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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:29:06 GMT -5
As The E walks away, Viper hits Moosehead Jack with A CHAIN ASSISTED DEATH ELBOW!!!!
1, 2, 3, YOUR NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION.... DONOVAN VIPER!!!!
Viper looks at the camera...
"SEE THIS STANK? THIS IS WHAT I DO! I GET GOLD! AND SOON, I WILL GET YOUR GOLD YOU FAT FUCK!"
And as Viper is staring at the camera, STANK POPS OUT~! (thanks to his lessons with Beast) and pulverisess Viper!
1,2,3 YOUR NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION.... STANK!!!
St: You think you're so smart, don't you Viper? I'm always one step ahead of you, and that's why you will NEVER win the world championship from me.
Stank leaves, but as he does, he forgets Moosehead Jack is still on the floor unconcious, and trips over him, knocking his head on the floor, knocking him out.
Just then, SYB walks in.
SYB: By Yahweh, it is COLD in here! I know it's February, but OY VEY! It's a good thing I got this nice bowl of matzah ball soup to keep me warm! If only I had comfortable a place to sit! All this training with Skurge makes me hungry!
SYB sees Stank's fat ass and sits down to eat his matzah ball soup.
1,2,3, YOUR NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION, SYB!!!!
Ref Hightower gives SYB his new belt.
SYB: Sweet! I wonder how much this will sell on eBay for!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:29:23 GMT -5
**SYB is standing in the hallway, waiting for Skurge to finish up in the bathroom. Rabbxt peaks around a corner and sees SYB with the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship draped over his shoulder. Rabbxt knows that he will have to use his heel side to get the belt off SYB. He walks over to him.**
Rabbxt: You suck dick.
SYB: What!?
Rabbxt: You swallow cum.
SYB: Shut it!
**SYB steps to Rabbxt. Rabbxt side-steps and puts his leg out. SYB trips and falls.**
Rabbxt: Don't get up! They're shooting!
SYB: Who's shooting!?
Rabbxt: All of them are!
SYB: All of who!?
Rabbxt: Don't talk! They'll hear you!
SYB: But I...
Rabbxt: Don't talk!
**While Rabbxt and SYB are laying on the floor, Rabbxt manages to get his elbow onto SYB's arm and a referee appears to count the pin.**
NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... RABBXT!
SYB: What!?
Rabbxt: Yay for me!
**Rabbxt kips up to his feet and flips down the hallway. Skurge finishes up in the bathroom.**
Skurge: What the hell just happened?
SYB: Rabbxt happened...
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:29:45 GMT -5
<As Rabbxt is running down the hall, Jerry "The King" Lawler steps out of a doorway and holds his fist out, Rabbxt runs right into Lawler's fist and crashes to the floor>
Rab: OW!
JL: I have had ENOUGH!
Rab: What did I ever do to you?
JL: It took me over 20 years to pad my resume to include over 30 Mid South Championships, you are threatening to do it in a matter of weeks! I had to beat Tommy Rich, Robert Fuller, Bill Dundee, Austin Idol, Dutch Mantel, Kendo Nagasaki, Eddie Gilbert and Bota the Witch Doctor among others to achieve that!
Rab: so? I don't even know who those guys ARE!! Were they in the OOWF?
JL: so? SO? SO!!!! Why you.......
<Jerry Lawler kicks Rabbxt in the gut and piledrives him on the cement floor, then jumps to his feet, pulls his strap down and drops a fist between Rabbxt's eyes and covers, the referee appears and counts the one, two, three>
WINNER and NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION - JERRY "THE KING" LAWLER
Lawler holds the title high over his head and staggers around like he has just gone an hour with Bruiser Brody. He clutches the title to his chest and mutters about going to show AA, someone who will appreciate this
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:30:41 GMT -5
**Jerry "The King Lawler is walking down the hallway when he is jumped from behind by none other than Crash Holly. He turns Lawler around and hits him with a snap DDT onto the concrete. He crawls on top of him and a referee runs in to count it.**
NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... CRASH HOLLY!
Crash: I'm defending this belt 24/7!
**Rabbxt darts down the hallway and hits Crash with a jumping, flipping, twisting, spinning, and rotating version of a DDT. The same referee counts.**
NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... RABBXT!
Rabbxt: Yes! Nothin' but love for ya, though.
Crash: Oh, I know. I was asking for it when I said that I would defend the belt 24/7.
Rabbxt: Well, this belt's already defended 24/7.
