OOWF MidWeek Mayhem (05/04) Live! From Cape Town,

[BookerShark]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Cape Town, South Africa

OOWF Campeonas de Trios Title Match[/u]
Drink & Destroy vs. Stank, Moosehead Jack & Stan Fulton

Winner Gets a PPV Onslaught Championship Title Shot – Onslaught Rules[/u]
El Lobo Sangriento vs. J-P Sparxx vs. Ecosystem

Alexander Darling, Firewoman & The Flyin’ Hawaiians vs. The Brass Knuckle Kings
Regicide vs. Texpress

Card subject to me having us in the right city, at the right time, on the right day

[BookerShark]

*Darling Locker Room*

It's almost shockingly peaceful in the Darling locker room as everyone is scurrying and packing up their belongings from the makeshift arena to get back onto the cruise ship. No one is destroying the locker room for a change. Lucky has most of Fire's bags and they're about to head out when Alex calls Fire back...

Alexander: Aren't you forgetting something?

Fire: What? I mean I helped put this arena together, no way am I gonna start wrecking it. It's stupid that I lost, but I'm trying to control...

Alexander: Huh...what? No, I didn't...I mean this.

Alex knocks on Lexie's door and she walks out holding a penguin's hand/wing/fin/whatever.

Fire: Why does Lexie have a penguin?

Alexander: She doesn't. You do. It's yours...

Fire looks...shocked and happy as we...

*Fade*

[BookerShark]

*Fade in to the Snow Globe Arena in Villa Las Estrellas, Antarctica, where we find El Lobo Sangriento READING~! the card for next week’s Mayhem. He has a puzzled look on his face, which a nearby SFJ picks up on. She swoops in, mic in hand…

SFJ: Lobo, thoughts on tonight’s action?

ELS: I want to start by thanking Texpress for going old school out there tonight. It was a nice gesture and a lot of fun. I won’t forget it. Unfortunately, we didn’t get it done out there.

SFJ: And what about the lack of Onslaught Rules? Were you aware that that was the case before the match?

ELS: Justin Sane approached me before the match and told me one of the Management Team decided to nix the Onslaught Rules stipulation at the last minute. Even he wasn’t sure which one of them had the power to make the call.

SFJ: Do you have any guesses as to who it was?

ELS: Well, the Commissioner and I have had a couple of battles, but I doubt it’s her style to change match stips at the last second. Stank? Could be, but it seems he’s got enough on his plate without worrying about the Trios match. My best guess is the Man Himself, CEO Ecosystem.

SFJ: Really? You think the CEO would pull something like that?

ELS: All I know is that my team’s advantage in the Trios match got taken away, and I’ve suddenly got a match against the CEO and JP Sparxx next week. I’m no genius, but it seems to add up to me.

SFJ: (to camera) This is SFJ274 reporting LIVE~! from Antarctica. We’ll keep you posted on this story as it develops.

ELS: Who are you talking to?

SFJ: The loyal OOWF viewers.

ELS: We can address them directly?

SFJ: Well, I can. I’m an SF–

ELS: (looking into camera) Hello out there! How’s it going, eh? Uh…I really don’t have much to say right now, but now that I know I can do this, I’ll be all over it. It’ll be like Twitter, only on TV. For now…

*Lobo breaks out his best Walter Cronkite voice…

ELS: …this is El Lobo Sangriento signing out. Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow.

*FADE*

[BookerShark]

Chris Evans and Matt Folz are shown heading down the hallway to the SUPREME locker room, still recovering from the beatdown received by Alexander Darling and Firewoman.

The view quickly changes to inside the SUPREME locker room:

Bryce: You sure that was the best idea, Eric?

Eric O’ Mac: Eh, we’ll give them some fruit baskets. They’ll forget about it.

B: Oh, I doubt Chris is the type to be swayed by fruit baskets.

EOM: Then you seriously underestimate the power of fruit.

At that point, Evans barges in with Matt Folz.

Evans: Eric, you wanna explain what the fuck that was all about out there?

EOM: Yeah. You got your ass kicked, and looked like a total bitchboy in the process.

Gus Johnson: BIG TIME!

Evans: Hey fuck off, Gus. I’m not in the mood.

L: Chris, you know that wasn’t personal.

E: I said not now, Larson!

EOM: Not in the mood, huh Evans? You know what? Tough shit! You wanna run with the best in the business, you’ve gotta learn how things work around here. I’m here because I see something great in you.

Folz: And that’s why you left Evans and I to be sacrificed like that?

EOM: Wow, you must’ve taken a harder beating out there than I thought, cause now you’re hearing things. I said I was here because I see that you’ve got main-event potential in you. I never said that I was here to protect your ass. You wanna get to the top?

GJ: CLIMB THE MOUNTAIN!

EOM: You wanna be the best?

E: That’s what we’re here for.

EOM: Then prove it! I can’t be saving your ass all the time, so do something on your own for once.

E: Hey, I already sent a message to Darling and Folz helped me send one the Hawaiians.

