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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:46:59 GMT -5
The rules of the match are as follows: The only way to officially win the match and unify all three championships is to successfully capture all three championships at any one time during the course of the match. When a pin fall occurs, the match continues until a single competitor captures all three championships.
Alexander Darling is the first champion to walk down the ramp. He steps onto the apron and enters the ring to a symphony of boos from the hostile crowd. Rabbxt comes running onto the stage as the second champion competing in the title match. He earns himself more cheers than Mr. Darling. He makes it about halfway down the ramp, then a crazed fan jumps the guard rail and tackles him. Security runs in to try to break up the brawl. They tell Rabbxt not to swing any punches and they will pull the guy off of him. A sneaky little referee makes his way into the scuffle and makes a three count. The crazed fan is the new Iron Man Champion! Security pulls the fan off of Rabbxt, but the fan keeps fighting them off. One security member tackles the fan to the ground and struggles to get a tazor from his belt. The same referee gets on his knees and makes the second count of the match. The new Iron Man Champion, the security guy! With the fan screaming at the security guy to not taze him, Moosehead Jack runs down the ramp with a steel chair and cracks it off of the security guy's skull. He quickly covers the security guy and the referee begins the count. The crazed fan kicks the referee in the head. He wants to count the pin fall himself. Moose gets the three count and now has control of both the Heavy Metal belt and the Iron Man belt. Alexander Darling has been patiently waiting in the ring, watching the events that have taken place thus far. Security helps Rabbxt up and he immediately hits the fan with a Superkick to the jaw, knocking him into Moosehead, who hoists him into the air and tosses him over the guard rail and back into his seat, head first. Rabbxt puts his hand out towards Moose, expecting a handshake of friendship. Moose grabs a hold of Rabbxt's hand, then pulls him towards him and takes him down with a hard clothesline. With Rabbxt down on the ramp, Moose runs and slides into the ring. Before he even gets to his feet, Darling stomps him repeatedly. He picks him up off the mat and puts him right back down with a spike pile driver. He goes for the pin with an attempt to unify all three belts, but Rabbxt hops onto the ring apron and springboards off the ropes. He flips 450 degrees and splashes onto the pin attempt to break it up. He rolls Mr. Darling off of Moose and goes for the double pin. The referee counts to one before both men kick out. They get to their feet and hoist Rabbxt into the air. They run across the ring, then toss him over the top rope, over the guard rail, and land him in the fourth row. The crowd passes him around the arena as he takes his time to recover. Moosehead and Darling tie up in the middle of the ring. Moose forces Darling into a corner and follows up with right hand after right hand. Darling falls to a seated position and Moose stomps away at him. He rolls out of the ring and grabs a ladder from under it. Darling regains his strength and baseball slides the ladder into Moose's face. Moose falls to the floor and the ladder falls on top of him. The referee slides out of the ring and counts the pin fall. The ladder is the new Iron Man and Heavy Metal Champion. Alexander Darling rolls out of the ring and stomps Moosehead a few times to keep him down. He awkwardly lies on top of the ladder as the referee begins to count. His hand almost counts the three, but Rabbxt gets tossed back over the railing and lands on top of Darling, breaking up the pin. Darling's face slams into the ladder and he rolls off. Rabbxt sits up and looks around while the referee counts the three. Rabbxt is the new Iron Man and Heavy Metal Champion. Moosehead Jack gets to his feet and yanks Rabbxt up off the ladder and rolls him into the ring. Moose gets on the ring apron, but is power bombed back to the floor by Mr. Darling. Alexander rolls into the ring and ties up with Rabbxt. He pushes Rabbxt into a corner, but Rabbxt ducks a punch and turns it around. He hits a dropkick to the chest of Darling, back flipping off of him and landing on his feet. He runs in and spears Darling into the corner. Darling falls to the mat and Rabbxt goes up top. Right before he takes the leap, Phantos runs in with the life-size cardboard cut-out of a nude Stormy Daniels. He swings the cut-out at Rabbxt, knocking him off of the top rope and onto the floor outside of the ring. Phantos heads up top and hits Alexander Darling with a Suicide Legdrop, getting at least 3 seconds of hang-time. He goes for the pin and the referee counts it. Phantos is the new DDT Champion. He gets up and turns around into a Heartpunch by Moosehead Jack. Moose kneels down and gets the easy pin on Phantos. Moosehead Jack is the new DDT Champion. Rabbxt hops onto the apron and springboards off the ropes towards Moose, but Moose side-steps the attack and Rabbxt lands on top of Phantos with a leg drop. Moosehead pulls Rabbxt to his feet and pile drives him on top of the cardboard cut-out of Stormy Daniels. He turns Rabbxt over and goes for the pin, but Alexander Darling gets to his feet and breaks up the pin. He pulls Moose to his feet and hits a brain buster suplex, dropping Jack on the top of his head. Darling pins Moose. Alexander Darling is the new DDT Champion. Rabbxt rolls Phantos out of the ring and throws his cardboard cut-out at him. He turns around into a boot to the face by Mr. Darling. Darling rolls out of the ring and pulls a table out from under it. He slides the table into the ring, but is attacked by SYB out of nowhere. SYB hits a lung blower on Darling, then hops onto the apron, then the top rope. He hits a frog splash on Rabbxt and scores the pin fall. SYB is the new Iron Man and Heavy Metal Champion. SYB stands up and raises his hands in victory. He turns around and is speared to the mat by Moosehead. Moose gets the easy pin on SYB. Moosehead Jack is the new Iron Man and Heavy Metal Champion. Moose hoists SYB into the air and tosses him over the top rope and into the crowd. Instead of catching him, the crowd separates and SYB slams onto the concrete floor. A team of medical staff run in and carry SYB away on a stretcher. As they try to climb over the guard rail with the stretcher, one of the medical staff members falls down and lands on top of Mr. Darling. The referee counts the three count. The medical staff member is the new DDT Champion. Rabbxt kips up to his feet and dives over the top rope, taking the staff member out with a Fosbury Flop. He covers the staff member and picks up the belt. Rabbxt is the new DDT Champion. Rabbxt steps onto the ring apron, but is yanked back off by Alexander. He is hoisted onto Darling's shoulders, then slammed to the mat with the Darling Driver. Mr. Darling scores the easy pin fall. Alexander Darling is the new DDT Champion. He rolls into the ring and gets stomped by Moose. Moose pulls him to his feet and Irish-whips him into the ropes. The rope gets pulled down by a second referee on the outside and Darling falls backwards to the floor. The referee rolls into the ring, then leaps over the top rope and lands on top of Darling. He counts the pin fall on his own. The referee is the new DDT Champion. The regular referee doesn't like this and leaps over the top rope himself, landing on top of the DDT Champion. He follows up with straight punches to the side of the head and counts the pin fall for himself. The referee is the new DDT Champion. The referee rolls back into the ring and gets immediately knocked to the mat with a flying kick by Rabbxt. Rabbxt goes to the top and hits a 630 on the referee. Moose glances around, then gets on his knees and counts the pin for Rabbxt. Rabbxt is the new DDT Champion. Rabbxt stands up and extends his hand to Moose once again. Moose kicks Rabbxt in the mid-section, then hits an