Crash: Oh, is that right? Well, have fun with it.
Rabbxt: Oh, I'm always having fun with this thing.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:31:08 GMT -5
Eric O'Mac, still bloodied up from the earlier attack on him, walks by and sees Crash Holly.
E: HOLY SHIT! YOU'RE ALIVE!
Crash hears this and immedietely falls to the ground. Eric runs over and checks his pulse.
E: Oh My God. He's dead. I must honor this great entertainer.
Rabbxt is walking by with his title and Eric picks up the dead weight of Crash Holly, and THROWS it at the Bunny Boy! Rabbxt falls to the ground and Mel Creech appears out of no where to count, 1....2....3!
WINNER AND NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION....THE CORPSE OF CRASH HOLLY!!!!
Rabbxt struggles to get up, however, Crash Holly WAS a super heavyweight, so Rabbxt is stuck...for now. Eric walks away to his locker room and we fade to black.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:31:26 GMT -5
**Rabbxt remains under the corpse of Crash Holly, until the corpse begins to decompose on top of him. The corpse eventually becomes fertilizer and Rabbxt is able to sit up. He looks back to the corpse and sees a bunch of dust. He shrugs his shoulders and covers.**
NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... RABBXT!
Rabbxt: That was kind of easy...
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:31:46 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland has had enough of Rabbxt's blatant monopolizing of the DDT Iron Person Heavy Metal Championship. As Rabbxt rounds the corner; Davin hits him with a lung-emptying SPEAR against the wall. Hightower slides in, Cover: 1, 2, 3!*
Your Winner and NEW DDT Iron Person Heavy Metal Champion...DAVIN MORELAND!
DM: WOO! I'm the gnarliest 8-time Champ EVER!
V: You know, just because I don't ever post anymore doesn't mean you can just infringe on my gimmicks whenever you want.
DM: Shut up.
V: Yes sir.
DM: Ok, I totally don't want this now. Where's SYB? SYB!!?!?!? SYB!??!? SOLLY WHERE YA AT!?!?!?
*Davin digs in his pocket and pulls out some change. He throws it onto the floor, scattering it everywhere. SYB comes from NOWHERE to pick up the change.*
DM: SYB, you want this belt back?
S: What belt?
DM: This one.
S: What do I gotta do for it?
DM: Put me in a wristlock.
S: What?
DM: Push my hand up and hold my wrist, dummy.
*SYB cautiously walks over and locks in a vicious wristlock. Davin starts to tap and Glaw declares SYB the winner!*
Your Winner by Submission and NEW DDT Iron Person Heavy Metal Champion...SYB!
S: WHOO! I'm the GNARLIEST DOUBLE CHAMP EVER!
V: I hate you all.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:32:21 GMT -5
**Rabbxt runs in after Davin Moreland and Voltage have left. He sees a lonely SYB with no one around to protect him.**
Rabbxt: Now's my chance! 15th title reign, here I come!
**Rabbxt runs in to take out SYB, but Skurge hits him with a goal stick out of nowhere, right across the face!**
Skurge: What's this aboot, Solly?
SYB: Huh, what? Oh, I wouldn't know. I think that guy does flips or something.
Skurge: He was running after ya.
SYB: Oh, I don't know. I don't want him, you can throw him away.
**Skurge picks Rabbxt's limp body up off the floor and drops him into the nearest trash can.**
Skurge: Let's leave him be.
SYB: K.
**SYB and Skurge walk away and we get one last shot of Rabbxt's legs hanging out of the trash can before we fade out.**
STILL DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... SYB!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:32:52 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland walks by and helps Rabbxt out of the trashcan*
DM: Ya know, the more DDT Iron Person Heavy Metal Championships you win, the more likely this is to happen.
R: But I'm xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxtreme! This belt defines me.
DM: I thought being in DEA defined you.
R: I'M MY OWN PERSON!
DM: Sure you are.
R: You mean I'm not? Aw man. You have any Dashboard Confessional CDs?
DM: Uh, no.
R: I have to get back to my razor bl...I mean my closet.
DM: Hoo-kay...
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:33:24 GMT -5
SYB is taunting Skurge as they walk down the hallway.
SYB: I am the championnnnn....my friend.....
Skurge: Well you got the part aboot Queen right.
SYB: Twan... don't get mad because this belt is rightfully around my waist.
Skurge: Some waist. Why is the belt folded over 5 times?
SYB: Because I'm 5 times the DDT champion than everyone else. Duh.
