there for a minute before going to catch up with Damon. He stops suddenly.
SM: Dammit. She kept my flask. Again!!!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 1, 2008 11:03:54 GMT -5
<Firewoman is walking back to her locker room, as she rounds the corner she sees Moosehead Jack standing there> FW: Moose MHJ: Fire FW: So what do you want? MHJ: Bennett wants to see you FW: He knows where I am <Fire starts toward her door but Moose moves in front of it blocking her> FW: Really Moose? MHJ: Fire this time I think its best for you to come see him FW: That a threat? MHJ: Its not right now. Is there really any reason to make it a threat? FW: <contemplating this for a moment> Fine, lets go <they leave and enter Bennett's office where Johnny Adrenaline is standing, his shirt half burned off his body, clearly agitated beyond words> JA: THERE SHE IS!!! I WANT HER ARRESTED! I WANT HER THROWN IN JAIL!!! SHE TRIED TO KILL ME!!!! ATTEMPTED MURDER BENNETT!!!! THIS IS TOO FAR!!!! LJB: Johnny, please JA: NO! I HAVE BEEN THROUGH A LOT OF THINGS BUT THIS IS TOO MUCH!!! ARREST HER NOW!!! HOW WOULD YOU LIKE A COUPLE MONTHS IN A RUSSIAN JAIL HUH TOOTS? FW: TOOTS?? LJB: Johnny, if you would please just give me a....... JA: WHEN MY LAWYER GETS DONE, YOU WON'T HAVE A FUCKING THING LEFT TO YOUR NAME!! YOU TRIED TO SET ME THE FUCK ON FIRE THIS IS..... LJB: SHUT THE FUCK UP JOHNNY!!! <Adrenaline immediately stops talking and gets a look on his face that is a mix of frustration and rage> JA:<mostly to himself> I swear, the next person who says that to me...... LJB: Now, Fire, have a seat please. I understand you are under a great deal or pressure right now. Considering the position Alexander Darling and the DEA have put you in, effectively alienating the entire locker room against you, the upcoming trip to Japan, and the recent kidnapping of your personal assistant, I am sensitive to the possibility that you have a lot to deal with at the moment. However, we cannot condone you trying to set one of the men that is going to free the OOWF from Rick's grasp on fire. There will have to be a punishment for this. FW: Fine, so suspend me, I can go pack my things now and be on the next bus out of here LJB: Still angling for that suspension. You have so little faith in me. You worry far too much about Japan, I have a feeling things will work out just fine. The suspension may still come.... JA: it MAY still come? LJB:<looking at Johnny> It MAY still come. Right now you actions are inexcusable, I understand that Mr. Adrenaline and Mr. Capps played a part in the kidnapping of your personal assistant, which included hitting you with a chair.... JA: SHE TRIED TO SET ME ON FIRE LJB: However, your actions went a little too far. For that, I blame Alexander Darling and the DEA, they have set a bad precedent for overreacting to perceived slights. So, for the moment, the punishment will be as follows, a one million dollar fine, paid in full by DEA, and a one week ban on leaving the city in which the OOWF is running their show. which in essence means you are not allowed to leave the city proper of Omsk until Friday, April 18th when we leave for Mongolia. I believe that is fair. JA: FAIR? SHE TRIED TO SET ME ON FIRE!!! LJB: She said she was sorry JA: NO SHE DIDN'T! LJB: Fire are you sorry for trying to set Adrenaline on fire? FW: Eh LJB: See? There you go JA: THAT WAS NOT AN APOLOGY!!!! LJB: Fire, I hope the next time we meet the circumstances are far more to our liking. <Fire considers this for a moment then gets up and walks away, she heads back to her locker room and sits down in the overstuffed white leather couch, and notices there is a gift on the couch next to her. She opens the box and sees a copy of Fire Suppression Practices and Procedures a black rose marks the chapter on building fires and there is a note You always were a bit of a fire bug, maybe this way once you start them, you can stick around and watch them burn. A controlled burn can be just as good as a raging blaze. See you soon Fire drops the note and the book and leans back on the couch and closes her eyes> |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 1, 2008 11:06:10 GMT -5
*Fade in to the palatial IHOP lockerroom. The Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth is pacing back and forth in front of SYB and Skurge. She is clearly not happy with either of them…
DM: Look guys, I’m getting really sick of this Freaky Friday shit. It was cute for a while, but it got old pretty quick. Also, we’re working with Bennett’s crew now — which still needs some sort of faction name, but that’s not important right now — and I don’t think they’re taking us very seriously with you guys joking around all the time.
SYB: What are you talking aboot, eh? We’re not joking aroond. There’s no humour here at all.
DM: My point exactly. Guys, we’ve got Phantos and Lucios in the OOWF World Tag Team Title Round Robin Tournament this week. They’re with Rick. This is a chance for us to prove ourselves to our side and move one step closer to tag-team gold.
Skurge: Look sweetness, we’re totally focused on our match this week. Really. Although I am feeling a bit stressed out. How about I buy you dinner and you help me relieve some tension?
DM: Fuck no. As long as this body-switching act continues, there’s not a hope in hell I’d sleep with you. Either of you.
Skurge: Easy there, gunner. Don’t let this hoser get to you. Let’s all just grab a beer and relax. There’s nothing to worry aboot, eh?
SYB: Yeah, sugartits, I was just kidding around. You know there’s no way I’d spring for dinner.
DM: Finally. I’m glad you guys seem to be back to normal. So Skurge, how’d it feel to have a little Joo in you?
Skurge: Must’ve been real little — I didn’t feel a thing.
SYB: Hey syrup-boy: Goat cock. Eat one.
Skurge: Syrup-boy? Really? That’s the best you could do? Okay, giant-nose-man.
