DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Title History

[mooseheadjack]

Chris Evans is walking around trying to vent when he sees Moosehead Jack, the reigning OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion.

Evans: Sweet, a two for 1 deal. I get to vent out some of my frustration, and win my first belt in the process. Perfect.

Evans picks up a conveniently-placed steel chair and walks up behind Moose.

Evans: I’ve got nothing against you. Don’t take this personally.

Moose turns around

Moose: Who the fuck are…

Before he can finish, Evans waffles MHJ in the face with the chair.

Moose stumbles against the wall, trying to regain his senses.

Evans tosses the chair at MHJ, who catches it in front of his face. Evans braces and then….EYE OF THE STORM!

Evans superkicks the chair and MHJ’s head is smashed by the chair, as well as the wall he was in front of.

Evans goes for the cover and a nearby referee shows up to make the count.

1..

2..

3!!!!!

The Winner and New DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION- “Lionheart” Chris Evans

Evans carefully places the belt onto his still-injured shoulder and walks off.

Evans: Alright, that’s good for now. Don’t wanna hurt him too bad.

[mooseheadjack]

(Mr. Biggs is walking and saw what Chris Evans just did to Moose.)

Biggs: Oh no he didn't do that.

(Biggs then charges Evans as he is still celebrating and spears him through a nearby wall. Once the two of them hit the ground Biggs gets up and grabs Moose drags him over and places his arm over Evans. The ref appears.)

One...two...three!

Ref: The winner and once again.

NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION...Moosehead Jack!

Biggs: There that's better!

(Biggs walks off)

[mooseheadjack]

Chris Evans puuls himself up from the wreckage and clutches his stomach.

Evans: What the fuck was that? Feels like I just got hit by a semi.

Moose is seen coming out of Poe's locker room, holding the OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal title.

Evans: When the hell did he get that back? Probably while I was out cold. Ah well, at least I had it longer than FF Capslock

Evans, unaware that MHJ had nothing to do with the sneak attack, sneaks up behind him and gives MHJ the Clothesline from Hades. While MHJ is getting to his knees, Evans hits his modified Shining Wizard, cracking him in the back of the skull.

A nearby ref shows up and Evans makes the cover.

1...

2...

3!!!

The Winner, and Once again, DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION- “Lionheart” Chris Evans

Unlike last time, Evans doesn't bother celebrating, and instead grabs the steel chair he used earlier.

Evans: I'm not taking any chances this time around. I'm not getting jumped from behind again.

[mooseheadjack]

(Tytan is walking and pissed! He is bandaged up but still surprisingly on his feet. He sees Moose on the ground with Evans nearby holding a chair and The DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL Title. Tytan shakes his head at Evans. Then stares him down and grunts at a full flex and flinches at him. This causes Evans to turn and run and run into a nearby door causing the chair he was carrying to bounce and hit him in the face causing him to fall to the ground with the chair falling on top of him. The ref appears and begins to count the chair pinning Evans.)

Tytan: Ah what the hell!

(Tytan kicks the chair off of Evans and looks down and places his Size 12 upon Evans chest pinning him.)

1...2...3...

NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION...TYTAN!

(He takes the title, helps Moose up and then heads into Poe's locker room.)

Tytan:(Seeing Selena) I'm sorry kid, there's going to be hell to pay.

(Selena smiles at Tytan, just then Seamus enters the locker room with Tyson.)

Seamus: All right now that we are all here...what are we going to do to get these bastards back and walk out of the PPV with the advantage.


(Fade to black)

[mooseheadjack]

Alexander and OGM SJ make their way through the halls that in no way should be halls of random meetings, but it sure seems like they are as they turn a corner and see Tytan exit his hotel room. Alexander pulls Shawn back and tells her to go downstairs and wait for him. She nods as he peeks back around the corner. Tytan starts to walk in the opposite direction of Darling. Alex looks around for something and the only thing he sees of any use is a flowerpot. He shrugs as he picks it up and pulls his hood down low over his face. He stalks behind Tytan and just as Tytan starts to hear the footsteps, Alexander cracks the pot over his head. Tytan stumbles as he tries to reach behind him to fight back, but Alex grabs him from behind and slams his head into a door. Again and again and again until the door finally opens and we The Dead standing there.

The Dead: I thought trashing rooms was my gimmick.

Alexander: That’s funny. Do you mind stepping out of the way for a second.

The Dead steps to the side as Alexander reaches down and lifts Tytan up…CRUCIFIX POWERBOMB into the wall and Tytan is out of it. Alexander reaches into his pocket and tosses a few one hundred dollar bills onto the counter.

The Dead: Aren’t you going to pin him and take the title?

Alexander: Nah, this wasn’t about that. But you totally should. Sorry about the damages, and it’s good to see you again. Very nice comeback promo.

The Dead: Uh, thanks I think. But haven’t we, like hated each other.

Alexander: The past is the past. If you want to, I mean we totally could go back to that, but you’re just coming back and I have way too much on my plate. I think it’s just better to let it go for now.

The Dead: For now, but I haven’t forgotten.

Alexander: Good to know, but for now I need to go pick up some people.

Alexander looks like he just thought of something and reaches into the pocket of Tytan’s brand new and now bloody suit. He pulls out a key ring that clearly has an Ultimo Inc. logo.

Perfect. Are you gonna pin him or not Deadly?

The Dead: Might as well.

The Dead puts his foot on Tytan’s chest as a ninja ref slides into the room. And he counts 1, 2, and 3.

Your winner and NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION…THE DEAD!!!

[mooseheadjack]

*Fade in to the palatial IHOP locker room. SYB and The Amnesiac are off training and reviewing tape for their upcoming matches at OOWF MidWeek Mayhem/OOWF Invitational Round 2 Live! From Springfield, MN, leaving Skurge alone to watch OOWF TV…

Skurge: So I spend a week insulting Alexis Darling and her family, and then she takes oot my opponent for OOWF MidWeek Mayhem/OOWF Invitational Round 2 Live! From Springfield, MN? I just don’t get women, eh? Also, I wish there was someone else around so I didn’t have to talk to myself.

*As if on cue, there’s a knock at the door, and Skurge gets up to answer it…

Skurge: Muerte? What the fuck? Where have you been? We haven’t seen you for months!
The Dead: What are you talking about? I haven’t seen Muerte lately either.
Skurge: But you’re–
TD: No, I’m not.
Skurge: Uh, okay then. Well, what can I do for you?
TD: I’ve got Lucios this week at OOWF MidWeek Mayhem/OOWF Invitational Round 2 Live! From Springfield, MN. Since IHOP used to fight him all the time, I was wondering if you had any advice.
Skurge: Sure, no problem. We can go over some old tapes. Grab a seat on the couch, eh? I’ll get the beers.

*The Dead makes his way over to the couch and has a seat just as Skurge yells “Heads up, eh?” and throws him a beer. Unfortunately, Skurge’s warning comes a touch late, and the bottle connects with The Dead’s skull. As Skurge puts his hand on The Dead’s chest to check for a heartbeat, an OOWF referee appears beside him…

Ref: One…Two…Three! Your winner and new OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal champion…Skurge!
Skurge: Ah, shit. Look, can you gimme a hand getting rid of the body?
Ref: Well…
Skurge: Come on. I just need it dumped in the Hallway of Random Encounters.
Ref: But the refs really aren’t supposed to–
Skurge: Great. Thanks. You grab his arms. I’ll get his legs.

*The two men carry The Dead out of the room and toward the Hallway of Random Encounters as we…

*FADE*

[mooseheadjack]

**Thim Reynolds, Moosehead Jack, and L.D. Williams are sitting outside the arena.**


LDW: “In or out?”

MHJ: “In.”

TR: “Easy money.”

**Williams picks up a half-brick and tosses it at a nearby building. It strikes the roof and rolls down the shingles into the eavestrough. The eavestrough shudders as the half-brick rolls along and drops into the downspout. It shoots out of the downspout and strikes a car tire, ricocheting into the air. It bounces off an awning on the arena and slams into Skurge's head as he walks out of the building.**

MHJ: “HA! Missed the scaffolding!”