SYB stops in the hallway and booms to no one in particular
SYB: This is my title! There are many like it but this one is mine... I...
CRACK!
Skurge's goalie stick smashes SYB in the beak. He cries oot and falls doon on his back like a bag of po-ta-toes.
Skurge slams the stick on him in disgust and rips off his jersey to reveal a ref shirt.
Stick: Fooking count it eh?
Skurge makes the 3 count...
NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... GOALIE STICK!
Skurge and the new champion continue to walk victoriously down the hall.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:34:53 GMT -5
[Except The Dead is watching OOWF TV (ninja cameramen everywhere!) and sees the combination Skurge used for his locker. The Dead calmly walks into Skurge's locker room, puts in the combination 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 (which happens to be the combination on my luggage) and takes out the goalie stick.] Dead: Too easy. [The Dead steps on the goalie stick and a referee appears out of nowhere.] Ref: 1, 2, 3!
V: Your new DDT Heavy Metal Iron Person champion, The Dead!
[The Dead takes a small bow to no one in particular and heads out of the locker room. A female voice comes from behind him.]
FV: Remember what happened a few months ago?*
[It's Firewoman! She levels The Dead with a wicked clothesline to the back of the head and makes the cover.]
V: Your new DDT Heavy Metal Iron Person champion, Firewoman!
Fire: Now that sparkles with me.
[Firewoman walks away with the title. The Dead gets to his feet, shrugs, and leaves.]
*Look it up yourselves, you lazy bastards.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:35:12 GMT -5
**Firewoman takes her new belt and walks down the hallway, where she sees Rabbxt pounding away on The Nerve Agent and Blitz.**
Fire: Hey, new belt!
**Rabbxt slowly brings his beatings to a hault.**
Rabbxt: New belt?
Fire: Yea! Just won the thing from The Dead!
Rabbxt: Deadly? The one from the Dead Drunks?
Fire: Yea, man! Slugged him and took his title!
Rabbxt: But...
Fire: What's up?
Rabbxt: I really like when I'm the DDT Ir...
Fire: You!?
Rabbxt: Well, yea...
Fire: You've lost this belt more times than it's worth writing about!
Rabbxt: I've won it a lot, too...
Fire: Look, man. If you want the belt, take the belt.
Rabbxt: I can have it!?
Fire: No, you can't have it. But you can take it from me if you want it that bad.
Rabbxt: You mean, hit you and pin you?
Fire: Exactly.
Rabbxt: But we're partners. Won't that...
Fire: Nonsense! We're partners, but we're cool with each other. We both know that titles are everything. I wouldn't be the least bit mad if you took this belt from me. Truth be told, I really don't even care for the damn thing. I just don't like to see The Dead with it.
Rabbxt: Deadly ain't that bad of a guy.
Fire: Dude. We had a feud with him that spanned over two pay-per-views. And we're still feuding with these two guys right here.
**The camera pans down to The Nerve Agent and Blitz, who are both sprawled out on the floor, bleeding out of their mouths.**
Fire: Christ, man! I didn't know you had it in you! What'd you do to these poor guys!?
Rabbxt: I flipped onto them a lot, mostly. But nah, Deadly's cool, I think.
Fire: Not with me.
Rabbxt: I want your belt.
Fire: Take it.
**Rabbxt tackles Firewoman and they both tumble around in the hallways. Fire gets to her feet and looks Rabbxt in the eyes.**
Fire: Yea, that's not really doing it.
Rabbxt: I don't want to hurt you, though. I just want...
**A huge stack of papers flies on screen and nails Firewoman in the back of the head, knocking her out cold. We hear a voice yelling.**
Voice: That's every item that you've been putting on the DEA credit card! Who the hell needs twenty-eight sets of beaded string curtains!?
Rabbxt: Sorry, ma'am! That was for my closet! I thought they looked pretty!
**Rabbxt glances down at Firewoman, who is unconscious on the floor. He gasps and turns her over, then goes for the pin. Referee slides in to count it.**
NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... RABBXT!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:35:37 GMT -5
F. Fonzworth Cappington III walks into Rabbxt's lockerroom. The other members of LOADED barricade the door behind him.
FFM- 12 time champion now, are you?
R- I think 13 now.
FFM- Ah yes, 13. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't the number 13 carry some sort of stigma to it?
R- Um...I guess you mean the luck thing?
FFM- Indeed.
MacCappington grabs Rabbxt and delivers a Greeting From Pacific Heights through a table covered in cans of Mountain Dew. Rabbxt lays in a puddle of sticky nasty over-caffienated crap beverage. MacCappington pins him with one finger.