EOM: Yeah, and he sent it right back to you. And you guys lost to Regicide. Kings don’t lose to Regicide! So the question is: what are you gonna do about it?

E: Only thing I can do.

EOM: Yeah, and whats that?

E: Win.

EOM: You better, cause you two are on thin ice as it is. Folz especially, cause at least you’ve got the decency to promo at least once a week.

GJ: OHH BURIED!

F: Hey!

*fade to black*

[BookerShark]

CUT to the locker room of The Crusher Stan Fulton. Said man is packing his things, though he's moving very slowly on his injured knee. Nearby is his attaché, Martha Rodriguez, who's also packing.

MR: "You sure you shouldn't go to Medical to get your knee looked at?"

SF: "Naw. I'll be fine. It's not like I haven't had these type of injuries before."

Rodriguez notices the INC (who's apparently not that invisible... probably can see his/her breath in this cold) and points it out to Fulton.

SF: (directly to the camera) "Well, Firewoman? You gave everything you had and couldn't put me away. You certainly were more mobile than I was, but in the end that didn't prove a thing. Other than, right now, I am better than you."

MR: "Have you seen next week's card?"

SF: "Enlighten me."

MR: (in her best ring announcer voice) "In your main event, Moosehead Jack, OOWF World Heavyweight Champion Stank and OOWF Intercontinental Champion Stan Fulton take on Outback Jack, Dynamite Danny Taylor and DH Magnusson for the OOWF Campeonas de Trios Championship."

SF: "Well, well, well. There's going to be a lot of gold in that ring Wednesday night.

"Jack, Danny, DH. Nothing but respect from me for you and your abilities. And even though you've only had those titles a few weeks, you're going to lose them on Wednesday. You're facing the reigning king of this company, Stank; the most sadistic, brutal wrestler on this roster, Moose; and the future of this company, me.

"We may not have the time together that you three have, but we're not just some random guys thrown together either.

"It's going to be, in the words of good ol' JR, a slobberknocker by gawd! You've seen what I'm capable of in the last few weeks. I brutalized Matt Folz in a cage and more than held my own against former World Champion Firewoman. I won't bother to mention what Moose and Stank are capable of as I'm sure you're quite aware ... as is everyone else.

"So. There we are. Trios titles in the Main Event. Drink & Destroy against Moose, Stank and Fulton. It's like printing your own money.

"Guys, I'd say enjoy the pain, but I know you three. You already do. See ya Wednesday night."

FADE

[BookerShark]

Firewoman looks at the penguin and then back to Alex and Alexis.

FW: Mine?

AD: Yeah, you wouldn't shut up about how cute they were and how much you wanted one so...

LD: So my brother bought you one, and all the necessities. They're already on board the cruise ship.

FW: oh....*looks the penguin over* He doesn't have hands?

AD: Why would he have hands?

LD: Here it comes...

FW: You know, to help take that knife out of my back from where you're plotting to have me removed as commissioner.

LD: Yep...Outta here.

Alexis leaves the penguin standing in the middle of the floor. It waddles around while Fire pierces through Darling with one of her trademark glares, which makes Alexander VERY uncomfortable.

AD: Right...okay...look, let me explain....

FW: This better be good, Alex. Because you know what I JUST DID? I just BUILT a fucking WRESTLING ARENA in fucking ANTARCTICA! We had the first ever wrestling show in a barren wasteland where no one lives and it SOLD OUT. AND is getting rave reviews...RAVE REVIEWS...in all the Internet sites. Are you saying I can't do this job?

Penguin: *waddle waddle waddle*

AD: No, that's not--

FW: I've kept Ecosystem in check, I've head off any number of backstage problems, some of which no one ever knows about, helped Stank with the contract negotiations....I'm damn good at this Alex, and I am not leaving just because you've got some....why is it you're undermining me again? Are you that jealous?

AD: Jealous? Really? You're going there?

Penguin: *waddle waddle waddle*

AD: First....I don't want you working with Stank or Ecosystem...I don't trust Stank...and geez, do I really have to explain Eco?

FW: No, but...

AD: Secondly, you've seen it happen before. When wrestlers get up into the power structure, they get corrupted by it.

FW: What? I'm not that easily--

AD: Really? Trinity ring a bell?

FW: *glare*

Penguin: *waddle waddle waddle*

AD: Third, I can't very well exempt you from the demand that Eco and Stank step down....then I'd be a hypocrite.

FW: *fume*

Penguin: *waddle waddle waddle*

AD: Fourth--

FW: Seriously? You seriously have a list...

AD: Fourth, it takes up a lot of time. When's the last time you were in the gym, or that we practice together? Your record has kind of taken a hit--

FW: Crusher got lucky.

AD: Really? Did Evans get lucky too?

FW: Fuck my record, it's not about wins and losses it's about--

AD: Okay, Moose....

Penguin: *waddle waddle waddle*

FW: Don't even--

AD: And maybe you can stop and think for a minute what else you haven't had time for...or who?

Penguin: *waddle waddle waddle*

Fire stares at him and her head drops. Alexander slowly walks over to where she is. The penguin does too.