uppercut to the face. Moose goes for the pin on Rabbxt to unify all three belts, but the referee is still out from the 630. Moose realizes this and gets to his feet. He yanks Rabbxt up off the mat and tosses him over the top rope. Alexander Darling moves just in time to avoid being landed on. He reaches under the bottom rope and pulls Moose to the outside of the ring by his ankles. The two trade punches, then Moose gets clothes lined over the guard rail and into the crowd. The crowd splits and makes room for Moose and Alexander to fight up the aisle. They get to the door and Alexander slams Moosehead's head into it, forcing it open. They continue trading blows in the main hallway as fans with popcorn and t-shirts look on in excitement. Mr. Darling puts Moose on the floor with a snapping DDT, cracking Moose's skull off the concrete. Alexander covers Moose and gets the three count. Alexander Darling is the new Iron Man and Heavy Metal Champion. A drunk and angry fan tosses a full bottle of smuggled booze at Mr. Darling, which shatters over his head. He goes limp and falls to the floor. Suddenly, every head in the crowd turns to see Rabbxt standing on top of a Mountain Dew vending machine. They all cheer as he signals for a flippy move. He leaps off the vending machine and lands on top of Alexander Darling with a Shooting Star Senton. The crowd goes wild as a random fan runs in and counts the three. The referee runs in and kicks the fan in the head. Rabbxt stands up and goes face to face with the referee, yacking back and forth. The referee swings, but Rabbxt ducks it and kicks the referee in the balls. The referee gets on his knees and Rabbxt dropkicks him in the face. Rabbxt stands up and turns around into a huge boot to the face by Moose. Moose grabs the referee and rips the shirt off of him, then throws the shirt onto the random fan, who just now recovers from the referee's attack. Moose goes for the pin and the new referee counts it. Moosehead Jack is the new DDT Champion. Moose gets to his feet, then picks Alexander Darling up off the floor. He runs his head into the wall a few times, then swings him into the arena door. The door cracks open and Moose pushes Darling to the outside of the arena. Moose picks Mr. Darling up and slams him onto the sidewalk with a sidewalk slam. Alexander Darling rolls into the middle of the street in pain. Moose follows after him and shoves his forearm into his face as he pins him. A car is forced to a stop as the pin fall occurs right in front of it. The horn beeps one, twice, but then the driver of the car hops out of his car and starts yelling at Moose and Darling. Moose gets to his feet and goes face to face with the driver of the car. From behind, Alexander Darling hits a neckbreaker on Moose, then climbs onto the car and hits a Moonsault onto Moose. He covers him and the driver of the car yells even louder about his car being used as a turnbuckle. He says the f-word once, twice, then three times. Alexander Darling is the new DDT Champion. He stands up, but the driver of the car is so enraged that he punches Mr. Darling right between the eyes. Alexander Darling falls onto the street. The driver gets back into his car and swerves around Moose and Alexander. Before it gets too far away, Rabbxt runs up the car's windshield, runs on the top of the car, down the back of it, then leaps off of it and hits Alexander Darling with a Senton Bomb. He lies on top of Mr. Darling, but no one is there to count the pin. Rabbxt realizes this and gets to his feet. He pulls Darling to his feet and drags him back into the arena. They make their way through the crowd and to a pizza shop. Rabbxt kicks Darling in the balls and Darling falls to his feet. Rabbxt places an order for a large sausage pizza as Moosehead walks back into the arena. Rabbxt jumps behind the counter and hides. Moose picks Darling up off the floor and tosses him onto the counter. He pulls him all the way down the counter to the end, knocking everyone's food off until he reaches the end of the counter and slides off, covered in sauce. The store-worker places Rabbxt's large pizza on the counter and tells him that his order is up. Rabbxt hops onto the counter and grabs the pizza. Moosehead glances up and Rabbxt flies off the counter and kicks the pizza into his face with a Van Pizzanator. Moose falls to the floor, his face covered in sausage and cheese. Rabbxt hops back up onto the counter, but is pushed off by the store-worker. The store-worker runs out from behind the counter and pins Rabbxt. The store-workers manager runs out and counts the pin fall. The store-worker is the new Iron Man and Heavy Metal Champion. The store-worker raises his hands in victory. Alexander Darling gets to his feet and punches the store-worker in the side of the head. His manager runs off in fear. Mr. Darling hoists the store-worker onto the counter and climbs up with him. He gets the store-worker in position, then hits a brutal DealBreaker, all the way to the concrete floor. The store-worker is knocked out and Alexander goes for the pin. Moosehead Jack gets to his knees and has one, two, three pieces of sausage stuck to his face with cheese acting as the glue. Alexander Darling is the new Iron Man and Heavy Metal Champion, as well as the already DDT Champion. Alexander Darling has officially unified all three 24/7 championship belts. Alexander Darling, covered in pizza sauce, gets to his feet and raises up all three belts, which magically appeared by his side, into the air. WINNER in 41:28 - Alexander Darling
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:47:21 GMT -5
**Rabbxt is talking to Firewoman outside of Firewoman's locker room.**
Rabbxt: Please?
Fire: No way, man.
Rabbxt: Come on!
Fire: I'm not doing it.
Rabbxt: Why not, though? I want the belt.
Fire: Maybe you should have thought about that before losing that unification match to him.
Rabbxt: I tried to win that, Fire! You can't just stand here, look me in the eyes, and tell me that I didn't want the belt enough.
Fire: I think I just did.
Rabbxt: Just go attack the fucker, take the damn belt, and lay down for me.
Fire: I will do no such thing.
Rabbxt: Please, Fire!?
Fire: Rabbxt, look. If you want the belt as much as it sounds like you do, take it from him yourself.
Rabbxt: I... I don't want to.
Fire: And, why not?
Rabbxt: Well, you've seen him attack me after all my matches. He hates me. For whatever reason, he just hates me. Maybe it's because I can flip better than him. Maybe it's because I entertain the crowd better than him. Maybe it's because I've got you on my arm and all he's got is Alexis.
Fire: I don't think you should talk shit about Alexis. And I'm not just your bitch, Rabbxt. I'm not on your arm. I'm by your side, sure, but I'm not hanging all over you.
Rabbxt: I didn't actually...
Fire: You implied it.
Rabbxt: Well, anyway... I don't want to try to take the belt from him by myself because... What if he breaks my legs?
Fire: Are you serious?
Rabbxt: Yea. He's said on a few occations that he wants to break my legs, make me stop doing all of my awesome flippy shit that I do all the time.
Fire: You can't be serious.
Rabbxt: But I am! I know that if I try to take him out, I'll get hurt. I may want that belt, Fire, but I don't want to risk my flips to get it.
Fire: Sorry, man. You're on your own with this one.
**Firewoman goes into her locker room, leaving Rabbxt standing in the hallway, close to tears.**
Rabbxt: She's my partner! She should have my back!
Fire (yelling through the door): I do have your back, Rabbxt! But I'm not going to fight all of your battles for you! Go talk to someone else, because I'm not doing your dirty work!
**Rabbxt walks down the hallway, but trips over a broom that fell out of his closet and tumbles down a staircase, landing him in the basement. He sits up and sees Nayr (the Halfling Paladin) laying against the wall, completely bloodied and fucked up, with both legs broken in half.**
Rabbxt: Woa, why are you still around here? Haven't you been gone for a while?
Nayr (gasping for breath): I... got destroyed...
Rabbxt: I can see that.
Nayr: By... Alex... ander... Darlinggg...