DM: Alright, boys, that’s enough. Time to get down to business and talk about our match this week and what we can do for Bennett’s Brigade.
Skurge: “Bennett’s Brigade”? That sucks, eh?
DM: I know. At least I’m trying though.
*FADE*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 1, 2008 11:06:36 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland looks like he'd rather be anywhere else in the world, as he knocks on the door to the DEA Suites. Lucky Answers.*
L: BEGONE RED SOX FAN!
DM: Shut the fuck up. Go get your boss.
L: BLASPHEMER!
DM: Are you going to get or boss? Either that or you get some more cage time. Your choice.
L: Yes sir, sorry sir.
*Lucky scurries away to check on firewoman and comes back*
L: She said go on in.
DM: Fine. We'll need some privacy, so go do something.
*Lucky leaves to do something. Davin proceeds through the suites, and Alexander Darling spots him*
AD: The fuck are you doing here? *he springs out of his chair*
DM: Official business. Well, semi-official. Listen, can't you put a leash on her a little bit? She's killing us.
AD: *shrugs his shoulders* Have you met her?
DM: Just a coffee cup to the head.
AD: Good luck then.
*Goes to firewoman's door and finds it open. He knocks on the door frame*
DM: Fire?
F: Yeah, come in. Take a seat.
*Davin sits in the first available chair he sees. He notices Alexis sitting next to Fire on the couch*
DM: Oh, hey Lexie. Glad you're here.
F: So? What.
DM: Umm, I think you know what.
F: Whatever, Bennett already took care of it. It's bullshit.
DM: Of course it is. You've done enough to be suspended for a year without pay.
F: So do it.
DM: Management, in all levels is wise to your ploy, Fire. You're trying to avoid going to Japan, and it's not going to happen. I'll say this though, keep it up and you're going to have a year's suspension starting after the Japan show.
F: That's some bullshit too.
DM: Are you out of your damned mind? You start an international incident getting in a fight with Vikings, you set something on fire for the second time in two weeks. You're begging for a suspension, and Fire, you're not going to get what you want. In fact, it will be exactly what you don't want. You want a belt? You want a title run? Keep this up and we'll have you jobbing to Jobber Blitz for 10 weeks straight.
F: You wouldn't.
DM: Try me.
A: Davin, it's Japan...it's...there's too much...
DM: Christ sake Lexie, all three of you are overreacting.
A: You have no idea what's going on.
DM: Um, I have a pretty good idea as to what's going on. I was there at the time. I read all about it, and I got the inside stuff from people in your company. It's not that bad. You need to let the shit go.
A: You don't understand.
DM: No, I understand, but what the hell are you afraid of? Both of you? You two shouldn't bee as concerned as your brother, Lexie.
F: Don't tell me how I should feel.
DM: Why not? You've been acting like a child for the last month. I may as well tell you how to feel.
F: I will...
DM: You will do nothing. I came here for this. This is your absolute and final warning. One more incident and you're staring a year's suspension without pay right in the face. And your contract included a non-compete, so you can flip burgers for all I care in that year, but you ain't gonna be in a ring of any kind.
F: You don't have the authority.
DM: Bullshit I don't.
A: He does, fire.
DM: I'm just putting you on notice Fire. Right now, I can give a shit whether you comply or not. This company will go on just fine either way. It's entirely your decision as to how you want your career to go.
F: Fuck off.
DM: Fine. *stands up* I'm going to tell you what I told Lexie. If you want my HELP with this, I can help you; but if you're going to act like a petulant little brat all the time, you can go fuck yourself. You're doing the Japan show, and that is absolutely final. You don't like it? Too bad. You're still doing it. What happens to you there is up to you. Your choice. Lexie, talk some sense into her would you?
*Davin leaves and runs across Alexander again*
AD: Threaten my partner again and see what the fuck happens to you.
DM: Heh. That wasn't a threat Alexander. That's a reality. It would be in your interest to talk to her, considering everyone else on this roster hates you. Your allies are tough to come by.
AD: You don't know what you're talking about.
DM: I do, Champ. I know exactly what I'm talking about.
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 1, 2008 11:07:05 GMT -5
*Skurge is SPRAWLED OUT~! on his orange and black patterned couch, watching footage of Phantos & Lucios. His eyes dart back and forth.*
Skurge: "Calling for a pizza during the pin?" (He turns to the camera) IHOP will be delivering pain and misery. No charge.
On the other side of the room, The Lovey and Talented Dorothy Mantooth is in her tanning bed. SYB is hovering above, trying to get a glimpse.
DM: So what happened to you two?
SYB: I don't really want to talk about it.
DM: I might show you my boobies.
SYB: OK so we took a nasty asswhupping from BAD or the Sons -
DM: (interrupting) I know, it's hard to tell who beats you from one week to the next...
SYB: You're not helping, Lady Labia.
DM: Charming. OK keep going.
SYB: I don't remember much after that. I felt like I was playing my facebook wrestling game for real. I had long hair, a Canadian flag, I busted oot moves like crazy. I was win-ning. I fucking dished oot some CANADIAN VIOLENCE~!
DM: Oot?
SYB: Huh?
DM: You said "oot".
SYB: Huh. I guess a little part of Hodgey will always be with me.
Skurge: (yells from across the room) Hodgey? What a stupid fucking name, eh?
SYB looks into the camera and shrugs.