AD: You're a great wrestler....and you're a great commissioner. I don't think you can be great at both.

Firewoman looks up at him and....are those tears?

FW: Well, too bad. Because I'm not quitting either.

AD: *sighing* Fine...whatev.....wait, are you crying?

FW: Huh? No. I don't cry.

AD: I know that's why it's weird.

FW: I'm NOT!

The penguin waddles over to where Fire is standing and looks up at her. He takes his beak and gently nuzzles it against her leg, and looks up at her again. She bends down to pick him up, and cradles him in her arms. He reaches up and pecks her cheek softly, where it does appear there may be a tear or two, and makes some sort of cooing noise.

FW: Awwww.....

AD: I think he likes you.

FW: Is it a he?

AD: Lucky said it was a he. I didn't ask how he knew.

FW: He's Lucky. He just knows. I guess I should name him something.

AD: Yep...what's a good penguin name?

FW: Duh. Opus.

AD: Huh?

FW: Look it up. And I'm not quitting.

Firewoman (with Opus) walk out of the room.

[BookerShark]

*We fade into what's left of last night's Mayhem, including the ring. We see Davin back in his suit (no dress shirt and tie, but instead a "LD Williams is a Fraud" t-shirt) , however, he's resuming the same pose he ended last night with; sitting on the middle rope, smirking, looking up the ramp as if he expects Moose to get in the ring*

DM: Whenever you're ready, Jackie. I'm still waiting. Since when did you turn into the 3rd Chickenshit Heel? Do you really want to be called a pussy, day after day, week after week? How will THEY feel? They expect a certain level of testicular fortitude out of you. And as we all know very well now - you want to be loved by Them so much, but don't want Them to know, that you'll do ANYTHING, no matter how blatantly out of character to make sure that happens.

DM: No matter how much you're mocked. No matter how often your very manhood gets called into question. So let's give you what you want Jackie.

DM: You are a giant pussy. You continue to prove that on a daily basis.

*Suddenly, Opus waddles in randomly. This time, he's singing.*

O: *waddle waddle waddle*
Midnight creeps so slowly into hearts,
Of men who need more than they get
Daylight deals a bad hand,
To a woman that has laid to many bets...

DM: Huh. Uh, Hi Opus.

O: *waddle waddle waddle*
The mirror stares you in the face and says
Baby, uh uh it don’t work
You say your prayers through you don’t care
You dance and shake the hurt

DM: Wow, um, ok. Where was I? Oh yeah, Jackie is a pussy, and-

*Samantha comes out, looks like she's in tears*

DM: Sam? What is it?

O: *waddle waddle waddle*

SDM: Oh nothing, he's just so damn cute...I just want to eat him up.

DM: Uh huh.

O: *waddle waddle waddle*

*Moonbeam and Shawn come in, and look like they've just finished praising Ja*

OGMSJ: Eat?

SFJ420: Hey look! It's a boid in a tuxedo!

SFJ420: Yous know...Pengooins is practically chicken...

O: Baby, uh uh it don’t work

*Shawn and Moony close in on Opus. He starts crying*

DM: Oooh, I can't stand to see a pengooin cry.

SDM: Go on you two, Shoo. Get outta here.

*Justin Sane wanders in*

JS: Pahdon me...but can you help out a fellow American who's down on his luck?

*Davin flips him a quarter*

DM: HIT DA ROAD!

O: *waddle waddle waddle...away from Shawn and Moony, and over to Davin. He pulls out a piece of paper from his beak*

SDM: Ew.

DM: Huh. It says "If found, please return to the Hoboken Zoo". HOBOKEN?!??!?? OOOOOOOH....I'm DYIN'!

SDM: HEY!

O: *waddle waddle waddle, then starts tap dancing and singing again*
Dance boogie wonderland
Dance boogie wonderland

Sound fly through the night
I chase my vinyl drams to boogie wonderland
I find romance when I start to dance in boogie wonderland
I find romance when I start to dance in boogie wonderland

DM: Ok, this might be the first time I've ever looked forward to one of these shitty group promos. Jackie is a pussy. LD is a fraud...and...that's it. Deuces.

SDM: Really? And you take that back about Hoboken, ass!

*Fade*

[BookerShark]

<Davin is on the OOWF Tytanik bound for the Falkland Islands. He is at a meet and greet with the fans, signing autographs and the like. One of the TV's in the Lounge turns on and we see Moosehead Jack on the screen.>

MHJ: Davin. Hey Davin. I know you can hear me fucktard.

<Davin stops what he is doing and looks at the screen. He gets an amused look on his face and leans against the table with his arms folded across his chest>

MHJ: You know, I think it is finally time I came clean. I have been listening to your promos, I have been giving it deep thought, meditating, you know, all that new agey shit that Fire does, and I have come to a conclusion.

You are right

Yeah you heard it right, you are right. The fans......<Moose wells up a little> the fans mean SO much to me........I just never knew how to express my gratitude for them. I mean, we all hear the millions.......................and millions of Moose fans cheering every night. They make me who I am, and what would I be without them?