**Nayr dies, leaving Rabbxt alone and scared.**
Rabbxt: If Alexander Darling would do this to Nayr, just imagine what he would do to me if he got the chance! I think I'm just going to keep my mind off the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship for the time being. At least until someone more daring takes the title off Alex.
**Rabbxt walks back up the stairs and sees Eric O'Mac when he reaches the top.**
Eric: Hey, flippy.
Rabbxt: Oh, hey, Eric.
Eric: Why were you in the basement?
Rabbxt: I was talking to Nayr. Or, listening to his last words before he died.
Eric: Nayr? The Halfling Paladin?
Rabbxt: That's the guy.
Eric: I thought he was gone.
Rabbxt: I thought so, too, but he was down there.
Eric: And he died, you say?
Rabbxt: That's right. Both legs broken in half, busted up face, and I think he was even partially scalped.
Eric: Huh, interesting. Oh, well.
Rabbxt: Yea. Look, I have a question.
Eric: Shoot.
Rabbxt: Would you mind taking out Alexander Darling for me and taking his belt, then laying down for me so I can be the new champ?
Eric: Why don't you take him out yourself?
Rabbxt: I'm kind of afraid that he might break me legs.
Eric: That would be cool.
Rabbxt: Not really.
Eric: Nah, that'd be awesome.
Rabbxt: No, it wouldn't.
Eric: I disagree.
Rabbxt: Damn it! Fine! Everyone's telling me to fight him myself? Fine! I'll do it!
**Rabbxt turns around to round the corner of the hallway, but gets kicked in the face by Alexander Darling.**
Darling: Booyah, Bitch!
**The camera zooms away and shows Firewoman watching the action take place on a television monitor in her locker room.**
Fire: At least he... almost tried.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:47:42 GMT -5
Alexander Darling darts through the backstage area. He knows people are out to get him. He ducks behind a large wooden crate like the kind that's always backstage at wrestling events for some random reason. He sees Firechild and Chris Cole walking. He dives out and attacks with a blender and a large cordless drill. Needless to say he wins the altercation. He runs back into the back and turns left only to run headfirst into The Dead. I spinning back kick dispatches The Dead and he clutches his title to his shoulder, running off and out the door. Outside the arena he spies a large equipment truck and opens the trailer doors to sneak in and hide for a while to catch a breather. However when he opens the doors a gigantic phrase attacks him! By Gawd, its The white emollient under the child's foreskin is called smegma. Smegma is probably the most misunderstood, most unjustifiably maligned substance in nature. Smegma is clean, not dirty, and is beneficial and necessary. It moisturizes the glans and keeps it smooth, soft, and supple. Its antibacterial and antiviral properties keep the penis clean and healthy. All mammals produce smegma! How can he escape The white emollient under the child's foreskin is called smegma. Smegma is probably the most misunderstood, most unjustifiably maligned substance in nature. Smegma is clean, not dirty, and is beneficial and necessary. It moisturizes the glans and keeps it smooth, soft, and supple. Its antibacterial and antiviral properties keep the penis clean and healthy. All mammals produce smegma? He grabs the phrase around the second sentence and attempts a suplex. The white emollient under the child's foreskin is called smegma. Smegma is probably the most misunderstood, most unjustifiably maligned substance in nature. Smegma is clean, not dirty, and is beneficial and necessary. It moisturizes the glans and keeps it smooth, soft, and supple. Its antibacterial and antiviral properties keep the penis clean and healthy. All mammals produce smegma reverses the maneuver into a suplex of his own! Darling looks up only do have a flying flip legdrop off the truck from The white emollient under the child's foreskin is called smegma. Smegma is probably the most misunderstood, most unjustifiably maligned substance in nature. Smegma is clean, not dirty, and is beneficial and necessary. It moisturizes the glans and keeps it smooth, soft, and supple. Its antibacterial and antiviral properties keep the penis clean and healthy. All mammals produce smegma! Darling is down! 1! 2! 3! Your winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion:
The white emollient under the child's foreskin is called smegma. Smegma is probably the most misunderstood, most unjustifiably maligned substance in nature. Smegma is clean, not dirty, and is beneficial and necessary. It moisturizes the glans and keeps it smooth, soft, and supple. Its antibacterial and antiviral properties keep the penis clean and healthy. All mammals produce smegma!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:48:06 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland rounds the corner and sees the phrase: The white emollient under the child's foreskin is called smegma. Smegma is probably the most misunderstood, most unjustifiably maligned substance in nature. Smegma is clean, not dirty, and is beneficial and necessary. It moisturizes the glans and keeps it smooth, soft, and supple. Its antibacterial and antiviral properties keep the penis clean and healthy. All mammals produce smegma! celebrating its victory. Davin quietly sneaks up from behind and...*
*Kick - WHAM! - REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER on the phrase The white emollient under the child's foreskin is called smegma. Smegma is probably the most misunderstood, most unjustifiably maligned substance in nature. Smegma is clean, not dirty, and is beneficial and necessary. It moisturizes the glans and keeps it smooth, soft, and supple. Its antibacterial and antiviral properties keep the penis clean and healthy. All mammals produce smegma! Davin hooks the leg! Out of nowhere Davis Hightower slides in stifling a gag, and makes the count: 1, 2, 3! Your winner and new Iron Person Heavy Metal DDT Champion...Davin Moreland!*
DM: Bout time I won something.
*Davin heads back toward the Run DLP Locker Room, Presented by Aquafina. Rabbxt hears him coming down the hallway. He bounces off the cement wall and DRILLS Davin with a SPRINGBOARD 450 CORKSCREW DROPKICK OFF THE CEMENT WALL, and nails Moreland right in the temple. Rabbxt hooks the leg. Hightower slides in for the count: 1, 2, 3! just as Moreland kicks out. Your winner and new Iron Person Heavy Metal DDT Champion, RABBXT!*
*Davin is quickly to his feet and has MURDER in his eyes. Rabbxt catches this look, and in the process of backing up, slips and falls on the floor. Moreland pounces and sits driecty on Rabbxt's chest. Since he's outweighed by like 200 lbs, he can't get up. He hooks the legs. Hightower sighs and counts: 1, 2, 3! Your winner and NEW Iron Person Heavy Metal DDT Champion, Davin Moreland!*
DM: *leaps to his feet* Ok, NOW I'm the 5-time, 5-time, 5-time Iron Person Heavy Metal DDT Champion!
*From the other side of the hallway the phrase The white emollient under the child's foreskin is called smegma. Smegma is probably the most misunderstood, most unjustifiably maligned substance in nature. Smegma is clean, not dirty, and is beneficial and necessary. It moisturizes the glans and keeps it smooth, soft, and supple. Its antibacterial and antiviral properties keep the penis clean and healthy. All mammals produce smegma! has procured a STEEL CHAIR and it runs up and PASTES Davin with it. He has fallen. The phrase The white emollient under the child's foreskin is called smegma. Smegma is probably the most misunderstood, most unjustifiably maligned substance in nature. Smegma is clean, not dirty, and is beneficial and necessary. It moisturizes the glans and keeps it smooth, soft, and supple. Its antibacterial and antiviral properties keep the penis clean and healthy. All mammals produce smegma! covers, and Hightower is there, 1, 2, 3! Your winner and new Iron Person Heavy Metal DDT Champion, the phrase The white emollient under the child's foreskin is called smegma. Smegma is probably the most misunderstood, most unjustifiably maligned substance in nature. Smegma is clean, not dirty, and is beneficial and necessary. It moisturizes the glans and keeps it smooth, soft, and supple. Its antibacterial and antiviral properties keep the penis clean and healthy. All mammals produce smegma!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:48:25 GMT -5
Rabbxt catches his breath after being nearly squashed by big ol' Davin Moreland. He looks over his shoulder and sees The white emollient under the child's foreskin is called smegma. Smegma is probably the most misunderstood, most unjustifiably maligned substance in nature. Smegma is clean, not dirty, and is beneficial and necessary. It moisturizes the glans and keeps it smooth, soft, and supple. Its antibacterial and antiviral properties keep the penis clean and healthy. All mammals produce smegma! walking down the hallway, victorious. Rabbxt lets out a big sigh, then sadly kips up to his feet and does a sad standing back flip before letting out another big sigh. He does a handstand and walks on his hands down the hallway to his closet, also sadly.