*FADE*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 1, 2008 11:07:27 GMT -5
<Theme music!, Lights!, pyro!, Stank heads out to the ring, to a loud pop from the crowd! He climbs a corner turnbuckle holding his title up high and soaking in the cheers. The ring is set up with a mini bar and stools. Stank has the mic.> Stank - Welcome to another episode of Stank's pub! <Crowd cheers!> Stank - Where as you may remember from the last time... DRINKS ARE ON THE HOUSE! <Crowd goes batshit as OOWF attendants cruise the aisles handing out free beer!> Stank - Alright, alright, settle down you alcoholics. I, of course, am your OOWF World Champion and tonight my guest... is the OOWF... Intercontinental Champion... The self professed Darling of wrestling... Alexander Darling! <Prelude 12-21 by AFI fires up along with Darling's other intro pyrotechnics and light work, as Alexander walks down the ramp in a Caraceni business suit, holding his IC title belt over his shoulder. There is something of a mixed reaction from the crowd which surprises both Alexander and Stank. Darling climbs between the ropes and holds his title up high. He then turns to the OOWF Champion who offers his hand. Alexander looks at it for a second then accepts the gesture. The two champions shake hands, then Stank grabs a mic from the bartender and hands it to Alexander Darling as his music fades.> Stank - Have a seat, have a seat. Beer? Alex - I'll take some Vermouth if you have it. <Stank turns to the bartender who nods in the affirmative.> Stank - Coming right up. So... I don't think you and I have spoken much. Alex - No we haven't. Quite frankly I was a bit surprised when you invited me to come on. I almost said no. Stank - Really? Alex - Well I figured you hated me like everyone else around here. Stank - I don't hate you Alex... I can call you Alex, right? Anyway, I don't hate you. I don't know you well enough to form an opinion either way. We haven't really crossed paths. Alex - Well the longer you hold onto that title... the more likely we would ha- Stank - Hold on there a sec, now. Now I know where you're going with that and I can assure you... a champion vs champion match would blow the roof off this place. It'd be good for business and I can see you understand business wearing that $4000 suit and all. Thanks for dressing up, by the way. Alex - You're welcome. <The bartender signals Stank and the World Champ hands the IC Champ his Vermouth.> Stank - There you go. Drink up. Now, you like people knowing you have money, don't you? I mean look at you. The suit, the Breguet watch. Cameraman get a close up of this. <Stank pulls up Darling's sleeve to expose the expensive watch, for the camera to see.> Alex - Only three of these ever made. Stank - That cost you more than the suit. Alex - You know your watches. Stank - I know a lot of things, Alex. You want for very little. What you lack a lot of around here though, despite all your money and your IC title... is respect. <Crowd murmurs as Alex takes those words in for a second.> Alex - Should I count your respect, champ, amongst the rest that I lack? Stank - Well... It's like I said earlier... I don't know you. Alex - Well let me introduce myself... I'm Alexander Darling... the OOWF Intercontinental Champion. I am the most ruthless son of a bitch you will ever come across and I've beaten plenty of former World Champs in my short time here in the OOWF. Stank - And pissed off many along the way. Alex - That can't be helped. Stank - I beg to differ, but I didn't invite you out here to argue the point. Alex - Ok then what am I doing here? Stank - Well you may not have noticed, but... there seems to be a little war going on here in the OOWF. And lines have been drawn... now, me and mine stayed out of it... pretty much for as long as we could. In the end, however, we had to choose a side. We chose Rick. Not because of any great love I hold for Rick's cause as much as the contempt I hold for many on Bennett's side. You understand contempt, don't you Alex? <Darling just stares at the OOWF World Champion, waiting for him to make his point.> Stank - I mean it's no secret the disdain you hold for Moosehead Jack. Alex - Disdain hardly covers it. Stank - I know. I know. I personally don't have a problem with Jack, but he and I will have to agree to disagree when it comes to Bennett. Alex - Of course you don't have a problem with him... From what I know, he practically HANDED you the OOWF World Championship! <Stank takes umbrage to those words, the notion is echoed by the noise coming from the crowd.> Stank - You weren't here at the time so I won't hold that misguided opinion against you... anyway... Alex - Now now wait a second... are you saying Moosehead didn't help you win the title? Stank - That's not what I'm say- Alex - So you admit you needed that shitfuck to help you win the OOWF World Title. Stank - I don't admit that at all- Alex - You see I didn't need ANYONE to help me win the IC belt. Stank - Do you really want to go back and forth with me on this? (standing) Do you really want to COMPARE your OOWF career with MINE? <Crowd starts to buzz with excitement in anticipation of hostilities between the two champions> Alex - Relax big man. I'm just messin with you. Stank - You play a dangerous game, Alex... <Crowd buzzes even more as they can see the seriousness on Stank's face. He looks like he wants to beat the shit out of the IC Champ. Suddenly the World Champ's expression changes to a more relaxed one.> Stank - ...but what I like about you, is that you play to win. <Crowd settles down a bit, as does Alexander.> Stank - That's why I have something I want to tell you. Alex - Let me guess... You want to recruit me and the rest of DEA to Rick's army. Stank - No... I'll leave the recruiting to Moreland. I just want to point something out, and then you can take it or leave it. I don't care either way. <Stank leans over and whispers something in Alex's ear. Darling's expression changes from disinterest, to shock, to confusion, then resolve. He looks up at Stank, who simply nods his head. Stank finishes his beer as Alexander Darling considers what Stank said. The IC Champ collects his title and exits the ring, walking up the ramp as Stank's theme music blares out the speakers. Darling turns and faces the OOWF World champion standing in the ring. Camera fades on the two champs in the midst of a stare down. Stank with a look of certain knowing, Alexander Darling with a look determination mixed with a bit of confusion.> |
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 1, 2008 11:09:12 GMT -5
*OOWF Arena; Omsk, Russia*
It’s a few hours after the Stank’s Pub segment and most of the roster has cleared out of the arena for the weekend to attend to personal business or just unwind for a few days, but someone who has not done that is Alexander Darling. He is roaming the halls backstage going through the maze of the locker room trying to find either the Run DLP or GM’s office. After seemingly taking another wrong turn, a door opens behind Darling and Davin Moreland steps out of the room. Alexander turns around and spots Moreland;
Alexander Darling: There you fucking are. I’ve been looking all over for you.