You answered that too. A giant pussy. See Davin, I just couldn't face facts. I was angry when I came back and I lashed out. I guess you could say that is a Quinn family trait, course, you are family too, right Davin? So, you already knew that. I admit it, I was afraid to get in the ring with the Greatest of All Time. I know I can't hang, but..........well Davin, I think the only way we can really settle this is to meet one on one. I am sure Eco will rescind your suspension, whaddya say? The Moose verses The GOAT at MidWeek Mayhem, LIVE from Cape Town, South Africa! <cheap pop from.....somewhere> How bout it Davin?

<Davin shakes his head and straightens up slowly, then spins around expecting a surprise attack from Moose. When it doesn't come, he turns back toward the TV and Moose comes out of nowhere and CRACKS him upside the head with a piece of rebar! Moose hammers Davin in the ribs with the metal, then pulls him to his feet and hits a REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER through the table! Moose gets to his feet lands a few more kicks on Davin>

MHJ: Giant pussy huh? Who is the fucking COWARD who got himself suspended? You knew damn well that hitting me while I was a referee would get you suspended, and you did it anyway. You fucking FRAUD

<Moose pulls Davin to his feet and runs him face first into the wall, Davin falls to the floor>

MHJ: That feel good Davin? Huh? Maybe you can sue me for the millions I supposedly have?

<Davin gets on his hands and knees, Moose runs and kicks him in the head Orton style sending him to the floor>

MHJ: What's wrong Diva? Come on, you are not going to let a broken down has been hack kick your sorry ass are you? GET UP YOU PIECE OF SHIT!

<Davin grabs Moose's shorts and pulls himself to his knees, Moose grabs a bottle off a nearby table and SHATTERS it over Davin's head. Moreland collapses to the floor, blood pouring from his head while the fans gathered around look on in horror. Moose grabs the back of Davin's head and pulls him up and turns to the fans>

MHJ: This what you fuckers want? Huh? You want blood? No.....this isn't what you wanted is it? You wanted Davin spilling MY blood. Well Davin here is a coward, so that will NEVER fucking happen. Each and every one of you can rot in hell. Cheer me, boo me, fuck you. I don't give a fuck about any of you.

<Moose looks at Davin>

MHJ: Stop running Diva. Just stop. It's embarrassing. Stop getting yourself suspended. Stop making excuses. Get in the fucking ring so I can kick your worthless ass. Jesus Christ son, grow a set, Alexander Darling put up more of a fight.

<with that Moose slams Davin's head into the floor and he walks away>

[BookerShark]

*Davin is being attended to by paramedics as a shocked crowd looks on in stunned silence. Someone hits him with an ammonia capsule and Davin perks up some before pounding his fist into the ground a few times. The paramedics keep trying to hold him down as we now see that his face is a bloody mess. Someone's got a rag, wiping him down, trying to find where the cuts come from. They try to move him, but Davin says something that sounds like "Fuck no, put a bandage on it. I know you fuckers speak English". After another minute or so, Davin shakes out the cobwebs, and uses the metal barriers to help himself up to a respectful applause. He leans on it before addressing the camera, checking his lip a few times for blood*

DM: Well? Heh. Looks like your new name is "Jackie the Chickenshit Pussy"

*The fans, liking the Kickball and all, are adept enough to start a "Jaaa-ckie...The Chickenshit Puuu-ssssyyyy" chant. Impressive*

DM: You used to...heh...*dabs his lip*..you used to be a tough guy. Now you just jump people from behind, because you're well aware that you don't have the skill or ability to actually beat someone up when they're looking at you. You used to just be a heel. And now? You've graduated to Chickenshit. I guess you watch too much WWE.

*crowd pop*

DM: Let's get one thing straight, fucko. I'm not a Quinn. I'm a Sheehan. We're a proud family of warriors. Now, Quinns, like your father? Are notorious pussies. In fact, it's well known in the Irish community that your Daddy was a pussy of epic proportions. To the point where instead of picking on someone his own size, he'd beat up you and your sister. But hell, let's be honest, you deserved everything you got, right? No one can actually love you, so the human contact you get from violence is the closest thing you can ever get. That's what Daddy Quinn taught you, how to be Jackie the Chickenshit Pussy.

*crowd is silent*

DM: Let's cut a Jackie the Chickenshit Pussy promo, you know, after he gets his ass kicked?

*Davin snarls and tries to do his best Moosehead Jack face, drawing snickers from the crowd. He even speaks in the low, gravelly voice*

DM: Diva? I call you Diva because I'm jealous of the ability you have to make people laugh-uh, so my not-so-clever nickname is my response-uh. But you already knew that-uh. Diva? You made me bleed-uh. So what-uh? Better people than you have done that-uh, and worse-uh. I am better than you and no amount of blindside attacks will change that-uh...I have been in the ring-uh with better-uh.