LDW: “Wait for it.”

**The half-brick bounces off Skurge's head straight up in the air. As it reaches the top of it's arc, it plinks against the scaffolding set up next to the arena, then falls onto the unconscious Skurge. Referee Mel Creech darts out of the building and counts the three.**

Your winner and new OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion – The Half-Brick!

TR: “FUCK!”

LDW: “Pay up.”

Williams collects his money from a fuming Thim and a bemused MHJ. He strolls over and gives Skurge a kick, flipping him over. Mel darts out of the building to make another three count.

Your winner and new OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion – Skurge!

TR: “I can beat that.”

LDW: “Double or nothing?”

MHJ: “You're on.”

<Fade>

[mooseheadjack]

*Fade in to the Hallway of Random Encounters. Skurge is looking down an adjoining hallway when a Sexy Female Journalist approaches…

SFJ93: Hey Skurge.
Skurge: Who, me?
SFJ93: Of course you. How many other Skurges do you see, eh?
Skurge: Sorry, it’s just that SFJs never talk to IHOP…Wait, did you just say “eh?”?
SFJ93: I suuure did.
Skurge: Well damn! It’s aboot time the OOWF hired another Canuck! Now, “SFJ93” – I’m guessing they gave you 93 bec–
SFJ93: Lemme stop you right there, big guy. They didn’t give me the number, I requested it, for two reasons: 1. 1993 was the last time a Canadian team won the Cup. 2. I’ve always had a bit of a crush on Dougie Gilmore.
Skurge: I think I’m in love.
SFJ93: Slow doon, we just met, eh?
Skurge: Right. Sorry. So, did you just come over here to introduce yourself, or what?
SFJ93: Gimme a little credit. I do have a job to do.
Skurge: Uh, okay. So what can I do for you?
SFJ93: Well, let’s start with your loss to Moosehead Jack last week at OOWF MidWeek Mayhem/OOWF Invitational Round 4 Live! From Springfield, NE.
Skurge: Do we have to?
SFJ93: We really do.
Skurge: Fine. Here’s how it went doon: I tried to tell everyone that I could beat Moosehead Jack. No one believed me. In the end, we went almost 20 minutes, and I came really close to pulling it off. I think I surprised a lot of people, including Moosehead Jack. That said, I’m not satisfied with the loss. Now I’ll never know what I could have won if I’d won the tournament.
SFJ93: Did you not watch the finals of the tournament at OOWF End of Days IV Live! From Springfield, Missouri, last night?
Skurge: Nah, once I was oot, I kinda lost interest.
SFJ93: Well, Stank won.
Skurge: Well, congrats to Stank then. What’d he win?
SFJ93: A title shot.
Skurge: What? Seriously? I damn near killed myself for a title shot?
SFJ93: Well, it’s a great opportunity–
Skurge: I’m afraid I’ll have to disagree there. I’ve already been a tag champ and a Chimpion, and I’m the current OOWF D.R.E. Iron Mask Hungry Hungry Hippo champ. That’s pretty much it for belts around here, isn’t it?
SFJ93: Actually–
Skurge: So, as I was saying: Moosehead Jack, I thought I could beat you, and I came closer than you thought I could. Anytime you want a rematch, I’m game, eh? Name the time and place.
MHJ: How about right now?
Skurge (turning around): JESUS CHRIST~! I thought you were in the…when did you get…why…

*As Skurge backs away from Moosehead Jack – who, it would appear, has returned from the hospital – he trips over SFJ93’s microphone cord, and the back of his head slams against the floor, knocking him unconscious. Moosehead Jack makes the cover, and a referee appears out of the hallway that Skurge was looking down earlier…

Ref: From now on, the only person who gets to yell is me. Why? Because I have a gun. People with guns get to do whatever they want. Married people without guns – for instance, you – do NOT get to yell. Why? NO GUNS! No guns, no yelling. See? Simple little equation.
MHJ: What? What are you–
Ref: I have a gun, it's loaded, shut up.
MHJ: You don’t have a gun. Just make the count, asshole.
Ref: Look kid... what I do, running around, stealing stuff, may sound great when you're fourteen years old, but it sucks just a little bit when you're thirty-five. No house. No family. I got a partner who's fifty...he still can't understand why they took "Happy Days" off the air.
MHJ: What the fuck are you talking about? Wait a minute…what hallway did you just come out of?
Ref: The Hallway of Copyright Infringement. It’s right there, next to your locker room. How do you think I got here so fast?
MHJ: Refs always seem to appear out of nowhere when the OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship is on the line.
Ref: Oh, so you were looking for an actual referee? I’m not qualified, I’m afraid. I’m just an actor. I’ll get you a real ref. Hold on.
MHJ: What an asshole.

*A new, much more official referee appears and immediately makes the three count…

New Ref: Your winner and new OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion…Moosehead Jack!

*Moosehead Jack arises, victorious, and opens his locker room door. There’s a single lightbulb swinging on a bare wire. Unfortunately, Moosehead Jack is busy looking at his new OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship, and he walks right into the lightbulb, which shatters in his face…

MHJ: OW! FUCK! My eye! My precious eye! So much blood…lightbulb doesn’t respect me…can’t trust it…

*Moosehead Jack staggers back out of his locker room, blinded by his own blood. He is clearly not fully recovered from his match at OOWF End of Days IV Live! From Springfield, Missouri. Eventually, he collapses due to massive blood loss. Seeing this, SFJ#93 drags Skurge’s still-prone body on top of Moosehead Jack, and the referee makes the count once more…

New Ref: Your winner and new OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion…Skurge!

*SFJ93 runs to the palatial IHOP locker room to get some help for Skurge before Moosehead Jack comes to. She returns shortly thereafter with Fezzik, who hoists Skurge up and returns him to the palatial IHOP locker room as we…

*FADE*

[mooseheadjack]

*TFDU walks into the locker room. Gator is carrying the exploded remains of Steve Irbot and still generally sulking. Gator goes over to the couch and places the remains on the blanket there. Unbeknownst to him, Skurge is laying under said blanket taking a power nap.*

Junior referee in training Laszlo Soze flies into the room to count: ONE! TWO!! THREE!!!

Your winner and new OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion…The Exploded Remains of Steve Irbot!

[mooseheadjack]

*Fade in to the communal locker room. Chewbacca enters, carrying C-3PO in a sack on his back. The droid has been blown to pieces. Chewie looks for a place to sit so he can begin the process of reassembling C-3PO. He sees a couch in the corner and makes his way over to it. When he reaches the couch, he sets the sack-o-droid down on it — and on top of The Exploded Remains of Steve Irbot! A referee appears from thin air to make the count…

Ref: ONE! TWO! THREE! Your winner and new OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion… sack-o-droid!

*FADE*

[mooseheadjack]

*Skurge begins to stir as his power nap is wrapping up. He sits up and stretches. As he does this, the piles of debris that had been set down on top of him roll off and are inverted on the floor.*

*Referee Mel Creech swoops in like lightining for the 1! 2!! 3!!!*

Your winner and new OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion… The Exploded Remains of Steve Irbot!

*Skurge rubs his eyes and just stares blankly at the pile of mess android/cyborg mess on the floor.*

[mooseheadjack]

<As Skurge is sitting on the couch trying to make sense of what is going on, a hairy man in a dress walks into the room and spreads out a table cloth, sits down, and opens a large can of liquid. He takes a piece of the Exploded Remains of Steve Irbot, dunks it in what we now know is motor oil and swallows it. He gets a few pieces down before a smaller man with glasses runs into the room>

SM: Hi Klinger how's it going?

K: I'm eating the Exploded Remains of Steve Irbot

Radar: That's good.....Wait......OHHH JEEZ.....COLONEL POTTER HE'S IN HERE!

Col. Potter: Son, what in the name of Sam Hill are you doing?