Davin Moreland: I was in the GM’s office for the most part of the day, why didn’t you come see me there?
Alexander: Because I couldn’t find it.
Davin: Why didn’t you just follow the signs?
Alexander: Maybe because they’re in fucking Russian.
Davin: Are they really? That’s interesting…but all you have to do is click on the button on the side and it changes the language. We had Sony install them especially for us.
Alexander: It would have been nice if I was informed of that.
Davin: We sent a memo to Lexie.
Alexander: Well she never told me…and what the fuck is up with you calling her Lexie? I don’t appreciate you thinking you have any sort of bond with my sister.
Davin seems to be getting to the breaking point with Alexander.
Davin: Alexander, right now I don’t have an issue with you, but if you don’t lose the attitude real fucking quick I can easily make an issue out of it. Now why don’t you remember why you were looking for me and drop the tough guy act.
Alexander: Act??? Ya know what, never mind. You’re right I was looking for you and I woulda talked to you right after you dropped by before but I had to get ready for my appearance on Stank’s show.
Davin: Yea, I actually got to catch that. It was quite interesting to say the least. Do you mind sharing what he told you?
Alexander: That depends…what do you already know?
Davin: I know you have no allies here besides the people in your own locker room. I know you’re going back to where you made your name for better or for worse. And I know there are rumors that there will people there looking for both you and Firewoman…but with regards to what Stank told you…I don’t have a clue.
Alexander: Maybe you should talk to him then because that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.
Davin: And what did you want to talk to me about exactly? Would you mind walking and talking though…I have to get back to my locker room to meet up with Phantos and Lucios.
Alexander sighs and heads over to Davin and the two start ~WALKING and ~TALKING.
Alexander: Look, you know I don’t like you and if someone didn’t steal my sledgehammer I’d have no problem slamming it upside your skull…just like I know that if there was a piece of rebar handy I’d probably wind up with at best a broken nose.
Davin: Hey, at least it looks like it’s healing well. Your doc must do some good work.
Alexander: Shut the fuck up Davin. And I know this company as a whole hates me and truthfully I couldn’t care less about that. I’m not here to make friends and kiss asses. If I wanted to do that, I could be running a Hollywood movie studio or something else boring as fuck.
Davin: And why aren’t you…it seems like it would be a lot easier on you both physically and mentally.
Alexander: Because I can do a job like that in my sleep. I became a professional wrestler because I wanted to be the best at something I love. And truthfully, the more I failed at it the more I wanted it which is where Japan comes into things.
Davin: Yes Japan and the mysterious Poe.
Alexander: Davin, I don’t know what rumors or stories you’ve heard or what you think you know…but I can assure you, you don’t have any idea of what the truth is there. And the more things happen, the more I’m starting to think this has nothing to do with him, but it’s all just head games from Moose.
Davin: It’s quite possible, but again the rumors coming out of Japan are saying your friend is preparing.
Alexander: Well let him fucking prepare. I’ll just break his other ankle. I’m not afraid of Japan or Poe. What I am afraid of is what this is doing to the two people I can truly call friends in this business.
Davin: And I can admire that, really, but they’re both being fucking stupid right now; especially Firewoman. And I don’t even have a clue what issues she has there. Everything my sources have told me says it has nothing to do with you and your issues, so I’m in the dark. If I wasn’t maybe I could help.
Alexander: I’ll talk to her, but you can imagine what that will be like. And it’s not my place to talk to you about that but she has as much reason as Alexis does to want to avoid going back there. But I agree that she’s going about it wrong and putting herself, and consequently myself, in a bad position.
Davin: If you’re going to ask if I can do anything about the fine, I doubt it. I’ll talk to Eco, but he’s very *confused* about things. Besides, as much as I enjoy seeing The Heels get theirs, I can’t condone attempted murder.
Alexander: YOU can’t condone…
Davin: Not in my official position, I can’t. I’ll see what I can do, but it won’t be much I bet. If you want I can look into getting you and the rest of DEA a few more spots that could help offset the fine.
Alexander: Yea, fine…whatever. When is that Sharp spot exactly?
Davin: I believe it is all set-up and waiting for you to give a call and let them know you’re on your way. And it looks like we’ve reached the end of my ~WALKING. Is there anything else I can help you with Alex?
Alexander: Basically, oh…there’s also the little lawsuit that Fire has pressed against Concrete. With both being contracted wrestlers here in the OOWF, we need an arbitrator to settle the claim. Our lawyer should be contacting the GM’s office soon to set something up…make sure it gets settled Davin.
Davin: God damn it…more fucking paperwork. Sometimes I really regret taking this AGM job.
Alexander: And sometimes Davin, I don’t really fucking care. You put yourself into this position by stepping up for someone who didn’t deserve anything let alone anyone to defend him.
Davin: If you feel that way, why didn’t you join Bennett when the offer was out there?
Alexander: Because if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times; there are no winners in a war like this. You and yours will fight against Bennett and his and there will be casualties on both sides and it makes no sense for me and mine to risk anything for a war in which we have no stake.
Davin: It’s an interesting theory Darling…I don’t buy it. But it is interesting nonetheless.
Alexander: Not asking you to buy it and I’m not saying things couldn’t change, but neither side has convinced me that there is anything in it for The DEA to choose a side. And until that day comes, I am quite fine standing on my own. And by the way, this little talk we just had…it doesn’t make us friends and if you stand in my way, I’ll treat you the same as anyone else.
Davin: I don’t doubt that Alexander, but what happens when the day comes and you finally do need standing someone on your side because as much as you think you can do everything on your own, you can’t.
Alexander: Watch me.