DM: And Diva? I've beaten better than you-uh. LD Williams-uh. Stank-uh. Firewoman-uh. Why don't you ever step into the ring with these people-uh? Oh...right-uh. Because they're your friends-uh. Smart strategy-uh. Find people-uh that you know-uh you're scared-uh to get in the ring with-uh, and be their friend-uh. Fucking genius-uh. Blood-uh, respect-uh, trust...uh.....

*At this point, Davin pretends to fall asleep with some fake snoring that gets the people laughing again. He snaps awake*

DM: Oh, sorry everyone. Actually, let me apologize on behalf of the OOWF for having to endure promos like that. You deserve better. And I sure as fuck do. Let me leave you with this, Jackie the Chickenshit Pussy - you can't out-think me, you can't out-talk me, you can't out-wrestle me and you can't out-anything.

DM: Your response, every time you are embarrassed by me, which, let's be honest, has been a LOT the last couple of weeks, is either a boring, unfunny derivative promo, or violence. This started with violence, and it will sure as fuck END with violence. But when your response to EVERYTHING is violence, well, I feel compelled to share with you this Universal Truth.

DM: The only response you have is violence. And violence is the voice of the desperate, and Jackie the Chickenshit Pussy? You reek of desperation.

DM:It's becoming clear that it's my duty to take care of it. You want to act like a rabid dog? Bite people when they're not looking? Fine. It's clear that it's my job to take you out behind the barn and put you out of your misery.

DM: It's not that I want to, Jackie the Chickenshit Pussy - it's because I have to. Cock a doodle doo, motherfucker.

[BookerShark]

*Eric O'Mac is seen running up to OOWF World Heavyweight Champion Stank. Stank turns to see Eric, almost out of breath, catching up him, who seems to have a fruit basket with him.*

Stank: I don't want your fruit, Eric.

Eric: Really?

Stank: It really depends. What did you bring?

Eric: Mango.

Stank: It'll do.

Eric: OK. Also, since the OOWF fans have demanded it, I brought this.

*Eric takes a sheet of paper out of the fruit basket.*

Stank: And this is...

Eric: My certificate of live birth. Proves I'm a U.S. Citizen.

Stank: Uh, Eric...

Eric: I'll assume this will take care of any issues there might be with my contract.

Stank: OK. What ever you say.

Gus Johnson: AND ITS GOOOOOOOOOOD!

Stank: What the hell was that?

Gus Johnson: Hi everybody, I'm Gus Johnson.

Eric: I'll assume you know Gus Johnson.

*Fade out.*

[BookerShark]

The Flyin' Hawai'ians and Alexander Darling are drinking beers together. Firewoman is in her room playing with Opus.

AD: We're teaming this week.

Aina: Yup.

Kai: We're "starting over".

Aina: Yup.

Kai: Kinda sucks, brah.

Aina: Yup.

AD: But you'll get your hands on the Brass Knuckle Kings again.

Aina: Yup.

Kai: Should be fun.

Aina: Yup.

AD: Where's Noelani?

Kai: Dunno.

Aina: Yup.

They all take a swig of their beers.

[BookerShark]

(LD Williams and Tytan are seen walking the boat.)

LD: Texpress, welcome to the continuing downward spiral that you call your career.

Tytan: You called me irrelevant, a hack, a joke. Well boys did you take a look at your career lately. Something seems to missing...

LD: is it the fact that once you were called the measuring stick and now it seems that you are a little short in that department.

Tytan: They just don't measure up anymore. It seems that you the team that stood above the rest is having a hard time keeping your heads above water.

LD: Then along came Regicide. The newest and most dangerous team to hit the ranks in a long time.

Tytan: You want to see irrelevant.

LD: You want to see a team that matters.

Tytan: Boys, we are done being nice.

LD: It's game time which means,

Tytan: we aren't playing anymore. We are here to take what is ours and that is those tag-team titles.

LD: And you Texpress is just a stepping stone to the top

Tytan: as you fall further down the ladder.

LD: So sleep well Texpress, the former Princes of the Tag-Division because at Mayhem....

Tytan: You DIE!

(FADE)

[BookerShark]

Back in the Darling Luxury Suites, Fire is indeed bonding with Opus, since she for whatever reason doesn't get to hang with her partners for this week. She comes out of room, humming like freakin' Snow White and sees Opus standing on Darling's Onslaught Championship Belt...where he has had an accident.

FW: Oops! Bad penguin!

Opus hangs his head in shame while Fire goes to get something to clean it up.

[BookerShark]

~~~ Comrade Sharkoff is walking around Whatever International Airport We Are At, and is apparently not in a great mood. He turns a corner to the food court, when the air is filled with an ear-splitting scream ~~~

Ear-Splitting Scream: MY TITLE!!!!!