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III!!!
MacCappington walks back into the Fortress Of Snobbery to enact his most diabolical plan yet! He lays down and covers himself in money.
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, $14,921!!!
Then he covers the money
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III!!!
Then he sets a lamp on top of him.
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, Desk Lamp!!!
He then covers the desk lamp
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III!!!
He sets a copy of War & Peace on top of him.
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, This Copy of War & Peace!!!
then covers it
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III!!!
then sets the money back on him
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, $14,921!!!
then covers it again
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III!!!
then sets the belt onto him
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, The DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship!!!
then covers it
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III!!!
then rolls over
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, The DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship!!!
then rolls over
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III!!!
then sets his Visa Card on his chest
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III's Visa Card!!!
then covers it
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III!!!
then he masturbates onto his own stomach
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III's semen!!!
then rolls over
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III!!!
then rolls over
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III's semen!!!
then rolls over
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III!!!
then rolls over
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III's semen!!!
then rolls over
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III!!!
then rolls over
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III's semen!!!
then rolls over
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III!!!
then rolls over
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III's semen!!!
then rolls over
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III!!!
then he pulls LADDER on top of himself
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, LADDER!!!
FFM- That oughta take care of who the greatest DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion of all time is...
...its fuckin' LADDER! But I have the most reigns.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:36:28 GMT -5
Rabbxt: Hey, look! A ladder in the middle of the hallway!
**Rabbxt pins the ladder and a referee appears.**
Referee: One! Two! Thr... No!
**THE LADDER KICKS OUT~!**
Rabbxt: Ah! What's going on!?
**The referee runs away as the ladder gets up on its feet and starts kicking the shit out of Rabbxt, taking a toll on his face.**
Rabbxt: Help me! Help me!
Ladder: Die, bitch! Die! Bleed, mother fucker!
Rabbxt: Help, please! I'm not enjoying this!
**Alexander Darling runs on screen and sees the ladder taking it to Rabbxt.**
Alexander: Fight back, bunny! You can take it!
Rabbxt: I'm scared, boss! What do I do!?
Alexander: I just told you, fight the fuck back!
**Rabbxt manages to escape from the Boston Crab that the ladder had on him and climbs to the top of the ladder, kicking each rung as he steps up. He gets to the top of the ladder and does a back flip off the top. The ladder falls out from under him and he falls on top of the ladder. Alexander, nice for once, gets onto his knees to count it.**
Alexander: 1! 2! 3!
NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... RABBXT!
Rabbxt: Thanks a lot, boss. How can I ever repay you for this?
**Alexander gives Rabbxt a less-than-enthused look.**
Rabbxt: Fine...
**Rabbxt lays down and Alexander cralws onto him for the cover. A different referee appears to count it.**
Referee: One! Two! Thr... No!
**The ladder is now on its feet and has fallen onto Alexander's back, breaking up the pin. Rabbxt scurries away, leaving his boss to defend himself against the ladder.**
Alexander: Damn you, bunny bitch! Damn you!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:36:49 GMT -5
Rabbxt runs back into his lockerroom where F. Fonzworth MacCappington is waiting for him. MacCappington grabs Rabbxt and delivers a Greeting From Pacific Heights through a table covered in cans of Mountain Dew...again!!! Rabbxt lays in a puddle of sticky nasty over-caffienated crap beverage. MacCappington pins him with one finger...again!
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III!!!
MacCappington walks back into the Fortress Of Snobbery to enact his most diabolical plan yet...again! He lays down and covers himself in money...again!
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, $14,921!!!
Then he covers the money
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III!!!
Then he sets a lamp on top of him.
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, Desk Lamp!!!
He then covers the desk lamp
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III!!!
He sets a copy of War & Peace on top of him.
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, This Copy of War & Peace!!!
then covers it
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III!!!
then sets the money back on him
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, $14,921!!!
then covers it again
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III!!!
then sets the belt onto him
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, The DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship!!!
then covers it
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III!!!
then rolls over
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, The DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship!!!
then rolls over
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III!!!
then sets his Visa Card on his chest
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III's Visa Card!!!
then covers it
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III!!!
then he masturbates onto his own stomach
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III's semen!!!
then rolls over
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III!!!
then rolls over
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III's semen!!!
then rolls over
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III!!!
then rolls over
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III's semen!!!
then rolls over
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III!!!
then rolls over
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III's semen!!!
then rolls over
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III!!!
then rolls over
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III's semen!!!
then rolls over
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III!!!
then he pulls LADDER on top of himself
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion, LADDER!!!