K: I'm eating the Exploded Remains of Steve Irbot.....I am getting that section 8 and getting out of here! I'm crazy and I'll prove it!

CP: Son, you aren't in Korea anymore. This is the OOWF. No one is making you stay here

R: Uh oh.......choppers........they're loaded too

CP: Klinger, on your feet son! You can finish your meal later! We need you in pre-op PRONTO!

K: One more bite......

CP: VAMOOSE!

<Klinger swallows one more bite and an OOWF referee appears and raises his arm

WINNER BY INGESTION and NEW OOWF DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION - MAXWELL Q KLINGER!

The referee disappears and Klinger looks at the title he was handed, then gets to his feet and starts out the door>

K: Ooooh, I shouldn't have eaten that

<Klinger grabs his stomach and heads down the hall to pre-op. Skurge just sits there and shakes his head in disbelief>

[mooseheadjack]

*As Corporal Klinger leaves the locker room, SYB enters and approaches Skurge...

SYB: What are you doing in here? Why aren't you in our locker room? It's far more palatial.
Skurge: I know, eh? Honestly, I'm not sure what's going on. I remember being DUD Iron Monger Hurdy Gurdy champ, then I woke up here and an exploded robot was champ, then a sack-o-droid was champ, then the robot again, then Corporal Kirshner came in and ate the robot, so now he's the champ.
SYB: Wow. You've had a busy day.
Skurge: I suuure have.
SYB: Wait, isn't Cpl. Kirshner dead?
Skurge: Nah. That was just a rumour.
SYB: I see. Well, let's go see if we can find Kirshner and get you your belt back.
Skurge: Sounds good to me.

*The two men leave the room and enter the Hallway of Random Encounters. Not surprisingly, they immediately run into Corporal Kirshner. They knock him out cold surprisingly easily. Skurge makes the cover, but no referee appears...

Skurge: What the fuck? Where's the ref?
SYB: Dunno. This has never happened before.
Skurge: Well, this guy used to be wearing a dress, but now he's in fatigues. Maybe the refs got his identity confused.
SYB: Did you ever think that maybe you–
Skurge: Yep. That must be it. Stupid refs don't know what they're doing, eh? I'm going to their locker room to have a chat.

*Skurge grabs what he thinks is a curtain to pull himself up. Unfortunately, it’s actually Corporal Klinger's dress, which Skurge rips right off of him. Klinger panics and attempts to run away, but runs right into the wall instead, knocking himself out. As he hits the floor, Klinger drops the OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal belt. Seeing this, Skurge immediately makes the cover, and this time, a referee appears...

Ref: ONE! TWO! THREE! Your winner and new OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion...Skurge!

*FADE*

[mooseheadjack]

<As SYB and Skurge walk down the hall toward the Palatial IHOP locker room, they come across a group of people talking in the hall>

SYB: Why is the Scooby Doo gang here?

Skurge: You really think there is an answer to that?

SYB: No, probably not

Fred: Now, if I remember right, there is a legend around these parts about a DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Title. The rumor is, the last person to hold it was mysteriously killed in the ring by a barbed wire baseball bat weilding maniac named Moose

Shaggy: s-s-s-s--s-s-s-so lets get out of here then! I don't need no crazy moose after me!

Scooby: yeah raht re raid

Velma: Legend has it that the old holder of the title appears in THIS hallway on nights before MidWeek Mayhem!

Daphne: I don't like the sound of this....maybe we should just go find our seats in the arena

Fred: I have a hunch that if we follow this hallway, we might find some clues. C'mon gang!

Scooby & Shaggy: whimper and complain

<The gang turn around to walk down the hall and they immediately see SYB and Skurge standing there>

Shaggy: ZOINKS!!!! ITS A M-M-M-M-M-M-MONSTER!

Velma: JINKIES! IT'S THE GHOST OF SKURGE TOO!!!!

<They take off running, but SYB and Skurge follow them>

Skurge: WAIT! I am NOT a ghost! Come back! I am a big fan!

SYB: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING A MONSTER!

<The chase ensues through the hallways of the OOWF Arena with each group entering random doors, then reappearing on the other side of the hallway while a cheesy 1970's upbeat song plays over the arena loudspeakers. SYB and Skurge stop in Matte's hallway and ask Matte which way they went, and Matte points down the hall, only we then see that it was actually Shaggy and Scooby sitting there. Skurge and SYB put on the breaks and go back after them. The Scooby Gang finally manage to make it to the Stairway of Horrible Violence where Fred devises a plan>

Fred: Ok, here's the plan, Shag, Scoob, I want you to lure the monster and the Ghost of Skurge into the Stairwell of Horrible Violence. When they come into the room, Velma you pull that lever, which will drop that fishing net onto them and then we can see who the REAL Ghost of Skurge and Monster are! Daphne and I will wait over in that dark corner, and we will jump out when the time is right!

Shaggy: Like no way man! I am not going back up THERE for nothin! No way, no how!

Scooby: Ruh uh

Velma: Not even for a Scooby snack?

Shaggy: Nope

Velma: How about TWO Scooby snacks.....c'mon you KNOW you want 'em!

Shaggy: DAMMIT! FINE! Addiction is a bitch

Scooby: Rah a ritch!

<Shaggy and Scooby make their way up the stairs and creep into the hallway, they are almost immediately spotted by SYB and Skurge>

Skurge: HEY! There you are! Can I get an autograph?

Shaggy: ZOINKS! ITS THE MONSTER!

SYB: CALL ME A MONSTER AGAIN MOTHERFUCKER

<Skurge and SYB chase after Scooby and Shaggy as they take off down the Stairwell of Horrible Violence, but as they get down the second flight of stairs, whatever it is thats in those Scooby snacks kicks in and Shaggy and Scooby trip down the stairs and tumble into Velma knocking her away from the lever to drop the net. From the dark corner we hear Fred yell>

Fred: GODDAMMIT CAN'T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT!

<Fred comes out of the corner zipping up his pants while Daphne joins him adjusting her dress. Just as he does, SYB and Skurge hit the bottom of the stairs and Fred pulls the lever, dropping a cargo net on them. Instead of lifting the net and walking away, SYB and Skurge sit there and do nothing. We fade out, then right back in, and SYB and Skurge are both sitting there tied to chairs while GM the Rick is standing with Scooby and the Gang>

GMtR: Why the fuck am I here again?

Fred: We've solved the mystery of the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Title!

GMtR: There was a mystery?

Velma: We think after Skurge was killed in the ring by the maniacal barbed wire bat wielding Moose, someone decided that the only way they could get the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Title was to dress up like Skurge and claim the title. Skurge would bring this monster with him as a distraction making it easier for him to steal the title

SYB: BITCH I AM NOT A MONSTER! I AM A HUMAN BEING!

Fred: Now to see who the REAL Skurge is!

<Fred reaches out and pulls at Skurge's hair, and the Skurge mask comes off!>

Everyone: DON KNOTTS!

Fred: Wait, that makes no sense!

GMtR: Does any of this?

<Fred reaches out again and pulls off the Don Knotts mask, to reveal>

E: CELINE DION!

SYB: What the fuck?

Fred: Hmm, wait

<One more pull of the mask reveals.....>

E: SKURGE!

Daphne: But I thought you were dead?

Skurge: No, I am not dead! I am the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion! And I would have gotten away with it if not for you meddling kids!

SYB: YEAH!!! Wait.....you ARE the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion. You DID get away with it

Skurge: Oh yeah, how aboot that?

Fred: Now to find out who the Monster is!

SYB: Touch me and I will break you fucking neck

GMtR: I have had enough, Scooby kids, get out of here NOW!

<They all leave, but SYB and Skurge remain tied to the chairs in the Stairwell of Horrible Violence>

Skurge: Uh guys.....

SYB: You forgot something!