~~~ Justin Sane charges in and tackles Sharkoff. the two men tumble about exchanging blows in a fun little brawl. OOWF Backstage Security has the area cordoned off soon enough, as the action begins to involve chairs and condiment stands. Suddenly, Sane Stands and attempts.... Oh No... Not the DOUGHAWK! .............. BUT HE MISSED! Sharkoff catches Sane with a LOADED BOOT to the skull and Sane is down and writhing in pain ~~~

Stupid American I have not the title you seek. But of course, you are a slow, dumb American

~~~ Sane looks up as Sharkoff walks away, and we just now see the amused spectator leaning against the far wall... Chad Madison slowly patting the DDT Ironman Heavy Metal Title wrapped around his waist ~~~

[BookerShark]

There's a knock on Firewoman's door. She gets up from cleaning up penguin poo to open it. Kai is at the door. As soon as she opens it, he holds out a beer.

Kai: You gonna join us or what, brah?

FW: Sure. Brah.

Firewoman cracks open the beer, points at Opus to behave and closes the door behind her.

[BookerShark]

~~~ Chad heads down a hallway, somewhere, and see's Firewoman's door slightly ajar. He peeks inside ~~~

Chad: Umm... Lisa?

~~~ hearing nothing, he takes a step inside and trips over something. Chad falls to the ground and takes a slight bump to the head. The camera pans down and we see Opus waddle up next to Chad, and.... put a wing on his forehead........ Suddenly a referee materializes and counts 1...2...3! Winner, and NEW DDT Ironman Heavy Metal Champion, Opus the Penguin!

Opus waddles away as Chad crawls on his hands an knees out the door.... ~~~

[BookerShark]

Meanwhile, in a small run down diner in the middle of southeastern Ohio, D.H. Magnusson is TALKING~! with a large disheveled man over coffee.

DHM: So I guess the big the question is this; Are you going to bother writing promos for me EVER again? Because really - this whole thing where you go months without posting anything? It's killing me. And I doubt it helps the whole booking thing for Moose.

LDM: Look, man, I'm sorry. I really am. It's just between winning the trip up to Buffalo, and all the stuff I've been doing for the Japanese Animal charity in Second Life, time just got away from me. And then with the family things...

DHM: No, I understand that, but really; how hard is it to take a couple of minutes, hit the boards, and write something up? Takes you what? 20 minutes, tops?

LDM: I'm not sure you're aware how difficult it is to write your accent sometimes. I mean, the glare of red from the spellchecker alone....

DHM: Look, all I'm saying is that you really, really need to get me out there. If you haven't noticed, the stable is getting pushed. Doug's doing yeoman's work on the promos, but he really shouldn't have to carry all four members.

LDM: I get it. And you're right. We'll get back into the swing.

DHM: Unless of course, you actually WANT another three of fourth months feuding with Spinch again. Or another Damon Wrath.

LDM shudders visibly.

DHM: See my point?

LDM: I get it. I get it. Look; let me get caught up, get my feet under me, and I'll write something up. How much longer are you going to be on the boat?

DHM: Tonight, at least. But if we've landed before you promo, you'll get to chance to make the -

LDM: - joke about not playing Sun City. I know.

DHM: It's a classic.

LDM: You know, I could always turn you heel again.

DHM shudders.

LDM: Kidding. I'm kidding. Okay, get out of here. I'll get caught up, and I'll give you and Doug something to work with by the weekend.

DHM: What? I don't get pie? You always buy people pie here.

LDM: Nah, I only do that for Fire these days. Now scoot. I'll work something out. Besides, you're over on that boat, remember?

[BookerShark]

<Moose catches Davin's endless droning promo>

MHJ: Jackie the Chickenshit Pussy? Wow want a roll of stamps with that Davin? Hope you bring more than that to the ring......whenever you finally grow a set and get in the ring with me

[BookerShark]

*Opus is watching OOWF-TV because Firewoman already abandoned him. He waddles a little closer as he sees the promos start*

Originally posted by mooseheadjack
MHJ: Jackie the Chickenshit Pussy? Wow want a roll of stamps with that Davin? Hope you bring more than that to the ring......whenever you finally grow a set and get in the ring with me

O: *waddle waddle waddle*

*He hops up onto a table to get closer to the boom mic*

O: *clears throat, and with a refined British Accent* Irony? Thy name is Moosehead Jack.

*Opus waddles back toward the title belt*

*fade*

[BookerShark]

<Moose is sitting somewhere on the boat, doesn’t really matter where>

MHJ: So. Davin wants to know why I do what I do. Davin wants to turn this into an episode of Dr. Phil. Fine. Let’s go down that road, shall we? You talk about my father like he is someone I give the slightest shit about. My father was a cowardly fucking asshole who beat his kids. You aren’t exactly shining any new light on that Davin. Now, you want to say I am just like him <Moose snarls a bit at this> I am NOTHING like him. My father got his kicks out of beating helpless kids who couldn’t fight back. You know what its like to see your sister get slapped around because she spilled a glass of milk? Do you know what it is like to get YOUR ass kicked for trying to stick up for your sister?

No. No you don’t have a fucking clue do you Davin? So let’s get all analytical. Am I a blood thirsty psychopath because my father beat me, and my mom was a fucking junkie who was more concerned with her next score than her kids?

You’re fucking right I am.

I like to hurt people. It’s something I picked up as a kid. Since we were not exactly the “in” kids, we got picked on a lot. We learned real fast to turn that embarrassment into rage, and that rage into revenge. And you know, there are lots of times when I get in that ring, and when I really really hate someone, someone like Crete, or Alex, I am not even seeing them. The person across the ring from me is none other than my old man. The thing of it is? I can beat on him from now until the day I die, he will never go away. My old man hated everyone and everything. Sound familiar? So, yeah, I take after him in that regard, and that hatred is what fuels me Davin. He tried to drink his hatred away. I am taking a different route. The OOWF puts people in that ring with me, and every now and then, they are not just another wrestler, they are not just an opponent, they are my old man. When that happens, I will die in that ring to beat them. Nothing will stop me.