FFM- Hopefully LADDER can keep it on him for a little bit longer this time.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:40:52 GMT -5
Rabbxt: Hey, look! Ladder's the champion again.
Fire: You beat ladder once, I'm sure you can do it again!
Rabbxt: Nope!
Fire: Yea... Wait, nope?
Rabbxt: Right, nope. I'm not even going to try.
Fire: Really?
Rabbxt: Yup.
Fire: Why not?
Rabbxt: What's the point in it anymore?
Fire: Don't you love that belt? Isn't that the perfect belt for you? You've said it yourself.
Rabbxt: Yea, but I don't know. I just don't want it anymore.
Fire: Oh, well... That's kind of strange to hear from you.
Rabbxt: I know. It's just not fun for me, anymore. I'm finished with it.
Fire: Really, man? For good, you're done?
Rabbxt: Yea... I'm done with it...
Fire: Wow. So, what now?
Rabbxt: I don't know. Let's just go walk or something.
Fire: Well, alright.
**A random voice shouts out.**
STILL DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... LADDER!
**Rabbxt runs up a wall and back flips off it, grabs onto random vocal cords hanging from the ceiling and rips them all in half.**
Rabbxt: Alright, Fire. Let's go.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:41:12 GMT -5
F. Fonzworth MacCappington III is watching Lauren Phoenix eat out Aurora Snow while he masturbates over LADDER. He let's out a groan of pleasure and ejaculates onto LADDER
FFM- Thanks ladies. That was wonderful.
Ref- 1! 2! 3! The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion...F. FONZWORTH MACCAPPINGTON III'S SEMEN!!!
FFM- Oh jeez, I'd like to see someone pin that.
Aurora and Lauren lick up the load and make out for a while, passing it back and forth and then each swallow.
FFM- That's not gonna help matters.
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:41:40 GMT -5
Outside the OOWF arena, a septic pumping truck pulls up. A large sexy man gets out and hooks up hoses and begins to pump the septic tanks of the arena. A hose breaks and springs a leak. He leaps into action shutting off the truck and closing the valves. He stands in a puddle of human waste and wonders what to do to clean all this up. Suddenly a referee slides in and makes a three count.
Ref- The winner and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion! Andy Gaston!
AG- Wait...what? Champion of what?
Ref- Well, I could explain it, but its kind of weird and gross. Let's just say that what was in that human waste was a wrestling champion and you just pinned it.
AG- What? This is weird.
He pulls out his cellphone and calls his boyfriend.
AG- Hey Ryan, I don't know what happened here, but I'm a wrestling champion! Yeah, I'm holding the belt right now! Yeah, I'll show it to you when I come over tonight...what? Yeah, of course Thai can come over for a threesome. Its Thursday, isn't it?
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:41:58 GMT -5
[The Dead finishes his tirade (see Mayhem thread) and steps outside his locker room. He sees someone in a bunny suit and decides to ignore him. He walks down the hall and bumps into someone wearing the DDT Heavy Metal Iron Person Championship belt.]
Dead: Who the hell are you?
Andy: Hi! My name is Andy Gas...
Dead: Sorry Andy.
Andy: For what?
Dead: For this.
[The Dead leans back and CLOSES THE CASKET! Andy's neck snaps violently and he looks as if he could be dead! Instead of going directly for the pin, The Dead grabs the title belt and starts mercilessly smashing it into Andy's face.]
Dead: The Dead feels like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn't screw to save its species.
[The Dead continues the beating as Andy starts coughing up blood.]
Dead: The Dead wants to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches he'd never see.
[The Dead finally finishes the brutal beating and makes the cover.]
Voice: Your winner and NEW DDT Heavy Metal Iron Person Champion, The Dead!
[The Dead grabs the title and puts it around his chest, CM Punk style. Just then Moose comes around the corner and sees the carnage.]
Moose: Where did you go, Psycho-Boy?
Dead: The Dead felt like destroying something beautiful.
[The Dead walks away with his title as Andy chokes on his own blood.]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:42:20 GMT -5
*Bunny sees The Dead walking away with the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship belt. He hops at full speed to catch up to him.**
Dead: Hey, get the hell away from me.
Bunny: Calm down, man.
Dead: Go scurry back into your bunny hole or I won't be very calm.
Bunny: Was that an insult?
Dead: It was a warning.