Davin stares after Alexander as he walks away before opening the door to his locker room and getting jumped on by a leaping Smokey who is being chased by a yelping Spiros who is being chased by a cape-wearing Phantos all while Lucios is yelling at everyone to keep it down while he watches Ricky Steamboat vs. Ric Flair from Wrestle War ‘89
Lucios Man that Terry Funk, what a jerl.
*Fade from Run DLP fun to Alexander Darling arriving at The DEA Luxury Suite*
Just as Alexander is arriving back at the suite there is an OOWF random stagehand knocking on the door. Alexander taps him on the shoulder,
Alexander: What can I do for ya?
OOWF Random Stagehand: I have a delivery for a Ms. Firewoman.
Alexander: I’ll take it.
RS: I’m sorry…I have explicit orders that I can only give this to the recipient.
Alexander: Give me the damn package before you get hurt.
The stagehand seems to be contemplating the threat and the directions he received…before handing the package to Darling and running off. Darling looks at the package for a moment before the door opens.
Firewoman: You doing deliveries now?
Alexander: I might have to considering I have a MILLION FUCKING DOLLAR FINE to pay.
Fire: I can see you’re still angry, so I’ll just head back to my own room while you cool off.
Alexander: Don’t you want to see what your secret admirer sent this time?
Fire: Ooooh, another present for me.
Firewoman goes to grab the gift from Alexander but he moves it out of her reach just as Alexis and Lucky enter the main room of the suite from Firewoman’s private room. Alexander nods his head condescendingly when he sees his sister.
Alexander: Oh it’s good to see you sister…I was afraid you might be in jail again.
Alexis Darling: What the fuck is your problem?
Alexander: My problem is that I’ve had things going on recently when you’ve been needed and you’re nowhere to be fucking found half the time. My problem is I have no fucking idea what is going on between you two and truthfully I don’t really care anymore. And finally my fucking problem is because of your new best friend I have to figure out a way to pay a million dollar fine.
Alexis: Just let me call daddy.
Alexander: You can’t be that fucking stupid…he told us to cool it with the spending after the Wrestle Mania party and you continue to rack up bill after bill. No I will fucking handle this without him….and you!
Alexander turns to face Firewoman
I could have sworn we had a deal where you would learn how to control yourself and I’d not keep any more secrets.
Fire: Hey, I’m trying but you don’t have any idea…
Alexander: I sure as fuck do Fire. Remember I was there and I’m the one who bailed you out it, so don’t fucking tell me I have no idea. You need to understand your actions have consequences and not just for you but for all of us.
Fire: I get that and fuck…I’m sorry about the fine. If I could help, I would, but you know I can’t.
Alexander: I just want you to be smarter and think things through ahead of time. Would it have been so hard to just wear a fucking mask before attacking them, so they couldn’t prove it was you.
Fire: Well, I…umm, yea. I didn’t think of that. So, can I have my present now? I’m really curious what I got now?
Alexander: Oh this present.
And Alexander rips open that package…
Fire: Hey that’s mine.
Lucky: Hey that’s for her.
Alexis: Asshole.[/b]
Alexander: Excuse me, did any of you say anything?
Alexis: Yea, I said you’re an asshole. That’s not yours so you shouldn’t be opening it. Besides, what if it’s from him?
Alexander: It’s not from him. You’re not that stupid Lex, so I have no idea what’s going on in your pretty little head.
Alexis: And if you’re so sure they he isn’t sending them, who is?
Alexander: Who continues to make moves towards getting Fire to align with him? Who knows more about Japan than he’s let on? Who is supposedly the master of head games in this company?
Fire: You don’t really think it’s from Moosehead, do ya?
Alexander: Who else would it be from? We both know he knows exactly what you like after you smashed his head into a vending machine.
Fire: I don’t care who’s sending it. I like it.
Alexander: Fine, let’s see what you got today.
Alexander reaches into the package and pulls out a jewelry box. He nods his head in approval as he opens it only for him to see it. He then takes it out of the box to show the rest of the room. It’s a beautiful Amber-Bead necklace.
Fire: That’s beautiful. I love amber.
Alexander: I know you do and I see other people know it as well. So I’m gonna show those other people exactly what I think about them sending unwanted gifts.
Fire: Unwanted?
Before Alexander replies he takes one last look at the necklace before slamming it down on the ground and smashing it into a fine powder.
Alexis: Alexander Brian Darling…what the fuck?
Firewoman looks down at the beautifully smashed necklace;
Fire: You know you really can be an asshole sometimes.
Firewoman gets right into Alexander’s face and he does not back down and the two are yelling back and forth when Alexis tries to get in between the two while Lucky cowers in a corner mumbling about the anger influence on a GRT+ factor and how it relates to flip ratio. Alexis finally pushes the two back apart from each and steps between the two.
Alexis: ENOUGH!!! I thought we were done with this in-fighting bullshit. We need to be stronger than this. Fire, go back to your room and keep working on the strategy for this week. I think we were just getting somewhere so keep on that.
Fire: But Lex…he’s such an..
Alexis: I know, but please for now just go back in there and cool off.
Fire: Fine, whatever. I don’t need to be lectured by the author of “How to Piss Everyone Off and Have No Friends.”
Alexander: Such a fucking smart ass.
Fire: You know it BOSS. Lucky let’s go. Now. You better have something to sparkle for me.
Lucky: Yes ma’am.
Alexis: And as for you brother dear, if you keep starting fights with everyone there’s no chance we’ll ever succeed.
Alexander: Whatever…I don’t have time for her fucking mood swings and I don’t have time for you to become Thelma to Firewoman’s Louise. So, I told Davin we’d go do the spot now. We just gotta call.
Alexis: Fine, let me get my things….wait, you talked to Davin? Without me? And your nose isn’t broken? Maybe I have missed a lot.
Alexander just shakes his head and places his head in his hands.
*Fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 1, 2008 11:09:39 GMT -5
*Later that day, after all the day's business has concluded, Davin Moreland is in the GMs Office with Erlana and Eco*
DM: Well, that should take care of the arbitration. So fucking stupid. Crete's gotta be smarter than that.
Erlana: You kidding? Crete is this company's answer to Sting.
DM: I suppose you're right. Hey boss man, you got anything left to do?
*Eco looks...confused*
DM: How long is he gonna do that for?
*Erlana looks...confused*
DM: That's not funny.
Erlana: HA! Sorry. No, that's it for today. Listen, we gotta get a payment on that fine.
DM: That fine is some bullshit.
Erlana: What do you propose? No punishment at all?
DM: I would have levied the suspension after Japan without pay. But since that makes SENSE that's not what happened. It'll get here, I had some contact with them earlier. It's gonna get done.
*Davin's Sprint PCS Phone goes off. He's received a text message*
DM: *grinning* I can't believe they're related. All right guys, I gotta run.
*Time warp happens. Approximately an hour later, two people are in a rather upscale bar in Omsk. Hey! It's Davin and Lexie! They're both sipping some kick-ass vodka*
DM: Man this is good.
AD: Well, you're at the source after all.
DM: Grab a table?
AD: Yeah.
*Davin settles up as the two take an unoccupied corner booth*
DM: So, obviously I got your text. What are you thinking?
AD: It's too fucking much. I had to get out of there for a while. Lucky is making sure brother dear and Fire don't kill each other for a bit.
DM: So, where are you "supposedly"?
AD: Gym.
DM: The fucking gym? They bought that?
AD: *innocently* Why, what do you mean by that, Davin?
DM: Oh, I dunno, the fact that there are about 15,000 places to workout back at the arena makes it sound a bit fishy, dontcha think?
AD: *shrugs* I doubt they suspect anything.
*Davin nods and gets the waitress' attention*
DM: Hi, как вы? Можем мы иметь 2 больше водочки угождаем?
W: Da.
AD: You've gotta be shitting me.
DM: Hmm? Oh. Sophomore year of High School my school offered Russian for a semester. I think all I can do is order vodka and ask where the bathroom is.
AD: Uh-huh. I'm sure. How many other languages do you know?
DM: I only KNOW Spanish.
AD: Right. You pronounced that like a freakin' native. How many?
DM: Eh, 5 in total. But one's Latin, so that doesn't count.
*The waitress returns with two vodkas*
DM: Вы
W: Da.
AD: You know? I learn something different about you every time I see you.
P: There's a lot you don't know about me.
DM: Phantos? What in the sam hell are you doing here?
P: Oh...I er...uh...Spirios, yeah...um, he got away and I...
DM: You saw nothing, you remember nothing, got it?
P: Oh yeah, sure. Totally didn't see you two on a date.
DM & AD: IT'S NOT A DATE!
DM: It's a business meeting, dumbass.
P: Uh-huh. Lots of business meetings involve vodka shots.
AD: In Russia they do.
P: Right...
DM: Listen, beat it and forget everything, or I tell Jamie Lynn all about Emma.
P: YOU WOULDN'T!
DM: Try me.
P: Aww man. Well, I guess I'll see you back at the Run DLP Locker Room, presented by Aquafina
DM: Nice.
P: Thanks. That's if you make it back of course.
DM: I'LL BE FUCKING BACK! Just say NOTHING to anyone, got it?
P: ...
DM: Emma. Jamie Lynn.
P: FINE! Jerl.
DM: Yeah, that's me. Big jerl.
*Phantos leaves*
AD: Jamie Lynn? Not...
DM: How many Jamie Lynns do you know?
AD: Where the hell...
DM: My Moms. I guess she's back in school and doing really well.
AD: Must be hard.
DM: No kidding.
*Both sip some vodka*
DM: So Lexie, by the way your bother hates that I call you that, why am I here?
AD: You call me what I tell you to call me and don't worry about it. And you're here because I invited you.
DM: Ok Captain Obvious. WHY am I here other than "you invited me, and I showed up here".
AD: Because go fuck yourself, that's why.
DM: Clever. Still not the answer.
AD: Well fine, honestly it doesn't have everything to do with business. I just wanted to...thank you for taking the high road with Brother dear.
DM: Well. Brother dear deserves some credit in his own right. I have to be kinda civil because of my job. He doesn't.
AD: He does if he knows what's good for him.
DM: *raises his glass to toast* True dat.
*clink*
DM: Man, I didn't sign up for this...
AD: Sign up for what?
DM: This. Everything. The AGMs job. Team Rickorwhatever. Playing peacemaker. Being the big friggin face in the company. I miss the old days where I could just beat people up and win matches. Or lose matches. Or whatever. None of this other happy horseshit.
AD: I know what you mean.
DM: Really?
AD: Sure. You think I like being a valet?
DM: I've never asked you about that.
AD: Smart of you not to.
DM: I mean, WHEN you wrestled in Japan, you were awfully good. What the fuck happened?
AD: Well, Brother Dear is overprotecting me like he does is one reason. The other...
DM: Yeah.
AD: You don't know the whole story.
*Alexis stares a hole in the table*
DM: I'm sure I don't. I'm operating on supposition and what I saw and heard.
*Alexis looks up with watery eyes*
DM: I know you're a hell of a lot different than you were when you first got to Japan.
AD: Well, things went down.
DM: You can talk to me if you want, Lexie.
*She considers it for a second*
AD: You kidding? He'd kill me. So would she for that matter.
DM: You're right.
AD: It's not fair.
DM: Course not. Why would it be? That would be too easy.
*Alexis almost cracks a smile*
DM: Japan's a long way off still, and my offer will stay on the table unless something crazy happens. And YOU need to get out of your rut and do something for yourself.