So there you go Davin. You wanted to know? There you go. So you can take your supposedly proud Sheehan heritage and stick it up your ass. You claim to be family, but you have no fucking idea what it is like to be real family. You remember what started all this? You said family sticks together, no matter what. Fire did what she did, and you turned your back on her. I did what EVERY fucking person in that locker room wanted to do, I knocked GM the Rick on his ass, the very thing you THREATENED to do how many times and didn’t have the BALLS to go through with. And what did you do? You turned your back on me.

Now…….go ahead and make your jokes Moreland. Go ahead and resort to your clever names and witty catch phrases. Go ahead and tell the world how my promo put you to sleep. That’s good. Cause Davin, while you are sleeping, your little sheep, your friends, your family are all out there. Sparxx, Chad, Zane, Moony, Shawn………..Sam……..they are all out there, alone. Davin, you want to make this personal, I got nothin’ to lose. One by one, I will take away everything you love until there is nothing left. Then, when I have your attention, when all the bullshit about the Greatest of All Time, about Davin Moreland being the OOWF, when all that is gone and I get the real Davin Moreland, maybe then we can settle it in the ring. Keep an eye on your sheep Davin…….or their blood will be on your hands.

Trust me

[BookerShark]

Alexander Darling emerges sleepily from his room to the living area of the Darling Luxury Suites. It's dark, but the TV is on, and he hears sniffing. He rushes over to the couch where he sees Fire watching TV. Opus is sitting next to her, nibbling on a bowl of Purina Penguin Snacks. Fire's face is wet.

AD: what the...oh my God...Lis, what's wrong? Did someone die?

FW: ....no.

OtP: *munch munch*

Darling looks at the TV and sees....the Royal Wedding of William and Katherine....

AD: Seriously?

FW: I dunno, I couldn't sleep and figured I'd just watch it and......I don't know....

AD: *sitting down on the other side of her* At least they'll remember theirs, eh?

FW: Heh...

OtP: *munch munch munch*

AD: Is that it? Do you want...I dunno, a real cere--

FW: GODS, NO.

AD: Well, then what?

FW: I....I honestly don't know....it was on, I got Opus some snacks, and......then......

AD: Hmmm...maybe you did hit your head harder than you thought. You should get it checked out again.

FW: Yeah....do we have more tissues?

AD: Probably, why?

FW: I'm going to watch the shuttle launch, too.

*FADE*

[BookerShark]

**Stank is sitting in his office when L.D. Williams enters carrying a bottle. He places it on the desk and Stank wordlessly sets out two glasses. Williams pours, and then sits down.**

S: “L.D.”

LDW: “Stank.”

S: “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

LDW: “Figured I’d stop in before you start dreaming about zombies again.”

S: “It has been kind of quiet around here. Everyone must have been up early to watch the wedding.”

**Williams rolls his eyes.**

S: “What? It’s a once-in-a-lifetime occasion.”

LDW: “Reg-i-cide.”

S: “Good point.”

LDW: “Truth is, I owe you an apology.”

S: “For?”

LDW: “When you signed on for this job I was…concerned.”

S: “Don’t trust me?”

LDW: “Having you as the face of the company is always a good thing - that’s why I say you’re a better world champion than me. Having you in charge of the company…I wasn’t sure you could pull it off.”

S: “And now?”

LDW: “Ya done good, Lucas.”

*Williams leans forward and holds up his glass. Stank clinks it and they both drink.**

LDW: “One suggestion?”

S: “Of course.”

LDW: “Since you’re in charge of contracts, it might be worth your while to lock Justin into some sort of iron-clad contract as the OOWF’s executive assistant.”

S: “I believe you’ve confused the words badass and masochist.”

LDW: “If Alex manages to have you replaced…”

S: “The next poor sap that gets this job is stuck with Justin.”

LDW: “Yep.”

S: “Kind of petty, don’t you think?”

LDW: “I do.”

**Stank considers for a moment, and starts to smile.**

LDW: “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go watch tape of some Texans.”

<fade>

[BookerShark]

Opus is waddling along the deck of the USS Tytanik, wearing his DDT Iron Penguin Heavy Metal Championship Belt. He pauses at the railing and stares toward the south. He sighs as only a penguin can sigh...wistfully. As he's sitting there contemplating whatever penguins contemplate, Shotglass comes skittering around the corner. He spots Opus and freezes, having never seen a short flightless aquatic water fowl before. Opus sighs again, wistfully, and continues waddling along the deck.

OtP: *waddle waddle waddle*

SG: *skitter skitter skitter*

Opus stops, thinking he has heard something, and Shotglass freezes. Satisfied it's only his imagination, Opus continues.

OtP: *waddle waddle waddle*

SG: *skitter skitter skitter*

OtP: *waddle waddle waddle*

SG: *skitter skitter skitter*

Opus stops again, as does Shotglass.

OtP: *waddle waddle waddle*

SG: *skitter skitter skitter*

OtP: *waddle waddle waddle*

SG: *skitter skitter skitter*

OtP: *waddle waddle waddle*

SG: *skitter skitter skitter*

Opus turns around this time, and spies Shotglass. Shotglass realizes he's been seen and does what all small worthless-sized dogs do...he attempts to growl menacingly. It sounds more like an electric razor with the bass turned way up, and would scare no one. No one, that is, except an easily excitable and overly sensitive short flightless aquatic water fowl who has never seen a small worthless-sized dog before.

OtP: EEEEEP!

And with that awkward display, Opus the Penguin faints dead away. Shotglass is confused, and walks slowly and hesitantly up to the unconscious Opus, sniffing. He gets close to him, and puts out a paw tentatively, resting it on Opus's chest. A referee appears out of nowhere and counts.

One...two....THREE! Winner and NEW Iron Person DDT Heavy Metal champion....SHOTGLASS!

The referee disappears, and Shotglass grabs the belt by the teeth and drags it slowly back to the Destroyitarium. Well after he is gone, Opus comes to, sits up, shakes his head, and then stands. He appears perplexed for a moment, then simply shrugs, and continues to waddle toward the Darling Luxury Suites.

[BookerShark]