Bunny: Oh, really? I was going to say that it was a lame insult, but it's an even lamer warning.
Dead: Do you want to die?
Bunny: Who would be the killer?
Dead: You're looking at him.
Bunny: You think you could take me?
Dead: Haven't I already? On several occations?
Bunny: You've never seen me like this, man. Your words of murder are just a false truth.
Dead: Oh, you think so?
Bunny: Are you testing me?
Dead: I was about to ask you the same question.
Bunny: Rad. So I'll be seeing you around?
Dead: Not if I have a say in it.
Bunny: Why so much heat between us?
Dead: We have history. Plus, you're in that bunny costume. There's no way I can respect somebody when they look like you.
Bunny: You know, I was gonna congratulate you on your win over Andy.
Dead: Sure you were...
Bunny: Oh, you don't believe me?
Dead: Not even a little.
Bunny: Watch.
Dead: Watch what?
Bunny: Him.
**Bunny points above The Dead's head, where Jack Evans is already jumping from the rafters with a corkscrew double full 810 helix piked top-side nose-dive with one shoe. He NAILS Dead. Bunny walks away, as to not be a part of this in any way. The referee appears to count it.**
NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... JACK EVANS!
**After the win, Jack Evans runs over to Bunny to show off his new belt.**
Evans: Yo, man. Check this out. First time ever. DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion.
Bunny: That's awesome, dude. Respect.
Evans: I was thinking, since we're tight and all, and I know that you love this belt...
Bunny: That's where you're wrong.
Evans: Huh?
Bunny: I don't love this belt. This belt is an insult to character.
Evans: I don't get it.
Bunny: Look, I was stupid back then. All those reigns with that belt mean nothing. Everyone takes a turn at holding this belt. It's nothing special. In fact, it's an embarrassment to hold that belt.
Evans: Dude, you used to be obsessed with this thing.
Bunny: Times have changed, yo. And I've changed with those times. That belt is nothing more than what Andy was standing in when he won it.
Evans: That is...?
Bunny: Shit and sperm.
Evans: So what do I do with the belt?
Bunny: Here, give me it.
**Jack Evans hands the belt over to Bunny. Bunny takes the belt and and sets it on the concrete floor. He walks over to "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan's Hardware Supplies and takes a hammer from one of the shelves.**
Hacksaw: Hey, you need to pay for that! Get back here you rabbit looking thing!
**Bunny swings the hammer and it SLAMS into Hacksaw's head, knocking him out cold and quite possibly killing him.**
Bunny: It's Bunny. Don't forget it.
Evans: I think he just forgot everything he's ever known.
Bunny: Ain't much.
**Bunny kneels down next to the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship belt and SMASHES IT WITH THE HAMMER! The belt is scattered into a billion pieces, not even recognizable to the slightest degree. Bunny scoops up all of the dust-sized particles and blows them out the door, where the wind carries them off.**
Evans: Aight, so what happens now?
Bunny: Nothing. We're done here. You forfeited the title. And now the title is no more. But I think maybe you should catch the next plane out of here.
Evans: Why? We haven't talked in a while.
Bunny: Well, it's just that you might have a few enemies around here in the OOWF.
Evans: Why is that? I don't even know more than two or three people here.
Bunny: Trust me, man. It's just better if you leave this place.
Evans: Man, I guess. We can catch up some other time.
Bunny: For sure. Peace.
**Jack Evans leaves the arena and catches the next plane to Parkland, Washington.**
Bunny: I think that went real well.
**Bunny hops through the hallways and goes into his locker room and shuts the door.**
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:42:45 GMT -5
Jack Evans is sitting on his couch watching TV. He gets bored, cso he goes outside on his trampoline and does a 1240 flip off the trampoline into the bushes. He overrotated and hit his head, knocking himself unconscious.
Days pass, and Jack Evans is still laying in his backyard unconscious. A flock of sparrows are migrating north for the summer, and they decide to take a break. One of them land on Jack.
Mel Creech comes out. 1... 2... 3... YOUR NEW DDT IRONMAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION... A SPARROW!
Just then Jack wakes up.
Jack: Uh, I thought this belt was forfeited and gone from the OOWF?
Mel: Since when do you make the rules?
Jack: Well, Bunny said...
Mel: Since when does a rookie in a bunny suit make the rules?
Jack: But the belt doesn't exist anymore, it's become dust.
Mel: All we are is dust in the wind....
Jack: I like that song.
Mel: Shut up flippy-shit. This doesn't concern you.