He gets to his closet and bridges out of the handstand, then transfers onto his feet. He sighs one more time before going into his closet and shutting the door. The white emollient under the child's foreskin is called smegma. Smegma is probably the most misunderstood, most unjustifiably maligned substance in nature. Smegma is clean, not dirty, and is beneficial and necessary. It moisturizes the glans and keeps it smooth, soft, and supple. Its antibacterial and antiviral properties keep the penis clean and healthy. All mammals produce smegma! opens Rabbxt's closet door. You see, the phrase travels from place to place, putting things right that once went wrong, and hoping each time that its next leap... would be the leap home. Instead, he finds Rabbxt holding a razorblade to his left wrist, with blood dripping out onto the floor. Rabbxt doesn't want anyone to see him like this and immediately jumps up and slams the door in The white emollient under the child's foreskin is called smegma. Smegma is probably the most misunderstood, most unjustifiably maligned substance in nature. Smegma is clean, not dirty, and is beneficial and necessary. It moisturizes the glans and keeps it smooth, soft, and supple. Its antibacterial and antiviral properties keep the penis clean and healthy. All mammals produce smegma!'s face (if you can call it a face), sending the phrase running down the hallway in fear of what it had just witnessed.
In the midst of all this madness, the phrase stumbles over a box of Mountain Dew and falls to the floor. A random guy in a black and white striped shirt (possibly a referee, but possibly a hologram) appears and counts The white emollient under the child's foreskin is called smegma. Smegma is probably the most misunderstood, most unjustifiably maligned substance in nature. Smegma is clean, not dirty, and is beneficial and necessary. It moisturizes the glans and keeps it smooth, soft, and supple. Its antibacterial and antiviral properties keep the penis clean and healthy. All mammals produce smegma! down for the 3 count! The pharse then gets up and runs away, out of the arena and down the road, never to be seen again. In its panic run, the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship flew off its shoulder (if you can can call it a shoulder). The referee/hologram picks up the belt and opens Rabbxt's door, handing him the belt. Rabbxt questions the decision made by the referee/hologram, but the referee/hologram explains to him that when Rabbxt slammed the door in The white emollient under the child's foreskin is called smegma. Smegma is probably the most misunderstood, most unjustifiably maligned substance in nature. Smegma is clean, not dirty, and is beneficial and necessary. It moisturizes the glans and keeps it smooth, soft, and supple. Its antibacterial and antiviral properties keep the penis clean and healthy. All mammals produce smegma!'s face (if you can call it a face), his blood had splattered onto the phrase. The phrase was down for the 3 count, with Rabbxt's blood on him.
Because of this, we have a NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... RABBXT'S BLOOD!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:48:45 GMT -5
<GM the Rick is storming through the halls muttering to himself>
GMtR: ......hire back Adrenaline and Capps, find out what the hell Moose and Bennett are going to do......try to keep Stank from screaming at me because he got attacked.....
<As Rick is walking he rounds the corner and slips on the mixture of The white emollient under the child's foreskin is called smegma. Smegma is probably the most misunderstood, most unjustifiably maligned substance in nature. Smegma is clean, not dirty, and is beneficial and necessary. It moisturizes the glans and keeps it smooth, soft, and supple. Its antibacterial and antiviral properties keep the penis clean and healthy. All mammals produce smegma and Rabbxt's blood. Rick nearly falls, but regains his balance in time, he pauses and cocks his head listening intently as if he can hear little tiny cheers of success coming from somewhere. Finally Rick snaps back to reality and screams for a janitor>
GMtR: STUCKY!! Goddamnit get over here and mop this up! All we need is someone to fall and break something and it is another lawsuit!
<Stucky slowly turns and grabs his mop, whom he has affectionately dubbed el mop oloroso and heads for the nasty concoction on the floor. He slaps the mop on the floor and starts cleaning up the vile fluid, when a referee appears out of nowhere and makes the three count!>
WINNER AND NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION - El Mop Omoroso!
<Stucky looks completely nonplussed as the referee attempts to wrap the title around the mop, the title repeatedly falls to the floor, so Stucky grunts in irritation and the referee gives up and walks away>
[Edited on 2-7-2008 by mooseheadjack]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:50:38 GMT -5
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:50:59 GMT -5
<Carl From Fresno is wandering the halls of the Chester Depot Arena and Convocation center moaning something about being hungry>
CFF: Come on guys! Someone can beat the hell out of me for some food, dammit man I am HUNGRY!
<Carl gets no responses and wanders to the nearest garbage can where he spies the Burger King Whopper Wrapper, his eyes light up>
CFF: WRAPPER CHEESE!
<Carl grabs the wrapper and begins to gnaw at the crusty cheese stuck to the wrapper. A referee appears almost immediately and waves it off and raises Carl's hand in victory>
WINNER, by SUBMISSION and NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION - CARL FROM FRESNO!
<The referee hands Carl the title then disappears, Carl looks at the title for a minute, then looks around>
CFF: Guys? Guys? I'm STILL hungry.........guys?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:51:18 GMT -5
**Carl from Fresno tosses the burger wrapper back into the trash can, then stuffs his head into it to seek out more food. With his head inside the can, a referee appears and counts the 1-2-3!**
"YOUR NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... THE BURGER KING WHOPPER WRAPPER!"
**Carl pokes his head out from the trashcan, with all kinds of nasty, unidentafiable shit hanging from his lips, and the Burger King Whopper Wrapper on top of his head. He scurries off like a hamster out of its cage, sending the burger wrapper flying back into the trash can.**
**Rabbxt steps out of his closet, his wrists and white attire drenched in emo wrist blood. He flips down the hallway and accidentally slams into Davin Moreland. Davin doesn't like being attacked by bunnies and kicks Rabbxt in the wrist, opening up his nasty razorblade wound. Rabbxt would scream in pain, but he enjoys the sensation of his wrist skin tearing apart. Moreland headbutts Rabbxt, then picks him up in powerbomb position. Rabbxt gets out of it and ends up standing on top of Davin's shoulders. Davin reaches up to get the damn bunny off of him, but Rabbxt flips off his shoulders and flips around his back and swings horizontally across his stomach and slides through his legs and bounces into the air and tornadoes around his head and flips between his arms. Sadly, he ends up putting himself back into position for the powerbomb. Davin slams Rabbxt onto the concrete floor, wrist blood shooting everywhere! But he isn't done yet. He pulls Rabbxt to his feet and makes fun of his emo ways. He picks him up by his ankles, while Rabbxt swings his arms wildly, and drops him head first into the nearest trash can. Moreland walks off, still covered in Rabbxt's wrist blood. A referee runs out from behind a corner and sees Rabbxt's feet sticking out of the trash can. They drop to their knees and count it. 1! 2! 3!**
"YOUR NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... RABBXT!"