~~~Chad Madison & Zane Myers are sitting on the plane, surrounded by ring crew and support personnel ~~~

Chad: You know, one of these days it would be nice to NOT ride in coach

Zane: I thought we settled this. Less chance of interruptions back here, more quiet time

Chad: Fewer hot Flight Attendants.....

Zane: (closing his laptop) Hmmm.. Bridgette hasn't been online for a day or so now.

Chad: I'm sure she's fine

~~~ Awkward Silence ~~~

Zane: I've got some Regicide clips downloaded. We'll have to be extremely prepared to face them. LD's quickness is deceptive. THey have enough variations of that finisher to keep both our heads on a swivel all match long.

Chad: I know Man, any time you face LD, you know he's going to be prepared.

Zane: And Tytan is as dangerous as he is unstable.

Chad: THAT's an understatement.......... You haven't said much about the loss last week.

Zane: What can I say? Lobo was on his game. I made a rookie mistake with Taylor. Both of those guys have future star written all over them.

Chad: Lobo and DDT? I agree

Zane: I think when we get to Capetown, you and I need to seriously re-evaluate our methodology. We have to do Something to get back to being who we are

Chad: The Measuring Sticks of the Tag Team Division?

Zane: Exactly

[BookerShark]

*Hours later and the HMS Tytanik is sailing in ROUGH waters as it circles around the southern tip of Africa on it's way to Cape Town. Stank is walking out of his cabin and making his way out onto the deck. A wave of nausea passes as he steps outside and takes in the rush of cool air. The ship crashes down over the edge of another swell of water. Stank hangs onto the railing, making his way to the front of the ship. When he arrives, he spies Justin Sane at the tip of the bow. He has tied himself to the railing and stands there with his arms open wide, a HUGE smile pasted on his mug.*

JS - I'M KING OF THE WORLD!!!!

Stank - Justin!

*Sane does not acknowledge Stank's call.*

Stank - JUSTIN!

*Sane still does not turn around. Stank slowly makes his way to Justin. The big man rides the deck as it rises slowly and falls with a CRASH splashing mists of water over the bow and onto the deck. Stank is able to maintain his balance when he arrives by Justin's side.*

Stank - JUSTIN!

JS - Oh. Hey Boss!

Stank - GET YOUR ASS BACK INSIDE!

JS - You really shouldn't stand out here sir without being secured to the - SIR!!??

*The ship crashes down again at the bottom of a swell. Stank is unable to hold on and he FALLS OVER THE SIDE, HANGING ON for dear LIFE to the railing as waves SMASH into his body trying to shake him loose.*

JS - SIR! SIR! GRAB MY HAND!

*Stank does no such thing, maintaining his death grip on the railing and moving his feet in a desperate attempt to find purchase!*

JS - SOMBODY HELP! HELP! I'M SO SORRY, SIR! I WISH YOU HADN'T COME OUT HERE FOR ME!

Stank - JUSTIN!

JS - YES!

Stank - IF IS SURVIVE THIS...

JS - YES SIR?

Stank - I"M GOING TO - *GURGLE! MFF! GLARGHHH! COUGH! COUGH!* YOU UP!

JS - WHAT! COULD YOU REPEAT THAT? I DIDN'T HEAR THE MIDDLE PART!

*Another wave SMASHES into Stank, drowning out a possible follow up statement, as the camera fades???*

Stank - Really? You're going to fade, NOW?