Jack goes back in his house.
Mel presents the sparrow with an urn (filled with the pureed remains of the belt) and ties it around the sparrow's neck.
Mel: Now fly, great sparrow! Fly!
The flock of sparrows finish taking their break and continue their migration to Alaska for the winter. The champion sparrow tries to fly but the weight of the urn keeps him from staying on par with his brethren. The sparrow lands on Jack Evans fence and looks at Mel Creech with a sad look in its face.
Sparrow: Why? Why did you saddle me with this burden?
Mel: Because you are the rightful champion. You represent the most hardcore of the hardcore in the OOWF.
Sparrow: I just want to fly home with my family. Please, take this weight off of me.
Mel: You could just do it yourself.
Sparrow: I don't have opposable thumbs!
The sparrow begins to cry.
Mel comforts the sparrow by petting it.
Mel: There there little fellow, I know it's a big task, but it's a a noble one.
As Mel is petting the crying sparrow, Sterling Glaw walks into Jack Evans' backyard.
Mel: Hey, Sterling. What are you doing here?
Sterling: Just seeing what you are up to.
Mel: What are you talking about?
Sterling: What, you think because I wear these stripes means I'm blind, Creech? I see you, taking money from wrestlers, taking MY position as the senior referee. Don't think you can get away with this.
Mel: Sterling, don't talk to me like you're some kind of saint. You know why you lost your position. If you weren't being biased towards Concrete, your job would have been good and secure.
Sterling: I'd kick your ass now, Creech, but the contract theRick had us sign strictly forbids referees from attacking each other. However....
1... 2... 3... YOUR NEW OOWF DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION.... SENIOR REFEREE MEL CREECH!
Mel: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Sterling Glaw unties the urn from the sparrow's neck and ties it onto Mel.
Sparrow: Thank you for relieving me of this burden. Now I can continue my flight north with my family.
Sterling: Fly far, young bird!
Mel: Screw this, I'm forfeiting the title!
Sterling: If an idiot in a bunny suit doesn't make the rules, what makes you think you do?
Mel: I'm a OOWF official!
Sterling: Ah ah ah... you don't make the rules. You only enforce them. Under decree #4982 of the OOWF bylaws, the OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion is not allowed to forfeit his or her title. The only way this title can be lost is by pin or submission, anytime, anywhere. The rules pertaining to this belt can only be changed by OOWF management.
Mel: Are you serious?
Sterling: Absolutely. You're the senior referee, you should know the OOWF bylaws.
Mel: Yeah, well, I've only been at the job for a week and a half.
Sterling: Right. Well, good luck.
Mel: Now what am I supposed to do? I didn't join OOWF to be a wrestler!
Sterling: Well as your benefactor used to say... You better watch your ass, buddy!
[fade to black]
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:43:53 GMT -5
As Andy Gaston lays on a stretcher getting loaded into an ambulance, his longtime lover Ryan Gutierrez and their faithful asian houseboy Thai Dao stand by his side. Ryan holds Andy's hand stroking it lovingly while Thai cries.
RG- We gonna fin' dis hombre, who do dis to ju! An' we gonna FOKE HIN UP, ESE VATO!!
TD- Herro? Cana you heal me in thell? I so sad! He not rookinga good, Lyan!
RG- Mira! Theyers da Dad! Riee foking theyer! Les foke ee's ass ope, OGLY!!!
Dead- The Dead doesn't find these offensive racial stereotypes very funny.
TD- You not go fine it velly fahny when Thai Dao foot hita yo face, loundeye!
Thai does a flying kung fu kick, because all asians know kung fu.
RG- Goo' jab, Thaivito! Now iss tine, Da Dad, for ju to ge' de beedeen off a lifetine! Juan! Jose! Miguel! Jose! Juan! Juan! Miguel! Pablo! Jose! Pablo! Miguel! Jose! Juan! Juan! Juan! Juan! Geed ohverr herr! We goda fie!
A lowrider pulls up and 16 of Ryan's 154 cousins leap out and kick the crap out of The Dead. Thai jumps and down in celebration and goes to give Ryan a victory hug, but inevitably Ryan is taking a nap.
TD- Lyan! Yoah cousinsa beateen upa the evir man who hult owa speciar boy! Coma rook!
RG- I'n too tires to sheggidoud rie now. I wutchit layder, ese.
TD- Lyan! We cana peen de Deadu no! On we con tayka bock de titorr fol Ondy!
RG- Que? Hees naht da chompiyun, puto! He losted it da beyalt errlierr, stoopet!