<Just then a shadow falls across the two of them>

SYB & Skurge: Oh shit

<They both get pummeled with a barbed wire baseball bat. SYB's char is picked up and thrown into the wall, he hits the floor out cold. Skurge remains upright, until that one final swing to the face sends him tumbling backward. We see Moose fall on the tied up, unconscious Skurge, a referee immediately appears

1,2,3 WINNER AND NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION - MOOSEHEAD JACK!

The ref hands Moose the title and leaves. Moose looks at his work, then walks away whistling and we fade>

[mooseheadjack]

Evan Longoria stares at Moosehead Jack and hits him over the head with an empty wine bottle. A referee appears. 1, 2, 3. Evan Longoria is the new Ironman Whatever The Hell Champ! He gives the belt to Attitude Adjuster, who just happens to be walking by. AA pawns the belt in a Las Vegas pawn shop for $127.14. A bum off the street buys the belt for $189.56. Due to the OOWF Ted Dibiase Title Belt Purchase Rule, a bum off the street is the new Ironman Whatever Champion.

[mooseheadjack]

<A Yellow Cab pulls up outside the Springfield Arena and Sportsman’s Complex, A Bum Off The Streets steps out of the cab with the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Title on his shoulder and looks around warily>
ABOTS: Wow, this isn’t Vegas anymore. How am I going to get rid of this thing? All I was told was to see “GM the Rick” whatever that is

<ABOTS walks into the arena and soon finds himself backstage, luckily for him, he comes across a door that says GM the Rick>

ABOTS: Wow, this must be it. <ABOTS walks in> Ummmm, excuse me, I am here to see……GM….the Rick?

Erlana: Do you have an appointment?

ABOTS: Well, no, but I have this <holding out the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Title> I found it in a pawn shop in Vegas and thought I should give it back

E: Oh, well ok, you can go see him

<ABOTS walks into GM the Rick’s office>

ABOTS: Uh, hi, you must be GM the Rick, right?

GMtR: Wouldn’t be here if I weren’t. What can I do for you?

ABOTS: Well, I found this <puts the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Title on GM the Rick’s Table> at a Pawn Shop in Las Vegas, I realized later that it belonged to someone from here, and thought I should return it, so, here

GMtR: Yep, that’s ours alright. I think that bastard AA got drunk and took the title or something. Figures he would pawn it off, he doesn’t even work here anymore and he is STILL a pain in my ass.

ABOTS: Um….ok

GMtR: Look, Abbott….

ABOTS: It’s Jeffrey

GMtR: Whatever, it doesn’t matter. Look, I would love to take this, but while it IS property of the OOWF, I am not the most recent title holder.

Jeffrey: Well, can’t you just give it to whoever it belongs to?

GMtR: Well, I could, but I have a lot of shit to get done. Half the roster decided to go to the Fitness Expo in Ohio and make a mess of it. You know anything about class action lawsuits?

J: No?

GMtR: Well nevermind. Look, if you want to get rid of that title, you have to give it back to its most recent owner

J: And who is that?

GMtR: Moosehead Jack. Burly guy, always pissed off, red hair, probably bloody

J: bloody?

GMtR: Yeah he is like that. Shouldn’t be too hard to find. Just follow the Hallway of Random Encounters and you should find him.

J: Oh….uh…..ok <Jeffrey gets up to leave>

GMtR: Oh, kid, one thin…..avoid the Stairwell of Horrible Violence, nothing good ever happens there

J: The stairwell of what?

GMtR: You better get going now.

<Jeffrey leaves GM the Rick’s office and heads into the hall, he looks around tentatively down several hallways, then spies one where there appears to be random encounters happening completely at random. He takes a deep breath and starts down the hallway. He doesn’t get very far when he hears a voice>

V: Where are you going?

J: What? Who said that?

V: I asked you where you are going

<Jeffrey turns around and sees the massive Phil standing there>

J: What are you…….WHO are you?

Phil: I’m Phil, a prehistoric Zombie Ninja Lawyer

J: A Prehistoric……what?

P: Never mind, where are you going?

J: I am off to find Moosehead Jack so I can give him this back <shows Phil the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Title> so I can get back to Las Vegas

P: Hmm, so you are going to see Moose

J: You know him?

P: We have crossed paths before. I need some brains, and Moose is always talking about killing people

J: He what?

P: He is bound to have some brains lying around. Mind if I join you?

J: But, you said you were a lawyer…….

P: Also a Zombie

J: Oh…..right. Um, well, I am not so sure that would be safe for me……

P: Look, kid, tell you what, since you included me in this promo, you got me off of The Bus of the Damned, where all the forgotten OOWF characters hang out waiting to be used again. For that, you have my word that I will bring no harm to you at all

J: Oh, well, ok then, I suppose so. Wait, there is a bus? With, dead people on it?

P: No, not dead, just unused. Come on, we need to go, those brains will get cold.

J: This place is so weird

<they continue down the Hallway of Random Encounters deftly dodging people and keeping on their journey to see Moosehead Jack. Finally they reach a cross road and pause for a moment. They are not there long, when they hear someone kind of weeping in the weeds>

J: What the hell is that?

P: Sounds like sobbing

J: Sounds like it is coming from the weeds over there

<Phil and Jeffrey walk to the weeds and push them back where they see a visibly upset Justin Sane sitting there>

P: Justin? It's my former Grounded In Reality partner, Justin Sane

JS: Oh, hi Phil

P: Why are you crying?

JS: Because I am not tough enough. The other guys make fun of me because I lose matches to soda machines

J: You do what?

P: Don’t ask. Well, Justin, how could we fix that?

JS: I need to be tougher. I need to be able to take the most devastating finisher ever and still remain standing! That’ll show them all! If I only had a heart punch right now!

J: A what?

P: Well, Justin, we are off to see Moosehead Jack so Jeffrey here can give back the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Title, I am sure Moose would be happy to heart punch you and help toughen you up

JS: You really think so?

P: Sure! I am going to see him to get some brains!

JS: But you are a law……

J: To eat. He wants brains to eat

JS: Oh yeah. Ok that makes sense

J: It does? What is wrong with this place?

P: You don’t mind if he joins us do you Jeffrey?

J: No, why the hell not, can we get going? This place is too weird.

<The trio set off down the Hallway of Random Encounters again, talking and laughing. They round a corner and head down the hall, when suddenly SYB jumps out in front of them>

SYB: WHO DARES WALK DOWN MY HALLWAY!! I WILL GRIND YOUR BONES AND EAT YOUR FACES!

<Phil immediately goes after SYB and SYB immediately drops to the floor in a fetal position>

SYB: NO NO NO NO DON’T HIT ME!

JS: Wow

J: Who is this guy?

P: This is SYB, he is not the bravest man alive

<Phil pulls SYB to his feet>

P: So what are you doing?

SYB: People need to be afraid of me, I’M SYB DAMMIT!

P: Riiiiight. So, you jump out and try to scare people?

SYB: Yeah, did It work?

JS: No

J: Look, we are on our way to see Moosehead Jack so I can give him this title back, do you know where he is?

SYB: Probably talking about trust or respect or blood or something. HEY! That’s it! Respect! If people won’t fear me, maybe they will respect me!

JS: But…….I thought you were lacking courage……..

SYB: it’s RESPECT! I want RESPECT!

JS: But……

SYB: RESPECT!

JS: Oh, well ok then

J: FINE! Come on, can we get this over with? I want to get back to Las Vegas!

<The four take off down the hall when suddenly they are attacked by several members of DEA! Alexander Darling and Firewoman attack SYB, Davin Moreland attacks Justin Sane and DH Magnusson attacks Phil!

Jeffrey somehow gets knocked down and Fire falls across him a referee appears and counts ONE…….TWO…..THREE! WINNER and NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION – FIREWOMAN!

Fire gets to her feet, and immediately she gets grabbed by Davin Moreland and Davin hits A REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER! Davin covers Fire and hooks the leg, the same ref reappears ONE…….TWO…..THREE! WINNER and NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION – DAVIN MORELAND!