**A raccoon peeks its head up from inside the trash can, right next to Rabbxt's feet. It jumps out of the trash can and freaks out before slamming into the trash can and exploding. The trash can falls over and Rabbxt tumbles out of it.**
Rabbxt: What just happened?
Referee: Here.
**The referee hands Rabbxt the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship.**
Rabbxt: Yay!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:51:39 GMT -5
[Also posted in the Midnight Mayhem Invitational Round 3 Lineup thread.]
Rabbxt again walks by, with some Mountain Dew. He tries to toss the can in the air, do a flip and land and catch the Dew before it spills everywhere… And fails miserably. It goes all over Hayden, Firewoman, and Firewoman’s notes. Hayden screams. Firewoman fumes for a moment, looks at her clothes, looks at her notes, and then leaps at Rabbxt. She lays him out with her second spontaneous lariat of the day!
Suddenly, a referee appears. He waits. Firewoman shrugs her shoulders, and lays over Rabbxt for the pin. A disembodied announcers voice says:
You’re new Iron…Person Champion….FIREWOMAN!
Hayden cheers and then goes to get a mop.
R: I guess I deserved that.
FW: You certainly did.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:51:59 GMT -5
Firewoman is running down the hallway with Davin Moreland, The Dead and rabbxt chasing her. She runs into a door and locks it behind her. Suddenly she realizes that she's made a terrible error and run right into the Fortress Of Snobbery!
FFM- Get that bitch!
All the men take turns beating the shit out of Firewoman then all do their finishers in succession.
Eco- Are you gonna pin her, boss?
FFM- No. Why?
DV- To win the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship. Isn't that why we beat the shit out of her?
FFM- Is she the champion? I had no idea. No, I just hate trespassers. Anyone want the belt?
Volt- Woohoo! Rock n' roll! Gnar...
FFM- NO! Not you! Anyone else?
RH- Can I rape her and pin her at the same time?
FFM- No, I don't think so.
RH- Well, this is a tough choice. Anyone have a coin I can borrow?
FFM- You know who deserves another reign?
DV- That'd be funny, if you're thinking what I'm thinking.
F. Fonzworth MacCappington III drapes the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship over Firewoman. A ref slides in.
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:52:19 GMT -5
Rabbxt is sitting in his closet, watching the tiny television monitor that is sitting on the floor. He is watching Firewoman get beat down and sees a new DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion crowned. Just as the pinfall is counted, the TV screen goes black. Rabbxt gets spooked. He sees a figure in the reflection of his TV and turns around to see it, but nothing is there. He turns back towards the screen and curls into a ball. Being so scared makes him thirsty. Even though he doesn't want to make any noise, his thirst is overpowering. He cracks open a can of Mountain Dew and gulps it down. He tries to crush the can on his forehead for effect, but it keeps its shape and cuts Rabbxt's forehead a little bit. Rabbxt lets out a tear and tosses the can over his shoulder. He hears metal hitting metal and whips around. He finds himself face to face with the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship Belt. He lets out a high-pitched scream and frantically tries to open the door of his closet to run away. But his hands are too sweaty from fear to grasp proper hold of the knob. Rabbxt gets into a corner and prays to God. He tells the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship Belt that he can't die yet. He's got millions of fans. He's an inspiration to an infinite number of people. He's a somewhat important part of the OOWF match-writing sta... A trap door on the ceiling opens up and a dead body falls to the floor. It lands on top of the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship Belt and doesn't make a move. A referee is somehow able to fit into the already-packed closet and count the pinfall.
THE NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... KAYFABE!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:52:39 GMT -5
<Firewoman is storming through the halls when she sees Kayfabe standing there staring at the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Title>
FW: What? It's your title. You won the damn thing
KF: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
FW: Stop fucking screaming, you winning the title doesn't mean anything
KF: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
FW: DAMMIT
<Fire spin kicks Kayfabe knocking her to the floor and out cold. Fire immediately regrets her decision and puts a hand on Kayfabe's chest to see if she is ok, immediately a referee appears and makes the three count>
WINNER AND NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION - FIREWOMAN
<Fire looks at the title and back at Kayfabe, shrugs and walks away>
<considerable time passes and we see Fire sitting in her locker room watching her 108" plasma when there is a knock at the door>
FW: who is it?
Unknown Voice: mumbles something incoherent
FW: Go away
<another knock>
FW: WHO THE FUCK IS IT?
UV: Valentines candygram
FW: Oh shit, I like candy!
<Firewoman opens the door and there stands Moosehead Jack holding flowers>
FW: OH SHIT LANDSHA.....ER MOOSE!!!
<Moose throws the flowers in Fire's face and pounces nailing her with a heartpunch. Moose covers and a referee appears and makes the three count>
WINNER AND NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION - MOOSEHEAD JACK
<Moose leaves the room laughing the whole way, Fire recovers somewhat and looks around>
FW: that fucker didn't even have any candy. Jerl
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 17:53:00 GMT -5
Moosehead Jack is walking down the halls when his big oafy self trips over a mushroom. He doesn't even have time to react before he is being held down by the entire Smurf city. Every Smurf gathers on top of Moose's belly and a referee counts it. 1! 2! 3!
THE NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... THE SMURFS!
The Smurfs all cheer, but Moose rolls over and squishes all of them.
THE NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... MOOSEHEAD JACK!
Moose rolls back over and is covered in blue gunk. He gets up and continues walking, hoping that no one saw him getting pinned by a bunch of little blue people things that live in mushrooms. He turns a corner and gets charged at by some random person who he'd never seen before. But this person is fast. They chase Moose down the hall and slam him into the hall. They are amazingly tough and pin his shoulders to the floor. While Moose is being pinned, he notices that the person on top of him has giant antler things on his head, like a moose or something. Moose screams "Who the fuck are you!?" The person says "Hi, I'm Jack."
THE NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... MOOSEHEADED JACK!
Mooseheaded Jack gets off of Moosehead Jack and runs away, but his antlers get stuck when he tries to leave through a door. Moose walks over to him and kicks him in the back, sending him face-first into the ground and breaking the antlers. Moose is about to pin Mooseheaded Jack, when Rabbxt comes running in from outside. He is being chased by a wild turkey and is screaming for his life. He trips on Mooseheaded Jack and the referee counts it quick.
THE NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... RABBXT!
Rabbxt gets up as quick as he can and runs away, the wild turkey still chasing him. Moose watched Rabbxt run away, with a confused look on his face. He looks down and Mooseheaded Jack has magically disappeared.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:23:59 GMT -5
Rabbxt sprints away from Moosehead and Mooseheaded Jack and into The DEA Luxury Suite where he finds a really pissed off Alexander Darling looking at his credit card bill.
Alexander: Oh it's only you. Where the fuck is your partner? have you seen what she's been spending? What the fuck is that? Do you have MY DDT Heavy Metal IronPerson Title again?
Rabbxt: Nope, not at all boss. It's the...
Alexander: Shut the fuck up. I was gonna give ya something for being a good soldier the last few weeks but you just fucking blew that.
Alexander opens up the box that was next to him and pulls out a giant green bean bag chair.