TD- Oh...sooooo who ees de shumpyon no, Lyan?
RG- How da foke chood I know!
Mel Creech comes walking along in a nervous sweat.
MC- Don't fuck this up, Mel. Don't fuck this up, Mel. Come on, all you gotta do is avoid the other wrestlers and I'll be fine. Are those wrestlers!? Oh good. Its just racist caricatures of OO posters. They won't want to hurt me to take my belt.
RG- Blass heen, Thaivito!
TD- HA-DO-KEN!
Thai shoots a fireball and knocks Creech to the ground. Thai and Ryan dive onto him and another ref slides in.
1...2...3! THE WINERS AND NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPIONS...THAI DAO AND RYAN GUTIERREZ!!!
TD- Theesa is fo Ondy! We wirr leplisenta de idears anda varues of Ondy Gosstone warr we hoda theesa titorr!
RG- Dass da ownlee kina chompiyun I ayver wanna be.
TD- Whata wirr be ouwra fust acta as de new shumpyon to honah ouwra friendu?
RG- Ju wanna get naykeed an' soke echodders deeks?
TD- You knowa me sooo werr!!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:46:46 GMT -5
<Davin Moreland leaves their locker room and heads down the hall when WHAM! He is pasted from behind by LD Williams Mom. LD Williams Mom stands over the fallen Davin Moreland, who is struggling to stay conscious and the camera pans down and we see that Davin has been nailed with a baseball bat that has been imbedded in a chunk of concrete. LD Williams Mom mounts Davin and hammers him in the face with stiff shots until blood is running from his nose. While this is going on, unbeknownst to LD Williams Mom, a referee appears and counts Davin's shoulders down>
1,2,3! WINNER AND NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION - LD WILLIAMS MOM
<The referee tries to raise her hand but she glares at him so the referee just tosses her the title. LD Williams Mom gets to her feet and looks at the title, then looks down at Moreland>
LDWM: THAT'S for besmirching my boy NO ONE does that <she accentuates this with a kick to the ribs, then looks up when she hears officials coming down the hall>
LDWM: Oh hell, I am not even supposed to be in Korea!
<LD Williams Mom takes off down the hall and rounds the corner, where she comes face to face with Lucky who is walking down the hall muttering something to himself while furiously pouring over papers with obscure statistics on them>
Lucky: You CAN'T transition into a firesault after a firecarana! That has a 73% failure rate! You have to include a rest hold, THEN transition! Why do I have to keep explaining this?
LDWM: YOU THERE! Stat boy!
Lucky: Me?
LDWM: Yes you. I need to get out of here, and I can't carry this piece of tin along with me, what do I have to do with this?
Lucky: Well, OOWF bylaws clearly state that the OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Title is free game 24 hours a day seven days a week, and the only way to lose said title is through pinfall or submission
LDWM: Good, pin me
L: WHAT?
LDWM: Pin me, I can't take this title with me
L: B.....but I am not even a wrestler!
LDWM: I SAID PIN ME DAMMIT!!
<LD Williams Mom throws Lucky to the floor and lays down herself and grabs his arm and puts his hand on her sternum, shooting him a look of death if he even THOUGHT about copping a feel. Lucky struggles to get free, but really, there is no point, a referee appears out of nowhere and counts
1,2,3! WINNER AND NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION - Lucky
LD Williams Mom and Lucky get to their feet>
LDWM: Thanks kid <she turns and runs off, tossing Lucky title>
L: I DON'T WANT THIS!!! dammit!
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:47:06 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland spots Lucky and walks directly in front of him. All of a sudden Lucky starts to choke. Yup, he's choking. Choking big time. Davin simply stares and smiles. Glaw comes out of nowhere and checks on Lucky. Lucky TAPS!*
Your Winner by Lucky Choking and NEW Iron Person DDT Heavy Metal Champion...DAVIN MORELAND!
*The moral of the story? When left alone and unmolested, the Yankees will choke on their own*
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Post by mooseheadjack on Aug 15, 2008 18:47:26 GMT -5
<The referee is about to hand the title to Davin Moreland, but the title slips out of Moreland's grasp and falls to the floor. Davin bends over to pick it up when Moosehead Jack appears out of nowhere and drops Moreland on the floor with a DDT, covers and the referee counts>
ONE, TWO, THREE!! WINNER AND NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION - MOOSEHEAD JACK!
Moose grabs the title and looks at it, tosses it over his shoulder and walks away
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