Before Davin Moreland even gets to his feet, Alexander Darling grabs his arms and CURBSTOMPS him onto the floor! Darling covers. the ref shrugs his shoulders and counts ONE…….TWO…..THREE! WINNER and NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION – ALEXANDER DARLING!

Alexander Darling gets to his feet and DH Magnusson immediately NAILS him between the eyes with a logging chain wrapped fist! Darling falls to the floor and Magnusson covers, the ref does his job and counts ONE…….TWO…..THREE! WINNER and NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION – DH MAGNUSSON!

Magnusson stands up and grabs the title, and IMMEDIATELY gets rolled up from behind by ALEXIS DARLING! The referee doesn't even care anymore and counts ONE…….TWO…..THREE! WINNER and NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION – ALEXIS DARLING!

Alexis stands up and holds the title high, but Phil grabs her and hits the YARRRRRPLEX! Phil grabs Jeffrey and throws him down on top of Alexis, and the referee makes yet another count ONE…….TWO…..THREE! WINNER and NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION – JEFFREY FROM LAS VEGAS!

Jeffrey looks shocked, but Phil, Justin and SYB grab him and they start running. As they are running away Alexis turns and yells at them>

AD: I’ll get you Jeffrey! And your DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Title too! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

<The DEA members disappear and Jeffrey looks completely shaken. He checks on the others and makes sure they are ok>

J: ok, WHAT THE HELL was that?

P: That? That was DEA. They want to run things here in the OOWF.

J: I don’t………they…..can we just go?

<The four walk down the hall more and finally make it to the end where there is a dressing room door that says Moosehead Jack on it, they all stand there and look at one another for a moment>

P: Well……do we knock?

JS: Maybe we just stand here and wait for him to see us?

J: Look, this is ridiculous, just knock on the door!

SYB: Fine……YOU do it

<SYB shoves Jeffrey to the door and he knocks, from inside we hear a loud booming voice>

V: WHO DARES INTURRUPT THE SLEEP OF MOOSEHEAD JACK!

J: <meekly> I…..uh…….have something that is yours, so I’m told.

MHJ: YOU MAY ENTER

<They walk into the room and there sitting in a big chair made of skulls and other bones, sitting under a single lightbulb that illuminates the room is Moosehead Jack. Phil, SYB and Justin hang back while Jeffrey walks up to Moose>

J: So, you must be Moosehead Jack then, right?

MHJ: Indeed I am

J: Well, I have this title, I found it in a pawn shop in Vegas, and I was told it belongs to you

MHJ: It does indeed

J: Well…….here, you can have it back

MHJ: It is not that simple. I cannot just take the title, I have to win it

J: Win it? Like in a game or something?

MHJ: No, in a FIGHT! <Moose jumps off the chair and goes after Jeffrey>

J: WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH! I am NOT a wrestler, and I am NOT going to get killed! You want this title? FINE!

<Jeffrey lays down on the floor. Moose looks at him and shrugs, then falls on Jeffrey and covers, a ref appears out of nowhere and counts ONE…….TWO…..THREE! WINNER and NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION – MOOSEHEAD JACK! Moose stands up with the title and Jeffrey gets back on his feet>

MHJ: You have done well

J: There you got your property back, now how the hell do I get out of this place?

MHJ: Just a moment, and I will help you on your quest, but first, it appears the others have questions as well. Phil, what can I do for you?

P: BRAAAAAAAINS

MHJ: Of course

<Moose walks behind the chair and comes back seconds later with a bucket full of what appears to be brains. Phil’s mouth begins to water as he takes the bucket. He heads to the corner and sits down and starts devouring the brains hungrily and sloppily>

J: That’s……….disgusting! How is that even LEGAL!

MHJ: Justin, what can I do for you?

JS: Well, I need more heart to fight, I need to be tougher, so I want you to keep heart punching me until I am the most feared man in the OOWF!

MHJ:……….ok

<Moose grabs Justin and HAMMERS him with a heartpunch, Justin staggers but doesn’t fall down>

JS: ANOTHER!

<Moose obliges>

JS: ANOTHER!

<Again>

JS: Another….

<again>

JS: mmmofer

<again>

JS: <gurgling sound>

<again>

<Justin collapses to the floor with blood running out of his mouth, clearly either unconscious or dead>

J: YOU KILLED HIM!

MHJ: It’s what he wanted

J: OH MY………

MHJ: Now……SYB, what can I……<WHAM!>

<SYB hits Moose in the face with a steel chair, then falls on him and covers, a referee appears out of nowhere and counts ONE, TWO, THREE – WINNER and NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION – SYB! SYB jumps to his feet and grabs the title in one hand and Jeffrey’s arm by the other>
SYB: RUN! Before he wakes up!

<They tear ass out of the locker room and head down the hall. As they are running, they hear a roar from behind them, and we see Moose storming after the hall after them, destroying everything in his path. The Indiana Jones music starts playing and they run even faster. Jeffrey tries to find out what is going on>

J: What the HELL was that? I thought you wanted respect?

SYB: Respect? Hell no! Fuck that! I wanted the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Title! Respect is for LOSERS! NOW RUN FASTER!

<They make it into the Palatial IHOP locker room and SYB slams the door shut, locks it, and then he and Jeffrey move furniture in front of the door as we hear a clearly furious Moosehead Jack pounding on the door>

MHJ: SYB I AM GOING TO FUCKING SKIN YOU ALIVE AND SKULL FUCK YOUR EMPTY SKULL!

<SYB and Jeffrey stand there for a moment looking at the door, then slowly turn around where they see the rest of IHOP staring at them>

SYB: Oh! Hi guys

Dorothy: What the HELL is going on?

SYB: I got this <the DDT Title> From Moose

Skurge: Who is this guy?

SYB: Oh, him? This is Jeffrey from Las Vegas.

TA: Oh. Uh, why is HE here?

SYB: Long story.

<We hear Moose is still banging on the door so SYB turns to Jeffrey>

SYB: Look, we will get you back to Vegas eventually, but we are going to be here awhile, he is persistent. You wanna play Rock Band?

J: Rock Band…….cool!

[mooseheadjack]

Chris Evans is seen WALKING backstage. He sees SYB, who seems to be even more cowardly-looking than usual, seeing as he’s still on the lookout for Moose.

E: Hey, SYB.

SYB seems to not be in the right state of mind seeing as he’s still shaken up from the incident. Evans taps him on the shoulder. SYB jumps, turns around and hits a really weak-looking punch, which doesn’t even faze Evans.

E: Word to the wise, listen when someone’s talking to you.

SYB: Blow me Cubheart.

E: You really wanna mess with me? Only one person around here can get away with that. Don’t call me that again, or else.

SYB: Or else what, you’ll get your little girlfriend, Firewoman to kick my ass?

E: Okay, three things. One, she’s not my girlfriend, she’s my ally. Two, I can wipe the floor with your ass all by myself. And three….

Evans looks behind SYB, as if he spots something.

You might wanna tell her that yourself since she’s standing right behind you.

SYB gets a look of sheer terror on his face. His face drops and goes pale. He turns quickly, closes his eyes and covers himself in a really bad defensive position. Since he has been in the IHOP locker room this whole time, he doesn’t know of Firewoman’s current whereabouts. He opens his eyes to check to see why he wasn't getting his ass handed to him. He sees that there’s nobody there.

SYB *turning around*: Hey shit brick, there ain’t nobo….

This is all SYB can get out as his jaw gets cracked by an Eye of the Storm.

Evans makes the cover and a referee makes the count.

1…2…3. WINNER and NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION, “Lionheart” Chris Evans.

Evans bends down and picks up the title.

E: I’ll be taking this. See ya in the ring.

[mooseheadjack]

Firewoman and Chris Evans are in the training ring, working on stuff. Evans has the Iron Man DDT Heavy Metal Belt sitting in the corner. Since they’re both from Storm Wrestling Academy, it is that kind of stuff. Except Evans is talking, when it's clear Firewoman is not in a talkative mood. In a darkened corner, Davin Moreland is watching.