AD: Like?
DM: Train.
AD: You really ARE crazy.
DM: I didn't know that was in doubt.
AD: Touche.
DM: Train. Train with Fire, God knows she wants someone who can hang with her in the ring to train with.
AD: Brother dear will absolutely kill me.
DM: Not if you make it clear its not to actually WRESTLE, it's just a stress reliever.
AD: I'll consider it.
DM: All right, we have to get out of here before they start sending search parties looking for us.
AD: You're not kidding.
DM: Wanna ride back in the limo?
AD: Can the driver park...
DM: Of course.
AD: Then how can I say no?
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 1, 2008 11:10:53 GMT -5
(Ecosystem walks into the GM's office.)
Eco: Rick, we need to have a talk--(Eco is face to face with himself.)--AUGH!!!
GMEco: AUGH!!!
Eco: YOU'RE NOT RICK!
GMEco: AUGH!!!
Eco: What the--are you me?
GMEco: I guess. I'm the interim GM of the company.
Eco: But...I've spent the last two weeks doing oratory in Indiana.
GMEco: Right. You know how you never actually leave this company, your spirit just leaves while your shell can be abused?
Eco: No I don't.
Shell Voltage: Yes you do.
Eco: Right. Yes I do.
GM Eco: So let's just merge already.
(Eco and GM Eco jump into each other. Shiny light shoots out from between them and intense anime music plays.)
Shell Voltage: Dragonball Z much?
Eco: Whatever. Anyway, I need to catch up. What happened to Rick?
Shell Voltage: Um...he's busy. I think you need to catch up with Davin Moreland.
Eco: Oh yeah, I'm facing him this week!
Shell Voltage: No, you're three weeks behind.
Eco: Oh. Should I go catch up with LOADED?
Shell Voltage: No. Cappington defected.
Eco: Oh. Do I have any friends?
SM: MARIO!
Eco: Yay!
Shell Voltage: That's pretty much the same.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 1, 2008 11:11:25 GMT -5
Firewoman is in the ring, waiting.
FW: Dammit, Lexie. Where are you.
The Dead walks in and sees Firewoman in the ring, in her workout gear.
TD: Fire? Were we training? The Dead has forgotten. The Dead will go get his…
FW: No, we weren’t. I’m waiting for… Never mind.
TD: Well, give The Dead a minute and …
FW: Don’t bother.
TD: What?
FW: You attacked my partner.
TD: What…? You can’t possibly be mad about that. The Dead was….
FW: I don’t give a rat’s ass. In some places, you attack one member of the organization, you’ve attacked all members.
TD: Yeah, like the Mafia. DEA is hardly the Mafia.
FW: Oh trust me, I do know that. Better than you think. So are you in Bennett’s “with us or against us” proclamation?
TD: The Dead makes his own decisions.
FW: Because I’m not with Bennett. And my partner clearly isn’t, after that attack.
TD: Look, The Dead thinks your partner is a piece of shit, and has no idea why you signed with them in the first place. Since we came into this company, you and The Dead have had a good relationship. We respect each other. We work together well. Let’s just put this behind….
FW: We work together well? Our working together didn’t get either of us a belt last week, and now we’re stuck down in a non-title match in the undercard.
TD: That was a fluke, and that was not The Dead’s fault…. Or yours.
FW: Well. It’s not happening this week.
TD: What are you saying?
FW: Look. You’re right, we work well together. But this week? I’m in the ring for me, and only me. I’ll take whatever pin I get. You’re on your own. It’s nothing personal….
TD: The Dead doesn’t believe that it isn’t personal. You’re pissed that The Dead attacked your boss.
FW: Yeah, I’m pissed. I’m grounded because I had the audacity to protect another OOWF personality from being attacked. [Firewoman gets into The Dead’s face] I’m pissed that I lost. I’m pissed that Beast gets to kidnap my valet every ten minutes with no repercussions, and yet when I take action, I’m the bad guy. So while I’ll still tag in with you on a team any time you want, this week? It’s every woman for herself.
Firewoman leaves the ring and stalks off towards the locker rooms.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 1, 2008 11:11:49 GMT -5
[The Dead watches Firewoman storm out of the ring.]
Dead: O....k......
[Suddenly, Androgynous Mic Stand appears with a mic in hand.]
Dead: Jesus, you're everywhere.
AMS: That's my job.
Dead: So, what exactly do you want?
AMS: You know, the usual promo about where you stand.
Dead: Got it.
[The Dead turns toward the camera and stares intently into it.]
Dead: Last week The Dead got screwed, yet again, for a title. Hell, Firewoman got screwed too, but apparently she and The Dead are on the outs. Whatever. If she wants to walk away from someone that respects her and to someone who has shown a lack of respect, that's on her.
Dead: But anyway, The Dead beat the living hell out of the Onslaught "Champ" last week, only for that little furball to luck into a win. The Dead must have really done a number on him because no one has seen him since. Maybe he's still wandering around half blind in whatever god-forsaken town we were in last week. The point is, The Dead has proven time and time again that he can't be beaten in a title match. The Dead has never backed down from anyone in that damn ring, and you can be damn sure The Dead will not stop until he gets what he wants. After this week's little foray into the undercard The Dead will be back where he belongs. In title matches. So Beast, Firewoman, it's game time. Are you ready?
[The Dead glares into the camera as we fade to black.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 1, 2008 11:12:12 GMT -5
*SFJ 19 is interviewing OBJ*
SFJ: There's quite a contrast in styles between you and your opponent, Outback Jack. Do you plan on making any adjustments to deal with his acrobatic moves?
OBJ: Well, I... hey, did you just ask a relevant question about wrestling?
SFJ: I think so.
OBJ: Interesting. Anyways, it's no secret that I'd prefer to either brawl and knock him out or ground him with mat-based wrestling and get him to submit to the Croc Hunter.