Alexander: This was going to be your money bag chair once I figured out how to get a cash advance after Fire spent this month's stipend on a fucking Plasma. But she ruined that and now you ruined your chance at this.
With that Alexander flings the bean bag chair at Rabbxt's head and Rabbxt is either too shocked or excited at seeing a giant green bean bag chair that he stands there as it smacks him right in the face. Rabbxt falls to the ground with the bean bag chair covering him. Mel Creech magically appears and counts the three.
Your NEW DDT HEAVY METAL IRON PERSON CHAMPION: The Giant Green Bean Bag Chair.
Alexander: Perfect!
Alexander walks over towards Rabbxt and sits on the chair which is sitting on Rabbxt. Sterling Glaw magically appears, punches Mel Creech in the face and then counts the 3.
Your NEW DDT HEAVY METAL IRON PERSON CHAMPION: Alexander Darling.
Alexander looks down at the chair and Rabbxt;
BOOYAH, Bitch!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:24:29 GMT -5
Alexander Darling finally gets up, after hours of sitting, giving Rabbxt the chance to breathe.
Darling: Have you learned your lesson?
Rabbxt: Yes, boss. Can I keep the chair?
Darling: No chance.
Alexander Darling turns around to leave the DEA Luxury Suite, but gets caught with a HUGE boot to the face!
Rellik: Pin him!
Rabbxt: Huh? What?
Rellik: Pin him!? Ah!
Rabbxt: Ah! You're... Not as scary as I thought you would be.
Rellik: Come on, man. Just pretend. Pin this guy so I can get my check and leave.
Rabbxt: Yes, sir.
Rabbxt pins Alexander Darling and Rellik counts it.
NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... RABBXT!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:25:32 GMT -5
Firewoman has been watching this little exchange between her boss and her partner with amusement, as she websurfs on her brand new Dell XPS laptop computer.
R: Ha! It's MINE again!!
Rabbxt does a couple of flips around the DEA Luxury Suites.
FW: Yep, it sure is. .... Hm, hey Rabbxt...
R: Yeah?
FW: Says here on the OOWF page that I'm a heel.
R: I know! I made the page.
FW: Hm. I suppose I should start acting in a more heelish fashion one of these days.
R: Eh, maybe. Who cares? I have the DDT Iron Man Belt back.
FW: As I've held it twice, it's the Iron Person Belt.
R: Yeah, yeah, whatever. [Rabbxt is clearly feeling an upsurge in confidence with his win] Look, this is wrestling, not a women's studies class, so let's leave the feminism at the door, 'kay? You've also lost it twice, so there's no need bein' all -
Firewoman raises an eyebrow. Rabbxt pauses for a moment, slightly cringing over what he thinks is sure to come. But Firewoman laughs instead.
R: What's so funny? You're not going to attack me again are you?
FW: What? No...I'm done with that, you're my partner. I'm just suddenly reminded of this story...There's a scorpion trying to cross a deep river, when he spies a duck. He goes up to the duck and says, "Hey, can you help me cross the river?"
R: Scorpions talk?
FW: The duck looks at the scorpion and he says, "What? Are you kidding? You're a scorpion. How do I know you won't sting me and kill me?"
R: The duck talks too?
FW: Shut up and listen. The scorpion says, "Any other day, you'd be right. But I really need to get across the river. I promise you I won't sting you. I'll be too grateful."
The duck thinks about it for a while, and finally says, "Okay, hop on my back." The scorpion hops on the duck's back, and they start to cross the river.
R: Aw, so it's about our partnership. That's awesome!
FW: Yes. So they're motoring across the river, and they get to the opposite bank. Just before he gets off the duck, the scorpion coils his tail and stings the duck in the neck!
R: What? No fair! He promised!
FW: As the poison flows through the duck's body, he struggles to ask one question with his last breath, "Scorpion, what the hell? You said you wouldn't sting me!!"
And the scorpion says, "I'm a scorpion. It's what I do."
R: Huh? I don't get it....
Firewoman leaps up and hits a pedigree on Rabbxt.
FW: Taking the Iron Person belt from you Rabbxt. It's what I do. No hard feelings, eh?
As Rabbxt lays there, the Iron Person belt referee materializes out of nowhere. Firewoman starts for the pin, but sees Alexander laying there from Rabbxt's earlier assault. She pulls Alexander over on top of Rabbxt. The ref counts 1-2-3.
Alexander Darling, your new DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion
[edited for spelling]
[Edited on 2-15-2008 by firewoman]
[[ETA: OOC: I don't watch ROH, so I didn't know CM Punk did the same speech. It's just one of my favorite fables that hit me on the drive in. DevSop told me about the CM Punk thing.]]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:26:00 GMT -5
Hours later, after all of the stories and title changes have passed, Rabbxt is sitting in his closet, alone. He is sad that he lost his belt, but he's over it. He knows that his boss is probably more deserving of it, anyway.
He hears a knock at the door and answers it. No one is there, but a basket with a baby inside of it is left on his welcome mat. He picks up the basket and thinks for a minute.
He walks to the DEA Luxury Suite, where he finds Firewoman is just now leaving. He asks her if the baby is hers. She asks why it would be her baby, and Rabbxt says that she's a girl, so the baby was probably hers. Firewoman kicks the baby basket and it goes flying. Rabbxt dives to make the save, and does, but the basket ends up nailing Alexander Darling in the head. Rabbxt is too concerned about the baby that he doesn't check on his boss. As he is folding the cloth from inside the basket away from the baby's face, a referee is on his knees, counting a pinfall.
NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... BABY BASKET WITH BABY INSIDE OF IT!
Firewoman hears this and looks over her shoulder, where she sees the basket sitting on Alexander Darling's face. She shrugs her shoulders and says that it's not her problem, anymore.
Rabbxt hears the referee award the belt to the basket and the baby. He brings the baby up out of the basket and gives it a big congratulatory hug. He puts the baby back into the basket and stands up, lifting the basket off of Alexander Darling's face. Rabbxt sees his boss laying there, with imprints from the woven basket in his face. He looks around nervously, then runs off, so he doesn't get into trouble.
Running down the hallway, he glances around a corner and sees some chick, just standing there, on their phone. He interupts her and asks if the baby belongs to her. She says that it doesn't and that she is on an important phone call. Rabbxt apologizes and asks for her name, for a reference. She says that her name is Nikki Heyman, then repeats that the baby is not hers and that she is on an important business call.
Rabbxt scurries off again. Down one of the hallways, however, a mysterious black figure snatches the basket from his hands and runs in the opposite direction. Rabbxt turns around and chases after this black figure, but the figure is very fast. He runs outside and Rabbxt follows. Rabbxt jumps towards a wall and kicks off of it, then does three flips with two spins and lands in a handstand on top of the black figure. But the basket and baby are no where to be seen. Rabbxt looks around, confused, with a referee sitting beside him.
NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... MYSTERIOUS BLACK FIGURE!
Rabbxt looks at the referee in confusion, still handstanding on the figure's back. The figure rolls over, sending Rabbxt tumbling to the ground. Rabbxt looks at the figure's belly and sees a thick, red liquid covering it. Rabbxt cries out in fright and kicks the figure in the head multiple times, out of anger. He flips onto the figure several times before finally picking up the mangled basket and slamming it into the figure's face. Rabbxt crawls on top of the figure and the referee counts it.
NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... RABBXT!