FW: Can you stop, already? It’s not up to me it’s up to Davin and Lexie.

C”L”E: Well, can you ask them? I mean, you have an extra locker room.

Firewoman puts Evans in a headlock, and cranks down on it.

FW: We do NOT.

Evans flips Firewoman as a counter.

C”L”E: Look, they aren’t coming back. I mean, we were in Texas and they didn’t even come to the show. He didn’t even call you.

FW: Seriously. Drop it.

C”L”E: Fine.

The two go back to training stuff, but it’s clear that Firewoman is annoyed, as she’s only holding back just barely. They take a break.

C”L”E: So…

FW: Do you ever not talk?

C”L”E: We’re going to be in Hollywood, FL.

FW: Your point?

C”L”E: Well…..A whole bunch of other wrestlers live in Florida. Including—

FW: Who are you, Dear Abby? Tampa is clear on the other side of the state.

C”L”E: Fine, sorry. Sheesh.

FW: No, no…it’s okay. C’mon let’s get back to work.

They start exchanging moves again. Evans gets three good arm drags in a row, then Fire counters with an Irish Whip. Evans hits the ropes and latches on as Fire does a big boot to the air.

FW: Nice. Let’s try it again. I think I was too far away for it to look good.

C”L”E: Naw, I didn’t get turned around in time.

FW: Whatever.

So they start again. Armdrag armdrag armdrag, Irish whip. But this time, Evans misses grabbing the ropes completely and bounces forward, just as Firewoman, who is closer to the rope and has her back to him at first, turns and nails him with a stiff kick to the jaw. Evans goes down in a heap.

FW: Oops… Cubbie, are you okay?

Evans moans incoherently. Firewoman looks around, and a familiar smile creeps across her face. She looks around again, and doesn’t see Davin in the far corner of the room, as he suddenly becomes very interested. She flips Evans over, hooks his legs, and hits a beautiful Firestomp! She rolls Evans back over for the pin, and a referee magically appears. One-two-three!!

WINNER and NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION, FIREWOMAN

FW: That’s DDT Iron WOMAN Heavy Metal Champion. (She kisses the belt) Oh yeah, that sparkles with me.

Firewoman grabs the belt, and gets ready to leave, asking the referee to help Evans to the trainers’ room, which he does. Davin Moreland steps into the light after they leave, looking thoughtful.

[mooseheadjack]

<the planes are all in the air when we cut to the plane Run DEA is on. We see Lucky sitting next to an unconscious Firewoman, who keeps sliding out of her seat. Lucky struggles to pull her upright in her seat when finally Alexis speaks up>

Alexis: Maybe it would be better to just lay her on the floor

Lucky: Isn't that a little dangerous? I mean what if the plane crashed?

Alexis: If this plane crashes, do you really think it will matter where you are sitting?

Lucky: Good point

<Lucky starts to move Fire and Alexis gives Alex a look and he helps Lucky lay Firewoman on the floor. They put a bag under Fire's head, and she looks rather comfortable. Everyone goes back to what they were doing, but Lucky keeps looking at Fire>

Lucky: Doc, how much sedative did you give her?

Dr. Sid: Enough to knock out a bull moose, she won't be waking up anytime soon, you have nothing to worry about

Lucky: No, it's not that, is.........is she breathing?

Dr. Sid: Check

<Lucky gets down on the floor and places his head on Fire's chest and almost immediately gives the thumbs up. Before he can get up and back to his seat though, a referee appears and counts.......

ONE, TWO, THREE! WINNER AND NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION........LUCKY!

The referee hands Lucky the title and then sits back down in his seat and begins reading again Lucky stares around the plane incredulously>

L: Where the hell did HE come from?

<No one answers, but Lucky notices that from the back of the plane Davin is looking at him, his eyes narrow and a grin slowly spreads across his face. Once again, the color drains out of his face and he slumps down in his seat with the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal title next to him. As we fade out we hear Lucky>

L: Our father, who art in heaven........

[mooseheadjack]

*The plane lands in Rekjavik for refueling, and Your Superstars file out of the puddle jumper. In the terminal, Lucky is looking around nervously, clutching the IPHMDDT Belt closely to his chest. To his dismay, Davin Moreland walks up to him*

DM: Hey Lucky.

L: Davin.

DM: Hey? What's the matter? You seem nervous.

L: Oh, nothing, just, you know, I've got this belt now and...

DM: Oh THAT belt? Oh that's cute. No, I only care about real belts, you're...hey! Is that Nick Swisher?

L: *eyes bug out and he starts looking around* NICK SWISHER?!??! WHERE?!?!?!

DM: Right here.

*KICK! WHAM! REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER on the floor. Davin covers, and Barros flies in out of nowhere for the 3-count*

Your Winner and NEW Iron Person Heavy Metal DDT Champion...Davin Moreland

DM: Ohhh...my precious....welcome home...Daddy's gonna take good care of you...yes...

Stank: *as Davin walks by talking to himself* That can't be good.

*fade*

[mooseheadjack]

OOC: This Promo Built By OOWF Chat

(Ecosystem and Tytan are hiding behind a bush waiting for Davin Moreland.)

Eco: Okay, this is our chance to get you a belt!

Tytan: I'm not actually certain this is a brilliant idea.

Eco: Why? We're completely camouflaged. Work smarter, not harder, grasshopper.

Tytan: But we're in the arena. We're behind the only bush.

Eco: ...Oh.

(Davin walks over to them, carrying his DDT belt.)

Davin: Why the fuck are you guys hiding in a bush?

Tytan: We were communing with nature.

Davin: Inside?

Eco: We were trying to get in touch with our poetic side through a subtle invocation of concealed lesbianism?

Davin: What?

Eco: Why don't you run along?

Davin: ...Sure.

(Davin leaves.)

Tytan: Why didn't we attack him? We could have gotten his belt right then!

Eco: Smarter, not harder.

Tytan: But there were two of us and one of him. That doesn't seem hard at all.

Eco: Oh, grasshopper. You have so much to learn. So much to learn.

Tytan: You're covering for the fact that you have no good answer, huh?

Eco: Shut the fuck up.

(Time passes. The camera is now outside, in a beautiful forest. Davin skips into the frame.)

Davin: Wow! All this frolicking in the woods with my DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Title sure has made me thirsty!

(A tiny fairy appears and points to a beautiful stream in the distance.)

Davin: Hark! A stream! Thank you, woodland friend!

(There is rustling in the bushes. Somehow, a camera happens to be set up RIGHT WHERE THE RUSTLING IS--where Eco and Tytan are hiding.)

Eco: Be vewy vewy quiet, we're hunting wasslers. Eheheheheheh.

Tytan: Why do you have a lisp?

Eco: Oh sowwy. (Spits out false teeth) I left my Jack Swagger imitation teeth in.

Tytan: No problem. (He looks out at Davin drinking from the stream.) He looks so peaceful...like Bambi before his mom got killed. Can we jump him now?

Eco: Tytan, there is no real conquest in "jumping him". You must learn to lure the beast to you. You must make him voluntarily give up his life.

Tytan: ...You want me to coerce him into suicide?

Eco: You think of life so narrowly. What is a wrestler's life but his title?

Tytan: ...other things, like friends and family and gratuitous violence?

Eco: Fine. I want you to get him to give up his title. And I have just the costume to help....

(Davin is drinking from the stream and communing with the fairy when he hears a loud rumbling. A MASSIVE WOODEN HORSE COMES ROLLING THROUGH THE WOODS.)



Davin: What the hell?

Booming Voice From Within The Horse: DAVIN! THIS IS A VISION! YOU MUST SURRENDER YOUR TITLE TO RECEIVE ENLIGHTENMENT!

Davin: Tytan, is that you in the horse?

Tytan: IT MOST CERTAINLY IS NOT! THIS IS A VISION!

Davin: This is clearly just a giant wooden horse with you inside.

Tytan: IT'S SO NOT--Eco, this is fucking stupid.

Eco: Fine. Plan B.