OBJ: So you won't be doing any flips?
OBJ (drinks beer, belches): That's Australian for not until we get to Manila.
*Viper runs in and hits OBJ*
OBJ: OW! What was that for?
DV: You stole that from my post in my birthday thread!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 1, 2008 11:12:38 GMT -5
**Bunny is sitting in his locker room, on the couch, along with some guys in masks. The Dead's promo plays on OOWF-TV.**
Charlie Scene: The guy's name is Dead?
Bunny: The Dead.
Da Kurlzz: Well we're The Undead.
Johnny 3 Tears: The Hollywood Undead.
J-Dog: Shall we find this guy and talk some sense into him?
Shady Jeff: I'm down.
Bunny: What's the plan, exactly?
Charlie Scene: He got a MySpace?
Bunny: I don't think so.
Charlie Scene: Damn. I guess sending him explicit messages is out of the question.
Da Kurlzz: Where's he at right now?
Bunny: He just finished up the promo, so he's probably just out in the halls or something. Still don't know what the plan is...
Charlie Scene: Get up and follow.
**We hear a voice scream from the bathroom door.**
Voice: Wait for me, bitches!
Bunny: Do we have to wait?
J-Dog: Be real, man.
Bunny: Fine.
**Jeffree Star walks out of the bathroom, pink hair flowing and make-up heavy.**
Jeffree Star: Ready.
Bunny: Let's go.
**Bunny and the Undead Army leave Bunny's locker room and see The Dead walking down the hallway. They catch up to him and circle him.**
The Dead: What the fuck is this?
Bunny: Still not exactly sure, really. Did we even have a plan?
The Dead: Bunny, take your little group of masked you suck and are banneds away and...
**The Dead pauses and stares at Jeffree Star with a confused look.**
Jeffree Star: What, bitch?
The Dead: Holy shit.
Jeffree Star: You got a fucking problem with me?
The Dead: What the hell are you?
Bunny: Really, the plan...
The Dead: Seriously, is that a guy or a girl?
Jeffree Star: Shut up, bitch. You want me.
The Dead: Take this thing away, please. It's kinda scaring The Dead.
Jeffree Star: He's just mad that I can swallow more cum than he can.
The Dead: What!?
Bunny: The plan...
Charlie Scene: The plan!
The Dead: What plan? Who are you guys?
Charlie Scene: Scene kids, tired of getting picked on by mean kids.
The Dead: What are scene kids?
Charlie Scene: I'd hate to be obscene kid, but have you seen my penis?
Bunny: I have.
Charlie Scene: I know you have, 'cause that shit is bomb. My dick's got more friends than Tom.
The Dead: Who's Tom?
Bunny: The MySpace dude.
The Dead: MySpace sucks.
Shady Jeff: Do we fuck him up now?
Jeffree Star: I'll fuck him.
The Dead: Dude! Or, chick! Whatever the fuck you are, ew!
Bunny: Did we discuss the plan yet?
Tha Producer: Nope.
Bunny: Damn it. I give up. How's about I have a little talk with The Dead?
The Dead: As long as this thing gets away from The Dead, The Dead will be willing to talk.
Jeffree Star: Or you can be like R. Kelly and pee on me. Just don't get it on my plastic surgery.
The Dead: Bunny, let's talk.
Bunny: Undead Army, I'll hit y'all up later.
Charlie Scene: We'll be ready when you need us.
Bunny: Rad.
**Hollywood Undead and Jeffree Star leave.**
The Dead: Thank fucking Christ.
Bunny: So, what up?
The Dead: You're asking The Dead? Who the fuck were those guys?
Bunny: Friends.
The Dead: Even the transvestite with the pink hair and fucked up eyebrows?
Bunny: Yupperz.
The Dead: You're fucked up, Bunny.
Bunny: Maybe, but check this out. Myself, Flamechick, Beast... and you.
The Dead: What about it?
Bunny: Here's how I see it. I'm just gonna lay it out. Flamechick. She's good.
The Dead: She's real good.
Bunny: That, she is. But as good as me?
The Dead: Better.
Bunny: I doubt it.
The Dead: The Dead doesn't.
Bunny: Whatever, dude. Look. She's tough, she's brutal, she's competitive, she's smart... She knows what she's doing in the ring. But I doubt she can take care of business with three other dudes in the ring.
The Dead: The Dead counts two other dudes.
Bunny: You, Beast...
The Dead: Exactly. Two.
Bunny: ...And me.
The Dead: No.
Bunny: Wait, what?
The Dead: ...
Bunny: Oh! You're saying I'm not a dude. I get it. Ha, funny. Anyway, I don't think Flamechick can get it done out there. Beast.
The Dead: Crazy guy.
Bunny: Straight up. Pops up out of nowhere. All the time. He's a threat. He's big, mean...
The Dead: Surprising?
Bunny: Very. But my flipperism can surely top his groucherism.
The Dead: Doubt it.
Bunny: You doubt everything I say.
The Dead: Yup.
Bunny: Then doubt this. You're a threat.
The Dead: First true thing you've said today.
Bunny: You were right, you kicked my ass out there last week.
The Dead: True.
Bunny: But on Wednesday, it'll be different. Two others out there, going after the same thing you're after. This belt that's around my waist.
The Dead: Hey, you actually wear it around your waist. That's cool.
Bunny: Damn right. I'm proud to be the Onslaught Champion. I don't wanna lose this belt too soon. Wednesday is too soon.
The Dead: Not in The Dead's eyes.
Bunny: I'll bet.
Jeffree Star: I'm back!
The Dead: Damn it!
**Jeffree Star chases The Dead away.**
Bunny: That wasn't necessary.
Jeffree Star: He wants me.
Bunny: Yea, yea...
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