Rabbxt tells the figure that he only pinned him and beat him up because he killed a baby. Baby killing is not good. Rabbxt stands up to walk away from the incident, but runs into a police officer. The police officer asks what's going on. Rabbxt tells the honest truth, but the referee and mysterious black figure have vanished. The police man stuff Rabbxt into his police car and drives to the police station. The police man tells Rabbxt that he is going to have to keep him overnight, and will evaluate the situation in the morning. He gives Rabbxt a thin blanket and tells him to sleep good. During one of Rabbxt's elaborate dreams, full of Jack Evans, a referee appears.
NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... BLANKET!
A police officer hears the voice declaring a new champion and runs out to see what's going on. He sees a referee on the floor and a title belt sitting on top of Rabbxt's blanket. He tells the referee that he has to leave and that the title belt is a weapon and must be taken from them. He takes the belt and goes back to what he was doing.
Rabbxt ignores everything and goes back to sleep. During his sleep, he turns over, imagining that he is flipping over the Grand Canyon. With the blanket tucked underneath of him, the referee has no choice but to count.
NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... RABBXT!
The police man runs out again and yells at the referee. He says that no visitors are permitted at this time and that he can come back tomorrow. He yells at the voice to shut the fuck up and then tells Rabbxt to go back to sleep. Rabbxt pulls the blanket over him and the referee counts it again.
NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... BLANKET!
The police man kicks the referee in the head and tells Rabbxt to get out. Rabbxt tells the police man that he has to do his time for the baby incident, but the police man says no. Rabbxt gives the blanket to the police man, but the police man tells Rabbxt to just take it with him and go, right now. Rabbxt takes the blanket and walks outside. It is really dark out, it being midnight. Rabbxt tries to find his way back to the arena, but gets into a fight with a dog on the way. He tries his best to defend himself and ends up throwing the blanket onto the dog. The dog bites at the blanket and destroys it, then calms down and lays on top of it. A referee appears and counts.
NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... DOG!
The dog snaps at the referee and the referee backs up. Rabbxt moves in towards the dog, then pets it on the head and back. He moves in closer and rests his head on the dog's back. The referee, now mad at the dog, counts this one quick.
NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... RABBXT!
The dog jumps up, sending Rabbxt's head flying into the ground. The dog snaps at the referee, then chases him away. The referee and the dog run off into the distance. Rabbxt gets to his feet, holding his head, and looks down at the blanket. The blanket is now ruined, so he doesn't even bother picking it up to take it with him. He glances to his right and sees lights. It must be the arena. He runs towards it and makes it to the arena, unharmed.
He walks into the arena and goes to his closet. He enters his closet and closes the door. It's finally time to sleep. He hears a knock at the door, which wakes him up. He opens the door and sees a baby basket with a baby sitting in it. He closes the door and goes back to sleep.
EDIT: Haha. Sorry, boss. I'm sure you'll still be able to win it by Saturday.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:26:27 GMT -5
Just as Rabbxt is settling in for a good nights sleep as the new DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, a single light bulb clicks on and we see Moosehead Jack sitting in the closet. We hear Rabbxt give a blood curdling scream and then in true cartoon style we cut to the outside of the door and listen as we hear crashing and banging and screaming, and someone clawing at the door trying to get out. Finally, after a few seconds we hear a big WHUMP then....
ONE.....TWO......THREE - WINNER AND NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION - MOOSEHEAD JACK
The closet door opens and Moose casually strolls out of the closet with the title draped over his shoulder, laughing to himself.
Moose walks down the hall and stops in front of the vending machine and contemplates his decision for a moment, then digs in his pocket for some change. Before he can use the machine, Firewoman charges up behind him and nails him in the back of the head with a steel chair, then grabs Moose and slams him face first into the vending machine shattering the glass and knocking delicious snacks everywhere.
I TOLD YOU DON'T SCREW WITH MY EMOTIONS ASSHOLE!!
Firewoman stands on Moose's chest and reaches in and grabs a handful of chocolates, a referee appears and makes the count
ONE......TWO......THREE - WINNER and NEW DDT IRON PERSON HEAVY METAL CHAMPION - FIREWOMAN!!
Fire gobbles down the chocolate and seems to calm down some, she starts to walk away, then comes back and empties the machine of anything chocolate, then skulks off laughing to herself.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:26:55 GMT -5
As Firewoman is walking down the hallway, she sees that Rabbxt's closet door is wide open. Rabbxt is scared of being talked to by strangers, so he usually has his closet door shut. She walks up to the closet and gasps when she sees Rabbxt. He is laid out on the floor, covered and surrounded by his own blood (yes, the former DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion).
Rabbxt: Fire...
Fire: Yea?
Rabbxt: No, I mean... Look behind you.
Firewoman looks behind her and gets hit with a Flaming Moonsault by Sabu. A referee appears and counts it.
NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... SABU!
Sabu rolls off of Firewoman, still in flames. He can't put himself out. Rabbxt kips up to his feet to save the day. He grabs a few 2 liters of Mountain Dew and pours them onto Sabu, putting out the flames. The referee counts.
NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... MOUNTAIN DEW
Rabbxt is very happy that Mountain Dew has won the belt and applauds it. Firewoman stands up, half-burnt, and goes to the DEA Luxury Suite to get some ointment. Rabbxt closes his closet door and drinks a can of Mountain Dew. He sets the can down and stands on top of it, crushing it under his weight. With a tiny amount of liquid still in the can, the referee fits himself into the closet and counts.
NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... RABBXT!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:27:27 GMT -5
Rabbxt is sitting in his closet, when all of a sudden, someone breaks the door down. The door slams into Rabbxt's head, knocking him out. It lays on top of his limp body, and a referee squeezes into the closet to count.
NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... DOOR!
Alexander Darling grabs the door and tries to throw it aside, but the door is as wide as the doorway so he has a tough time. He turns the door sideways, but the hallway isn't wide enough to fit the door in longways. He starts to curse at the door and eventually just turns it onto its side and leaves it laying half-in half-out of the closet. He puts a foot on top of the door and the referee counts.
NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... ALEXANDER DARLING!
Alexander Darling smiles and walks away, but not before kicking the stupid door that wouldn't obey him. He kicks the door and hurts his foot. He falls to the floor and grabs a hold of his foot. He takes off his shoe and examines his toe. Just then, Rabbxt wakes up and sees nothing but a cool, new shoe laying in the hallway. He pounces at it and grabs it, but keeps flying and ends up slamming the shoe into his boss' head, knocking him out. He doesn't even notice what he did as he puts on the new shoe. The referee counts it.
NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... RABBXT!
Rabbxt looks around, then looks underneath him, and realizes that he is sitting on top of Alexander Darling. He stands up and runs away, so he doesn't get into trouble. He runs through the hallways, and someone opens their locker room door. Rabbxt slams into it and breaks it off the hinges, sending it crashing into several people and knocking over tables. Rabbxt falls into the middle of the mess of things and somehow ends up laying underneath a pile of table debris and a coaster. Referee runs in.
NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... PILE OF TABLE DEBRIS AND A COASTER!
Firewoman rounds a corner and sees Rabbxt's hand sticking out of the pile of table debris. Oh, and that coaster. She runs over to him and grabs his hand, then pulls him to the top of the pile. He sits there while Fire asks him if he is ok. While she is talking to him, a referee is counting.
NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... RABBXT!