(The horse's mouth opens and BRICK~! falls out.)

BRICK~!: AHHH!!!

Davin: AHHH!!

(BRICK~! flattens Davin but good. BRICK~! rolls off and Tytan jumps out of the horse's chest, covering Davin as the fairy counts three.)

Winner and New DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion...TYTAN!!

(Eco high-fives the small fairy.)

Eco: Thanks Tinkerbell!

Tinkerbell: Anything for you, buddy.

(Tinkerbell flies away toward the sun.)

Tytan: Why did she help you?

Eco: Well--

(As Tinkerbell approaches the sun, her wings melt and she falls to the earth and dies.)

Eco: ...

Tytan: ...

Eco: Well, forget it. It's kind of a moot point now.

[mooseheadjack]

TYTAN vs. SYB - OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Title Match

SYB is in first, Tytan, the champ comes in after him. The rules for this match are simple, they have twenty minutes to fight, at the end of it, whoever holds the title, keeps the title. The bell rings and Tytan immediately charges across the ring after SYB, but SYB bails out of the ring and runs around ringside with Tytan in hot pursuit. SYB screams like a bitch when he thinks Tytan is about to catch him, but he doesn't realize that Tytan is not behind him, work smarter, not harder. Tytan is crouched by the apron waiting for SYB, when SYB rounds the corner, Tytan springs into action and SPEARS SYB, nearly cutting him in half! Tytan covers and the referee appears and makes the three count one, two, three - WINNER and STILL DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion - Tytan! 18:27 remains. Tytan pulls SYB to his feet and throws him over the railing into the crowd and follows him, but as he climbs over the rail, SYB gets to his feet, grabs a chair and SMACKS Tytan upside the head! SYB grabs him by the head and yells for an old woman to get out of her seat so he can smack Tytan's head on the chair. When she gets up, SYB grabs the LADY and hits Tytan with her! Tytan reels, and the lady screams at SYB, then grabs the chair herself and WAFFLES him upside the head with it! SYB falls to the floor and Tytan falls on him and covers, the referee appears one, two, three - WINNER and STILL DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion - Tytan! 15:03 remaining. Tytan is up again first and he pulls SYB to his knees and takes a few steps back and gets a running start and tries to kick SYB in the head, but SYB moves out of the way. As Tytan stops himself, SYB hits a REVERSE JERSEY TURNPIKE! (low blow from behind) and rolls Tytan up from behind, making sure to grab a handfull of tights, the referee appears and makes the count one, two, NO! Tytan kicks out at two! SYB is thunderstruck, he screams at the referee NO ONE EVER KICKS OUT OF A DDT COVER! I FUCKING HATE YOU! FUCK YOU AND FUCK THIS COUNTRY![/b] probably not a good idea to say that in the middle of the crowd of people, SYB gets picked up and body surfed around the ring, then tossed unceremoniously to the floor at ringside where he is pelted with garbage. SYB rolls into the ring and taunts the crowd, and never notices that Tytan is right there. He turns around and Tytan nearly removes his head from his body with a clothesline. Tytan falls on SYB again, once again the referee appears one, two, three - WINNER and STILL DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion - Tytan! 10:14 remains SYB crawls to the corner and uses the ropes to pull himself to his feet, Tytan charges into the corner but SYB side steps and Tytan SLAMS shoulder and head first into the ring post! He might have pulled a Goldberg there and knocked himself goofy! SYB grabs Tytan by the head and hits the MAZELTOV COCKTAIL! SYB covers and hooks the leg hard, the referee appears one, two, three - WINNER and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion - SYB - 8:42 remains SYB jumps up and down in celebration like he just knocked Apollo Creed out. Meanwhile, Tytan is back on his feet, he waits behind the celebrating SYB for a moment, then grabs him and DESTROYS him with a burning hammer! Tytan covers, the referee appears one, two, three - WINNER and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion - Tytan! - 7:26 remains Tytan scrapes SYB off the mat and shoves him into the corner and uses him as a punching bag, the crowd cheering each move. Finally he pulls SYB out and sends him to the ropes, and lowers his head a moment too soon, and SYB hits a DDT, but he doesn't cover for some reason. Instead he pulls Tytan to his feet, and grabs him for another Mazeltov Cocktail. When SY B gets to the corner, Tytan shoves him off and SYB FLIES off the ropes, clears the guardrail and heads for the crowd! Instead of catching him, they part like the red sea and SYB SLAMS into the concrete! Tytan stands in the middle of the ring soaking up the THAT WAS AWESOME clap clap clapclapclap chant. While he is doing that, Team Fuel is out from the back, Evans and Larson slide into the ring, spin Tytan around and POP him with matching superkicks to the jaw! Tytan is OUT! MEanwhile Firewoman goes into the crowd, grabs SYB and roughly pulls him to his feet and throws him over the railing. Evidently SYB either said something or tried to cop a feel because when Fire gets him at ringside, she gives him a FIRESTOMP then rolls his barely conscious ass back into the ring. Evans and Larson grab SYB and drag him onto the prone Tytan, a referee appears and makes the count one, two, three! - WINNER and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion - SYB! - 2:11 remains Team Fuel head to the back, content with their handy work. Inside the ring, both SYB and Tytan lie motionless as the clock runs down. Tytan finally stirs and gets to his feet, but he falls back into the corner. Ecosystem rushes to ringside and explains what happened, and Tytan finally clears his head. Tytan sees SYB getting up and hits another SPEAR, he covers, the referee appears one, two, thr.....DING DING DING! THE Twenty Minute Time Limit Has Expired!
WINNER in 20:00 by holding the title while the time ran out - SYB

SYB struggles to his feet and looks around, kind of confused. He sees Eco as the referee hands him the title, and Eco walks over to him to shake his hand, then POPS him with a superkick! SYB staggers back into Tytan who chokeslams him to the mat, then covers, the referee appears, then shrugs and hits the mat to count one, two, three! WINNER and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion - TYTAN
Tytan and Eco shake hands, and leave the ring together while the crowd pelts a barely conscious SYB with more junk.

[mooseheadjack]

For the sake of posterity, all other recent title defenses.

Jul 6, 2009 20:26:20 GMT -5 fasteddie said:

Tytan: Oh...okay! I am also going to do something that has never been done with this title.

Eco: Take it seriously.

Tytan: (Glaring at him.) I already do that. I am going to defend it and bring some honor to this title.

(Tytan then sees the hot dog vendor giving him the evil eye.)

Watch this!

(Tytan runs and spears the Hot Dog Vendor and this finishes him off with the Eclipse in record time. Tytan covers him and the ref appears.)

Ref: 1-2-3!

Winner and still DDT Ironman Heavy Metal Champion~ TYTAN!

Eco: Wow! Impressive the first title defense for the DDT Ironman Heavy Metal Title.

Jul 9, 2009 12:32:54 GMT -5 @ecosystem said:

Director: AND CUT! Thanks guys. So glad you didn't beat the shit out of our cameramen this time. Assholes...

Tytan: What did you just call us?

Director: Um...nice...foals? Like horses?

(Tytan gets up and scoop slams the director to the ground! He drops an elbow on him and covers him as Eco counts 1-2-3.)

Winner and STILL DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion....TYTAN!

Eco: I'm not sure 24/7 actually means you get to choose opponents 24/7, but nice touch.

Jul 10, 2009 10:52:31 GMT -5 @mooseheadjack said:

Moose storms down the hall, and from a distance he sees Tytan walking with the chain wrapped around his neck, but not the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Title. As he comes to a cross road in the halls, SYB charges out with a chair and tries to attack, but Tytan catches him and spinebusts him on the floor, then gets to his feet, wraps the chain around his fist, and as soon as SYB stands up, he BLASTS him with the chain, right between the eyes. SYB falls to the floor, Tytan covers, a referee appears out of nowhere and.......

1....2....3 WINNER and STILL DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion - Tytan

....Tytan gets back to his feet and picks up his chain and walks down the hall.