Firewoman asks how the hell this ended up being for the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal belt. Rabbxt shrugs his shoulders and says that shit happens. He gets to his feet and says bye to Fire. He walks around a corner and runs into a huge boot to the face. The Big Show puts his leg down and looks around nervously. "I don't belong here!" He walks away quickly, because it hurts for him to run, leaving Rabbxt laying in the hallway. Alexis Darling steps out from the DEA Luxury Suite and trips over Rabbxt's body. She is surprised for a minute and doesn't even react, while a referee appears.
NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... ALEXIS DARLING!
She looks around, confused. She accepts the win and says that she will have to lay down for her brother again. But as she goes to stand up, her ankle gets caught in Rabbxt's durag and she falls onto her face, knocking herself out. Rabbxt wakes up and sees Alexis Darling laying beside him. He doesn't know what to do and puts his hand on her forehead to see if she's got a fever. A referee runs in from nowhere to count it.
NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... RABBXT!
Rabbxt smiles and squeals in excitement, then kips up to his feet and runs away.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:27:47 GMT -5
Alexis: Damn it Rabbxt, GIVE THAT BACK! It's ALEXANDER'S!
R: Nuh-uh...It's mine, see?
Alexis: That's it, bunny boy - You're a dead man.
*Rabbxt does a spinaroonie and takes off, with Alexis in hot pursuit. Rabbxt, obviously afraid for his life, isn't paying attention to where he is; and ends up in the Run DLP, Presented by Aquafina portion of the Contoocook Coliseum. Davin Moreland is hanging near the Dunkin' Donuts Hospitality Tent sipping on a coffee and making fun of Curt "The Golden God" Schilling's shoulder wrap. Davin notices Rabbxt coming toward them*
DM: Oh, this should be fun. Curt, shut the fuck up for a minute, ok?
C'TGG'S: Okie dokie.
*Davin hides to the side of the Dunkin' Donuts Hospitality Tent, obscured from view. Rabbxt is FLYING~! full speed past the tent, and never sees Davin's arm sticking out at Rabbxt's throat level. Rabbxt does a 450 and lands on his back. Rabbxt is in some pain, so he's not moving. Before Alexis can get to the flippy kid; Davin's already made the cover, and Angelo Barros has your count: 1, 2, 3!
Your Winner and NEW Iron Person DDT Champion, Davin Moreland!
DM: Sweet.
*Alexis pulls up short as she sees Davin*
Alexis: Fuck.
DM: Oh, what's wrong sweetie??
Alexis: Fuck off, psycho - That belt belongs to Alexander.
DM: Hmm. It would appear it would actually belong to me.
C'TGG'S: LIKE HELL!
*Schilling, showing amazing agility for an old, fat guy with a bum shoulder, lands a Van Daminator on Davin with the chair he was sitting on. He covers as Barros slides in. 1, 2, 3*
Your Winner, and NEW Iron Person DDT Champion: Curt "The Golden God" Schilling!
C'TGG'S: This will go nicely next to my Cy Youngs.
Alexis: I don't suppose you'd be willing to lay down for me, so I can give that to my brother, would you?
C'TGG'S: I don't think Shandra would appreciate that too much, no.
*Suddenly, Moosehead Jack appears around the other corner with a barbed wire bat; seriously pissed off as he comes upon the scene*
MHJ: Where is that rabbxt? That's MY belt.
Alexis: Uh, Rabbxt doesn't have the belt anymore.
MHJ: Nice. Moreland has it. I can kill him. Good times.
Alexis: Actually, he doesn't have it either.
MHJ: So, you have it? Listen, do yourself a favor..
Alexis: No, I don't have it either.
MHJ: So who...
C'TGG'S: Hi Moose!
MHJ: CURT "THE GOLDEN GOD" SCHILLING!
C'TGG'S: Yup, it's me. Like my new belt?
MHJ: YOU have it?
C'TGG'S: Uh-huh.
MHJ: Damn it. I can't hurt you; you're a Golden God.
C'TGG'S: I know.
MHJ: Well. At least you have it. I respect you. It's ok.
C'TGG'S: Good to see you again, Moose.
*Moose leaves. Alexis wakes up Rabbxt, and drags him by his ear back to the DEA Locker Room area, verbally berating him the whole way. Davin Moreland is STIRRING on the cement floor*.
DM: Nicely done, Curt. I think you missed your calling. Ready?
C'TGG'S: Oh, yeah.
*Curt "The Golden God" Schilling comes out from behind the Dunkin' Donuts Hospitality Tent and lays on his back.*
DM: Barros, you still over there?
*Barros non-chalantly walks around the corner*
DM: Ready?
*Barros nods. Davin puts his foot on Curt's chest. Barros slides in and counts 3*
Your Winner and NEW Iron Person DDT Champion: Davin Moreland!.
C'TGG'S: Damn that belt is ugly. Glad to be rid of it. I suppose I should go troll Yankees message boards now.
DM: *throws the belt over his shoulder* I suppose you should.
*Davin heads back to the Run DLP Locker Room, presented by Aquafina*
*fade*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:28:06 GMT -5
**Rabbxt is being talked to by Alexis Darling in the DEA Luxury Suite. They hear a strange voice, coming from nowhere.**
Voice: NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... ALEXANDER DARLING!
**Alexander Darling walks in with the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship draped over his shoulder.**
Alexis: Why do you have that belt?
Alexander: I'm the new DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion.
Rabbxt: How'd you do that?
Alexander: I beat up Davin Moreland and pinned him. A referee appeared and counted to three. Some strange voice out of nowhere said that I was the new champ and the referee handed the belt over. And now I'm here.
Rabbxt: So I'm free to go?
Alexander: I got my belt back, yea. Go ahead.
**Rabbxt flips up out of the chair and handsprings over to the door, then flips on down the hallways.**
Alexis: It was that simple?
Alexander: Yea. These title changes don't have to be complex.
EDIT: Ok, fine. There you go, boss. Title's yours. Now if anyone takes it from you in the future, it's on you. And if anyone takes it from you, I can then take it from them and not be forced to hand it to you.
[Edited on 2-15-2008 by rabbxt]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:28:28 GMT -5
Alexander Darling gets to his feet and holds his title and arms in the air in celebration, he turns around and sees Davin Moreland and Curt "The Golden God" Schilling standing there. Before Darling can react, Moreland drops him on the floor with A REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER a referee appears and makes the three count
WINNER AND NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION - DAVIN MORELAND
<Davin Moreland and Curt "the Golden God" Schilling leave the locker room and round the corner to Ric Flair's sandwich shoppe when WHUMP! Davin catches a barbed wire bat right between the eyes.
Moreland hits the floor and Moosehead Jack falls on him and covers him, Curt "The Golden God" Schilling looks down and his Red Sox jersey has been replaced by a referee shirt. He falls to the floor and makes the count
WINNER AND NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION - MOOSEHEAD JACK
Moose gets to his feet and looks at Curt, has him sign the barbed wire bat, then Jack takes the bat and beats the hell out of Moreland some more
MHJ: That's for besmirching the Golden God. Asshole.
<Moose slings the title over his shoulder and walks away>
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:28:48 GMT -5
Moosehead Jack takes his new title and walks out into the hallway. He sees Eric O'Mac.
E: MOOOOOOOOOSE
MHJ: ERIIIIIIIIIC
Eric walks away.
STILL CHAMPION, MOOSEHEAD JACK!
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