Jul 11, 2009 16:10:40 GMT -5 @ecosystem said:

(A fan runs up to Tytan, Eco and Matte. He is wearing a Team TEaM shirt.)

Fan: Team TEaM! Woo! I love you guys!

(Tytan SPEARS the fuck out of the fan and pins him. The Dunkin' Donuts guy makes the count.)

Winner and STILL DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion...TYTAN!

Jul 15, 2009 18:59:46 GMT -5 @mooseheadjack said:

SFJ #3.1412: Ecosystem, how are you feeling after the first victory of the so-called "Team TEaM"?

Eco: Journalist-lady-person, I got something to tell all the fans at home. Not only are we the newest faction in the OOWF, but we're already the most decorated. You see—

(Tytan spears the journalist and goes for the cover. Matte grudgingly counts 1-2-3.)

WINNER and STILL DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION...TYTAN!

Jul 17, 2009 9:45:23 GMT -5 @ecosystem said:

Eco: It's not my fault! I have a very sensitive neck that sunburns easily. (The crowd starts laughing as Eco gets pissed.) This Interview...Is OVER!

Kelly: Hold on, you can't just leave!

Regis: It's live television! What are we going to do until commerc--

(Tytan runs in and SPEARS THE FUCK OUT OF REGIS AND KELLY. Cover as Eco counts, 1-2-3!)

Winner and STILL DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion...TYTAN!

Eco: Tytan, let's get out of here.

Tytan: Oh, I can't. I have to cut a PSA encouraging 24-year old high school seniors to keep their alcohol out of the classroom.

Jul 23, 2009 20:32:09 GMT -5 fasteddie said:

(Sees Random rookie walking down the hall and Tytan spears him. And follows it up with a cover, Random ref appears and counts.)

1...2...3

WINNER AND STILL DDT Ironman Heavy Metal Champion- TYTAN!

(Tytan looks at the camera)

Tytan: And I will break you!

Eco: And that's 9-0 since winning the title.

Jul 26, 2009 20:55:40 GMT -5 fasteddie said:

Tytan: Wow this doesn't make any sense at all? First I am not even on the card and second Eco you are fighting Matte...

Eco: What happened to Team TEaM?

Matte: Whatever man....I get a shot at that title.

(Tytan glances over at Matte and spears him. Then covers him for the 1...2...3.)

Winner and still DDT Ironman Heavy Metal Champion-Tytan

Eco: Did you really have to do that to him?

Jul 27, 2009 21:42:14 GMT -5 fasteddie said:

(Tytan sees someone walking that happens to look at him funny. He runs over Spears him and then Finishes him off with the Eclipse through a table. He then covers him and the ref pops out of nowhere.)

1...2...3-Winner and still Champion-TYTAN!

(A random crowd cheers.)

SFJ: So that makes you now 14-0 in defending the title.

Tytan: Actually 14.5-0 in defending the title. You can't forget when that kid looked at me and I thought he was going to come after me.

SFJ: The kid was 12!

Aug 13, 2009 21:06:21 GMT -5 fasteddie said:

Tytan: Heels, you had your chance you lost now your best bet is to let the better team take out kz boys and we know that ain't you.

(Tytan then sees SYB walking away he bolts toward him and spears him. Then finishes him off with an Elclipse.)

Ref appears and covers...1...2...3

Winner and still Champion-Tytan!

Oh and we will break you!

Jul 29, 2009 22:34:55 GMT -5 @ecosystem said:

(Matte grabs the leather of the belt and starts to slowly pull, but Eco holds it tightly. Matte pulls harder.)

Matte: Will you LET GO OF MY BELT?!?!

(Tytan jumps up and SPEARS Matte. He goes for the cover--1-2-3! Winner and STILL DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION....TYTAN!)

Tytan: Don't yell at partners like that! We're supposed to be friends here.

[mooseheadjack]

TYTAN vs. SYB – OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Title Match

SYB charges across the ring and catches Tytan with a punch to the jaw that actually rocks Tytan back a step, SYB pushes Tytan against the ropes and tries a whip, but Tytan holds on and pulls SYB back to him and hits a release belly to belly suplex that sends SYB over the top rope and crashing through the Belizean Announce Table! SYB IS DEAD! Tytan takes his time getting out of the ring, flips SYB over in the wreckage and covers, a referee appears and counts ONE…..TWO….THREE! Winner in 1:14 and STILL DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion – Tytan. Tytan appears to be content with this win and gets to his feet and grabs his title and starts up the ramp, but SYB grabs a nearby bottle and throws it at Tytan’s skull with an accuracy that a Mets pitcher hasn’t seen since Tom Seaver. The bottle bounces off Tytan’s skull, sending him to one knee grabbing his head in pain. SYB somehow manages to get to his feet and runs at Tytan as he stands up and hits the MAZELTOV COCKTAIL on the floor! SYB rolls a stunned Tytan over and covers, and a referee appears ONE…..TWO….THREE! Winner in 6:11 and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion – SYB. SYB grabs the title and takes off for the back of the arena. Skurge and The Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth are stunned as he races past them to the back. A few seconds later, Tytan comes too and sees SYB hauling ass, so he takes off to the back as well. A camera pans to the back of the arena and we see SYB racing down the hall, with Tytan coming after him. SYB rounds a corner and we see Ecosystem standing there warming up for his match against Poe later that night. As SYB runs past him, Eco sticks his foot out and SYB goes tumbling down the hall, screaming FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK the whole time. SYB gets to his feet and turns around to protest, and Tytan is on him and SPEARS him nearly cutting him in half! Tytan covers and the referee appears again ONE…TWO….THREE! WINNER in 13:17 and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion – Tytan. Tytan gets to his feet, breathing heavily. After all, that’s a lot of running for a big man. He walks over to Ecosystem with the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal title sling over his shoulder.

Tytan: So…….you ready for Poe tonight?

Eco: AS ready as I have ever been. It’s time to teach him that being a bully never pays! It reminds me of the old proverb……..

While Eco goes on about some proverb about being a bully, SYB crawls over to Tytan and gets to his feet behind his back and hits the JERSEY TURNPIKE! Tytan is doubled over in pain and SYB grabs him and hits the SHYLOCK STUNNER! SYB then grabs a chair and SMACKS Tytan upside the head with it, opening a gash on his forehead. SYB falls on Tytan and the referee appears again ONE……TWO…..THREE! WINNER in 16:59 and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion – SYB. SYB struggles to his feet and raises the title over his head, and I guess in his mind this is the time to cut a promo. He calls over SFJ4 and starts talking:

No one thought I could do it! No one thought I could beat Tytan! Well here I am the OOWF D….OOOOOF!

Tytan slams the chair down on SYB’s head, nearly caving his skull in in the process. He pulls SYB to his feet and hits the STEINER SCREWDRIVER on the cement floor! Now SYB really is dead! Tytan covers and the referee appears ONE….TWO…..THREE! WINNER in 19:38 and NEW DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Champion – Tytan. SYB is out cold, and Tytan and the referee are just sort of standing there……

Tyt: SO…..uh, should I cover him again?

Ref: Well……I don’t suppose you have to, I mean, the time limit is up in a few seconds, and he might be dead, so…….

Tyt: Yeah, gotcha, just check the time, ok?

The referee looks at his watch and frantically waves for the bell! Tytan has the title, so he wins the match!
WINNER in 20:00 – Tytan

A bloody Tytan walks over to Eco, who was talking the whole time, and is now finishing his story, oblivious to what had gone on around him

…….and so the mouse said “I see the error of my ways, from now on, there are nuts for everyone!” And that is the lesson I am going to teach………you’re bleeding

Tyt: Yeah, I just had a match

Eco: Really? Against who?

Tyt: SYB…….for the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal title

Eco: Did you win?

Tyt: You really didn’t see any of it?

Eco: No, I was relating a story

Tyt: Yeah I won, I have the title

Eco: Well done then!

Tytan shakes his head and heads to the locker room